Aunty Donna Podcast - Podcast Ep 161 - Podcast Wars Part 2 - Taking "Do Go On" Down A Peg

Episode Date: August 13, 2019

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. We're around the world! Wait, wait! I'm trying to create the sins that we've just don't fucking eat. Sound like chemical brothers. You're just the fucking worst. Oh, excuse me.

I love the chemical brothers. Patrick Stewart does a dance in one of their film clips. Maybe it was started again. What? That's good. You didn't like that beautiful rap art, hey? Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Thank you so much for joining us on the Anti-Done of Podcast. Despite all the self-consciousness, we are ready to move forward,

to take on the podcasting fraternity. That's right. Now, last week, we... I'll find a better late 90s disco track. To come back into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah last week last week we Try to cut down every starting from the start. What we're starting from the start right cutting all of that All right, does this fat boy slip around the world around?

You're a fucking idiot your dumb cunt, so just shut the fuck up shut your fucking mouth. I don't know what I did wrong here. Nothing really. Yeah. All right. All right. So what are we doing this week? So thank you so much for joining us in the anti-donna podcast room, which is what we call your room, wherever you're listening to it, be that a bus.

Some people in your room, we're in your room right now. We're under your bed. We're in your room right now. We're under your bed. We're in your asshole. We're in your, maybe we're in your park if you're listening in a park. You know when you go to the toilet and then you know you think you've done it all. Yep. And then you walk down the street and you're like, I'm going to get you asshole. I even, it's still something going on there.

Yes. Where that feeling? What is the you're just saying? I can I just say, is there a better feeling? Is there a better feeling than really needing to poo, getting it all out, but also having an yichiyas whole so the wipe also serves as a scratch. Gross. But is that a, there's a good feeling? What's your favorite thing? I just was like, I felt like you know, putting up the gross door. No, no, I'm, I'm classy.

You talking about each yassel, you talked about not because you're just a class. Okay, that's fair. But is it a fetteline? Is a dancer, Fred Astero's a dancer. Pointing at you, Kevin, fetteline, pointing at me, Fred Astero. The classiest poo you can do is the one where it's one poo,

it's just a single poo, it all comes out in the one poo, and then you get up, you look into the bowl, and the bowl is empty. And it's who has so much weight. Is that a Halloween story? No, no, no, no, no, have never done a ghost poo. A ghost poo. That's like I'm not even knowing.

That's just spooky for me. Oh God, I love that. That's the classiest thing. That's the poo that all rich people do. We're number seven, we're gonna be pushed right at in the hundreds again, come on. Yeah, that's right, we're gonna be- So we tried, we reached for the stars last week, We're going to be pushed right in the hundreds again. Come on. Yeah, that's right.

So we tried. We reached for the stars last week. We tried to cut down everyone who was on top of us, but they were all in the charts, in the charts, in the charts, and they were all a little inaccessible. So I think rather than a real Raycap, if you didn't listen last week, I reckon tune in last. Go back, listen to last week, I reckon tune in last, go back, listen the last week's podcast.

Yeah, because you're gonna struggle with this podcast. We'll be talking about Hey, Mission Andy, you'll be like, who? You'll be talking about Rosie Waddell and you'll be like, who? They know who those people are. You'll be, but we'll be talking about them and you'll be like, I don't understand. Just go back, listen the last one, this is part two.

Anyway, we ended up fucking Sam with a really awesome prank call. Yeah, we fucked him up. He was legit upset about us. And... But. But. But.

But. This week, we've decided that we're gonna plan a joke. We're gonna write an original prank call joke. Yeah, when we're done, you can use it home too. Yeah, yeah. What happened, I think, is, you know, we didn't go to Gour Lee Air, we didn't go to Second City, we didn't go to Groundlings. I didn't train with Stanislaw Ski.

We didn't go to Ballarat University. We didn't go to Ballarat University. All right, I don't know, Myzna. I don't know Felden Christ. So a lot of these guys aren't improvises, so it's great that you're jumping on board, but I was gonna make a point about not being the best improvisers.

