Aunty Donna Podcast - We're Hungover feat. Daniel Sloss

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

You won’t believe what shocks Mark!  LINKS Buy tickets to our DREM World Tour https://tour.auntydonna.com/  Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig  Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/  CREDITS   Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno   Guest: Daniel Sloss Producer: Lindsey Green Digital Producers: Michael Campbell, Jim Cruse & Tanya Zerek Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh   Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A listener production Hi everyone, I'm Ante Donna and I am powered by Patreon. And just remember comedy doesn't exist without capitalism. Give us all your fucking money, you pieces of shit. Also 30% of you are repulsively ugly. Daniels! Daniels! That's a good one! Sure!

50% of my fans are ugly! Let's do another one. Try again. I am Honeydonna. 30% of us are repulsively ugly. Yes. Oh forget it, this is boring. Whatever, I want wanna go home.

Hey boys, how you going? Yeah, alright mate, but maybe had a couple too many brewskies last night. I reckon I'd be better after a big greasy breakfast. I need to have a Barocca. Hi special guest Daniel Sloss, how are you feeling mate? I really like the way from greasy breakfast to Barocca. Greasy breakfast for my culture, Barocca for your culture. We love a greasy, yeah you're from Scotland, You love beers as much as us, don't you? And brown food.

Yeah, and brown liquor. Hey boys, how you going? Oh, bro. Not too loud. Be quieter, please. Be quieter, please. You were still going pretty hard when I went home. I don't even remember. I went home, I said, look, I better head home, it's pretty late.

I look over the other side of the dance floor, Broden's on his third bloody cocktail dance in the night. Did you? Oh, you must be. Your thighs must be killing you after all the worm. You were doing the worm for eight hours straight. Was I doing the worm? That's how he picked me up from the worm. Oh, you were doing the worm for eight hours straight. Was I doing the worm? That's how he picked me up from the airport. He picked you up worming?

Doing the worm. Lesson on us for going out having beers with a Scotland person. Hang on, time out. Are you telling me I picked you up from the airport? Yeah, while doing the worm. Oh, no. While doing the worm, so you rode him like, like a, like a... Dune.

Dune. From Codberg to Tullarine. To get a movie right from the cap. That's how fucking hungover you are. Did I just emerge in the soil and burrow down into you? I think the way I imagine it is you are just a man doing the worm. Yeah. But you're doing it for kilometres and kilometres.

But Daniel is in full tune set get up, he hooks into you, rides you with like goggles. Not the full, I didn't have the stuff on because you know their culture is not my costume. So I wouldn't wear the full thing. That tells me I had one too many too many brewskies. That's what it tells me. Yeah. I totally respect what you're saying about, you know, we would never speak for the people of Arrakis. I just want to be really clear here.

He wasn't dressed like someone from Arrakis. No, definitely not. He was pissing in his clothes though, and then filtering that back into his mouth. I don't think there was any filtering. There was no filtering. I think he was just trying to show us his cool trick. Wow, wow.

And they never had weapons of mass destruction. No, no, and I've had to take the term worm jockey out of my lexicon. Because it turns out that is just a slur for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a lexicon? A lexicon? A lexicon. Like a Pokedex? I did a show with. Oh yeah, yeah. What's a lexicon? A lexicon? Is it like a Pokedex?

No, I did a show with it. Oh, yeah, yeah. His name is Alexicon. No, I'm trying to steal his money so I'm an Alexicon. It's like Comic-Con. But it's just about Alexi. Alexi Polyopoulos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's at every booth.

Are there any other Alexis? Alexi Sale? Yeah, Alex, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's at every booth. Are there any other Alexys? Alexys sale? Yeah, Alexys sale. Yeah, two. Not only, not only is there more than one Alexys, there are, there is more than one Alexys in the, in the alt comedy space. Too many. That's how I know I've had too many, too many Alexys, too many bruskies.

Yeah. Do you know what, you know what you did last night? I do not want to. I do not want to. Because I can't remember anything. You recreated 1917. Did I? All your favourite elements of 1917.

Did I really? Did I get like a full camcorder and everything? It was stunning. You did it in one breath. Yeah. But because you were drunk, we saw the seven cuts. Yeah, I knew it. I knew I'd fuck up the cuts.

Yeah, I tried to get a few quick, but that's crazy. I recreated 1917. You killed Joffrey's little brother. Wow. Joffrey's little brother in that? Yeah, yeah. He's the one that gets stabbed by the fucking milk guy. The milk guy stabbed Jooffrey's little brother?

I had no idea. That's the name of the episode. Yeah. That's crazy. You though, you'll probably... What? Don't even mention it. Do you remember? Yeah, I remember. I'm embarrassed because of it.

Right, this guy, I'm at the bar getting a couple of beers right and I go where's the bartender? I look over at the bar, the guy's dead. Don't say it, don't tell him what I did with my hands. This guy took the knife that they used to cut the lemons, he stabbed him 43 times. Honestly I was so drunk man. Was that real? I barely even remember it.

