Back Side - 25: The Great Pig War! Getting into Fights & Wee'ing the Bed as an Adult…

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Theo chats about playing golf with the worlds biggest celebrities, Reev manages to get in a fight with a golf pro and Lewis tells the tale of the infamous Pig War.If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. Jacob, my food's going to be okay out of the fridge for half an hour. No, I think it's rotten, mate. You're late.

You were f***ing late. I shouldn't keep chicken. I was here, I'm it's rotten, mate. You're late. You were late. I shouldn't keep chicken out for half an hour. I was here, I'm here ready to go. You were here five past, that's late. Nah, going down at quarter past to get a coffee's crazy. It's going to be all right, my food? Actually, what about? Drinking my food will be okay.

It's got a meal prep and it's been out of the fridge for an hour and a half. Oh no. No, definitely not. God, what's going to happen? Maybe it's going to get eaten by wild rabies. Raby babies? Rave babies. What were you saying?

I was talking about me and you having a fat session this morning. Wow. Someone signed your socks? No, they... What brand is that? Same as the ones you were wearing at golf. Yeah, he broke his feet. Who sent them to you?

Darris and them? No. They sent me a DM. Sorry. The cast. Daryl sent me to them. They're all my socks, to be fair.

Some of my favourite socks, really. No free brand deals. We're now talking about socks, guys. You don't wear any Fucking loser Matthew's just like

I know Tom had a nice lay in today Didn't you Lay in Did I It's not lay in It's a lie in I think both are okay mate

I've got up at nine Nine That's not really a lie I'm never beating the allocation I fucking know Not with the vlog coming out I usually go up at like 10 You live such a stupid life You go up at 10 o'clock normally

You are such a dosser Why not mate we pay for him to do whatever the fuck he wants Look at him man You go up at 10 o'clock I'm going to go to the gym and play some tennis And then I'm going to go and play some golf And then I'm going to go to the pool and watch the footy I hear him You he has such a

yous have spoiled him with the easiest life the world's ever seen wait you're going to play tennis and golf? I'm going to go and play tennis and a gym sesh and then go to the driving range after are they at the same place then? no, the tennis and the gym is yeah

do you not have the problem that you have all this free time but your friends are having to work like proper job So like you have no one to do fun stuff with well kinda but Friday Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's or just get them to take a day off to do something you get to take a day off I'll just be like I scared by this cuz the album just have a day off. I'll pay for your day and he's like yep fuck what have you done yous aren't just paying for his fun time you're paying for

Jackie Lewis I'm happy to do that well Jackie Lewis basically I'm out here just burning out he's replacing Theo anyway really

yeah that is true he's still finishing off that photo he's a fucking liability well he ended up in a fucking shop window asleep

when the police woke him up he actually did mind me at the end of that night we didn't say any other one he ended up pissing in his wardrobe

I don't get how people do things like that in his own wardrobe I feel like people do that on purpose to tell your mates that I've never

ever like mistakenly pissed in a wardrobe unless you're staying somewhere unfamiliar and you think

you're doing it as if it I can understand pissing yourself or pissing all over the seat or yeah but going into a wardrobe and pissing just. Or pissing all over the seat. Yeah, but going into a wardrobe and pissing just seems a bit like you're begging it a bit.

I was staying at Charlie's and I was absolutely bladdered. And I got up and I went the route that would be to my toilet at home. But in her house, that's going into a little brother's bedroom. Where is this going? So I walked into his little brother's bedroom. You bum where is this going? So I walked into his little brother's bedroom. You bummed her little brother?

I should say. You're not my daddy. He's of age. But he like- Why does that matter? But I remember I just stood at the doorway. Oh, it's a crime then. Bear in mind, I'm bladded.

I'm stood in the doorway in my boxers, 2 a.m. And like, he just sort of, what the fuck? And I get up because he sees this figure in like the doorway. And it's just me. And I'm like, oh, sorry, man what the fuck? And I get up because he sees this figure and they're like the Darwin. It's just me. And I'm like, oh, sorry,

man. And then just like walk out. I do have a similar story to that. My friend, one of the girl I know was staying at a boyfriend's house and they'd been out and she was really pissed

and she needed to throw up, went to go to throw up. And the first right before the toilet was his mom and dad's room, went into his mom and dad's room and threw up all over her mom, who was in bed. Like, all over. Imagine being woke up by that.

How do you, like, do that, though? Because she took the wrong turn. Yeah, okay, wrong turn. She got to walk into the bedroom, walk over to the bed. No, she was running to try and throw up, and she was pissed. And she's like, about to throw up and just runs, and then it just came, all came out. I don't think she'd lie about that, up and just runs and then it just came all came out I don't think she'd

lie about that Theo when was the that tea is freaking me out on your leg when was the last time that you's pissed yourself sober sober

mine would I tell you what it's not something I do when I'm pissed yeah I don't remember not sober I was when I was kid

I was pretty close on Wednesday weren't I I fucking yeah yeah you were like like pretty recently

I thought he asked the question just so he can no no because I want this is something I want to tell you you asked the question

I was about to answer and then you started going ahead telling the story then no I didn't hear you you two are just muttering to each other we all know you wanted

yours will be boring anyway go on no go ahead now. Go on. You go ahead. You asked the question so you could tell the story so tell the story.

You were just muttering to Reeve. I couldn't hear you. That's what I mean. You're having your own conversation. You're angry I'm not tuning in. Yeah. We were talking at a reasonable voice. You weren't.

That right there is not loud enough for backside. The volume has to be enhanced. Yeah, I pissed myself and I thought there was something wrong with us and I phoned the doctor. Yeah, you can be sorry for diabetes. Is it? Genuinely.

Because I woke up and I was like, I rang a message. I was like, I've just pissed myself. In bed? Yeah, in my dream. Whilst you're asleep? Yeah, and I was like, I'm too old for this, by the way. And you're like, yes, my first wet dream. But I still want one of them. How long ago was this? And you're like, yes, my first wet dream. But I was,

I still want one of them. How long ago was this? Within the last year. Oh, and it's only happened once? It only happened once. But I woke up and I was like, there's something wrong with me.

So within, at one point in the last year, you would have come into work for well knowing, for well knowing that you pissed yourself. Morning guys! It was during a visit at home,

so I didn't come into work. I was visiting my home. You visited at home? So I was in my home bed. Oh, you just settled back into being a child and just went in the bed. I pissed the bed. I think they would have known

when they washed your sheets. I remember really trying to fucking... Lewis, you silly boy. It's been 18 years since you last did that i started calling the sexual transmitted diseases clinics i called i was like do i need to get checked out i'm fucking grown adult and i just pissed the bed yeah that's that's a loose time when my mate got um my mate got diabetes and he's like 14 but the the trigger was he pissed the bed like three nights running and he called the doctors and then had a test and he had diabetes.

Okay, so I only did one. That's a good thing. So what the fuck was it? I just pissed myself. I think you just got nervous. I think you're maybe just a fucking big babby. I just pissed myself though. That doesn't happen.

Are you sure? Sometimes you can have dreams of like going for a wee and then like you wake up and you've just wet the bed. Was you having a dream of weeing? That is common as well. Yeah, but like when you're an adult, you're able to hold that in and think, no, I am not unless my dream is so real or a you're not conscious and b you're not an adult your brain is remember your brain is slightly underdeveloped you do have a smooth

brain and also you've at that point you've gone home so you've settled into the routine of i'm back to being a child and yeah that's how yeah mentally you're like oh and your uncle's well i don't know if that was a normal thing I don't know if you used it because it might be a thing that people do and then just don't talk about

because it's embarrassing but I pissed myself as a grown man you brought up the topic so you can tell us all that well I did want to tell you because I do want to know like have you

I don't think it's anything to worry about but I genuinely haven't pissed myself as an adult no no we're adults Lewis I don't think that

to be honest I barely get up in the night. I just sleep through. I barely get up to piss or... I piss several times a day. I envy that a little bit. I go for a wee a couple of times in the night. A couple of times?

No, no, as in like, not every night, but like... I'll do two times. I'll wake up in the night and have a wee. Really? Because I have to drink loads of water before bed, otherwise I wake up with vertigo and I'm not able... And the fact that you've mouth breathed. Lewis, why don't you get them a mouth tape?

Do you know what's interesting? Charlie can't breathe. Because of my mouth breather, I shouldn't sleep on my back. Because I realise that gives me vertigo. Yeah, no, you should sleep on your side. It's true. So when I'm like this. Lewis, I want you to go do homework this week.

