Back Side - 20: 20th EPISODE SPECIAL! George Clark ROASTS Theo Baker & We HUNT The Lizard Man...

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

The lads celebrate their 20th episode with some messages from their celeb friends. Reev has a HUGE dilemma and Lewis has proof that Shrek is REAL!If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. Pretending I had it all together. I need to escape my circumstances. I am not a doormat stories that heal share yours together we are unsinkable we are unsinkable.com

um everyone talking your mic one two three one two three one two three one two three it is very it is a very important episode today, though. It's our 20th episode of Backside. Is it really? We've made it to 20 episodes. What does that put in terms of percentile? 90% of podcasts fail after the 12th episode. Do you know that?

But we made it. Who would have thought, eh? Would you have thought? So we've just failed for longer. Would yous have thought we would have made it to episode 20 when we first started this yeah we all stand up

to a podcast every week yeah I know because I remember when we started I think you said on the stream at what point

did we pack it in if it gets like 5k people it was part of a joke I knew we wouldn't get 5k listeners do you remember when the whole

of the fellow studios thought backside was a bad name it was too rude is it no because we're back he didn't like backside I had to battle of the fellow studios thought backside was a bad name it was too rude is it no because we're back he didn't like

I was I had to battle like everyone I did like backside we all like backside but we preferred offside offside was shit

I had to battle everyone in the office for backside oh it's a bit rude yeah but we're badass we're badass podcast we don't confine

to the norms which is why we don't have a set. What's your favourite backside moment, man? Tom walking off pretending he's doing something at the campaign. Okay. Not yet. The... side moment man um tom tom walking off pretending he's doing something at the camping okay um not yet the oh when a rat shat on my palm that was good i know it's got to be the the reindeer the men in black reindeer yeah men in black reindeer men in black reindeer

that's like fish with hair is my favourite. Fish with hair. Fish with hair. Or Theo being the world's biggest beast. For me, I think you need to remember... Which episode was that again? Sorry to everyone. When he claims to be the bravest man. I think you need to kick yourself way back.

Theo's first ever dream, which inspired the feature, Theo's Dream Journal, because we thought it might have been good. Why are we talking like we've been doing this for like we've been here for ages

remember nah the monkey one I don't think we can acceptably reflect on all the shit we've done if it's only been like five months

can we yeah is that are we allowed to do that yeah guys how long it's been also it hasn't

bearing in mind we record like four of them a week I feel like it's nearly half a hasn't bearing in mind we record like four of them a week I feel like it's nearly half a year yeah 56 weeks in a year 52 weeks in a year

and we're on episode 20 so we're six we're six weeks away I'm pretty surprised we're still going six episodes away from half so almost half yep

I'm pretty surprised we're going strong you got nothing to reply because you know you're wrong wait what if we're on the 20th episode yeah so halfway would be 26 right yep 52 weeks in a year oh bro don't know to reply because you know you're wrong wait what if we're on the 20th episode yeah so halfway would

be 26 right yep 52 weeks in a year brother oh bro don't know every thursday at 4 p.m but if you're already on this video you know that but we you just know that's true not true sorry what's the matter tommy wait what when do we start this well 20 episodes ago. 20 episodes ago, yeah. I don't know. I'm confused. Look at you, man. Look at little Tommy with a little brain not working.

All you think about is leave this, leave that. I thought we started in like April. Because it is our 20th special. Wait, just quickly.

20th special. Any bullshit Theo's asked to cut out a picture this week? Just quickly before we go. Oh, gaslighting again look at you you make an unfunny joke

you're trying to come at me oh how's that gaslighting poor form do you know what gaslighting is that's not gaslighting but I kind of do know

it's deflecting yeah gaslighting you're a master of the dark arts are you what a master of the dark arts

Voldemort gaslighting Fernando I was going to say what are those Fernando the master of the dark arts Voldemort Gaslighting Fernando Fernando the master of dark art fellatio master of self fellatio

for the 20th episode are we all going to name our favourite 20 year old who's 20 Littler in

three years or Dua Lipa eight years ago when's Dua Lipa's birthday be honest it's September the 5th is it why do you know it it's so weird when's Dua Lipa's birthday be honest it's September the 5th

is it actually I actually think it is yeah oh my god that's so weird that's so cool no no that's Saka's birthday

that's Saka's birthday he knows Saka's birthday yeah but can I tell you why I know this is it because he sent him a happy birthday message

is it because it's September the 5th for Kai Saka? Keep smashing it, mate. That's great. I tell you why not because in yesterday's pitch side episode

we were looking up Saka's age and I go, is it September the 5th? No, but Dua Lipa's birth is in two days time. Happy birth... No.

The reason I know she's 28 because me and Jodie play this game. Please stop talking. We play 21 questions all the time. Please stop talking. And I questions all the time please stop talking and I

we did musicians please stop talking are they over the 30 please this doesn't look good I had to google it this doesn't look good it actually says that she's

please stop 45 oh so I got it wrong there anyways anyways thank you for making it to this great to be honest guys

the only reason why we still do this is because all of you that watch us so thank you so much it's what we should say but fuck all of you so someone asked

a question you're all locked in an octagon with the lion who survives the longest that's what they want to know for 20 episodes wait did you do

like a story or something yeah a little story just say tell us something cool or ask us questions you survived the longest, I reckon. No. Because I am one with animals.

No, because lions usually go for like more meat on the bone. And you actually have the least. I actually saw a TikTok on what to do if a lion is charging at you. You'd be the first dead. If you run away, you're fucked. You have to charge back at it. You have to show... No, no, no.

Okay, Theo dies. It's simple common sense. Get by this, right? Is it? Yeah. It's simple common sense right is it yeah i'll tell you why if you run away the lion instantly thinks you're prey right okay it's a simple brain in line right if you stand still or you come at it it thinks fuck this ain't prey this is this i'm the prey yeah i'd kick it in the face yeah that makes sense i think a lion would look at us thinking yeah we could no because it's like the same

with the bear it's like with the go on then right pretend a lion I'm a lion here what would you do grizzlies you're not really you're fucked

aren't you I thought black bears you attack brown bears down brown bears down and grizzlies just like you're black oh this is bullshit

just running zigzags until you get away no that's a crocodile octagon Lewis that's a crocodile. Octagon. Lewis, that is a crocodile. That's the question. For a bear in the woods. Lewis is getting confused

with that's a crocodile. If a crocodile's chasing you, you run in zigzags. I'm not getting control if he's a crocodile. I'm saying... In the water. Or you mean...

No, if it's in the water, you're fucked. How are you going to run in the water? Are your feet twat? No, I thought you said zigzags. If a croc... I didn't hear him say run.

If you're on a golf course and a croc is coming after you running zigzags... I'm saying I run away from a bear in zigzags. Both the same. Do you know, you said zigzag if a croc if you're on a golf course if you're on a golf course and a croc is coming after you running zigzag I've seen I've run away from a bear in zigzags both the same do you know what

if a dog tries to attack you you're supposed to offer it your arm and then you punch its head in it's like with a great white shark right if it attacks you you just go beep

in the eyes yeah because it's so easy to do we have a lot of knowledge about fighting animals and if it's a tiger you offer it a bowl of cereal because it's great legit

so if as a lion pretend you're the lion so you die first then pretend you're the lion yeah I'm a lion quick that is fucking Jesus

that's going to be weird out of context isn't it look you shit yourself the reason I might have shit myself is I'm not actually a lion what episode is this going out is that going to follow on

from when I've just spoken about me being naked next to Theo? Oh, yeah, probably. Can you poke your finger at my bum, man? Yeah. That's quite cute as well. Another question is... Wait, we didn't answer. I said Lewis.

I thought we just all agreed Theo dies. No, I said Lewis. He's going to try and charge or last longer. No, I said you because you have the lead. I'm clever. Well, Tom's dead because he thinks you've got to run away from it. I didn't say that. You're dead.

I'm the one that will survive the longest. When did I say that? And bring in the lion! Lewis, it's funny you should say that, Theo, because you've got a wild lion. Just mauls him to death. And serves you right for saying you'll survive. Well, we told you

he wasn't a rapist just watching his fucking guts being ripped out in front of us guys this isn't even this isn't content anymore

stop gaslighting me oh shit Theo sorry we've got to say this can't even go in Barry the uh the line's finished you can take it back out

now I think I think I think really silly I think really silly depends on the lion if the lion is attacking I think we all die at the same

like they kill you as and when they want I will make the lion know that the lion is my bitch no you have to pretend to be its cub so you roll oh my god

you have to get bummed by a lion. You have to... Oh no. What is that? You're fucking getting anally penetrated by...

