Bachelor Happy Hour - Kathy & Susan: Looksmaxxing and Men Who Are Great on Paper 

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

Today on “Golden Hour,” we’re back diving into our Golden Hotline, where we answer some of your questions. Today’s write-ins are all about men who are great in theory but don’t exactly match up IRL. When is it time to move on, or can you ask for more? Then, Kathy and Susan are back for “Grandma Googles It!” Are they in the know enough to keep up with “looksmaxxing” and “floodlighting”? Tune in to find out and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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This isn't just a podcast. It's unconventional therapy for you every day. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search DJ Hester Pryn's Music is Therapy and start listening now. Hey everyone. We're back for part two with more fun with Susan and me. So let's get right back into it. All right. Let's get off of reality TV and get on to our Golden Hotline where each week we answer questions from listeners and we give them our expert golden advice. Okay, Susan, start us off here. Okay. I've been dating this guy for about four months, and on paper, he's everything I've been looking for. Stable job, super kind, treats me well, but I've noticed that I'm the one initiating almost everything. If I don't text first, we don't talk. If I don't suggest plans, we don't see each other. When we don't

are together, he's fully present and affectionate, which is what's confusing me. Is this just his personality, or am I ignoring a bigger issue where I'm doing all the emotional labor? Laura from New York City. What do you think, Susan? I think he's just slow and maybe doesn't know how to do it. I mean, I want to see the positive in something before the negative. Like when he's there, he's fully present, he's affectionate, she's getting confused because she's doing all the planning. Some guys just aren't good planners. Maybe have a conversation. If he's good with that, you take the lead. If you're a type A, that should be no problem. Well, clearly it is because she's saying, am I ignoring a bigger issue. She clearly would like- Somebody has said something, yes.

She clearly wants him to take some ownership in date planning. Here's what I'm going to say. What does she mean by emotional labor? emotional labor means she's taking it all on to plan the dates for them to go to dinner where they're going to go for dinner that takes emotional right I think that much as we've talked on other podcasts about this men are used to being taken care of it is a rare man that will make all the plants most men are like whatever you want to do honey where do you want to go to dinner whatever you want to do. So again, Laura, you've got to communicate with the guy and say,

you know, I'm just feeling a little bit awkward here because I'm planning all the dates. You know, I'd love it, says Laura, if you would plan a date or two and surprise me. I would love that. See if he does it. And now if he doesn't do it, then you might have a different problem on your hands. He's lazy. He doesn't want to do it, in which case you might not be a good match. And I know myself, I would actually say, babe, if I don't text you, then we won't talk. Like, what is that?

I'm starting to read between the lines. I'm getting in my own head. This is not a good place to be. So talk to me, like you said, communication. But what you're saying is exactly what you would do and what I would do. Laura hasn't done it. And Laura, here's the deal. Your boyfriend might be affectionate, loving, generous, all that.

But you know what he can't do? He cannot read minds. So if you feel a certain way, you need to tell him and then see what happens. Because men are stupid. They don't get it. Big dumb animals. We think about what they're thinking, what we're thinking,

and what the person looking in. We're doing all the thinking. Susan, we do all the thinking. Let's just cut it there. All right. Laura, let us know. Hopefully it works out with you and your guy. We wish you the best.

I think it's a good thing. I think he's fully present, affectionate. That's everything she needs, but she needs to talk to him. He's just lazy. Okay. All right. Here we go. The next one.

This is from Kat in Washington, D.C. I met someone at a friend's birthday party, and we had insane chemistry right away. We've now been seeing each other for a few weeks, but I recently found out he got out of a long-term relationship only two months ago. He says he's completely over it, but he still brings her up in little ways. I really like him, but I don't want to be someone's rebound. How do I tell the difference between someone who's ready to move on versus someone who just want? to be. Okay, girlfriend, I'm like you.

I'm struggling with it. I'm the wrong person to ask. Why? Because you jump in? Yeah, because that's my style. Like if we have that insane chemistry, which I love that about meeting somebody and you jump in with both feet, not one foot, where you, Kathy, I know you've tried to school me.

