Bachelor Happy Hour - Brendan Sits Down in the Hot Seat

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Early front-runner Brendan is talking exclusively to Rachel and Becca about his surprising self-elimination from last night’s episode. Brendan discusses why he chose to end his journey this way, and he tries to explain his actions leading up to when he decided to leave. “Bachelor Happy Hour” will be back tomorrow with an all-new podcast after the season finale with Bachelorette, Tayshia Adams. Don’t forget to subscribe and rate us so you never miss an episode.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. What's up, guys? We have a jam-packed episode for you guys today. So we're not going to spend too much time talking about the episode because Becca, it was kind of straightforward, right? Until the end.

Right. Until the end. What you guys really want to hear is from our guests. And we have, should I say the man of the hour? but I don't really mean that as a compliment. The man of two hours, this two hour episode, we have Brendan on the show today

who will be answering all our burning questions. And Becca, we're not going to take it easy on him. No, no, no, and I have no doubt that you are going to ask the tough questions. And I'm just excited to hear from him

because as a viewer, I'm left very confused, as I'm sure Tasha was in that moment. And so we have to pick his brain. And like you said, the man of the hour, we just got to get him on, But before that, we saw, you know, what I would call a pretty straightforward episode for the most part.

It's your typical fantasy suites. And I think we can kind of go into it a little bit. Nothing too major happened in any of them. Your standout moments. I think it's great that they had Ivan and Zach back to back because in that regard, we see Ivan Taltatia. He's falling in love with her. And we see Zach say, I'm in love with you. So already we're off to a great start.

We have two awesome contenders. You know something's going to happen in that third one to stir the pot and make her think like, oh, maybe I don't have like three guys who are really here for me. That's what I was at least thinking, watching these first two go down. I feel like that always put more of like the solid front runners up top that aren't really in their heads per se. I don't know. What did you think of the date portions for both of those dates? I mean, with Ivan, I definitely thought he was the weakest link in that ice bath.

Tasha was pulling him in and she was like you know she was holding it together it was cute but I've been telling Tasha that he loved her oh my gosh you look like just like this giddy young boy just so I mean

oh my gosh it was such an innocent sweet moment then fast forward I've been pretty with Zach and Tasha I've been saying I don't see it I don't see it well folks I saw it today or I saw it last night I saw

Tisha had a twinkle in her eye when she was looking at Zach. And he says, I love you and she says, I love you. And I say, oh, my gosh, are the producers giving us too much? I mean, they've literally said they love each other. That's not the same reaction she had to Ivan on their date. Right.

Even after the fantasy suite. So I'm like, game over, folks. I mean, that's what it seems like. You know, she's in love with Zach and he's in love with her. And what I like about their relationship is it has a good balance. It has this serious and they have these great tense, in-depth conversations at times. but then it's also balanced with this playfulness. And she just like, watching them,

I feel like she can just feel, like it feels like she's free. Like she can just laugh and giggle and like they're rolling around in paint and they're jumping on the beds. And it just feels like there's this really good balance that I think any relationship means. And yeah, I mean, she told him she was falling in love with him back, which I was not expecting.

Maybe it's just like me who I was so guarded with that word and I really wanted to reserve it for like one, one, one person at the very end. So I was surprised, but in a very pleasant way. Yeah, well, so far she has only told one person that she was in love with them. Everyone else has been falling. What I do love about Ivan and Zach is they clearly both adore Tasha, which is what she deserves. She doesn't have to question it. You know, like there are no doubts.

They adore this woman. And I love, love to see that from these men. One thing I do want to say also about the ice baths is I would like everybody to note that these ice baths were sitting out in Palm Springs in August. They weren't cold, okay? They weren't cold. I would just like to point that out. That it probably felt amazing to them to be in an ice bath in 120 degree weather, okay? I just have to note that. You know, kudos to them. I'd also like to note the real stars of this episode, Polly and Neil Lang. Yes, Polly. Oh my God, when I saw Pauley, my God. I saw Pauley.

my heart melted. So for listeners who don't know who Polly is, he's always like the behind the scenes and he's the guy raising a piece of paper flagging you down when you can give out your next rose to a man. That is Polly. You're with him day in and day out. He keeps the men and the women in line on the seasons

and he, oh, when I saw him, it was like Polly, big Polly. I mean, it's about time he's been in front of the camera. You know what I mean? He wears all hats. He wears... He truly does. And this hat, I liked on him in front of the camera with the microphone co-hosting with Chris Harrison it was great you guys holly is a gym a diamond in the rough and I'm glad that he's getting his spotlight and then you have nil lang which of course i mean

brachel the man we could have just ended the episode there there are no words from the playing of the piano to the not remembering tasha and brendan's names that was a voiceover hands down it was a voiceover. He had no idea who he was talking to. He probably thought it was me and Brian. He had no idea who he was talking to. There's so many of us. He can't keep anyone straight. I

live for Nill Lane. That was such a great date, but they know they were wrong for setting Brendan up with that type of date. I mean, he looked like a deer in headlights. We'll talk to him more about it. A couple of things that happened in this episode as well. So, I mean, we see what

happened with Brendan. I don't want to get too much into it. I know you don't either, Becca, because we're going to ask Brendan all those questions. Like, why talk about it? When we could talk to the man himself. No room to speculate. We don't have to guess about it. We can just get hopefully the truth from Brennan. I pop up in this episode. No, I was going to say, but before we bring him on, we got to give a shout out to you because you, of course, I think in perfect timing show up to give Tasha some advice, to pick her brain. I think she truly needed that girl time. And I can imagine. imagine how long you two actually sat down and talked for versus what we saw on TV.

