Aunty Donna Podcast - The Knife Incident

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Our first attempt at sharing stories from The Magical Dead Cat Tour. And Broden’s Dad shows up to ask a favour...and show off his new moustache. LINKS Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig   Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/   CREDITS   Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno   Producer: Lindsey Green Digital Producers: Nick Barrett and Jim Cruse Audio Imager: Mitch Calladine  Supervising Producer: Elise Cooper   Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh   Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Listener. Chicken in a bag, frozen chicken in a bag. G'day legends and welcome to another week of the Aunty Donna podcast. In this week's episode we talk about some crazy incidences that have happened between us in the office. Then we get up to some crazy stuff. If you want to support us, head over to theantidonoclub.com, support us on Patreon,

and also please enjoy this week's new theme tune. Chicken in a bag! Frozen chicken in a bag! Hey, thanks for all that intro. The, uh... Maybe an ad? Yeah that intro. The maybe an ad. Yeah, but welcome. It's cross then ad. It's cross.

That's how we put. It's how we keep the lights on. So we keep how we keep the LED screens on how we keep the brioche on the table at home. And am I right when I say an LED screen is lots of tiny little lights? Is that how an LED works? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, micro lights. I believe tiny little light. So you can just imagine how many lights

we've got to keep on to have LEDs. Yeah, and each of them, I assume, cost the same as a regular globe. Now, if you're just listening and you are going, what LEDs? Well, if you've seen any of our clips on YouTube or social media, or if you've watched the full episodes on the Auntie Donna Club powered by Patreon.

You'll know that we, of late, have been surrounded by one, two, three, four, five. Five right? Five, yeah. Five LED screens with a sort of image on it, with the Aunty Donna podcast, the listener logo and just funny little pictures of us. Speaking of LED, we've recently returned from a tour, a worldwide tour in which we, I guess it's fair to say, performed under a lot of LEDs.

So is that a bit inside baseball? Do people know that LED lights are used in theaters now? I would say if you were a lighting technician, like the one we took, the small boy we took on the road, Lockie, he wasn't a child, he was a man of age. But he's a puny little thing. A tiny little thing. Yeah, you would assume from the back,

you'd say that's an eight-year-old I describe him as felt Svelte I go Are we getting that Svelte lighting? Tech he was late. He was lean and well to do that's for sure well to do is a great way to put it surprisingly strong. I didn't see That car I wouldn't have assumed that kind of strength in a man based on his physical appearance, which is that of a boy.

He didn't have the strength, he was stronger than a man by body weight and size. This is a small guy, not tiny, just like, svelte, skinny, hipster. And the long hair that sort of says to me that I don't give a fuck about anything kind of Imagine wherever your beach is in your city The trendy area that is opposite the beach So in Melbourne, it's the north in Sydney. It's the west. It doesn't want to be near a beach is what you're saying He's got beat. He's got beachy vibes It doesn't want to be near a beach is what you're saying. He's got beat. He's got beachy vibes

So you could imagine him at the beach. I imagine him more from a trendy inner area of the city But we No, sorry. We're off track. We are but I just need to say this one point about lucky. Yes In terms of his size to strength ratio more than a a man, less than an ant. Yes, much less than an ant. But significantly more than a man. Yes, an ant can lift like a truck or something. But if the truck was small, if the truck was the size of a leaf. Yes. Yeah. Or if the ant was the size of a man. Yes.

But that's all speculative. We're not at a point now where we could ever, I don't think even technologies advance to the point where we could be making, like in fully operational and motorized truck, let alone having a man operate that truck or a woman operate that truck. I don't know if you've seen, but there's a nanotech now that can make a helmet appear out of nowhere. On top of that, you can build a full size truck and shrink it down to the size using technology. You've seen it.

Well, I'm doing a bit of Ant-Man. I'm also doing Iron Man is really pushing forward with the nano tech. Yes. Anyway, look, we're recording this a few days after we returned, but we felt it was really important to put out the Qantas Lounge episode as soon as possible because of how good it was. Yeah. Even though we didn't, I don't think we flew Qantas.

