Back Side - 2: Tom Garratt’s SECRET Girlfriend! Accidental Prostate Exams & Reev Steroid Allegations…

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

The lads grill Tom on his secret girlfriend, Lewis relives his prostate exam and Reev opens up on his alleged steroid use!If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. That, by the way, is the worst combination of clothes I've ever seen. Have you matched your socks with your shorts? He's actually...

Mr. Krabs Nike. He's matched his Mr. Krabs socks with his shorts. And his tie. I actually did. And his socks. But the three different shades are green.

None of them are the same. You're actually wearing it for this morning to try and colour code that and you look terrible. Mr. Krabs and whoops. I knew we were filming Waterside today so I thought I'd dress up for it. Waterside. We, that whoops is a bit... I knew we were filming Waterside today,

so I thought I'd dress up for it. Waterside. We do need a side on a final name. Decide. I thought we had. Well, by the time anyone's listened to this, there's already a name because it's on the video. I want to play a game with you guys

because we ignored me earlier, but I will never... No, you started talking about food. You went onto food. Let's play a game where we guess the comments, oh wait, I ate loads of food yesterday because I can already see the comments on the last episode I think they'll be

calling you a fat wanker that's nothing new then we are obviously filming this before the first episodes ever come out why is that obvious so people might not

even want this. Yeah. That's exactly what my guess is. Why the fuck have they decided to do something that's not football related? I think it's going to be like, oh my God, these guys are actually all right when they're not talking about football. And also it's going to be like, oh, Lewis is actually all right when he's not talking about football.

I think y'all are getting very optimistic there. I think it's like people don't want this. Those comments get produced when we do stuff outside of chit chat hang on you can't say that because this is

your whole idea that you think people do want this I think it'll do well but until you do it you don't know because there's a lot of like what are we even doing

like what are we doing you even talk about there's loads of podcasts everyone has one it's going to be we're basically what's good the fellas

better than them and then like all the other podcasts the comments are going to be... We're basically, what's good, the fellas, better than them. And then like, all the other podcasts. The comments are going to be, we need to stop selling microphones. But we've got you and you fit. So you bring in the...

The love people here enough of me. It's an audio platform thing. Well, why have we got tops off though? And I have the worst accent. I'm definitely,

I'm definitely, it's probably over. Glad to be here, mate. Something that did happen, obviously. Russ Kirk ran Africa. Yeah, full length, actually. When you were just out there, glad to be here, mate. Something that did happen, obviously, Russ Cook ran Africa. Yeah, full length, actually.

When you were just out there, he was on about, obviously, he did what, 386 marathons in whatever. 350 days. Then he ran 19,000 kilometres, something,

but he did 19 million steps. Think about it, mate, when you wake up in the morning, imagine you do 20k steps a day, you think, wow, well done, mate. 19 million,

I can't process that I want to be the one That asks him the questions Because I want to ask him The actual questions People want to hear Oh yeah What's that then

What's that then Did you hurt Oh yeah No Wait a second No I feel I feel in the point

Where he put a video out Saying he was pissing blood I'm pretty sure No No They're not going to ask him that or they're not going to ask they're going to be like

oh did someone die when you were a child and they're going to want to make him cry and stuff like that a diary of a CEO will try and make him cry what you want to know

is okay mate at what point did running far distance every day hurt your legs no at what point did you like yeah it did actually mate

that's why I look that's why I look like I'm 25 kilos lighter than when I started the fucking journey. Were your legs stiff? Like, what actually did that? No, but were they stiff, though?

No, were you stiff? Of course they were. He's got to wake up and do it again. That's the point. I'm asking the real questions. How many wanks have you had in the last year? Probably zero. Well, that's what I am.

No, the real questions you should be, if it's down the same route that you want, it should be how many toenails did you lose? Or, that's a decent one. Who were you using for sun cream because that is a good ad yeah yeah he's ginger as well he cut out that

shit he's more than ginger yeah and I didn't know that he started running when like running back from a night out and that was his like turning point in his life he

ran 20k back from a club and how many was that no you go from just being it's like you mate you're going out in the club and one day you run back and you're like oh fucking hell I'm gonna run all of Africa I've ran over a night out how many was that no you go from just being it's like you mate you're going out in the club and one day you run back

and you're like oh fucking hell I'm going to run all of Africa I've ran over a night out before but I've not started them

running Africa I don't believe that but he didn't run 20k though I don't believe that no it started like longer I think at this point

that's probably the most believable no because he did no yeah I don't believe that I think he's been running his whole life but is it

do you know they were like I reckon he did cross crunching that when he was younger not to downplay the achiever before he all started crying I don't believe that. I think he's been running his whole life. But is it? Do you know how they were like... I reckon he did cross-country when he was younger. Not to downplay the achievers, we all start crying. He's cross-continent now.

Yeah, but I don't believe he just started running after an eye out and now he can run the length of Africa. I don't think that's possible. Well, he built up to it. He didn't get a flight the day after. He ran Asia first, didn't he?

He ran Asia. Yeah, he ran Asia to London. Ran across Asia. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think anyone... I can't imagine someone starting running in their late 20s and then being able to...

Here's a question, by the way. What's his name? Is he eligible and should he receive the Sports Personality of the Year award? Yeah. But he's not got enough coverage through the year.

This is what I mean, because he's technically not a professional athlete. Because he is. I went Sports Personality of the Year once. You didn't win it, though, did it though you didn't win it that night I didn't win it no but I was there

I sat second row I was like it's a bit weird I sat behind Phil Neville and what's next this is why we need this podcast

you've got Matthew Marriott oh no no no you've got I've got come on they came second in the World Cup I sat behind

Phil Neville and his sister who does the netball and guess who sat next to me Gary Neville yeah you go no who did you say Gazler

Paul Gascoigne yeah with his missus I thought his daughter though but it wasn't it was his missus okay anyway going back to missus

yeah how much of an incredible woman is Russ's missus why I don't know just let him have a year off running Africa I know but what's she been up to Yeah. How much of an incredible woman is Russ's missus? Why, how do you know? Just let him have a year off running Africa. I know, but what's she been up to?

Ah, boo! Not everyone's like you. It's just a question. I mean, like, what's... Oh, you know what? Speaking of which... What's she been up to work-wise, doing this and that? How's your love life going?

I don't know what. Love life! Love life! Love life! Love life! It's going all right. Any soft launches recently? Anything going on? I don't know why you think this is such a hard launch. I'm going to get all the messages I received from people just from a fucking story. So obviously we don't know who you're talking about.

