Bachelor Happy Hour - Bachelorette Clare Crawley Stops By

Episode Date: June 23, 2020

She’s about to film her season of “The Bachelorette,” but first, Clare Crawley stops by “Bachelor Happy Hour”! Find out what she’s looking for in a partner. Plus, she reveals why she thinks love hasn’t worked out for her in the past.Then, Clare shares how she’s grown over the years and why she’s seeking someone who “wants to do the work.”Be sure to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials is easier. Complex problem solving. Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York state number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back, Bachelor Happy Hour listeners. We hope that you've been doing well and growing throughout this past week. And of course, hopefully loving all of the recaps that we've been doing, well, I can't say we,

but what the franchise is doing with the greatest seasons ever. I know I have been loving it. But today, we have a very exciting episode for all of you. And Rachel, this is probably one of the most requested interviews that we've been asked to do from all of our followers out there. And so I am thrilled to announce our next Bachelorette Claire Crawley on the podcast today. And since she was announced as The Bachelorette, you guys have been sending in so many questions, so many comments, so many thoughts for her. And so we really wanted to get into some of those with her direction. today. Absolutely. Becca, you said it so well. It might have been me who was writing in all those requests that can we have Claire? Can we have Claire?

But I'm excited. I know you're excited to have this opportunity to talk to her. And I mean, Claire's obviously no stranger to the bachelor world. But on these shows, you don't really get to see the whole story. You only get to see a glimpse. And now we're going to tell Claire's story. So I'm excited that we get to have this conversation, in-depth conversation with her today, and hear about her journey to get here.

she got here. So I'm just really excited that we get to have this in-depth conversation with her today and just learn and hear more about her journey, where she's been, how she got to where she is today, what she's looking forward to and hoping to get out of this incredible experience that she's about to embark on. Yeah, Rach, you said it best, like, when we're watching shows and seasons back, it's like you only get a glimpse of somebody's life, of who they are. You know, each season we get a two-hour episode on Mondays. Like you don't really get much more than that than what's being portrayed. And I have a feeling with Claire, like just talking with her since she's been announced as Bachelorette and through DMs and messages, like there's so much more to her that I really want to get into right now and give the world a little bit more background before we see her on our screens because I think that's really important. And so I can't wait to chat with her. I feel like she has a lot to say. And we've never done this before, I think, where we've had a lead prior to their season come on. So it's going to be a good time.

Yeah, I have nothing to say. I don't want to wait anymore. Let's bring her on. All right. So everybody, like I said, you guys have sent in so many questions. And we want to get to as many as possible because I have a feeling we're going to chat for a while. So everybody, let's get to it. Please welcome Claire Crawley.

I feel like we should start singing, finally. It happened. That's how I feel. We've been like, when are we going to talk to Claire? When are we going to talk to Claire? I'm so happy. We finally get to do this. So excited. I was saying on my Instagram earlier, I realized I have not done a single podcast. I haven't really talked to anybody this entire quarantine. So I am like, let's do this. I feel honored. We're the first. We are the first. Claire. You're going to look back on this quiet time, like pre-podcasts and interviews and be like, damn, I wish I had that back because pre- soon you will be talking constantly and after a couple months you're going to be so sick of hearing your own voice so you're going to look back on these months and be like if only i could appreciate that more oh hopefully i'll have a lot more to talk about so we shall see yeah well we we have a lot to talk about so let's just get us started now first off we know a lot's going on since we announced you at we as if we have the power since they announced since they announced you as the bachelorette Like the world is completely different from that time you were announced to now.

So how have you been? What's been going on? Like kind of catch us up a bit. It was just, it was something that was crazy. Like I was ready for you're getting to that top of that roller coaster, right? And then once that once I was sent home, it was like, oh, I'm alone and I'm by myself. But then honestly, all the pandemic stuff got real serious, real fast. And that honestly took over my life.

and took over everything and I don't know with my mom my mom is in a memory care facility so that was first priority for me and other I mean I guess just health staying safe saying healthy just took prior to precedence and took priority over everything so I've just been living in that world and that's the world I'm used to I mean not quarantine world but regular everyday life is what I'm comfortable with so I just went back into regular mode but I've just I mean it's literally like I said that roller coaster you're kind of waiting and I feel like for the last three months I've been and at the top of that roller coaster waiting for it to like, what's going to happen? Well, Claire, you have, I think, now taken the trophy in the longest ever Bachelorette because of this time,

because you were announced months ago. And before we get into talking about the upcoming season, we want to first start this off by introducing our listeners to the world of Claire Crawley because, sure, we know bits and pieces, but there's probably so much more to you that since we have the time before you, start filming. Let's utilize it. So Claire, we're going to pass you the mic for a second. So just tell us a little bit about who you are, what you're all about. Well, I love, I love saying, I love having this moment. First of all, thank you for giving this space to even talk about this stuff, because I think there are so many new younger followers of The Bachelor, Bachelorette,

that a lot of people have been like, I don't even know who this girl is, which is totally cool, totally fine for me. But the people that do know me know Claire six years ago, Claire five years ago and no five minutes of my life. So thank you for the space to even talk about this because there's so much more to it that I think when I had the initial meeting with the producers and stuff, even about being Bachelorette. To be honest, I didn't even know that they obviously had me in mind or anything like that. And I don't think they really had me in mind, but it was when I sat down with them and

kind of gave history of what's been going on my life since even I was on one Pablo's season. that they kind of got a grasp of really like she's been doing the work, you know. And a lot of it's not public either. I don't really have a public Instagram or I just live my regular everyday life. So what's been going on in my world? What, I mean, I don't know. Where do we start, right? Where do you guys want to start?

