Aunty Donna Podcast - The Cold Episode

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

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This is a Grousehouse podcast. And now, voted by you. The cold episode. God damn it, I'm freezing. What the fuck was that? That was just me cracking open a warm drink. Welcome to the cold episode of Auntie Donna. Oh, it's so cold.

Powered by the Auntie Donna Club. It's a freezing cold podcast, and it's a very cold day. And not only that, we've tried to warm up a little. Yeah. But it's the coldest day on record. About eight. Yeah. Eight.

Decibels. Minus eight decibels. Oh, shit. It's so cold you can barely hear it. Oh. I've built an igloo. Oh, perfect. Mark dug out the snow.

He dug it deep. And then he built the igloo out of the snow. Chubbed up some ice blocks. Yeah. Put them in the freezer? Well, no need to put them in the freezer because the world that we live in right now is as cold as any freezer that LG could make. This is set in the future. By the way, this is set in like a future where the world.

world has gone cold. Just some computer sounds and like computer effects. It's the second ice age. Not the film by Blue Sky Studios. Because of global warming. See, that's future. In the future now, everything is cold. Future ice.

Oh, the whole world. And the ice can speak to us. The ice can speak to us because it holds the memory of eons past. Beep, beep, beep, hello. Oh, block of voice. ice, tell me, is my block of ice, scan my igloo structure for inconsistencies and incompatibilities with the current weather. Scanning, scanning, scanning, scaning, ice. Oh, sorry, you're still going. Yep. Scanning. Hello. Scanning. Scanning. A-ice. That's what they're calling it. A-ice. Uh,

LA ice LA ice is the chosen beverage of the New Ice Age of the future Scanning, find detecting little dick What? Detecting little dick

Well it's freezing cold Yet little shriveled Icey Dick On mark Found acquired I don't like this AIS model The moon has been

exploded a little bit And now Earth has Like a ring like satin Yeah It doesn't affect us at all Ring ring It doesn't have any sort of Oh we got a first caller

Hello you're on the ice air Hey boys It's me I say hello where I am That's right I'm in our warm tropical island Bet you're feeling a little jealous Oh yeah

Think talking to you is making me warm That's right I'm feeling warm I'm feeling warm and hot I miss you in the tropical world you are in a tropical world and I love you in the tropical world yeah it's very cold where you are boys but where I am is very hard I think of you every night while I'm lying in the heat thinking my sweat would freeze where you are what's your name my name is Zachary Wayne I used to be in a comedy group with you before

For the apocalypse Sent most of the world Really cold Oh, Zach on a tropical island Is that the Epstein Island Zach? No, it's not. Have you got proof of that?

Yeah. You show me proof that you're not on the Epstein Island, Zach Rwain. This island's closer to Africa. It is owned by the billionaires of yesterday year, though, So I can see why you'd think that. Can you show me

Proof that you're not on the Epstein Island, I need email proof or something that shows me that you're not on the Epstein Island where Epstein did all his bidding. Yeah, no, I'm not there right now. It's also frozen under ice. You could be there for all you know. Oh, yeah. What's your GPS location?

Give me your exact location note. What your southern? and northern points are so we can confirm you're not on Epstein's Island so after the moon exploded Oh the moon exploded It had no effect on people on Earth

No it didn't but it killed But all of the satellites Can't do GPS anymore If I look into the 70,000 emails release for the Epstein emails will I find your name? No, you won't. Did you move in after he died and went away?

Did you do it? Did you do it, Zach, did you? No, I live on a Giff for an island. It's also owned by billionaires. They're probably peddows too. Probably I couldn't say. They offered me a place when the world went frozen. How'd I get that? place on the billionaire island? Yeah, Zach, tell us now. I give their massages. After the world

froze over the second time, there were only two islands left. Yeah, one of them was Epstein's. I'm on the other island, the other one. It's not in the Caribbean, it's closer to Africa. When you look at the sun, where is it? Is it? Is it? It's going north. Tell me where and I'll be able to tell you what island you're on. Freezing here. Why, do I tell you guys, my best friend is a penguin? Your best friends are penguin, Mark?

I didn't know, I didn't know. It's so cold. It's so cold, my best friends are penguin, and I married a polar bear. You married a polar bear and your best friends are penguin? Well, it's so cold. I didn't have many options. Hello. Ah, there's my beautiful wife now.

