Bachelor Happy Hour - Getting Clarity with Charity

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Charity is finally here on “Bachelor Happy Hour”! In an unfiltered conversation, our Bachelorette opens up about not taking back Brayden’s rose when she had the chance, her controversial decision to give Dotun two back-to-back one-on-ones, what she is most looking forward to addressing at the upcoming “Men Tell All,” and so much more. Plus, Charity explains her cryptic thread from last week and shares some advice for Gerry as he begins his journey as the Golden Bachelor.   Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier.

Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the. iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So in the last month, the Midas Touch Network beat Rogan, Tucker Carlson, Candice Owens, Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro all combined. What happens when three brothers take on right-wing media and start winning? I find out on the latest episode of Next Question with me, Katie Couric. We just want people to live their lives and be happy and be able to enjoy it without some, you know, lunatic screaming in their face every three seconds. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robe, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors,

celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TVR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit Apple.co. forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. What's up, Bachelor Nation?

Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hour. We have a good one for you this week. The Bachelorette is finally here. Charity, welcome. Welcome to Happy Hour. Thank you guys for having me. I'm excited to be here, ready to chat it up, see what we're going to dive into today. Let's do it.

Serena is, I am as well. Serena is very excited to meet you. I am. I'm so excited. I can't believe it's time. halfway through your season. We haven't had you on yet. So we have lots to cover.

It's going back so fast. So fast. Wow. It must feel even faster for you, for sure. It does. Because I'm like, we just started this, but like I'm lucky ready to like,

got to get it better way. Get it going? Yeah. Was the lead up, how long did it feel for the lead up to the show? Like, you know, after you wrap? That felt like forever, truly.

I was like, because we wrapped like sometime in May, the first week in May and then obviously like my premiere wasn't to like Jane 26 so I was like this that window in between and then obviously doing so much it was a lot but like I was like come on let's let's get this

going and now it's like it's freezing yeah you're like the sooner it starts the sooner it ends let's go yeah were there ever were there ever days where you were like totally forgot that you just filmed a show no no okay Joe's saying that

because he filmed a show a few months ago and it doesn't air for like a year. So there's days where he's like, oh, my God, I literally forgot it was on that show. It hasn't even aired yet. But I feel like for you, the two-month window, it's like all you're probably thinking about

is like, okay, six weeks, five weeks, four weeks. Yes. I mean, my whole life is honestly this right now. So yeah. And it's different when you're, I mean, you're the lead of the show. The show is literally all, it's about you. Yeah.

Do you ever think you're going to have a show about you? Yeah. Where are you now? Where are you in the world? so I am in Charlotte North Carolina right now and so just kind of going back and forth

between here and L.A., but Charlotte's where you Okay, is that, that's where you live? Uh-huh. You like North Carolina? I do. I do. Very, Charlotte's like a good like combination of like

city but also like I mean, I'm obviously from the south so I'm used to like the small town feel it kind of has like a good blend of those two. Okay. Nice. We're getting married in South. Carolina. In South Carolina.

Sarita's Canadian, so. Okay. My American geography isn't that good, but we're getting married in South Carolina, in Charleston, which is different than Charlotte. Charleston is so beautiful. Oh, my goodness. Charleston is beautiful. Yeah, it'll be fun. And then we hear you've got an exciting trip starting today.

Yes, so we're headed out to Miami coming up this weekend. We'll be a little girl's trip with a couple of batch of the girls. Me, Kat, Kylie, Jess, and Mercedes. I feel like your season, more than most, you guys have done so. many girls trips like you've stayed really close which is nice yeah it is actually really refreshing um obviously like it's a blessing to come into like this whole experience and like to have like or to find friends and um these girls truly are everything to me so it's it's really good to have them still obviously in my corner as i'm navigating this too um on my own so yeah where are you

guys staying in miami um we're at the good time hotel you didn't have to give me the hotel is more like South Beach or we here is the address. This is where she'll be this weekend. Sorry. I was like, here you got you with the room number. We are at the Good Thai Hotel. It is 826 South Beach Avenue. Oh, my God.

Nice. Don't worry. This podcast is going to come out when you're probably, you're only going for the weekend, I'm assuming. Yeah. Yeah. So you're good. You'll be back. You guys are going to go to a bodega.

go to Bodega. That's a cool old bar. Okay, I'll put it on the list. I'll put it on the list for us. That's a phone one. All right. We should probably get into some kind of an interview. Let's do it. Okay, so charity,

Bachelorette. I guess my first question is when did it, when did it finally hit you that you wore the Bachelorette? Like after Zach's season, you rap, they ask you, but like when does it really like, oh, this shit's real? it honestly did hit me until I want to say a little bit leading up to night one which is like so much further down the line not even while I was doing like the big like press shoot for ABC like that

like it was so surreal still in that moment I was like okay I'm just kind of going through the motions but obviously having a blast doing it but leading up to night one and like kind of getting those feelings of like nervous energy again that was kind of that moment for me where I was like oh like this is this is real like i'm actually about to be the one that is in control leading this show um and night one obviously i just was almost blacked out so okay what guys what guys night one left the biggest impression um i would say let's go yeah after night one i would have to say um warrig and then joey even though we lacked i on task that whole conversation it was still a good conversation um i'd have to say dot and blimmy

entrance was so like just i felt like comfortable with him and it was like we had like this contagious like energy together um Aaron B he was great and then Xavier so yeah it's so interesting because I feel like the guys you listed four of them yes we really saw the connection one of them specifically Warwick we saw that connection did not develop as I'm assuming you expected it too. I definitely, I think I put, I don't want to say I put expectations on him, but like it's obviously like, oh, like I had a good first impression of him. And it's like, oh, I'm eager to learn more.