I will ask you a question because I'm a person who didn't watch the show before I was on it. So it's like, once you get in this fraternity, sorority, you start learning about different people and you're a name that would come up. And so, like, I would hear certain things about seasons and stuff you were on. But you bring up a good point. That was many years ago compared to where you are now. Yeah. So if I'm going to put you to a little challenge, if you had to sum up in one word, maybe two or three,

who Claire was five years ago so people can have an understanding versus who Claire is now in one to three words. What would those be? In one to three words. no pressure at all right right i am before even i think coming off of wampalo season um we can talk i guess about how that moment was pivotal for me but um i was weak um i didn't know who i was i was um somebody that's more than three words right um i just wasn't um self-aware i guess um and now coming from there and doing all the work over these last, you know, all in my 30s,

I'm an empowered woman now and a strong woman. And I would say even more than being a strong woman because I'm not always strong. There's many times where I am very weak, but more than anything, I would say I'm a courageous woman now. And even when I am weak, I still have the courage within myself to do hard things. And that is something that I'm proud of now. you know what claire i am so glad she took more than one to three words to explain that because it was powerful you better preach this is what people have been i'm going to try to not go off on a tangent

but during the prior seasons these last few seasons people have been preaching that they want someone who's more mature who's had some life experience and who understands this who knows who they are before they enter this journey so they're not trying to figure themselves out and the journey at the same time So to hear you sum that up from where you were, you know, five to six years ago to where you are now, this, this, everybody listen. This is the Bachelorette we need. I'm telling you, someone who knows who they are so they know what they want. So this, I want to see you navigate through all these men and these relationships because it's going to bring a whole other different element. You're going to raise the bar for sure. Oh, I can't, I can't wait. I have a question playing into this because you mentioned being more courageous now. So I think that is such a good sentiment because for any of us who've gone through the show, you know, it's scary as all hell, putting your life on the line, saying goodbye to your family, goodbye to your friends, not having your phone, any sort of normalcy. And so to put yourself out

there not only like once, but to do this again and say, yes, I'm ready. I want this. That does show courage because you are fighting for what you want. You hopefully want that strong partnership. One thing that, okay, I always say this, and I hate this phrase because it's so cliche, but I truly think everything happens for a reason at the right time, when it should. And so for you, you know, we saw you on Juan Pablo season six years ago. Do you think had you been offered the chance of Bachelorette right after that? Like, you would have been prepared. You would have been in the right headspace mindset for that role. 1,000 percent, I was, we had, I had gone down there for meetings and stuff regarding.

it. But I think, first of all, it couldn't have gone to a better person. I went to Andy. And I loved, loved her season. She was ready for that. I was hot off the heels of the season where, I guess you guys, leading into this, there's so much more background that I have never even talked about, even on that season of The Bachelor. I had never talked about that I had held inside that I didn't share with the world. I didn't even share with my friends. Some of my family knew about it, but I had just gone through a really, really abusive relationship going into Juan Pablo's season. So coming to the very end where it just broke me down, and I hear it in my voice the whole time of just trying to be strong and trying to be empowered, but then at the very end, having enough in me to be like, you know what? No, that's not okay. You don't treat somebody like that. You don't disrespect somebody like that. I hadn't fully convinced myself of that yet. And so it took me time right after that to sit and process that and go,

what just happened? What do I need to work on? And why did that shake me? And I'm glad it shook me. But I was by no means I was just starting to do the work. I was just starting to crack myself open and kind of find out all about me and why I had had that moment. But even more so all the stuff leading up to it that I had to still process. I think that's really important, Claire, because, like, and thank you for sharing that, because I know that that's not an easy story to share.

And I think it's so important, though, for our listeners to hear because a lot of times as Bacheloretts, we're looked at as role models. And a lot of people try to compare, you know, things that they've gone to to us. And I haven't really heard someone share that journey before, but I think it's so powerful that you can self-reflect and say, this is where I was, but this is where I am now. And other people can relate to that and see, okay, I used to be like Claire, but look at where she is now. And I'm very curious because Becca said that you hold the trophy for being the longest Bachelorette, which is a gift. And a lot of what's happened with the pandemic hitting and then just the current movement we're in now, a lot of it for you has been a gift and a little bit of a curse because you've had to wait and you've really had to be patient more than any other Bachelorette. But the beauty in that is, and Becca and I can speak to this, when you're announced, you will have. immediately go into interviews and PR and fittings and you really don't get the time to process

