Bachelor Happy Hour - Rachel & Kristina Schulman Answer Fans’ Dating Questions

Episode Date: August 18, 2020

You’ve been asking… and now Rachel and guest co-host Kristina Schulman are answering all your questions about dating. From the best ways to flirt to how to navigate dating during the pandemic, Rachel and Kristina get into it all. Plus, the ladies share their worst first date experiences. Don’t forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode. See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials is easier. Complex problem solving. Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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All right. So I wanted to start this podcast off by addressing some things that were brought to my attention and tobacco's attention and pretty much to the whole Bachelor Happy Hour family about a recent podcast we did. Now, I know that when you have a public platform, you're going to say some things and do some things that aren't always well received by everybody. And I know also that not everyone's going to agree with everything you say or do. And I know also that you can't live your life by trying to please every single person

or try to appease them when they have an issue with you. It's just life. And I know sometimes that I do things, Rebecca does things or whatever that may upset you. But one thing that we never want to do is offend you. And when we do Bachelor Happy Hour, every time we start our podcast, we end our podcast or maybe somewhere in between, we are always telling you guys to reach out to us, to like what we do, to comment, to talk to us. Let's create this open community. And that shouldn't change if we do something that you guys don't approve of. this is when you are supposed to reach out to us and say something and this is when we're

supposed to listen and the response that we received in doing this podcast with Claudia it was it was overwhelming and I think that there are a lot of things that have been thrown around and a lot of assumptions that have been made and I think that the best place to clear everything up is to take it where you heard it from right let's just go back to the source. So it's hard for me to address everything. It's hard for me to have seen all of your comments. So I'm just going to try to do the best that I can. And I just ask you guys to bear with me. So I am no stranger to Claudia. I think that if you've been following me, you know that I have been a guest on the morning toast. I was a guest on the morning breath when it was that.

And I've actually hosted that show with them as well. I've spent time with them. outside of the public as well. And so when you know someone and you have a personal relationship with them, then you are a little bit more understanding because it's not as black and white as it may be to a consumer or a viewer who doesn't have any type of relationship with them. So I'm prefacing that to say that I am aware that there were problematic tweets from Claudia back when she was a teenager,

and I think it was in like 2014, 15, around that time. And I am also aware that those tweets became public, and I think it was in 2018. And when those tweets became public, Claudia immediately took to social media and she was crying and she apologized, and she was held accountable. And if you follow me,

I also talk about accountability culture versus the cancel culture of completely annihilating people because I am, I do believe people make mistakes, but I also believe in holding people accountable for those mistakes that they make, you know, which is what you guys did when you reached out to us and you commented about what you felt that we did was problematic, and I always appreciate that. I'm always receptive of constructive criticism. So anyways, she was, held accountable for that. She lost her show from AOL. They completely canceled her. And she and her entire business had to completely start over with a brand new show, a brand new network. They did it on their own. And since then, I have seen Claudia from what I've seen publicly and personally,

completely own up to the mistakes that she made, completely disassociate herself with those tweets and say that that is not her. And I've also seen her, had conversations with her personally. In fact, a lot of you have said, well, why did you not publicly say something? Well, in the same way that I privately went to other people in the past before when I've called them out, I privately went to Claudia as well. And she immediately publicly apologized. So I'm not excusing what she did. What I'm saying is that she was held accountable for her actions which were deplorable, in my opinion. Don't stand by it.

Don't agree with it. I think it's absolutely disgusting. Another thing that I've seen you guys say is you talked about her mom. Well, that's a subject I'm not going to touch because I can only imagine what it's like to have a mother who stands for such disgraceful things. And there's really no other way to put it. I mean, the things that their mom is representative of, the things that she puts out there, the things that she writes about, does presentations about, is nothing that myself, Becca,

or Bachelor Happy Hour in general, stand for by any means. It is my understanding that Claudia has disassociated herself publicly from her mother's actions and has said that she doesn't stand by them. She's told, I've seen that in public and I've seen that privately. As far as people saying she should completely call her mother out, I don't get in a family business, and I don't think that we should either. I'm not going to sit here and tell somebody what they should tell their own mother to do. What's important to me is that you don't stand by what her mother does.

You are not a representative of that. As far as their family business, I wouldn't get into yours. I'm not going to get into theirs. Now, the other thing I will address is that there have been, I don't personally. listen to the Morning Toast. I don't listen to every episode. I catch an episode randomly here and there. So I am not the Claudia Jackie police. I have not seen all the things that, you know, has been brought to my attention. I haven't read them. I'm not, I'm not aware of all those things. There's no way that I can be accountable for every single person's actions. But I will say there have been things that have been brought to my attention where all, Although I know their brand can be crass, and that's what people like from them, there's some things that pointed out to me that I feel are offensive and insensitive. I was not aware of them, not in full detail like this.

One viewer was, or listener was nice enough to provide me a laundry list of things. And I have to say that I found them offensive. I found them ignorant, and I found them insensitive. And I don't agree with it. you've also heard me say on this podcast that if somebody is willing to listen, then I'm willing to help them grow. And I think that as friends, that is what you're supposed to do. I think a true friend calls somebody out when that friend out when they do something and sees if they have it in their heart to be open enough to change. And so that is what I have done, not just in a

friendship or a relationship with Claudia, with other friends that I've had that have maybe says something that's offensive to me that's ignorant or insensitive, not just to me, but to another race, to another culture. And so I feel like I've done that in my friendship, but there were some things I will admit that I was not aware of. And so all that to say, when it comes to our community that we have with Bachelor Happy Hour, and it comes to our listeners, we don't want to offend you by any means. And I deeply apologize if you feel, not if you feel, period. You were offended. You do feel offended. So I'm not taking that away from you. I apologize that we offended you. I truly do. And I want it also to be known that we don't stand by any racist, insensitive, offensive, remarks, actions, or people. And I don't want this thought and this stigma to perpetuate and to continue to be affiliated with Bachelor Happy Hour. That is not what we're about.

That's not what we stand for. And I also don't want people to think just because I'm black and I'm a woman, that those are the only rights that I stand for. I stand for equality and I stand against injustice. And that goes for anybody, any race, any ethnicity, any culture, anybody that has been wronged, I am on your side. And so I just felt like it was necessary for me to address. that on behalf of Bachelor Happy Hour, and this is also very representative of Becca as well. And I really just want to, I really want to create a space where we are open. We can be honest with each other and where we hold each other accountable.

And so I'm not, I'm not poking my chest out. I'm not standing proud. I am saying that we offended you. And for that, we apologize. And up next, you know, let's try to make this a little bit lighter. Got a really exciting guest for you guys on. It's my girlfriend, my home girl. In the spirit of saying that we listen to you guys,

one of the things that you constantly reach out to us about is dating advice. You just ask for relationship advice in general. And so I'm married. Yes, I had a blast and definitely had it out in my 20s, even into my 30s. yes, I went on national TV to date 30 men. Yes, I am married now. So I definitely have experience to bring in, but I thought it would be nice to have a different perspective

from someone who is currently single and who can relate to some of you single gals and guys out there who may be struggling right now and trying to figure some things out with dating. So before we get into this episode, I have to let you guys know that there's a little thing called a tornado. I'm from the great state of Texas. I live in the tornado alley or lived there.

so I am very familiar with this. But unfortunately, Becca is in the middle of a tornado warning happening right now in the Midwest. And for safety purposes, Becca will not be able to record this episode with me. So please send your thoughts, your prayers to not just Becca and her family, but everybody who is in this affected area right now, duck and cover. I don't know if you guys had to do that, but being in the tornado alley, I'm not trying to make a joke out of this. I'm just truly saying this if you don't know.

