Back Side - 26: Amsterdam Holiday Plans! Arresting My Girlfriend, Theo and Reev Challenge Us To Fitness Race!

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. I like your hat. Thanks. It fits your head.

It's supposed to fit human heads, yeah. Didn't fit my head. Well, you're an alien. You're going to let him speak to me like that? When you look at me like that with your bald head. Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I'm proper ugly at the moment. Genuinely, are you sleeping well?

Because the bags under your eyes are crazy, bro. No. Why are you not sleeping? You know when you go like that? You look like one of the skeleton animations from Coco, the Disney film. I feel very run down. I've had a cold. I've had the knee keeping me up.

I've got this sty. You are run down, then. If you've got an eye infection, you're run down. Is that how it works? Well, I mean, you're fighting off an infection, so yeah. Yeah, I'm dying, man. Good. Slowly.

Oh, even better. You look like you work in Sainsbury's. I don't know how to describe that, but you do. I used to. Do you remember that time when the fourth member of our show used to actually contribute to the podcast? Yeah, you used to actually speak for me. Have you started? There's nothing wrong with working in Sainsbury's. You just look like a Sainsbury's worker. Well, you you started? there's nothing wrong working in the sciences you just look like

a sciences worker well you got fingered there so we know that you work there I think I fingered yeah roll back to episode 2 guys you said your manager put a jogging on his fist

and fisted you yeah I like fingers in the bum no fisted you I like fists in the bum what a fucking great start guys well glad to be back hey lads

can we start again we've already began that's the beauty of podcast we don't fake it you do what you do in business calls yeah he's got he's got a really important meeting that he's speaking to someone about. Oh, he's angry. Anyway. Fucking hell. I've got a question to ask you. We should say, before we start anything, please, because we don't do this enough, please subscribe and please rate us five stars because... What the fuck are they going to subscribe?

All right, it's when one of us is on our phone. He's just trying to ask a question, you've butted in. Yeah. He's just shambled. I've got a question. Damn it. More than 50% of you who watch every week

haven't subscribed so you're watching so may as well press subscribe. Oh right. In that case, yeah, definitely. And then also five stars

because Batch and Arthur are trying to be give it the bigging because they're higher in the charts. We're not competing against anyone. Yes, we fucking are.

Or I think if you want to subscribe, subscribe. If you don't. We should compete against ourselves so what we should do is say

by three episodes time, we want that number to be at 60%, not 50%. That's a good target. And we're almost getting towards like 50. And I think that's a quite nice accomplishment. 50 what? 50,000 subs. Are we?

Yeah, getting towards that now. Like 30 summit, 36. Not that close. Also, interesting that we just sacked off the rule that we had. What's that? Which was every 10k subs add something to the studio and we we just sacked off the rule that we had what's that which was every 10k subs add something to the studio and we've just been

throwing around the canvas yeah well we have really haven't we we've had like what 7 different sets since we started we have got a new set coming as well

we might miss this one though when we move into that this is quite freeing I'm not going to miss this place I like it no I can't like it oh

oh hey he talks oh fuck yeah that was a bit yeah that was a bit that was a bit creepy No. I can't like it. Oh! He talks! Oh, fuck it. That was a bit... Yeah, that was a bit... That was a bit creepy. What, just doing a different action

is now like xenophobic? Not just do... What's xenophobic mean? Xenophobic. You can't get cancelled anyway. Yeah. Why? You're uncancellable now.

Uncancellable? After the backside vlog, you're uncancellable. I am hitting Harry Jr. levels of uncancellability. Harry Jr backside vlog you're uncancellable. I am hitting Harry Junior levels of uncancellable. Harry Junior.

Yeah. That was a good vlog. He's Harry Junior. It's good fun. As in like Harry's the most uncancellable person.

You mean when he was a junior? No but I'm saying like I'm a junior version of him. You like having sex with kids? You should just be

drunk all the time. Drunk reef. Not really a good model for life. What did you say to me the other day? You should just be drunk all the time. Drunk Ruth. Not really a good model for life. Yeah, he did. What did you say to me the other day? You were like,

I've realised like, people actually don't like my personality. They only like my drunk personality. It's like, oh, that's quite sad. He's drunk personality.