So were there any standout moments or anything that she had mentioned when you talked to her that wasn't specifically aired that you want to share? It's so funny, you ask. I talked to Tasia for a little over three hours, I would say. Let's just say, this is all I'm going to say. you don't bring the first black bachelorette to come back to fly across country in the middle of a pandemic to quarantine for four days in 120 degree weather in Palm Springs for her to ask general questions about the men that are left to the next bachelorette of color there was a lot left out in that

conversation, which I'm a little disappointed about because I felt like my role, which I said, was the big sister that Tasha never wanted to have. And I meant that. But we are living in, as we know, 2020 has been one for the history books. And there is a lot of racial injustice that's going on and they were in a bubble and it was just and just it's hard to be an interracial couple period coming out of this franchise and so I asked a lot of questions about race and just more so asking Tasha if she had asked those questions and just making sure that they were prepared and on the same page because the only way to be successful even outside of talking about race is to make sure you're on the same page when it comes to things how will you navigate this

world as an interracial couple? How does your family feel about you being an interracial couple? Have you dated outside of your race? How will it be to raise biracial children? How do you feel about Black Lives Matter? How do you feel about the current administration and how they've reacted to Black Lives Matter and, you know, police reform? These are questions that need to be asked. These are questions that we're not shown on the show that, you know, I'm a little disappointed about. And we really went in depth with it. But I am happy, even though America didn't see it. It doesn't matter. I was able to have those conversations, that conversation with Tasha, which is what was most important. And I feel like we, we really were able to talk it out.

She was able to ask me questions. I was able to ask certain questions about the men. And, you know, I hope that it helped her in making her decision. And she really got all the clarity that she needs to help for however she ended all of this. Yeah. Yeah. I think out of any of any of the past Bachelorets, you were the one who needed to be there. especially that week when it's down to the wire to, I think, open her eyes maybe a little bit more and to make sure she is asking those right questions because you've done this before

and you and Brian are now this beautiful success story that is an interracial couple that she could take note and learn from. And so I'm glad that you were still there even though it wasn't shown, which, you know, after we've seen what Ivan had talked to her about and other little like snippets here and there, I wish they would have included a little bit. But again,

it's not up to us but one thing I did want to ask you because when we had Tasha on the podcast at the top of her season you guys had this moment where I was like what the hell is being talked about I am so out of the loop where you asked her did what

did what you think happen or how did you word it did what you want to happen happen did what I say would happen happen so okay great question I'll explain yes on the podcast yes but then we learned later at the Friendsgiving that we weren't talking about the same thing, but still she said

yes. So when we were sitting there talking, she was telling me about Ivan, Zach, she told me about Brandon leaving, and she also told me about Ben. So those are the men that I had heard about. That was it. Yeah. And I remember I even said, I was like, who's your first impression about? She's like, oh, some guy named Spencer. And I was like, that didn't well. And I said to her, I was, I was, I I was like, wow, it sounds like it may not be over with Brendan or Ben. And I kept joking and looking over my shoulder and saying, I feel like somebody's going to walk through here any minute. Like, I feel like somebody's going to come back.

No one ever came back during that moment. But I kept saying, gosh, it just didn't seem right the way those two ended. Somebody's got to come back. Well, as we see in this episode, that somebody does come back. It just happened after me. up with the worst timing yet again. So that's what I was talking about when I was like, did what I say happen happened happen?

And she's like, yes, because it did. So just not Brendan, but with Ben, got it. With Ben. So obviously, segueing into Ben now, yeah, he comes back because he, much like we've seen him throughout this entire season, he doesn't quite know how to articulate

his feelings, his emotions, the timing isn't there. And so basically this is his, Hail Mary shot to go tell Tasha how he truly feels and to try and get her back or to come back and be part of these now final three so yeah

it's obviously a cliffhanger we don't know how it's going to end we don't know if she's going to bring him to the row ceremony I'm very intrigued because I love how you see the shot of her through the window blind saying there's a row ceremony what do I do with that as she's pointing to the other room where Ben is sitting and I'm like

hmm this is going to be good and if he does come back What does she then say to the other guys? Like, hey, I sent Ben home a week ago and Brendan was supposed to be here, but Brendan left and now Ben's back. I would be like, what the hell did I miss? Like, I'm going to be disappointed in Tasia if she keeps Ben. You sent him home.

That is a decision you made. You have to stand in your decisions. You have to be matter of fact. You sent him home for a reason. That reason doesn't change just because he's, as you said, throwing a hell Mary, as I said last week, giving her. just enough to stay along so he can continue this journey. No, bra, you don't know how to express your feelings for whatever reason to Tatia.

That's something that she needs in a relationship. You're not giving to her. She sent you home. Go home. Yeah. Go home. There is no reason for him to stay. And if he stays and somebody else goes home and he gets to stay,

Becca, do the podcast. do the next podcast by yourself I would honestly be so shocked by that because like he like he was your top four and he went home for a reason as you said he couldn't articulate things

he couldn't give you what you needed in that moment so you made so Tasha as the Bachelor made this decision so it's like and had Brendan not left would he have even come back and like stacked up against these three really strong relationships that I think just got even stronger

from fantasy sweets oh my god i cannot talk from fantasy sweet week and so i like i truly i can't imagine her bringing ben back i really like in any world i can't it just doesn't make sense to me it would have had a damario situation on our hands i would be like mm-hmm or like a luke p when he showed up at the rose ceremony with man and she's like let me move this podium you don't belong here you don't get to stay here you don't get to mess things up because do i want a relationship with a man who has to be has to hit rock bottom for him to realize what it is he needs. You know what I mean? I have to go through

extreme measures just to get you to see what you really want or to say what I want. Now, Ben's got to go. I don't want to see him on my TV screen anymore. I'm sorry. I just don't. His time is up. It's over. It's over.

