Aunty Donna Podcast - The Morning After The Aunty Donna Awards Show (Nonverbal Episode)

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Plus a big box of hands.  LINKS  Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig   Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/   CREDITS  Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno  Producer: Lindsey Green Digital Producers: Nick Barrett, Jim Cruse & Tanya Zerek Audio Imager: Mitch Calladine  Supervising Producer: Elise Cooper   Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh   Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A listener production. Well, well, well, we are recovering from a huge night after the annual Aunty Donna Awards. And we are wrapping it all up right here, right now, with a special little visit from a special guest that we didn't invite and just turns up but it's a lot of fun and if you want to see any of this head over to theauntiedonaclub.com it's powered by patreon and you get a lot more bonus content it's a lot of fun

and you can see the award ceremony too. Okay, bye. Hello and welcome to the Aunty Donna podcast, a podcast where we talk all things Aunty Donna. And I think it's a very exciting week here for the Aunty Donna podcast for fans of Aunty Donna like we are because we are talking about the Night of Nights, the Night of Nights, the second annual Aunty Donna Awards. Now you may have seen some clips of that online or perhaps if you're a member of the Aunty Donna Club powered by Patreon you watched the live feed. Mmm. God, what a night.

What a night. This is the roundup talking about it. We've obviously been following it for months. Yeah and I'm still a little hungover from the after party. Let me tell you that much right now. Had a few too many champagnes and Heineken's. We did a lot of cocaine in the bathroom. The press gallery, the press gallery.

With one of the interns. The press gallery, the beer's, wine's food was flowing. Oh it really was. It really was. What are you laughing at? really was. What are you laughing at? Now I don't know when this is coming out but we are of course recording this the morning after. And we are a little bit sad and sorry for ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And feeling for, uh, feeling for the losers, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, um, congratulating the winners because it is, yeah. Um, just say words.

I know we got a, I know we got a memo from up high to try and bring a bit more like engagement. This is a lot. This is a lot. Yeah, the occasional chuckle. Just engage. Just be yourself. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I don't know how to. I mean, it's a lot. I'm trying to write this in, but I can't. It's really up to him in the end. Oh, okay. Okay.

Anyway, it was a big night. It was a big night. A few surprises. A lot of rewards went the way we predicted. Yeah, I bet heavily. I bet heavily on some of those. Sorry, I'm going to have to stop you there. That is a big thing, losing money, but this guy is being like a cunt. Yeah, I don't like, it's just not the lack of engagement and just the sounds,

especially the way the sounds aren't quite connected to what we're. So he was talking about losing money, right? So if you had gone, Oh, you know, something like, yeah, it would have been better, but you weren't doing that. You weren't doing that. You're just kind of laughing. It's sort of a general, And now this is like a... What's this?

Yeah, awkward for you? Are you doing this because you're embarrassed? Because we've called you out and you're bullshit? Because it's really... it's a cunty thing to do. It's a cun move. Well, that's like a revelation. Like... I can't read this guy. I don't know what to do with it.

But I'll tell you what, it's a baller move. And this is why, this is why Broden Kelly won the awards that he won. Is this Broden, is this the same Broden Kelly that won the awards? It is. And I, I've, I mean, maybe we should talk about the shock of the night. The big shock of the night was of course Broden Kelly winning best Zachary Rowane. I didn't see, I didn't see that coming. No, that was a big shock.

Um, I think, I think Zach really thought he had that in the bag. Well, yeah, yeah. I think a lot of like, uh, on Ladbrokes, it was going, uh, it was 20, 20 to one. 20 to one that it was going to go to. I'm sorry, man. I'm so sorry, but this is fucking annoying. It's annoying now. It's not even like I don't know what to do with it. You know. And you're refusing to like. It feels like you're fully. And I see these

moments where you go maybe I should drop it but I feel like you're trapped in this. It's just this is like. You don't know, you don't know. Is it just, could you bring another lion to it? Could you just... Or just stop it completely and just change? Cause it's just, it's pretty rough. Wait, now I'm starting to blame myself, cause I'm the one who sort of pointed it out. Yeah. It's not before, before it was a thing.

And then I think it became a thing. Okay, he's getting sassy now. Yeah, I like that. The sassy's good. Just a bit of colour. Bit of fun. Um, I don't know. Just, you're looking at it, it's like, I don't know what to do. You just drop it, you just drop it.

Yeah, that's all you do, you just it You just go hey guys, how you going? Awards wrap up It's not a hard thing to do But you're hesitant I get it I get it because you've committed to a bit now and you're locked in you're locked in You're talking to the king committing to the bit. I just but wait to speaking of Kings Let's talk about the opening there was the opening of the about the opening. The King of Sting himself showed up to introduce the awards. He said before the night that he would not be playing to the gallery, he would not be playing to the audience, he said he'd be playing for those folks back home and boy did he.

He really brought those Auntie Donna's down a keg. It's fucking near impossible to just engage with Zach and have a conversation with him. While you're in the background just making fucking noise. Don't cry, don't cry and get upset. I'm just saying it's difficult to focus. So if you're going to do it, that's fine. But let us talk.

