Bachelor Happy Hour - Kathy & Susan Discuss Spencer and Jess’ Breakup, Moving In Together, and More | Golden Hour

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Today on “Golden Hour,” Kathy and Susan are back answering your questions and dishing out some great advice. After a quick catch-up with the ladies, we’re diving into some heartbreaking Bachelor Nation news: Spencer and Jess’ breakup. As someone with a front-row seat to their love story, Kathy has a lot to say about this shocking news. Then, we get into our topic of the day: moving in together. How do you know it’s the right time? What conversations should you be having before you sign the paperwork? We’re giving you everything you need to know. And, of course, we’re answering your questions! Is it valid to be upset when your boyfriend’s bestie knows every detail of your relationship? Tune in now to hear all this and more, and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Welcome back, everyone, to Golden Hour. I'm Susan. And I'm Kathy. And here we are for a lovely catch-up time. We just got back from Florida. We did.

Oh, was it hot there? How about those storms, too, California? Oh, yeah, the roads flooded. It was, we were out on a catamaran, and storms came up squalls. It was wild. But we had such a good time. We were there for a bachelorette. Yeah.

And we had. I'll tell you, eight women in one house is something else. You and I always end up sharing a room. But we did the Airbnb. How about the house? The house was magnificent. The house was incredible. It was magnificent.

And I have to thank you, Susan, because you, I know everyone in this will come as a shock. Susan had planned a meal to cook, and she did her what most people call spaghetti and meatballs. Sunday gravy. Susan calls it Sunday gravy. Yeah. Whatever. To Kathy, all pasta is the same. Before we get into our big topic of the day,

we just got the news that Spencer and Jess broke up. And I got to tell you, I... Shocking. It's shocking, but I have to tell you, Susan, other than Trista and Ryan, to me, I was with these two in paradise. I was with them every day. We had these great conversations.

I watched them fall in love. Jess and I would sit and talk about marriage and was she ready? and Spencer would talk about how much he loved her and and Jess said, you know, she had wanted to come to Paradise just to meet him. I mean, it really was. And she moved? She moved to Dallas.

I mean. So that gets us into our topic of moving in together. That's our topic for today. And I, so here's, you know, we're not going to beat Jess and Spencer up. Talk too much about them today. But they fell in love. you know, Spencer did it all the right way. He called her father and asked for permission. They dated long distance for a while. Then they decided to move in. I don't know what the right

time is or the wrong time. Is there a right time? I mean, seriously, is there? For some people, there is. For some people, it's never the right time. And for some people, it's 10 minutes after they meet. I don't think there's a prescribed right time to move in. But when you think about moving in together, and like in their case, they, they posted all these videos of buying furniture. They moved into a bigger place. We had them on our podcast, Kathy. They were so happy. I know.

They came to Austin. We spent time together. I'm saying, so, so I don't know. It's not my business. My heart is broken for them, but it does make you wonder what, like, do you, did they really know each other well? Do people, I for one, have never lived with anyone other than my husband. I contemplated it with one guy I dated, and thankfully my logic came back into my brain.

I just think it's so different in a relationship moving in versus just dating. And I don't know, Susan, have you ever lived with any guy? Isn't that the same as people that just date and then get married? I mean, after you get married, then you move in together. It's the same thing, whether it's a piece of paper saying that you're legally husband and white. So that's so interesting. That is so interesting because in many cases, I've known friends who started dating

and then they decided to move in together. And like I said, some people, it was a year, two years, whatever. But then they lived together for like four or five years. And then they decided to get married, whether it was to have children, combine finances, I don't know, but they did. And then they were, I've had this happen to two friends. They were divorced two years later. And why?

I don't understand that. If you think, I understand that. I literally, I don't know, maybe finances, maybe when they were dating and living together when they weren't married. So that brings up the whole issue of, is it different, right? When you move in with somebody, now you're learning all their habits, the way they live. you think you know somebody, but when you're living under the same roof, who's messy, who you, I know me being a neat freak, like that would drive me freaking crazy.