Unless I'm looking for a trainer on Venice Beach, I don't need to see Ben. Which I am so bad. You can train us. But as a 30-year-old woman who is in this situation, too find lasting love and to find a lasting relationship like he's he's not it like she has other contenders that are that are thoughtful with their words and their actions and know what they want and can tell her

and show her that and that's what somebody wants in a partner somebody who can step up and stand out and be like the solid rock free which i just don't think ben is for her no he's not poor tasha she's got her man are literally either this way or that way you got ivan and zach on one end who just adore you and would literally just like throw themselves in front of you know like anything you know what I mean to protect you and then you've got Brendan and Ben who like just can't get it together so well and speaking of Brendan I think it's just time that we have to bring him on because I know everyone has been waiting to hear from him so ladies and gentlemen without further ado we are bringing on the man who sent us all and Tasha a little bit last night please welcome Brendan

well welcome Brendan how have you been I've been really good I've been awesome. It's been a crazy couple months watching it all back and unfold. But I've been back home with my family and working on the roof. It's about 25 degrees out today. So that was beautiful. But other than that, I've been good. So we, okay, because we had this conversation before you hopped on.

Because I thought from just hearsay and Instagram that you were a model, but it turns you are a roofer. Yeah, yeah. So I, my father was a painter and I've been painting since I was probably eight or nine years old and then start to work for my uncle in the roofing industry since I was 16 or 17. And then I've done modeling on the side. I've done modeling in Boston in L.A. I lived in L.A. for a little bit.

But I definitely enjoy it and it's a great artistic expression for me. but yeah the way I pay my bill is is definitely on the roof fixing leaks so how old are you Brendan I you know and forgive me because every time you're on the screen it definitely says your name your age

and your profession that's right I'm a forgettable person yeah no I get it I get it how old are you I just turned 31 okay okay okay so we're 30s okay love that so Brendan yeah how has it

been though watching the show back like now that you're seeing we're almost towards the end now at this point watching the show back knowing how things unfold with you we'll get into that later but with your family and friends what's your take on watching it and this is it weird yeah it's very weird and initially the first couple episodes uh it's watching it back and even how my family described watching it i was kind of like floating in the background uh didn't really make my mark too much And, yeah, that was a weird transition getting into the mode of what was to come. And then watching it back, of course, seeing yourself on TV is strange. And then you, you know, living this experience and this journey and all these different emotions, ups and downs and seeing it unfold, seeing yourself crying on TV and all that good stuff is strange.

How have your family and friends been? Have they been supportive? like were they all for you going on the show how have they been now watching you off the show and knowing kind of what has transpired since then yeah my my family um it would mix emotions for my family my my older brother uh who who came to the hometown uh was was very supportive and he's just a sweetheart and um i was like yeah i mean if this is uh an avenue for you to to find love and and have an amazing experience and, you know, pursue potentially, you know, developing a relationship with a woman that you could fall in love with.

And my sister and my mom, they were a little more unsure of the entire experience and if it was truthful or not. And if, like, the guys are just there messing around and trying to be on TV and even the Bachelorette, if they're there for true, genuine reason. And so, but my, my two brothers were surprisingly enough, like, yeah, yeah, go for it. You know, this is a, you know, great opportunity for you to, you know, see how this unfolds and see if something could happen. And my mom and my sister were kind of unsure. But after the fact, yeah, they're definitely happy.

I took that leap and went on the show. They absolutely fell in love with Tasia, you know, over the course of watching. every episode so um yeah they uh they they loved every second of it and obviously having my niece and whatnot there last night on the hometowns was uh was a treat for my whole family how did you initially get onto the show did you apply for yourself or was it your brother or a friend it was actually just the show reached out to me um yeah the show reached out to me and it was it happened really really fast um and obviously a unique point in my life where um um I was a single man.

It hasn't happened much. And I haven't had much time in my life where I was truly single. So, yeah, a unique point in my life where it obviously, I had the time and, you know, the availability to pursue that. Yeah, so the show reached out to me and went through the steps and all the different processes to make it, you know, come to fruition. So, yeah, that's how that kind of happened. I got two-part question for you.

So, twice, on twice, on two occasions, you said, when you had your one-on-one with Tasia, you said that, I don't know if you told her, you said it in an ITM that she was like, you're type. And you were like, and then when you were talking to your brother, you were like, you know, she is my type. Yeah. Brendan, are you down with the sisters? Yeah, I am. No question. No, no. No, no.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I really am, if you know me, I love, I love some, some, you know, mocha skin. I love some caramel skin. I really do. It's, you know, not to, not to say that I don't love, you know, people with the same skin color as me as far as attracted. But, yeah, I definitely, I've definitely been more so drawn to those type of women with a little, little darker skin. I caught it I was like okay

staff with the season now here's the other question I have for you because Becca asked how did you get on the show how you were and this seems to be a running thing when we asked most guys how they got on the show

it seems like they were reached out to about it did you have any idea about had you watched The Bachelor before did you understand the concept of the Bachelor at all I honestly

never watched a full episode of my life and I the only episode I've ever seen was when you were the Bachelorette and I was like at my mom's house walking through the living room and I was like oh yeah yeah you know this is cool I don't know what's going what's happening here and then and then I'm kind of messed up in a way but happy it played out this way where I didn't research the show at all I didn't like watch past seasons to to see how it should play out or anything like that.

So, yeah, I mean, I was just kind of did my thing, which was true and genuine to how I felt in each and every moment. But, yeah, some of the other guys like Damar, and he knows every single contestant that's ever been on the show and all this stuff. And I had no idea what to expect, really. So if you see my face in every single group date or whatever, Chris Harrison comes along,