I'm sure there's like drills for earthquakes, drills for hurricanes, but in tornado alley you have to duck and cover. So, you know, if you're in Texas and you're actually in the airports, you'll see tornado shelters and you like put your hands over your head. My guest is nodding her head like she knows exactly what I'm talking about, who I'm about to introduce in a second, because since Becca couldn't join us today. I didn't want to do this episode by myself. I thought, why not phone a friend, right? Like, why couldn't I? I'm sorry, was that a dog in the background? Did my guest dog just walk in the background?

Listen, it's weird to even call you a guest because you're my friend. We met four lovely years ago on Nick Vile's season of The Bachelor, and we are so lucky to have Christina Shulman step in and help me co-host this episode today. Christina, welcome to the show. Thanks Rachel. Thanks for having me. It's about time. I know, right? It's just weird to talk to Christina in this way because we're friends. So we talk on the phone. We catch up. We gossip. We talk about y'all behind your backs. And now we're being recorded doing this thing. Yeah, all good things. I'll get things. But since we don't have a new episode of The Bachelor Greatest Seasons ever or The Bachelor Goat, whatever you guys are calling it, Christina and I decided we would do something a little different, something fun. and something new, but most importantly, something you guys have been asking for. We told you, Becca and I tell you, we listen to what you say, we hear it, we see it. We've had some guests on from the show, which was lovely, and now we want to answer some

of your questions. So a lot of you guys have been asking us dating questions. You've been writing in and wanting to know all the advice that we have when it comes to dating. And I know some of you are probably thinking, okay, Rachel, but you haven't dated in like three years. That is true. But don't think that I didn't do my fair share of dating to get to where I am. Now, there's, I mean, you know, I got here. I got to the point that, you know, most people who are dating are trying to achieve marriage. And through my 20s, I definitely made some mistakes. I also dated 30 plus men on national TV. And if the saying is true, nothing's new under the sun. And the more

things change, the more they stay the same, that I definitely think that I would know a thing or two about dating. And so I'm super excited also to have my girl Christina. Yeah. Because, and I say this proudly, she's single. She's on the dating scene. Not a knock towards you by any means. So you can help with this advice as well. Like, you can give a totally different perspective than me. And you can tell me if my thoughts are. I think this is my favorite segment. I've been looking for, well, just like from my perspective, I feel like I've been looking forward to something like this to do with someone. So I think this could be really fun.

Yeah, that's right. We are. We're going to have a blast today. So before we jump into it, I know how you're doing, but let's let all our listeners know, like, how have you been? What have you been up to? And of course, what's your love life looking like these days? I feel everyone wants to know that,

kind of. And I don't even know where to start with that, but I've been good, great. Yes, still technically single, but I am I guess dating or trying to date as much as you can in this the new normal but yeah I've been taken the past couple of months just to focus on myself see what I like and just zero in on that and yeah exploring other options when it comes to men dating and yeah I think that's great

listen and I want to know your perspective too about dating in quarantine because I think that there's a silver lining to that. But again, what does Rachel know? It's been three years. But I just think that it kind of strips away some of the things that you're worried about when you're dating in person and you just, you have nothing to do but focus on one another to really engage in conversation and it go below the surface. And I think you can tell really quickly if someone's into you, if they're not, or if they're even worth your time or if they're not. So yeah, I'm sure, like we got a bunch of questions here and I'm sure there's going to be some some questions that touch on that but if not I'll just ask you and you answer because I think it's a very relevant topic before we get to

answering some of your questions though with Christina I wanted to answer a question that Becca and I constantly get in our inbox okay for some reason you guys are always asking us what was our worst dating experience ever so to get myself back in the mindset of what it's like to date again, the good, the bad and the ugly. Both Christina and I are going to go ahead and share each of our personal dating disaster stories.

You're not going to freaking believe my dating story. I don't think I've shared this on the podcast, at least not on this one. I'm curious. My worst date ever. Okay, I'm trying to go back into it. Let me go back into a time, you know, that I'm buried deep.

But Christina, I know, I, I have not told you this. So, I was dating this guy. I don't even know where I met him. I don't even know where I met this guy. Maybe through mutual friends, maybe at a party. I'm not quite sure, but he was older than me, like seven or eight years older. I was fresh out of law school and, or no, I was about to go to law school.

And so I was really in this mindset of, I want to date older men because I'm going to law school. So I feel like I need like an older, mature man. So I'm dating this guy. He's me like eight, nine years older than me. And we're clicking, right? And it's just such a great, fun date. We're having this deep conversation. So of course, you're like, when a date is good, you want to keep the night going.

So we go to dinner. And then from there, we go to like a bar kind of lounge where we can dance. And it was just like some smooth R&B. I'm pretty sure there was a live band playing. And he was very smooth, very charming. I'm like, oh my gosh, I could so get used to this. This is so great. So he's like, you want to keep the night going?

I'm like, sure. Like, as long as you're not trying to keep the night going in your bedroom, like, let's just keep the night going. So then he's like, oh, I want to take you to the spot. So I'm like, okay, you know, he doesn't say the name of it, but I'm like, oh, it's an adventure, fine. So he takes me to the spot and it's like on a really dark street. So, mind you, this is the first day. So I don't really know him that well. And I'm like, okay.

And then he's like, oh, here it is. And it's, you can see some people outside. There's a light, but the street isn't well lit. And there are no signs. So I'm like, oh, like maybe this is like a secret exclusive club. Like he's older. You know, maybe he's teaching me some things that I don't know. So we go into this club and immediately I knew.

I had stepped into a place where I immediately wanted to turn around and run out. Why, Christina, it was a swingers club. Like, I walk in and I'm like, oh, these people look real friendly. Wait a minute. Those people look so friendly. Wait a minute. What did they go up behind those curtains over there? Oh, I was mortified.

Now, thank God I didn't say this. I drove, so I followed him, so we weren't in the same car. And I feel like Uber wasn't really around it. Anyways, I bounced out of there as quickly as I came and never talked to that guy again. But it makes for a great story years later. A swingers club, Christina. I've never heard of such thing. Can you imagine?

Like, I'm trying to be on The Bachelor, and they're like, oh, we did a background check. We see her that you used to frequent swingers clubs. Oh, my God. top that christina oh i can't i can't i'm just wondering like what what did you give him for him to feel comfortable to take his swingers club these are the right questions these are questions i should have been asking whatever i said i thought the day was going one way and he thought it was going another way yeah so um i nipped that in the bud real quick i have so many follow-up questions like what did you did you all stay in touch should you explain why you bounce did you like i talk to

Ghosted him? Ironically, I ghosted him. Ironically, he never heard from all right again. I'm sure he just stayed at the club, right? I'm sure he just stayed and joined somebody else's group or found somebody for himself. Yeah. Probably. Never saw him again.