No, no, no, no, no. But we just, that was the first time in, I think, 330 episodes where we went, we ended, we pressed stop on the record and we went, well, this is as good as it gets. Yeah, this has to come out as soon as possible. This is the 10,000 hours sort of thing show. 10,000 hours being of course the old adage. Yeah, the Beatles, there's a book about it, the, you know, that if you practice a skill

for 10,000 hours, 10,000 hours, you reach mastery. So the Beatles at their wide album was their moment of mastery. A basketball player's athletes, I think often hit that about that 10,000. And Camp Bush Camp was our 10,000. Absolutely it was. And then this was our second, this is our 20,000th hour. Wild Bear Attack. We're actually in the full loop. Haven't you done well with that? We're back to amateur. Yeah. But Quantess Lounge was the best thing we ever made.

We've done. In our opinion, it's subjective, but also in a way it's objective. And if you didn't think it was the best pub we've put out, maybe you're an idiot. And maybe you need to just look up the point system. Yes. So out of funny, it was five out of five. Out of clever, it was five out of five. Yes. So out of funny, it was five out of five. Yeah. Out of clever, it was five out of five. Yes. Out of just good laughs, five out of five, which is different to funny. Yes. Because that's like good laughs. It was five out of five. Yarns. Yarns. Five

out of five yarns for me. My system only gives two points for yarns. What? For Donna? But two is the maximum. Two is the maximum. Oh, then two out of two. For Donna, yes. For footy with Brody and Callie, for Missions Act. And for whatever you bring to the table. That's a yarny kind of, that's a podcast with yarns.

Yes, so that's out of ten. Yes, what I mean to say is today, I'm bringing out a knitting podcast, so it's going to work out really quite well. Oh, yeah with wool With yarn with yawning Wool is not wool can't be yarn what You can knit with yarn, I'm assuming you can knit with wool which is find out which is when I start my Yarning with yarns yarn Yarns with yarns.

So I think on two occasions, both of you have tried to bring this back on track and I take full responsibility for both on both occasions. I respect that. Can you do a clearer, more sort of like a real, we can cut it out apology? Yeah, I just want to say when you mentioned LED lights, I think that was a real, you know, the LED segue, that was a real segue.

Thank you. And I selfishly wanted to talk about our lighting tech having the strength of an ant. Broden, I can't remember exactly what I did to you. You did try to bring it back on track at some point. And I think I, because I need to own it. I need to own it. Well, yeah, if we're owning it full transparency. Must be a boomer if you own it.

Must be a boomer if you own it. If you own it. Are you referring to like how they own a lot of property? I am, I am. I got told, I saw a comment, a random comment online about how I need to lay off the boomers, because it's political apparently. So I just want to say I love boomers. I would argue boomers are the least likely to own up to any sort of emotional damage

they've done to someone. Their parents were worse. Their parents were probably worse, but you know who was worse? Their parents' parents. Yeah, and those and well the parents of the boomers are the great generation who yes, they, they let their emotions out in the middle of the night. They would just be like, ah, yes.

The magic two o'clock they would call it. But full transparency. I didn't apologize. Were you segueing? No, I was going to segue back to the trend to the apology but but my because I was thankful transparency When you brought up the lighting guy. Yeah as much as I knew it was a deviation Yes, I tried to deviate it onto the track you deviated onto lucky and All I wanted to talk about was lucky. So I I put my hand up there and say I contributed. Look, I know that you guys contributed.

Here's the thing, we were all part of the going off track. Yes. But two people out of this three tried to get it back on track. And I was the one person who not only didn't try to get it back on track, but actively dismissed that. For that and for anything else I've done to hurt you in the last 10 years, I want to apologize for the bottom of the play art. Including the knife incident?

Well, you know that that was a little more complicated. It was. That was a little more complicated, I thought. If I can interject here for full transparency. That was a little more complicated, like I thought. If I can interject here for full transparency, we were working one morning at 10 a.m. at our old offices. Are you sure you want to share this? Well, I think you opened it up.

I think we're talking about the morning you came in and I just want to. I just want to like I'm apologising right now. But I just want you to think hard about whether you want to share this incident with the public based on my Previous experience with Zach. I would strongly recommend you listen to him. Okay. I I'm gonna say stuff and He'll be damned with it. I've held on for far too long. Okay, little hellboy over here. We, what was 10 in the morning, Mark was having, eating like maybe you take, you had like a breakfast roll,

maybe bacon and eggs in a roll from like one of those working class Bay-Marie sort of playing, you were eating it on a plate. Zach was 10 minutes late. Well, it's integral. Mark was having it, he was saying, it's. Well, it's integral. Um, Mark was having it. He was saying it's too hot. It's too hot.

