Bachelor Happy Hour - Breaking Patterns with James Tran! | Golden Hour

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

Today on “Golden Hour,” Kathy and Susan are sitting down with James, the brother of our former Bachelorette Jenn! James stole our hearts when we saw him come to Jenn's side during the end of her journey and he is here to help dish out some advice to Bachelor Nation. We kick off today's episode getting to know James a little better. Then, we get into our big advice questions: How do you break toxic patterns? What should you look out for while dating? James is here to tell us all that he knows! Tune in now to hear all this and more, and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jamel Hill, host of the Sports and Politics and on the latest episode of Spolitics, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries joins me for a candid conversation about the state of the Democratic Party. What do Republicans say to you privately that they won't say publicly? Many of them are in fear of their political lives. We continue to say to them, you were elected to defend your constituents.

and there's life after Congress. Make sure to listen to this episode of Politics on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes,

we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness. Psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app.

Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hour's Golden Hour. Thank you for joining us. We're so excited to be back. How are you doing, Susan? I'm doing great. I'm so excited about today. And I can't believe I'm actually going to say this again.

If you haven't done it yet, you got to follow us. How are you going to know what we're saying, what we're doing if you're not following? It's so darn easy. Just search for Bachelor Happy Hour in your podcast app. Hit the follow button and then we'll be there. We're like a ray of sunshine, right? If you hit the follow button, you're going to be notified every time we put out a new podcast and you'll never miss one. So make sure you hit the follow.

button and leave us a review while you're there. Oh, I love that too. And there are some questions. Yes, Kathy, yes. And make sure to check out all of our past episodes because we have had some good ones. We've been having so much fun. I mean, some of those questions, how about the ones a little earlier about getting to know us?

The things we tell, I'm telling you that don't want to miss that one. Yeah, you don't. You want to hear about Susan's Catholic school upbringing and how she dodged the boys. It's very interesting. And you guys know how to do it by now. You just go bachelor happy hour.com slash golden hour. And we have some great questions and a fabulous guest today. Oh, we do.

Today, we have a true gem from Jen's season on The Bachelor at Her Brother James. Hi, James. That's so much for joining us. How are you? Are you excited or nervous? A little bit of both. I'm just going to come straight out with it. I used to be a newspaper writer.

I'm an interviewer. I'm just going to start asking questions. She will ask a lot. So you're going to start with that hat, I think. The first thing that I'm starting with the hat. So the hat I know came from when Jen, oh, came. There we go. The end was that.

Fenway Park. James, do you know where I'm from? You're from Boston, no? I am. And do you know what I want? My hat. That's right. So I believe that you got a few of those hats.

So Bachelor Nation. I have a really small head, so get me a small one. Are you going to say that? Yes, I will promise on this recording, I will send you a hat, yes. You heard it, ladies and gentlemen, you are definitely here. Susan, we're going to get to our questions in a minute. I just got to fire a few more. How old are you, James?

Where do you live? What do you do? We want to know it all, James. Let's start at the beginning. I am too old. What's too old? Too old is when you first wake up and you feel all, you know, things start to quake and you feel sore.

Baby, wait till you're my age. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm not too old. I'm not too old. I am your age. I am your age. I'm 67. I'm close. If you round up. If you round up, yeah, add 20. Okay. Wait a second. Where in Boston do you live? So I'm by Assembly Row. So a little bit north of Boston. Where? I'm sorry. I didn't hear what you said.

Assembly Row. Assembly Road. Summerville, Cambridge. Oh, Somerville. I lived in Cambridge. I lived right on the river in Cambridge. So we were neighbors. We were neighbors. Well, you were just to twinkle in your parents' eye when I lived there.

But, yeah. Okay, and then tell me what you do for living, you know, what's your life like? So I've had an interesting career path. I've gone through many, many different careers from an engineer to a cardiac technician to an EMT. So currently, I manage the wine and beverage programs within a group of restaurants in Boston. Wow. I'm coming, never mind. Don't send me the hat.