I'm just like in awe of what's happening, you know, another time we're getting naked or whatever, something, something crazy going on. Was there ever a point early on still when there was a, still a lot of the men left, whether it was with Claire or Tasha, where you were like, what the hell did I get myself into? Like, for real, what am I doing? Yeah, yeah, without a doubt. It was within the first night where it was two, three, four, five in the morning. I hadn't had a chance to speak with Claire

and then we go into the rose ceremony it's like seven or eight in the morning and I'm like oh you know I'm going home this was this was you know the biggest waste of time of my entire life but standing there like oh of course I'm going to go home and what did I get myself into and then you know I stuck a rash and Claire kept me around just to just to try to torture me a little bit more

with these crazy things and then obviously the You saw the dodge ball date, I'm assuming, where, yeah, Claire was like, okay, guys, now you actually have to get naked. And I'm like, wait, you know, I assume this was like a joke where we're going to cut it off. You have to have us take our little tiny jock straps off. I'm like, I have nieces and nephews and family back home that I don't want to see me get naked on national TV. So walking home, I was like, what in God's name am I doing here? but thankfully Tasha came along so and thankfully you weren't Yosef you handled it well yeah yeah I not for a second did I blame Claire or you know I was clearly definitely joking

about her intentionally torturing anybody it was I didn't think that she wanted to embarrass anyone or anything like that it was just I'm a little more reserved than probably some of the other guys And it was like, you know, I was like, oh, God, you know, is this, is this what the entire experience is going to be like, basically. Well, I'm glad that you brought that up because even Rachel and I got some flack on the podcast for talking about that date when the guys did get naked and they said, like, you shouldn't be condoning this. Like, if roles were reversed, that would not be okay. But it's good to hear that you had a choice and you could keep the jockstrap on. You can participate or not participate as much as you wanted. So hopefully you didn't feel pressured into, you know, having to fulfill this fully, fully stripped naked.

So you mentioned, you just said, you know, thankfully Tasia came along and we finally got to know you a little bit more. And so going back to the beginning, I guess, of Tasha's season, because you got that very first one-on-one, which historically speaking is a big deal. It's a huge deal. I think most people that get one of the first initial one-on-one dates, tend to just go further in the process. And so when you had that one on day, we obviously see so much chemistry between the two of you.

So tell us a little bit about that. Like, were you shocked when she gave that to you? Did you feel like you both had this intense, insane initial connection? And then what was it attract? What attracted you to her so much? Obviously, like, aside from her looks, like what wasn't that really attracted you to her? Yeah, I mean, initially it was,

when you know when she entered the room um literally the first thing outside of her beauty that i noticed and a lot of guys said this but i feel like i thought of it first but she she did this like little wiggle um where i was like okay she's you know and that that i felt like that just like encompassed uh all the amazing qualities of tation just like a little quick movement where i'm like okay she's not um she's taking this very very seriously but she's also going to be her true genuine natural self she's going to be silly and goofy and but at the same time like sweet and gentle and that that's the biggest um impression that I had of her is like every time I was with her um she obviously made me feel amazing but she was just so gentle and sweet and and I'm certainly

drawn to personalities like that um and and it was like it was so amazing how uh she was gentle kind sweet but balanced like that strong confident woman as well And it was certainly sure of herself and everything she said and did. But that first night, the first conversation I had with her, I thought it went really well. And I was like, okay, we're vibe and I think she's like, she's looking at me, like not looking past me waiting for who's coming next. I think she was really like in it and committed to that conversation. I'm sure most of the guys felt that way too. but a lot of the other guys were like, hey, you know, I have my, my, my turtleneck on and whatnot.

So she probably was like, you know, who's this kid? But I feel like she gave me like a double take. And that's something I didn't notice, but a lot of the guys were like, oh, I think she, you know, she gave you a quick, like, double look before she hugged you. So, but still at the end of the day, I was surprised that I got the first one-on-one. you know i'm i'm confident person i suppose but i'm always like okay there's other there's studs there like spencer you know ben obviously um easy like all the i'm like these guys are studs you know why would i get the first one-on-one uh but it you know played out that way and i was definitely

grateful for it well you got to be a confident man to wear a turtleneck in the middle of palm spring strength i'm just going to say it or just insane but yeah i'm just going to put that out there Just to remind all the listeners, they were in Palm Springs in the middle of the summer. It was August. Becca and I were both there. It was the hottest time. I feel like we've been nice enough. Excuse me, I'm going to take a sip.

Let's get into it. Okay. Oh, warm enough. Okay. Let's go. Let's go. Brendan, let's talk about last night. I don't even want to talk about stuff in between because at this point, our listeners really don't

care. We need to understand what happened last night. Becca and I talked about this a little bit last week on the podcast. We're personally tired of the narrative of the person who comes on the show and makes it far enough only to leave on their own. It doesn't make any sense. And we asked you, you know, did you watch the show before? I wasn't an avid...

I didn't watch the show before either, but I know the show ends in an engagement. And since my season and Becca's season, the show ends in boyfriend and girlfriend. So now the rules are just kind of up in the air. You don't have to get engaged. Everyone watching is trying to understand why you would take it this far and then pull yourself out. Because it was very obvious that Tasha was into you. I mean, after your first date, she was like, that's it. You know, it's Brendan.

I don't understand why you would take it that far. if you knew you weren't ready? Yeah, no, that's absolutely great question and very understandable why people want to know. And for me, what I set up to do since day one was just be myself and be genuine and live each and every moment, you know, and be as true as I possibly can be.

And going into this crazy experience and journey, you know, I didn't know what to expect. And I didn't know if this would work for me. And, you know, finding Tasia as amazing and beautiful as she was and that connection was true and really there, you know, I was going to take it day by day. And as I move farther along into the process, I tried to be as true to myself and not do anything for any other reason. and any other factors, outside factors. So as amazing as Tasha was, I wanted to do something that wasn't going to, in the long run, hurt her, in the long run, be worse than the moment of what we saw last night.

