Bachelor Happy Hour - Clare’s Fearless Pursuit of Happiness

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

This week on “Bachelor Happy Hour,” Becca and Michelle catch up with the glowing Clare Crawley! In their conversation, Clare shares how she knew her fiancé Ryan was truly the one and explains how taking on the role of bonus mom to his daughters has brought so much joy to her life. Plus, the ladies talk wedding planning, and Clare reveals the incredibly special details Ryan put into their engagement.  Next, Clare shares some advice for the women competing for Zach’s heart on the upcoming season of “The Bachelor” and discusses the powerful truths she has learned about herself since her time on the show.  Don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome back. Happy Hour listeners. I'm Becca Kufrin. And I'm Michelle Young. And we are ready to be back with you again this week because we have a very exciting guest for the podcast today. Yes, we're so excited today because we're going to be catching up with the one and only Claire Crawley. I've actually never interviewed her.

Yeah, I've met her once, but I've never actually, like, sat down and really had a chance to talk with her. So I'm excited that she's going to be on today. Oh, I am so excited. When I found out we were having Claire on, I was like, hell yeah, sign me up. We haven't had her on Happy Hour in years. I mean, it was really when she finished her time as Bachelorette a couple years ago. So it's been a hot second. And obviously, we follow her on social media.

And we have our little Bachelorette group chat going, but she is newly engaged. so I cannot wait to pick her brain about how that all went down about her fiance. I want to know everything about him. He seems like a wonderful man. But before we bring her on, Michelle, welcome back to California. You've been traveling all over the place, but you're settled. I want to see for a little bit, but I don't even know if I can say that. Honestly, I don't know if I'm ever settled for a little bit.

I think I'm going to be, but then I just end up taking off. I was, for those listening, was talking to Becca earlier today, just about how, I have like chronic, spontaneous traveling issues where I just will get up and leave. I can never like stay in one place for too long. Okay, but here's the thing. You were a teacher for so many years and it's not like you can just pack up and go. So this is a recent thing now that you have the time and I would assume the means, you know, you don't have a classroom full of fifth graders that are holding, not even holding you back,

but, you know, keeping you around. Honestly, like, I was talking to my mom about this the other day. I'm just like, I have this huge itch to travel. It's something that I've always wanted to do. And I've been able to travel for, like, sports back in elementary school or an elementary school. But back when I was doing, like, competitive basketball and things like that. But what I will tell you is I feel like I've always just missed the mark with traveling. And so, like, in college, you're supposed to take that overseas.

trip and we had a coaching change and so I didn't I was like the one person who didn't get to go in that four years and then I was teaching and then you know got on to bachelorette and my traveling experiences were a little bit different and as a contestant and as a lead and so like I think right now I'm just like I'm just going to go I'm just going to take off and go and it's not always going to be like this um but but yeah it pros and cons of traveling quite a bit what are three places on your bucket list for just this year for just this year um switzerland is a huge one that i've been drawn to partially because of tic-tok and the things that i've seen it looks beautiful have you bet you've been to switzerland right no i've never been but i'm actually

going, I'm doing a cruise with my mom and sister in June, so we're going to be there for a couple days. So I will report back. I'm sure it's going to be stunning. That sounds absolutely beautiful. And maybe I'll make it there before or after. You'll really be there

when I'm there, hopefully. True. Bamf, Banff, Canada. Oh, my gosh. It's absolutely breathtaking. Honestly, anything with water, really blue water, that's where I'm drawn to. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, I would say the Maldives.

We went there in my season and it was beautiful. Very crystal clear blue water. I'm trying to think of where else. Even like parts of Italy along the coast are so stunning. Yeah. Anywhere. Anywhere with water. Yeah.

My mom has a great pond in her backyard if you ever need a little escape in Minnesota. You know, Minnesota does have quite a few areas of water that I could swim in. I was like, oh, we'll land of 10,000 lakes. I'm like, no, we have like 17, 18,000. I think it's, it's so funny. I think it's like 11,942. That sounds so weird, that number. But like people, when I was on the show, people always would ask, do you actually

have 10,000 likes? I remember looking it up and the actual number right now. Please do. I thought it was closer to 17,000. Well, also, this was like over a year ago. So, and they do count man-made legs. I think I don't know

But I'm really curious As of 2022 The MNDNR database suggests that Minnesota has 14,380 lakes So there's your fun fact of the day Everybody, you're welcome Wow

That's a lot of places to swim And fish A lot of water up there I say we like we still live there I haven't been there in years Okay as much as we could talk about lakes Thank you for tuning in everyone We do need to bring Claire on because we're so excited to have her on.

Michelle, like, I know you said that you've only talked with her one or two times. She is just a lovely human being. So I think with that all being said, it is time to bring Claire on. I was just smiling so big because I'm so excited to have you on here again, Claire. No, I'm so excited too. Well, to all of our listeners, before we actually started recording, we were just telling Claire, great she looks you are glowing um first and foremost we have to start off show us that rock because you are reasonably engaged oh my it is beautiful it is not no it is sparkly oh she is

pretty thank you thank you thank you it feels good to have input and a ring that I actually I'm like proud to wear this you know I love I love this he worked for that ring Heck yes. Heck yes. Are you having like neck issues on like your left side because it's just so heavy? Like is it bogged down or like are you like more toned from like carrying it? Just ripped on the left arm. Yes.

