Back Side - 13: Theo Baker’s DISGUSTING Habit! Tom Has ANGER Issues? & Do Monkeys Have S*x For Pleasure?

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

Tom reveals what he cannot stand about Theo. Lewis brings his WORST fact yet as he claims Monkeys invented money and Reev brings a philosophical question to solve.If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. Roll credits. roll credits we were just walking to the studio

and he lets out this massive fart just as like I hate this keep going you're trying to be the main character as always again

it's embarrassing he lets out this massive fart there's like four people exit the lift and we have to like awkwardly fucking shuffle past him

that is one of the final lifts is like one of the most awkward things can I just say that is the biggest load of shit they came out the lift

about 50 yards ahead of us and as they were walking towards us I farted I kind of I kind of alpha from you it was hilarious and do you know what's hilarious yards ahead of us and as they were walking towards us I farted and they're walking into that that's kind of

alpha from you it was hilarious and do you know what's hilarious because he screams and goes like oh god it's so embarrassing

now we have to walk past them can you remember in Dublin when he was farting in the taxi to the airport that was bad

I don't know if you want this in but he was picking his nose and wiping it on the door and then when I was going to him stop that he was picking his nose and wiping it on the door and then when I was going to him stop that

he was going yeah the only bit I remember in the taxi on the way back from Dublin to the airport was that Tom just going

stupid bitch yeah picking his nose wiping the door he was still fucked yeah I had about an

hour's sleep here's one for you guys you know you said their names were Victor and Gerstl shut up here's one for you

take a bit of this is obviously not Reeves philosophy oh mate what are you here here's one for you trust me this will blow your mind

ready is it another thing off TikTok is it about you cream-pouring your missus again? It is off TikTok How in the world Do you remember when you said You cream-pour your missus

You're really really funny Tell another joke It wasn't a joke It wasn't a joke Let me do my monologue You said you cream-pour your missus Yeah You're a raw dogger

Every Saturday night It's on record After Saturday night Take away You're 30 You're almost 30 You are 30 You say almost 30 You are 30 You say

You pencil in your calendar Every Saturday 7pm It's sexy time It's just we know That you book it in There's nothing wrong With cream pie

It's a weekly appointment You say We can see your calendar It's not weird to cream pie Your missus Every Saturday night At 7 o'clock You're cringy

On the dot Anyways On the dot On the spot Under a minute How I can't be honest This show

I can't be honest I just walk out On the spot. Under a minute. How? I can't be honest with this show. I can't be honest. I just walk out. So I walk out. Oh, stop being so touchy. You with your friends. Yeah. Stop touching it now.

Why don't you act like a friend then? Go on, read it out then. I don't want to read it out anymore. Let's hear you read it out. No, you're not reading it out. You wore those shorts. Shut up, Lewis. How in the world Has I'm too old for this man I'm the oldest here

Oh god That's just getting wetter I want to do one Smell it At some point I think You actually might Shit yourself I'm going to do one

Have you ever seen that video of the guy on the sofa no you must know the guy on the sofa what were you going to tell us yeah no

read it out when he farts and his log just falls out of his shorts no no no let's see that how in the world has Apple not created

a beach mode on iPhones oh my god why does it go dim on the beach? You can't see your phone. What? I don't understand it. I haven't thought about that. I don't get it.

I don't get what you're on about. You know how like there's night mode on the phone? Yeah, and then you've got full volume, full brightness. Yeah. You know when you're on the beach and you're trying to look at your phone but you can't see it because for some reason it goes really dark?

It's because the sun's on it. so yeah i thought it should get brighter but like there's any certain amount of brightness it goes darker no to prevent overheating oh yeah so okay so you know then you can't see your phone so why don't they just do a beach mode but how would the beach mode work that would just put the brightness brighter yeah i don't understand the point oh i don't think this't understand the point I don't think this is making the edit I don't think this this cannot make the edit it's true though

what about the bit where you nearly shut yourself this is one of those moments where Arthur goes man that's such a great point I don't give a fuck

what Arthur thinks but you just nabbed it off someone else I want to join the Batch and Arthur podcast this also isn't your point you've seen a TikTok about it

I agree with it it's like people who go i don't even have a comparison to that actually i don't know what to say now i feel like yeah i don't know what to say to a flyer he was farting you were shoving mics and faces we went about your cream pie night yeah and now you've just ruined the mood Installing update. What's going on? Christ. Maybe you just put me in a bad mood because you're rude to me. Oh, no.

The old sympathy hour. World's smallest violin hour. There's a lot of banter someone can take, but when they reach a certain level of banter, it becomes no banter. Has it become too much for you then? Yeah, it has. Okay, we'll stop

you stop that's when you keep going because you build the thicker skin you evolve but if you can't handle it I'll stop

no that's when you power down no I'm going to stop if you stop that means you're not a friend no I'm going to

stop pussy it's fine you can ban me because I can take you but I won't ban you

do we have a structure to today do we have anything we can talk about well It's fine. You can ban me because I can take it, but I won't ban you. I don't know what we... Do we have a structure to today? Yeah, do we have anything we can talk about? No structure today. Well, um... Stop it. Tom's been in a very angry mood today. We record a pitch side this morning if you listen to...

Today? I wasn't angry. I know why you're angry, though. Come on. There we go. She said, I know why you're angry though. Come on. There we go. She's having an interview with my girlfriend. Girlfriend's back today.

Oh, that made me angry. That makes me so happy. You literally, literally off camera, it might have been recorded, you said, fuck's sake, Liv's back today.

I've got to take her out or something. I'm so happy right now. Obviously this can't stay in. Welcome back back my girlfriend no I'm not I'm not angry today I'm just usually angry

okay actually I'm not I'm not even that angry do you know what do you know what I figured out and someone oh sorry what someone

what someone pointed out to me and I think it's right I think the way I sound makes me appear angryrier than I am. I said to him, nice and polite upstairs, just a second ago,

saying, should we head down now? He's like, don't talk to me ever like that again. Yeah, I think in any accent, that's what I feel. No, that was serious. You're grabbing by the throat. Yeah, it's more for a laugh, though. I like...

It's funny. I get a thrill from just like like a schoolyard bully yeah I like just were you a jock abusing you were you a jock

in America I went to an English school so what you on about and when you were in America were you a jock well no we were actually the look down on so like the basketball players

were like the cool guys but we fucking and like Megan Rapinoe and that they were the cool ones what did you just say she's the real winner I did not I didn't really So like the basketball players were like the cool guys but we fucking shagged the basketball players. And like Megan Rapinoe on that day was a cool one. What did you just say? She's the real winner.

You shagged the basketball players? I didn't really. But you are an angrier man than the usual person. He's not angry, he's aggressive. Aggressive. That is probably true. Because he's also very lovable

but he's an aggressive love. Like he'll grab you. I love you. Like he did with you and Chip on the other day on the bus. He grabbed you and snogged you.