it all. So for you, are you happy that you got this extra time to kind of self-reflect on when you started with this whole franchise, you know, having those meetings, going through paradise, going through winter games, and then to where you are now? Are you happy you've had this time to reflect on just who you are as a person, but then also what you want to be as a That's right. Yeah, I would say instantly if you asked me that right, when we went into quarantine and finding out there would be a few months, I would be like, no, I'm ready for this. But it has, everything happens for a reason, right, Rachel? Like, it has given me the time to sit and go, what is my message? Like, what is it that I want to share with women my age, women are age,

women of any age, anybody? What is it that I really want to share to let them know that, Yeah, this is one of those positions that is very rare to be in, and I'm so honored to be in it. But more importantly, I want to be that woman for other people to say and to see that we all go through pretty awful stuff sometimes. And sometimes other people just from what you see, whether it be on social media, whether it be what you hear publicly, is not always the case. And it's like, I want to be able to share my message. And it's a message, frankly, that I have been, like I said, it's not a lot that I've shared with anybody. Even on any prior show that I've been on, it's nothing that I've shared before. And only till recently did I share it with producers saying this is my healing journey that I've gone through

and how I got to where I am today, that if I can do it, literally anybody can do it. It just takes those steps. So to kind of plan what I'm going to share and how I'm going to share with it, share our all this stuff with everybody, just maybe to have hope for something that it does get better and things can change, you know? I got to say, just listening to you right now, I'm getting the chills because for the longest time prior to you being announced as a bachelor's, I mean, and Rachel and I had talked about this, like, it was getting a little bit hard for me to watch the show and be able to relate. I felt like as I was getting older, the cast was getting younger,

and it was just hard. Like, I couldn't necessarily click. I couldn't put myself in that mindset And so listening to you and just the self-awareness that you have and the, like, the capacity and the ability and that drive for growth and striving to be better and still staying hopeful through all of this is just amazing. So this is why, ladies and gentlemen, Claire Crawley has been picked to be the next bachelor, because she, you, I don't even want to say you've earned it, but like you have, like, you deserve this. She deserves to watch. Yes. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. I just, I'm still in shock.

I'm going to be honest. Like, I'm so hyped about it. But I'm still, last week, I literally was like, is this even, is this happening? Like, I have no idea. I found out, as a matter of fact, I found out maybe two hours ago actually when I'll be going down and the final date that I'm leaving. So it's very, very soon. It's happening. It's happening.

Good. I still want to ask you details about that, but I know we can't. We'll ask you after. Yeah, yeah. We'll have like this little girl secret. time. Claire, do you ever wake up in the mornings and like, does it feel like a dream? Does it feel like it's not fully real yet? Absolutely. Absolutely. Like I said, coming from a space where I used to be emotionally, I grew up having no self-confidence. And because of a lot of things that have happened

in my life, not believing in myself and not feeling worthy of a lot of stuff. So that is something that is um kind of at my core that when things are hard or challenging it kind of sometimes reverts to that unknowingly um yeah and there's those moments when I wake up and I'm like why did they pick me or what you know is this even I don't maybe is this a joke or I didn't get it and then there's sometimes other times where I sit there and I'm like hell yeah I cannot wait to kind of share my story and just be another voice for women and to feel and be, and men too. I want to be inclusive on that.

I feel empowered and to see that being 40, not 40 yet, sorry, jump in the gun. It's okay. There's a reason why we are where we're at in our lives. And I want to, you know, I want so bad for other women that are waiting and have waited to know that, you know, their self-worth comes first more than anything. it's taken me a little longer to work on it and to feel it and to believe it. But only until you feel it and believe it can you allow and you love yourself, can you allow other love into your life?

And it's, you know, however long that takes, I don't care if I was 49 or 59. That self-love, once that self-love came, it was like, I'm ready for this. And I want other women to just know that it's so okay whenever in your life, you know, to be ready for that love. You guys, Claire is right. writing pages to a book right now. Are y'all taking notes on this podcast? She just turned two to three pages. My gosh, it was so powerful in what you said. Go ahead, back. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, you're fine. I have two things that I want to say. Well, number one, first of all,

I love that you, you say, like, don't let age define you as a woman. You know, like coming from, my great aunt was 50 when she found the love of her life and got married. So it can happen when you least expect it. But as long as you know what you want and fight for that and don't settle, I mean, it sounds like you're on the right path. I was going to ask you, though, and it kind of plays into what you were just saying, but, you know, you talk about where you are now, but I know this question will come up because some people just focus on age or whatever, where we are in our life, because I got it too, because I was, was that 32? I don't even remember how old I was 32, 33 when I went on the Bachelorette, and I'm from the South. And I have friends that are

on their third marriage and it's a way of life that people think you come out of school and you're supposed to be married and you're supposed to have kids and this is just how it is. And we're in a new day where it's not necessarily that way. But why do you think? Because I feel like some people are going to ask you this. Why do you think that love hasn't stuck for you in the past? And we've seen a little bit of your love journey, but we don't know it all. Yeah.

