Back Side - 12: Tom's FILTHY Habit! The Fellas RUINED Our Set & Revealing Our DARKEST Secret...

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

The lads have had their set stolen! Reev and Tom reveal way too much information and Lewis meets Batman & Robin!If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. I built it with my bare hands. Portable mics, I like this. How do you like it? It's not all my fault, there's something that happened while that happened while shoes were away the fellas knocked down our set we're getting too clear what because we started getting known as the fellas killer yeah they've literally taken away this is what

we got my crutches here just in case you have to be prepared for everything you steal them from my office you have to be prepared for everything stolen from my own my own office yeah this is all right i don't mind it i definitely prefer these microphones do you yeah makes you feel like you're not you're talking business. I do feel like I'm in a basement. I thought you said enjoy it, Alan. I've worked really hard on this. Look, we've got the ladder with the classic plan pot.

I've worked hard on this. I've worked really hard. It's all in my fucking dartboard. You can't just take stuff from my set, my office. You can't just steal stuff from my office. That dartboard is mine. These lights are yours as well. Those lights are mine?

Yeah. I'm filming at two o'clock. These better be back. He's just an off-mone, is he? I know. He's so unappreciative. It's all my stuff. And he has an arse.

Caring's caring, brother. I put hard hours into this. I was on my hands and knees. Why were you on your hands and knees? That sounds a bit weird. You're on my hands and knees why were you feeling that sounds a bit weird you're on your hands and needs stealing from in the dark feeds you with a couple of men i think it's nice so yeah this is our brand new set uh thank you for one of those disciples that like just cut the queue with jesus nabbed the bread and ran i don't think that's what happened

in the bible mate if i'm on it that's not how it went down you're one of the cheating disciples none of them cheated on what but by definition they would not be a disciple at that point you're the cue cut disciple the ones that you do not remember when like uh matthew 10 12 when jesus is like guys i've got loads of food and the guy's like all right i'm just gonna cut the cue nab it and i'm off he's got a load of bread doesn't he turn wine into bread turns water into wine water into wine

where do you get the bread from no he fed the 5000 by multiplying fish didn't he so he turned fish into bread no he turned fish into more fish and a race kick

I don't understand where the bread come from you should see that Theo was saying on pitch side that he would definitely win in IQ test same way he was

the bravest but we're not actually entertaining that are we just like when he said he was the bravest we all knew he wasn't here's one for you did you know if you ate 24 bananas in a day you'd die it's wrong that can't be true Just like when he said he was the bravest, we all knew he wasn't. Here's one for you.

Did you know if you ate 24 bananas in a day, you'd die? It's wrong. That can't be true. There's enough mercury to kill a man. It's not potassium. It's not mercury. If there were mercury in bananas,

we'd be in real trouble. I said some questionable things on this podcast, but I feel like the common consensus will be you're the thickest. You get mercury poisoning in like tinned fish. So rank now and we'll do this further down the line. IQ test.

Which order do we think The interesting thing about IQ is it's not overall intelligence. No, it's not. It's mostly just pattern recognition and how well you can

apply your brain to new situations. That's basically what an IQ test is. No, we should look at general knowledge, Chris. See, that's not No, that's remember

and that's him all over. That's not that's not yeah that's not definitive of IQ what happened in 1066 the battle of ice hell yeah Tom you're a

fucking genius you just passed the IQ test no this is that's not this is why IQ test is good because general

knowledge is just oh I can remember stuff we've already stopped that's a memory test almost yeah we took an arrow to the eye

Troy Harold wasn't it yeah I think it was wasn't it yeah William no no we need a Harold or William who's Harold who

took an arrow to the knee uh the guy Skyrim we've already established that if you have a good memory it means you're not learning new stuff we've learned

that on past regurgitation isn't it it's not actually your hard drive you're not putting stuff in your hard drive IQ is IQ is the opposite of that is

how well can you assemble new information. Yeah. That's why these two idiots come. He's adamant he's ahead of you, by the way. Lewis, if I said the word Fibonacci, what does that mean to you? It makes me think of someone Italian.

That's the guy from Prison Break. It's like Italian. I think we'll do well in this. That's the guy from Prison Break? Again, that's probably not an iq question i think they are like that is the gore of prison break i i wanted to talk to you about something because i received a message off a drunk theo um recently you also received a message off a drunk reeve asking to come out and you bottled it mate so yeah i actually did receive a message of Lewis coming out. I received...