Hello there. My Mr's Mark, the polar bear. I'm a big polar bear. I'm the wife of Mark. And you keep me nice and warm, don't you, baby? Yes, I sit on top of him. And ride his dick? Yep.

Yeah, we have a polar bear bee coming soon. That's cool now. Yeah, I'm down with that. The polar bears are as intelligent as people now, so we can all make our own choice. It's the second ice age. There's two moons. There's on one of the two islands. Yeah, it's crazy.

We don't know. There's one moon. It's got a hole out of it, and it became like, Saturn's rings. And it had zero effect. Zero effect on people. Zero effect. But it killed all the satellites. Yeah, yeah.

Destroyed all the satellites. But in terms of the way... Mark, sorry. No, it's fine. This is crazy. And it sounds a bit fun. Yeah. And that's why I want to hear your song about your best friend is a penguin and your wife is a polar bear.

I want to hear about it. Yeah, well, I've got a song about it. Well, we don't have much to do in the second ice age. Other than write songs about what's going on. And this is off Tom York's solo album. In our life. Hey. I think it's going to hit not Tom Yorkie soon.

You know it's pretty cold. Yeah. Here it goes. It's my point. When it's cold outside, when it's the second ice age, what you're going to do? Well, let me tell you. You get a best friend. Who's got a beak?

He's got a clo-whacker Shits and pisses out the same hole But that's what we talk about Every day And it's okay Why? Because my best friends are a penguin And my wife's a polar bear

I fuck the polar bear And I move all the hair To get to where I want to be Which is inside of thee That's what I say To my polar bear wife Mark's got a best friend and it's a penguin A wife who's a polar bear

Yeah Will you want the Epstein Island Mark? No, I've never been to the Epstein Island There's two islands left in the whole wide world One of them is his And the other one is the guy The one that the guy won from Beast Games In season two

They're the only two islands left in the world And I don't know what one my friend, Zach's on, let's give him a call. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring on the telephone. Ring on the telephone. Ring, ring, ring, is he going to pick up his telephone? Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, it's Zach up the telephone. Oh, Zach, ring, ring, ring, and Zach up, pick up your telephone. We got his voicemail, he's not picking up.

No, no, no, no, no. We're going to leave him a message. Now that's what's up Go Mark, ring, do it Hey Zach Hey one Epstein's Island Which are you one bro

We know that you know something We know what you We want to know what you know Just tell us what you know Just tell us what you know This Yeah So it does what you know

I'm the polar bear wife of Mark I like to fuck him and that's okay Polar Bears got smart when the moon exploded. I don't know how it works, but I can consent. I've got the brain of a human being, but I'm a polar bear, and I fuck my, mate, Mark, Mark loves to fuck me. Um, his polar bear wife.

Mark Bananao. He's got a polar bear wife and a penguin friend, and they live in the second ice age. No weird, no Dennis Quaid here. No, wait, what's the guy who wrote, asshole? What? The guy wrote asshole. The guy who wrote asshole.

Are you talking about Dennis? Oh. Oh, damn it's free. So were you just talking about Dennis Quaid and Jack? No, who wrote Arshole? Not Jack. Who's Donnie Darko? Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid in the day after tomorrow.

No, I'm thinking of the guy who wrote asshole who's in Ice Age. Who wrote? Dennis O'Leary. Dennis Leary. Dennis Leary. And he plays the Sabretooth Tiger. Yeah, and he wrote Amon Asso. Oh, the song.

Dennis Leary, the Sabreth Tooth. tiger and then he marries in later iterations of Ice Age, he marries a saber-tooth Tiger voice by Jay-Lo. Ray Romano ends up with a Queen Latifah, Queen Latifah mammoth. These are folklore. Everything we're speaking about. They're not really what happened in the first Ice Age. No.

Just a positing of what could have happened. Can I throw it out there that I think that this is like the third or fourth Ice Age? Uh, that I think there was two Ice Agees at least. No, I'm not comfortable with that. Because you've been calling at the second ice age and I think that happened before. No. No. Let's just say this is the second.

When the moon exploded, all books exploded too. Yeah, it was crazy. It was actually, they were trying to make champagne. And in their attempt to make champagne again, all books exploded and the moon exploded. Was it in a certain province of France? No. So it's just sparkling ice. Yeah.

Yeah, sparkling ice. So if you're just joining us, we're in the future. But it's not like Mad Max. It's more icy. And the moon exploded. And also... Water world happened. Water world happened, then it froze.