I'll tell you what, I have the shortest patience known to me yeah you do you are an impatient man my patient is no no no no comprendo no comprende would you say you need to seek help i don't know i'm gucci well that's why we're here i thought we could like lay out the floor for him to sort of get out his inner anger to calm him down. Well, back side therapy. Yeah. Room 101, as you called it. No.

You just ruined it. He's just... Tomerpy. No. Again, what you're saying when we've all agreed that the show...

Room Tomer1. Room Tomer1. Every week, I'm going to put... Room 101 is a place where you're deep You've never seen Room 101.

I've never seen it, though, no. Where was it? Explain it to me. Read it to me. Put them in. It's basically people's most disliked or worst fears possible. They all get stuck in like a Room 101.

No, an easier thing is, so Frank's going to present it and there's three guests. It's still going. Yeah, it's still going. I'm Dave. Yeah, and they all choose something to go into Room 101,

which is basically get rid of. You get rid of it. Yeah. And Frank's going to choose his. So I'm going to each episode give you one. Actually, should I give you three things and you can decide what to put in? Okay.

You can all vote. This whole concept of the show is confusing me. I'm really surprised. Tom's an angry man. He's going to come in and rant about something that's pissed him off. Oh, so it's not last night. And we'll be here to tell him that he's a...

No, you have to... You could... So some people would go like electric cars. And the reason I want to put electric cars into Room 101 is because they... Like, obviously, you have to wait for them to charge. Now I get you. On long distances, they piss me off.

You have to explain why. When they go into the room, it's going to be there. Cool. What are you putting in? Right, so I've got... Well, I've only really got two things today. So not the three you just said. It doesn't matter how many I have. You might have had a good week.

You might have had a good week. First one, and I swear to God, this could make me... I'm not a very violent person on the whole. I'm not. I'm not. I don't think I could ever kill someone other than when they chomp

and yap their food are we putting Theo in room 1? I don't do that you were doing it early with your banana and I nearly wanted to shoot myself man eats a banana but you eat it like a giraffe you eat with your banana and I had to, I nearly wanted to shoot myself. Man eats a banana. No, no, no, no, no, no.

But you eat it like a giraffe. You eat with your mouth open sometimes. You were rushing me. Lewis wasn't even there. He wasn't in the room. And you were eating like a pig.

It's quite sad that you actually get so angry by someone eating a banana. No, it's not just you though. Do you know who else does it? I feel for you actually. Who pisses me off

and he does it the worst. It's my dad with sweets. He'll have a hard-boiled sweet, and it'll be in the car, and it's... And I'm like, Dad, you've nearly finished that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he starts crunching it, and I'm like, thank the fucking Lord. And he picks another one up, and I'm ready to blow. Sounds like you have anger issues. Oh, God, no. That, oh, my, oh my God,

I could smash the car up when he does that. I don't know, it makes me so angry. Is that a normal reaction? It is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I'm going to bring us all hot bottle sweets next week.

No, no, just the sound of clacking. And do you know the thing is, it's like with the chewing, with food is, it's such a basic skill. It's such a basic skill you're taught as like a four-year-old.

Yeah. Or don't feel like I should have to tell someone, can you close your mouth while you're chewing? Because like a three-year-old's doing it. Why do you have your mouth shut? I don't know what that means. So if I'm a mouth breather, I might go... That's okay.

No, he's joking. That's okay. Because I'm he's doing? That's okay. And then the food goes. Yeah, it's a big bite. I know this is your thing, but you're a fucking hypocrite actually. You don't do it. Have you ever sat around him like in the studio?

Where no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is what he does. Or he do, or do that a lot. This is what he does. It's silence and he just goes. All that is true, you know.. I do that a lot. This is what he does. It's silence. And he just goes. Oh, that is true. You know. I do do that.

Because you really are a married couple, you see. No, no, no. I've never picked up on that. He's fucking up. When I used to work at my old job, I'd be in the office and I'm just there like. What I do is I hold my breath. It's like you've just shit yourself each time. I don't know why I do it.

So I'll just be there typing and then I'll just go like. The only. Yeah. I'm alive. And people in the office will be like you all right and i'm like restarting yeah passing out it's like the sound of like doing a silent wank if someone's like in the house you know what i mean you're just like well i don't know why it's actually really hard to like anyway keep going that's getting loud loud eaters and

yappers like chompers that's one when you were a child, you 100% used to have chocolate around your mouth all the time. Remember the pitch side thing where you licked the spoon? No, no. The knife? The knife. If you didn't see this, they were cutting a cake or something. I'm a knife licker. And they all licked the knife and put it back.

I'm a knife licker. There's loads of knife lickers out there. I lick the knife. We're not when I'm sharing a cake with other people. That was just an automatic reaction. I love you had a big lump of cake and you're like, that's too good. It's true though, you're a knife licker, I know you are. I am, yeah.

Yeah, there you go. But not when I'm sharing. Is it not really dangerous? You've never made a mistake? No, but you live up here. I'm a pro knife licker. If you started learning it from an older age, because you're older, it takes you a lot slower to learn things, so you might cut your tongue off.

No, no, not on a butter knife. You're not going to cut your tongue on that. I'd do it on a steak knife, yeah. Oh my God. I don't do it on a steak knife. Jesus. Licking the blood off it.

Although, saying that, one of my darkest moments at work when I used to labour was I bought a pasta pot to work and I had no fork or nothing and there was no shops nearby because we were out

in the country on this house and I had no fork or nothing and there was no shops nearby because we were out like in the country on this house and I had to use a Stanley blade to eat the pasta with. That was a dangerous meal. That's kind of exciting though, no? Why didn't you just

eat your hands? No, because I was so hungry and I could only eat like one pasta at a time because it was so dangerous. You just poured it in your mouth. You just drink it, don't you?

Hot water? I suppose, yeah, but no, yeah. My hands were filthy so I couldn't like... Stephen drink it and he was like, I've got not too gentle. Remember pasta pot at school?

Remember pasta pot? Pasta King. Oh, so Pasta King. Yeah, we had that. Did you ever have the bean and cheese Pasta King? Yeah. Oh my God. I only used to have the ragu.

No, but they would have bean and cheese on it. Oh, I don't remember that. Our person used to put it in with her bare hands? The pasta. Pick up the beans? No, the pasta. She'd put the bear with her bare hands. There was a bear? Like pasta.

So she's just like... She's a hospital. At school. With gloves? No. With a condom on her hand? With a hat. The actual hat.

Yeah, with just a hat. She had a Johnny on her hand. Did she put gloves on for everyone other than you and it was just like a she wore gloves for everyone else and then she took them off as you turned up

and went illegal anyway so that's the first one then the second one you can decide which one goes in oh my god

what's going on with this the second one and look I get it people come to London. Oh, my God, we're in London. If you don't know where you're going, right, on the tube, and you've got a pram or a fucking big suitcase,

how about you don't stand in the middle of the hallway deciding which way you need to go? Just move to the side. I completely agree with that. It's so annoying, especially when you're in a rush. Hey, I've got one to add to that. Or people who don't stand to the side of the escalators. Fucking, if you don't know the etiquette, Google it.

