Back Side - 16: Why Theo Baker is Sorry! The Worst Thing We've EVER Said & We Meet a REAL Time Traveller...

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

In our biggest episode yet we invite a real life time traveller into the studio! Theo Baker is sorry & Lewis reveals his BIGGEST secret...If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. So, right boys, can we all make a pact here? We're going to invite someone throughout our life to here today. This is the 12th of July.

Right, we all agree? 2024. We all agree? At 4.30 in the afternoon. We have to just give it a minute. Oh, you mean if someone randomly walks through the door at 4.27. It's because we invited them in the future. I need time travel back.

Time traveller, come in! That was the future. Time Traveller, come in! That was the segment. It's not. It's an experiment. What kind of content is that? End the show. I thought... What are we talking about then, Libby?

Also, you weren't in the exact same clothes as the last episode. I know, it's going to be like three episodes in a row as well. Yeah, but two of them were actually on the same day. This is a different thing. It's embarrassing that you have like two pairs. And it's not even like you're still wearing shit clothes.

Can I just say? They're still really shit. This was a bit of knowledge for you boys. If you want to tell the average person or the privileged person to a hard-working grafter, it's by their clothes. And this is why. If they're wearing the same clothes repeatedly, it's because they're working so hard.

They're being so efficient and demanding in their time that they never even make it past the top layer of the washing. It's decision fatigue, isn't it? You minimise that. You're basically saying

you're Steve Jobs. You're acting like you wash your clothes. I literally work so much and so hard I can never get beyond the top layer of my washing basket.

Same. Same here. You're lying. You just choose to wear that because it's soccer aid. I wear the same shit every day, man. Yeah, you do work so much and so hard I can never get beyond the top layer of my washing basket same same here you're lying you just choose to wear that because it's soccer aid I wear the same shit every day man yeah you do

because you want everyone to know you're in soccer aid no I actually wore this outfit because I filmed a video this morning I was in goal and I didn't have any trackies you want everyone to know

that you're in soccer aid I didn't want to get the carpet burns on the after you played in Fimes no I played in Predators you're telling me

you just happened to wear that soccer aid for the video that's going out what I didn't understand that either you chose that outfit because you wanted to be a soccer aid boy I wanted to's going out what I didn't understand that either you chose that outfit because you wanted to be

a soccer aid boy I wanted to be Keno in gold so wear the full outfit yeah would you okay so because I played the soccer aid so I just never wear

the outfits they gave me it's a bit cringe kind of like I don't go around with my fishburne under 12s outfits it's just on the floor in my bedroom

there's no room in the drawers if you stare at a light long enough you actually go very blind. Yeah. I can't see anything. What are we talking about? Great shirt, by the way, Tom.

I love your shirt. Oh, my God. Yeah, pitch side. Get it on shoppitchside.com, motherfuckers. Which of those balls is your favourite? Probably the central one.

Probably these. Yes! I actually just showed you guys a video of that dog's bollocks. That one. That's crazy. Crazy. I'm going to slow this movie. We should say, by the way, please keep subscribing.

Thank you for listening. What are you doing that for? Fuck, I can't see anything. Please keep subscribing because we're chasing 40,000 and we might make it out of Theo's basement

I never want to leave my basement I had an idea that I messaged Theo about before I didn't run by you I wanted to do a podcast from his house

I said no I thought it would be great we would be fantastic house guests there's loads of room there's no room you live in a mansion

I live in a flat you're Theo Baker oh you're talking about his home what is the benefit of doing it in my flat because I I agree

what are you going to get out of it no one's going to be there it's just going to be us in a different room it's the same it would be nice let's do it in your new one

with your missus in the background fingering herself that's not going in yeah why is it that's not going in do you know why

the day you edit one of these episodes you can decide what goes in or not oh he's trying to he's trying to say he's better than you is that what you're saying is that what you're saying no master funny how this show works isn't it who has the power here say sorry to me i'm sorry wow You actually did that He's my master Master Why did you say master It's master

Yeah Master Master Master Master Without me Lewis Lewis what happens Without me

I have no value In life So get on your knees Yeah get on your knees Say sorry Now I'm continuing this episode Until you get on your knees

And apologise to him No Please It's just not happening that's not going on video you actually don't even like content I thought you were a content machine I'm not getting on my knees

and apologising to Theo Baker what did you say Theo Baker like that I'm full name it's like Giao Concello no but you went Theo Baker Giao Concello

Giao Consuela Giao Consuela or like Javi Simmonds yeah Consuela why are you wearing the hat back to front because I wore it front way no I didn't wear it front way Jao Consuelo. Jao Consuelo. Oh, like Javi Simmonds? Yeah. Consuelo? Why are you wearing the hat back to front? Because I wore it front way.

No, I didn't wear it front way in pitch side today. Because he's Andy Roddick. Yeah. What are you guys doing this summer? Any holidays coming up? I'm going on holiday. Yeah, Lewis, by the way.

Oh my God, don't get me started on Lewis's holiday. This man cannot make a decision. You are impossible to make a decision. Yeah, he was asking me where I was going

because he was going to book the same place. How weird is that? No, no, no. Has he ever been to book the same place how weird is that no no no have you ever been to Majorca have you ever been to Majorca

Majorca by the way no where's best to stay so I gave him four options no I gave you four options

you go yeah but where should I stay yeah I said no I said which is the best one he's like they're all good I'm like yeah but I'm not going to I don't want to just

sit and look through four destinations loads of holidays which is the best one I can't be honest I told you I'm an efficient worker. But what he likes, it might be different to what you like.

So I gave him four good options. I gave him four good options. I gave him Alcudia, Port de Soleil, Port de Palencia. Oh, on the same island? And I just said, which is best? Oh. You'll probably like Parma the best. Is it Magaluf there?

I don't listen to it. Yeah, yeah, it's around the corner from there. I'm going to Rhodes. So it's not even the Balearic Islands then? So you't listen to it. Yeah, yeah. It's around the corner from Magaluf. I'm going to Rhodes. You're going to Rhodes? So not even the Balearic Islands. So you're going to Greece? I just had this image, right? I had this image of just like

the beach and just silence and freedom. Which is what you can get in New York. Or roads. But I know I'm going to be there and just like have severe like work anxiety whilst I'm there for three years.

I went to Rhodes when I was younger but I'm pretty sure the beach is quite like pebbly now. I don't know. Or can you imagine? But it's my first like holiday because I've got a bit of a younger, but I'm pretty sure the beach is quite pebbly now. I don't know. Or can you imagine? But it's my first holiday, because I've got a bit of a busy one. So I go on holiday,

and then I'm moving straight back, and then I'm moving straight into my new flat. Tough life, eh? Wow. I can't imagine you going on holiday. Do you have enough clothes? No, I don't. No, I genuinely don't.

Do you own a pair of shorts? He takes like a carrier bag. I own one pair of shorts, I realised this summer. So this is why everyone keeps asking me why I'm wearing jeans. Let me bring some. No, I genuinely don't. Do you own a pair of shorts? He takes like a carrier bag. I own one pair of shorts, I realised this summer. So this is why everyone keeps asking me why I'm wearing jeans. Let me bring some shorts. Sorry, sorry.

We can fucking go. Hang on a second before anyone else speaks. I know what he's going to say. What the fuck have you just said? I have given you at least 400 items of clothing

that I previously owned and somehow you've still only got one pair of shorts. I know I do have a pair of yours somewhere so I think they're just deep in the washing pile, man. Why don't you do some washing?

That is mental. Mate, I told you I'm a figure Steve Jobs to do his washing. Mate, I've given you multiple thousands of pounds worth of clothing and you've given them away.