And now he's got a Scottish passport. Yeah instantly. I was so drunk man. I like barely even remember it. And now he's got a Scottish passport. Yeah instantly the Scottish government came in and went. Anything above 40 stabs and they're like, there you go. Now just say you're glad the Queen's dead and it's all yours. I know you're taking the piss but they probably would do that. You probably would do that. It was so funny. I regret.

It was like who killed this guy? And Mark was like guilty. It was me. The last five or six stabs I shouldn't have done it. I was already done mate. At that point it's like there's no self-defense argument there. You probably should have stopped at three or four stabs mate. Just making a couple of extra wind holes. Yeah just so it goes faster. This guy gets it. Throw them out the window. Man I shouldn't have done it. It was fun though.

I live life with no regret. I need a Panadol. Yeah you do. How about a Neuromole mate maybe. Oh what's that one? A bit of both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's Panadol and Neurofin.

Takes a bit of Panadol, takes a bit of Neurofin, which is Ibuprofen. So Ibuprofen then Paracetamol, you have them both and then the pain hopefully goes away. Yeah, I have eight at a time. Yeah, and what are your poos like? My poos? Just solid as a fucking brick. You can break- I would have thought the opposite. No, you can break a window with it, mate. So, get so you can't you they can't come out the asshole anymore It's surgery. Yeah, surgery is hard. Yeah

Weird memory right Slosh or as we call him Vague memory dude, were you like, did you like chop off your arms and replace them with fish at one point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I really regretted it. Yeah, fucking oh yeah. But then I couldn't convince the fish to put the arms back on.

Oh, because you'd have to use them to put the arms back on. How'd you get your arms back on, mate? Well, to be fair, they make wanks a lot better. Oh, really? It's basically a suck job at that point. I'd love to try that. Scaly, scaly. But it's like a fish suck job.

That's sick. Cold and wet. Yeah. More damp. Yeah, just like good pussy. Cold and damp. You wanking with cold and damp fish? Sometimes. Are you wanking with cold and damp fish?

Sometimes I get a towelette. Yeah. I wet it in the shower. That's a female towel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put it in the freezer just for a couple of minutes, not before it freezes up, just so it goes real cold. And I'll fuck it.

Yeah. Cold and damp. Feels like fucking a snowman. Yeah, it's home to play. Is that a snowman? Yeah, it's home to play. Is that a snowman? Yeah, it's home to play.

Is that a snowman? Yeah, it's home to play. Is that a snowman? Yeah, it's home to play. Is that a snow it goes real cold and I'll fuck it. Yeah Cold and damp. Is that what's time? Snowman. Yeah, to play is this a real thing mark did at some point burns. No, I never did No, I did. No, I never know. You'll never know Guys a question real cool. Tell you I know go on that go on that one. What did you fuck my? I'll tell ya. Oh no, go on that one, go on that one. What did you fuck, mate? Alright, it's going back a couple of days.

Yeah, years, years. So I was a fan of a website called Jack in World, which had grey lead drawings and instructions of how you could pleasure yourself a lot of different ways. One of the things they suggested was you get a freezer bag. You line that up with some sort of Vaseline. This might not be the first time this has been done. And it might not be the only one that's talked about doing this. Is it both on the same website? Oh, Jack and World, yeah.

Yeah. Jack and World, yeah. You're saying Jack, J-A-C-K-I-N. Jack and. Jack and. So it's literally just ways to... Explained with HTML text and grey-led drawings. So this is the thing about the World Wide Web.

Before it got sort of, before the big tech companies closed it off and it was all just social media, it used to be a portal, right? And when we're talking about this website, I don't want you to think about, oh, just a website, a page. It was a portal to a world of Jacket. It was our mecca. A world of Jacket it. That's a great story, Mark. Yeah, so we'll know this. I don had jacketed. That's a great story, Mark. Yeah, so, well, no, there's more.

I don't think we're at the sad part yet. I was just trying to, like, this was your sort of first, like, last turn off before Ballarat kind of situation. Oh, well, yeah, no. I'm almost certain you've talked about this story on the podcast before. Oh, 100%, but I don't know if I've done it in... ..where I've been saying that I actually did it. Not in 300 episodes.

It's a character that I'm playing. A duty or a duty? Where'd that come from? No, I did this. Yeah, I know. I'm so sorry. Last turn off. That was a great story, Mark.

You don't want to hear it? No, I'm giving you out. Oh, okay. You fucked the bag of Vaseline. Well, yeah, but it was a little more elaborate than that. Okay, okay. Yeah, because where's the purchase? Well, first of all, I had to make sure

that my parents were definitely away for two days. Two days? Because just on the off chance, I needed to make sure no one was coming in the house. I needed the house. Nobody was coming except for you buddy. I needed the house. I needed the whole house for this. Did you do that thing of like the full room check even though you knew the house was free?

