Aunty Donna Podcast - THE CONTRACT

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

WHAT'S UP CONTRACT FANS?!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hey if you're a listener to the Auntie Donner podcast why not come and support the show help us keep making it at the Auntie Donner Club powered by Patreon follow the links and come see some cool stuff behind the scenes stuff. Enjoy this episode. This is a Grouse House podcast. Hello and welcome to the official contract signing of the next episode of 30 minutes of straight fire on the Arnidonna podcast. Brought to you by Butterfinger. Brought to you by Slim Jims and brought to you by the Nissen Haiyondaya Lantra. It's a big day today. Signing of the contract and we're going to see what's going to happen.

We're here live with Mark Tom and Broden No sign of Zach here But it's going to be proving to be a big night Isn't that right Mark Yes That ha Yeah It's going to be a big night

With who knows how it's going to go down All we know is that 30 minutes of straight fire The contract will be signed tonight Let's do this The Noche Grande The Noche Grande That's the Spanish announced table. L'Oche Grande is grand.

It's a... Mast grande. Yeah. It's an exciting night here tonight, and I'm joined by Mark. What's up? Fans. That's really good.

Contract fans. It's really good. What's up, contract fans? A bit more. What do you mean? Is it volume? Just... What's up? Contract fans!

Woo! Bit less. Oh, there we go. Bit less. Bit less. What's up? What's up, contract fans? Wonderful.

And we're also joined by Tom. Hello. Now, you're here because Zach told you to come and sit here. Yeah, I'm very confused. What's going on? I'm happy to be here. So what are you excited for in your new green jumper? New green jumper?

Yes, this is Johnny Big. Oh, nice. You went to Johnny Big? Or did your wife? No, my wife went to Johnny Big. I would never choose a green like this. Too bold. I think it's in your...

That's too bold. For me, yeah. You put the music back on Spanish. That's too bold for you? Yeah, I do black or grey jumpers. I think that's actually in your colour wear. It absolutely is, yes. And what colour shirt have I gone on?

And a stripy shirt. And where's the stripy shirt from, Tom? Johnny Big. Nice. And where are the jeans from? Johnny Big. And you're wearing sketches. These shoes are from Tasmania.

But they're sketches, right? No, they're that weird Swedish company. IKEA? I don't know. I think they're sketches, right? No. You know the... I don't have my...

phone but it's a Swedish shoe company. It looks like it says D-O or D-Q. Yeah. Yeah. What's up, contract fans? So for him, just to recap, Tom has a green jumper on. Well, yeah, but it's like it's an earthy tone like forest green one of my favorite colors. A bit of shit from my kids on me. Like actual human shit. No, I think that's weak bits. Oh, great. Gonna say, if you got feces on your jumper, put that jumper in the wash, don't wear it to work. Don't wear shit. Covered jumpers. To work.

That's the number one rule of contracts. Signings. And fans. And you've got a stripy shirt on. Tell us about that. It's, for the listeners, it's white and navy. But it's also like a bit like a wallpaper. Is it a navy shirt with white stripes or a white shirt with navy stripes, Tom?

White with navy stripes and little bits of other color. But it's like a wallpaper. I'm like a walking wallpaper. Other color. Other color. A bit of green and orange. All right. Well.

And the pants. And the pants. Pants from Johnny Big. These are the slim fit black jeans, I think. Nice. All right. Well, thanks, Tom. Do I leave now?

Start and start the contract. Tom's like the old guy. You're hosting this. Oh, okay. Go. Welcome all to the contract signing. Um, this is a contract that we're going to sign. Excited to be here.

Oh, I can't wait to put ink to paper. Fuck yeah. I think, I think we're agreeing to do 30 minutes of straightfire at some point in the next four podcast. At some point. I haven't signed any contract yet. Well, that's exactly what we're going to do. Until I got a contract in front of me and I.