Oh my gosh. It is it is so beautiful. We and it's been a hot minute since we've had you on but you are always radiant glowing. It's been a hot second since we've had you on and you are absolutely glowing. I know so much has transpired in your life since you came off the show a few years. ago till today. And so we really want to catch up with you on everything that's transpired, but I want to start with this engagement. Can you just give us a little bit of background about how you met your fiancé Ryan and how he proposed to you? Absolutely. But can we, I would love to

cover something prior to your question. Yes. Because I think it's important and I really do want to start not only this podcast off, but just speaking to other people. I have been on like for a while after the end of my previous engagement and relationship. I was in a really dark place, a really low place and struggling really, really bad, post show, post relationship, everything. And the glow you see now is not because of my engagement. It's not because of my relationship. It's not because of anything other than the tears and the sweat and the energy I put in to healing myself and being continually on the healing journey and being so happy with being myself and being alone and being in my own skin and being able to take care of myself and support

myself. So all the therapy I did, everything I did to get me to this point, that's where the glow is from. It's not from the engagement. It's not from my... I love that. I think that's important to say because there's so many women and people out there that even now there's there's a lot of comments and questions of like how did you do it? I want to be where you're at or you know have the relationship you have and not give up hope and the common denominator of it all is that it comes down to the type of person I am and that I am somebody that just does. does not give up and that's the important thing to become the woman that I am it's like it wasn't just because of a relationship by happy my that's not because of a relationship it's an add-on to it but I want the people out there to know because I think there's this big lull and I'm not

sure if either of you guys experience this I'm sure you did at some point but everybody wants to root for you when you're in a relationship everybody wants to have hope and it's beautiful and it's love, especially coming off of this show. But when you're single, where's all the people still rooting for you? Where's all the people that are saying, your goals, you're what I want to be like. You are what I aspire to be like. Don't aspire to be like me or have what I have just because I'm in a relationship. Right.

People should want that and be happy with themselves for just being who they are and being a soul that doesn't give up and somebody that fights for their own happiness. Oh, I literally have chills over here, Claire, because you just, you like, knocked that went out of the park. Honestly, I connect with that so much. I think so often, especially just in life in general and what you see on TV, what you see in like these romantic novels, whatever it is, especially television and reality TV shows these days, it's like women are casted as the damsel in distress, right?

And that we need somebody to come in and to save us and to make us happy and all these different things. And you taking time just even right off at the beginning of the podcast to say, this glow is because of what I worked through. like I've been through my darkest times. I was the one that was by my side. I crawled my way out. And of course you have people who support you.

And, you know, you put in the work, but it's like it's not somebody came in to change that for you. You really recognize that you had to be your whole self before that. And honestly, frankly, I really, I feel you on that whole,

where's the support when I'm single or where's the support at this? And it's like, unfortunately in this franchise. And when I say the word franchise, I don't mean, like, negatively on the franchise in this, in this aspect, but viewers, followers, things like that, you, I'm seen as a failure because I didn't come out with a successful relationship, right? Like, I'm the one that's seen as the failure.

We are all failures in that regard to that. Exactly. It's like, hold on a second. Hold on a second. No, like, we're not a failure because we didn't come out with a relationship that you wanted it to work or honestly, frankly, we wanted it to work too. And it did it. And we crawled their way out.

But like, it is so crazy how people are so easily putting like a label on. You're a failure. Like this isn't you. No, this is you, Claire. Like, this is Claire Crawley got herself out of everything that was put given to her and put on her way. And like you created the glow. I love that. So props to you.

As did you guys. I was starting to catch off. It was like, it's huge though. I think it's not a, the failure is not showing up. The failure is not trying. The failure is not. subjecting yourself to millions and millions and millions of people who will judge, throw shame, throw every word, everything you can think of at you for your vulnerability

and your decision to put yourself out there and you try. So that to me would be like, I wouldn't want to say failure, but going into this show, if you're a success, because there's not a lot of people who would do that, who would put their vulnerability. And the people that are throwing judgment and saying your failure, saying you're this, it's like those are the people that are watching and not beat the arena with you. Yeah, exactly. You can't throw a judgment if you're not in the, if you're not in the boxing ring.

If you're not getting knocked down and smack left and right, right hook, sorry. Amen. And I think what people fail to remember all the time when they're watching season after season is like, you know, we chalk it up to like success stories if the couple. ends up together or gets engaged or stays together, whatever might be. But like, people need to keep in mind there's so many other people like behind the scenes and like with you as contestants that like you form real friendships. Like there is a love there regardless if you're with a significant other or not. And and especially with you, Claire, I think one of the

reasons why we love you is like you have always been who you are real to the core. And I don't want this to sound cheesy, but, like, you truly are fearless in your pursuit of happiness, whether that's with somebody or not. And a lot of people coming from this franchise could take note of that. Like, I think you are somebody, and you embrace the struggle, too, and you turn it into a positive. It's easy after the show we've all felt down and alone and, like, where do we turn to next? What do we do? It's a scary feeling. But you always turn that into something powerful. which I think is such an incredible quality that a lot of people coming from this franchise

just frankly can't do. Both of you, I would say. I'm in the midst of two badass women right here. You was wrong. I mean, you can't, you, there's a lot of things that in choosing to stay public and choosing to put yourself out there repeatedly, like it's a hard thing to do.

And it's a vulnerability that we recognize and that we know what it's like. So, I mean, props to you guys too, because you guys are in the same boat as me. This is turning into like a, I love this, like this women build each other obsession. Well, okay, so Claire, I actually want to piggyback off of something you just said then. And this kind of does go into your relationship. But because you were in the public eye and had those public relationships play out where, of course,

everyone has their thoughts and opinions and criticisms, did you try to take into account this relationship with Ryan now and to try to keep it a bit more private and just very you know hold on to it a little bit tighter closer to your heart absolutely as also like as a caveat to that I made sure not only to keep it closer to my heart but to keep it private for a while because I needed to ensure because of previous situations that this man was in it for me in me alone and it even I needed to know that even if the spotlight wasn't there, even if the cameras weren't there, or even at the social media, the followers, the notoriety, like, even if all that is not there, are you still going to want to be around? And I wanted to make sure that there was no ulterior motives and there

was no reason for some sort of public gain, whether it be for their business to become successful or just not to piggyback off of what I have kind of been through to get to where I'm out. And so it was, I don't want to say like a vetting process type of thing, but it's an extra precautionary thing of, I'm going to keep this private. And if I kept it private forever, would he be okay with that? That he's not going to get fame out of it. He's not going to get the notoriety and the, you know, headlines and the names and the articles and all that kind of stuff.

