Bachelor Happy Hour - Bibiana on Her Journey of Self-Healing

Episode Date: December 11, 2019

Rachel is joined once again by co-host Krystal Nielson! The women talk to “Bachelor” alum Bibiana Julian about her journey of wellness and healing over the last couple of years. She reveals how she crawled out of that dark place to find happiness and feel good about herself once again. Be sure to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode. See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier.

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Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search emergency intercom, and listen now. I'm Dr. Joy Hardin-Bradford, host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. I know how overwhelming it can feel if flying makes you anxious. In session 418 of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett and I discuss flight anxiety.

What is not a norm is to allow it to prevent you from doing the things that you want to do, the things that you were meant to do. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What's up, everybody, and welcome to Bachelor Happy Hour. I'm your girl, Rachel, and joining me again in the studio is none other than Crystal Nilsen as my co-host. What's up, girl? Oh, what's up? Thank you so much for having me. I am loving doing these podcasts with you.

And what was it that you said earlier? Hi. Yes, she is back. Ready to go. She was just taking some time. I love it so much. And guys, you know here on Bachelor at Happy Hour, we do not disappoint. We always bring the best guest.

And today does not disappoint. We have joining us today. She's a Bachelor Nation favorite. She's definitely one of my faves. I haven't seen her since Costa Rica at my Bachelorette party. And I don't know, maybe two of us dated the same guy. I don't know. Is that kind of weird?

Definitely not. With Bachelor Nation, no. Okay, so with that weird, weird welcome, let's welcome in Biviana. Yay! Yay! Rachel, that introduction. Well, I mean, we had to do the best, for the best. Thank you so much for being here, Biviana.

So happy to have you on the show. And we just want to get right into it because we know you are a busy woman and we'll get into all of that. But what I love so much, and I'm so, so happy to have Crystal here today because you and Crystal didn't have the best start. And I think that there's a theme in that, right? Like it's not always about the first impression. Sometimes you just have to let things go run their course and let things happen. And I think you and Crystal are a testament of that. And so I don't know if I should say you guys are former enemies, frenemies. I don't know what, but it doesn't matter because that's a thing of the past because that's not the case now. So Crystal, I'll let you take it away and talk to

your now friend. Yeah. What's up, girl. You know, it's so funny because I was looking at a photo of us, that infamous photo, when you mic dropped me. Oh, gosh. I was reliving, you know, like that moment and prepping for this interview. And I was just thinking how far we have come.

And I want to take a second to commend you on the growth that you've done so well on Instagram and that all the viewers have seen with your experience on The Bachelor. And it's just how has been? on the show and would you say that has been played a pivotal role in your transformation and your journey and what have you learned about yourself throughout this process oh man a lot um and yes absolutely to answer your question i do think that it played a massive role um you know i think one of the while you're on the show when everything's on air you're just filled with all the hype of everything that's going on, but then once the show simmers down and, you know, you kind of

go back to life, that's when it really hits you. Like, what are I going to do now? What's my purpose? How am I going to take this, the pressure of having followers, people recognizing you? It almost forces you to just rethink and reevaluate what you're actually doing to impact the people that are following you and asking you all these questions. So I don't know if that made any sense. Yeah, I know that there was a lot of social media attention, particularly around our feud.

And there was people that had cheered you on, but then there was also people that had, you know, made some comments about me in regards to things that had been said. And I know for me, that was an opportunity of really seeing the power of social media and the words that we speak, how they can really kind of ripple out into the world. Was that an opportunity or what did you gain from that experience, particularly that infamous feud of us? That I'm feisty as hell. You know what happens? Crystal, I mean, and you can definitely relate to this. You're so outside of your comfort zone. As much as you think you're yourself in that environment, you are and you aren't.

And so you're being tested. My patience was just like, when am I going to talk to Ari? And then when your kind of push comes to shove, you're just on edge because that entire time, your body is constantly on fire or flight. There's not a moment when you're actually on the bachelor where you're zend out. There isn't. You're always nervous. So what it really showed me was, okay, when I am at that state now looking back, I never want to be that reactive ever again. Yeah, you know, seeing, like, getting to know Crystal off the show and Bibiana, I know you, it seems like you have a lot more in common than what we actually saw in that infamous feud that you bring about it.

I'll be honest, I was actually blogging during that time, and I wrote on it, and I was more team Bibiani than I was Crystal. And so I probably didn't put the nicest energy out there as I was observing exactly what it is that I was seeing. And I think that that's a testament to even our listeners who may have developed their own opinions just based on what they saw and things seem to be so different now. So I don't think you guys have ever answered this question. We just kind of saw you guys on Bachelor in Paradise and everything just seemed to be okay. So for everyone out there, how did you guys decide to forgive and move on to be in the place of friendship that you are now? Well, I recall Viviana, right after that feud, we went up into the closet. and talked, and I remember both of us just kind of taking a second to see where the other person was coming from.