I'll come and get the hat. You'll come and get the hat. You can take me out for dinner. Listen, we'll open up a bottle of wine. I love that. I've got one right here. I'm toasting to you right now. Cheers.

I'm getting, go ahead. I don't have a glass. Well, just, you know what? All right, Kathy, we'll send him glasses for the wine and he'll send us hats. There you go. James, there's one career that you did not mention that you excel at. And we're going to get into it a little bit. Oh, yes, you do.

You are an incredible. You are an incredible. A stand-up man. Dating coach for your sister. Am I? Yes. Hey, we watched you. We watched you.

Cudos to you, baby. And we'll get into that. We're going to get into that in just a second. But I just want you didn't, you can add that to your resume, okay? We have a good question for you. What is something that is a deal breaker for you in a relationship? Cigarette smoking. Oh, okay.

Oh, cheers. I can't do it. I literally just drank to that. that. How about for you, Kathy? Cheers to that. Cigarette smoking. I'm with you.

What other deal break? We just talked about this, about a date being rude to the weight staff, you know? Yeah, that's another thing. Yeah. Being good to wait staff. Bad breath. Bad breath. That's another one.

Just rudeness in general. Being cheap. Nice. I told you any time, how about a guy that invites you out on a date? and asked you to go to happy hour and then want you to split a drink and an appetizer. No. I've had that.

So I will always pay for the first. I will always pay for the first. I will pay my way if I know I'm never going to see them again. Susan, can you hold this down? I've got to go book a flight for Boston. I'm going to go meet him. There's no happy hour in Boston though. You're just happy to live in Boston.

Oh, please. All right. Tell me about Oh, go ahead. I will always pay for the first. state for the first drink, but then we'll split the second. So that's usually how it goes. Okay. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think that's fair. I think that's fair. You know, I'm just trying to be myself. And so I think that's the way that's the way. Are you in a relationship, James? We're grilling you. I am not. I am single. James, that might be why. Pay for the second

glass of why. Hey, we'll see how it goes. You know what? I don't care. You got to, you just got to be generous. I don't care what you're you know, what ship you're sailing. You've got to be generous or Listen, I'm generous in a lot of different ways. Okay. Give me your top three. Fair enough. Top three. So let's talk about love language. So one of my love language

is giving. Is what? You don't like giving. No, I love the love language. No, let me say, Susan loves the language. I love the conversation. I get confused James because it's whether it's what I want or what I want to give to you. It's how you receive love, how you feel love.

But it's also how you give love. Yes. My love language is how I give love. But you want to give love to your partner the way they receive love. So you have to know how they feel. If A plus B, it's simple, then the derivative of D squared. I can't. Kathy, I'm buying you that cute little book. It's really simple. I've had it given to me before. Did you read it? I did, but I just be kind of. I'm not understanding what part you were. I don't know, because I was an English major. You would think I would, right?

I don't know. Okay, so you're single. So are we. I am, yes. So are we. Hey, let's get together. Tell me your relationship with your sister growing up. It was, it was shaky.

We weren't always close. Because you're a big age difference, right? For sure, for sure. And so we were both awesome, very stubborn people. How many years apart are you two? We are nine, nine years apart. Okay, how old is she? How old is she?

I know, we'll figure this out later, Katz. He's not even 40. You're 35, you are a child. Yeah. No, no. You just said you're nine years. You know what? When you're 55, you're going to rephrase that statement, you know.

Probably. Could I have a round of applause, please, for going to, for figuring out how to find out how old he was? Wait, so you weren't that close or sometimes you were, sometimes you weren't? she was like your pesty little sister or a little bit yeah and so we were both like super stubborn and so we always kind of got under each other's skins and then we would refuse to apologize

and so I remember there were like years where we just wouldn't talk to each other at all wait a minute you were born in Vietnam right I was yeah how old were you when you came to the United States four I was four so your sister and of course you didn't speak English when you came

not right away okay but by the time your sister came along there was no language barrier no no so she was yeah was she spoiled did you think she was a spoiled little girl or honestly she wasn't like she just never she like always kind of was brooded down to earth you know grew up very hardworking so i didn't she wasn't spoiled if anything i was a spoiled first child right okay it's just you and your sister just you and jen me yeah me and jen just us well i'll tell you what first having all those ups and downs, you sure showed up for her. You sure did.