I want you to try mouth tape and nose tape i think charlie would like that you know what she told us the other day we can't do this anymore she she said she said like sometimes in the night she like sometimes in the night she turns to like to face me to get comfortable then she smells me breath and turns back the other way yeah she turns around like oh that's comfy fucking hell and turns because it's like in the middle of the night and I've been mouth breathing a while

do you know what though it's really sad because in your vlog your boxing vlog like I thought oh it's so cute your relationship

you're clearly best friends and like you actually seem really nice together oh it's really cute but then you tell stuff like that and I'm like

what's wrong with that yeah man I feel a bit sorry for her yeah I feel sorry for her too as well she physically couldn't face him in bed because his breath was that bad so i'm like that i'm sorry i don't like facing people when i sleep i don't even like the noise you like doing it do what facing people whilst you sleep oh yeah i don't mind it no no i'm facing away though hello he comes on the other side of the room face me look at me can we actually address your ice bath oh my god all right we'll have to explain give it context because people might not so lewis has obviously taken his recovery very seriously

with his poorly knee before his fight so he thought i'm gonna run myself an ice bath get loads of ice but why did you run yourself Like an ice puddle Like you Your knee wasn't even in it But your heel You put your little bum And your heel in it Nah

Because like I was pouring the bath in that Probably close too Which is already Yeah I only wanted to go It's got wet Yeah

I only wanted to go leg deep But you weren't You were heel deep But the problem is right I ran the bath I put the ice in. And you thought it was too cold. And then I stopped. I stopped running.

I was like, okay, that's fine. Walked away. Realised that our plug doesn't work well. Did you think to close the plug at any point as well? Yeah, so the plug was closed, but it was still slowly leaking out. Have you never had a bath in that bath before? I don't get baths. That's fucking weird.

Yeah, I don't bath. That's weird. We can tell, actually. I mean, that clearly isn't a bath. But why didn't you just put more cold water in it? i'm not gonna lie i looked at it and it looked like there was like 10 ice cubes in i was like this is just a fucking ridiculous like failure why did you film it yeah funny in it there's so many points in which that couldn't have made it to youtube yeah document documented the journey man that was part of the journey i was saying that

louis just started just started vlogging his week. He wants me to do weekly vlogs. What am I going to show? That's like the fellow studio. You think what's normal to you is actually just so abnormal to many people. I'm going to do the pot of cup.

I don't think his life is as crazy as you think. No, but people don't want crazy. They want just to see how he actually... No, but I don't think they want to... Like he said,

that would just be like the fellow's vlog. I'm going to do a pot of cup vlog at the end of the week. Oh, come on. Because that's like a nice memory to keep. I hit 5K subs at that point, but they, like you said, that would just be like the fellas vlog. I'm going to do, I'm going to do a cup vlog at the end of the week. Oh, that's like a nice memory to keep. At that point, man.

Come on. Yeah, man. There you go. I'm a fucking YouTuber. We got, we got, we got to keep you.

Yeah. You probably know. Yeah. We need to keep you down, man. Yeah, man. You're grounded otherwise.

It's his fault. He shared it. Yeah, he did actually. I did share it. 70, 70, 70 K now,

isn't it? The vlog. Yeah. I'm big time man but the thing is it's just like the second one then goes to like

1K and you're just back to the humble world but I've been living the dream mate you've acquired like 25 times the amount of viewers as subs that you have

do you know what was nice the comments were actually nice oh my nose well rather than pitch like comments yeah they were actually they were actually

kind comments I was like wow people will recognise it's a pretty good achievement and, well, a very good achievement and like... You're being weird. No, but it is, isn't it? How are people going to... People can't abuse you for that.

When you say nice things to me, it's also like when my brother says nice things to me. I feel like, ugh. Lewis, you also come across really well in the actual video and not only that, you also... Oh, you're glazing. No, but you actually dealt with the interviews and stuff really well as well.

I thought I did feel like I was cooking in the interviews. We'll keep you grounded a little bit, but you are good on the mic. I'll give you that. Yeah, now shut the fuck up. I was fucking badass. Anyways, what else is cracking? Have you watched Team America yet?

No. That was meant to be your homework. No. You've got nothing else you do in your day. You don't want to wake up at night and have purpose? Yeah, just chill. What happened to this like YouTube video you're playing? What's your purpose?

Oh, what is your purpose? I wake up every day with like work to do. What? And what's the end goal? Most days I have work. I've got to be somewhere for work. What is your long term? Are you's the end goal? Most days I have work. I've got to be somewhere for work. What is your long-term... Are you good long-term financially? Like, what if pitch side, back side just stops?

Hang on. Are you going to be okay is my question. I'll just go back to my old job. Yeah, well, no. You should invest somewhere. I can't rate it. Invest some of your money somewhere so you're okay. Yeah, I don't need financial advice from you, Lewis.

I think you do. I don't think I do. What, you suddenly got a big sum of money land on your plate or something? Yeah, well, some of us just, you know, are investors. A couple of months time, we just sack off the show and all become Forex traders. Yeah.

I said we need to sack off the show. Just scam people. We need to go and just hunt monsters in America. No, you could do that. No, you could. I'm not fucking joining Michigan. Yeah, you can do that. Did you know you can buy a tour to NASA?

What do you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? As in, like, you can go to the space center and get a tour to NASA. What do you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? As in like, you can go to the space center and get a tour. I want to do that like. Like in NASA.

In the International Space Station in space. No, on the floor, on the ground. On the floor. As in, do you know like where they like send rockets up in Florida?

Yeah. In space, on the floor, on the ground. Isn't it government funded? Yeah, but you can go for a tour of it. Yeah, but that's what I mean.

I think that is. You can see where they sent Armstrong to the moon. I've seen the moon boogie. I don't really think that's that cool. I think that's wicked. What do you mean it's not cool? That's wicked. There's a space centre in Leicester.

Yeah, I think going to a space centre is not that cool. I think it is. You touch the moon in that? Planetarium. Oh, you don't? Yes, you do. Shut up. What do you mean you don't? they have a bit of moon that every human can touch you can touch it it's just some fucking eminent do you know there's nine planets yeah pluto no there's another planet

beyond pluto that's not a planet though is it but no it is it's it's big it's like seven times the size of earth it's beyond pluto but the reason that there's not tons of evidence is because it's so far out, like its year cycle around the sun is like fucking like 30 years or something. Sorry? Or like 30 human years, Earth years. That's not that large in comparison.

Or maybe like 100. You've just said so fucking far away, it's 30 times longer. That also doesn't make sense. It does because it takes longer to orbit the sun. It's still in our solar system. Yeah. They would have way more info if it's in our solar system.

Are you thick? Are you thick? Do you know what it means to be in the solar system, a planet in the solar system? So you're orbiting our sun. We have information. How do we have more info about stars that are further away? Other Milky Ways and that.

What do you want to know? Because they're giving off light, you twat. So you can see it. You can't see a planet that isn't reflecting light because you can't see it. Can I ask a question? So what's it made of then? How have we ever found any planets?

Jeez. How have we ever found any planets? Because think about it, right? Space is pretty big, yeah? So finding a planet must be finding a needle in a haystack. Telescope. How the hell have found any planets? Because think about it, right? Space is pretty big, yeah? So finding a planet must be finding a needle in a haystack. Telescope? How the hell have we found planets? Do you know what's interesting?

There's a shield from a thousand years ago that was crafted supposedly by one of these civilizations that could have lived on these planets. But on this thing that is definitely dated like a thousand odd years old, it has like a replica of the years old um it has like they do that replica of like the solar system and it has nine planets and all the correct sizes to what they would be so where is the how big's the ninth one big where's the shield okay yeah where's the shield

museum or something that's just crazy so you just give us half a story every time it's probably just some fucking nutters made it oh you are You are actually a headline merchant, mate. Yeah. That's true. That is true. I know a lot about space. Clickbait was created for you. I know a lot about space.

You can come at me about fucking Romans and that, but when it comes to space, I've got my shit down. You don't know shit. I don't claim I do. I'm a fucking caveman. I don't claim I do.

He is a caveman here just saying, does that fire exist, man? That's my impression of me, isn't it? Fire exit? Fire exit. Yeah, he tried one. It's around the back of the fire exit.

We haven't discussed me and Reeves' big adventure. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, did you? Pro golfers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all try to murder an elderly lady in the crowd. Pro golfer.

I just helped. Pro caddy. Well, you had a fist fight with a pro golfer. This guy almost got into a fist fight with a professional golfer. I just held. Pro caddy. Well, you had a fist fight with a pro golfer. This guy almost got into a fist fight with a professional golfer. Didn't happen. Theo, you did also nearly kill a lot of the audience. Poor spectator.

