Bachelor Happy Hour - Dotun on the Importance of Intention

Episode Date: July 21, 2023

This week on “Bachelor Happy Hour,” Joe and Serena are joined by Dotun to discuss his journey so far on this season of “The Bachelorette.” The man who bungee jumped with our Bachelorette not once but twice shares how seeing Charity on Zach’s “Women Tell All” convinced him to come on the show. He also opens up on why any one-on-one time can’t be wasted on petty nonsense and why he thinks Brayden should take up mediation.   Plus, he does not hold back as he discusses the drama he witnessed between the other men and why he wasn’t mad that Aaron B. talked to Charity about Brayden even though he personally would have made a different choice.  Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier.

Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the. iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the latest episode of Next Question with me, Katie Couric, I sat down with Jasmine Crockett, Democratic Representative of Texas. She's holding out the fork for her party in one of the most conservative states in the Union. I think that ultimately, who will become the Democratic nominee for president will be someone

that has been out there and has shown that they won't allow themselves to be punched and just say thank you. Like, they will punch back. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies.

I'm Danielle Robe, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club. The new podcast from Hello, Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TVR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit apple.co forward slash reese Apple Books to find out more.

Hello, Bachelor Nation, and welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hour. We have a great one for you. We've honestly, we've been pumping this guy up so far. He's been in my top four. We're so happy to have him on. Dotten, welcome to the podcast. How you doing? I feel great.

I feel grateful to have this opportunity. So thank you, too. you guys are crushing it so yeah i appreciate you putting in the top for us so i've been looking forward to this uh waiting for this call so um and again pleasure to meet both you guys so feel good though nice nice thank you we've been so excited to chat with you so we're happy to finally have you on this week and we feel like we've actually seen a lot of you in your relationship so far this season so there's a lot to get into a lot yeah a lot to get into yeah i want to talk about um how you got on the show but uh first i'm in uh i'm in uh i'm in

Manhattan. You live in Brooklyn, right? I do. Park stuff gay. Yeah. Nice. Nice. What's, uh, what's your go-to pizza out there? Um, well, I mean, there's an artichoke nearby that we always frequent on those late nights where we don't want to get out the couch. But, um, I don't know. Joe's is solid. I know it's cliche at this point, but it's just really good. And I agree. Honestly, just like came from California and like, I feel like all the pizza here is really good. It's really you're just kind of um what do they call it um when you're like just barely making differences there's a word for the first yeah i know i know what you're trying to think of but i can't think of what it is like what is it yeah there's like a phrase for it splitting hair is that

what it is yeah there we go there we go have you been to like go ahead sorry um that's been on my radar i've had a few invites to go and one of the times that i was supposed to go Jayzee was actually that's his favorite spot. So Mike Knessen, yeah, she has like really close ties with that location. So I have the hookup there, but I haven't been to, but I can't wait to go. Is that your spot, Joe? I mean, to me, that that's the best pizza in the world. It's literally, it is, it is my favorite.

I love it. In the world, wow. That's a huge honor in the world. What a declaration. I know. Are you born and raised in New York or? No, I'm actually born and raised in Chicago. I've only been to, I mean, I've been to New York a bunch of times, but I've only been living here for now almost, like a year and a half.

Okay. You liking it? Yeah, I love it. I love it. But I'm a city guy. Like, I love the city. I love the speed of it. I love the vibe.

Like, it's my favorite. So, yeah, it's great. We got to, uh, we have to get together and have, uh, drink sometimes because. Yeah, we should all go to locale. Yeah. Please. Sign me. There we go.

Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah, I can upload that. All right, so let's talk a little bit about how did you get on the show? It's a great question. Obviously, I got on like two weeks before filming started. I was a really short time period, probably one of the shortest I've been told. But it was just happenstance where someone dropped out, someone bought a me to fill that role.

And so I jumped in at that two-week point. And so I was going through the whole process for those two weeks and like kind of unsure. if I was really gonna go through with it because it was so short term. I didn't have time to think about it. But truly, it was seeing charity at the, at the home and tell off for Zach season. I was watching it just because they're like,