What you just need to realise is I'm the Steve Jobs of your life. Don't fucking hold your fingers in a... I'm the Steve Jobs. Do you actually do washing? Be honest.

Hand to heart, do you do washing? I can smell him from here. I swear, I do washing but all I do is manage to get... a I'm the Steve Jobs do you actually do washing be honest hand to heart do you do washing I swear I do washing but like all I do is manage to get because I'm going through like two pairs of clothes a day

how because we go I go to gym then work and then repeat yeah you're an athlete yeah I'm an athlete so I just get the top layer

done every day and I just keep having the same clothes I'm not like you boys are you domesticated what does that mean like a dog he's a pet of the house come on Lou you're not domesticated that's why I'm excited to move boys are you domesticated what does that mean like a dog he's a pet in the house

come on Lou you're not domestic that's why I'm excited to move in with Charlie because she might be able to help me because what oh so she can do

your washing sexist so she can cook you a sandwich and do your washing is that what you said turn up for another backside episode

on a New York City top there's certain jobs that she likes and enjoys there's certain jobs that I enjoy I don't think she enjoys that.

Oh, Lewis. Let me guess. She belongs in the kitchen doing the ironing. Charlie enjoys to cook. She enjoys to cook. What's wrong about cooking, mate? I don't know. She'll cook and I'll clean the dishes.

What just came out of your mouth was, I can't wait for my girlfriend to move in so she can do all the washing and the ironing. I don't believe in ironing. Sorry. That's a load of bollocks. You just said you enjoy doing the dishes

when I've seen your flat and you've shown me a dishwasher. Yeah, you put them in and then you turn it on and you take them out. Some things can't go in the dishwasher.

That doesn't count as doing the dishes. By the way, this is a myth. If you've grown up and started to do your own washing, oh, separate the white stuff from the other coloured stuff. It's absolutely bullshit.

No, it's not. It's literally not. Don't make it like that are we letting that slide what do you say that can't run wow we gotta remove that

Lewis you are an idiot yeah but beyond that but beyond that we've got past that so you're going on holiday

or you wanted a nice sandy beach but you've booked a pebble beach island oh mate this hotel's class has like an outside gym by the pool. It's like, you should love it.

You're living it up in the summer. Yeah, but can I, I have a question. I've been, I had a question that I've been meaning to ask because you might not be able to help me, but I know yous can. Moving in with the girlfriend is a big thing.

And I got like one, one, no, well, it's a big step, you know, because I've been with Charlie for, she's got put with a lot,

two, three years. I don't know how long and we've been long say that again two three years or something like that you don't know

when your anniversary with your girlfriend was you obviously do don't play dumb now I don't I know how to find out the information yeah you do

don't even play don't even I really don't I know when you became boyfriend or girlfriend because you've got a photo to prove it actually oh yeah I could check

I could check I don't know the date I don't know the date though. I don't know the date. I'd be able to know. He doesn't know how many years he's been going on. Yes, I'd know that.

April the 3rd. It wasn't. Oh, so. It was later than that. It was May, I think. April the 1st. No, but. May the 4th.

Be with you. You're fucking bold and ugly. Carry on. I've got a theory like what if we actually don't like each other? You know what I mean? I can answer that.

She probably doesn't. Lewis, don't you spend all night on FaceTime to each other? No. Me and Charlie don't. I wouldn't readjust those some of them,

just in case. But like, above all that, you know, like, that's all, you know, whatever.

No, she's good for you. She like, looks after you. Just think about all the cream playing you're going to be doing. Exactly.

That is the highlight. But, I've got one question, mainly. You've got a place. You've got a place flat. You're're going to be doing. Exactly. That is the highlight. But would you, so you have, I've got one question mainly. You've got a place, you've got a place flat. Yeah. You're not going to have to.

Have you not seen this flat? No. Oh, I've seen it. Do you want to show me? Oh, obviously not. Oh,

come on. Why do you always like moan to us? Oh, I've got no money. And then you're going to a five star resort in Rhodes. You've got a beautiful flat. have you not put two and two together? That's why he has no money.

Yeah, I know. I feel like this is where the money has went. Is there laundering going on here? Yes. But the main problem I've got is, do you know when you move out, right? I wish you had less money.

I don't want to see you suffer. Yeah. You really need it. You really want to get this question out. Come on. I want you back at the top of the Chinese. Fucking hell, it was danger. I might have been there during the move, you know.

It was very close. Move back in. Yeah. No one's moved. No one else has moved in. I'll let them very close. Move back in? Yeah. No one's moved. No one else has moved in. I left them in shit review when I left. You left them in shit review?

They looked after you, man. That family looked after you. Oh, mate. Why? Because they got up earlier than you. Get your question out, get your question out. Sorry they were seasoned

the day early bird catches the worm. And this is a genuine question, but do you know when you move in with your girlfriend, right, do you still wank or does that like stop? How is that the first thing you're asking? No, do you know what I mean? Because, no, think about it. Do you just wait for it to with your girlfriend, right? Do you still wank or does that like stop? How is that the first thing you're asking?

No, do you know what I mean? Because I know, think about it. You just wait for it to go out. I've went and most people have went about before they move in with a girl, probably it's like 10 years of wanking. What? Right.

And at that point, if you do something 10 years consistently, it's like an addiction. It's like you're smoking. So what you do, Luke? When you live together's like you're smoking so what you do does that end when you live together like you probably would have sex

yeah you probably aren't going to wank yeah that's better but do you ever is that just cold turkey it's like

the day before I move in do I have that one last glorious night where I can put candles on when she goes to like Magaluf with all the girls

and like you know does that thing when you're at home alone you can just yeah if she goes to like a full moon party in Thailand or what well I'm asking

I'm asking you so when she's going to the brothels in Germany and you're at home about her so you may wank you may wank my boy

so when you when your girlfriends or significant others go out of town do you just like is that like a big is that like a big evening

for you is where you're like yeah this is time to wank do you actually want to know what I do no I this is a genuine question because I think people are you where you're like yeah this is time to one do you actually want to know what I do no this is a genuine question because I think people are going

to think this is silly this is real this is a real answer okay you watch the TV that you want to watch

that you're not having to wait how can you wait for this program I need to wait I've got this episode

no you put on Dordefrance and you watch every episode Dordefrance I don't believe you Dordefrance and what you don't like Dode France I don't believe you I think Dode France

and what you don't like you buy Dode France I'll put in the TV shows that I want to watch No Tony I'm going to put on the Dode France Theo

I'm on the phone misspelled one word or missaid one word The Dode France You get to watch the TV that you get to watch. Theo, you tell me. And then I'm going to order a pizza

and have some Domino's duckies. Duckie? Okay. Then you're going to put yourself to bed. Yeah. Okay, Theo, good night. I dub you, Doody. Goodbye. It's such crap banter. I know, but, goodnight. I dub you, Dordy. Dun-bye.

It's such crap, Ben. I know, but it's funny. It's so crap. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's a fucking stupid little specky dork. Dorky dork? Sorry.

So, are you telling me you don't masturbate? Did he say say like that ridiculous look me in the eyes don't look me in the eyes spank the monkey

look me in the eyes very rarely you have all the people here the wanking advice you're going to is

Theo not him so do you have a wax the dog game yeah yeah very rarely

you're making your way around yeah alright very rarely I'm honestly so tired why don't I just get into bed and watch Dorda France

I just feel like that if or don't wank that much anymore no I very rarely very rarely yeah but you have your roommate you don't need no that don't matter

no he said don't wank himself much anymore that's the I've stopped wanking others off I don't know if it's just said, don't wank himself much anymore. I've stopped wanking others off. I don't know if it's just because you're getting older and whatnot, but... Lads.