You loaded another one up and hit it straight at them again, huh? Yeah. By the way, you know that second shank? You didn't see how impossible that shot was. They filmed it in a way that it looked like I was just on the fairway. You know the one where I was like,

you have to stand behind me in case I fell backwards. I was on the edge of the glory. We should say, if you listen to this, Phil, what was it that you were doing? We used to do it together. It's the BMW PGA Championship at Wentworth. Pro-am. So you're with like Tom Holland, Gareth Bale.

They're all there playing yeah rory mcelroy we had the four brothers and ours they're really cool they were sound ben stokes said hello he said hello theo you look quite similar ben did you probably get to call like are you a lot i didn't tell him the story i should i regret not telling have you met him before no all right but i'd never i worry i really wanted to tell him the story about how the two old ladies at ascot thought I was Ben Stokes and bought me drinks all night. Oh yeah, that would have been really cool.

Then you could have gone. Spider-Man me. Did you meet any other slubs? There was loads there. We sort of just walked around them. A lot of commentators floating around. What's the guy that represents Super Sunday on Sky Sports called

represents no no he's just Sky Sports news presenter it wasn't Super Sunday it wasn't him Dave Jones

Monday Night Football David Jones you just need to go out and like speak to these people at these events because you need to get funny stories

we had to leave afterwards just when the party was getting started oh because you kept hitting the spectators no because we were driving

so you kicked the same old lady it says it's the right big piss up just when the party was getting started. Oh, because you kept hitting the spectators? No, because we were driving. Oh. They kicked him off. So you kicked the chairball in. It's like a festival. Yeah. I didn't realise I was calling it a music stage and everything. Oh, obviously YouTube. But we were chatting to... Let's early because you're boring.

Yeah. What's his name? Sam and... Harry. The Holland Brothers. Yeah. Yeah. Not Tom.

Not the main one. So why didn't you speak to Tom? He was keeping himself to himself actually, wasn't he? He was like staying at bay. Yeah. Yeah. But not Tom. Not the main one. So why didn't you speak to Tom? He was keeping himself to himself, actually, wasn't he? He was like staying at bay. Yeah. Big time. Quite good golfers, though, all of them. Very good golfers.

Tom's class. Two off six and then one off three. They even got a rattle of Gareth Bale, actually. Yeah, I heard about this. Yeah, I heard a bit of beef. Bale wasn't too happy about the Tommy Fleetwoods team winning. Why? Because he lost. Gareth Bale lost. He was like, dod Fleetwood's team winning why? because he lost

Gary Bale lost he was like dodgy handicaps man dodgy handicaps he said magic pencil didn't he? yeah we were actually

doing very well at one point we were third first? first we were first at one point first at one point what hall was it?

first team off no no no at one point obviously the scoring system is if you get a birdie a net birdie on the hole or better you count towards the scores pars just irrelevant you pick up at one point obviously the scoring system is if you get a birdie a net birdie on the hole or better you count towards the scores

par's just irrelevant you pick up at that point but we managed to get five points so five under par for one hole

and we went from like sixth all the way to first imagine you wouldn't yeah we thought we thought we were gonna but you get a BMW and then we didn't even end up

on the front page of the scoreboard yeah we yeah what'd you win I don't know I don't know but it was like What did you get, a BMW? And then we didn't even end up on the front page of the scoreboard. Yeah, we are. Yeah, what did you win? I don't know. I don't know. But it was like hole-in-one competitions for a BMW in that. Yeah.

But Reeve got into a bit of beef with our pro. We were with Mathieu Pavon, who's a really nice guy. Or both, as they say in French. Very, very good player. Very, very good player. But Reeve, oh, I thought he was going to scrap him. He's learning French.

Can you tell he's learning French? I thought he was going to scrap him, you know? He, you know when someone goes, I told you so? Him. I didn't say I told you him, you know. He, you know when someone goes, I told you so. Him. I didn't say I told you so though. Oh, but you did.

In my head I said I told you so. I told you so, you fucking prick. That's what you said. We wasted it. You shouldn't have been the bigger man. You should have said it. You fucking spaghetti eating frog.

The annoying thing is, Caddy. Is French or Spanish? French. Oh yeah, spaghetti eating frog. I thought you said English. Mathieu Pavon.

What's his Spanish? I can't do that maybe I'm gay but the worst part is the caddies are the ones usually that instruct the golfers yep but for some reason

he just like he just thought well he just thought you were a bitch yeah well in our defence right this guy is a PGA Tour player no one was going to

turn that down we trust him so explain the situation. We're about 110 yards out on one of these holes. It was a blind shot uphill, so he couldn't even see the flag. Before that, sorry,

we're allowed our pro goalbook to take one shot in the tournament. So the pros are allowed to take one shot for each amateur. This is all the way around the 18 holes. No, no, no no no we were a team we were a team

um Theo's getting told we're a team we're a team we are a team yes sir you're the best caddy I've ever goddamn

had in my life wanna know wanna know man wanna know anyway he's walked over and he's gone I promise you

100% from this range I'll put it within 5 feet and all the guys are going well if that's the case we've got to let him have it we're not going to argue

with him he got 100% yeah if that's how good he thinks he is let's just do it I won't even believe Tiger Woods if he's saying that I was like man

you can't give 100% exactly I was like A this is a blind shot uphill can't see the flag and you can never really guarantee how the ball's going to come out. Like 100% it's a bit, okay, fair enough.

You just want to be the main character. And also the best chance of getting under par on the scoreboard would be to do his second shot into a par five. The next hole. Yeah. Bearing in mind, if they're on the green for two and they have three chances to get it down, that's so much easier than having to hole a put once you're up there. Anyway, first shot hit over the back on the green for two and they have three chances to get it down that's so much easier than having to like hole a putt once you're up there uh anyway uh first shot it hit over the

back of the green so didn't even put the first guy on the green but uh padded by the way that's shit i'd fancy myself to do that the second one was a really good shot and we genuinely thought it was like right next to the flag we got up there because we couldn't see the hole it was about 10 15 foot past so he's got a a sinker put downhill with a slope on a really tough green to try and like, you know, get a point here. So he's missed that. And because it's obviously sloped really hard.

He went flying. It's gone flying past and he's missed the one coming back. So we didn't come off with any points on that hole. We both free-putted. We wasted his shot for the round. And then Reeves... He's still annoying. I can see it in his still alive Reeve looks at him

and goes told ya no because that was at a point where that was at a tipping point where if we'd have got loads of points on a hole

we were in contention to do really well and then as soon as we came off that hole with no points bearing in mind we've used it like the superpower

that is his shots up there was just the vibe no no he was a lovely guy and an unbelievable golfer next hole on the par 5

on that second shot nails it nails it to the T nails it to the pen sorry yeah which is really annoying because like

that was the point where all the vibes just disappeared everyone came off that hole and went fuck we've wasted that and then we've got another 4 or 5 holes to play after

and nobody really like should have addressed it and went to him and was like, you're fucking crazy. It was pretty cool to see like. Retrospectively, you can't say that. He's also the best golfer out of a group of nine people walking around playing that as well.

He was unreal. It was kind of mad how good these guys are. I don't think he missed the fairway the entire time. Yeah. So the pressure got to him. Maybe he got too big for his boots. I think not seeing the flag wouldn't have helped

yeah it was kind of mad how good he was though like yeah I didn't the way they hit it is just kind of insane

like insane yeah and also just the pressure in front of the crowd that was kind of cool wasn't it the craziest thing for him is that's like

you play D1 or like a competitive level football match that's like a Sunday league where they've been brought in as a ringer final game

he couldn't give a shit about anyone else that's there that's a practice round for him but like we all in front of the crowd

I think we did alright you know the pressure didn't get to us yeah everyone did really well on the first tee where we all had to tee off and if all three of the

amateurs get it in the fairway they win prizes for the crowd and only one team On the first tee Where we all had to tee off And if all three of the Amateurs Gave it In the fairway They win prizes For the crowd Yeah And only one team Had done it

Up until us And then you guys did it And then we did it All three of us In front of probably like What 200 200 people

Yeah 200 What did they win Don't know BMW We don't know We had to walk off They won a BMW each Yeah I think so yeah

Fuck All 300 What would you do If you got a BMW? Give it to me. Oh my God, he's going to say something cringe. I don't know. Keep it. No, you wouldn't.

Why would I not? Why not? He's got a car, hasn't he? Yeah, but I need a bigger car because I want to transport my bicycle. It was a good crowd though. They were up for it. It was an amazing day.