Zach walks in, Zach walks in says, eat it with a knife and fork. And he put down a knife and fork for Mark to have. He said, and this knife is a little bit serrated. That'll help you cut through the knife. That'll help me cut through the knife. That'll help me cut through the knife? You know what I mean. And for some, did you hear that? That was my little...

Oh, I thought that was me. I'm off my reflex medication at the moment, because I just ran out. Was that you? Yeah, it was me going, oh, I thought it was me. That was my tummy going... Is that the knife incident? Is that the one you're thinking of? Yeah, that was the one I was thinking of. And the reason why I think it's complicated is twofold.

One, I was just offering to help. Yes. So it would help you to cut your... Could have fairly caught it a fork incident as well. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this thing was fucking hot. Yeah. Yeah, it was a hot bacon.

This thing was burning my, burning the tips of my fingers. And you used the knife before? I did. It wasn't until years later that you started to refer to it as the knife incident. And it wasn't until even years after that that you started to actively avoid telling the context of the story. And in my opinion, it implies that I stabbed you or I attacked you with a sharp knife.

Really? You think? So when I say it's complicated, one, I don't know what I need to apologize about. Yes. And two, I actually think you need to apologize to me because the implication there is that I proliferated. And I, I, I full transparency, I actually agree with all of that. Yeah, but we're here to talk about our tour We were on the road for about two months in Well, let's do it Scotland US. No, let's start off. Okay

Fuckface if we start at the start, please cunt mouth go on Scotland should we count the whole tour or just the one we just did? The World Tour? I think the World Tour. This is stories from the road. Stories from the road. We made a show called Magical Dead Cat. Tour. It was the tour of the Magical Dead Cat show. So I don't think the show was called Magical Dead Cat Tour.

I don't think the show had a name. I think the show was a show on the Magical Dead Cat Tour. I don't think the show had a name. I think the show was a show on the Magical Dead Cat Tour. This is really bringing up the knife incident for me. Yeah. If it was called something else, then we needed to specify that at least in the blue. I think that I think it was called the Magical Dead Cat. Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat was the name of the show that was on tickets or was on posters.

Yeah. And then we just happened to tour it. But word tour came after that in every, on every ticket, on every poster. Yeah. So for me, it was the Magical Dead Cat, Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat tour. And if the show didn't have a name, then that's a fair criticism. But to now change the history and say that the tour had a name. If the show didn't have a name, it would have been called the tour.

The Aunty Donna tour. So is it the Magical Dead Cat show? No, it's Aunty Donna it the Magical Dead Cat show? No, it's Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat. Full stop tour. Yeah. I thought it was Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat tour. So like a comma. No, so like Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat tour.

So one word. Like tour. So one word. Like tour. Like one sentence. So tour is really right there at the end and everything is moving to tour. Right, so an upwards inflection at the end of tour. Because I would go, Auntie Donna and the magical dead cat tour.

But you would go, Auntie Donna and the magical dead cat tour! It's Auntie Donna and the magical dead cat tour. Right, you're driving the energy all the way through the sentence. You're- where on the- Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat Tour? We are putting on Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat. That's the name of the show. No, I think what we're putting on is Auntie Donna, the Auntie- and Auntie-

One of the Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat shows. During the tour. During the Auntie Donna and the Dead Cat Tour. Is there any way forward from this or? Well, my question is, does this. You're looking to the end of anti-dunner, right? Yeah, potentially. Because I can't think of anything beyond this because I can't move forward.

We may need to get into mediation because we are at an impasse. What about an Instagram poll? We could do an Instagram poll. I'm afraid people might bump into it if they're not looking I'm gonna allow that because I know you were joking so We we did a tour Can I suggest something yeah break Yeah, and then can I suggest something? Yeah. Break? Yeah. And then can I suggest something else? Absolutely. Can we do a terms of a heads of agreement in the medium, in the short

term, before we get in front, we get a legal representative information. So let's agree, well let's, the point heads of this agreement would be that you believe Aunty Duran the Magical Dead Cat tour was the name of the tour, two other members of the group believe that it was the Aunty Duran the Magical Dead Cat tour on tour. And then from there we just... Wait, what? What do you think? Because that wasn't a representation of what I think. That wasn't... I... I...

