Aunty Donna Podcast - Podcast Ep 255 - Detective Zach

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

On todays episode Detective Zach swings by to find out who murdered. auntydonnaclub.com auntydonna.com havnetyoudonewell.comJoin The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get a Legends and welcome to another rip episode of the Anti-Domber Podcast. This week detectives X-Wings by the figure out who killed Tom. Remember, this podcast, as contact, and sometimes I guess We hope you enjoy the motherfucking podcast Well, welcome to the Anti-Donna podcast brought to you by A-Cost And me And Mark, hi Mark, are you excited to do the podcast?

Uh, not really, but I go along with it because it's part of our job Zach is away this week because he has come down with anal cancer. Yeah. So he won't be here. But I can't tell the old butthole. One of the worst types. You know what I just say before we jump in,

you know when you know that a podcast, you just know it's gonna be a bad one. Yeah, I thought you were gonna say do you know when you know you've got cancer in your butt? And I was gonna say blood in your shit. Yeah, fresh blood. No, not fresh blood. Oh old blood. That could be a sign of many anal issues that might not it could be a fissure.

Oh yeah, no, I know it could be a sign of many, but I was saying that's potentially one sign. Yeah, anyway, anyway, I know, I know it could be a sign of many, but I was saying that's potentially one sign. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, I'm away. We're, we're, we're, I'm away. Let's hope he pulls through. But filling in the right answer of them, cheeks. Filling in this week is, you know him who does the sound,

he's currently eating a big bowl of cocoa pups. That's not a joke, that's. It's one, 15 PM. It's 1, 15 on a Monday. Tom is eating Cocoa Pots. Ever ball. And he's gonna feel the reins. Let's throw over to Tom.

Oh no. Wait a second. Tom's been murdered. Oh no. Let's shut up. I'm not here. I'm away. Yeah, no, no, Zach's here. No, he's got,. Oh no. Plans shut up. I'm not here. I'm away. Yeah, no, no, Zach's here. No, he's got, ah, he's cancer.

I'm home sick. Oh yeah, yeah. Zach's away with cancer. But Tom has been murdered. Oh. But wait, I didn't murder him. The music's playing here. Yeah. I can't hear it because of the hat.

That's it, of the hat. That's it, you'll know. You'll know what I'm talking about if you subscribe to Patreon. Did you hear that? Barely. Focus one ear on there. The hat, you will, I thought what you were doing

before when you were wearing the hat over the mat. So did I. So did I. I made it. No, put the hat, go. Sorry, this isn't to your own in your mind. Only on the internet. You hear that? I made it, no, put the hat, go. Sorry, this isn't your own idiot. I'm just not knowing. You hear that?

So if you're watching the video footage, you'll see that Mark is wearing a hat. It was interrupting with these earphones. But we fixed it now. And Zach is away. All right, wait a minute. I didn't murder him. I did.

Not. Oh, damn. And if Mark didn't murder him Something's a foot here Something's a foot and it's not Tom's foot which has been conveniently chopped off But wait you were in his inheritance and you I But you co-owned his business co-owned I was about to business. I was about to say that.

I was about to say that, Zach. Were you? Yes. Because you were struggling. You were very much. I was not struggling. I was about to say you co-owned his business. Those were the words that were about to come out of my mouth.

And there was like a disagreement. Anyway. On the future direction. That's of his company. Yeah. We need a detective. And who better than detective? Zach. Yep.

Zach. It's just the coincidence that Detective Zach has the same name as our friend who has... Ask Cancer in the hole. Which, you know what, that would be good if the Ask Cancer became part of the ending of the story. Yeah. And also the breakfast item, Toad in the Hall,

because he has cancer in the hall. So Toad in the Hall. Let's see if we can work those things into the mystery. And just for the fun of it, frog in a pond. Frog in a pond? Would you put a Froggin and jelly? And a boy in a wall. What is that?

Just that's another whole and another thing in it. Another type of whole. But not a food. Is a well a type of whole. That's my question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really easy. Is a well a type of hole? That's my question for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing like complex about that question at all.