Protect your heart, protect your heart. I don't know how to do that. Well, no, no, no. I don't say to protect your heart. That's a term I think Leslie used on a show with somebody. No, I never say protect your heart. I say take it slower. You jump in, go rush down. You need to just, in my mind, take it slower. Here's the thing, though, with Kat.

I get you, Susan. If you have insane chemistry, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. Believe it, I know, I'm going to surprise you saying this. No, I agree. I don't think it's a bad thing that he got out of a long-term relationship. relationship only two months ago because what we don't know, Kat, is maybe it was on the rocks for six months before that, you know, and it's just like you, Susan, you said it takes you a long time to get out of a relationship. And I'm fully ready when I need somebody else. Right. So it may be

that. The only little question I have here is that she says that Kat says that he brings her up, the ex up in little ways. I want to know what little ways are. So Kat, if he brings it up when you make him spaghetti balanets and he sits down and he goes you know this sauce is or whatever is so much better than my exes i got a problem with that yeah that's not so i would ask you we never get all the full information cat but right i think you have to look at what the little things are if it really if it's something like you say um you know i gosh i love this sofa it's so comfortable and he laughingly says well i'm glad you like it because my ex wouldn't even sit on it. That's a small thing in my book. That's just him being funny. I think you have to look at

what he is saying and in what context. And how often it is. Like it's still fresh in his mind. It's only two months. So it's like natural to say, you don't want to stop quickly and say, oh, you know, it depends on what he's saying. And as long as it's not putting her down or trashing that person because that I couldn't tolerate. That's right. I don't really want to hear about the guys I'm dating their exes other than to exactly what you just said. If they're trashing. And, you know, I've dated a guy who has an ex-wife who I believe him. She's nuts. And so he doesn't have many nice things to say about her. However, you don't want to hear it daily. No, I don't want to hear it daily. But I'm saying just

generally speaking, I don't want to hear an ex trashed. I think every once in a while somebody He's made a terrible mistake and it's just not going to go well. But, Kat, I would, I would, again, you might mention to him, hey, you know, you keep bringing up Ashley. I find it a little uncomfortable. If it bothers you, Kat, bring it up to your boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. You agree? It depends on how, in little ways, he says.

So, like I said, it could be just that it's still fresh, but I would give it a little time. And if you really are struggling, then once again, have a conversation about it. Yeah. Why is it? let me just, before we move on. People are afraid to talk about things because maybe they don't want to know the answer sometimes. Women are afraid to ask.

Men don't seem to ask, but women know the questions they want to ask. When we're answering these questions, oftentimes, you know, if you're saying in these notes, these letters that we get, should I do this? Should I do that? You're already telling us that you know that you should. That you're thinking about it. You're thinking about it. So you don't need to ask permission from us, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And I make you feel better when somebody else agrees with what you're thinking about doing. Right. That's normal. No, I agree with that. But I'm saying I think oftentimes women, like you just said, are afraid of the answer or they'd rather be with someone flawed, deeply flawed even, than be by themselves.

Than be with nobody. Yeah. So I think it's, you know, it's complicated. I just wish that women had, in general, had more sense. self-confidence at every age, at every age, because we should be ruling the world. If you really like them, hang in there, give it a little more time and maybe bring up a conversation. That's what Susan always tells me, Kathy, hang in there, give it more time. Susan's anthem. Her anthem is, Kathy, give it more time.

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Find 2010's The Decade on the free I-Heart Radio app. Preset the station, so it's always one tap away. Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Jim Gaffigan to Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman, Help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and headwriters, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter.

There's that worst singer in the group? The worst? Yeah. Me. Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard, you only got in because your parents made a huge donation. The group. The yard birds, right?

That's the name. The Harvard yard, but they're open. Do you have a name suggestion? We're open. Since you guys are middle. A one erection. Listen to humor me with Robert Smygel and Friends on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Humor me.

I need some jokes to make me seem funny. Hey, I'm Jared Adano. You might know me as that loud guy who yells out, help on the internet. Help! But there's so much more to me than that. I'm an actor. I'm a comedian. And recently, I've become quite the hell.

helper myself. And on my new podcast, hope from a hypocrite, I'll be changing lives, helping people in need with my sage advice and thoughtful solutions. Sike, I'm a comedian. I'm not qualified to give good advice. Join me and my comedian friends as we riff rant and recommend some of the most legally dubious advice known to man. If I'm calling you, even if you're on your phone, let it ring twice. One ring is too scary. Cream of chicken suit. Hey, cream a chicken suit. This is Help from a Hypocrite, the worst advice from the dumbest people you know.