It was just, yeah like you know you check even though you knew the house was free It was just yeah, like, you know, you wake up you very calm very very confident needed to be 100% confident Anyway, you get a freezer bag line up. That's all you get two sponges Put them either side. I didn't prompt you that much. I kind of just what did I say? They decide of that. There's more there's more. I just don't know if we have to go all the way here. I'm fully in the nude at the kitchen table. Mark. Mark. There's a pillow. Mark please. There's a pillow. Mark. There's a sponge.

There's more weenie in the bag lined with the thing. Weenie? There's another sponge. There's another pillow. Great. You press down on it. And you go... Are you happy now? You know what's crazy? Are you happy, Mark? I gave you multiple outs.

You know what's crazy? The best sex... No, I didn't. The best sex of your life, Mark, the best sex of your life, you'll probably never beat how great that felt. Well, when you're a boy... How are we getting that to a freshly-mated man? I've probably never beat how great that felt. Well when you're a boy, when you're a sweet boy,

how do we get here? A nude boy. I know you love her, I heard you. Nude boy, fucking Vaseline sponge. Can't beat that. Mark, I gave you multiple outs, Mark. I know, I know, but I've got to. He's rubbing his head, he's looking to the ground in shame.

Much like that day, I have to finish what I started. I respect that Mark, because I had to finish that bevy last night and I was hung over. Have you guys ever had oral sex before? Yeah. Because do you want to know what it's like? Given or taken. Have you ever gotten oral sex before? No. No. Do you want gotten oral sex before? No.

No, well do you wanna know what it's like? That's the wrong haul. I want you to imagine fucking the little hole in a DVD of American Pie. Nice. So sharp. So sharp. Sharp?

I don't think that's how it goes, Zach. It's like, put your dick in the little hole of the American Pie DVD. Zach, I don't, that's not how that story, it's that so... Because in that movie, on that DVD, were you to take that DVD out and not fuck it? That's what he fucks at the start of the film American Pie. He fucks the little hole, which was released I think before DVD was commonly available. He fucked the little hole in our DVD.

If you fucked the VHS, that's how you rewound it. Oh, right, and then you span it. Yeah, you hit it. That's how it started. That's how Blockbuster would take a bite. No, that's true. That part is true. That's why they had to shut down Blockbuster. Because people weren't fucking... You're smart.

I'm so hungover. But, no, if you were to play that DVD, one of the scenes in the movie is Eugene Levy's boy fucking a DVD of the film you're watching. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're watching.

And as we discussed, DVDs weren't out then, so ahead of its time. Wow. And what's really crazy is, and there's proof of this, there is evidence of this, they've done scientific studies. If you took your DVD and you wrote something on it, or if you made a mark on it, you put that in your DVD player, when the movie played, the DVD he's fucking in the movie would have the marking that you put on that. So not only is he fucking any DVD, there is proof that he is fucking the DVD you are watching.

Why is the movie called American Pie then? That sounds like- Because that's- because it's about fucking the DVD of American Pie. Sounds more like something David Blaine would pull off. Yeah, sounds like a magic. It sounds like a David Blaine, Chris Angel. No, no, you don't pull off, you just fuck it. Mind cunt or whatever his name is.

You just fuck it. You don't pull off the DVD, you just fuck the DVD. Yeah. And it's called American Pie because he's like dude oral sex feels like fucking the DVD of American Pie. Where does it begin then? It is there is I mean greater minds than me have not been able to figure out this paradox. Where did it begin? Where did it begin? We don't know. Chicken and the egg. Yeah, it's a real chicken and the egg situation. It's a true, because yes, so the DVD... Where did it begin?

I don't know, Broden. I think that fucking, I think American Pie, fucking the little hole in the DVD, is eternal, my man. I think it is an eternal concept. Well, I'm so hungover. I don't think it ever began. I'm so hungover. Yes, yes. Is it in the Eternals as well?

Nobody knows because nobody watched that. Someone's gotta watch it to find out. Someone, someone watched it. What brave individual, strong of heart in front of me, will watch Eternals? Nobody. Put Kamil Nanjiani to get that fucking ripped for a movie that absolutely nobody watched She never gave him a topless scene. He showed up on set. This is my favorite fact about that movie He showed up on set and she's like you didn't have to do that I'm thirsty I'm a drunk water in seven years. They said the same thing to Brendan Fraser on the set of The Whale. You didn't have to do that.

You didn't have to do that man. You're like gross, yuck, you look disgusting. Oh that movie, that movie, what a movie. What's that movie about? That movie is about a director telling all the women to scream as loud as they can and lucky that there's actors that I know are good in it because it wouldn't have done any service to Sadie Siggs. It's about a director going,

we don't need to do a screenplay, we've got the play. Shoot that. Oh, is it a play? Yeah. Oh, have you not heard of a play before? Oh, a play is a brilliant thing. I go outside and I play with my friends. Daniel does plays for work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he does something known as a one-man play. Yeah Yeah, he'll get up there and he'll go he'll pretend he's just having a chat with the audience I don't even understand what a play is. So why are you giving me examples of you know, you know Trying to break it down to a point. Do you know theatre? Willie Shakespeare. Yeah, Willie Shakespeare. Famous fisherman. Yeah. What did he do? Well he shook his willy off the end of a beer and that's where he caught the whale. That's the greatest. He's Scotland's answer to William Shakespeare.