I'm going to have follow-up questions probably after this because there's got to be more to the story. Yeah, I cannot follow up to that. But I do remember, it was probably like a year and a half ago. It's my first move to California. It's been a couple months. And I meet this guy. And we just click and he wants to take me out on a date. So I'm like, okay, I'll go.

Like, I'm up. What is it? Rodden my horizons? I don't know. Just like open to dating now. So we're going to date. It goes fairly well. I'm thinking like, you know, maybe I'll see him again.

But if he doesn't, like, reach out again, I'm totally fine with that too. well he decides to ask me on another date and I was like okay fine it was kind of on the spot so I was like okay fine I'll go and then he follows up and I'm like hey I'm busy follows up again hey I'm busy get the hint um he decides to anyway then we go to a couple same events we keep bumping into each other and I was like ah damn I guess I got to go on this date with him so we ended up scheduling a date and we go I'm in LA. Traffic is crazy. I'm just learning all about it. Anyway, I show up to a date a little bit late, but I told him like, hey, I'm running late. We stood down. It's like a restaurant here in LA where you have probably like a three or a five-course meal with sushi. Oh, okay. So it's fancy. Okay. I don't know if I should say fancy, but it's a sugarfish. So you can choose your menu. And I think we had like five rolls come out. And I was like, oh, damn, this might take a while. So, I sit down and I'm like flustered because I'm just been in the rush and I hate being late.

So he goes, like, reaches over, grabs my hand. I'm sitting kind of like this. And I like cringe. I'm like, don't touch me just because I'm like over. Why not feel like I know who you're talking about? Do I? You might not. Okay.

I'm thinking of somebody else. But go ahead. I think I'm somebody else. I would be if he, I've never told him about this, but if he is listening, I'll be. I'm mortified. Long story short, this meal is probably supposed to take easily an hour and a half. I think I was out of there in maybe 40 minutes because he was trying to make a conversation. Then he tried to say, he was like, are your eyelashes real?

I was like, I got to go. Oh my God. At that point, I'm like, ask me about the weather. Ask me about anything. Are your eyelashes real? No, sir. That's a third, fourth date question. Don't get all intimate with me like that.

Right. And then, so I decided to like, okay, time to go. Hey, I have stuff to do. He decides to walk me out. I'm like, okay, that's the gentleman to do. My car is like this way. He's trying to like body like push me, nudge me towards this fountain where you can throw in coins. I was like, I'm not about it.

I'm like, my car is that way. Thank you for dinner. I'm out. And then I just, it was just so uncomfortable. Unfortunately, I've seen him multiple times since then. Well, you know what? You tried. It just didn't work.

I hear dating in L.A. is really tough anyway. So I'm sure, unfortunately, that probably won't be the last of your stories. Well, I kind of set me back a little bit just because I don't like to go on first dates to begin with. Like usually I like to meet people through mutual friends. And maybe I already know them for being in group settings. But they're first like, hey, we're meeting for the first time. we talked just a tad bit here and there. It's just awkward for me.

See, I love it. Excuse me, loved past tense. I loved it. I was a serial dater. I loved it. Tell me who you are, where you've been, where you come from. Let me feel your energy. Let me get this free meal.

Oh, no. Let me go. Free meal, yes. You know me. It's so, I mean, it's true. It's true. Especially when I was in law school and I had those, you know, law school loans. Listen, you want to take me out?

Right. I'm gay. No, it is. There's just, I just love, you're either a serial date or are you not. I loved it. I loved meeting people. Love them and leave them, you know, two date max. And then I'm done.

Yeah. I used to think like I will start, like I would do two dates just because I know me. And in the beginning, I would be shy. I would be like the listener and just not putting my best foot forward on first dates. Just because, again, I don't think they get to know me. me for me because I'm just like quiet and sitting there. So that's why I used to give guys two dates because maybe they're shy or they're talking too much because they're nervous. And it just did not work now. Wait, this is making me think of something else. So you have a two date rule.

I used to. Now it's one and I'm like, what about a kissing rule? I because I actually have a like a three-time kissing rule because I feel like the first time you might be, and this really applied on the bachelor as on the bachelorette you know like the first time you're like oh they might be a little nervous the second time you're like oh it's a little awkward there's a camera person and a sound guy right here but like if i can't rehabilitate you by the third kiss you're done no one time one time christina it's just you either feel the chemistry or you don't they're either a good it doesn't it can't be a peck like no oh you mean oh like it has to be like a little bit maybe not the first day either.

But like it has to be like longer than a peg but not like a full on makeout. You're right. You can be you can kiss well with it. You can tell but I I like to, you know, like I've had to rehabilitate some people. And then there's just some people. There's just there's just there's no hope. There's a hope. You need to go find another bad kisser with you.

I usually know like yeah, I'm the person too. I'm like this just doesn't work for me but it's like you're open to like. Okay, sure. Exactly. Pointer, but. Exactly. Three times. Three times, ladies.

Okay. Or somewhere in between. Christine says one. I say three, so two. Two times. They can't get cut it after that. Let them go. Also, if you don't mind, say that if it's terrible the first time,

but they have an awesome personality and sense of humor, I think that would play into maybe enjoying the kids the second time better just because maybe I'm more attracted to them. and you think I can rehabilitate them. That's what you're thinking. Okay. Christina and I, we could keep going, but that is a blast from the past.

And now I feel like I'd like, you know, like, what's the, what's the slip? I'd like dust it off the, I can't think of the saying. You know what I'm saying. Well, anyways, I feel like I'm back in the game now. Like my, you know, like my dating hat is on, having to relive that terrible moment where, I mean, geez, it just really could have gone the wrong way.

And you talking about this guy who you just dumped at a sugarfish, he's probably still sitting there somewhere. So we feel like now we're ready to give some advice to you guys. I'm sure you have your own terrible stories as well. But listen, if you can go from the Swingers Club to the Married Club like I did, there's home for you too. So here's the first question. This is from a listener.

During quarantine, I found it impossible to meet someone new. So I've gone back with an old fling that I know I have no future with, but I enjoy the company. Is this a mistake? Christina, what do you think? I think it is. I've been in those exact same shoes and I was just with him because of boredom. But now, just be open. You're closing yourself off to new potentials.

don't waste your time. Right. I mean, you're using him. That's just what I'm going to say. You're using him for whatever reason it may be. For the company, for the physical part, whatever, I get it. It's hard. Quarantine is hard. No intimacy.

If you're not living with someone, no intimacy, no social interaction, no human interaction. I mean, assuming that you're doing things in a responsible way and it can be really hard. So I can understand the temptation to, want to go back to that old thing. But if you know that you don't have a future, you're really, you really are using this guy and you're wasting each other's time because if this guy is really into you, but you know there's no future, is that fair to them? And also, is it fair to you? You're cutting yourself off from so many other people. Just because we're in quarantine, I'm pretty sure you can still swipe right or left. I'm sure you can click on a Zoom meeting. And I'm sure that, you know,

there are other ways to virtually connect with people. You know, you can slide in the DMs, whatever. So I just, like one thing I feel like I did in my 20s with dating is wasted my time on people and when I knew I was. And that's not beneficial for any party. But I do understand the temptation. Yeah, don't waste your time. Use this time to focus on yourself.