I did, yeah. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want to.

are gone. Now hold up, isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person

to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Chmell Hill hosted the Sports and Politics Podcasts, Politics.

And on the latest episode of Politics, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries joins me for a candid conversation about the state of the Democratic Party. What do Republicans say to you privately that they won't say publicly? Many of them are in fear of their political lives, and that's been part of the challenge. But we continue to say to them, you were elected to defend your constituents,

to stand up for your constituents. And there's life after Congress. And you should be willing to actually. want to be able to look back on your time in the House of Representatives knowing that you can keep your head held high because you did the right thing. Donald Trump is gone in three and a half years, but their legacy or their failure to stand up to the extremism and the unprecedented assault on America as we know it will be with them forever. Make sure to listen to Spolitics on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes.

Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. And can I want to ask you, so when I watched the show before I knew I was going to get that fabulous habits on your head, I was impressed that you didn't give your blessing to Devin, that you said you could do it. I want to know, was it a feeling you had or was, it just struck me, especially given how the whole thing ended up. Did you prepare for it or did you just come out? Did you have a miracle? What's a call to crystal ball? I mean, tell me, tell me about it. No, I mean, honestly, to be honest, I just didn't feel either of the guys. And so it just felt wrong to give my blessing, especially before talking to the other guy and before talking to Jen about Devin. And so I felt like it was just too premature to ask for my blessing. So there's no way I was I was going to give it. There was no way.

So what advice did you give her? What advice did you give her after you met the two guys if, I mean, if you could say? Yeah, I mean, I told her what I thought about both guys, where I felt like, you know, Devin didn't really say anything about her. It was all about him. And then Marcus just didn't really say anything at all. So, like, all he said was kind of just stuff that just wasn't relevant to my questions. All right. So, given...

They danced around the answer, right? Exactly, yeah. Given that, clearly you're a guy who gives advice and cares about your sister. I wouldn't know what advice you would give to family members or friends of people that are trying to date like us. You've had trouble with toxic relationships.

And really, and how do you support people in that situation? Because toxic relationships are tough. You need to recognize the patterns. You know, if you've always been in toxic relationships and you need to kind of sit down and ask why. You know, what does this guy have the same and similar with like this guy?

You know, compare your exes and be like, why am I falling for the same type over and over again? Why isn't it working? And that's kind of how you get out of that pattern. So it's all about recognizing. So that's what you think would be most important that you would tell a young woman from your point of view to look out for when they're dating. I mean, it's more about themselves, right?

So what I told Jen was she knows what she deserves, right? She knows how she wants to be treated and she knows how she doesn't want to be treated. And so as long as you come into a relationship with that, then you can easily rule guys out who don't kind of put in that effort that you deserve. And it's more about recognizing that sign early and kind of cutting it loose, where I feel as if most people kind of just stay on. The red flag that we speak of, yes. Right.

But most people kind of stay in that relationship and try to change that person. Yeah, I think that's going to get better. Yeah. It never will. It never will. So. I know. I've learned a hard way.

So from your point of view, you know what we've cut so many loose it's shredded on the floor at this point what do you think is some things you think is most important for a young woman to look i would ask you to look for when they're dating but also to look out for um definitely communication i think is the most important that's our c word yeah but it's not just communicating about you know what you want to eat at the time It's more about having those difficult conversations. Yes. Because that's how you know if you're on the same page or not moving forward.

And it's okay to agree to disagree about certain things. Oh, absolutely, yeah. As long as you're both in the know. Yes. Yes, very good point. It's so hard. So how do you go about dating? Do you go on dating sites, if you don't mind me asking?

