Aunty Donna Podcast - The One With The 'Friends' Episode No One's Heard Before

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

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A listener production. Hello, everybody. This is Zachary Rowane from Auntie Donna. A very, very exciting and perfect episode. No flaws at all this week. We are recreating your favorite sitcom, a long lost episode of your favorite sitcom. If you'd like to watch it or if you'd like a whole bunch of other bonus content head over to the Aunty Donna Club which is our patreon auntydonaclub.com otherwise please enjoy the episode

Hello and welcome to a very special episode of the Aunty Donna podcast. Today, not yet, not yet. Oh, is that going to be like background music? Oh yeah, a little bit, just down a little bit. Is that legally okay? I guess it's been distorted enough because you're just playing it through your laptop. Yeah, not even through the aux cord. Today, Auntie Donna, through the power of improvisation, will be recreating an entire episode, new episode, of the television program Friends. Friends hasn't been on air for over 10, something like 10 to 20 years, but today you will get to listen to a brand new episode just like

it was still on the television. We'll be doing that through improv and that's it. The way we'll be doing this episode is each member of Aunty Donna will be taking on the role of two of the friends each as well as any supporting characters like the blonde man who runs the coffee shop or the shrill lady that dated Ross for a time. A warning or a sort of caveat if you will. I have not seen Friends in well over 10 years. I watched it casually when it was on television but I haven't seen it since. Broden? I've not watched an episode of Friends. Ever?

No. Oh I believe you've watched it surely. I've seen it around but I've not watched it. I don't, I know, I don't know. I know there's the two guys and the two girls and the silly one. Yeah. Great. And Ross is Ross David Schwimmer? Yes. Jennifer Aniston is who? Rachel?

Rachel. And then that would mean the Monica, I don't know. Courtney Cox. Courtney Cox and then Lisa Coogan. Is this legit? Um, the, uh, the Monica, I don't know. Courtney Cox, Courtney Cox, and then, and then Lisa. Is this legit? Yeah, I know. I've not watched an episode. No, this is surely. I swear to God.

That's fantastic. Mark. So I have a complicated relationship with friends. Yeah. Uh, never been a, uh, well, I'm so sorry. I just want to apologize if my question was unclear. I've never been a... Which ones? Well... I'm so sorry, Mark. I just want to apologize if my question was unclear. I don't believe I said I wanted your life story.

I've seen some episodes. No, no, no! Let's go in! Let's do it! I do want your life story! No, no, no, no! I do want your life story! No, no, no! It's totally fine! You've watched Friends the Most out of us let's do it. I do want your life story. No, no, no, no. I do want your life story. No, no, no, it's totally fine.

You've watched Friends the Most out of us because you love it. Sure. You've fucked, you've, you've, you've. I've fucked it. I've created an energy. You've fucked this man in the arse. Well. I've created a bad energy for improv and I own it.

And I just want to ask you, Mark. It's fine. What can I do? Mark. What can I do, Mark. Look at me, Mark. to get this back on track? Mark, look at me, Mark. Mark, look at me. Yeah.

Don't take to heart what he said. Comedically, it was the right button to press. I know! I just don't want to tell my stupid story anymore. I want to- And I get it, and I get it, and I respect it. But you, you, you're a smart man. Sure. You know that at that moment, that was the sharpest- I know, I understand.

That was the gagest I know I To go for I I know that it was the wrong move in the long run I can see that it was short turn short term gain for long term pain Because I do want to hear your life story mark. I just wanted to do the joke first So what we're gonna do down and I'm not gonna impose anything on you. What can I do to get this back on track? Get the good vibes flowing so we can do the best episode of Friends possible. It started in Sicily, yes? It started in Sicily.

Yes? Let's just do it. Let's just go. It's fine. But you've watched Friends. You had an ex who liked Friends, but you haven't watched it for maybe 10 years as well? No, no. I've seen it recently. Oh. Mark has watched Friends recently.

And you feel fine about it? I feel fine about it. One thing, one observation that I had about it is that Lisa Kudrow is genuinely very, very funny. I was talking about this. Very, very funny in that show. Makes me laugh a lot, but nothing else does. I was talking about this the other day on the Mission Zag podcast.

I'm going through a real Lisa Kudrow elevating above the rest moment right now. Amazing. Like I never at his life... Love Lisa Kudrow. There's one thing I never noticed about that show before is just how phenomenal she is. And how everyone else is struggling to keep up Yeah, cuz they're all actors. So Anyone want to play anyone in particular? I'll give you one you can choose one

If you want, I don't know. I don't know Mark do you have anyone you think you could do a ripper job of? Probably Joey cuz he's Italian. Well, Mark, you'll be Joey and Monica. Great. Broden, Kelly will be Chandler and Rachel. Who's Chandler? Chandler's the funny one.