I mean, there's nothing there. Don't move on. Don't do it. Yeah. Okay. Number two. Question number two. Opinions on dating older men. Okay. Flips hair back. I'm 24 years old and dating a 36 year old. It feels right to me, but I'm scared of my family's reaction. Why? Why? Why? I mean, is that not your first thought, Christina? I'm like, 3624 to me, this sounds very compatible. It's not like you said he's 70. and you're 24, that's something to be a little scared of, but more his family than yours. I don't see the problem with dating somebody 12 years older than you.

I think that it depends what age you are, right? Like, if she was 16 and he was 28, then we have an issue here, you know? 24, 36, I don't know why your family would have such a huge reaction, you know? It's possible. I mean, it's possible. So whenever I still lived in Kentucky, I think I said that funny. When I still lived in Kentucky, it's considered somewhere of the southern state, Midwest, or whatever you want to call it. Whenever I got on a bachelor, I was 24.

Nick was 36. So it's... Oh, yes. So it was a little weird, I think, for my parents to be like, are you sure? Are you ready? And I always consider myself a little bit, I hang out with the older crowd, I just more mature. for my age and being in the south it's like everyone already gets together in their early to mid-20s and their families by late 20s so i think there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating somebody older

than you i mean i can easily count five of my friends that are currently in an older relationship so nothing nothing wrong with that so wait did your family have a reaction because nick was 12 years older than you or because you went on national tv to find a boyfriend which one was it fiance easy That's two whole different things, but probably both. I mean, my siblings are in their, what, mid-30s at the time. So it's like I can see why they would be hesitant. I mean, whenever starting to date, Nick, I still lived in my college apartment that I got in college. I mean, I was better off.

I was already starting off with my career and all of these things. And I thought genuinely I was ready for like that next step of engagement and marriage. But then it's like, I moved to California, I'm like, there's so much more to just see to date to get to know. And yeah, it depends where you are in life. I bet the 36-year-olds in L.A. seem a lot younger than a 36-year-old in Kentucky. Here's my advice to you. I would say, don't lead with the age first. You know, if this is a great guy and you see some, a future with him, then lead with why he's so great to you.

You know, like, let's exclude age. talk about why you guys are compatible, why, you know, if you see a future with him, how he treats you and respects you, and then you slide the age in there. You know, just like talking, oh, yeah, you know, like he's 36 and, but, you know, he's, he's got a great job. Whatever, however you do it, however you do it, I don't think that that's that big of a deal. I think that's the least of your concerns in 12 years with that, with that age, at that age, isn't that big of a deal.

And I think your parents will support you. if they see like their relationship and that you two are good for each other so exactly don't worry exactly yeah he or she i don't think this is that right but if it is a he writing in that question shout out to the cougar who's uh got herself a younger man okay next question i've been having the worst luck with dating how do i keep my head up when i'm not meeting anyone christie I'll let you answer this one. Have been in those shoes, too. And that's for a longer

a period of time. I think, just focus on yourself. I know I keep going back to that, but that's the best thing you can do. The more you know your likes, dislikes, your hobbies and interest, you will find somebody along with those too. So don't just pick and choose because you're bored.

I mean, it's pretty simple, I'd say. Don't get discouraged. And I think you're giving great advice too because one thing about quarantine, even though it can be really hard and you can get bored and it can be frustrating is that we do have this time to focus on ourselves and what it is we really want in life. I will say that that's what was beautiful about The Bachelor is that you are in that bubble and you are stripped from TV and internet and music and just all communication, your phone, communication from the outside world. So even though you're around people,

you are quarantined with these people. And I know you can agree. Christina, you do learn so much about yourself and what you want for yourself coming out of it. And so I feel like if you have that first, then you'll attract what you need as well. You know? And don't worry about focusing so much on meeting someone. I think I know. I used to be in that state too where I was so focused on meeting someone and afraid to end a toxic relationship because I was fearful at starting over and how will I meet somebody again when I put so many years and so much time into this don't worry about that when it comes it will come to you it will be ready for you yeah i just have to be open to see it love yourself first and everyone also love

you too it's so simple but it's so true it's so true okay i just i just saw a sneak peek to the next question okay ready are you ready for this i love the two amazing guys uh it's Is this a former bachelorette? Like, what's happening? This is your question. I'm in love with two amazing guys. I dated Guy 1 until he had to go overseas, which is when I met my current boyfriend, Guy 2. Recently, Guy 1 returned and reached out to me, although I am in a relationship with guy 2,

who is also amazing. I can't seem to get Guy 1 out of my head. Guy 1 is my fantasy, and guy 2 is my reality. What do I do? First of all, I just want to say you make a fantastic bachelorette. Okay? You fall in love easily. You fantasize.

You have that struggle between reality and fantasy. Sign this woman up. Fire and sign her up. But really, yeah. Perfect. Okay. I can only speak from experience on this. I'm like, as I get serious.

So I think a lot of times when, and I'll speak from Bachelor, Bachelorette, a lot of times you see relationships that don't work because people get caught up in the fantasy of the relationship rather than focusing on what makes sense in the real world. And it's easy to fall in love with a lot of people when all you are fantasizing and focused on that. But that's what it is. It's a fantasy. It's not real life. So you have to strip yourself from that and objectively look at the relationships and say who makes sense for me. Who can I see a future with? Who meshes with my life, my family, my friends? Who has the same morals and values as me? And that's when you make the decision that you want. I don't fault you for falling for two guys. There's absolutely nothing

wrong with it. But it's not fair to them or to you in the long run to date both of them. So at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself those questions. And it sounds like you've already answered it by deeming one guy of fantasy. in one guy a reality. I think you know what you need to do here. It's a tough one. I mean, just did anything go wrong with the guy that left to go overseas? If they had a wonderful relationship,

maybe they could have worked through while he was gone. Or she might be also in a different place now than she was, whether it was a couple years ago or a couple months. It's very tough, but center yourself and figure it out what is, that you want, like you said. Yeah. that his morals would compliment your life. And you bring up a good point, too.

Why did he go overseas? He left you. Can we just pause there? Well, hold on, hold on. Maybe it was for, what is it, the army or whatnot. So maybe he didn't have a choice. Maybe it's army. Maybe it was worth, totally understand, but people do long-distance relationships.

And y'all chose to separate. So at that point, he was taking a risk that you're an amazing person and you might meet another person who recognizes that, which you did. That should have stayed together. Yeah. And so this guy, guy too, he hasn't left you. He seems to appreciate. I mean, let's just, let me just put it here. It's a great problem to have.

Sounds like you have two amazing men who are both into you. I mean, you can't lose here at the end of the day. Yes, somebody will be hurt. And that's always tough, especially when you care about people. But you girl are going to come out thriving either way. It sounds like. And if it doesn't work with one, apparently the other will always come back. And if it doesn't work with one, set that amazing guy up with one of your single friends or somebody else, you know?

