Aunty Donna Podcast - You're A Nerd with a Greasy Knob feat. Urzila Carlson

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Last time South African/Kiwi comedian Urzila Carlson joined us on the pod she threatened to chop off our dicks. It’s yet to happen, but this episode may be the moment she comes good on that threat. Or maybe we’ll just have a fun and silly time? Who knows, it’s an ever expanding universe with infinite possibilities so YOLO etc let’s go for it. LINKS Listen to our chat with Urz on her podcast That’s Enough Already - https://bit.ly/tea-urzila-auntydonna . Follow @urzilacarlson on Instagram https://bit.ly/urzilacarlson-ig . Buy tickets to The Magical Dead Cat World Tour - https://bit.ly/auntydonna-worldtour . Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig . Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/ . CREDITS  Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno  Guest: Urzila Carlson .Producer: James Blake Social and Digital Producer: Jim Cruse  Audio Imager: Mitch Calladine Supervising Producer: Elise Cooper  Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh   Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.com/ Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A list-n-a-production. G'day, legends and welcome to another repair episode of the Anti-Donna podcast. This week we're joined by one of the biggest comedians in Australia in Ursula Carlson. Last time we had Ursula on the pod she said she would come back and cut her feldics. Let's see if she comes through. Remember, you can get access to bonus episodes and the video version of the podcast over at anti-donnaclub.com. MUSIC Oh, that was incredible.

That was incredible. Yeah, long it took. Yeah. Took us. No, shame was incredible. That was incredible. Yeah, long it took. Yeah. Took us. No, shame, shame. Who has not been able to do it? No, we've been, we do this before every live show. Let's just start the poker.

Every show that we ever do live, we will clap in. And so we go into a quiet area and we, and we, and someone leads it, and then we just go like that. And click, click, click. Clap in your chest. It's about clicking in. It's about letting go of everything. And then as soon as that clap is done, you're all synced.

You go to a five out of 10 show. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You go to a three star show. I love a B show. Ursula, thanks for coming back.

No worries. I contractually had these. So it's great to be here. We get all our guests in on a five podcast contract. Right. Should I be able to hear you on my head front? Or is that just for the future? Yeah. It might be a, it might be a, it might be a little dial situation where you have to try to switch us. Oh, there we go. Now I can hear. I'm glad that we had

this conversation because I, you're all a little low in my head as well. So thank you for this. I'm just going to turn everything. Yeah. I know. Yeah. I made it to previously. Yeah. No. So just for both of you guys like, when you do this Everything yeah, I made you previously do it. Yeah, no, so this is something for both you guys like when you do a fucking podcast You go a little dial right? Yeah, and he's coming in hot. He's coming in hot. It's like now I T on this thing Yeah, yeah, I didn't realize I signed up to produce. No, it's not I T It's just very very basically looking at a dial going that might help you know I feel sorry for here. He's mum Yeah, imagine can you just help me I can't get my Facebook isn't and now this is the energy you'd go in with your mum

I beat you 100% pro. Oh, well, then we have a guest we treat them with politeness and respect Welcome to our pod. Thank you. Thank you so much. That's what you're most. The last time you were on you said you were going to chop our dicks off. Is that correct? Yes. Yes. And that's yet to happen to me. But I have an eye for an assatual. I'm ready to go at any point. I feel like it's important. To me, Fade, that was an Edinburgh. And Edinburgh, I think brings out a lot of darkness. It brings out the worst in Edinburgh. I've never pissed in so many sinks as I have in Edinburgh. I wish I could unhear that.

Why? There was a sink in my room and there was only one bathroom. I learned on that to how a toilet works. Because you know how flush, you flush it and then it all goes away, right? We out-housed and do that. So we had a bucket next to the toilet that you would fill with water and then pour that

in there. And the gravity and the level of the thing meant that the water would eventually make the poo and we go away. And I was like, hey, that's what a flush is. It's just water going in there. Nothing else. Yeah, dingus. That's where the tank is sitting up.

So if the guests are at the bottom, and the guests are rude to me, is that the same rule? Well, it's educational here. And this, this guest can't believe you could not figure it out when the tank water is sitting up hard, you push a button. And so that's basically you're just manually pushing the button on the tank. Yeah. And then you just figured that out. And you're just manually doing a diet. And you were grown as adult. Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry for this dingus of a ho- No, that's a nutter, you ho- Spread and kill.