But you don't know until you're actually under the same roof. Well, I agree with all that. I also think when you're dating someone, it's, you know, it's the honeymoon. Everything is wonderful. He's bringing your flowers. You know, the sex is great, whatever. But then, but then when you move in now. you got to have those talks about finances, you know, who's going to pay the rent? How much

you're going to pay? Yeah, is it a 50-50 if somebody makes more money? That's exactly right. And I will tell you, I also have known people that the guy or the girl, in I know both instances, and they want to split things 50-50. Well, that's tough because if you're earning a whole lot less, you might only be living in a studio apartment, but now you move in with somebody, the rents more, it gets very complicated. And I think that, I don't know, I don't think enough people have those conversations before they move in. And I feel like a lot of people are uncomfortable about having finance conversations, but it is important. You have to know where each other stands and what they think is right and you need to discuss them. It is extremely uncomfortable for some people.

Well, and I don't know the law for, you know, I'm not a therapist nor am I a lawyer, but I do think in some states, if you're cohabitating up and after a year, you're considered common law marriage. Not in every state. I said not in every state, but I know in some states that is the case. And so you've got an electric bill in your name, your credit, his credit, you know, it gets very cloudy. Who's responsible for what? So for me, like I said, I've never had that issue.

And if I were going to contemplate living with a guy now, for us, for you and me, it's not, we're not young. We're not Spencer and Jess's age. We're not starting a life together and buying furniture and buying our first home. and all the things that young couples do. Sure. For us, we have grandchildren.

We have, we own our homes. We have a more life that is complete, and we don't really have those issues or those concerns. So now, at our age, if we decide to move in with somebody, for me, it's also about, well, wait a minute, I have grandkids. You know, I like to lie in bed until 9 o'clock sometimes in read. I'm not getting my ass up to make you breakfast. You know what I'm saying? It's like the concerns are different. And no matter how much in love you are, which does matter, but that love does not solve the financial incompatibility. Well, you learned that firsthand. I did. I did indeed. And you need to feel comfortable with each other about who's going to

do what. Well, I also think, I mean, you just said it, Susan, you have to have those conversations early in a relationship and some people are nervous about having those conversations. And yet, if you don't have those conversations, it's going to backfire sooner or later. So, you know, do yourself a favor and have the conversations earlier. But I don't know, and you and I've talked about this, I'm not sure, I don't have the option right now, but I don't think I would do well with a guy in my life 24-7. I'm not, I'm too used to having my life coming and going, eating peanut butter crackers for dinner at 10 o'clock at night if I feel like it.

I mean, what do you think about that? Because you always have to consider the other person. But like you said, being the age that we are, I don't necessarily have to plan every dinner like with my family as I did with kids. But it's something I'd say to my spouse or significant other, if you will, if we're living together, hey, babe, I'm not cooking tonight. What do you think you want to do? You want to order out, you want to go out, you want to fend for yourself?

Like, that's okay to say. Well, I mean, I say that's just a given. You don't even think about dinner. You'd probably skip it sometimes, but. Hey, last night, I had some delicious crunchy peanut butter on some sea salt crackers. It was delicious.

See, I couldn't live like that. It was great. But it's okay fending for yourself. And I think that's only the smallest thing. Like, being neat or tidy, like that would bother me. For me, the best situation would be had of our own bathrooms like that. So you want to be a slob, go right ahead. I personally don't think you could stand that either. You'd be in there cleaning up. But I'm curious, so when my husband was alive, I wanted to be around people all the time. Since he's passed away, I've really grown to like