So I think the biggest takeaway from me was I know I want the family. I know I want a wife and children. but knowing and being completely ready were it was something I discovered that there was a little gap there. It was a little gap that I need to close at some point and I need to figure that out for myself and knowing that I am not a complete man and I've been through that relationship before and I've been married and understanding and being okay with not being entirely okay and being okay with you know looking at someone that's so beautiful and amazing and saying that um you know this seemingly could work and this this could be an amazing thing for us um but i don't want to hurt you any more than this moment will down the road um so um yeah it was it was really really tough from not gonna not gonna act like it was uh it was an easy decision um clearly but it was um

You know, I have this beautiful, amazing woman right in front of me. And for some reason that I still wrestle with today, you know, I self-sabotaged the moment. You know, I was protecting myself in a sense. You know, I was protecting myself from getting hurt. And, you know, as corny as that is, as stupid as that. that sounds, you know, I have been married before and I feel like it would be a disservice to Tasia in a way if I went into an engagement and I got down on one knee and I wasn't completely 100% all in and ready. And yeah. I want to, so because as a viewer, I mean, the moment Tasia

came in, we see this connection between the two of you and this chemistry. And you can just tell you guys are drawn to each other so it really and that was i think kind of the storyline between you two it was very steady up until i would say hometowns obviously you questioned it a little bit with your family of just like am i 100% fully ready for like what's to come at the end of this if it is me but it really wasn't until last night or i well i should say like your day portion with mr neel lane um and like looking at the rings and the jewelry and talking about that future and like what that could look like between you two. Is that the,

that moment when you were looking at those rings where you're like, holy shit, I'm actually not ready to do this or when did it really hit you? Because that night you go in and I think Tasha could tell that something was off, that you guys were disconnected in some sort of way, which obviously then leads to the conversation that then you went home after. But where was that moment where you actually were like, okay,

I have to now sit down and have this combo with her and really hash it out and say, I can't get to where you need me to be at the end of this. Yeah, so it was, it was probably a few days, a day or two after the hometown date, where I started to kind of shrink to myself instead of potentially going all the way. And I know Tasha's here for a husband and she's here to leave engaged. and of course it may come off a certain way where I you know made it so far and didn't commit but I was truly genuinely with every fiber of my being trying to see if this could work for me and before taking it into the fantasy suite portion of the date and the journey and before making

you know having an intimate moment with Tasha and before taking it to that next level I came to the realization that I don't know if I'll be able to get down on one knee at the end of this. And, you know, and obviously I'll say it a million times and I can't reiterate it enough, you know, how perfect she is. And so that made me kind of internalize everything and look inward as far as, yeah, there's still some healing. There's still some growing that I need to do within myself to potentially. be ready for that and um yeah the after the hometowns and and uh again i'll preface all this was saying i i most certainly self-sabotaged i um you know brought this upon myself and and uh i definitely have um you know certain regrets as far as uh you know not necessarily something i did

or said uh but regrets is as a whole um that it didn't play out a certain way. Well, I think you should. Because here's the thing. I hear you. I hear you. But everybody knows what this shows about. So when you say, you know, every time you accepted a rose at a rose ceremony, that's one step

closer to you moving towards an engagement. You know that. There are no tricks or anything when it comes to that. So to me, it's such a cop out to say, well, when I'm. was on the nil lane date or after i saw hometowns you know what you're moving towards every single rose ceremony and so i find it it's very hard for me for you to just wake up and then realize it's happening i don't understand that it honestly doesn't make sense to me and and so my but what i would i'll you know let you respond to that but then at the same time do you think that that's selfish on you

on your part because it sounds like you were never ready for this Yeah, yeah. It was, you know, going into this journey, I knew, of course, what the end result would entail if I were to go all the way. But I never promised, you know, Tasia, promised anyone that I was going to be able to get there. It was from day one with Tasia. What? Every time you accept a rose, you're making that person. You're talking to two former leads. You're making them feel. Like you're moving, because Tasha's intentions never changed. She always said what she wanted. And when you accept her rose, that's what you're accepting, that you as well are willing to move forward towards what she wants. So yeah, you never verbally said it, but you did it with your actions by staying every week.

That's why I ask you, do you think that you were selfish? Yeah, I think it was, as a whole, it would appear to be a selfish move on my part of how how things ended um and again you might not be able to look at it in this way and um you know it's obviously for for everyone's uh you know judgment and opinion on it but uh i was trying to be as as selfless as possible as far as um you know not taking this to the very end with tasha and informing her of this then you know not being the last guy uh and dropping this bomb on her then um or not, you know, because it would have been so much easier for me to go all the way, get engaged, and then figure it out later.

And that was a kind of a big idea for the guys. Like, you know, this engagement is just kind of permission to date afterwards. And that was the underlying theme of some of the guys. And that's not how I took it. And it's, you know, I could have, it would have been so much. easier if I just made it the end we got engaged and we figured it out after but that's not something that I was willing to do not in America's eyes that would have been no no no of course of course but but as far as how the show played out

and then we figured it out after and but my my true intention like every single day of course accepting a rose was me agreeing to continue this journey um but i did my best to to see if this top or saying what everybody's feeling right now yeah he's not he's not hearing it no i i um you know i i took every day as i'm going to do my best to see if i can cultivate these feelings in such a short amount of time and and truly only knowing tasha for you know a month's time and um and you know having those little pockets of of time with her in moments with her. I was going to give those moments everything I had and commit to them 100%.

And I was going to see if it worked for me and see if I could really genuinely fall in love. And I really did grow strong, strong feelings for this amazing, beautiful woman. But unfortunately, I wasn't able to completely commit to getting down on one knee. And I completely understand any backlash that would come my way because, of course, you know, that would have been an amazing ending to an amazing journey. And so I want that. So it's a weird world because obviously Rachel and I were leads and we went through the entire process. We both did get engaged and Rachel did go on to get married. So the show does work.

And I think just being in this position, like the number one question. Like the number one question I get asked from people is, is the show real? Like, do you think you really develop true feelings for somebody? And my response is always, yes. I mean, like, I was with my person from the show for two years. Like, it truly can work, but maybe for somebody like you who had never watched a full episode. Like, yes, at the end of the day, you know what you're signing up for and that there is an engagement on the line. But you really don't know until you're in that bubble per se where you have to see the person,

and have to interact and see how they are with the other other contestants as well. So I'm just trying to play devil's devil's advocate here a little bit to try and like pull myself in your shoes to see what you're feeling. And there is a lot of pressure on the show. Like that's there is on the contestant side and the lead side. But I guess it's just hard knowing how much especially a lead puts on this entire journey. we take it so seriously and not to say that you didn't because I don't know and it sounds like you really were trying to be selfless here but as a lead to have gotten that far with three

of your top guys that you are so into that you really truly could see a future with it's hard getting to that point and having somebody back out and be like oh just kidding you know this is a little too much I'm going to bow out now um which I guess leads me to a question then if a conversation between you and Tasia took place where she had expressed, okay, maybe I understand you're not ready, but I have all these strong feelings for you. And if an engagement wasn't on the line, if she didn't say, hey, you need to get down on one knee

and propose at the end of this, do you think you would have stayed and continued to explore that relationship? And do you think if that would have been you and her at the end that you would have continued on in that relationship or would it have still been too much too fast? Yeah, I think if an engagement wasn't something that she was really truly looking for.