And I remember really vividly you telling me that, you know, you have your mom and women in your life that you want to make proud. And you felt that you weren't going to make them proud by what had happened and wanted to make sure that you were being a positive influence that people could look up to you. and I agreed wholeheartedly with you and I think I had compassion for you and I think if you recall that I wasn't ever mad at you and even though you told me you had talked a lot of shit I was going to see it back I understood where you were coming from and just that maybe it wasn't you was just a situation yeah it was but even so even then I don't think that as much as I meant that I don't think that I actually observed and acknowledge how far away I was from that. Does it make sense?

It's like you desire to be, you know, like apologetic and really just the bigger person. But until you're out of the mansion, until you've taken a few months away, even after, I would even think like it didn't really click until after Paradise when you have that disconnection from the show is when you actually can reflect back and things. of all the crazy stuff that happened that just feels so out of what you would have, right, exactly. Yeah, so what was that defining moment for you? What do you mean? When did it finally hit? Yeah. I would say, um, I would say like the end of last year, it started shifting a lot.

I took a couple months off Instagram, probably around, like, right after Colton's announcement. and finding that disconnection were just like wasn't even posting kind of just dove into my like health and cooking and reading a lot about you know being aligned how we can really change we can really learn that a lot of what um we are comes from learned behaviors and it's in order to really tap into your authentic self there's a lot you have to it comes with a lot of work so that journey started right after Colton season like around that time so right after Paradise season five yeah and um then i just grew from then on and it really got even deeper after my breakup from my ex-boyfriend and that's when i was just yeah no we definitely want to get into that one thing before you move move forward on to that you said something that's really key about how this journey started for you after your first go around in bachelor in paradise So that'd be Bachelor in Paradise Five. So that whole year, it had been a full year, it had been Bachelor, Bachelor Winter Games, and then Bachelor in Paradise.

That's a lot. That is three shows in one year. So the first part of that question is, would you recommend that for somebody? And then two, depending on whatever you say, what do you feel like you learn? Like coming out of that, when you finish that Bachelor in Paradise, what was your mindset into moving forward after that? I really needed the time off because as much as you would I don't know if I would recommend it for anyone oftentimes I think you know maybe the right thing to have done was what Astrid Locke did which you take a whole year off and come back for Bachelor in Paradise a whole year later where you

kind of have a chance to just reflect disconnect kind of you know transition back to your real life see what you really want and then if you like come back into the show. I don't even know if going back on Paradise this past season was the right thing for me either. I don't regret it. I definitely think that I learned a lot from it. But it takes a special type of person to be able to go back to back to back and not feel affected. Would you have changed anything in the way that you approached this past season of Paradise? Because that was almost a full year off.

Definitely my mentality. I fell in love and I went through a massive heartbreak. I had gone, it had been, what, like three or four years since I experienced being in a relationship and actually felt that depth of losing yourself entirely and, you know, that lustful feeling that emerges when you, like, high school again. And once I went through the heartbreak, I just realized. that I really was ready to settle down. And I think what, you know, the Paradise Five, I don't think I went into it the right way where a lot of what was told to me is that, you know, you have your guard up, you know, you're not really here to find

someone and I was defensive. It's like any feedback that I got was just like, okay, you guys are crazy. Like, I'm obviously here. I'm obviously trying. But in having that year off, I actually, that's when, like I said before, is when you can look back and think of all the things that I had done and all the, just my perspective and how, um, I just became more understanding of how I really am, what triggers me, what doesn't and how I do

have my guard up because I come from, I've had experiences in my past where I've let myself go entirely and I've been burned. So I kind, I've, throughout the years what had what the the wall i guess that i had built up was well if you really want me you can you can work really really hard for it and really that mentality in bat and batonation and with the franchise and not bachelor nation but like in the show is you really have to put yourself out there so yeah you got to be really completely open and vulnerable and it doesn't matter if it's the guy or the girl and you have to be open to the to surprises and just like really and like really let all your guards down and have a lot of fun.

So I thought, well, going back into, you know, having that breakup, um, going, diving into this whole self-healing and eating clean and meditating journey where I just rediscovered and aligned myself entirely. I thought, well, now I feel like I'm really in that right space to walk into paradise. It didn't work out. I don't think obviously there wasn't anybody there that I connected with. but I think if I would have gone in with that mentality, Paradise Five, things may have worked out differently. And at the end of the day, you know, your life, everything, the stars are aligned.