Oh. Oh. What the hell? Who's that, Tom? Oh, my God. Zach Wayne is entering. The set of the Ansu Donner podcast For these contract negotiations

He's kicking me off For these contract signings That wasn't in any stipulation I saw I had no idea this was happening This is outrageous I can't believe this It's Zach It's Zach Rewain

This is outrageous Hello What are you doing here? You're not part of the stipulations I'm here I'm here You're not part of the stipulations part of the stipulations what stipulation gives you the right to be here you're not supposed to

be on this card it's that's a birthday card that's not your birthday what are you doing here doing here birthday card without stipulation clear stipulations you're not on the stipulations on the stipulations what are you ding here what are you ding here stipulations you're on the card you're not on the card for this birthday what you ding what are you ding here what are you ding here stipulation This, hey There are clear stipulations And you are not ding here

Ding? Ding? Ding here? Go. You're not ding? Boys. Poor. When I heard that there was going to be

a 30 minutes of straight fire And you would be sown in the contract for it And I heard that I wasn't a part of it. What? Let him speak. Oh, I was pissed off. Oh, come on.

Why? I wanted to hurt you, Broden. And I wanted to hurt you, Mark. Why? Because I'm the guy, I'm the guy that I've been doing every, I've done every 30 minutes of straightfire since the start. I've heard enough of this. Security!

No, there's no security. No security. But it was a good call. Good call, yeah. Speak your mind, villain. I There's no stipulation I

Where's the stipulation I might not deliver Every time But out of 30 minutes Of straight fire Came Mugi I can't believe He's dinging this

And that's why I Have decided That I Yeah Go on I'm not angry at you anymore Oh

Uh huh Uh huh because I respect you both that's why I want to team up with you both of us yeah both of you to do a 30 minutes of straight fire then sign that contract but maybe in about 20 minutes

22 yeah sign that contract in the 22 minutes to sign it no no we need some paper and a pen and the contract we need a goddamn contract put in front of us right now Lucy Write up a contract.

We get some paper and some pen and just a contract and we'll write up. We'll write it up. We need you. You are on camera talent now. Is that okay if we dictate a contract to you? Lucy, stop doing thumbnails or whatever else important work that you're doing. That's important for your job. We need to just get a pen and some paper.

And make us stop you from doing that. Just get a pen and some paper and we're going to dictate a contract to you that we're going to sign. It's time for you to engage with our bullshit rather than the job. job we pay you to do. I tell you what, I'm not signing a contract unless it's in front of me on paper. That's my stipulation. Or what if we did a PDF? Yeah, dokey sign.

I would never. I would never. I know, I would. I mean, it's sort of true. I've docky signed a lot of things on your behalf. What? So it's sort of true. What have you done?

What? What? I do on my laptop have your signature. And so do I. Yeah Well, I could get yours It's me, Muggy Oh no

It's back Hit his music Oh okay He's come through the crowd Take your time, take your time I feel like Maybe a bit of this I know that music

Yeah That's Muggy's music Yeah Hi Oh the crowd goes wild for Muggy Muggy Muggy's back Will Muggy sign the contract

Muggy Will Muggy be involved in 30 A minute of straight fire. Muggy Wookiee 30 minutes. That is music. What are you doing here Muggy? Muggy Wogie.

You're not of the stipulations. Muggy Wookie. Muggy was born in 30 minutes of straight fire if you don't remember. I remember? I remember. When we're the first 30 minutes of straight fire where we freest off for 30 minutes, that's where Mugie was born because Brodham couldn't think of a word that rhyme with boogie. Very, you know I don't want you around here anymore.

You're clearly not in any of the way. the stipulations. Or the birthday cards. So get out of here. I want to be a part of 30 minutes of straight for you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't agree to this.

This wasn't in the contract. I haven't even seen a contract. It could be in the contract. But this wasn't when I agreed to when I said I was going to sign a contract. I've had the muggy belt for 342 that boogie days. The muggy belt. The muggy belt. Is that just a belt you won?