He's the funny, he's in-world funny. He loves to crack sarcastic jokes. Who plays him? No, Broden. You know who plays him. I know I do, but I didn't. I know I do. No, you knew who played Chandler.

I didn't, I didn't. I thought it could have been the guy, the guy who had grey hair. The guy with grey hair. That's Joey, you know that's Joey. I didn't know, I swear to fuck. I know who Matthew Perry is, but I didn't know he was played by Matthew Perry I swear now I know. Alright okay. And who's the other one? Rachel. Courtney Cox? No.

Jennifer Aniston. Yes. Greek heritage. Yes, and she has a iconic haircut and she goes ah ah is that right? Yeah, that's her catch. Windows 97. Ah, ah, ah. And she plays a predator in Horrible Bosses, yes? Yes. Now, I then, that leaves, I of course will be playing the role of Ross, the archaeologist. Is there six of them?

Yes, there's six of them. You know there's six of them I swear to fuck I thought there was five so Ross is the oath No, Joey and right there Joey and Phoebe are the oaths. They share oath duties Yeah, but then Ross is a fucking archaeologist Ross Ross is sort of the love lawn Did you say Ross? Ross is the... He's you know, he's always in and out of love. Love is a big... But relationships is a big thing for him.

And he's funny because he's a sook. Relationships is a big thing for him. Yeah, like it's always his love life that's the thing that's causing his complications. He's out copping roots and getting laid. No, no. See, Joey's more the one that goes out there and fucks his, busts his nut and tons of women across all of New York City. But how is he an archaeologist in New York City? He's a paleontologist. Paleontologist, thank you, Lindsay. The only person remotely involved in what we're about to do that is familiar with friends. Dinosaurs. He lectures at NYU or a different university in the...

It's a university lecturer? Yeah. Alright. And also I will be playing Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Phoebe Waller-Bridge. In the Hamster show. Nice. Now I'll be playing Phoebe, who Broden is the Dharma.

Think Dharma and Greg, she's Dharma. I do not believe you're as ignorant as you're pretending to be. I swear to fuck, the only memory I have of this show, I've never watched it, is I saw on telly, like when I'm eight, I remember Matthew Perry looking sad through rain in a window, but it was actually like an inbuilt sort of water thing in their house they had. That's cute. All I remember.

Do you have any questions about Chandler and Rachel? Yeah, what are they? Rachel, fuck, what does she do for work? I know Monica's a chef. Monica's a chef. Monica's a chef. And mine? No. Well, Rachel's just like an assistant.

Rachel like works... she's working her way up in kind of the corporate ladder world, I believe. Sort of like a Succession type character, like a Sarah Snook in Succession. I will know. No. More like she's a... she starts as a shit kicker, but I can't remember if she's just a shitkicker her whole life. Is it Cor? No. No. She... Ross loves her. But yeah, but her character isn't completely connected to that. I guess she... no, it's pretty bare-bones.

Her character is just like... Oh, and this this. This is Jennifer Aniston, yeah? She's kind of there. She's just kind of there. Am I Jennifer Aniston? Yeah, I'm really realising how little she has. She's just kind of there. Hang on, Jennifer Aniston's not the chef. She's kind of the everyman. Monica is the chef.

I would say that Rachel's like the everyman. Yeah. She's the window in. Yeah, but even then she doesn't do a lot of that. They all live in the same house? No, they live across the hall. Well, some- They Kramer it.

Monica and Rachel live in an apartment together and across the hall from them, Chandler and Joey live in an apartment together. Ross lives in his own place and Phoebe lives in her own place. And we see those places when the budget goes up? Yes, and then at some point they switch apartments. Chandler starts fucking Monica at one point. So this is the next layer I'll add before we record, right? And your expertise here is going to help Mark.

I'm the expert. I feel deep, deep anxiety about this. Why? Because I don't know anything and like, our audience come for the best. It's going to be okay. And I'm going to go for a really hard marketing push here of like, this is to friends, fans. This is your opportunity to have one more episode of Friends. Something you thought was impossible after the death of Matthew.

Is it set? This is the next conversation. So once Mark's Broden's on board with Rachel, Chandler's a funny one. He's cracking jokes. He's funny in-world. I can't remember what he does for a job. Maybe something boring like insurance or some shit. But he just cracks jokes.

But we don't hear the jokes. We don't, we rarely acknowledge the jokes, yeah? Yeah, we, yeah, we, yeah. You don't hear the jokes. We rarely acknowledge the jokes, yeah? Yeah, we, yeah, we, yeah. You don't hear the jokes. No, like we're not, you're making jokes at us, which the audience finds funny, but that we don't really. Oh, sort of like the dynamic of us,

is I'm always the ones that the audience love, but you never laugh at. Yes, exactly that. Yeah, but imagine there's no audience in world. Imagine, so we're having a conversation. I say something silly and you don't sell it to us. You just say it to the ether, pause for a beat and then we carry on, we never acknowledge it.

