Bachelor Happy Hour - Jess on Figuring Out ‘Paradise’

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

Today on “Bachelor Happy Hour,” Jess brings her sparkle to the pod and answers some tough questions about everything that has gone down in “Paradise” so far. In her conversation with Joe and Serena, Jess discusses why she wasn’t upset with Kat for going on a date with Tanner, what she thought about Sean shooting his last-minute shot with her, and why her connection with Blake was a pleasant, but unexpected, surprise. She also reveals her immediate reaction to Blake going on a date with Genevie and explains why she felt guilty kissing Tyler while Blake was gone. Plus, where do she and Blake go from here?   Listen now to find out!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials is easier.

Complex problem solving. Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the latest episode of Next Question with me, Katie Couric, I sat down with Jasmine Crockett, Democratic Representative of Texas. She's holding out the fork for her party in one of the most conservative states in the Union. I think that ultimately, who will become the Democratic nominee for president will be someone that has been out there and has shown that they won't allow themselves. to be punched and just say thank you. Like, they will punch back.

Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hour. I'm Joe. And I'm Serena. And we are here with none other than Jess from Bachelor in Paradise. Hey, guys.

Just welcome. Thanks for having me. I'm excited. Of course. How are you? I'm not too bad. How are you guys? Good.

Well, good. Last time I had you on was clickbait for Zach's season. Yes. Yeah. Not too long ago. So a lot has happened since then. Let's get into going to Bachelor in Paradise. What were you looking for in a partner? Yeah. So I, you know, I don't really put myself out there. So my going to Bachelor in Paradise was just kind of like a let me just make myself

uncomfortable again and like try again and try to find my lifelong partner and to me my non-negotiables are just someone that makes me feel like I'm the only person in the room and someone that's very attentive and caring and patient because it does take me a while to open up so someone that's not that doesn't see that as like a bad thing I would say before yeah can I ask what your dating history was like prior to going on Zach's season? Yeah, so I've only had two boyfriends and nothing in between. So I'm very like tunnel vision person and the last, my last relationship before Zach's season, I thought I was going to marry him and it was like the worst heartbreak that I've

ever been through and that's why my friends signed me up. So I definitely am not that experience. So I'm learning as I go. That's fair. Knowing the way Bachelor in Paradise operates, did you prepare yourself at all for potentially being in a love triangle or, you know? Yeah, because it sounds like you're like a serial monogamous. Like, you're a relationship girly is the vibe I'm getting. Yeah. I think it actually ended up being a fault that I was so stuck on not being in a love triangle and I was so afraid of that. My biggest thing for myself going

into it was to be respectful and I think that in turn you know I think in paradise like you have to be selfish and I just like that was like something that I was so fearful of and didn't want to do you well yeah you see so I feel like a big part of the issue is you're very likable and you have a lot of friends a lot of the girls are friends with you and you don't want to step on anyone's toes and unfortunately in a place like paradise you almost have to right yeah i agree yeah like joe and i've talked a lot about the benefit of being someone like an eliza or even like a blake that comes down and like it's not their entire cast down there so it's kind of like if they want to hop or even like will like will was talking to all the girlies day one because he's like

i don't care if i stuff on these guys toes i don't even know these guys whereas like for someone like you like i was in your shoes like there was quite a few girls from my season it's like if I know so and so is into this guy like I don't want to you know put myself in between that even if they might be into me right is that kind of the dynamic you felt like you were in 100% and um I think for me like obviously the girls like we all talk about who we're hopeful to see and like we kind of have like an understanding of like you kind of have to do what you have to do but like getting there and being there I was just like I was just really overwhelmed and anxious and I just didn't I think I again like I was just scared or hurt people's feelings and even girls that I was just meeting like I didn't I just didn't want to step on anyone's toes and there's a lot that I'm learning looking back and watching myself for sure who were the guys that you were interested in meeting that you kind of talked about in advance like going on the show yeah so I was very hopeful to see Tanner or Tyler on the beach like those were the two guys that I felt like I could see myself with obviously

I'm like just delusional, like, coming up with, like, what their personalities are like in my mind. Like, I don't actually know them. So I went into it knowing like, okay, what? Like, these guys are attractive and like, but I don't know anything about them. So like, I need to meet them first. But, you know, Blake was not someone that I thought what him and I would connect with right away. So that was definitely like taken by surprise. And I was very excited about it because it was more of like, oh, I didn't see this coming.