That is, that's quite sad. That's the truth of the mission there, isn't it, really, guys? But if you want to see more drunk vlogs. Guys, do you like me?

I love how I get painted as this guy who has zero personality and just speaks in in-betweeners quotes. When in reality, right, if you break down the episodes, he 100% says more in-betweeners quotes than I do. I don't know. When in reality, I am a man. Yeah.

Who has recently bought a house. Right, we've got to stop now, guys. What's the question you were going to ask? I'm really excited. I've actually forgotten it. This stop now, guys. What's the question you were going to ask? I'm really excited. I've actually forgotten it. This is what you do. This is the problem with you. When you exist, you just ruin everyone else's lives.

I really, really want you to burn in hell. Sorry. That got very theatrical. Should we address the challenge we're doing this weekend? That was actually it, yeah. My question was, how's training going? Well, hi That was actually it, yeah. My question was, how's training going? Well, high rocks.

Brilliant, yeah. I've done nothing. I'll tell you what though, lads. You know, with high rocks coming up, we do need to be eating well. Nutrition is important. Well, Lewis. Hello, fresh baby.

Mate, I've been using HelloFresh for two years, minimum. Genuinely. I was using it before my Ironman, and I still use it today. It's quick. It's easy. It's hassle-free. It turns up at your door.

It's fully customizable. It's incredible. Do you know what? It makes it feel like an actual good chef as well. Because the instructions are sound, so when you just smash through them, and then you feel like you're Gordon Ramsay. Well, it's pre-portioned. It's fresh quality ingredients, and there's no food waste

because it only gives you the amount of stuff you actually need to start cooking. And it makes me feel like a professional chef. Do you know what my favourite meal to make is out there? The bulgogi beef bowl. How about these? So, chilli beef. That looks unreal. Absolutely phenomenal.

Burrito bowl. Delicious. Soy and lime baked salmon. Oh. Do you know what? Salmon. Salmon is so underrated, I used to think. Salmon's so underrated.

I used to think no fish for me. I had salmon. Salmon's so good. Realised HelloFresh know how to do it properly. And then this one is one for Theo. Cheeseburger inspired tacos. Oh, wow. How class is that?

That looks beautiful. Would you ever think of making that without HelloFresh? No. And guys, if you want a hassle-free Halloween, HelloFresh takes all of the thinking out of the equation. You get recipes on the back, everything is pre-portioned, so you can enjoy your Halloween without the stress. I'm not gonna lie, I think I'm gonna be taking this one home with me.

But if you don't want something like this, they have loads and loads and loads of other recipes that I'm sure you will love. Mate, they're such easy, easy to follow recipes you know and you can have the spooky gatherings with all your friends hellofresh actually offers a bunch of delightful spooky dessert options i know they do i know they do because you are a man of dessert so they sent us one especially for you here come on ph! Cookies and cream cheesecake. Ooh!

You could say it's pretty gooey. It's not your best. I would actually say that HelloFresh brings the whole family together. Isn't that right? You know, they have HelloFresh kid-friendly meals. So you could do it with your children. Obviously, we don't have children. They have Halloween-inspired kits.

Obviously, those spooky desserts we just talked about. They also have our festive dinners. The Christmas period coming up very soon. And yeah, they're all easy to make. Very memorable. Joy filled moments. And ultimately delivered straight to your door. I was going to say,

just like having it just arrive, because I always forget to do me shopping. So when you come home, HelloFresh is there and there's like actual instructions how to whip up. I will say as well that the meat is genuinely like incredible. I'm not even joking. The meat is genuinely incredible. And if you want to get HelloFresh is there and there's like actual instructions how to whip up I will say as well that the meat is genuinely like incredible

yeah I'm not even joking the meat is genuinely incredible and if you want to get HelloFresh use the link in the description down below or use the QR code

on screen right now and you can get 60% off and 25% off 60% off and 25% off the next two months

wow what yeah plus plus you lucky people plus free dessert for life oh that's a bit of you yeah yeah free dessert for life you know what that is nothing yep legitness click the link in the description or scan the qr code now there's somewhere on the screen to get yourself 60 off and 25 off for the next two months and free dessert for life.