I think it's, I would say two things. A, I picked a lot of wrong guys for me, but that is because I wasn't in the space to fully understand self-love. And I was always, like I said, there's a lot that I haven't shared with everybody publicly, but there was a lot that I had gone through that just really tore me down emotionally inside. and it was almost, I wore all that stuff and all those feelings as, and the reason why I never shared it was a lot of shame, a lot of embarrassment. I didn't want to be a victim. I didn't want that to be a reason or somebody to not like that about me or to not be likable with, you know,

because of the things that have happened in my life that I've gone through and experienced. But, so it was almost like I hid it inside. And it wasn't until the last literally, recently the last year that I really felt like I want um so like I said working on the self-love and building that was inside me but I want to be able to let down my guard and that's why I talk about that a lot I need a man that lets down their guard but it wasn't until recently that I was allowed myself to let my guard down and say and to feel like I want the man of my dreams to see the worst of me to know the worst of me not to have um maybe compassion or anything like that, but to maybe see it's not always easy and confident

and strong and empowered. There was a lot that I went through that I want them to know the hard, ugly, embarrassing struggles of my life to appreciate the woman that I am today. And I want a man to love me for that and not just for the easy, you know, makeup and hair and that type of stuff. You know, anybody can love you. Anybody can love you for the easy fun times and the smiles and laughs. My friends always know me as like, I'm the goober of the group.

I'm the one that will make anybody laugh. But it's easy to love somebody and to be attracted to somebody for that. But I want somebody to love me for all the hard stuff that I've been through. And it's been something that I've hidden for so many years. So until I, not to make it long-winded, but until I owned that part of my life and looked not as my past, the stuff I've been through as shame, but to look at it as my superpower. And these are the things that have made me the woman that I am today.

um so that's what i bring to the table and only until i am open with that now it's like now i feel like i'm going to start attracting the right kind of men chapter three so so playing into that you know find wanting to find a partner who's going to love you to your core uh what other attributes trades what are you looking for in a partner what do you want um i want somebody who loves To make out. No. I mean, obviously that. But I want somebody,

okay, you want to talk about my book. I feel like I have the title for my book would be facing the fire. That's what I wanted to be. Facing the fire? Yes. Like that. I know if there's a book out there like that. But my thing is I want a man.

I'm not scared to be the one that will step up and do what needs to be done for a relationship, whether it be somebody's in the hospital or somebody. sick or you guys encounter really hard things in a relationship. I want somebody who will walk towards it and stand tall and be strong and be right there next to me because I do that. I don't ever ask anything of any man that I don't bring to the table. And I'm the one that steps up and does what needs to be done. So I want a man who will do the same, who when things get hard, they don't run away. When they get scared, they don't just go quiet and go into a shell. I want a man who is strong enough to say, I'm right here next to you.

I love it. Claire, what's your love language? I believe, obviously, I think for a lot of us, it's a couple of them. I really love, I hope my guys are listening to this, but I am very much, I believe it's acts of service and physical touch. Well, girl, you're going to get a lot of that. pretty soon. Yeah. 30 plus probably physical touches.

But let me make this clear. I show it in physical touch. Like I love to be holding hands and hugging. I'm nothing. But for me to receive it, it's a guy that doesn't want anything in return other than I had a guy one time we had in a long distance relationship. But he had Amazon me a light bulb and I was like, what is this, dude? what is this and he was like when you were walking in the other night from your car i saw your

stop uh can i have your babies now right all of them who is listen i've been thinking since you said physical touch i've been thinking about this for your season now we've all been quarantined so then the people who've been by themselves they're they're hot hot to try right oh talk to clear I'm just thinking about this for you, Claire. These men are going to be horny as hell. Claire, you might need security guards on night one. I'm just saying. Amen.

Think about it. I've been quarantined too, so game on. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, real quickly, I have to ask you this too. What's your astrological sign just in case people are listening? And if you know your anagram number, please say that as well. I'm just very into that. asked that. I just, you know, I have to know. I knew she was going to ask that one. I don't, I don't know

my number. I think I remember looking into it once. I want to say it was Eric Bigger is really good on this. And he talked. Yes. I want to say he said, I was an eight. I don't know. I'm an eight. Claire, told me I was an eight. I don't know if I'm an eight. Is he just telling everyone we're eight? No, I've taken the test. I'm an eight. And Claire, you know we get along well. So you might be an eight as Well, but some reason I want to say, let's go with eight, some reason I want to say three, but I think it's an eight. I'm pretty sure it's an eight. But I am a Pisces. I'm the last day of Pisces and first day of area. You're a Pisces? Yeah. Okay, I don't know why I didn't ask you this before. This is why we get along. I did not know you were a Pisces. Okay. Are you a cancer or

what are you? No, no, no. I'm a Torres. Okay. Tell me more about this. Well, we're like an eight to a core like a tourist is we can be stubborn we're very loyal we're very frugal we're very passionate yeah but we're we're a bull so you know this this isn't surprising coming for me you know my horns are usually up I'm afraid I'm not a tourist because girl I got you on that but you're a water sign I'm an earth sign it go they go they go really well um okay see we can I Claire we'll call you and we'll talk about this because I'll keep going I got to play into this because obviously we want to get to know you a little bit more, but I want to know, since you've had all this time know, have you, okay, have you Googled the guys at all who have been announced? Obviously. What, what woman would? Are you kidding? No, exactly. Well, I was thinking about it and, you know, quite honestly, I don't know if I would. I mean, I probably would have. I don't know how deep I would have dug because I want to like get to know people for who they are.