And I actually like that it's, you know, something. something I didn't predict. Nice. I want to get more into the, to the Blake, the Blake stuff of it all. But Tanner is somebody that you were interested. Also somebody Kat was interested in. We see Tanner takes Kat out of a date. You and Kat are friends.

Did you guys have a conversation about Tanner prior to going on the show? Yeah. Prior to the show, we both knew that that was someone we were both mutually interested in. You know, I did my best to not make it a thing. I just think naturally, like, it's just a bummer to not be chosen when you're like picturing and imagining what it could be like with someone. And so I think for me, like, it was just like, I was just bummed and overwhelmed by the fact that, like, you know, he took my best friend and it was like almost like a turnoff for me to

want to pursue him after that. But, you know, he there was nothing, no one did anything wrong. Like she, I, it could have been me going on that date, you know? So I was never angry with anyone. It was just a bummer. we do i think it was i think it was in the truth box but i feel like someone else on the on this podcast i mentioned that about your relationship with cat where i think somebody wrote like just needs to watch out for cat and if it feels like yeah i i know what they said it was um oh maybe i think that

i think it was just needs to watch out for cat they said it wasn't like as ominous i think it was like cat isn't being as good of a friend to jess as she thinks she is or something along those lines do you want to provide any like context or what that person meant? I feel like it was like shown and then just like never ever address like they just like threw that out there. So if you want to speak

I mean I remembered like that just throwing me off like it was very random I think at the time a lot of people had a lot anger towards cat so they were kind of just like finding things to contribute to that. I think some people

thought maybe that I wasn't that pursue Tanner because of that. So maybe that was their perspective of saying that. But it didn't become a thing. Like, we didn't have a conversation about that. I know Kat's intentions. And I don't think she's a bad friend. So I want to know.

So Tanner takes Kat on the date. You said you were kind of turned off by that. Was your desire to not pursue Tanner anymore from your loyalty to cat? or was it more like if you wanted me you had the chance and now like you didn't take me in that doors closed or was it maybe both i think it was a little bit of both i mean you know obviously paradise like you can't get your feelings hurt people are going to come down and they're going to pick someone from a 20 second conversation looking back i understand that and i'm like very aware of it but in the moment i think i took it personal and it was like okay well like i want my man to come

down and be like oh like i like you right away and um you know the comment you wanted to have him do like what davia did with tanner like one combo be like i pick you and to be honest like watching it back it was such an awkward conversation like that was the first time a guy pulled me so like i didn't know what to talk about i remembered like looking around a lot being like i don't know like am i leading this conversation like what do i ask like i hadn't like i like i wasn't prepped for and Not that you need to be prepped to have a conversation, but, like, I was just like, it wasn't my best. So looking back, I see why he picked Kat.

Obviously, like, I was so awkward and Kat's amazing. But, yeah, I don't know. It wasn't the best conversation. But, yes, I wanted to be chosen. I wanted someone to be like, I was so excited to meet Jess. And I wanted to, like, get to know Jess. And where were you in Blake at that time? Like, where was your relationship?

What was your relationship? When Tanner came down? yeah when yeah i mean i think that was like only a couple days in um blake and i were still getting to know each other i would say it was still very like almost surface level because it was so so fresh um so i i i think i remembered i don't know if i wrong if the bonfire was before after tanner i think it was before so like he said at the bonfire like he was still open and so i mean i knew that like it wouldn't be a bad thing if i went on that date because we were on the same page about being open.

Okay. Totally, and that makes sense. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam, maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Now hold up, isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. It's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not?

To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, it's Jemis Begg, host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Remember when you used to have Science Week at school? Well, if you loved that, how would you feel about a full psychology month? This September at the Psychology of Your 20s, we're breaking down the interesting ways psychology applies to real life. Like how our pets actually change our brain chemistry, the psychology of office politics, whether happiness is even a real emotion. and my favorite episode,

why do we all secretly crave external validation? It's so interesting to me that we are so quick to believe others' judgments of us and not our own. I found a study that said, not being liked actually creates similar levels of pain as physical pain. Like, no wonder we care so much. So the secret is, if you want to be okay with not being liked, you have to know why your brain craves it in the first place.