No, it's just why I never thought about that. I've always thought of a well as well. I never thought about it in the context of what I'm talking about. Because I haven't thought of it. Like, you should have gone, is it a well? Yes. I was about to say that. I was about to say that.

So. All right. Is a question for you. Is a hat an item of clothing? No, it's not the same. That's not the same. I think well is a less thought about things. Guys, turn it shut up.

Of it being a hole. Tom is dead in front of us. His corpse lays spoon across the floor. Spoon? You're lucky you're hiring a detective, not a grammar police. But his body is also laid spoon across the floor because his belly is full of soup. Oh, cocoa pops. cocoa pops.

Which is a type of breakfast soup. I agree with that. No, absolutely. Yeah. You get no argument from me there. And I don't want to bring in detectives act. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, he is one of the sharpest minds in all of Perth. Yeah, okay. I'm a detective. I'm a detective. I just want to say the best layer of this before we launch into it is again, I don't want to make too many references to the video content that we give to the patrons

because it is just a Zoom call. But Tom is in the background of my shot alive and well. No, he's dead. No, we can hear him laughing. I just think this is a really great layer. And he has finished his coca-pops. Finish his coca-pops. He's just told me I have to coca-pops in the background.

Nice. Nice. Damn. Bring on some big dramatic music for my entrance. All right, well, I've got a really fun character in mind. All right, okay. Well Hello Hello Detectives that please come in hi. How are you hey broden hey mark? Oh, how do you know?

Well simple really Hi, how are you? Hey, Broden, hey, Mark. Hi. Oh, how do you know our names? Well, simple, really. When I pulled up to the house, there was a, there's a, there's a will over there, a letter over there addressed to a Broden. Now, how do I know? I thought you might have known us from our Netflix show. No, I don't watch Netflix. I'm always solving crimes. I have blood on my shoes. Yeah, I feel like.

You haven't seen our Netflix show? No, I haven't. So I knew your name was Brodon, because when I stepped in here, there was a letter addressed to Brodon. You know, your footprints are all through the house, but most importantly, they're in the kitchen. A guest never goes at the kitchen, thereby you are the owner of the house,

the name on the letter with the house's address on it must be you Broden Kelly. Wow. Mark Bonanno, I know because I'm a big fan of why you like this. Oh, thank you so much. I just cried. You haven't watched our Netflix show. No, no, I don't have Netflix. I don't have Netflix.

I don't have Netflix. How did you watch his on ABC? No, no, no, I was in America at the time. I watched it on Netflix. Yeah, right don't care for untied on the two loud But you know who they are. Yeah, but I don't know your names. You're detective and you okay? I think you're a fan. Well, I know Zach because I have the same name as him Yeah, yeah, and I look exactly like him. Yeah, and I'm Mark's on the big fan of way like this huge fan of price park Oh, and you I gathered because of the name on the letter.

Jesus Christ. Okay, well, he seems to have done his research on the people who matter. So there's two shay. A little reference to my favorite show. Two shay. That's big old house of fun. Oh yeah, maybe a couple of episodes yeah, my wish a couple of episodes. I might wish a couple of episodes.

Right, okay. We need to be clear to mark. That's quite sad though. Isn't that like, what episode's that? Two. Oh, something I've said too. I don't know. I've seen it.

All you need to know is I didn't kill Tom. Yeah, okay. And I didn't kill Tom Wink. Okay. So was there anyone else in the house? And did the armist perhaps? No. Okay, and and I didn't kill Tom wink. Okay, so Was there anyone else in the house and at the armist perhaps no when it doubt it's an abound I know who I think I have a lead. There was only one other person in the house. Yeah Tom He was in Tom. He was in Tom. Yeah, that's a good theory, but it wasn't Tom. How do you know? Well, Tom was the only one alone with Tom. I suspect foul play.

Okay, maybe it was, but here's one little diddy I learned from detective school. Never jumped to conclusions. It is through the Implemental, Implemental, Implemental, implemental, incremental, application of clues that one finds the truth. Yeah. Did you study a monash? Did I study at Monash? Yeah.