Is that a fair assessment of a chamber? Yeah, I would say so. I would say so. I don't really know. For someone who's seen it as much as I have, don't know that much about it. I don't recall much but we'll go. I believe, Mark, this is a late season episode. We're going to keep it vague to its exact specifics but I'm putting it in the last season or so. Alright, so then that means Rachel has a baby with Ross. Oh wow.

But is not with Ross. They're not together. Ross is married to... Who am I? You're Rachel and Chandler. Write it down if you need to. You're Rachel and Chandler. You are Rachel and Chandler.

You're the... I'm going to... I can't do it. I can't do it. You're the woman that has barely any character. But she has a great haircut. I could be wrong there. I'm sure there are Friends fans who are just tearing their hair out right now. Lindsay, you have the right.

No, she's the... Can I give Lindsay the right to just interject from time to time? Yeah. If we're getting it right. Right. Say great job. to time. Yeah. If we're getting it right. Right. Say great job. Great job. OK.

Brutal. Great job. Great. Thank you. Disagree with Rachel, but that's OK. No, but please explain, because I don't know. I don't know. I think Rachel has the best character development

in the series, because she starts as working as in the coffee shop just pouring coffee. Ah that's right. For Gunther. She ends up flying to Paris to work for Louis Vuitton. Sort of like Devil Wears Prada. Yeah. So over ten seasons she goes from working in a coffee shop to working... Is that character development or is that just getting me the job? How would she react to a situation? She'd be like, ah! Like that? That's what she does?

She's like, ah! I feel like that's just career progression. Maybe it is. Who is she at her core? Is she like sassy? No, she's not sassy. Without saying what she looks like or what she does for a living, explain to me, Lindsay,

Rachel's character. There you go. Great. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people are their job. Some people are their job.

And some people weren't, you know, thought about when the character was being created for them. Imagine playing no character and getting $ million dollars an episode or whatever. A million. 90 million? A million an episode. Towards the end. That's not that much.

That's a lot. When you're doing 22 seasons in a year. I'm talking fee fee fee. Fee fee fee level. Not, you know, is that fee fee fee? They did, they had to make in the later seasons, episodes got longer so they could do more ad space so they could pay their fees. Fun fact. So Rachel... I can fold that in.

Rachel is pregnant. Has a baby. Has Ross's baby but they are not together. Is this good? Is this good? This? Or should we just get into it? We do need just this little bit of set up of who's fucking who. You've got to know where you are and who you are, yeah. Because Chandler, your other character, Broden, is married to Monica, who is Ross's sister, by the way. Ross and Monica are brother and sister.

And Monica used to be fat. Her character is that she used to be fat and now she's a chef. And it's pretty thin other than that. With the exception of that, I couldn't really tell you and now she's a chef. And it's pretty thin other than that. The exception of that, I couldn't really tell you what her character is. She loves to clean. She loves to clean.

Right, she's got OCD. She's fastidious. She's got OCD. But that's for Monica. Monica and Joey are married. I thought Monica and Chandler were. No, I said Monica and Chandler. I thought you said Monica and Joey are married? I thought Monica and Chandler were. No, I said Monica and Chandler. I thought you said Monica and Joey.

If I did, I fucking apologize. Because I remember thinking, whoa. No, Joey, towards, I think in this season, there's a moment where Joey's like, I think I'm in love with Rachel because I think Rachel has moved in to Joey's apartment. I don't give a fuck. Chandler has moved in with Monica into their apartment. I do not give a fuck. And Joe is like, oh no, I think I have feelings for Rachel.

But Ross is married to a different woman. Two. I don't. Oh fuck. So we're, and now this is the last detail. Phoebe's, I think is dating Paul Rudd. Phoebe is dating Paul Rudd. Last detail Mark, last detail before we improv this. Yeah.

I should have made it earlier season, when the characters were a little less, but that's okay. Where is everyone living at this point? Oh God. Yes. Oh God. Chandler and Monica are living together and Monica and Rachel's old apartment.

I believe, I think, I think Rachel is living with Joey Joey with her baby in Joey and Chandler's old apartment. Ross I think is in the same house. He's always been in maybe with his wife, maybe not. And I don't know if Phoebe is living with Paul Rudd or not. Where's Chandler living now? Chandler's with Monica in Monica and Rachel's old apartment. I said that. I said that. I said that.

And here is. Should we have a cold open? Did they do a cold open? Well we shouldn't pitch at least the episode premise because they're always called the one where blah blah blah. So maybe this is the one where everyone figures out where they're living. Or the one where an old friend comes to New York City. Great.

Do you do cold open? Yeah, let's do a cold open. Did it do cold opens? I don't remember. I don't know. We're at the coffee shop. Mark, you're also playing Gunther. Great.