Full circle. That's why he came up with the idea for the movie. You can have your William Shakespeare. We got Willie Shakespeare. The guys don't lead with that. It gave Willie Shakespeare. Such a rich culture. Why are you leading with Willie Shakespeare? He's actually up north, he's called Bobby Shakespeare. You're going through... You've got a real thick Glaswegian accent.

You've never been to Glasgow. Can you do an Australian accent? I can only do an Australian woman having sex. Okay, got it. Oh, I'm gonna cum. Oh, I'm gonna cum. Oh, I'm gonna fucking squirt. Wow.

That's that mate, that's what I know. No, that's what I sound like when I'm having sex. That's a good mark too. Oh fucking hoof it up my jacksy. Yeah that's Mark. Hoofer up my jacksy? Hoofer up. Why aren't you doing anything?

Hunter up my cunt, you know. Oh my god. Jesus, where? You reckon you were still drunk from last night? Good lord. You've woken up still drunk, mate. You have one woke clip go viral and then you do this to proof. We get it, you're edgy.

We do this to prove we get it, you're edgy! Oh my lord! Can you, Mark, can you do in response, because that's a good Mark, you didn't know, but that's a good Mark. It is a good Mark. Can you do maybe your sloss? You do a good me. I'm, I'm... You do a really good...

I'm hungry for some food! Do you see yourself in that? Oh my god. What do we find out? Donkey! I had a baby! Oh that's fat bastard. That's as close as I can do to a Daniel's son.

I'm layered like an onion, donkey! I just want to be left alone! I got two babies, one a itch! Leave it to my son! Yeah, That's right I FUCKED DEEP SO I HAD A BIRD I did say that He did say that

Deep comes make boys Shallow comes make girls There's no scientific proof There is science Boy comes are lazy So you put them right up next to the egg you like fucking they go get in there science and then a girl girl sperm can take direction oh yeah I don't I don't I don't know no yeah sperm sperm babies The sperm's the babies, the eggs of the house. Oh sure. Just like a chicken egg. Sure, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they go in there. Oh, okay. I have two kids. I've been looking like that. That's my son. That's Tom. I know Zara's known Zac for a long time.

He is speculative. He's, what's the word? He's a non-believer. Cynical. I'm a cynic, yeah. Skeptical. I'm like, yeah. What did I say?

You said, I think you said skeptical. Did I say skeptical initially? You said cynical. Cynical. But then before that? I, cynical. I'm a cynic, yeah. Skeptical. I'm like, um, yeah. What did I say? You said, I think you said skeptical. Did I say skeptical initially? You said cynical. Cynical. I am cynical, I'm skeptical. I wouldn't say I'm cynical, I'm a skeptic.

I think you said skeptical. Did I say skeptical? I think, skeptical. You said he's a receptacle. And I'm ready for any of you, right? As a skeptic. As a receptacle for what we're talking about. I call him a bin.

I'm ready to debate any of you. What? I just want you to know I'm ready to debate any of you. I just want you to know I'm ready to debate any of you. So come at me. Oh, we're gonna do Jubilee. You want me to do Jubilee? We're doing Jubilee. We're doing Jubilee.

I'm a sceptic. I'm surrounded by three. What's your position? My position is I'm a sceptic and you're all believers. This hangover has taken a dramatic turn. But then you have to say like, I believe believe that yeah, you got a staple episode of that You got to say what you believe you have to say what you believe and then we have to fight to get to the chair Hi, my name is um

Richard Dawkins, and I believe that there is no God and science is the answer and skeptical thinking Science is the answer and skeptical thinking. Get out of my way! That's a different Julie. Yeah, no, no, I'm just saying. If there's no God, explain this. Oh, okay, if there's no God, explain this. So what you're doing here is you're making your hands go wiggly. I guess you're making an argument for, I guess, I guess, intelligent design.

But I guess maybe, what would you explain that and how would you explain that? There you go. All right, next up. Fuck you got me. Yeah, I'm the best debater on all of internet. Come on, come at me. Is he, was his, was his... To be fair, that's like being the straightest Frenchman.

Is his, his, his, his, his, was his Scottish racist, would you say? No, you can't be racist to the Scots. And if you find a Scottish person who accuses you of racism, you're allowed to fucking kill that guy. Wow, yeah, right. Is that, that's permission? Legally.

Legally. Is that why Scotland Yard is in England? If I said something offensive to Scots, I wouldn't, because I have, I am, you you know half... You have said something, do you remember the most exact thing you said? Scott, all your food is saltless mush. Disgusting people with saltless mush, you're a scum people. The moment I cross the border, the moment I crossed the border to England, I've tasted salt for the first time in a month. The fact that you offer salt as an option at fish and chips shops, is it an indictment on your entire people? Is that what I said? I took you all out for Scottish lunch because you'd never had it before and I was very...

