Bachelor Happy Hour - Becca’s Message to Bachelor Nation + Life and Love with The Birds Papaya

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

Becca speaks to Sarah Nicole Landry, aka The Birds Papaya, about her positive impact on the world through her message of self-love! In their conversation, Sarah discusses which lessons learned through motherhood have inspired her to make the world a more accepting place, why honoring your body at every stage of life is so important, and how she hopes to create change and impact the future for generations of women.  Plus, Becca speaks on what it was like going through a public breakup and shares a message for anyone demanding answers from Michelle as she takes time to heal.    Don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode. See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier.

Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the. iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search emergency internetcom, and listen now. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack,

where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, Bachelor Happy Hour listeners? I'm back again this week, riding solo. Michelle is still taking some time off and focusing on herself and hopefully doing some self-care

after all of the craziness that has been transpiring these last couple weeks. So it's just going to be me today, but I know I asked this last week, please give Michelle some grace, some patience, some support, some kindness. And whenever she is ready to join us back on Happy Hour, she will be welcomed with open arms. But like I said, you just get me today. So I have to say, as weird of an episode as it's going to be in the beginning, just to catch y'all up and chit chat for a bit,

I do have a very exciting episode planned because we're talking to somebody who I have personally have been wanting to get on this podcast for quite a while. I have followed her on Instagram forever. She's absolutely incredible. She's somebody who is really doing their part to create a better future for the next generation of women. So shortly we will have Sarah Nicole Landry, aka the Birds Papaya, joining us. And I can't wait to hear all about her journey and what led her into the world of body confidence advocacy. But before we get into it with her, like I said, we're going to chit chat. You're going to listen to my voice for some time. So I apologize guys in advance. But, you know, I'm doing my best here in Happy Hour riding solo. One thing that

maybe some of you have picked up on social media if you've been on the Bachelor Happy Hour Instagram page or anywhere else is it's been a lot this past week in the world of Bachelor nation and in breakups in general. And I personally saw a lot of trolls on Instagram just demanding information from Michelle and from Nate about if they're going to give any comments or address the entire split and just wanting details. And like I said last week in this podcast, they need some time. Going through a breakup in general is one of the most difficult things. And it's never easy if you've gone through a breakup.

You know that heartache is one of the worst things to feel. Add on the fact that Michelle. are in the public eye and have to see and hear things on social media and with people reaching out to them. They also are probably dealing with a ton of press inquiries and articles being written about them. And I know from experience when I was going through my last breakup, it was so hard to endure because literally every week, I would have outlets and journalists and media platforms reaching out consistently demanding answers, asking for a comment, saying they had some sort of bit of information that they were going to leak and they wanted to hear from me or my

friends or family. So they would email me, they would DM me, they would reach out to friends and family. And I can imagine that same thing is happening to Nate and Michelle and their friends and family. And it is a lot to handle and it's not something either of them probably ever expected to have to deal with in their lives. So once again, please give Michelle and Nate some time and some space and some patience to just process this all and stop demanding answers because they're not ready to give it to anyone. And so just back off a little bit.

I feel like my mama bear and my just, I don't even know what to say. My mama bear is just coming out for Michelle right now. And, you know, all we can do is support them through this time. I don't wish what they're going through on anyone. And so just if you're on social media and want to type out something or ask them questions or think that you deserve answers, you don't. So back off. In some happier, more lighthearted news, if you paid attention last week to the podcast when Thomas was on,

you'll know that it was his 30th birthday. And we had a great time over the weekend, just celebrating with his friends and family. We love a good themed party. And because he was born in 92, I had to go all out and throw him a 90s themed birthday bash, which was an absolute blast. It was like bringing me back to 1998, living like in my jelly shoes with my dunkerroos and my 3D Doritos. It was so much fun. So if anyone wants to plan an indie themed birthday, please DM me because I have a ton of snacks and leftover decoration.

and extra outfits from the 90s, so let me know. And I will send them your way because I do not want to keep it all here. Other than that, that's mainly all that's been going on in this world. Hopefully next week, Michelle will be back. Again, I don't know. I just really want to give her some time and space to heal. And whenever she's ready, we are here with open arms. But in the meantime, I think we should just bring on our guests because she's somebody I'm so excited

for she is not only a mom but a huge huge advocate for body confidence she's a speaker a writer an occasional model and she's even host of her own podcast called the papaya podcast so please everyone welcome sarah nicole landry aka the bird's papaya all right sarah welcome to badger happy hour it is so great to finally meet you and i have to disclose that you are somebody i have been dying to have on the podcast for quite some time. No, wait, this is like a career high for me right now. Like, I'm so happy to be here.

It's a career high for me. So just to catch everyone up, how are you? I am good. I have switched up my life schedule and I feel like a happy human the last two days because I actually was podcasting with somebody who was like, if you don't schedule yourself, care, you won't do it. So I started trying to schedule something in the beginning of the day. and it's so hard for me to like roll myself out of bed.

Like I just like to lay in bed and play a wordle and then like scroll every new story for an hour and a half. And I was like if I treat me getting up and doing a workout or doing whatever I need to do like I need to catch a flight, I would treat it so much differently. And I'm always catching flights for work. So what if I did that? And so the last two days, it's been two days. And I'm so proud of myself that for two days I've been like, you have a flight to catch.