Should we address that, actually? We'll get on to that. It's an unspoken rule. We'll get on to that later. When did I send this? You sent me a message whilst you were drunk. Oi, Lewis,

next time we film Backside, make sure you have this written down, okay? Just ask me, just say to Theo or just ask me just say to theo or just say hey guys what's this about like you fingering your ass in the bird cage the best thing about that is lewis i wasn't drunk no we weren't even don't sound drunk no he was a little bit drunk i'll let Reeve explain the story because it was an interesting one

because we basically lost him for a little bit it was after stream because we cycled to the Sidemen event oh it must have been

an England game then yeah yeah I think it was when KSI paid for me to drink loads of drinks oh KSI said down your drink yeah

it was exactly after that we should have said yeah this if you didn't see the stream basically KSI said down your drink yeah it was exactly after that we should have said if you didn't see the stream basically KSI kept donating loads and Reeve was absolutely fucking bladded

it wasn't Jai it was Harry no it was one of them I swear it was Harry it was Harry on his it was Harry on the cyber

and Harry was sat at the same table at the table yeah so you were done in yeah so it wouldn't it must have been during the World Cup then right

it must have been yeah because we streamed it I'm on world cup it was it was like a random it was because we were going to the party afterwards either way I was

absolutely fucking leathered um and due to the nature of being leathered and having a lot of alcohol

I needed a bit of a poo so we I was with everyone it was me you and Cal weren't we because we cycled on line bikes and then everyone split up and then we ended up and having a lot of alcohol, I needed a bit of a poo. So, I was with everyone. No, it was me, you and Cal, weren't we? Because we cycled on line bikes,

and then everyone split up, and then we ended up in Birdcage, which for people that don't know, it's a pub, little pub. But this is where it gets a bit confusing, Reeve,

because me and Cal are looking around, we've come out from the toilet, we're like, where's Reeve? No, I didn't even think you went in, did you? We went to the wee.

Then we go, where's Reeve? Then we look at him. I thought I went in on my own, and you two were waiting outside. No, we were outside, but you were in, did you? We went to the wee. Then we go, where's Reeve? Then we look. I thought I went in on my own and you two were waiting outside. We were outside, but you were taking ages. Oh, that makes sense. We looked back into the pub and we just see Reeve just like walking across the pub like this. Like, what is he doing?

Yeah. I think you couldn't find the toilet. No, I knew what I was doing. At that point, I'd had a shit and there was no toilet roll. So I was like, I'm going to have to go to the bar and ask can I have any toilet paper spare

so I'm waddling through with like probably shit on the inside of my arse because I haven't actually done anything yet and anyway I think I managed to get

a kitchen roll or something from the the bar in the bar he's walked out of the toilet excuse me I've just shit myself he's walked out of the toilet into the bar. In the bar? He's walked out of the toilet. Excuse me, I've just shit myself.

He's walked out of the toilet into the bar. You've got to remember, right? I am so fucking drunk, mate. It doesn't matter. Everyone's going, oh, is that Reeve? Fucking hell.

Anyway, I went back into the toilet and I think I just pushed a little bit too hard when I was wiping and I... I don't understand why... why reeve do you know what you actually missed out a bit of a part of the story which i think you might have forgotten so what actually happened i think that's your interpretation of the event okay right

so what actually happened was you know when we did i tell you what i'd done at the time okay so i yeah you know when you went to the the the bar to go get toilet paper yeah yeah so obviously when you do a poo like you can't really stand up can you because the first couple of wipes are a bit with a lot there's a lot to deal with it depends yeah but like there could be trust me there was a lot to deal with it could be a dingleberry situation so what he decides to do obviously no toilet paper oh shit no no no yeah yeah yeah okay carry on and instead of being like a

high IQ man I don't know take your boxers off use your boxers I'm sorry just don't do it he wipes his arse with his hand

with his hand I was panicking man and he said the only way to clean it was going up there I don't know why he did that oh yeah

fuck I actually I actually put that on the back of my phone when he went to the bar it was going up there I don't know why he did that oh yeah fuck I actually I actually put that out the back of my phone when he went to the bar it was our place yeah he had to go get

toilet paper from the bar to like finish up the job yeah yeah I mean it's still dirty wasn't it at that point I hadn't cleaned my entire arm why doesn't he just like call us and say

mate can you bring us toilet paper honestly that's probably one of the most degenerate situations I've ever experienced. Why has anyone ever heard that story? Just one of those things you forget about. No, no, no.