Learn more about the psychology of external validation, everyday life, and of course, your 20s. This September, listen to the psychology of your 20s on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get, your podcasts. So in the last month, the Midas Touch Network beat Rogan, Tucker Carlson, Candice Owens, Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro, all combined. Conservative podcasts can have a major political impact, but the Myceles Brothers, three siblings with a serious media strategy,

are building an alternative to that. On the latest episode of Next Question with Katie Couric, I sat down with the brothers behind the Midas Touch Network to talk about how they built a progressive media powerhouse from the ground up, why audience interaction is the key to political influence and what it takes to fight disinformation at scale, one download at a time.

We should be focusing on the issues and actually occupy a lot of the mental space in Americans' minds, but are filled with conspiracies, and we should fill it with the truth and solutions. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I want to know, how would you describe yourself, like, would you describe yourself as a flirt? Do you like to pursue? Do you like guys to pursue you? Because, like, I agree.

Like that comment, like, you don't strike me as an awkward individual. like having a conversation with you right now but I feel like yeah like some of the convos we've seen with like Tanner like it seems like you may be like the guy to take the lead but I'm just curious I really am not that awkward to be honest like I'm really not

like the show is making me listen we're all we are we are when we go on this show we are all awkward like you're talking to like the king of looking awkward on TV I did the show twice and my first conversation with Serino might have been the most awkward

it was the most awkward person ever had my life I told her I told her, I heard, this is what I said, I said, I heard Toronto is an ugly city, but, but, no, you said, I heard Toronto's ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside. Probably like you, but I don't know what your insides look like. That is what I said. That was the first thing. So don't, don't feel bad about these like little clippets or little snippets of if you feel like you look awkward like Joe Joe takes the cake on that one girl yeah yeah yeah I think for me like I'm and I've said

this so many times and like honestly I'm proud of it like I'm just not a reality TV girl like I'm just not and um I I definitely like a guy to pursue me and take the lead especially because in general I I think that people assume like taking your time to open up means you're awkward and like that's just not the case for me like I just I protect myself and it takes me a while to get comfortable and once I'm comfortable like I'm always yapping and I'm always like going off or whatever I don't know but like I just like I like when a guy leaves the conversation and makes me feel comfortable um and I feel like I I feel like an opposite attract kind of thing is really good for me. So did you feel like you've had that with Blake?

I think Blake is, he is not an awkward person at all. Like, he will laugh at, like, if I say something and I'm embarrassed, like, he just, like, automatically makes me feel better about it. Like, he never, I never felt like I needed to, like, be careful of what I was going to say and, like, think about what I was going to say. Like, he was very just, like, attentive and easy to talk to. And I feel like that type of personality, like, Tanner was, like, also a little bit shy and, like, nervous.

And I feel like when you put too shy, nervous people together, it's just, like we're like talking about colors so you know like it's it's so i think the personality of like blake and like other people like that's kind of what i gravitate towards more do you feel like your relationship with blake was leaning more towards the friendship side opposed to the romantic romantic yeah um it's hard to say at this point yeah let's Yeah, we don't have to talk about, like, the whole time. I'm sure, like, you know, that we know there's more to come. No, no, no, you're good.

Let's say before, before you had opened up about being interested in still seeing other people, before that moment. Before truth or dare. Yeah. Let's go there. Before truth or dare, where are you guys at, like, on a friendship level versus a romantic level? I think it was like a very, like, I would say in the middle of both. like there's not it's not really swinging other direction um you know we were enjoying getting to know each other and i think getting to know each other at like a friendship level is really good and obviously

there was like a chemistry in there so there was flirting going on so there was like a bit of romance but a lot of friendship of just like the basic like getting to know each other like where you're from like what you look for um but i mean i was always aware that you mean we were very open and had very mutual conversations that we like where things are going with each other on this beach so far if someone else comes down we're both open to exploring so i think i always do in the back of my mind he was open so and and i was open so i up until that point wasn't all in yet gosh and that does give some context for your answer about so now we're at truth or dare and they ask you if Blake's your number one and you kind of answer it a way that makes it seem like

you're for the first time kind of being like I'm not like this is us as viewers getting the first inkling of like oh they're not locked in on each other because you say yeah he's my number one on this beach right now which I feel like is kind of the same way that you just articulated where your relationship was at was Blake surprised by that or was that like yeah we were both on that same page we also see him as viewers we see Blake seem like he's thrown off by her saying that yeah yes so okay so I guess my question is like was he thrown off um were you shocked that he what if he was I think maybe I was very oblivious in that moment like I always try to be honest and so when I got asked that question watching it back like