And let's go. Hey, Rachel. Gunther is in love with Rachel. What do you mean? Gunther is in love with Rachel. Hi. Hey, did you want... Oh, oh, oh, good, good, good. Did you want your coffee?

Remember how you used to work here? Are you still moving to Paris? Yeah You know how your character has developed to working at Louis Vuitton? Is that the gold open? Fuck We gotta build 40 minutes bro to pack into afford the billion dollars. Man this has fallen apart.

I think it's gone pretty good. Gunther. Gunther. Alright, here we go. Where are we? We will say, we won't do big print but we will say where we are. We're in Ross's apartment and he's fastidiously tidying. Oh no. Oh no. Am I Ross? No, he's

Ross. I'm Ross. You're Rachel and Chandler. Oh no, I have to clean my apartment before my fastidious sister Monica comes round to my house. My teeth are as bright as the stars. to my house. My teeth are as bright as the stars. I must fastidiously clean my apartment or else Monica who used to be fat will be upset with me. Ding dong. Oh here she is. I'm Rachel. He's Rachel, you're Monica. I'm Monica. Yeah. Hey Ross. Hey Monica! Congratulations on keeping the weight off! Thank you! Eats hard as a chef! I cook and I cook all day and I want to eat it and get my ass fat like it used to!

But I don't! I fucking Chandler, your best friend! Humph, humph. Oh, I'm so sad Monica Monica can I share something with you? Yes! Oh my, my, the love of my life Rachel, she keeps bothering me about our baby. But you're married! You're married!

I know but, and I don't love Rachel anymore but my baby, she has my baby living in that apartment across from you. Oh, another at the door. Let's open it. How you doing? Oh, Joey, this is my sister Monica. Yeah, yeah, Ross, I know. We've been, we've been friends for a little while.

We've lived across from each other for many years. Oh, Joey, I forgot you were Italian. And an actor. Hey, I gotta go. I got his audition to do. What's the audition about, my friend Joey? Um, gee, it's for some movie where the bullets come flying at you and you gotta move real slow to get out of their way. But you're moving fast, but on the screen

it looks like you're moving slow. I don't know, some huckahooey. Wait a second Joey when time is your when time is your addition? It's that 8 a.m But didn't you have a coffee date with that beautiful girl at 820? Oh shit She what we've done there is we've set up the B plot damn. What am I gonna do? I know maybe I'll take her to the audition. I I'll take her to the audition, say it's a date. You don't want any danger feeling?

No, no, no, what's up? I don't know what's happened. Meanwhile, uh, Monica and Chandler's house, formerly Monica and Joey's house, Chandler and, um, and, uh, Chandler and Phoebe. How do you do? I am the comedic man. Oh, I've done some drugs.

Maybe you should, um, maybe you careful. Uh, could I ask you a question? I don't know why I'm doing these Russian accents. I don't know. Can I ask you a question? My friend Ross, no, my friend Chandler? I have written a song, can I play it for you? Here we go. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding What do you think of my song? I wouldn't quit your day job.

Oh, someone at the door. Hey, how you doing? Oh, my friend. Hey, I got a problemo. I need help with the gabagoo. What is your problem, Joey? Well, I've got this audition with the Wachowskis or something like that. I don't know.

It sounds like the Matrix. That's your biggest audition yet. Usually audition for advertisement and for a television show. It's true, it's true. But my manager, Stel or something, I got this girl, I'm in love with her, you know. I don't know what I'm going to do. I got the audition, I got the date, what do I do? I'm a do. I got the audition, I got the date, what do I do? I'm a mafaguru. I've got an idea, Joey. I've got an idea, Joey. What if I bump into her, pretend to be an old friend, and distract her for the time

it takes for you to finish your audition, and at which point you will arrive, and she will have been distracted by me having pretended to be an old friend of hers and then when you arrive you can continue your date at that point. Okay that sounds like a plan. Whoop! I slip on the poo. What?

I slip on the poo. Chandler might say something about Joey slipping on a poo. Because he's the hoaf, he's the hoaf so might say something about Joey slipping on a poo Because he's the hope he's the hope so he needs to fall over and you should not be you should be more careful with your footing do like a cracker joke about it like a Channel would oh he went ice he went ice. I've seen frozen, but this frozen on ice, but this is ridiculous That's maybe you should maybe you should order I frozen but this frozen on ice but this is ridiculous that's maybe you should maybe you should order yeah I know you're auditioning for the matrix but maybe you should consider the matrix on ice okay Joey I'll go to the coffee shop

I'll go to the coffee shop to distract your girlfriend good luck with your audition I'll go the audition gee I hope I do okay. Hello I am Rachel. Um, next scene. Rachel and Chandler maybe having a little scene. Whilst coming from a privileged upbringing, I have a sense of rebellion on my wedding day I realise that unwanted life has been planned. That's the pilot, this is nine years later. I'm independent, determined, fashionable and loyal, romantic. Good, good.

