Aunty Donna Podcast - The Life and Trials of Jack Dwayne

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Is Jack Dwayne a Professional Funny Man? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Grouse House podcast. Can you start us up with some music? Oh yeah, no, I've already got a line up, ma'am. Oh, great. You're going to bring that in straight away. Way ahead of you. No worries, buddy. And bring that in straight away?

Now? We're ready to go. When we're ready? We're ready to roll. We're ready to roll. All right. Hit it, Jack. It's 500 episodes of the Auntie Donna podcast.

Don't you know it's the life. and times and trials. No, the life and trials of Jack. Dwayne. Jack Duwain. Hey, it's on the main. It's insane. 500 episodes with your chodes.

And, you, and no. Yeah. 500 episodes of pairs. Everyone here and two What theirs Got themselves some cheers I did thorn a 500 episodes It's a life and trials of Jack Duane

It's gonna be insane Don't you know it's true Oh no what's that I gotta do a poo Fuck Fuck Fuck me in the brown That's a great track, Jack.

No, oh, thanks so much, Tom. I know that you know your music, so I appreciate that. So, just to be clear, I'm fine. Nothing has happened to me. If you're just listening, Mark, is wearing a neck brace. It's just these chairs are pretty uncomfortable. They strain my neck. This is the solution.

Lucy and Tom have come to together as a pair. Just want to address that straight off the bat. And now let's get down to celebrating. 500th episode. Which, you know, we should have done the David Wenham thing again. I think maybe, maybe.

I'd be happy to work on my David Wenham, Broden, and maybe I could do that with you next week. Yeah, that sounds great, Jack Duane. If you're here next week, Jack, because... If you don't know who Jack Dwayne is... Roll the clip. Sorry, it didn't look. I don't know.

I don't know. Do you want me to get a clip together or something for you, man? No, that's all right. Jack Dwayne. I think it would have to happen in post. I'd be surprised if you had the ability to do it in real time. Jack Dwayne is a private school, a person imbued with the, the, Zach left the, Zach retired from the podcast because he was, he was judged on a scale of metrics.

Zach's not a longer on the podcast. Yeah, about whether or not he was a professional. funny man. That's right. And we decide, well, not we decided, but the, the rubric. The rubric. The rubric cube. Very hard to solve.

Ugh. That's a little spice of magic there from Jack. What is a rubric cube? It's a bunch of Stanley. Oh, you still have my sound that I like? Which one was that? I'm so sorry I did forget, man, but I can definitely look into it for you. Okay, well, part of your job is being able to remember. That's it.

There it is. There it is. No worry, sorry about that. Hed in my brain. Now, so do you want me to help a little bit with this rundown, guys? Happy to sort of jump in here. Yeah, go. Basically, what happened is Zach, your former co-host. He was challenged to prove that he was a professional funny man.

You had four criteria. There were some points. He did promise to retire from the podcast forever. If he lost, he lost. He has now retired forever. There was a whole week with, and he hasn't come back. Yeah, we tried to get guests, right, to fill his shoes, but they were far too hard to fill. So I am Jack Dwayne.

I went to St. Keves. I am a Skev's, as we call it. I am a guy who used to work at IHeart Radio, but obviously radio industry is evolving. at the moment. You were fired. It's tough. Well, I just knew that the future was in podcasts. And I realized that in the year of 2026.

So I jumped ship. I came over. And I've come here. I've been working for you guys now for a week. I've been your producer helping fill in while Tom has been taking Zach's role as the co-host. And you're doing a bad job. Yes, I am.

I've put my hat forward. I think it's my time. I've put my hat forward to potentially take on the role of co-host. Oh, you want to come from behind the producing desk and be in the spotlight. I didn't realize that. Well, that is not as easy as it seems. I know we make it look like it's a walk in the park, but there's 14, 15 years of mucking around,

getting to know each other's rhythms. So, you know, it's... It's not that easy to just step in. No, totally appreciate that, guys. What are you doing? What you do with? Just showing the chemistry. Yeah, right.