Yeah. So you got to enlighten us because we don't actually know. I'm not going to go into names. I have been seeing a girl when anytime she's briefly on a story I get messages from Reeve. Oh my god, is this a soft or a

hard launch? I can't tell. It's a genuine question. He's done it before well I can't find it Cal Freezy every single time hard launch this one bro literally

then I put a photo up of a pizza soft launch oh yeah taking your misses to the races

goals so is it serious to your lover I don't I mean I don't why have you asked it like that

I don't love her now but I do like her oh what you might by the time this by the time this pod's out I'm not gonna love her

by the time this pod's out you might love her Lewis he just said something there and you really interrupted him because what he just said there was a breakthrough in his relationship he said I don't love her but I do like her

and that's a really wholesome thing to say yeah true and you cut him off well I wouldn't be seen if I didn't like her oh man that's really cute man imagine saying I don't love her true. And you cut him off. Well, I wouldn't be seeing her if I didn't like her. Oh, man. That's really cute, man. Imagine saying,

I don't love her. I hate her. I'm proud of you. Pearly blue eyes, man. You've changed men. What's your favourite thing about her? We're not doing this. We're definitely not doing that.

What's your favourite thing about your Mrs. Lou? That should be a fast answer, surely. That's so many things to choose from she puts up with me well so she's your carer yeah do you know what

do you know what think about it she looks after me when I'm she's a special needs teacher what did you say she does special needs teaching and that's it

oh that's it when you say you have a girlfriend you have a teacher in a system I think she's my girlfriend and she keeps explaining fair enough wait so is that

why you work because she's actually she's used to like I think that's why I think she knows how to deal with me man yeah that's very wholesome though

I do agree with that though I think that about mine because I'm a nightmare if I'm hungover and I'm so moody yeah wait you're what moody no you just said I I'm yeah wait you're what moody

no you just said I think they're about mine you're what you're what I don't know what to refer to yeah the love of my life the love of my life. The love of my life. That's cute, man. Yes, she does put up with me very well

because I am horrible to be around. Horrible. Actually, 60% of the time, I'm not a nice person to be around, I think. We must catch you on good days then. Yeah, it's different when I'm doing this. It's easy, isn't it? I'm just getting paid to talk to you.

I'm perfect every time, every day of my life. You are the most disgusting person I've ever met. I'm perfect every time. Every day of my life. You are the most disgusting person I've ever met. Like, I can't believe she shares a bed with you. Your missus is a saint for being near you, like, all the time. Not as a person... What do you mean?

He's farting. Oh yeah, true. Yeah, you stink, mate. Mate, he farts just as bad. What? No, I've never heard him re-fart. I don't even make your... Don't get me wrong, I feel like your ass crack is sweatier than his as well.

I feel like you have a sweatier ass crack than Reeve. So like therefore your farts are mingling. Sorry, this man profusely sweats. I do, yeah, but I don't. I picture your butthole as being smooth. Lewis, I've actually had a sweat test. I'm actually a medium to low sweater. Yeah, you're not- I'm not doing a sweat test.

You don't actually smell ever, but you look like you smell. Can we talk about your dream from last episode? Oh, have you got an answer for me? Yeah, so like Theo's... Wait, you actually put it through a thing? I've done some major research. So Theo, give us a rundown of your dream if you haven't heard it. So I had a dream that I was cast into my...

Reoccurring dream, we should say. Reoccurring, very reoccurring actually. I was in my year three classroom. I think it was 3J at my primary school 3J and I was the only one

who could see these ninja monkeys who were trying to attack us don't leave the most important detail out of the story now though now that you're actually going to tell us

you don't need to repeat the story you have to that's part of the yeah the end that you told us after the part that's the most important bit of the entire story I've researched every aspect of the that's part of the yeah the end bit that you told us after the part the most important that's the most important

bit of the entire story I've researched every aspect of the story as you told it yeah but you didn't you didn't hear the last bit what was the last bit

the monkeys start killing kids no I didn't no they don't you said that to us you said that no that makes you look like a weirdo

no you're a recurring dream of monkeys killing kids yeah that's exactly what it is That fucks up my whole research No it's not They weren't killing them

You told us They were killing them Let's just pretend They weren't doing that Alright so What's the diagnosis From the fake story The monkey ninjas

Because the real story Is that everyone dies No the monkey ninja And then suddenly I was transported out To this corner Where I'm trying to run And then I stop running

I can't run And then suddenly I'm at the to this corner where I'm trying to run and then I stopped running. I can't run. Yeah. And then suddenly I'm at the top of my stairs, flying down the stairs. Which I, by the way, I feel like a lot of people have the flying down the stairs dream when they're kids. I feel like that was just a well-known dream

everyone to have. When you say flying down the stairs, isn't it like flying? Or do you mean like just slipping down the stairs? But we're making things up, Harry Potter. Oh, as in like Superman. It's a very short flight though, isn't it? Yeah.

Well, no, it's like a forever stairs. Oh, yeah. And then you fly out the house. You've got the stairways that pass. Well, no, it's like a forever stare. Oh, yeah. And then you fly out of the house. You've got the stairways that part. Fly out of the house and go, wee! And then you fly back to the school and go, I'm now flying! Punching other monkeys.

Well, you'll be surprised to hear when I typed in ninja monkeys at school running away and flying down the stairs, nothing specifically came up for that. But apparently dreaming of a monkey symbolises deceit and untrustworthy people. It could mean also you are mischievous yourself. So I thought we could come together on some diagnosis.

Does that make sense? Not really, no. I think it makes sense because you are mischievous because you like to book people. It's also a conflict between your serious and playful side. A monkey. Sorry, sorry. That's the only thing you got from his entire dream.

No, no, I've got ninja, I've got bean, chase. I've basically, Chase I've basically Because I've had to break His dream down In lots of sections First part is Inclusion of a monkey Means deceit or

But remember I was dreaming this When I was like a kid So you were a deceitful child I don't dream about this anymore You were a deceitful little knob Stole pocket money From your mum and dad

Ninjas represent Unknown intentions Also you are suspicious Of those around you Or feel threatened When I was a kid No it's recurring Yeah recurring But when I was a kid represent unknown intentions. Also, you are suspicious of those around you or feel threatened. When I was a kid? No, it's recurring.

Yeah, recurring. Yeah, but when I was a kid. I don't have it now. Being chased represents fear and anxiety. It could be failure, unknown. You could be urged by your dream

to confront whatever your fear is. Shit, fear of ninja monkeys. Do you have a fear of ninja monkeys? I don't know. I think my diagnosis was right last week.

What was your diagnosis? You're fearful of being bummed by monkeys. Dreaming of flying represents a desire of freedom. And then dreaming of being in school means you're an aunt. Or you're feeling the strain of adult life. I don't have it as an adult dream. Yeah, but it was a child's dream. It was a child.