Lewis, you know... I'm not trying to fight the lion and act like this on the floor. Lewis, you know a lion's tongue will just like

razor your face. I don't think they're that strong. Aren't you supposed to be an athlete? That is true, Tom. It's not. You have a spiky dick. sharp if it licks you it'll cut you aren't you supposed to be an athlete how could that is true Tom it's not you have a spiky dick

if a lion licks you it will cut your skin it's like it's like the rated lips really tongue sorry nah it's not no he's right actually

because that's how they lick through meat I've literally seen I've literally been licked by a lion you're an idiot I've seen clips of that guy you know the guy who like has all the lion friends they lick him all the time

he just shaved his tongue what shaved his tongue wait what he's not licking them do you know what there was once a chimpanzee right

he was he got fucking nah so this woman had like a chimpanzee all the way through her life oh no this with the cake

yeah and yeah yeah and what was it she offered it cake no so didn't

I think she bought the chimp up yeah throughout his life lovely then it went but then and what was it she offered it cake so didn't I think she bought the chimp up yeah throughout his life lovely but then it had to get put

into care or something like that with other chimps and then on his birthday she went and saw him bought him a cake

and the other chimps got so like jealous and angry they literally attacked the woman like ripped her to shreds no no no it was the monkey that she raised the monkey that she, no, no. It was the monkey that she raised.

The monkey that she raised. No, no, no. Because it was the other's getting jealous. It wasn't. No, no. I swear, I was reading about this. That might have been a different story then.

Anyway, yeah, there was a story where, because like chimpanzees are fucking men. They'll rip your dick off and that. Do you know what's weird about women? Do you know what's weird, right? So a chimpanzee, a chimpanzee will like attack you out of aggression.

Yeah. And a orangutan attacks you out of curiosity. Yeahpanzee will like attack you out of aggression yeah and orangutan attacks you out of curiosity yeah they'll like pick it yeah yeah you want to just like pull your eyeballs out and see what happens

yeah pull your eyeballs out which is a bit creepy isn't it well thanks for that question as an American what is your least favourite thing about Americans

it's nice that we have Americans who listen who the hell goes there wait what hey you ogre as an American what is our least favourite thing about Americans? It's nice that we have Americans who listen. Who the hell goes there? Wait, what? Hey, you! Oga! As an American, what's our least favourite thing about an American?

American tourists sitting next to you in a restaurant. Mine is the whole World Championships thing. Does me too. But Noah Lars is... Shut all that up in bed. Noah Lars is actually American and he's flying the flag for... But like...

The quality of World Championships. And now all the basketballers hate him. Yeah. Yeah, they think... The thing is... He's got the NBA on the quality of world champions. I know all the basketballers hate him. Yeah, they think... The thing is, right, yeah, they are... It is very harsh to put them all under one banner. I just think the world championship thing, they're all behind that.

I've got tourists at dinner. Oh, they... I actually experienced that. They are really loud. They are so loud. Recently at dinner, I was in Big Easy, which is quite an American-style restaurant. And this American guy next to me...

Fuck. They are so loud. Did you say the worst thing about Americans? So loud. an American star restaurant and this American guy next to me. They are so loud. Did you say the worst thing about Americans? So loud. Or just America generally? Probably their revamp of the Inbetweeners. Brilliant.

Brilliant answer. We can walk it. Yeah, but then they do a better version of The Office so it's like... That is true. No, but we said

the worst thing and obviously I've got to connect with them. Yeah, I think Theo's got a good shout. They are so loud and annoying during like when they're away true but we said the worst thing and obviously that i've got yeah i think um i think there's got a good shout they are so loud and annoying during like when they're away or just in general they are loud aren't they and on one thing their lack of awareness of sarcasm or just that i agree with that american american humor if it's not written appreciate it and they're drinking culture shit

I hate how they don't let us use the they don't like the C word it's a fantastic word that's one of my favourite words it's so good wow actually I do curse a little

going back to the loudness thing I feel like they sometimes just don't have the awareness of like read the room but that's what I mean I think a lot of them

do just think everything revolves around them and they just think they're the best I also to praise Americans I think a lot of them do just think everything revolves around them and they just think they're the best really. I also, to praise Americans, I think they make boring things very fun.

That wasn't the question. I know, but we're just sort of slating on them. Like what, like baseball? No, no, no. Their election is fucking class.

I love it. I don't give a shit about it. There's it, the massive stages. They fucking doing like diss track advert on each other. Wait, Lewis, you're watching from the outside. They're fucking doing like diss track adverts on each other. Wait, wait.

Lewis, you're watching from the outside. Before Trump, who was against Obama? It was, what's his name? Hillary Clinton. No, no. Against Obama. How go?

He went against Rodney. Pardon? Rodney? The rat from Washington. I picture his face. I always watch the American elections and the build up. It's funny with Trump. No, no, no. I find the previous ones, i find it not not like as trump's more entertaining but it's more interesting they go head to head that it's less bullshit and it's like more like you know

it's complete lewis yeah in a way but i was just like shit lewis i was just so boring here boden listen up boden um you're watching from the outside thinking that's his entertainment whereas millions of Americans are thinking fuck I'm going to lose my house in this government

isn't everyone about that with the government politics isn't meant to be entertaining yeah I know I understand

it has turned into a bit of like an X Factor that's what Americans do they make everything the Americanisation

of stuff is sometimes pretty cool yeah like NASCAR you're going around in circles they have a deal with it you have the barbecues outside like you're fucking drinking outside it's like a massive thing yeah we just turn up and it wouldn't happen in england because it's circles you don't go to the nfl to watch nfl do you yes no you don't i fell asleep when i went to nfl it's because you don't like nfl no but the occasion like basketball? I quite enjoyed the basketball.

Basketball is a very entry-level sport. It's very exciting. It's like tennis. You can just watch it. You spend more time looking at the menu of your food than the actual sport. That's not true.

It's true. That's you. No, that is you. It's because you're a fat wanker who can't get five minutes of that from Nacho. Tom, tell me now that when you go to an NFL match,

the game lasts longer than it doesn't. I don't know. Yeah, there's more stoppages, but I mean, that doesn't mean that the actual content is... Boring.

No, that's a fair argument, but that's not what you're saying. You might think it's boring. You said you looked at the menu longer than you watched the game.

Yeah, that's the most entertaining bit about going to an NFL game. You're saying people go to the games not to watch the game. That's not true. I think some of them probably do. They must do, because they can't go to longer than you watched the game. Yeah, that's the most entertaining bit about going to the end of the game. You're saying people go to the games not to watch the game. That's not true. I think some of them probably do. They must do because they can't go to the game to watch the game.

Same as English people with test cricket, eh? Yeah. Test cricket's just a day out, innit? Boring. You don't really watch the game. The darts. How many people go to the darts and watch the darts? How many actual legs of darts can you remember when you've been to the darts?

Never been to the darts. What? Never been. You should definitely go. You never invite me. But, bro, it's like anything... Oh, fuck off. It's... But football, when you get to an away game, Never been to the Darts. What? Never been. You should definitely go. You never invited me. Bro, it's like anything. Fuck off.

It's. But football, when you get to an away game, the worst part of the day is the game. Yeah. Especially if you're a West Brom fan. Okay.

When was your last Arsenal away game? Bratton Park. 2006. There you go. I'm probably not even. And you're probably in the home end.

I can actually tell you when it was. It was Leicester City a couple of years ago. In what end? Were you probably in the home end? I can actually tell you when it was it was Leicester City a couple of years ago in what end? were you sat in the home end because you're a Leicester fan? World football no

just my family in that in the home end what? were you in the home end? how? did you wear a Leicester shirt? no you just wore a blue shirt

yeah anyway well as it is our 20th episode give me more of these questions from the fans you want a a blue shirt yeah anyway well as it is our 20th episode give me more of these questions from the fans you want a few more yeah rank the

segments of backside to what you look forward to the most your facts your facts top and everything else should we do what about all the

look at that little smirk he's just had no no out of all the segments that we've done so even Theo's memory box and Theo's dreams done so even Theo's memory box and Theo's dreams

which now no memory box memory box was pretty funny but memory box dreams was the worst dreams were the best you had one great dream

you had a great dream last step I hate I hate conversations about dreams I feel like for me the segments go

top is Lewis and then second is thea trying to remember the jingle for lewis's yeah i like them all but we do that we do every week i'm a fan of philosophy at the moment yeah i like them all but i like i like theo's new bullshit one as well what biggest butterfly you were here of that no i hate the butterfly effect but i like hearing him try and try to ramble his way through a fucking story. I've got a great one this week. And I find it very

fun interrupting the story as well. Yeah they're threatening to leave on every time he has a segment. It's less his story more interrupting it

and seeing him get annoyed. I can't tell you how irritating it is. It generally gets you angry. I actually get angry at him.

Good, good. I'm sorry. It is. It's disrespect. But yeah, because we don't respect you. Anyway, your bullshit segment

is the best though. It's not bullshit. It's facts. It's facts. That's even better. The fact you think it is. Mom said no gays allowed in the house.

As crazy as it sounds, my pain could help someone else. Stories that heal. Share yours. Together, we are unsinkable. We are unsinkable.com Is Theo actually bald? Or is he just a melt as one?