But could I get you some hors d'oeuvres? That would be nice, actually. He tried to give you a macaron. Zach is a kind host, he's- Adiza and Macaron or macaron. I say Macaron. I think they're different things. Are they?

Yeah, one thing is like a coconut covered, a thing, and one thing is the biscuit sandwich which I don't know which is which a macaroni a macaroni is a macaron that's on an island to get off. Oh, these look fun. No, but these are all shit. Look, they make it look this is how this is like vaping how they sell vaping to kids. It's colorful. It looks fun, but it's not. It just looks pretty, but it tastes like shit. Hard disagree. This is spectacular. They're fencing macarons. They're not cold ones. They're from a fancy shop.

That just made you quite sick, so because I make them exactly the same. I don't really like macaroni. That all tastes the same. This is the subway sandwich of biscuit. You know, it doesn't matter what you get in the subway sandwich. The subway cookie is the subway sandwich of biscuits. No, no, no, no, because they don't have to. You can have the M&M one, you can have the macadamia, they all taste the same. And all these sandwiches taste exactly the same. You can be halfway through the subway sandwich and go, which one did I get again? You don't know. I agree with you there.

But the one the macaroni oruron I just had was passion fruit Well the reason I'm having two He's just literally plowing through all No, it's lower you've come in hard. Yeah, we should a taste challenge. Yeah, oh, I just want to find it Well, you ride or not so to do that I need to have two I wasn't really a taste challenge. I made a statement saying, bullshit. I've already tried them. You know, they were shit. I tried one. It wasn't. Okay. No, they're all the same breaking half. I'll have a half. What? No. Bro, I bought these for everyone. I need them all.

They're like $4. I thought they were free. I thought you got them for free. I thought they were lying around. I paid like a lot of money for 1.8. I will have a buy of this one. I got to try that one. Because this one, I think. You want to break it with your hand. You can't buy it and then give them the other hand.

I can't break it. What if you can't? What if you can't? No, it's accidental. What if you can't break it for you? But then I have to touch it, but I guarantee my hands are clean. I've not touched the dick in years So for those not watching just listen to oh

Breaking the macaron in I feel like I'm in church There we go. No, you'll get the bigger one. Thank you. Why does he get the bigger one because you've already plowed through one And now some of my fingers I didn't plow I think I ate it at a reasonable pace. No, you plowed Yeah, tastes like shit. I just ate a crumb of it. No, I've got some of my fingers. I didn't plow. I think I ate it at a reasonable pace. No, you plow. Yeah, tastes like shit. I just had a crumb of it, and I know it's not good. It tastes like butter. They all taste the same.

And I like butter. They don't taste like butter. They all taste like egg. Textually, they are all the same. Textually. Yeah, textually. Textually. It can't text you, will you?

No. You have to. With the willy. You can text with your willy. No, you have to. With your willy. You can text with your willy. I think you have to disclose. Like, this is a, this isn't text. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, you're like, actually use it to swipe the text on the phone. So you can text with your willy.

Yeah, you can text with your willy. Do not text your willy. See, this is where men get in trouble. I never would without consent. I always say, hey, would you like a spicy photo? You can text with your willy without consent. Oh yeah, that's it. You can say, hey, are we still meeting up

for lunch after this? Yeah. Yeah. I like them. I get into like a push up position. I put the phone on the floor. And I line up my penis and then I'm sort of like dropping it on.

I'm just kidding. I just treat my willy station. Yeah. And I just move for the phone. Yeah. My I just keep my willy station. Yeah. And I just move. Yeah. My penis makes a lot more sense. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like boomers, yeah, I imagine it's I really only like pray like I only like type with my willy I'm not big on swiping

It's a little uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, it's dry Yeah, and then it sticks to the dry willy Swiping with the Also, I guess the difference comes in if you're sick and so as this is not sick and well Yeah, and I'm not circumcised Yeah, you're in the middle what's that? We're not a decent circumcision? What if you're in the middle?

No, like the guy. You've just got a short foreskin. I'm not, I don't know. I'm not talking about anyone in particular. I have a short foreskin. Yeah, now we're talking about how exposed your knob is today. Yeah.