I didn't realise how good golf events are, but that was an incredible day. I'll never forget it. One of the best days of my life. And you're still wearing the same clothes you wore to the event why whenever he does

some sort of sport activity he wears the next podcast he wears it onto the show imagine playing golf with Harry because we're

practicing for the go golfers come back yeah cut that cut that bit yeah that's true what you don't want to come on the

go golfers no well depends oh you don't want to burn that bridge look at you no I want to I want to come

onto them oh right Lewis if I invited you onto the go golfers you'd oh you don't want to burn that bridge look at you no I say I want to come on to them oh right okay brilliant Lewis if I invited you on to the Go Golfers you'd fucking eat it up yeah you need the views

off me what do you reckon's bigger Theo playing at the BMW or your park up next week oh well that's not even a question when it comes down to the stakes

and what's on the line what is on the line Lou do you think you'd be more nervous teeing off in front of 200 people at Wentworth park up park up

park up that whole I swear I don't think you understand like how naughty this is going to get naughty

by the way what are you going to do to me if we lose again we're 3-1 down it's going to be two years just for us to draw level it's fucking this year's massive right so my point is what are the stakes it's going to be two years just for us to draw level it's fucking see this year's massive

right so my point is what are the stakes it's just like going behind that is so shit all right so it's a point of even getting out of bed that wins on the tournament or whatever the cup at the end of the weekend do they get like what free drinks or anything oh yeah they'll have free drinks yeah yeah you have free drinks so it's just royalty after they win a one yeah but like you're gonna fucking the other

the losing team has a shit time because they're just getting fucking abused so how long is the aftermath of the how long is the

aftermath of the holiday then like how long does the post golf cup last we what

so you're you're going away for it right no no we're just two having to do it local now oh okay but not going away you did go away we were going to but then we made dog needed surgery so like that was money okay so how how many days are you spending with each other after the actual goal get my own work um so we have it goes friday then saturday final day sunday session on Sunday Eve, because we're fucking...

So that's what I'm saying. And then Monday... The Sunday carryover to Monday is when that's after the golf. Yeah, that's it. That's the final... So it's three rounds of golf and you use an app for it?

No. Because there are apps now that you can do that shit on it. And you can see the leaderboard of where things are. Nah, we're based completely off trust. The integrity of the game prevails always. Damn.

So it's... You make me want to start one up with like, us lot or something. Do you know what I mean? I think that's a really cool thing. I swear to God, it is fucking amazing. Yeah, that is a really cool thing. Because like, it sounds stupid, I understand.

It doesn't. But when Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and you're playing non-stop golf, and like, you see the leaderboard and the people have bought i swear to god and you spend the whole year just like oh we've fucking lost is it like the rider cup are there different formats yeah so the do you play any handicaps as well no everything's just absolutely solid yeah and our team's a bit shit actually because i've not played um that's crazy but it's true what happens if there's like a really good goal for it well we're all we all started fairly shit so if someone's

putting in the work over the air it's well done to them damn but we i've not really done that but yeah the final day is stroke play so it's always up in the air so friday is what friday is doubles how are you playing it though i think it's doubles and one single, then they alternate for the second day. Match play. Match play. So you have doubles and one single pair. Okay, yeah, but how are you playing that? Are you playing like alternate shots?

Are you playing best ball? No, you play your best ball. Are you playing both scores? No, no, no. Whoever scores the best, that's the score for that hole. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But you're both shooting your own balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just play your own ball. So day one is best ball match play. Yeah, then you'll do that again, but you alternate. you're both shooting your own balls yeah yeah yeah just play your own ball the day one is best ball match play yeah then you'll do that again but you alternate but then it comes down to this is the thing

there's a Saturday you do it this is the main thing that you're overlooking because you pick the matchups and you have to think about the mental game so there's certain people

who will like really rile me up Ryan if you're watching this Ryan will really get in my head yeah and it pisses me off but like I can really get into Cal's. Yeah. And it pisses me off.

But like, I can really get into Cal's head. Question. You have to match up. Question. What happens, say, what are the two teams? Fishburne and Sedgefield.

Okay, say Fishburne win Friday. Fishburne win Saturday. You'll be like a certain amount of points up. No, but it's not like a cup. So you might be like six points up.

If one match wins, you get a point. So there's six, a cup. So you might be like six points up. If one match wins, you get a point. So there's six. No, because those six points turn into strokes in the final day. So you're six strokes up. So say you're eight up on Saturday, you'll be eight strokes up on Saturday. Yeah, correct. Or down even.

So that's one hole for you really, isn't it? Yeah. That's kind of sick, though. I really want to start that up. Yeah, man. We got our t-shirts we should just join the Ryder Cup

I reckon like why don't we do a backside or pitch side golf day we have mentioned that we'll do that we mentioned a lot it needs to be

it needs to be serious and actually competitive it's not like the competition is what makes it fucking intense yeah me and Tom versus you two

it'd have to be me and Lou versus you two yeah yeah I need to get some practice in should we do a philosophy absolutely yeah it's been a while

it has actually been a while I came up with this what is going on with these socks well read them they've just got writing on them is it like motivational

yeah just like lifting stuff isn't it pain and gain one more one more that is fucking cringe lad I didn't write them on there it's the design those are handwritten.

I know you're handwriting. Yeah. No, you don't. Yeah, I do. How? Because you wrote him a card, the ones. Yeah. Get one soon.

Permanently. This time of the year and the weather always gets me thinking. Fucking hell. Who's ready? Okay. Oh, fuck.

A bit of enthusiasm please Jesus Christ yeah I'm crying why are you looking question this is an original Reeve philosophy

original it's original pirate material would you take living to 120 years old average lifespan no as a human if it meant we had to

hibernate for three months a year no thanks no if you had to hibernate where if humans had to hibernate for three months a year. No, thanks. No. I don't want to live to a year and a half. If you had to hibernate, where? If humans had to hibernate for three months a year. No, thanks.

Do you all do it at the same time? Yeah. It's just like a normal thing in humanity. Like the purge? We'll just hibernate. No, thanks. I think you should have changed this to like one week a year. Fuck that.

No, that's too easy. Do you get another 40 years of life just for sacrificing a week? I only want to live to about 80 anyway, so no, no thanks. Mate, three months is a long time. No. Would you actually hang on a second let's work this one out actually i

did the maths so say you die at 90 yeah all right and then three months times 130 is what what well are you actually gaining life yeah um are you sure you're gaining life if you know average

life span 80 which is uh 960 months if we live to 80 years old yeah if we hibernated for three months but live to 120 it would be 1080 months no i'm okay so you'd gain another 120 months but you're gaining the shittiest you gain like four years but what if it was what if it was autumn or winter that we got rid of what i'm all right no someone's christ Then I miss Christmas. Alright. Or New Year.

No, you miss the period from when summer ends until Christmas. The world... How does the world survive? So we use pumpkin spice lattes. Oh, that is a big... No, but how does the world survive?

Like, you'll come back to carnage. No, it's not... It's not realistic, is it? No, you have to... The whole question was about...

No, you have to... No, all humans disappear for three months Yeah Yeah it would Yeah it wouldn't It's hypothetical Fucking spiders everywhere

Why can't you Fucking understand Because you have to You have to imagine The scenario You twat But also There would be jobs

Of people that would Look after the hibernation period No but you said Everyone's hibernating Yeah well you have to But like at that point But they'll be knackered There's every chance

That you die in that Period isn't there So can i ask if you yeah so there'll be spider webs everywhere if you're like 99 going into hibernation you just die no but you the three months you get back you still rejuvenation yeah rejuvenation like you let's just say when you're 120 it's almost like you're 80 years old in normal humanity now. So there would be some humans knocking about. We're more youthful for longer, but we obviously sacrifice three months a year.

But there are humans who are awake during the hibernation period. No. It would be. Because they could come and just burgle and do lots of... How would your anniversary work, though?

Just don't get married during hibernation. Yes, you would do this, but what you'd do is you just wouldn't hibernate and you have three months to do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, like the purge.

You know what I mean? But then no one would hibernate. No, they'd hibernate. No, but then you'd die at 80. Exactly. I'm happy dying at 80. But if you don't hibernate, you lose years of your life.

I want to die at 80. Yeah, but I just have three months of doing what the fuck I want. You get really old really quickly if you don't take the three months of rejuvenation. I've had enough of this life. Oh, fair enough you live in a career

life the reason why I thought it was because obviously it was on holiday in South Africa when I was

no I was looking around and I was going damn man if the weather was like this for more of my life or a period

where I was conscious for it more of my life how cool would that be also you're gaining life in the worst years. I don't give a shit about living.