Why would you read that out? Also, they're not mutually exclusive. You can be both one why would you read that out also they're not mutually exclusive you can be both why would you read that out i just freak i gotta read out my messages about you yeah he's not he's not bold well as it is our 20th episode a massive you know milestone that we've managed to reach uh making it this far we have had some messages in from people who really enjoy the show and wanted to show their what you know these are viewers

these are hi Lewis Pet just to let you know you've got baked beans on the stove for when you come back so um nice missus

nice moment we have a huge and some peck we have a vast amount of celebrity friends who listen to the show here we go um

fucking hell so here's one of I'm not listening to these so we'll just see what you say yeah let's just pretend you are I just asked them to celebrity friends who listen to the show. Here we go. Fucking hell. So here's one of them. I'm not listening to these, so we'll just see what you say. Yeah, let's just pretend you are. I just asked them to send in a message and saying congratulations on... If anyone actually says congratulations,

I will be surprised. Yeah. Wow. 20 episodes of Backslide. Who is this? Here in Harlem. Significant milestone. Just as significant as, you know, someone's 15-month-old birthday. episodes of backslide Kieran who is this Kieran Carlin significant milestone just as significant

as you know someone's 15 month old birthday really incredible guys you're doing the Lord's work keep it up

and maybe you'll be the spark magnite world piece yeah that's really good stuff

keep going don't give up don't ever stop it it's just too good that was a lovely message he hasn't watched one episode yeah

I'd be surprised if he's made it five minutes why have you messaged Kira saying that no they reached out they just know it's a big occasion we've got another one here oh my god

I've just heard the news fantastic stuff 20 whole episodes of backside podcast you are kidding me right now. That's incredible news. What an achievement. Now, to be fair, it does deserve some congratulations

putting up with 20 weeks of Theo's bullshit. I mentioned I've done an Ironman. I've done an Ironman, by the way. Not like Iron Lung, you decrepit albino. You're the only person I know who's got an age gap with her own physical health. Let me guess, how did you come up with a podcast name, Theo? You're sat in a barber's chair where you can have the tops fucked

off. I'll just have a back and side, please. Stupid fucking... Did he write that out before he sent it? Thanks for that one, George. Fair enough. Funny guy. He's very funny, George is. And then also we got one through from the CEO of the company, the man who we we

should really take a second of moment of silence and thank him for allowing backside to exist fuck that rat looking giraffe um which one is that chip or cow mr cal freezer yeah i mean i could have gone either way you can just step into this podcast game how fast is that going you turn it fucking do you want to put it on one speed no that was the mini block listen up you little cucks you think you can just step into this podcast game

try and jump on the fellas wave you're like 20 episodes in man it's embarrassing I don't even know why Lewis has asked me to

to congratulate you guys you said that you messaged us I know I said you congratulate 60k views on an app

guys do me a favour given the time that I've fucking spent doing stupid voices I know I said he congratulated 60k views on an app guys do me a favour given the time that I fucking spent doing this stupid voice that was supposed to congratulate you

it's like worse than my time anyways see you guys when you start averaging 100k and we can have a proper conversation

don't even don't don't talk to me about a set either the audacity so a bit cringe that he did a voice

like with headphones in there sounds awful yeah this sound weird so no backside set oh well we'll just use their set well congratulations

to us congratulations boys but there we are at least 20 more I like is that all you got yeah you asked three

people that you know no he asked loads but no reply. I know. The only other person I messaged was Chip and then I've spoken to him twice today

and he keeps saying he's going to do it and he just doesn't do it in classic Chip style. I thought you said Grace is a big fan. Why didn't you send a congratulatory? Yeah.

Didn't ask her. Grace has watched one episode. Yeah, I feel like Grace has definitely got bored of it. But there you are, boys. Do we feel happy and rejuvenated? I actually heard a lot

of the Newcastle team watch backside. Did you? I did hear that. How did you hear that? On the grapevine. On the grapevine. Do we throw the grapevine?

On it. No, I'm actually being so serious. You're lying. Who? I can't say who. Well, we'll cut it out. We'll cut it.

We'll bleep it. Yeah, go on. We'll bleep it. Who's Hall? When did he tell you that? How did you know that he's messaged me he messaged you

saying all the Newcastle has a backside he loves your are you sure he didn't say I love your backside is this real

yeah look that's pretty he just randomly messaged you yeah he said nah he's lying why would I lie he's just saying it

well no because you're going along with it because if he's not turning around it's like Yeah, he said... Nah, he's lying. Why would I lie? Did you show me it? Well, no, because you're going along with it because if you just not turn around it's like when he got a message from Mbappe. He's getting nervous. What, just because... If there's any other player

you wouldn't be this bothered. But yeah, he just showed me it. I don't know. Well, we know Josh Wynn that's what. He commented the other day. Yeah, I know. Didn't he?

Drew's real knew that we spoke about him? Yeah. On pitch side? I believe it come from you. I know he lies. He lied about Mbappe as well. No, but Josh commented on

what was the clip the other day of Theo. Yeah, I know, Josh. The backside one though. We know loads of footballers watch pitch side, but I don't... No, it was the gaslighting one,

wasn't it? Yeah, it was the gaslighting one. When he cut the thing up for... So this is like Google Translate saying, there you are. You know it's not real when Theo's like, look at it. Go along with it. so this is like google translate soon there you are you know you know it's not real

when Theo's like look at it go along with it I've got a really good butterfly effect today go on then really good go on

go on then come on Jesus okay spit it out are you ready for this oh yeah he gets butterfly

flutter flutter he's bald he's weird he's uh he's got a ginger beard baby boy a baby boy butterfly He's about to fly, flutter, flutter. He's bold. He's weird. He's a... He's got a ginger beard. Bakey boy. A bakey boy.

Fly away. He's bold. He's weird. Anything else? He lives in a cocoon. He's... What? What you can't say.

That's what they do. No, they don't. Butterflies famously leave the cocoon. No, they go home to it all night. To protect them from the elements. The Buffalo Bills. You heard of the Buffalo Bills? Yeah, the NFL team. No, they got a horn to it on a night. To protect them from the elements. The Buffalo Bills. You heard of the Buffalo Bills? Yeah, the NFL team.

NFL team. They. Do they actually have cattles of buffaloes though? Okay. One more unfunny joke. You're off the show. It was a question?

The Buffalo Bills are responsible for the unattainable beauty standards of modern society. Oh, he's gone fucking deep, so.

Is this about like, you? Explain it. A good catch so far. I like it. Nice hook. In the 1970, really 70 is always.

In the 1970? In 1970, in 1974. In 1970, 54 years ago, Bartholomew Bills barely lost a game. Okay,

so in 1970, they'd barely lost. So how many did they lose? I don't know.w Bills barely lost a game okay so in 1970 they barely lost so how many did they lose I don't know what barely losing a game could be anything you are not the one

to argue about factually accurate dates and results mate in one particular game I'd like to know they lost by missing a bad pass for a touchdown

oof don't make a mistake what does that mean missing a pass they basically lost like just. They fucked it. How though? They would have overthrown it

in like the fourth. Yeah. Why don't you just zip it? Now you know how I feel when you call calls and my fucked. Yeah, fucking hell. It was annoying,

wasn't it? You have got to point there. That particular loss really caused them to have a season. Particular loss. Caused them to have a season. Okay, and that loss allowed them to get the first pick in the draft. What? really caused them that particular loss season. Okay.

And that loss allowed them to get the first pick in the draft. What? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. That's just not true.

Doesn't happen like that. That's where they finished. If they only just, if they only, if they barely lost the game, they wouldn't have got the first pick in the draft the next season. They might have,

if they'd won the game, they might not have finished like last. You said they barely lost the game all season. I meant they barely lost that game they might not have finished like last you said they barely lost a game all season I meant they barely lost that game I misread it I tried to see if you

would not realise so they've lost all season they've been shit yeah but that game in particular they made a pass that could have won them the game

and it didn't alright so that meant they got the first draft picked okay picked just pick guess who they drafted in

sketch Barry Sanders the Michael Jordaners of NFL no no who they drafted in. Sketch. Barry Sanders. The Michael Jordaners of NFL. No, no, no. They drafted in as a first draft pick. OJ Simpson. OJ Simpson. OJ stays in Buffalo for a while.

He then meets his wife. Kills her, allegedly. We can't go with that. He's dead, who cares? Allegedly kills her. If the glove doesn't fit, you have to wear a glove. He then hires his friend, Robert Kardashian, allegedly we can't go with that he's dead who cares allegedly kills if the glove doesn't fit he then hires

his friend Robert Kardashian to be his lawyer wow they become good friends right they then win the case

making the oh god the Kardashians therefore making the Kardashians whoa you're taking the pitch

therefore making the Kardashians whoa therefore making the Kardashians somewhat famous Rob obviously sadly passes away but the Kardashian name is quite famous David Schwimmer

I think he married what's her name what's the mum called again Kris Jenner Kris Jenner right but at the time you've seen the OJ thing having the kids no but at the time she was? Kris Jenner. Kris Jenner, right? You've seen the OJ thing.

Having the kids. No, but at the time, she was called Kris Simpson. So refer to it as that. Was she actually? Yeah. What? How do you know that?

No, sorry. Kris B. Cream, she was called. What's called? What is with these shit jokes? That first one was horrendous. That was horrible. Kris Simpson. I just thought of a name.

Basically, long story short, obviously, a Kardashian name is famous and then what happens? Why, since the start of this story, do you look like you've aged 14 years? What's happened to your hair in the last five minutes?

He's just going, oh, God. And then what happens? Kim drops the sex tape, which nobody's seen. I've never seen it. No, I've never seen it. Never seen that.