Do it at the bits, at the bits where one would react. See, like that, fine. There you go, there you go that one, but don't do it over us All right, and try to match the energy we're putting in Okay, yeah Sorry, what were we talking about? We were talking about the King of Sting Broden Kelly, right? Yeah. good. See that's good. Yeah. Yeah. He made me laugh. Yeah. I know in the press gallery we were laughing our socks off. I was a little bit worried you know. I think we saw a few of the Aunty Donna members getting a little

bit upset but he said he was going to do it. He did. He did. And when Aunty Donna hired him I think they knew what they were getting. Yeah. And really funny stuff. And I didn't, it was hard for me to... Sorry. Sorry. you can do a little bit of engage. Like you're not doing anything now. Yeah, you're not doing anything. Well now it just feels like it's a two-man show and you were there, you were at the award ceremony. I see, I think it's making me uneasy as well. That's the other problem. There's something about these sounds. Um, could you, could we play with them?

Could you make them a little higher? Yeah, that's better. Try that. Yeah, a little bit sexy. Ooh, like, ooh, yeah. Yeah, maybe just be the, maybe, maybe we can make this a bit more of a hype man situation. You! Yeah.

Or, you! I just remember the voice you were doing. You! Yeah. Yeah. You! Okay. That's, um...

Uh, I was kinda, I think it was working with the sexy voice. Did I fuck it? Did I fuck it up trying to steer it away from there? I really don't know what to do with this. Look, I had a fun night. You! Yeah. I had a fun night. Yeah. I had a fun night and um. Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

It just sounds like he's on a roller coaster now. Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo Or someone that doesn't like thrill rides and is just on the teacups. Oh yeah, that's a very teacup sounds. Can we talk about that in memoriam? That beautiful in memoriam remembering all the characters that have died in the last seven years since the first and Zachary Ruane's beautiful performance of Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. It was stunning. It was stunning. It made me laugh. But in a way that made me cry.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like if I say I cried, it's weird for you to make a... Because then it's like... Where it's just like, what is the angle? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, all right. I think let's, let's, let's clean slate.

Clean slate. Right? Yeah. I mean, I'm, uh. What? Right. Yeah. I mean, I'm, uh, what? All right. So, um, when I say, I just want to clean slate. What are you doing now? So you're just doing, you're doing sounds now too. I gotta, I gotta steer this ship on my own. I gotta do the whole recap on my own.

Just the, if I start doing it, which is the, you know, that's what I want to do so that I just not talk for a little bit. Cause I don't want to scare you. But if I start doing it, this becomes unlistenable and I have a prediction that we're not even 15 minutes in. Because I haven't heard, we got some Tim Allen now. We're at 10 minutes and two members have gone non-verbal on a recap show. And you were doing great, Zach.

Uh-huh. You were really helping me out. It was you and me against him. Mm-mm. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. All right, I'm just just gonna go through the show We had the opening monologue I can't go through the whole show because otherwise the whole point is to go and I don't know I'm stuck. I'm stuck

Do you need a hand? Oh He's here. Yeah, Do you need a hand? Oh. Oh. He's here. Yeah, you'll need a hand. Huh? Thank god you're here. Because I've got a whole box of hands. The mortician has arrived. I've got a whole box of hands.

Yes. Oh. Well, as you know. I've got the hands of a man from America. You can't be stealing those hands. I've got the hands of a man from Africa. I've got the hands of a man from China. Oh.

I've got the hands of a man from England. Oh. And I've got one hand of an Irish man. Oh. A big box of hands. Oh. Leathery and hard. But the hands can be yours.

For a simple fee. And, if you answer my riddle, Oh! This box of hands has many hands. But can you lend me what? To help with the hands.

To help with the hands. To help with the hands. Has many a hand. But can you lend me what? Oh. To help with the hands. What? What? If you answer this riddle. Palm? No, no.

Hands. Can you lend me a? Hand? Yes. The answer to the hand. Oh. Congratulations. Thank you.

And now $5,000 for one hand or $7,000 for a pair. I'll get a pair. You get a pair for $7,000. It has to be a pair. You can't put two together. If you put two together, it's the cost of a single hand. Oh. What do you want?

What does he mean by that? So if you want two hands, one from a different person, say you want two left hands or you want the hands of a man from India and one hand from a man from India and one hand from a from an Inuit man from Canada. If you want each of those hands, you have to pay the single hand fee for both. The two hands is five thousand. No, so it's ten thousand. The two hand deal only applies if you get to a pair of hands. I would only want a pair of hands. Where do you want the hands from?

The box. Yeah, but what man? The hands of what man? The hands of what man? Well, I don't know why. I've traveled all around collecting hands, making friends with morticians all across the globe. They'll give me a hand. Just if you wonder if there's ever a closed casket funeral, perhaps I've got that man's hands. Give me the hands of a famous man. The hands of a famous man? Well, I have three.