No, I just studied it. When I was growing up, it's a university course now, but it was more like a technical college. Right. So all the detectives went and we stayed in a... Like the mining school in the... Like went and we like stayed in a mining school. I like teaching like teaching colleges or like nursing. We all stayed in a big house together

and we would just follow around the detective for three to four years. Now it's all theory based and they come into the detective school and they don't know shit man. My uncle studied at RMIT, the seller isn't I? All right, so he would have, how old is he? He's dead. Oh wow. So you're a detective, you're the career chosen. Oh yes. You pick the rough bloody industry mate, good luck with that. But not like a real detective, not like a playing clothes officer.

I'm like a private eye. If you had, yes now now, who did it? Mark, is my current going for you? Why? Because you were sussed about it. You paused. Tom, if you could stop coughing. Yeah, we're trying to figure out who killed you.

But maybe I was sussed about it to throw you off the scent of who really did it. Why would you do that? Because that put on about to fucking explain. Because that person means the world to me. Then you're in a compass and it's still worth. I am not a compass. It's still worth. I can't tell you where North is.

I can tell you where West is. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd take all the compass. I'm so sorry. I thought you were a compass. No, I am not. I am Sicilian. Yeah, no, that makes sense. So we've got two suspects. Could we get some more characters in here? It's up to you guys.

Yeah, all right. I was thinking I would love coffee. I would love an old ares an old ares to an oil fortune if one of you would like to play her You want me to you want us to make fake characters up who weren't there? Yeah, just for me to have some fun because it's clearly Mark. I've loved it Fill it out a little bit, but what's my motive? I Don't know I don't know I'll get there But like we were disagreeing about his company and where we thought it should go There were six people in this house I will set up in the drawing room and I won't have a drawing room.

Which is a two bedroom, one bathroom situation. Well, I can use a second bedroom. You can use the knockout. I'm going to set up in the study. If you guys can keep out of the bedroom. I'll let me move my laptop. I'd love for you to bring in one person. There's a lot of washing there as well.

I'm so sorry. You might just move all the walls. That's fine. Don't look at the people. Some of them are the Jews. It's not that I don't have the money. I just sometimes I just forget the pay. Can you send in one person at a time for me to talk to? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Here we go. I would like to see for any of the people that lived in the house including yourself. Oh, it's me, my. I hate Ma. That's fine. I need to be really clear. I did want to talk to you.

I mean, you're the one I want to talk to the most, because why? Well, because I think you did it. Foolish character. I don't, I didn't do it. OK, who did? Well, I think Smithers Del Bois, the old airst to the apartment. Smithers.

Smithers Del Bois. Smithers. No, no, Smithers. What? Smithers. Make it Smithers. Smithers Del Bois. Smithers Del Bois.

Why do you think Smithers? Smithers. You did tell Smithers. No, sorry, bro, I'm so sorry. I know that we don't have a drawing room, but it is important that you don't hear or study notes so you're in the lounge room. We're in the same, actually, in the same space.

We go to the bedroom or the bathroom. I could. Yeah. And I will, can't, off I go. The wire flies not great in the bathroom. We need a better router. Just, bro, can you also wear some noise canceling headphones Oh, if I go the wife lies not great in the bathroom. We need a better router. Just Broden Can you also wear some noise cancelling headphones playing some music? It's a trust to exercise at this point

So who are you gonna? They're on now. I reckon you be someone who's I don't buy me you're made of jelly and What are your fingers are anchovies and I've talked to you. You clearly exercise ball. Come in, Brodan. Balls, balls, balls, balls. Thank you so much for inviting me to your party. No thanks. He thinks we're playing party, Quirk.

I'm so sorry. Get rid of him for a second. Yeah, can you get out of here, Mark? I will, I'll just put this knife. Maybe go get his bloody knife down. Okay, well that's probably what you killed him with. But, hell, get me, doesn't have any stab wounds. Look, maybe I was butchering a pig. Mark, he has stab wounds, man. I suspect that you either did it or you're a red herring. I'll talk to

everyone else. I'll come to my conclusion at the end. All right. But I'm clearly a brunette. So good luck with your red herring thing. Yeah, if you're looking for red herrings, all you need to do is my hands and my pubes. Oh, yeah, I did want to know of the curtains match the drapes. Yeah, my pubes are red detective Zach. I this is outrageous. This is the worst criminal investigation I've ever done. People are usually more sad about the friend dying.