And I get up and I've been doing my thing. And it makes me very happy. and I feel like I'm in a very good mood because of it. I love that. I also can admit that I'm, I struggle in the mornings. You know, I'm kind of like you where I just want to lay in bed and like online shop.

And so lately I've told Thomas, I'm like, make sure when my alarm goes off, I can't press snooze. Like I just got to get up and go. And so it just, yeah, it's such a good start to your day.

So it's a big accomplishment. Congratulations. Thank you so much. And it's the first time I genuinely am approaching exercise. as not a means to alter my form, but a means to alter my mind. Do does that make sense? Like, I'm just genuine. Like, if it doesn't feel good mentally, I don't want to do it anymore.

So it's just been nice to be like, this is for you, this is your moment, have some time. And it's just, it's just putting me in the best state of work and mood that I've been in. For like, I mean, out of the last three days, my last two days have been amazing. So I attribute it all to this new change. I love that. What kind of workouts do you like? What do you gravitate towards? So there's this one woman on Instagram that I found called Lauren Lovell and she does like these amazing just like bar classes and stretches. So I do hers like on leisure when I want to. And then I love a 20 minute Cody Ridge v. Peloton ride. Oh, he don't work with Peloton. But like that man just like today, he was like, we're going to ride these hills like they are your titties.

We are going to do this week like they are the mountains of the breast. And I was like, I don't know. where did he come from? I love it so much. He is a true gem of a human. I've never met him, but I, like what you said, where does he come up with this? Like the shit that he says to motivate people,

I'm like, this is so wild, but it's so wonderful and so motivating. I will watch his videos, and I won't even work out. I'll just watch him. He's viral on TikTok now. Yeah, he's like all over the place.

They're like motivational speeches. I've slid into his DM so many times. yet I've not gotten a response, but I just like constantly need to tell him how amazing he is so that one day he'll open it up and one, probably block me and two, just like genuinely feel like, wow, I'm actually making an impact on this world

if he doesn't know already. My favorite thing that he's ever said during a workout is he's like, you are not, I never know what he said. He's relating somebody to like a chili's entree. He's like, you are not a taco. You are this sizzling chicken fajita that as you walk by, you smell great,

you look great and everyone whips their heads to look at you. And I actually sent that to my fiance, just like the clip of him saying that. And now every time I'm like feeling down, he's like, you're a sizzling chicken fajita platter. I'm like, thank you. Thank you so much. What we need. That's not we need. This podcast is turning into the Cody Riggs v. It's okay. I love it. This is a concert. No, just kidding. So I want to get into all that you are doing because you are absolutely incredible. I have followed you for so long and I feel like I have so many freaking questions and I feel like I'm going to go off on a thousand tangents. So I apologize in advance. But everything that you're doing is so inspiring.

So also kind of like Cody Rigsby, so motivational, not even for young women, but just women in general. So since you inspire all of us so much, at least me on a daily basis, I want to know who or what truly inspires you. Oh, I feel like it changes all the time. I think at one point in my life, I really realized that we know, there's no such thing as original thought. So everything we think is something we've picked up along the way. It's something that we've gravitated to and it's something we've absorbed and taken on as our own, like our original words, where the words that our mother say, which has always made me a really intentional thinker as opposed like when I speak around my children. Like, you're the first language

that I learned. So I can never really pinpoint it to like one person or one. one inspirational thing. I feel like my entire life is a culmination of just inspiring people that I've paid attention to and a lot of, a lot of times getting it wrong, but also like ending up in a place where I feel like I am hopefully a collection of some incredible women who have led incredible conversations with me and with other people on social media, whatever, that have now somewhat become the baseline of my own thoughts, which I think is so, what is so beautiful about social media. I want to take it back just a bit, just so our listeners can actually know and understand

you a bit more and what exactly the birds papaya is. So just give all of our listeners a background. And then I obviously want to get into way more of everything that you said. So I actually, the birth papaya was birthed at a time that I had moved far away from my family with my ex-husband for a job that he had. So I was a stay-at-home mom in this new city that I knew nobody and I had this like broken laptop and this dream of, I don't know, finding connection. And it was at a time of like the birth of blogging. And I remember finding mommy bloggers. And it was like the first time I didn't feel

alone in doing everyday task, whether it was like making meals or decorating your home. And at the time, that's what blogging was. And I just, I felt so good when I had a, I was 23 at the time. And I had a, I was 23 at the time. and I had a toddler and I had a baby in this new town and young and married and really just looking for a place to connect. It was a very lonely time for me. And so I like Googled how to code my own blog and I started blogging and it was probably could win awards for being one of the worst blogs like so bad. But that's like where I got my start. And I love when people, I love when we're so bad at something because then you know that's the beginning. Like we all have to do video now and I'm like, this is going to be so bad. But this is great.

because this is like the ground floor. I know what it's like to work from the ground floor of like Googling how to make a blog and just going after it. So I spent almost a decade sort of spinning my tires in this creative space and never really getting anywhere, but I loved it so much

because I just loved finding connection with other people. And I also just loved, I'm a talker. It's been on every report card my whole life that I talked too much. And it just felt really nice. to be able to have a space that was my own to talk and share from. And then we moved. I had a third child.