Who wants to be 120 knocking about? You're like 80 years old at that point. You're not. Do old people wank? Sorry? Do old people wank? I reckon they get frisky, you know. No, but at what point do you stop?

I don't know. You can't. I couldn't have sex with an old lady. So what you're saying is... You're telling me you wouldn't I couldn't have sex with the old lady so what you're saying you're telling me you wouldn't have fucked the queen when she was alive Tom

that's so disrespectful why why is that horrendous go in the corner and think about what you just said what's wrong with that explain to me

what was so wrong with that question they disrespect the queen she's obviously passed away now when she was alive would you have fucked the queen I would have would you just say I fucked the queen yeah man she's service no country yeah not while she's obviously passed away now when she was alive would you have

fucked the queen I would have would you just decide I'd fuck the queen yeah no but that's you're passing the point I'm saying I don't

want to have sex with an elderly person she's an elderly person yeah no but a standard bog standard elderly 90 year olds on the street

are you going to shag her on the street what do you mean defensive she was I don't think old people

there's no fit per nine year old fitting on you to one of us maybe we should go to a care home and ask what are you having sex around here guys

I I actually did hear a rumour about that though the old apparently like care homes are just like yeah maybe I think a care home

they're human they have sex I think a care home is like going back to school like the cares carers are like the teachers. It's really not. You'll have like the ones pulling pranks.

You've clearly never had anyone, a family in a care home. Yeah. It's not like that at all. I always pick it up as like one of the most depressing things you could ever go to. Honestly, I thought it was like I'll be going back to school.

No. People just go there to die. Yeah. It's just a morbid experience. You rock up and a lot of people are just staring at walls if your family's in care homes maybe yours is nicer no

Lewis I think you should go to that corner why would I do it I just said I like it so you're on the hibernation yeah but I'm not going to sleep I'm going to just have three months

and go like do mad shit you actually look like you've sacrificed that three month hibernation period right now but you'd be in jail

you're breaking the law so laws still exist yeah but who's going to catch us? I don't think there should be a caveat where you can choose not to do the hibernation. Yeah, but then you get arrested. If you don't hibernate. Yeah, it's illegal.

The hibernation is illegal. But they're not hibernating. They're hypocritical pricks. No, robots. Robot police. Yeah, yeah. But no, he's not being realistic then. You believe in robots?

Sorry, yeah. Tom, hang on about you've told Lewis yeah stop being so unrealistic by saying packing all this shit but you've just

said there's robot police about because he said you're gonna get arrested if you if you don't hibernate so I'm just thinking of a

reason yeah they're never gonna find out you're a five times non-hibernator mate yeah arrested five times

yeah what are they gonna do send you to prison for the rest of your life you'd get ten strikes and then they kill you on the spot.

And then they bum you in the hills. Here's one. The purge. The purge happens in real life. Do you kill someone? No. No. No.

Come on, man. It looks like you have killed someone recently. Who would you want to kill? Do you reckon you have the animosity to kill someone? Okay, what about if you ever watched a film in time?

Yep. You know where like, time is currency. Yep. Oh, I've seen clips of that. Let me, let me. Yeah, I took some. He's dead.

You've taken all my time. Anyway. I feel like you'd put, you'd probably kill someone. There's nothing, there's no one I want to kill. I don't hate anyone really. Other than fucking John Clark

who was on TOWIE. Fuck that guy. What do you do with the bird's happens? Hide. Where? Anywhere. On the pavement. On the pavement?

Yeah, I just lock myself away with a big gun or something. Except for people after me. Yeah. First. Right, so who's hibernating then? I'm not hibernating. No.

Fuck it, why not? What's the the point I don't want to hibernate I want to live life hibernate also realistically we don't know which months it would be so 1-0 you lose no we're still doing this

I love this is crazy I hate this segment Baker's Butterfly, we flood, flutter into your ass. Oh, no. We're still doing this. This one's sick. I love Baker's Butterfly. This is crazy, mate. This is crazy. So. I hate this segment so much. The United States exists because of tea. That cup of tea that you are drinking, Tom.

Because of the English. Who? Because of the English. Because of the English. Who? Because of the English. I thought China invented tea. Breakfast tea. Oh, so I immediately know you've got this wrong. Didn't China invent tea?

Am I just waffling? I thought probably. Yeah, yeah, but we're in the 1700s now. We're in the 18th century. Okay, we're in the 1700s. So, yeah. Which century is that?

The United States exists because of tea. A nice cup of tea. Okay, mad. It's actually true. I don't think this is true. I immediately know this is going to be wrong. Hey, why don't you zip it?

Ooh. In 1973... That's a lot later than I thought you were going to say the US began. That can't be right. The British Parliament passed... That can't be right. The British Parliament passed... That can't be right. Anyways, in 1973... Does anyone know the dates wrong?

British Parliament... British Parliament passed the Tea Act. Ah. Which imposed taxes on tea in the American colonies. So, obviously, America was already discovered. Are you sure it's 1973? It can't be 1973. Oh, 1773.

I told you! You fucking idiot. We kept telling him and he kept going. In 1773. Sorry, I didn't realise I said that. Obviously before the United States, the colonies were still there. The indigenous people were there.

Now, as a response from this obviously before the United States, the colonies were still there, you know, the indigenous people were there. Correct. Yes. Hell yeah. Now, as a response from this taxation by the British Parliament, American colonists were very frustrated. Taxation without representation.

So they decided to carry out the Boston Tea Party. Yeah. Yeah. Go on, go on. It wasn't like a tea party, it was like a political party sure yeah uh where basically they just fucking sacked all the british tea into the harbour in boston harbour in protest they're like fuck this just threw it away just threw it away yeah yeah then the ocean turned

into one giant cup of tea that would be class this act of defiance triggered a brutal and harsh response from the British. They were very angry. They said, you threw away my tea? I'll come for you. And this led to a lot of tension between Britain and the American colonies. Can I carry on? Now, those tensions, they escalated really badly. They're like, stop frying my own tea.

We want to tax you on the tea. How would they even know this? Tea war. There's no communication between America and the UK. No, no, no. We reran it, basically. Yeah, we did. Oh, so they're just sending pigeons back.

Boats. No boats in that week. I'll get to what the actual story is. Those tensions really got out of hand and eventually ignited the American Revolutionary War in 1775. Because of tea?

Because of tea. Resulting, what happened at the end of that war? The independence of the United States of America. Therefore, the imposition of a tax on tea created a chain of events that created the Unitedosition of a tax on tea created a chain of events

that created the United States of America which in turn created Christian Pulisic America already existed okay so I'll give you

I'll give you the actual reason that just is true though no let me get you a fucking tea expert I actually studied American history at college so I actually know

the real reason the British actually retreated because they weren't making... Propaganda. They weren't making enough money on tobacco and all other things. They actually retreated. They didn't want to be in America anymore. No, we didn't give a shit. That's actually what it is.

The British didn't want to be in America anymore. The Tea Party threw all the tea in the Boston Harbour. Now, what happened is we actually wanted America to have America because we realised there was less value, so we struck deals. Have I not just explained that? And asked them, you can buy it for this good price and we'll leave.

It wasn't worth our time or money to be there, so we retreated. But we made good money in the long run. Did you do it at college as well? Yeah, he's been propagandised. The war started with the... The tea. It wasn't because of the tea.

It was. That's a whole one of the butterfly. Yeah, the tea started it. The tax on tea started the war. But you said America already existed. Yeah, I'm saying the United States of America was formed after the war, which is obvious.

I don't think that's what you said though. That is what he said. You're a dumb dumb. That's exactly what I said. Read the first bit. Read the first bit. I don't think that's what you said though it's exactly what I said you're a dumb dumb it's exactly what I said no read the first bit read the first bit you didn't say that I'd fucking get a refund

to that degree you know yeah the British Parliament in 1773 passed the Tea Act no no no no what was the headline the headline

the headline how tea created the United States you didn't say the United States you just said America no I didn't I the United States. You just said America. No, I didn't. I can't remember what you said, actually.

I'm not going to. I specifically said the United States of America because it's written in front of me because the American colonies and the United States of America are different. Well, to be fair, it doesn't really prove your point, the fact that it's written like that

because it was also written in 1773. I got that wrong about 1973 and 1773 so you could have read that wrong as well no i didn't you're wrong i still want to hear i feel like that's good i just want you to go further back and see how we're like a dinosaur led to that as well like i feel like never coming mate give it up man we should if that's what you're waiting for we should go you can go even further, like, who found T? T-Rex? What was their name?

T-Rex. Who was their cousin? What? T-Rex. And T-Rex? Yeah. What? T-Rex.