I am the red hair in my pants that are my pubes. Where were you when Tom was murdered? Why I was out at a festival, you can check with my friends. Well festival. It was an art gallery opening. Okay, yeah, cool, tell me about it. I was there too. No, you're my fuck off. All I can do in there is take a shit and that only takes two minutes. There's CCTV footage of you going into the apartment with Tom and then leaving ten minutes later. Five minutes after that. You don't say I'm dead.

So you were upset at me for making you wear the hat and now it's just making you, it's just giving you so much power for comedy. It is. I am going to walk. That's interesting to say that about the CC. Can you go get smitten? All be out. Go get smitten in a second.

You fucking idiot. I'll be our B. I'm gonna go talk to the security people after these breaks. No, after this break. After these messages are after this break. After these breaks. You're a fucking idiot.

This guy's a fucking idiot. I don't care for him at all. I'll be back. I'm gonna go talk to security team with my knife. Can I tell you, Broden, on this close to whether he did it or not, just framing him for it, because I don't like his attitude.

Yeah. I don't like his attitude. Wow. That's unprofessional. I don't like his attitude. I don't like his attitude. I don't like his vibe. I don't like, I think he's Sicilian.

I'm not a fan of that. By the way Oh Jesus by the way. Yeah, I do have Someone coming into install a split system in about 10 minutes. Yeah, I hope that doesn't get in the way of the investigation I should be fine. Is this real? Yeah, there's a two bedroom bathroom Yeah, and we don't and we've only got like an old oil heater on the wall You know to be fair. This is on me for not conducting this interview at the station. Yes. I mean, this is really very unprofessional on the high.

Besides the lease officer. I'm pretty onto you, because I've got an issue with Sicilian's. So I reckon I'm just going to be racist. That's a racist thing. Ah! I just, it's always a Sicilian. That's all I'm saying. That's not racist, is it?

It's okay. By the way, I'm the one who I do. It is very racist. Yeah. I'm the one who raised you. It is very racist. Yeah. I'm the one that hired you. Is that all right if I pay in cash? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But can you pay before I reveal who I think it is? No. No, you just want to do the job and then you get paid. I think you should pay. All right, half now, half when you've done. Yeah, that's fine. Great. You use 10 bucks.

Thank you. You're the 10 bucks. 10 more dollars and I'll be able to afford a chalk top on the cheap Tuesday cinema trip. I'll be right back from the where they keep the CCTV. Go get some, we got the tapes, man. They're in my bag. I don't know when you're talking about here.

All right. And if you're going to destroy the tapes, I got copies in my bag. Well, we'll see about that. I'm just gonna take your bag outside. One moment, please. Fine, whatever. Hey, I'm Friday. Hello.

Hello. So you're at an art gallery opening? Yes, a John Brack exhibition. Do we have any evidence of that? Well, I guess just simply my ticket stub right here. Oh, that's very good. Any CCTV footage of you at the exhibition? Well, I can check, but I couldn't get it to you right now

One second. I'm I would just do a chat for the split system explore Explore sorry. I've got a list. Sometimes I say in explore. I'm so sorry What were you not told about the split system? Is it silly? No, I don't love Check it in there, man. I'm Lebo. That's fine. If I chuck it in there, man, chuck it in. Oh, great. I reckon it's the Sicilian man. Man, I like your beer. Are you Lebo?

No, no, no, I'm Irish. Um, hey, but I simply did not do this crime. That's not plus, you go here. Thank you. You seem like an honest guy. I like your vibe. I'm gonna let you off on this one. horrendous horrendous dastardly deeds done to my

What do you boys do for work? Why I've just recently come into some money. I'm an early retiree. Yeah, no I'm an electrician mate You shut up for a second. Well come here to install the system. Yeah, all right Let's just let you know. Let's just let this car... This is not a good time then you should have talked to my boss, man. And the bad time, do you see that they'd body on the floor? I'll have more cousins around the year and five minutes flatmate in their Subaru's.