Can't be honest. I don't know if I want this. Have you ever had a dream where you suck yourself off? No. That's staining. Wait. No, let's be honest.

Let's be honest. No, I haven't. I genuinely haven't never mate absolutely never so Lewis I'm getting I'm really I'm really getting

the sense that you're like incredibly sexually frustrated you should be excited that you're moving into the car but all you think about hey what's this

fucking cool cats thing you're doing with your hand he's falling he's sleeping that up so I did see someone say the other day that sucking yourself off isn't what it's made up isn't what it's all big up to because you think how do they know that they must have sucked themselves off because you think oh I'd be really good at sucking cock because I know what feels

good and like that must just feel like you're getting sucked off but it doesn't in my dream in your own cock doesn't feel like you're getting sucked off it just feels like you're getting sucked off but it doesn't in my dream sucking your own cock doesn't feel like you're getting sucked off it just feels like you're sucking a cock in my dream it was very toothy you were toothy on yourself yeah I wasn't doing a good job because I was having a bend sorry you've noted

your dream down no I just remember no I'm trying to search for the meaning the extreme diary what does it mean when I dream of giving myself

fellatio fellatio the master of self fellatio it means you're gonna Become It means I know what it means

It means you wanna get bombed No be honest Is that why you're going Magaluf Be honest You're going Magaluf Yeah he's going Parma isn't he No he's going Rhodes

Ah shit So none of you Ever had a dream Of sucking yourself up No never mate Ah It does say a lot though No

I just had the one When I thought I'd been right Lewis I can't Lewis I can't Lewis I can't tell if you're excited to move in with your girlfriend I know

I'm very excited to move in with my girlfriend clearly you just sounded incredibly sexually frustrated goodbye wanking like all you can think about

is the fact that you can't wank how often do you do it no I'm not worried about that often I'm not worried about that no more five knuckle shuffles for me do you wank every day

nah oh that sounds like a yes that shuffles for me do you wank every day nah oh that sounds like a yes that was a definite yes I tell you what when I was in Bahrain my numbers were crazy really lockdown in Bahrain

I didn't know how to do man I was just in my room surrounded by loads of army gents if you're not shaggy you're not kind of understanding you're just masturbating out of boredom

yeah it was boring like and I guarantee lockdown, people's numbers went up. Well, I live with my girlfriend then, so. Yeah, well, you bet you were not. I live with Chip, so. I'd have been wanking a lot.

I'd have been wanking a lot in lockdown, yeah. Once a day, minimum. So I'm just searching to see what this means. Well, he was checking your piles whilst wanking you off, giving you a reach around.

Lewis, I think we all know what it means. So, Lewis, long story short, Lou, you're excited about moving know what it means so Lewis you don't have to search long story short Lou you're excited about moving your girlfriend but nervous because

you can't wank I'm more curious does that just stop it was more of a question in my head I think you're thinking about the wrong things yeah

no because I know it's going to be alright we obviously know you as like a stressor and like little things really get to you quite a lot so would you find

you think with your girlfriend that's going to get a bit tense I think she no genuinely doesn't want to wank you off

I think she knows it was like the other day because I'm living with her now for like a week and the other day I was thinking I was a bit stressed

from work and I didn't like really say much and the thing she knows just to let me simmer that's nice that's a good

relationship it means you understand each other yeah so all he does he's delegate it's fucking embarrassing

does nothing yeah what do you actually do you press buttons and tell him yeah why don't you go do a shift at Mackey's mate oh you have to make it

about yourself yeah come on I knew you'd make it about yourself when's the last time you did a shift at Mackey's it would be

a decade yeah and I remember it very well it was back to back shifts it was a 5am start and a 4.45 start. Finished at 12 and I put that down. And now you're going to fucking Euros semifinals games. What?

There you go. Comes full circle, doesn't it? Do you know what they did? They all got me up and then... Wanked you off. They wanked me off into the buns. No, they didn't do that. What are you doing?

No, they actually put me... It actually wasn't very nice. They have a giant sink at the back of the McDonald's and they just... Giant sink? Oh, wow. Oh, it's like banter with the lads on that. Oh, fucking crazy.

What, like the chip fat fryer? And you go... I did get burnt by it once, though. They were like, fuck fuck his hair's gone that's where oh sorry that's very

no we can cut that out that was a bit mean no no no leave that in let everyone know that this is who Reeve actually is you know because everyone thinks

I'm the bad guy oh guys come on nice guy persona is really broken down now isn't it we should talk about this Reeve actually off screen is a massive bully

yeah he is he used to he didn't even mean that when he said that no he did he used to force me he used to force me pin me down

and make me inject steroids into his arse every morning when Reeve greets me he punches me and he's like you're right

you give me dead arms people believe that this is true I'm covered in make up because he just punches me every time he sees me. That's why I look so good. I don't actually look like this.

It's all makeup. When you're out the room it gets worse as well. He makes me do things. So going back to normal conversation here. So Lewis, your exciting summer

is moving in with your girlfriend but you're nervous about it and you've got a nice double beach holiday coming up. With a beautiful hotel though that you've spunked all your cash on

Tommy what have you got coming up this summer well I'm going to Jamaica Jamaica are you actually yeah

you're going to Jamaica yes with who we live what 10 nights 10 nights in Jamaica you're joking aren't you

surely that's what he's booked his holiday for yeah where did he know that I didn't know yeah he doesn't pay attention to that does he

ah see this is you know the nice facade is back now. Yeah. Because I actually care about my- Yeah, yeah, yeah. He never told me. Have you told me that? He's told all of us.

Yeah, I definitely did. When? Tell me when. I don't- No, when do I ask? Brilliant. As soon as I went, I knew it. Yeah, we're going to-

King's Danjameka. No, Montego Bay. Okay, never mind. And what, where are you going, Reeve? I'm going South Africa. Oh, yeah? South Africa. Oh, I'd love to go to South Africa.

I would love to go to South Africa. It's on my bucket list. Yeah. Where else is on your bucket list? I want to do like Vietnam. The Maldives. Oh, Vietnam. Chernobyl.

I want to go to Chernobyl so bad. What, you're crying? Yeah, I want to go to Chernobyl. I find it so interesting. I wouldn't go there right now, if I were you. Yeah, but like, I just find it so interesting. I wouldn't go there right now, if I were you. Yeah, but like, I just find it so interesting.

Mine's Maldives, and like... Maldives? The Maldives. And South America, I do want to go South. Maldives. Why do you always say it like that?

What? The Maldives. What did I say? Maldives. Maldives. The Maldives. You were saying it as well. Maldives.

Say it. It's almost like we have a different accent I don't know if you get over it Maldives I had to say Top Man Top Man Top Man What?

What does bro think he's cooking? Oh no The fucking bro I can man I call it Australia I'd love to do Australia I'm going to Australia Good night

Yeah Good night We should go over when you're there We should do a pitch side tour You should sort that out Can we actually try and arrange it? No please don't go when I'm there Back to the pitch side tour

You have so many holidays It's unbelievable I'm asking where you're going Ignore them You don't have holidays? Oh my god Did you just come from Germany By any chance?

It's not a holiday It's a work trip It's a holiday You were It's a work trip Fuck me Don't say that's work It literally was work Fuck me Don't say that's work It literally was work

How? Bill Got paid Had to do a job What did you do? I got paid to go on holiday That's good What job did you do?

You did fuck all You can't man You can't There's a professional photographer Following you around That's not work Where are you going on holiday? I'm going to Greece

Are you? Whereabouts? I might see you I didn't know this right It's like a dedicated island That's not where. Where are you going on holiday? I'm going to Greece. Are you? Whereabouts? Kos. I might see you. Oh, you're going. I didn't know this, right? It's like a dedicated island for Icos, right? Is that where you're going?