Now did you just Google this? I put in Gemini. Gemini? Oh, that's good. That's good. Anyway, let's see Rachel and Chandler having, is that all right if I direct? Yeah. Yeah. Let's see Rachel and Chandler having a little conversation and we're going to set up the

A-plot here, which is about... Me playing both of them. Yeah. And we're going to set up the A-plot here, which is something to do with Rachel and Ross, the fact that they still love each other, but they can't stand each other. And even though you were on a break, but it was crook what he did. Who? Ross. You were on a break. But still it was crook. And maybe something silly like he doesn't like the clothes you're putting the baby in if she's fashionable. Is that something funny?

Yeah, maybe you're dressing out. I don't know. Maybe you're dressing it like a clown Okay, I've been dressing my baby. Do the scene now. I've been dressing my baby as a clown You're loyal remember yeah, oh wow you're the You're loyal remember. Yeah. Oh wow you're the clown. That's you're the clown. Ah yes I am in a really I'm Ross did something crook and I'm against it and good yeah yeah good keep keep it rolling like it's punchy yeah come in. How you doing? I gotta go. I wanted to say how you doing?

And then Chandler would say you just got here. Good. Yeah. Meanwhile. I know, I was trying to spice it up. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. That's okay. You're doing really well. Meanwhile at the place where Chandler is auditioning. Next! Chandler is auditioning.

Next! Chandler's auditioning? I mean Joey, Joey. Next! Hey, uh, my name's Joey Tribbiani. I'm, uh, you know, I'm an actor. What you know? No, oh, okay. Uh, just a quick note. Um, uh, the director was running a little late. We have to push your audition back to 9am. But I'm here now. I know the lines. I learned my lines.

Let me do it for you quick. We'll get to that. But Brad, Keanu Reeves is about to audition. Late season. We're going to have a Keanu Reeves coming here now. How about I give you the finger and you give me my audition? Would he say that? Well, that's I'll give you the finger and you give me my audition And then what do you say that well, that's one of the lines But it's oh you give me my phone call

from the matrix and Well, we don't know he's auditioning for the matrix sir. You're going to have to wait till 9 a.m. Oh look It's Keanu Reeves Whoa Whoa that okay, that's gonna be a hard act to follow. There's nothing he can't do I can't do. Well you got Point Break over here. I'm Point Meatball Sub. Meanwhile at the coffee shop, which one of you wants to buy the girl that he's going on a date with? Which one of you wants to buy the girl that he's going on a date with? Which one of you wants to play the girl? I can play the girl.

Meanwhile at the coffee shop. And then who, Rachel? Rachel and Phoebe are standing back while a girl waits for Joey. I don't know if this is the right thing to do to distract her. Yes, you're so right. I don't know why I'm doing the Russian accent. Should I just drop the Russian accent? No, no, keep it.

Try it without. Okay. Hey there, American. I don't know where I'm going to do with this. I just hope that Joey arrives by 8.20, 8.30 like he said he would. Yeah. Here I go. Here goes nothing. Hold on to my guitar please, friend. Okay. Oh! Sally? Hello. Sally, how are you?

I'm good. I'm here waiting for Joey. Oh, who's Joey? I don't know Joey. That's my boy and girl boy. What? Boy and girl boy. What? What? Did we not go to the same school together?

I don't know, I don't know. Oh, that's so interesting. Yeah. Can I get you a coffee? Yeah. Perhaps I can sing you a very long song. Alright, so she's going to fall in love with Phoebe. Okay, great.

So what's going to happen? And then Joey's gonna keep getting his audition pushed back. Yes yeah yeah yeah. This is actually quite a good B plot. This is a good episode. That B plot? The B plot's great we haven't figured out the A plot yet. Yeah so that's happening. We're gonna keep coming back to Joey at his audition place. Broden, it's as good as any episode of Friends gets. We're gonna keep going back to the audition place. It keeps getting pushed back. We might get a bit more with Keanu Reeves because he could do a half day.

It wasn't written that way, but they'll punch it up. And then we're gonna have this girl falling in love with Phoebe and she keeps singing longer and longer songs and we're gonna come in at the end of the songs. And the punchline for the beat, I've got the punchline for Joey's beat plot as well. Oh great. What do I do? We have to figure out an A plot between Ross and Rachel. So you need to explain this clown situation.

Or do you want me, let's maybe have a... I think it's James. I got this. Should we have a Ross and Rachel scene? Where are we? Rachel and Joey's apartment, which used to be Joey and Chandler's. And I'll be Ross. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

Come in. I'm here to pick up the baby. Oh yes, well, I hope you enjoy this clown, baby. What? You have dressed my boy as a clown. Yes, it's a slide at you to show what your offspring are. I am the greatest paleontologist in New York City and you dress him like a clown. Can I slightly tweak the scene?