I need to announce the Bachelorette. So like, great, maybe this will shift my mood or shift my decision. And I was looking at all these beautiful girls from Zach season and they're all smart in their own way. And I was like, this is great. Like, but nothing was like doing it. And I was like, can I really like,

pour my heart into something like this? But I don't know. I saw a charity, fan to charity and just saw her. And I was just like, there's something about this person that like, I don't know. It felt like my soul was like speaking. Like, hey, you should go for this thing. And so once I saw her, that was kind of the deciding factor truly for me to be like, okay, I am actually going to go through it. That morning I had woken up, I was certain I was not going to because like it was just too much of like, again, too short and financially and for work. It just felt like it wasn't the right timing. But once I saw a charity at that tell. I was like, okay, I think there's something telling me to go. So that was why I went to work. Her soul spoke to you live. That's beautiful. Oh, my gosh. And I will say, Joe, you've kind of said that

when you saw me come out of the limo, you felt some sort of pull as well when I was on my season. Yeah, I didn't give it much thought because I just never thought I would be back on the show. But yeah, no, there's a certain person that has like a spark that you're just kind of like, Hmm. And I see that, like even when you're talking to charity, I at least I feel like I could see that between the both of you. But wait, so wait, were you nominated or did you apply? Like how did that process go?

honestly like neither um like I said so this was two weeks before filming started and I was just right here sitting here working as I have and I got a text from one of my roommates and then he was like hey do you want to know a bachelor's I thought he was kidding because we messed around all the time where I was like taking a piss out of each other I was like ha ha you're funny and he's like no seriously sending pictures long story short within an hour I had one of the casting agencies we shot to the game and in 24 hours. So what had happened had dropped out. They were nominated, and then they left for work or person raising. So Websternerner said, hey, do you know anyone that can fill your spot? Let me know. And so you put it in a group chat that my roommate saw or my mate thought of me. Got it.

Got it. Got it. Wow. All right. I feel like with the show, like even if you've never in your wildest dreams, imagine going on it, when the opportunity to presents itself to you. And then especially for you on top of that, finding out that the Baps ride is actually someone you're really interested in meeting, it's on the,

almost like, how can you ever turn that down? It's such a unique once and a lifetime chance. Exactly. That's how I looked at it. Like, even though those two weeks going through that process, like, it's tough to do in two weeks. But things just kept working out just enough as if it was like telling me like, hey, you should really, don't close this door. Try to pursue this and then consider this. So as much as I'm like a logical person, like I do have a big side of me that believes in like fate and bigger things. And I try to let that be a driving force for some of my decisions. You can still try to be thoughtful, but definitely let that try to influence that. And I know that for me, some of the most cherished things that I've ever, like, that I've ever had or experienced have come from these type of situations where I was kind of leaning towards something.

And then life was just kind of, it just kind of funnels you in a certain direction, you know. So I relate to that, Joe, a lot. And I actually relate to you in a big way. I watched Paradise. Like, I remember watching you. I was like, I feel like I would resonate with this guy, Joe. He's just a real dude. just be chilling and so it's plain to hear that you had a similar experience with uh with your now

lives yeah yeah nice uh i like that i like that yeah we definitely got a uh we definitely got to hang out um all right so you know all these feelings you're having and like i get it like it just it feels like this process and everything that's happening is is is kind of meant to be like everything just keeps falling in the place so you step out of that limo night one and you see charity that is it is it all coming true? Is it all making sense when you first see here? Yeah. What was that first night like for you? It's not making sense initially. Like it's it's like you go. I make the decision to go and then after that you just kind of gone through that process. Again, as you guys know, is like that first week is kind of tough. And then you go to the limo. And I remember like having

this whole speech as you guys saw like written out and then like memorizing it. But then like once you're in the limo, you just kind of like black out and you forget everything. And so I had recited it once perfectly while I was in the hotel, but the time I got in the car, I like completely blanked, right? You're like, you just meeting all the guys too for the first time. So all of a sudden, the reality of the experience started kick in, and I'm like, I don't know if I'm really bent for this. So then it started those like quote unquote doubts started to come,

not in relation to the charity at all, but just in relation to the experience. I'm like, I hope I was listening to the right voice. I hope that wasn't me like, you know, conjuring that in my head, that's something I should do. And then stepping out of limo, the way that I had forgotten everything, but then it just flowed out in my mouth. It was almost like another sign of reassurance.

Like another thing where something was supposed to go wrong and then all of a sudden it worked out. So up until I said in my speech, it was like I was worried, but then after the speech, I was like, okay, maybe it's going to be okay because I don't even know how any recited that speech, but I did pretty well. So I was really proud of that. And it definitely helped me feel a little bit better going into night one. Well, it's incredibly, incredibly overwhelming and overstimulating night one,

especially more than any other night. So I feel like when you finally meet that person, you're like, okay, I'm here. This person is the reason I'm here and like we'll figure it out. But I can definitely relate and I'm sure Joe can too to like having those first night nerves and being kind of like, what have I gotten myself into? Like what is about to happen here? Yeah, no. And obviously you guys, everyone's watched episode one by now.