They'll fuck kill you. Finish the split system, we'll wait. All right. Is this a two-racist of a stereotype? Do you think? I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, I was doing the Sicilian thing. Yeah.

But I mean, my character is racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, mean I was doing the Sicilian thing. Yeah, so but I mean my character is racist. Yeah, yeah That's okay. Yeah, okay, sick Well, I was done. Thank you. Thank you So because the system installation ever clearly the guy doesn't charge by the hour I'm saying Even though it took only four minutes Mark and fucking I will send you a quote that'll make your dick drop off, can't I? Were you installing split systems here an hour ago?

What, yeah mate. You didn't see any suspect activity did you? Yeah, I did. I saw some little fucking Sicilian rat can't. Running around, wanking his dick mate, fucking, fucking jars, a bickles mate. He was fucking like the little rats they are fucking sucking off his cousins are some shit man when was he doing this he was doing this star bear that might be

two o'clock in the morning my well that's exactly the time we think that Tom was murdered yeah he was walking around fucking his cousin and masturbating he kind of killed Tom who knows my I let my racism get in the way again. Well, I see, I also saw him kill, can't see you guys. Okay, oh, okay. But it wasn't that can't- Can you bring in smitters? I really want to meet smitters.

Yeah, I'll go get smitters now. He's my cousin. I think smitters is an RS. Oh yeah, he is. G-R-S. S. Smitters Dubois. Smitters Dubois.

Are you your plans? No, no, I believe we- I need a bro to do this. She is. She is. Smithers Dubois. Smithers Dubois. You're playing Smithers. No, no, I believe we can. I need a Brody to do this. Oh my God, no, I'm a bloody inspiration boy. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this.

I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this.

I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need a Brody to do this. I need talk to her and broaden mark before I go though Does anybody want some prosciutto for 15 dollars a kilo? I got off the back of my uncle struck. No, these are butcher sir. You have our stage your welcome alright Usually that $60 a kilo. Did you see him really murder someone? What did the guy look like? No? No, no, no, my sometimes I get confused on them watching Tony sopranos and sometimes I'm leaving my trading life and I'll get the two mixed up mate.

The other day I thought I was with Steve Buschimi, it was just a stick mate. Just a couple of sticks started together with some blue tack. Okay, I need you to leave. Alright, okay. I can't wait to have cool air in my apartment. Yeah, and well, before that, you're about to get a cool air-rest

Please meet Smith's Dubois Oh, Smith's Dubois your reputation Reputation proceed you but you are far more beautiful even than the gossip rags will tell me Yes, I had my ass done. I had implants put into my ass like Kim Kay Are you named after the Simpsons character? Well, some people call me smithers and some people call me smithers, but I thought it was me does like a D And no people call me the smitters with two teas or smithers with a TH Blinch Du Bois a Simpsons character

No, but... Blanche, Boa's from... Blanche, Blanche, you know... Yes, it play the musical version of Catawatton Rooth. No, Stric can't aim to die. Stric can't aim to die. Smithy, Smithy Du Boa. It's a man called Smithy Du Boa. Smithy Du Boa, I got a question for you.

Wow. You walk around in your fine coat with your pearls. May I have China? Yeah, you're fine coat made of China and your pearls. Here's my question to you. Yeah. I heard word that your inheritance is all dried up and that maybe you could, you, and now you've married Broden.

Yes, yes, he's been fucking me, which has been very nice, very pleasurable. Oh, he knows how to fuck let me tell you right now. He does he does that thing with his sex, his pelvis, where he's just moving his pelvis to get deep penetration. This is too much information. Now there's something else I've heard. I've heard your recorder Sicilian. Well, it's true. My great-great uncle was half Sicilian. Yeah. And so somehow that translates to me being half Sicilian. Do I have a problem with Sicilians?

Is I'm a terrible racist. Oh, well, this is going to be... Oh, smitty Dubois. What? I have to say something here. I've noticed there's a lot of Sicilians involved in this case. I'm a terrible racist. I'm a character. I'm not saying that. Yes, you've made that very clear. I don't think I can do a fair investigation, so I'm going to have to step out. Well, I need a full refund.