Like, let him win too. If he's a good one, good guys are hard to find. Good women are hard to find too. Good people are hard to find these days. Just putting out there. Very true. Okay. Next question.

I am 38 years old and divorced. When do you think it is appropriate to tell that to someone I'm dating? I definitely have my opinion on this. Christina, what do you think? I just think, I mean, that's a tough one. Are you drinking wine? No judgment. Water.

Now, normally I do drink wine, and I probably will have to. but this is water. Hydrate first. We're just buying myself time here to have an opinion on this. I think, I mean, if you're dating, I think there will be a time, but it's not necessary to say the first date. If a guy is interested in you, he'll keep asking you on a date, a date after date.

If you tell him and he likes you, I don't think that's going to matter too much at all. I don't think. I don't think it should, well, maybe that's my perspective personally. I don't think it should matter if you really are into someone and want to see a future with them, want to have a future with them. Yeah. You're right, Christina.

If they like you, they like you. So you're 38 and you're divorced. Big whooom. I don't think that those are deal breakers at all. I think there was a time where it was like taboo maybe. But these days, you're 38 years young, I might add. Okay? I'm right there with you.

I'm right around that age. and yes and divorced okay so what like you fell in love you got married you were committed to someone and for one reason or another it didn't work out that shouldn't be a stain on your record that shouldn't be a knock against you and I think that maybe you don't get into the full details as to why the divorce happened maybe that could be a bit heavy for a first day but you saying that you're 38 be 38 and proud. I bet you don't look 38. I bet you don't look at it at all. And then you give them the opportunity to say that 38. Oh my gosh. You don't look a day over 28. There you go.

Right. Right? Just set it up for that. But no, honestly, I think that I think that there's something beautiful about being forthcoming, but I think that there's also a balance to not be too heavy. Say you got divorced and it didn't work out and leave it there. And if the relationship continues, then you can get into the nitty-gritty of why that divorce happened. And just divorce happened and move on. Next question. Damn, Rachel. Just kidding.

Next question. You would think I was drinking wine, right? Okay. And I know you were looking for an excuse. You were like, wait a second. Is that a glass of wine? Let me join you. Because you know, you're my wine drinking buddy.

Yeah. I was also talking by myself sometimes. No, this really is water. Why is touching my hair so much. Go ahead. Okay, next question. Have either of you ever used dating apps? And do you have advice for people who are?

I will tell you right now I've never used a dating app. I went straight from meeting people, the old-fashioned way, to meeting them on reality TV. Which is me in real life. There is no in between. You know what I mean? Like, I'm here or here. Hey, what? Yeah, it worked.

It worked for me. So I'll let you, you're the expert on dating apps. What's that like? If it doesn't work on dating apps, go to reality TV. I might work there. Or am I not in my case? No, so I've signed up on dating apps, but I've never, like, really used it. Not even like a swipe.

I take my friends phone for them. No, I'm not. My name might be on one, but I'm never on it, so don't try to match with me. I just swore and I thought that you did dating apps for some reason. I signed up for one, but I just can't get on it anyway, I believe that. Wait, what's that secret dating app? It's not really a secret anymore because everybody talks about. Raya. Were you on Raya?

No, I tried to sign up for it and just, they're not accepting me. So I'm like, cool guys. But I think it was, I think it's lost. I think it's lost. It's pizzazz. I really don't care. I feel like my Instagram works as mine. There you go. Oh, check.

Hey, you want to hit up. Christina. I'm going to slide in those dams. I might answer. So would you say that that's a good way then to meet people? Because shout out to Vanessa Grimaldi, who just announced her engagement. She looks, okay, I'm going to take a little bit of a detour, you guys. So shout out to Vanessa.

She just got engaged, so happy for her. And I literally, maybe five hours before she posted it, I was watching her. and it wasn't her engagement stories. And I was like, gosh, Vanessa just seems so happy over the moon. The happiness was jumping through the phone that I couldn't pass through her story without writing her. Like I was so compelled by it that I wrote her and I said, your happiness is contagious. Like you just seems so happy. I'm very happy for you.

And then four hours later she posted she was engaged. I said, Vanessa, am I a witch? I said, did I know that this was going to happen? She's like, I love all things magic. So I hope that you are. And if you are, I love that even more. No, seriously, but I, okay,

coming back to what I was saying, the reason I said that took that detour with Vanessa, and we want to congratulate her, and we are so happy for her here on Bachelor Happy Hour, is because I believe her now fiancée slid in her DMs. Yeah, and that is how they met. So, Christina, please.

It sounds like this is. this is the way to do it. Well, I think it's an easy way to kind of filter out too because like when you get messages, have a couple of conversations back and forth and it's like not vibing. It's not like I have to keep talking to them.

But if there is and it's nice, I'll continue on and then it goes to a phone number. But I will say, I don't think there's anything against dating apps at all. I think it can really work also like just in higher quantity. but I do personally still believe in traditional like friends introducing friends

and especially I think in my circle majority of them are in relationships that are going to go to engagements and marriages so I trust that they will set me up with somebody who is also ready yeah I think the ideal way is to be introduced through friends you know or meet it like a friends party someone that that's definitely the ideal way

Brian was a frequent dating app user prior to me because he worked all day. So he was always at work and just around clients. So the best way for him to meet someone was through a dating app. Yeah, like frequently. And I was like, really? And he's like, oh, yeah. And I think there's a fake user out there now who pretends to be Brian all the time because people always write us about it.

I have to ask you this, Christina. Oh, dear. Who is the most exciting person? to slide into your DMs? Huh. Huh. I know. I know there have been some good ones.

Yeah, there's been a couple, but it's just like, you tested out, you know, no names. No names? Okay. If they had one hand in their pocket, would the other one be dribbling on? ball throwing throwing a ball or singing a song um or acting there's a lot okay and she tells on herself or acting or reading a script thank you or um yeah i mean all of them throwing a ball christina's dms are popping you heard it here first i'm going to have another conversation

this is open with because I only know of a couple of people and I got to know more. Those just make me nervous a little bit. Like if I am looking for something more stable, it's sometimes athletes are not known to have the best reputation. They're not. They're not. That was definitely a 20s period for me and they're not. I remember it specifically said on The Bachelorette,

do not give me any athletes and they gave me Kenny a wrestler. And I was like, okay, I can take a wrestler. But I didn't want, yeah, I didn't want any of the others. Okay, so you heard it there for whoever had that question. Try the DMs as well. It seems to work. Our girl Vanessa just got engaged. And I feel like there's somebody else.

Didn't Nick Jonas and Priyanka didn't somebody slide in somebody's DMs? See, you guys, this is the way to go. Okay. I can't guarantee you your DMs will be as pop and as Christina's, but they still might pop. I cannot wait. I cannot wait. for this conversation. Stop it, yes you can.

Okay. How do you navigate first dates while social distancing? This is a very relevant question. How do you? I do hike. I mean, hikes are super easy. Oh, that's so... Wait, is that...