I was winning the last, what we get a rose. And so I remember as it was, first of what, as not getting time was bad enough as it is. So I'm like, okay, like, I really did all that and like had this whole magical tail spent up in my head just to go home on one, like that would have been so devastating. Didn't get time. So I'm like, shoot, I'm going home next to you know a rose ceremony. And then there's, I think I got like the fourth to the last row. So it's just like up until I got that rose, I was like, I think I'm like, no, they just

got worse, worse, worse and worse. And it showed in my interviews, we're all seeing like, I'm pretty. trying to go at home. But luckily, she saw something, I guess, in that intro that came me around, thankfully. So, but yeah, super difficult, I expect that first night. Yeah. When your goal, when you're up there that first night and they're saying the names and you just don't hear your name, you don't hear your name, you're just like, oh, I'm going home. And for you, you got a rose.

I actually went home. I didn't get one. Oh, did you know, night one? Yeah. I went home night one. Yeah, I went home night one. And I remember I was just like, I'm going home. But I kind of like, I felt like going into it.

I knew. But yeah, it's, it sucks. It's not a good feeling. But you made it through. And now, I don't know if you noticed this or like the guys are talking amongst the guys. But it does seem like, and we're not even at this week's episode, it does seem like charity is kind of going out of her way to make like these little special moments with you. You know, obviously you're going to feel great about that.

But at the time, like, do you think you're the only one that's getting this time with her like that? And just, I guess, explain all that. Yeah, we saw it first at the barbecue when they canceled the Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party and you guys had a barbecue. And I think that was kind of the first time we really saw a special moment between the two of you. And ever since then, you know, we've really seen your relationship of Snowball. And it's always like she's kind of giving you these pride. it moments. Yeah, you got to see her bedroom. Hey, no, exactly. You guys nailed it. I started digging up on these little things that felt like they were special unique to me. Again,

I was someone who went through this process without really focusing on what other people's relationships were. I just did my best, like, focus on whatever we were doing together. So I can't say for sure she was not doing that for not doing that for other people. But nonetheless, like, she definitely made me feel special. And like that was really huge. So really like to help me like lean into the process, which as you guys know, again, it's like kind of tough, like that first meet or so. There's like, there's cameras.

You're like, what hell's going on? But then you realize you do have to like lean in to get the most out of the guys to connect and charity is like just so intentional. So she really helped me. But again, lean into it after having these doubts, right? Especially after not getting time with her, losing the dodgebook date, not getting the after party. So the special things. Again, like, you guys saw in the last episode, like, that was really my reaction.

I just really felt so special. And like, it's just a rare thing that I, I feel like I get to experience. Probably doesn't have kind of hard on myself to an extent, but also, yeah, she just had a way of just constantly validating me being there. And so that helped me lean into it. So, yeah, it was really special. I appreciate her to the stay of those. Yeah, and that goes such a long way in that environment.

Like the little gestures where you're able to feel. special when there's so many other people there, like really goes long way. And I feel like that probably helped you open up so much. Like we saw in that very first little one-on-one chat with you guys at the barbecue, you were able to open up and show her your immigration card and kind of open up about your story there, which we love to just get you to talk more about because we know our listeners would love to hear more about it. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about exploring human potential.

I was going to schools to try to teach kids these skills, and I get eye rolling from teachers or I get students who would be like, it's easier to punch someone in the face. When you think about emotion regulation, like, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy, which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome as a result of it, if it's going to be beneficial to you. Because it's easy to say, like, go you, go blank yourself, right? It's easy. It's easy to just drink the extra beer.

it's easy to ignore to suppress seeing a colleague who's bothering you and just like walk the other way avoidance is easier ignoring is easier denial is easier drinking is easier yelling screaming is easy complex problem solving meditating you know takes effort listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts so in the last month the Midas Touch network beat rogan Tucker Carlson Candice Owens, Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro all combined. Conservative podcasts can have a major political impact, but the Myceles brothers, three siblings with a serious media strategy, are building an alternative to that. On the latest episode of Next Question with Katie Couric, I sat down with the brothers behind the Midas Touch Network to talk about how they built a progressive media powerhouse from the ground up,

why audience interaction is the key to political influence, and what it takes to fight disinformation at scale, one download at a time. We should be focusing on the issues that actually occupy a lot of the mental space in Americans' minds but are filled with conspiracies, and we should fill it with the truth and solutions. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget.

I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off. Each week I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club.