When was the last time you had the dream? Oh, mate, years ago. I can't remember. Years ago. I just remember having it all the time as a kid. So actually, right, if we put it all together... Tom's right. You are.

When you put it all together, Tom's diagnosed. I can't believe you spent all weekend and that's all you've got. Yeah, that is crazy. I'm sorry, how am I supposed to diagnose that dream? You could have messaged an actual dream diagnostics person. I did research. He did? Me?

You individually searched the terms. You Googled individual dreams and just combined them together because me so hang on so no let's let's actually delve into your child a bit more did you have any like what what were you bummed as a kid what happened as a child that you thought that you needed to escape from because clearly that's what lewis yeah you're running away from something you're running away from your dad downstairs i fought the ninja monkeys at the start. No, no, no.

It's not... You're not actually scared of monkeys. That's... The monkeys are symbolic. I think I was fighting the ninja monkeys. I was like craving attention. Did you ever have those dreams after you finished the exams?

Exams didn't mean anything to me as a kid. Okay, well... Wow, you're so cool. Damn, you're a badass. You're actually a badass, bro. You definitely replaced... Did you... Exams trouble you as a kid?

I feel like you were a stressful guy. Yeah, I cared about exams. Really? No, you didn't. I did. I felt like a lot of my identity landed on how well I did in school. Really? Well, guys, guys, we're breaking down.

Let's try and see if he cries. He's Dario's CEO. I mean, I brought it up. So your exams identified you as a sorry identity no no no I said I held a lot of my identity to how well I did in school

I never understood about the whole stressing about exams thing so the importance as a person was reflected by how well I did

at school they are they are shoved down your throat how important they are for your future obviously now I can

I mean do revise and try and do your best 100% I don't think they matter that much. They don't fucking matter. Obviously they do matter though, because if you don't get a certain grade, you can't get into college. Unless you're a scientist.

But he's starting at university. That's why I cared, because that's what I wanted to do. Oh, but toothpaste. And look at your belly. But that is right though. Yeah.

You were right. And also I was in a group of people where success wasn't, like, there was no other option. You had to be successful. Are you friends with like your schoolmates? Yeah option you had to be successful are you friends with like your schoolmates

yeah yeah but what school are you talking about are you talking about primary primary school secondary school

college one of my friends is a since nursery yeah same yeah same

well you're not really a primary secretary I guess my friend group is pretty much the same but girls always fall out sorry like girl

all the girlfriend groups I know of all broke up and you know a lot of girlfriend groups do you damn it like you've had only girlfriends

at school nah I was like the weird friend of like the cool kid girls are loud of the cool kid or the cool kids no one cool

I was the weird friend of like one cool kid he was definitely embarrassed to be my friend because you knew for so long you were just kids No one cool I was the weird friend Of like one cool kid He was definitely embarrassed To be my friend Was it because you knew For so long You were just automatically His friend

Yeah I was just He was stuck with me What were you like at school Were you like a weirdo at school Yeah my autism was like Ramped up times ten I haven't got a diagnosis But there's something up with me

And that was like I've got the impression The way you are today The way you are today You're quite a confident Young strapping fella Yeah And I thought actually,

maybe you actually were actually a cool kid at school, but were you not? Were you like a... I reckon he was quite popular, but he makes out like he wasn't. No, no, I swear, no, mate,

there's a time I remember where everyone was sat on these seats and I was just stood there and my mate was like, can you sit down, mate? It's weird. And I was just stood there. I was like, no.

And I look back now, I'm like, yeah, that would have been weird. No, I can't sit down. I was up there just looking. Nah, mate, oh, this is so embarrassing. There's so... so much oh stop it that was just so socially awkward we still are he's not socially awkward he's a bit no no i'll pick up on events like we meet someone

like or if you just really meet someone for the first time he is a bit weird i'm so bad mate i don't know how to do it he can't like small talk or just be like, he's like, oh, hello mate, yeah, hi. So are you actually autistic? If I'm one on one, I got some, do you know what's funny, right? So I went one day, right? I was going to- Stop changing stories.

No, I'm not the autistic. It's like bing, bing, bing. No, I was definitely ADHD. So I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, but I knew all the right answers. So I was there, I was like- That's cheating, that doesn't count. You're cheating in ADHD.

No, so I started being like, giving the wrong answers on purpose thinking oh I'll be really harsh and if I still get diagnosed despite that I've definitely got ADHD but the fact that you've thought

to even go opposite the correct answers in the test means you probably do have ADHD well she came back and she was like you haven't got ADHD

I don't think I was like okay cool she was like I don't think but then she was like yeah I've got signs of autism I was like ah that's not what I came here for this is just an opticians

oh hey luis you should do one of them tests like you know how you can like go on google and do like the autism i pass all those for the life that's not a good thing what do you mean i think your autism you've definitely got a bit of autism because you've got it's a spectrum innit but doesn't everyone have autism

yeah everyone's on the spectrum but he's further on it than most I think the thing is now I'm just aware of it now so I know how you're supposed to act where before

it'd be like oh like a wolf in sheep's clothing do you know what though I feel like so many people just throw around like oh he's autistic he's got a bit of autism

and are people not allowed just to be a bit socially awkward anymore no that's the thing do you know what I mean there's so many people just throw around like oh he's autistic he's got a bit of autism and are people not allowed just to be a bit socially awkward anymore no that's the thing no apparently like do you know what i mean there's so many people oh yeah he's on the spectrum which is which is exactly yeah some people are just like oh but around their friends they're not that shy yeah i think i think i think you've nailed it too many labels because people are so engrossed with social media and being online yeah they've forgotten how to be a normal human in general society. I almost got diagnosed with prostate cancer once as well. What the fuck is that? You've got to tell this story.

This is a good one. Whatever this is. I was working at St. Dries and I wasn't a coffee drinker. I know this guy came up to me and just finger passed. He's like, I'm a finger. I was working at St. Dries and I never really drank coffee before, but because it's early morning and I was a barista. Keep going.

I started drinking loads of coffee, so I'd have like three scoops of quick coffee in the morning and then I'd have like another double scoop. What's quick coffee? It's like instant coffee, right? Instant coffee. And then I'd have another double scoop, so that's like five scoops of coffee.

He calls it quick coffee. I don't know it's simple simple terms for simple just leave it man let him do a story um and i went in and started drinking loads of coffee at work and that and i started shitting like mad and i didn't realize that like coffee i know exactly what's happened here so i know exactly let me come check your ass you've you've been checked and you've got piles and it's not i don't know what piles is but like i went i was worried i thought i was dying through life now i thought i was dying so i went to the doctors uh i went based on the night before actually but then i went to the doctors um and uh because i literally had to get in the bath to like cool me insides out and I told him about it

and that and he was like you've been drinking out I was like no he's like is your arse bleeding and I was like well yeah but it's just from the wiping

because I'm wiping loads and then they're splitting your carriage yeah well then then he looks at it and he's like

I need to examine your prostate oh no way I mean I and I was like you what and then he's like can I finish my shit first?