You know, whether you think something didn't work out or it didn't, it turns out that way because it, I think that the universe kind of guides you into the way and the path that you're really supposed to go. so if my guy was out there I would have met someone anyways but I do think that I could have done a better job in the past of being less defensive and more open so I'm proud I'm glad that I went back

this past season for Paradise but it was it really did burn me emotionally this last Paradise did yeah yeah why because I was an open open

soul entirely like it's it's I mean, and Crystal, you believe in, you know, energy and just how if, I don't know if this, if you've read into this, but, you know, when you do all this self-healing work and you just open your heart space, you kind of become more vulnerable and more susceptible to just absorbing everything. And so you're more emotional. So you have to be really selective with the people that you're surrounding yourself with, the activities that you're doing. and I don't know if I was, like, because I have been doing all this healing work and just came out of the breakup, I was just like an open, anything happened, I would cry. In a good way, I guess. So do you think that maybe you were too open with some of the people in this last go-around in Paradise, Paradise Six?

Do you think that maybe, do you regret maybe sharing yourself with certain people? No, no at all. Do you think you were still healing from your past, you? very last relationship. Oh yeah. I still think I'm healing now. Yeah. It sounds like there's still a big wound there. And, you know, it seems like when we're healing, I mean, we're not really emotionally have the capacity to bring anyone into that space. Yeah. And that's a beautiful opportunity to do the work that you're doing and being on this journey of healing and learning. Most importantly, I know what I learned is I had to love and accept myself before I could

really be in a relationship and hold that space because it's um i remember hearing this quote so long ago but like my ex-boyfriend from like forever ago he goes if you don't know who you are it's like giving someone a present but you don't know what's in it and like you need to know who you are and love and accept it and own it because i mean you're giving that to someone and vice versa so I want to know what has life been like post paradise season six tell us more about this journey of healing that you're on wait bibby before you answer that question do you feel like to answer and piggyback on what crystal was saying do you feel like you're at a place now where you do feel that way about yourself like you do love yourself and you know who you are and you're ready maybe you don't you don't

want to give yourself to the next person but like you are in a place where if if it came to you you could do that i think i could get there i wouldn't say that i'm 100% there um this year has been really crazy for me as far as learning a lot about myself and just emotionally i've just been on this roller coaster and now i'm stabilizing again so right now i don't know if i'm really ready to open myself to anyone just because I'm still healing from my own things, not just from my past breakup or anything else, just like my own anxieties and my own fears. And that does surface when you're doing a lot of work on yourself. But I do think that I'm confident and I do love myself. it's just a transition to

to break those old um thinking patterns. Yeah. Yeah the patterns. Because the deeper you go, the more, the deeper you go, the more surfaces up and the more,

you know, more emotional you can be. And so now that I'm just kind of getting back into my, into my groove, it's just like, let me tread lightly because I don't know if I really want to,

I would welcome meeting someone. I think it would be really nice for me to meet someone. But, um, I tread lightly. You know, baby, everybody's journey is different in how they heal and how they get back on track or get to us to the place where they want to be. So I'm just curious because you've been very open on social media and just how you've spoken about, you know, things that you struggled with.

But what has been your journey of wellness and what steps have you taken to find your own paradise? a lot a diet has been crucial so not just because I not because I want to lose weight or because I mean looking good and feeling good is really important to me I think for anybody it's it's something that's there but I realize that right after my breakup one of the things I have Crohn's disease and so that's a like it's triggered by stress more than food and one of my biggest concerns was I had so much anxiety was I need to take care of my body and make sure that the food and everything that I put the nutrition that I'm putting into my system is healing so when I am

finally over this breakup I'm I'm good I'm solid and you know after paradise I was really sad I became I probably more depressed than I was after my breakup it was just really really bad I didn't even, I can't even say that I recognize myself anymore. I couldn't leave my house. I couldn't, I didn't want to go anywhere. I couldn't stop eating. It was just like, who is this person? Wow. And kind of just crawling back out of that shell in that dark space took so much work. So I kept thinking to myself, like, how did I go through such a difficult breakup and feel so good doing that transition where I was meditating and eating well to then going on this. show and coming back and feeling like my world has just crashed and and feeling worse than I did before so I knew that I would get I could get back to that space it just takes the power of the

mind and really like I do anybody that has mental health issues or go through these cycles in their life I have so much respect for them because what I felt during those two to three months was just unrecognizable I I was scared of myself um I seeked a lot of help. I had a therapist and a psychiatrist. I, it was important, I didn't even feel like going to yoga and it was important for me to just, like, I need to stick to yoga as much as possible. I started, like, little by little, like as time went by, like things started, you know, like making my meals again and, you know, hanging around the right people that just understood the space that I was in. But also, I knew

that I needed to find a job and I needed the discipline in my life. And I think finally accepting the fact that like being an influencer on Instagram is just not what I can do right now. Constantly sharing my life and exposing myself in that way when I feel so vulnerable, right? Like it's okay to take a break. And that's when I decided like I really just want to go back to that nine to five grind, challenge myself mentally. and give myself some stability, financially, mentally, physically, just go back to a schedule. So then I can, you know, see the fun and being an influencer again and, like, on my time off, like, go back to enjoying these things. So now that I have a job, I really do think that that plays a crucial part in my healing process as well.