I completely agree my response the hesitation wasn't good I don't even remember doing that in that moment everything I do like I try to do in a very harmless way I was very thrown off when he was upset you see me when we he pulls me for a conversation i was like what's up like i had no idea that he was upset um and that was like to me i at the moment i thought my answer would be the same answer that he would have had to be honest gotcha is there more that he could have been giving to you for you to be more committed to him or not be waiting to him or not be waiting for someone else to come on the beach? That's a very hard question because there was more that I could have been doing too. It wasn't, there's no one to blame for like where we were at that

point. I think there was a lot of more romantic things that we could have done to make both of us feel confident in each other. And I think time is my biggest enemy on paradise. And I think I was taking my time and I was, I didn't, like, you don't realize how fast it goes by and like how decisive you need to be. I think my indecisiveness is what was the issue. Okay. Yeah, we talk a lot about that, how like, especially paradise is such a short amount of time and like it can be so out of people's comfort zones because you kind of have to like push that relationship forward constantly. And if you're someone that likes to take things slow, then it can feel like kind of like fish out of water of like, oh my gosh. I'm not ready to be

at that stage where Eliza and Aaron B. I take things very slow outside of like in the real world like that's just how I am like I don't jump into things and so I was doing exactly what I would do off camera and that doesn't translate well when you have like a clock ticking so

yeah totally okay so we see Genevieve comes down and she asked Blake on a date how does that make you feel Um, you know, at that point, I, Blake and I were, he was giving me space and I just wanted him to be happy. And I wanted, I wanted both of us to figure out what's going on, what's missing. Um, I did not think that he would go on that date just because like, you know, when you're being told like someone is closed off and they want to pursue you, like, I just assumed like, oh, he's not like interested in that. But he had every right to do that, just like I had every right to explore. So. I think I was thrown off, but not in like an angry way. It was just like, oh, this is a twist that I did not see coming.

And, like, he deserves to do that. Like, I can't, like, I can't just, I can't want to do something and not let him do that either. Him giving you space and telling you, I feel like I, you need space from me. Were you happy about that? Did you want space from him? You know, I, I didn't know, I really did not know what. to do to make me like to make a click in my head like are we the best match like I just needed to figure that out like is like Blake is great and he's every every girl like he's every girl would

want a Blake like he has all these great qualities but like is that something that fits in my life can I fit in his like are we the best match so for me like I didn't know the best approach to that so um you know when he offered I respect his experience I respect his maturity so when he offered space, I, I trusted that that was the best approach for us in that moment. What were your hesitations with Blake? Because you, you say you're still trying to figure out if you're the best fit for each other. What was it that was kind of making you question that? Up into that moment, like, you know, we have such different lives outside of Paradise.

You know, he's, he travels a lot. He'll be living in different countries. Like, and, you know, those are things that you can overcome. I just think I was very. scared. And I didn't want to leave in a public relationship just for it not to work. So I think for me, I was taking it as seriously as possible and being very logical. And so I was having a lot of internal dialogues and freaking myself out. And that's where I went wrong. I probably should have communicated that a little bit more. And I did that with my friends. I did that with, you know,

other people, but you don't really see that. But yeah, I think for me, it was just like, am I good enough to fit in his lifestyle and like can we match where we're at in life? I think that's fair. That's totally fair. Like I don't think you were really overthinking that necessarily. Like you're talking like I'm from Canada and Joe's from U.S. So like as people that like had to overcome like the different countries, that is a huge thing to consider. If you're going to date someone in a different country than you and then on top of that,