Oh yeah, you took us with your parents, your brother. I thought about that the other... Is this when I said the offensive thing? Oh God, what did I say? You said it to his mother. Oh God, what did I say? We took you out for the food and I was... Because we'd had similar discussion, you were like, Scottish food's shit,

I'll take you out for the best Scottish fucking food. And you were like, it's all tasteless mush. He took us to Jamie's Italy. Planet Hollywood on fucking the Royal Mile. It was right beside our area. Hard Rock Cafe. And then like the first two courses was, there was flavor in it, but it was objectively mush. It was a lot of mush.

We had haggis, you gave us haggis. The haggis, they put a crispy... To give it some texture. And when I took that bite, I was like, thank God. But the only reason they gave that to you is because when you walked in and you had teeth, they were like, okay, tell the chef... For the crunching munchin'. There's some crunchin' boys.

Oh, these look like they want some crunchin'. These look like some crunchin' boys. I can't do the Scottish accent on... No, you do a great job. It's like some crunching, I can't do the Scottish accent on you. No, you do a great job, it's wonderful. Can you say these look like some crunching voice? What did I say? Is that what I said? Do you want to repeat it? No, no, no, it was just that I was so desperate to try to impress you with Scottish food, you were like, it's all tasteless mashup, is it because you have no teeth? Did I say no teeth?

No, you're alright, we don't have teeth like that. Love the Scottish people, you know, my grandfather was Scottish, I never got to know him. And if you're a Scottish person listening, love you all and... I'm 20% Scottish. Yeah, of course you're right. You're white Australian. Yeah, love the Scottish people, never got to know... Oh wait, no, sorry, it's the Irish passport I can get. Fuck you. The way better passport, way better. Scottish passport can get you into England.

Oh, yeah. That's cool. Maybe if I walk into a shop and go, I want an Ambry. They'll be like, and I show them my passport, maybe they'll give me one. I bought Ion Brew in Sydney the other day. Ion Brew is still owned by a family.

It's, they didn't sell it to Coca Cola. It's one of the only places in the whole wide world where you can buy iron brew and more so than Coca-Cola. Nope, fault, meth. What? Oh, well, I'll find, what? Yeah, no coke, stop the high selling. Take it.

Oh, Jesus. I thought you, because of your accent. Aw. I just thought he said, no, no, no, it's meth. No, no, no. Because of his accent, I thought he said, no, no, no, not iron brew, it's meth. No, that's meth, it's meth. Oh no. Is it his accent? I thought he said, no, no, no, not iron, bro. It's meth. It's meth. Methylated spirits.

Meth is the... Methamphetamines are the number one selling? Does methylated spirits outsell iron, bro? Ah, fucking from a bunch of Aussies this is, but we like heroin. We like it naturally. You've seen T2? Still? T2 I love that movie

That's some souchong There's too many T2s now Sorry can I do my song guys? Zach prepared a song. Now I'm gonna do Can I do a Hey Hey It's a Day? Now off this album here it's Zach He's just touring Australia now he's doing fantastic It's Zach with What

Countries Do What Drugs. I like heroin. I like meth. Thank you. Good night. Gong. Oh no. Red Sauna.

Red Gongja mate, Red Gongja. I'm gonna turn the chair back around. Do you understand this reference, Daniel Sluss, of Red Gongja? He understands the heroin meth. Yeah, yeah. But no, what about more... Hey Hey It's Saturday. If I say red gong, do ya?

Red gong, no. Gong is like a gong show thing that I've done. Not a red gong. No, so the gong show was stolen from a concept called Red Faces on Hey Hey It's Saturday. Before that, there was no gong show. Is it? Yeah. Is that true? Are you claiming that you guys invented the fucking gong show?

No, it's true. Red Faces invented the gong show? No, it's true. Red Faces invented the Gong show. No, we... Yeah, absolutely. So here's what happened, right? I don't know. We were on the other side of the world. There was no internet. Yeah.

Sometimes some of us would go over to Edinburgh and see the world. Fuck you! You've got the worst, worst internet in the world. How dare you! Call yourself a first world country. That's it. I'm'm gonna write an email about that Yeah, we do have terrible internet yeah, yeah terrible cocaine Oh, I didn't know yeah real bad thing a lot of bacon soda in it. Yeah, and a lot of that means not that I do it No, I don't do anymore

You you and me who're nightmares to do cook with because of these fucking things. Oh, I just, yeah, I take up the whole bag in one short sniff. That's a nose joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got big snores. What do you think of my nose? I think it's a pity.

Has it been broken before? No. Would you like it to be? Oh, oh la la. That's a physical threat from Daniel first. I'm still hungover. It's the hangover, it's the hangover mate. I forgive you.

Do you know, I used to have a big nose when I was a kid and then I grew into it. Now if anything I'd argue I have a small nose. I just kept growing. I was like, there was like this moment when I was about 13, I was like, ah, finally my nose is just right. And then I kept growing, I'm like, no, no, no! Yeah, then we call him Tiny Nose.