What the fuck was that father men in black and instantly she becomes very famous wonder why yeah no she was already famous no no that sex tape blew up it went mental that went batshit mental i was like everyone was watching it 24 allegedly it's a shit sex tape. So if Buffalo Bills didn't lose that game, Kim doesn't make the sex tape. Therefore... It's just not true.

That is true, though. That literally is true. Why does Kim come into this? So the Buffalo Bills are the reason we have to deal... Robert Kardashian is her dad who is the lawyer of OJ Simpson. And therefore,

we wouldn't have to deal with the Kardashians today. We'll be blessed with the Kardashians today because if they'd won the game, they wouldn't have met the with the Kardashians today we'll be blessed with the Kardashians today because if they'd won the game they wouldn't have met the first round pick OJ

who OJ wouldn't have met Nicole and thus never had the chance to allegedly kill her preventing the entire Kardashian family from ever being as famous as they are

and therefore the beauty standards that are upheld in the Kardashians with all the face implants the bum implants the big titty implants wouldn't be so prevalent.

I actually back that. That's really good. Well done, mate. That's your best one so far. Do you know... Buffalo Bills are to blame for the unhealthy beauty standards of society.

I don't know. I'm not having that. I don't see how the Kardashian comes into it. What about... What if he... What if... What if he got drafted

to the Jets there in New York as well, that he still would have met her, still would have happened the same? We were not. You're saying because you went to Buffalo and met Nicole, who was quite famous herself anyway, so they would have crossed paths. You don't know that. I'm saying, he could have easily just gone to the New York Jets. No, because playing a game for the Buffalo Bills,

different times, different locations, you're going to different areas. You may not have crossed paths. Yeah, good point. Don't be so dumb-dumb. Are you listening to what I'm saying? What you're saying is wrong. I'm saying, if the Buffaloes, say, won that game, if the Bills won that game,

and then let's say the Jets got the first draft pick, which is right by Buffalo, they still would have... If it's not the Jets got the first draft pick, which is right by Buffalo. They still would have... It's not the same place. Do you think he used to go out in Buffalo or Manhattan? Where do you think... Mate, the Buffalo Bills are the reason Kylie Cosmetic exists.

That's true. I don't think... Is that why they actually made the wings then? Mate, tell me that's not wrong. What? What the fuck did you just say? No, it's like hamburgers. Yeah, buffalo wings.

Buffalo. Buffalo sauce. Buffalo sauce is from buffalo, yeah? Buffalo wings just means chicken wings cooked in the buffalo sauce. So if it wasn't for Buffalo... Buffalo did not create the idea of chicken wings being eaten. How about this for you? To take a story further,

if Buffalo didn't create their own signature sauce oj would have been less incentivized to have moved there because he loved the buffalo chickens and then therefore all that wouldn't have happened you think that's the only place that sells buffalo wings but if they if they didn't invent buffalo chickens in the 18 when you get an idea when you get an idea is that like your light bulb above your head moment? No, if they didn't, if Buffalo didn't invent the Buffalo sauce and chicken wings in the 1800s, then therefore,

OJ Simpson wouldn't have went there and he would never have met thingy and Kim Kardashian never would have done it. I like it. Okay. You know, I feel like you need to find one that happens like in the 1600s

and has snowballed all the way through to modern day. He's adamant that you've got to find something that's like... I had five minutes between shows to get this. What do you mean? You should have... And also, I told you yesterday... I actually thought it was only one, didn't I? I did say that, Stephen.

It's quite impressive, though. It's all right. I still want something about like a dinosaur pube forcing like a dinosaur pube from the 1600s yeah yeah yeah yeah

came through and ended up on the top of your head I've already told you the dinosaurs didn't go extinct when you think they did yeah

so a dinosaur pube from the 1600s that made its way through all the civilisations and it ended up on the top of your head do you know what we need to get we need to get

do you know those boards that you like put corks in and stuff and like notes because you do that with all the facts and then we can piece together humanity like a crime

crime yeah so like with everything we've learned so we have like the men in black then we have bigfoot the zodiac killer

is Lewis Bowden and then Atlantis in the centre of it even more bullshit and then you can connect them all together so like a big bullshit board big bullshit board. Big bullshit board

full of bullshit. That's a silly voice. What I was going to say is how about we leave it to people a lot smarter than us who do a lot more research with bigger

brains and more knowledge than us. How about that? You need someone who thinks outside the box. That's why... You mean in other words a fucking

idiot. What's happened between the shows because you look awfully mental right now. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

What's happened to me? Like look at your hair. No offence. You are fucking ugly. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. What's happened to me? Like, look at your hair. No offence. You are fucking... I need a haircut. Anyways, um... The loss of...

Bring me in properly, then. He does... He likes to think about life because he is a deep thinker who has improved himself. And it's what she said. I think you're projecting Thomas, actually.

What? And he's a juice head. And it's what she said. I think you're projecting Thomas, actually. What? And he's a juice head. And he's a juice head. Because he likes juices. Green juices. No. I don't know. I can't believe you just follow instructions that easily.

I'm his bitch. Stereo. No, you behave to everyone here apart from me. I'm a bitch. No, but you know why? What? He's wearing a lot. No, not them two fuck you

no no no you got it wrong he's in love with me your special hotel no I must sleep naked no I prefer if you don't no I feel like

there's a part I think there's another part of the story where Theo was very okay with it no why did you keep poking me in the

night of your finger it wasn't your finger? It wasn't your finger. I didn't need you to take the hint. The last holiday. Thanks, mate. Okay, imagine a scenario. You're on vacation as a family.

Holiday. On holiday. You're on vacation. You're not American, are you? Vacation. I'm on vacation, man. You're on vacation, brother. That was cringe.

You can't... No. You're fucking cringe fucking that's like the dump no everyone okay right no no no people said they call it dump

like 90% of people call it dump no man you are such a liar there's a lot of Tories out there it's fine

the tip is no nobody nobody calls it the tip is literally the definition of what it is the dumping

yeah you're dumping in the dump no dumping in the dump. No, dumping would be... Taking a dump in the dump. Yeah, yeah. Can I start my thing? Hell yeah. Yeah, all right.

You look like a speaker. Oh my God. Your family is on holiday, alone on a private beach with no lifeguard. Obviously, you think... This one you tore. It doesn't sound great out of context. It doesn't sound great out of context,

but it's relevant for the final scenario standard baker skiing holiday everyone has siblings here right yeah okay no no they've died

funny you say that is that a threat what's he going to say yeah it's funny you say that it's funny you say that your sibling is locked away in a room

trapped with a kid it's actually it'd be like Saw wouldn't it I've never seen that what's in the box It's funny you say that. Your sibling is locked away in a room trapped with a kid. It's actually, it'd be like Saw, wouldn't it? I've never seen that. What's in the box? That's what Theo was after all.

That's seven, isn't it? What's in the box? Seven inches. I said that's what Theo was after all. Seven inches inside. On Night in Palma. They like talking between themselves and not listening.

Another great joke that's ruined. Don't do it again. Just don't do it. Do it. What? Like Theo was after that night in Parma. What, seven inches inside? Sore. Oh.

Your daughter and your niece, both seven years old, young and innocent, are best friends and eager to get into the water. Why did you say young and innocent? Because it's... Why are you being so weird?

It's emotional uh storytelling you tell them you tell them to wait until the water calms down but they ignore you and sneak in anyway bearing in mind it's a private beach no one's here to bad parents about you hear screams of panic and find them both caught in a strong current you're the only swimmer strong enough to save them but you can only save one at a time your niece is a very poor swimmer and likely that she won't make it through your daughter is a stronger swimmer but only has a 50 chance that she'd hold on long enough for you to rescue your niece and then get back to her so do you go for your niece first what do you who do you

say first do you save your daughter knowing that your niece is the likeliest to die anyway or do you save your niece with the faith that you've taught your daughter well enough to swim yeah but risk losing your own daughter yeah you'd go for your niece you go for the week it's hard um the week is not because you have to think right we all have nieces none of us have children so our tie will go to the niece no but i'm saying but you're in that point like your parental instincts would probably tell you immediately your daughter means more that's what I mean

you'd probably naturally go to your daughter I don't think this is a simple one I don't think this is a simple one do you believe in your daughter I've taught my daughter to swim the fastest what

the best they'll probably get injured yeah but objectively there's only a 50% chance she makes it through so you want to give your I like my chances

you want to give your... I like my chances. You want to give your... The kid starts to save himself and he dies. I like my chances. Stop interrupting people. It's very irritating to listen to. We're talking about how you'd survive.

Yeah, but grow up. What do you mean? You'd swim out there and get injured and you'd end up dying. And they'd both get back to shore. Yeah, they'd get away. They'd have to come out

and save him. Yeah, so objectively, objectively, if come out and save him. Yeah, so objectively, objectively, if you go and save your niece first, your daughter only has a 50% chance of surviving. That's quite a good chance

to survive. That's not good. If you were told that, if you were told that before an operation, you said you got a 50% chance to survive, you'd go,

probably won't do the operation. I'm training for an Ironman, so I... Oh. I would, I got you. I would fancy my chance of getting in and out I reckon increases the chances

No no no It does change because If Lewis was the person trying to swim out and get you The chances definitely go down for the daughter We're all dying 50 50 50 50 For the purposes of the question The percentage does not change

It doesn't matter how strong of a swimmer you are in real life. But Theo is a strong swimmer. Can you take them both back and risk you all dying? No, that's not part of the question. You have to choose between... But Theo is a strong swimmer. It's not relevant to the question.