But without keeping any names away or any, any little details, what are your overall thoughts of the men? Okay, well, I will, I will say this. At first, up, it wasn't up until I would, at first, I really didn't. I really did not. And I, it was because, I don't know, I, I just kind of felt like I want to get to know them and regard, I know how my Instagram is. It's a piece of my life, but it's not, it's one of those you have to see. and feel it in person. And so regardless of what their life is,

what it looks like on their Instagram, it's like it's nice to actually see them in person. And I am huge on pheromones. So that's like the end for me. If they smell amazing, man, if they smell it like the right smell, that's everything to me. So, but I will say I have looked a little bit.

My friends have looked more than I have, to be honest. Good friends. See this? Did you see that? But there are some things where, I don't know. You can kind of tell people's lifestyles, like from their Instagram stories. And I see some that I'm like, hmm, that's not really my vibe. But, and others where I look at him and I'm like, oh, that's hot. You know, like, I can't wait to meet that guy. I hope he's on my, I hope he's on

the season. What's like the number one trait for a partner that draws you in? Like if it's like the beautiful eyes, I'm going to be paying attention to watching you night one. And if a guy with just like gorgeous eyes walks out and we're like that's she's into him yeah what is it um i would say height it's a big thing for me height and a really good smile mm-hmm yeah those uh let me in me too um oh wait becca were you gonna say something no i was just gonna say this is bringing it's giving me all the feels to like think back to that night one and just you literally right now don't know what to expect and that's the beautiful thing about starting any new season is you have so much to learn just like the anticipation of who you're going to meet what they're

going to say to you what gifts are they going to give you who's going to kiss you like what are you most looking forward to that first night meeting the guys i guess just meeting them and seeing how they come because um i'm actually not i don't know if this is saying too much but i'm not into the i think how they present themselves says a lot about who they are and i'm if there's ones just coming off just being goobers. But Claire, you said you were a goober. I'm goober, but I mean, true. Yeah, I don't know.

I will say, weirdly, I was just talking to a couple of the producers about this yesterday. For me, I'm not, I would say the first night, I'm not a physical person. Like, I want a guy to get to know me. I want to get to know them. That's what's important to me. Anybody that kind of tries to kiss right away, Um, that to me is kind of like, I don't have enough good stuff to stay right now. So I'm just going to lean in for it.

I think there is plenty of time for that portion of it. Let's get to know each other. That's what's important to me. Okay, Claire. Let me tell you. Be careful what you say. Because I said I didn't want to kiss anybody the first night. Yeah.

I said not a one for the same. I was just like you. The man I'm married to is the man who, not didn't just kiss me. me just went at it. People hated the way. I mean, he like attacked my face. I loved it. But people hated to watch it. And I was so happy that he kissed me because then I really, all the men were afraid of me the first night. It's what I felt like just to make a move. To me, it stood out because he was the only one willing to do it. I mean, we talked in everything. But be careful what you say. You know, I, I will stand corrected if that's, if that happens to me. Because I guess when it's there,

it's there. I just don't want somebody going forward. it when it's not sure but embrace it if it happens because it just might be the best thing that you have going for you that i will be ready for and that i have no problem with but when it's not there and that's almost like we got nothing to talk about so i'm just going to go for it so i know speaking of open for whatever we've talked like outside of the podcast and so like i know a little bit of your interest more than maybe those who are listening because i feel like we're going to have some nosy people that are listening to this but just when beck was like asking you what is it that you're looking for in a partner.

One of the things that, I know we talked about, but then also before you were chosen, and then even with everything that's going on now, it's like we were saying, we want somebody, like Becca said, we're a little dissatisfied with what we've seen on the show. We want someone who knows who they are, knows what they want, has had life experience, but someone who's also just interested in dating people from different backgrounds and different races. So I want you to like just talk a little bit about that because I know we've had that conversation before in private. Absolutely. If you, I've always said this. If you line up publicly people don't know who I've actually dated. I keep everything pretty private. But if you

line up all the guys that I've dated in my past, um, they are all different shapes, sizes, colors, um, heights, different backgrounds, different jobs. They're all, all types of different men. What attracts me, like I said, is pheromones, that chemistry of getting each other. But yeah, I care so much more and I put so much weight on how they make me feel. And that's what's important to me. So regardless of anything, that's what's important to me, especially at this age, I've had the hot men. I've had the men that just have the smoking hot bodies. And I'll tell you what, for me, it hasn't been fun when they care more about themselves and they're looking at themselves in the mirror more than they're checking me out so no so true what what are some deal