Listen to Help from Hypocrite as part of the Mike Coutura Podcast Network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The story I've told myself about love or relationships can then shape my behavior, and that can lead me to sabotage the possibility of connection. This Mental Health Awareness Month, tune into the podcast deeply well with Debbie Brown and explore the journey of healing, self-discovery, and returning to yourself. We explore higher consciousness, emotional well-being, and the practices that help you find clarity, peace, and self-mastery in a world that can feel overwhelming. The world is becoming lonelier.

We're not becoming more social and connected. We're becoming more individualized. but we actually meet people in connection. If you've been searching for a soft place to land while doing the work to become whole, this podcast is for you to hear more. Listen to deeply well with Debbie Brown from the Black Effect Podcast Network

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and IHeart Podcast presents soccer moms. So I'm Leanne. Yeah. This is my best friend Janet. Hey.

And we have been joined at the Hipsons High School. Absolutely. Now a redacted amount of years later. We're still joined at the hip. Just a little bit bigger hips. Wider. This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey.

With all the snacks and drinks. Sidebar. Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? Well, then you got it. Do you want a white color or something here? Just hit it. Oh, what are y'all doing? Microphones?

Are you making a rap album? Oh, I would. Come on. I would buy it. Cut through the defense like a hot knife through sponge cake. That sounds delicious. Oh, you're lucky. I'm not a drug addict.

You're lucky I'm not an alcoholic. You're lucky I'm not a killer. I love this team and I'm really trying to be a figure in their lives that they can rely on. Listen to soccer moms on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. The next one's from Amanda, from Raleigh. I've been in a situation ship for almost a year. And I feel like I've slowly become the cool girl who doesn't ask for too much.

We hang out, we act like a couple. But every time I try to define the relationship, he says he doesn't want labels. Meanwhile, I know he's not seeing anyone else. I'm scared that if I push too hard, I'll lose him. But I'm also starting to feel resent. How do I advocate for myself without blowing everything up? Oh, girlfriend, the word resentful. I was just going to say, Susan, let me take the first stop on this one because you are going to talk about resentment.

But here's, so you can talk to a resentment piece. The piece that I want to talk about is she identifies it. You know, situation ship is the new word for 2026, 2025. It's all about situation ships. Here's the thing. We act like a couple, you know, I would say, are you sleeping together, are you cooking together, are you traveling together, are you making plans together for future life? If you're doing those things, then maybe he's just a little slow to the game. But when a man says he doesn't want labels, you know what I hear, Susan? I don't hear anything about labels. I hear Amanda. He doesn't. He doesn't. want to commit. And because if he commits to you and says we are a couple, then what comes next, exactly, what comes next. And that, my friend, I believe, is where the resentment starts. So go ahead, take over. Just the word resentment, resentful. It happens to me when I'm in a relationship and I start

feeling resentful. Wait, does it happen in a situation or a relationship? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Once I feel resentment, there's no turning back for me. So if you're already starting to feel that, does it say how long they've been seeing each other? A year. Okay, a year. Almost a year. Once again, here I go. I sound like a broken record. You have to communicate. Say, babe, I'm not trying to put a label. Yes, she is. But do tell me why you're saying you don't want a label on it. What does that mean to you? I can tell you. What's the word label? We're a couple. Are we not?

You know, just be frank. And if you're afraid to lose him, would you rather keep him and be resentful? What did I just say five minutes ago on another question? Women sometimes would rather put up with indecisiveness. Because you're insecure. Where you and I would never. And it's easy to say it because I'm standing here reading it and talking about it.

But when it comes in your, you're standing in that situation, It is much more difficult because you are fearful. You are having a good time. You really like this person. Everything's great. And then what happens after a year, people start saying, oh, it's serious. You know, are you going to end up moving in together?