T-Rex. Why are you being fucking, oh, I can't say that. That's a nice top. Yeah. That was quite cool though, wasn't it?

I didn't know that. I thought that was quite common knowledge. But you studied American history. No, no, no, the revolution that I thought that was Quite common knowledge But you studied American history No no no Like the revolution I thought that was Quite common knowledge

I thought In America Yeah we fucked them up Because that's what They celebrate each year Yeah I know But you went to America And lived in America

And studied in America That's what the 4th of July is But we didn't What do you think The 4th of July is? Independence Day They celebrate everything Yeah

The Will Smith film But they claim they defeated The British book But they didn't But we retreated The point is You didn't know it started because of a tea tax. Boston Tea Party is a very common... Wait, so they go around... No, Tom, the only reason you know about the Boston Tea Party

is because you literally studied it. You studied it at college. I knew that before. So they go around talking wassa wassa. There's a place in Cheltenham called the Boston Tea Party. What are you on about? What are you saying? Do Americans go around talking wassa wassa, saying are you on about what are you saying do they

do Americans go around talking wasawasa saying that they spanked us in the war but realistically

they're little pricks we beat them no we didn't beat them we didn't want

to be there anymore yeah we didn't want to win why are you getting so like

because they talk around throwing parties every year saying yeah we beat them goofy teeth cunts up they saved

they saved they were fucking out with them you pricks they saved your damn ass in World War 3 I hate Americans that's also not true oh fucking American nerd

it's not it's the Russians the Russians are the reason we won the war shut up huh the Russians are the reason we won World War 2 you've been so propaganded

honestly let me guess let me guess you went to fucking college in America what's that what's's the russian go by the way go and get an education in america it's not a good sign that you know the facts it makes me side more with him they're all thick bastards okay it's true do you know by the way do you know they all wear pajamas to school at america no they don't why are you sticking up the american side they actually kicked you out of the country i'm not you can't even go back you sticking up for the American side? They actually kicked you out of the country. I'm not sticking up for them. You can't even go back.

Do you wear pyjamas to college? They kicked you out of the country. Why are you defending them? You should hate them. I'm not defending them. Yeah, you are. Why are you crying? I've said we retreated.

They didn't defeat us. And they didn't save us in World War II. Were you there? The Russians are the reason we won. Why are you saying we for both? Are you saying we for Americans? Who, are you saying we for Americans? Who are you? I don't get where this is going now.

I now see why you were so happy drinking that cup of tea this morning, you know. Really, really poor for me. You're proper defensive over America. Yeah. You've been exposed. Let me guess, your middle name's Bill. Oh, I didn't get that.

Bill Clinton. Oh, yes. The only Bill in the world. The most important fucking person in American history. Let me guess, you were going to be called George. George Washington. Oh, George is an English name. Yeah, it's French, actually.

George is an English name. King George. Saint George. Saint George. Literally the patron saint of England. It's the most British name ever. I'd say Fred is. Fuck off.

What, Frederick, which is where? Scandinavian. Yeah, it is, I think. Okay. What about Oliver? Cromwell. Probably. William.

William is up there, yeah. Harry. Wasn't William the Conqueror French? Yeah he was Was he? That's quite a French name No William George and Harry William the Conqueror He came from Normandy

Was he the sword one? Oh no He got an arrow to the eye didn't he? Harold did No who's the sword one? In the battle of 1066 The guy who pulled the sword out the stone King Arthur

King Arthur existed King Arthur was real He didn't pull a sword out of the stone King Arthur King Arthur existed in there King Arthur was real He didn't pull a sword out of the stone King Arthur was real They found his sword Camelot, Excalibur Yeah, they found it in his grill

I've been there Mate, I've been to the round table It's fucking lit It's there I agree, there might have been a sword that existed He didn't pull it out of a stone Seriously, were you there as well? Were you there?

He's got a great non of history, hasn't he? So were you there? That did happen. That did happen. No, but I have seen King Arthur the film with Keira Knightley and it's unreal. That's their shiny hunnid, innit? I don't know.

David Beckham was acted in that one. No, that's a different one. I'm talking about the original King Arthur. No, George is definitely the most English name. No, William is. No way. William McAllister is French, though. I'd say George.

I think it's someone like Kevin. Harry? Kevin. You will not find a Kevin from anywhere other than England. Other than Kevin McCallister. Yeah, I was just about to say, Kevin! Or Kevin De Bruyne from Belgium. To be fair, Tom is pretty...

Thomas is pretty English, yeah. Thomas. Is your full name Thomas? Why isn't it Thomas? Really? You're called Thomas? I'm not T.O., am I? Hello, Tommy. Is your full name Thomas? Why isn't it Thomas? Really? You're called Thomas I'm not Tio am I? You're called Tommy Why is it

Is your full name Thomas? Hello Tommy Have you ever thought about it? You know like learning English right? So Thomas Oh god Thomas Yeah it's a very complicated language

Thomas and Tio Why is it Theo and Thomas Instead of Thomas and Tio? I don't know And like for example If you're reading a book We know Theo Hernandez

Yeah Theo Hernandez is true But he's French But if you read a book Cheers for that Alright you go Hernandez Is true but he's French But if you If you read a book Cheers for that Alright you go I'm gonna go read Why are you pausing I can see your fucking balls

I'm gonna go reading That's even worse But I'm gonna go reading Why is he like that I'm gonna go reading Whilst watching Reading Football Club Yeah we understand

The complexities Of the English language I'm saying that I can't I'm gonna say That was up in your top How many of these Have we done Butterflies gonna say that was up in your top how many of these have we done butterflies fucking no it's in the top five of of them so far but i like it you like

history i like no i like learn about it that one america's are just full of nerds or something or whatever i like i like hearing about like dinosaurs if you can do a dinosaur one or like no i will give you that it was a trigger for it to happen if you do like a dinosaur one or like no it's not no i will i will give you that it was a trigger for it to happen if you do like a tesla it was gonna happen anyway this is my whole point well the british were gonna fuck off anyway because i've had enough um also do you want to know who discovered america it's a common misconception oh is it not uh whatever his name was yes it is it was the Vikings

actually and they thought they'd fuck all in and fucked off Christopher Columbus no is that what we think it was

Christopher Columbus is the one we think it was right well no they didn't discover it because there were people there the Dutch and the Vikings

found it first Vikings are king of the seas that's not a crime there used to be like an ice bridge connecting like Russia to America

and that's how no this is true and that's how they no this is true so that's how that's how they got that's how they got up went across but then this ice bridge

melted and then they were stuck in America and they're like okay we live here now and these generations were separated forever you can walk from

Russia to America right when the tide is low back then the world was very different like it was all floating about in different shapes wasn't that long ago mate it was all floating about in different shapes

wasn't that long ago mate it was fucking ages ago when they first settled there how long do you think it takes when humans I'm talking about the first humans to be in

because the first humans they weren't fucking in America they were in Africa yeah so the way the world was at that point there was an ice bridge

going over there which melted and that's how the first humans got over there okay the Elder Scroll Ice Road Trucker had a great theory Ice Road Speed there was an ice bridge going over there which melted and that's how the first humans got over there okay the Elder Scroll Ice Road Trucker had a great theory

Ice Road Speed can I tell you some facts oh I'm already annoyed a little warm up fact for you is this the dog man that you leaked on

I will be doing this a little warm up fact because this this is a oh hey why do you get to why does Theo only get to do one and you get to do two

he did two the other day I really like I thought he was going to come with more courts we don't want two a little warm up a little warm up fact because it feeds it feeds good into the America thing

there was also amongst all that happening there was the great pig war which believe it or not is a real thing so in 1859 on the San Juan Islands it was about to go off

because there was like English people and Americans and that yeah where's San Juan Islands it was about to go off because there was like English people and Americans and that yeah where's San Juan Island somewhere off like near New York or something um

glad you've checked it yeah he's guessing and there was like loads of like pigs there it's the only city you could think of yeah

it was like the first like pig like it was pigs were there first essentially yeah yeah yeah so the English they run the town but the English control the currency yeah yeah but the English they run the town but the English

control the currency yeah yeah but the English came in and they were like yeah we'll get on with these you know New York used to be called New Amsterdam

did it why did it change because people because we took over from the Dutch from York oh really that's pretty cool

the guy who found New York was from York I mean it was because it was given to the Duke of York Copenhagen architecture is based on Amsterdam as well isn't it

a lot of a lot of America's might named after um England he has a new castle in Australia so uh the English got on with the pigs well like we were feeding them and that we were like yeah we'll be sound with them no no we'll take care of them the Americans came onto the island they were like this is our fucking island started like getting chewy in there um i got you like do you know when you're chewy i thought this is a warm-up fact it is i'm rattling through i'm rattling through i just i've been wanting to tell you about this for ages but it's not good enough for its own main fact anyways um an american one point shoots one of the pigs for food and the english are like that's our fucking pig mate and so like they like kicking off and now now it, mate. And so, like, they're, like, kicking off,

and now it's, like, standoff. So the English call in the Armada. Oh, no. The Spanish. The Spanish Armada. So they call coming over. The Americans pull in, like, their fucking troops over the pig.