It's about the strength of your raw knob. Yeah. Yeah, and when you're up for swiping. Why have a fully exposed knob? I've fully exposed knob at all times, but I'm not circumsciing. Yes, swip away. Yeah, yeah, I have a full league because if you have a fully exposed knob at time, but I'm not circumsigned. Yes, swipe away. Yeah, swipe. You can swipe. Yeah, because it's joy. It's like I just imagined this joy. And then something like a dog like when the dog is sick or whatever, just buried a bone. It's just joy, crusty nose of a, that's what I imagine. Mine is soft and

crusty nose of a no mind is soft and and it's gentle. The dryness I can't like yeah, they're pretty dry, but it's not like it's not dry like a salada cracker or something like that. Oh yeah, you know, it's dry in a different way like not crusty If jerky is as pointless isn't it? It's a greasy. So you've got a greasy Because I'm Sicilian Mark has that's added to my that's a racist thing to say But yes, I guess the knob of the jerky of a jerky that probably needed another hour or two in the drive I made jerky that probably needed another hour or two in the dry. I made jerky. It's fresh. It's a little fresh. It's like, I'd still keep it in the fridge.

Yeah. But back to the macarons. You still eat it. You won't enjoy it as much, but you have a need. I enjoy a fresh salami and a fresh jerky. One that hasn't been cured for as long. Yeah. It's a little soft.

You just... I heard that you were in high school. You loved a jerky. Yeah. I think you were on the... And in adulthood as well. Right, mate. We've got a guess. Let's not be. Yeah. I think you're welcome. And in adulthood as well. Right, mate. We've got a guest.

Let's not be so rude. Zack, you're being unfair. You're holding me to a higher account. What have I done that's nearly as rude as your Mark Jerky joke? You said he had a greasy knob, didn't you? Yeah, actually. The Mark had a greasy. Yeah.

I agreed with our guest that he had a greasy knob. I was being polite. Do we want to talk about the manners of our guest and what we were? Well, we can take a thing about greasy knobs before I got here. Yes, that he had a greasy knob. I was being polite. Do we want to talk about the manners of our guest and what we were okay with? Well, we get things about greasy knobs before I got here. Yes, I think it's only fair. They're my greasy knob or just, no, just in general. Yeah, I was like, who I didn't have the number of. Takes me say, hey, I reached out to your GM

to get your number. I hope that's okay. What are you talking greasy knobs? Yeah. And I said, okay, hi, who is this sorry? Yeah, top of mind for me always, the old greasy knob. Yeah. You reach out to people often and ask them about greasy knobs. No, but you know what, you know, when you see those text messages online where people accidentally text the wrong person, and then it's so fun when they correspond with each other, that's never happened to me,

and I'm gagging for it to happen to me. I want that. I'd get a great five minutes with a projector. Yeah. Yeah. Although I don't I don't I don't perform with a projector. But you can get the project. I wouldn't. I'd explain it. I love your manager and say, can we get a projector? I would never do that. I would never do I'd rather work in a food court than get a projector. You don't do projector comedy? No. What about like a physical, like an easel with some photos? No, not even that.

No. What could we do today to make you walk out of here having a projector in your stand? Never gonna happen. I don't even take, like, I've got this great story that just happened and it literally happened. I got pulled over by the cops because I was speeding and I was a hundred percent speeding in New Zealand or here. Yeah. How much are you going

over? I was doing a hundred and one in an ID sign on Easter so you know they don't they do they fog yeah. Yeah yeah. They don't fuck about do you guys swear on your podcast? Oh no. Let me tell you, they fuck around. Yeah. You know, when the... So... We don't sweat. We talk about greasy knobs, but we don't use that. We would never say it's swear words. Like, no, so I got pulled over doing a 101, but my son was playing with a dinosaur mask in the car, and he put it in the back window of the car. And then in the car was me, my best friend, since we were 18, sitting next to me in the back

was my two kids and my mother-in-law. The full car. The full car, we were on our way to Churchill, the buzzing with chopperers, that is. That's what it's next from. What are you doing in Churchill? I don't want to talk about it, but let's get back to that.

Yeah, absolutely. I'll talk about that in a more uncomfortable Churchill. I know, I've got all the cigar stuff for you. Anyway, so I was on my way to Churchill and got pulled over and then the cop comes up to the lady police officer, comes up to the window and she just kind of leans in and she goes, what's up with the dinosaur on the back? And I've never been set up like this before. I said, have very dear, that's my mother-in-law.