I'm now postpartum of three kids at 25. I move home to my hometown at 28. And at that time, I just suddenly, I struggled with my weight my whole life. I'd always been, you know, the biggest girl in my class and growing up.

And I was very used to relying on my personality to get through friendships and being around other people. I'm very much used to being the butt of the joke can make the butt of the joke to sort of like claim that ownership over what I knew everyone was saying behind my back anyways. And so when I moved home to my hometown, I was a lot. I had gained a lot of weight through just like being so isolated, living far away and having three kids and the natural flow of like your body changing. But I didn't have any positive messages around that. I had a lot of negative ones. And I was so determined if I was going to be back in my hometown. It actually actually

truthfully, it started because somebody tagged me in a photo on Facebook where I was at a baby shower and it broke me. And as I went on to lose weight by without any help from a professional or nutritionist or any proper guidance, just downloading an app and definitely not eating enough and way over exercising, the headline was really bad Facebook photo encourages women to lose a hundred pounds. And at the same time, showing up online with a weight loss story was like my ticket into everything I ever wanted. And not only did people treat me differently, but I was given this pass into like a following, a career, making money based on changing myself constantly. And that was a really exciting time, especially after like 10 years of sort of like grinding through.

I suddenly had this like mass following of people really excited for me that I lost weight. the reality was as I went down this line, the pressure to constantly change to get smaller, to get prettier, to get thinner, to get, you know, more and more, quote unquote, healthy was actually killing my body and killing my spirit. And, you know, this restrictive lifestyle was restricting me from every angle. And I was also going through a divorce. And so I was now 30 years old in the most depressed state I've ever been in, living at my parents' house with my three kids and going through all of this. And all anybody looked at me and said was, oh my gosh, congratulations, you look so good. And all I could think was, if only you knew,

I'm in like, not only that my health was declining. I actually lost the feeling in my legs. I never got formally diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I had to face the reality that I definitely had one. And I was terrified to eat without constantly exercising to erase it, to kind of exist in the world, to be around people to grow a size. anything. And so I remember there were some people on social media that had very similar stories. There was actually a lot of people who seemed to have lost weight and now they were like, ah, that didn't actually solve all my life problems. And I found I used to hate these accounts. I used to just see them and be like, no, that's like so unmotivational. Like, why would you even put that out into the world? And then I found

them being like this warm blanket of security that I needed during the darkest time of my life. And the more I started to show up as myself without the conditions, without the editing, without the constant need to be smaller and quote unquote better, I found myself really actually truly showing up in my world more and more and more. And there were some viral moments along the way like the first time my stretch marks were shown and it went viral. And at the time this is like four years ago, nobody had done this before that I had ever seen. So there was just a lot of these like moments where I just realized all this time I've been seeking connection by becoming something, by being this mold that I thought I needed to be in order to be accepted by other people. It's almost like growing up and like waiting for party invitations. Like you just want to be invited to the party so bad. So you need to become that person that gets invited to the party only to turn around and go, I actually don't like this party. I don't even like the people in this room. Like I don't like being here. I think I'm going to start

my own party and everything shifted for me. I lost a lot of the original followers and then I gained two million new ones. So it was like what I thought was going to tank me turned into my greatest success story, which was how do I show up in my life right now as I am, no matter how that is and how that changes. And trust me, I've been challenged by that in the last two years in postpartum and pregnancy that was complicated. And now I just want to show up and continue to be just a vulnerable self, but just also dancing with the understanding of humanity and how shame works and sort of working towards dismantling my own, like, fat phobia, my own like standards for myself, my own shame, my own issues, and doing it in a journalistic way on social media.

And that's essentially what I've done over the last four or five years, which has been a bumpy but beautiful ride. I mean, I have to commend you. You are, you are so fun to follow because it's so real and it's so raw. And like for anyone watching you, it's like, I feel like speaking for myself, I can relate. And I'm sure most people, men and women have gone through different struggles like that. And you're such a catalyst to like actually put it out in the universe to have people feel like, you know, I'm not alone in this. Why is body confidence advocacy so important in today's world, especially from somebody who has such a big platform and who has children that she's trying to raise to probably just be the best versions of themselves

one day. Why is it so important? My biggest why is comes a lot around. I cry every time I talk about this. I'm okay. I'm just going to brief everybody. I had three kids by the time I was 25 and I was so ashamed of my body that I just didn't show up in their childhood. There was so many times they'd asked to do things that I would say no. There was times they would get in the pool and I would just sit on the sides. And now I have this baby. My kids are now teenagers and I have this new baby. And I look at her and I go, oh my gosh, I've missed so much with them. And I've missed so much with like even my husband, my now husband, the first years of our relationship. I like wore a full outfit in bed. Like I just had so much that I robbed myself. Like my own joy, my own intimacy, my own pleasure and happiness. I robbed

myself because I sideline myself based on what somebody else might think that I've decided that they think of me or that they judge me for. And now I look and I look at this little girl and I look at this soft tummy she gave me and I thought like, no, like I'm not doing this again. I have to show up and I have to keep showing up and I have to be here because I get it now as I watched my like daughter who's 16 and I look at her and I don't get that back. Like I only, you only get I know they always say those lines. You only get 18 summers, but like how true that is. Like I think we just act like everything. Like it's fine. Like if I, I'll go on the vacation when I look like this or when I'm here or I'll go do this thing. When, when and we hinge our life on what we