Yeah, but so Kos. So Kos. Kos is a bit of a party island as well. I didn't know this. So I thought it was like a relaxing island. No, it's half and half. It's next to Bodrum. Is it like Zante?

Like the top is. Yeah, things like that. You're like Ibiza. You get an adult section and then like I'm going to this nice relaxing holiday I've wanted to do this

for years right I've never done like a summer holiday like as an adult you know what I mean didn't you go on last year what do you mean

no like a summer holiday where you go and do like nothing like you go to like a beach and just do nothing I've not really done that ever

so I've been planning this for years and I've finally done it. And now everyone's like, oh mate, course, fucking yeah, party, party. No, but you're going to a resort, which is very different. You won't be by the party booth. No, yeah.

Okay. You'll be fine. And also where you're going is like completely exclusive. It's like its own bubble. I have a question for you because I don't know if you see the comments and we I tried to touch on this a couple weeks back but then we got a bit

derailed talking about the board. No, we did actually get a comment actually where it's got messages to you, didn't we? Yes, we did get a comment. We did actually get a comment. I do just want to address this before... What comments did we get, Greg? So, I'd like to know No, I meant because I didn't get it.

So, Lewis always likes to I don't know just talk bollocks and he says I don't really care what other people think I don't care what those idiots online think of me

but I had an interesting message from someone who said just to let you know mate Lewis is deleting comments and reporting them on the new backside episode all because I asked

where his neck finishes and head starts because he's built like a worm. Would you like to address this? 100%. Wow. 100% that's true.

You've been censoring You've been censoring our fans. I encourage you to insult many insults. Insult many insults. Insult many insults or he's nervous.

He's nervous. He's during. He's been caught out here. Actually, genuinely, I have not. I don't know if YouTube's flagged it but I don't delete

comments I normally like those YouTube's fault is it yeah yeah not blaming YouTube swear on your dog's life I swear on my dog's life on my mum's life

on Charlie's life I don't care about being called a worm I look like a worm they're dead doggy's dead doggy's dead fuck

nah man I normally like those comments no oh do you think by the way I'll admit to this the only time I'll

delete a comment guys can't wait to open up this backside episode and read about everyone saying I've got no neck I think

I think I've only ever deleted a comment if like in an age where someone's talking about like a technical issue because you don't want

to bring attention to it so I just get rid but I don't say oh yeah that's why there's 850 people banned on the back side nah but you've got because you don't want to bring attention to it. So I just get rid of it. But I don't say it. That's why there's 850 people banned on the back. No, but you've got to let the comments be real, man. If they feel like insulting you one week, it's all right.

And then next week, actually, I did see you buy it to a guy. Wait, re-buying to a comment? No, no, no. Don't say it like that. No, you are a criminal for this. It's well known in the group that you are a comment replier i've probably replied to about five comments in my lifetime that is that's that is such a fucking lie because i i see them on me that's also that's five more than we have i've seen at least by your eyes like i respond to everyone every i don't even read the comments

every episode i'd say once every two weeks I'll see at least one read comment. No, I'm not joking. I swear that. It's well known within the group chat you are a comment replier. Well known.

Which group chat? The one I'm not in? Every group chat. Every group chat ever. I promise you, you are a comment replier. I could go on any YouTube video that you've been rattled.

Oh, replied, rattled, replied, rattled every time. Right, he's trying to ratled every time well you replied to this one on the last episode to be fair it was being

yeah that's what I brought it up from that's literally how this conversation started you donkey it was this guy just spamming reviews

I don't know what it was I see him every time I've got he's created an agenda against me and listen up mate it's icky pee

think he pissed no no no that's fine that's not even a thing but keep commenting it and I'll see ya what does he what's he saying

he just said he had a boring voice get him off the fucking show what did you buy with I said I'm ready to consist an agenda mate keep it up

oh it's so loud I get em there's a account out there fuck you if you're listening Theo Baker's hairline he goes across he goes from pitch side to

back side to fellas studios vlogs just even in vlogs I'm not in he'll be like thank god Lewis isn't here

you know why right it's you it's my alternate account yeah it's your burner but anyways

I wanted to bring this up before because we do get a lot of comments on about brain rot thanks for the terrible waste of

50 minutes sometimes you need that in life so a lot of people focus around this brain rot idea. So I thought we could be mature adults for like the next 10 minutes.

Sure. I have sort of scrolled across the mature podcasts in the world. What are mature podcasts? You know, Joe Rogan, Modern Wisdom.

Yeah. That kind of vibe. You know where they ask introspective questions and they sort of talk about life. That's what we do with Philosopher Lolly. Yeah, yeah.

No, no. These are more like different questions where it's like I basically ripped them off their podcast so we can talk about them here. You haven't done that before.

At least we're not going to get more comments about us ripping off an old podcast. No, we would never do that. So I've got a few questions here and I thought we could have a mature conversation.

So what we're trying to do right now just to establish this is 10 minutes of no brain rot. No brain rot. This is mature. We can do that. minutes of no brain rot. No brain rot. This is mature. We can do that. No brain rot, guys.

No brain rot. Meshure up your worm. Okay, well, let's get out of your system now. Get out of your system. Worm. Specky. Ugly boy. Snake.

Five. Four. I hope you die. Three. I really hope really bad things upon you. One. Okay. Hello, guys.

I have no brain rot. That's what I don't understand. He's ruined it already. He's ruined it. No, you ruined it. You, guys. I have no brain rot. That's what I don't understand. He's ruined it already. That's already like... You ruined it. You ruined it. Because if Arthur was here, he'd back me up.

He'd say, I'm so hard. Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, guys, and welcome to Deep Side. Do you remember when we were going to call it Offside? What is wrong with you

okay three two one yeah go on welcome to deep side now shall we talk about something that's really important guys i wanted to ask you yeah what do you think of the politics i wanted to ask Keir Starmer right what are the emotions he's part of labour I like that one the other day I wish your mum never went into labour what are the emotions

that you are afraid to feel none yeah I don't think I'm afraid to feel anything I fucking love everything. There he goes, Mr. Brave. Hunger mostly for Theo, I reckon. Come on, we're being mature adults here. Ask the question again.

What emotions are you afraid to feel, Tom? I'm afraid to feel the emotion of loss. Because I don't want to... And what about vulnerability? Fucking hell, Tom. No, I'd say I'm fine with being vulnerable. That's not an emotion I'm afraid to feel. I'm never vulnerable.

No, you're not, actually. Except when you're a bit loose after a few drinks. Yeah. And you're bummed out. Your arse is very vulnerable. Yeah. I literally saw you open your arse. I was gaping in front of you.

I saw inside your body. Should we start again? So what are the things that you're hiding from yourself? No, I don't mean... No no i don't hide it from i just don't want to feel those emotions i can't control what i feel but how does that work though what are you talking about you can't control how you feel that's what i mean she asked me what i'm afraid to feel i'm afraid to feel i can't control your sadness and loss maybe. Maybe what I don't like about myself most is that I'm always adamant on trying to be right. Are you?

Yeah. I don't think that. Why are you like that? I don't know. Maybe it's just insecurity of, you know, intelligence, I think. Of people saying that I was stupid as a child. Are you going to cry?

You weren't... Stop. We're getting somewhere deep. Mate, no one told him he was stupid he was literally a fucking A star student for his entire it's supposed to be

it's just starting the brain rot right should we start about him no go on Stephen I'm sorry

so Reeve he was literally a genius kid he was a pro golfer at the age 11 why don't you just let them talk

can we right can you right Theo can you please try for the next five minutes Mike for the next five minutes please a pro golfer at the age of 11. Why don't you just let them talk? Can we, right, Theo, can you please try for the next five minutes? Come on, Mike. For the next five minutes, please try.