And so that's truly why I felt like I gave him that 101. I was like, I'm wanting to get more individualized time with you. And I, it just was a date that just we were on two separate things. Just truly like totally different people, but just fine, but it was awkward. Well, see, I thought for me, I don't know, maybe I probably overthink it, but I thought you asked Warwick on that date kind of like, yeah, I'm not sure about this guy. So let me check him. Let's let me take him on a date. But I'm probably going to send them home. Well, you're not, I guess, yeah, like a little bit of both. It's like I definitely wanted to get to know more. But like it's always like that what if of like if we don't like get along or if things don't like mess up together. So I kind of did. But like I definitely was not. expecting it to go as south as it did. I did not. I was like, okay, he's going to give me something. When I got nothing, that's when I was like, all right, yeah, that's just not it. It just seemed like, yeah, there was just no connection on both sides. Like, it seemed like you

both white your separate ways. You were like, bye, Warwick. He was like, bye, Charity. That was that. Take a nap in the car. I was like, I wish that could do that. But yeah, no, we were a real good time. So it's good. All right. So, Charity, we got you lying already on the podcast because you didn't mention Braden. And you gave him the first. suppression, Rose. So sad. That's very selling. Lie, number one.

So, but we do see, I want to talk about the conversation with you and your brother where he's like, I don't trust this Braden guy and I'm not really into him. And you kind of just went opposite, which I thought was a power move. And I was like, good for you. Like, like, I believe you're taking in his information, but you're going to make your own decisions. Absolutely. But, yeah, let's talk about that.

Yeah. Um, I mean, it's like, I feel like I get this question. lot but it's just like obviously like I think what we see is honestly as real as it was in the moment too for like me and brayden's relationship um and especially after night one like the conversation like I think out the limel like obviously we took shot so I was like he knows me like great already all to a good start but um that conversation we just had like a lot I felt in common and then him just like bringing up like you know the qualities that he saw as to why he even like wanted to come on the show um really stood out to me so it's like I felt really

comfortable around him. And that night is extremely chaotic. There's a lot going on as we know. And so to have a conversation where you're just like, huh, like you can just like let out a sigh of relief and just be yourself. Like that's honestly what I felt around Braden. He's very charismatic. So I was really caught off guard, obviously, like watching it back and kind of seeing like the interviews and seeing like kind of what was happening behind the scenes with the guys. And then obviously what he like shared with my brother. So when my brother got a chance to talk to me that night, he did share a lot more about like a few other guys, but like in specifics, like Braden was kind of one that kind of came up a lot of just crossing that line between confident and cocky, which he knows, like, confidence is something that I'm really looking for in a guy. And so when I had that conversation, I was like, I don't know, it's like almost part of me was a little defensive because I was like, that's not what I got from him. Like I didn't get like cocky, but obviously you're seeing something that I'm not. So I didn't want to add too prematurely on it. So I was like, I'm going to take your information, but we'll see. Like, Obviously, we'll keep them around and see if that obviously plays out to be what it is.

And if not, then I'll be right in this situation. Okay. No, I like that. I like that you were like, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt right now because, you know, your brother, obviously you trust his advice. He's your brother. But you've also been in braided shoes where it's like it's night one. It's so hectic. Like, it's a whole new experience.

So like maybe he just needs to kind of like settle into that. Obviously it didn't work out. But that's okay, you know, you're only going to end with one guy. Right. And I promise you this whole interview is not going to be about Brayden, but since you woke up and you were ready to go this morning is what you told us. There was a comment, can she just not be the Bachelorette and be herself? Yeah. What's up, Charity?

What are you going to say to that? That comment, honestly, it's not the first time I heard it. But I just didn't know. Again, this is the whole problem with me and Brayden. It's like what is told with me also gets shared again as a topic of discussion for the guys in the house. And that was like a problem for me. Excuse me. But when it comes to that comment, Brayden actually did share that with me on our one-on-one date.

He just was like not really, I guess, easing into the comfortability of just like what this whole thing was. Like what the premise of it. And so I was trying to be like very comforting and like telling him like, I'm, you know, exactly what you're seeing is like this is charity like you're going to get this here you're going to get this when this show is over with like there's no like non-authentic version of myself and so that's kind of what I took it when he kept bringing that up it's like I just want you to be off for a second I'm like I don't get to be off like I don't know what you mean by that it's like I'm the bachelorette but like I'm also not just the bachelor's red like this is what I am and it's like

I'm having conversations with you I'm trying to get to know you I don't know what you mean by this but I think for him like that was like a tactic for him to just kind of use of his advantage in a sense of like I guess I don't I really don't know what his intentions were with all of that but it came across to me as like he was trying to label me as like not this authentic person um but I could be wrong but there's no turning off the bachelorette sorry yeah yeah you're like you might not be seeing every single side of me right now because I'm the bachelor's right but the size you are seeing are 100% me and you can't like fault me for the position I'm in because you're here because I'm the bachelorette right so it's kind of like like Like, yeah, it's hard. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about exploring human potential. I was going to schools to try to teach kids these skills, and I get eye rolling from teachers or I get students who would be like, it's easier to punch someone in the face.