I'm sorry. Did the other day you post a picture of a shadow of a man on a hike? That's just a friend. Everyone, that's a friend. I did get some. I was like, no. Had to ask. People were probably like, what kind of a friend?

a friend is Rachel. She's over here. I'm going to ask you that. I meant to DM you when I saw that. Okay. I knew what I was expecting what I was getting into before. I knew it would. So it's like I was like I was like, who is this? I mean, it felt like it was an attractive shadow. I don't know. It looked to you looked attractive. There's so many people also like think I probably never meet anyone. It's just I like to date in private. It's not everyone I'm dating. I'm going to put it on my social media. That's just weird. Not even like three, four months. And so like, give it time.

Just one to spend a girl. Okay, hikes. Yeah. That's a great idea. Walks, hikes, pretty easy. Right. I think it's just, you get to, I mean, you can sit down and get a coffee. Obviously, a little bit apart.

But there's nothing wrong with doing something that's physically, um, home by my, I can't think. Hikes is great. Hikes is actually a really great. Like, I feel like Brian and I should go on a hiking date. That's actually a really good idea. I love hikes. I think it's sunset

to make it a little bit more romantic or during the day it's whatever for the boat I really like that idea that's great advice okay during COVID is it okay to kiss on the first day I don't even do that on the regular

like the first date to begin with not really I'm such a kisser um okay I mean so then how long but then how many dates

how many dates do you wait until after they get a COVID test? And then how do you know? Do you show them the results? It's almost like being intimate with someone. You technically don't ask people, have you been tested? And even if you do ask, you're taking their word for it.

You know, you don't necessarily say pull out the test. Oh my gosh, I'm just realizing this. This is important, you guys. It also goes for being intimate with your partner. So what do you do? I think I need to see those papers. Where are your colleagues? Where are your COVID papers?

And they can, like, I guess. It's like you're supposed to trust them to say, tell the truth, but then you're like, show me the papers. Yeah, I don't know you. It's the first day. It's the second day. Right. So that's what I'm telling you.

Like, maybe go on a couple of days, get to know each other. So that way it's like, yeah, I trust this person. Yeah. And if they have a problem with it, if they, see, yeah, a kiss on is that's still close like yeah like a forehead on my my my forearm kiss me on my forearm yeah like the elbow that high I feel like and if the person has a problem with it then you know that that's not the person you want to deal with oh okay so you got a problem with with being responsible with COVID okay you're not my type anyway right thank you thank you you're one of those

next question is it necessary we answer that I think we necessary it's not okay yeah is it okay Not without papers. So keep your papers in your pocket. You can get ready to ask you to whip it out on the spot. I need to see your COVID papers. Is it necessary to tell a guy that you are a virgin right away? No. None of his business.

Right away? No. Look at your thing. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough. It's just get to know the person. I feel like I was in a position speaking for personal. experience and now like I'm coming to a point where I'm realizing like they don't have to know everything off the bad like lift some mystery get to know each other and it's sometimes it's you invest

three four dates and it just not there doesn't work the excitement was there in the beginning so you think this might be the one but it's not just yeah just get to know them a little bit right don't tell all your business right don't tell all your business on the first day you don't need to lead with the fact that you're aversion that's that's to me that's something that's very personal because usually people are virgins for a reason. And it's a personal reason, whatever your journey, whether it be religious, whether it be, you know, for health reasons, it just be something, a personal decision that you have decided to make. So I don't think that you need to just give all that information away right away, right? This isn't The Bachelor.

This isn't like first date, second day, which I still personally, if you want me to be honest, Don't think that that is something that needs to be shared. That shouldn't be your story and it shouldn't define you. And that hasn't just happened to one person. It's happened to multiple people. Why do you want to be defined as the virgin or the person who's never been kissed or something like that? Like, isn't there more to you?

Like, I just, if you know that there's going to be a storyline attached to you, why would you want to lead with the virgin? It's like a hard thing to shake. You know what I mean? It's hard. Yeah. Like keep some things to yourself. Stop telling everybody everything.

You know, make something sacred. Your virginity is sacred. You know what I mean? Like, you kept it this long. Why don't you keep it as a secret as well? Not a secret, but just not right away. Also, like, when it comes to the time, if there's some involvement, be a little bit transparent,

like, hey, I'm not ready for best for that if there's moves. But still, you don't have to say, like, exactly why you're not ready. Right, right. And I'm not telling you to not be proud of it. It's just like, you don't have to lead with it. um okay what are the best questions to ask on a first day

are you a virgin wow no that's that's awful anybody who says that to you on the first day just get up and walk out don't say another word after that right but best questions to ask on a first day I think

what's your credit score okay not on the first days I'm kidding where are your papers where the papers where the papers no I

I would say first date there's so much you can ask on a first date this is why I love them so much exactly I feel like

this is more your thing yeah like you there's so much to explore you don't know anything about this person unless you were set up but still you only know

what someone else has told you so this person is a blank slate and you get to, I don't know, color in that slate based on the questions that you ask and how they answer it. That's how I look at it. So I just like, it's just so exciting to me today. You're talking about my perspective right now. Rachel, do you miss me? No, I don't. I can learn so much from. I'm happy to not be in the wilderness anymore. But that is how I look at it. And I think that that's a positive, exciting way to go into it. So the first questions, I guess, or best questions to

ask are I want to know what makes this person tick and you can go like their questions to ask that are too deep with that but I would just say like what do you like to do for fun rather than what where do you work because that can be a turn off question because people might think that you're just into what type of job they have or their status like what do you do for fun what puts a smile on your face what are your hobbies um I I even like to ask where you're from because you know, depending on where people are from, there's certain things that you can ask about that. Like, I try to connect with you based on some of the things that you're telling me, your interest, where you're from, what you like to do.

Yeah, to me, those are the best, not like interview style questions. Oh, gosh, yeah. You can't, like, where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know where I see myself tomorrow. Please don't ask me that question. I like to, I think, ask questions. maybe something to do with travel too because that kind of sets

the I guess mind to like exciting something to look forward to where you want to go just something like uplifting if you ask somebody about a job like you mentioned maybe it's the status maybe whatever it is

but sometimes if they don't have a good they don't like their job it puts them in a mindset of like oh I gotta talk about my job so that kind of puts tempers on a day too but like keep it lighthearted think of up with questions more so i yeah no you're absolutely right i love to travel one that's too and then if they're

not traveled then the question like well traveled where would you would you go anywhere yeah where would you go like i i i just think that that's actually probably the best question because i think it'll say a lot because then there's a lot of follow-up questions right you want to ask there's a lawyer me you want to ask open-ended questions that they can't say yes or no to it's they have to you know elaborate on what it is that you're asking and then you can ask why that place you know what would you do there but yeah there's just so much sometimes it could lead to like memory ties and like uh oh my yeah so many follow-up questions open it yeah absolutely completely this this is a tough question what is a good outfit for a first date love it oh by all means what go ahead what's a good outfit what's a good outfit

I personally like, I guess it depends, again, if you're doing dinner, are you doing drinks, or you're doing coffee? But my basic one has been, like, it's either, I'm like literally looking at my clothing back right now. I, it depends how fancy the restaurant is. If it's like somewhat cute casual, I will say a black pair of jeans, pants, I always wear heels. Sliming. Sliming. And maybe like a basic talk, cute.