Hell yeah. Available for new customers and who cancelled at least 12 months ago. Are we actually doing that as a video? Because we have two out of four people that can't. I will say this as well, lads. Like, Lewis, I get it. Your knee's injured, right? But Tom, these tickets are like gold dust.

Someone else can have them then. I don't want to do it. You're doing it. I'm being forced to do it and then you're moaning at me for not training. I know, but you should still do it. I don't want to do it. You're doing it. I'm being forced to do it and then you're moaning at me for not training. I know, but you should still do it. I don't want to. You should trade.

Mate, that's the whole point of doing it, for content. When does this go out? When does this go out? This week? Or is it the one after this week?

Would you rather? I don't know. Because we can ask the people if they actually want, sorry, we can ask the people in the comment section whether or not

they actually want to see that vlog. Because ultimately it's just us doing a workout. I think it's really shit. It's happening regardless. Because you don't want to do it. I'm going to do it. I think the High Rocks vlog is really shit. Oh, thanks.

We're always attracting you, though. But us? We're not fitness. That's why it's funny. Look at the half marathon. People love that. That was because there was something on the line. Yeah, there's a steak. This is the thing.. People love that. That was because there was something on the line. Yeah, there was a stake.

Yeah, this is the thing. People like to see you suffer. He wanted to prove you wrong. I don't care about my rocks. Yeah, that's why people want to see you suffer. The upside down. You can either watch fitness people do it. It's more interesting to see people who aren't fitness people

combine with fitness people, I guess, and then doing it. And then you can see the contrast and it's funny. Then you compete and it's good luck. I really don't think it is. I mean, kind of, but like, I don't think how much you realise

how horribly underprepared you actually are for this event. I agree, actually. And how much of our audience give a fuck about fitness content? No, they don't care about that, but they want to see us struggle. They want to see you struggle.

They're not watching, yeah, they're not here to watch us on the ski thingy. They're here to watch us like fucking vomiting on the side of high rope. I'm not going to be vomiting. Oh yeah, you will. They're not watching, yeah, they're not here to watch us on the ski thingy. They're here to watch us like fucking vomiting on the side of High Rock. I'm not going to be vomiting. Oh yeah,

you will. I won't be. You will be. I will say, how are we getting media? We just got, I got, you said you sorted that.

Yeah, I have. But I mean like, it'll only be one person. I mean, you need two people there. Yeah, which obviously

that's an issue, isn't it? We'll get by with one and we'll film ourselves are you going to vlog it we'll have to can we do that no

you can film it from the outside I thought you asked for two media passes well no one why did you ask for one well because I booked the tickets

like four and a half five weeks ago I don't see why we don't just watch you two do Hierarchs and then we go and have a vlog in Amsterdam and get fucked up. Because that's not as

funny. You have to put yourself through the struggle. People would much prefer to see that vlog. YouTube heckling from the side. Tom just has a nice free holiday. To be fair, we actually could do me and you and then they heckle from the side. People would prefer to watch us in Amsterdam on a vlog than do High Rocks.

No, we will be in Amsterdam on the vlog, but also High Rocks. Whatever. We can find out whether or not people want to see it. I didn't want a rat on my arm, so I didn't have it. What? Exactly. But I did have a would I have a million in? You did nothing in that fucking video. No, because your argument's silly.

You're saying they're more interested just to watch them two do it than all of us do it. I'm saying not even vlog that. Your reaction now, your reaction now is why people want to see it. Yeah. It's going to be boring watching me not try it higher up.

I think you have PTSD from football. What? I think you do. What does that even mean? You got trained so hard in America that any form of training now you don't like. I've never liked training.

Fair enough. Do a drunk if you want. You're very angry and defensive today, aren't you? Let's bring the aggression down and bring the happiness up. Yeah, look at you. You kind of like ruining the feel in the room right now. Why don't you walk out and come back in? Why don't you die slowly?