You think there's two tours? You think it's Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat Tour tour? No, no, no, no. Or did you miss... No, no, no, no. ...Mond Tour? So what he said, and you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but what I believe you think the name of the show...

I don't know what I said... ...of the show was Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat Tour on tour. Now... That's not what I think the name of the show I said was Auntie Donna and the Magical Dead Cat Tour on tour. Now that's not what I think at all. Now I know that you know I know that my my crazy idea that maybe the thing we put on the ticket was the name of the show. But the fact that you have loaded the fact that you mean the fact that you yeah, well, you know, I've had a lot of people attacking me in the last 20 minutes. That's fair.

He'll get out of the room and show you how to have breakfast. It's making me think of the gun incident. Oh, yeah. So do you want to talk through the gun incident, Mark? I mean, look, is that correct me if I'm wrong? Yeah. It's 10 a.m. in the office one morning. I brought in some breakfast.

It's kind of like a wrap, like a bacon and egg wrap with some... Similar to the roll. Yeah. But maybe more of a... Yeah, and to be clear, this is the incident with Zach and me and a gun. And I was eating it and it was really cold

Yeah, it was freezing this thing like it just come out of a freezer and you came in and like You were just like can you believe America and those gun laws Yeah Yeah, yeah, that is what I said, but I tell people Man's that came in once and there was all gun thing and the gun day I call it. Yeah. That is what I said. But I tell people, man, Zach came in once and there was a whole gun thing and the gun day. I call it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just, I don't understand. How you think the way you've been portraying me to people is appropriate.

Because I know that you're not lying. You know, we've talked about this. I know that you're not lying and I accept that. But I do think you are very deliberately trying to imply that I have been violent in the office. I don't think it's on purpose. I've just noticed that when I say, when I end the story, when I'm telling like family friends and people in the industry When I'm like Man, there was an incident in the morning of Zach. You're like a TV executive calls you. Yeah Yeah, or I go there was an incident with Zach and a gun and I don't want to talk about it That just tends to get a sort of reaction that I think is like interesting and it makes

them want to talk to me more. But do you see how if you had done that once and I've said this to you before. Yes. And I'm sorry to be doing this publicly. But I have discussed this with you in the past privately and we're here, we're talking about it. Yes. And I have said if you had done it once, I would understand. You've done it multiple times.

You've seen the reaction it gets. Yes. And you continue to do it. This is, it brings up for me another story that I wasn't there for that you've told me about or you've, you've referenced it. Are you talking about the punch incident? No, I was no I was what yeah that there was one that's some but that one is very full-on I've never asked you to detail it but I think now's the time he has us he refers to the dayzak blew up a school bus full of

kids okay so those are two situations the punch incident was I offered him a whole punch when he was trying to bind some scripts. And he calls it the punch incident, the punching incident. Which is like two, these aren't even like you've admitted hole punch. Yeah, yeah. And then the other one was what was that? Well, he says the day that Zach blew up a school bus full of kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is in reference to that time, you came into the office and you were, you're only like five minutes late, but you were very apologetic. You know, like, I'm sorry for being late and we went, that's fine. And then we got on with the day's work. So yeah, so that is a situation where you've lied.

Do you see that? Where you've actually, so the other three occurrences. You should see the reactions I get from people when I refer to it as the days I blew up in school. When he told me that, I saw him bigger, I saw him broader and bigger and more alpha. When he told me that, and I warmed to the mark. The reason I was late, as I said on that day, was because I slept in by about five minutes. Yes.

I was intending on being 15 minutes early. I slept in by five, I missed the train, and trains in Melbourne only run every 20 minutes. I know. So that led to me being five minutes late, and that happens quite a bit. Very understandable. And I did apologize. Yeah, very late. And that happens quite a bit. Very understandable. I did apologize.

Yeah, very understandable. My story was about a train. Okay. So for me, you extrapolating what I said to I blew up a bus full of children is, well, I just can't understand. And I know you've tried to explain it to me. I have several times, and it's getting a little frustrating.