The hands of a singer, the hands of an actor, and the hands of a poet. Tee hee hee. Oh, well, all right. I'm going to pick the hands of the singer. The hands of a singer that did strum the guitar, but only for songwriting for when he was on the stage, he danced. Who is it?

I don't know. You don't know? You know, the story of the man's hands, but you don't know whose hands the man's hands belong to. Every hand tells a tale. But I don't know his name, no. I mean, I can pull it up on the system. Could you? Yeah, I can check. It's going to take a little while. I would love to get some sort of like, when I bought my cat it came with like a certificate of pedigree.

Yeah, you get a certificate, but if you want the guy's name and stuff, I have to pull it up on the system and I technically shouldn't be telling you. I stole this man's hands, you understand? You understand? These hands. I stole from the man you stole the man's hands so it was a closed casket funeral and I paid the mortician anywhere between one and three thousand dollars all right so quite a high markup

not really I mean most retail it's two-thirds up so actually I'm only charging about it what's's this cunt doing? He's been doing this all day and I don't understand it. It's a choice. They're the heads of Royal Albison. Oh, is he dead? Oh, yeah. For a while. I thought I saw him yesterday. How do you wish to pay? Can I pay in bones? No, cash. Cash or credit, or like card.

Check? No, I don't accept check. Why not? Well, I used to, but I mean, no, I've got like, I've spent $100 on one of these little- All I've got are these dollar-mint checks. I spent $100 on one of these little, you know, square things you know this little yeah, so I can take card now I can't I can't be taking that I don't have my wallet on me

You know your wallet on you, but you have checks Yes What's this what are you doing? Hello Just say use your phone hmm can I use your phone as he become mute I don't know what he's doing man I'm not I'm not engaging I don't have no I can't use my phone the battery you don't want the hands I know I want the hands well I can't I mean you gotta have cash can I do you a favor no come on you're fun. Can I do you a favour? No.

Come on, you're a whimsical dude. You got a box of hands, this cunt's not saying anything. Mmm hmm. Anything is possible. I don't know what this cunt not saying anything has anything to do with me. Just the absurd nature of where we find ourselves today. I am a whimsical man with a box of hands, sure. But I got rent to pay, I got mouths to feed how many mouths how many mouths do you have to feed? I've got four mouths and I charge three thousand a piece.

Right. Huh? What the fuck is this guy doing? It's just charades now so he's trying to communicate. You can't do that you either you either you're at the fucking table like a big boy. Huh? No, no. We use words here. Speak. No, I'm not going to indulge this childish behaviour. You want to be a little cunt? That's fine. It's funny.

It's funny. You're getting laughs. But you're not going to be able to play charades with us. Your mouth. Oh. Don't, don't engage. Unless you have money, would you be prepared to buy a mouth? Mm-hmm.

But you have mouths. Yes, I have a box of mouths. That's what I just said. I thought you meant you had like four mouths on you. I thought it was alluding to you being a pimp. To be honest. You thought I was being a pimp? I thought you were- Mouths to feed. But then you said- You didn't think that was like a wife and kids? You thought I was being a pimp? Mouths to feed. But then you said like...

You didn't think that was like a wife and kids? You thought I was a pimp? But then you were like, I have four mouths. What the fuck is your problem? I don't know you're a whimsical character! You're stealing hands! From dead people? I mean you can do whatever you want with the mouth once I sell it to you, but I don't want to fucking know. But when you're selling the mouth does it come with any of the head or is it essentially just selling lips? I sell the full mouth. What does that mean?

You get the lips, you get the teeth, you get the tongue, you get the full mouth. Asophagus? No, we stop at about the tonsil. So you get the tonsils. Yeah, and I, but then how's it? I've put some wire through it to keep it shape I'm not selling it to you though. Why? I'm not gonna fuck it

That's fucked up man. I'm not gonna fuck it. That's really truly fucked up, bro. Is it self lubricating? Nah fuck you You can have a mouth. Tell me if your fucking mouth is self lubricating I'm not giving you a dead person's mouth to fuck, man. That's fucked up. I don't wanna fuck it. I wanna know if it's wet so I can keep sponges in there. Ha ha ha ha ha. If it's wet, obviously I'm not gonna keep my sponges in there. I'm looking for a vessel to hold my sponges. It's why I came here today I got a leathery mouth sack

I got a leathery. What do you like you think that's yum? You want to buy it? Yep Which mouth do you want? Mm-hmm that one if it's leathery He's put it on himself. He's fucking it. He's fucking it. That's really gross. Which I never would have done. This is an R rated podcast. I never would have done. If you had just been honest with me and said that I'm leathery. You don't have any cash, dude!

I lied. You don't have any fucking cash! I lied. Where's your fucking cash? Show me the cash, I'll fucking give you whatever the fuck you want. I have cash. are you alright? Well howdy there. Oh. This mouth must be from Ternel Sy.

Oh he didn't have a mouth this whole time. The character. He needed a mouth, he bought the mouth from me. I feel awful. Well. I feel awful. There ain't no fussin' and feudin' bout it. Broden, we're so sorry, man. Shit!