When you think about emotion regulation, like you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy, which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome as a result of it if it's going to be beneficial to you because it's easy to say like go you go blank yourself right it's easy it's easy to just drink the extra beer

it's easy to ignore to suppress seeing a colleague who's bothering you and just like walk the other way avoidance is easier ignoring is easier denial is easier drinking is easier yelling screaming is easy complex problem solving

meditating you know takes effort Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I think Democrats have, for a very long time, allow Republicans to play them. So essentially, Republicans came up with a narrative, and Democrats decided to play into that. And that only hurt the Democrats. I'm Kitty Couric.

Jasmine Crockett, Democratic Representative of Texas, is not known for holding back. And our recent chat on Next Question is no exception. But when you hear how she got to where she is, her intensity makes perfect sense. It's just hard to imagine a world where you don't have enough people that care to do right by people. And so that same passion that carried me through as a public defender that led me to want to change laws and thinking about the harm that will happen not just to my concern. But just generally, like, I carry that weight with me because you've seen it up close. Yeah.

Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robeye, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page, and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars,

and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TVR pile. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio. book and ebook home for Reese's book club. Visit apple. dot CO forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more.

What was the moment that really was like, because you gave him a lot of patience and like you guys had a lot of conversations and it really looked like you were both, especially you trying to kind of make it work and get past his concerns. What was the moment where you were like, okay, like my patience is up. This isn't going to work out. Yeah. honestly it was I probably

I don't want to say I have any regrets from the show but like you know the moment where I'm like threatening to like take back his roads I really should have acted then but I was like in my head I always like kind of overanalyzed things a little bit too much and it's like well what if I do it too soon and then like something changes so that's kind of where my like head was at in that moment but like when the whole

Schemania like on that group day Brayden was really just as Tanner said do less like Brato was doing so much that day it was like starting to just like in a way like irritate me because I was like I don't know I was like why are you acting like this like it was such erratic behavior and it was just like again like Tanner said overcompensating for something and I saw like he was just being way more like voiceful and doing a lot more so I was like okay this like we're going to have to have a conversation tonight little did I know like things we're going to escalate to that manner but like in that moment whether or not he if he had not

saying like I can't do this anymore like I would have still probably sent him home because I just was at like the peak with him and I couldn't I couldn't take anymore I think he's I think he's a nice guy I just think he wasn't ready you know like I agree just just just as simple as that like he just really wasn't ready for the show um okay what about let's talk a little bit about Aaron B because he he brought up a lot of the braiding issues um is that something that that you want it as a lead or okay yeah I think I made it, well, I don't know if I necessarily made it clear to the guys, like, just to kind of, like, focus on our relationship. But, like, I felt like I reiterated, like, not to bring anything up to me unless it was, like, a severe issue.

And so, like, with this Braden thing and kind of like this feud between E. and B, I didn't really understand it. And so I was like, okay, like, what's the point in bringing this up right now? But obviously, it was, like, irritating E.N. B enough. And then I can kind of see I was starting to, like, pick up on the energy from, like, the other good. guys in the house. Then that's when I kind of like started to focus on it. But initially it's like I didn't want that to be the case because I know how it can go. It like it takes up too much time in the conversations and we we don't have all the time in the world. Yeah. And I mean, there were a plethora of guys. I feel like specifically two in the beginning who were bringing a lot of the brain and drama to you like right out of the gate. And those guys we obviously

saw go home. I feel like there just really wasn't a connection there either. But with Aaron B, you know, we focus on him because he's the one that kind of brought the drama to your attention and is still here. How did that affect your connection? Because obviously he's a strong enough connection. He's going to hometowns. But how did him bring the braiden drama to you? Do you feel like it brought you closer?

Do you feel like it, you know, maybe kind of had you guys feel a little bit further apart? I think not necessarily, like, I guess it focusing like primarily on the Braden drama. But I think just again, like the time, like we don't have a lot of time. And so like our conversation then started to shift. from just like us growing our connection to now focusing on the braid and stuff. So then that's when I was like, okay, we're not getting a whole lot of time. So I kind of felt like our connection had kind of or was starting to get to like a pause. And then that was like where it was concerning for me because like obviously we see like Aaron B got the first one-on-one of the season.

So I was in a position of where I like saw like a like the trajectory of him going like truly all the way. And it's like I don't know where this is taking us. And it was kind of confusing for me in that moment. So, yeah, I just didn't really, I would say I don't really appreciate it. What's more exhausting being, being a contestant or being the lead? The lead, hands down. Yeah. There's no way that you can prepare for this.