But I can't understand how that is anything but lying. Well, that brings me to our tour. There was a breakfast roll involved in that. Oh yes, there was a breakfast roll. Very good one that day. You were eating one. Great temperature, didn't need a knife before. Do you see Broden how that's a lie?

Well, now I do. Yeah, that doesn't what he says has no connection whatsoever to. The name doesn't correlate with. The name doesn't correlate with. What the story what pertains to the story but there is a reason like there is a a legitimate reason as to why I've been saying that and I know that you've explained it to me at length yes and I apologize that I haven't been able to make heads or tails of it thank you is it more of like a no-country for old men where there's no music

We'll know that there's where it took me until like a week ago to realize that this is this is different But I only realized that Harvey above them was attractive like a week ago because of that movie Because that movie I've always thought Harvey about them was funny looking Hmm because he's funny looking in that movie. The haircut mostly I would say. And then I saw it and then I and I've every movie I've been like why is he playing a sexy man in this movie. Tripp Fontaine haircut. Yeah.

And then about a week ago I was like oh he's just attractive and they put him in a funny haircut. I thought he was 20 years I thought he was ugly. I thought he was attractive when he had the compound fracture. In No Country for old men. Yeah. When the bone is jutting out of his. In the car accident in the end.

I saw that. But I was like, he's got a bit of a. Swarvy kind of, you know, James Bond debonair feel to him. Yeah. When I saw that bone jutting broke through the skin. Yeah. And that reminds me of the tour. Yes.

We should talk about the two. We should talk about things that happened on the skin. Yeah. That reminds me of the tour. Yes. We should talk about the two. We should talk about things that happened on the road, crazy things that happen. These are true stories from the road. These are true stories from the road. Because when you go on tour, as we did. Yes. I'm sorry to interrupt. No, please.

I just, I really am upset about the fact. I'm sorry, Broden. I know that you really wanted to get to this idea and everything. I know I've been interrupting a lot. I did, and I do, and I do, and I do. I just think the topic is here. To quote Meghan Markle, I do. Is that what she said to Harry?

Well, check the tape. Check the tape. Of the wedding? My concern is if you keep going around telling people that I, there was a knife incident, there was a gun incident, there was a punch incident, there was an incident where I blew up a bus. And I do it in that order because as you can tell, that paints the full picture of a man. Gets worse and worse. Do you see that the picture that is... I'm a flawed man. I'm a flawed person. We all are. Okay. I have my

faults. I'm a roof. I'm a big wall guy. That's why the dynamic works so well. Mmm. Avanti Donna. Okay. okay, sure. I'll allow that. I know you're being silly. When you say those things, that implies that I am a violent spree killer. But once I explain to people the context. But you don't. No.

But if and when I do, understand they go right right that's not that bad. I'm like no I was never trying to imply that it was that bad. These are just the names I've given these anecdotes. Yeah these micro incident like these tiny little things that have happened barely I would even be surprised if you remembered them, they were just such small incidental moments. Well thank you for your apology. You're welcome. Shall we get on with the sort of the idea of this episode?

Yes. I worry that it's near the end though, that we're approaching the end of the episode. How far into the episode are we out of curiosity? 25 minutes into the episode so my well here's another curveball. Mm-hmm. Do you know Wayne Kelly? Yes, your father your father? Yes, he just messaged me that he's downstairs here. Why why? Well, he had he said there's a he wants us to sign a put book for his work colleague. Has does he have any other reason to be here? No.

So, okay. Your dad, Wayne Kelly is downstairs of the studio. Of the studio we build our, we do our podcast. Does he, did you have a conversation with him prior to a few minutes ago about where you would be this morning? No. How did he know you would be here? No, okay.

No, he did text me where are you today. Right. I imagine for this purpose. Yeah. So you are asking for permission to leave the podcast early to bring your father up to sign a put book? What I'm asking is I guess can I leave for a brief period? Oh, we can fill. Bring Wayne Kelly back in here.

You guys sign the book, then I walk him out and then we'll maybe do some tours from the roads. Maybe that could be the next episode. Maybe that's a part two. Because we just needed to get on the same page the couple of interpersonal issues before we were able to talk about stories on the road. And there are some great stories. Should I? Should I?

You go grab Wayne. You go grab Wayne. We'll fill. And we'll workshop new characters. Great. OK. Maybe if you have any offers for me of what I could do. A character that you could do?