So Rachel's dressed him in the newest, she just got a thing from Louis Vuitton and she thinks it's really fashionable but Ross thinks, Ross is like, why have you dressed him like a clown? She's like it's fashionable and then they get into a fight. Ex-lover you see you see your insecurities in your own offspring that aren't even there. This is in he's dressed in the finest of Louis Vuitton and yet you look at the insecurities because you see yourself in your boy. I'm a love-lorn paleontologist, born and raised in New York City.

What I see in front of me is a child dressed as a clown. Yes, the clown clothing is made with fine leather and beautiful craftsmanship, but nonetheless he looks a clown to me. You were speaking- That's fucking amazing. You fear a leather-bound boy. What you truly fear is what you're digging for in those in the earth. You say you look for bones, but what you look for is self-approval.

All right, so what is with all of this assessment? You know, this is why we went on the break on the first place. Why I fucked another woman while we're on that break. You understand you hurt me with these words. I mean to speak pogni's at you, did sir. You have dressed my- And every word should stab, stab through your heart. And they do.

For your actions. I have seen, I have seen, and let me tell you, I have seen the bones of dinosaurs with more vigor, more life than you. I hate you, Rachel. I hate everything about you. I love my wife. I do not love you. I and I think you have dressed my child like a fool." And then they kiss. Oh! Kiss! Ad break.

Ad break. Yeah. Fuck that was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell that's a good episode of Friends! This is a very good episode of Friends. We are making a good episode of Friends! Now to the listener.

That is the TikTok right there. Now to the listener. Now to the listener. I know what you're thinking. There's a bit of the dialogue is a bit weird. It's a bit weird that both Phoebe and Ross have Russian accents. Yes, these are some kigs. But that's a sneak peek into the writers room. Look beyond that. Think of the structure. Think of the jokes.

The story. the character development. You would be enjoying this episode if it was written by the writers that know the words of the characters, if it was performed by the beautiful cast that you know and love. A good episode of Friends This Is. I think that's the name of the episode. And that's it. No, no, no, we've got to wrap this up. We've got the B plot to wrap up. Is it a sitcom where that the kiss would be fulfilled and be resolved back to zero? I think at this point they're gonna leave that one hanging. That would be, yeah, that's a cliffhanger. That's a cliffhanger. That's the resolution of the A plot.

That's a cliffhanger. That's the resolution of the A plot. For this episode. So we reserved, that is the final, in fact in a rewrite I would move this to the end of the episode. Yeah, not often is the A plot fully conceived and executed in one scene at the end of the episode. That's often not the structure of sitcom. But I don't watch this show but I imagine the B plot is resolved over the credits.

Yeah, yeah, but yeah, there's a, yeah, yes, yeah, absolutely. So what we've got to do now is we've got to do one more scene at the audition, one more scene with Phoebe and the girl. Sally. Sally. And then one final scene over the credits. Well, yeah, well then I think Joey just comes into the coffee shop and he delivers the punchline. So we're going to do these scenes.

Do it. So back to the rehearsal studio. Yeah and so it's now 10.30. It's 10.30 but Joey is auditioning, I would say he's gotten into it, he's auditioning alongside Keanu Reeves for this, for this ride. Yep. Could you do Keanu? Hey.

Yeah. All right. So, can you do the auditioner this ride. Yep. Could you do Keanu? Hey. Yeah. All right. So, um, can you do the auditioner? Yeah. Yeah. Hey. So yeah, what do you want? Do you want to just read these lines here? What do you want? Yes, just read the lines, please. That is how the Wachowskis have asked me to film this tape. All right, I'll try. I know Kung Fu. Wow, that's some bad acting. Maybe play it a little more subtly. I know kung fu. That's not good either. It's subtle.

Yeah? Joey, thank you for coming in. Listen, tomorrow I have an audition for an ad about underpants for people that wet themselves. Perhaps you can come in for that. I'd love to. Hey, I'd love to come in for that too. Big laugh for Keanu. Great big laugh.

Great ending for Keanu there. And set this all up, obviously he has been auditioning for The Matrix, Keanu's come in. That's going to be important for the punchline. Okay, sure, sure, sure. And now meanwhile at the coffee shop, Phoebe is wrapping up what we can see is a very long song but other people at the cafe are listening. Including Gunther.

And she goes, and that's the story, that's the entire list of every single type of cheese Oh my god, you're so beautiful That's the best two hour song I've ever written Oh, I'm Russian, I know That's the best two hour song I've ever written I want to stay with you for some time, I even think I'm in love with you Oh no, she laughing me. Oh but...