It was important. I think that's so smart that you did that. And I know that you use the word, like, not to piggy back off of your past experiences, but I'm a firm believer that, of course, you are going to navigate based on what you've been through. And where I think a lot of people go wrong is the fact that, like, when they've been through something to the extent that you've been through and the heartbreaker, the experience is not getting back out there, that's where the failure is.

Taking your time to do your homework. Of course, I'm the former teacher, I'm going to use that word. But like, you did. You did. you do diligence, you did your homework. And frankly, even when, if you were to figure out that Ryan was in it for the right reasons really early on, the pressure of being in the public eye, not for necessarily like the pressure for things to work, but just like the public attention, it's going to be hard regardless of the relationship at times. It just, it does. It can get to you

at times. And so I think taking time to make it private or keep it private so that you can continue to learn and build that really, really solid foundation, that way, when you have next, mass people on the other end of the line, it just, it phases U.S. because you have that foundation. Like you built it before you kind of like, have the open house and let everybody in kind of thing. And there were so many things that happened that I was, they were all yeses. And it was even down to him staying private on social media to protect his children, to protect our relationship. And not, I mean, to this day, there are still the second women found out that who he is and that we're in a relationship together, the amount of women that have

slid back in his DMs from previous relationships or from that don't even know who he is that are sliding in now, it's like, I have a man that is like, laughs, looks at it and laughs and looks at it and laughs and it's like, babe, check this out. I didn't have that in my previous relationship. It was probably the opposite, to be honest. And it's like, it's so nice of like, oh, yeah, he's doing that. And it's not for my reassurance, but it's like transparency. that is what's beautiful to me is that transparency of like I love you and look at this stuff

let's sit in bed and like laugh about this kind of stuff and share the open about this and how have that transparency I'm like check that's what I need it I love that he seems and I'm just saying this without ever meeting the man but like from what I know of you and have seen of you

two together like he just seems like such a kind respectful man so mature he just has a good heart it just like he's a man like he yeah like everything you have searched for leading up to you know now it's like i feel like timing is really everything and everything aligned you and paved this weird crazy off the beaten path track for you to find him absolutely there was like there's been so many conversations especially the other day we were in a conversation about

the stuff he's been through the stuff i've been through And nobody's looking or talking like it's about a perfect relationship. We're talking about all the imperfect kind of like pathways we've gone through to get to where we are today. And it's everything that's out of our control. You know, and I think that's the special thing. There was no, I mean, trust me, I've been in those relationships where it's like you feel like you have to say certain things to get a response, to get your eyes, to see if they care and you have to do this. There's a lot of like overthinking with it. And this just came together easy for me.

And it was one of those things that was always a yes with him because even when in the very beginning when it was, I don't know if I've told you if you guys know this, but in the very beginning of our relationship, we were together, started dating. And then I needed to like, I need to just go through my own stuff and heal and have my own space. Yeah. Do what I need to do for my own mental health. But even with that, it was always like, he's what I want. He's, he's got the qualities that I want.

Yeah. How did you two meet? That's what I was going to ask you. Because I don't know if you've talked about it before. I don't know if I have either, but it's nothing cool. I think he slid in my DMs social media a couple years ago. and it was nothing that I was

I really was just like okay it's not a big deal but then I realized he lived close to me when I because he was I looked at his thing and I was like he's hot

and then I was like who's a good guy and then I was like oh he lives close to me so I was like oh he's actually a real person actually he runs his own company okay okay

so I started putting things together but then I was like I'm not into meeting people from social media from the internet like it's just kind of could be sketch so we just we would kind of back and forth I talked to a lot of people who write me on Instagram all writing back and forth and share things and men women will just have conversations and but he was just kind of different I was like he seems more of like a friend at the time than somebody to brand them off the internet so what pushed you guys okay so you're going back and forth and you're talking oh sorry so

So at what point does it push you to be like, okay, I normally don't meet up with people who I'm talking to on the internet, right? It sounds really funny when you say it out loud like that. But when did you realize that you actually want to meet up in person? It was when after I went through my breakup, my last breakup, I was, I talked about this before, but I was super, super low and like really depressed. And there was so much stuff going on in life. And I just, I was at the point mentally where I couldn't get out of bed. And there was days where I had struggled having an appetite and just I didn't have any energy. I was trying my best

to keep my head above water to do what I needed to do. But I was struggling really bad. And he was one of those friends that reached out and he said, I'm coming through Sacramento on my way up to Lake Tahoe and do you want to grab a tea? And he, I told him, you know, he knew what I was going through because we were friends. But he just said, he asked me, he actually asked me to dinner. And then I was like, I don't have an appetite. And I don't feel like putting human clothes on. You're like, you're like, that takes too much time. I don't have that in me. Totally. So he's like, do you want to grab tea and going to walk and you need fresh air. And I was like, yeah, I'd like to do that. And I initially did not want to go. And I thought, I just need to get out of the house and do this

for myself just to get out of the house. And so I got out and we literally spent four hours at the coffee shop just dying, laughing. And I forgot about everything in the world that was stressing out, that was causing me grief, that was insane and hard at the time. So it was like, this guy is a breath of fresh air for me. He was that glimmer of hope. I mean, I'm sure everyone listening has gone through a breakup at some point in their life, whether it was, if it was like with somebody you had only dated a little bit or that you that you're going to spend the rest of your life with, we've all, I'm sure, had those moments

like you just said where you don't know what to do. You don't want to do anything. You don't know where to turn. You just want to kind of just sit in yourself and wallow in a way and to have somebody. I love that that's how it started too is like you said that friendship like you just had somebody you could confide in who you didn't have to put on a friend to act like everything was perfect and you could just be so okay after that that first then coffee team meeting were you still in the mindset of I had a great time but like I still want to stay friends or were was your heart slowly opening to something more I think my heart instantly was like, God, I love being around this guy. I love being around this guy.