Absolutely. Here's your $10. Can you give that back to Mark? Is that Mark's? Why would you care about that, Smithers? Well, in my web, Sicilians look out for Sicilians, motherfucker! Yeah. No, my whimp. Cecilians look out for Cecilians, motherfucker! Yeah, no, that's fair. Listen, I'm gonna step away, but I do have a friend who I think will be just as good. Okay, can I step away too, please?

No, no. And his name is Wackywill. Oh no! I've heard of Wackywill. All right, let's bring in Detective Wackywill. Oh no. Hello. Oh, Wackywill. Oh no. Hello. Oh, I can move.

Well, first things first, how do you feel about Wogs? I love them. Oh, I can't. Oh, yeah. You're going to solve a crime? Alright, I'm back. Hey Ma. Hey, who's this? Waky will. What happened to Detective Zack?

He was racist, so he quite morally decided to distance himself from the crime. Right. I didn't mind too much though, that he was racist if he was a good detective. No, I don't think he would. I think he was going to pin it on you purely based on the fact that you're Sicilian. And also that there is a lot of evidence that suggests.

Except you were wanking in the hall to I am. I was. So this reveals a twist that you were a red herring and it was probably either smitters or broken. Well, we'll see. There's three more characters in the room. Yeah, there's still three more characters. Uh, yes.

Um, there's, uh, Channing Tatum. Hello Channing Tatum, come on in. Hi, hi. How are you Channing Tatum? Hey Channing Tatum, I read that really great, um, not, uh, like, not like profile on you about you going out to the desert with the reporter. It was a really great story. You seemed like a fun guy.

Yeah. It's oh yeah. And also what a bod. What a bod? Can we talk about that bod? Oh yeah. And can I just say, magic mic is legitimately one of my favorite movies.

I think it's a really interesting movie about moving into your 30s. Oh yeah. Um, I like it for all the hot buds. Oh, thank you. I mean, wrong. Hot buds don't hurt. They do not hurt. Oh yeah.

Would you say anything else other than, oh yeah? Oh yeah. Wow, like what? Turning it into my only issue with you is your body looks a little bit slippery. Do you know what I mean when I say that? Oh yeah, you look oiled up. Wow, like what? Channeling Tatum, my only issue with you is your body looks a little bit slippery. Do you know what I mean when I say that? Yeah, you look, yeah, you look oiled up. But not even oiled up, it's like there's something about the, like it looks, your body looks

a little like aerodynamic, but in a slippery way. Do you know what I mean? Oh yeah. Like you would just slip through some goo really easily. Does this make sense? Yeah. Like I can see it. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Did you do it at Ch Channing Tatum or where were you? Oh yeah! When are we going to say that 21 Jump Street, men in black crossover, is that going to happen? Oh yeah! I thought it was in development hell. I mean, how could that not be in development hell? I think it's a fantastic idea. I think it's a great idea. It's the idea. I think it's a fantastic idea.

Yeah, I think it's a fantastic idea, but can you imagine how many opinions different people would have on how that crossover should or shouldn't happen? Yeah, there'd be a lot of vested interests. Absolutely. Hello. Oh, hello, who's this? I'm Butler Beaves. I love Beaves.

Yes, I'm Butler Beaves. I look after this stage But look, could you get me a glass of water? I'm trying to solve this crime I would and I was and one steers and but there are also just like to mention that wacky will is not as wacky as One he started to be when he first came As wacky as I thought he would be indeed Maybe I'm the wackiest of all oh Fuck maybe I'm so wacky

That playing it straight maybe playing it straight is the wackiest thing I could that is the wackiest choice I'm terrified of what yeah, I reckon it was babes So do I that's so funny that you say he's got a real he's got a real Irish Catholic thing about it. Hey, babes. Hey babes, what's your faith? My faith is to the state, dear, so the children of England. To the Church of England. Thank God. I'm a Protestant as well and I hate them Catholics.

Indeed. Yeah, man. Oh, fuck. Are you Catholic? Me? No, I'm an atheist and if you believe in God, you're an idiot. I'm not a fan of you, but you're better than Catholics. Indeed. How does it even make sense? Okay. Are there any Catholics involved in this crime? I grew up Catholic. But I renounced because I didn't like them.