To his manager. He was brilliant. I swear to God, he just... Can't go back to the fish in a second. Wait, this is your doctor, right? While he's stacking the shelves. My local GP, but you'll think, I live in a small village. Everyone knows everyone.

Are you sure we should be doing this in the confectionery aisle? Get your trousers off. So he just fucking... He just gets up and leaves the room. What do you mean? He just gets up and walks out. So I'm in the group chat typing like, lads, he wants to fucking finger my ass.

Yeah, that's what they do. Why has he left you though? Because he's went to go get someone. Get a latex glove. Because I think I was 17 at the time. He's gone,

Ian, nurse, look at this. I've got fucking baboons. This guy thinks he's got cancer. He's just had too much coffee. This guy's a arsehole.

He's like, giant and red. No, Lewis, you're not meant to be spending time with me no Lewis has popped in and gone

receptionist receptionist look at this wait so because you're 17 he can't finger your arse I can't remember

how old I was but I was definitely of an age where he went to get someone to watch so to watch so

he knew turned into a gang band to ensure that he went and got the cashier to ensure that it's not sexual or something so I don't watch. So he knew... Turned into a gang band? To show that... He went and got the cashier. To show that it's not sexual or something. But like... Did you have to get on all fours?

Oh, man. It's not good, like, because it's a local village so everyone knows everyone as well. And I haven't shaved my arsehole. Not that I want to impress them, but... Wait, sorry, sorry, sorry. Hang on, doctor, I'm just going to...

Wait, so when you're 17, you think, fuck, I haven't shaved my arse today. Well, no, if you know a thing is going on in your arse, even. Hang on, doctor, I'm just going to... So when you're 17, you think, fuck, I haven't shaved my arse today. Well, no, if you know a finger's going in your arse, even if it's a doctor, you're probably going to do some trimming just for them.

I've never once shaved my arse at 17. I've never once trimmed my arse. I don't know if I was 17. Do you shave your arse? I don't know how old I was. I've never once trimmed my arse. Do you shave your arse? Not really.

I do some light trimming every now and again. Not really, though. I shave my arse off because otherwise, wiping your arse when you have a shit is a nightmare right what's happened

finger in your arsehole so the nurse comes in he lies me down and I'm like I don't I really don't want this to happen but it's like well he's a doctor

there's every chance that you do have cancer so obviously it's ridiculous because I haven't mentioned to him it's coffee or anything so I'm like fucking hell

I guess it's serious yeah you haven't mentioned the bit where you told him you hadn't been drinking anything yeah because I didn't think coffee was relevant I had five coffees a, I guess it's serious. Yeah, you haven't mentioned the bit where you told him you hadn't been drinking anything. Yeah, because I didn't think coffee was relevant. I had five coffees a day. I don't think that was relevant. Don't worry, Sam, we'll check it anyway.

He told me he hadn't. He hadn't told him he'd been having coffees. I thought it was like drinking tea. Like, it doesn't matter. Bro, how have you got through life? Honestly, I don't get how you get through life. It was a mad minute. No, no, no, no.

So carry on. He's put his finger up your arse. No, he pulls me trousers down. It's weird. He said, you should you should at this point as well I've not been experimenting with

like people of the other sex or same sex if you're that way so this is my this is my first this is my first arsehole experience

Lewis just said at this moment in time I hadn't been experimenting with a 17 I don't know how old I was I might have been

18 I haven't had any finger up my arse I've still never had one to this day have you not no it's not the best well I have I feel At 17? I don't know how old I was. I might have been 18. I haven't had any finger up my arse. I've still never had one to this day. Have you not? No. It's not the best.

Well, I have. Wait, sorry, Lewis. Did he pull your trousers down or did you pull your trousers down? Mate, I don't know if this is like trauma because I can't like fucking remember loads about it. It's so blurry. We're both touching them. But it's just awkward

because like you're thinking about your ball sack like seeping through. Seeping through? What the fuck? Well, if you lay it on your side sack seeping through. Seeping through? What the fuck? Well, if you lay it on your side, you might have a bit of... Oh, is that how we did it? Yeah, your legs are on your side. No, they do it in the fetal position.

That is immense. They do it in the fetal position. That must be the most vulnerable fetal position. It's awful. I just know I do. How do you know that they do it in the fetal position? Prostate exams are in the fetal position. How do you know that? I imagine they get position? Prostate exams are in the fetal position. How do you know that? There's no people who've had them.

I imagine they get further up that way. Or says, get in. I know people who've had them. That's how they do it. Yeah. Bear in mind, the nurse is watching everything, which is not a good sign. Staring at you bright in the eyes.

Not a good sign for her. And I swear to God, and this can't be true. The more I think about this, the more it can't be true. But for some reason, I feel like this happened. But I'm sure he had a Johnny on his finger. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they have. Or like a late they're like a latex yeah latex glove or something but like that's not professional that's by definition that is professional he doesn't want to get johnny on his finger no that was on his car mate it would have been like a it would have been like

a latex thing i was a i swear yeah because it's luby he doesn't want his fucking fingernails going in your bumper no because you have gloves on. Truly, the gloves are fine. You don't put a Johnny on. You need to be... Mate, it needs... He pulled out a Johnny. He pulls out a Johnny.

I'm like, what's he got on? To be fair, when you think about it, I know what's happened here. What have they spoken about? What have they put a Johnny on? I don't know if the NHS is so underfunded that they just use a Johnny's. It's because... No, no, no. He started in the Johnny on his finger? I don't know if the NHS is so underfunded that they just use the Johnnies. It's because...

No, no, no, he started opening the Johnny. And Luke's just turning around and he's going, Oh, what's that for? And he's going, nothing, son. And he's going, Fucking hell, that's a big finger. He had to fight fire and put it on his hand. He just hit like a...

Ugh. Ugh. I haven't found anything yet. Fucking hell, doc, that's a big finger. Lou, Lou, realistically though, it's because he didn't have any latex gloves, he didn't lubey enough. Let's reschedule then and get some Vaseline.

I'll come next week. Talk to you soon, Johnny. Hang on, so what happened at the end of this story? He's pulled the finger out. Well, number one, the finger going in. The finger going in, so the way they do it is, I think they use this finger because this one's not big enough. Yeah, and then when that's one, they get the second one in.

They go in and up a little bit. So I mean, when I tell you they go deep, it's fucking deep. Yeah, so at the moment, it's like this. Yeah, so it's in your ass. You're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, mate, what do they do? They're like, you're a son of a... They're like, put it on, Dom.. You're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, mate, what do you feel like? No, put it out, Dom. You're doing it on something.