Right. And when you jump on board like that, and talk about practitioners that don't emphasize improvisation, I didn't... You're being being improvising now. I understand that. I didn't study at DV8, which is physical improvisation. Physical improvisation.

So physical improvisation. Fucking dare you to try and take this down on that. That physical improvisation. Physical improvisation. Physical improvisation. That is fucking dare you to try and take the piano on that. We didn't study at the schools that emphasize improvisation for creation. We use improvisation for creation. We improvise inside our podcast. Yeah, that's right. But we don't have the best improvisation skills. So when we crank call or crank call, people that listen to the last podcast,

you know what we're talking about. Yeah, that's a little joke there. You're not gonna understand if you're tuning in for the first time this week. When we crank or crank call, we get lost. So for example, I pretended that Sam was a movie cinema. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Sam said, what are you doing, Zach? And I froze, I froze up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Sam said, what are you doing, Zach?

And I froze, I froze up. Yeah, you freaked out, man. I froze up and I think we got a great crank call, but we didn't get the best crank call. It was still an amazing crank call. Thank you, but imagine what it could have been with a script. Yeah, so what we wanted to do this week

is we're gonna call one of Australia's biggest podcasts Right one of the people that hosted we're not gonna say who or what just Perkins from Duke I want she doesn't answer will try Matt. Yeah, we're trying Matt or the other the little one the little one Yeah, it's Matt here, but it yeah, Matt's cosy. We can just bring him in. Yeah, yeah, um, well, will it? Will that have the same effect? I think it'd be better. It's a better reception. Clear, clear.

Because sometimes with crank calls, you call them. So, Brody, you be the crank caller or the crank caller. And I'll be the person you're calling. Right. Go. Ring, ring, ring. Hara! See?

That's too cold to cookie monster. Yeah. Well, yeah, it sounded like it. He was just calling Barack. I like a cookie. Uh-huh. That's how I would called a cookie monster. Yeah, well, yeah, it sounded like it. He was just calling for a That's how I would do the cookie monster. I wasn't doing the cookie monster I just said did you call the cookie monster and you said yes, so fucking work you shit out Well, all right, so this is why we need to write a script because you guys are like cookie Not the time to do that. There's a lot of aggro energy in here

I don't think it's the best energy. The cookie monster is an aggro character. He talks about obsession. He talks about addiction. He talks about the sex trade. The cookie monster is layered character. All right. Who's a big method actor?

Cookie Monster. No, not Cookie Monster. Ralph McFlarron. All right. Enough of you fucking around. Let's start. Can I just close it? Who's a big... Daniel Deilois. All right, Daniel Deilois. Nice. Go. All right. Here's... let's begin writing the greatest prank slash crank call of all time.

cool of all time. This is the scariest thing in the world, guys. I know some of you think that war, terrorism, walking home alone for a lot of people is a scary thing for me. Yeah, yeah. As a white man, scariest thing. The blank page. Wow.

Yeah, it's for a writer, one of the most terrifying things next to Goblins is a blank page. Just what I say, but all writers are scared of two things. Goblins, because they're afraid that they're going to steal their ideas. And a blank page, because when you see a blank page, a goblin could come out of it. Broden, I noticed, so just so, if you're listening, you don't see the layout. Mark's sitting at the end of the podcast desk.

Me and Broden are facing each other. I'm seeing the back of Broden's laptop. Broden, do you mind just turning your laptop around? I would love to say, ah! See that, that was the blank page. Yeah, see, that was a straight. As a straight. A straight white man.

Yeah. These are the scariest thing in the world to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm scared of nothing else. Yeah, and are the scariest thing in the world to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm scared of nothing else. Yeah, and there's a lot of privilege talking there. You do know that privilege. No, no, no, wouldn't have to think. And that's proven that. And that's proven.

And I honestly think that makes... I make Aglio Eolio once a week, I reckon, these days. I don't want to break K-Fab. But wrestling turned very good. I was talking to Geno Gambino the other day. No, Geno GC breaking K-Fab. And we were wrestling. And I was like, I hate you, Geno!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, Gen hate you, Gino. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go on. And I was like, Gino, you rotten dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I also said, you know, as I'm Irish heritage, my grandparents didn't have garlic with anything and he could not believe it. Right. And then he was like, now get out of here.