Yeah, bringing in that structure. Yeah. I've noticed that your Instagram over the past year, I mean, has changed significantly in the content that you're putting out and how you're using your platform. I love that you're talking about the dark side of being an influencer and social media because I think there's a lot of highlights and it's so easy to really compare ourselves to other people. But what we forget is that these are just the highlighted moments of life. And I think it's really brave that you can speak out on this and take these breaks and then go. back too, you know, the real world, if you would, and take this opportunity to really heal yourself because it is a journey, as you said, that uncovers a lot of emotions and makes you

incredibly vulnerable and exposed. And the deeper you go, the more you uncover and the more work you got to do. I'm telling you, you're so right. I love that you're talking about these biweekly checks that you're getting, these regulated checks and I have to be an independent contractor again. Like, that I low key miss that and it really actually does help and your taxes are already taken out for you you don't have to worry about calculating that I'm telling you baby you're going somewhere with this yeah and I don't have to see my account in every three months because I don't know what the hell I'm doing like it's just I realize so this is what with what I've learned about your body and anxiety sometimes you don't even know that you're anxious um because like so this is how my

system works right so i'm constantly stressed okay when does this post have to go up how much it like how much is it like is it going to do well is this is this um company going to hire me again are they going to like what i put and then the the back and forth and then just thinking okay how much is this going to be am i going to cover my bills this month like all that stress even though it wasn't i wasn't always thinking about it that's still in the back of my head so my that like little by little started to increase my anxiety. And not that I'm saying that I'm not grateful

for the opportunities that came after The Bachelor. The reason why I took a year off was because I did so much and I think it was important for me to have that. But I'm grateful that I did because now it allowed me to realize,

okay, I'm the type of person. I love all my artist friends. I love all my, you know, freelancing friends. I adore all my friends that have started their businesses. but one thing they all have in common is they have their structured life. Because we're that generation, where that next level,

you've got to have a stability to then fuel your fire and your passion on the side. Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. And I just learned that, you know, I have other friends that can just do that and go all in. But I learned that I need to have that stability on the side. and it came with having the time off. And this is why this year has been so huge for me

because I'm learning with like the relationship with the breakup, with the healing and the going back to paradise and coming back and not getting a job and then finally getting the job that I had prayed for for I don't know how long. Everything kind of just aligning at their right time. That's, I've discovered so much of myself. And that's why on Instagram, I'm just like I can't put out content that,

I can't put out content anymore. That doesn't mean something to me. Yeah, I actually can relate exactly to what you're saying there. And you realize you have this platform and how are you going to use it? How are you going to connect with these people and what kind of contribution are you going to be making? And I've noticed that you've been really advocating a lot for fundraisers and great causes and a lot about mental health. And I want to ask, what are your plans in continuing to use your platform? Will you continue to be an advocate in this area of mental health?

So, I mean, my goal is to, you know, continue my book club. I just started reading again because throughout the summer with like feeling so depressed and stuff, I couldn't even pick up a book. I was just like, I can't even read. So reading again, sharing, sharing my books, creating, you know, like keeping that going, giving away, starting a book club. But then also I want to, I know that I don't want to leave my name. me. My family's here. And so I really want to just build a community here. And I, one of my,

she's a new friend, but probably one of my greatest friends already. She has this foundation called AWAM Angels Watching Over Me, which she started when she, when her father passed away, just kind of like a support group, like an open space where she brought therapist along to just, you know, have people have someone to talk to and open up with that lost loved one, going through a breakup, or any difficult situation. And then that then inspired her to start this girls club where she's mentoring these girls at a specific middle school. Her dream is to kind of just branch this program throughout,

but they've given her a room where every Friday we're going in at lunchtime. These girls are grabbing their lunch and going into this lunch, this room hanging out. And we either have speakers talking about anything from, like, puberty or even bringing people that are artists to kind of just inspire them creatively. A book club, we're teaching them yoga every once every other Wednesday. They have yoga after school. So it's just like think about the time when you were, I don't know, like in middle school, you're going through all these changes. And then just imagine what these girls are going through now with social media. and the cyber bullying and the bullying in school.

So we've really just provided this beautiful open space for these girls to get along with each other and really just realize that everybody's kind of going through the same transition and also just really find a support system for them where they can, these girls, I mean, some of these stories about these girls, they've lost their parents,

they come from violent homes, we'll have snacks because sometimes they won't even have food at home so they can go into the room and get food and supplies. So really connecting with my friend Sarah has been really inspiring for me because she's just type of girl that like we can do anything and I needed to be around that energy. The same with my other friend Brittany, I hung out with her yesterday. She's that powerful soul and she's also doing so much in the community

where everything's about giving back. And I love that. And I think that I'm really grateful that I'm now finding that space here because this is, this is my home and this is where I really want to, to be. Yeah, to lay the roots down. I think it's so great seeing you grow and evolve so much and especially contribute into your communities. Really fantastic.