No brain work. Theo, be a sophisticated being. We're going to be here for it. You've got a bit of white stuff on your nose. Why are you still afraid to tell your parents?

I remember the ones, I was only about seven and I was at the Albion and my dad gave me two pound to go and either play pool or get some sweets or something. Just a two pound coin and

every, like every kid, I was fucking playing around with it in my mouth. I don't know why. Because you do, you just play with things in your mouth,

don't you? Two pound coin? Yeah. Not really. Anyway, I accidentally swallowed it. Right. And I swear on everything.

This is not a lie I went outside and like looked up to the sky and was like this is it like I'm about to die I could feel it going like down oh that's grim

and I was thinking like obviously two pound coin's big I was like I'd literally I went outside and I'd like accepted

I'd like accepted death I was like do you shit it out and it'll split your arse in half no then after like half hour I was like well I'm not dead and then and I went back and I said oh dad I've lost I that's it. Did you shit it out and it split your arse in half? No, then after a half hour I was like, well, I'm not dead. Then I went back and I said, oh, dad, I've lost

I've used it on the pool table. Wait, did you shit it out? Did you shit it out? I can't remember. Is it still there? A two pound coin fit in your arse? You got a philosophy? Yeah. I can't handle more than one fact today. We only have one fact, man. Don't worry, it's class. You're a philosophy? Yeah. Give us a philosophy. Let's do one of each. I can't handle more than one fact today.

We only have one fact, man. Don't worry, it's class. You're a fucking stupid worm. You look a worm. You're being very aggressive today. It's because I want to get my hair cut and you're pissing me off. I shouldn't really intro my own segment, should I?

Philosophy. That's my guy. That's my guy. You will enjoy this one, actually. This one was tailored for you. The calves are looking pretty big. I had a swift. Thanks, mate. That's my guy. You will enjoy this one, actually. This one was tailored for you. The carves are looking pretty big. Hi, The Swift. Thanks, mate.

Oh, nearly cramped up, then. This is called The Space Mission. Yes! Space! See how I know you love it. Woo! All right. The Space Mission.

You are in command of a spaceship on a mission to explore a distant planet. Which one? Start again, because all I can hear is this worm chipping in my ear. Not a worm. The space mission. You are in command of a spaceship

on a mission to explore a distant planet. Yeah. Due to limited resources, you can only bring back samples from one of two planets. Planet A is more scientifically significant,

but planet B has signs of potential extraterrestrial life. Which planet should you choose to explore? B. B, easy as shit. Oh, we're going to get some fancy rocks. Fuck them. No, what? A advances science further,

so it could help Earth more. So is that as far as the question goes? Yeah. But you can meet these aliens on B. We have to interpret it our own way. The aliens on B could help us do way more than the rock there's no guarantee

that you actually confirm I think the power finding signs finding signs of life on another planet is bigger than furthering science

but that could just be like water it would be the biggest breakthrough it would confirm everything what if it's like

a fucking bug it doesn't matter that in itself would be the biggest discovery in science let's like a fucking bug it doesn't matter that in itself would be the biggest discovery in science let's go a little further

I've just created this in my own head because it's not actually part of the question but planet A has the actual cure for cancer

yeah I know you're just making me a dickhead aren't you no I'm saying alright okay it has something that's really

significant that would cure diseases for people around the world, but planet B is obviously... Well, you'd go A, wouldn't you? ...has extraterrestrial life. I think the power of my curiosity,

I would not be able to hold. If I could meet an alien... So you're basically choosing to let millions of people die. It could literally just be like some bacteria. Yeah, exactly. No, no, we found bacteria on other planets. Okay, well, it might just be a worm. It might just be a worm on Mars.

Yeah. What's up with you? You're brilliant at worms today. The worm mark. Because that guy said you look like one of these, right, it might just be a worm. It might just be a worm on Mars. Yeah. What's up with you? I'm home. You're bringing in some worms today. The worm, Mark. Mark's worm. You look like one of these, right? You do look like a worm.

How do we know there's no life living under the surface of Mars? Well, they say it might be on our seabed. Like, that's where you would keep a base. Because NASA used to research our seabed and then they were like, that's fucking too scary. We're not ruining his section with your shite.

I would choose Planet A let's say is cure cancer. Not necessarily no because that's too overpowered you'd take that anyway.

It probably It advances human technology for like 20 years. Okay yeah or it cures all eyesight stigmatisms so nobody has to wear glasses anymore.

But Planet B potentially has life potentially has life or does have life I think the question was potentially extraterrestrial life I'm definitely

choosing like the cancer cure I then it's not it's not it's not I'm still choosing a I would choose a anyway because I feel like if we are sending people to space for that exact reason to

try and help us further our civilization then that's probably what she would do. I would say this is less philosophical and just more like what would you do in this scenario. That's kind of what the questions are. Now this is like basically asking you what's your priorities like the health of human beings or the future of human beings.

Precisely. It's philosophical. Really none of the questions have been actually that philosophical. They're just more brain of human beings or the future of human beings. Precisely. It's a philosophical... Really, none of the questions have been actually that philosophical. They're just more brain... The thing is, you have to consider the alien,

it might be a dickhead. Like, you might meet him and he might just kill you. He might be like a tribal animal who doesn't want you on his land. What annoys me

is the way you think... Yeah, but that's contradicting your own statement then. I'm just thinking you said you wanted to see extra stress I'd love to see him oh he might be a dickhead

what happens if you go land on that planet what happens if you go land on that planet right and they just shoot you down and you're dead well that's part yeah that's part

of the AOP so my risk is I'll go get the cure of cancer if that's okay that's still not enough that's not what the planet is alright the eyesight cure then

yeah sure we'll call it that one I'd go planet A I'd go planet A because you've clearly been sent to space for a reason yeah but fuck that

you can go see aliens so at that point you're determining that your own self interests are more important than the entirety of humanity

I think the entirety of humanity cares more about seeing an alien and what and do they actually exist rather than skipping 20 years of

technology. I'd take the risk. I don't even want to advance 20 years of technology. It's getting worse. Imagine this right. You've gone to this

planet. There's nothing there. You've come back and they've gone to you. So you'll get let me get this straight right. You had the option of curing cancer.

That is not what that planet does. But instead you went to an empty planet and come home empty-handed. You don't go to planet A and cure all of cancer, AIDS and eyesight. That was not the agreement. Yeah, there's still rocks now. I'm coming home with cures to multiple diseases.

You're coming home with niche. I hope you go to planet A because you should not be the first interaction an alien has with a human race. Oh, let me get straight. You should. Yes. I think you pair are one of them. I would be great. I would. Imagine you're an alien now with a human rib. Oh, let me get straight. You should. Yes. I think you pair are one of them.

I would be great. I would, right? Imagine you're an alien now. Yeah. Hello there, traveler. Traveler. You can't call him that. Hello.

No, but I... He's trying to reason with him. No, no. No, they take that very offensively in their world. Hands up. Hello. Why are you holding your teeth?

Hello, Lewis. And now shoot him. Fuck off. You're not ducking any alien technology there, mate. I think aliens do look like this. The question wasn't aliens. You said extraterrestrial life.