I'm back on garlic and let me tell you it's, I've missed it. It's my favorite food. Anyway, the blank page terrifying I just have a quick look at your laptop Ah alright so how do I start this let's see I don't want to see this blank They're gonna say hello first. Alright so you're definitely gonna say hello. Alright Yes, perkins. They won't know who it is. Per. You're gonna do a script so they're gonna definitely say hello

Hello, or maybe a high. Can you do alt high? Yeah, because I don't want to get thrown if they say hi. Yeah. So what would they say hi? Hi. Hi. I just have a phone high. Hi. No one does that.

Ring me. Ring me. Just ring me. You're going to say hi. Just ring me. No. I'm just going to answer the phone casual. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello.

Are there you guys? See? What? You said, uh, you said, uh, uh. Did you just ring me? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Can you go again?

Ring, ring, ring. Hi. Ah. See? All right. Well, I'm just ringing Mark. I don't have my phone on me. You don't have your phone on you? No.

Ah, okay. He says, he's, you know, his message. Bank? I don't know it off by heart. You call Mike Bonana? Yeah, I know. He doesn't say hello or hi says. Thank you so much for calling Mike Bonana. That's what he does. It's a funny one and then you leave a bit of a beat because you're waiting.

It's very good, very good. I haven't changed it. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. You got it. All right, all right, all right. What do I say? Just, just, uh, just, uh, just, uh, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll get to this is but as it's so who farted That's a mystery that's a mystery, but maybe like look I'll get to your question about who this is Yeah, yeah, just for clarity that that's relating to the first question. Yeah And then get to your question about who this is but as to who farted that's a mystery Yeah, and then she'll say I'm happy to take that line. Yeah, and she'll say something along the lines of and then she'll say, and I'm happy to take that line. Yeah, and she'll say something along the lines of, this is so inappropriate. I wanna know who fired it right now or I'm hanging up.

Guys, you gotta slide in. Yeah, no, that's fine, that's fine. In a pro. Pro, that's great. That's great. We can feel like writing that. How are you, Mark, you well? Me? Yeah, you well.

I'm so sorry, I'm trying to concentrate. No, but I'm just trying to fill for the listener Well, right, right right set out all right. This is so inappropriate. I want to know who fired it right now I'm hanging up to which Brodom would say like don't hang up don't hang up. Please don't hang up. Please don't hang up Excuse my friend. He's had too many beans All right, and then she would say as she would say I had beans for breakfast but I'm not farting. But we haven't said that she's farting. No, no, but she was saying

I had beans for breakfast and I'm not farting. That's something she would say. Absolutely. Or something to that effect. I think whatever she says will fit within that. Yeah. Okay. And then Mark would say, we know you've had beans for breakfast. We saw you eat them yesterday. And oh, sorry. We know you had beans for yesterday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know you had beans for yesterday. We saw you eat beans for yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saw you, sorry, can I clarify? We know you had beans for yesterday. No, we saw you had beans for yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you saw you. Sorry. Can I clarify? We know head beans for yesterday. No, we saw you had beans for breakfast. We saw you had half a can yesterday So one can only assume That you finished the can for breakfast today

Unless and then someone can interject. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm you good with that and then there's an unless, of course, you had breakfast for dinner in which case you would have eaten the beans in the one sitting in the one day, not in the one sitting. And that's the next follow up. Yeah. Is that worth a deal? She's going to be so good.

She's going to get her goat. And then she'll say, all right, so you go, we know you had beans for breakfast. We saw you had half a can yesterday So one can only assume that you finished them off today Yeah, Zach you say unless you had the other half of the can of beans for dinner. Oh, sorry Specifically unless you had the other half of the unless you need the term breakfast for dinner because I think that's a concept Yeah, as well. You can even say what you say breakfast for dinner, because I think that's a concept. Yeah. Oh, well, you can even say what you say. A breakfast for dinner. Yeah.

Yeah. Unless you had the other half of the can of beans as a breakfast for dinner. Yeah. And then she'll say, oh, I do love breakfast for dinner. A cheeky treat on a Wednesday night. Simple and fun. And a vocative. Yeah.