Tiny Nose McGee. You walked, I walked down the street with him, and someone goes, that guy's got a tiny nose! What happened to your nose? Oh, there it is. So it was just, no, I couldn't. People are mad. Have you ever seen someone go and that guy has a small nose?

Uh, not a teeny. Voldemort? Voldemort has a teeny tiny. He has a nose in the way that you go on like a Vietnamese train and then you go to the toilet and you're like, where's the toilet? Yeah. Right.

What? As in who does that? Who's that now? When you go Vietnam, you get on like a travel and overnight train. What's that a comparison to? Voldemort's nose. And he doesn't have a nose.

You know when you go into those toilets in like Asia? Yeah, and there's a hole instead of a squat toilet. Yeah. That's Voldemort's nose. So you're not saying there's no nose, what you're saying is the nose is a hole and it doesn't have the infrastructure. It's like Henry the Hoover without the attachment. I believe Voldemort would still call what I call the lack of a nose.

I believe he would call it my nose. He'd say, I have a nose nose Harry. This is my nose. This is my nose. Oh yes, that's right. This is my nose. I think the lack of a nose. It's a small bump. I got off with a Qantas. Have you been to the toilets in Vietnam on the overnight train? Harry Potter. One time I got off with the Qantas air host and news was all over the news. Harry Potter. He fucked a flight attendant for Qantas.

What, like on the plane? Yeah and then the news, it was on the news. Fuck yeah. Our news media went wild. It was breaking news. Business or economy do you think? Business, yeah yeah yeah. Really? I, yeah, I got a I got a I Got a foot job on a British Airways flight economy. Really? Yeah. Yeah What wow was it just doing some laboring? I didn't know I did not know the woman who did it. Oh What what? Economy economy what? British Airways What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? bit of light-banner at the start. What? I just imagine, because he didn't quite know, I just imagine the foot sort of slowly rising up under the blanket and then gripping.

Like toes like that. I'm seeing a full scary movie. Yeah, of a bonobo ape just gripping it and then just from behind. I don't know why that's in my hand. No, I fully see that. I'm seeing it coming. It's not from, it's over or from, so you're sharing a road. Explain, explain, explain.

Talk us through the- Yeah, a BA, a British Airways. Can I just say before you talk? Business? No, economy. What? So, I am interested in the circumstances, the psychology, how it went down. I'm not in circumstances.

I'm more- I've got food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone helped in that situation. That makes a lot of sense. She voice-dries up her foot. I'm more... I've got full... Everyone helped in that situation. That makes a lot of sense. She voice-dries up her foot. But I'm more interested in the row, where you were, so you do need to talk about the stage. How is it like a 14 or a 12 hour flight? What are we talking?

Chicago to London, I believe. It's about 10, 10, 11. And have you been fed breakfast or dinner dinner, they put you to sleep? Dinner. Night time, night time flight. It couldn't have been good. It was surprisingly excellent. I don't understand.

No, that's, no, I'm, Was it clasp with both feet? I'm fully on board, I'm fully on board with, it was good. But now, He said it's excellent. You want to see it numbers? You said it's excellent. with it was good but now what we're trying to demonstrate here and this is why I need to understand like that. I think we're more graceful in life. But yeah. But first, where are we? If she's dishing them out in a flight it's not her first.

Where are you? Where is Lyle? If she's dishing them out on a flight, it's not her first. Where are you? Where is she? Middle row, four C. Middle row! So is it 3-3-3? It's a 3-4-3. 3-4-3. And you're in the middle, four. We're the only two in that.

Lucky! In the middle. In the middle. Ile is there. She's middle, right? Okay. Oh, no. No, I'm aisle is there She's there to there where at one point we're like, oh, maybe we'll move up. We don't say well, hang on What what so there's four in the middle for the middle but two people occupying for two people? Oh, she's on an aisle. No, no, no, she's beside. No, she's next to you next to me And then there's two spare seats on her left and you didn't say to her Can you move to the fucking aisle? No, no, no. Especially because we started talking. It was like banter. It was like banter. And they might get to that.

Yeah. So we... Broden Kelly's here going, God, all the times I asked him to move up, I could have got myself a footjob. I'm thinking back at it all the time. I imagine once you got to the end of it, she moved. Oh, no, no. Way worse. Wait, there were snuggles? No. Yes, I think this is where we're coming.

Alright let's start. What row? What row? It's two and four. Oh economy, right so we're there. You're in the middle. I could have put on my seatbelt. This might be too much to ask but do you know what kind of plane it was? Was it a triple seven, was it an Airbus A380, what are we talking here? It was a big international plane yeah. Because I can look up British Airways fleet if you want. I'll be able to remember, I remember this very vividly. 3-4-3, you know. So I go into put in my... Well you don't forget your first aeroplane footage.

No, please. No, no, no. I've forgotten all the ones since. Oh wow, wow, wow. Let's start with numero uno. Yeah. Alright, you're sitting there. You're sitting there.

Light banter. Light banter. Probably a dreamliner. Probably a dreamliner. And let me tell you, what a dream. Yeah. Alright, you're sitting there. You're sitting there. Light banter. Light banter. Probably a dreamliner. Probably a dreamliner. And let me tell you, what a dream.