Has there ever, was there ever a moment in the show that you're like, I'm in over my head. Like, this is too much. Yeah, it definitely picked up around. fantasy suites like after in that transition from hometown into fantasy suites that's when I was like my head started to become really clouded it's like I felt like I was clear minded before then and then a lot of like I think my emotions just really like started to take over because I knew what was like coming at the end and so as much as like the contestants and the guys were like probably navigating their own like feelings of like oh am I ready pose like what does this look like I was also kind of going

through that and I think it's like I came in with the my head set on like oh yes absolutely engagement but then I saw myself kind of like started a second guess at myself and like that was like really scary because I was like what's happening yeah and I feel like even this past week we saw you starting to show a lot of emotion for the guys you're sending home and we definitely want to touch on like your connection with Sean and Tanner because hot Sean hot Sean I'm so sorry have you heard about hot Sean what is hot Sean I'm missing that's Sean So, Sean, Sean to fill you in. We were on Chicks in the Office this week, which I believe you've met Ria and Fran as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they let us know that Sean used to work at Barstool as an intern. And his nickname was Hot Sean. So we've taken on that nickname as well for him. But we personally didn't really see a super strong connection with you and Sean or you and Tanner. And feel free to like correct us if we're totally off on that. Yeah. But you definitely got super.

emotional sending both of them home. So yeah, is there like a disconnect where you just maybe a little overtired slash felt bad for hurting them feelings? Like where did those terms come from? Let's talk about hot Sean first and then we'll talk about Tanner. Yeah, yeah. With Sean, I definitely will say like, I don't want to say he was one of like the lesser connections. Like most of my connections at that point were all strong. But obviously Tanner and Sean both had had less time and they were the ones that obviously did not have a one-on-one. So with Sean, our connection really kind of took a turn in Oceanside. Obviously, he won the Barbie group date. And so we had a really heartfelt conversation in Oceanside that obviously did not make air and that wasn't shown. So I think that that obviously

leaves viewers a little confused. But that conversation for me was really touching in a sense that we connected on a lot. And he also like recognized a lot and saw a lot. So I kind of do wish that was shown, but it wasn't. So I think that does leave viewers like a little confused. So that's kind of where our connection really did pick up. And then same with Tanner. I feel like obviously a lot of these conversations aren't being shown and it's fine. But yeah, the same thing with Tanner. It's like Tanner was someone who it did obviously start off really slow and we didn't have one-on-ones. We didn't have a lot of time. But the time that we did have, it was really like Tanner made sure to like truly connect and like he didn't waste time like talking about frivolous

things. Like he was really trying to get to know me and I saw like or I felt his intention in that. And so that that was very different than what I felt like a lot of the other guys who I did had sent home or maybe like in this past week with, you know, John B going home. It was one of those connections where I was like I probably already envisioned like him probably not being the one at the end. I couldn't bathe them like probably bringing him on along even more to like hurt. So kind of a little bit of that of just like the emotional goodbyes with Sean and Tanner too was. was just, I didn't, I felt bad about, like, hurting them because I knew, like, this was not an ideal situation. Being on a 201 is not ideal in any circumstance. And so, yeah, I did feel awful about that. But also, yeah, at some point, and to some degree, we did have a connection. It just wasn't, it was nowhere nearly as strong as the ones that were going on. Gotcha. No, that's great insight. And it's funny because Joey, when we had him on the podcast, I remember him saying that Tanner is, like, not one for small talk. He really is big on, like, in-depth conversations and I was kind of waiting to see that with him and we just never really

got a chance so getting to hear like that there were these meaningful conversations had that we just weren't privy to see does kind of give a little bit of context to these really heartfelt goodbyes right and everyone's probably going to be confused but it's okay he's a he's a likable guy too something I want to ask because um I felt this when when I was in paradise um I'm just curious when you were on the Barbie date Jojo and Jordan were there seeing them like seeing them for I don't know if you met her before but like seeing them together in that moment and then being part of the show does it give you hope like this this could work do you feel you then it definitely did and I think I said that on the date it's just like they are such an inspiration obviously I watched Jojo season so like that was my first time like actually meeting her like in person and so like obviously to have her there and to been to. to see Jordan with her, like their interactions, like they're just such a loving couple. And I realize, like, obviously, they're still together. So it does work. And I think for the guys, like me explaining that and talking about their relationship really did give me hope that, you know,

at the end of all of this, no matter how hard it is, it's going to all be worth it. So, yeah. Yeah. Nice. Because I felt that like when we were in Paradise and Dean and Kalin came down. And I was just like, yeah. Well, that's good because that was the exact day you proposed. to me. So I'm glad they gave you some hope on our proposal day. No, no, no. They came down. They came down and then I proposed a few days later. But they were there for the proposal.

You're right. Sorry, you're right. You're right. I know what the fuck I'm talking about. Little did I know, Dean and Caleb pushed it over the edge towards a proposal. I just want to be like Dean and Caleb. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about we've kind of, I've, Doughton's been my

favorite from the beginning. as far as like your connection with him you've been you've been giving him some like extra time it seems like or at least like intentional private time yeah yeah talk about that and then he's got to back to back one-on-one dates yeah so what was kind of the motivation to give that second one-on-one to dotting versus maybe someone like Aaron B who hasn't had a one-on in a while so with Dotten obviously I think we see him as someone who is extremely like he has this emotional depth to him. And so our conversations like, I mean, we saw it on our first one-on-one date. When I'm with him, there's a lot of like things that like we talk about and that I haven't

necessarily shared with a lot of other people. So I think for me that like it's all stimulating in a sense that it's like it leaves me like wanting or craving for more. And so following the bungee jumping day. and then heading into New Orleans. That was a date that was like super early. We did the Crescent Classic City run. And so I, that was an early morning.