And this guy is peace to me. This guy is happiness to me. This guy is bringing a light back into my life and helping me find my light again. And I loved it. And even down to like that first coffee, kind of like tea meeting that we grabbed tea or whatever together, he knew what I was going.

going through. He knew what my struggles were. And he wanted, I told him, I said, I, my bucket is empty. Like, I have nothing to give right now except towards myself. And like, I'm barely keeping my head above water. And he said, that's okay. I want to be the one that will help fill up your bucket. And he would come to Sacramento three, four times a week. He would drive an hour and a half just to go on a walk with me and just to. And it was this feeling that I've never had in, a relationship recently where I felt like I didn't have to be on for somebody. I didn't have to be Claire from The Bachelorette or Claire from TV or Claire from this strong woman or Claire that whatever people's impressions of me are on social media.

Like I didn't have to be on for him. I could just be myself. And that meant sharing the hard things. That meant sharing the things that I wasn't so proud about or happy about or that I was going through, you know, the realness of it. And so that's kind of what turned the corner for me was like, I can really be myself around this man and feel that I can let my guard down around and be vulnerable and open because he's not taking advantage to that. That's so beautiful. And also I want to take time to acknowledge that that takes a different level of intelligence

for someone to, you know, look at someone else who's going through a really hard time and know when to push and when to let things be with you like he knew that you needed to get out of the house you had to breathe they didn't push or force you to eat anything like this person who anxiety whatever goes straight to my stomach like it's so intense and it becomes this it's awful it sucks it's just it's awful and for him to be like okay we'll compromise like let's go get coffee or tea That sounds like something that's actually achievable or just less intimidating. And for him to know that, yeah, for him to know that and for that to be your first meetup is incredibly just beautiful, true.

It was like it's so simple but beautiful. Yeah, it was everything I needed because I felt so used and so run dry from my previous relationship and this man came into my life filling me up filling my soul up and wanting or needing nothing in return and even when I hit the point of saying I need to take a step back because I need to really work on myself and I don't need this falsehood of happiness where you create my happiness I want to be the one to create my happiness from within and I need to take a step back and do that for myself um and he was like i got you and he said take your time do what you got to do i'll be here i'll be here and he was there for me as a friend like there was no guilt there was no guilt

of oh if i can't have you like i'm out you know there was none of it was like do what you got to do i see it i respect it i'm going to do my own thing but like i'm here if you need me well and Michelle you're you know you just raved about Ryan being intelligent and having this like self-awareness. I think the same goes for you, Claire, as well. In that scenario, you're like, you recognize, you're like, I have an empty bucket right now and I need to fill it for myself. And to be able to get to any place in my life in the future, if I want to be with somebody or not, like, I need to do this on my own. And I think that also takes a, it's risky and it can be scary, but also so much self-awareness on your end, too, to be like, you know, like this is one day

where I would love to be. And I'm sure you would love to have that partner. but I got to get there on my own and and it seems like you did and I feel like you guys just both balance each other out super super well which is incredible to see in a relationship um okay one thing that I really want to ask you about um because I know you've talked about your mom and and this is something that you and I have DMed a little bit about two in the past but one thing that I really liked that Ryan proposed to you um not only once but twice and one the second time and correct me if I'm wrong but the second time was in front of your mom correct yeah and what was that moment like for you oh it was a moment that's never happened before it was a

moment that I had never expected and anything with my mom because she has um she is still on hospice for dimension Alzheimer's that time is so valuable and time is so limited there was a point a year and a half ago where we thought that was the end. And so to be able to, this is going to make me cry, but to share, I never thought that moment was possible. And I was so upset for so long at my previous relationship because I felt like you took that moment and that time away from me and my mom that was special that I had been waiting to share with my mom. And that I thought my dad hasn't been able to be around for that obviously in spirit but not physically to be there to say yes to see to to witness a proposal or to witness that type of love and i felt robbed of that before and taken

advantage of that before and used for that before and and not knowing how precious that is to me and so this time with Ryan it's like that moment was so beautiful and like he got emotional with me made me so emotional and he was so just respectful and loving and still is so kind to my mom and so this is what makes me emotional is that you never know like where life is going to lead you I thought it would be, you know, I waited so long as I'm 41 years old, going on 42 almost. And I thought, I was so lucky to have that moment with Ryan with my mom. But not only that, my mom's still here. My mom's still giving her best and comfortable and happy right now.