Very good. Did you go to a Catholic school? Pardon? Yes, I went to a Catholic school. Did Tom just tell me there's two minutes to wrap this episode? Two minutes, solve this crime. Well, or to be continued, what are we thinking? I don't think we should wrap it up.

I don't believe this crime has the leg. Babes, can I talk to you over here for a second? Hey, you guys go to the, you guys go to the notebook. Yeah, I'll go to the notebook. I'll go to the notebook. I'll go to the notebook. I reckon the Catholic did it. You need, so.

Yeah, very good. Let's come back here. I just want to make it very clear. I'm not Catholic. I didn't hear what you guys were talking about I was in the bathroom once a Catholic always a Catholic. Oh my god. All right everyone. It's gathering around a hard line. I've yeah You know wacky will is as Awful as racist as racist. Yeah, I suppose. Because there is like an Irish. Is that a xenophobia thing?

There's a bit of xenophobia. But there's also definitely Irish, like there's racism underlying that. Yeah, right. Feel those feelings that I have to talk about. Okay, good to know. I was stationed in Northern Ireland for a time. So it was informed by some pretty horrific shit.

Yeah, yeah. But it's still unacceptable. Shall we gather in the nook? I know who did shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's still unacceptable. Shall we gather in the nook? I know who did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'd please present your evidence.

Okay, sure. Shall we play some music? Welcome to the study nook. My name is Detective Wacky Will, and I know who committed this crime. Ooh. But first, something interesting. Did anyone check Tom's pulse? Uh, no.

No. Did anyone check if he was breathing? No. Because I did, and he's dead. Just the heads up for next time. No, no, no, no. I have ways to check. Always good to check. Well,, all right. I have ways to check. Always good to check. Well, you never know. I have before me, some people,

I can't remember the exact number. I have five. Five, I think. Five, four, five. I have Mark. Hello. The suspect Sicilian. Oh, no.

Walking around with knives. Out. Knives out. Always doing crimes. Out. Knives out. Always doing crimes. Yes. But he was wanking at the hour of the death of Tom. It's true I was. Next I have Broden, a kindly gentleman mature to a fault,

but he came to a lot of money. Though interestingly, he was at the art show. We have here smitters. What? He was at the art show. He was in an art show. Was that a stab list? Yes.

I forgot. You were blocking at the time, but he was very clear about being at an art show. Alright, cool. Fucking around with your hat. Fucking around with your hat. That sounds like something I'd do. Maybe doing the Lebanese character. No, Next up. Maybe doing the Lebanese character. Next up, we have the Lebanese character.

I'm not here, mate. I'm not here. No, I brought you in. I brought you in, mate. Oh, you did too. I thought I was at a different house. We have the Lebanese air con person who was in the building at the time.

Yeah, mate. But has nothing to gain from the death of Tom. Nope. Next we have Smitters, an RS running out of money and recently married to Broden Kelly, who recently came into money. Yes. And then Beaves.

Beaves. And Channing Tatum. And Channing Tatum. I kept thinking which one of you did this, which one of you was responsible for this crime? Which one of the how many of you are there? Four or five? Four or five? Which one?

Several. Which one of the four or five was responsible? And then I counted the stab wounds. One, two, three. You're doing four or five stab wounds. Four or five, three. You're doing it for R&X, bro. Four or five stab wounds. You're doing R&X, bro? Everyone had something to gain and no one was here.

Except for Beaves, the Butler. No. Beaves, I thought... The Butler did it. Well, we think this for a moment, but then we realize that Beaves, you have nothing to gain. You're losing your employer. You did, sir.

Beaves did it in the nook with the knife. Except for the fact that Beaves had written a letter to Broden Kelly. A letter that I saw the moment I came in, a letter blackmailing him because Broden Kelly was having an affair with the airs. Oh. Beaves had blackmailed Broden Kelly, and he would have gotten away with it too. If his friend Tom Armstrong didn't confront him.