look like and we hinge our experiences based on meeting goals, which goals aren't a bad thing, but you can't not live while you wait to meet them. And so my why remains deeply. in regret of a loss of experience and awareness of that we really just, like, remember the two, is it like late 2000s when everyone said yolo? But like truly, we only get one shot. Nobody else is going to, everyone's going to forget you in like a little bit. But like the people who love you, like they want you here. They don't actually, they might know what you look like, but they don't care. Like my kids have never, our relationship hasn't changed based on my weight. My husband and I, our relationship hasn't changed based on our weight.

And I realize that's not everybody's story. But that is truly a story that is possible and beautiful. So I just fight to not sideline myself. And it is very hard some days. And it takes a, and I won't be the kind of person that goes, just wear the bikini and go do the thing. If you need to wear like a long sleeve shirt and jeans to the beach, I don't care.

Are you there? Like that's the point. I think at the end of the day is like, how can we show up even in the roughest? toughest of days because there's a lot happening and I don't want to miss it based on my fears of what other people think and say. I love how you just asked like, are you there? Are you present? Are you enjoying what life has to offer in that moment? And I'm sure anybody can relate to having those moments where they stepped out of something that they wanted to do and said no, because they

didn't feel okay or presentable or whatever it might be, I don't even want to say confident, it, but just feel like themselves in their own body. Yeah. One thing, so I came across one of your posts that actually, I think Yahoo wrote an article about, which I loved is you, so many people asked you, I'm sure, on your blog and on, on Instagram, you know, like, you're so confident. How do you feel so confident all about that one word? And you change it and you're like, it's not confidence.

I just am coming home or it's my homecoming. that type of thing. Can you get into more about that and explain that thought process? Yeah, my friend Ariel Astoria, just did this incredible voice thing where she also sent him into the same thing that I've written about where it's like people are always like, I just want to like get my body back or I just want to like find myself. Like you didn't go anywhere. You've been here this whole time. Like it is not about going and finding yourself out in the world or finding yourself through these things. It's coming home to yourself. All of us, think are inherently, like, when I go back into like the roots of who I am and what I

fought to become, it wasn't fighting to become anything. It was returning to who I was, almost a childlike version of myself. Like who I was then is very much the essence of who I am now. This like old girl who loved stages, who loved to talk, who loved to share, who wanted to do all these things. And I think we shush that person over time. We slowly but surely shush her because we've just taken in, as much as we take in these and sponge these positive things, we also sponge negative stuff. And it starts to form and shape us in new ways. And I think so many of us are just like searching for like, where am I and how to, and this imposter syndrome of like, where do I fit and where do I go? And I think the more we realize that like a lot of us struggle on like how to

get dressed every day, a lot of us struggle on like, do they like me and they struggle in, am I worthy in my job? Am I allowed to do this? The more we realize that a lot of us are having these thoughts and it's actually just those who are choosing to continue to step forward who are getting more is sort of a very eye-opening thing and I think is what continues to drive me personally is just like really coming home to the essence of who I've always been and kind of shushing out the other side, shushing out the people who have a lot more to say because they're always going to have something to say. I'm learning this so much lately. Oh, I feel you. I mean, I've only been in the public eye for a couple of years, but I've learned, like, you're never going to please

everybody. You could do the best thing on the planet. And we will still have haters. You will still have people trying to drag you down. And I love listening to you speak. And I just love all of your posts that I've been reading. And even your captions on Instagram. And somebody wrote in to one of your posts and I think like the sentiment just entails it so well is they said, you are a wordsmith and a warrior. Do you ever feel like, you know, because you are on this public platform and you do have so many followers watching along, I'm sure, I mean, you have to know you are inspiring to so many people, but do you ever feel like that pressure of like trying to keep that up as well? Oh, I'm like the biggest people pleaser. And I think I also often forget, like, I've been doing

this for so long. So when you start like sharing about your life, it just becomes an extension of you. I didn't like suddenly fall into this. I've been doing this for 14 years. So I think sometimes it sort of like wakes me up to like, oh, when I say something randomly in my stories, I have to be braced for a lot of people to have a thought back. Like it is a lot to take in a lot of people's opinions. But I'll give an example. I'm such a huge advocate of everyone choosing for themselves. And even though I work in the arenas of like self love, I also am like work in the arena of like if you want to fully go do like an entire body makeover, like do not expect me to boo booing on the sides. Like I will be. there like with bandages if you need them like I am not here to judge anybody else's for their choices but yeah I wasn't giving myself that like same grace and opportunity and um a few months back I very privately went and got Botox um in my jaw and it was helping astronomically with my headaches and migraines and yet people were always asking me like do you get Botox do you get Botox? And I was like yeah but um then I was like stuttering and like feeling ashamed that I was like saying yes