You know what's crazy? You know what's crazy? You understand out of more, like more than do look like the the question wasn't aliens you said extraterrestrial life that was crazy do you know what's crazy is you understand out of more like more than the rest of us the value there is in space and you've

still chosen to be selfish I think you underestimate the value of finding out if we are alone or not that is the

one way of valuing knowing that is the that is the biggest question but I just find it interesting whereas me and Tom think about the rest of humanity so we're I just find it interesting that he's doing this. Whereas me and Tom

think about the rest of humanity so we're self-less. No, it's not even that. Lewis is selfish. Mine's just... Maybe he finds fish. Or just general curiosity. He might find fish on the planet.

No, mine's just more maths. It's more... High probability of it being a good result. The higher probability, the better return he's going to planet Earth. Two of the biggest questions in the world is

what was before the Big Bang and are we alone? And you get to answer one of those which might never, ever, ever get answered. And you can answer it. But also, if you get to cure cancer?

That is not what it does. It also might, this extraterrestrial life might just be like a worm with two heads. Yeah. Yeah? Great.

Fucking class. So we found life but it's not what everyone thought it would be or wanted to be so it's pointless did you see that thing or we could cure

everyone's sight you see that thing they sent into space where it's like a disc and they sent it into space it's going to travel forever and ever like a discus

and it's like a disc and on it has a coordinate on it it has a coordinate on the satellite it has a coordinate somehow

where it's like a diagram of the solar system whatever which directs you to which planet we're from then you can play it so we can play variations of noises from the planet and it also can be read in a way where it can you can produce images from it as like pictures of us and we've sent that into the into space it's been traveling for like 50 years or whatever

now realistically it comes up with your postcode in an image of you going i just think it's a understand this whole thing but like if this alien right sees a coordinate coordinates are something we've made up they won't have any

idea what coordinate is no no no it's not a coordinate it's got like a diagram where like it's a mathematical thing where if you because maths

transcends everything like maths is the same on earth as it will be on any planet but they might not have numbers no you are not understanding what I'm

saying maths maths no it's not true no it's not on Earth as it will be any planet. But they might not have numbers. No, you are not understanding what I'm saying. Maths. True though. Maths. No, it's not true. No, it's not. Maths is the same everywhere. That is the one language

that will be the same with us and aliens. Yeah, correct. Because that's how the universe works. It's the laws of physics. It doesn't work differently. But what happens if this

alien creature hasn't created numbers? Oh my God. Oh my God. But that's an entirely probable situation. Okay, they may use something else. Maths is the same. You see what I'm saying?

I don't. No, because you're being stupid. You are seeing what I'm saying though. It's like if they had a bunch of coordinates, they might not understand what this is. Okay, no, but you're saying like, you're saying like we've sent off things in English and you go in.

Okay, what have we sent off in then? What if they're Chinese? But it's completely, language isn't the same everywhere, is it? No, and that's my point, exactly. But maths is. Yeah. Mathematics is universal.

You understand it's the same. So what, they took a picture of the sun and said we're like next to it? No. No. No. What they're asking. I was like, you are. It's allergy. a picture of the sun and said we're like next to it no no what they've actually I was like

you are it's allergy we is here what they've actually done what you don't understand is what they've actually done is they've sent

the first disc which has all the stuff on it and the second disc has an audio message of going I actually got an A in math

Luke if they haven't drawn a diagram of the solar system like this is us, what have they drawn? Tell me what they've drawn. So it's like the circular thing

where it's like a diagram of the solar system and the order of the planet and then it's got certain lines that come out which gives you... So they have drawn a diagram of the sun

and that makes it... No, and then it gives you these lines give you certain like obvious... If they've drawn the solar system why would they have not drawn the sun? No, but...

No, no. Oh, it's me then. No, they won't have drawn... He's just said they've not drawn the sun. No, but this... No, no. Oh, tell me that. No, they won't have drawn... He just said they've drawn the solar system of all the planets and all the life. So why haven't they

drawn the sun, Lewis? No, I don't think that's what he's saying. I don't think that's what he's saying. He just said that. He literally just said that. I wasn't really paying attention. He did.

I don't know the maths behind it. I'm not clever enough. I know the other... You're laughing at me. I don't think they've drawn the sun and gone wheeze next to this. How would they explain if it's not in the other guy I don't think they've drawn the sun and gone wheeze next to the I don't know how would they explain if it's not in picture form

I don't know it was a cereal box competition where loads of kids entered their versions of the solar system and they've stuck it on the back of the prism

if I had to send a disc into space I would draw a big fat sun with mercury do you know how many suns there are our sun's tiny by the way

how many suns out there of all the planets in the row? Every star is a sun. Yeah, but they don't all have the fucking same planets,

do they? So I draw Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn,

And you think they have the same technology or whatever and they know we have the same names? Yeah. They go, oh, fucking hell.

Oh, yeah, Mercury, Neptune. I can't believe it. Oh, they're in the Milky Way. If you see this picture of the diagram. Why didn't anyone say they were in the Milky Way? Hensboy, Louis said.

We should have gone there last week. They've just sent mathematical things. No, but my point is if you send a visual thing. They haven't sent a fucking diagram

and gone, the sun, and then earth. You don't understand what I'm saying here, and then you don't understand what i'm saying here thomas you don't understand what i'm saying here so if you're not saying anything if you draw the picture of the solar system for them to see then they can start searching for it yeah and then the the picture of the sun has a little baby that gets yeah and also what they could do so in this discus i assume because of there's no air in space if you just send it, it's going to go straight, right? Vacuum in it,

just like Nunu. Yeah, what? What? No, no, no. No, no, no. They didn't frizz, no, no. You're thinking that

they frizz-peed this out into space? No, they sent it out into space in a straight line. How? Probably ejected it from a rocket ship or something. No.

How else did you do it? Just sent a caterpillar? No, from a catapult, sorry. You spell it. It is on the side of a satellite we made called the Voyager

which the Voyager was sent out to the edge of the solar system didn't you it was sent out to the where do you think

they did it through it yeah yeah Voyager's purpose was to shut it out the back of a rocket they threw the next one in Paris 24

the way you said it it did sound a bit like that did it you instantly thought oh it must be on bit like that. Did it? I thought it was on the side. You instantly thought, oh, it must be on the Voyager. No, no, but I would assume

they send something up with it and then let go of it. Then they'll just fucking fire a Frisbee into space and go, fucking hell, that comes back. Jesus.

It's not going to come back. Anyone got the return button? I don't know if you know this about space. If you push something, it won't stop. Yeah, because forces only act on each other. Yeah, so if you fire this disc in a straight line, mathematical straight line,

it's going to go, go, and go, and go, and go. Unless there's a gravitational pull from something else in the universe that brings it towards you. Yeah, then it's pretty long. And then it comes back down to Earth, and we go, we did far and far enough! Can we trace it?

No, so I think Voyager's quite interesting. So it was supposed to die after 15 years, but it survived for like 40 years or something I didn't know that so we got like because you're still receiving little readings and slowly the components

die off it I think it's like dead now dog is dead so now it's like I think it exited not long ago like the solar system where does it go?

it will just go forever so now this will but this is the thing this is a philosophical question actually isn't that very scary when you think about it isn't it

it's base isn't it is it isn't the base in it is it best that because Stephen Hawking was against this idea because he thinks that if there's something out there you can't guarantee

you want to know where you're from I agree so should we advertise where we're from and try and search for aliens or should we stay quiet

yeah man fuck it yeah I don't know actually we we don't have the capacity for intergalactic warfare yet so I'd say stay quiet and Yeah, man. Fuck it. Risk it. Yeah, I don't know, actually. We don't have the capacity for intergalactic warfare yet, so I'd say stay quiet until we have an advance. They might not either.

If they're going to come and visit us, they probably do have the technology to... They might still be a caveman. Oh, my God. Why are you so thick? It's actually painful. If we give them the information

to know where we're from and they come and visit, I think we're in fucking trouble, aren't we? If they haven't found us, yeah, technically, if we send someone out there,

we found them technically. Jesus, fuck off, Mia. So this whole intergalactic warfare Oh my God. Oh my God. That makes perfect sense.