And I was outling. My friend was howling. Even the kids were laughing. Six and nine, they got the job. We were all the police officer. I thought she was going to fall over. We were laughing so hard. And then I just look up in the river of Merra

and my mother-in-law just had an arms crossed. Real person that made this sitting in the back. And what do you think that would be better with a few photos and a flake of a picture? No, because see how I just explained that and you could all visualize that. No. Imagine a photo of the dinosaur. Do everything exactly the same.

I even explained it in the show because now I've been using that story in the show because then I feel like I've used it as materials and now it's tax deductibles. Yeah, exactly. Did you know they gave you the phone? Yeah. 360 bucks and 3D's tax deductible. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, they gave you the fine. Yeah, 360 bucks and three numeric points, but they can't get the numeric points because I don't have a Aussie license. You can't take what you don't have.

Oh, really? So you have to pay the dollar. I'm not Russell Crowe. And Russell Crowe, get your missile from my license. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know, I've never lost the numeric point in my entire life. Well, no, not a lot.

No, you don't have, no, I'm not a nerd. You are a nerd, you are. The grease in nob. I are a nerd, you are. I'm a greasy knob. I'm a coward, all mad. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But I've never lost the dimirip. You don't have a license. But that was not ever like that. And from Churchill, was you can't get anywhere? Like it's not like you're going to uber out of Churchill. Yeah, no.

Well, I turned 18 just as I kind of went to university. So like in Ballarat, where you also couldn't get anywhere. Yeah, I was going to say you basically have to time travel to get out of Churchill. We'll leave the eight mid eights. Their idea was that we walked in and said, what idea do you want to do for this podcast? You said, have a wrestle.

Yeah. So, before we move on to that, yeah, we just wrap up the macro. Okay, the macro runs thing. I didn't, what else was there to do? I had some things I wanted to say. Get it out of this, the Macaron's. For context, Zach bought $900 worth of macaroons,

which is five, yes, six. Tax deductible now, because we've turned in the contract. Yeah, yeah. And at all tastes and smell exactly the same. Well, see now, here's the things. Sounds like raw egg. I don't think that they taste the same. They have a different flavoring through it.

I had a cookies and cream. I had a passionate fruit. They were distinctively different. However, they're passionate fruit. Yeah, passionate fruit. I'm gonna throw away the stuff. Are you doing this? No, I said passion fruit.

I'm tired. Did you say passion fruit? But maybe I did. I'm tired and absolutely wrong. Distinctively. Did I? Did I say that? No, he did. I said distinctively. I'm tired, I'm stupid. You also said distinctively wrong. Distinctively. Did I? Yes, did I say that? No, he's a distinctively. I was on board with me saying Distinctively. No, he said Distinctively. But I like

Distinctively. Yeah, it's a bit more distinctive. That's when it smells. It feels like a line of new instinctively. It feels like a funny little movie. Distinctively, yeah. Distinctively, positively. Oh, yeah, it's a good way to make to add an extra syllable to getting into a song. But, welcome back from the ad break. I just wanted to say before you talk about the Macaron's mark, where I'm not going to go you for this pronouncing things.

We're all very tired. Yeah, passionate fruit is funny, though. That was my point. I don't want to stop. But that's magical. Yeah, is that implies that the fruit has sort of an emotional state? Yeah. Rather than a passion fruit, it could be an important fruit. Yeah, it was just apple flavor. So what I was going to say was, well, what flavor was this passion fruit?

Yeah. And that's funny. That's a funny thing that you can do with that. Yeah. So if you do anything like that, I will address it. Otherwise, we'll go with it. Well, what I wanted to say was that you're right in the sense that they're disgusting, because after two, I feel fucking horrible. Yeah. They have the same texture, which is gross, and the egg, the egginess is spot on.

Yeah. So in the end, while I disagree that they all taste the same, everything else you've said is spot on, and I agree. That's the same as the Pavlova. Like Australia, New Zealand's fighting about the Pavlova. I go, keep it. Whoever came up with that as an idiot. Yeah, you can have a close duel because then you smell that raw egg and you just want to swallow a path. Do you know in our second show we had a light, we opened the show with a rat. Yeah. And we were going on an adventure. And it was about going on this adventure.