myself and being alone sometimes. So I'm not sure I would do well. in that, again, younger people, it's a whole different deal, you know. I think sometimes, Susan, young people who are dating, by the way, forget talking about finances who's going to pay for what. I think sometimes young people say, hey, why pay two rents? Let's just move in. To save money. Yeah. Now, is that a roommate situation? I just think that gets very murky when you do that. I like my alone time. I don't need to share the rent bill with somebody. I mean, I think everybody has to have their alone time. I mean, I used to look forward to my husband going out to play golf. I have like eight hours to myself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Do we want to jump

right in? Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the free IHard Radio app. Make some noise. Wooee! Catch every laugh and eye roll on shows like Bestie listen. Hey Jonas and Las Coulsurisas. Now with full video. I'll just leave that there. It's the same hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing right on your screen. Open the free IR Radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. So, okay, so I wonder, I don't know if your kids have friends or they live together before they got married.

But I think, again, it's like a really slippery slope. It's like a trial before the marriage. But here's the thing. You move in, whether you're moving in to save money, whether you're moving in because you want to try it out, whatever it is. The concern I would have is, and by the way, this happened to one of my children,

all of a sudden, one or the other wants more out of the relationship. So they've moved in together. Somebody wants to get married. Or doesn't want to get married or wants, all of a sudden their goals are not alone. mind. And I think that becomes a huge issue for younger people. So do you feel like if we're going to move in together should you have the conversation? Like what's the plan? Like do we have a plan? Are we going to marry eventually or just live together? You are my bestie. I love you.

You should have PSA for the day. You should have those conversations about moving in together every aspect that you can think of. A loan time, finances, household chores, grocery shopping, all of those things, have those conversations before. You're not going to agree on everything, but at least you've had the conversation

and you have a framework to then to set up a working arrangement because I can't imagine moving in with somebody and finding out, for example, that, you know, he's $50,000 in debt and, oh, by the way, babe, can you cover the rent this month? No. So that's what I'm saying. I don't think, and it's not just women, Susan. No, it's not.

People don't want their need to have someone. It's our culture. We are a payer's culture for the most part. So before you make that decision to move in together, you've got to have those conversations. That's my opinion. That's my opinion. And I don't know that I feel 100% comfortable having every detailed, conversation prior to. Some things you learn as you go, like we said, we don't know how the other person lives. No, but for example, I agree with you. And the bills, yes, I can see that. And also, when you're living with somebody and you go through your day and day out routines and you're both going to work. And if you have kids or grandkids, you're trying to see them on the

weekends and such. But you've got to still date. That's something I think a lot of people forget. You You still got to get dressed up and give him a run for his money and make him look at you twice. Like, oh, baby. Well, that's, I think, in marriage any time. And you see them coming home from work and they're not really in the mood or whatever. You have to keep the romance alive. Well, that's, I think that's not just moving in. I think that's just any good relationship where theoretically you love each other,

keeping the romance alive, dating, all that. That's sort of a handbook for what makes a good relationship work. A relationship work. But I have one. more thing I want to say before we move on. And it's so sad because no one moves in together thinking they're going to break up. No one gets married thinking they're getting divorced. And yet, now I wouldn't have this conversation before moving in with someone.

But think about the issues around breakups. Again, Jess and Spencer, I'm sure they had to go through this. Who's, you know, who's taken the dog? I mean, sometimes they bought a dog together. who's getting the couch, all those things, your heart is broken, you're angry, whatever. And now you've got to split up the dishes and the forks, knives, and spoons. I can't even imagine how hard that would be. And so, you know, I feel like what all you and I can do from this platform is encourage people to have those conversations, right?

So before you move in, like, if we break up, I'm going to get this, this, everything that I bought, that I get, I wouldn't have that conversation. No, no, no, no. I'm saying that is just an unfortunate conversation that arises if you break up. But the PSA for me is the things that you can forewarned is, whatever that expression is, the things that you know are going to be potential issues, finances, cleanliness, household chores, grocery shopping, cooking, all those things. Those things I think people should have the conversation before they move into, together. Don't less, do not allow lust or love to think it will conquer all because it never does. And also if both names aren't on the lease, that's something that you talk about.