I should probably keep a bit of the character, hey. What, the, uh... Ooh, a bit of that. Nah, I'm droppin' it. Yeah, you don't have to. I'm still in character. I know, I know. I'm still the mouth guy.

Yeah, you're the mouth hand guy. I'm so sorry, Broden. I thought you were being a cunt. I didn't realize you didn't have a mouth. Ain't no problem with it. Do you want another mouth? Do you want a different mouth? Yeah. Do you need some water?

Yeah. What's your preference for mouth? Is this separate from the mouth thing? Yeah. Is it just from making sounds? It's just been a mung, it's hard. You're struggling. Broden, you gotta be a fluff on your head.

You get it? New hoodie? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, new hoodie. Yeah, that's probably about right. With the dribbin' and the rummin'. New hoodie, fresh haircut. I understand. Let's try some different males for me. Um. What mouths do you want? Huh, that one looks mighty fine. Okay, there you go. But they're not wet. Give me your other mouth back. Thanks

This mouth on what's this meal? More names, Peter The meals well, yeah, there's a good mouth. Well, um when I'm speaking To you am I speaking to the mouth? He's speaking to Broden, but my mouth has a personality too Am I speaking to the mouth? He's speaking to Broden. But my mouth has a personality too, but I take it on. Yeah, right My name's Broden now. Right. Is there a conflict in your mind? Between the character of the mouth and the character of Broden? Initially there was but now there's symbiosis. That was quick Yeah, that happened quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why, that's my mouth symbiosis in less than 30 seconds guaranteed. This is without question the most fucked episode we've ever done. I don't know man.

I don't know about the awards man. I'm the guy that sells the box of hair. He's coming fresh. With a box of dead man's hair. I'm the meath Peter's mouth. Give him a different mouth. This one is just a regular 33 year old dude from Melbourne. Bloody dictator Dan coming in here.

Shut my damn door. But don't worry, symbiosis will occur in 30 seconds. Wow, it's me again Broden. And that fucking dictator Dan, I tell you. Wow, okay. I love him. Wow. Really complex.

You want to buy some hands, Broden? What kind of hands we got here? I got the hands of a Russian man. I got the hands of a Ukrainian man. I got the hands of a... Actually, I do have both hands, but I've got the hands of a Mongolian man. Oh no. I've got the hands of a man from Japan.

Oh! It's happened again. I don't know. I've got the hands. I'm fine. I'm just really cheating. I got the hands of a Dutch man. Yeah, I'll have them.

The Dutch man? Yeah, just one Dutch. You know, that's going to be just one? Yeah, one Dutch. You want to pay first? Yeah. Beep, beep. There you go, man.

Oh wait, let me put in a box for you. Thank you. It's for a friend for their birthday. Gift wrap? Yeah, is there a gift wrap? So you fill while I gift wrap. Talk about the awards. Oh yeah, that's right. I still remember about the rewards.

Some people don't remember. Do you want a little... Some people wouldn't hear. Ribbon? Ribbon? What colour? Which favourite colour, Mike? Green. Grung green, please.

Dark... forest... I don't... it doesn't matter. I'm just gonna make it curly. Yeah, nice. That's such an annoying sound. The awards... I don't it doesn't matter. I'm just gonna make it curly Yeah, no, that's such an annoying sound yeah, yeah wards doing a little note. Do you want me to fill? Yeah Are you gonna like me to say in it? I don't care. You want it? I I I I okay AI artificial intelligence Join the it's starring. Do you want to hold the script? Hailey Joel Osmond.

Hailey Joel Osmond and Jude Law. Yeah, directed by Steven Spielberg. Directed by Steven Spielberg from an idea by Stanley Kubrick. Thank you. Thank you. There you go. Mark. Yes. Remember before when you were desperate for a hand but you didn't have any money? Yeah.

Well, I've got a gift for you. What? Are you upset? No, this is beautiful. Oh. It is the hand of a Dutchman, and it's wrapped in your favourite ribbon. Grungreen. Grungreen? There you go.

Thank you so much. Wow. Can I unwrap it? Please. Well, I'll read the card. Sorry to ruin the surprise. No, no, no, it's alright, I'll read the card. I mean, you saw him buy and stuff.

AI. Artificial intelligence. Starring Hayley Joel Osmond and Jude Law. Directed by Steven Spielberg based on an idea of by Stanley Kubrick. And that is so beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. I hope you enjoy the gift. I can't wait to see what it is. Of the hand of a Dutchman. Well don't spoil it. Sorry. It's leathery. I can't be too much... Why all of your stuff is leathery? It's the only way it'll keep. If you turn it into leather? Yeah I've got a whole process. It's not patented. I was gonna

say it's patented. It's not. Do you soak it in lye? No, I just hang it up to dry. Like a salami. He doesn't lie, he hangs it to dry. Oh the hands? That ain't no lie. When I take a man's hands I don't cover it in lye, I just hang it up to dry. Like a salami? He doesn't lie, he hangs it to dry. Oh the hands? That ain't no lie. When I take a man's hands I don't cover it in lie, I just hang it up to dry. I'm a man with the hands. Like a salami, how sly. That's the truth, no lie. Anyway. Open it up, open it up. Um. Open it up. I'll open it later. No, open it now. Open that fucking hand box. I'll open it later. Please open it now. Open that fucking box and take out that fucking hand. Is it in a box? fucking hand box. I'll open it later. Please open it now. Open that fucking box and take out that fucking hand. Is it in a box? Yeah.