Visit apple.co forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. Yeah, going back to, you know, charity in this process, like one thing, that I realized, especially after not getting time for so long, was how valuable time was, right? Everything is magnified. So I always equated. It's like 10 minutes of time here is like two months for debating, like, in the world. And so once I knew that I was going to get time, I said whenever I have the opportunity to speak with it, I just want to just go deep and be intentional and just kind of cut through the BS and like not really just,

I think a lot of the guys had more of an approach of like, oh, let's keep it light and shore my fun side. but the limited time that you have on the show you have to make the most of it in order to establish connection you have to have real conversation and talk about things that are near and dear to you so that was the reason for my approach there that was like let me just I'm not even playing games

I'm just getting heard about like the deepest thing and that's something I've never actually told even my own family they don't even know how much the integration card needs to me so that was the first time I checked that publicly or privately and yeah and then obviously she took that really well And again, that was a defining moment for me, too, to see how intentional she was, because that's me. I'm going to try to that. I require it in my partner is something who is intentional. I can, like, appreciate intentionality. And seeing her reaction to that, it wasn't basically like,

oh, that's neat. She could tell us. She really, like, felt like she knew me a little bit better after that conversation. And so, again, that I stepped at tongue for obviously the following week where I got to go to her room and just did more of the same thing and just kind of poured my. powered out. So, yeah. Got invited to the bedroom, the sky. Welcome to the bedroom. Joe can't get over the bedroom hang out. Can you just tell us a little bit more about how the immigration lottery works? I know you said on the show, your aunt called your mom and it kind of all went from there, but can you just tell us a little more about that process? Yeah. And for our listeners, that is, that's the conversation that you have on your date in this episode you open up about how you won the lottery for to get into the U.S. So yeah, we're dying to hear more about that. Yeah, the lottery system is, it's really just

a way that countries allow immigrants into their country in a controlled way, so that not everyone's rushing over. So for instance, every country probably has, I'm not super strong this, but generally speaking every country has like a certain amount of people that will let it from any given country and so you have a quarter and a cap and if you know you apply for it and you it's really literally what it is it's a lottery so you have to be lucky to let you have to meet certain qualifications and certain standards to be able to apply but you apply it's still really difficult it's a really small percentage people who get accepted so I was four at the time and this happened but like I said in the in the show my auntie Ali called my she had

seemed like an advertisement for a new type of lottery and she was ready so she was in my hometown of fresno and then she just had this feeling again going back to this fate the eye and now this is her turn to have some fate uh day story and then uh yeah so she just had a really called my mom and said hey i think i just had a good feeling about this um applied for this lottery so my mom did and then that's how we got accepted and so um i always think without that single phone call what would my life beat, you know, and so that is like a really powerful thing to me that I just carry with me everywhere. So yeah, that's roughly speaking how lotteries were. That's, yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's insane. Do you, and you're so young, like I don't, you know, I don't remember

anything yet for, but something like that is just so life changing. Do you, do you remember like how you felt in that moment at that age or, you know, you're four? You know, but yeah, yeah, four's obviously super young. Yeah. Unless we like George O'Keefe, I think she had many years and she was like six months or something crazy. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. I don't know, right. Of course, but the thing is like when I see pictures of like the house we used to live at, I get a feeling, but it's where it's not a memory, it's like a feeling. It's like my brain almost in that connection, but not quiet. But that's, that's, that's as far as it goes. Got it. Do you still have family back in Nigeria?

Yeah, I do. I have, um, most of them are. at least it's like immediate or close to me to family here in the United States. But we have some in the UK, but we have some in Nigeria still. You know, generally speaking, the USA is like the holy grail, right? So everybody wants to come here, but it's far out again because they have these quotas. And so, you know, there's like a hierarchy. If you don't, if you can't make the U.S., then you go to Canada,

if you can't go to Canada, then you go to UK. If you don't go to UK, then no, Australia. I personally think Canada is pretty good. I know it's not, you know, I know it's second to the U.S. in this situation, but it's first in my heart. I knew she was going to jump on that. I do it when you, when you let with Canada second, I knew we were

getting there. Canada always gets the short straw compared to the U.S. I got to defend Canada. I have to defend Canada. It's not the, no, I'm not saying that that's just the case. I'm just repeating what I'm just Okay, Don. Okay, we'll let it lie. I love that. I love that,

Don. Get her. Thank you, Channel. Thank you, Nora. Okay, so let's, and And let's go to, like, the lighter part of the date, which was the crazier part of the date. And now we are on this week's episode, you guys, bungee jump. What the fuck? Like, me, if I'm about to go on a date, I hear it's bungee jump.

And I'm like, ah, you got to be hitting me. Like, really? Were you into it? Like, how did you feel? What was I into it? No. Nice. I'm into it, okay?