But it is true, though. It's a moral dilemma, not an actual physical task. By the time he gets his wet suit on, they're both dead. No, he's always got it on under his clothes like Superman goggles over

to the rock of tricep under me swimmer man no seriously do you think like shimmer man swimmer

swimmer man swimmer man what superpower would you want Theo I want to be swimmer man yeah swimmer man not Yeah, swimmer man. Not like Aquaman.

Where's the mamma, though? Could she swim? No, no, you're the only person on that beach that... So I've been a very, very bad parent. It's just a moral dilemma. It sounds good, Christian. Yeah, but would you... This is what I'm saying.

As a parent, would you go for your daughter first instinctively or try and save both and risk losing her own little four-pot? I think really certainly right I'd like to think I'd think logically and go for the niece and take my chances I've taught my daughter

well enough however in the moment instinct my daughter I feel like I couldn't leave her I've got a great point that's an answer

everyone would say so you're unanswerable so I'm saying I think probably the daughter I've got a great point so you'd let your niece die okay so I'm I'm the only one on the beach the niece've got a great point. Go on. So you'd let your niece die? Okay.

So I'm the only one on the beach. The niece. No, you're not the only one on the beach. Stop doing this. No, I'm saying. You're the only one that can swim well enough to get there. Okay, but like, we were looking at. So everyone on the beach is going. The daughter.

The daughter. My poor baby. Save her. And you're going, shut up, sis. I'm trying to get them both yeah the daughter's mine but the niece

is not mine oh fucking hell Jesus you doctor but it is your sister's daughter yeah so you know what I'm saying

what I'm saying is I warned them not to go in and then they ignored me and snuck in anyways under my watch so therefore I don't want to be the fault of my sister losing their daughter.

So you go for the niece. So you just risk losing your own. Yeah, because it's my fault that under my watch, my niece is in that danger. So you're saying because you'd feel self-guilt, you'd just let your own daughter die? She's not going to die. She's a better swimmer. I should have told her. I told her.

She shouldn't have gone in. She's dead. Youmer. I should have told her. I told her. She shouldn't have gone in. She's dead. You have to learn a lesson. This is a tough laugh. I know you said 50% chance she dies, right? For the question is, yeah. But there's also a 50% chance she survives. Absolutely.

But whether or not you think 50% is worth it to lose your own child. There is a chance, right? Okay, so... No, no, no. If I'm hearing this right, there's also a chance you go and get the niece

she could still die yeah and your daughter dies yeah why would she die if you're holding her because if you listen because you literally just said

she's such a shit swimmer yeah then she can't you're not going to let her drown no I'm holding her no no no but you

but on the way to trying to get her in the current she could die she ain't going to die and then in that time the daughter dies as well I'm holding her you just tell her to lie on the back yeah mate what are her in the current, she could die. She ain't going to die. And then in that time, the daughter dies as well. You just tell her to lie on their back. Yeah.

Mate, what are you going to do? Are you going to, are you telling me? Tom, are you going to tell me, right? Your niece is next to you like, oh, look, she's drowning. I'll just leave her to drown. No, but in the process of trying to save her and help her,

she could die. And then your daughter could also die. What do you think? This is real. Yeah, none of us have daughters, mate. The question is, would you risk 50% chance

to let your daughter live? I don't know. I'd like to think yes, but in the moment, probably not. Yeah, because I mean, it is your daughter.

I think instinct goes right. Who am I saving first? Okay, person that's my direct blood. But she can swim. She can swim. She's right sitting here saying that, but in the moment,

you'd panic. I think this would be very different if I had three actual parents on. No, in the moment, in the moment, you're not thinking, oh,

she has a 50% chance to live. Lewis, not a single person was thinking that's how it works, but for the purposes of the question, you only get 50%. So what I'm saying is,

I'm there, I'm like, do you know what, I've taken her to swim lessons I've seen her grow I believe in my daughter I'm going to get my niece there and I'm going to come back for her

you got this I say you got this you got this but also in the context of real life you wouldn't know whether your niece is a good swimmer or not

because you know you don't spend time with her she's my niece yeah I do I'm a good uncle no but you're not going to be like oh fucking hell what level swimming badge is she

how is she going to survive this I talk to my sister all the time what frosty swimming badge you got what level swimming badge

has she got frosty's yeah you'll have an idea going in if she can swim or not we've just been on holiday oh for fuck's sake

yeah but in the moment in the moment when you were tunnel vision I would know if the niece can swim

I would know if the niece can swim it's a moral dilemma it's not real life so I'm telling you because the niece can't swim I'd say to the niece can swim. It's a moral dilemma. It's not real life. I'm telling you, because the niece can't swim, I'd say to the daughter, I believe in you,

you can swim, and I'd take the niece back and go for the daughter. That's a genuine answer. You're talking about just being a loli with her, so I don't know if she can swim. We're telling you she can't swim. Yeah, I know. You're saying you don't know she can't swim. Yes, I fucking do. That's ridiculous. So, we just told you, you know she can't. Yes Yes, I fucking do. That's ridiculous. So, he's got a point.

I told you, you know. No, no. Yes, I know. You're agreeing with me. He's got a point. You're agreeing with me. You're blinded by anger. You're blinded by anger right now.

I do know she can't swim because you've been unholy with her. Oh, whatever. I've grown up with her. She's seven years old. It's immoral. It's not real.

I know my niece can't swim in this scenario. I know my daughter can. I in this scenario I know my daughter can I see the niece that's literally the question Tom no

but there's still the percentage your own daughter I know that but the daughter can't fully swim but I believe in her yeah he believes

that's an answer but do you believe in nothing her why are you trying to persuade me to kill my niece that's what he's saying Tom he's saying

he does believe in her I believe in her you're just so blinded by the anger you're not? That's what he's saying, Tom. He's saying he does believe enough in her. I believe in her. You're just so blinded by the anger. You're not listening to his words. He's just in dum-dum, cute man mode. No, no, no. Smash, smash, smash.

No, I'm saying you believe that much that you're going to give 50% chance. Yeah, that's what he's saying. In your door to dying. There's no parent in the world that would say that. But he said that. I don't know. It's 50% for Stuart. You'd go straight to your own blood that. But he said that. I don't know. It's 50% for Stuart. You'd go straight to your own blood.

You don't know that. We've just been told it's 50%. We have to put yourself in the actual situation. I know she's a strong swimmer. Okay, so time out for a second. Just because he's given an answer. If you put yourself

in the actual situation, most people would try and say both at the same time. And that's not how it works. But Lewis has said an answer and you're saying he's wrong. No, I'm not telling him he's wrong. I've said the wrong answer.

I've said the wrong answer. You're just as bad as each other. I'm not telling him he's wrong.'m not telling him he's wrong he's not you two act like this is a real it's a moral dilemma oh you're supposed to act like it's real and see what you would do in that position you fucking knob but you you say yeah so we just live in an imaginary world it's an imaginary question yeah based on what you would do in that real life situation but i think if you did have a daughter who was seven years old, you're a media- So he's given you an answer and you're saying, I don't believe you.

No, no, no. No, no, I'm not. That's what you're saying. I believe in her. That's what you're saying. She'll got this. That's exactly what you just said to him. She's got it.

Yes, that's completely fine. I know you're upset about it. You were saying. Do you even know what your problem is? No, because he said it has to be in real life and in real life I think the father lends a lot of more than just

You two all you ruin these by trying to make it like Therefore you're saying you disagree with him? Yeah because it's not a real life question it's a hypothetical

He's given his answer He's given his answer and you're saying I don't believe you For me to answer this question as honestly as I can of what I would do I have to imagine

being in that situation and you're being angry at her. No, no, I'm not. But you'd be going, but I don't know it's actually 50%. You do, because you've just been told that.

No, no, he's telling me that outside, but in that situation, I'm going in, and all I know is she might die, she might live. But I believe in her

and I'm going to save the niece and come back. That's a correct answer. It is. That is a answer. You are for an answer. He's just been killed, man, Graham. Tom's fucking crying because it's an unanswerable question. You need to give him an answer. No for an answer he's just been killed man you're Tom's fucking crying

because it's an unanswerable question you need to give him an answer no I need to give you an invite you're saying you keep saying I'm just I don't know

how my can I give you an invite can I give you an invite to think outside the box but these questions they're black and white just because your mind is so simple

you can't possibly answer this question Lewis is clearly philosophy why are you talking I don't know why you're talking philosophy isn't black and white just because your mind is so simple you can't possibly answer this question Lewis is clearly a philosophy why are you talking I don't know why you're talking philosophy isn't

black and white there's a reason he had a higher IQ than you but when you said I don't know you're saying I don't know

if there's a 50% chance she relives or dies there is because he's told you that's the question yeah but that's not realistic this is my problem that's the question

you can't now change it so now the question is the question so he doesn't know butterfly effect this is my problem that's the question you can't now change it so now the question is the question so he doesn't know butterfly this is my problem you'll go no you fucking

that's not what what do you understand I understand the question being asked to me not trying to change it is it just football is that all it is he didn't know that

you're the one who doesn't even understand I understand this brilliantly I understand this brilliantly can I say you're a little bit rattled right now okay

hold the lobster why I understand this brilliantly. I understand this brilliantly. Can I say you're a little bit rattled right now? Okay. Hold the lobster. Damn it. Why? Why? I don't know, because he wasn't leaving. Why did he ask? Nice.