I just like, granted. No, no, no. And I'm glad you did. Because if you could see me right now and we have people in the room who looked at me like, what is wrong with you? I'm like deep in thought in what you're saying because you know how you talk about how, like we're supposed to be, you're our guest on the podcast today and we're supposed to be interviewing you. But I am really resonating to what you're saying because you know, you said people feel anxiety in different ways and they don't even realize that they're feeling it. So I'm a person who's always on the go, go, go, go, go. And because I'm always on the go, I never have to take time to realize if I'm okay and if, and if I'm going through something. And so I'm in Miami, but I feel completely opposite. Like, I can't stand Miami. And I don't feel connected to the city in any kind of way. And when I'm there, I'm, I'm struggling extremely because I don't like it. And I don't feel the city and I don't vibe with it. And I actually, like, truly had a breakdown talking to Brian. And I was just like, oh, I cannot stand it here like I don't feel connected to the city at all. And so it's funny that you mentioned yoga

because I was like, you know what? I just need to go to yoga and I need to get centered. I went and I just, it was exactly what I needed. And I just realized how I was struggling myself because I thought I was okay, but it's just because I just was moving so much and I didn't have the time to really focus on myself. And so I found that connection. But I'm saying all this to say, I'm listening to what you're saying. And I'm like, man, like, that's what I needed to hear. You know, sometimes you're just in the right place and you need to hear. And I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make this about me, but it just like resonated with me so much what you were saying because of what I'm going through personally and struggling with. And so to hear you say

what you connected with to find your purpose in the city of Miami, I'm like, my gosh, that's what I need right now. So we'll talk when we get off this, when we get off the podcast. Because I'm really like, I need to find a purpose. I have, I feel, I don't feel connected to anything outside of Brian in Miami. Miami is not, I mean, Rachel, Miami is not an easy city to make home. No, it's not. To feel at home and to get integrated. And it's not welcoming.

It's not, I mean, I'm not dodging my city. I absolutely love it. But part of the reason why I feel so connected, aside from the fact that I grew up here, is because of my family. And if it wasn't for my sister having kids and my oldest sister buying a house here and my parents, like seeing my parents now getting older, what would hold me back, really? You know, aside from the ocean, which I can go in the warm tropical water. But it is, I do think that as somebody coming in, it is a really difficult city. And honestly, Rachel, you're always on the go. so I can only imagine like nothing like I don't really know like I don't even tell you when I'm in the city no exactly because I know that you leave the next day

it's so true so when you're always on the go it's really hard to have this be be home I know and I and I and I'm also saying this again I didn't mean to turn this into my own therapy session but I think that that's what's so great about bachelor happy hour and and also just to encourage you to continue to share share your message because you never know with with what you're saying and who it may resonate with. I think people hear us talking and they think, oh my goodness, they have it all together. You know, they're on TV or they have their significant other or they've gone through something and they're finding their purpose. But really, we're all struggling with our own things. And so I, to those who are listening, you know, to me talking to Crystal right now, her talking to me and even you, Bibiana, it's like we have to continue to share what we're going through because you just never know who needs to hear it in that moment.

I agree. Babiana, I want to ask, do you have any daily tools to maintain your wellness, things that you've experienced and learned that you'd want to share? Yes, I definitely, I am, find your time, find your, find your, find your me time. So I'm a morning person. I have to be at work, ironically enough, I have to be at work at 7 o'clock in the morning, which to me doesn't affect me because aside from not being able to work out

at 7 anymore it doesn't affect me because I like to wake up early but waking up in the morning and not touching my phone don't go on Instagram don't look at text message leave your do not disturb on get up in the morning

have my you know like go through my routine where I drink my water have my probiotic you know grind my coffee beans through my coffee that whole hour to myself before I get dressed, really, when I don't have that, it sets and shifts the tone of my day entirely. So if I have that time in the morning, I kill it. I get to work early. How do you do that? No. You're a third person to tell me that in a month. And I'm just like, I panic. When I wake up in the morning, I wake up in a panic. Like, what did I miss? Who emailed me?

Who texts me? How do you want to go with that? Think about this. And I coach my clients through developing powerful morning rituals that like empower and nurture their goals in themselves because if you wake up and you're on your phone you're just reacting to what everyone needs from you and if you don't take a second and a beat be it an hour be it two hours be it five minutes right bibbs to give to yourself it's not going to happen throughout the day you got to start the first few moments of the day because the more things that happen the more things are just going to pull you you from us. You have to carve out that time. And I deal a lot with moms who usually wake up to a crying baby. And at that point, once the baby's up, their day's rolling. And it doesn't belong to them

anymore. And it's just critical of having the discipline and the structure, right? Having a plan, having it written down, knowing exactly what to do, having the job to go to, right, Bibbs? Yeah. Where, you know, it's structured, it's written down and you just follow through. And you don't hit snooze on that button, on that alarm block. I will say, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not that perfect at it right now. I've had, you know, like it depends on my week. But I think there's a guy called Jim Quick. He has a podcast and his podcasts are pretty short.