Maybe she feels uncomfortable with those questions because he won't put a label on it. Well, a label to me, I told you, take the word label out. He won't commit. That's really what we're trying to like to. Does he call you his girlfriend? Who cares, Susan? First of all, the other thing is. Just a friend in a situation.

We don't know how old Amanda is. If Amanda's 21 and she wants, it's a whole, if you're 31, Amanda, you know, it might be time to move on because he's, he's not, he's being covert. Overt would be, hey, are we a couple or not? Because, you know, I want to know where we stand. But he's covertly saying, hey, I like it right where it is. Well, you don't like it. Also, you could get the feeling like, well, he's keeping himself available in case something better comes along. You know, you start overthinking shit.

That's where your head's going to go. And that's disaster waiting to happen. So Amanda, I, again, we don't know how old you are. And that, to me, makes a huge difference. But if you want commitment, you can't give a guy ever an ultimatum. You can never say, are we a couple, are we going to commit or not? Because you know what he's going to say? No, you can say a commitment.

Commitment is if we're sleeping with each other, you're not sleeping with anybody else. He doesn't like labels. He doesn't want to. That's not a label. Yes, it is. You are only sleeping with me and I am only sleeping with you. You can call it anything you want. But if you think you would go elsewhere and have sex with somebody else, then we're out.

It's out. Label or no label. I don't think it's, in my opinion, Amanda's not just talking about sex here. She's talking about everything that comes with a committed. relationship. Sure she is. And his out, so I don't think it's just about sex. His out is, I don't

like labels. And again, I'm going to say it one more time. Why would one say that though, Kath? What brings to mind? What comes to mind? I can tell you. He likes things the way they are. He doesn't want to commit because if once you commit like you said, then you're moving

on to the next thing. You're expected to be this. You're expected to oh, you know, now we're a couple and now we're 29 and now we should probably should be getting engaged or moving in together. And you know what? He probably likes it just the way it is. In short, he doesn't want commitment. So Amanda, if you're 21, if you're 21, enjoy the sex, have fun and you'll find your guy probably in about 10 years. If you're 31, that you might think differently. And just give it a little more time. Oh, Jesus. And so that

resentment word really stands out and then you've got to tell them, tell them the truth. Well, Susan, I got to say you. I don't like labels either, but for those of you who do, you can label your questions. You can submit all your questions to us. All you have to do is go to bachelornation.com slash golden hour. Please submit your questions, your comments, your thoughts. Anything you think about the questions we've answered, maybe you've got thoughts on it. And if you feel like we're saying something wrong, write us and tell us, because most people do. I get a lot of things. things, oh, your podcast was so good when Kathy said this and you said this. I love hearing that. One thing for sure, Susan and I always have opinions. So come back each week. Listen to us.

We may answer your question. We may not, but we're going to have fun trying. Okay, here comes some fun stuff. This one's called Grandma Googles it. How about Kiki and Mimi? Kiki and Mimi. How about said a grandma, Kiki and Mimi? Yeah, Kiki and Mimi. All right. and I are back with grandma's Googles, where we break down slang words that people are using in dating and pop culture. I wonder if Kathy knows them all. She probably knows more than I do.

You know, I knew one of them, but here we go. The first one is looks maxing. Okay. It's hard to say, but it is an online subculture focused on extreme self-improvement to maxing. one's physical attractiveness, primarily targeting young, ranging from grooming and dieting, which you could consider soft maxing, to dangerous unverified methods like jawline altering, bone smashing, or plastic surgery, which we considered hard maxing. Okay, I had not heard of this before. I didn't hear that word before, but it makes sense. Oh my God, Susan, on Instagram, particularly with the young ones. It's all about flexing their muscles,

working out, lifting weights. I do it in the gym because I'm all about people, our age, getting fit, not having osteoporosis, lifting weights, all that stuff. But I don't do it for look smacking, like, hey, people are going to say, look at the cut in her arms.