I could never match in the way you guys just did. I understand that. Or keep that match away from the chemistry. There might be an explosion. And I'm totally respectful of if you don't believe this trial is about me coming to be a co-host. I get that. There is now a trial. being challenged to the same funny man trial, professional funny man trial that you put Zach through.

Yes. Right. And I'm here to prove myself on those four quadrants. And hopefully, hopefully not just prove to you that I deserve to stay on, but that my hard work, my dedication and my sense of privilege will get me a promotion. Wow, that's impressive from Jack Dwayne. And also, don't forget, Jack, that this is the 500th episode. Correct. So there is a lot of pressure in this being an outstanding, incredible episode, something that will get people on board. Yeah, absolutely. So far.

So far, not much has happened. We've failed. That warrants that. Why not? Why not? Don't want to be your sweet. What did you just play? Why did you just play? Don't want to be your sweet lemonade. What song was that? No, I've got to be honest with you, I didn't think I had switched off vocals. Here we go. Here's the instrumental version. It's the same song. Yeah, I'm never going to be able to forget that.

Don't want to be your sweet lemonade. What do they want to be, though? Oh, let's find out. I'll pull that up now for you. Find out. What is this shit? Well, we'll find out in a second. Yep.

Interesting phrasing. Stop, stop, stop. Sure, sure. She's just said, I don't want to be your quince-averse when you've got the cream. No, I don't want to quench a thing. I thought it was... I thought it was... I thought it was...

The Craven? I think it was... I think it was... I think this person is offering a universe of quinces. Thank you. I don't want to be your quince-a-verse when you've got the cream. No, I think they're saying, I don't want to be your sweet lemonade.

I don't want to quench your thirst when you're going to see Craven. So they are a soda machine at a movie theatre. Craven the Hunter Craven the Hunter from last year Jesus Christ Thank you It's always important to say

Thank you after every little sound bite I find Thank you Now Can you play it again Because I want to hear if it's Quincerverse and you've got the cream Or if it's

Quince your thirst and you've got the cream Quench your thirst with Craven What is she When you've got the Crave I don't want to quench your thirst When I've got the crave Is what I'm hearing But your theory is

totally valid too, bro. Not quince of us and you've got the cream? No, I don't think so. Would you put quince in cream? Yeah, a nice quince. Yeah. Quince and cream? Yeah.

Like a peach. I've never heard of quince. I know when Maggie comes around. Beer, Maggie beer? Yeah. You're friends with Maggie beer? Or my dad represented her on a couple of cases. Right.

She's my horse parts. Who was she being? Who is? So let me, if you can look me. Do? I'm not post mix on your wall. She is singing about being a soda machine. What is his song?

I'm not post mix on your wall. It's clear. Like dried coke from a, like a macas. It's not dried. How would you get post mix on the wall? They remove the water. They don't dry it out. It's not jerky.

So it's a thick syrup. Yeah, I just imagine someone's thrown a post mix on the wall and it's dried. No, no, no, because the post mix is kept in. the wall. It's kept in the wall. On the wall. Guys, um... What are you doing? What's this?

Jack Dwayne. I just want to say, thank you so much for having me. Uh, and I'd love to hear some rapping from you about this being a 500th episode. It's number 500 got me and bro and Tom and Jack Dwayne. He's fucking insane. Don't you know it's so much fun to do the podcast with friends? They're so crazy. Drive me around.

the bands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, see what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, quidt's verse when you got the cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, brodin would fuck Maggie beer if he got the chance and his partner would have to be okay with that. Here we go. Thank you.

Now, Zach, I mean, Jack has done a presentation. Do we talk about this now? Yeah, I mean, if you... get to it at some point. I'd be happy to do it for you. I know that you didn't ask me for a presentation. You just wanted me to be professionally funny. No, may I say, like, I'm sitting here and Jack goes over there with a hat on.