And he's amazing. But one of the, I heard him and somebody else's podcast where he's just like, when you're creating little habits, you have to have triggers to like kind of set yourself up to succeed in that habit. Don't make it difficult for you. So automatically when you wake up in the morning, okay, I'm not going to. point of hit snooze roll out of bed like my thing is roll out of bed even if i'm half asleep and make my bed immediately so i can't jump back into bed oh that's good you know sounds so good oh yeah

i got two little doggies that are just warm and snugly i mean i don't have any pets i live alone i know it's really hard but i started with baby steps where i started with that it's like okay if i'm getting into the habit of if i want to get into the habit of getting up right when my alarm goes off what can i do and like seriously in the morning i'm still half asleep and I'm like just roll out of bed and make your bed immediately even if you have a sleep and then whatever I might not like do everything on my on for my daily routine but as the month goes on you'll see that you'll you'll realize how much how great it is to have that structure to yourself in the morning and I've read before where some of the most

successful people in the world are so committed to their morning routine it doesn't matter where they are. Like, it is this morning routine every day through the weekend. And, I mean, it's, they're killing it. I'm like, I want to talk to me. I believe in threes. Okay, it's always been like my thing. And I have not lying.

This is the third time in a month that someone has said these exact same things that you and Crystal are saying to me. One, I was sitting next to a guy on a plane and I hate to talk to people on the plane, okay? And I ended up talking to him from L.A. to Miami. His name is Michael. Shout out to Michael Rosenbaum. And he was telling me how he started doing this. And then I went to Katie Morton's well-rested event. And she was talking about the exact same thing about the morning routine.

And now you and Crystal are telling me the exact same thing. I hope this is speaking to somebody else who's listening to because if I don't do it at this point, I'm a fool. I have no excuse. I start small. Yeah, you start really small. It's like a big thing. When you are looking to feel passion, purpose, motivated, you got to have clarity as to what you're working towards. I should have written that down.

I feel like I'm at a Tony Robbins event. Do that? I've been to three. Wait, he's actually coming to Miami. I know. A date with destiny. Can I just tell you the tickets are so expensive. I'm like, you have to be.

$8,000. I have an extra, I was invited and I have an extra ticket, baby. Maybe Are you here? Are you here? I'm supposed to be. I'm so down to walk through the fire. And my friend told me, she's like, oh, I went years ago. It was so crazy. She's like, it actually, like, it's, it's crazy because it kind of, you know, people steer away from it because it seems kind of cultish and woo-woo. But for her, who's totally against it, she did it. Back then it was only $500. And for the executive, or, whatever it is like the fanciest one you can get it was only $500 and I was like well let me see she talked so much about it and I go on it's like too so it's like over a thousand dollars like okay well the way my bank account works this is not going to happen yeah okay we'll talk because I really do we'll talk about it I'll tell you I'll tell you what I have going on with that okay bibby selfishly this has been extremely therapeutic for me so I want to thank you

and Crystal for coming on the podcast but I do want to ask you you just seem to to be so in tuned with yourself and your purpose and where you want to move forward. Do you think that we'll ever see you again on Paradise or maybe whatever else this franchise may come up with because they don't stop. I really, so I have this friend who's super, she's hilarious, but she's just like, you got to talk to God. You got to talk to the universe. You got to put it out there what you want. She's like, say it out loud. Talk to the moon. And she's like, if you want a man, she's like, write down exactly who he is like every little detail and she's like and leave it out there and play the game with the universe and i don't think that my guy the way that i'm describing him i'll

meet on the bachelor franchise so i feel that i think it's up for me well maybe maybe it just sounds like you need to be the bachelette then so you can pick them okay so you can be in control and in that driver's seat okay didn't you just say we should put it out there And you say we should speak to God and put it in the universe? Well, I'm a talking. And hopefully he's a listening or she. Okay, baby, before we want to let you go, I love you too. Before we let you go, it's holiday time.

And it's a very special time. And I feel like we're right on point with what we've been talking about. And I, for one, can just say I am so thankful to be co-hosting with Crystal right now, to have you on the podcast. This is what I needed, and hopefully it's what you guys needed, And just for everyone who's out there listening, maybe it's something that you needed to. So in the spirit of being thankful and grateful, we're going to play a little game about finding gratitude in less than an ideal bachelor's scenario. So Crystal, I'll let you take it away and start with it.