Oh my God. Oh my God. What we're saying is the things we've sent out, this disk, right, which lets them know where we are,

if they are then able, if they are then able to come to us and find us we're a big they are also a capable of intergalactic war yeah they are capable that's my point why

haven't they said anything to us no no no if they if they have the ability to if they have the ability to travel to us they're in a much better situation than

we ever are to try and combat that we've sent stuff out there right we haven't traveled to yeah we're not going there. Are you doing this on purpose? What the fuck? Are you doing this on purpose?

No, listen to me. Listen to what I'm actually saying here. Listen, before getting all like... So, we've sent shit out there. Because Arthur wouldn't say this. They, we've not heard anything from them. Well, they sent back a disc

that said Now 64. We haven't heard anything. We've got no signs. So, we must be more advanced than they are what are you on about shut up

what are you on about no this is this is a philosophical thing no that's not what I'm doing I'm going past that so

because I wouldn't want I wouldn't want global positioning information on a disc because I think we'd be in big trouble. Well, the counterpoint to why have we never found aliens

because surely you would see them plastered across the sky. Maybe because they don't want to be found. Maybe they are smart enough to not want to be found. Oh my God, you need to stop talking. Well, how would you see an alien plastered across the sky? You can only just about see a sun. Are you a fucking idiot? He's trying too hard.

No, he's trying too hard. He's trying too hard. No, but maybe they know we gotta stick maybe they know we best stay quiet here like because no don't do that yeah maybe they are preparing please just smell it but how is that please please yeah so smart lewis but when i say maybe they're not as progressed as we are... Oh, you're so stupid. You're saying really silly things.

No, I'm not. No, I don't want to repeat it again, but... You're being so boring to go over, because we all understand it. You're thick. It's all right. But you clearly don't understand it. We do understand what you mean.

No, you're right. We don't. We don't get it. Actually, you're working on a higher level. I'm saying you think these... You should work at NASA. You think these aliens are like so advanced and like,

oh, they're going to fly through space. Oh my God. No, you're right. You're too smart. I think the chances are we are the most advanced species. That's bullshit.

We already have the spaceship. No, we're 51. What? Bob Lazar worked on it. Are you doing that thing where you black out again and just say really autistic stuff? Lewis, you know... Spaces just say really autistic stuff? Lewis,

you know... It's Spaceship Sports, Connors, and... Alien Baby! Lewis, can you imagine? No,

wait, Lewis, wait a second. Imagine aliens came to our Earth. No, but the Senate said it wasn't real. Or an alien planet. Oh my God,

why are you talking at all? No, can you fucking hear me out here? Why the fuck is he... Sorry lads, what was I doing then? Am I back now or what? No, because if one of all? No, fucking hear me out. Why the fuck is he talking? Sorry, lads. What was I doing then? Am I back now or what? No, because if one of our spaceships...

No, seriously. If one of our spaceships crashed into an alien planet, they'd be like, whoa, look at this alien technology. Yeah, you're right. But they might not know what a diesel motor is.

Yeah. No, it's very true. No, they don't know what a Tamagotchi is, so fucking no, they can't compete with us. That's literally... We know we agree with you.

You're too smart for us. We can't debate you. You're too smart for us. We can't debate you. You're too smart. You're being stupid here. You're a masturbator. The problem is, imagine you told an alien, yeah, we've got this thing called Wi-Fi. Yeah, yeah.

Can we put a thing and a thing is like magic? Yeah. No, you're right, mate. That's true. Yeah, we agree with you. You're being immature. You're being immature. That's a very good point.

No, it's not, because if an alien can travel to Earth, they're not going to be like, well, you're Bluetooth. We don't even barely use Bluetooth. Fucking hell, lads, we can't attack him because there's a bloody Bluetooth system.

You've got Sony Ericsson's. Why am I connecting to these sound waves instead of shooting these guns? You fucking idiot. This is why he should not go, he should go to planet Earth. This is exactly why should not go, he should go to planet air. This is exactly why. Just go and get the science,

come back and just sit down. Pick up some rocks, yeah, come on. Eat your crayons. Lads, I've discovered, I ain't the cure for eyesight. Surely they'll come over because we've got Wi-Fi.

You fucking idiot. They've travelled across fucking 30 solar systems. Multiple... Multiple billion years of travel to find us, but they haven't got Wi-Fi. Well, chances are they don't. How is he streaming it to his telly?

Chances are they actually don't, because we invented it. What are the chances that another civilization... Have they even got PSP? What? What are the chances of another civilization inventing even got a PSP? What? What are the chances of another civilization inventing Wi-Fi? What did he just say? What are the chances

of another civilization inventing Wi-Fi? Very slim. I don't know or care but if they can travel here they're far more advanced than us by definition. You do realise

they think we're dinosaurs. They're more advanced than us and we can't answer that. They think we're dinosaurs right now. Yeah. How do you know? Because when they see Earth,

they're looking at dinosaurs. You don't know that. I do. That is science, Theo. Yeah, because they look in the past, don't they? How long it will take our light.

It won't be dinosaurs. If they're looking at Earth right now, they can't see any of this. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They can just see a triceratops. And they see this triceratops, right? And they go, oh, let's go there. They travel there,

their mind's going to be blown. Oh, look at these flying planes and shit. Yeah, and then they blow up the entire planet. What, flying? They're going to be amazed at a flying plane after flying here through the universe. If you're an alien that comes to Earth,

right, you're going to be like, what are we even having this conversation? I've got a plan B. Yeah, they just park up they park up to the solar system and they go no because you're being

you're being too dismissive because if you think about it a billion miles an hour has passed away no you are being very dismissive here because if Henry VIII reincarnated

into now he would lose his mind he'd be like what the hell's going on but Henry VIII isn't a fucking how do you come to these conclusions

you don't even deserve us to explain why how stupid you're being that's that this is why it's so annoying do you know what is really sad is that you clearly aren't getting my point we are and it's so you know what the problem is the problem is we're on different wi-fi's no you're on bluetooth right of course henry VIII the man who lived in a fucking time where they shat in a street would be amazed by our technology today. Aliens

or beings or whatever the fuck they are who are so advanced can travel through the universe to Earth won't

That was the point of the question. What do you mean? That was the point. Wait until you hear about airdrop fucking hell they should drop you

where you were dropped on your fucking head you bald twat sorry he's put a cat forwards as well and you know

what's going to annoy me even more he's going to claim that was all bait and it wasn't he thinks that's a great philosophical point you made

I've raised good points but you're clearly that's not what you do for philosophy in the comments Reeve go on sing then quickly what? oh sing your one what are you saying? sing I don't want to hear your shit facts

sing that's the intro alright good one today he's already raised my anger so let's just let's just make sure it's real about that i wish i had people like who weren't just immature and actual smart could actually understand the points yeah brilliant just laughing at someone really disappointed you know i have a yeah sorry mate you just no but you're too smart for us that's what it is sorry I have a quick experiment for us to do before like the first one

because this is like a crazy experiment let me guess who's the fucking bravest pop your trousers off so Stephen Hawking no that's you

we already know that so one day Stephen Hawking did his greatest ever experiment he threw a party and he got some balloons and cakes

and all sorts Stephen Hawking was doing balloons he was on the balloons he's getting everything in the whole works this was a fantastic occasion

carrot cake cheesecake now the occasion was it was a party for time travellers oh shut up so what he did was calling all time

travellers here one party for you he was grafting all day set this up have it all lovely set out but he didn't send any invites and he sat there and waited because he was grafting all day of course he set this up have it all lovely set out but he didn't send

any invites and he sat there and waited because he was going to send the invites tomorrow let me guess no one showed up no no people showed up because they'd already been invited in the future right so yeah so he was going to go his plan was he was going to go the rest of his life sending out invites to this party in the past and they would arrive and theoretically they would show up at the party right there now he did get a knock at the door the postman he didn't have the thing though but he was still a bit creeped out like that but so our thought was no one turned up there's one of him and there's four of us so we can invite a surprise time traveller guest to the podcast

right now and if the four of us there's no way you've got Stephen Hawking someone will walk in and if the four of us start sending invites for the next

two weeks we all promise right now we'll do it I'll hey if you're watching this right now come in the room in five seconds

wait where you going what has someone been in a box Hey, if you're watching this right now, come in the room in five seconds. Wait, where are you going? What, has someone been in a box that entire time? You know what would be great? If Lewis had planned someone to walk in now. In a wheelchair. They wouldn't walk in in a wheelchair, would they? You're right.