No, why has anyone? Why have all these known? I think the only people that did realise that story were Cal and Thea, because as I came out, I explained it to them. Yeah, that's my point. Okay, that's weird. Why would you even

that would never leave my mouth but why I don't understand even when I'm drunk I probably use my boxers or like why would I waste them why would I waste my

my bockies why wouldn't you just message us saying hey mate can you bring us some toilet paper instead of wiping your arse with your hand I've got a dirty finger at that point

if you're drunk would you honestly go on that was the idea my fingers are waterproof I'll wipe it and then wash them off and then worst thing that can happen finger at that point if you're drunk would you honestly go on that was the idea would you wash your hand with your hand my fingers are waterproof I'll wipe it and then wash them off

and then worst thing that can happen is I have to go to the bar and get more paper which part of the hand did you wait wait so can I get some

which part of the hand did you use how did you do it did you go like this was it like this was it like this probably it would have been

like that wasn't it see Steve for me personally what I don't understand is that you must have walked out of the cubicle. There's no way of wiping it off. You've walked out of the cubicle with shit on your hand.

Yeah, to get to the sink. Like someone walks in and sees you. Oh, wait, he's in a cubicle. I thought he was in like a private little booth. No. Just go in another cubicle, no? What? No, no, no.

That toilet has one cubicle. That toilet has one cubicle. That toilet has one cubicle. Okay. So it's like, it's a pub toilet where there's two urinals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you get from the cubicle

to the sink to wash your hands, you've got actual shit on your hands. Yeah, there's every chance someone saw me walking out with a brown hand. Mate, you've done it though, so it's up your fingernails. If I was you,

I feel like you made the right choice, but I feel like you used this part of your hand I don't think I had the capacity to assess that situation properly at that point so I think I did everything

that I could in that moment or sit on the sink and flush it I don't think it's that bad because you can just wash it off your hands yeah I think you're used to like

it's not like I fucking wiped it and then went oh so I'm guessing you would have naturally you're telling me you didn't smell like I fucking wiped it and then went oh so I'm guessing you would have naturally you're telling me

you didn't smell it I could smell it anyway there's no way you'd smell that no he would have smelt it I'm curious he wouldn't go up

and smell it no no I didn't you did taste it finger my ass full of poo and then immediately I wonder what this

jockeys shit on my hands yeah I know I think I know what he smelled if you washed your hands you would have smelled it

to be sure it's safe no I went to the bar and got told do you know what's awful

he's went to a party after this by the way so he's there like alright man nice to see you oh it's a long

time here long time yeah I'll have to have a shit then just go straight in the shower

you stand up with like pooey bum no he's not that pooey so then he's not that pooey so then you in the shower poo is just going down

your leg are you fucking serious you have poo going down your leg in the shower I love how he's getting this reaction and I've just said I actually fingered poo

out of my arm it's really not it's not as much as you think I don't know how much yours was circumstance your thing yeah yeah mine was very much

you're disgusting people poo at your girlfriend poo at her man standing in your little shit particle don't do that Yours was circumstance. Yeah, yeah. Mine was very much circumstance. You're disgusting. People, your girlfriend, standing in your little shit particle. Don't do that. She's there. You're fucking minging.

So if it doesn't go down your leg, where does the poo go? It just kind of, that's the point. You just wipe in. It just kind of comes out. You're wiping it with your hand. You have to wipe it with your hand. Oh,

it's your doing what he does all the time. But a choice sober. Yeah, yes. Definitely not. You know them people that you regret saying out loud? Is that one of them? No, not all.

So we're there. He sits in his bed and smells his own fart, which we've learned. And then after that, he'll go to the toilet, have a shit, and start rubbing his ass

with our wash. It's fucking mental what he's just saying. I don't understand. How much shit do you actually have after you a lot sometimes sometimes a lot yeah

I barely have to wipe that much let me get this straight you just put out pure rock hard shits every time no no it's just I don't really

text me like three or four wipes and my arse is clean I don't believe that I reckon you think it's clean no I'm I keep wiping

until I know it's clean alright you can't do three wipes that's impossible that you can't do three wipes that's impossible that's literally impossible like three also that is that is horrible

for the for the drain ecosystem by the way yeah probably a poo going down your bar yeah matted hair down the drain it really does

fuck the shower drain I mean you've really got down in my it's only if it's tying in it's only if it's tying in if I'm about to have a shower

we know the kind of character he is and that's the thing that's disgusting I don't care are we in the

shower I wear the shower all the time I brush my teeth in the shower as well I'll do that as

well what yeah it's quicker yeah I'll brush my teeth every morning what's going on

here two in one. Two in one, man. That's crazy. Here's my routine. I go... You've done a luxury toothbrush, no? Yeah.

Shower, shampoo in my hair. Hair. Body wash. Then I go... Get it off. And then I brush my teeth. Shampoo. Okay, whatever.