Yep. Like costume. Don't really see the hat, but yeah. And also, I just want to say, I feel like my neck problems are sorted. Yeah, you've got a neck brace on. This is what my lower back is hurting a bit, but that's something to deal with another time. Yeah. But, and then also Jack Dwayne, ad break, Jack Dwayne has done.

done a, like a full presentation on a screen. He's got a screen behind him. Yeah, I don't know how many slides it is. Which is like, but it looks like there's quite a few on the side. He's not in full presentation mode. This is the most preparation I've ever seen done for this podcast quite genuinely. Yes. And it was like, it's, like, it's, you're not Zach, but just mind bogg, like, it's crazy. I'm going to be taking bets as well. Um, first of all on how long with think the presentation is, how many slides? Yeah. That doesn't show all of them, I imagine.

And also, whether it's animated or not. And why we're doing the presentation? Why are we doing the presentation? Because we, Jack Dwayne is going to be on trial in the same way that Zach Rewain was for whether or not he's a professional funny man. He will be judged on professionalism. Jack Dwayne sounds like Zach Rewain. It does, but that's just a quinky dink, I imagine.

Yeah. Yeah, totally is, man. Totally is a coincidence. Whether, thank you. Whether he's professional, whether he's funny, contributions to the community, and is he professionally funny? Those are the four metrics in which he will be judged on. Is the presentation, Jack?

Yes, mate. Is the presentation a way to sort of explain how you are a professional funny man, the things you've done to prove that you are? Do the metrics fall into place in your presentation? Yeah, sure. I definitely address all the key components of your, of your trial. Yeah. I just wanted to make this job as easy for you as possible.

I know this is my trial, but I want to make your lives as smooth and easy as possible. Because I want to be a partner to you. I'm not coming for your job or anything like that. I want to be your partner. And that's why I've come here. I've come here to deliver on that front. Great. Well, did you want me to do the presentation for you?

Or would you rather riff some more? I'm totally happy with whatever you want to do. I want to hit three little sting. Sure thing, man. Sorry, it should have been clearer. One by one. Sure. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. All right. No worries, buddy. All right, yeah, let's kick things off with this presentation because then I imagine knowing the presentation, knowing what Jack has to say, we'll play part,

we'll play quite a large part in how we judge him. Yeah, Tom, can you just jump up here and check your password into your laptop, man. And I've got 10 bucks on not animated. Broden? No, it is a PDF file, so yeah. Well, you will, all right, well, you owe me 10 bucks. You want me 10 bucks. I never agreed to the deal.

Yeah, you owe me 10. What is this, does the presentation then decide whether Jack Duane is funny or not? No, I think it's just us collecting data. Okay. This is just us sucking in. Everything that we can. Because I don't know that much about Jack DeWain. I know that he's a skev-es.

A skevie. Private schoolboy. Yes. And that he used to work at IHeart Radio. Yeah, that's what we know. That's the character's law. Yeah. I know that he's a pretty cool dude.

Yeah. I imagine he lives on the south side of the city. I'm sorry, buddy. It's not working. What a good start. Maybe teach him. Maybe teach him. Teach the man a password and you can get into your computer forever.

Mark, can you make... Continue to get up and enter it for him. Wastes a lot of time on the podcast. Yeah. And then we're losing... I can see live numbers of the podcast. Yeah. And we are dropping off hard.

And you just had a little vocal slip up there. And it's nothing to tease you with. And the talking over... Talking over each other is not a great podcast thing. No worries. But you said Vodcast. And I'm thinking if this doesn't work out, maybe 501, get a couple of bottles of vodka in here.

Do a Vodcast. I think Vodcasts exist already. They were heavy in like the 2013. teens when I don't think so I think I just made it up nothing to do with vodka oh well then so then what the fuck is your problem with it? My problem is you yeah right that's fair because of you're always pushing this podcast to be about vodka I'm pushing the boundaries well I'm pushing the boundaries of what podcasts can and should be but a vodka cast get a couple of absolutes in a couple of different flavors

give them a trial Are we ready? Yeah dude Sorry about that Bit of a technical issue I'll make sure I yell at some people Lower than me when you're not around I'll just say

Not a good start No not a great start No and I definitely do apologise I know that that's not the level That you expect here at Aunty Donna But um One thing I would suggest for next time Jack Turn it into a bit

Things go wrong all the time But part of being professional funny man is that if the horse is a bucking, you stick to that horse and you get that horse over the ropes. If you're, if it's a equestrian type of. No, you could start from you, Mark. I'd definitely be happy to pick your brain in future about how to turn it into a bit. Take it, use it.