And what would you know what it rhymed with? Going off with a bang. Going off with a bang. Mark had a limer, he's like, well, here we go. We go on off with a bang. And he'd walked on stage and he'd been on stage for about four minutes holding a small meringue. And then he goes, you know, here we go. We're going off with a bang. Going to get you're just started. Ignore this meringue. And he'd throw it away. And I was like, you know, he's waisy holding a meringue. And then five minutes in it. It's a payoff for a I was like, you know, he's whaisy holding a meringue and then five minutes in it. It's a payoff for a rhyme. So as you know, but for the first,

that we did 12 shows, first 10, Mark forgot the meringue. He forgot to bring the meringue on stage and would only remember when he said bang that he needed to be holding a meringue. And every night we'd be like, don't forget the meringue. And you'd be like, I'm not gonna forget the meringue tonight. I'm not, here it is, I've got the meringue. And then it'd get on stage.

And he'd be like, here we go. We're going off with a bang. Oh, it's gonna start. I forgot the meringue. And then I would start, first time, he'd be like, I forgot a meringue. And then the second noise, I forgot the meringue. And then by, it, by performance 10, he was like, I forgot the meringue. And then by, it, by performance ten, he was like,

I forgot the meringue. It's becoming a point of like, I'm having early onset dementia or something because I cannot for the last of me. Remember this fucking prop. But then, so the audience was still on board with it? It's still a lot of work. Yeah, it's almost like describing shit works and you don't need to show the audience.

Isn't that amazing? Imagine if there was a project you were going to get to prop now. You're also against props. I'm against any of that shit. Any of it. What about a microphone? I mean, if you're a pussy, you can use one. I guess no.

You famously no matter how big the show is. You're the ones that thousands just screw me. Actually, I just recently did a show in my mic cutout. Yeah. And I, I didn't really notice and the crowd didn't really notice. And then I just realized the full bag was required. So I said to my two-manage, I go, did my mic die? And he said, from the back of the room, let me go check.

And he went there to check. Then he came on stage and gave me a different voice. No one noticed. I was just carrying on the show. Where were you performing? It was in the UK. So it was only, I think it's 300 CDR. That's so...

That's a lot. Yeah, very impressive. But I've got a voice on me, mate. Don't you worry about that. We didn't, we went to microphones way too late in our career. We used to have really loud music and we just scream. Yeah. And then someone was like, I think you need microphones there. Yeah, this is a lot in your career. We used to have really loud music and we just scream. And then someone was like, I think you need Mike. Yeah, there's a lot in your mouth.

Yeah, you're popping up loud. I wish that that wasn't true. Yeah, that's the only way I'm ready. For the first few years, we have these light shows, we just scream over music. And people go, there's these guys suck. These are fucking awful. And then one day we genuinely realized that they couldn't hear us. And so we got all these microphones set up, we got mixing people, we got the sound stuff, and then it didn't change the feedback.

People still said the show was off. Yeah, yeah. And so now we do the same shit show, but with microphones. So they can clearly hear, at least they can give you proper feedback, go, that song was shit because. I'll clear it.

If there was only a meringue in the hand so a wrestle yeah okay yeah we're gonna do a wrestle is that is that well that's what urs brought so do you mind me calling your urs yeah go for a broads no no no no no bro then sorry mate we accept the nicknames of our guests. I'm so sorry. Brods. Right. People call me bro a lot. Bro. I call everyone bro. I'm sorry. I thought I put the key what your keyway. So I even call women, bro. So this was me off and people get really and I know it's a real hot topic at the moment, but I call everyone guys. Hey guys, if I walk into a room, it's not a dude specific or I just think it's sort of a blanket,

you know, English words that you can call a collection of people, guys. And the same with Bro, like I even call my mom Bro. I Bro, you want a cup of tea and she, you know, like I don't think it's, I was, Bro as in friend. Yeah. But now, yeah, yeah. But now I get in trouble for that. I don't call people bro because I know bro Yeah, and sometimes I'll say hey bro tomorrow. Yeah, and bro will be like oh, yeah No, I'm not talking to you, but I'm talking to bro. Bro. Yeah partners are called Annie Yeah, same same same I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm on it. Yeah, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're are, we're still white. We're still white.

We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white. We're still white I just think if you have like in the African culture and many cultures have multiple ways and I just think it's so beautiful because then you can have one you know that's sort of real passionate about say pta in school stuff and all of that and then that's taken care of and one that's really passionate about you know cleaning and one that's really passionate about fucking et cetera so then you know it covers everything. This is quite like a Mormon that Mormon sect sort of in that thread.