You're an idiot. What would you do? I'd go straight for my daughter. I think I'd say the daughter. You don't know that now. You don't know when you're in that situation. Your daughter doesn't even exist. What's hilarious is,

you're trying to do this, when we haven't actually said that, you're mimicking it. I haven't said when you're in that situation. Your daughter doesn't even exist. What's hilarious is, right, you're trying to do this and when we haven't actually said that, you're mimicking... I haven't said what you said. It's actually you two are the ones trying to change the question. You were saying that to him. You were like,

but it's your daughter. Your paternal instinct would take over. We're expanding the details. That's exactly what he said. So I've done exactly... We don't even have that. It's only like females that have that instinct. So I'm saying the exact role reversal

of you and my uncle. No, no, no. Your uncle instinct would take over. You couldn't leave an uncle. No, no, no. Your uncle instinct would take over. You couldn't leave your daughter. No, in the actual scenario of it happening, you'd try and say both

at the same time. Yes or no? Yeah. Exactly. So we're not doing that though. So I'm just saying what I'd say for the purposes of the question.

Yeah, but so Lewis gives the answer. But he's doing it in the terms of real life. And in terms of real life, you'd try and say both at the same time. That's not how the question works. I'm basically speaking

not real life is what you're saying. But he's not doing that. Say you are. I am. See? Because in. But he's not doing that. Say you are. I am. See? Because in real life, I'd hope that all four of us would try and say both at the same time.

But that's not the question. That's not part of the question. No, but you're saying you'd go for the... Your daughter. In the situation, yeah. I would never want my daughter to die. That's the whole point. He's saying he'd go for his niece

and back the chances. That is fine. Which is a fair answer. Yes, it is. But his reasoning isn't relating to the question. Yeah, yeah. His reasoning is because, oh Yes, it is. But his reasoning is relating to the question. Yeah, yeah. His reasoning is because

if I'm in that situation, blah, blah, blah. That's his provocative. What? And you're actually trying to come at us for fucking brains. That isn't provocative.

What? It's what? No, no, no. That's not the word. Provocative. Yeah, oh, you're clever. Provocative. What?

You don't even know what that fucking means. What if it's like... Prerogative. Yeah. What if it's like your cousin and your dog? Well, your dog... Dogs can doggy paddle, I'm sure.

No, but this dog can't. What's your dog called? No, no, no, no, no. Ask me the question. Hang on a second. No way. You have to either save the cousin or the dog. No, no, no, Lewis, Lewis.

He's just said, my dog can doggy paddle. He's just said, a dog can doggy paddle. He's just said. He's a hypocrite. That is a hypocrite. He hasn't given us any percentages. He just said, who would you save?

That's not hypocrite. Instinctually, dogs can... Yeah, humans can doggy paddle as well. Humans can't doggy... Humans have to be taught how to swim. That's why people can't swim. It's called doggy paddle? You fucking idiot.

That's why it's called doggy paddle. This dog's had accidents in his life, so he can't swim okay that's fine so what's the question dog or cousin what's the percentages I need to know

can I save both your husband's a better swimmer than the dog I can only save one 50% for the cousin and zero for the dog zero for the dog

dog dead I'd save my dog I'd save my dog save your dog over your cousin I don't really like I don't really I know my dog more than I know my cousin I spend all the time save my dog I'd save my dog save your dog over your cousin I don't really like I don't know my dog more than I know my cousin

I spend all the time with my dog you'd save your dog over your cousin 100% yeah yeah I'm not close to many of my cousins

if it was immediate family it's very different but like I don't my dog is my immediate family when you go over Christmas and you cut you in the eye and say yeah don't really see him

don't do that don't really see him I don't see my cousins at Christmas are you a big loving family well it's just family like what so you no no next time you see your cousin look him in the eye and say yeah don't do that don't really see him i don't see my cousins at christmas are you big like loving family well it's just family like what so you know no you're next time you see your cousin look at me and i say i i i love you less than my dog yeah that's yeah i'll tell you kind of mad well that was a pet a pet do you have a dog you're immediate i don't have a dog no

but we do have a cousin i love my you have You have no idea. I have both. We have both. I have both, so I know the relationship differences. I love my dog more than anything in the world. There you go. She's lovely. And you're trying to say we're telling you we're giving the wrong answer.

It took me... Well, brother. Because I love one more... Your mum or your dog? Obviously mum. Your dad or your dog? Dad. Your uncle or dog?

What part of him saying immediate family? Uncle or dog? Me personally. Dog. Depends which uncle. Could be a dog though. Do you like your dad's brother?

Yeah, I don't really know him that well. It depends which... Oh, it's all... Auntie or dog? Dog probably. Are we just going to list every... Oh no, yeah, I don't like... Dogs are lovely, man.

And do you know what the thing is? You could explain to your cousin in the moment why you're going. You could never explain to your dog. Your dog would just see you leaving it there as you paddle away leaving it and it would just immediately go for my dog yeah i wouldn't even need to tell him i'd be over within the hour it's not that's that question just isn't even like a thought for me i love dogs so next next week when he does one can we just listen to the question answer the question as it's delivered and i will do that

if you can also understand and try and understand where me and theo are coming from don't add him into it yeah i could hear out why i'm asking the questions i was just gonna help why i get angry you're getting angry now because you talk about things that aren't related to the question it's like you saying it's like you're saying i'd save my niece because it was sunny he's the angle there you go stop doing that stop dropping it's like you saying that i think what it is i think or you're going i'd save my knees because i'd wait a big sack morning so i'd have more energy to do both that's just i think if you just remove the anger out of your life you would actually listen to lewis talk and be like oh i actually understand where you're coming from you just said he's got provocative to say what he wants yes you should give him the

you should give him the benefit of the doubt and not just say prerogative to say what he wants. You should give him the benefit of the doubt and not listen to him. You should give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyway. I thought it might be. That was a good one. What's Holly?

It might have been actually dumb it down for them. Okay. Let's try it out. Or we can cycle back when we all have children and then see what the answer is.

Yeah. See you in another 20 episodes, eh? Or probably Baron. Oh, fucking hell. Theo, sing me in. I've just done this. It's fucking beast mode. Oh, this is my second favourite segment. Go on. the episodes I'm probably barren um fucking feel sing me in I've got I've just done this like it's

fucking beast mode oh it's my second favorite segment gone you come on it's my second favorite segment of the

entire history actually you were very defensive your cousin then is it like um what's going on I'm talking right now

projecting what I don't like my cousins I ain't shagged them you bum your dog okay okay I wouldn't even bum her

she's got a fanny let's just move on he went from oh I find it really pathetic that you're trying to save your dog to you bum your dog

yeah I don't even have a dog um come on this is my second favorite segment if you could have one dog in the world what would it be what breather yeah good shot i'm getting a golden retriever okay well when you have one with it when you have one in four episodes time i'll cycle the question or whenever it is i want one where i can like run with it i want to have like a fun day do you like do fitness in that golden retrievers are lovely yeah you need a big flat for them yeah I'm not going to get one until I get like a house

yeah a garden outdoor space yeah but they're lovely that's my I want that one all right one

all right one Lewis has some facts and they're kind of cool but sometimes shit and none of it's true all of it's true is that the real tune no no

you change it every week who no memory who the original tune goes Lewis has earned

stuff how have you remembered that I don't even remember what I sang in last episode it's not hard

I think I sang it in last episode I called him a worm so last week we learnt about men in black we don't know

I thought it was next week what are you on about mood killer so last week we learned about men in black oh we don't know I thought it was next week this is what are you on about mood killer that yeah Jesus headline who or what is in the bushes

you probably a few pedos let me take you back to 1988 I know you're like I already questioned this date mate it's probably the fucking 40s I know you like the year I already questioned this date mate it's probably the fucking 40s I know you like the year 1988

that's actually when Sony released their digital camera because I checked last episode which is 40 years after you claim that prick

took photos of a flying saucer all the comments back to me for being right what Rudolph there was a young

he's not even out yet a young fellow what was not even out yet. A young fellow... What was the joke? Yeah. What? That's what we're just talking about. We're fucking out in the future, mate. Come on.

That actually is proactive. Pretending I had it all together. I need to escape my circumstances. i am not a doormat stories that heal share yours together we are unsinkable we are unsinkable.com sorry what's happening in your brain I didn't say anything no because earlier it was provocative and you said

no he said prerogative no he said provocative provocative sorry not but that actually is prerogative though I'll tell you what

it's provocative oh here we go you bastard I'm provoking you okay it's the people going okay

it is right what word are we on about provocative okay sorry i thought you said prerogative oh i'm strikes again okay young man is working at mcdonald's just working his shift away you know nicely stuff yeah young young fella young man you said your nan actually how long until theo mentions he worked at mackie's his name is christopher he's working he's doing the late shift, you know.