All right. Jack Duane, professional funny man. Presentation outline. Oh, sorry, Mark, you go, buddy. I was just going to say there was a little bit of animation there. Thank you. In this, oh yeah, go Brodick. Because where you went from slide one to slide two, there's a bit of animation.

Yeah, absolutely. It is a PDF file. That's more just the inbuilt UI animation. So user interface animation. Topics to cover today. I thought urinary infection. About me. Obviously, I'll be covering the four tenants of a professional funny med.

Professionalism, funny. contributions to the community and professionally funny and then I've got a little conclusion there Hey Mark this is reeking of private schoolboy What else is reeking of private schoolboy Is the choice to do hot pink Background and white text

Not the most contrasting colours And I'm finding difficult to read This reminds me of a person who I knew in my younger years Who when they would do drama Like were very good at drama like presentations Who? No, no. And they'd be like,

this is transformation of object, thus I receive an A for my monologue. Well, I did actually receive an A for my monologue. Did you do drama? Yeah. So, about me. Hey, guys, you already know me, but this feels like as good a place to start as Eddie.

So, who am I? Well, my name is Jack Dwayne. Jesus, Zach. So much work. The best all-blocks school in all of Melbourne. I am a talented athlete musician and scored very highly on my atars. I am blonde, wear North Face jackets and have a really hot girlfriend who studied at MLC and now works in marketing at Sportsbet.

What is their name? I don't know. It's just immense amounts of work. He might have chat GPT did it. No, I can feel what I may have done is, yeah, Jack Dwayne did chat GPT it. But Zachary Wayne, if Zachary Wayne was playing this character, what he would have done is he would have copy-paced an M-Dash and then written it with his brain but done everything to make it look like chat chit-te. So the character is written it in chat chabot-ch-te. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, that's a bit of an idea of the rich chaperstery of my life. But who am I really? As you've probably known in the week, I've been working for you as your audio producer. I am eager to impress and a lover of hard work. It's a shame because I love an M-Dash. Maybe this is awkward, but I love Auntie Donna. From PUD to your hit Netflix series to your more underappreciated online videos

such as World Footzies Championships. Dash. I've always loved consuming the groundbreaking and exciting content that you have made for years. This is so impressive. Now, I wonder if there's a second About Me page or if we're done with About Me. Let's see.

Yeah, sure thing. Let's give that a swipe up. Enough about me. Great. Nice and short. I like that. I like that, Jack. Doesn't need to give us too much information. That's enough about me. There are criteria to meet, so let's talk about them. Nice. So much work.

Criteria what? Professionalism. Jesus. That has one solid block of text. While I love to have a laugh. A drap in audience. While I love to have a laugh I might take off my sonny's here Just so I can read the white text

That was such a great note about white text And pink on pink backgrounds And I will take that on in future Just for next time mate Happy to take that thing back Slightly more contrasting colours I can read it It makes it more legible

It's just hard with the sunnies on But I know you got 2020 bro That's why you're so good at footy and golf I got context in right now While I love to have a laugh And drink beers with my friends And also with women I just want to prove that I'm not second

there. That is all your friends men? Oh sorry, I thought that was assumed. Right. That is only one.

No, but I love my mom and my girlfriend. Oh, great. That is only one aspect of my personality. Dash.