I am. Go outside, take a breathe and come back in and be real nice, Tom. Go on. Don't check me out as well. I saw them eyes. They were just trying to look at me up and down. Trying to find something to pick on. Trying to find my legs.

Let's just do drugs and everything. I think that's a better vlog. No, that will be a vlog. Not drugs, because that's inappropriate. It's legal there. It's quite literally legal, yeah. Does YouTube care about that? What, doing weed and that?

What, knowing that it's... Does YouTube care if you do drugs? It's somewhere legal. We did a high podcast before. No, Snoop Dogg smokes blunts on pods all the time.

He smokes fat zoots on TV all the time. I have no idea. Fat zoots. You sounded so cool. I personally don't like smoking so I won't be puffing the old ganja.

No, you can have edibles can't you? Other things are legal there as well. I personally won't be hitting that fat zoot. I got stoned in Amsterdam before and I really didn't like hitting that fat suit. I got stoned in Amsterdam before.

Lou, would you say you hit a fat suit? I hit a fat suit a few times. Are you still stoned? I would love to see Louis stoned. I don't think his eyes could go any further. I was with Charlie though and I was like looking at her. And I was looking at her

and it was so, I can't explain, it was like I didn't recognise who she was anymore. Because your eyes couldn't see anything. Aren't mushrooms in that legal as well?

Yeah, you can do mushrooms. Aren't all drums legal? No, it's only mushrooms and weed. They actually don't like, the locals don't like people doing mushrooms because it's not like traditional, it's only mushrooms And weed They actually don't like The locals don't like People doing

Mushrooms Because it's not like Traditional It's not like The herb Why did you say that We're not Jamaica We're like the herb

The herb It's not the herb They also don't like The parts of the Caribbean Huh They also don't like British people What

British people Why they all speak English though Sorry what did you say about potters of the Caribbean Dutch people they say that in the film don't they the herb

where do you think Jamaica is oh yeah oh yeah fucking hell lads really Jesus Christ we are the I was quoting a film

and you were quoting a country that was kind of deep this is beyond brilliant rock today I was quoting a film. And you were quoting a country. That was kind of deep. This is beyond brilliant rock today. I can't believe people watch this. Have you guys been up to anything cool? No. We went to the Gulf.

Spoke about that. I'm not going to speak about this every fucking episode. You know, the issue is he's on three now. Oh, yeah. He's just going to keep repeating himself on all of them, isn't he? Fucking hell, you fucking sheep. No, come on. Guys, we must have done something in the last two days we haven't seen each other.

No. I went to N... What's it called? N64. Pretty cool. It is cool. Pretty cool. Went to an arcade.

What's your favourite arcade in there, though? Fucking hell. The Mario Kart. On the actual low. Tom actually did go somewhere exciting, didn't you, recently? You went to Gloria's. Oh, yeah, that's where we are. And they sell a 3,000 calorie carbonara.

Did you have it in the cheese bowl? No, I didn't. I had, it was like a spicy pasta. I don't know what it was. It was nice. It's just riveting. Yeah, I don't know why you're asking me what I ate at Gloria's. But no, that NQC was fucking fun.

What did you have for lunch the other day? No, sorry. It was good. It was good. What I'm trying to think... The token system's cool. What is really cool is all the old school games. And I did have a little game on Fight Night.

Did you used to have Fight Night as a kid? The boxing game. I had the boxing game. Is that where, like, the newish one, not like arcade? Kind of, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I played that. Yeah, it's class.

Yeah. I lost to Liv. You know what I realised the other day? Because we have seen their relationship blossom from like the start. Yeah, we were there before. From like the secret beginnings. I did actually see... She's now on his TikToks.

I know. And I did also see Tom actually replying to a few people on Twitter who said that he wasn't good enough for her. One person. So you did get a nibble though? You did nib he wasn't good enough for her. One person. So you did get a nibble though? You did nibble? No.