Joey walks in. Mm-hmm. I think I got it. You think you got it? This is a good show. Yeah. Is that the punch line? Oh, for The Matrix. The Matrix.

He comes out of that thinking he did a great audition that he's gonna get the role of Neo. But he won't. Visually it would make sense. Then who else was I playing? I was playing Ross and then, no I'm not Ross, can Monica come in and say... Oh yeah, Monica hasn't done a lot this episode. So Monica comes in and she goes, guys, I just saw Rachel and Ross make like something like that. Oh yeah, guys! Oh no. What is it, my friend Monica?

I just- Who used to be fat. And I'm very- I'm clean. I just saw Ross and Rachel kiss. Oh no. To be continued. Dot dot dot. Can I just say...

Quite genuinely. Quite genuinely. Give me another couple of days in the writers room. Quite genuinely, if you broke that A-plot up across the whole episode. Quite genuinely. I think we just beat out a pretty good friendship. The bones are there. The bones are there.

Pretty funny. Ross likes bones. Ross loves bones. And he loves bone and chicks he loves. Yeah. Sure. Don't we, don't we? Broden, how did you feel with that introduction to Friends?

I think I might go home, chuck it on and kick back and have a few laughs. Yeah. Yeah. If you would like us to recreate more of your favourite television programs. Write in. Cool. Like great. That's awesome for you.

We might. We might not. I don't know. Yeah. We don't really do what you want us to do. But we'll hear it. Oh yeah, if you want to tell us, sure. I wasn't intending on inviting you. I was just saying if you want... Why did you bring that up? I just thought if you want that, that's good to know.

That's sick. That's cool. Yeah, but good for you. Alright. And I just want to say a huge thank you to the Russian Embassy of Australia for sponsoring this podcast. Oh, that was subtle. That's the reveal of why I made the three characters Russian. Can you shut that down?

Yeah, probably. Look, that's not true. What it was is I accidentally did a Russian accent and then I just stuck to the bit. Mark, thank you so much. Great Joey. Thank you. I didn't think of the Italian layer. I was really thinking you'd play him sexy and dumb. To play him Italian was a really interesting choice. I thought he was playing it sexy. Ah, yes, yes, yes.

Thank you. Broden, I just want to say your work as Rachel, you brought a depth to the character I was not expecting. Yeah, thank you. And your Russian stuff was good. The Russian stuff was confusing. It was good, but it was, but you know, I think clearly, much like Ross, who ended up directing episodes of Friends, you approach this with the mind of a writer and a director. He's good in uh... Band of Brothers. Yes. And you were able to recognize the good ideas from the bad in what ended up in... Quite genuinely...

Quite genuinely. Quite genuinely being a plot that, you know, you could have thrown out there during a season eight or nine. Nine... How many seasons? Ten? She's putting him in the fashion, it's a funny joke about fashion. Look, I think he looks like a clown. It's like funny joke about fashion. I think he looks like a clown It's like no she's cute clearly looks like a clown clearly looks like a clear And then they get into a fight great cameo great celebrity cameo great. They loved that they loved that celebrity celebrity Great fun. I love the such a Phoebe plot great to be like I'll distract the girl

But then the girl falls in love with Phoebe and the long song I thought that was a really strong very Phoebe plot. To be like, I'll distract the girl but then the girl falls in love with Phoebe. And the long song. I thought that was a really strong... The long song, very Phoebe. And Joey, I also loved the new location, indicating it was a later season. You wouldn't be introducing an audition, you know, in an early season. Really good stuff. Kind of the best that we've ever done. Broden needs to go. Oh, you need to go?

Well, you can head off. We're going to keep chatting about this. Because I think that's the best thing we've ever done and maybe we should write it as a spec script. Yeah. All right. That'd be great. Send that to Hollywood. See you later guys. See you Broden.

It's been real. What else did you like about writing an episode of Friends? I really enjoyed, you know, taking classic characters that we all know and love and trying to breathe new life into them. That to me is the most exciting thing to do with a spec script like that. You know? Because I wasn't expecting a spec script. What I was expecting, because we're strong performers and improvisers, I was expecting sort of silliness, maybe something more absurd.

But what I found was while the characters were lacking and while I was, you know, obviously doing a Russian accent less deliberately than maybe you would believe, what I think we did find was a really strong structure and I really believe that. Lindsay, I'd love your thoughts as a Friends fan. Do you think we sort of nailed that structure? Yeah, I think that could pass for a good episode. Yeah, a good episode is even better. I was thinking like a one in the middle, but you think that's a good, that's I think the Rachel dressing the baby, that's very right.

We found Rachel. We totally found Rachel. And Ross having a problem with that. I would have liked to have heard more from Monica, but you just get some episodes sometimes where people aren't doing much. Six characters, it's twenty, you know, twenty two minutes, half an hour at most. And I think if we were in a writer's room, we would bump up Monica. I think you would get Monica, would be involved in more of the scenes.