Of a of a of a of a breakfast of the morning meal. Yeah. To which no, too much. Oh, that's right. We're roughly just a break for Sv'Dinner. I do love break. Yeah, that would is you and she might elaborate. But I think I think the core to that is she's going to say something with quite fanciful language and that's when we get her. Yeah, that's when we get her. That's when you come in broken. Oh, and Professor Perkins over here. Yeah, oh, Professor Perkins over here, with such fanciful language,

and I can't wait to see what we say next after this short break. I don't know if you're saying something, I'm saying come on, make it, and then we'll put it in there, or somebody, or somebody, or somebody to, to, leave. All right. So, I'll read the screen. Yeah, run us through what we've got so far, Broden. Sure, answering, or hello. Or?

Yep. Farts and the fact. Okay. Excuse me. Who is this who farted? Yeah. Yeah. Zach, look, I'll get to your question about who this is.

But as to who farted, that's a mystery. Just to say, Zach, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, yeah, Zach, look, I'll get to your question about who this is, but as to who fired it, that's a mystery, Jess will say, this is so inappropriate. I wanna know who fired it right now or I'm hanging up. Right, so we don't want it to hang up here. Don't hang up, please don't hang up.

Excuse me, friend, he's had too many beans. Jess will say, I had beans for breakfast, but I'm not fireding. Mark will say, we know you had too many beings. Jess will say, I had beans for breakfast but I'm not farting. Mark will say, we know you had beans for breakfast. We saw you had half a can yesterday. So one currently assume that you finished them off today, Zach. Unless you had the other half of the can of beans as a breakfast for dinner. Jess Perkins, oh I do love breakfast for dinner. Broden, oh Professor Perkins over here with such fanciful language. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Broden, oh professor Perkins over here with such fanciful language

your words Like hornets they sting Is what you can I say ponyance yeah ponyance yeah, yeah So Shakespeare thing pony is it back? Did they sting to the ponyance thing? Stab they stab yes, that Can we go back what was your first line? I want to edit here. Don't hang up. Please don't hang up.

Excuse me, friend. He's had too many beans. So can you, I think, it's like, excuse my friend. Okay, yeah. But I think I worry that she still might hang up. So I think you need to go harder. I think you need to kind of get into her psychology at this point and say something. I know Jess that right now all you want to go harder. I think you need to kind of get into her psychology at this point and say something.

I know Jess that right now all you want to do is hang out. Yeah, or like, or make him confused. Yeah. As to what's going on, but please, we have an offer for you. Yeah, but first, excuse my friend. And even if you wanted to go harder, you be like don't hang up don't hang up We had there's a bomb we have a bomb in your family home Yeah, if you if you hang up it. It's gonna go off. Okay, so that

What about bath bomb a bath bomb? Okay, yeah, that's yeah, that's yeah, we have a bath bomb in your family home that we bought from a lush If you can say lush a few times for clarity because she might hear bomb freak out Just want to say lash about three or four times so she knows yeah that bath bomb is from lash Don't hang up. Please don't hang up. He's my friend. He said too many beans I know just that right now all you want to do is hang up your confused as to what's going on But please we have an offer for you, but first, excuse my friend, don't hang up, don't hang up, we have a bath bomb in your family home.

We bought for a lush, lush, lush, lush. So maybe you would just say, we bought from lush. We went to lush and we bought the bath bomb from lush. Yeah. The lush on Swanson Street. Someone can interject there. The lush on Swanson Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might, if that's me,

I might mix it up, I might improvise here, I might say the lush in Rundle Mall. No, no, no, no, no, no. You pick one now. You pick one now, man. Well, then I'm going to say Rundle Mall in Adelaide. Yeah, that's important that we know where you got the lush. Well, what I think is good about that,

it will throw her off the scent of who this is. All right. And instead of family home, can we say our bath? Or my bath? We have a bath bomb in my bath. Yeah, I have a bath bomb in my bath. I feel like that's gotten that threat has gotten watered down quite a lot.