Are you ribbon wrapped it? See that curling of the ribbon? Yeah, it's beautifully wrapped. I'm gonna take my time unwrapping it. I don't want to tear the paper. Because I want to save it. One of those ones. I can give you the fucking, I've got a wholerapping it. I don't want to tear the paper. Oh, yeah, because I want to save it Yeah, one of those ones I can give you the fucking I've got a whole roll of it It's not that I can't afford it. I'll give you it's that I don't like the waste give you the roll of fucking paper

Man, if you just open it quickly, I don't want the roll of paper I want this paper because I'll keep the box as well. You really wanted to give this guy a five thousand dollar dead man's hand I saw someone in need of a hand, a Dutch man's hand. You didn't need a hand, no one needs a hand. We all need hands, now and then. Oh, no, everyone, I mean, it helps a lot. But you can get by with it. But you don't need the hand of a dead man

in a little paper box, is what I mean. No, I agree with that. Especially if it's not the talk to me hand. The talk to me hand? That's a scary hand. You do not need that hand. The talk to me hand? That's a scary hand. You do not need that hand. The Talk To Me Hand? Oh, I didn't see that film.

Oh man, watch it. It's great. Open that fucking box and take that. But I'm biased because I love movies about hands. Yeah, you love hands. So for me, I was like, this is going to be good for business. I thought, I, uh, I messaged the Rukka Rukka boys and I said, you should have called it talk to the hand Okay, because that's funny in the sense that you know how people go they leave you on read

Pardon they leave you on read Leave me on read. They leave you on read. Did they see the message and not reply? Yeah, they know they do brothers who direct they go back to me. What'd they say? They're like fuck Oh, I guess they're like that. I didn't know you knew Rukka Rukka. I mean, we met them once. I know all of them. At a VidCon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you know them well enough to send them a DM recommending different titles? I commented on one of their Sundance video when they took it to Sundance. And I was like, should have called it Talk to the Hand. OK. Because of, you know how people used to say, talk to the hand. Yeah, I... Because the face don't want to listen. Oh, please open the hand. Okay. Because of, you know how people used to say, talk to the hand. Yeah. I, I, I, oh, please open the box. And the sequel. I just spent $5,000.

Because they've called the sequel talk to me with the number. I put a little spring under the hand. And I was like, if you'd called the first one, talk to the hand, you could have called the sequel because the face don't want to hear it. Because, isn't it? Because the face, because. Talk to the hand because the face don't want to hear it. Isn't it? Talk to the hand because the face don't want to hear it. No, isn't it like, ain't listening? Look who's talking. Look who's talking to. Look to who they are talking to.

Talk to the hand because the face don't want to hear it. Mark. I'm pretty sure that's the same. See, I'm really upset you haven't opened the box yet. I opened it. I put a little spring under the hand so that it would jump out at you. Oh, you did? Give you a little fright. I was lying about having opened it.

Can you just open it, please? All right. I've opened it. Oh my goodness. Did it give you a little fright? It did. That's free. That's free.

I didn't know he was doing that. I didn't want to spook and frighten you. You don't want to? No, that's fine. What's wrong? You guys gonna buy anymore heads? This is supposed to be the award ceremony recap. Yeah, but we did we have We did recap it in some way. I don't remember that. Well, you've been a cunt at the time.

Yeah, it was when you were being a jerk at the top and then the hands man came in and the man that sells the hands didn't derail the podcast. Are you blaming me now? No, I said you didn't derail it because what are you supposed to do when a man... So I've got a meeting with Maya at... What's the me now? No, I said you didn't derail it because what are you supposed to do when you're mad? So I've got a meeting with Maya at, what's the time now? Mike? Maya in the city. When you say Maya in the city do you mean the department store?

Or do you mean Maya in Just Shoot Me who lives in the city and works in the city? No, I'm not talking about the character Maya from Just Shoot Me. I thought you meant Mike Myers. I have been trying to get in with Maya at the department store for over four years. Sounds like you need a hand. Not the Canadian. I don't need a hand. And you know what? I got a box full of hands. And I've got a hand. I need to know. Yeah, you've got a, he's got a hand. If you guys are going to buy any more hands. What's your company called? Otherwise, I want to get. What's got a hand. If you guys are going to buy any more hands, otherwise, I want to get... What's your company called?

I don't... It's just some... It's just like a fucking ABN. It's all me. You should be called Nita Hand. Oh, that's good. I think it's just my name and like PTY. It's literally just an ABN. It's me. It's me.

I walk around with a buff. Yeah, but what branding is that? What? What branding is that? What? What branding is that? I mean... Do you remember home ice cream? Uh, no.