But I do think a lot of young people do it. So what do you think? Are we adding maxing? It says like, how do you think? think it's affecting young people. I remember growing up, everybody was heroin chic, if you will. Skinny, skinny, skinny, twiggy, bone, thin. People don't know what Twiggy is, Susan. Pardon? People, nobody knows she twiggy is. Twiggy was a model in the 60s and 70s, blonde, thin as a real. Okay, carry on. But supermodels were skinny, flat chested, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. And it was tough on young people because everybody wanted to look like they did. on magazines or commercials. Yeah. And it became an issue. Just like today, all of this looks, what is it? Looks maxing. People, young, young people want to have stuff done to their face. I mean, at 20 years old, I don't even know if you're done developing yet.

No. You know? But here's the thing. Social media, as we all know, tells the story and the looks of who we want to be, not who we necessarily are. It shows the highlights of our lives. So I'm with you, Susan, that, again, we're agreeing that people are spending, young people are spending, I don't care if you call it looks maxing, you know,

I don't care what you're calling. Maxing everything, bones, I don't care. Hard maxing, soft maxing, I don't care. I think it speaks to a culture of people never being satisfied with who they are, altering themselves. The point is, you know, if little is good, more is better. And that's what I think has happened. People have taken it. That's why it's called maxing in my book. They've taken it to the max, to the extreme. You know, I saw it on Bachelor in Paradise. They didn't show it all. But these young people, Leslie and I are doing our hundred pushups in the beach, not to flex muscles. We're doing it to be

fit so that we can live healthfully, you know, as we age. Yes. Some of the young ones, I'm telling them, they're greasing up their arms, they're pumping iron because they want that look. And they're eating only protein. Like, God, what they're doing in their bodies. Like, that to me is a whole dynamic of the subculture today. Yeah.

And I think it's, I think it's, you know, it's more about one. that chiseled, you know, that look, I wish people would focus as much on being kind. And I don't think self, there's anything wrong with self-improvement. I don't even. Making yourself look the best that you can, to a point, not to the extreme. I think that's where we draw the line. But your extreme is somebody else's normal or average. So I don't know, but I think, I think that, you know, it's, let me say this.

it's going to put a lot. You and I are very comfortable in who we are. We, yes, we've had, you know, lower face. Yeah, I touch up here and there. Yeah, I'm doing it for me. But also you and I are, we accept our age. We want to look the best we can, feel the best we can, but we are self-confident about who we are. It concerns me a little bit that this younger, these youngens, that's what I call anybody under the age of, you know, 40, they're doing such. drastic things to themselves because they're not satisfied with who they are. And that speaks to a lack of self-confidence, a lack of authenticity, a lack of... They're doing it for the wrong reasons.

That's, yeah. So, okay, moving on to the next one. All right. The next word is floodlighting. Those are the things that are on our roof that we turn on it. I'm Cynthia Lois and I'm Josie Dye. And we're done pretending we have it all figured out. Each week we laugh, cry, and talk our way through life's messiest moments.

The things you think about but would never say out loud. The questions you are always too shy to ask. Relationships, regrets, awkward moments, and the stuff no one warns you about. It's honest, it's funny, and sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable. But that's kind of the point. This is Cynthia and Josie's Unmentionables. Listen on the free IHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Another podcast from some SNL, late-night comedy guide.

Not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Jim Gaffigan to Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman, help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an Acapella band with their between songs banter. There's the worst singer in the group. The worst? Yeah.

Me. Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard, you only got in because your parents made a huge donation. The yard herds, right? That's the name. The Harvard Yardt Yard. They're open to change. Do you have a name suggestion?

We're open. Since you guys are middle aged, one erection. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Humor me. I need some jokes to make me seem funny. The story I've told myself about. about love or relationships can then shape my behavior, and that can lead me to sabotage the possibility of connection.

This Mental Health Awareness Month, tune into the podcast deeply well with Debbie Brown and explore the journey of healing, self-discovery, and returning to yourself. We explore higher consciousness, emotional well-being, and the practices that help you find clarity, peace, and self-mastery in a world that can feel overwhelming. The world is becoming lonelier. We're not becoming more social and connected. We're becoming more individualized, but we actually need people in connection. If you've been searching for a soft place to land while doing the work to become whole,

this podcast is for you to hear more. Listen to deeply well with Debbie Brown from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, I'm Jordanano. you might know me as that loud guy who yells out, help on the internet. Help! Somebody! Please! But there's so much more to me than that.