Are you putting it on the line? I won it. Oh, that's a good question. Are you putting the Muggy Belt on the line and this 30 minutes of straight fire? Yeah. Shit. Whoever wins 30 minutes of straight fire gets the Muggy belt. They'll be the reigning Muggy champion and they'll have the belt to prove it.

It helps to keep up my Muggy Pants. It helps to keep up the Muggy Pants. Muggy Pants need a Muggy belt or Muggy suspenders. I want that stipulated in the contract. Clearly that the winner of it. winner of 30 minutes of straight fire, which has never been a competition before. It's happening. And now it is.

We'll do it. We'll get that to you all by. Am I getting too excited? Just calm down. I'm calm. We'll do it. All right. Well, I haven't seen the contract.

Well, we've got to write it. That's what Lucy's going to do. All right. All right. That's a contract. I'm filling time. So she has the time to write it. Lucy, are you ready?

We're dictating it to her. We're going to write the contract. Yes. Okay. Clause one. Sharp. They must be sharp. What?

If you've got claws. Claws must, claws must be sharp. Two. Clause two. Muggy want a Muggy rider. Muggy wants a Muggy rider. And what's on that rider Muggy?

One bowl of muggy. A bowl of muggy? Which is food in Muggy. Which is food in Muggy? Well, you don't write that. Yeah, we all know what one bowl of muggie is. One cup of muggy is. A cup of muggy.

That's muggy for a drink. That's put in brackets drink. Yeah, because that'll get confusing. One bottle of water. Bottle water. Did you just not get it? We've got tap water there. Well, I'd like a bottle of water.

Do you want to be more specific about the drink? I don't want the fluoride. You don't want the fluoride. I'm happy with filtered water. We don't have filtered water. Do you get a bottle? Get him a bottle, but do you want to be more clear about the drink? You want Fiji or an orange drink?

Oh yeah. Muggy. Muggy drink. Muggy drink. Muggy drink. Great. Anything else muggy? A muggy flavon.

Mughey is a loan word from English in Mugie. What? A loaned word. So I got one bowl of Muggy, one cup of muggy, but a bottle of water. Because it's a loan word. Yes. Because water is a loan word. We didn't have a word for water in Mugie.

Yeah. That's fine. All right. Clause 3. Three. Chocolate. Oh. No, your rider, you can't just keep adding to the rider.

No, different claws. Different claws. Different claws, chocolates. Chocolate's for everyone. Chocolets for everyone is fair. That is a different clause. Because of Muggy 2, Mugge is rider 2. Why the 3?

Clause 3 for everyone. Muggy wants everyone to have chocolates if they want. Okay, so the clause 3, Lucy, is everyone should everyone should have, Muggy wants everyone to have chocolate if they want. I think just chocolates for everyone is just a nice, neat, easy way to say it. We don't need to go on from it. Some American, some of those peanut butterwaters. Just whatever chocolates.

No, racist pieces. One of those peanut butter cups. I think it's whatever chocolates can get me getting. Yeah, but just I'm giving them an idea. Example. I. Yeah, great. Well, then just add.

I.E or EG? EG. It doesn't have to be there specifically. It doesn't have to be. So EG. Peanut butter cup. Are you going to be happy with like an LD version of peanut butter cups? That must be name green.

Name brain is important. Clause 4? Everyone who participates in 30 minutes of straight fire will die. No. Or maybe it's to the death. No. This 30 minutes of straight fire is to the death. Okay.

That's huge, Mike. Yeah. We'll decide after this ad break. We're going to a muggy now. Go to an ad. When we get back, we'll talk about the everyone dies. Well, we're already back. No, we're back now.

Oh, welcome back. I'm Moogie. This is Broder, this is back. And we're signing the contract for the next 30 minutes of straight. Muggy. So you want everyone to die after this episode? No, no. This is a 30 minutes of straight fire to the death.

What is the mechanics of the death? You have to give us clarity on how that work. Curb stomp. Oh, no. No, no too much. It's back and it's evocative of bad. All right. I would say.