Did you nibble? No. I'll give it up. Oh! He's done a rave! He's done a rave! He comes at you for that. Do you know when Theo thinks he's really done something

and I'm not even embarrassed at all? I've been a couple of weeks clean, to be honest. Have you? Only because you know you're reading that comment. The guy leaves a comment every video. He goes, Reeve, I know you've read it. Every time he reads it, he's like, damn it every time you read it he's like damn it the worst thing is

he's going to do it again on this one and you're going to read it well yeah because every what do you mean I'll read it yeah

the restraint is to not respond you definitely wrote your reading I can't wait for you to read that I took my hat to you sir his joy is

knowing that you are reading it yeah but you't need a reply In the recent one he wished me congratulations So you know Fuck off you all read it as well I don't read it He doesn't read comments

We're agreeing to that are we No I'm backside if I read every comment for every podcast I'm on here I'll be fucking reading a novel You do do that I don't have time anymore boys I end the podcast I have to go and charge Sorry You do do that. You read all comments. I don't have time anymore, boys. You really do. Oh, anymore? I end the podcast. I have to go on charge.

Sorry. Let's just not lie here. We know that you read comments on the pods. You read the most comments out of everyone. No, not in the last week. Brilliant. So when I say it, it's fine. But then... It sounds like you're rattle to me, buddy.

I'm not rattle at all. I'm just... I've never seen a Theo reply. I'm not in. Yeah, thank you. Sorry? I've never seen a Theo reply. That you Sorry? I've never seen a Theo reply That's definitely a lie

I've seen him in the I've seen it in the group chat I've never seen it Like give them the satisfaction Of a reply I can see the steam coming out your ears No he He is a notorious reply as well

Oh am I? Yeah Projecting I'm actually Yeah you used it right that time No I'm You used it correct No one cares Oh I cared No that's also not correct Because he does 2-0 I'm actually yeah, you're fine. Yeah, you used it right that time. I'm used to correct. Okay. Oh, okay

That's also not correct. Oh To do pocket or black. No, he's this you're letting him to follow. He's all the comments Zeus Almost a minute. I haven't seen if he had directly reply to you. I've never seen that But I don't look at a lot of comments. I'm genuinely down on YouTube. Well, you've got receipts. Go on then.

So you've replied to comments so much you now actually squeeze out his comments. If you actually pull up a reply of me, that's quite sad because it means that you're also looking for replies from other people. Just to make yourself feel better. I can't get one up. I can't get one up. Anyway, the tweet was, Liv just put some some pictures up of like the last month or something

some guy replied going you're with that melt haha and I literally ran his profile and that's his first his first tweet is him reposting

some OnlyFans girl saying retweet if you want me to send you nudes so I just quoted retweeted it going yeah if only she was with someone who

retweeted girls online for a nude oh you got him there! Sick, apparently. We'll be commenting that again. I showed him. Mate, he's had your pants down. Yeah, you shouldn't have.

Because you give a guy who retweets OnlyFans pictures for nudes the satisfaction of a nibble. He deleted his tweet, so I think I won. Oh, he's had your pants down. You mean you can't believe this. If, if, oh. You mean you can't find it? Oh!

I don't want to sit here in silence working out. It's kind of like if Ronaldo. Basically, if you ever come at me again, I'll fucking just bury you. Yeah. I'm the Twitter god. Tom, you actually are Twitter king, you know. You know, it's Tiger King. You're Twitter king.

Are you still talking? Well, but you have like a hard launch now. This is like a public relationship now. Like she's on your TikTok wait what did she do she's been on a few of my TikToks what did she do

like the ranking best 10 players of all time or something nah he doesn't talk football or live oh yeah because you get angry with each other

don't you imagine him just break up the same day just fucking he it's like me and you going out yeah she knows

more about you remember football about you remember football about you I don't know what I said I don't know if this is worth it am I still trying just admit just take the L

just take the L just admit your serial commenter no I the whole thing started because I said I haven't for at least like a month I do agree

I've never seen him reply to comments, but he definitely reads them and gets bothered more than anyone about comments. Yeah, he brings them up the podcast after. And he bases everything on what the comments say. No, but you were picking on me, man. No, I ain't picking on you. We started on the same side and then you just fucking flipped. The difference is, pal, you try and say you don't do it.