I'm an actor. I'm a comedian. And recently, I've become quite the helper myself. And on my new podcast, Hope I'm a Hippocrat. I'll be changing lives, helping people in need with my sage advice and thoughtful solutions. Sike! I'm a comedian. I'm not qualified to give good advice. Join me and my comedian friends as we riff,

recommend some of the most legally dubious advice known to man. If I'm calling you, even if you're on your phone, let it ring twice. One ring is too scary. Oh, cream of chicken suit. Hey, cream. Cream a chicken suit. This is Help from a Hypocrite, the worst advice from the dumbest people you know. Listen to Help from Hypocrite as part of the MyCultura podcast network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, I'm Deanna Maria Riva, actress, mother, lover, and a Gen X woman walking through life one hot flash and hormonal crying jag at a time. You ladies know what I mean. I'll bet you a perimenopausal chin here you do. So let's talk about it. Join me on my new podcast. How hard can it be with Deanna Maria Riva, where I call on my Gen X squads from Ohio to Hollywood as we navigate midlife's most fantastic BS. All of a sudden, I'd had hanginess happening on my own. I was like, what the hell is that?

I was married when I had her, so I didn't even consider how empty that Ness was going to be. Mood swings, night sweats, fupas, sex drive. Wait, what sex? Dating at 45. How can it be getting naked at 50 with the new guy? That one's kind of hard. Well, that's lighting. They say we can't polish a turd, but we're sure going to try.

So let's get blunt with laughs, tears, or tears of laughter, and dive into it, unfiltered and unbothered and ask, how hard can it be? I cannot believe I'm about to say this out loud in public. Listen to How Hard Can It Be with Diana Maria Riva as part of my Cultura podcast network available on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oversharing super deep stuff way too early. So how soon is too soon to start sharing deep parts of your life? I have, this is such an easy question for me. When you, you and Nancy, the three of us, like, like we got right down to it. I know. I'm an overshare. So am I, but not when I'm dating.

You and I, remember we talked about this? Like, I asked you, when should I tell people that my husband died by suicide? And, you know, in the beginning, I would tell them on the first date because it was just like the elephant in the room. I wanted to get it out. And then I realized, that was a lot. You know, that was a lot for people just, they didn't know me, right? Right. So I think it depends on the relationship.

I tell you anything. I tell Nancy anything because I know you guys love me and I love you. And I trust you. And I know that anything I say, you're not going to judge me. You're just going to say give him more time. But in the dating world, floodlighting, I think can be dangerous because we have to remember that when you're going on a date or meeting someone for the first time. scared a shit out of somebody. You scare the shit out of them if you, if you share too much hurdle that. What about you? Because I know you're an overshare. A question reads,

have you ever had a moment where you've overshared and it affected the outcome of the date? Yes. I have. Tell me your story. I was sharing. He was asking questions, which I do like when someone asks, but I was telling them I was just coming out of my boys being at their worst and shared what they went through, what I went through. And I think it's scared the shit out of him. I never heard from him again. I, I, I, the only time I remember was that somebody walked away was early on after, you know, I just wasn't myself. I've talked, we've talked about this. The first few years after my husband died, I, no, but so I, I just wasn't thinking rationally. But I remember telling a guy and I never heard from him again, which made me,

feel awful, not because he couldn't handle it, but I felt shame that, that, that, that, you know, that you were the cause that maybe. Well, because, no, because people talk about, um, things that, you know, we don't talk about suicide. We don't talk about those things, right? Those are our topics that we stay away from. And so he, when he didn't call me back, I was like, it underscored the fact that, yeah, see, you shouldn't talk about suicide, which is totally wrong. We should, be talking about suicide. I have, yeah. I'm saying, but that so. But not everybody's, yeah. Not everyone. And people find it uncomfortable. So, you know, I don't know. So this is, I probably floodlight a lot because it says what's the craziest thing you've ever said on it. I'll say

anything because I don't, I've been, I understand that I can't alter who I am. I need to be who I really am. Or they're not going to know the real me. I can't fake to be some way. I or something that I'm not. They need to know. This is it. What you see is what you get. I agree, but I'm starting to evolve a little bit differently. You and I are a lot.