And then I go... Let's be... Hey, shut up for a second. Then I go... Toothbrush. Then I leave the toothpaste in for like a minute. Whilst I'm doing that, I wash my face. And then it all comes out at the for a second then I go toothbrush then I leave the toothpaste in for like a minute whilst I'm doing that

I wash my face and then it all comes out at the same time then I go what no obviously I wash my face and then spit

alright I don't know why but for some reason I've got into the habit of like you know when you brush your teeth you shouldn't rinse it straight away

no you shouldn't actually if I leave it for a minute well no you shouldn brush your teeth you shouldn't rinse it straight away no you shouldn't actually if I leave it for a minute well no you shouldn't rinse yeah you shouldn't use water straight

after yeah you shouldn't yeah but I do a little bit I don't you don't like the taste of toothpaste

well the thing is mine gets mixed up with my morning taste of mouth breathing so it's like a mixture of like fucking grime

why don't you rinse some water beforehand and then brush your teeth why don't you wipe your ass okay when do we get your new set then we should say by the way brand new set thank you for Rinse some water beforehand and then brush your teeth. Why don't you wipe your arse? Okay.

When do we get your new set then? We should say, by the way, brand new set, thank you for 30,000 subs. That's why we got the upgrade. Genuinely the reason why we've had an upgrade slash downgrade. It's an upgrade.

It's a grade. Is this your whole shtick now? Every 10, you're actually going to make the set shit out every 10,000? I'll tell you what, when we hit 35,000,

if you sub now, we'll improve the set. So, yeah, please I tell you what when we hit 35,000 if you sub now we'll improve the set so yeah please sub we're doing that thing where as we rise to success we're trying to

limit ourselves we're humbling ourselves overcome our adversity as we get bigger oh yeah Lou I want to talk about this little message you put in a group chat

recently I'll read it out I'll read it out I don't remember had a good time should we see a context of where I was

no okay Lewis puts in a group chat at half ten at night I'm having a threesome with Batman and

Robin and that's the photo it was so bizarre we don't it's like what

they're my friends A what were you doing and B how do you know them? And why are you calling them Batman and Robin? See, why did you send it into our chat thinking we'd know what it was?

Yeah. Who are they? Batman and Robin. They've done what, on Panto or something? No, okay, so for context, so I went to a Girls Aloud concert to see my lifetime crush, Cheryl Cole. Oh.

She's still got the moves man promise me promise me promise i made promise me promise me promise me talking to me you don't even know the lyrics yeah promise anyway tell the story promise me it's promise i made promise me promise me i've got a proper semi that's how she sings isn't it yeah and I went I

went to get some that is the most uncoordinated clicker I've ever had I'm just a love and I was getting into like the mood of it you know a few

drinks and that and I went to the bar again and this nice guy comes up to me he's like hello and he's like are you straight and that first and you went yeah and he went well I'm I went to the bar again and this nice guy comes up to me. He's like, hello. And he's like, are you straight? And you went,

yeah. And he went, well, I'm Batman. And I was like, I was like, yeah, well,

I'm willing to find out. No, I was like, I've never confirmed it actually. I was like, yeah, I think so. Your first response was,

are you straight? Was, yeah, I think so. You first response was, are you straight? Was, yeah, I think so. You never know, do you? I had a mate. Immediately he goes, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I had a mate who was straight all his life and then one New Year's Eve told me that he was gay. No, he wasn't then, really.

I had a phase where I thought, maybe I'm gay. Do you find men attractive? Do you want to have sex with men? Is that phase still going? No, so you're not gay then? Yeah, no, but we spoke about my dick problems in a previous episode and in that phase, I was like, maybe I'm just gay. No, but you would want to dick problems in a previous episode and in that phase I was like maybe

I'm just gay no but you would want to have sex with men if you were gay yeah mine was more if he's not working maybe no no no

maybe I'm attracted to men that isn't it's crazy how does mine work yeah it's crazy that's the jump you take yeah

no this is erectile dysfunction fucking hell I'm gay I can't get a bow and I must be gay when you're growing up you don't know things you should have tried you should have tried closing your eyes and imagining a man and gay porn as well it's funny my mate lives with him right um and they've been best mates all the life and like he went into the kitchen uh into the toilet one morning and there's this big thing

in the toilet he's like i've never seen this before he picked it up and um he went into his room and he's like what the fuck's this and he's like oh just be butt plug made genuinely was a fucking why did he leave it in the toilet i don't know i don't know i don't know if he was drunk the night before fell out his ass i'll have to ask if that's allowed it fell off fell out his ass into the side it's on the side he said he went into the toilet oh don't be so that's IQ left there into like the

bathroom oh okay got into the room where the toilet is then it was just there and it just must have looked a bit funky we're getting very

off topic here anyways you met Batman and Robin so I was thinking oh maybe he's coming on to me maybe I've got a thing with that