The Sopranos is a real bad one. I just watched American history. Oh yeah. Awful. Maybe Clause 4 could be everyone bring your A game of rapping. Okay, that's better. I think that's nicer. I think everyone dying by curbs stumping.

It's a lot. It's a lot. Everyone has good time rapping. Yeah, that's better. Clause 5, the ownership is retained by the members of Auntie Donna. Oh, actually, sorry, I have to cut in on that. This is just the first draft. No, I can't.

I can't in all got conscience. Let that one go. Mugie will have to get his Muggy lawyer to look over it if you want that. But your own by Auntie Donner. Your own by Auntie Donner. You are Donor IP. I am licensed to Auntie Donner in Human Land. What?

In Muggy, I've got free reign. But Muggyland is part of Donor IP. No. No, Moogieland is a real place. You go there when you fall asleep. All right. Well, maybe that can be in the clause. Just figure out.

We license Mugieland to you. Is it a licensing deal? I didn't know this. We licensed Mugieland to you. Why don't you put that license up on the table. Put it on the line. That was done through years of negotiation with tourism Mugge. Put it on the line.

Yeah. on the line, you coward. I can't. I mean, that was a, that would have to go through a Senate Estabets Committee. That's taken too long. That would have to go through a Moogie Estabits Committee. So what are we putting as Clause 5? Everyone has to have the best time. Is that good, Luce?

I have Clause 6. Yeah. The way that 30 minutes of straight fire will work is this. Every competitor, the game will start with, one person doing straight fire, they will do straight fire for two minutes. At the two minute mark, an alarm will sound and the next person will enter 30 minutes of straight fire. Then both will be able to do straight fire together for two minutes until an alarm sounds and then a new member will enter. They will do 30 minutes of straight fire for two minutes and then the first elimination will

occur. At that point, one of the three people competing will be eliminated from 30 minutes of straight fire to be replaced by Mugie. If you're not getting this all down, it's fine. Lucy, don't stress too much. It's relatively important. I think what you're speaking at, and for humans, a very fast rate. It's very fast. Yeah, to dictate that. Lucy's literally writing it down with a pen and paper. So we've got two minutes, then the person comes in, two minutes, and then a person comes in. How long is? We've got six minutes at this point? I don't know. Okay, six minutes in.

At that point, it's all in. For the next 24 minutes, all three will compete in 30 minutes of straight fire. Yeah. At the end of 30 minutes of straight fire, it will be concluded at 30 minutes. Tom will decide who the winner of 30 minutes of straight fire is. Is it a bit rigid? Is it a bit like, because usually we just... Sounds like a royal rump.

Yeah, usually we just have a bit of fun. We just put the track on and we just all kind of jump in when we have a idea. Maybe that could be Clause 6. Yeah, Clause 6 is... There are no rules. Yeah, I love that. After the 6 minute mark, there are no rules.

No. What about both? Yeah. They can coexist. It's rigid rules and the rules don't matter. All rules are up for grabs. We did this. We've done this before.

Yeah, they're moving car pod. Yeah, that's silly. Let's just stick to the rules. It just seems really rigid. It seems really Hacksaw rigid Yeah I don't want to blow up

What's the next clause? What's the next clause? Clause 7 What are you asking? Oh you're asking for the number At four points throughout the game Determined by Tom Armstrong Oh some of rigid rules

The music will change genre Tom will be talking about Genre change Just like Genre change For the next minute This deal is getting worse all the time. Tom will announce the genre.

Is that a Beatles reference? He will change the genre and play music in that genre. For the next minute, everyone has to perform instead of freestyle rapping in the genre that has been elected by Tom. This can happen at any point in the game to be determined by Tom. Clause 8. He who kills Santa Claus. Becomes.

Santa Claus. I love that one. That's important just in case. And really, if anyone wants to challenge it, it's just there just in case we don't think anyone's going to kill Santa Claus. It's based on that Tim Allen movie, The Santa Claus. Yes, yes, because there's a, he had to do some clauses as well. Next clause. There will be no writing.