A little, a little, but I think there's still some impact. Okay. Don't hang up, don't hang up. I have a bath bomb in my bath that we bought from Lush. We went to Lush and bought it from Lush, Mark. The Lush from Rundle Mall in Adelaide. And then what did she say there? I had been so breakfasts on my five.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Should we just ring or? No, I think there's a little bit more to do. Yeah, I just think we just need to very quickly just tie this up. Tie this up. And then this. So the last thing I've said is, O Professor Perkins, over here with such fans will language your words, like pognins, they stab.

And then she'll say, well, I do apologize. I didn't realize that that's how I made you feel. To which I will say. I will say. I apologize. Well, I do apologize, I think she'll say. That's enough. Yep. To which I'll say, that's enough. Yep. To which I will say, apologies.

Ha! Apologies. Jess, you could have had that bath bomb. There was a second one, a two for one deal at Lush. But because of your arrogance, I'm going to put two bath bombs in one bath. I don't know what's going to happen. It may be too fizzy for a man, but because of you, I'm going to use both bath bombs from lush in one bath.

Wow, oh man, is that too much? Is that okay? Yeah. Do you need me to read that back? Oh, yeah. Sorry. That's just that's a lot to hear in one. I don't know. I think she needs to know that. Is there a clarity there on the the amount of fees that bath will have? Yeah. Yeah. It's all there. I just think someone should chase it up with it's beautifully said I just wonder if this Will crush her I think she needs to know Yeah, why do we why we mad at her? Oh because she she was rude to you with her words. Yeah But she hasn't said this where but it's tall poppy do we want to do we want to make him a little kinder? No, no, that's all well

Let's just I'd love to hear it back and and see because God when you cow When it came out of your mouth just then it was like the most brutal thing well I'm a very good actor and I can just tone it back. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can just tone it back. Yeah cool cool It might have been more in the execution than the text itself. Yeah, I can just tone it back. Yeah, cool, cool. It might have been more in the execution than the text itself. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll say it like it's a joyful exchange between friends. So I was just writing brackets happily.

Happily, yeah. Happily, great, great. All right, so Zach, you happily say, Aryans, huh? Apologies, Jess, you could have had that bath bomb. There was a second one, a two for one deal at lush, Jess, you could have had that bath bomb. There was a second one, a two for one deal at lush, but because of your arrogance, I'm going to use two bath bombs in one bath.

I don't know what's going to happen. It may be too fizzy for one man, but because of you, I'm going to use both bath bombs from lush in one bath. I think it just needs a touch clarity on whether it's the same bath bomb you're using twice or different bath bombs. Because to put two, I don't want her to think that this is a joke

because if you were to say, I'm doing two bath bombs and there were different bath bombs that is crazy Can you like that is crazy? Can you follow that up because that is the threat? The threat is there's gonna be two bath bombs in that bath and I think what we need to do and they're the same bath bomb What do you think that's my question? Is it the same bath bomb? Are you putting two of the same bath bomb right? So they're not different bath bombs, right? Because that makes the threat very real. Well, I think if you can clarify those things, man, and really emphasise the Fizz factor. Yeah. And use the word Fizz, the phrase Fizz factor.

She'll come back here. Three or four times. She'll, undoubtedly, she'll go, her next line will be, wait a second, are you using two of the same bath bombs or are you using two different bath bombs? And then you say, oh, I understand the confusion and then go from there. But just make sure you say, Fizz factor. Yeah, the Fizz factor is Fizz. Four or five times. Yeah.

The Fizz factor is huge is a great line. Yes. So she's asked, and we just say, wait, are you using two of the same bath bombs or two different bath bombs? Yeah, that's what Jess would say and then I will say I think you need to let me that's a good question That is thank you so much for your question Jess Yeah, I think it's a question Jess allow me to clarify for your simple mind clarify for your simple mind, Zach will be using two of the same bath bombs. What is the fizz factor? Who knows? The fizz factor could be so fizzy that his skin could tingle like a fruit tingle, like a fruit tingle, that his skin could tingle like a fruit tingle.