Why do you think everyone else is stood to the right? Why? Tom, what about this one? Ready? When you're getting off the train and the people getting on, just stand there. No, no, no. You need to move to the side.

No, no, no. Even worse, start trying to get on before you get off. You horrible bastards. See what that is? That is a person that hasn't been raised probably in any manners if someone's getting off the train

let them get off before you fucking cram in because you can't obviously it's crammed you can't get on until we get off what are you gaining by trying to push past me

you fucking what about this one when someone you open the door for them yeah when you open the door when you open the door and walk through

and you know you let someone through door and walk through and you know you let someone through and just walk through and they don't say oh thank you I mean yeah I don't nah

that is the worst that is pretty rude no honestly I look at them I just stare at them they're just blank yeah that is pretty rude we're just putting

basic manners in the room now instead yes I mean no and I go you're welcome alright so that's I always do that sarcastic you know I'll do that yeah no and I go you're welcome right so that's I always do that sarcastic you know

yeah I'll do that yeah you're so welcome or if you let someone pass in the car no nothing I'll see you later and they don't

or they go yeah thank you London's a weird place for people anyways though remember when we were doing the it's just a high stress environment

we went to the billboard thing for backside we were like videoing some stuff. You were on the phone at this point. Yeah, I remember that. And like, yeah,

these couldn't make it. We were doing some shots of the screen. Some guy comes over. He's like, can you delete that footage? And I'm like, what? I was like,

I don't want to be in the background of any footage. I'm like, where am I? I'm the main character. You think this is your moment? I'm on a billboard. We weren't even filming him.

Nah. We were nowhere near him. People are that all bizarre because it's like, I'm sorry, my friend, my friend, no one's watching you.

I also thought maybe he's like an M.I.F.I. Yeah, he's off the grid. Like he's off grid, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Also, he did just sound like a knob

though at the same time. Yeah. Was he American? And we were like, oh, don't worry, we're filming the billboard. He was like, oh, that's fine.

He started trying to crack on with us afterwards. Oh, what? He's got him again. same time yeah was he american and we were oh don't worry we're filming the billboard he was like oh that's fine right so try to crack on with us afterwards oh again right so let's have a vote i'm going this is a really hard 50 50

loud eaters or what was the other one poor etiquette on the two yeah poor etiquette around public transport because i couldn't come across that more

especially on a lift if you come out lift and the door's open, you better go out and there's a man just there. I'm like, fucking leave three foot, you prick.

This is a real dilemma for Theo because obviously on the one hand, he falls into the category of chomping and on the other hand, he doesn't use public transport.

So how's he ever going to know? I actually see Elizabeth flying all the time. Final decision, chomping. He's going into

room 201. Anyway, the last episode you teased us with monkey prostitutes. Ah, ah, ah. We have something even better. I see what you did there.

Ah, ah, ah. That is my favourite one so far, but now I am extremely paranoid that it's bound to be something like Carl Pilkington's dead. But I genuinely don't like it.

Not like any of us to copy what other people say. Yeah, we'd never copy that. Wait, wait, wait. Before you go on. I need to be sang in by this. You need to keep doing that. Where do you find you do the most thinking? On the toilet or in the shower?

Neither, because I'm always watching something. Probably both. That's the point. Your brain's most active when it's not stimulated, right? Mine's in the shower. Yeah. Singing in the shower. Okay, what was your thing?

On the toilet. I just learnt a fact with me, Lewis Bowden. It's got worse. And also getting longer, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It started with like four words. The first time you did it,

it was like... You're going to fart. I just learnt a fact. And it's a good one. Touch my leg. Feel the hair. Feel the hair. How does it feel?

I don't know what they're doing. It's all right. I want you to be like... All right, a few warm-up facts for you. No, no, no. Give us the monkey posse. No, no, no. I'm just...

These are quick one-liners. One-liners. one-liners. Hippos can swallow a Ferrari. What? They probably could. Hippos can swallow a Ferrari.

Yeah, I'm happy with the headline. Let's move on. Yeah. In Korea, they grow square apples and the year is actually 1700.

So, monkey prostitutes. Yeah, just processing all those before we, yeah, I know. Wait, no, no no what was the first one you said hippo hippos can swallow ferrari if it's broken down because they can eat metal or something like no no they can swallow a whole they can't they so you could just drive into their mouth yeah i don't have the ability to no no it's true to argue that isn't it a proven fact, isn't it? Is it like a toy Ferrari? No, probably not.

These are real. Yeah, and then Creole, yeah, square apples. But also, the only way that works is if someone's pressing the button

on the back of it. Because the hippo goes, ah, it's the hungry hippos. All right, Lewis. Is the proof to me that a hippo

They grow them on purpose Yeah aesthetics aren't they No they just have square apples No no no They grow them so that's intentional No no no that's not what the fact was The fact was you said they grow square apples Can't do that

Lewis Prove to me that a hippo Can swallow a Ferrari These are just headlines Show me a Ferrari. These are just headlines. Show me the picture now. These are just headlines. These are just headlines. Go on, monkey prostitutes, please.

We'll probably elaborate on the 1700 one in a future episode. If you are curious, it's fucking mental. But monkey prostitutes. In other words, bollocks. So this is good. This is good. So a little bit back in the day, obviously,

wrongly, I think the world agrees, you know, scientists used to do experiments with monkeys. When? When though? When?

Like 1980s. Are you guessing? No. Is that a guess? No. What does it say? What year does it say? Let me...

When is 60 years ago? 1980, it's fine. What then? It's dumb. No, but it makes a Let me... Only 60 years ago. 1980, it's fine. What then? It doesn't matter. No, but... It makes a difference when it is.

That's in 1980. But you're laughing like you don't actually know. That's going to get brushed under the carpet. I love that. Just move on. 60 years ago.

Just move on. Just move on! No. No, you're not skipping past. That said 1980. Show me where it says 1980. No, I'm not showing you my notes. So you're guessing? No. I'm not. Go on, carry on. They're loose skipping past it. That said 1980. Show me where it says 1980. No, I'm not showing you my notes. So you're guessing?

No, I'm not. Go on, carry on. It's as fast. So 1980s, they're doing some research on monkeys, and they're trying to teach monkeys how to use money. They're trying to see... What type of monkeys? I don't know.

Just monkeys, isn't it? You're walking a very tight rope, you know. We could get copyright claimed by a certain bald man in show business is this monkey news can I ask a quick

are you trying to do what I'm doing this is the thing right can we just we put this forward I understand this is essentially monkey news but it's not

it's loose as fuck what's monkey news can I ask one question quickly really please and if you are this is real by the way you might know

okay alright fucking hell pressure's on is a monkey just a monkey Can I ask one question quickly, really, please? And if you are... This is real, by the way. You might know. Okay, all right. Fucking hell, pressure's on. Is a monkey, just a monkey, like its own animal? Yes. What do you mean? What? Or is it like a head animal? Like, you know how you've got different monkeys?