if you want to show a little bit of your personality that you're girly maybe like a blouse that has maybe small print flowers on it don't I shouldn't say don't like in the past also personal experience I've worn very basic tops but they were a little bit lower cut and I think it sent the wrong message

which I'm like I'm still looking pretty like sheep cute but like the lower top I think was just not that I have much to show you guys but it's still kind of I think it's plenty of wrong seed

but anyway yeah pretty basic not too much but it's like you having dinner but maybe you'll be able

to go to a bar afterwards for another drink so it's like you want to dress to almost like

be able to do anything very good advice you can't go wrong with black chains right they're slimming

it's sleek they go with everything put the heels yeah and put some hills on I or I would even like the

high lows. Like, okay, maybe you wear a skirt, not too short, but then a more a top that isn't low cut. So it's like a high and a low, like, oh, I'm showing legs, but then I'm not giving you the chest. I like the black jeans, though. That's a really good staple. Yeah. And everybody looks good in black jeans. And also, maybe a little bit like more natural. I know I'm like stumbling over my words just because I've had the trial and error many times and going a little bit more natural so that way the next time they see you and you doll up a little bit more they'll be like oh wow like that's smart I know first impressions are everything and whatnot so like make an impression with your personality whatnot draw them in and then show up banging on the second date

great advice Christina spoken like a true expert in the beginning of dating. How can you tell if a man wants to be with you long term? What are some of the signs? None, really. Sorry, this is like, war vomit. You're correct. You just, I mean, you either feel it or they feel it. Sometimes, again, personal experiences, that's why I'm able to give the advice. So hopefully that help. They can be really into you, but they're putting on the front. So just like, you think, oh my gosh, yes, they want to deal with me. They're asking all these questions and then afterwards that will even or even during your date they'll almost like plan into a head like oh next time let's go hiking or next time let's check out this

bar and you're thinking oh they want to be with me long term but they never follow up so it happens just be present in the moment and don't fennas like phana don't project into the future like oh next time we're doing this yes take the moment as it is and enjoy it and if There's a follow-up. You're right. You are so right. You don't know. You don't know.

Because the men will tell you what you want to hear. Women too. Women, too. Men lie. Women lie. It goes both ways. I don't want to stereotype. It's hard to tell if you're dating someone and they, you know, if they want to be with you long-term.

I would say more so pay attention to what he doesn't do, you know, that will give you. you signs that he's just not that into you, it shouldn't be that difficult. You shouldn't be forcing him to spend time with you or to contact you. Man are very simple. If they want to hit you up and contact you, they will, period. If you're having to ask or you're wondering, they're probably not that into you. Also, if they want to date you privately and they don't want to bring you around their friends or they just want to keep it at home, those are signs and it's not long-term. you are for now you are for private i think it's more paying attention to what they're not telling you than what they are because honestly as women we try to make excuses and we try to say oh he's just

busy oh he had to work oh he no oh he's just not that into you period it's very very simple with men stop making excuses for them stop trying to figure that out figure it out i promise you if you read the writing on the wall it will tell you exactly what you need to know Also, make sure they're consistent with their words and actions. And usually actions do speak louder than words that we all know, I promise. No, no, very, very true. Here's another question. If you're just getting to know someone, how do you address an issue best without starting an argument?

What's the issue? Well, that's true. Okay, so that look, communication, right? like figuring out what the issue is. I would say what not to do is say, I'll tell you what not to do. I need to talk to you. Or I got some,

you know what I mean? Like you already put the person on edge. Like they're trying to figure out what they did. It's just a little tense. Just I think the best way to address an issue without starting an argument is just to address it head on. Don't beat around the bush. Don't try to catch them. in anything

just address the issue like hey it really bothered me when you know you didn't write me back the other day or whatever it is or it really bothered me when you said this and let me tell you why it bothered me be in a calm voice

don't interrupt the person while they're doing something while they're busy but I personally hate when people are like I got to talk to you about something later or you know what I mean like that type of thing because then I'm like well just tell me what did I do you know don't make me stew don't make me wonder all day I also get to the point

I also would almost suggest whenever there is an issue focus more on from your perspective like I feel this way I perceived it this way instead of like oh you did this because then it comes off like aggressive and like it's all on them uh all the blame on them and whatnot just focus on you and because they'll end up respecting you more for sharing your feelings and being vulnerable if that makes sense very good very good no name calling no curse words people can't hear you when you do those type of things no also tone tone is the thing with me like i have to like take a couple of deep breaths in and out and say okay i feel like me do but i can't help it and it's Like the Russian, the, like, the sarcasm doesn't translate.

It's tough, I know. So, like, here's a handwritten note, and then they misinterpreted too. Listen, we're not perfect, okay? We're just simply telling you what you should do, not what we actually do. Okay? Right. Do you as they say, not as they do? That's it.

Okay. Okay. Okay, here's a good one. What are some good, what are some go-to ways to flirt via text and in person? Hey, emojis are creative for a reason. Oh, emojis are flirty. What about gifts? Sorry?

What about gifts? What do you call gifts or gifts? Oh, God. I just dated myself. What do you do about them gifts? I was like, gift? What is it? I think gifts can say a lot about a person.

and their sense of humor. So, yes, if you can use them appropriately, you go for it. See, that's almost like cheat flirting. Like, back in the day, you didn't have emojis or gifs, as the kids call them, to flirt with people. It was like, you had to be creative with your words, you know, or maybe send a picture, a tasteful picture I might add, okay? Not anything bad.

There we go. Yeah, like, it's, that's your words. right that I guess emojis are because I guess that is Brian and I communicate that way too okay but what about in person there's no picture there's no emoji what do you do I'm not sure but but but good flirt I think I'm doing something right on this but I don't know exactly what I'm doing um I think what I've noticed that may work certain things that you can do yourself and and you know you can, let the other, your significant other or something feel like they have to do it for you.

So that way they feel needed and validly and, like, want it. Like, if you left the jacket, you can carry your own jacket, but like, leave it on purpose. Walk away, be like, oh, shit my jacket. I'll be like, oh, I'll get it for you. Oh, Christina, with the game. Yes, I love this, but I'm like, I don't know. It's like, what else?

I'm trying to think. Are you, are you, I'm a touchy feeling. person. So I think a simple way to flirt is like a soft caress. So if they laugh, like maybe like put their hand, put your hand like laugh and touch their, you know, chest or shoulder or maybe their leg very, very quickly, but just like very engaging thing. It's like a very engaging thing. It's almost a little bit endearing and men love that. Or like, oh, she's into me. Oh, she thinks I'm funny. You know, even with the eyes, like the slight smile. Right. Laugh of the. A little bit of a smyze.

Yeah. That's true. And laugh, not cackle. Okay? Like, don't throw your head back in, because that's how I laugh. I've been doing it the whole time. Don't throw your head back. We're amongst friends here.