yeah like Blake has a very unconventional lifestyle like you're probably seen like do I want to go scuba diving with whales and Africa like I don't know like I shared similar interests in like our love for animals and like our passion for that and like that's something that I would have I was excited about in that time to like join him on but it was like you know I'm starting out my career like do I drop everything and do that or like what it was just there was so many things that I was thinking of and I was just being so logical and like I'm not upset that that's my approach I think I wish I translated that well like I have a hard time I get emotional I cry like I don't like communicate as well as I could and I'm learning and I'm realizing that but that's where I was at in that time was just trying to figure that out right yes you live in Florida right okay so I have another guy that also lives in Florida also is a Taylor Swift fan what a transition wow that was a really good transition Joe I was like, where are you going with this? So, uh, hot Sean, um, it just was not, nothing was there, huh? That's a great guy. And, um, you know, I think we did have a great conversation. I think like the first day, um, but we didn't really have any follow up to that. And I was already in my own world with Blake and figuring that out.

Like, it just didn't feel like something that I wanted to add on to like the chaos in my mind. Um, and, you know, it was really hard watching it back. I was like Were you shocked? Are you shocked when he pulled you? I mean, it's just sucks because all these awkward conversations just always get aired for me. And like,

I think when that happened, my first reaction was, why is that conversation with John Henry being aired? Like, come on. Like, I was just trying to relate to him. And so I think that was my first take when John pulled me.

And I don't even, I don't remember if I saw him next to me, if I was avoiding him or not. Like, I don't remember that. I just, like, I think Sean deserved to pull me and talk to me and, like, figure out if there was a connection or not, like, it's paradise. But, yeah, no, I think, yeah, I just, I don't think there's anything there for me.

I really enjoyed that. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra. credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally

inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast.

Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about exploring human potential. I was going to schools to try to teach kids these skills, and I get eye rolling from teachers or I get students who would be like, it's easier to punch something. someone in the face. When you think about emotion regulation, like you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy, which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome as a result of it, if it's going to be beneficial to you. Because it's easy to say like, like go you, go blank yourself, right? It's easy. It's easy to just drink the extra beer. It's easy to ignore, to suppress, seeing a colleague who's bothering you and just like walk

the other way. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials is easier. Drinking is easier. yelling, screaming is easy. Complex problem solving, meditating, you know, takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So in the last month, the Midas Touch Network beat Rogan, Tucker Carlson, Candice Owens, Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro all combined. Conservative podcasts can have a major political impact. But the Myceles brothers, three siblings with a serious media strategy, are building an alternative to that. On the latest episode of Next Question with Katie Couric, I sat down with the brothers behind the Midas Touch Network to talk about how they built a progressive media powerhouse from the ground up,

why audience interaction is the key to political influence and what it takes to fight disinformation at scale, one download at a time. We should be focusing on the issues that actually occupy a lot of the mental space in Americans' minds but are filled with conspiracies, and we should fill it with the truth and solutions. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so now we see Tyler. So Blake goes on the date, and we see Tyler pulls you and you guys have a conversation. Wait, before we get into that, where are Tyler and Mercedes at this point? I think, you know, they have a really great date and I think they were like smitten over each other and getting to know each other. And I think it was still early stages. That's from like what I remember at that time.

Yeah, because as a viewer, it seems like it's kind of fizzling out between the two of them. We don't see, yeah, we don't really see much. Yeah. We saw, we saw their date and it was kind of that. So, okay, so Tyler pulls you, you guys are on the, on the bed and you guys have like a little acute interaction. You kind of both are like attracted to each other and, and you make out. I guess just tell us a little bit more about that whole situation and how you feel about Tyler. Yeah, because he was someone you were interested in meeting when he came down.

So how did it feel when, you know, Blake's not there. You got some space. You had like a bit of a tough morning with him going on the date and now Tyler is pulling you. Yeah, and I feel like you finally got the confirmation you needed that, like, somebody that you were into is also now. Yeah, I think, well, so Tyler was someone I wanted to get to know going into Paradise. And obviously, when he chose Mercedes, I think for me, like, my insecurities were showing when these guys were choosing my friends and not me. Like, definitely, like, anyone in my position would automatically take a step back from that. And so when we would spend time in a group setting without even realizing and, like, even trying.