I can't... You know how like a lion is a cat? Yeah. Yes. Is a monkey a monkey or is it like a spider monkey? Okay, I think we're in danger. You know how there a lion is a cat? Yeah. Yes. Is a monkey a monkey or is it like a spider monkey? Okay, I think we're in danger. You know how there's a spider monkey? I've gone down a wormhole here.

Is there just a monkey? It's like a gorilla is an ape. Yeah, yeah. But then monkeys, are they more stupid? Is there just monkeys? Is there an original? You know, there's like, it could be like an orange monkey or there could be like a spider monkey. So you're asking if there's a monkey monkey?

Is there a monkey monkey? Yeah. Just something called a monkey? No. Yeah, that's these. I don't think so. No.

Yeah. No, there isn't. You have cats, but then you have big cats. Oh my God. What are you on about? No, there isn't an animal called a monkey.

Yeah, and they're forms of monkeys, aren't they? Yeah, there is. Clip that, you fucking idiot. No. Monkey. Monkey, right there. That won't be called

Just a monkey It is It's a monkey And then you have Different variations A blue tongued monkey A monkey A monkey is a common name

That may refer to Most mammals Of the infra-order Simiformes Yeah Also known As the simians Yes

Traditionally All animals in the group Are known as simians Are counted as monkeys Except And then you've got like Lemurs You've got lemurs Spider monkeys Traditionally, all animals in the group are known as simians are counted as monkeys except eight. Thus, monkeys in that sense constitute an incomplete paraphyletic grouping. However, in the broader sense of cladistics,

eight brackets homodia are included. Yeah, but monkey's just a branch name for all forms of monkeys, isn't it? There isn't an animal called a monkey. That's what I was asking, so I'm glad we got to that. He says there is. Apparently, this is what they experimented on, a monkey. So they had a monkey in the 1980s, a few of them,

and they were teaching them how to use money. Now, this goes on for years. It's not something overnight. And before you start saying this is mental, we literally have a gorilla that can do sign language. So this isn't inconceivable that can do sign language. So, this isn't inconceivable that they're using money. But they're apes,

they're not monkeys. They are smart enough to use money. So, what they started doing was they give them- We've got an ape that runs a podcast as well. A chimp.

A chimp. Fuck. They give them some coins and they had like a little shop and like, you could give the coins for a banana. And so, they're like, okay, coin equals the coins for a banana. And so they were like,

okay, coin equals banana, coin equals banana. Yeah, that's just, yeah. I can believe that. And then you build on it. What happens when you add a second item into the shop? If you say that.

Into the shop, what do you mean? The second item being sex. No. Blow jobs. No. Condoms. Don't worry, this is fucking mental by the way.

So second item. Yeah, it sounds it. Jelly. So there's some jelly in the shop now, but it's at a different price. So the monkey realises two coins for this,

one for this. Yeah. Interesting. And to get these coins, you know, I have to... If I put my hand up, I get a treat.

Yeah. So we agree so far. Brilliant. But you still haven't told me what animal it is it's a monkey Pavlova dog

you're really annoying me today I haven't actually done anything wrong here learn behaviour theory A in psychology over here Pavlov and his dogs we already said that Pavlova Pavlovian

Pavlova's a fucking dessert isn't that a Russian dessert Italian no it's not that loaf is a fucking dessert isn't that a Russian dessert Italian no it's not it's actually Australian I think but it's named after a Russian dancer Italian no no I'm just trying to bet

I'll get the answer up I'm just trying to bet come on £10 I'm shook we take £10 off £100 UMI. It's Australian slash New Zealand dessert, which was named after a Russian dancer.

Australian. Why do you know that? Because I had to Google it the other week when it was on a menu. Yeah, named after a Russian ballerina. I didn't know what it was. That's funny. That's kind of cool.

Kind of cute. So you've evolved to two items and now the monkeys have started to realise these things come at different values just get to the bit

where the monkey sells its body no this is important this is like interesting stuff about a monkey's brain foundations so what do you do

you have to a monkey's brain in which you haven't even told us what type of monkey I know what you do Lewis third item I'll admit

there's many things I've said that I deserve nitpicking and shouting down. He's just, you're reaching right now. I'll give you a reach around. Trust me, in a few seconds, there'll be plenty of material that I imagine that you'll come at me with. He's doing what you do, Ronaldo.

Yeah, but right now this is fine. No football. Yeah, no football. This is not a football show. So what do you do? Next, you introduce price shocks. So now, ah, it's a fluctuating market. FIFA. So the jelly's now worth one and the bananas price shocks. So now, ah, it's a fluctuating market. FIFA.

So the jelly's now worth one and the bananas are worth three. Oh, this is three. Now I have to save up my coins. Inflation in the monkey world. Now we can put our coins together and get a banana. They're starting to understand the concept of money. It's fucking crazy. And inflation as well.

So now you have these groups of monkeys and there's like the shop, it's price shocks. They're trying to save, wait for the price to come back down down they're doing extra chores in the zoo uh getting coins in the zoo yeah no wait lewis lewis hold on rewind rewind rewind there's one monkey in the corner with a brush going ha ha ha lewis can i ask you so you're telling me in the zoo, like these guys have taught these monkeys to do like the cleaning and they get money. I'm not saying cleaning. I'm saying they might shuffle some hair on the side.

Whatever, they've given these monkeys actual paid jobs. From the poo? Yeah, yeah. Paid jobs. They're getting paid. No, they're like employees apparently. Every now and again, the monkeys come out to, you know, obviously the people that visit the zoo

and go, whoo, whoo, whoo. And then through the back, they're playing poker for bananas. Hold your horses there oh my god it's like a christmas party in there so so they start to do like some chores in the cage and i'm joking like dogs can do this dogs do things for treats this is not crazy monkeys are smart on the dogs so they're like right i'll sweep this up i'll move this poo over there i'm getting coins in return we can build do this

blah blah blah so it's all working and one night the zookeeper comes in late after work don't you dare don't I know exactly

what you're going to say so he forgets his laptop he comes in and the monkeys are gambling fuck off yeah the gambling right so my guess is you're right no I swear they all smack in and the monkeys are gambling fuck off Louis Louis right so my guess

is correct no I swear they all smoke in his mouth I mean it's no it's true you are an idiot no it's true

I'm not saying they're playing cards obviously so how are they gambling Louis but by the way this is not inconceivable

instantly Tom monkeys monkeys gambling monkeys gambling for money they've earned the money they've just earned from a day's work doing chores at the zoo yeah i mean it's inconceivable i can't imagine a monkey sharing

its coins with another monkey in many ways monkeys are smarter than us oh yeah they are you you give a monkey a puzzle you give a monkey an actual puzzle on problem solving like there's this puzzle right where you have different sized rings and there's four little pegs. That's one monkey that can do that? You have to do it. Not all of them. Specific monkeys. Caesar did it in a real good move.