And I was like, okay, like when I knew I was doing that date and I had to figure out, like, who did I want to take on that date. I obviously did, like, go down the line of, like, who possibly I could take and what that would be like. But with Doughton, it was like, yeah, like, why not? Like, let's continue our connection. Obviously, it did rub a lot of the guys wrong. especially Aaron B because that was a city

that was like super relevant to him but at that time obviously there's a lot going on and I just didn't like honestly even think of that but yeah with Daughton it's just like there's something special

and it was a special time that we had and we got to spend in New Orleans together so yeah I'm not regretful for giving him two 101's back to bat I yeah I think you as a viewer And why I like your connection with Doughton the most is you just seem the most comfortable. It just seems like you guys are like, we said it like you were like watching you in your living room.

Like you guys are just kind of chilling. And that makes sense. Yeah, I think you, I think you made the right choice. Okay. Who else? Who else do we got here? We have Joey. We'll touch on Joey.

Okay. I want to talk about Xavier because Xavier, when you, went on the one-on-one date with Xavier and I felt the same way. This is kind of how I felt about the Warwick date. I felt like you were sending Xavier home until he opened up at the conference. Is that, is that right? That is correct. Nice. Good job, Joe. Thank you. I was in my head all day about that date in Washington. It's just like, Xavier does have like, he's such a contagious person, but like at times he has these like tactics that I don't know if he just has done in his past dating experience but it's like for me I'm also craving for a guy that can just give emotional

depth to and have this emotional intelligence and I like asking questions that are going to challenge you and I feel like sometimes and we don't really always see it but we see it a little bit on you know the date in Washington he kind of deflects a little bit and he uses like flirtation like he's hitting on you I was like I was like quit hitting on you you're ready on the Like kind of avoid the conversation and I picked up on that. So then that's kind of like where I'm referring to is like, he reminds me of my ex because it's like I can never get past a certain point. So like that whole like narrative of like, oh, can he be a boyfriend?

Sure. But is he has been? Like I don't know if he can get there. But then obviously like he got extremely vulnerable at that dinner. And so like hearing about his mom, hearing about like, you know, his pursuit in his career as to why like he feels like that's his purpose. Like that really did resonate. a lot with me. We talked a lot more about family and also like just what his goals are in life.

And so yeah, that was honestly the saving grace for him because otherwise I think he would have probably would have been out of there. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. I've liked seeing your guys's connection grow because 100% that first one and one is really when we first got to see you guys together. And Joe was like, this guy is on the date actually like he's trying to pick her up to go on the date. Like you already had the date. Yeah. She's like you're on the date, buddy. Like you're currently on the date with the girl stopped hitting on her. You got her.

Even though it was fun and flirty and cute. I think we as viewers were also waiting for him to kind of get deep and open up. And obviously we saw his story and his intro package for the show, but we weren't able to have that conversation for the two of you yet. And then the night portion,

I feel like we as viewers saw, you kind of relax and be like, okay, like there's a deeper connection here to work with. For sure, for sure. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about exploring human potential. I was going to schools to try to teach kids these skills, and I get eye rolling from teachers or I get students who would be like, it's easier to punch someone in the face.

When you think about emotion regulation, like, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome as a result of it, if it's going to be beneficial to you. Because it's easy to say, like, go you, go blank yourself, right? It's easy. It's easy to just drink the extra beer. It's easy to ignore, to suppress, seeing a colleague who's bothering you and just, like, walk the other way.

Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denial is easier. Drinking is easier. Yelling, screaming is easy. Complex problem solving, meditating, you know, takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I think Democrats have, for a very long time, allowed Republicans to play them. So essentially, Republicans came up with a narrative and Democrats decided to play into that. And that only hurt the Democrats. I'm Kitty Couric. Jasmine Crockett, Democratic Representative of Texas, is not known for holding back.

And our recent chat on Next Question is no exception. But when you hear how she got to where she is, Her intensity makes perfect sense. It's just hard to imagine a world where you don't have enough people that care to do right by people. And so that same passion that carried me through as a public defender that led me to want to change laws and thinking about the harm that will happen not just to my constituents, but just generally, like, I carry that weight with me because you've seen it up close. Yeah. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club. The new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that

will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TVR pile. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit apple.c.O. forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. And then this week we see I like Xavier we see him drop another bomb where he's just like yeah you know it's just I don't know if I'm ready for just one woman again that was a struggle it's just like it's this constant like one week we're here and then one week you know we're feeling different and so it's like this constant like just shift and that was a lot for me so yeah

we'll see how things like obviously play out but it was a lot. It definitely Not to be like ageist right now, but how old is he? He is 27. He's the same age as. Okay. And what was his saving grace, though, in this week's episode? Because after he did say that, I was like, you were like, you, you were like, that's not good. Um, I think the saving grace, again, was just like the fact, and this is like maybe like sad to say.