You don't remember home ice cream? You remember home ice cream? I remember eating ice cream at home, yes. No home ice cream. What's home ice cream? It was a truck that would go around and sell you a, um, home ice cream. We didn't get that where I came from. Oh, it was fucking awesome. That wouldn't have gone there as well. The land of no hands is where I came from. I was fucking awesome. That wouldn't have gone damn well.

The land of no hands is where I'm from. You didn't get home ice cream? You're from the land of no hands. We couldn't hold a cone. Yeah, I'm from the land of... Why do you think I love hands so much? Oh, because... You think these hands right now are my hands?

No, I assumed they weren't. These are the hands of a dead man. So you're putting on hands that aren't your hands. Yeah, like you did with the mouth Yeah, are you eating hams with those hands? Am I eating hams with those hands? No, I'm a vegetarian When you deal with the meat of hands as much as I do it puts you off and mouths The mouths are more of like a... It's a side hustle. Yeah, they're like, you know how the haute couture brands also do like, they'll do a Gucci t-shirt. That's what the mouths are to me. Yeah. I'm not

passionate about mouths. It reminds me of the Devil Wears Prada. She was an awful boss but wonderful with fashion. Yeah, what about that? Or fashion. So my question is are you going to buy any more hands or can I make sure I'm nice and early to this Maya meeting? It's the role she's most commonly remembered for I would say. They've offered to put me near the Brunetti. Right. Yeah there's a little Brunetti in Maya. know the Brunettian Mayas, yes. In the menswear department. I think, no, no, I think, I don't know what it is. If I was to hazard a guess, I would say level two.

Level two or three. Of Maya. They're just gonna do like a glass case of hands, I guess. Right. Well. Decor, I think, is where they're gonna put it. Right. That's always been the problem. You gotta think of a snappy name for your, uh... The man with the hands! How about Talk to the Hand?

Ah, you and your talk to the hand... Thank you for calling the Maya Stores line. Please say the location for the Maya store you want. Aw, what are you doing? Where's the Maya? Ah, Brunetti. Don't fuck this up for me. I don't think he's actually speaking to Maya.

Maya Hobart. No! No, no, no... I don't think he's actually speaking to Mya. Mya Hobart. No, no, no, no. What is the departmental products category that you asked us? Just go with it, go with it, go with it. For example, which of these departments would you like?

Hello? Which of these departments would you like? Just go for it. Mya Brunetti. Just go for it. Brunetti. Brunettis. I didn't get that.

Please say one of these. Hands are saying hands. Accessories, beauty, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's

wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's

wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's wear, children's If you do not reach for this to occur, please let one of our friendly team members know. Transferring you now. Thank you. Hopefully this uh... Ask about the brunettes? Yeah. Ask about the hands. I will, don't worry. Maybe take it off loudspeaker and just take the call.

So that... What's that? Just so it's not someone being on a podcast that they... Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. Maybe just... maybe just... yeah. How do I do... Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe just, maybe just, yeah. How do I do it? Oh yeah. Hi, I'm the man with the hands. I'm the man with the hands. Where's the brunetti?

I'm the man with the hands. Where's the brunetti? Hamish say Hamish. I didn't I didn't um, I didn't put my phone Hmm I don't think you can get in trouble for ringing up my own Think you can get in trouble for that I don't I don't I really don't think you can and the I don't think you can get in trouble for that. I don't, I don't, I really don't think you can. And the amount of trouble that you can get in for that I think is minimal. So I wouldn't be worried. I definitely wouldn't be worried if I was you, Zach. I'd be a little worried if I was you because it was your phone, but not to the extent that I can see in your eyes. I didn't say anything about like dead hands or hands in a box. I just said I'm the man with the hands.

Which is most people. To be fair, he is. And then I said where's the brunetti? Which is a fair question because there is one in Maya. So we've done nothing illegal. And nothing wrong. I'm a man with hands. I wanted to know where the brunetti is.

She was pissed. There is nothing wrong with that. I think I'm gonna go to jail I'm not gonna go to jail bro. I don't wanna go to jail. And if you do the bail will be small and Haven't you know what productions will cover it? But then like what about my court trial? You won't have to go to court man. We'll settle out of court. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just Should we call back and apologize? No, I don't think that's... There have been no repercussions thus far.

Alright? So I can't imagine that there will be any from here on. If they haven't called back immediately, if that was me and I was looking to get the person that called me in trouble, I'd call back immediately. I'd say, what do you mean you're the man with the hands? And I demand to know who I was speaking to. Cause everyone has hands. Now what you should have-

Well, not everyone, but most people have hands. There's nothing wrong with being a man with hands. Yeah, she doesn't know- It's like 50% of the population just under. They didn't know they were in a box. What? She doesn't know that they were in a box. She doesn't know I was talking about a box of dead man's hands. Now if I said hi I've got a box of dead man's hands.

Where's the Brunettes? That's a little bit scary. I'm just a man with the hands. Most men have hands. I think you played it cool. I think you played it cool. I think you played it cool. I hope so. I just hope. Oh.