Fucking hell, like, this is a bit intrusive. I think I just met this guy 10 minutes ago as well. Wait, what was it actually like? What did you feel like? Did it go like in? It's too deep, bro. There's no way it needs to go that far. Can you feel it in your tummy?

It feels like you think he's going to stop and then he goes and goes. It's like a poo going in reverse. Yeah, exactly. I've never had that imagine if he pulled out and you just shot him well mate there might have been

shit on his finger I don't know I wasn't prepared for this occasion come on really tell me what it felt like well it is the feeling where it's like

slowly going in and then it's like surely not did he like it okay bloody hell fuck me and then you get to no you were screaming

did it hurt because it's actually a cheese pot did it feel nice or did it hurt it did not feel nice. I don't enjoy it. I know for a fact that in this situation,

you are just there on the table. It's awful. I'm sorry. It's really dry. I'm sorry. I'm going to tell the audience about this. He's going, I'm going to really replay this story to the boys

and change every detail. Wait, so is the nurse holding your hand? No, the nurse has just sat watching. Like, fucking hell. She might have just sat watching me get a finger in the ass. She could have held your hand or something. She might be watching this now. At the end of the appointment, doctor's gone,

yeah, no, you're fine. You don't have prostate cancer. But the nurse is coming and going, you've got autism, ADHD. The doctor goes, you're doing the wrong thing. At what point did you tell him I might have been a coffee slag No I never realised that

Until later down the line When I realised Ah laxity He said to you You don't have anything So I guess Can I just say When you go through all that

Like not that you want to But you want something To be wrong with you Just so it's Like it was for a reason Lewis When he pulls his finger out After five minutes Of you getting fingered In your arse Or you've gone to be wrong with you just so it's worth like it was for a reason Lewis when he pulls his finger out after 10 minutes

after 5 minutes of you getting fingered in your arsehole you've gone I hope I've got cancer otherwise that's not worth it he should have he should have gone

right now I will tell you do you want to know if you've got cancer or not smell my finger wait so Lewis what did he say yeah all good mate

yeah all good I was like what the fuck was the point of that the nurse was like right bye by the way I was like, what the fuck was the point of that? The nurse was like, right, bye. By the way, I have to walk past the nurse

on the way back out because she knows what's happened to me, which is like awkward in itself. And they're like, walking down the street after having a finger that far up your ass.

It's like, were you walking funny? Oh my God, were you like that? Yeah, the feeling, the feeling of the finger in your ass remains. It doesn't shrink straight away,

does it? It just like, it stays open for a bit. Yeah, it still feels like it's there. Do you think you're going to shit yourself for a while? Nah, I just went home and cried. Don't laugh at that. So the actual issue was the fact that you just like,

you had so much shit that you basically produced yourself like piles. But think how, where were you at the beginning? How easy is it? Did he say that you had piles? Imagine I was a bit weird and I went in, no, I don't know what piles is well do you have

do you have this doctor's number but imagine imagine if I was weird and I just wanted to have a finger in the arse I could just go in and say yeah bloody arsehole doc I think he didn't

inspect your arse for four fingers he didn't he was all too fucking in my opinion he was way too eager to put a finger in my bum in that scenario

you're paying this doctor a bad lot yeah he's actually he's a doctor right he put a finger in my bum in that scenario. Mate, you do realise, you're paying this doctor a bad lot, yeah. He's actually, he's a doctor, right? He's a professional doctor. He's trained to look for prostate cancer and here you are mocking him.

Nah, they started training to look over everything again. Well, when we say doctor, he's a manager at scientists. I told him, because I told him it's just from loads of wiping. I know it's not blood in the poo

and he was like, I need to check your arsehole. I feel like that's too eager. How much blood was it? Was it like a speck of blood was it like yeah just normal blood from wiping too much man

normal blood I think it's from he was eager splitting your ass though poo's too big right that's what happened no no no it's because I was

you just think for a little bit and then you bleed I was just shitting too much because it got to the point where I was trying to poo but I couldn't but it was like as if I needed to have

a huge shit how are you with coffee now it's alright I don't have that have you ever shit how are you with coffee now uh it's all right i don't have that obviously you know you like get a bit of blood every now and again from wiping but have you ever done it and there's like the toilet paper is just covered no no poo it's just blood it's like blood on your fingers it seeps through it's just gonna be a stingy one that's that's from having a shit that's way too big and it's really awesome oh i've never i've had blood but not like that i've had a lot yeah the water's bloody yeah correct what the fuck really it's been scary you do have a bit

of a tummy ache as well you think for a few days and it's normally a few days it's not looking in the mirror and go is this the end yeah it is scary you know this is the end have you ever had green poo what the fuck was that that's a wild spirit green poo no i haven't had it in a while just babbies who have green poo? What? Babies? Babies? Babies? Well, yeah, they're like, do they? Babies have, like, different coloured poo.

I've had it. I've had it before where I've wiped it with just green poo. The ones I steal, anyway. What? What? Sorry. Well, I don't get how green poo is formed, though, because that's pretty... It's just lots of, like, micronutrients and green-based stuff. Lemon and lime pie.

You literally just asked me, and that's exactly how it occurs. Oh, it's pretty wild. Yeah. Eating, um, sucking up the green. Lots of veg as well. Lots of, like, fruit and veg. That's green poo. Wow, that's...

I didn't really eat that. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you don't eat enough veg to get green poo, actually. I'm actually drinking green juice right now, guys. That might be why, then. Yeah, that's what you're saying. That's literally why. I'm not adding years.

You're drinking it now? No I haven't had Green poo in years I mean Would much it off Because your diet's not Much it sucks So who's had piles then? What is piles?

I don't think I don't think so It's the hemorrhage Of your arsehole isn't it It doesn't sound good though But explain that It's like a bit of loose skin That hangs out your bum

It's just like It does hurt though Your bum hole Kind of gets a little bit infected. You know like you get cold sore on your- Yeah, and then you like, it bit your bum hangs out. And it's a bit- Oh no, I haven't had that.

It is painful. And then it time switches sore. Have you had that? Yeah, in lockdown. Oh God. But I've told this story many times. But I'll tell it again if you want me to. I haven't heard it.

We've done it. What? This is probably the- You're gonna spend 15 minutes to hear about me getting a finger in the ass I've said it on the pilot I've said it on Wofford I've said it on Pitchside

I've said it on Watch Good I might be down then what is it well yeah we were in lockdown I was like oh shit my bum hurts

yeah and uh I was like mate I hate to do this to you like can you check to who for who

Chip I couldn't check it could I what do you mean and I said how did he check it during lockdown I said I think I couldn't check it, could I? What do you mean? How did he check it during lockdown? I said, I think I got piles. We live together.