But I think it's like the fact that he was willing to like continue to try and willing to see. I can't fault him for like not knowing right now that, oh, I'm 100% set on an engagement. I know I can because truly that's probably a little bit unrealistic. But the fact that I think he was just like still open to it and he didn't completely close off. That's why I was like, okay, let's, you know, let's give this thing a shot. And obviously where I was at and where my numbers fell with who I had left, like Sean and Tanner, our connection. Like I just did not feel comfortable going to meet their families and not having that time or that connection where it should be. So Xavier was much further along. I obviously still could have sent him home, but I wanted to kind of just see if we could get there.

I don't think that's sad to say at all. I think that totally makes sense. Like, we felt that his fear was kind of relatable in a way of like, oh my God, like one person for the rest of my life can be scary for people. But he definitely saved himself from that comment of like, but I'm still, I still want that in my life. Like it wasn't like he was like, I'm scared and like, I don't know if I'm ready for that or if I even want that. But let's keep dating. Right, we're right. Yeah. No, he definitely, he saved himself so good. He also just looked really tired. I was like, maybe he's just tired. Always looks tired.

Like, I'm watching his IT back, and I'm like, Xavier, open your eyes. He was trailing off after. Every time he does an interview, I'm like, it must be like two in the morning. He looks so tired. And he's like, I'm on a day with a beautiful girl. I'm like, we can't see your eyes. That's funny. Okay.

So last person. in your top four that we want to chat about is Joey Joey and I would say besides the no eye contact night one like it seems like it's very smooth and is that how it is?

Yes. Me and Joey's connection continuously grows at a just very like consistent and good rate. It's not too quickly and it's not like we're drilling behind and I feel like for me and him like obviously this was like another turning point in our relationship this

week in new orleans where we have a very important conversation surrounding like interracial dating and just like meeting his family um i think me not realizing maybe ahead of time as open as joey was i think for me like that was like something that i really like it just continued to captivate me and so um yeah joey is someone who's just super special he has just a pure heart and And I feel like I'm, I get the full Joey every time I'm with him. But he's also just had a calming present. So like for me, like that's really what I need as a lead in the show. But like in real life, like he's just a rock.

Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. You say you feel like you got the full Joey the entire time because then we see in the promo for next week for Hometowns. I believe it's his dad that is saying, are you getting the full Joey? Can you kind of tease going to next week what we're going to get from. Joey's family and all the other guys' families? Yeah. You know, for the most part,

hometowns do go pretty smoothly, but, you know, it's not truly a hometown episode without some families asking hard-hitting questions. And so we do see in the preview with Joey's family, his uncle, Uncle Joe, mentioned that he questions to me, do I feel like I'm getting the full Joey or do I feel like I'm seeing the full Joey? And for me, that was extremely scary to hear or to have that like brought up to me because like I just said I feel like I get the whole Joey every time that I'm in. And so yeah, that definitely left me feeling a little uneasy. I'm not going to lie. And so that potentially could be a problem for us later down the road. But yeah. And I think even with like Xavier's family, like we have a lot of conversations

is revolving the readiness of the guys and just kind of seeing what their families have to say about that, which might be a different take on what some of the guys have expressed to me. So it's very interesting. So we'll see how next week plays out, but it'll be a good one. That is such a scary question to me. Joey's dad asking, do you feel like you're getting the whole Joey? Because that was my deepest fear on the show the whole time. But you can't know.

You just have to trust that they're showing you everything. But you don't know what you don't know. So you can't be like, no, I am or I'm not. Like, it's just your best guess. And that's, yeah, what I said. If I'm Joey, I'm like, hey, uncle, go fuck yourself. Why do you ask him that kind of question right now? Right.

It left him, like, probably feeling a, you know, a certain type of way. And he probably was like, that's not a question that should be brought up. But, you know, I'm not mad at it. Obviously, like, I appreciate the challenging questions because it allows me to kind of now, like, get not, now I'm always in La La La Land, but it kind of allows me to, like, shift ears a little bit and be like, all right, let's be like realist, like as much as possible here. Yeah. Also, no offense to Joey's uncle.

I'm just joking. Speaking of families, how has your family and friends been watching this season back? How did they feel when you became the Bachelorette all the way up until now? Has it been like nothing but love, support, hesitation? Yeah, it has been nothing but love and support, you know, as we've seen, my family's just tremendous and they're just the greatest. so obviously my brother is having the best time he is like I'm ready to see really like how all this really turns out but yeah my mom and dad are doing great my other siblings there just everyone's

just back home watching it and tuning in every week but my friends I think they're also like just now becoming super bachelor fans which is so funny because a lot of them didn't really watch the show before um so now they're just like all really into it and just being being good friends that's so fun as my friends have said many times the show will never be more exciting than when you know someone on it. No someone on it. Absolutely. Yeah.

Two questions real quick. What was the best thing you ate in New Orleans? Oh my gosh. The grilled oysters? Yes. Oh, my God. Those oysters are like... So good.