What, 3.30 to 10.30 or like? Oh. You know, I'm on station. And he gets out and he goes to, this should be you,

Christian. I'm kind of. He gets out and he goes to his car, you know, he's worked really hard for this car. What country is this in?

He's only young, America. He's only really young and, you know, like working and getting this car all off his own back, you know's only young. America. He's only really young and, you know, like working and getting this car all off his own back. He's very proud. He just finished the late shift then.

So wouldn't the late shift be like during the night? No, it's the night shift, mate. Well played. Anyways, he drives home. It's in South Carolina. Wow, you've come with a lot of facts tonight. Just driving along and uh

was he driving the whole suddenly bang what's that he's from McDonnell it's silly bang come to tell him he's fired popped his tire oh oh right pulls over he's like fuck's sake he doesn't know what he's doing he gets in the middle of nowhere in South Carolina middle of nowhere South Carolina dangerous place a lot of crocodiles a lot of everything. And he starts mounting up the car and starts changing the tyre over. He is...

Wait, do that again. What happened? It's the ones from the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Egyptians. Yeah, the Egyptians on the moon. Is it... Nothing there. He's like, whatever. He's like is it wait is that nothing there

he's like whatever he's like oh fucking hell another tyre's flat it's going no one thoughts in his head do you need us to keep doing the add a bit of

oh my god we could be you could be the storyteller we could be the sound effect no they'll find that really annoying okay but keep going Lou no I think they'll find that really really annoying that's

I'm finding that really annoying he gets on with changing it and then all of a sudden man in a suit with a reindeer head comes along oh don't do that oh that is horrible smacking your lips

a deer rustling in the bushes now he's getting creeped out what the fuck who's there get to the bit who's there get to the bit where it's an alien

he looks in and there's like there's like a shadowy figure. Child figure? No, like a shadowy figure like rustling about. Lewis, just get to the bit where it's a fucking alien.

He comes out. He's like shits himself. He gets in the car. He's like, what the fuck's that? Locks the door. This thing runs over. Thing. Jumps on top of the car,

bashing in the top of the roof, denting his brand new car that he's just bought he's like fucking I'm working after this bit pissed off off of where he goes into the bushes

he's obviously rang the police goes to the sheriff's office wait how has he got to the sheriff's office when he hasn't changed his tie yet they come and collect him he rang the police

so what's happened to the thing I'm about to tell you it runs off okay yeah it ran off why would it run off, yeah. Why would it run off?

Why would you just sit in your car? That's the worst. You're just going to sit in your car. What, you're going to stand outside and fight this mysterious fucker? Then I'll be shitting myself. Exactly. You're not going to go out and fight it.

You'd be scared to fight something in the back of the boot. So, it goes to the police station and they're like, right, what do you see? Wait, the police station or the back of the boot so he goes to the police station and they're like right what do you see right the police station or the sheriff's office sheriff's office

well I call it police station because I'm not American are they different yeah they are it's sheriff's office so they call it sheriff's office it was like I want to know if he's got

these details it was the sheriff's and he's like right what did you see write it down wrote it down seven feet tall I thought it was this

tiny figure in a bush. The basketball player. Yeah. Yes, the basketball player. Got attacked by Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, Shaq came out and attacked him because he did. Got his order wrong at Maggie's.

Red eyes. Smoking weed. He's been smoking weed. He fancied at Maggie's. Is he not just like a buffalo? Wet like. Why did he put like? That's what he said. These are his terms. Wet like. He said wet like. Why did he put like? That's what he said.

These are his terms. Wet like. He said wet like. He's a Geordie. No, he said wet like. Do you know what he's doing? He's like wet. Wet like.

He's fingering him. Green. Shrek? Shrek. You red eyes. Fucking Shrek. Shrek's come out of the bushes. To be fair, it could be like a giant frog or a crocodile

it's skin like a lizard these are his things snake eyes you just said they're red you just said they're red he's just got

mobile eyes so that's it that's his description no no no so obviously wasn't it really dark so obviously the sheriff it really dark so obviously

the sheriff's thinking what you's are thinking it's a lizard man how can he see him he saw it it was on his car stamping it in but how would he see him

it's pitch black ask him is this the men in black without the disguise on no no no it could be actually so the sheriff's thinking what you's are probably thinking

now green like a load of shit yeah yeah yeah a load of shit lizard man no no I believe it so

Christopher goes tell you what hook me up doc I'll do a polygraph test does a lie detector test passes it with flying colours yeah like 80% notoriously accurate

yeah yeah so hang on he's wrote to the sheriff's office he's gone oh that's some bullshit and he's gone stick me on a lie detector test I'll pass that shit right now he passed the lie detector test he's gone oh that's some bullshit and he's gone stick me on a lie detector test

I'll pass that shit right now he passed the lie detector test that's all I can say I'm not saying he's definitely seen what he saw but he passed the lie detector test could he have been like on pills and like he actually thinks

that's what he saw yeah yeah yeah or he's mental and actually believes he saw this so please no no no average McDonald's worker

they're like they're like right I'm sorry he's worker they're like they're like right I'm sorry he's passed what lizard like scaly those hills in North Carolina South Carolina

he's passed his test so the sheriff's like right we're gonna take this seriously we're gonna start I bet they did we're gonna start investigating

so really the way that the policing system works in the US is if they don't believe it it doesn't matter you'd think so wouldn't you so they start

investigating that same week seven more cases of attacks by this figure lizard man to other people's vehicles

fighting off the front of the cars shrek fighting off the front of the cars shrek where they're going into his swamp Shrek like Lord Shrek fighting off the front of the car Shrek and the deputy where they're going

into his swamp no but this thing it wasn't this thing it actually was a swampy area I don't know

brilliant it was swampy was there a donkey was there a donkey Lewis can you just go cycle back to when you said this seven foot lizard man

had bitten off in front of a car? He's just chewing on the front of cars and shit. They're just in the car and he comes out and just starts eating the front of the car. The police are busy all summer with this. The deputies.

Yeah, yeah. What's that? A rapist murderer? No, no, no. There's a big green man biting cars. It's the fifth time this week someone calling him

saying the car been chewed by Shrek. They're chasing down this lizard you know and they even get they even find like um fingerprints like three

fingerprints lizard's fingerprints is not a fingerprint they're not claws like foot like

it's a dinosaur it's a dinosaur yeah three toed fingers three toed fingers right fingers three toed feet

three toed fingers three toed the feet toed fingers three toed the feet footprints with three toes they found their footprints oh god

and they have plaster casts of this so you can look at these in a sec they are plaster casts of that bit this is going to be mental

so what do you mean a plaster cast that would imply they've caught one no no so they have the

print there and they put plaster in and fill it out so they can keep it oh. So they have the print there and they put plaster in and fill it out so they can keep it. Oh, just the hand. Of the print. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right.

Sorry, I thought you meant the whole thing. Yeah, don't worry. That would be silly if they got one. That would be silly, yeah. It's almost like that would make it real. And the point, like, this went worldwide news. Did it?

Yeah, it went worldwide news. 1988. Worldwide news. So our parents would know about it, right? Yeah, they will. A radio station in Colombia actually offered one million dollar reward

for the capture of the Lizard Man. But it was never... Why Columbia getting involved? It was never claimed. That's crazy that no one can ever catch these...

Wait, why Columbia offering a million... No, it needs South Carolina. I don't know either. That's a good question. No, not the country. It's like... Columbia is like a place

oh you mean the state Ohio Columbia Ohio yeah I thought you were going to back me there because he's American no I think you meant

the country yeah no no do you mean district of Columbia so Washington for Washington so Washington so the White House

the President I don't know so which one is it the country in South America? The state. There's not a state called Columbia? There's a city.

No, there isn't. Yes, there is. No, there is. It's District of Columbia, Washington, D.C. There's a station in Columbia. There's a city in Columbia. There's a city in Columbia.

Let me move on. I think Columbia's in Ohio, is it not? That's Columbus. That's Columbus. Or Columbo. South Carolina. something like that columbia south carolina yeah um anyways check that the mysterious summer of this lizard man went unfound yeah columbia and south carolina i apologize so like no one ended up catching

this lizard man but there was various various sightings happening until in 2019, the mystery restarted. Five years ago. Oh, yeah. Five years ago. The Friends of the Lizard Man committee was formed. Why is it always America where it's fucking full of mental cases? No, this is off the back of some...

Okay. What are you about to show us? If you're giggling before you even say this, I already know that it's going to be good. Well, this is right, okay I want to Is it Flat Earthers?