And, you know, at the end of this, if it wasn't, you know, a certainty that, you know, a proposal was going to be there, yeah, I definitely would have stuck around and continued the journey. What do you say to people who would say, you waited until you got to the top three? I'm sure DeMarthe, encyclopedia who could tell you everything about the batch of franchise knows that puts you in prime position

to be the next lead, right? Like your top three, you're in a position to be the lead. What do you say to people who say, well, you stay long, along just enough to be in contention to be the next bachelor? If they, you know, if they knew me, and people, of course, people that don't know me, you know, I don't know if I would ever accept that role,

truly and genuinely, that would be something that obviously I would have to talk to my family about and really think about it and pray on but I don't think as I sit here today I don't think I would accept that that role I'd be very very grateful for the potential opportunity but I don't think I would accept that but as far as the the self-eliminating aspect of it I was just so so hopeful that Tasha meeting my family would kind of remove any doubt I had and solidify the already strong feelings I had for her. And it's not like I always knew I wasn't going to be able to do it and propose.

At the end, I just had my doubts and I wasn't going to pretend they weren't there. And I was really, really hopeful that, you know, my family, my older brother coming along and reassuring me and saying this is, you know, if this is something you want to do and you feel strongly about, then go all the way and on and unfortunately I was very hopeful but after that moment as amazing as the day was

and amazing as the hometown's warrantation meeting my family and spending time with my niece and that was just absolutely amazing I was like oh shoot I don't know I don't know if I can do this this didn't solidify those feelings

that I was hopeful that it would. So, and the back, yeah, go ahead. It wouldn't make sense for you to be the bachelor,

just saying, based off of what you've, the reason for you self-eliminating, how could you then go on a show and navigate 30 plus relationships? Because you couldn't thought the women, if they self-eliminated, because you know what it's like to be in that space.

And then how do you navigate, you only had one woman to focus on, who, you know, you've complimented and said it's fantastic, which she is. And now you're going to have to go through 30 plus women who are the same way. It honestly wouldn't really make sense. If I were to be The Bachelor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm truly not in this. I didn't accept this amazing opportunity for to be The Bachelor or to go on Paradise or whatever. As I sit here today, I don't think I'll ever do this again, you know, as amazing as this was. and as grateful as I am for this experience, I was like, I'm going to see if this could work for me. And by the grace of God, Tasha came along, and obviously it played out as it did,

and not the happiest of endings for me. But I'm not here to be the bachelor, and I think that's probably Ben's job next time around. But he's more suited and cut out. No, he's not. You would be great on Paradise. So paradise is different. You'd have more time to navigate.

You'd be great on Paris. And give you more time and interest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be great on that. Well, I want to ask you this because last night, when you're having this hard, hard conversation with Tasha before you do go home, you mentioned that you still do feel this sense of brokenness and that you're not fully ready to give yourself fully to somebody and that you're still working through

some of that pain and the healing. So going through that and living through this experience. for this journey, I guess, if you will, on the Bachelorette. Have you learned lessons that you can take now into your real life? Or have you worked on healing just in your own home, your own space with your close loved ones that can help you now heal your head and your heart in a way where you are ready to give yourself fully to somebody? Yeah, yeah.

I think that through the course of my time on the show and obviously being in interviews and you'll have your phone and TV and any distraction, all you really can do is look inward and obviously through the help of amazing producers and the other contestants and obviously in a sense, Tasha where you're constantly self-reflecting and trying to navigate your own feelings and emotions.

So that's something of course I've never done in my entire life and then discovering certain things about myself coming to certain realizations where yeah this is me like I can't I can't hide behind anything anymore and this is this is me as like still a broken man to a certain extent and I put on this front with my family and friends and people I interact with that you know I'm generally always happy and you know cheerful and smiling and joking around but yeah there's a little part of me that's still a wound that, you know, is an entirely healed and I don't know if it ever will be.

And most certainly after the show and since being back, you know, slowly but surely understanding who I am and working through different feelings and emotions. And I think one of the biggest takeaways from the show is like I'm not going to jump into a relationship, even if it's just dating. and, you know, if I'm not, of course, you have to date to see if it might work out or you can get engaged and married and everything, but I'm not just going to date to date and, you know, see what happens. And, you know, I'm going to, you know, really be specific and as far as who I pursue and whatnot and whatever, you know, comes my way. It's going to be intentional. And, you know, so, yeah, and it's going to be a process. Obviously, I'm, you know, 31-year-old man now and, you know, I'm not a not a 20-something-year-old. So it seems strange, you know, it might seem strange that like, dude, you got, you got all these problems and whatnot and you're, you know, not, you're insecure about certain things and relationships and you're protecting yourself and you might self-sabotage relationships in your life. But I am who I am and, you know, that's all I can do is.

be myself. So I'm still working through things and trying to be the best version of myself every day. And that's all I can do. That's very, very real. I just got to say for somebody going through a very recent breakup, like take the bachelor and your experience there aside. I think it's so good that you as a man and women, I think men and women both should do this. I think women tend to just do it a little bit more is to take time for yourself and to really think about your past relationships and to learn and grow and what worked and what didn't work

and realize what you need moving forward both in yourself and in a potential partner. So, kudos to you for even recognizing that and taking the time

and the effort that goes into it because quite honestly, I don't know many men that would do that, that would have that mentality. So I think that's very commendable. Yeah.