And so she's not only able to see that moment, but she's going to be able to, God willing, soon, be at my wedding. and not only that for other things that are coming up oh god okay so michel you're going to have to ask the next question because i'm literally just i wow that i i never that's something that i haven't necessarily had to think about with just but like the pressure of that you must have felt clear with time is of the essence and like you're up against time almost like it's your enemy and it's you're really wanting to find your person for you but also for the people in your life to see that like you are going to be taken care of and for them to be around to see these huge mile markers in your life and for him to do that did you know did you know that he was going

to propose a second time in front of your mom is that something that you had talked spoken about or is that something that he took upon himself completely fully and kind of surprised you with? No, we definitely talked about it because he wasn't, he wanted, how do I say it? I wanted my mom to be a part of it. It was important to me for her mom to be a part of it because I said it's a very bare minimum. We still have her here with us. And I want her to have a part in it, have a say. And she at least be there for that, even if she was.

wasn't able to in the future be there because we don't know. I wanted to be able to see that and to have him look my mother in the face and say like, I will love your daughter forever. I want to love your daughter forever. Like, can I have your permission? It was so pivotal. My mom, very traditional. My whole family is very traditional. So it just meant the world to me. It meant the world. And I told him, I said, you have to be able to look my mother in the eye and make that comments to her and don't make that promise to me if you can't make that promise to my mom and look her in the eye as well did she i'm assuming she did but did she give him her blessing totally totally he just loves him she always just said she said well she says he's so handsome

he's so handsome even when he's right there she's like he's so handsome so handsome so yeah we're all over here crying i know you're making me so emotional yeah and i think about it too clear because i can relate to you you know like i lost my dad at a younger age and he's he yes he's with me in spirit and I'd like to think that he's still kind of guiding me along um and there was something about like when I met Thomas like even before my mom ever met him like the way that I would talk about him she's like I feel like he's the one and I think there's something and I'm not a parent so I don't fully know um but I think there's something to be said about your parents guide you on this life journey and you know they raise you

and they give you wings to help you fly. But I'm sure there's something so special about being your mother and seeing you go through all of the ups and downs over the past couple decades, especially like through the heart breaks. And I'm sure your mom to be there and to see that and to see him just like hold your heart is probably so special. Such an incredible moment to be able to incorporate her in. Like, God, I can't even like I have no words. Like that is so beautiful, so special. like that is just, and for him to take it to heart and want to have that moment with you both is just amazing, amazing.

Well, thank you so much because it was like, it really is something that's, like, just beyond special to me. And it was, it's funny because it was, he did it after he proposed to me, but he was like, I wanted to do it beforehand, but then I would ruin that I was surprising you. And like, he made it happen. Yeah, he made it happen. He made it work. It was, yeah. It was perfect.

He's so thorough. I love it. So, okay, so you talk a little bit about, you know, we talk about parenthood. Becca, you mentioned parenthood. And Ryan, he has two children. And how has that been for you with navigating a relationship with somebody who has kids and those first moments where you're being introduced to them? And then you're also, now you're not also just getting to know him, but you're also getting to know these extensions of him

and stepping into some sort of a role to them as well. How has that been? Can you kind of take us along the way of what it's been like? Yeah, I think I'd be lying if I said it was super easy because it's not being a step-parent, even being a girlfriend to a guy with children, being a fiancé to a man who has previous children who are old enough to know and they're,

They're 9 and 11, and I thought going into this with my heart, I was like, I know, and he knows how much I love children. I have 13 nieces and nephews. Like, I more than anything in this world, love children. And I thought, this is going to be great. Like, no big deal, right? But also, there's a lot of things as a stepparent to navigate, not only from, I think, the children's side, because they're, sweet little hearts are going through so much already from a divorce and having parents and trying to comprehend all that as a child. It's hard enough as an adult to comprehend divorce and

breakups and all that kind of stuff. So their little hearts are so special and so intelligent, but it's, I worry about that for them and saying the right things and doing the right things. and it's something that is like I'm so honored to do for these girls because they are truly like the sweetest little things and have shown me nothing but love and shown me nothing but like open arms and welcoming and like I said I thought it would just be this easy thing you just blend in but yeah there's so many things you have to take into account and there's a lot of things too even that at the end of the day, it's like I always try to remind them too. They have an amazing mom. I'm their stepmom and I'm somebody who loves them, but they have an amazing mom. I'm not trying

to be their mom. I'm trying to be another person that just is in their life to bring love to them. And I think when they understood that and when they really got that, it was like this shift in okay and even with the I'm like I did not break up your parents I was not the reason you know having to be able to like go through all this stuff it is challenging a lot longer but it's a challenging thing but it is a rewarding thing because it's a choice I get to make to be there for them and it's a choice they get to be able to accept me into their lives and I'm honored to be in their lives I'm honored to be a person that can love these two little girls because because they really are wonderful.

Well, and I'm sure, too, like, this is just an added layer of, or an added conversation that you have to have going into this engagement. And, you know, I'm sure most couples, if they want kids one day, they have conversations of like, how do we want to raise these kids? You know, how do we want to rear them? and like, what do we want to instill in them? And now it's like Ryan has those. You know, he's done that for the past 11 years with these children. But now it's incorporating you. Have you both been able to have those conversations?

And I don't want you to have to give details. But have you been able to have those conversations of like, once we're married, you know, how do we want to help, not raise, but grow these children? Oh, for sure. We have had, trust me, the hardest, most intense conversations that aren't easy but it's conversations that need to be had because I want this to work he wants this to work and we both want what's best not only for ourselves but for the other people and for the girls and so even conversations of you know I'm trying to think of one off the top of my

head but there's been some really really even questions still pop up I'm trying to think like I'm trying to think of what I'm blanking on him but we have had to have those hard conversations and the gift of it all is that as hard as those are i also have the gift of being able to see how he is as a parent already going into this relationship he's the one that when i'm still asleep he's up there making chocolate chip banana cakes and waking up extra early to make sure that these girls have clean clothes for school and making sure that they have their glue sticks ordered in amazon at the door so they have them for their presentation the next day like he's the one doing all, a lot of that stuff that I see on his behalf. And it's like, that's the kind of man