So I'm this is not the original footage that they found. Oh, fuck it now, please. Oh, God. Is it the reindeer man again? Well, this is what

they broadcasted on actual news Fuck off, no. of actual proof of actual proof but this is this is only of 2019 which restarted

yeah so 31 years after what's the actual like they've reenacted it this is just newfound proof but you said it's not it's a newfound image it's going to be a clip from Spider-Man isn't it

but like I don't want this to be a shadow of and disdo the service of the story of Christopheropher which is a different thing this is 2019 several years now but this is just simply the fact that the broadcast Oh my fucking God, man. He's got fucking

trousers on. He's just like, oh my God. Let me say it again. Nah. I'm not fucking right in the head. Yeah, I can't believe it. Get down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, look at his fucking... Mate, look at his... Look at his feet that at his Mate look at his feet that you can clearly see just aren't attached to him

Why is he so muscly Looks like Joe Rogue Lewis you've outdone yourself here I understand I understand that

doesn't look great I want to say I want to say I I want to say, why is that picture so clear? You've got to find the actual like video of that news article, please. I've tried that. There's only,

I think it's only a picture. Are you sure this is not fake? Well, I am sold. Yeah, mate, that's real. But this is what,

this is what, this is what restarted the, um, wait, what's the news broadcast of that? Lizard man sighting bishopville's famous urban legend by sarah barrow

life i feel like this is it's not even his hands are killing me yeah yeah the hands and feet are so i understand it doesn't

look good but it could be if you think about they're not real hands and feet mate oh my god that's but it could be, if you think about... They're not real hands and feet, mate. That's an inflatable costume. If you believe that, you'll believe it. No, no, no.

I understand that's not a great picture, but the stuff before, I think is a lot more solid. That's just what started the Friends of the Lizard Man as they now search for the Lizard Man. And in 2022 and 2023,

the Friends of the Lizard Man hosted their first... The friends of the lizard man hosted their first stomp. Was that me? They go out into the swamp and search for the lizard man. Instead, they all get eaten by crocodiles. So, I propose

that backside... We are not going searching for it. This year, go all the way to Ohio or wherever it is South Carolina South Carolina

and we join the friends of the lizard man yeah and go on a stump to find him I'm fucking down for that and we find the lizard I'm so down for that

I'm in I'm in I'm in hands in boys oh fuck it why not yes we're coming yeah South Carolina lizard man I'm in. Hands in, boys. Oh, fuck it. Why not? Yes! We're coming!

Yes! South Carolina! Lizard man, watch out! What? Have you actually, like, comprehended that? We actually might find it.

Yeah, we might. We will. We will. We will. What happens if you get eaten by a cock in the swamp? Yeah, what if it's real when you get fucking chopped by it?

Well, listen, though. If you are the lizard man, you probably control the crocodiles. What, like... You're a king croc. Like, sonar. You probably is our ruler of the swamps. Hold meetings with the crocs.

Do you know what it is? It's so funny, right? Do you know, as he was waiting to turn it around, I had so many images going on in my head. Yeah. And I could never have pictured that. Ever. Like, ever.

You are fucking you are incredible that was very very good I never heard you come out with that noise before that is one of the

funniest things it's like when you get to the end of a whoopee cushion oh god that was so fucking funny lad right we'll see you soon if you want us

to find the lizard man comment below and subscribe to watch the whole vlog I'm just saying yeah we've got a quiz right whole blog I'm just saying yeah we're going to quiz oh yeah

right it's time for the quiz questions this year this week what is this new thing sorry it's just I don't know

what I'm going to do with it in terms of there's going to have to be a forfeit so what is this brand new feature Thomas this brand new feature

is where I test the intelligence of all the members here other than myself because I'm clearly superior and each week there's going to be a topic what are you looking at feature is where I test the intelligence of all the members here, other than myself because I'm clearly superior. And each week there's going to be a topic.

What are you looking at? Is that the lizard man? There's going to be a topic and this week's topic is food. Oh, I should win this. Oh, well, yeah. I will have it be known that

Reeve is a secret foodie. I'm also, every week, I'm going to try and make it specific to each of you, or all of you, and also... Shut up. Right, question number one. Do we need buzzer noise or did you just say buzz? Mine's lizard. That's a long one.

Man. Ban. Fuck it. Okay. Bologna is a form of what? Lizard. Sausage. Yes, correct.

How do you know that? One mil. It's just like a long... That's a load of bologna. Question number two. You should get this. You should get this. Donuts.

What is the second largest... Sorry. What is the second largest selling fast food charity... Blizzard! McDonald's. Ban...Sman. Go on. Subway.

Damn. Incorrect. You buzzed. In the world... KFC. Correct. The question was in the world after McDonald's. I thought it was Subway.

It must be closer. I think Subway used to be. Yeah. Maybe they've fallen off. Right. This is a multiple choice, but you can buzz in early if you want. Kiwi fruit originates from which country? Lizard.

Madagascar. Thank you. Incorrect. You buzzed out. Itagascar, thank you. Incorrect. It can't be a trick question. China, New Zealand, or Morocco? It's got to be a trick question.

It can't be that one. Man, Morocco. Incorrect. It might be. You're going to have to. New Zealand. Incorrect.

Ban. No, it wasn't. China. Yeah. You said ban China. You can't. Move on, move on, move on. So that's 1-1-1.

Oh my God, this is tense. Right. I'm getting nervous. Now, this may have changed because this is from a year ago, but I've got the answer, so whatever. Again, this is multiple choice.

The UK's most commonly eaten family meal is... Ban. Chicken tikka masala. Wrong. So wrong. Did anyone buzz in? No.

It's between spaghetti bolognese, pizza, and shepherd's pie man shepherd's pie incorrect pizza

incorrect man he's just picking up these bullshit points here spaghetti bolognese yes fuck him man

but I thought the national dish of the UK is chicken tikka masala that wasn't the question I'm trying but um question number five yep But I thought the national dish of the UK is chicken tikka masala. That wasn't the question. I'm trying to ask. Question number five. Yep.

So last question. 2-1-1. What is the best selling chocolate in the UK? Cadbury. I'm going to need more. Cadbury, just a plain Cadbury. Dairy milk. Dairy milk. Incorrect.

Ban. Okay then. I'm not saying that was right by that. I just needed more. All he said was Cadbury. Dairy Mill Dairy Mill Incorrect Ban Okay then I'm not saying that was right by the way I just needed more All he said was Cadbury That's a Dairy Mill That's a

Yeah no wrong Man Have you He buzzed Oh God I know it Cadbury Freddo

No Is it Snickers No What's my buzzer Ban Man Cuckoo Cuckoo I buzzed before you I know I said I was buzzed I buzzed Fuck off no buzzer man what's my buzzer man cooker kangaroo

I buzzed before you I know I said I was buzzed I buzzed fuck off Mars bar incorrect lizard

I buzzed before that I didn't know my buzzer fruit nut cabbree fruit nut incorrect lizard it's whole nut cabbree

incorrect I'll give you a clue surely no one's having whole nut I'll give you a clue it's nothing to do with cabbree ban galaxy

incorrect galaxy what lizard galaxy plane I'll give you a clue. It's nothing to do with Cadbury. Ban. Galaxy. Incorrect. Galaxy what? Lizard. Galaxy. Plan. Make a plan. A plan galaxy. Incorrect.

Man. Maltesers. No, but you're getting close. Ban. Chug the buns. What's my buzzer again? I just said it's not Cadbury. What's my buzzer I just said it's not cabri

what's my buzzer lizard minstrels no ban can't be kit kat yes

is it really it's the most boring country we are that is crap the best selling chocolate in the UK damn Theo won the

food one Theo wins so Theo is not which she realises it's a podcast do you want a bonus one? Yeah we do

Winner takes all No Yeah No I'm happy to do that Yeah Two gods against one Yeah yeah

Double points Not winner takes all That's bullshit I'll just free one up Double points Double points for this one It could be a draw Yeah true

And then we'll have to go to decider What tree gives us prunes? Lizard Prune tree. No. Conventional question. Think of what a prune is.

Yeah. I don't know what one is. Eight, isn't it? Yeah, but... What is a date? Is it... Ban. They're a big word.

Is it... Think of like a raisin and things like that. Yeah. They're something else, aren't they? Is it a... apricot tree? No, but you're not a million miles away. Oh, I didn't count. Oh, ban.

He's got a white foot. Man. Orchards. Ban. Lizard. Grape tree. Grapevine. Lizards. man orchards man lizard grape tree grapevine lizards

types of trees exactly yeah orange tree no I'll give them okay I'll do a different one it was a plum tree shit I've only got

alright what's the hottest pepper in the world? Ban. Oh, buzzer. The ghost pepper? Lizard. Lizard. Carolina Reaper.

Correct. Oh, of course, yeah. We're on to a tie break. Damn, I actually didn't think it was that obvious. Come on in, Lewis. Daddy, let's have a little cook-off, shall we? Dum-dum. Are you ready?

Yeah. I'm going to have to go... It's going to have to be non-food related. No, you just type in food question on Google, please. I can do... I can make it alcohol related. Okay, yeah, give it a go. Yeah?

Food and drink, why not? Which one should I use? Which one should I use? I really need to know. Okay, which American state is most commonly associated with Jack Daniels? Lizard.

Texas. Incorrect. What? Ban? How wise is that, isn't it? New York? No. Lizard.

Florida. Ban. No. This is mental. Come on, man. Tennessee. Yeah! Fucking hell.

Oh my God. That's like the easiest one out of seven questions it says it on the fucking ball Jack Daniels Tennessee yeah Prodigy come say hello hello

no get the fuck off you're not welcome don't walk in front of us oh not the jorts bro yeah anyway we'll see you next week goodbye

bye sitting on the edge of a bathtub carrying both heartbreak and deep gratitude relearning my worth stories that heal share yours together we are unsinkable we are unsinkable.com you made it to the end. Well done, you. If you haven't already, hit that follow button. Why not? Tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to catch more Backside,

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