Do you want to talk about apes? Specific monkeys can be trained. It's a film. Don't just point at me as if I've just made a point there. It's apes who are cleverer. Not monkeys. I'm saying it's specific tasks that brains can be used for. Also, that brains actually not true

because I know of zero monkeys or apes that have podcasts so I'm saying in specific tasks of problem solving and stuff they are fucking good

they're a lot more open minded than some fucking humans if a monkey had some coins and they knew the coins would get me food they'd just kill each other for it

no that's that's it we're specialists here I'm the one who's done the research I went through the papers just kill each other for it? No, that's... Oh, fuck it. All right, that's it over. Specialist here. I'm the one who's done the research. I went through the papers. Yeah, but... But you don't even know...

You don't even know what pub a monkey is. Does it matter? Or what year this was done? It's a blue-backed fucking long-tailed one. What do you want now, then? Or does that make it plausible something that has three extra adjectives? That sounds like a dolphin to me.

There you go. No, but genuinely, so they're starting to gamble now. No, they're not. No, no um no but genuinely so they're starting to gamble now no they're not and no no they are and they're starting to gap not only that they're starting to thieve off each other each other like you say when there's no when there's no overlord looking over it's like an underworld in the zoo when it so the scientist discovers this it's like whoa this is crazy like it's now this is out of our controlled environment it goes out of control much like humans when you're not in a controlled environment

you have anarchy so he starts to come and work late and he's working late and he's watching what's going on and you have the male monkeys gambling

stealing and they started to pay they started to pay the female monkeys for sex and fuck off yeah I can't wait to show you this. They don't have sex for pleasure.

The males do. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Jesus Christ. The only... Yes, they fucking do. The only animals on earth. They have...

They have cocks the same way we do, and they love it. Lewis, the only... Why do you think a monkey... Why do you think a monkey sits there? It doesn't want it for pleasure. The monkey is always on the do, fucking wanking itself off me. It's knob is red, Ro.

It is. Search monkey, they have red knobs. I know where their arse holes are, I've already seen those. Yeah. Fucking like, they're giving it the big one. You just really like- Wait, did you say a monkey's knob is red because it's so much sex? Yes, he's fucking dropping bombs everywhere, man. They don't have sex for pleasure.

You ever been to the zoo? That's what they are. They don't have sex for pleasure. Yes, they do. And they pee in the females. Get off your phone. Definitely don't do that either. Get off your phone.

Whilst chimpanzee sex is tied closely to reproduction, up to 75% of monkeys have sex purely for pleasure fuck off so shut the fuck up next time because I do research

and I understand it sounds silly but I'm not going to bring a boring fact I'm bringing a good fact yeah but up to 75% that's wrong with a big no they always put a finger

in each other's bums and asses nah I'm not having that I thought the only animals that had sexual pleasure were dolphins and humans no the only animals that had sexual pleasure were dolphins and humans. No, the only animals that had sexual pleasure are humans, pigs, bonobos, so monkeys, and dolphins. So one species of monkey. It was bonobo monkeys.

Oh, my fucking god! So only bonobos. So this is about bonobos? Yeah, this is about bonobos. Are bonobos even monkeys? Are they apes? They're big bums monkeys. They've got big batty monkeys, aren't they? Yeah, one of them. Yeah, look, there is about bonobos. Are bonobos even monkeys or are they apes? They're big bums monkeys. They've got big batty monkeys,

aren't they? Yeah, one of them. Yeah, look, there's a bonobo there. Yeah, it looks just like the picture as well. Oh, these are the same ones in Planet of the Apes.

Look at the top. Bonobo. Oh, so they're apes. They're apes, yeah, it's an ape. Bonobo monkey. It's not a monkey. It's an ape, Lewis, it's an ape. It's an ape, it's not a monkey.

You said 75% were monkeys. Yeah, I lied. No, no, I swear down the... They do, like, monkeys w ape. It's not a monkey. You said 75% were monkeys. Yeah, I lied. No, no. I swear down the... They do... Like, monkeys wank. That isn't a monkey. Monkeys wank, mate.

You're on about apes. There's a big difference. You reckon Caesar... Who cares? Tomato. You reckon Caesar the ape. Wanked. Normally it's the little rascals

who go on about it with like one finger. You're on about chimps. You're on about chimps. No, it's proper quick finger you're on about chimps you're on about chimps no it's proper quick you're on about chimps stand up stand up right now

geek out yeah so they're paying the females for sex then the females are going to the tuck shop and getting bananas

oh fucking hell let us end it here I can't do this Jesus fucking Christ he's buying the cuddly toys near the exit you're an idiot

that is true there's nothing you've said that's true over the end of the start all of it was do you know what you're so often wrong and you have all these

little garret eyes to get on your side garret isms I'm not going to come and research and bring you a boring you haven't researched I did

first of all monkeys don't have sexual pleasure so it can't be true bonobos which isn't a monkey they do bonobo isn't a monkey I guess I'll have to say I did. First of all, monkeys don't have sexual pleasure, so it can't be true. They do. Bonobos. Some of them do. Which isn't a monkey.

They do. Bonobo isn't a monkey. I guess I'll have to say it. No, no, no. You keep talking. I'll do it for you, man. It's an ape. Monkeys have...

Oh, who cares? It's not, though, Lewis. It's like saying a tiger and a lion are the same. No, it's not. Yeah, Bonobo's an ape. Monkeys have sex. I agree. Obviously. That's why more monkeys obviously that's why monkeys appear they enjoy it but no lions enjoy it what is that they raw i've got some videos of it if you want to watch bonobos

short-stem wanker no i have sex but you're on about monkeys what don't you get but like so we're kind of not can we actually have you ever seen a lemur do you think a lemur is similar to a fucking gorilla okay can we just like where how far away is the tuck shop from their enclosure they're just walking out and getting never asking questions like it happened no no listen let's take all this silliness out because it's not i know it what's the scientist doing right now when he's watching All the monkeys have sex So like think It's not like you have Fucking monkeys right

In long boots Up to knee high boots Walking along I understand What you mean By prostitution But then the other monkeys Start paying

The female ones To wear boots What you have The monkey The monkey will come up to it And it's like It starts to try How many coins

In the tuck shop Is a pair of Knee high boots I'm sorry I don't believe No the monkey comes up and it's like it's how many coins in the tuck shop is a pair of knee-high boots i'm sorry i don't believe no the monkey comes up and it's like coins and then it jumps on top and then the other one will take it away they're clever enough for this interaction we have to take away our human context where it's like a human thing and you have to apply to the animal world it's like ah this is something you want okay yes i'll let you do that right that's mine i want banana now banana which which that that would be that's what's happening that would be a better explanation and it would it would make sense because the male would want to reproduce

so but they're not doing it out of enjoyment but they're still prostitutes essentially i don't think it happened let's ask but you cannot you can understand when we take away the silliness it is actually a real thing that animals happen. Can I ask you a couple of questions, please? Of course.