I wanted to marry, somebody who's not just passive, not somebody who has even old school voice of like, the woman should be doing it all. Like he gets up and he does it. He will do what needs to be done for those girls. And I love it. I love it. I was going to say, I'm sure it's a little turn on for you too. Hey. Totally. Totally. And he just, there's been so many moments too where I catch him with his girls and I look just he doesn't know that I see him and I'm kind of a creep from the side looking but I'm just like that's the kind of daddy that you know that's the kind of daddy I want for my children and that these girls deserve like he is a good father and he will always be a good father to these girls because of just how he holds them and he is like he physically

just always hugging them and kissing them on the cheek and telling him how much he loves them like he's such a good, such a good dad. And you don't know that. You don't know that when you get into relationship with the guy. Right. Mm-hmm. How they're going to be. Mm-hmm. It's got to be such a relief, though. I can only imagine because, and I'm just speaking for myself and maybe you two can relate. Like, I've been with exes in the past where I'm like, I cannot envision raising children with you. Like there, it's just, we're not going to be on the same page. It's not going to work. It's going to be more stressful than I could imagine. And now that like, you know, I have Thomas luckily, but now that I see him, like, with our nieces and nephews and how excited

he is to be a dad, I'm like, oh, this is such a relief. I have like a partner, a teammate in this. Totally. Totally. That's huge. And I can fill you on that where, I mean, I'm still looking. You'll find a Michelle. I get the egg too quick. Get the ache real quick. But I mean, Claire, it sounds. when you're talking about it, you can tell that it hasn't been this perfect process of navigating through this experience with dating someone for yourself and also trying to figure out how to navigate parenthood or what life would look like and all the different layers that Becca talks about.

If you could give a piece of advice to somebody who is in a similar situation or is kind of in the earlier stages of navigating through dating somebody who has children and having those conversations, what would your advice be to them? Okay, so the advice that we give, here's the truth. I'm still figuring it out. I'm still learning. And the best thing that I can think of is make sure you have a partner that you are a team member with and that you are a family unit with, not just them and their kids and you.

separately. Make sure you guys work on it all together because I can tell you the thing that has gotten us through this and through the challenging conversations, through the challenging moments. It's where Ryan has had my back and as Ryan has supported me and I support Ryan with all the stuff that he has faced in being a divorced parent and being, you know, me being a step parent or soon to be a step-parent, but it's, it's challenging, but make sure you guys are 100% on each other's teams. I think that's the biggest thing because there's a lot of people, and I've seen it.

I have people that I know that, like, I don't know how to explain. Ryan puts me first as well as he puts his children first. It's not, and I had somebody comment to me on social media, they're like, how does it feel being second, like, are you okay being? second runner up to his kids and it's like we're all first up his kids are first up I'm first up he's first up to me his kids are first up to me there's no second best there's no taking a back seat to his kids come first which children come first because they can't fend for themselves right but in this relationship he puts me just as much of a priority as

those girls as well and it means a lot to me they get through a lot there's no hierarchy. It's it like you are that family unit and I actually like how you keep already referring to yourself as the stepmom because it's like you are you know like yes it's not official you haven't tied the knot and signed to the paperwork but like you are the stepmom like this is your family now and so I think that's a great mindset to already be in okay can we cut out the whole negative connotation of stepmom as you bring that up Becca isn't like as you say stepmom what's so funny is like in my head it's like in society we literally think like negative why do we think negatively of

Cinderella fucked it up for everyone okay that's what happened Cinderella fucked up a lot okay exactly a lot talking about damsel in distress but like really though a stepmom like it is such a beautiful thing and it takes so much

to be able to navigate that and from like even a teacher perspective if you think about all the like the number percentage what is the percentage of relationships that feel does anyone like isn't it like 49 50 it's like It's like well it might be in the 60s but somebody DM us and tell us we'll find out very but it is so crazy because co-parenting and all that has to take for that to like happen and function in a

healthy manner I feel like there's a lot of people who do not co-parent well like there's a lot of just pain and the children typically pay and to hear you talk about just like the way you embrace being a stepmom and bring the positivity and like this like spotlight around it. It's like you're you know that you're not trying to take somebody is you know, you're not trying to one up anybody. You're not trying to slide in and like outrun another mother who is a like you said, it seems a very wonderful mother. And so it's just like I love that you embrace that role. Double the love. I mean those girls are lucky. I will say. So okay, because I want to get into like some of the wedding planning stuff. But I guess now I want to know that we're also talking about the girls too i'm assuming so but are they going to have

a role in the wedding in any sense they definitely i i will tell you this because i don't like i like his privacy with the children and i try to always on the whole course respect their mother respect them and if they're not here to sit to be able to share i want them to be able to share what they want to share. And with the respect of that, I think I, Ryan and I 100% gave them the choice to say and just like, I had, we had the conversation with them of, I know this is different. I know this is probably hard. But you can be involved with this as much or as little as you want to be. Whatever that looks like to you, whatever you're comfortable with, let's rock that. Yeah. That's wonderful.

How, how, okay, so you talk about that, and I, I admire the fact that you already sat down and have, like, clear. If one thing, what I will say about you is you've always been so transparent and you've always been just incredibly honest and vulnerable. And the fact that you kind of, like, brought that in and was willing to have allowed them that say and have that conversation with them with everything, how have they received, if you don't mind sharing? how have they received with like the fact that you've been on television like their bonus mom has been on the TV screen have they don't know and they don't care oh okay that's amazing yeah they don't care right now are having a conversation about it last night and I was like what do you think about this and he was like do you think she knows what that is and I was like you're right perfect you're not a cartoon no they could literally

they could care less they kind of when they're when we're like snuggled or whatever and hanging out and I'm on my phone and having to work from my phone and post on social media and stuff like that they're like what is that why do you have this how do you have this many followers is it because you post all the time like how do you have followers and I'm like I don't know you're like we'll save that story for another day honey we'll wait until you're 18 to get into that And I can tell you this, too. I will totally say this because it's not something that's like a secret or anything or like a shame thing or like, oh, like I don't want them knowing. It's more of, I love the fact that they just love me for me and like me for me and accept me for me.