I laugh like that all the time. It is not cute. It is not sexy. Don't do that. Just like a little, like a coy little, something a little playful. I do agree. I agree with the touching tear. But I was, I guess, hesitant to say.

now during this time like how much touching can be done but there are it's like the back here the forearm don't like do one of these i mean you very gently but you don't want to like that's been one mood anyway can i tell you what's not cute ladies listen hear me out on this do not smile with your tongue in between your teeth i right what does i like like they stick their tongue out and like, you know what I'm saying. Just go scroll through Instagram and look through people. Like, they like stick their tongue out and smile through their teeth. I'm not doing a very good job at it.

I'm not good at it. And I'm not saying it because I'm not good at it. I just like, I don't think that's cute. I don't really think, I don't really think men like people. I can literally think of a picture right now. I'm like, I probably did that. It's not cute. No, not like sticking your tongue out and like the piece sign.

Not like the Instagram post. just like people do that they do like they stick that like they think it's cute i see it on the bachelor i see it on the bachelorette i see mint dude it's not cute right just smile just smile yeah teeth or no teeth that's all no tongue no time i hope that answers flirting gosh haven't I had to flirt in so long, if you like. Right? I don't flirt anymore. You should flirt with your husband.

Can you flirt with your husband? Yeah, I guess you can. Oh, gosh. Well, that's, okay. I feel bad. I'm like, when this is over with, let me go flirt with Brian. He'll be like, what are you doing? I'm going to go smile at him with my tongue in between my teeth.

Right. Record the reaction, please. Okay. Do you think it's healthy to leave doors open after a breakup? I tend to shut it first to kind of give myself some healing time process. And then I'll reopen the door just because I don't want to hold any resentment. Just because things didn't end the way that I anticipated them to doesn't mean that we can't be on good terms. But I think it's healthy in your best interest to close the door first until you stabilize yourself.

and get to a point where you're okay to reopen it. But don't reopen it with intention to, like, date again, just as fans to not harbor any bad feelings. That's my take. A perfect advice. I wouldn't even say anything to it. I will just say from personal experience, like just like telling a story,

when I got out of like a really long relationship, I would bury my feelings or what I was going through in another relationship, but not even in a relationship, just in dating, just to try to feel that void that I lost in a last relationship until it was just too much for me. And I was just like losing myself in dating all these people. I wasn't happy because I wasn't dealing with how I feel. So what Christina is saying is so on par, you've got to make sure you're okay. You can't be ready for the next person until you're okay yourself.

And disguising it by dating other people or partying because that's what I would do. It's just, it's honestly unhealthy for you personally. and just unhealthy for the next person that you're trying to be in a relationship with. Last question, and I think this is a good one. How do you put yourself out there more? Oh, it's a question for me. Just either one, whoever wants to take it.

I think what I've personally noticed that if you're going out, whether it's to dinner with your friends or getting drinks and you're genuinely happy to be in the setting with all your girlfriends and whatnot or like just your friends somebody who is interested and is also out kind of looking they'll notice you shine and they'll i think they'll gravitate towards you so literally putting yourself out there like that but maybe i'm not the right person for this to ask this no you're the perfect person i don't think that you should focus on necessarily putting yourself out there. I just think that you should focus on being the best

version of yourself. And I truly believe that then you will attract what is necessary for you. I think a lot of times we get caught up in what we don't have and what we want for ourselves. And we look at the things that we want and what we don't have that we want, if that makes sense. And so I think that rather than putting so much focus on that, it's just more important to just be you like get yourself right and eventually those things will come. I was like we want things when we want them but patience is really really key when it comes to this. I know for me and for myself I had a life plan like all Enneagram 8s do for themselves and I was supposed to be I'm 35 so according to my life plan I should already be I should already have three kids or should be pregnant with

my third kid and I'm married without kids right now but I'm glad that things happen as they should because now I'm with the person that I want to be with doing what I want to do even if I didn't it didn't go according to the life plan that I had originally planned for myself so you know put yourself out there as far as obviously getting yourself right but then also just you know if the question is more how do you put yourself out there more like you know maybe you're an introvert and you want to do things that are more outgoing, focus on the things that you enjoy doing and start putting yourself in those places with those type of opportunities, if you understand what I'm saying. I'm not sure exactly what the question is pertaining to, so I'm going to answer it both

ways. And I hope that that helps you. Sorry, I think it's perfect. I think, can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Sorry, my headphones died, so I have to hear you from the phone now. but yeah i mean if you enjoy cooking take a cooking class whether it's with your girlfriends or whatnot and then there may be someone out there taking a sushi class that's like you know what like you can find people if you're doing a yoga class or do things that you enjoy doing because there's bound to be someone in that same class course that probably enjoys doing the same thing so common interests exactly all right you guys i feel like we got through a lot of questions and I hope that I know Christine and I we took detours quite a bit

but I think well I think it's helpful to share personal experience and stories and for you guys to realize when you ask these questions they're not falling on deaf ears we understand what it is that you're asking what you're going through even though we might not be in that current situation there was a time that we were and so I think that it's healthy you know I like to think our bachelor happy hour listeners as our girlfriends or you know boyfriends and i mean that in a way of like you know like friend boys um and this is just like a good opportunity you guys have sent in your questions you've wanted to know our opinion on it and so i feel like we're sitting here talking to you we can't see you but we know you're out there and so i hope that this this conversation about

dating and putting yourself back out there and how to get yourself right for dating has really been helpful, especially during these trying times with quarantine and social distancing. And we also got to do a little gossip and be a little shady too. That's always fun and entertaining. Christina, I hope you enjoyed your time co-hosting. You've co-hosted before, but it's been a while. It has been a while. This is a little different just through the screen, but I really enjoy hanging out with you to

begin with so this is almost nothing different nothing nothing different we were we were a little um we toned it down a pit right like I feel like we we did we did well and um and behaving for the most part we have some fun conversations we have fun and we're about to have some more because you know I'm about to be in L.A. soon back and forth so more more to come don't think I forgot about hitting you up about who's been in your DMs either that's absolutely coming as soon as we get off this call You guys DM Christina bug her too and ask her. Ask her who's in a DM. Just ask for a hint.

Do that. Do that. I challenge you today to do that. You guys. You must say you too. Thanks for having me, Rachel. Oh, thank you so much for being in here for stepping in. We always appreciate you.

And I know our bachelor happy hour listeners do as well. Thank you guys so much for tuning in today. We love when we can do these episodes like these and just get you guys. involved feel like you're in the room and we're just having a big old powwow so we hope you got some of those answers to the questions that you sent in and we plan on doing this again so keep writing into us so we can have more moments just like this and the way that you can keep doing that you can keep liking and commenting and message you guys on our instagram account at baxter happy hour or on facebook and twitter at batch happy hour and last but not least please don't forget to subscribe

to our podcast on apple podcast Spotify or wherever you're listening to this right now. Bye you guys. Take care. He's safe. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate.

Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's important that we just reassure people that they're not alone and there is help out there. The Good Stuff Podcast Season 2 takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a non-profit fighting suicide in the veteran community.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join host Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of one tribe's mission one tribe save my life twice welcome to season two of the good stuff listen to the good stuff podcast on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast this is an iHeart podcast