Thank you. I think that, you know, listen, you sat through the tough questions. I'm not, I would much rather that you left, then you get down on one knee, you know, for show. That I appreciate.

And I think as hard as it was for Tasia to see you go, because I know for a fact, she would have given you a rose at the rose ceremony, I think that she appreciates that she didn't have to deal with that later on. So, like, as much as I don't like how it happened, definitely commend you for doing that. And I think that when you do heal yourself, I think I literally told Beckett the story. There's something about 31, okay? Back here, remember I tell you this? My sister, my little sister's 31, too.

There's something about 31. I was 31 when I went on the show and I came from a relationship five years. I thought we were going to get married, heartbroken, devastated. There's something about it where you just, I don't know, you really just start to figure things out and look within and know exactly what it is that you want. And I feel like when you get to that place where you know you're ready, there's a beach calling your name. I think Paradise, normally I would ask you if you wanted to go to Paradise, but, you know, like you've already said, you know, you want to make sure that you're right and you're ready. But Paradise, I think, would be fantastic for you because we've seen relationships that work.

You have more one-on-one time. You get to know that person. And then you have multiple people that you get to meet and know, and it's not just one person. So I think you would thrive. I know the ladies are already in your DMs. And I'm sure, tell us what, tell us one person from Bastionation that's been in your D. DMs because I know with it.

Tell us what I just want. Bachelor Nation. I honestly I haven't like I barely look at the DM like I'll give it a scroll every now and again but do it now.

Oh take out your phone. Look into your look into your DMs and scroll for that blue check because I know stuff. I know. You're like yeah, Brendan,

you're a handful. You're a good looking man. You're very in touch with your emotions. We don't like the way it went down. Oh, he sees it. He found one. He found one. No, go to top requests.

I don't know. Go to top requests. Go to top requests. Um. Even if it's non-batchination, if it's somebody good, right? Like, maybe like a model. No, this is embarrassing. I don't think anyone like that anyone, that anyone knows.

I promise you. Okay, ladies, DM, Brendan, while you're scrolling through all those DMs, have you and Tisha talked since you left? Because obviously, usually her time to confront most of the men is at men tall all, and you weren't there because, you know, we still saw you at hometowns and going into a fantasy suite. So, have fancy suite week? So have you guys chatted since then? We haven't. We haven't. I've tried to be very respectful of, you know, I'm not.

completely certain how the rest of Tasha's journey plays out. And I don't know if she's engaged or not. And obviously if she is engaged, it would be to, you know, one of the last remaining guys that I respect and care for a great deal. So I don't want to, you know, reach out just yet. I definitely plan on doing that. And, you know, when after next week or excuse me,

after the last episode, I'm definitely planning on reaching out and just expressing, you know, my feelings for her as far as the amazing, beautiful woman that she is and, you know, apologizing in any way for making her experience harder than it should have been and reassuring her, you know, how amazing my time was with her. and I enjoyed every single second I was with her. But I want to wait until after I kind of see how we're unfolds and then go from there. That's, we, it happens all the time. So don't feel like when we were leads. I think I've talked to almost every person from my season, even my top two's, three, fours, you know, so.

It wants you in this really weird way. Like, you know, because once things are up and running again, you're, there's going to be times and events and moments when you run into each other. And so people always think it's like such a weird world but it's really not. You know, unless you ended on terrible terrible terms which you didn't.

Yeah, I'm sure you guys will run into each other and hopefully can hash out and have a good conversation. But I want to ask this since we're getting to the good juicy stuff, you mentioned earlier in the podcast that there were some guys who made it seem like

oh, you know, like we'll get engaged but now we can just date and that didn't maybe take it as seriously. So who are they? I need to ask. Um, I can't. I'm not going to say any names. I can't. But there were, I think who specifically said that, uh, is someone I'm not going to,

I'm not going to say, but I think more so you can be very clear and evident who some of the guys that I love, but some of the goofballs. you know, in between that were, you know, more so dealing with each other back and forth as opposed to spending time with Tasia and, uh, and, Rachel knows right away. Who were you closest to in the house? Who were like your boys? My, my, my, my, my, my guy from, from night one was, was Joe. Um, yeah, he's, uh, yeah, he's the sweetest guy. Yeah, he's the sweetest guy. I've ever met and we would have like since we were in the same limo together and then spent time

the first night and then from that point on we were we were best friends on the show but yeah Joe and I've seen him since and he's yeah he's gonna be one of my close friends for a long time and I love Ben. Me and Ben spent a lot of time together he was trying to put some muscle on me towards the end of the season working out body by Ben yeah body by Ben yeah I love Ben he's he's smart, handsome, intelligent dude where he, it was very,

very sweet, you know, like it didn't seem like we were competing in any way. He was just like, you know, made the best men win. And Ivan, Zach is an amazing guy.

Easy. I thought Easy was like the funniest dude in the entire world. Ed was actually Ed's the funniest dude in the entire world. Have we heard that? yeah um yeah who i i got a lot literally got along with every single guy uh me and bennett didn't really talk ever i think he's too too intellectual for me we just couldn't couldn't connect um we're you know it's a great guy uh me and riley weren't like super close he was like to himself a lot but um yeah most of the other guys we were very very close and um

Yeah, I mean, I was one of the more quiet, you know, to myself, guys, but slowly developed, like, real relationships, which hopefully I have for a long time. It's always good. It's all those relationships are key. Okay, before back to ask her last question, I have to ask you this. When you were dancing at home time, what song was really playing? Some, some, some, some, some, some, some, um, some oldies, uh, 80 song? No, it was, uh, no, no, no, no. It was some no-name song just a beat.

Like, wasn't what we actually saw? I think so. I think it was. So, you know, if I had a real beat in a real song, like some Drake or something, I would have, you know, I would have gone off a little. But that's why. Well, I thought you were dancing to a real song, but they just couldn't play it. So they just put a beat over it.