he probably was hey he was a handsome looking chap this guy as far as men go yeah yeah yeah objectively attractive can I ask which one is it it was batman not robin again i don't know who that is yeah you still haven't explained middle or left left okay oh he looks a happy jolly guy right so carry on so and he was like oh it doesn't matter i was like no no what would have happened like if i said i wasn't straight would you take me to dinner

like what's what's next yeah i was having a nice chat with him man he's a good guy um well what's wrong with that making friends no that's also quite an interesting thing to ask someone that though like what would yeah i was curious yeah but i think then i got served like a quick humbling and he was he was like no we were just saying like this top is really straight and then his friend um robin comes over and puts his arm around me he's the nice man in the sequence fest right with holes in and we had a nice chat i was like oh what's your name he's like robin and then his mate was like i thought there's gonna be more than that what were you gonna say oh they were like body doubles with batman Robin or yeah like they play Batman and Robin

in a play nah one was called Robin and then the other one was like and I'm Batman and we're like ha ha ha and then you went

oh my god let's take a picture of me to show the lads I thought they were like you're fucking weird we should kick him out of the group legit

kick him out of the group chat it's embarrassing I was like should I am I meant to know who this is yeah why would he just

random maybe you're in a box yeah out of context it was the strangest thing so who are they I was like should I am I meant to know who this is yeah well maybe they are Batman and Robin maybe you're in a box yeah out of context it was the strangest thing so who are they Batman and Robin do you not ask

like what they did for work or anything like that yeah no fucking hell so you met these people interesting interaction you met these two new people

and instead of saying oh what do you do for work you went save Gotham did you ever think you were going to be gay I definitely watched

gay porn to think if I was or not I think your reaction is a bit weird I've never known anyone do that we spoke about meat spinning the other day

oh meat spinning's different no it wasn't meat spinning you said we told you about the bouncing thing the sight where it's playing you, spin me.

You said pictures of cocks and people getting shagged into the chat way too often. Yeah, yeah, but I haven't watched it. No, but that's banter. That's banter. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, but I think it's like making you double sure that you're not. This is banter, but don't watch gear porn. No, but I didn't wank my mate off sexually I think that's quite common I think it is

I think people watching this will definitely maybe but I haven't known well maybe they just haven't yeah but you've

been a striker from young we've known that oh I don't know maybe like 15 I'm really surprised that you've not done that you know

I thought it'd be like you're so comfortable in your sexuality you're working out whether or not because I know well yeah I am comfortable but it's more

I was like me spinning that a different or the funny things what did he say you're trying to kid him the funny things I send from like

Twitter when it's like an old man getting shagged yeah yeah but that isn't me watching because I know that I'm fully heterosexual I can joke about it no but you said

you watched it to see if you were yeah but that was at an age where I didn't know oh right I've never I've never 15, 16 but in fairness You watched it to see If you were Yeah but that was At an age where I didn't know Oh right I've never I've never

15, 16 But in fairness The first porn It's a spectrum innit If I'd gone fucking hell Maybe I liked men as well The first porn The first porn

I ever watched Was gay Because I didn't know What porn was On my mate Hang on I was tricked That was tricked

You don't let me finish I was tricked I was tricked Oh no Stop showing me this I was like I was tricked. You don't let me finish. I was tricked. I was tricked. Stop casting me out as a trick. Stop showing me this. I was like, I was,

why isn't it working? My older neighbour said to me, oh, have you ever heard of porn? I was like, no, what's porn? He was like,

go home and type in gay porn. I was like, and I was like, Tom, how old's your neighbour? He was like two years older than me. It wasn't weird. He made me, it sounds very weird. It sounds very weird.

It was a bit weird, actually. How long were you watching this porn for? So your older neighbour, in this scenario, you're you, you're you. He wasn't there. He just told me to go over. Your older neighbour's like, you're right, son.

We'll live next door to you. He's like, you're right, son. Go home and type in gay porn for me. Let me know what you think. That's your uncle. You've been having a lot of drinks recently have I?

what's that got to do with porn can we address the fact that you're calling me out as an alcoholic yes you've been on one no you're not an alcoholic you're just a binge drinker

I drank at the England match and on Saturday that's it you threatened to get me in a headlock for the entirety of the pitch side pod if I didn't come out

and you didn't so really I should be doing that then you booked yourself a entirety of the pitch side pod if I didn't come out. And you didn't. So really, I should be doing that. And then you booked yourself a massage during the evening. That's irrelevant. I did that before. But you didn't actually come out with me. So you're laughing at me for going out drinking when I offered the invite. And then you said, no, no, but you're drinking.