But maybe clarify, not really. But not really. That could be an interjection. Oh yeah, maybe if Broden, if you haven't said something for a little while. But not really. But not really. Hopefully, hopefully. Yeah, yeah, yeah really, but not really. Hopefully, hopefully. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I'll say hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully. And then just like, and then just like, how dare you, I think I would say after that, which makes sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. How dare you risk such a high fizz factor? Yeah. How dare you risk such a high fizz factor. Yeah How dare you and then I think we um, oh no, and then I just think we just say fuck you and get out of there Maybe instead of fuck you

Jess have a nice day. Yeah, Broden can come in and say Jess. It's been wonderful talking to you You are It's been wonderful talking to you. Mm-hmm. Um, you are a professional that we have a lot of respectful. Mm-hmm. You're a great comedian, great writer, and we love the Do-Go-On podcast. Yeah. And you're warm personality. Uh, Jess, it's been fantastic talking to you. Thank you so much for answering the phone. And may I say Jess Perkins? Maybe how dare you again.

How dare you risk such a fizz factor. I feel like that gets to the core of what we wanted to say. It's funny too. I think I've missed a bit core of what we wanted to say. It's funny too. I think I've missed a bit, but this is what I say. Yeah, yeah. It's your line, Brodent, so I feel like you should treat this last bit a bit like jazz. I don't improvise. Yeah, don't improvise and don't go off the script, but feel free to like dance around

the words without changing anything. All right, so I say, Jess, it's been wonderful talking to you. You're a professional that we have a lot of respect for. You're a great comedian, a great writer, and we love the doo go on podcast. And you are on your wonderful post personality. Can I interject on that really quickly? Can I just say I especially liked the Disney Land podcast? Ha ha and I can and then can I say can I just say in that that section was written by Zacharway Dissection of my speech was written by Zacharway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah clarity is always good

and And then I'm going to say I wouldn't't mind interjecting, saying, and I like the ones with starring Naomi Higgins, Teeheehee, just as a cheeky little, just as a cheeky little, a little thing. You know what I mean? Okay, Teehee, and then I'll say, and I love the ones starring Broden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very funny, that's a good one, two, three joke.

All right, but I'm not gonna say that you said the Naomi bit. Pardon? I'm not gonna say that you said the Naomi bit. Are you gonna say it? Well, no, I'm not gonna write it. So it's like a hint to the audience. Right, so we're not gonna say it.

So it reads currently, I especially like the Disneyland podcast, this section of my speech was written by Zach Gray. Also, it's not an integer. And I like the one starring Naomi Higgins, T.H. and I love the one starring Broden. So it's not us. Oh, right. This is your monologue. Yeah, yeah, that does work better.

Jess, it's been wonderful talking to you. Thank you for answering the phone. And may I say how dare you for risking so much fizz factor. And then we hang up. And then we hang up. And then we hang up. I feel like that's powerful. Because I imagine she'll be left quite speechless after that. My one thing I would propose is I wouldn't like to sit

in the silence. So I wouldn't hang up straight up. OK. So I wanted to feel that. I really wanted to feel it. She's got to be the one to hang up. Because she's going to be outraged at the end of that. She's going to hang up straight away.

Yeah. That's what I want to see is her hanging up straight away. All right. Can we do a practice with Thomas, Jess Perkins? Yeah. Yeah, let's go through it just so we get... And remember, don't let it throw you. Okay, okay.

If you want to just check five sounds, which is the best five sound. Yeah, get it. Not. Not. Oh, no. No, not clear. Pretty good, best so far. I think we found it. Did I want to hear that?

She won't be able to hear that. No. That's okay. Okay. Alright. So she won't be able to hear the fart. Yeah. Yeah.

That might be a problem. In what way? No. No. No. She's good. No. No.

She's good. No. She's good. No. She's good. No. She's good. No. She's good. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I do a quick, Jess, just one second, I can't talk for a second. And then we play the, oh, maybe a little, yeah. I didn't mind the, the, Mameena, Mameena one, I just worry she doesn't speak Spanish,

she might understand it. Yeah. Um, I think that's it. Nice little fart. That's my favorite fart but I don't like all the white-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat-eat Yeah, great. Perfect. Great. Just a double check. All right, let's do a little practice run. Okay. All right. So this is just warming up. Could you make that a little bit bigger? Could you zoom in on all of that bread? Yeah, absolutely. I could see from over here. Great. All right. Tom and you're happy to play Jess Perkins. Absolutely. And everything we say you is not personal.