Yeah. And then, but also with the water world, with, and all of the ice. Yeah. We're now ice. And everything's ice now. And what about the moon? You haven't talked about the moon. It exploded and now it's like a, it's like, but nobody got hurt, but it killed all

the satellites. Yes. And all the books exploded. And now Ice Age is like folklore. Ice Age is folklore. And we talk of Ice Age. We talk of a time. The gods.

Our gods are the characters of Ice Age. Yeah, because the only we have. But one of the later sequels when the cast got a little more stacked. So the Queen Latifah mammoth is a part of our folklore. Yeah. The only historical documents we have that tell us of past events are DVDs of Ice Age, but we have no DVD players. so we only have the blurbs to go off. We do know that in the past, animals could talk.

It wasn't just polar bears of people. Other animals existed and they could talk. And their names, we have a naming system now where we have a first name and a last name. Yes. But based on these DVD covers, we understand that it used to be, your name would be, you'd have three names. You'd have, so for example, Manny, is an example. Mani, then open bracket, Ray Romano. close bracket.

Yes. We just have three names from Paddleton. And also we've broken off into different sex because, you know, we have, we believe in the region one, but there are people who believe in region two. And we don't, we don't fuck with the region two people, all right? They're weird. They've got their documentation wrong. Broden has a question.

Is the law necessary? L-O-R-E or L-A-W? L-O-R-A. What's important because I think. I think it's going to feed into upcoming episodes. Yeah, and we haven't even gotten to the law. Even though everything is, and I hope this comes out in the right order, even though everything is, you know, seemingly unrelated,

all the things to come are set in this universe. What was that sound? There's a large knock. Oh shit, another song's starting up. Can you believe it? This song's about Zach Living on episode. Austin Island. No, I don't live on Epstein Island.

There's two islands left in the world. Mm-hmm. One's from the guy that won Beast Games. Yeah. Season two. And the other is Epstein Island. But it's not Epstein Island anymore. No.

And our best friend, Zach, is living on an island. Yeah. But he can't confirm which island. But we think we know which island it is. And the best thing about friends is they're there for you when you need them. And they tell you the truth. No matter what the truth, they always tell you the truth. Yeah.

I love my friends. No matter what of the two islands they live on. Unless it's Epstein's Island. In which case I would have a problem with that. And I got a question for you, Mark. If an island once had a sex trafficking monster on it, and he's not there anymore, does that make it still a bad island, or is it an okay island as soon as that guy relinquishes ownership of that island?

And it's just a remnant of a place where a bad guy lived. Not if it's a tropical island, because ice holds memory. So if it was an ice island, then, yeah, I'd have a problem with that. because the ice would know about the bad shit that happened on that island. It would tell you about it all the time. Can you dig into that a bit, more for me? Yeah, I can. A ice.

That's what is going on in the world right now. A.I. Data centers melted into the ice. Now, the ice holds the memory of the world. And it... Boys and girls? And boys and girls and whirls and twirls. And everybody here likes twirl. No, that's beautiful.

Twirls are the last candy, bud. I got a great way to end this episode. And I know we're not there yet. Yeah. But you know how the Ice Age ends in the movie? With that song, all the way. Well, they all die. They all have to die, right?

We all die. Everyone dies. Everything dies. Everything dies. Not the Toy Story franchise. Oh. Tell me that. Can we talk about, put the cold, cold sound back on.

The one. Because it's freezing. But I do want to talk about, can we end Toy Story? Please. When the traveling. Taylor Swift ain't going to. Save it when the pics? Well, I mean, that was many years ago.

It was so long ago. So now Toy Story is a traveling band of theatrical players. Yeah. They perform the parts. There's Woody, the man who plays Woody. Sorry, the man who plays Woody, open bracket, Tom Hanks, close bracket. And he does a beautiful performance of Woody, the kind cowboy toy. Yeah.

And they teach us stories. I remember being a child when the toy story theater came around and they taught me lessons about salting your fish. Yes, and the divine being Andy and the one who lives below, Sid. The one who lives below. Yeah. Is there something like a new song, a new song? Is there a new song in how Woody has two meanings?

I don't think so. Let me pitch it to you. All right. So Woody is the name of the cowboy. from Toy Story. Mm-hmm. Oh, it's freezing. Do you mean this song?