breakers for you um somebody who is very guarded that's a deal breaker for me i can appreciate it and i understand people have everybody's got walls up to a certain extent especially when they're new to this experience it's intimidating it's scary and it's hard um but i've done the work and at this age, if you're still having walls up and you're not emotionally intelligent enough to know when to let your guard down, I'm not your mom and I'm not your therapist. I'm not going to be the person that's going to help you learn or teach you how to do anything like that. Get your shit together before you come to me. Yeah. Be self-aware enough and be emotionally intelligent enough to know to let your guard down. If you're just trying to dabble and trying to figure out and you don't know

what you want and what you're looking for, I'm not here to teach you and to show you. So you can't come at me like that. This is not the space for that. Well, and that's one thing that, you know, people watch the show and they're like, how could people fall in love and get engaged after just two months? Like, people watch it and a lot of them think that it's kind of crazy. But what people don't always see is the show is set up in a way where you really have to open up and to get to know someone a lot quicker than you would say dating in, you know, a normal setting. Like, for conversations that I remember I had on the show with some of the guys. And even when I was on Bachelor, like, we got down and dirty pretty early. Like, it, I think it was my first day with Ari. It was telling him about how my father

has passed and how that's kind of shaped me. It's like, on a normal date, if I would have just met like a Joe Schmo on the street, like, there's no way in hell I'd be telling him about that. And so that's what's hopefully, I mean, hopefully the men. coming on your season, realize that, like, realize what they're getting into. They have to open up to a certain extent at a certain point. And so that's kind of the beauty or on the show is that you really have to have those conversations earlier on than you normally would. And so for all the men listening out there on Claire's season, be prepared for this because it's going to have to happen. Yes. And that's the thing, especially now, you've had months and months of sitting in

quarantine like I have to sit and process and to make sure and to see if this is the, you know, thing you want to be doing. If you're coming on going, I don't know if I'm ready for this, I don't know if this is what I want, want it because I want it. And I'm not trying to waste anybody's time and I don't want anybody trying to waste my time, just trying to figure out what their thing is or coming in guarded. It's this is. Yeah. Are you worried on the flip in? I know Becca asked you about you looking at some of the guys that have been casted for the season. Or we don't really know. You don't know actually who you're going to meet, but at least prior to all this. are you worried that in return they've researched you since they've had the time to do that too?

I hope they have. I hope they have. These babies, do you see them? Yes, we do. These guys are my everything. So do your research know that my whole life is obsessed with these two. So maybe somebody can be allergic dogs, but take your Zadador, guys. Or take your... Claire is picking the dogs over the men.

And you should. you know what these babies have been here for me regardless so they stay that's right i got a question for you too now playing into like the whole world of researching since since you have the time so when rach and i were announced we went straight into interviews and filming so like at least for me my phone was taken away right away so i wasn't on social media i didn't know what people were saying to me what people were saying about me what dms were what has the overall response from the fan base been for you are do you feel like you're pretty much supported right now going into this role um depends on what day you ask the day you ask there's days where i sit there and um

for example like i've tweeted some things out that i have a complete history on that i know about and there's a lot of background to it um and just because i don't put out or say a lot of stuff that i have and know about doesn't mean it's not there so I think a lot of people just have passed judgment. Because I feel like when I was announced as a bachelor, like I said, my phone was taken away. But I got a lot of support. And I think mainly it was because I got dumped on national TV by Ari.

And people were like in my corner rooting for me. And I feel like Bachelor Nation as a whole, everyone that I have talked to has been rooting for you and is so excited for you. But have you felt that same love and support like during this off time before you start filming? I've definitely felt love. I think that it's mixed though. honestly I think that it's mixed a lot of times people don't know who I am I'm older them or I'm

this right I mean social media is brutal I think I was I was telling producers this that I think my saving grace is that I am a strong woman and I know when people spit out hate and when they're putting out negative comments and when they're just trashing you and saying things that are irrelevant in your whole reality of your world um it's coming from a place of think something that they can relate to people only talk about what they can relate to so if people are spitting out hate and talking negative it's because that's what's going on inside them is hate and negativity um you notice the women and the men that's um are supportive and then are encouraging each other and they're sending love to each other those are the people

that have love inside them to share um and and i would be the first to say that on my worst days i've done it too where i look at people on social media and i'm just like mm-hmm you know you have your judgments, but I would never go so far as go on their page, pick a comment, do it, DMM. Like, I just think you have to be a special kind of person to have that much hate in you. Yeah. People that do that, there's always going to be those people. My sister, my sister once told me, she was like, I know that there's people who send hate on there, but she was like, if you go check Mother Teresa's Twitter account, there's going

to be hate on that. There's always going to be people having an opinion on who you are. And at the end of the day, it's so irrelevant. It's so irrelevant, you know. And what advice would you give to people who might be going through that same thing? You know, I know we get it on a certain level, but there are other people who don't have as big of a platform that are still getting that negative attention that they're not wanting. Like, what advice would you give to them to get through it?