You can't move out. You're going to be responsible to pay half or whatever until the lease is up. You can't spring that on somebody when they're pissed off. Say he'd cheat it and she's out. She's not going to pay the rents and he's responsible. There are a lot of sticky little Yeah, some of it, I think the summary of this is some of the things you can talk about and should talk about before you move it together. And some are just unpleasant consequences if and when you break up. And what about, Kathy, if you moved in with somebody chore-wise, like I was surprised when my son had his chores. He had to do his own laundry. He has to clean the bathroom every weekend.

And I was surprised because I was the one that did everything like my mother. and things have changed. People today, if you're both working full-time, I think it should be split. But is it something that you'll talk about prior to? Yes. It doesn't matter.

See, that's the thing. For different couples... It does matter. No, no, wait. For different couples, different things work. So there's no prescribed mandate. You must split the chores 50-50. You must pay 50% of the rent.

I think it's whatever works for the couple. That's why I'm suggesting have the conversations before you move in. So there's no surprise that you don't find out that he's in debt and can't pay the first in the last month's rent. You have to have those conversations. All right, we got to move on. I can't. I can't do this.

I can talk about this all day long. Yeah, I know. But I thought it was very interesting. And I don't know, you listeners caught this when Kathy says, I don't think I could do it. I could. Who could do it? Maybe you said, I don't think. I could live with anybody.

Well, listen, Susan, you and I spent so much time together. I think you and I could live together in a two-bedroom condo, but I would need my own bathroom. I'd have to lock the door so you didn't see all my makeup. But I just think it's give and take. You've got to make sure that what you're giving, he's taking and vice versa. That's all. It is.

Okay. We do have to move on and we're going to get to our questions and our listeners send them in all the time and we try to give our expert advice. All right, go for it. Okay, so I'll start us off with the first one, and this one's from Megan, and she's from Columbus. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and I just found out he tells his best friend absolutely everything about our relationship, including our arguments.

I don't mind him asking for advice, but some of the details feel really personal. Where do you draw the line between getting support from your friends and over? sharing. What do you think? Oh, I have a lot to say on it because I do that. I have to admit, I do. I share with my friends and I can't believe you did this or you did that. When the line is crossed is when he shares like intimate details and repeats things

you told him in confidence, right? Or tells only his side of the story, which I think we all do. We're going to tell our side of the story. Well, you know what they say? There's his side, her side, and the truth. Yes, yeah, exactly. But I think you hit on something really important, Susan. And I think...

Wait a minute. You can't just say stop. You can't ask somebody to do that because a lot of people depend upon other people's opinion or just sounding it out, just hearing, you're getting it out. Am I right? Yeah, I agree.

I think, but I think the really salient point you made is that intimate details are not to be shared. I don't care, you know, who it is or what it is. I think girls are probably more apt to talk about those things. And I don't have a problem listening to you or me telling you. I think the problem comes in if... Without sacrificing their privacy. Right. It's sort of, it's dishonorable. It doesn't show a lot of integrity if you and your partner, you know, have certain conversations, have certain activities, whatever it is. It's like our kids telling us a fight they had with their spouse.

Now, or growing up and you're fighting with your boyfriend, then you develop an attitude against them. You know what I mean? You keep something inside. Some things are better left unsaid. Yeah. I think, again, for this question for Megan from Columbus, the fact that you think some of the details feel really personal, that's where you draw the line, Megan.

When it feels too personal, that's what you need to tell your boyfriend, that you understand sharing. But again, as in most questions we get, we don't have enough detail here. But I'm not sure how you know what he's telling his best friend. And I'm curious how you know what he's telling his best friend. How about if you wouldn't say it with your partner sitting right beside you, then maybe you shouldn't share it. That's a great idea. You know what I mean?