Okay. So I'm going to read a statement, Vivi, and I want you to answer where the silver lining is or where you can find gratitude in this. Okay. Okay, first one. You are sent home on the first night. you're sent home on the first night you missed a lot you missed a lot of drama you were saved from a lot of heartbreak and drama and tears that's good that's so true i'm gonna say what's meant to be is meant to be yeah and it wasn't meant to be yeah look at grocery store show something better's coming yeah and if you go and if you go home if you go home on night one you probably can go back to your job because they probably will take you.

That's right. That's right. Yes, a lot of people don't realize people quit their jobs to come on the show. So sometimes that doesn't pay off. Okay, you're put in the hot seat at a tell-all. I think that's a good thing. You get to speak up and explain yourself or whatever it is that happened, right? That's not a bad thing.

I feel like a hot seat is never a bad thing. unless you're Blake I know Poor Blake You get an opportunity to speak your truth All right next one You're told The gym isn't available

At the hotel That's I can't find the gratitude In that You can't agree Is the sauna open Hey it's safe for an outdoor run Oh my God I'm like great

That's more time for me to catch up on housewives That's how I look at Okay. You're in a Paradise Love Triangle. Finally. Okay. You can't find Chris Harrison for advice. Oh my gosh. What's the good thing about that? You get to talk to a parrot in Paradise? Your phone is taken away and you are cut off.

from the outside world while filming. Oh, I'm so for it. I wish I could just have someone take my phone now. My friend is helping me out with, like, managing my emails, the ones that come through social media. And I was like, please just take the wheel. I'll pay you a monthly fee. I just can't deal with the 500 emails that ignored in my life.

And it's helped. But really, any time that I can, any time that my phone is connected, I'm like, I'm for it. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb when I'm at home. Oh, girl. Me and you all day long, girl. All day long. Goals. Because I got someone doing my emails too. All right. Last one, Bibi. A troll makes a mean comment on Instagram. I hate these. But we've changed. We've grown. Yeah. I mean, it always kind of makes me sad. How does it not affect you? But I guess it just shines a light on how much growth you're doing by not responding. I want to say that that was actually my defining moment with my bachelor experience coming off The Bachelor. It's so bad. I was going through all those.

It was probably a week two of it airing. So it was right around our mic drop episode. Wow, this is coming full circle to the podcast. But I was going through those comments and I was reading them. And suddenly, I mean, I'm just reading the death comments, snake, snake, snake emojis. And I'm just feeling the worst I've ever experienced. like hated by America and then ultimately I just had this moment where I go wait a second I'm a coach like I was trained that feedback is how I grow and then I always take the feedback and I go you know

what I'm going to go through and I'm going to read these and I'm going to take the emotion out and I'm going to read every single one and respond back with love especially the messages I respond back with love and just said thank you so much for the feedback I'm always here to grow and learn Yeah, you're a better person. And I just, it was a shift for me. And I just never look back. And then I realized I couldn't be hiding. I had to live openly and with my heart.

And just as you've done this past year, Bibiana, I spent those next few months gearing up for Paradise, focusing on myself, having my morning routine, learning to love and accept myself and forgive myself for mistakes that I'd made and to become better because of them. And going into Paradise, I didn't even want to date anybody. And here I am married. And you were at me, you were at my wedding.

It's crazy. So it's crazy that opportunities and challenges that face us in life are opportunities for us to grow and become more evolved souls, you know, on this journey. And I'm so grateful for all the growth that you've, you know, shared while coming out of this podcast and letting us all in into really intimate parts of your life that you're navigating through. So we just really commend you and so grateful for you. You guys, if you haven't already hired Coach Crystal to get your life together, you need to after listening to this podcast. And Coach Bibby! My gosh.

Okay, Bibby, before we let you go, and you've been absolutely fantastic, and this podcast in itself has been so healing, which was the goal of this entire episode. But before we let you go, there's a little thing we want to do with you. And Crystal already is connected to it, so she's going to lead you into this. So I had a dream last night that I was interviewing. Do you know Gabriel Bernstein? You must.

Yes, yes. Yes. Okay. I had a dream. I was interviewing Gabriel Bernstein on a podcast. And I walk in to do this with Rachel today. And they hand me a deck of cards and they go, we're doing a start interview for Bibiana. And, Bibiana, I kid you not.

It's from the universe has your back deck. Okay. Of her oracle cards. And I go, wait, what? This was literally written in the stars for me to pull a car. car for you. And the card I'm pulling is happiness is

my birthright. Yes. Amen. And the card I'm pulling for Rachel is my outer experiences are a reflection of my internal condition. And lastly, the card I'm pulling for copper is

my dog is here. The universe has my back. Oh, I love that. See, you were talking about the universe and putting things out there. You had no idea what we have waiting for you. Well, this has been a full circle podcast. This has been a very healing moment. I'm so thankful to have you both on the podcast today.