The pig's like, well, he just killed Jerry. The pig, the pig, the dead pig's gone fucking out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, he just killed us I thought we were friends and then the English like no that's not us that's the Americans

but obviously you can't communicate it's hard to communicate with a pig about who is it so like the trust has been lost with the pigs

so then Americans yeah readied their troops and people sending family letters home to the family

saying yeah we might not make it home the pigs we've lost a good one today guys but then fortunately after a meeting with england and the pigs uh they resolved the issue in with the pigs yeah yeah they're all just sitting around scratching their heads yeah i settled our lads he sat down that all the leaders yeah we got it all the leaders they sat down they resolved it so and they resolved the war so no one died in the pig war apart from one pig just just not really a war that's an assassination

that was just a complete wife okay that was good that was good the pigs like justify the death the pigs the pigs were it's hard to communicate obviously with the pigs like justify the death? The pigs were... It's hard to communicate obviously with the pigs. A little bit, yeah. But it's more like hand gestures, like trust, trust food, food. Always food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they go,

fucking hell, do they communicate in any other way? But like constantly wanting food. They almost started world war. You know how deadly pigs are? Over the pig? Mate, pigs are one of the deadliest animals in the world. That is not true whatsoever. They are.

They eat anything, right? That doesn't mean they're deadly. That means you're the second most deadly. If you fall into a pig pen, you're fucked. No, you're not. They're going to eat you. No, they're not. No, they'll eat you when you're dead.

If you want to get rid of a dead body, feed it to a pig. Yeah, we get it. You watch Smash. A dead body. They won't eat a live human. They will. How are they going to kill you? Otherwise, every farmer in the UK would be under threat.

How would a pig kill you? Stomp you. Stomp you? They're like that big? No offence, buddy. All right, you versus 10 pigs, you're out. They're not going to be out compared to you. You live humans.

Don't think you're one of them. You'll be all right. Theo's actually onto some of them no I think it was actually under some of them where do you see this told you where do you see this yeah they eat everything

which obviously includes dead humans I've seen this the other day but they don't kill humans they're not deadly they once found a human hand coming out of a pig's arse it can shit out

which way was it in have you seen how big they get fucking huge have you seen like these pig breeding competitions yeah fucking that that'll murder you wouldn't it fucking would how they'd eat you how that's what i'm saying it's like saying vultures are deadly just because they'd eat a dead body just eat your live bodies no if you're so dehydrated they're like okay my eyes no they circle waiting for you to die yeah and even if you're

like asleep they're like right my actual fact my actual fact this one's I don't want to I don't want to keep

going down the theme of monsters but I am in a bit of a wormhole at the moment with my TikTok and it is just what I've learned

and that's what happens when you're a worm so let me talk to you about you do look like a worm we've had the lizard man we've had the mothman i wonder what's coming next we leaked it on stream we've had that now have the dog man wow shock here we go it's 19 that's crazy that you can't even remember what you've spoken about what you haven't i can't yeah well that's. It's 1917 in Wexford County, Michigan.

Oh, God. Back in America. Shock. Four horses are found dead. I'm waiting for you to have a story like this, and it's just like... 2003 in London. In the north of England.

Yeah. Somewhere. America's a lot more diverse place for creatures. Of course, yeah. All we have here is like what cows so why is it not in china then china or russia well they don't speak english normally so like the like back in 1917 we're a bit more cut off to what's going on in china but we were in america so we we do trade with them then? Train? Trade.

What the fuck are you... Carry on. Four horses are found dead. They've been bummed out. All of their eyes are wide open. Oh, that's weird. So they call down a vet and they're like,

what the fuck? I'm supposed to be like delivering like hay and shit and horses are dead. No stab wounds, nothing wrong with them. Vet looks at him and says you've been scared to death oh god oh i'm gonna i'm gonna hate this aren't i i'll just know i am

oh my god go on go on so that's 1917. scared to death oh i've got other things to do scared to death america went really really big right so what what did this wait so sorry what's up vet can you imagine your dog dies right imagine no but the eyes it would have been like this is crazy that like this is the stuff that's happening in america whilst europe are just like fighting an actual world war yeah 1937 20 years later oh brilliant 20 years just coming side perfectly with a world war 2

a victim of an attack by a pack of wild dogs claimed one of them was walking on two legs yeah go on

careful 1957 20 years so every 20 years apparently it just happens to be every 20 years apparently it just happens to be every 20 years very good analysis

oh fucking fuck off 1957 a newspaper report stated that claw marks found on a church

door could only have been made by a creature reaching a height of 7 foot 4 inches

right not a dog that can jump claw marks made fucking when was the last time you see we have dogs now when do you see a fucking dog Seven foot. Not a dog jumping. Four inches. Right. Not a dog that can jump. Clawmarks, mate. Fucking. When was the last time you see, we have dogs now. When do you see a fucking dog just jump up seven foot into the sky

and claw the wall? Very hard. Show me the claw marks that a dog's done that. Seven foot four. Dogs can jump very hard. Yeah, but I'm saying they don't do it. Have you ever seen like police,

police dogs that jump up walls and then they get there? Yeah, but they don't do it, man. Oh, right. Oh, no, yeah. Sorry, yeah, you're right. No, you're right. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, yeah. They just don't do it. man. Oh, right. Oh, no, yeah. Sorry, yeah, you're right. No, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah. They just don't do it. 1997. Oh, what the fuck? 40 years. They've left a gap there. Highest dog jump ever recorded. He's realised he's missed

20 years out here. I missed 20 years at some point. A dog cleared a six foot two pole once. Anyway. A farmer was found deceased at his plough what year is this

1997 where's 77 where's the 77 one gone no reporting still looking into the research oh right yeah still looking into it

he's fucked it I might have fucked up deceased at his plough from a heart attack you've fucked the whole thing now haven't you from a heart attack but he's surrounded

the 20 year dog man but he was surrounded by dog tracks so the Lewis come on now what do you notice between these sightings except from

the previous one Lou he died of a heart attack and a dog has come and sniffed him saying you're alright buddy no movement

so he jogs on scared to death Theo anyways just recently the reason this came up was thank you for listening to this because you flagged

a recent sighting of the Dogman. So it's not every 20 years. So sightings have been reported for decades, and these are just some ones that I picked out, because I thought these were ones you'd look at. So reports of encounters describe it as standing on two legs, wolf-like head, human-like torso, and powerful muscular legs. Which dogs don't have.

He's the dog man. No, but it wouldn't be a dog man, would it? It'd be a werewolf. Don't start with this shit because a werewolf is different. A dog man... You just said wolf head. Yes, a dog... I'll tell you the difference right now.

Reeve, you're being silly. We're going to clear this up right now. A werewolf is something completely different. A werewolf has a short snout. A dog man has a long snout. You just said he got a wolf head. He has a wolf head. That's not a dog then, is it then is it it's a wolf dog man it would be wolf man maybe husky head husky head husky head could it have been muscly legs could it have been like a feral

child that grew up with a pack of dogs it could have been like a tom gary type of creature no no because people there are like a vehicle jump if you see people, there are like feral... What's your vertical jump? Seven foot four. There are feral kids who have like grown up with packs of wolves and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a real thing. Yeah, but they don't... Oh, don't start that.

No, they found one and he couldn't speak English. He couldn't speak. He couldn't speak. He's like... Yeah, but they're still human. They look like humans. Yeah, they're humans.

But he has features that are moulded. No, they don't. That doesn't happen. Yes, he did. It doesn't happen. That's acquired characteristics. It doesn't happen. It does, mate. He walks on four. It doesn't fucking happen. Yes, he did. It doesn't happen. That's acquired characteristics. It doesn't happen.

It does, mate. He walks on four. It doesn't fucking happen. He has different muscles. No, he doesn't. Shut up. You don't grow a wolf head just because you hang around wolves. He can't shave, so he's grown pear.

What, a beard? 11 years old. So he grew a beard at 11 years old. Mate, think about it. They're developing muscles that normal humans won't have. What's that got to do with fucking growing up and warfare? Feral children don't.