I am on a few dating sites, yes. And how's that working out? Primarily Hinge. And it's been eventful. Can I tell you that's how my son, Jay, that's how my son, Susan officiated their wedding back in March. No way.

And he met her on Hinge. Yeah, I mean, it's the new way to date, so. It's not really. It's the old way. There's a big push now to get off to, I hate the word organically, but there you have. It's, too, don't you think some guys like they window shop? I mean, it's about a look because you're not talking to

anybody you're not seeing them physically so you're window shopping and you're scrolling through who's going to swipe which way I mean it appeals to me I love window shopping okay go to stores looking at what they're selling can't afford any of it I always buy everything that's my problem I trust me she does okay so wait a minute what advice were you given in terms of dating relationships you know because you're you know you're you're over 30 like advice way back when I know, really. Way back when, you know, when you were 34, what advice do you still hold on to? Like, what are those nuggets that you still hold in your arsenal of dating weaponry? Yeah. I mean, things that I look for is definitely emotional.

That's kind of very aggressive. Emotional intelligence, for sure. Emotional availability, too. Availability. Yes. Yeah. Definitely communication. And so just all the basics. And I know it's basic sounding. It's very cliche but it's hard to find out there it's very hard and can you figure that out on the first date um usually yeah so i'm pretty good at being able to kind of read people on the first date and knowing whether it's going to be a second date or a third date um but at the same time i feel like i jump into the first dates very very soon and so when i'm on hinge right like i'll i'll answer back and forth probably

four or five times before let's let's let's let's let's meet i can't go back on with you even if it's Just a quick cup of coffee. Let's meet. If there's some chemistry, we want to know more, then we'll plan a date. I don't even call that a date. That's what I was going to say. I have gone on date. I've talked to guys, you know, four or five times saying, oh, you know, this guy, I'll meet him for a drink or a cup of coffee or split an appetizer.

But then when I meet him, he is so different than the conversation we had. Do you find that as well? Usually, yeah. But not too different. Like, you can kind of tell by the tone of how they tell. text, what kind of person they'll be. And so I'll go on record here and say that I've never had a bad

first date, I don't think. That's nice. Yeah. That's so nice. We vibe pretty well. I only have one. James, I had one bad first date. I want to hear about this.

He ghosted me. Oh, no. He didn't show up. I've got a worse first date, which I have never told. But I'll tell you if you want to hear. hear it. It was a guy I met online and he was coming from I can't remember he lived in a different state but he spent a lot of time in Austin for some reason which is where I live okay and we talked

three or four times because I did exactly what we were just saying and he seemed super fun and interesting and my kind of guy and active and sports and all of it and somehow we got on the subject of whiskey. I like a good whiskey. And Blanton's is, Blanton, if you're listening out there, send me a bottle. Blantons is a very, you too. I love Blantz. I love Blantz, right? I never heard of it. It's a very expensive, but really good whiskey. I don't drink whiskey. Go on. So I said to him, I says, he wanted to come and stay with me on the weekend. I'd never met the guy. And I, and I said, look, if you can get me a bottle of Blanton's, you can come and stay at my house thinking that you can't get it in Texas.

It's impossible. So I thought, I'm good, yet guess what? He shows up with a bottle of Blanx. Oh, my God. No way. I'm not kidding. And I looked at that bottle, and it was like I was sick. And so I said, I was speechless.

I said, I was joking. He goes, you can't back out. Now I said, oh, yes. I really can. Yes, you can. Yeah, I said, yeah, I can and I am. It was a joke. Well, you didn't tell me it was a joke, and I spent a lot of money. It's very expensive. Well, I would have bought it. I would have paid for it. No, no, no. I was so fearful at that point when he was, you know, I know you probably think I'm aggressive. I'm really not.