That's the whole purpose of like why I didn't care of them. But I think at the end of the day, too, though, it's all be happy to share with them because this is not something I'm ashamed of them. It's not something I'm embarrassed about being on the shows and being on a few times and multiple shows and it being a failure or not working out or just some TV reality personality. That's not what this is for me. This show going on this was a part of my life and a path that successful or not successful was successful in my eyes because it changed the trajectory of my future. And that's, I think, even people listening. Like, if you're going through things, I think it's, and you're questioning like, dang, that sucked or that was a hard thing or why did I go through that or do you regret going through that? Not going through all that wouldn't get you to where you are today.

And like, I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of the woman I am today. I'm proud of what I have gone through and the strength I have to be able to be like, yep, I did that. Absolutely. As you should be. And every step gets you to where you have to be. I hate always saying this, but like everything does happen for a reason. you not maybe done a season or did this time on the show.

Like, you might not be where you're at. You might not be a self-aware. You might not know exactly what you want. And so it's like it all led you to this day and age. Totally. Exactly. And those things, all those things that are out of our control that may not be good or this or that or didn't work out how we thought they were going to work out.

They fucking worked out. Yeah. It sure did. More snaps. And then down the road, I don't know, I can't keep thinking about this, but it's like down the road, then like the girls, it's like a, it's kind of like a plot twist of how I met your bonus mother almost. Like it's like a really weird way for them to like, you know, they can learn all about that stuff when they're old enough, you know? It's so true. And the girls have asked that.

Like, how did you mean dad or how? What about this or what about that? And I'm like, how to answer them anything they want to know. It's nothing I'm ashamed about. Nothing I'm like, oh, you know. Yep. I'm proud of it all. I love that. Okay, Claire, I want to get into a little bit of the upcoming season of The Bachelor because obviously that's what we do here in Happy Hour.

Okay. First of all, will you be watching this season? Have you watched the most recent seasons or have you taken a step off away from it? I've taken a step away. I'll even have that. I've taken a step away for a while. I get it. I understand. I mean, because you've been in the contestant's shoes. kind of know what going into night one and an uncharted season looks like.

Would you have any advice that you could give to the women who are about to start Zach's season? The best advice, I don't know if I'm one for advice on this, but I think it's probably going to sound so cliche, but be yourself. Just be yourself. You don't need to go above and beyond for anything extravagant. to be noticed and it's okay if you aren't a frontrunner or if you aren't noticed or you get sent home night one be authentically who you are because that is what people fall in love with that is what people connect with and that is what people appreciate is the realness and i can only speak of like coming from a perspective of having a genuine interest to possibly find a good partner

um and not seeking out fame as my goal so i guess have your goals and intentions clear make it clear and rock with it if that's who you are then rock with it if that's not who you are like you don't need to go do anything crazy if you need to do that to impress a man he's not your man he's not your man you know he is not your man and be okay with that and that is nothing wrong there's nothing wrong with that the leads and contestants could take all of this advice to heart um But I think the consensus is to just be who you are. Because if you're not, that's, it's going to be found out very soon. So I love that you said that. Well, that is a great segue way to our resource time. And so Claire, this is kind of a newer thing we've added into Happy Hour. Basically, we love to keep all of our listeners informed and share important resources. So this week, my resource isn't, it's kind of like all over the place. It's not just one resource, but I have a couple articles that I will share and link. once this comes out. But it started because last week we had Jesse Palmer on. Obviously, he used to be in the NFL, still works in sports, broadcasting. And he had mentioned last

week that there's such a huge discrepancy between the coaching staff throughout the NFL, between black and white coaches. And so I took a deeper dive into this, but not only with the coaching, but also within the players. And I think also, So I'm not a sports person by any means. So let me preface this entire conversation that I don't really know sports. I am not an athlete. But I want to still continue to learn more and educate myself in all aspects that I'm not familiar with. And so for anyone who doesn't know football or watch sports, there's a player, Damar Hamlin, who played for the bills who got hurt, I think two weeks ago now.

So this is kind of like what spewed me going on a rabbit hole. goal. But I took a look into CTE, which is basically a, oh my God, I cannot talk. I'm sorry. It's a degenerative brain disease that's been linked to repeat blows in the head. And it's very common within football. And the NFL has poured a lot of money into concussion and helmet research. But I went down this dive of looking into the players as a whole. And I didn't even realize this, but apparently there's a stat. And I think it's 70% of players within the NFL are black. And the league up until recently hasn't done a hard push for black players to get concussion settlements. They mainly would focus on the white players. And again, I'm going to link a bunch of the articles that I read. They're kind of all over the place. But recently, the NFL actually committed $250 million. I think it is over a 10-year period to combat systemic racism. It will also work with players to identify and work with different programs that address

not only things within the NFL and like the game itself, but into criminal justice reform, police reform, economic and educational advancement for African Americans, but they will continue to leverage the NFL network with that money and the media properties to promote the education of social justice issues for the fans as well. And so it was just a really interesting kind of couple hours that I spent looking into this because, again, like, I don't know football. I don't know anything about sports, but to still play into, you know, we see racism still throughout everywhere, whether it's in your face, very prevalent or not. And so, again, I will share those articles that I read up on. But just something for me that was very educational, is something that I

never usually look into. So that's kind of my resource as a whole this week. And so Michelle, you, if you want to share yours now. Yes. No, I love that. Thank you, Becca. I have a podcast that I've kind of started listening to. And I'm not going to tune in to like a specific episode or anything, just in general. But the podcast is called momentum. And basically it's kind of talking about like race forward to the different things that need to happen. to kind of move forward but it actually does it in a way where it's tying it to pop culture and really like focuses and fine tunes like all these different activists um leaders in the community celebrities things like that and works to tell their story and kind of like bridge