No, that was, and you'll see in the ITMs, like, my biggest fear is. is actually like bunny jumping. And so when I was, my name was called and the part of said, Lee to say that I was like, okay, like it's going to be bunny jumping. Just,

that's just how I get how life works, right? And so I remember just pulling up and on the drive there, I'm just nervous because I don't know what we're doing yet, but I'm pretty sure. And then once we do figure out that it's plenty jumping,

I mean, my heart just sank because I'm like, shit, like, and I remember like the first 30 degrees, just try to think or hope for something to get me out of this. And I was like,

hopefully like, A weather pitched up, but hopefully something bad happened, and I don't have to do this. Because I'm not going to say no, I'm like a little prideful. And I'm also trying to be strong for charity. But I'm like, oh my God, I hope that something makes this day go wrong and you just have to go back. But no, that didn't happen. But you didn't pay, rest on. And but once we did the Bundy job, man, like you guys probably know, like congregating fears is one of the most powerful feelings.

Yeah. world. And so to do that and to do that with charity, we also had a similar chair. It was a really special moment that I truly will never forget truly. So glad I did it now in hindsight, as always. But at the time, oh my God, like the way, if y'all could feel my heart at that time, it was so crazy. Neither Joe or I are like big like adrenaline junkie heights risk people. So we were saying we feel like we would have reacted or responded very, very similar to how you and Charity did. But I was dying when you guys were like, let's do it again. Let's run it back.

We're going a second time. I was like, they were literally both freaking out in their interviews like three minutes ago. Now they're jumping again. This is crazy. No, exactly. Like that was how powerful it was. And it's funny because within the hour before jumping from arriving to jump beating, it was like halfway through an actual charity.

because she was, like, getting a little worked up. And I was like, listen, it's going to be so fun. We're going to do it again. And I was just totally kid. We both know. She knew I was kidding. And you, like, laughed and it made us feel better in the moment a little bit. And then just to fast forward to at the bottom of that jump, having done it and now conquered

it once, we just like, looked at each other and like, be like new immediately. We're like, we're going to do it again, right? And we're like, yeah, let's do it. And so, you know, then we just got back on it. And it was a really powerful moment for us, true. Like I said, like that it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, hard to like top the connection like that in that moment when you're at the bottom of this thing that you just would just die in for the last hour of doing and to do it together and to do it successfully

and yeah so we said let's just run again maybe like this on our own turns right we're not doing those scary stuff that being said once you go on the platform and you both immediately regretted it again at that point we're two defense and we jumped off and we did a little bit bigger the second time and it was just as fun though you know nice i was i was hoping i was going to feel that way after i skydived but when i got done i literally said this was not worth it i was a horrible experience take me to a restaurant i'm done i hate this um i know for a fact i will never do this shit again thank you um that's serious but yes i wouldn't do it again like i wouldn't approach it but doing the Amish wizard right there, I might do it again, you know.

Like, as I was dropped you in, you'd be like, okay, I'll jump. Yeah, exactly. You know, just kind of get at the middle finger, you know, like these years ago. Well, now you know what to expect, and you also probably have some sort of fadness around the activity because it ended up being such a positive experience for you in charity's relationship. Exactly. It's coupled with something that's an extremely positive feeling.

So spot on exactly probably why it's easier. But, yeah. Whereas Joe won't be jumping out of a plane. anytime soon and neither will i yeah um so this like right now but after and i would say after this date like you know we could see it as viewers it seems like your relationship strong like we're like you know you get the roles and like i i don't think that's a shock to anyone uh what are your what are your thoughts right now on what's going on with the other guys and mainly i guess i guess brayden has expressed like his doubts about the process and and everything and like

Is there a part of you that's kind of like agreeing with what he's saying and then like, you know, is it messing you up in any way? Do you have any part of it? With the braid and stuff, it was a complicated situation in a way. Yeah. Like, I understood a lot of things that he was saying, but it doesn't mean it makes it right, right? Like, for me, it was just taken away from the whole point of being there and I always tried to frame the whole experience. and says, you know, charity's journey and, like, try not to be selfie and I make it about me or myself. Obviously, as contestants, we all signed up to have her date all of us each.

And so I feel like there's a certain level of respect to that process that it deserves and that the lead deserves. So in this case, charity. And so for that reason, as much as I understood the doubts, like, of course you have doubts, of course, like this stuff is scary, but it's kind of like, duh. So if you were going to be just expressing this the whole time, that it's kind of like, yeah like why are you kind of here to be honest you know and so um as as again as my i think brain's a dope guy like he's you know love the guy but um yeah it just felt like maybe just it wasn't

for him you know it felt like the show wasn't for him um you know considering what it entails and so because of that it takes away from the guys who really do want to figure out if there's a connection and are leading into it um and i think there's a difference i think there's a difference i think People are calling him like he's emotionally, what do they call it, not emotionally intelligent. And I think that's false. I think he's actually really in tune with his emotions as he expresses them quite often. But he lacks, like, the emotional maturity, right? Like, there's a time and a place and how to say things and how to voice your opinion

and taking an information, aggregating it, and then saying, here's how I feel, right? Instead of just costly just throwing daggers blinding the law. So that's what it felt like. The Brady situation was that he was just kind of just a little too, just not very cautious with things he was saying. And that's going to, again, affect the show, affect the people, ultimately affect charity. So for those reasons, those are the graphs I have.