Yes, sure. It's aimed at Jess, not you. Sure. Okay, so do someone just do a fake ring ring? Ring ring ring. What are you going to say hello or hi? Hi. Okay. No one does that. Well he just did. Maybe he's being funny. I was being funny. All right. Ready? Yeah. Ring ring ring ring. Hello.

Excuse me. Who is this who just farted? Look, I'll get to your question about who this is, but as to who farted, that's a mystery. This is so inappropriate, I want to know who farted right now or I'm hanging up. Don't hang up, please, don't hang up. Excuse my friend, he's had too many beans. I know just that right now all you want to do is hang up. You're confused as to what's going on, but please, we have an offer for you. But first, excuse my friend. Don't hang up. Don't hang up. I have a bath bomb in my bath that we bought from Lush. We went

to Lush and we bought it from Lush. The Lush in Rundle Mall in Adelaide. I had beans for breakfast, but I'm not farting. We know you had beans for breakfast. We saw you had half a can yesterday. So one can only assume you had finished them off today. Unless, of course, you had the other half of the can of beans as a breakfast for dinner. Oh, I do love breakfast for dinner. Oh, Professor Perkins over here with such fanciful language. Your words like pognets they stab. Well, I do apologize. Apologies, apologies. Jess you could have had that bath bomb. There was a second

one, a two for one deal at lush. But because of your arrogance I'm going to use two bath bombs in one bath. I don't know what it's what's going to happen. It may be too fizzy for one man But because of you I'm going to use both bath bombs from lush in one bath Wait, are you using two of the same bath bombs or two different bath bombs? Thank you so much for your question, Jess allow me to clarify for your simple mind Zach will be using two of the same bath bombs What is the fizz factor? Who knows? The Fizz factor could be so fizzy that his skin could tingle like fruit tingle.

But not really. Hopefully, hopefully. How dare you? How dare you risk such a high Fizz factor? Jess, it's been wonderful talking to you. You're a professional that we have a lot of respect for. You're a great comedian, a great writer, and we love the do-go-on podcast and your wonderful personality. I especially like the Disney Land podcast.

This section of my speech was written by Zach Roane, and I like the one starring name Ehegan's Tee-hee, and I love the one starring Broden. Jess, it's been wonderful talking to you. Thank you for answering the phone. May I say how dare you for risking so much physical factor? And then we leave it. And then let her feel that and then we hang up. That's strong. I just have one thing I wanted to add, Broden.

Yeah. In your second excuse, no, your first fright, your first monologue, but your second excuse my no your first fright your first monologue but your second but first excuse my friend can you just add for having too many beans just for clarity yeah yeah yeah okay is that necessary yes yeah I just I was like why are we excusing the friend I'd forgotten from before all right is it too expositionally no I think it's strong. No, I think that's good. All right. All right, so I'm just going to get up just perking with you guys all right.

Do we take it? Do we want to do a run of warm up? Tess, I'm going to take a warm up. Mmm. That's great. Tom, you don't need to see the screen anymore, do you? What screen? The, you don't need it.

The laptop's there. We won't need you there. So we can twist that around a little bit more for that. All right. Okay ready All right, here we go. All right and we oh god. She's gonna cop it so fucking hard. This is gonna be great I've it's not too mean it's good. It's good I think it's not too mean. It's good. It's good. And... Gary. Gary. I think she's answer. Bro, Dan.

Look, I'll get to your question about who... Oh, yeah. Look, I'll get to your question about who this is. But as to who farted? As to who farted, that's a mystery. I'm not saying that why isn't she saying that? This is her, this is her life. It's her life. Just go with your line, bro.

Don't hang up. Please don't hang up. Excuse my friend. He's had too many beans. I know just the right now, all you want to do is hang up. You're confused as to what's going on, but please, we haven't offered for you. But first, excuse my friend for having too many beans.