And Woody often in the play... Sorry, one second. Sorry, Zach. Do it again? Do you mean this song? Yeah. Check it. Now we're going to have a song

about the fact of Woody, the main character in Toy Story. Yeah, yeah. Well, that name means two things. DJ Calid! It means both the name of a wooden... toy and also a big erection.

Hit it. Woody has two meanings. Mm-hmm. Yeah. One of them meanings is a stiff dick. Woody has two meanings. Woody has two meanings. One of them is the toy from Toy Story.

The other's a stiff dick. Yeah. Woody could be a little toy Or Could be a big stiff dick Yeah Woody's got two meanings One's a little toy

The other's a stiff dick Imagine the stories The toy stories Imagine those stories But instead of a toy cowboy The topic at hand Was a stiff dick That would be

be funny in our opinion. Sometimes I like to think of the story of Toy Story, but replacing Woody with a Woody. How would that work? Would Andy Stiff Dick chase after buzz at the big place where all the little aliens are found? Woody Stiff Dick go in there and get grabbed by the thing, by the skilled testing thing?

And Andy would go, Ouch, my Woody. Ooh, you grabbed my Woody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You grab my stiff dick. Woody has two minutes. That's right, it does. One is stiff dick.

And the other is... Toy. In Toy Story. Often what happens is the toys go limp when nanny. Walks in the room, yeah Now if Woody was an erect penis And he went limp whenever he was seen Well, that would be really bad

One's a stiff dick One's a little wooden toy The second toy story's about a fat man Who likes to paint his shoes But what if paints his shoes But what if instead of a toy He was painted balls on a stiff dick Lives across the road from where he works

Paint some balls on the stiff dick Newman Neumann Played by the same guy as Newman Don't imagine that that sad bit At the end of Toy Story 3 would be quite as sad If it was all the toys Going towards the furnace and one stiff dick

Oh God, it's so cold Oh it's so chilly You're joining us on the cold episode of Auntie Donna. Oh, look, the Toy Story crew rolled into town. You want to go watch their shows? Yeah. Yeah, really badly. Oh, wow.

And they're, of course, going to open with a song. Huh. Yeah. All these songs are from 2014. What? I love it. Yeah. Hmm.

I'm Woody. How do you do? Good. It's a pantomone. Yeah. Bit cold. Of course. Oh, he's behind you.

He's behind you. Who? Woody. I'm Woody. Oh, sorry, bus. Bus. Okay. He's behind you.

I'm here to teach you all the things. Tell us your tails. All right. Here we go. I'm Woody. Open bracket, Tom. Hanks Coast Bracket. Praise be Woody

I'm your guide In these dark times Teach us of Andy I'll teach you how to Keep your fish outside Keep it cold and preserved Using the natural ice The teach us about toy story

I'll teach you how to respect your elders And talk about ice age Now tell us about Buzz and Jesse The man who believes In All the ways that he can be If you believe like Buzz You're gonna be okay

But you have to be kind to your neighbor Or else the boy who lurks beneath will kill you Oh Sid He's your neighbor Andy He's your friend He watches home

us Slinky Ham Ham He's like a John the Baptist figure in this story Oh

Slinky Slinky Dog Watch out for the Slinky Dog Slinky Dog is everywhere When you go to sleep Slinky Dog will steal your children When they turn three or four

He'll take their souls Slinky Dog will slink into your igloo at night And he will steal your children's soul. What about little bird peep? Little bit, peep. Little bit, little bit, little bit. The maternal energy, she is the earth.

Oh, wow. It's changed a lot in the last couple of years. Yeah. So what's happened now? Freezing! So Ice Age is our history and Toy Story is our religion. Wow. Well, thank you so much for coming in today, Toy Story.

Wait a second. What region are you? Uh, well, uh, what do you, what, what, what's, what, what's that question? What region do you, what region of Toy Story? Of course. I'm the same region as you guys. My favorite, I love the story of, um, oh, oh, let me just check, uh, you won't play here if you're the wrong region. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, because, um, So on the back of our historical documents, which are DVD cases, it tells us what region we believe in, and there are different regions that have interpreted the text, the blurb on the back of Ice Age. Oh, I got, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine. You asked, cunt. I was just checking.

I didn't know about the region. What region are you? That's clever, though, because in the DVD, I like that. Yeah, it's like we've misinterpreted. Misinterpreted it. You know? Instead of telling you, instead of telling you what region, I'm in?