Braining himself is not a bad guy. He's a good guy. He's got a good heart. But, yeah, I just think bachelor's right for him. Yeah, I mean, I couldn't agree more. And that was a very, yeah, I think you said it perfectly. Because we don't disagree with a lot of what he's saying and his fears and concerns. It's just how vocal he is about them.

And the process is hard. Like, he's not wrong in that. But I just don't think it was a fit for him. Yeah. Yeah. If you can take time and I think, I don't know if this is true. One of his fun facts, he doesn't like to meditate. And I'm like, you should probably start.

You should be meditating on what just happened on this show. Literally. That's probably all you should be doing. So you're going out to discuss. your, but how they express your emotions in a healthy way that is not like, it might come off manipulative or toxic. And like I said, I don't think he's those things, but it can come off like that next to you know, that that bleeds into the relationship.

So, yeah, that's all it is. Things just emotionally matured. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about exploring human potential. I was going to schools to try to teach kids these skills. And I get eye rolling from teachers or I get students who would be like, it's easier to punch someone in the face. When you think about emotion regulation, like, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy, which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome as a result of it, if it's going to be beneficial to you. Because it's easy to say like, go you go blank yourself, right?

It's easy. It's easy to just drink the extra beer. It's easy to ignore, to suppress, seeing a colleague who's bothering you and just like walk the other way. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denial is easier. Drinking is easier. Yelling, screaming is easy. Complex problem solving, meditating, you know, takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So in the last month, the Midas Touch Network beat Rogan, Tucker Carlson, Candice Owens, Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro all combined. conservative podcast can have a major political impact, but the Micellis brothers, three siblings with a serious media strategy, are building an alternative to that.

On the latest episode of Next Question with Katie Couric, I sat down with the brothers behind the Midas Touch Network to talk about how they built a progressive media powerhouse from the ground up, why audience interaction is the key to political influence and what it takes to fight disinformation at scale, one down. at a time. We should be focusing on the issues and actually occupy a lot of the mental space in Americans' minds, but are filled with conspiracies, and we should fill it with the truth and solutions. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places, through unforgettable love stories, and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robeye, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart

Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and off. Each week I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app. Apple Podcasts are wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit apple.c.O. forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. Did you at any point consider bringing the issues with Braden and the men and the house to charity? Or what was kind of your opinion on that? You don't have to comment on the other guys if you don't want to,

but like your approach to the brain situation personally. I mean, my approach to the brain and situation into life in general is like, I don't need drama. I don't think there's a lot of value in drama. So generally, I like to, I think things fall into place as they should and if they are. So I would have never done that. I would have never, my whole goal was to just build our relationship

that I had in charity giving the time that I have. It's so limited. I couldn't even fathom for a second. I don't know. I only there's a single time where I even mention any other. Yeah, no, you don't, which is, which I want, that's why, like, you're somebody who I'm watching. I'm like, yeah, this guy, like, like, you know what you're doing. Like, you're there for a purpose.

You're trying to see if this is going to work and you're focused. Like, you're one of the few guys where I'm like, and I see this with Joey, too. He's another one where I'm like, these guys are just really focused on why they're there, why they want to be there and the goal not to consider charity a goal but like the goal is too fall in love so i mean i personally i see that um in you so i appreciate you also mentioning that uh charity's not because people would be like oh like are you going to win it's like it's not a thing this is like stressful like you know if you're looking at it in that frame that's insane you know like there's not a game like it's really tough as much fun as we're having on these

States. It's a really tough process. And again, that's what rating was expressing, which I understand, but there's a way to sit with your emotions, understand them. And, you know, if you want to go home and it's not for you, then that's, you know, doing on your own accord, you know, like a man, whatever, go ahead and, you know, take that step and leave instead of, like, having this back and forth and kind of sucking the air out of the room in a way. So for me, I could never worry about, like, speaking to anybody else. Whatever happens outside of that. it happens. That being said, my mad at Aaron snitch? No. It's not a bad bit. If anybody wants to go snitch, listen, I'm not going to hold you back. I go handle that. Go let her know.