Ha ha. No, no, I was. It was too much to catch up on that. You were gone. Yeah, I was at a birthday party and I hadn't eaten. Yeah. I like Sesh Reeves.esh Reeves a bit of a he's not coming out again mate

that's it that's what I've you're done for a year you're not going back to no no she's picking on me for that no no no you're not coming back

to Seshleyhem I say it with Reeves it's like when the dragon comes out and then you lose control it takes me a long while to put the dragon

back in the cage and he starts just holding on flying about, man. You should have come out. It was a good night. Yeah. It's your own fault.

I know you're picking on me for doing it. I'm not picking on you. You always moan that no one goes out for a beer with you. And then when people do go out for a beer, I don't know. This was like half 11. I've had two nights of drinking

in the past month and you go, you're drinking a lot recently. Not that minute. Bear in mind, he drinks every stream we fucking do. He doesn't say anything about me. We're used to him.

I like drunk Reeve. Good. Drunk you, Theo, threatens to kill me a lot. To be fair, I'm very affectionate when I'm drunk. I'm very affectionate when I'm drunk. Yeah, you're very affectionate. I was screaming in your face saying, I always look out for you. You shout so much when you're drunk.

And then I'm going, yeah, thank you, Theo. Thank you, Theo. And then he interrupts me saying, I look out for you yeah then i'm like out so much and then i'm going yeah thank you thank you thank you thank you and then he interrupts saying i will fucking kill you you chalked me four times within five minutes uh at the england game oh i don't remember a lot of that book yeah you were on one at england game i hadn't eaten though had i i hadn't eaten you know when i walked up and you had a bottle of wine in your hand i thought just i couldn't be asked keep going back down getting beers i was like let's had a bottle of wine in your hand, I thought, here we go. Just couldn't be arsed to keep going back down and getting beers so I thought I'd just have a bottle of wine.

You are very aggressive when you're drunk. No, no, he's not. No, not in a, not in a, not in a like, I'm going to like, kill you way,

in a just way, he likes to get a bit physical. Yeah, tactile. Yeah, well, you were wrestling me on the Farnham vlog on the pitch. You scraped me head up

with your fucking wand. Yeah, we did the shootout and then he just started attacking me on the Farnham vlog on the pitch you scraped me head up with your fucking wand yeah we did the shootout and then he just started attacking me on the middle of the pitch yeah on the video yeah

you're just using this podcast to air out how we bully you on nights out who's the worst drunk out of all of us you I'm not I don't even know

I'm just a bit tired he's up there you are up there you're really drunk you're a nightmare that is true actually I'm not that much different it's like two drunks for you though

there's like you when you're like Tom Garrett and cool and like yeah I'm drunk look at me lad lad then there's like crazy Tom when he gets drunk and it's like oh you need to keep away sit away from him tonight what's wrong with me I don't know what I've been I get very tired

what you do Lewis is like you start addressing all your issues going on in your head that you don't address when you're sober or you just fucking no man I don't have no problem

you do get a bit like when you're on camera especially you do get a bit like I'm Jesus kind of vibes I'm Jesus I know I was gonna say

it's interesting that one I reckon I can make you do anything on camera for the vlog no he's a content machine reckon I can make you do anything on camera. For the vlog. No, he's a content machine. That's it. Anything for content.

Anything for content, bro. Actually, when are you getting your... We weren't going to do prostate exam. Yeah. Well, you need to do it with me. Wasn't that a like target though, as opposed to... Yeah, well, we can do a new one. If we hit 35,000 subs by...

I don't really... I don't think I want to get a prostate. We need to do it for... To raise awareness. It does actually raise awareness. You're right. I mean... There you go.

And when we are perpetuating, you know, young lads looking after themselves. I'm like, why don't you... Why don't you get the doctor who did it to you before to come and do his bath?

The Sainsbury's general manager? I'm not sure. I'll watch. Just to... What? We'll check again. Oh! You dirty bastard

that's it Wandsworth Wandsworth yeah mate by the way that actually he is oh the one

on the the one recording you're a gangster you're a gangster I think he's just we're making history we we're making history

you're fucking filming it like you're on the set of a porno you're in a prison. Just look the other way. And why is he not going right into see his mate's cock?

Do you know what someone brought up to me the other day? You know how you've written here Stop the Brain Rot? You know Arthur TV? You know Arthur TV? Yeah.

He comes up to me the other day and says, Theo, you make some really interesting points and good talkable points on backside and it's a real shame that the

other three are not up to your intellectual standard to have a conversation about everything and then he said to me let's elaborate what points have you made that we have shut down immediately that you think should be discussed further the being blind one

you weren't shut down we agreed with that though there was one more there was one more about that for like five ten minutes there was one more but i can't remember but there's been a few times so one so one which we spoke about me three on the spot but i'd had a few well what else have you said you've had romans have also are you sure he wasn't taking the piss out of you he's been so serious he's like mate uh if you ever want to come on my podcast and we'll discuss those points further, please do.