But we'll never know if that's true because Tom's dead. Or is he? Tom? I'm not dead, can't. He's not dead. He was never dead. He was eating coke and bobs the whole time. He just said, I'm a dead can. No, I'm not dead can. I's not dead. He was never dead. He was eating coke up the whole time He just said I'm a dead can I'm not dead. I'm not dead. It's not dead. Can't right? It was beaves, wasn't it?

It was beaves. I didn't know who did it and then Tom came back to life and then I was like who wasn't he was like It was beaves did it. Yeah, I would not have worked that out. I thought it was the Catholic. Yeah Yeah, yeah, because I got some real Catholic shit. Yeah, I wanted to do it. Yeah, but my Catholic upbringing. Oh, well, maybe we're not that different you and I. No, we're pretty different. How are you fucking Catholics? Yeah, I don't like you much either.

Oh, fucking Catholics. Fucking fuck. So I did it. I did it. Yeah, but it was attempted murder. So we're gonna give you a slap on the wrist. Oh, that's fantastic. Thank you so much.

No worries, hey, I've got it, if I don't leave now, if I don't leave now, the next train's not for an hour, the next V line's not for an hour. Oh, God, I don't know. I don't know, I wanted to say my goodbyes and everything, but really I think I've got an hour.

Oh, that makes sense. And I'm not paying any attention.es and everything, but really I think I've... Oh, that makes sense, and I'll have back it. I was finished out the opposite. I said my... With what happened? Oh yeah. Butler Beaves? Yeah, Butler Beaves. Butler Beaves.

Indeed. I was the murderer. But not really. For Tom, never really died. Tom never died. Yeah, come on. Oh, six, seven, eight. Well then, with the start of the broadcast,

Will Zachary had cancer in his asshole. So, Broden Annmark decided to do the show but they looked over and Tom was dead. That's when they're called in detective Zachary, not the same as Zachary Wayne but a different sec. He is a detective who hunted two, so the crime he got to at first asked Mark who sounded very shady. We didn't start the fire. It was always burn, it's just the world's returning. We didn't start the fire. It was always burn, it's just the world's return. Then he went and reviewed, blanched, smithest of boi, that's who he said it! Then he went and viewed, blanched up what Smith is to bra, that's who he said it was.

Then they went and asked Broding Kelly who said that he was not available at the time. And then they went and talked to a channing Tatum who could only say, oh yeah, and also Lebanese men put in a split-miss split machine in five minutes flat and then we didn't start the fire It was always burning since the world's been turning We didn't start the fire It was always burning since the world's intern

Where they man they they went down and then they all man, where they went, they went down and there they all flew to the side of the beach. And then the butterflies came and he was very shady, but then we decided that there was more to this case. Okay. There we go. Zach had to leave because he was a Sinean racist and then he brought in wacky will. Wacky will came in and was not wacky as we thought, but he was occasionally laughing, so that's kind of wacky.

We didn't start the fire. It was always burnin', it's the world's been turnin'. We didn't start the fire. It was always burnin', it's the world's been turnin'. Then we caught to decided who the murder was and we Tom told us that there's two minutes left. So Zach went and Wacky Will decided to go through every character and decided who did it.

But he started to do murder on the alien to express the poirot film written by Agatha Christie. But we didn't start the fire. It was always been a sister of the world's been turning we didn't start the fire it was always been a sense of the world's been turning then he turned and just changed his mind about that and he decided that butler beevs did it

but the biggest winstead he revealed was odd that Tom was indeed he had just been sitting there pretending to be dead. So but the Beaves had attempted to murder Tom and he had had a go but then he didn't know so he only got to slap on the wrist. That's, I can't take it anymore. We didn't start the fire. It was always burnin' since the world's been turnin'. We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. No, it's always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire.

It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. The legend I did. So happy about that. I was really proud of bringing back the letter at the door. I thought that was quite clever. I didn't even realise that. You didn't set that up though, did you?

No, because I said that that's how I exact new your name. But then actually now that I think about it, how did Wacky Will share a memory with that? Okay, I fucked it. I mean, I felt like there was some sort of... It's hard to improv a clever word of mistreating it. It is hard to improve that. Yes, for some.

You've been listening to the Antidona Podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by AntidonaClub.com. See you next week!