But they really only gave you just a beat. There were like, your 30 seconds of like the intro of Samsung, bust and move real quick. What was supposed to happen was my niece, we were going to do like a TikTok dance. And she kind of got shy at the last second. So it was like a moment where nothing was happening. I'm like, all right, I got to try to save this moment here and move a little bit. But then ended up just embarrassing myself. It was fun to see.

Like we love when we can see another side. of you. So it was a fun moment. Yeah. Good, good. All right. Well, we have our last question that we ask all of our guests. And basically, it is, what is your thorn and what is your rose of the entire experience? Like, so your highlight and low light. I think my highlight was definitely my hometown date. And just having my family there. And, you know, you see me like crying half the episode.

It wasn't, you know, they pieced together some other moments of, like, me being emotional and made it seem like I was crying the whole time, but I actually was crying like 98% of the time in real time, but like seeing my, having my niece there and my older brother and obviously which I expressed how much he means to me and my sister-in-law was amazing. And then having this entire journey with Tasha with this amazing woman, And then having it come to that moment where she's actually meeting my family and how she interacted with my family. And yeah, it was just definitely the highlight of my experience there.

And yeah, just, again, sums up how amazing Tasha is and wonderful she is that she made it seem so natural and like meeting my silly family and with my niece and embracing her. And then the low point of my time there, I think was definitely not because of the act necessarily of like getting naked at the dodge ball date. But it was more so, okay, is this what this entire journey is going to be like for me just like doing these ridiculous things, embarrassing myself. So, you know, this the bachelor, I can catch your eye. And, you know, so I got to do something drastic and, you know, really put myself out there, like, play dodge ball making. And like, is this going to be what my experience is? Swing that thing.

Yeah, yeah. You know, you got to swing it if you want to win, you know. For the first six weeks. So, but, yeah, like I said a million times, luckily Tasia came along. And, yeah, it was some of the most amazing moments. I've had in my entire life, so I'm very grateful for that. Well, Brendan, we are so happy to have you on, and I know we grilled you a little bit for a hot second,

but it's good that not only we can have this conversation, but our listeners and the viewers of the show can hear it back and better just like wrap their heads around everything that went down and what they saw and get to know you a little bit more and on a deeper level, which is always nice. So thank you for joining us. Yeah, thanks for being here. Thank you.

You were, no, no, you're sweet. I thought that was nice. A little salty. That was nice. That was thrown into salty. But we brought it back. It was a full circle moment here. You did.

You know, I'm sure you're sweating all through that, that turtleneck there. That's why I was wearing black right now. Yeah, no, no, it's, it's, it's, um, 20 degrees out. So I'm still cold from my day on the roof, so I'm not sweating right now. Well, thank you, though, for, for, like, being such a good sport. about it and um you know it was a tough episode it really was but hearing you explains things you know like i don't know if i'm 100% sold but i understand you i get it i understand you a lot better and i think so are listeners so thank you for that good thank you for having me oh Brendan did he grow on

you he never was i never was off him because brendon was actually one of my favorites i would say i was so disappointed and this is like big sister mode i felt so bad for tasha yeah i just felt it was really selfish she was ran in with somebody she was clearly into um you don't see this when i'm on the episode but she spoke to me about brendon so i knew that she was really taken aback by him leaving early in that way yeah and you know how this is becca like fantasy sweet he could have just i get him he didn't want to give her false hope in the fantasy suite but if he had had a fantasy suite with her, she could have really taken away some of those doubts that he had because you just get that time to talk uninterrupted, just the two of you.

It's a missed opportunity for him. Yeah. And I, you know, I don't want to live in like the what ifs, but I do wonder, like, what if he were to have the first fantasy suite or what if it wasn't the Neil Lane, you know, diamond dates. It's all these what ifs, but that's why I wanted to ask him, like, when was that moment? And he did say it was after hometowns and before that week. So I think it had been brewing. It just got to the point where he's like,

I can't give more of myself if I know I just truly can't get there in the end, which it sucks so much for the lead. Like I do feel for Tasia because I mean, I didn't experience that like in the same way. But it still sucks when you have guys that are, you know, have to remove themselves or something happens. It's just unfortunate because you really truly give your all.

Yeah. wanting this to work at the end. Yeah. But I am glad that we were able to hear his side. And it sounds like he is putting in the time and the work and the effort to really like figure out how to heal himself first before he can jump back into another relationship. And I props to him for saying I wouldn't do Bachelor or Paradise isn't for him because he knows at the end of the day like what it's going to be. And so I think it takes still a big man and a big person to say, you know what? That's not going to be for me.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a sweet guy, very likable. I just, he still needs, like he said, admittingly, needs to work on some things to get himself right, to be in a place to accept what happens at the end of the show. And I just wish he would have figured that out before Tasha's emotions were involved.

But, you know, it's not like he's the only great guy there because Tatia still has some other great men there. And you guys, I can't believe it. But we only have one episode, left. I mean, like, I can't believe it, but I can't believe it because I feel like this season has like been really long and like really been dragged out. But now that we're here, I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe we're here. And you guys, you have to make sure that you tune in to the Bachelorette tonight. Tonight, we had such a cliffhanger last night. So tonight, we finally

see how this journey ends. So make sure you check back into the podcast tomorrow to see who we'll be speaking to. Yes. And also, please make sure to keep up with us on social because you know to find us. You can comment, like, DM, whatever you need to do. On Instagram, we are at Bachelor Happy Hour. And then on Facebook and Twitter, it's Batch Happy Hour. So we love to hear what you guys have to say. Please let us know your thoughts, opinions, hopefully nice comments from here and out. And last but not least, don't forget to subscribe to our podcast. You can find it on Apple Podcast, Spotify, the Wondery app, or wherever you are listening to us right now. Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast.

Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving. It takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's important that we just reassure people that they're not alone, and there is help out there. The Good Stuff podcast, season two, takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a non-profit fighting suicide in the veteran community.

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