No, I... What? But you do do. I started that entire thing. You do do. Hey, do you do it. No, I... What? What you do do. I started that time saying you do do. Hey, do you know what? No, no, no. Whenever I do this to him,

he just fucking cries and says he's going to leave the show. So we agree we're not going to do High Rocks. Yeah, sure. No, we're doing it though. Can I give my ticket away? Yeah, I'll just... I'll put back all the four and a half weeks of training I've just been putting through. No, you can do it. Of course I've trained for it.

You can't not train for high rocks. Well, these two ain't. I know that part, but I'm saying. I haven't. How hard can it be, really? No, no, no. Pretty hard, but I'm not going to try, so it's all right. What's that mean?

Does that mean? That's disrespect the establishment, though. By the way, so. I don't want to do it. If you're listening to this, we should say at High Rocks, if Tom refuses to do the exercises for his team, it's going to be Theo who has to do extra.

No, it's not. It is. Because I can't run without him. He can't do a single. Yeah, but like the actual other exercises. No, he can't do a single. Would you at least run around with me? Slowly.

He has to. You can't enter a doubles event as just yourself. You used to bicker on this. Oh, no. You can bicker. You can have a go at me all you want. Don't even talk to me. I won't even be sweating.

You're stuck with that. I'm not even going to be sweating. That's how little I'm going to try. This is why it's a good video, because you're going to be stuck with this miserable bastard for two and a half hours. This is where you're wrong, Luke. Because I know that Tom is,

this is all an act. I just secretly, Tom's been training. He's a runner. He's a track star. Fair enough. He's got us all. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just, yeah. When it comes to Dan, I've already promised him the light though. If we beat you two, I'll buy him unlimited mushrooms. I don't,

I don't really want to do. I'll buy you. Also unlimited beers. Also quietly confident bearing the money. Just said, if we beat you, I don't really want to do I'll buy you also unlimited beers also quietly confident bearing the money just said if we beat you

when we beat you what would actually get you motivated to actually try nothing given the fact that it's in like 11 days time

I'd say there's no point being traded is it there's no point being traded no yeah please but I can't run

who's like fitter you or Lou Louis but you play footy once a week my fitness by then by the time that comes yeah please but I can't run who's like fitter you or Lou Louis but you play footy once a week my fitness by the time that comes my fitness

you lose it after two weeks see Tom I think you're more of a natural athlete I drink nearly every day I think that's I feel like that's a safe thing to say

Tom's definitely more of a natural athlete than me I'm shit Tom's not even going to wake up for it it's at 8am we've got to be there

at 6 oh you are joking I'm so. I don't believe you're going to wake up for it. It's at 8am. You've got to be there at 6. Oh, you are joking. I'm so excited. This is the shittest fucking vlog ever. Keep that energy. Keep that energy. I genuinely might refuse.

You have to do it. I don't. You got it, man. It's so funny. Really silly. What happens if I refuse? Do you know what's so funny? It's the idea of like,

it's the idea of like, you're just going, you're a knobhead. And I'll go, yeah, I know. I haven't even finished. Normally when they go around together, it's like they encourage yourself like, go on, go on. I think it's the idea of like- You're just going, you're a knobhead. And I'll go, yeah, no, I haven't even finished. Normally when they go around together, it's like they encourage yourself like, go on, go on.

I think it's going to bring that positive attitude to you. And it's going to really do you. I won't even be responding. There's no point- Come on, Tommy, you got this. It's like, fuck off. Go on, Gaz, you've got this. Come on, Gaz.

In fact, I'm not even going to run. I'm going to walk. Gaz. Gaz. Gaz, please. Did you just fart? Yeah. Right, so place your bets

in the comments. I think... Place your bets on whether or not this will actually go ahead. That's probably... No, it has to go ahead. It's all signed off now. We could do it.

It's not signed off. You and I could do it. I won't be trying. It's going to be a pretty cool time. I won't be trying, but I'll make up for it in the vlog in Amsterdam. It's going to be pretty badass.