That's a great idea. And you know what? Most times it's like we talk about people hiding behind the computer. If you're staring somebody right in the face, you're probably not going to talk intimate details about your sex life with your partner sitting right there. I think that's that's but but I will say Megan the fact that you feel it's too personal you need to convey that to your boyfriend but at the end of the day if he's a talker and an overshareer you know that's who he is that's who he is and that might be a deal breaker for you I don't know but good luck let us know okay what happens. But you know there's the reason that you wrote in is you are questioning something so again what our favorite word is communication sit and talk with them and just you know there's a line

That shouldn't be crossed. Yes, but don't you agree, Susan? Don't you agree? When people write in, I've said this before, when people write in and they feel like it's, they'll say it feels really personal, it feels icky. You're already giving yourself the answer. The person writing, Megan, in this case,

she already knows she doesn't like it. She doesn't really, she knows he's crossed the line. She's saying, where do you cross the line? It's Megan. It's where you feel. uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. It's where.

I'm saying you know where you want to draw the line. The minute you feel uncomfortable, that's the line. And you know that, you know that. That are very private. They don't share anything about their relationships, about their own life. Me, I'm an open book. So it's hard for me to see that. Me too. I am too.

Some people keep it all in. You know, I don't know. Maybe one's not any better than the other. I don't know. But Megan, let us know. Thank you for writing me. Yeah, thank you. We don't give up.

Just work on it. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Do we want to jump right in? Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the free IHard Radio app. Make some noise. Wooee! Catch every laugh and eye roll on shows like Bestie Listen.

Hey Jonas and Las Culturistas. Now with full video. I'll just leave that there. It's the same hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing. Right on your screen. Open the free IHard Radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. Okay, this next one is from Kiara from Seattle.

And she says, my husband recently told me she doesn't think we laugh together as much as we used to. That comment really stuck with me because he's right. Life has become work, kids, chores, repeat. We still love each other deeply. but it feels like we've just forgotten how to have fun together. Is laughter something couples naturally lose over time or do you have to intentionally get it back? Well, let me just say one thing before we get into this. Kiara, the issue is not laughing.

That's not what's going on in your marriage. First of all, you're busy. Raising a family is a hard work. Working, raising kids, grocery shopping. You don't have the time to say, hey, let's grab a drink after work. because you're busy feeding your kids dinner and doing the laundry. So life changes when you have kids. That's just a fact of life.

What Susan has said before and what I've said before is you have to make date time. That's what you have to do. The laughter, so many relationships break up over time when the kids leave because the couple doesn't know each other anymore because they're so focused on their life, raising the kids, that all of a sudden the last kid goes off to college or gets an apartment, you look at each other and you go, who the hell are you? I don't even remember you anymore. Personally, I think it's a positive sign that he actually said something.

Because he isn't saying he doesn't love her. He's saying he misses the laughter, the fun. And like you said, it's date night. It's getting out of the everyday thing. But he misses that and that's something that is very, very important. on my profile when I was on dating sites, he has to make me laugh. He's got to be able to laugh. Yes, but Susan, wait, question.

It is important, but that's what I'm taking issue with with this question. Is laughter something that couples naturally lose over time? Laughter? No, I think what this person means is laughter is an umbrella for passion, great, long, lingering afternoons of sex. Yes, those things are really hard when you have work and chores and kids and all the other things. But it doesn't mean that you can't have it. It's just there's only 24 hours in a day. And if you have a family and a job and chores, something has to take a back seat.

My thought is don't let it have a permanent back seat. Make time for each other. You have to intentionally bring back the fun. Yeah. Bring back everything. the passion and the laughter. Because it doesn't just happen because you have 50 other things going on. Right.

So let us know. I hope that the passion and the laughter and the joy comes back into your relationship, but it doesn't come by magic. You have to do the work and intentionally bring it back into your relationship. So let us know. Okay, well, we love your questions. Please keep submitting them to us. It's very easy.