Feared muscles. What do you mean? You're an idiot. Carry on. The wolf man is real. Carry on, mate. But I'll show you the picture of, I've got a few,

the evidence is quite scarce. It's not like, I don't want to become a thing where I can pull up silly pictures. I don't want to be a thing where, ha ha, Lewis pulls up a silly picture. This is just what was on the recent site

so this is the this is a recent site where it's like really zoomed in this is good evidence compared to what we've had that looks like something from Lord of the Rings

that is good evidence that is good evidence what's the source where's it from I don't get it though because like if you watched a film like of a werewolf

you just show a photo of that as a year yeah yeah that's what I mean like what year is that from so a hunter sent this person an photo of that yeah yeah that's what i mean like what year is that from so a hunter sent this person an image of what he deemed the dog man out in taylor mississippi when he was out walking his dog crazy down there not sure of its authenticity but he did say he would send more for someone else who had some photos he said it looked to be about nine to

ten feet this is quite a good photo for someone who's found him in the forest. Now, there's varying sort of video footage that I could show you. There are sketches that I think are quite interesting from the previous sightings. Yeah, go on then. So, I don't know. You have to...

It brings in like drawing ability here. So like, obviously, this isn't what the creature completely looks like, but it's like when you're... Average American artist. Yeah, so when you're like... Why has he got such tiny legs?

It's the fucking weasel from Suicide Squad. It might have been drew by a kid. Is that AI generated? I got another one. I got another one. That is a weasel. This one's a bit better. This one's a bit better.

Where it's like... They're not even the same animal, mate. They're not even the same animal. It's like a fucking spider. So the dog's out in Michigan, Mississippi. You just said that. What? Michigan's a completely different area.

Michigan's in the north? I don't know where. Hey, that's not fucking magician. There is like a bit of like video. No, no, no. You're not skipping that. Where is it based? Michigan.

So Mississippi or Michigan? Mississippi's the deep south. No, normally. Michigan's in the north. No, normally... Michigan's in the north. No, normally you have like a name and then it has like the other one afterwards, doesn't it? They're both states. Yeah, one's the town and one's the state, mate.

What, they're both states? Mississippi's a state. Why are you showing up? Michigan's a state. Michigan, Mississippi. Because this is where I get annoyed. It's like saying, oh, one's in Brazil, one's in Peru.

Like, they're completely different places. Derbyshire, Leicestershire. That would be close. No, but I'm saying like, yeah, actually. It's like going to Newcastle or Plymouth. It's one or the other. You are joking. Fuck yeah, no.

That is night vision footage. Those three pictures are not even remotely close to each other. That's a human face. Why didn't you get any of these up? These would have been believable. That's a tattoo artist. What the fuck is that? That's a human face. Why didn't you get any of these up? These would have been believable. That's a tattoo arty. What the fuck is that?

It's the dog man. You're an idiot, man. But that's the dog man. No, there's so much... Shit, Michigan dog man. It's real. Seven foot tall. Oh, mate.

Come on. How many likes does that have? Dog man footage. Dog man footage. Look, someone's got that close to one, recorded it, but no one's ever heard of it. That's not a forward, but look, look, he's on feet. He's on feet! Surely sticking red text on a video saying,

Department of Homeland Security, Dogman footage. That is horrible. Doesn't make it real. Yeah, that seems legit, bro. Fucking sticking TikTok text. Lewis, Lewis, how much research have you done, by the way? When was the first sighting in 1917? Yeah.

It's just not true. And someone actually on the radio wrote a song about it and played it out. Must be true, then. Mate, the first sighting was 1887. So in 1980. That's years before. In 1987, radio DJ Steve Cook recorded a song about the creature song claimed

it had been cited for over a century Steve Cook the gym shark athlete but yeah the Bournemouth

defender the dog man's there so it is interesting how like the connection it's not

interesting it's fucking shit you know that guy who made the song he also said, I made it up completely on my own imagination.

As an April Fool's prank. You're an idiot. No, he's just taking the piss off. It's interesting how America has like these big animals these days. Yeah, it is interesting how just America has these big animals. No, it has Lizardman. They have Dogman, Muffman, Bigfoot. All not true.

All don't exist. It is very interesting. All don't exist. No, because the commonard Man, they have Dog Man, Moth Man, Bigfoot. All not true. All don't exist. It is very interesting. All don't exist. No, because the common denominator is they exist in America. The common denominator is you're a fucking idiot. So there's something in the climate. Who believes anything you read. I don't know if it's water pollution.

No, I don't know if it's water pollution, like there are polluted lakes over there. Would you say the climate in Alaska is the same as the climate in Florida? This is what I mean, the's what I mean the different climates the different climates birth different kinds of animals there's no reason

that like there's no reason why the lizard man could be a crocodile that was in like a polluted pardon me waterscape

same thing with a dog man drinking from a polluted lake yeah you're not right in the head mate alright but it's not a werewolf werewolf is something different

which we should touch on sorry I'm really I'm apologetic about that yeah can we finish on the quiz yeah ah yeah I can't really believe

yeah because you're fucking weird right this one is a bit of a it's kind of just rogue to be honest

it's not really googling what quiz should he do today yeah yeah right that's the angry lobster for when people get angry

right where is it where is it it's not been used yet and I am angry why do we have an angry lobster he normally has to hold it and squeeze it like a stress book

Tom are you actually googling quizzes no no I just had to do one more question I forgot to do five the one bit of prep bro it's too busy

playing golf and tennis to work he's just slept in that's all you ready yeah man question number one what's the buzzer noises

dog man oh you're gonna get dogs though I'll show you okay moth what is the most

eaten food in the world moth rice correct I fucking said this to you yesterday, you prick. Why didn't you get the answer right then? I didn't think so. I was going to say that.

What continent has the largest mountain? Man. Dog. That was me. Go on. Asia. Correct. This is a multiple choice question.

Man. B. There's no way. That could be right. Yeah, there's no I, B, C, or B. There's no, that could be right. Yeah, there's no, there's no I, B, C or D. It's actually one, two, three or four. So you're out.

Oh no, don't be a freak. You're out. Which country is bigger? Brazil? Australia? I'm right. India? Or Kazakhstan?

I'm right. Brazil. No no he's already oh no sorry yeah you've got Brazil aye so you've got Australia

oh you're taking things so you've got India or Kazakhstan it might be Kazakhstan you know it might be it's fucking massive

population's bigger in India but is it bigger I'll go India that's right India what do you think it is Australia easy

yeah correct answer is Brazil well done Theo I actually think Australia's the smallest I'll go India. That's right. India. What do you think it is? Australia. Easy. Yeah. Correct answer is Brazil. Well done, Theo. Yeah, yeah. I actually think Australia's the smallest. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not that. Yeah. So, Theo's three nil up.

What rapper's real name is Sean Corey Carter? Dog. 21 Savage. Dog. No. 50 Cent. No. Man.

Oh, Moth. Moth. Sean Corn Carter. Sean Con Carter. Sean Corey Carter. Is that the guy who's getting done at the moment? I've already passed him. He did it. Yeah.

No. Jay-Z. Correct. This could be a clean sweep. If Theo gets a clean sweep, you'll lose a point. I don't have a point to lose. Yeah, you're in about minus. It's Beyonce, Niles Carter, isn't it?

Yeah. I don't know. Final question How many wonders of the world are there? Moth Oh man Are you talking 5, 4, 3

Manon Fuck Correct It's a clean sweep Is really that the answer? Well technically there would be 14 It would be 14 7 natural 7 man made

Oh shut the fuck up We should say please subscribe and rate us 5 stars We don't really say that enough Seven natural seven man made. Oh, shut the fuck up. We should say please subscribe and rate us five stars. We don't really say that enough. The answer is 40. Everyone says I'm dumb dumb, yeah. But my general knowledge is really good. They were pretty easy questions.

You shouldn't have given them. This is what happens when you get something right. You don't know who you're sitting on cleverly. You're going to have to go back and check the scores. I don't know what the scores are. I don't know. I am definitely leading. Let us know in the comments what the scores are

and what the forfeit should be for the loser. Five stars on Spotify, please. And please subscribe. Yeah, please subscribe because we need money to go and see Lizardman. Also, we realised that Archer and Barth, Arthur and Batch, always get their people to written five stars.

Yeah, then they were, now that's why they're always at the top. But we're the clear side, boys, so we should have five stars. Just give them a free shout out there. Yeah, then they were... Now that's why they're always at the top. But we're the clear side, boys, so we should have five stars. Just give them a free shout out there. He gave them the waffling exclusive. Prick. Wow. They ambushed him.

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