Tom's going to really push himself physically. Nope. We'll be done by half nine and then you can get on it, brother. We won't be done by half nine, mate. What time does it start? Eight?

Yeah, you'll be done by about ten. Ten, half ten. You better... I don't want to do it if you're not going to try. You better crash that, mate. You didn't have to be... Genuinely, he's not going to try.

I actually don't want to do it. You could have had me, but you chose not to. I'm sorry. I'm not even sorry because I told you this in the start I didn't want to do it I wasn't going to try

so it's your own fault oh you're so stubborn and hard and put your just pull your finger out you know what actually the old Tom would have done it oh

what's up what's up what's up what's up stances like the thing I'll do what I want and no one can make me do otherwise

it's your job entertain the masses a man with bollocks diva oh you're bad I'll just do what anyone says I'll wear a dress and put it on Instagram entertain the otherwise. It's your job. Entertain the masses. A man with bollocks. Diva. Oh, yeah, but... I'll just do what anyone says. I'll wear a dress and put it on Instagram. Entertain the masses, man.

This is your job. They'll be entertained by how annoyed he'll get. Yeah, that's true. That's how you agree. You will entertain. I'm always entertaining. Can we give you like a Swagway or something to do it on?

A what? That's cheating. Like a Swagway. How are we ever going to win if he's on a fucking motorized vehicle? Anyways, yeah. I'll make you a deal. You have to do all the...

I'll do all my running, but I'll try my hardest. Yeah. But you have to do everything else. Deal. Deal. Yeah? Yeah, deal.

How much have I got to run? 8K? So there's eight sets of... That's easy. That is the bare minimum you could do. Like one, one kit at a time. Wait,

how much has he got to do then? So much. Essentially what you've just said is he's doing a solo high rocks and you're running about with him. Yeah. You may as well build it. Depending on how long you can do a solo. No, because he's a double solo.

He's got to do all my things, I know. No, no, no. So all the, you split the a solo. No, because it's a double solo. He's got to do all my things, hasn't he? No, no, no. So you split the stations up. So when there's 1,000 metres on the ski erg and whatnot, you can do like 200 metres, then 200 metres, then 200 metres,

then 200... I don't get how it works. Can you imagine the burpees? Yeah, we've been... Wait, so tell me the events. The stations. So, ski erg... What's that? You will be good at that, come on. You're a natural. events the stations so SkiErg what's that

you will be good at that come on you're a natural fucking don't sled push that'll be alright

you're not doing any of them no I'm trying to think what I could give a go at sled push you'll be lit at

no sled pull yeah actually you might not be able to because you're armed yeah burpee broad jumps. So you do a burpee and then...

You're going to have to do all those. It might be your giveaway. It will. Alright, fine. Do you know how fucking rough burpees are? Rowing. I can do that. Yes. Farmers carries. Ooh. What's that one? Two kettlebells. You run with them.

You have to be careful with that. Yeah, I don you run with them you have to be careful with that yeah I don't know what it's going to be like we grip up because we'll see we'll see

we'll see but you've got to be careful with that I will I will I will try on the runs for you that's it

I feel like this is like really irresponsible for me to be doing for my like the physio said it was three to six months recovery on this oh so

so now that he's agreed to doing it it's now your turn to try and back out oh shit yeah we haven't even dressed I'm not going to back out I'm going to do I just feel like Lewis has caught his ligaments and meniscus and he's doing a high roll, it's now your turn to try and back out. Oh shit, yeah, we haven't even dressed. I'm not going to back out. I'm going to do it.

Lewis has called his ligaments and meniscus and he's doing a high roll. Or one arm. Yeah, well, I didn't. So yeah, it turns out I fought like that as well. To make it more interesting, we should just do us two as a team and then you two as a team.

See what the time difference is. And if you come within two hours of us, we'll... We could break the record for the slowest ever. But no, seriously, I'm not even sure if you... Sorry, just to confirm. So each station, what did you say? Like 1,000 metres rowing?