As you have probably realized in the time I've spent working with you, working as your producer, I will always give 100% to everything I do. I feel I have learned everything that I can learn as a producer, having now done it for a week. And I feel that I deserve

to be promoted to co-host now, because I know I am an asset to your team. Even before I worked for you, I gained a huge amount of experience while working at my dad's law firm. I am also good with money. At just 28, I already own an apartment as well as an investment property in rural Victoria, but I've never seen, but my dad says is nice. With just a small loan from the bank of mum and dad, ha ha. I was able to make smart financial decisions and am now looking to buy a third apartment in either Brisbane or Adelaide. Wow. I'm very professional. Great portfolio. Very nice. I like it. Thanks so much, Mark. I really appreciate your opinion. Is that because I give a lot of the scores? No, mate. It's because I've always been a huge fan of your work. Not just with

Tarnie Donner. I also love your live streaming and Wizards of Oz. And I've just, I've always been a huge fan of you. You're a great guy. So your opinion, your respect is something that I admire. I'm feeling all butted up. I'm getting butted up. They are, I don't mind it. Criteria two. How long did this take? Is it funny? For me, comedy is not just a job. It's a way of life. My favorite comedians growing up were Conan O'Brien and Tim and Eric. right okay all right this is just feeling a little too buttery now i have grown to love a much broader range of comedians such as mishwitchrup Michelle brazier demi demi debbie ladner of lee name i butter us up too much mate we'll slip through your fingers all right i will continue to learn more about comedy and would

love to pick your brains about more comedy content i should consume sort of jump in on that that feels like if you would look at the wiki of auntie donna and see like people related to auntie donna like this Lee who runs Grousehouse, Demi, Michelle, Avery, and Mish. And it's a very, you know, any interview, you'll know that you're a Conan boy and Okona man. I'm sorry, you're a man. And I'm a timoneric boy. No, you're a timoneric boy. And I'm a timonaric man.

And what are you, Tom? Brooklyn 9-9. Which, you know, look, it's less my style, but I really appreciate the writing. I think it's a great, easy thing to watch. I'd love to grab a beer with you, talk all things Brooklyn. Brooklyn 9. Yeah, for sure. For sure.

Yeah, but this is, can I ask Jack? Yeah, sure thing, champ. So the criteria two is not, is it funny?

Yeah. Are you funny? Yeah, absolutely. And what I'm trying to say there is, I'm a very hard worker. Yes. I've taken in a lot of great influences.

And I believe I will deliver on the comedy when you need me to. Right, great. because otherwise you'd be sick, we'd have to get a lot of... Thank you. But that's just a little example of a little joke there. That helps a lighten the mood, cut through the tension.

That's so clever, man. Nothing too funny, nothing trying to break anyone's brain, not trying to change the mould. Just lift things up a little. Best way to change the mould is to check if you're getting air through the area. Nice. Check the, if there's any dampness in the bedroom. Yes.

Thank you. Now, was that a joke to kind of blow? our brains or just something small just to kind of keep the energy, keep it bubbling. Yeah, love that, love that. That's some of the comedy I can contribute as well. I'd be happy to sort of take words and change them around a little bit like you do, Mark.

At any point, I want you to give that a go. Absolutely happy to, man. Because that's going to impress me. That's going to go far for your score. Far. Is he funny? Far for my score. What are we talking about a night out with the lads,

scoring chicks? But I wouldn't do that though because I respect women. I just want to say I respect women. Yes. But you've got a girlfriend. Yeah, I do. Absolutely. Yeah.

So. Something about this guy's not quite right. Either he doesn't have a girlfriend. Well, I mean, there's very few people I've met who have a girlfriend and just don't know their name. Like full stop. Is that, is that more common with like people that went to sort of like Catholic schools and stuff? No, just with people. people in general, when you start dating someone, I'd argue one of the first pieces of information

you exchange is your name. Yeah, okay, sure. In future, I'll endeavor to learn my girlfriend's names. I'm so sorry about that, man. How long you've been dating for? What's that? How long have you been dating for? How long have I been dating my girlfriend for since we were 19?

Yeah. On and off, you know, it hasn't been the easiest road. And you don't know her name. I will endeavor to make sure I have her name. name down by the next time we do this podcast. Okay. If there's the next time. If there's a next time, absolutely. Well, that's a reason to bring Jack back, finding out what his girlfriend's name is. Now, are you sure we can afford Jack Black as a guest? Uh, not bad. Sorry, guys, we've just got some technical issues on the filming. Um, and that is my role. It wouldn't be professional of me,

not to sort of say, hey, the camera on me isn't working right now. The storage was full. Is that one of those? Yeah, that's what I saw. Perhaps too many pornos on your phone, Tom. Oh. I thought I had still 125 gigabytes. Well, obviously not, cunt. Did we lose?