Now are you on the, we're facing the pilot, we're facing the pilot. This is for no practical reason, I just want to build the picture in my mind. You're facing the pilot, right? Are you on the left? About two rows in front of us is like the wall, beyond that is still more economical before we get to premium business. There's a bit more, there's that kitchen area. And I'm-

Are you on the left or the right? I'm on the right of the aisle, she's in this one there, there are two empty seats, then there's another aisle and the three seats in the middle. It's a half-filled flight so like when they come down to like give us some drinks before the food, I'm like, I'll just have a red wine, she's like, I'll have a champagne. And the British airways stewardess is like, there's barely anyone on this, have fucking two each. And we both go, oh, that's good. Foot jobs.

Food comes out, another two bottles of drinks each. Food comes out, see how I'm like, you said food comes out. No. Oh, not yet for two. Thank you. out sound like you said food comes out thank you all right we're watching two separate films yeah what are you watching oh I remember I was watching the bit in American Pie where they fucked them all. I love that callback. Alright, so you're on the plane. Well in that circumstance, are they fucking like a screen on a British Airways? Yes.

Like, or do they still fuck a DVD? No, no, and Eugene Levy is wanking him off with his feet in this. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, it's mental. Go on. So we're sitting there and then I'm going to say we've had about five minute conversation. She's from Sweden, but she's like half Filipino. I'm like, I'm from Scotland. We talk about work for a bit, watching the movies. Meal finishes,

trades go up, crucial part. You didn't know you was a comedian? No, no, this is well before like, well before Netflix and everything. This is just... What? Also, did you notice I was in economy? Yeah. Of course. Of course.

So, I got my black over me, she's got her black over her, and then without any introduction or a question, she just reaches her hand over, she unzips my trousers, and she just starts jerking me off. That's not a foot though. Well yeah, you're a liar. So, you're a fucking liar.

I think we're gonna get to the foot. This man to this point has only got a handjob. Yeah, well she... Alright, let's see where this goes. She's a literal... She's a literal dork and I can't tell what... Well, right, carry on. Right, right, right.

She gives me a handjob to completion. I come with the hands and feet. Wow, carry on. Right, right, right. Gives me a hand job to completion. I come into the British Airways. I come into the British Airways. Plank it. I didn't ask for this, Mark. I said, I gave a more filthy story before. We're just gonna have to rate this episode, triple X. That's so funny that you are the one

who made this episode. Who went That's so funny that you are the one who made an episode who went beat through, beat by beat going through fucking a cushion, a frozen cushion. No, it wasn't, no the cushion wasn't frozen! And also the cushions were the butt cheeks and the sponge was the cushion. Okay, alright, alright, alright. Go on. What's happened to this pod in the last few weeks? I don't know!

We've had some vile fucking podcasts! XXX episode! XXX, too rude! Come in the blankie, stuff it onto the seat in front of us, she's like, we should probably share a blanket now, and I'm like, that makes sense. She throws it over us, now if you're me, you go this way, she's in, her headphones have never, she didn't even pause the fucking movie. So she, then about 10 minutes later, 50 minutes later, I'm still there like what's going on? She's doing this, her feet are over me, like her legs are over me like this. Congrats on the R.M. Williams, you have them for life. Is she barefoot?

She sucks barefoot. Barefoot. Okay, great. On a fucking plane. That's gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. well. She's taking them off There's our shoes are down there, but she's taking them off there And then like 15 minutes after the previous one with her feet she manages to get my dick back out my pants well boys

I'm not hungover anymore Why is this story over? We can cut it, we can cut it, keep going It's a bit worse So she gets your dick out of your pants with her nimble feet. With her tiny little Filipino toes. She unzips her Filipino toes. Your fly with her feet.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Unzips? Well, to be fair, it might have stopped down from the previous. But she does like. But she gets. But she manages to avoid the teeth of the fly.

But she didn't have any teeth on her feet, Mike. No, I mean of your fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, you're... Oh, this entire time I've been assuming this was a human. I'm not jeans on a plate. This entire time I've been assuming... Oh, you've got tracky dacks on you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's... It's just a... But, Mike, I need to say something very quickly, because the nibbleness of the feet had me confused, because we've heard a lot of details I just assumed it was a human not not a cheeky orangutan It's true orangutan

To negotiate bamboo trees Under the blanket with her feet two feet with two feet like so she's now you're sitting on the blanket. With her feet. Two feet. With her two feet. Lying. So she's now, you're sitting on the right, she's now lying? Yeah, she's taken up the middle. Has anyone noticed anything? No. Lights are down. Bullshit. And I'm constantly fucking looking, right? Cause I'm just like... Are you lying? She's lying. Yeah, you're freaking out. You're sitting up. What's your face?

I'm... I cannot believe... Cause I know, I'd be like... I cannot believe... Mark's doing a shocked face. What is. You've shocked Mark Banana. Yeah, that's why I came here boys. This is, I mean, this is the byline. This is the promotion. Mark Banana.