that branch so this is a good podcast especially for people who are kind of just beginning their journey with becoming like an anti-racist and not knowing where to start, a lot of my resources that I've shared have kind of been around this because that's the biggest thing that I've noticed is people are like, well, I don't know where to start. So then you don't start. And it's like, no, I'm going to give you a place to start. So this one right here is called Momentum. There will be a lot of different like familiar names, I think, that listeners will start to

learn about. and just you leave with you leave the podcast I feel like you leave the episodes feeling like you actually have like tools to put in action and that's one thing that I really liked about this one is that you're listening and you're learning but then it doesn't necessarily give you homework but you have clarity of like okay I know how to I actually apply this and go in this direction. So that's what I love. Application. Application is huge. You can learn a ton, but it doesn't do anything if you don't apply it, right? So really kind of pushes that application. Cool. Momentum. I'm excited to check that one out. Thank you, Michelle. I want to check that

too. That sounds, that sounds awesome. I'd be excited to check that out. I'm a second for a good podcast. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Same girl. All right. And Ms. Claire, you are up if you have a resource. I would say the resource or the person I would suggest people turn towards, listen to would be Gasm and Cheyenne. She's on Instagram. She has a podcast. She is an author. She speaks on all things that we're covering right now. And it's just, even just as a woman, she is very encouraging and empowering. Gasm and Cheyenne. Awesome. Thank you. I will check her out. Get her podcast to listen. Okay. Well, Claire, we have one more thing for you before we let you go. And that is our Rose and the Thorn. And so basically overall in your life, like your rose, which is your high point, your favorite part right now, and then maybe a messy or awkward part that's going on in your life.

I love it. Okay. So I would say my rose, I'll start with my rose. The rose is actually just where I'm at in life right now and being at peace. That is my rose right now, having peace in my heart. peace in where I'm at, piece where I'm headed, and to finally be in a place where I have answers to it all. And that is my rose right now. And then I would say my thorn is probably, oh, can I tell you my thorn? This is a for real one for me right now. Give it to us. Seasonal depression. Seasonal depression is my. Stay louder for everyone in the back. I am telling you, I am a very happy sunshine soul on the regular, but I'm telling you the second I see a cloud in the sky for more than an hour and it lingers and lingers and rain and this and that. Like I can appreciate it all, but man, it has done me dirty this year. And I have been struggling on the daily with it. It takes

me a little bit longer to get out of bed. It takes me longer to want to exercise. Like, seasonal depression is a for real thing. And there's, I'm sure we can go. a lot more in depth about it. For me, that's the thorn right now and just riding the wave and knowing that this two shall pass and that the sun will come out. Amen. Well, Claire, it has been

so good just catching up with you again, seeing you again. I always love having you. So please, anytime you want to come back or bring Ryan on, we would love to have you both. And I really do want to say, on behalf of both, me and Michelle, like, to see you in such a good place and just thriving

just with yourself, in your relationship and so many aspects of your life is really, really special. I'm so happy for you. I truly am. Thank you guys so much. And honestly, to you, Becca, with your wedding planning and all that stuff. And you, Michelle, thriving as an independent, strong woman. Cheers to you to like, to you guys. Because it's hard enough to be baseline. So anything above that, you guys are both killing it. So love to see you guys and honor to like spend this time with you guys. Yes. We need to get together soon double dates are in order uh or triple dates maybe one day with michel will make this work no no damn we'll just we'll just have you know what i got it we're going to have a house farming party

once our house is done that i want you all to be at so yes we love it okay claire we love you we hope to see you very soon love you guys i love claire i absolutely love her i adore her and her energy just her energy she always brings it she's so sweet and she i the only other time i've spoken to her was when we were doing we were in the audience for one of the specials i just remember her being so just bubbly and just a joy to talk to so she is someone who she really wants the best for people like she especially for women she's such a hype woman like truly wants everyone to succeed um and so like seeing her at this place and life just so and I hate to say the word content because I feel like there's such a bad connotation around it I think content is a great word like she's just happy with herself and and

that's really incredible I mean like she's gone through it she's been in this franchise for a few years she's gone through a few seasons especially when social media was like super prevalent and and she's she's had like rough patches we all have but to see her on this other side and like really know her self-worth i think is incredible for everyone to witness um so claire we love you shout up to you thank you for genuine she's just so she probably is one of the most genuine like people that we've honestly really had on this podcast because i mean i'm not an emotional person but when you connect with somebody who is so genuine like that like claire had both of us crying today oh my god i know at one point i was like michel you got to take this a kid

I'm like, I can't. I cry. And I'll usually cry. Yeah. She's incredible. Yeah, I love having her on. So thank you, Claire. And also to all of our happy hour listeners, thank you for listening to us each and every week. And everybody listening, please don't forget that casting is now open for men to date the next Bachelorette, whoever that might be. I'm not sure. But if you are single or know someone who is single, go to the website to nominate or apply. And that website is Bachelorette. Nation.com slash apply. Please also make sure to hit us up on social. You can follow us at Bachelor Happy Hour on Instagram. And from there, you'll find everything you need to know to follow us on Twitter and TikTok. And for all of you Prime members out there, you can always listen to Bachelor Happy Hour ad free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can also listen ad free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. And before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey. at Wondery.com slash survey. Thank you, Bachelor, happy, our listeners, and we will see you next week. Cheers.

My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week

on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, But I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy, which is more. effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome avoidance is easier ignoring is easier

denial is easier complex problem solving takes effort listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hi my name is enya umanzor and i'm drew phillips and we run a podcast called emergency intercom if you're a crime junkie and you love crimes we're not the podcast for you but If you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes.

Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. This is an IHeart podcast.