I would notice that Tyler and I had a lot of similarities, and I also just really liked his, like, bubbly personality. So to me, that was, like, getting me a little bit more interested. And when Blake went on that date, it was nice to finally have that opportunity to get to know him and talk to him, like, one-on-one, because we hadn't really had that. And, yeah, I think from what I remembered, it was just, like, a little fun conversation. wasn't did it feel very like it didn't feel like a lot of pressure um but i remembered still feeling a bit guilty having it still um but yeah that's from there you felt guilty even though blake was on another date blake's approach to me was that he you know he made a comment to me about he wanted it was nice to feel wanted and so i think that like stuck with me for a bit and it made me

question like what am I doing you know and when someone says that you automatically are like damn like that sucks like I don't ever want to make someone feel that way so it felt just like am I going to make that feel like worse for him yeah yeah I get that but like if you're going to be selfish in that moment like do you feel like did did you have to go back and think like when he did say that like you don't really make me feel wanted was there a part of you that thought well it's because maybe I don't really want you like but like but no I'm like did you at least yeah yeah you know like at least think like half you kind of have to like go back and like internally and think like and it's a good perspective and question um I think

again like in that moment so in my perspective I have have this mature man in front of me that is saying that he wants to be with me. And so it's like, why would I not want to go full force at that? Like, I would be dumb to miss that. But it's like, am I the best match for him? And it's like, I wanted it so in that moment, I want it to be that way very badly because I knew leaving it, I would regret. Like, I've only had experience with like frat boys and boys that just like goes to you

after the first date, you know? So it's just like, I really wanted Blake to be the one for me. And so I didn't want to let that go. And I think my indecisiveness was selfish and I see his perspective. But at the same time, like, it wasn't like I like, yes, when someone tells you, they're all in on you, that doesn't mean that you feel that too. Like there's other factors that that come in. So I think in that moment, it was like 50% of me was like, oh my gosh, I feel so selfish. and I feel like I'm, you know, not thinking of him.

But like, and the other perspective was like, well, what has he done for me to make me feel like I'm the one for him besides just saying that? Totally. That's a good answer. That makes a lot of sense. So then my question, I thought this is where you were going with your question. I have one more hard one. And then we'll play a fun game. Then we'll play a game.

So when Blake, I looked at it from a different perspective, because. I feel like if I was in your shoes and Blake said to me, you don't make me feel wanted, I would be like, well, you're going on a date with someone else. So I don't really feel that wanted today either. Like, did you have that kind of like, did you feel wanted by like no straight answer? There was like my mind was going crazy because there were so many things happening. It was like, I'm like, yeah, it's like you're going on a date with my best friend. But I'm also the reason that you're going on a date with one of my best friends.

but am I because like if you really want to be with me you wouldn't have said yes but like you know there's just like this whole list of things and it's like there's no right or wrong and like I do at that point I was not angry with Blake like that wasn't the emotion that I had because like if I wanted to explore like he should too and obviously like yeah like you said that too okay good and like you say I don't think that comes across like you know I want her to be happy and I want her to choose someone she want to be with but yeah in that moment when he said that he was when I date like I just felt very defeated it wasn't necessarily anger it was just defeat it was like I'm a shitty person and I feel like what am I doing okay so that's got to be hard especially like when you have had this experience

with these guys coming down that you've been potentially interested taking your friends on a date and now the guy that you're with is taking one of your friends on or going on a date with one of your friends like honestly that would be very hard for me for my confidence and just like a wave of emotions so I do feel like you have come across very genuine and like you really care for other people and other people's feelings and I do believe that you guys had a complicated very layered situation for your relationship that you're both doing a good job of navigating to the best your ability okay I have one more hard question so you You mentioned that you usually, yeah, you usually go for frat boys or frat boys go for you,

and then you have this mature, go-looking guy that wants you. It's like, it's kind of perfect scenario. But do you feel yourself more in love with the idea of someone like Blake, opposed to maybe him as a person. That is a hard question. Wow, Joe, you're really hardballing just today. No, just, I mean, you know, I'm just, no, I'm just like, because you didn't, I'm, I'm just curious because.