I would eat like two dozens. Like, I'm insane. Yeah. They're incredible. And then a quick question before because I know you have something too. Out of the last four guys, the four hometown, guys, were there any of those guys that were up for potentially not getting a rose night one? Oh, that's a good question. Like, was there anyone that she was about to send home night wide

based off first impression that now's here? Yeah. Um, that's interesting. Um, not really. Um, but if anything I'd have to say, it would be maybe not just because we didn't get time. But like, again, like I was like, his limo entrance still captivated me in now to where I was like, we clearly have something here, even if we didn't have a full conversation to sit down. So, like, I mean, that was, that's the best way I can't answer that. But, like, I feel like the top four, I definitely, like, hit it out the part from the question from night one to where we're at now. Yeah.

Yeah, when we had him on the podcast, he was like, I didn't get to talk to her night one. So he's like, and I was one of the last roses. So I really didn't know what was going to happen. I was like, Don, you're pretty good looking and quite tall. Like, I feel like you're going to be okay. You're going to be back. I do want to ask you on the topic of, you know, your friends and family, you've seen a lot of love and support. I feel like people are loving you as Bachelorette, but you did wake up this morning and choose violence and we cannot not chat about it.

So you put on threads, which I can't believe we're talking threads now. Like, oh my God, RIP Twitter and on your Instagram story, I'm going to read it for people. Charity said, maybe it's time we stop getting dating advice from unqualified TV, personalities who like bashing women for the sake of views and then the little hands-up emoji, which is my favorite emoji to use personally, do you want to comment on that at all or expand or tell us where that came from? And I will start off with a disclaimer. I have only listened to like two, not even fully all the way through. I don't even want to give him that much credit, but two of Nick Vial's podcast. And just some of his takes on my season. It's just

very interesting because I feel like it is extremely harsh at times. And not that like opinions really matter, but it's like to the point where it's like it's so vastly different than clearly what the rest of America is seeing. And it's like you, I don't know if you have something against me. I don't know you have never met you. But like just some of the like burbish that he uses, like I have extremely like ridiculous pick me energy. I'm a recovering pick me. Saying I like pretty guys. That's why I would never end up with like certain casts like some of the contestants. I was like, this is, like, also disrespectful to them. It's just, it's a reach. It's a reach. And we know why he's doing it because obviously

it's clickbait and it gets people like listening. But he can find someone else to do that with because it's not welcome over here. So, so sorry, Nick. Well, we love some clapback energy from our Bachelet. Will we be seeing this at the Mentelal coming up? Because we are going to be visiting with all the men again, which Joe and I are very excited to watch. Absolutely, we will. So everyone on stage. Yeah, actually, I'm looking forward to seeing, seeing you on the mental hall. Who are you nervous to see? Is there anyone you're nervous to see?

And you can't, obviously, you can't spoil anything either. Right, right. I'm not nervous to see anyone. What type of energy will they come in with? Obviously, we know, like, I feel like the obvious Braden's going to come in and whether or not he will come in with his erratic energy or not, I don't know. But I will always meet people with grace, but I think it's important that, you know, I hope he takes accountability for like some of like his behaviors and, you know,

some of the things that we were seeing in comparison with how he taught to me and then what he shared with the guys, not bashing him in any sense of like the stuff he talked about was very realistic, but just some of those behaviors that were at times, I think, manipulative, especially when he came back to apologize. Like that apology was not even for me. It was for himself. So we'll see how everything plays out. But if anything,

I feel like he's going to be just a topic of discussion. So, yeah. Yeah, well, he definitely will. I feel like that if he had just left when you guys went your separate ways, it might have been a little different. I think him coming back to basically accept your apology that you weren't giving to him. Yeah. Kind of shot him in the foot.

And I feel like. Like that is going to make it such a hot topic. And that is probably the conversation I'm most excited to hear just because I feel like there's a lot to be said between the two of you, especially after being able to watch it back and have you see as ITMs. Absolutely. There will be a lot that will be shared. So can't wait. Do you want to play a game with us?

Absolutely. I love games. All right. Let's do it. Rapid fire. You want to read them off? Sure. Rapid fire charity.

First thing that comes to your head, boom. All right. Are you ready? Yes. Yes. okay what is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning um i do three gratitude well i hit snooze first but then i do my three gratitude so i'd find things i'm thankful for the people on your season are so healthy i wake up i sue phil or three times and then i scroll on my phone for about 20 minutes

honestly i need to i need to change my habits i need that afterwards but like i had to like i program myself i was like let's get out let's say my gratitude and then we'll get out of bed no that's amazing. I need some new habits. How do you like your pizza? I'm pretty classic, so cheese and pepperoni. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Every majority of

guys in your season all said pineapple. Oh, God. Everyone we've had except I think Dotten has said pineapple plus like mushrooms or pineapple and ham. But Dotten lives in Brooklyn so that makes me scared. You should be scared. You got some of psychos on your season. It's a San Diego

boys. That's what they're. And Yeah, it's a West Coast thing. They're gone. Best dating advice you ever received. Best dating advice to love yourself first, before you can love anyone else, become secure, know yourself in and out. So that way when you're getting to know someone else as well, like, it's just easier. What is your go-to cocktail? I'm a French 75 really.

Like champagne is like my go-to, but I love, let's add. a little shot of tequila or vodka in there. Or gin. I like switch it out so dumb. So, yeah. I love that. See, I hate champagne. Is that weird?

Yeah. What are you guys going to do in your wedding day? I like champagne. I think we're just going to do old fashions. Joe's going to have an old fashion. Everyone else will champagne toast. I mean, listen, I'll, you know, like, I'll toast and I'll have a sip. I hate's a strong word.