Well, because that was the Mormon guy, the guy who created Mormonism. It's the funniest thing. He was like, he wrote, it's Farah's eye understand it. Yeah. He was like, hey, there was a third testament, I just discovered it. And everyone was like, oh, he's like, come follow me. And then he was like, oh, there's some more things. God's visited me again, there's some more things. And then just one day he was like, oh, you came back and things. God's visited me again, there's some more things. And then just one day I was like, oh, you came back and he said I'm allowed to have more than one wife.

He just did it like later in his life. He was like, oh, it turns out we can have more than one wife. All right, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just making the shit up is your girlfriend. Yeah. But have you ever like on Twitter?

If there's like, in New Zealand, we've got this guy who's like, you know, he's God's, he's basically God, right? Yeah, New Zealand. Yeah, like Brian, um, Tomaki, Bishop, Brian, Tomaki. And then he's like, like he keeps changing his title, but he's basically a reckons his God, right? Right.

So he's got this huge, uh, following and, um, every now and again, he'll say something on Twitter and then all respond to him. But the same with his, that rugby player that said about the guys are going to how? Israel for now. Israel for now. This is, you know, the boy will say this, but then if you go them on Twitter, I go, God appeared to me in a dream last night. Yeah.

And I said to Israel for now, God appeared to me and he said, you should delete your Twitter account, you're a fucker. But they don't believe that. They don't believe that God will come and talk to me. God only speaks to them. I'm like, how's that possible? Like, this dude, so what, he only speaks to me. That is the best argument back here, isn't it?

Actually, I actually spoke to God too. Yeah, yeah, and since whatever information you got, he's changed his mind. Yeah, he told me he was just being sarcastic when he's been here. Yeah, yeah. God said, I was just taking a piss out of you. And now this is where we're at.

Now what are we going to do with it? It's like maybe we're going to have to. Yeah, God, did you need to step back? Bro. I just got off the phone with you. Well, would you like to meet some heightened characters or something? Sure.

All right, we'll give you an option of a few and you can pick which ones you'd like to meet. Yeah, or do you even want to just create one and want to have anyend characters that you do? No, no. But do you like reals? You're a noble shit straight down the line. No project, no project.

The only reason I do stand up is because I'm basically that dear editor, lady, in her late 60s from 1983. And I just pump out letters all the time. But now I, the letters have stopped. So now I just have all of that. And I focus that on stage to the people. And a lot of people come and see that. Yeah. Go, you know what's wrong with people nowadays? They come make a cup of tea. People would milk in first. Then the tea bag, then the hot water. Which is wrong. It is wrong. Actually, it is wrong. It is so wrong. But you see, now the tea bag, then the hot water. Which is wrong. It is wrong. Actually, it is wrong. It is so wrong.

But you see now, the thing is, when is we at Circular now, where if you've made, like, we're, because we're all making substandard children now, because, you know, they're all allergic to everything. And they sort of now slowly becoming teenagers. And, you know, when you were pregnant or whatever, you sort of go, it's OK to have half a glass of wine. You know, like, we'll go sometimes it's okay.

You know, you go through these fashions of work. It's okay to have a glass of wine. And then they go definitely no abuse. No, you can have a glass of wine. Yeah. There was on which obstetrician you're saying, right? And then you see that teenager make a cup of tea and you go, I shouldn't have had that glass of wine.

It's a... It's a bit perpetually drunk. Yeah, yeah. Just making bad decisions and putting in the milk. I should have had that glass of wine. It's a... It's a... It's a petually drunk. Yeah, yeah. Just making bad decisions and putting in the milk. I think it's the first time an obstetrician's been mentioned on the only done important thing. Maybe. And so you were saying you don't do heightened characters because of that?

Yeah, just because I can't be fucked really. I am a heightened character. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, I love it. Did you use the right letters to the editor? Was that a thing you used to do? No, I used to work for the newspaper, so I used to open them. I used to love it so much. Yeah. I would take all the letters, go guys, we're getting it. And then I would read it in our lunch times to the other people like, oh, because you get like the regular ones that would write it in every week, okay, we've got this one.