Yeah. Could you do a Laura Linney? No. You can't do a Laura Linney? Not on the spot like this. Would you ever want to think about doing a Laura Linney? I could work on a Laura Linney, yeah. It's just sure to, ah, Laura Linney.

No, I'm thinking of, see this is the point. I've made an idiot of myself. Truman Show, Primal Fear. People think I can't do a Laura Linney now because I was thinking of well then you just give me let's just skip that who's the mum in in the superhero one the mum in the superhero one the one the mum in the Pixar superhero movie oh that's I know that's not Bonnie Hunt is it no Bonnie Hunt is, is in many Pixar films, but the, the mom, I know who you're, I know who she is.

She is in, or she's also in Batman versus Superman, I believe she plays the one that is given the jar of piss. Yeah, she's given the jar of piss. She's given the jar of piss. Batman versus Superman. In Batman versus Superman. That's who I was so in for. It's called, it says something about like Grandma's iced tea. And Lindsay has come to join us.

Hello Lindsay. This is still part of the podcast. So Lindsay, our producer's at your title. Our producer is bringing in- I'm setting up a microphone for the- A microphone. For the Wayne Gimm. I think if we bring it around here for the cameras,

that'll work. Bringing in a microphone. And you know what? If we can't get that microphone going, that's fine. And you know what? Father and son, they can share. They can share. Do you know who was the lady that got the glass of piss in Batman vs Superman? I could have sworn that was Laura Linney. I haven't seen it. No, it's not Laura. I know it's not. I know it's not Laura. I know it's not Laura. But I don't know who it is, but I know who it is. You know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying. Do you want to do her or you did that was going for? Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's really good.

That's actually quite good for whoever that is. Yeah, the the lady that gets the jar of piss, grandma's iced tea or whatever, Nana's iced tea, something like that. She sees the jar of piss and she's like, oh no, I'm going to blow up and then the whole place blows up. And then people are like, it was superman. Man, that movie. That movie and to all the like fuck boys listening that are like, you know, I'm not here saying that The Marvels was the best movie in the world. No, I'm not even here saying it's a great film or a good film. Yeah.

What I'm saying is if you're, if you think that Brie Larson being bad at interviews is why that movie did poorly. I am here to say that Batman vs Superman is more responsible for the Marvels doing poorly than Brie Larson being bad at interviews. I wholeheartedly agree with that. Now there are bigger issues, Act of Strikes, you know, lots of stuff. But Batman versus Superman is higher on the list. It didn't do a lot of good for the genre.

No. So no Laura Linney. No Laura Linney. Why don't you give me one? Hi Nick. Amy Sideris. Amy Sideris. Now I know the name and I have a vague face in my mind of who that actor is.

Amy Sideris. in my mind of who that that actor is Amy Cideris I Voice wise I feel like you're trying to embarrass me here. I Can't do an Amy Cideris What give me some movies she's been in so I can try and draw this face. She's been in heaps Give me one. She's a comedian. I know I know I know yeah, yeah, you're now you're throwing it back at me She was in Bojack horsemen. Oh Yes, she's the she's the agent. Yeah, if you can't do Dares we can move on

No, well, I mean I can give it a go and I'm probably gonna embarrass myself. I meant more like an original character. Oh, oh Bojack. Oh, oh Oh, oh Bojack Bojack. Bojack, God damn it. Sit there, Dad. You wanna see Mark's Amy Sideris? Would you like to see Zach's Laura Liddy?

Yeah, but this first, this is Wayne Kelly. Wayne, I love the mustache. Boys, how are you? Good, good, how are you, mate? You're looking well. When did you decide on this? So for anyone listening, not watching, Wayne's grown a mustache.

And what I like to call the Tom Selleck, which is a look I would like to do one day. Would you? I think it looks great. Wayne, I'm gonna cut the shit. Did you, when you messaged your boy this morning, was that in an attempt to find out where he was against his will to get this book signed?

Yeah. All right. That was the easiest trial I've ever been a part of. He's brought me a put book to Rory. You have a pen? I have a pen. So what would you like said to Rory? I'm just gonna sign it. I don't know Rory. You have a pen? I have a pen. So what would you like said to Rory? I'm just going to sign it. I don't know Rory.