That was your phone. Unless she's gotten your number. Oh, I miss she's gotten your number. And they've used AI to find out your number. Nah, it's just my personal trainer. Just trying to make sure I don't hurt my neck next, if we have a tour again. Yeah, cool. Well, I'm pretty scared.

Yeah, if you're scared that makes it worse for me because you were making me feel better. Was I? Yeah. That was not my intention. Remember what you said, that stuff like all you said was where are the hands, where's the brunetti? That wasn't my intention. I was trying to caution you and say that you should be wary.

Oh God. Oh God. Who is the man with the hands? Is that a weird thing? Yeah. Why is it weird? You're a man with hands. You sell hands.

We all need to calm down. We all need to calm down. I never said I sold hands. The most important thing- If I'm going to jail I am bringing you down with me, both of you. The most important thing is that I can't be incriminated at all in this because I had nothing to do with it. It was your phone, you spoke the words that frightened the woman.

I didn't frighten the woman! What she said was, who is this? And if anything, I said pretend to be Hamish, if you had said this is Hamish from Hamish and Andy like I fucking said. I didn't said this is Hamish from Hamish and Andy, like I fucking said. I didn't know you meant Hamish from Hamish and Andy. What other Hamish is there that does prank phone calls in Australia?

I thought you meant Hamish from ABC and the Project. That Hamish? That wet blanket? He would never make a call like that. What do you do first thing you do when you get to Brunetti after you've paid for your drink? What do you do? They call your name, what do you do? Buy a cannoli. No, you bought your cannoli, you bought the drink, what's the first thing you do after you- they call out your name. Get a table.

Cause your drink is ready. Get a table. No, they call out your name, you've got a takeaway drink, the first thing you do- Check the ticket, check the ticket, make sure it's your drink. Yeah, yeah, check the ticket, it is your drink, and then what do yeah, check the ticket. Say thank you. And then what do you do? Drink it. What do you do before that? Check if it's hot. But how do you check if it's hot? What do you do? Ring someone. No. Ask. You're at Brunetti, what's the first thing you do after they call your name, you've checked your ticket. Look at the cakes in the window.

No, you've already ordered a cannoli. What do you do? The drink is there. Find your wallet. Find your wallet. You've already paid. The drink is right there. Pick it up! But make sure- PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP! YES! YES!

Fuck! What do you- What do you- FUCK! What do you pick it up with? Hands! HANDS! She needed to know...

that I had hands in order to pick up... You're right. ...the coffee... You're right....and that's all- She's gonna be a little confused and then she's gonna go, that I had hands in order to pick up the coffee and that's all, she's gonna be a little confused and then she's gonna go oh he was asking about brunetti, which I'm sure the Melbourne store has a brunetti and that does, that holds up in court, I'm fine for that but it's the prosecution and the trial and my name being dragged through the mud that I'm most concerned about here's the thing, we've got it all on camera so she doesn't have a fucking leg to stand on.

That's right. We've got it recorded. She doesn't have a fucking leg to stand on. So good luck to her in the courts. And see you in court. Yeah. See you in court. I'd like to see you try to sew a...

Oh I dropped my hair tie. Get your hair tie because you should put that around your wrist. Now this has been the Donner Awards recap. If you want to watch the full video of the live stream, head to www.auntiedonnerclub.com, which is the Aunty Donna Patreon. I'll just go to Patreon, search Aunty Donna. The Aunty Donna Club powered by Patreon, where each month we make a piece of bonus content. But if you're not in a place to afford that, that's okay. We also love making sketches.

We've got that weekly podcast for you. So we're making lots of great content for you. And I think now's the time to announce we're gonna be doing a travel show on Channel 7. Yes, we are. Now, have I talked to the guys about this? No. Have we pitched it to Channel 7?

No. Has Channel 7 said, yes, we'll do your travel show? No. Have we got a manager for this travel show? Manifesting it, though. No. But what has happened now is I've manifested it. We are recording this podcast about two weeks before it will come out.

So I am hopeful that by the time you hear this, we will have a Channel 7 travel show. Oh I said Just around Victoria nothing fancy. I said yes we are so I'm worried Have what jail how do I fit into this? Yeah, I don't know man By the way, bro, I'm not gonna I'm gonna distance myself from you now Why because that man with the hands thing that you did. You started it.

Yeah, because you did it. I started what element of that? You did, you called. If he committed murder, you committed manslaughter. No, that's not how it works. If you commit... One man can commit a murder and another can commit a manslaughter? If I committed murder, he's an accessory to the crime.

Oh, accessorizing. And that's where you go to get accessories? Maya Hobart. At the brunetties. Well, they don't have a brunetti and that's why she was confused, not the man with the hand. Of course. Oh, it was a misunderstanding.

It was a misunderstanding. We can't get in trouble for a misunderstanding. She was just confused. We can't. She was just... They don't have a brunetti of Maya Hobart. Yeah, that's what happened. We're not in trouble. We're not in trouble for a misunderstanding. She was just confused. We can't, she was just, they don't have a brunetti of my own. Yeah, that's what happened. That's, we're not in trouble.