I just, it's just my way. Yeah. I was scared to death. I was like, oh, my God. He had your address? No, we met. at a restaurant for dinner and he thought he was coming back to my house. I said, because I had told him

to make a hotel reservation. Right. And he said, I said, but if you, you know, if you show up with a bottle of Williams, you could stay with me. You were teasing. I mean, talk about Kathy running your mouth. Yeah, right. So, anyway, that's my worst dating story. So how was that, how was the rest of dinner?

Yeah, did you sit through dinner? Yeah. Honestly, did you walk out with the bottle? Honestly, give me the bottle. Here's the money on that. He did give me the bottle of whiskey. I never saw him again It was I've blocked it

If we're being honest I did get the bottle The bottle's long gone But She drank that bottle You know what Don't make a What is it

Don't make a promise Your ass can't catch Like oh my God Never again will I say You know Here's a question When you drink plans Do you still think of him

In that date? Hell no No No Why would I ruin Good Whiskey With a bad memory No, thank you, too.

I think we need to move on. I think we need to move on here, Susan. So, James, we're going to go through some people's questions that they sent into us, and we're all three going to share what our advice would be to them. Sounds good. Okay, cool. So listen, because you're going to be giving your opinions here. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious.

Well, wait a minute, Sam, maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate.

Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he's. He now wants them both to meet. So do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I'm Jamil Hill, host of the Sports and Politics Podcast Politics. And on the latest episode of Politics, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries joins me for a candid conversation about the state of the Democratic Party. What do Republicans say to you privately that they won't say publicly? many of them are in fear of their political lives. And that's been part of the challenge. But we continue to say to them, you were elected to defend your constituents, to stand up for your constituents. And there's life after Congress. And you should be willing to actually want to be able to look back on your time in the House of Representatives knowing that you can keep your head held high because you did the right thing. Donald Trump is gone in three and a half years. But their legacy or their failure to say, stand up to the extremism and the unprecedented assault on America as we know it will be with them forever. Make sure to listen to Spolitics on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast

for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The first one is from Charlize and she's 26 years old. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast and I'm really hoping. you can help me out. I've been single for about a year and a half. I'm in no rush to start

dating again, but for the first time in a really long time, I feel ready. I've had a lot of time to reflect on the things I want in a relationship, and it's making me realize how much better my friends and I deserve. We've always joked that we've been the blind leading the blind. Just lover girls always giving men the benefit of the doubt. How do I start dating with a balanced mentality and how can I help my friends do the same? I don't want to be closed off an unfairly accusatory of kind men, but I definitely don't want to be back in the same cycle I've always been in, bending over backwards for the bare minimum, then feeling disappointed when I finally had enough heartbreak.

What are some things I can do or keep in mind so I can also share with them with my friends? I know we can be such a great support system for each other. We just need some guidance. Thanks so much. She's 26. What do you think, James? I mean, she's off to a great start. You know, her and her friends know that they deserve better.

And so the first line is always recognizing that. And then from then on, I think it's easy. You know, it's kind of, you start dating in a relationship, right? And you kind of have to sit back and be like, is he giving me what I deserve? And if the answer is yes, you keep going. And if the answer is no, you stop. And I feel like that's the hard part where most people are like, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He's going to change. He's going to change for me. And usually it doesn't work out. And so I think she's on the right path. Yeah. Just realizing it. Yeah. Well, I think once a couple things.

I think when someone shows you who are who they are the first time, believe them, I would say that. But also, I think that I can't speak for men because I'm not one. But I think that women often the fear of I won't find someone. So I have to make this one or try to make this one what will work. I'm not sure that I think it's as easy. I love your philosophy. you believe you deserve better so go get better right go get yeah but i'm not sure with i think it's really hard for i don't know about men is it hard for men it's hard for men too i get attached very

easily and i kind of hang on and kind of hope that things are better god i'm hopeless james just yeah so i'm i'm with you but you know i'm great at giving advice not so much taking my own advice but that's the point i'm single yeah but that's exactly the point this girl knows but it's almost like she can't you know she said I I'm she's tired she wants she doesn't want to be back in the same cycle of bending over for the bare minimum and yet she knows it but I think that's what we all struggle with is but she has she has a support system now and so that's kind of where you rely on your friends where your friends are like hey this guy's doing this right he's not like treating you well and you can't just brush that off it sounds like from Charlize her friends are in the same boat so I just to get a says I don't want to be closed off. Like, that's total opposite. You don't close yourself off. You just be more aware.