Yeah. Why don't I just tell you to be calm and let you know that my Ice Age features English, English, Spanish, and Portuguese subtitles. Oh, that's beautiful. For I am Region 4. Excuse me? I am Region 4. Of DVD. I am of the Region 4 sect of the Ice Age Historians.

You are, I think, mortal enemies. Do you have, is this law, is there extra features? Yeah, speak of your extra features. Tell us what you know. Our extra features. Oh, it's freezing. Let me tell you all about our own. I should have, I should have rugged up.

We're in shorts. I know. I know! Sorry, the cold makes me grumpy. When I haven't had my coffee, which is just ice water in the future because

there's no heat You know the little tiny beans of ice Yeah yeah yeah We get our coffee beans Which are just little bits high Little shans of ice And we freeze them over an open ice And then we

And that warms us up in the morning And by warm I mean freezes us What would be the process Can I have an ice latte? All attes are ice in this world All artes are ice but you said all artes are liced I don't think I did did I

That's what I heard Tom I heard all artes are lice Oh that's fucked I didn't mean to say that And I don't remember saying it But that's what the cold does But it's a nice All artes are liced

Yeah Yeah So Tom Yeah How far off are we from the end of this end? We're good I've got a great ending Can you give us

Before we go to that Talk us through what in the next episode could be? What are the seven remaining choices? So the seven remaining ideas are lucidicites. 30 minutes of street fighter. 30 minutes of straight fire. 30 minutes of straight fire contracts.

Purple pebble people. 30 minutes of street fires. Episode where we come in with nothing. Yeah, right. Well, that was the cold episode. No, no. That was the cold. So can't wait to find out what you decide.

for next week's episode, everyone. You can vote and we will listen to that vote because we are not banking them. But now, take it away, Broden. Happy to. Wow. The sun's out. The sun is rising.

This is the Ice Age episode. Oh, my way. Oh, my way. Oh, it's quite nice. On my way. Tell us, where you going. Oh, my way. I would like to reach out my hand.

Yeah. I'm going to stay. Yeah. Oh, he changed from head voice to chest voice. On the way. On the way. On the way. We'll pick me up where golden hand.

And on the sea. The moon is reforming. No, that's not. Oh, sorry. It's a trick of the light. But the sun is out. The sun is out. Maybe in the next hundred years, this Ice Age will thaw.

I don't think so. Like in the next hundred, two hundred. Maybe. Hope. Yeah, no, sorry, my mistake. I'm going to sit. I'm going to say it. Come on, you know the chorus.

I would like to hold your little hand. No. No. We will. Yeah. We will crawl. I would like. Simmy on my way.

I would like to hold my little hand. Simmy on my way. Seem me on my way. This song about a man with tiny hands. I'm away. Home away. On my way. I'm away.

I'm away. The ice is melting. The ice is melting. The ice is melting. Oh, sorry. Just the trick of the light. It's just so cold. I would like to reach.

And you get the gist. Yeah. But thank you. you for listening to the cold episode. Thank you so much. I'll let it run. Let it run. Join us next week where you get to choose.

And thank you all so much for your vote. Yeah. We really appreciate and we respect the votes. And obviously we take the votes from different places. Yes. So we're doing the vote across different platforms. Yeah. And also we're waiting them in different.

There's a waiting system. Yeah. So you might be a little confused why we did this one. If you're from a country with less people to listen to the answer to a podcast, your vote sort of matters more in the overall. It's very similar to the American. Yes. It's very simple.

So that's why it may be, even though. Everyone has, every country has its own. So Australia, America, they're only worth one point each. So that's probably like Zimbabwe is worth 50 points. So that's probably why you might be a little confused why we went with this one. Yep. Or maybe you're not.

Maybe it was... Maybe it was just overwhelmingly for it. But join us next week. We obviously have to do our waiting systems. So don't assume based on the results of the poll. Yeah. But otherwise, join us next week for... And we'll find out what we're doing next week.

We'll find out what you want. What you want? You choose out of those seven. Bye. Bye. Also, Lucy missed the bit where we said Lucy decides. So every time Broden has said Lucy decides off camera. She's gone.

What? Yeah. Very fun. All right. Freezing. Well, into the igloo we go. And broken, keep your hands off, my polar bear wife. I can't help myself.

I just want to have sex with her. All right. Polypolar bear. Auntie Donna. You've been listening to the Auntie Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another Ripper episode brought to you by Auntie Donner Club.com. See you next week.

Welcome to the future.