Arthur, no, Arthur does take the piss. No, no, he wasn't taking the piss. He's schmoozing you to get the beer maker a beer. Go on, get a load of this guy.

Arthur does have lots of random knowledge. I was talking to him the other day. You know what he is? He was telling me about this. I'm going to butcher this. Arthur is smart.

But he was talking about this. There'm going to butcher this Arthur is smart but he was talking about this there's this Roman boat right that they did a famous journey back and forth all the time it was just Roman I'm going to butcher this

sorry Arthur we should get him on to discuss that he's coming in this afternoon and it's famous both it's right around both going back and forth right

and then like it keeps getting damaged so they have to repair bits by bit oh I know it is it's the ship of theseus yeah so each year to commemorate it they do the same journey but all the time they've had to replace each bit so the philosophical question is is it the same boat when every piece has been replaced yes or is it a different what point is it a new boat this whole time shit he's isn't it? Yeah, he's got a different accent. Boat.

I thought he said ball. There's a ship and they replace every single part on the ship slowly over time to a degree where every single part is a new part

from the original ship. Yeah. Is it the same ship or is it a different ship? Same ship. It's the same design. No, I think it's a new ship. It's the same blueprint.

It's the same ship. I think it's a new ship. But that's the question. That's the question. But at one point, now the question is at what point the same ship. I think it's a new ship. But that's the question. That's the question. But at one point, now the question is at what point? The final part. The final nil.

Yeah. So that one nil. Yeah, I agree. Of course it's the same ship. It's not because it's a complete... It's the same design. It's a replica. It becomes a replica.

It's a replica. Yeah. We can make that chair again, but it's not that chair. It's the same ship. But that's why it's a paradox question. This is why it's bullshit what Arthur said

because I've just made a point back to him and he just replies saying, same ship. It's going to be called the same ship but that's why it's a paradox this is why it's bullshit what Arthur said because I've just made a point back to him and he just replies same ship it's going to be called the same ship but why they won't change

it's name will they if I replace every piece of that ship over time it's still the same ship actually yeah I'm trying to think like say

if they get redone it's still the same but this is the thing as well this is the thing because they're not all doing it one day

it's that ship we swap it all over it's over time some pieces are like 149 years old 148 years old 147 so some of them are still really old say you add on a new fucking slab that slab then becomes that ship yeah if you add something to that ship it's becoming that but there's no technically there's no right answer to that's the point of the debate i think yeah i think i've chosen one. I think it's the same ship.

I do see your point because it's like connecting to the old piece that was that ship and now that's touching it. It makes it feel as one. Like we're now one. We're not one. We're one. I love how you opened that with

there's a boat that goes back and forth and then they just put new parts on it. No, he has a lot of interesting knowledge. It depends if you... He's a very philosophical guy I like that how do you define

the ship as the ship is it just the parts of it or the design yeah is the ship the constituent parts or journeys it's been on yeah why'd you have to

make it weird this is my point that's exactly that right there Lewis is an example made a great philosophical point of the journeys

it's been on. What's that got to do with anything? You said what makes it that ship and the journeys it's been on defines that ship. No. And you said

you're such an idiot. In relation to the question what makes it not the fucking I don't care if it's been to Timbuktu or Dover it doesn't matter where it's been

we're asking what makes it that ship or a new The journey and the stories of course it does Timbuktu or Dover it doesn't matter where he's been we're asking the journey that ship or a new the journey and the stories that have been involved in that ship

he's talking about the experiences that that ship has been because if that ship stays in the port look at you man you're so fucking narrow minded no you are wrong

because if that ship stays in the port it has no history it's done nothing it's not achieved but doing all these journeys that has history it's not

it's not irrelevant it's not you asked when does it become a new ship or is it the same ship it doesn't matter where it's been it does we're talking about the parts being replaced the san siro is that the same stadium without the memories that have been made in it technically yes no it's not it's completely different entity it means less to the heart no but you see now you're talking about a non-factual thing though yeah philosophical that's part of it

nothing to do with the question of it's like why are people great what makes it a new ship why are people great why are certain cars

great not very good for philosophy Tom what's your favourite sport sex brilliant

you asked to be fair you did ask it's not a sport though is it it is it is no it's not a sport though is it it is it is it's not my favourite

okay fuck it I don't care horse racing let's just take horse racing horse racing right Frankie Dottori wins a race

and his jacket the one he wore in that race it's this famous race that he's won he's broken all these records right they hang this