So this is in the early 90s, you know, where people would still like they wouldn't put their name at the bottom like anonymous, but then the return addresses on the underlap, within name. Andrew's written to us again. Oh, that would have been really special. Oh, it was so amazing. Yeah, Broden set up this height and character thing and I think that's fun. Do you want to just like your tone suggest that it's just

Your tone suggests You know, it's sort of what I do Not good, but that's would you like to meet out South African characters? Please oh god Oh god, I was worried. I don't I don't have one. I'm I'm the folly when they play I'm the foil I suppose. Yeah, the foil. You have a straight guy. Yeah. Yeah, someone say, um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna be doing South African. Yes, I do. I do. We did these characters on Netflix and one of the very few notes we got was this will make South

Africans turn off. I. Let me hear this. I'm going to make a take note. Right. Can you introduce them? Sure. So I'd like you to meet my friends. Their name are, their names, Sam and Sam. They're from South Africa.

They now live in Perth. Hello, Mark. Hi, you today. Good. Thank you, Sam. Hello, Sam. Hello, Mark. Hello, Mark. Who's this here?

This is the... Oh, no, we're talking to you. Who is this? Who is this, Sam? Are you serious? This is like our most famous export, Sam. Oh, that's right. It's Urzalukov.

So, you're Urzaladian at the Perth town hall. You are so good at it. You're the remondent me of Jadburg. For $4,000. I thought that was I'm Urzalad. But you're also the hathie-co-k kiwi accent is you sound like everyone said you sounded South African, but no, you sound about like 90% of the population of Perth is from South Africa, basically, but you know, this is all you can do when you're on.

No, I see. Yeah, if I can give you some feedback. Yeah, absolutely. Can we do one bit more? Okay, yes. I've read the power of one. Yeah, if you read the power of one, it's a very powerful book. Right. And then we're looking for sugar men. You know, search. Oh, searchable sugar men, yeah. I just told everyone to watch it. Are they still there?

That's a good lie. We loved him, but we thought he was a dad. Oh, man. So you have to say, Oh, man, Quarulo. Alright, we're going to the character. Two gentlemen always say it's a shame, man. Oh, shame, have to say, oh man, I'm not going to let him to the character. Two gentlemen always say, shame man.

Oh, shame man, no, no, oh, shame man. Oh, no, you know, we know God here. I was so scared I wouldn't get a copo. But I just went in the copo. Copo. Yeah, I just found the copo, cried out so the frown. Rolled out so the frown.

Oh, man, I was so blurry lucky. Oh, my. You have to chuck in a few more blarries. Blarries. That's blurry, amazing. That's blurry. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. The character. Oh, come on. No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Like, you can just literally say that for 10 minutes

and that's a whole conversation. That's right. we're gonna add more ah, bloody shame man and copper. Oh, shame man. Mark the cop-ock. No, I got popped the cop-ock. Yeah, I got to the garage and you know, garage is a service station.

Oh, that is a good garage. And robots, robots. Robots, robots. Stop did the robots. Yeah, so you stop when you go, like you can go down three robots, then take a lift at the garage. It's a shell garage.

Right. Oh, man. Oh, man. You know it. You take a lift at the shell garage. And then at the next robot, you turn right. And then at the next robot, you turn right again. And then you just keep going right until you're right into your moor. Moor is the same.

This is a sister's a mentor. A mentor, yeah. I just like people to call me ta. Ta-ra-dain, yeah. Everyone goes to the front of the name. I like the end of it. Ta-ra-dain, yeah. Ta-ra-dain, yeah.

But their name is same as well, ma'am. Yeah. So three same's now. We're all from good. Oh, man, it's so good. Oh, shaman. Oh, shaman. Oh, shaman. Oh, shame man.

Have you ever been to Perth? Have you been to Perth? Do you sell when in Perth in your show? Oh, yeah, I just sold two stadiums. She's kicked the fuck out. Did you really? No, seriously, seriously. Geniusly, genuinely.

That nine won the blue one? No, I don't know what the name of it is. Doesn't matter why would you get it? HBF, HBF. Oh my God. That's incredible. What is your opinion on doing comedy in that large of a space? Is it a bit, HBF, HBF's. Oh my God. That's incredible. What is your opinion on doing comedy in that large of a space?