But it's hard, though, because after you're getting hurt so often, you naturally just close up. Trust your gut. Trust your friends. And, you know, don't settle. Kathy would say, red flag is a red flag. And it's not going to turn any other color. You cannot paint a red flag white or beige, a red flag. There's red flags and there's bleeding red flags.

You know what? And I was definitely. I was definitely for most of my life exactly what this girl has said. I'm a giver. I get excited. I fall hard and fast. And then I do everything. I jump into their world and do everything they like to do and everything's so fun.

And then three months in, you want to do something that you like. And it's not there. And then you start realizing, oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's not me. Oh, that hits close to home. it does but you know what james and susan here's the hope for all of us that we we see it and that maybe this this will be the time that will meet that person no but you have to have faith right

not everybody does like the same exact things as we do so where do you draw that line you know i'm just saying maybe this is the time where we are aware and cognizant of what's going on and we choose to get off the bus before, you know, we've ridden all the way through the city. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, this is the turning point. Yeah. All right.

Hopefully we're all strong enough to do that. And Charlese, I wish you luck, but you do have a support system with your friends and take each other's advice. Charlize, maybe to reach out to James. Yes, please do. Please do. We've got an available young man here. Here we are. All right.

Next question is from an anonymous mom. Hi, ladies. I need your help. I'm a mom to three kids, a daughter who is 15, a son who is 12, and another daughter who is 10. I've been through a lot in my life

beginning in my childhood, and I've worked very hard on my mental health. Ever since college, I've made sure to heal from my trauma, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and do therapy anywhere from once a month to twice a week. I'm 50 now.

I have a great husband who steps up when I need time for my mental health. I still struggle with some depression, anxiety, and PTSD. For the most part, it's manageable. So here's my question. How do I talk to my oldest daughter about these things? When I become a mom, I promise myself that I wouldn't let my kids see me when things get really bad because I never want them to worry about me.

But I feel it's important that I teach my daughter and my other kids when I feel are old enough and ready, that it's okay to not be 100% okay sometimes. I don't want my kids to go up thinking I was perfect and had it all together all the time, because that's just not how life works. I want to be honest and human with my daughter while still being a parent that she sees as a sturdy foundation. My husband is so great, but he doesn't have the struggles that I do, so this conversation is really up to me. He'll be there with me to weigh in if things get murky but he trusts me to do this thank you ladies and james love you and james so what do you think james this one also hits close to home and so it's something that i struggled with growing up

where my dad was definitely more the you know never show emotion everything's always okay and so that's what i learned growing up so i never showed emotion um and so when i was on the show with jen that was the first time that i'd ever cried in front of anybody and i actually A dog, my parents, anybody. And here I was on TV, he's crying. And so it's something that I've had to work through, just showing more emotion and just letting people know that I'm not feeling okay. And so I think she has the right idea here where, you know, that's something that her kids

need to kind of see and learn. And that's kind of how they become more in touch of their emotions and get and kind of develop that side better. So I definitely applaud her for doing that. Wow. Absolutely. I wonder how bad. this when she needs time for her mental health and her husband steps in so she could have

private time unless she freak out or you know the PTSD what is it from but maybe you're one of your children has the same issue right would do you so well to educate them and you know why mommy leave sometimes because mommy gets depressed or mommy gets stressed out share it definitely and that's okay and that's okay it is okay it is I am I agree with both of you wholeheartedly, James, I literally, my mouth dropped open when you said, truly, when you said that was the first time you'd ever cried, because to me, that was such a heartfelt moment on the show. And just a little bit we've talked, I would have said, oh, he's a very warm, heartfelt, share his feeling kind of guy. I mean, that's how you come

But you know what? A lot of men, boys are taught that, Kathy. Not today so much. Now it's okay. Look at the men on Jones season the very first night when their daughters came up and it happened to be filmed on Father's Day. And they all cried. I thought that was beautiful. Whereas our parents or our grandparents, when they raised a son, that was you're less of a man. You have to be able to be strong and hold it back. I don't think that's necessary. It's good to show feeling. It is. But we come from different generations, you know. Like in my generation, back in the day, about 60 years ago, we just weren't taught to show emotion.