You're asking if he, like, fits the list of, no, no, but I do think it's confusing as far as like you have this, this new thing that you, that you've always thought you want it, right? you want to be in a serious relationship you want to get engaged you want to get married you want the guy that you meet to be mature and you feel like you have that but in the same breath there's still a part of you that's like I'm yeah why am I not all in right so I guess that's that's where I'm going with your question is does he fit the checklist but at that time yeah you know it's something that I was learning which is you can have a good great person in front of you, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are the best person

for you. And I think for me, like, I was trying to figure out, like, yes, I have this great man in front of me. I knew I could hear my mom and my grandma in my ear being, like, obsessed with him and like so excited for me to bring him home. But it's like, I think a lot of people look at this situation and blame my age for why I wasn't all in. But I mean, there's so many factors and like I'm not someone that's just going to date someone to date them like I'm going to date with the perspective of getting married and having a future with that person and what do we like yes on paper everything Blake offers is great but like is that for me and am I for him and so the idea of him him it's not in the idea him itself he is great but like are we

on the same page in life and that's what I was struggling with is that the answer to your question Yeah, yeah, it is. And the reason I asked it, and I think that's a very immature answer, and the reason I asked it is because I do feel like that happens a lot, like in the dating world, where it's like, you have this checklist, you have what you want, but it's not necessarily your person. And I think a lot of people end up falling for that because that person fits their checklist. And then it's, and then you down the road, it's like, damn, this wasn't, this wasn't my person. Yeah, 100%. No, I agree with you. But we're looking forward. Like a Dr. Phil moment over here. Wow, you're proud of yourself right now, aren't you? We're looking forward to seeing more of you and Blake and everyone on this beach. It's been a really good season. And we're, yeah, we're rooting for you, Jess. We hope it all turns out. No matter how it turns out, we hope that you're happy with it. You want to play a little quick, we'll play a little quick rapid fire questions and then we'll get you out of here. Yeah. It's all fun, easy questions. So, nothing to stress about.

No. No. Dr. Phil is. I don't know. I don't know. Time to change the podcast name. Okay. Are you more of an introvert or extrovert? You know, I think the show would think I'm an introvert, but I'm actually an extrovert.

Cool. What would be your go-to paradise cocktail? Strawberry Mojita with whipped cream on top. Oh, wow. I love that. What is the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery? I feel like, besides donating to a charity, I would maybe buy my mom a card. What is one item on your bucket list?

Great white cage diving. Jesus. That's cool. I would not want to do that, but I respect it. What is your favorite Taylor Swiss song? New Romantics. Do you know that one? Because you're not a true Swifty.

I'm a Taylor Swift fan. I don't categorize myself as Swifty. I would need to do a lot more. It's not that mainstream. So that's kind of why I like it. What is your favorite dessert? Oh, maybe ice cream. What is the most important item you packed for Paradise?

Glitter. Blitter. What moment from Paradise so far. far has made you laugh the hardest? Oh, I don't know. I feel like I was crying more than I was laughing. I don't know. Okay, how about cringe the hardest?

Gringe. I don't know. I don't even remember. Maybe just like, okay, probably telling boys that I'm bloated. Like, that was pretty, like, bad. Wait, did you make a TikTok about that? Yeah. I feel like I saw it. That was very funny.

I like to self-deprecate. I always laugh at myself. So I'm like, it's fine. It's funny. All right. Well, Jess, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. And sorry I had to ask you tough questions. No, but it was good. I feel like it gives us and our listeners and the viewers just way more insight into the nuances of your relationship. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. And thank you everyone for tuning in.

And remember all new episodes of Bachelor in Paradise here every Thursday on ABC at 9-8 Central. following The Golden Bachelor, or you could stream both shows the next day on Hulu. And make sure to tune in to new episodes of Bachelor Happy Hour every week. We're going to have some great guest on. We've got all kinds of exclusive interviews coming up, so don't forget to subscribe. Thank you, everyone, and see you next time. Bye. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious.

Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back-to-school week on the OK Storytime podcast, So we'll find out soon. This person writes, My boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem,

but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast

and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, we're not going to choose an adaptive strategy

which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving. Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the latest episode of next question with me, Katie Couric, I sat down with Jasmine Crockett, Democratic representative of Texas. She's holding out the fork for her party in one of the most conservative states in the union.

I think that ultimately, who will become the Democratic nominee for president will be someone that has been out there and has shown that they won't allow themselves to be punched and just say thank you. Like, they will punch back. Listen to next question with me, Katie Couric on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.