Is it a bit? Is it like, I don't have favorites. Like, because I just did the UK, and it's small of any is like 200, 300 CDers, right? But then I also do like the 6,000 CDer in Sydney or those, those, you know, basketball arenas, which is only 4.5 thousand but It's all the so like

They special in different ways. I guess is like picking a favorite child Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which most people can do. Oh, yeah, absolutely my mum can yeah, she does often The first time we stepped up in number to like a bigger room the most we've probably done is like two and a half Like yeah, and we're used to at most a thousand. What I felt right is you know when you're in trouble shows though, yeah, multiple shows of two and a half. They're quite a few in a row actually six, six, 13,000. And but I was like, it was crazy here you go, that's like because if you're in Melbourne, right, the most people tickets that the best like the not the best the biggest people sell is around 20,000 a bit more 25,000 that's what you sold you when you won the most ticket sold no, that's what I want to do

So you're gonna win then probably oh Great awesome take it fucking shit on Tommy little and Daniel sloss Anyway That can also take a shit on Tommy Little and Daniel Sloss out in there. Anyway, I go like, that's so many, because it takes a month to perform for that many people. If you do it in one night, like Jesus Christ, I hope I did a good job on that one show. Yes, it feels like a lot of people are bad ones. Yeah, really bad ones would be, like if you do a shit show and there's only 120 people, okay, how many people can they possibly know?

That 120 tell, three people, those three people, and you're gonna go, okay, mathematically, I'm a little bit fucked, but only less than 4,000 people fuck. Yes. But if you fuck up in front of 10,000 people, you go, oh come from. That's just me.

That's the city done. Yeah, I'm done. Take one of the. You were three stars show that night. You're cooked. Yeah. So it's a lot of pressure. So you're doing that every... Because if you're in your main room town hall...

Yeah. And so that's like what? One for. One for every night. Do you like that room? Yeah, none hated. I love it. I think it's here five for me in there.

Wow. We did one show in there one year. And it was... It was awful. What's it? It was awful. But we also had to, we also did the show at Max Watts and then literally ran off stage and then did the second show at the Hanhall. So the room wasn't right for us but also we were very tired.

But those listening Max Watts is a 400 cedar with a really low roof. I would say one of the best rooms for comedy in Melbourne. Well, I think for musical comedy, I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. It was for actual, I've struggled there every time I've played there. I really did. I really did not enjoy the room. That's amazing.

Yeah. Because yeah, then we went to Town Hall and it's like, I feel like all the laughter goes into the roof. But I have to say, this year's the first year, and all the years that I've performed at Town Hall, that they got the sound right on the balconies. Oh, that might be the difference. That might be the issue.

Because every year I get people go, we couldn't really figure out what you were saying. The sound was so muffled. And now this year they've got new music and stuff on the... They got stuff on the roof to like make it sound better. No, no. But with those speakers, it's amazing this year.

I haven't had one complaint about sound where every other year I of head complaints about sound. There you go. Well, it's only took a long, how long have you taken? Five years. Five years, five years. Five years and then 20 before you. Yeah, yeah.

We can wrap it up now. Well, thank you so much for coming on. No worries, thank you for having me. Unfortunately, we had no time to wrestle, but next time, next time, we'll... And so you said now, so now in the third time, you've got a chop of your cocks and wrestle. And wrestle. That's a big commitment. And so you said now, so now on the third time you come, you got a chopper there, Cox and rest. And wrestle.

That's a, that's a big commitment. And also a very visual. I've actually, I'm, I'm going to take the, chopping the cocks off the table after the greasy knob chat. I don't want that because that'll probably probably try it out. No, no, that'll fuck up the race of the stuff in my bag. I don't want to do that. What if I bought some sort of snap lock?

No, you keep it, you keep it. Doesn't it get greased on her? No, I don't do that. What if I bought some sort of snap lock? No, you keep it. You keep it. It doesn't get grease on her knife. I don't, yeah. This is coming in. It's hard to hold onto. No. My hand keeps slipping off. Now I'm giving you a hand job instead of just cutting it off.

Would it help if I had a greasy knob? Does that help at all? Mm. Do you though? Like no. No, it doesn't. Rodin's knob is famously dry. Yeah.

Not notoriously dry. It's like a dry, that's no. No. Rodin's knob is famously dry. Yeah. Not necessarily dry. He is dry. That's it. Yeah. Word is is all everyone has heard word of rodents dry. No. You have a podcast. I do. What's it called? That's enough already. No, no, no, no, we should. There's a chance we've already been on it, but you can listen to what was it called again? That's enough already. That's enough already. We're ready. We're ready. We're literally going to stop recording and then go and do your podcast now.

Yes, let's do that. Let's do that. Right. Now. You've been listening to the Antidona podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip-up episode brought to you by AntidonaClub.com. See you next week! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Listen up!