I said, I think I got piles. Can you check like an arsehole? Can you just take a photo and look in the mirror? By the way, it was a bit weird the way we did it, though. I sort of squatted down and he sort of slid underneath. Why? Because obviously he's like in a car game. Because I'm eating. He's like in a car game. He's like in a car game. we did try bending over but he couldn't really get a view because i couldn't really spread my maybe i did spread my cheeks i can't remember either way he had to really expect it he had

to inspect it he did a good job it was very professional during and then we sort of looked at each other after it's like and kissed and then he sort of went his way i went my way and we never spoke about it for a few years but he checked and i he said yeah man i think you got piles and i get i said can you take a picture because he took a picture of my heart what did you do with that i deleted it after i saw them sorry so rather than seek medical attention you went i should get rid of it and then i that. No, and then I went to, and obviously this was when everything was shut, right? So I went to a pharmacy in Oxford Street.

Really bizarre. And they said, actually, people die from COVID. We don't care about your health. They were letting one person in at a time. And this is me and this lady, and it's just like a mid-20s, same age as me. It's like, oh. And I was like, hi hi have you got pile cream

she goes is this for you it's like no no no no no why is that relevant though why does she need to know if it's i guess they got another for someone else i guess yeah and she's like how bad are they how long you had them it's like to tell her all about these piles like how big they were i'll get to get the cream and she's like you have to apply this to your bum like once a day or something see this is why

I couldn't I respect people who have jobs like that that are so intrusive like I could I'd have to tell everyone I feel like they do secretly

at the beginning of their tenancy she's probably like oh yeah there's got piles but then she's like day five she's like oh everyone's got piles everyone's got a pile but then she's like day five she's like

oh everyone's got piles everyone's got piles you can't gossip about everyone because they all have it I just like being a nurse and that and oh mate you fancied

one of the nurses when you broke your arm do you know I fancy anyone though it's not much no mate you were saying some stuff to her no I know

but I was I was actually he was going like whoa mother I'll fucking shag you. I don't think I said that. I definitely didn't say that. You said something inappropriate.

She's like, ooh. Then she sort of played it off as if, like, don't worry, he's on the green pen. I was, yeah, I had a lot of drugs in me. I wasn't, I'm not usually like that. It took six people to put his arm back together. I thought that was what he was going to say. To keep him away but even there

even when you were like out of it you still had like good charm and because after that you went oh sorry about it actually on Nurses Who

I have so much respect for them after I went to get me eyes sorted after fucking Iron Malik split it open remember we kicked it and went

name drop we were there name dropping Iron Malik drop we were there name dropping I'm Alex wow we were there and I was in the emergency and this guy

was like fucking massive like proper fucking hench bastard he said time to get him time to get him off no but sir it was my eye

mate he was off it I don't know if he took a hit to the head but he had his top off and he was starling everyone threatening to like attack the nurses and I'm just sat here

with a few people waiting to get x-rays done and he's right there and we're just like oh fuck's sake man he's dead I can't contact everyone's just like

no but he's like mate threatening acid and shit you're a boxer you're a boxer why don't you get up and saw him out

fuck that mate he's at this point he's at this point he's going don't make eye contact don't make eye contact but don't make eye contact. But meanwhile, he's not got his glasses on. And when he doesn't have his glasses on, his eyes go like that.

Anyway, the guy's going, are you fucking looking at me? He's like, no, I'm not. I swear, I swear I'm not looking at you. Can you get me a medic? He said, who said that? Yeah. Who said that? Who said that? I don't, I don't mean any trouble.

He's fucking looking at me. Oi! I don't even know where you are. You're going to be like, cowering in the corner. And then he just, gives up, accepts it,

goes on the feet. Oh no I can imagine You in the corners I'm not looking No but The same guy I swear

Passed him not far away From here Like on the street He had his top off again So I was like He clearly didn't get seen Was he in July Oh yeah

Speaking of Speaking of Riven hospitals You obviously got Your arse done in Recently What Your test

Your test Test When you got tested For test Yeah you obviously got your ass done in recently what your test your test test what when you got tested for test yeah wasn't it a hospital it was outside my flat

oh that's a bit dodgy did you not watch the video yeah I did did you not watch it no I did watch it now you come and think of it

it was outside your flat wasn't it yeah well because it was just on the street no outside his door in the corridor

because my dog was barking looks like you're shooting up just in like your fucking corridor he's got a haircut I've got a trail I don't know if it's even oh did they use your hair I thought they were sticking

a lot more than I thought yeah big time I can't I can't notice anything oh well that's good then isn't it so but the the annoying thing is

there was obviously it only gave you three months' results. Yeah. So, the test you did six months ago... Yeah, yeah, theoretically, that could be true, yeah. So, you're admitting to it? What, of taking a steroid test?

Yeah. But the thing is, you take this very seriously, you know, because obviously it's part of your brand, but the more you get defensive about not taking TRT before the three months ago, the more people are going to believe if I was ever to

take steroids it wouldn't be TRT anyway but the argument that he put us across some valid points what's the name

again what's the one that you did VARS if you took steroids it would be VARS no I don't know what would you do

what would you do they were good for me I was only on them for like three months because then you broke my arm but then but mate honestly after like two weeks What did you do? What did you do? They were good for me. I was only on for like three months because then you broke my arm. But then... But mate, honestly,

after like two weeks, I was sort of felt... You feel so strong. So, so strong. Wait, Tom, do you reckon that's why it broke? Because of the steroids? If anything,

it would have broke earlier, no? No, I don't think so. Broke earlier? Well, I don't know, mate. I don't know, maybe. But yeah, it was... Yeah, I was fucking... I was in really good shape

at the time. Were you? He's stronger than me. Still are. We were on a session together and he was it was yeah I was fucking I was in really good shape at the time he's stronger than me we were on a session together and he was lifting more than I was like what's going on here I got whacked on steroids once yeah but it doesn't count

it's for your knee though wasn't it no it was a steroid injection I actually got put on steroids for like two weeks though oh well then fitness YouTuber

coming out I came back from Reading Festival in 2013 I I was so ill, and my asthma was so bad, they whacked me on steroids for two weeks. Fuck me. Dunno, from my chest? Oh, it's gonna be like in here. You almost died.