Maybe Monica would be the first person to notice the baby outfit. Because I think you would do that. You'd probably do a C-plot with Monica and Chandler, you know, cause Chandler wasn't in it a lot either. Maybe Monica, maybe Rachel is like... The holes are starting to reveal themselves once you start breaking it down. You put in later, right? So I think you would have Rachel go, oh, this is my new outfit.

And Monica and Ross don't say anything. Yeah, yeah. And then as Rachel leaves, you'd have Ross, not Monica and Ross, Monica and Chandler. You'd have Chandler go, that baby looked like a clown, yeah? And Monica would be like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. And then they'd be like, do you think Ross will have a problem with that? I don't think you'll notice.

I don't think you'll notice. That's good. Yeah, and then cut to to he looks like a clown Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz that's Ross. That's Ross's inability to read the room. Absolutely Yeah, because I think that's a really strong Ross moment there. Everyone else has left it unsaid That's really the trick there. Everyone else other people have noticed the clown. Did that baby look like a clown? Yeah Other people have noticed the clown. Did that baby look like a clown?

Yeah. Everyone else has noticed the clown. Oh yeah. And then this is actually maybe something you would do on top of the, I think I got it. It's actually so funny. Because on top of, on top of, uh. Oblivious Rachel, dressing a child like that. Because what you'd also have, right? You've had this Ross moment of him saying it, being a prick about it.

Yeah. Right? Because it's also about him being a prick about it. Yeah. But then he's got the baby now. Yeah. They kiss. Oh my god, right?

That happens. And then he's like, what am I going to do? Then he comes in at the end of the episode Yeah He comes in at the end of the episode Phoebe's there having song everyone's gathered around the You know cut the 2b continued thing. He comes in and Phoebe goes. Oh, I love that clown costume Yeah, because then you've got a Phoebe moment. She's equally Yeah. Because then you've got a Phoebe moment.

She's equally tactless as Ross. But she does it from a place of positivity. She doesn't even think it was unintentional. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And are we feeling good about the B-boy? Yeah, I love it. I think Joey going to audition for a film that clearly everybody knows Keanu Reeves got the part for

Flubbing it but then at the end of it walking out being like I think I did I think I'm gonna get it Mmm, that's great. That's a great little, you know, he's feeling you know And then you never have to touch it again because we all know what happens. Yeah, and I think I think with Keanu It's a good cameo for Keanu. He's the sort of guy that you probably, he maybe doesn't have the comedic chops to make him a character. He's much better in a cameo role. But I could really see him in a later season.

Absolutely. Amazing that he never was, unless he was and I don't know. The one gap for me, because we were still finding the point in this podcast, and we will wrap up soon. The one gap for me is that cold open. Now that we've gone, done the whole thing, let's go back. What do you think we're going to do with the cold open there? Well, I think the cold open has to be Rachel getting the delivery of her new baby. And maybe it's because you know what here's what we would change it's baby photo day. Okay. It's baby photo day. At school? At like the daycare? No just like

it's they've they've paid for and organized baby photo day. Does Ross have overbearing parents? Ah fuck I don't know. Lindsay does Ross have overbearing parents? The parents of Monica and Ross. Very loving kind. They really love Ross but they don't like Monica. I would say they're overbearing though. They're a bit more aloof. But they're quiet like, could it be conceivable that they organised this photo shoot? I could say that. Because I think maybe they... The mum would.

The mum's organised the photo shoot. That's why Ross is taking the baby. And he's like, you know, so there's the baby photo shoot. And is this relevant to the cold open? Well, I think the cold open is potentially her getting the delivery and dressing the baby and showing Monica and Chandler. That's where you get that scene. Oh, I was going to put that later.

I was going to just do like a sort of sketch. A sketchy cold open, not too much to do with the plot. I think- But Friends had more plot relevant cold open. Yeah, because that started happening in Seinfeld, but that's because they cut the stand up. Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking more in Seinfeld, but that's because they cut the stand up. Yeah. I'm thinking more of a Malcolm in the Middle. Yeah.

I think you're right. Mark, thank you so much for coming on this journey with me. Broden had to leave, but I think what we've done here is really proven ourselves as Hollywood power players. Yeah. I'm excited to find a week or two. This year, I think it will be hard. We're quite busy putting together the live show.

Yeah. But if we can find a week or two to write this as a spec script. And get along to Drem. I'll come along to Drem for sure. But if we can find a week or two to make a spec script out of this, I would appreciate that. I think that could be really good for us. I think that could be really good for us. I think that could be really good for us.

If you want to see that spec script, let us know. Anything else that we need to cover? No. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another RIP episode brought to you by AuntyDonnaClub.com. See you next week!