Was it doing that for a long time? Ah, just a few minutes. Oh, that's good. Because we don't want to miss this beautiful presentation. Yeah, absolutely. Are we good there, Lucy? And just a reminder, this is episode 500. This is a special 500.

This is a big episode. People have been looking forward to this for years. The life and trials of Jack Duane. Jack, hit us with your criteria three slide. Criteria three contributions to the community. I've been a member of a number of community groups for several years. Just two examples of the Yarra River Bodega and Rohing Society and the MCC. I have also donated thousands of dollars in tax-deductible donations to the TIL member of my seat.

Teal? Yeah, man. Not particularly popular, but while I am fiscally conservative, I am socially progressive like you guys. Wow. That's awesome, man. Yeah. That's awesome. That's, yeah.

So what do you contribute to the community by the Melbourne Cricket Club? That's the... Well, my dad signed me up when I was three. Yeah. And I will admit he did make a few phone calls. I got in a little quicker than the normal waiting time on my... 18th. And, but I'm always there.

I'm always there supporting the D's. As you know, bro, you're a demons fan. I love the D's. Yeah, I do Barrick for Collingwood, but love the D's, mate. Oh, wow. Right. Yeah, really, I respect them. And what's the rowing club thing?

Yes, I'll help in any way they need. I'm a big part of that. A couple of my mates are actually Olympic rowers, which is awesome. Wow. And I'll just help out in any way I can. He's answering all the questions very well, but there's something, trying to find the wrong word, cancerous about his presence. It feels like a lot of research has gone into how to answer the questions as opposed to, well, I'll answer the questions to the best of my ability and see if it, see if, see if who I am clicks with them as opposed to how can I make them feel like I am clicking with them.

Happy to click with you in other ways if you need them. See, there's always that. He's always happy. If something isn't quite working, there's never an apology. No, let me hit, yeah. Yeah, it's just, oh, well, you know, this in tit for tat, there's always this, I will work on this and we will figure this out. And that may, yeah, it's weird. It is cancerous.

It is cancerous. I think that's the right word. What's like a disease. Yeah, what's, cancer is a disease. Prove it. I actually. slept in my car. Yeah, exactly.

Could I just say I love audio producing and I love audio, the audio art form, initially radio, but, you know, I'm open to podcast so much. I actually moved to Sydney and slept in my car to be an audio producer. For how long? What's that? For how long? Overnight, for a night. Yeah.

The hotel wouldn't, didn't do 24 hour. So it's just a mistake on the booking. Yeah, right. All right. So criteria for, but that's how much I love audio producing. Wow. Professionally funny. I will always deliver on the goods.

Oh, sorry, misread that. I will always deliver on the goofs, gags and hilarity required. Having worked for you for a week now, I believe I have observed the processes and styles and can contribute positively to them. I also want to elevate them where I can with tools such as AI integration. I think we can make more jokes in a shorter amount of time using AI, allowing more time for family, footy and video games.

Well, those are the three pillars. Yeah, footy for Broden and video games for Mark. Because they're the three defining features. Oh, do you guys all appreciate

those things as well? That's a crazy coincidence. I'd love to have a beer with you sometime, pick your brains about them. Yeah. That's fucking disgusting. All right. Is there more?

Oh, well, first I have some questions about AI. Yeah, sure thing, man. It's a great tool. Have you been on chat GPT? Yes, yes, I have. But I don't use it to write jokes. And there was an illusion there to, it was alluding rather, to maybe having chat GPT write jokes for us.

Did I read into that correctly? Yeah, no, absolutely. I believe that maybe... Because I think that's a really good idea. Yeah, we could get chatch EPT to write us jokes, make us designs. There is technology now where we can make things move. I believe we can make full episodes of the podcast entirely AI.

Right. Oh, that's a great idea. Don't you reckon? Oh, yeah, absolutely. See, because I don't think that's a good idea as well. No. And why is that, Mark? Because then you're taking the heart and the soul out of what this is inherently human.