But I'm like, I would literally not care if anybody was doing this for cosmetic reasons or for migraines or anything like, why am I feeling so much shame? And the shame took over so much or that like that fear of disappointing people to the point that I didn't rebook an appointment. And then I landed in the hospital on my daughter's 16th birthday with a migraine. And my husband was like, you've got to go back and get this done. And I'm like, I just, I hate having to answer this question by people. And today I very much was like very vocal like I can't keep disappointing myself at the like out of fear of disappointing other people. And that's really hard to do when you have a job and a lot of people have jobs like this where you come into a performance review every single day. People will tell you what they think of you every moment of the day and you have to like come to grips with like what parts of these are real and things that I care to hear about and what parts are things that I need to really quickly let go of. But being. the people pleaser in navigating social media, it is very hard and it is an ongoing work to sort of push through those kinds of, I know you know, but like it is, people will judge from the

sidelines from shoes they have never walked in. And that's, that's a hard thing to deal with for sure. Even just talking to you right now, I feel like you're inspiring me to think differently to because I at times am much like you were, I'll, you know, it's like, yes, I'm doing something but and I'm trying to like explain it away or give a reason when in reality we don't have to do that right like it's really no one else's business and anything and so I feel like I'm going to try to be better about that if I if I feel like I need to defend myself or defend why I'm doing something or whatever it would be you know like yeah I think because we're like always we're gifting so much of ourselves and to know like what and I love that like I genuinely love sharing

but I also love having good mental health and like drawing the line in the sand when I need to. And I think I also just have to come back to like, why am I holding back? Am I holding back? Because I'm ashamed or am I holding back at a fear of judgment? And those are two very different things, right? Like if I actually own my choices and own my decisions, then I should be free to share them even with judgment. But if I'm feeling ashamed, that's something I have to work on. And I have to look at the roots of why I'm feeling shame.

because for me, my worst self-esteem issues, mental health issues, stem from pockets of shame that we have. And that's where I'm like, we need to work on some things to figure out why we're feeling this. I feel like your kids hit the jackpot with you as a mother. And motherhood is such an important part of who you are and your overall branding. I want to know overall that you've experienced in the past 16 years with your children. What has been one of the best parts of being a mother and one of the hardest? I think one of the best parts is like from the womb, they are who they are and you're just

sort of like jumping in to guide them. And I think a lot of times we think like the way, sure, the way we parent them might structurally change things, but like who they are is who they are. Like just I've seen it so much with my kids like who the way they behaved in the womb like actually translated to their personalities. And that's like one of my favorite things is like truly the honor of sort of sitting in the passenger seat of somebody else's ride. And I also didn't connect with a lot of other moms and mom groups and like mom blogs in that way. Like I liked that there was other people doing what I was doing, but I didn't really want to

talk about my kids all the time. What I love about parenthood and like my own motherhood is that it is like it's your own choice. Like they're my own spawn. Like I kind of get to write this map a little bit. I actually get to enjoy the parts. I do the most. And I don't have to do, I don't have to be like Mother Goose, Martha Stewart of parents. Like I can be whatever kind I want to be. And I'm so glad that I've leaned into what is the

most fun and what I'm really good at and not trying to be this version of a mom that I'm just not. And I would say the hardest part is the fact that it is like having four heartbeats walking outside of you that you have zero control over it. You know the Finding Nemo movie where he like constantly is protecting Nemo. And every year when the kids are about to start school, I watch finding Nemo. And I watch the entirety of the movie for one single line. And that's when Dory says to Marlon, if you don't let anything happen to him, nothing will ever happen for him. And then it always clues me in like my job isn't to just protect them. My job is to actually teach them how to navigate this world. And I think that like brings me into like a whole other mental space when I'm like,

it is not my job to like keep you at home and keep you sheltered, it's to teach you how to go out and be in this world. And it's the hardest part and it's the best part, all in one. Oh my gosh. I, you just listening off all these things. It's already, I don't even have a baby yet. I don't even have a child and I feel like I already am going to think that way. I just know me. I know how I operate and every, like my mom tells me every day, like you have to let go of control. you have to just let it be like, you know, you just have to take it day by day and go with motherhood, whatever's thrown at you. And I'm like, but I'm so, I'm going to be so anxious, you know? So I think that's, that's beautiful that you even say that just to know like

moms and dad's parents probably feel that on a daily basis. And it probably won't ever go away. You just got to do your best to navigate through. And moms with mental health, like anxiety can still be incredible mothers. I think a lot of people feel like there exempt or that they will never be able and qualify for parenthood because they struggle with mental health or that they struggle with anxiety. I can tell you firsthand growing up in an environment where my mom struggled with anxiety and depression made me more empathetic, made me more understanding, made me, I think, a better person. So I think to anybody listening who's like, I could never deal with that anxiety, you can. And it'll actually shape your children into

being very beautiful people because of it, because they will also feel. safe and supported to struggle as well so that you can kind of lean in on each other. Okay, so I also want to ask you this because more people around me, a lot of my friends and sister are having babies. And so what is some advice you would give to mothers to still feel sexy or to still feel like themselves while going through a pregnancy, a birth, and just raising children now? I think for me, it comes down to stop trying to like reach back into who you were and instead figure out how to move forward. So instead of bouncing back, bounce forward and also like honor and like own what magnificent things you've done.