It really kind of crushes me sometimes because I know us as strong women. We can, we know kind of being on the show. that there's going to be space for that. But the people that don't sign up for stuff like this or, I mean, nobody deserves hate like that. I just, I've really, I've reiterated that hurt people, hurt people is what I've always been told. And if somebody is saying hurt and speaking hurt,

it's because they're hurting. And I always, I've done it so many times. I can't tell you where people have said really hurtful things to me. And it's stuff that's hurtful that is something, that I've felt about myself at some point, so it triggers us, right? And so you're like, maybe that, it just hurts and it stinks. And I am human. We're human. So it does get to us. But I've written people back and said, you know, does that make you feel better saying that to somebody? Or how does it make you feel trashing somebody and just demeaning or degrading somebody?

Does that make you feel good saying that? And I've had people right back and say, I'm so sorry. I'm just having a terrible day. I was just going to say it's like 90% people will get back to you. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. And I think they forget a little times. We're human and it hurts sometimes. And if I'm having a bad day, boy, does it sting. You know, it stings and it hurts. And especially there's days where, I mean, there was one day where it was a really tough day with my mom. And I get super emotional to talk about my mom. But like, it was a really hard day with my mom. And just in life, I was a struggle in quarantine just for myself on one of those days. somebody had just said something really awful and it was like god you have no idea what somebody is going through on the other end of your hate so that could be the comment that pushes somebody over to a place that's not good that's you know a not a good space to be in so I feel like just spread love or just don't say anything you know it doesn't serve anybody or it doesn't help anybody

yeah you said it best and it's like at the end of the day we're all humans we all have emotions on the other side and I think somebody they worded it so well and they said like you know when people type that hate and say those mean rude messages like they obviously don't know you they take maybe 20 seconds out of their day to say these hurtful words hit send and then they go off like they go walk their dog or they go brush their teeth or they go to work and don't think about it again but for everyone on the receiving end like that sticks with you longer than just those 20 seconds. Like, sometimes it can cut to your core. And so, um, like, what it comes down to is just knowing your self-worth. And that's why, again, I'm so happy that you are now in this position

because you've, you've done a few seasons. So you, it's not like you're coming into this fresh and blind to thinking there's not going to be tough times ahead. Um, I think when people watch the show, they're like, oh, the bachelors and bachelors have it made and they have all these crazy, cool opportunities to come from it. But at the end of the day, too, like, there's hard days like there there are things that can push you over the edge in a second um and so the fact that you you know have been through this and know your self-worth and can stay under your ground and be like you know better days are to come you can't let this get under your skin as much as uh you'd think it would um so i'm what i guess i'm trying to say is i'm glad that it's you in this position um to kind

of realize that but then to help people now here on after or maybe on your season or whoever will come on future seasons to help out Yeah, it's something that is so terrible. I don't know. I just get sick hearing people spit hate. Not for me, but for them. It's like, how bad are you hurting that you want to have to hurt somebody else? You have no idea.

Just because we have this opportunity, just because we get, you know, these amazing things that come along with being the Bachelorette, it doesn't negate that we are human. It doesn't negate that we have hard days and things that do affect us or insecurities as well. It doesn't take away from that, but it just, it's, it's seriously a place of like, God, do you feel that bad, like almost like an empathy and a compassion for those people like, God, they must be really struggling today. That's like, yeah, that sucks. You know, you mentioned, you talked about like doing the work, you know, you want, you've done the work, you've put in the time to be in the place that you are now. The men who are coming on your season, this is a message to them. You're like,

You need to have the work done before you step out of the limo, right? So for other girls who are, like, struggling with self-love, what advice do you have for them? And what are some tools that have been helpful in your journey that have helped you get to be the woman that you are today? I love this question. I was talking to my friend about that literally this morning because I think if you look at it, it's like, where do you start, right? And I could speak for only myself, but I have been at, at one point I was living in my car for three months. And I barely had a job making minimum wage, being in a hairstylist assistant when I first started doing hair. I was in an abusive relationship, and I just had lost my dad, too.

So I was at, I would feel like the lowest of lowest. And I think from that to where I'm at now, the best I could say is even when you don't feel like, because that's a big journey to go on, right? That's that's kind of like, how do you get there? But it's saying essentially taking that step, even if it's a small baby step and saying, I'm going to go on a walk today because it makes me feel good. and doing something for yourself that shows you love yourself, whether it's like cooking the meal that you love, that's showing yourself you're worthy of it. And you know, you want to take care of yourself.