Don't hang up, don't hang up. I have a bath bombed in my bath that we bought from lush. We went to lush and we bought it from lush. The lush in Rundle Mall in Adelaide. Can I hang up now? No, we know you had beans for breakfast. We saw you had half a can yesterday, so one can only assume that you finished them off today,

unless you had the other half of the can of beans as a breakfast for dinner. Are you there? Oh, Professor Perkins over here with such fanciiful language. Your words like pongants they stab. I like to apologize. Yeah, she'll apologize now. Should say sorry. Where is it? Fuck, just go, just go, just go.

Apologies, ha! Apologies! Jess, you could have had that bath bomb. There was a second one, a two-for-one deal at Lush. But because of your arrogance, I'm going to use both bath bombs in one bath. I'm going to use two bath bombs in one bath. I don't know what's going to happen. It may be too fizzy for one man. But because of you, I'm going to use both bath bombs from lash in one bath.

That's too fizzy. Oh, thank you so much for your question Jess. Allow me to clarify for your simple mind. Zach will be using two of the same bath bombs. And what is the Fizz factor? Who knows? The Fizz factor could be so fizzy that his skin could tingle like fruit tingle. But not really.

Hopefully, hopefully, how dare you. How dare you risk such a high fizz factor. Jess, it's been wonderful talking to you. You are a professional that we have a lot of respect for. You're a great comedian, a great writer, and we love the do-go-on podcast and your wonderful personality. I especially like the Disneyland podcast.

This section of my speech was written by Zach Rauin, and I like the one starring Naomi Higgins, Tee He, and love the one starring Brodom. Jess, it's been wonderful talking to you. Thank you for answering the phone, and may I say how dare you for risking so much of his factor. Just let us sit with that. You guys have been tested for our Spirions. Hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, hang up, No, I'm alright. She didn't really She didn't respond the way I expected her to yeah, it was a bit like weird gaps But fuck man, I feel like I Feel like she's not gonna walk through life the same way we got her so good

Man, well, you know you fuck with the best of them and you get fucked up I do just wish she had said what she was going to say You know what she was meant to say I I wish that had happened. I guess we assumed quite a lot in terms of what her response would be, but it felt so fucking obvious that she would say that that's what the response would be. Well, like she was talking about when we thought she was. Yeah, but she didn't ask about the two bath bombs. All the fart. She didn't even talk about the fart at all. I was she didn't hear the fart. She didn't hear the fart which is an issue. But is that there's that I don't know that excuse is not our fault.

That's not our fault. So my issue is I don't know if we've brought do go on down the peg. I we not trouble? I would not get in trouble actually. I'm starting to get a bit nervous now. Can we just apologize? Can we just apologize? Can you just apologize? I'll send her a message.

Yeah, if you could just send her a message to apologize. I would be really upset. Oh God. Oh my God. All right, we'll leave you on that note, guys. This is my last podcast we ever recorded. I feel awful. I feel really bad. I think we fucked up. I think we fucked up.

Oh fuck, I think we fucked up. We gotta sing around the world. I don't know, man. I don't know. I'm not in the mood. I feel really ruined. Fuck. It's alright. It's another right thing to do in retrospect. Well, the... I don't know. Fuck it's not the right thing to do in retrospect

Turn it off man turn it off please Turn it off I just don't want to get in trouble. I don't think we will I think she knew it was us. So I think we're... Yeah, bro, you... I feel sick. Do I fuck a stomach, bro? I mean, are you okay? I mean, I don't have any warnings from the principal or anything.

I haven't... Well, you're 30. You're giving up the principal. You're 30 years old, so you're doing it. Did this last podcast as well? I didn't graduate from my school anymore. I didn't graduate from my school. No I didn't graduate from my school anymore. No, this is real.

It's not like she's going to call it police chief. Obviously. Serious? Yeah, no, she might. What would stop her from dealing with her? It's not illegal to crank her. Isn't it? I don't think so.

And we just looked that up. I feel fucking sick to my goddamn stomach. We got to go right to show. Alright. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

Beep, beep. Alright. Hero. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you.

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