Wait, I have a question, James, for you. And I don't know if we have enough time, but we'll just jump into it really quickly. Sure. You obviously have come from a different culture. Your parents come from a different culture. How important is that for you to date? I know they talked about it with Jen. Is it important to you to date within your culture?

Just give me a little down and dirty version of what you're thinking about. I don't think it has to be within my culture. I think I just need to find somebody that is accepting of my culture and is willing to learn more about it and kind of immerse themselves in it. And obviously I would do the same for their culture. Right. Right. So it doesn't have to be within my culture.

It's more about just learning about each other and culture included. I like that. It's like Jewish people with Christian people or Catholic people. to do Christmas and Hanukkah. Exactly. The more holidays, the better. Right. Yeah.

I just think you are an incredible guy. You're good deal, man. You are, you're caring, and you obviously love your sister. And I just think you're really. But I have to admit, though, when you were first, you were a little like, I was like, I was like, you're not going to give these guys an easy, you know. Yeah. I mean, I shouldn't, right?

I should. I gave you nothing but respect. I respect. I respect that he did that. Yeah. But I will say when you cried to hear that that's the first time you've ever cried. Wow. Yeah. So are you and Jen really close now then? We're getting closer. So we still have things to work on, but we're definitely aware of it. And I think the show kind of brought us a little closer and kind of pushed us towards reconciliation.

Because I know before this, we were a little bit rocky. But she is your sister? She is. And I love her, you know, so much. Regardless, right. But to work on that relationship and have good time. and make memories is important. Yeah. I mean, she's still a brat 90% of the time. Well, she's Jen. She is.

And she is beautiful hair. Can I just say she has beautiful hair? Oh, God. I mean, people say that she looks beautiful and I just don't see it. I think she's an ugly duckling. And I don't know how she made it. You know, well, I liked you for five minutes. I'm over it.

I don't believe you think that at all. You're a handsome guy and she is a beautiful girl. Just say you're right, Kathy. We can move on. You're right, Kathy. Okay. You're a hard one, James. You're a hard one.

I don't know. Tell me when you fall in love. I like to pick on her. I know. And I'm sure she loves it. You know what? Thank you so much for joining us today. We've enjoyed you.

I hope you did. I hope you don't hate us. No, not at all. Oh, no. James, I cry in front of everybody. I'm just saying. It's easy for me. And James, you're not going anywhere because I need to give you my address for that hat.

Oh, that's right. Absolutely. I remember. Again, we thank you. We enjoyed you. We loved. Love getting to chat with you. And thank everybody for joining us. Please, guys, be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour. Who wants to miss this conversation with James? Let me just say, we have new episodes coming out every week.

They might not be as good as this one with James, but yeah, they're all pretty good. And what would we do without these questions? I mean, who would think to ask something like that you guys do? and we love it. So keep them common, please. Just go to bachelornation.com slash golden hour. Hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour. And please listen to Bachelor Happy Hour's Golden Hour

on the IHeart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until next time. See you later. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jamel Hill, host of the Sports and Politics Podcasts, and on the latest episode, as politics, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries joins me for a candid conversation about the state of the Democratic Party. What do Republicans say to you privately that they won't say publicly? Many of them are in fear of their political lives. We continue to say to them,

you were elected to defend your constituents and there's life after Congress. Make sure to listen to this episode of Politics on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. This is an IHeart podcast. Thank you.