No. I don't know. You know, I only know Wayne as, you know, who I am. Well, I guest on the podcast from time to time. Yeah. He's your father. I think it's important that you write the message to Rory. What I'll do is I'll sign it. I'll do a little picture of a pudding, hand it over to Mark. He can sign it. Then you can do the message to Rory, what I'll do is I'll sign it. I'll do a little picture of a pudding, hand it over to Mark, he can sign it.

Then you can do the message to Rory. How does that sound, bro? Sounds important. What do you think, Wayne? I think it sounds like a plan. Who is this Rory? What does he want? Well, Rory is going out with a girl called Maddie,

who lives in Torquay. Oh, Torquay. And Maddie's mother. I'll tell you this time of year. Maddie's mother was a special friend of mine back in the days. What? When I was a young boy. Elaborate, elaborate.

What are you talking about? Elaborate on that. Elaborate on that. Well, you know, I was just young. What are you talking about? I was just a young boy and she was just a young girl on her journey from Milan to Minsk. That's a Seinfeld reference. Ah, Wayne, tell me about the mustache beard. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

No, no, no. What's this girlfriend you're talking about? Oh, no, no. And that's in his past. Special friend. Special friend. What are you talking about? Buddy, what's the mustache? I just got lazy.

But you've trimmed the beard. It looks quite well manicured. I do. I see a chap, a French chap, as a matter of fact. It's very funny. It's got a bit of French, what you're doing. The truth is, he went to France for what, two weeks once? A few years ago?

Is that right? Yeah, yeah, three or four weeks, yeah. Yeah, and then came back with that and a hat. Yeah. He came back with that, a hat and glasses He came back with that a hat and something glasses look and Yes, but then the look went away and that looks back the hats gone and the glasses are gone But he kept the thing do you know what you know? You look like you look like you look less like a French man Yeah, you look more like a British intellectual from a hundred years ago that has spent some time in France. I think Downton Abbey.

Yes, that's what I'm feeling. I'm feeling like you're the guy that came up with like how water works. You know what I mean? You're like a philosopher that was like, water might be both, might be the steam that comes from it. What is this thing they call H2O? Yeah, you're that guy. You're that guy. You know call age to her? Yeah, you're that guy. You're that guy, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's so versatile. It's a great look. Some people even wash in it. It both, it makes you look tougher and smarter. Do you think so? Yes. Attitude? Yep. Yeah. Does it look like I have a chip on my shoulder?

No, not from what I can see. What about culture? Cultured, yeah. Cultured, yes. Sophisticated? Yes. Just the fuck up about the mustache. It's always debonair, but that's not a bad thing. Did he have that last time? Did you have that last time?

What's that? He had it for a while. On here, I don't know. Yeah, I did. You did? Yeah, I'm sure it was. That was back in... What have you been like?

March? March, April? Was it as full of the mustache? Can we move on from the mustache? And, um... Would have been like March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March,

March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, March, Fuck up. And it's in curl. What's wrong with your father's mustache? Why is this? Curl and shape. Yeah, get that.

It brings up a lot for you. I want to delve into that. I want to get stuck in here. Sorry, Wayne. Sorry, I wanted to talk to you about the mustache. I just also wanted to say if I ever do it, I don't want people going, you're still in the Wayne Kelly. Well, you are.

But I am, but I'm not doing it because, like, you know, just to great minds think alike. Wayne, we're telling each other stories from the road mm-hmm we recently got back from from the day yeah and this is we were on a bit of a roll yeah with some nice stories this is the whole thing in the flux I don't mind so I've sort of distracted I would say yeah I'm going to weekly next year. Is that hill well when the hell you'll come back. That's my I wonder what things you'll take from the culture and Bring appropriate appropriate feel face. Jalati. Jalato. Jalato. Priseko. I serve The sweeter sparkly wine Penae

Penae is a type of pasta. Two pastas. Because I'll go to Bologna. Yes, of course. That's a beautiful student town Bologna. And there's a little town outside of Venice called Treviso. And that's magnificent. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, gotta spend some time there and have some pizza or fresco style out in the pee and the

mark your Italian help me out here. What? The piazza. The piazza. No, that's what you're Italian. No, no, no, no. Diaspora. Don't put that pressure on him to know the home country. Yeah. Well, do they do garlic bread there? In Italy? Yeah. I believe you can get like a garlic bread for the table. Yes. Because I thought that was an English thing or an American thing. Look, I don't know. The last experience I had in Italy was Little Venice in Disney Sea in Tokyo. Oh, I can't wait. I had a delicious sort of marinara pasta as I saw a couple getting married in the canals of Venice. Beautiful. But I was in Tokyo. See, I got that spelling for that canal wrong.