And don't just make it in the way that like, oh, my body is carrying life now. So now it's like a valuable thing. No, your body has always carried life and now it's carrying more. Like honor the hell out of it through every stage, even afterwards when it's no longer being celebrated and the doors aren't opening for you everywhere anymore because you're no longer. or pregnant, it takes a grieving process to go through that and grief in the way of when we go through change, you have to acknowledge it. You can't just like try and erase it. If you face it and you understand it and you say like, I missed who I was before to give room for who you're becoming to find your sexuality again, to find who you are again, to like own the like powerhouse

that you are as you've become that. Instead of feeling like society teaches us that, that become less and less and less valuable the more like everyone wants you to have a baby until you have a baby and then they're like can you just like make that look like it didn't happen like can you just make that go away and like what if your husband doesn't want to have sex with you anymore like forget all of that like if you own how magnificent you are and this is something I worked on mentally because I went from saying all of these things and then hiding in the closet to change after I gave birth and my husband's like what are you doing like I don't understand and I was like, I'm just struggling because after this baby, I've had like an overhanging stomach.

And he's just like, yeah, it's like a kangaroo pouch. It's like science. It's like how skin works. Like, what are you doing? I want you here. And I was just struggling so much. I had to grieve. And if I kept trying to hide and feel shame and put myself away, I wasn't going to be able to

get to where I am now, which is like boning in the shower in the morning. That's great. We got back. We got back there. Oh, I love that. I mean, if and when I ever do decide to get pregnant or have babies, I'm calling you up. And we're just going to chat and I feel real. Oh my gosh.

I love that. Well, and it sounds like you have such a supportive partner too. And I think that's a huge part of your life. And it's just, it's nice that you have him as that support system to be like, I still want to do this life with you. Don't hold up and shell up and, you know, wait until you feel better one day. Like, I still want to experience all of the ups and downs with you. Yeah, I wrote this whole post because when I met him, I was actually at my thinnest. And so I wrote this and I'll just read it quickly. But it says, I'm 50 pounds heavier than when we met. And I think about that sometimes when the doubt creeps in and when I feel unlovable for simply changing. But then I remember the journey we've been on. I remember that this change is actually a beautiful one. It's first dates. It's second dates. It's the thousands of them more. It's the travel, the taste of it, the laughing till we're sore. It's cocktails on a Friday curling up on a Sunday. It's sickness, overworking, joy, and healing. It's having a baby together woven

inside my body. It's 50 pounds of what's made our family. So when I think about it and the doubt creeps in, I ask myself, what would you rather have this life or be thin? And I smile at him and I look at our life. It's not even a question. I would do it all again. Oh, God. Okay. Tears and chills right know i just have such a heart for like women going through change in the way that we like erase ourselves and sideline ourselves from um our partners and our experiences so like that's my heart today and like i i feel like i'm like on a tangent but like it's oh yeah i love that i mean even just from my experience like meeting thomas in the past year i i definitely and and there are days where i'll get down because like oh thomas sire i was cooking together and eating and drinking and

like just enjoying life. Joy, yes. But I'm, and some days I'll wake up and I'll be like, I just feel lethargic and like, I gained weight since we started dating. And I want to go back to like when we met on Paradise, all the things. And he's like, you're beautiful. And I think about this past year, it's been the best year I've ever experienced in my life. Like there's been so many moments where we've been able, lucky enough to indulge with each

other and just partake in all that life has to offer. And I'm like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't change that. You know, like there are days where I get down. I would do it all over again. And I hope I can still keep doing this for the next 50, 60 years because it's so special. And that post, I honestly want to print that off and just frame those words. I haven't pinned at the top of my Instagram right now. But like to your sentiment, I wish more women shared stories like this.

Because when we look at the most joyous times in our lives, it's usually in a time of gain. And that's a gain across the board. It's a gain on your body. And it's a gain in your health. And it's a gain in your joy. It is a game across the board. And I think the more we share stories like that, we allow more ebbing and flowing up and down across whatever it is and really allow space for that.

So thank you for sharing that because that's like, I just think that that's like the message that we need to hear more and more and more because we've so been conditioned to see a before and after photo. And the first one, she's so sad. And the second one, she's so happy. And that's that like relates it to like an inner joy. And that's not always the case. Like wouldn't it be so cool to see before and afters of like people genuinely like this

been the best year of my life and like look what I've gained like that's so cool I yeah I love the way that things are changing I love that before we get into that game though I feel like we haven't even really talked about your podcast but you the birds papaya covers so many topics what is one of your favorite episodes that you've ever done or who has been one of your favorite guests on that okay favorite guest I've had them on twice and it's been so good both times is jvn like jvn was like write down your absolute favorite person that you would ever like to have on your podcast and I wrote it down in year one. And then in year three have now had them on twice and just like a genuine human that's just so open to sharing with the world and has like, I don't know, just like one of the best people. I love

being in podcasts with them. One of my favorite things about podcasting is it's like the ultimate experience of like putting your phone down and having a conversation. And I could talk to anything. anybody about anything for hours. So I don't really plan them. I don't structure them. I sit down and I ask really curious questions for like half an hour. And it's called the Papaya podcast because I couldn't think of anything else because it was an adorable little nickname. And then it kind of stuck. So it's the Papaya podcast. It comes out every Monday. And we've been going strong for three years. It's like, it was like this side, this like side gig I was doing that now has become such a huge part of my