Finding stuff that you love, reading the books, doing the research, because once you start believing it in yourself, even if it's just barely start believing in yourself, it builds and it builds and it builds. And after a while you look back and you go, I can't believe how far I've come, you know? And it's not a trajectory of that to self-love. It's kind of like you face something else hard and it goes this way and it goes that way and it's hard and then you feel really good and then something crappy happens and you learn

and you learn from more and more. So what you said, Rachel, earlier, I wanted to say too, I've done the work, but I'm also still forever doing the work. And I want to make who will come on, who he doesn't have to, I'm not looking for a perfect man. I've never been looking for a perfect man. I want somebody who wants to do the work and wants to be a better of them. And we'll always continue to do the work because I will forever be a work in progress. So from that baby step up until now, I'm still doing it. And I've still two days ago was a really awful hard day. I didn't even get out of bed all day. I was struggling

and I just couldn't stop crying. But then the next day I was like, no. Like I felt I did the things for myself that made me feel better, that made me feel empowered. I went and sat in sauna. I did an ice bath. I did stuff that made me feel strong as a woman that showed me my true strength. And I think willing to try is the first step for that. That's self-love, wanting to even want that for yourself.

Yeah. And even admitting it, you know, recognizing that, hey, you know what, today I'm not okay. and then taking those steps, like you said, trying to do those things to make yourself feel better. And I think we need to hear that. You know, we all talk about it. We're all strong women, you know, on this podcast. And we talk about our strength and our independence and all that. But it's also so important like you're doing to talk about how we're not okay sometimes.

And we're not vulnerable. Two weeks ago, I couldn't take two steps without shedding a tear. I was not okay. And I think it's important to recognize that you're not okay. One thing I do want to ask you, because Becca and I joke about this between ourselves, but we're known for not having dramatic seasons, really. Like, people have said that our seasons are a little, were a little boring. Rachel, I don't think yours, I don't think anyone said yours is boring. Mine was.

They said, but both, well, they said both of ours, well, they said both of ours was and I was going to say, and I don't think either one of, I want, I mean, I've experienced mine, I watched yours, I don't think so. but the reason they said that is because we came in, like, this is what we want. We don't have time to play games where, oh, you want to do this? Nope, you got to go by. And I feel like some people think, oh, because Claire has had these life experiences and she knows what she wants, it's going to be a boring season. But I beg to differ because Claire, I feel like I almost want to, in sports, we do like over under, I don't know who does betting, but I would love to do the over under on how many guys

you tell off. Oh, I like this game. And that's the thing. I feel like sometimes people go into the show. And like you're kind of walking, especially night one, like you're kind of walking on eggshells. You don't quite know how to handle things. And I feel like, Claire, you've done this. You know what's up. You're in the position to be like, hey, if I don't like what you said, if I don't like what you're doing, you're gone. And I cannot wait for those moments. Have you thought about that? Like, have you thought about how you're going to be as the bachelorette because that's you you kind of have to like you know what you're open for you know you're tight but you also have to have a mindset of how you're going to navigate this. Absolutely absolutely. Here's the thing though is that my friends know me as this and a lot

of guys who have dated know this about me. I am way good, way cool until I'm not. You are good to me and so good to me, you will get that back for me. If you are loving on me, I will love you right back. Once you cross that line or once you disrespect me, game on. And I will let you know how I feel. And I don't hold back on that. But I am so nice until I'm not. I'm probably, if anything, like a puppy dog.

And at the end of the day, I'm like, love me, you know. Such a sap. Yeah, I'm such a sap until I'm not. not. So as long as they stay on my good side, as long as they're good to me and don't try to pull one over on me or play me, we're good. We are good. You will get nothing but love for me. That sounds easy enough, right? You would think. Well, and I love that Rachel last said, because we go in, like, thinking we're going to, like, navigate this entire journey, quote unquote, one way. And you can never plan for what's going to happen. I mean, you will be thrown for curveballs. You think you know

yourself in one moment and you're sobbing on the floor of the next, being like, what the hell just happened? But if there's one thing I can guess is that you're going to give us, like, you know what you want. You're going to go in there with your eye on the prize. Like, don't settle. But I think you're also going to hold your own and be very entertaining. Like, overall, it's probably going to be the most one of the most well-rounded seasons that we could hope hope to see i hope so man i hope so i i was laughing because i'm like i guess i am my normal everyday life is pretty boring and basic and i love it like that i wouldn't trade it for the world um so i don't know we'll see i can also i mean it could we i've been known to be a little dramatic in the past so we listen we all are

we all are we all are in our own right i ask people that when they're like you're so dramatic or you're so this or that and it's like but i love just as hard as i am dramatic so yeah the opposite do you want me you know do you want me me and what's the opposite of being you know like that i don't know i wouldn't want to be a punk no i i that's what's going to make you a great Bachelorette because you do love hard. And that's a really, it's a real, no matter who you are. You know, whether you have life experience or not, it's a key component to being a good Bachelorette because that means that you're open to certain things and that you want this. Thanks for listening in today, everybody. Part two of this episode will air next week.

So please make sure to tune in then. And in the meantime, of course, keep tuning in to Bachelor the greatest seasons ever every Monday night at 8, 7 Central on ABC. And don't forget to keep writing into us on social media. You can like us, comment, DM, follow, whatever you got to do. It's at Bachelor Happy Hour on Instagram and at Batch Happy Hour on both Facebook and Twitter. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit.

Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor, a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose a

adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome avoidance is easier ignoring is easier denials easier complex problem solving takes effort listen to the psychology podcast on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts what would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth unfortunately for mark lombardo This was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.