That's cool with me. I'm just going to sit back here. It's just a watch in my wine in my hand. But otherwise, yeah, I just don't know if that's the best approach is to be talking about other, like I said, 10 minutes is two months. So if you talk about anyone for five minutes, you're just wasting a month on somebody else that you spent on yourself and her getting to know you and then you just get like you get coupled with that right you get coupled with now in time i think of this person i'm thinking of this person instead of just thinking of that person by himself so it just doesn't seem wise um to do that so it was never my character or my um mindset to terror and anything like that i'm just listening to how you're you're going about it and i'm just like yeah this all it's all

it all checks out um as far as Like, what, let's go lighter, like, on, like, what guys are you close with in the house? Like, who are your guys? And, and do you feel comfortable talking to them about your relationship at this point? Um, I'm close with probably, I mean, every, all the guys. Like, honestly, you have such a great time just about, like, there's a lot of single guy that I can't say anything to do. But I seek I connect to the most, probably Tanner and Joey probably cared because, like I feel like him are the most

similar in terms of like I mean he's kind of like he's not ever going to never really talk about anybody else you know like we were the guys like anytime someone did something or says something we like at each other you know that you know that friend that you always make eye contact with someone does something stupid that would be a tenor and so we're both like really light with life

but like have some type of conviction and so I connected with him really strongly throughout the while we were there and I would say Joey going back to that intentionality I mean, there's no one more intentional than Joey. Even, like, seeing how he looks at charity, that's how he looks at me, too. And not in like, I go weird way, but like, he, no, like, in the best way.

Like, he's just so intentional. And I love that. Like, that, again, is huge for me. I am not one for small talk. I generally don't like small talk or, like, you know, talking about, like, what color the sky is. And with Joey, anytime anytime we talk, we got deep, talk about things. didn't matter. And so, um, yeah, Joe, Joey, he's, uh, he's my brother. He's definitely my brother big time. Um, and so obviously those are the two guys. And at this point, do I feel comfortable

sharing my relationship? I could if they asked, but I'm not again, one to ever go out and be like, hey, here's what we did. Um, generally, I kept what I had under wraps. And I think part of the reason was like out of respect for charity and like the relationship that you have, but also, I did it once, again, going back to people thinking, like, this is a game. I can see what happens is when people start talking about their dates and how it went and what they liked about that person. The other guys started to pick up and take notes and they start to alter their personality to fit that mold into what the other person did to, you know, woo charity or whatever.

And so I wanted her to have the rawest parts of everybody in that show that she can pick who she, you know, a person. And so for me, I tried to keep everything. I said, or any of our interactions in our dates, super under wraps because I don't want, I mean, it's something for you to know, just be yourself. It's like my favorite. And again, it's not about winning. It's about her finding a person that's going to be right for her. And so for those reasons, I generally didn't really speak on our relationship. I just kind of, I mean, eventually they see slowly but surely right, you get a group day room. It's like, what the hell

did this guy? What the hell is this guy? As far as I know, I've only talked to her at the barbecue for like, you know, 10 minutes, and then I had this conversation like, what? Like, how does this guy get? So I think eyebrows were raised, but I just kind of kept the tight lip and kept it short and just had had a great time. Anytime someone asked, again, like, out of respect for charity and her process. I think that's a really good approach. It's similar to the approach I took in the sense I kept my relationship when I was on

the show very private. And anytime anyone tried to talk to me about their relationship, I was kind of like, la, la, la, la, la, like, I don't want to know that. Like, I don't need to know. it's okay. I'm not asking. Please don't tell me. And I do think that it's very easy to start to feel a competitive nature in that environment, especially when you're comparing your relationship to other people's. And when people are so openly talking about, I think we're really seeing that with Braden and Aaron B. They both seem quite vocal, especially Braden. I think there's maybe a little

bit of comparison going on there and a little bit of competitive nature coming in. And I think that the less you know about the other people's relationships and they know about yours, the easier it is to just focus on you and your relationship and figure out if that's going to work and not worry about other people's. Bingo. You nailed it. The comparison is the feature of joy, right? And this show will make you compare, even if you don't want to.

And so, like you said, people tell you about your day. I was doing the same thing. You know, so I relate to you 100%. And that you just don't want it to affect you. And then, obviously, you're getting your head. And then again, you're showing sides of yourself, who you may or may not be for better. So those reasons, I just feel like the best approach something like this, if you want to take it seriously,

is to just let relationships, you know, flow as they are, and just be yourself. And the adult that you like that person, you know, with them at the end. Yeah, or if you're Warwick, you know, you show who you are and you realize there's no connection, you go home. A little Warwick, Joe.

What do we think about? I love him so much. Oh, my God. Yeah, exactly. Unless you're Warwick, that's a different case. Warwick is going to be fine. You call trust in your thing. Warwick seemed absolutely fine, which I respect.