Just because I know, I know little babies listen to this podcast. So the link as well. You won't, as an article, you won't believe what shocked Mark. We got a thumbnail boys. That shot of Mark shocked. And like Mark Bonanno shocked. You won't believe what shocked everyone. It's just the context.

Including Mark. Let me get this little piece of audio and video for that promo. Man Mark, you're like the craziest guy I know. I can't believe you're shocked about this. And can you get like, you go, whoa! Whoa! Great. All right, carry on. Go on.

So he digs out. Between her pair of Jordans, she does that. I do another. We then have to get that blankie that goes under the seat. But there's four blankets. And four pillows. So we get the other blankie. Four pillows. You only need two pillows, Mark. Yeah.

Yeah. Can I get some sponges? Yeah, flight attendants, can you please put these, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, He's in the freezer, in the cabin. I told myself that year I was never gonna have sex. I was like, it's never gonna happen for you. I planned to fuck them after the movie. I've done my second cup. I go to the bathroom. I remember-

This came from Ray Fiennes? You remember Christ? I remember, I remember, I remember, it was visible, standing in front of the mirror in the toilet looking at, after getting a hand job before Joe from the woman, I didn't own a plane and just saying to myself in the mirror, nobody is ever going to believe you. Like nobody is ever going to believe you. And she was good looking. Have you told this story publicly before? I might have told it on, yeah, I mean I've bragged about it, it's a great story. Has it made it into a show before? No, no, no, no. I think you just maybe uncovered some

new material. Yeah. Wow. I get back to my seat, she's got the third comfrey blanket, we're getting that. And boys, I've had like a bottle and a half of wine and I've done two coms. I pass the fuck out for the remaining seven hours. I'm flying with British Airways next chance I get. And I'm sitting turned to him. Turn the lights off! I'm going to fuck him with my feet! You put the tray up and you're like, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, Broughton, brother, brother, brother, my man, can I have these pillows? Do you mind if I borrow your pillow? Going to fuck them.

Do you have any pussy-colored sponges? Shut up. They were just yellow and green. You're an Australian, very patriotic. Green and gold. A great story. When you work into your show, because you're a great storyteller and also you often go from funny and then you may often make very profound, powerful points.

Can you make this proof now? Can you make it not the funny story at the top, but your profound ending? And then... You make people reconcile with their parents. Somehow, somehow... Hey man, you said this to be a story. And then I realised in that moment, it wasn't about the footjob. It wasn't about that on the plane.

It was about that. That's why you gotta talk to your friends. Get them out there. You gotta do it, you gotta sort it out. That's what you gotta do. Because that's your footjob on a plane. A British Airways. Just you posting, you posting after it goes on HBO. You posting a bunch of screenshots of DMs I'm like hey, man. I just got a foot job on a plane because of you Hey man I just gave my first plane footjob

You gave me the courage to work something It's just you with a really stern look on your face it's called footjob Every time somebody bites their toenails my clips go viral Every time somebody bites their toenails my clips go viral. Well. Wow. Well what? That started, I just want to mark that, started with Ralph Fiennes. Small nose. Went from nose, your nose growing, to no nose, to Vietnamese trains, to...

And then it got there. Ralph Fiennes. When I brought up that fact about him I thought, what am I doing? There's nothing in this. Incorrect. Wow. How wrong you were. What a life you've lead. Wow.

Yeah. The most morally bankrupt bit of it, the bit I do feel genuinely guilty about is she's like, where are you flying to? And I'm like, I'm connecting to Edinburgh. She was connecting to Stockholm. And I was like, hey, I, at the bare minimum, owe you breakfast. Like, you know, come on. We got off the plane, she's like, that's a great idea. She's like, just give me five minutes,

I'm gonna go into the bathroom, presumably to wash her feet. And when she goes into the bathroom, I'm looking at the... And I realized that we weren't at the same terminal. And I just left, I ran and I left. How old were you this time? I was 26 or 27 and she was about 35.

Wow. Well, if you're listening... Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. If you're a fan of the Only Donald Podcast... I guess you could say she was my soulmate. And we'll leave it there. Why?

Mark, that was the perfect ending. Because I mated with her soul. That was the perfect ending. That was the perfect ending, Mark. I suppose I have a dish cleaning mate. What? I suppose. A fairy mate.

Yeah. A fairy non-bio mate A fairy not by all means. I just love the idea of... No, Mark. Yeah. Yes. I just realised, man, I've never actually met Mark's wife. It could be a sponge.

We finally meet Mark's wife. Two bags of Vaseline. A sponge and two pillows. One bag of Vaseline. One bag of Vaseline. Two sponges. Two pillows. Nothing was cold. I'd like you all to meet Mrs. Banana.

Freshly refrigerated. They're not refrigerated! Oh goodness. Alright, this is a separate thing. Daniel Sluss, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast. Thank you for having me. See you next time. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another RIP episode brought to you by Aunty Donna Club.com.

See you next week.