world. And I love it so, so much. it's such a good outlet i mean i've said this on our podcast before and happy hour that yes it's technically i'm getting paid and it's a job quote-unquote a job but it doesn't feel like that it's just such a fun experience where you can just go i'll hole up in my happy place i'll have my coffee i'll just sit and talk to incredible people like you it's just it's such a joy and something i never thought i would be able to do and have conversations that i never thought i would and so it's i mean i just feel so grateful for this opportunity and so happy that you joined today. Okay, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you this since it is Bachelor Happy Hour. Are you a fan of the show? Have you

watched it before? Oh, yes. I watch it a lot. And I have slowly like crept my way into Bachelor Nation because of Caitlin. I was on her podcast like three years ago and was like, man, I'd love to be friends with her. Now we are friends. I love that. And she's just been like she's connected me with a bunch of people. But like Bachelor Nation is such a special little place. But I love. I love the show. I mostly love watching the show to sit with my husband and have him, like, be so frustrated. He's like, I don't care about the show. And then he's so opinionated about it. I have watched for years and years. And I get so caught up in all of it. I loved the, I only watched Paradise for the first time on your season. Like, that was the first paradise I ever watched. So I'm

hooked on that now. I might love it even more. Do I have things that I would like love to come in and change about the show yes but i also like i'm so done with having guilty pleasures it's a pure pleasure for me i genuinely enjoy it i love that usually like my only reality show usually i'll ask our guests at the beginning but we've had such a good conversation like i got to ask her if she's even a fan but um i have a lot of thoughts how do you well so i want to ask you how do you feel about the upcoming season with two bachelettes i just need clarification like i just need to know what you and all of the world yeah i'm interested is to see how it's going to work out. I do love that it's showcasing what it would look like.

Because this entire thing, I always am like, are they following love or are they just in competition? Because that can be confusing. So I think this is really neat that we have two people that genuinely were in competition, but also like allowed to set that aside to be each other's friend. And I think that there's times in our lives that that truly happens. So to watch that, like, if you think about you and a friend going for the same job or like just even a fellow woman, It doesn't even have to be a friend or, like, getting an opportunity that you had really hoped for. It takes a lot, especially as women, especially knowing that, like, statistically, there's really only one spot for women at a table of six men. We inherently will be competitive.

So the notion that we brought two people to we, I'm now part of it all, the show has now taken two women that were in competition and put them into supportive roles for each other. Like, love it. I can't wait. Oh, man. I'm going to have to be DMing you in the middle of this. What are your thoughts? Maybe we'll have you back on the podcast again. I would love to.

Yeah, no, I love this kind of chat. Okay, Ms. Sarah, we are going to play a quick game that we do with all of our guests. So this is basically rapid fire, but it's just giving all of our listeners an opportunity to learn more about you and partially getting your advice. So I'll just ask you a question. And first thing that comes to mind, easy enough. Okay. So what is the favorite way that you treat yourself?

Skincare. Skin care. I love that. Beginning and end of the day, it's the bookends. So if I can get that and it's only five minutes, it's enough. So skincare. I love it. I love how fast that was too.

What is your favorite thing to do with your family? Anything that's like group activity related, even if it's like just going to the movie or going to an arcade, I love when their energy levels like come up. And also like Mario Kart, we're a big. like Mario Kart family. And I'm so down for that. You don't even know. Thomas found his Mario cart in the garage a couple weeks ago. And every night now, I just hear this theme song going. And I'm so over it. I'm like, if I have to hear this Mario Kart theme song music one more time. So anytime you're in Southern California, let me know, come over. Listen, I have an actual

league back. I love this. I love this. Yeah. I'm terrible at it. I'm so bad at it. Oh, I'm also very bad. I rely on getting that like rocket that like yeah, like all the time. But I, I just love it. I don't know. It's like something about like being with family and like competing against you. Yeah. So yeah. It's a healthy, happy competition. It's 100%. What did you want to be when you grew up? Fascinating. Because I actually thought that I would do something on a stage, but that's like I thought like an actress or a singer, but I actually had really brutal stage, right? When it came to acting. And even though my parents put me through a lot of music school,

I have a stage fright that shakes my voice. So I never became a singer. And I always felt really lost. Like I thought I was going to be on a stage. I thought I was going to do this thing, which is so cool because if you think about like six-year-old Sarah thinking she was going to be on a stage one day, the stage of social media didn't exist. The stage to which I would do like public speaking that I do now or even a podcast was

not even in the realm of possibility. So the fact that that's like a thing now and the fact that, I dreamt of something that didn't exist yet was, I think is really cool. Okay, one more question before we do a Rosent Thorn. What is your advice for women who want to add a little spice to their lives? Any kind of spice, whatever it might be. Oh, my God. What is a spice?

I hope you just say pepper. So after I finished breastfeeding, so I can't drink alcohol anymore because they really trigger migraines. But I tried like edibles. are legal here. So we tried edibles. And what I don't think that many women understand is it like elevate sex like quadruple. Like it is so wild. And for us, that has like totally changed. Not only that, but like I feel so liberated in my body because it's like so it's so like sensation driven. And so that has been like that has been the spice in my life. I love it. Okay.