Question number one. So who's the coin master? Who's in charge of all the coins? Because think

about it, all these prostitutes are getting a bunch of coins. What are they doing with their coins? They're going

to the tuck shop. The female is going to the tuck shop. And then there's a monkey in the tuck shop.

So the circulation just keeps changing. If you let the research continue. Don't you dare try and tell me the monkey in the tuck shop just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, who knows? So the circulation just keeps changing. If you let the research continue... Don't you dare try and tell me the monkey sells the bananas as well. Yeah, there's a monkey banker. I'm saying... But where's all the coins?

The research didn't get to this point, but that could have happened. What the... What the hell? They just eat it. I'm not being funny. If I'm the monkey... Because there's value in the coins now.

Lewis, if I'm the monkey that set up a tuck shop, right, I'm probably balling out, right? I've got a lot of... But you have to buy the bulk of bananas in. Yeah, but you've got a wholesale... Who am I?

You've got a wholesale buy all the fruit. So where do I put my... I don't have a bag of... I can't believe this is a real conversation we're having. Do monkeys not have wallets?

Well, this is where they get stolen. Because we're not so... We're not so different. Fuck me. We're not so different in like how we program here and in terms of

this is this for that or something I want. You fucking are. It happens it happens it really happens but i think the zookeepers ran it to start with yeah to start i don't i don't imagine it right i can't listen to anymore so how long did this like did inflation stop asking questions no it didn't no inflation did one question what did the coin rise to in the end did it did it get higher than the gb so what the monkeys would do they they'd like the bananas for one coin, but the banana will go

for five coins and they're like, that's too expensive and they wait. They wait for... Oh my God. You're just making it up in your mind.

They wait for the price drop. They wait for the price drop. They wait for the price drop. Just like at the races. And they start to get there. Yes. And they start to gamble because they understood

different amounts of coins. This is all part of research. Is monkey currency worth more or less than GBP? How were they gambling? I don't know how their gambling worked. But you said it was well-researched.

I don't know. It could have been like spin the banana. What happened to these... Spin the banana! The thing they're all aiming for at the end of this. In the middle,

they're just using the gambling. It would have been pigeon toss. What happened to this whole... Monkey toss. What happened to this whole, like, what happened to these rich monkeys? Monkey toss. This is where the phrase monkey business originated from.

No. 25 minute joke, that was good. That's really good. Was that actually a joke, all for that line? No, it's all true, but I like that. No, it's not all true. Can you imagine that as a fun time? Honestly, that would have been the best joke I've made. If you can't listen anymore? No, it's all true but I like that. No, it's not all true. Can you imagine that's the fun time?

Honestly, that would have been the best joke I've ever heard. No, we'll tell you all this. When you look into research on primates and monkeys,

you'll be amazed at how smart they are and how similar they are. You'll be amazed. I think only Lewis is. You're acting like I don't know anything about them.

Maybe we should do this feature weekly where we talk about monkey news. I'm the only one who knows the difference between me and you of monkeys and apes. You think they're the same? That's the only fact you know. You learn that at school, mate?

You didn't. You clearly didn't. Yeah, I deleted it from my hard drive to get new information. New information like monkeys gamble. You don't learn anything. At least these are good students. You learn nothing. What have you learned

you're unwilling to learn where the phrase monkey business originated there you go I learnt Lewis has lost the fucking plot yeah me we can now end on a less angry note

because we have well you never know because this obviously he's written a paragraph I feel like you've just made me really angry throughout this whole episode does it make you want to

throw it in room tom or one what you alright anyway ladies and gentlemen You're going to be really angry throughout this whole episode. Does it make you want to throw it in room Tom or Juan? What, you? All right, anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the beginner grade ethical problems. I'm so excited for this. You need to introduce it, man.

Hang on. Philosophy. I like that, okay. What did you say? Philosophy. Philosophy. I don't even understand it. You meant to say philosophy, right?

You just outwardly hated now. Yeah, I'll hire you in a minute. Say that again? Because I proved you wrong. Fist orally. You hate being wrong. We need a correct word. Can we just say,

how much does he hate being wrong, by the way? He can't stand it. That's actually not what I actually mean. No, no, you're the one. When you're wrong, you can't stand it. He can't accept it. Well, it's interesting. You've just been proven wrong.

More than you two do. You've just been proven wrong. By what? By ape stuff. Anyways, philosophy. You just been proven wrong. More than you two do. You just been proven wrong. By what? By ape stuff. Anyways, philosophy. You said monkey? Philosophy. It's interesting you say that

because with ethical questions, there's no right or wrong. Only debate. No, there is. Only debate. I thought it was philosophy. We have to find the right or wrong. That's what this is.

I present to you a beginner grade ethical problem called the trolley problem. Has anyone ever heard of this? No. Beginner grade, what does that mean? Just entry level. Entry level philosophy, really?

Entry level ethical questions, yeah. What do you think the beginner grade would be? It's just mad that how there's different entry levels. Well, no, I picked something that's quite easy to get your head around. You call us thick? No. On the hard shit? No, because there's certain things in philosophy

that you would actually need to be reading for. Like what? Just read it. Anyway, the trolley problem. Ignore them. The trolley problem. Take the information in before you start coming to conclusions, okay? Anything from the trolley, dear?

I'll take the lot. There is a tram travelling down a set of tracks, and in the distance, you notice five innocent maintenance workers that are about to be hit by this tram. Shit. Sounds terrible, doesn't it, right? But the tracks actually divert at a point before then,

and on the other side of the fork in the track is one sole maintenance worker. Okay. But in order to divert the train, there is a lever. Would you pull it? Pull it? No.

Yeah. I'd pull the brake lever. No, that's not the question. You either let the train hit five innocent people or you pull the lever. And it's your fault. Which is your doing.

And you become a murderer. Yeah. Oh, do people find out? Oh, so you could get out your carriage, see the situation. No, no, no. And so you could it's your action that's led to death you could get out your carriage see the situation

no no and then you go back in your carriage no you're not understanding the point of like yeah is one life worth more than

five lives yeah but you're causing the person so if you actually listen to what I just said there's a real answer

I said so hypothetically speaking pretty rude you said you were on the train listen to what I'm about to say instead of rudely so hypothetically speaking for you rude you said you were on the train listen to what i'm about to say instead of rudely interrupting hypothetically speaking if you walk out see this problem going on but then you walk and you go nope and walk back in that's a decision you've made to not take control that's a non-decision yeah but that's that's just inaction isn't it yeah that's my point that's an answer no but there, that's my point. That's an answer.