I've had men tell me it. You know, men say it. I love you, Kathy. Very self-confident. You're self-confident. You're a Yankee vibe. I love that that you're not, you know, bless your little heart, that you say what you mean and mean what you say.

However, I think in, I'm figuring, for myself. I am learning to not be unauthentic. I'm just learning to rein myself in a little bit when I first meet someone. Don't say too much. Yeah, don't be too much myself because I know I have a lot of energy, but I don't want to suck the energy out of a room, you know, when I date a guy. And I don't want to scare off a guy that I find potentially interesting because what have I told you? Men always tell me they're looking for independent, smart, athletic, good-looking woman who has opinions. Hello, there I am. And they really don't want that.

And they really don't want that. So I try to be authentically myself. Why do you think that is, Kathy? Why do men say that but not really mean it? Because I believe men want to be in control. Exactly. And I don't want to be needed. No.

And trust me, I'll need you. Yeah, I'll need you, but I want to walk hand in hand with you. I don't want you meeting me. I don't want you behind me. I don't want you in front of me. Next to each other. I just don't think men want to be needed. They want to take care of us.

You and I've talked about this. Again, mentioning no names. I have talked to some of our golden people and some of the men have said to me, yeah, I need to know that, you know, I want a woman who needs me financially. who need and I'm like what and I said that's because then that gives you control if you financially supporting her then you are controlling her and you and I Susan don't want to be controlled in that way I don't ever want to be controlled I want to be able to share what I want to do and you give me your opinion and vice versa yes I can't tell you what to do unless it's a negative thing that annoys me then I got to share it with you I really wish you wouldn't do this because I get

I feel a certain way. And same. If I did something, I would want my partner to say, Susan, could you not do that or not talk like that or whatever the situation is? Then you respect where it's coming from. I don't take it offensively when you really care about somebody and you're trying to share something that really bothers you that they do. That I understand.

But I'll come full force. I have been told just to less. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think sometimes I scare off guys. Same. I've had golden, my golden male friends have said to me, Kathy, if guys would take the time to get to know you, well.

They would love you. Yeah, well, you know, if pigs had wings, they'd fly. I mean, there's an answer to that. But I do think, I have to ask you, I think what we're talking about, it's like having sex on the first date. You know, it's kind of that same thing. Sure, you can do it.

It may not play well for you. I mean, that's like giving your floodlighting to me is giving, uh, over sharing your yourself. And that means physically too. And I just, you know, I don't think it's always a good idea. I, I think it's like deep secrets or things that were a crisis maybe in your life at some point. You don't share that right away.

Some things are better left. unsaid. Always or just on a first day? Always. Some things are better left unsaid and I learned that the hard way. I will say to you. I agree with you. People will judge you for saying something. They might judge you because they weren't there. They don't know how you felt about whatever it is that you're sharing. But maybe sometimes you just don't say anything at all. I used to believe in that and I still kind of do what we don't know, don't hurt us. Yeah. I think I will tell you there are things about my marriage and I love you dearly and you know more about me than most people do. But there are things that I will never share because about my- Proud of it or it's nobody's business or- It's just I feel like it is it's not paying respect to my deceased husband.

And they're not bad things about him. No, it doesn't have to be bad. It's private things that I will never share with. You know, when they say, if I find my guy, oh, we're going to share a life together. Yeah, but that doesn't mean to your point that you have to share everything. And also, Kathy, when a man and you're on a date or a couple dates and they gripe or bitch about their exes and they go on and on. That's oversharing, man. You are turning me off.

Yeah. I don't want to hear it. You know. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. I, but I, you know, I think it also comes down to sometimes, you know, men typically, there's always exceptions. Men don't have friends the way women have friends. They don't talk like we do to our friends.

I mean, there's exceptions to that. Yes, yes. But I do think that you and I, we can, I, and we've done it where I can call it and say, I just need to vent, Susan. And I will. And sometimes I'll tell you things that you're not happy with. I needed to talk to you about. I needed to get it out. Right.

But I don't think men do that. They hold it in more. That's how they're raised. Well, but then when they, but that's where the oversharing, I think, comes from. I don't think, I'm not even sure they see it as oversharing. You know, I don't know. I just know that.