Just go to bachelornation.com slash golden hour. Come back each week. We love answering the questions. also send us your updates. We love hearing what's going on in your life if our advice helped or not. So please keep sending those questions in. And our fun part of our week. Oh, here we go. The gals Google it. Kathy and I are back with gals Google. And it's where we break down the new slang words that people are using in dating and pop culture and that we were out of the loop. A couple times we did know one or two words. And that was like, a highlight for me. So go ahead, Kat. Give us our first one. Okay, well, the first one I actually know, because it's called negative Riz, and it's where you actively turn people off. Remember, we talked about Riz. If you've got Riz, you've got charisma. You've got so negative Riz means

negative charisma. You know, everything he says makes it worse. Negative Riz, right? Anti-charm, instead of just being awkward to quiet, everything you say makes a sense. situation worse. I mean, that to me is so obvious. So when you feel cringy, if something somebody says makes you feel cringy, that's like, oh, that person's up to a crowd and they're speaking and you'll turn around, you're walking behind me and go, oh, we got a lot of negative risk going on here. Let's move on. Yeah, it's just, it's like people don't want to be around it. It's people who have charisma. People love to be around people with charisma. Yes. Yeah. Negative risk is like It's sucking the energy out of the room.

You know, I, I, you can call whatever you want. I call it bad news. I don't like to be around the negativity. Well, and it's very much. Okay, the next one is called rebrand. It's when an individual updates their dating app profile or their photos, their style, or their bio to protect a fresh, more accurate, more appealing version of them. after a breakup or a period of being single.

No more toxic guys. I am rebranding. Okay, that's done on paper. It's about what you feel inside. Yeah, I mean, you can write how many, Susan. And that's helpful sometimes. It makes you feel better. It might make you feel better, but you just said it.

You are who you are. So you can rebrand yourself as the sweetest, quietest person in the world. when they meet you or meet me, they're going to go, nope, that rebranding did not work. I feel like, as you said, it can make you feel better. But at the end of the day, on a dating site, you want accurate photos, you want to update maybe your hobbies. Maybe you just learn to play pickleball or something. I wouldn't call that rebranding as much as updating your profile. Yeah, yeah.

It's just their word is rebrand. But I love that someone's... Rebrand every few years. I mean, really? Yes, definitely. There's styles you like and things that you are more interested in that you never were before. Well, that's why I see.

Branding yourself by putting yourself out there in a new light. Yeah. I, okay. I mean, yeah. You can go with that, Rob. Yeah, I can go with that. I mean, listen, a more appealing version of myself, if I get more hits on the dating site that I'm not on, I'm all over it.

That's why we. have our friends always check your profile, you know, like, no, you shouldn't have that in there. Oh, that picture. Susan, take that picture. Right. Exactly. Like we were talking about earlier with sharing or where to draw the line, if you will. You're going to ask your friends, do you think I should put this one up or do you think that's too sexy or you're going to give the wrong impression? Like, friends tell you things. Let me just tell you. I was with a friend last night and Facebook dating, man, I just got to say, speaking of rebranding, I got to do something different because you know the guy mentioning no names who ghosted me after two dates that I was really

interested in? Yes. Okay, on Facebook dating. They're trying to pair you up. I know it. No, they keep sending me his picture, you know, he just keeps coming up. And then this morning, I told Susan this already, I got a thing from Facebook saying, we think you and blank would be a perfect match.

like, are you for real? So obviously I need to do some rebranding so that they'll send me some other guys. That's what I'm going to do. You go update them. Well, this has been a blast. Thank you. Thank you for joining us this week on Golden Hour. Susan and I are going to be very busy finding guys that we want to move.

Rebranding ourselves. Rebranding and moving in together with the guys that we don't have. It's going to be perfect. But make sure to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen to your broadcast. And you can follow us. on social media at Bachelor Happy Hour and Bachelor Nation. And we'll see you next time. Have a great week.

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