No, but there's other people on the train who also you're sharing that with, whereas if you pull it... No, that isn't what he said. No, you just have the action of pulling the lever where inaction causes five people to die or taking the action, you kill someone. No, because Thiel made a good point in saying

if you don't pull it, you might be killing five people. I'm saying in this scenario, you're on a train. I imagine other people there. He hasn't said that, though? Yeah, but logically. This is why we have to do a beginner fucking question. Just listen to what he said. All he said was, there's you.

You have to use your brain. There's other people on the train. You're thinking about this all wrong. I'd pull it and kill the one. No, you wouldn't. But listen to what he's just said there. Do you know what I would do, Tom? I'd pull it and save five lives. So can you wouldn't. But listen to what you just said there. Do you know what I would do, Tom? I'd pull it and save five lives.

Can we go back to no one on the trade? Do you think you're driving the thing then? There's other people on the trade. That's a good point what I just raised there. Well, you're saving four, aren't you? Because you kill one. Well, you're saving five lives. Five are also saved. Oh yeah, sorry, five. Yeah, you're right.

That's a good point. In your head, you're killing one. In my head yeah. Sorry, five. Yeah, you're right. That's a good point. In your head, you're killing one. But in my head, I'm saving five. I could live with it. There's no harm. Is it full or is it empty? Who knows? I could live with it.

I'd be fine. All right, bad man. No, I'd be happy knowing I'd save five people. And the one person that died is terrible. And yeah, but unfortunately, I had a decision to make and I made it. Easier said than done, man. Ownership of your actions,

yeah, fair enough. Although you go to jail, but yeah. Would I? No, I don't think so. You might. You killed someone. If that's part of the thing,

then I won't do it. Are there other passengers? No, I think... I'm not going to jail for it. No, there is no... Are there other passengers? Oh, no, you've got to give us an answer. Oh, my God.

It's a... Oh, I don't know if we can do this every week. I honestly don't know if we can do this every week. Me? Yeah. I'd probably pull it. Are there other passengers on the train? Yes or no?

Why does this matter? It's completely irrelevant. Thank you. Can I please explain why I think it's relevant? It's only you who has the lever, Lewis, so it doesn't matter who else is there. Can I please say why I think it's relevant? Why?

Because there's a monkey at the back prostituting himself. I think it's relevant because he made a good point. No, it's because the maintenance workers were actually monkeys who were gambling. That's why they're on the fucking train tracks. That was their job earning coins. Yeah, they were maintenance workers.

So he's not even human. It's the zoo tram. It's bonobo monkeys. You want monkeys, they're right. There's little trains that go around the zoo. So that's one of Dudley's. I'm saying, if there's other people on the train, you can share some of the guilt in your psyche. Again, that isn't what was asked.

In your psyche. I'm thinking after the fact. If you're going to go down that train of thought. I've heard mentality, though. If you're going to go down that train of thought. You're a bitch. Train of thought. Yeah, nice. We'll go one further. Before've heard mentality, though. If you're going to go down that train of thought... You're a bitch. Train of thought. Yeah, nice.

We'll go one further. Before you say that, though, he's basically just admitted he can't make his own decisions. Yeah, he just goes... No, I'm not. Yeah, you tell him. No, I think you're...

By the way, I think you're... You need to be honest with yourself with this. You need to be honest with yourself with this. I think you're a guy who feels very strongly, Theo. And I think... You think you'd feel more guilty by doing something rather than yes and this is why

I think other people on the train is relevant because in not doing it it's in your head it's like well look it's shared with them the inaction of not doing anything

is shared with if you're on a carriage and you could jump off and pull it then it's then I agree I understand that but then in not doing it

you share in the guilt if it's only you, it's a no-brainer. Hang on, sorry. Let me say this to you then, Lou. If you were put in that train and that situation, no one around you,

and I said to you, you pull this lever, you'll save five lives. And you go, nah. But this is not, that's a different scenario. In the trip, the time's running out.

No, but in this scenario, you know the consequence of both things. You can't just be oblivious to one but if you word it differently if you word it differently

save five lives you're separating humanity from the situation though you're just making this black and white thing in that situation you're

on a train you move towards them five people one person you're like save lives or don't save lives I can give you a more realistic

context yeah go on so essentially it's the... It's kind of like the Dark Knight, isn't it?

When they have... She's boat. Yeah. Or her. Well, Spider-Man saved the trauma people and also Mary Jane.

It's the same problem, but a little bit of a different variety. So imagine there's a collapsed bridge and underneath the bridge at the end of the track,

there's another five workers. Same sort of problem. But this time, on the platform, you spot a man who's 200 kilos and you 200 and you're absolutely certain without any doubt if you pushed him onto the tracks

you would stop the tram and save the lives of five innocent workers would you push him onto that's a lot harder it's a lot harder yeah it brings it brings it i don't think i'll do that no because but it's this effectively is the same thing it's not because I couldn't physically push him on but you're physically moving the lever to choose to that is

now you see now he's baited you in with the first one no but it is a little bit different isn't it no it's not it's like the question of is the same problem

is the same problem just because you no no no he's different he's different I could be okay with the first one but not okay

with the second one but in reverse what's the difference there? I think it feels more personal and intimate actually physically pushing someone onto the track. It's like you could push a button, say push a button to kill someone for a million pounds, but if I said slit a throat or something, you know where you'd do it. Yes, 100%. He's wired to say it's the same result.

No, no, no. It's not the same thing, it's not the same action. Yeah, the input's different, but the output is exactly the same result. But it's that same little question like it's the journey or the destination they're both different things no no no this is

it's actually very different because on the tracks where it's five workers one worker yeah you don't even know what I said it's true

no no it's a journey or the destination you said it just doesn't make sense it literally made perfect sense but once again your pee brain

can't quite understand it five people on track one person on track they're all making the same mistake whereas on the second opportunity someone's just there pea brain can't quite understand it. Five people on track, one person on track, they're all making the same mistake, whereas on the second opportunity, someone's just there

doing the right thing waiting for his train, where the others are making the mistake. So this guy doesn't, they're all making the same mistake, so it's a level playing field.

He's not involved in this. What would you do, Reeve? I don't actually know. Oh, fucking chalk sitting on the fence. Jesus. Come on. What's the answer?

Come on. What's the right answer? I'd pull the lever to save the five, but I wouldn't push. I'm the same as Tom, yeah. What does that mean about us, though, Tom? I think I would do nothing. On both? Yeah, I think I'm the person that would do nothing.

And just be like, yeah, no attributes. So we've murdered six, you've murdered ten. Six? Well, yeah. Yeah, because one in the first one, then five in the second one. Oh, you wouldn't appreciate it. It's your pea brain that's too pea-sized. He's the biggest murderer so far because of his inaction.