You know, he's like, this is me. I'm not really looking for a relationship. I'm just doing my thing. And there's no connection here and I'm going to go home. So if it's not your person, it's okay to go home. That's the win. You're not ending up with someone you're not meant to end up with. And if you show who you are and you end up with that person, then it was meant to be.

Yeah, exactly. What, um, if you, if you could tease. at the season. Without spoiling it, let's hear it. And then we're going to play a quick game. Okay. If I can tease the season without spoiling it. Yeah, just, I generally just feel like this is such a good group of guys.

And I just want to try to tune in. It was true. Hey, all right, there it is. Stay tuned. I have one more really quick question that I meant to ask at the top before we get into this game. How have your family and friends reacted to you being on the show? and like washing it back so far. Oh,

overwhelmingly positive, which has been such a big shock to me. Again, like, to be honest, initially, coming on, yeah, there's a bit of, like, embarrassing, you know, a little bit, which I'm hoping is natural. I'm hoping that's normal, and it doesn't turn to me off. But, yeah, you're just like, I don't know,

I won this TV show, and I didn't know anything about it, obviously. And, but going on it, and after being back and here, out, everyone's just really proud and they're really, um, they felt like I was myself, right? People were watching it. And my friends are telling me like, you're yourself. And so it's been overwhelmingly positive because of that. And, um, it's just super unexpected. So a lot of support, a lot of luck. Um, yeah, and I'm just so happy about everything and experiencing itself.

Gosh. That's great. Great. All right. Sorry to take us off track. We got a game coming up. Rapid fire. Rapid fire first thing that comes to your mind. Um, let's say it. You ready? Yeah. All right. Are you with, no. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Meditate for 10 minutes. Oh, that's good. It's good. A wellness, man.

How do you like your pizza? All meat. Whatever the all meat selection is, I'm getting that one. The pepperoni, the ham, the thought. I'm getting that one. You're the first guy. You're the first guy. that's been on the show for this season that hasn't said pineapple. Really? Yeah, every guy has said pineapple.

We were shocked, too. They're animals. Best dating advice you have ever received. Best dating advice ever received. Love is not always enough. Okay. That is really good advice. What is your go-to cocktail?

I said great more I'd say to keep you a side rights all right Who is your Who is one person living or not that you would like to have dinner with? One way I would say I don't know why about

George Washington came by it Sorry that's not the right Are you a history person? I'm not. I don't know why if I thought of George Washington. I haven't been a little clear, but you said the first thing that comes to mind. Yeah, first thing that goes to mind. You're a George Washington guy. What could even, what could we say? What is one word or phrase that your friends use to describe you?

Al-a. Empathetic? Do you have any bad habits? Restless leg syndrome. What? I don't know, I'm not diagnosed, but I'm shaking a lot, a lot. What is your go-to karaoke song? Girls just want to have fun.

In an astronaut costume with a yellow wig, I'm assuming. Exactly. Yes, I wish I had it on. I would have put that thing off this whole interview. Oh, my God. That would have been amazing. What is your current screensaver photo on your phone? It is just nature.

Rocks. That's the other nature. Rocks. Beautiful. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go? I would go to Antarctica. This is what the hell is up there. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a, that's a. Actually, I think Serena, you went to Antarctica, didn't you? No, I did not, nor do I ever intend on going. I went to Alaska. Alaska, Alaska, Alaska. Alaska. Alaska, yeah. I'm a warm weather gal. Thank you. There's been such few people that have ever been to in Africa, so I would be

cool to be one of those people. Just, yeah. All right, Donne, honestly, thank you so much. We really appreciate you coming on and being open and honest with us. And to our listeners, thank you so much for tuning in. And don't forget new episodes of The Bachelorette air every Monday at 9-8 Central on ABC, and then they stream the next day on Hulu. Yes, and make sure to tune in to new episodes of Bachelor Happy Hour every week. We're going to have some great guests on, guests from the current season, guests from all over the place. We've got all times of exclusive interviews coming up. So don't forget to subscribe.

Thank you, Dotten. Again, it was such a pleasure having you. Thank you everyone for listening. And we will see you next time. Thank you. Bye, guys. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you.

When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy, which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving. Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the latest episode of Next Question with me, Katie Couric, I sat down with you. Jasmine Crockett, Democratic representative of Texas. She's holding out the fork for her party in one of the most conservative states in the union. I think that ultimately, who will become the Democratic nominee for president will be someone that has been out there and has shown that they won't allow themselves to be punched and just say thank you. Like, they will punch back. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club. The new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for

conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audiobook and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit apple.co-forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. This is an IHeart podcast.