I, I, I, even though I'm, sounds like I'm big enough, I wouldn't recommend them, because they genuinely did make me so angry, like if I went out and like... That's why we got our best pitch side clips. Mega angry. Is that why is it slap cheek yeah

no no no not that I mean like if I'd be out I'd like fight people no no no I'd never got into

fighting but I could feel myself being like I wanna get into a fight here and it was which isn't like me did it make your cock tiny no you've seen it

it would be your balls wouldn't it yeah you get your cock out a lot man yeah um but yeah so I wouldn't recommend it for that and it's just I mean

Reeves is an actually or generally yeah if you your cookout a lot man yeah um but yeah so I wouldn't recommend it for that and it's just I mean or generally yeah if you want kids for the most part yeah no vials aren't going to stop you having kids and make your bowls small

no you're they're just tablets with the one I had they're not you're not injecting well guys as we all know you loved

last last week's underrated overrated or did you we will find out some point do other podcasts

do underrated I don't know other podcasts we are just the same as every other podcast this is an original podcast but we're better than that four white males

do a podcast yeah four white males walk into a bar we always get onto sexual don't we we always end up

on bums hear the punchline I did think that it's a common theme throughout the I've never heard of it on the outside podcast well

overrated or underrated the good old days how do you know that you had them what's that that's the quote from the office isn't it

that one hit hard how do you know what's the quote how do you know you're in them he says I wish I wish How do you know what's the call? How do you know you're in the good old days? No, he says, I wish you could know you're in the good old days

before you leave. Do you think he's in the good old days now? You're always in them, aren't you? Everyone always looks back with nostalgia and think,

oh, so Matt, like... Depends how deep you want to go, Lewis, because, I mean, the only moment you have available to you is the present moment.

After the good old days, there's a few of them that come to mind. One of them, the summer of lockdown. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, you can look back fondly. We're not doing overrated or underrated lockdown. That was last week. The second one.

No, no, but I'm saying people will look like, I'll look back on primary school as well. You look fondly. Think of school, then fondly. Then you think of like university, then fondly. Then lockdown. then your last job then your current job you're always going to

look back I'm not finished let me talk 2016 where just Wembley Cup everything oh we're not actually

going deep into your life achievements so we're doing overrated underrated and then the summer of year 11 going to college

everyone has free we just play Call of Duty every day if it's your good old days overrated And then I think the summer of year 11 going to college. Mate, we don't care. Everyone's free. We just play Call of Duty every day. If it's your good old days, overrated. I am going to say my vote is overrated because I think people look back on it with too much nostalgia. Yeah, overrated. I reckon when you're like 40, though,

that's when it's like when it's real life and you sort of have kids. But they're living there. That's more stressful. I think like the age until kids is like when you're 60 you'll look back

on when you're 40 thinking oh when the kids first went off to school or whatever it's just a different chapter and that's how life develops mate it's so deep man

it's not deep it's your people overthinking like oh the good old days what are they like you can't do university stuff when you're in primary school I don't look at uni

or primary school as the good old days really every part of your life is a different chapter what about when you have in primary school. Yeah, you know, I don't look at uni or primary school as a good old days, really. Every part of your life is a different chapter. What about when you have adult money? That's quite cool. I think, like, in your 20s is kind of like a nice period

where people look back at, where you can actually just go out. Like, I can say I'm going to the pub tonight and I don't have to worry about a kid and stuff. You could do that at 40. You could do that with a kid.

If you've got a missus or a babysitter or, like, people do that. The only time you couldn't do that is when it was illegal to do that with a kid if you've got a missus or a babysitter or like people do that the only time you couldn't do that is when you it was illegal to do that or you could take the

kid to the pub wait I fucking yeah your own kid not a kid oh yeah sorry well I think I'm

I think I'm living in it in the current one that's good you're mid 20s so that makes sense you just said in your 20s well he's 30

so a bit different from him when this goes out it might be yeah I think yeah I think it's good that you think like that I think like now

I'm in a nice period but then in five years time I'm not going to look back and go but you were the good old days in five years time where's Tom Garrett do you ever think that

when things are going well that something bad is around the corner yeah I've been I've been saying I knew he'd say that I've been saying for a I knew he'd say that. I knew he'd say that. I've been saying for a while,

like, Pitch Sire is doing so well, but I just wait for the day where all of a sudden it's like, oh, shit. I'll never think about that. You just, mate, it seems to me like you just don't live your life. It's not, no, it's not thinking it's going to go wrong.

It's just like sort of not letting, you can't let yourself slip because then if it goes wrong, then you're already... No, that's not what I mean. You know what I mean? It's different to expecting something to go bad. Being consistently good in the good times. So when it goes wrong then you're already no that's not you know what I mean expecting something to go bad

being consistently good in the good times so when it goes bad you still got that level underrated or overrated overrated

overrated overrated that's as deep as we've ever gone birthdays overrated man overrated

well you would say that you didn't even fucking tell us what it was I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday this

year so underrated because they they get people that you haven't seen fucking tell us what it was. I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday this year. Birthdays are so underrated because they get people that you haven't seen for a long time. Yeah, no, I like that. I was just about to say, I think other people's birthdays underrated. My own overrated.

I actually, one of my favourite birthdays ever was this year. Shocked that you said overrated, by the way, on a day that you didn't even tell us that he was born. But it is a lot of pressure, though, to like, you must have fun on your birthday. Yeah.

No, but if you see it in a different light, it could be you get to see people that you yeah no but if you see in a different light it could be you you get to see people that you haven't seen in years come to a celebration when i walked in and saw you guys waiting for me i was blown that was the most surprised i've ever been birthday meal he arranged it for you no my girlfriend did okay that's nice yeah i think you know how some like surprise meals yeah you oh, you know it's coming a little bit. Nothing. I walked in and said, table for four under Theo? Well, so that we played paddle in the morning and Theo was like organising the dinner with Harry

who was supposed to be going with him even. And I was like... I'm going, isn't he? Yeah. I've never really organised stuff like that. I just go out for... Oh, mate, surprise dinner's a class. Especially when they don't know about it. Yeah. I yeah that's kind of the point of it wasn't it really

people cancelled their plans for it which i was like wow i must mean something to some people that's what friendship is yeah but i it touched me the way people made time it did so you should be saying underrated, not overrated. Yeah. But normally they're overrated. So the one birthday. Also, I'm really concerned about, I really don't like the fact that I'm sitting here

because this really accentuates any form of like, lack of posture. Yeah. Especially when I've got a fucking big dick in my ass. Right. Next. What's the next overall underrated thing? That's way better.

Gravity. Underrated. How can it be next overall underrated thing? Ask Weber. Gravity. Underrated. How can it be overrated? Yeah, we wouldn't... He's literally made this, by the way. I don't think it's either, but underrated if I have to choose. It's not overrated, but I think if we didn't have it, we'd be able to survive.