Okay. This half hour podcast. And I believe we just hit the half hour point. It's the, it's an encapsulation of humanity. Absolutely. And to... Humanity in its purest, primest form. Yeah.

Sure. So to put a robot in charge. Yeah. I think would fundamentally change what people enjoy about this. Okay. That is on the presumption that people enjoy this. Yeah. But I want you to stay firm in your belief that AI is a good idea.

You can either get with it or you can fucking be left behind, man. Wow. Right. That's AI. But couldn't we get with it in the sense of it could help us do some of the, you know, answering emails. Answering emails quicker. Answering emails quicker.

Some of the emails. Helping us on the back end. You've awoken something in Jack Dwayne. Helping us out on the back end rather than on the creativity. Maybe on the stuff that's a bit more. Maybe we can all go to the government, get a payout for it for that. What? Sorry, man.

Got a little tired there, a little distracted. He clicked into. A different energy that I haven't seen from you. Sorry about that, man. All right. So, in conclusion, that was terrifying. He's giving a bit Joe Kosky, isn't he? I don't know, Joe well enough to make that comment. Tom, very good friends with Joe. I think there's probably a few people listening right now that think it's about them. I just want to say this is not based on any one person.

Just you and everyone you went to school with. I think you need to be in at least two separate group chats with someone. to be able to make a comment like that. I'm not in any group chats with Joe. But I see, I know 100 people like this. Yeah? This is what they do to them. This is everyone that goes...

Anyway. Anyway, I know Vance Joy. I know Jacob Alorty. In conclusion, I have always aspired to work for a comedy... Hey, no, comedy's good. Comedy's funny. You did it. You did it by accident.

Funny. But that's the kind of thing. thing we're looking for. Sure thing. No, worries. Can you know why that was funny? Yes. I have always aspired to work for a company as innovative,

fresh and cutting edge as Auntie Donna, M-Dash. And with guys as cool, smart and bloody sexy as the Auntie Donna guys. Oh, funny. Buttering this up. It has been a dream come true for me to connect with you, learn from you,

and pick your brains while working for you over the last week. While I will have to look elsewhere for other opportunities, if I don't get this promotion, that I know I deserve. I do hope I can stay on and be a valuable member of your team. I love comedy as much as I love footy and video games. And I can't wait to take this podcast to the next level. Thanks, dudes.

I hope that this concise, fun, professional photo of the guy. It's you that I have the professional funny man you need. That was amazing. What's your favourite video game? Oh, so many, man. What's yours? I really like probably enter the gungeon as, probably my favorite. I've got to disagree with you there, man. I enjoyed playing it, but

that's not quite my style. What kind of game is it? All right, guys, that's my presentation. Obviously, I can help you out giving you the point system. We can come back next week if you want to do the point system next week. No, we can do it now. Yeah, we'll do it quick. I've come to my conclusion. Yeah, what are they? Are you sure? Yeah. Okay. What are they out of, Tom? I don't, I don't remember on my phone's using. Don't worry. I got that down for you guys. I got this down for you. No worries about that at all. Yeah, you just want to just blast through this?

Yeah. All right. I've got my mind. It's pretty made up. Okay. So professionalism out of 100. Brodent? 100.

We're 100? Incredibly professional. 100 for me. I'd have to give it 100 too. We haven't had anyone ever turn up on this podcast and give us a presentation ever before. It's true. And organise the tech in advance. Yeah.

Very well done. Is it funny out of five stars? Zero. Well, yeah, not is it funny. It's kind of like, are you funny? And have I proven to you my ability to be funny? No. Okay.

Yeah, I'm a zero on that too. I'm a zero star. The saying comedy and not embracing it to me. A big miss, big miss. I got to give it a five. I want Jack to co-host until he gets bored of doing the character. So I'm going to give it five stars from me. All right.

Contributions to the community. I think these guys know that I will never tire of anything. I'm like a perpetual motion machine. They are the full stop in everything I've ever done. Contributions to the community. Out of 22. That's a crazy number guys. 22 hugs.