But I think, yeah, I actually think, I think it's more, maybe it's an ego thing of like, I think you're like, have some bollocks and make a decision. That's how I feel about it. Do you also not think in that moment? Do you not think in that moment like,

I couldn't front pushing someone onto tracks and killing them. I feel like you'd be able to talk it through with someone to, no, no, you're on your own. You've got to make

the decision on your own. No, I mean afterwards, you'd be able to talk it through with someone and be like, yeah, you did save five lives. You have to try and accept that that is for the greater

good but you chose to kill them I couldn't live pushing someone onto tracks and killing them directly I couldn't I think I'd just look out the window and you'd just stop pretend you don't know what's going on oh yeah so you've murdered

ten you've murdered six technically I've not murdered any. I've not made a decision. You're just a murderer. You're inaction murder people. You're inaction led to it though. You had the choice. Yeah, so if you can live that night, mate. You had the choice to save these people and didn't.

10 people have died because of your inaction. Shame on you. How do you feel? Shame. All because you didn't have the bollocks to make a decision. Shame. Shame. You're in my corner.

I was looking out the window. No, no, no. Lewis, what would you do no no Lewis what would you do yeah Lewis what would you do on the train on the train what are you doing I didn't see it

I didn't see it would you pull the lever or not the thing is I think with this you have to be really honest with yourself because everyone I could split you here

I'd act hard yeah I'll pull the lever you have to be really honest with yourself in that moment I think all four of us would probably just leave it

I disagree with you so strongly if I were you then you couldn't let five people die when you know that you can save five

people no but I'll probably just wait and hope that they realise or something you know what I mean and move

out of the way get out of the way the difference is it's like one is a lot less I don't know how to describe it it's a lot less real it's a lot less like one is a lot less I don't know how to describe it it's a lot less real it's a lot less human

there's a lot less emotion involved a lesser of a better evil it's a lot it's a lot like saying oh would you pull a lever to save someone or would you go and murder

fucking all your all your mums to save the world like that I'd probably struggle with but I wouldn't struggle with just pulling a lever

just to save five people and kill one like Reeve I don't think I probably struggle with. But I wouldn't struggle with just pulling a lever just to save five people and kill one. Like, Reeve, I don't think I would struggle with that. Would you slice the throat of your own mother to save the entire earth?

That's the worst way to die, by the way. Would you launch a dog to space or launch him into the sea? I'd try to get mine out of the sea, so probably space. What?

We're having a discussion, then. I wouldn't launch my dog anywhere. I know, your dog would fucking kick its head in. Little rat. Oh, that's horrible. Talking about launching my dog into- No, no, no, let's rewind a second.

6, 6, 10, what are you? Pulling the lever or no pulling? Yes or no? No, no, but it's all well and good saying 6, 6, 10, 10, but in the moment- I'd like to think I'd pull it, but I don't know. If you were giving a hypothetical- Exactly, yeah, yeah. We gave a hypothetical answer to a hypothetical question. Just give an answer. Just give an answer.

You've been pussies right now. I'll tell you what, I pull the lever and I push him on the tracks and I see him everyone, cause I'm a hero. That's what yous are doing. You're stroking yours. Yeah, stop being a bitch and making decisions. Oi, big balls.

I can't hold me down. We have to give an answer to a question. I said I wouldn't push the guy. I said I wouldn't push the guy. No way. But I'm saying in that scenario, I think every single person would logically think I will pull that lever

and I think that now. Yeah, correct. But until you, but that scenario, it is so, so then what's the point of having this conversation? Try and put yourself

in the situation and answer that. I know, that's why I asked if there was people on the train and you shouted at me. What's that got to do with it? Look, Tom and I,

and even we, we don't know what we're actually doing in that situation, but you have to give a hypothetical answer. I think I'd do this. I think I'd do that. I think I'd, I'd like to think I'd do it. No and I, we don't know what we'll actually do in that situation. I think I'd do this. I think I'd do that. I think I'd like

to think I'd do it. No, not what you'd like to think. What do you think? Give an answer. What do you think you'd do? Why are you avoiding the answer?

Because I don't know. What do you think you'd do? I don't actually know. You can't be... I think the most realistic answer in this situation is doing nothing.

I think most people in the moment... Yeah, yeah. I think I agree with you but also at the same... No, but at the same time... I think most people would pull the lever. At the same time doing nothing. I think most people in the moment... Yeah, yeah. I think I agree with you but also at the same... No, but at the same time... I don't think most people would pull the lever.

At the same time, I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I could have saved the life of five for one but I also couldn't live with myself if I physically pushed a man onto the track.

What if that one guy came to you afterwards and he was like, thank you so much, Theo. Thank you. I was going to go home and see my family tonight. Do you not think Phil Ogden and the other five much, Theo. Thank you. I was going to go home and see my family tonight.

Do you not think Phil and the other five would do that? Obviously, Lewis, either way, you're going to be pretty mentally fucked up no matter what. Yeah, but he's going to be there. He's like, thank you, man. And you might feel, yeah, it wasn't his fault. And what about the five that are dead? But he's one argument I'd say. Who is it?

Right, in the wild, okay, you have animals running away from crocodiles, lions, and you should never interfere. Who are we to dictate death, a life and death? That scenario is a horrible scenario, but it was chosen by the circumstance. So you're saying we should have played God?

Yeah, we're playing God there. Who knows if this guy here was not going to go on a fantastic world tour. Leave it, you wouldn't pull the lever. So that's your answer then? Yeah, I think morally most people would choose to pull the lever, but in this situation it's very different.

Yeah. That's what you're trying to get at. I agree. Yeah, I understand what you're saying to get I agree yeah I think yeah I understand what you're saying about I agree with that in the world like yeah leave them

like I don't it's weird though in the wild though I'd be like fuck the lion I want this nice little bunny to live yeah but they don't they get torn to pits the lions eat

bunnies yeah rabbits are in the wild are they or hares they wouldn't catch a hare a little bunny rabbit a little bunny rabbit yeah they fight giraffes you know giraffes beat the shit out of lions.

It's a Sahara rabbit. You ever seen a giraffe? A giraffe is a fucking badass. Have you ever seen a giraffe fight a giraffe? Well, they swing their heads at each other. Yeah. It's a Sahara rabbit. Well, it makes sense.

They're not going to use fisticuffs, are they? We're having two different conversations. We're talking about giraffes fighting. What are you talking about? It's a Sahara rabbit. So you two are saying you wouldn't do anything. Me and Theo like to think or... No, I would like to think that as well, but if I'm honest with myself,

I think in that actual situation, I probably wouldn't do anything. I'd love to pull it, but I don't think I... If I'm honest with myself, I think I would pull the lever. But I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to push someone onto tracks. Oh, yeah. And the same as Tom. Make sure you subscribe, please, because Theo is going to cry again next week. Roo's going to come in more philosophy.

Philosophy. Lucy is going to talk more shit. Monkey news. And I will be angry about more things. Goodbye. It's actually a shame that they did monkey news, isn't it really? Well, that's where you've clearly been inspired.

Yeah. Is it a shame? It would be good is it a shave it would be good or would we have nothing to talk about no do you know the film yesterday where like

we could just steal all the Beatles ideas we could just steal their ideas you made it to the end well done you if you haven't already hit that follow button

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