30 minutes of straight fire must be entirely improvised. I can agree to that. Yeah, I'll vote for that one. For the three months before 30 minutes of straight fire. This is the new clause? No, this is the same clause. For the three months before 30 minutes of straight fire, the referee, Tom, and the writing accusations committee have permission

to come into the house of any of the competitors, go through their phones, their notebooks, and their books, laptops, emails to ensure they have not written anything. Well, I've written things. Yeah, I'm not comfortable with my data being. What's the nature of it? How old? Well, if this is the nature of it,

then I'm happy to throw you open my doors. I think there's enough clauses now. No, come on. Every competitor can ask for a metronome at any point in the game, only once. A metronome? Would they need it more than once if they have one? Huh? Well, like if I've got a metronome,

The next thing I'm going to, I'm not going to then ask for a metronome. I'm not going to drop that clause. Yeah, that's good. It doesn't make. I like that you can ask for a metronome. You just don't need only once because no one's asking for two metronomes. At any point, next clause, at any point, every player is allowed one timeout each. A timeout?

The timeout will last for 45 seconds. Jesus. At which point they are allowed. to write. Is there a penalty for asking for more than one? You just don't get it. All right.

Clause 10 for me. I would like a Macafay large latte Harold's son and a cheese tomato ham toasting. I can I check on that?

Yeah. I'll get one of those like an ice latte with one pump of the sugar. Yep. Maybe a bit of cream and chuggy on top. Oh,

Go on, I'll get a frat-bye with a cream. And I'll just have a McPop. And one McPop. Clause 11. No more clauses. Yeah. That's Clause 11. Clause 12.

The winner of 30 minutes of straight fire is crowned Moogie, woogy, boogie for life. Until the next 30 minutes of fire, in which case that crown is up. Or any other way. And it's not a. crown it's about. But no, a crown is being made. So it's a crown as well.

Yes. There's a crown and a belt. Yeah, to get the whole ensemble sort of working. Clause 13. There are rules. And see below. See the first 12 clauses. Yeah.

See the... No, unless... No. Clause 13. All clauses go below Clause 12. Well, that was clause 13. That was clause 13. Clause 15.

Clause 13 is Clause 14 for clarity. That's Clause 15. So you've got two Clause 13. The second Clause 13 is actually Clause 15. Sorry for confusion. Yeah. And the second clause 13. Well, do I need to clarify the second Clause 13?

The second Clause 13 is that all clauses above Clause 12 go below Clause 12. What? What? Because you said, what was Clause 12? English is most interesting. language. Morgie is my first but I'm confused by what he's saying. Say again?

Clause 13. Clause 13 was there are rules. Is that right? Lucy. He said everything below. There are rules. What was the one about

clauses below? Lucy, come in please. I think Clause 12 was something about there are all the things. This might be a good time to check all the clauses and just see if they're all. Let's check in.

Can I just add one more clause? Mm-hmm. What number are we up to? 16. 16? Clause 16. The winner of 30 minutes of straight fire is the only one that is allowed to remain alive. Mm-hmm.

All others will be killed by lethal injection. Is that already a clause? No. No, we removed it and we said everyone should have a good fun. All right? Yeah. Lucy, would you mind reading back the contract, please, for us to sign? Clause 1, Clause must be sharp.

Great. Perfect. Clause 2. Mugie wants a Mugie rider. Great. One bowl of muggy. One cup of Muggy brackets drink. One bottle of water muggy drink. Clause 3. Chocolates for everyone.

Brackets, Muggy wants everyone to have chocolates if they want. i.e slash eG peanut buttercups brackets name brand I don't really like that close for make sure you close in those brackets closed brackets close brackets clause for was

this 30 minutes of straight fire is to the death brackets kerbstomp closed brackets but it has been crossed out and is now everyone has a good time wrapping that's great that was a good change props to you bro that was a good change

I'll be you, bro. Clause 5 was the original owners retain IP, but that has been crossed out and is everyone has an excellent time. Great change. Clause 6 is where I started to go off-hill. That was where the rules came in. Off the cliff or downhill?