22 hugs. I'm going to give 11 hugs. Yeah. Because he does more than I do. But they're all, I think, shit. Yeah. One of them is just a club he got into because his dad's rich and knows people. Oh, no.

My dad worked hard for that money, man. I'm sure he did, but you got into the... What did he do? He was the son of a builder, building manager, and he made his way up from the very bottom. He studied law. He went to St. Keves as well. His dad was on scholarship.

So my granddad was on scholarship to St. Keves, became a building manager. My dad went, because my granddad worked hard. Yeah. He went to St. Kevin's. He became a lawyer. He's the first lawyer in my family. And then he sent me to St. Kevin.

So he worked hard for me to be here today. Is he on the wait list 100 years or something? MCC? Yeah. Well, that's what I want to talk about. That's a proud and wonderful club with good people in it. So I just can't imagine that Jack, I'm a member. Jack is a good man.

I didn't know you remember, Broden. We should catch up next Saturday. I'd love that. In the Blazer Bar, it'd be great. Once a man told me in the MCG when I said, I was working on the dining room doors and I said, you can't come in without a blazer. He said, do you know who you're talking to?

so you're talking to the highest echelon of society. Wow. I would have said blazerless Blake. Am I talking to blazeless Blake? I'm not going to go. Get the fuck out of here. Blazeless Blake. Yeah, I'm going to give him three.

No. Out of 22. 16. Yeah, that's great. I'll give you 22. Did you feel threatened by him then? No, I just couldn't do the math real quick because I went to Vuebent College. Right.

Fair enough. Public, right? Yeah. Nice. All right, lastly, 22. 22. Are we actually deciding if this character comes back?

Yeah. Is there, oh, am I supposed to be voting in a certain way? Yeah. Tom's voting in a very particular way. And I think he sort of tipped the bridge. Professionally funny out of a thousand. Zero. Wow.

I've got to give him at least 50 just for the effort. So this is the end of the character then. No, see what Don gives you. I give it a thousand out of a thousand. Oh, wait. Yeah, that too. tips and we go over the edge. So you've gotten one perfect score on every metric and then a couple bumpy roads.

So yeah, I think we have to give it to him. Yep. I think. So what does this mean? It means from episodes 500 onwards. Jack Twain's the first. It's the Mark, Zach and Jack's show. Mark, Zach and Jack.

So I'm not on it. It's Zach. Sorry. Zach, Jack Twain and Mark and I've been removed from the podcast. You can still be on it. That's fine. No, you can still be on it. No.

No, Broden. It's just that they were all one-cellable words and also, as much as this is helping my neck. This is helping my neck. But my beard has become incredibly itchy Broden. Broden is retiring. And it's very distracting. It's the Broden, Jack and Mark. Broden Jack and Mark, bro.

Mark Jack and Broh show. Mark Jack and Brodin. No. Broden is out. Broden is out of the podcast. Jack Dwayne has taken his and Broden's place. Tom, I'd love for you to stick around. Maybe you can take Brodyn's place for me.

Why did he take his shoe? I issue something. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. It's wrestling. That's what they do in wrestling. Yeah, I didn't see him put him on the table. I just thought he took his shoes off and fucked off. It's good he's put him on the table.

All right, well, that was episode 500. I don't think Brodon's gone. I just misspoke a little. We didn't judge him on the professionally funny merits. So that is the end. That is the end of this week's episode. That is the end of this week's episode of the Auntie Donna podcast, the 500 episode.

But everything is changing from next week. Next week. Not everything. Join the three new hosts of the Auntie Donna podcast. We've got to keep the set and everything. Mark Bonano, he's the Murray Wiggle of the group. Thank you. Jack Duane, he's that hot guy that dances.

And Tom Armstrong, he's the daughter of the wiggle. As we bring you, episode 501 of the new Auntie Donna podcast. We're talking finance. What? We're talking. We're talking crypto. We're talking economics. We are talking about the bright new future of Australia.

Next week on the Auntie Donna podcast. You've been listening to the Auntie Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another Ripper episode brought to you by Auntie Donner Club.com. See you next week. Welcome to the future.