Wait, so Lewis, am I right in saying, Lewis, am I right in saying, maybe where Stephen Hawking went wrong was that he actually didn't invite the time travellers, he just invited his mates. Sorry, this doesn't count as time travel. You've invited someone two weeks ago for today, and they're going to appear, and then you're going to claim it as time travel. You might need to share a mic with him, if he comes. Lewis, Lewis, quick question for you.

Who was he inviting? Was it question for you who was he inviting was it his mates or was he actually known time travellers what the fuck he's what are we doing we've invited a random

person to the podcast and Lewis is claiming it's time travel was it known time travellers Lou was it known time travellers

or was it his mates who's he inviting right so he's just sending it to everyone who's everyone who's he sending it to everyone. Who's he sending it to, Lou?

We post it on Facebook. What did he do? He made nice envelopes and that. Who did he send them to?

Everyone. Who's everyone? Seven billion people. The people he just came across in life. He'd have one on him all the time. He'd be like,

there you go. See you then. And he'd open it and it'd be a party from two months ago. So, right boys, can we all make a pact here

we're gonna invite someone throughout our life to here today the date is if you've brought my dad in I will kick off

this is the 12th of July right we all agree 2024 we all agree at 4.30 in the afternoon promise yeah well I don't know

what we're doing promise yeah okay well you've obviously invited someone we have to just give it a minute are they coming at

half four I shit myself right we have to say we invited them for yeah we invited them for 27 past four so we'll give it a minute. They have to arrive

at 27 past four. I really hope no one walks in the room that Lewis has prepped this for. No, this is scientific. No wonder you were so late trying to fucking stall someone coming.

Well, if anyone comes there's a time traveller. I've not arranged anything. I've not arranged anything. Oh, you mean if someone randomly walks through the door at 4.27 it's because we invited them in the future.

And they've time travelled back. Time traveller, come in! Okay, right, well on that note... Give him ten seconds. You've got to run the lamp properly. Anyway, thanks for subscribing. No, no, this wasn't even a fact. No, that wasn't even a fact, that was just an experiment.

That's it. No, no, that was just an experiment. I've got an actual fact. I don't think you deserve anything. Are you actually being serious? There's no time traveller coming? Well, if they don't turn up, it's because we haven't sent enough invites in the future.

Wait, oh my God. Wait, so that entire segment, you've just had our pants down? That was the segment. It's not. It's an experiment. What kind of content is that? Well, that's why I got real bad.

Just put the chair up and ruin the set. Well, if a time traveller came, we'd need a seat. Look at you move, you little trembling. Yeah, but if he came, what do you mean? Wait, so you actually... You're not doing a fact today.

You're a fucking idiot right now. No, you just want a haircut. No, you're a time wasting twat. What? That was a time wasting. If a time traveller... It's 4.28. He's not coming. Fuck. Well, that time travel I can't believe that it's 4.28 he's not coming

fuck well that time travel's not real then that was it that means time travel isn't real oh my god I could have told you

that without wasting 10 minutes that's a true story Stephen Hawking did the exact same experiment and we did it here on backside

and we proved time travel isn't real but we've not invited anyone yet well that's we got to imagine someone came though imagine

and even if they did I would just come in and just sit down and it anyway I got a go fuck man what are we doing now I got a real fact that was just

an experiment no end in the show what the hell you're not allowed after that that was that was ridiculously stupid and honestly there's literally no That was just an experiment. Now we're ending the show. What the hell? You're not allowed after that. What the frick? That was ridiculously stupid and stupid. Honestly, there's literally no one coming.

I don't plan it. That would be against the point of seeing if a time traveler came. Are you all right in the head? I'm sorry. We're there. We're there. Scientifically, this is not stupid. There is no science behind what you've tried to just do. We thought you said we can only go forward, not backwards in time.

But we've just proven that today. Right today, on backside, we have proven time travel doesn't exist. To prove that time travel didn't exist, we must send out invitations for the rest of our lives. No, but by that point, it doesn't then, does it? Because even if I send out one, no one's... No, no. But that means we haven't disproved time travel. You're one, no one's... Oh, God. No, no. But that means we haven't

disproved time travel. You're an idiot. No, you're an idiot. No, no, no. I think he's actually understanding. It's correct. Yeah, but if I send out

five invites from the following, you know, days of the show and no one rocked up, that's it proven. No, because you haven't got a big enough sample size.

Sure. Maybe you just didn't happen to come across any time travellers. Oh, fucking hell, yeah. It's my fault. That's a great point,, because you haven't got a big enough sample size. Maybe you just didn't happen to come across any time travellers. Oh, fucking hell, yeah. It's my fault. That's a great point, you know. It is. How do you determine who is a time traveller and who is not?

Exactly. That's why you have to have one on your... I'll print off some tokens. End it. And we'll give them out for the rest of our lives. End all of it. End it now. End it all.

End the show. I thought... Shut up. Look at my shippy self oh my god it's a time traveller hello oh my god

ah yeah good by the way you'll see on the camera there I fucking shit myself it's a time traveller time traveller

come on don't you come in it's a time traveller no way is she asking you to come down it's a time traveller no No way! Is he asking you to come down? Is it a time traveller? No, I just had this vision, I had to come down. Oh, fuck me now, man. This is the... By the way, I didn't do that. Who invited her in the future?

Who views message there? He's been on his phone the last five minutes. How do you even have Rosie's number? Because he's got all the David Greys! By the way, when... He shoved himself... I can't believe how badly you fucking bricked that, mate. When it's all knocked, I thought someone, a time traveller's here.

I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. I thought it was a time traveller. Because he's going to lose David Graves! By the way, when he knocked... I can't believe how badly you fucking bricked that, mate. When someone knocked,

I thought someone's a time traveller. I swear to God, I thought that was a time traveller. Genuinely, obviously you'd be like someone dressed as Thomas Jefferson. Actually, for a second there... Good day, Lewis! Oh, no, no, no, it's just a future! I'm really trying to drag the conversation out as well.

Well, this is a historic photo. I'm on the toilet, having a wee, and you take a run... Well, no, no, it's just a future. I'm really trying to drag the conversation out as well, so you can make it better. Well, this is a historic photo. Well, technically, he did send an invite out after you said, so fuck, it's real. Yeah, it's real. Right, smile for the camera. This is a time travel photo. I thought that time travel thing's interesting. You're not right in the edge, you.

That's a real scientific experiment. I can't believe you just made us sit in silence for four minutes to try and prove that it doesn't exist I'll try to prove it did exist there was no way today could have been like no

sometimes you have to gamble imagine someone walked through the door imagine you made it to the end well done you if you haven't

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