I thought it was C.A. Null. Mm. C.A. Null. Yeah. C.A. Null.

Yeah. But how do you feel about your father saying the word A. Null. And also admitting that there was a woman before your mother. What year were you talking about? We don't know. What year what? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What year were you talking, Wayne? What year were you talking about? I don't know. I don't know.

That might bring up a whole... No, who's this Rory guy? Because what happened is we said who's Rory and then you started to talk about some girl you saw in the 60s or 70s or some shit. What are you talking about? She was a lovely young girl. I went to Keon Park and she went to who's Rory

Go back to her daughter Right is a good guy who is is Tracking the square with this. I know this. Do I know them? So Rory is like seven degrees separated from probably eleven and you've promised not only have you promised him a signature. Yeah, you've interrupted Which you did by tricking your son into giving you his location and then just turning up Yeah, I told him I was gonna that is I've got to say that is a ball of room. You're a maverick. That is like That's crazy. Well, yeah, but you know what I can do. When you've run out of material, I can fill time.

Can you? Yeah. We can't do that. No. We'll never run out of material. Just before we were doing, Mark was doing his Amy Sideris impression. I was. And Zach was doing a Laurelini. Well, he went for Laurelini, but then had had mistaken Laura Linney for you might know this, Broden

Who is the woman in Batman vs Superman that is given a jar of piss by Lex Luthor? Yeah, yeah, who was that actor? Does the voice of Mrs. Incredible? Well, I can't tell you their name, but what I will tell you was I believe they were married to Noah Bournbuck Really? Broden, would you- And he's in the hateful hate Would you Would you be able to do you have access to internet because I love to Google it And that Jamie is a Jamie Lee something Jamie Lee Jamie Jamie something might be right Jamie is right. It's not Jamie Lee Curtis. She was in true lies, which I love Hey, you're right in the Lee area

Yeah, their name is Jennifer Jason Lee Hey, you're right in the Lee area. Oh, it's yeah Lee. Their name is Jennifer Jason Lee. Jennifer Jason Lee, of course, because I always get confused with that because I think of Jason Lee. Was she Jennifer Jason Lee, the mum in Incredibles? Or have we mushed people together? Have we mushed people? I can't help you with that, I guess.

Could you look up the Incredibles? Just show me the photo of Jennifer Jason Lee and I think I'll be able to tell. Incredibles is an animated film. So there were- Just show me a photo of Mrs. Incredible and I'll tell you whether that's Jennifer Jason Lee or not. Hey, listen, does anyone listen to this podcast?

No. I don't. Like your mum and dad would. Maybe, no, maybe not. My parents are not doing this. No, so that is not, no, we've confused. Yeah, we've made a mistake. We've made a mistake.

It is not Jennifer Jason Lee that does the voice of Mrs. Incredible, nor does she receive a glass of piss. Who does from Lex Luthor in Batman? Who's the superman? 100 percent sure. 100 percent sure. I played Lex Luthor. I also was a Gene Hackman. No, that was in the early Superman and the Richard Donner Superman.

This is Holly Hunter. This is Holly Hunter. This is Holly Hunter. That's why I think I got confused with Bonnie Hunter originally. So Holly Hunter, do you want to hear my impression of Holly Hunter? Yes. Now this is Mark's impression of Amy Sideris. Oh, Bojack! Thanks for listening this week.

Thank you so much for joining us. And we'll see you next week for Tours from the Road. Stories from the Road. Stories from the Road. No, it's Tours from the Road. Hey, do you want me to do a review of my Italian trip, Nixie? Yes. Wayno's trip.

Wayno's trip. I think we're booked up for next year with ideas and... Are we? No, no, no, no. Let's do this. I believe there's room. We'll see you next year for Tours from the Road. Tours from the Road. ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and A Lysna production.