Oversharing forms, they form an opinion. And it's too soon. They don't really know who you are yet. oversharing, they're going to form opinions of what you're oversharing. You mean if I'm not saying you particularly. Like if I overshare with some things with somebody new,

they're going to think of me as a certain way where I thought it was funny. You know what I mean? That they're not going to think. Oh, this one's a little. And you know why? I think that's true, Susan, because I think relationships, yes, chemistry is important.

And you and I've talked about us, we feel chemistry. If we feel chemistry, we want to go down the road. Sure. And chemistry for both of us is pretty immediate or not. Yes. But I do think that not sharing too much too soon is actually advantageous for a development of a relationship.

Yes, it is. I agree with that. I really do. Now, can you find me a relationship? Anybody that doesn't agree with that, let me know. Yeah, we'd like to hear. I mean, I would like to have the relationship with a guy that I could have these conversations with

instead of having to call you, Susan, and talk to you about it. You always will, though, that's what girlfriends do. Yeah, I know, that's what we do. And speaking of which, girlfriends play golf together. Now, we got to come up with a plan. I know you live 45 states away, but I'll meet you in the middle. This year, I need to play. Hey, listen, I got new clubs.

I got new clubs last year. I think I'd used them once. I think we should go to North Carolina. We're going to get Nancy to get some golf lessons. We're going to go. there's beautiful golf courses, a lot of them in North Carolina. I know there are. So let's do it.

I'm ready. We've got to set a time here. Susan, could you imagine, you and I are having show ideas all the time. Could you imagine? A golf show? A people following us playing golf together. I mean, that. I've said it before, Kath, if they follow us around with a camera,

we'd have a hit show, just being us. Okay. But we look cute on the golf course, I can guarantee that. Oh, definitely. I got it. You know what? I've got like a whole rack in my closet of just golf stuff. And I'm looking at all section.

I don't. Just I want to wear them. I don't want to go. So, but before we, you know, head off to play golf, we have to wrap up this. Unfortunately, we have to wrap up this episode of Golden Hour. Absolutely. But thank you to all of our listeners for joining us. We love that you listen.

We love that you send in your questions and comments. we hope that you come back to hear more. Absolutely. Make sure you rate us, review us, and subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast. And you can follow Golden Hour on social media at Bachelor Happy Hour and at Bachelor Nation. Absolutely. And we'll talk to you next week. Until then, have great week.

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygle and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk. to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform?

We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's Ryder Strong, and Wilfredel from PodMeets World. And now the Pod Meets Twirled podcast.

We're two men who were completely clueless to reality TV, and we're gearing up for the season finale of Survivor. I know we annoyed a lot of our listeners by our severe lack of survivor knowledge. That is the point of the show. I'm just going to remind you. Again, we are experts. Listen to Pod Meets Tworl on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This week on Crimless, Rory and I welcome a very special guest.

When I did podcasts, I wear my sleep masks. I like where this is going. So if you guys will indulge me. That's right. The incredibly talented and hilarious Will Ferrell on an episode dedicated to crimes committed by people named Will Ferrell. You're good for 300 crimes? Yeah. We've got two.

I'm ready to go right up to present day. Listen to Crimless on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Most people out here think that taking care of one another, is important. And most people would step up for a neighbor going through a tough time. Most people around here help out friends and family when they need it. But the funny thing is, most of us won't look for help when we need it. Talk to someone if you're struggling with mental health because most people out here really care. Find more information at loveyourmindtay.org. That's loveyourmindtay.org. Brought to you by the Huntsman Mental Health Institute and the Ad Council. When you feel uncomfortable, what do you put on?

Biggie. You put on Biggie when you feel uncomfortable? Because I want to get confident. This is DJ Hester Prynne's Music is Therapy, a weekly podcast from me, a DJ and licensed therapist. It's mental health month. Let's figure out what actually works. I didn't care about my life circumstance when I listened to that stuff. It didn't matter to me.

This isn't just a podcast. It's unconventional therapy for you every day. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search DJ Hester Pins Music is Therapy and start listening now. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Thank you.