No, we wouldn't. That is actually infrared, mate. No, because people literally... Everything would float away from the Earth. We literally exist in space so we can't get by without it would be annoying how do you think

we exist in the ecosystem that is on earth but without gravity we would just no but we would have evolved in a world without gravity so we would be know how to live without it

Lewis with no gravity you do realize with no gravity we'd just float away from the earth if you go well no but we'd probably have like ropes or something

or like and how would you where would you a ceiling but how do you build anything you probably get them open

and build and build this equipment but we would have evolved as animals who live with no gravity so we might have evolved like sticky hands

let's break this down scientifically so plants which are you know the primary source of energy for primordial beings photosynthesis correct how do they exist without gravity well they would have evolved bearing in mind which are, you know, the primary source of energy for pretty much all beings. Photosensors.

Correct. How do they exist without gravity? Well, they would evolve. Bear in mind, they search towards sunlight. Oh, no, but not only that. They evolve differently. Not only that,

there would be no air. No, there wouldn't be. To me, air's supposed to be with the atmosphere. No, there wouldn't be an atmosphere because the gravity keeps the clouds and the atmosphere near the Earth. We're ticking with gravity right now. Wait, gravity doesn't keep the clouds near.

Yes, it does. Yes, it does. You tickle with gravity right now. You're dead. We'd get by. No, you wouldn't. You don't. Not everyone just starts floating to the ceiling.

That's not how it works. Right now, if you tickle with gravity, you'd actually stay exactly where you are. No. Nice. Because if I did this, Lewis. That is so not true. It is. No, it isn't true it is that's true

unless you did that all you've got to do is this Lou bing and you're gone how do you think we are being everyone would have

a pogo stick pulled to the earth right now pogo stick no but like if you took away gravity we'd still the moment I stepped up

I'd be in space I'd be gone there's nothing left yeah not fast though you go slow it's not like woo you know what I mean

I'm not saying we don't need it or anything. I'm just saying underrated. I mean, oh no, overrated. Okay. Slightly. You're an idiot next. Very slightly.

Pitch side. Underrated. Overrated. Underrated, man. It honestly is overrated. It's hard for us to comment, isn't it? Because... I think it's underrated because people don't...

I think people... If you understand what we're doing. I think you also donrated because people I think people if you understand what we're doing I think you also don't realise how many footballers watch us and find it hilarious overrated by fans

underrated by the rest of the footballing podcast community no way I think the opposite I think I think we're

I think we're underrated now fuck it we're underrated we're definitely underrated I think so for what we are we're the best because everyone wants

like proper debate and pundits and top of the shit that's just fucking boring but they don't yeah yeah well that's what people in the football space

think you are no one's ever said that pitch side is the best you want to go to pitch side and watch fucking smart debates no one's ever said that no one ever wants that

who wants that honestly losers want that by the way go watch Gary Neville if you want to get ball knowledge that's what I'm saying if people want like

good like me if I want to watch good analysis or people talking about football I'll go and watch Monday Night Football why do you pretend like you know what you're talking about then well I just say it with confidence

I do think I know what I'm talking about it doesn't mean I'm right it doesn't get it's like when do you want me to say this is what I think but actually I don't know if I think this

please like me yeah I don't get what that's what it is it just I'm sorry there's so much pandering to popular opinion in like the football space it's mental

you think you're right well yeah why would I say it if I don't think that's such a weird way to live life I'm going to say you're allowed to have fun yeah and when you have

when you have an argument with your mate at the pub you're not having a proper football debate if you are you're just like little nerds really yeah you're telling me if you're in the pub, you're not having a proper football debate. If you are, you're just like little nerds, really. Yeah.

You're telling, Lou. If you're in a pub and you're like proper talking about tactics and stuff, shut the fuck up. The inverted fullback does, oh, shut up. Anthony's shit and Martinez is overrated, mate. I feel like you've created this segment to push every agenda you have possible. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, we're definitely in the right. Before we end, do you want another fact?

Yeah, go on, send want another fact yeah go on send us another fact the only one that you've said wearing a tie can reduce blood flow what

do that again start again start again blood flow to the brain by seven and a half percent it depends how tightly you do it

but if you wear a tie and a belt you turn into sausages christ almighty man sausages and also the last one is this will But if you wear a tie and a belt, you turn into sausages. Christ almighty, man. And also, the last one is, this will fucking blow your mind. Okay.

Australia is wider than the moon. Yeah. Huh? Is it? Yeah. Are you sure? Bigger than the moon. I don't know.

Do you put the moon in Australia? Yeah. Australia's not a scale on the map, is it? Yeah. Are you sure? Bigger than the moon. I don't know. As in like... If you put the moon in Australia... Australia's not a scale on the map, is it? No. No maps are the scale. Yeah, the maps are like fucking... Yeah. It's America that make themselves bigger to try and look hard. It's not. It's nothing to do with that.

It is. It's nothing to do with that. They want to look like the big dogs. Nothing to do with that at all. I know what it is. You know you can walk from Russia to America? Can you? Yeah, you just go the other way. What, China and around that side? Go the other way. Yeah, but you can walk from Russia to America can you yeah you just

go the other way China round that side go the other way yeah but you can only do it on certain days though when the water's frozen I was going to say

we have to over ice you can't Alaska is America in that though we can't get up to that Alaska is America it's not fucking

America it's Canada that would be the only way you get why is it a state of America then yeah don't start me on this because you're

fucking idiot you don't think me on this because you're a fucking idiot. Why is it... No. You... It's like, you don't think... Are you in for that? You don't think Hawaii's America, you freak. It's not, mate.

It's a literally a state. What? Okay, they planted a... It's the moon American. It's the moon American because they planted a fucking flag there. It's a state of America. No, it's not a state. America is an American.

What? So what is? They don't fucking... They didn't fucking Come from there What? Do you not think The state of Washington Is way different

To the state of Florida They all have Cultural differences Weather differences Hawaii isn't America It's the state of America Why? Wait is the moon America?

No That's not what it's state It's a state They went there They planted a flag Oh this is ours It's not American It's Cornwall England

I don't know why Cornwall is. I'll end the fucking, just end the podcast. Wrap it up. If you've enjoyed this, make sure you like and subscribe. Make sure you let us know what we should call this podcast because we're still undecided. It'll still be named. It must be named.

It's water side. Why don't we call it the podcast with no name? That's too long. The no name podcast. No name. What are you sided with? Offside. Offside. Clearside. Clearside. The no name podcast. No name. What are you sided with? Offside. Offside.

Clearside. Clearside. I don't care. Side. I kind of like real side, but I'll go Clearside. Okay. No,

I think Clearside's cringe. Yeah, it is. So are we. Offside's good. Offside is football connotations. We're not football. Doesn't matter.

We put it in the comedy category. All right. Shall we stop then? Bye. Bye everyone. we put it in the comedy category alright shall we stop then bye bye everyone you made it to the end well done you if you haven't already

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