I just like, I don't. If it's in front of you, like give in to, you'll drink it, but you will never, ever order a shit. You know what? I think it's because it gives me a headache. Yeah, I guess that's fair. This is also not about me, so I don't know why I'm talking about. I literally yelled and said rapid fire and I haven't shut up, so.

Okay, who is one person living or not that you would like to have dinner with? Does my celebrity crush count? Of course. Michael B. Jordan. Ah, that's a good one. What is one word or phrase that your friends use to describe you? compassionate. Do you have any bad habits?

Bad habit. I don't know if this is a habit, but I don't drink enough water. So that, yeah, I got to get, I got to get right. Yeah, yeah, there you go. So first, three gratitudes in the morning. Second, chug glass of water. What is your go-to karaoke song?

anything by Whitney Houston so like dance with somebody I will always love you that's like really when the vocals come out so I you're getting up there singing I will always love you to it that's after a few glasses of champagne

I got to like really be bowed and then I'll just let it loose but yeah what is the current screensaver photo on your phone oh my gosh all right shout out to Rafford I don't know if you guys can see it. Bradford and you're holding the bags.

This one is like my little canvas bag with my face on it. So like he let me obviously take a picture with him. But I don't know if he's ever done with anyone. No, I don't think he has. That is so cute. For people listening, Bradford is one of the producers on the show. And every season he takes photos holding these two plastic bags. like they're so like old he's been using them for forever and charity got a bag photo with bradford

which is iconic um if you could visit anywhere in the world where would you go um i feel like my answer hasn't changed because i still haven't been yet but greece i really want to go to santerini and i need to go quickly several um next summer we'll try and get that on my list that would be amazing no i think i think well i mean we don't know if you're engaged but if you are I have a feeling. Pretty romantic. Maybe a Santorini wedding. Maybe.

Listen, that would be amazing. And then the last question is, what is your favorite outfit of the season? You have had such amazing fashion. You're also so petite. So I can imagine, like, they're doing a lot of alterations on your clothes as, like, another petite girl. I love it. Love it.

You and Carrie probably had so much fun. Me and Carrie are like the dream team, truly. I will have to say, I'll do you like favorite outfit and the favorite rose ceremony. So my favorite rare ceremony dress is the hometown one. So we see it in the previews that the black one with the little like kind of bow on the side and like the high slit best look ever. And then obviously the red pants. I think that was just like something we haven't really seen a lot. And the hair, the makeup, it was the whole look was a 10 out of 10.

So they're my two favorite. So good. Do you get to keep those? Some of them. I told me I specifically wanted that black dress. I still have to get in me. I guess, like, where are you going to wear 12 gowns? I don't know.

Yeah, exactly. I don't think I need it. I definitely don't have the space for 12 gowns in my closet. But, yeah, the ones that I really thought a little bit, obviously, I was like, can I please have? So, yeah. Nice. Okay, well. One last question.

All right. Keep going. I mean, keep going. Sorry. She's got to catch a flight. She's got to go to Miami. Last question. Last question.

So we just announced the golden batch of we. It wasn't us, the franchise. Announce the Golden Bachelor, Gary. Do you have you met Gary? What are your thoughts on it? Do you have any advice for him? I have not met Gary, but I could imagine that I will be meeting Gary very soon, I hope, at least. Gary is truly the most precious thing I've ever seen. And so I saw his good morning. Learica interview, I mean, his backstory is incredible. I just love like the whole idea of this show and the spinoff. It's like, obviously we don't really see this in reality TV. just like this population of people getting a shot at love again. And so I'm really excited for it. I'm excited for Geary. I hope he finds his person. I don't really know the format. I'm assuming it's the same way, but I don't know what the format's going to be. But any advice for Geary. I'm sure he doesn't need any. He's lived a lot. He has probably so much experience. But for me, what helped me the most was just being present and trying to be present in every day and not looking too far ahead. I think

that can sometimes consume you, gets you, like, you know, caught up in it makes you anxious. So just like taking it day by day and really just going with what you feel is best. No one else knows, only you do. So, yeah, that's what I can give to Gehry. Great advice. Great advice. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, have fun in Miami. Stop giving people your address.

Thank you so much for being here. And thank you to our listeners for always tuning in. And don't forget new episodes of the Bachelet air every Monday at 8-7. Central on ABC and then stream the next day on Hulu. Yes, and make sure to tune in to new episode to Badger Happy Hour every week. We're going to have some great guests on. We've got all kinds of exclusive interviews coming up. So don't forget to hit that subscribe button.

Thanks again, everyone. Charity, thanks for being here. And we will see you next time. Bye. Bye, all. Thank you. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you.

When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving. Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So in the last month, the Midas Touch network beat Rogan. Tucker Carlson, Candice Owens, Charlie Kirk and Ben Shapiro, all combined. What happens when three brothers take on right-wing media and start winning? I find out on the latest episode of Next Question with me, Katie Couric. We just want people to live their lives and be happy and be able to enjoy it without some, you know, lunatic screaming in their face every three seconds. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places, through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget.

I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club.

Visit apple.co-forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. This is an IHeart podcast.