And I really hope that it has been just as beneficial to someone who's out there listening as it has been for all of us on the podcast today. Bibi, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It has been absolutely amazing. Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, I don't know about you guys, but that felt good. I needed to hear that. Love talking to Bibiana.

But now I want to get into some emails from you guys because every episode we ask you guys to write us, let us know what you're thinking, good and the bad, asking us for advice, whatever it may be. So our first email is from Diana. Diana emailed in and asked, when you are done filming the show, do you get to see your significant other often or is it all FaceTime and phone calls? well Diana you don't get to see them as often as you want to right because you're engaged if you're blessed from the show if you're lucky and you want to see your significant other every day so for me I can only speak for my experience Brian and I face-timed all day every day we talked on the phone we text we did whatever we could to keep it spicy and you're just so excited coming off the show you know knowing that you're engaged and you have the secret and only you know and the rest of the world is wondering it's all very very exciting But we also do get to see each other. The franchise is very lovely in providing us these happy couple weekends. I don't know if you've heard of them or not, but we do get to see our significant others and spend days at a time.

And those happy couple weekends are so great not just because you get to see your significant other, but you are in a house, just the two of you. So you learn very quickly if you're compatible or not. I mean, it's four to five days. Someone's bringing you food. And it's just a time for you to truly get to know. know each other, to ask questions, and to not have the involvement of family, friends, or just the outside opinion of the world. So, yes, they really do do a lot for us to make sure we nurture and cultivate the relationship that we got on the show.

Jody from Instagram as, Crystal, I can't stand the taste of ACV, but believe in its benefits to the body. Do you have any suggestions for masking the taste? Well, Jody, yes, girl. Make it with some sparkling water. like the peri-bill I got right now and squeeze some fresh lemon in there because lemon not only is good at detoxifying the liver and boosting your metabolism and helping clear your skin but it's also going to be a really strong citrus taste

that really cuts back on that strong fermented flavor of apple cider vinegar. That's why she asked you and not me. I would have said hold your nose. Take it like a shot. All right, the next question comes from Mary on Twitter. Mary says, Rachel, you and Brian both have a lot going on and seemingly haven't been in the same place for a while. How do you two find time to enjoy being newlyweds? And what do you do to

keep the fire hot? Mary, definitely the million dollar question. Unfortunately, Brian and I do spend a lot, not a lot of time apart, but I mean, enough. Enough to where, you know, we don't get to spend every day together, which is what I want to spend with Brian. And I know that that's vice versa. So the reason that that's the case is because we're both very supportive of what we have going on and we're trying to build these careers so that we can come together and, you know, we'll eventually settle down and grow our family and, you know, accomplish all the things that we want for each other and for our future. But we definitely have to be spicy and creative and how we keep, you know, the fire hot as you put it in your tweet. So for Brian and I, we definitely talk a lot throughout the day. majority of that is FaceTime. I tell Brian every single thing that I'm doing and he does the same

for me. When I walk copper in the morning, I take Brian on those walks with me. And he does the same thing for me. We ask each other advice. We encourage each other. At night, maybe things get a little too hot for this podcast that I can't talk about. But we're married so, you know, we could do those things and talk about them. And mom and dad can't get mad anymore. But it really is just about keeping an open line of communication and just being very understanding of what the other one has going on and coming to an understanding and always being vocal about that and being supportive for one another. It's not easy. It definitely takes work, but it's the place that we're in right now. So thanks for asking. And we've got another one from Twitter. Amy from Twitter asked,

do Rose ceremonies really go all night? I noticed on an episode that when the contestants left, the sun was up. How is that possible? well Amy it's definitely possible and more so for the first night so yes it's no secret that the first night is the longest night and obviously because you have the most contestants and it's also the night that you make the most deliminations and so I know for me personally it was important for me to talk to every single person on that first night so that meant that it went into the next morning and the sun was up and it was bright and out there you know and you used to saw that in the interviews when I would when those guys were going home and they were doing their

elimination interviews so yes but I will say at the same time you are so excited especially that first night because it's all new you've never experienced this before you're so excited to meet whoever the lead is you're also excited at making you know these new friends and connections within the mansion and so it goes by really really fast and after that first night there's no night that is as long as that one I will tell you that Sometimes they do go into the morning, but most of the times they don't. They get shorter after that. So what you probably saw that episode was the first night episode.

It's also one of the best nights. Tune in next week for all the right reasons. In the meantime, you can get all your latest Bachelor Nation news on bachelornation.com right now. And as always, thank you guys so much for listening. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving takes effort.

Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes.

Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. I'm Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. I know how overwhelming it can feel if flying. makes you anxious. In session 418 of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, Dr. Angela Nielbornet and I discuss flight anxiety. What is not a norm is to allow it to prevent you from doing the things that you want to do, the things that you were meant to do. Listen to Therapy for Black

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