Yeah, with the rules. Pardon, please. There's so many clauses to get through. Of the alarms and the two minutes. Yeah, what have we got? We'll get back to those No, what do you have and I can help you do it? The game will start with one person

rapping for two minutes after two minutes An alarm will sound and the second player will enter And they will then wrap for two minutes Both of them can wrap at that point Yeah, but that's clear. And then another alarm will sound And then the third wrapper will enter And they will wrap for two minutes together

Or everyone or three at that point And then the first elimination will occur And that's all I have. After that, the fourth player enters. Well, that's a revision you can send to your lawyer. Yeah. Fourth player enters and then we got 26 more minutes. Great.

Okay, that is good, actually. And what's the next? Oh, sorry. Clause 7. At four points throughout the game, Tom will announce a genre change and will play a song. Nice. All right, that's fine.

I'm happy to stick with that. It's very rigid. For one minute. For one minute? Yeah, the genre change only plays for one minute. each song. It's going to really fuck with the top, like the rhythm in any sort of build.

Yeah. That's a little rigid the one minute. It's a little rigid. It's a little rigid. There's the rules. Clause 8, he who kills Santa Claus becomes Santa Claus. That's a great clause.

That's just in case. Just in case. Clause 9, no writing must be entirely improvised. Goes without saying. The metronome was next. Great. Clause 10, a player is allowed a 45 second.

I've not finished that line. 45 second time out. Time out. They are allowed to write in that 45 seconds. Clause 11. So strict and rigid. Clause 11, Broden wants a McCaffee, large latte, a Harold's son and a cheese toasty.

Hey, Billy. Zach wants a frape. A coffee frape? With a cream and a little bit of chucky And not Zach Murray Sorry, Muggy And Mark wants one McPop Yeah, I don't care what flavour

Just a clarity on that That is not to be brought That is just a want Okay, not a need Great Yeah, yeah, yeah This is just a want Okay, that's a want

That's just putting that out to the universe Yeah Clause 12, no more clauses Great Clause 13 Winner is crowned Muggy Boogie for Life until next competition. Great.

Clause 14, there are rules, is actually Clause 15. Yep. It's getting a little murky here. And Clause 16, the winner is the only one to remain alive. Great. I'm happy to sign. I'm happy to sign. I'm happy to sign.

Cool. All right. Can we get some signing music and Lucy make your way over? Oh, okay. So Zach will sign as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. All right, here we go.

The big moment. Lucy is walking over with the legal binding contract to me. Oh, wow, this is really well done, Lucy. She's done a really good job. Good work, Lucy. Sorry for distracting it from the job. Use my official name, bro. In here.

Nice. I'm signed. Sorry, I just passing it. handing it to Muggy I'm sorry for Zach yeah it's fine I know I'm like all the time

I need to get across this I need to get across this other people signing documents there's nothing important just company tax returns and stuff yeah yeah yeah alright okay why are you doing it for other people

has Mugie and Zach signed oh Zach's never signed anything in his life Mugie and Zach have both signed. Mugie with a backwards G. Officially, the contract, contract with all the clauses, beautifully written here.

Make sure you blow out those signatures. That's why I did a fake one. I think the fake one is all by the outlawed it. So make sure you blow out those signatures. Signed. 30 minutes of straight fire. is on. I'll see you in the next, at some point in the next four weeks.

Four to six weeks. The third limited to show fire. I'll see you in the ring. Because you got cast in the remake here. Congratulations. That's great. Thank you. And I'll see you next week.

Unless, um, you're busy. Yeah, unless someone's sick or whatever and that's okay. I know, I was just, I thought it was going to keep going. Bye. Auntie Donna. You've been listening to the Auntie Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another Ripper episode brought to you by Auntie Donna Club.com.

See you next week. Welcome to the future.