So we have our last part of the podcast, which is our Rose and Thor. So basically we ask everyone each week, what was your rose, which is like the best moment, the highlight or the thorn, which was the worst, the messiest, worst part of the week. Oh, okay. I'm going to start just to make it easy. The thorn this week is kind of a random one. So a couple of weeks ago on the podcast, it was actually right after Thomas and I announced our engagement. And we're giving the whole story of like the day leading up to the big event. And, um, One of the parts we talked about was that morning we had walked through the farmer's market and found this woman who was there. She was there with the jewelry company, but she randomly just started talking to us and like reading our tarot cards and just kind of like having this like whole spiritual media moment. Yeah. So we talked about this. We raved about her and she ended up getting let go from where she was working because I don't know if it was an issue with her boss or what it was.

So I felt terrible when I found this out because she was absolutely incredible. So I was like, I feel terrible if we had any part of her not being able to sell at the farmer's market anymore. So I'm going to turn the thorn into a rose right now and give a shout out to Shelby because she is absolutely amazing. She said some spot on just incredible, really crazy stuff to Thomas and I that day before we got engaged about just us in general and about my father. So if anyone wants to check her out, her name is Shelby. Her Instagram handle is at Spiritually Sitting Pretty underscore. We just got to show Shelby some love, okay? Oh, I love that.

Okay. My thorn this week would be that I wrote community guidelines on TikTok and was a little bit banned for a hot second. What did we break? I actually don't know. probably just in my underwear too much. It's typical. Um, and my rose this week is going to be that, um, oh my gosh, I have so many. There's so much good stuff happening right now. I'm trying to just like pick one to be grateful for. I, you know what? I'm going to just like throw it to,

um, two different things. One that I like owned my own needs and I like went and got the Botox from my migraine, which was like really causing issues for me. But like two, my kids are all like graduating and they're like finishing school and they're like they're just like doing such amazing things and i'm very excited for that and another rose is that um so you know jillian harris former brachorette as this ties into the show we just found out we're going on the same disney cruise together so we get to hang out uh that realization was so exciting and so i've never gotten to like hang out with like her family before we've only ever seen each other at work step so i'm so excited that not only are we like going to get to hang out but like our families

are going to be there. It's coming up so soon. And I'm like, I don't, like, I'm a Disney crier. Like, even looking at the videos, I just sob and sob and sob. Like, I can't even go on YouTube about Disney. So I'm, that was like a really exciting thing to happen this week. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going. But there's like somebody else there that I get to hang out with. I just, yeah. That isn't going to be such a blast. Oh my gosh. I might just have to invite myself. I will carry your luggage. I'll do whatever. Oh, my gosh. I absolutely love Joey. It's going to be a time. It's going to be. She's an energizer bunny of a human.

Yes. Some would say a golden retriever. She is just salt of the earth amazing and also just such a blast. So I'm really excited to go with her. I absolutely love her. Oh my gosh. That is going to be so much fun. I know.

I have to also say this has probably been one of my roses, one of my favorite episodes. And I'm not just saying this because you're here right now, one of the favorite, my most favorite episodes that I've ever recorded. It really is. I really think it's going to be such a fun listen for every. everyone and just a real raw conversation. Like I definitely urge everybody to go check you out. Really quick for all of our followers, where can they find you on your blog, Instagram handle, all the things? If you go to the birds papaya on IG, that's the wheelhouse. Most people

come from my Instagram stories. You might stick around. You're either going to laugh or cry. There's really no in between. But come and like be a part of Instagram. That's where everything will link to everywhere else. So that's the best place to find me. I'm also on TikTok, but like somebody stole my handle. So I'm like, the dot birds dot papaya. But yeah, you can find me everywhere. You have been incredible. I would love to have you back if you're ever willing to do. I would love that. Especially we could talk about bachelor stuff and bachelor's stuff. No. And I really appreciate that. And for everyone listening, like I spend four hours a day in DMs and comments. So like community is like where I'm at. And I love, I love people coming and joining us there and just like

finding different ways to connect and, like, intersect our lives. So I'm, I'm in for it all. Thank you. Thank you, Sarah. Well, it was such a pleasure having you. Please stay in touch. Thank you so much. Well, Bachelor, happy hour listeners. That was such a fun episode to record. I hope you enjoyed it. Sarah is such a pleasure, such a gem to talk to. And even though this episode this week wasn't solely focused on The Bachelor, I hope you still took something away or can at least go check her out and see all of the incredible things she's doing because she is just, she truly is inspiring. And we have a lot of Bachelor coming up in a few short weeks. We will have the full season to get into. We will get our fix at that point. So it's been fun these past couple weeks,

not having to recap a season and getting totally knee deep in Bachelor and just giving everyone a little bit of a break. But I have no fear. It will come back very soon. So thank you to Sarah for being here. And thank you to all of our Bachelor Happy Hour listeners. Please make sure to hit us up on social. You can follow us at Bachelor Happy Hour on Instagram. And from there, you'll be able to find everything that you need to follow us on both Twitter and TikTok. Bachelor Happy Hour is available on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you listen. And you can always listen ad free by subscribing to Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts or the Wondry app. Thanks, everyone, and we will see you next week. Have a good one.

I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor.

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