Frankie Dottori jacket up in a museum is it just a jacket or is it the jacket that he wore during that race that is something a part of history? That isn't

related to the question. This is my point. If you said to me, Frank is a Tory's jacket that he wore, silks, it's not a jacket. The silks, they replace it stitch by stitch over 100 years. When does it become a new jacket? I'm not going to go,

well, how many races did he win in it? Because then it's going to define... a hundred years when does it become a new jacket I'm not going to go well how many races did he win in it because then it's going to define you think outside the box but it you don't need to think outside the box with this question

the question that brought to the debate wasn't that he actually did a side question of it he asked a side question from that question that's what we were you think

in the straight lines what you need to do is go off the tread of and go and create a new one Lewis asked what makes it that ship and I off the tread of nuance and go and create a new one. Lewis asked what makes it that ship and I said the stories and the journeys it's been on

makes a ship. The thing is the questions get proposed as black and white but we're trying to search for the grey area. Actually no, I asked a question

and the question I asked wasn't that. I said how do you define it as that ship compared to a new ship? That's what I asked. Not the fucking journeys. Yeah,

and that does count, Tom. The people that's been on it, man. Oh my God. For example, this ship, 100 years ago,

this ship 100 years ago, this ship 100 years ago is now physically completely different to this ship now, right? And what's that got to do with the journeys

it's been on? Because the journey under that name and that ship counts as that ship. Do see what i'm saying yes i agree i do agree i do agree it's so black and white no but open your mind i'd slim shitty oh so yo i'm about to speak i'm about to spit some heat exactly what arthur's talking about you're so narrow-minded because whether it's being where dum dum whether whether it's being one journey or a hundred, when it becomes a new ship.

It's never becoming a new ship. Precisely. So it doesn't matter the journeys it's been. It does. That's the experiences, the memories, the history on it. Why people want to see it. Just because physically it's a different ship doesn't make it a different ship.

Oh my God, it's so annoying when you don't understand what I'm trying to say. Maybe you're talking ship. The question. Maybe you're just wrong a different ship. It's so annoying when you don't understand what I'm trying to say. Maybe you're talking ship. The question, maybe you're just wrong. Talking ship. The question is, if bit by bit it gets changed,

when does it become a new ship? It never does. He says it never does. You says it, the final part. That has got nothing to do with the journeys it's been on. It does.

I mean, I get what he's trying to say, but the point he's making is it's an irrelevant part of to the question it's not for the debate of what the paradoxical question is not important please please please explain why okay so say you replace a piece the first piece right and that ship never moves and you keep replacing a piece every year and those pieces that you've replaced aren't going on the same journeys of the previous ship then it's now not the same ship but if it's still doing the same mission going on the same experiences getting the same wear and tear creating the same history as the old ship it is then the same ship and also if you're writing a book otherwise it's

a replica kind of but at the same otherwise it's a replica that's not moving that's not living obviously i know we're gonna discuss it a little bit further but you could imply that with a house you removed everything every single part of a house and then put new bits in is it the same house or a different house but that doesn't move

that's the that's the if you which family is living in it if you if you get a historian now you know how stupid what you said is

it's not about the destination it's about the journey you keep trying to say things that just sound philosophical now you're trying to appease arthur you're hoping arthur's gonna see this you're not impressed bro that's true though or do you is it is it about the journey or the destination i mean it depends what it is we can bring more philosophical questions in yeah well you like your philosophy so you can you can bring us a philosophy philosophical thing each week and we can yeah i'll bring it i thing each week and we can...

Yeah, that's good. I'll bring it. I will find the answer. Yeah, sure. We'll see how deep you two really are. I'm a very deep person. You like going deep, yeah? You're only deep when you're drunk, Liz, because you can't hack the truth.

No, no, I just don't... I don't need to... I, inside, think about and deep and break down. You like going deep, yeah? Yeah. Sentence. I don't know. There's just a bunch of words in a row

but you don't on the outside you don't think so I actually think you're a lot more dense than you realise we can wrap there if you want to

unless you want to give us a fact I think we have a good fuck this one I think save it it's monkey prostitutes well if you want to find out about the monkey... You need to beat the copy XFM.

The allegations are never getting beat. Let's do it into monkey news now. Make sure you subscribe, please, because otherwise Lewis loses his job. And we should say, if you like this episode, we have 10 other episodes, all evergreen. They are timeless classics. Well, recommend one right now.

Oh, absolutely. The Theo saying is the bravest. The animal one. Oh, the animal one., recommend one right now. Oh, absolutely. The, uh, Theo saying is the bravest. The animal one. Oh, the animal one. That's weird.

That's my least favorite. Oh, the hairy monkeys. No, the hairy fish. Yeah. Hairy fish. That is a good one.

That is a good one. Right. See you next week. Bye. You made it to the end. Well done you. If you haven't already hit that follow button, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week.

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