We're not in trouble. We're not in trouble. We're not in trouble. That's what happened. When you think about it, when she went, who is this? Quite aggressively. What she was saying is, we don't have a brunetti's. Why would you ask that?

And they'd be furious about that too, because brunetti's is would you ask that and if they'd be furious about that too because Brunetti's is a Fucking wonderful establishment coffee cannoli cake in a tin. Okay cake in a glass cake in a cake in the glass I'm sure they do cake in a tin. In wartime, maybe Wait, you aren't patriotic No, I support the boys. I support the boys. I like the Anzac in the tin. Wow. All right, let's play it out to make me feel better. You do the, you're Maya and you do what you said on the call.

Do we want to recreate to see if we can get to the bottom of what happened? Say hello. All right. I'm Maya now. No, you're you and he's going to be Maya. Can I be Maya? Okay. All right.

You be, you be. Man with be Maya? Okay. All right. You be, you be Zach. All right. Or man with the hands. Yeah. Someone hold. Do we need to do the whole bit before about the taking off speed? No, no, no, no.

Let's have me actually. And I said to her, if you're going to cut my shifts, then someone is going to have to do clothes. So you're not actually going to save any money. Oh, phone's ringing. Let me pick it up. up hello. Hi I'm the man with the hands. Excuse me? I'm the man with the hands. That's not what you said, you said where are the hands. Where's Brunetti? Where's Brunetti? I was getting to that. Well excuse me what's this? Where's Brunetti is? Who is this?

I see what happened. The man with the hands thought he was talking to me. Wait, Zach, keep going because if you don't, if you don't finish this, we'll never know how she's feeling and then we'll, and then we're gonna be, we're gonna carry this kill forever. Don't worry, I got this. All right just can we just do the last do it all again do it all right okay so I says to her I says you can't cut my shift and expect

someone to do oh someone's calling hello I'm the man with the hands. What? Where's Brunetti's? Who is this? Boop. Oh, how odd. Oh, I see what happened. The man with the hands thought he was talking to some, a representative of the Melbourne Maya store where there is a Brunetti, not the Hobart Maya where I worked. Oh, Janine, you're so good at your job. Thank you. And so understanding.

Yeah. You've sued a lot of people who've called you before. Yeah. Oh no. Oh no. But not this man. No. You wouldn't do that would you? No, because the man with the hands made a simple mistake. The man with the hands wanted to use his hands to pick up a warm cup of coffee from Brunetti, the cafe. Oh, of course. And I'm pretty sure from my recent visit to Melbourne to see the... ... um, Taylor Swift with my daughter. Mm. Pretty sure they have a Brunetti at their mire.

Oh, that makes it all make sense. That's of course why the man with the hands. Because you love to sue. I do. But I would never sue the man with the hands. Great. Unless of course. What? He wasn't the man with the hands. Well there's one way we can find out. Did they put caller ID on their phone? No they didn't put it on private. I can call them back. Ring ring ring ring. Hello? Hi. Who is this? Broden. Broden? Broden who? Kelly. Broden

Kelly from Aunty Donna? Yeah. Ask him about the man with the hands. Do you have hands? Yeah so sorry about that. What happened was I gave my phone to one of the guys from Donna, Zach. Yeah I know Zach. And he called about the hands. We're doing a bit about hands. I'm really sorry about that. What's that? Zach Rowane. Zach Rowane. I know Zach. He called about the hands, we're doing a bit about hands, I'm really sorry about that. What's that? Zach Rowane. Zach Rowane, I know Zach Rowane. Yeah.

Zach Rowane, he's that sweet, goofy one, isn't he? Absolutely. Hmm. Was this some sort of prank call? No, it was more a long form improvisation. Okay. You have hands though? Two. And you're a man? Absolutely. Yep. So

I suppose in some ways you are a man with hands. Ha. I never thought of it that way. And do you like brunetti? Love, love, love it. Well I can't sue you because you're a man with the hands. Bye bye. Bye. Hey, I was thinking after this we should head to Mona. Oh I'd love to. You know we get in for free. Yeah but now men are allowed in the ladies lounge. Oh that was all part of the art piece. Was it? Yeah. Do you want to come? Yeah I do. Alright here we go. Two hours later. And scene. No. I want to go look at the vaginas on the wall. You want to come with? Yeah, I do.

Oh, wow. Pretty good. They're all so beautiful and different. All right. Bye bye. Oh. And scene. And scene. And scene. Okay.

So. I feel much better. They went to Mona, they made out a bit. They talked to you, you sorted the whole thing out. Yeah, yeah, it was great. So if I get, if fuck, that is a load off my balls. Yeah, yeah. Way to throw me under the bus though, cunt.

I'm so sorry about that. You're the man with the hands. Oh yeah, she was chill. Well that's been the awards ceremony. And if you want to watch the full awards ceremony go to www.neopets.com. Neopets.com and we'll see you next week for the Olympics. No, no, we don't know. The Olympics is ages away. Oh, okay. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another RIP episode brought to you by auntiedonaclub.com.

See you next week.