Yeah. That one. So that's... You've got to do... We've got to do 1,000 metres between us? Yeah. Oh, right. I thought it was like...

You do your 1K run and then you both have to do 1,000. All the running is mandatory both. And then you split everything else up. Can the running is mandatory both and then you split everything else up can't you just run 8k straight off no you have to do because you do run come in the uh rock zone do the station then run out do the run come back in to the station do the run because there's you have a timing chip so if you don't do the station you get like wait so like so we could do we could start doing a station then if i'm like i'll film fuck you

carry on you can just do the rest of it yeah no because your chip yeah that's exactly right you can't do that yeah if he can't be asked to do a station

I'll just do it no but he's saying if he doesn't want to do the rest of the thing no no no I said no that's not what I said I said say I start doing

the farmer's carries I'm like I've done a yard I'm done you finish it yeah and then you go back to the run then I just have to

start running yeah I can't just stand there and do nothing no you stand there no he stands there finish it yeah and then you go back to the run oh then i just have to start running yeah you can't just stand there and do nothing no you stand there no he's that's what i told you he stands then does nothing whilst i do the rest of the no but he's gonna do the running anyway yeah yeah no i understand the running's mandatory i'll get that i'm fine with that yeah but this one k at a time isn't that bad yeah you could do you you could just stand there and wait for him to finish if you wanted oh sweet's sweet. This is easy. Yeah, see?

I told you it wasn't that bad. You're doing everything. I can't be arsed, but yeah. Let's put some money on it. Yeah. Yeah, we should put... More than that, we should put a forfeit on the line. Yeah, there should be a forfeit

for the video. When it takes the split of the brand deal. Oh, that's a good one. The entire split. I feel like there's no brand deal left, by the way but once the

it's going to be pay for everything yeah okay the loser has to the loser has to shag a prostitute in the red light

yeah yeah that's fair yeah and the winner gets to do it as well then I'm dependent on how fucking slow he is

and I could end up with no the loser the loser team has to create a TikTok in Amsterdam like smoking like

fat zoots and like making it the worst fucking like just like really creepy yeah come with me to Amsterdam as I get really high

yeah that's a good one actually there should be a foffa that rolls over into like the Amsterdam vlog oh no you've got to upload it on

Instagram with all the smoke coming out and the captions just like I don't know 420 blazer 420 blazer

blazer fuck me I'm happy to provided you have a working set of limbs I'm happy to take that agreement

I have one arm. I'm the unfittest here. By far. It's a leg. You have two arms now. Bro, I don't. Do you not? No, he's only got one arm.

It's a primarily leg-based event and he's only got one. Did I ask you a question, Pete Doherty? Right, that's settled then. You have to upload either a TikTok or an Instagram yeah sure

and that's to be up for at least 24 hours no forever forever you've gone incredibly quiet since they set

that situation I'm just I'm probably going to end the whole thing is it because mummy's going to tell you off

I will get the thing turns out it's more fucker than I thought but it'll be alright you'll be fine I literally

I go to the gym like once a week so you're pretty badass and I play football for half hour once a week well that's that settled then

shall we do you've just done a fight you're in like tip top shape I'm not you saw me in the fight I was fucking flagging he's gained a lot of confidence in that last sort of

I'm glad ten minute period because I thought it was the set amount you both have to do. I'm alright with that because he's in really good shape so he can just carry me. You can carry me, Zara.

Who do you reckon would win a solo high rock between you two? At the moment, probably me because I've trained for it. It's a sport specific event, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. I'm definitely stronger than him on the heavier stuff. I've lost all muscle in the last three weeks. And the sled push and the sled pull, that fucks you up

for the rest of the event the sled pull what what's a sled pull just the same just you pull it you pull it yeah it's a big rope and you pull the weight

and then you slide and then run round but also my second wind after the row is didn't breathe yeah but we were splitting stuff up then

not so okay yeah the sled pulls you're going to have to do. I can do the sled push but the pulls would fucking snap my arm in half.

Yeah. I agree. Should we do. I've got quite a few but you know. Bickers butterfly. I've got quite a few. Flutter flutter

into my ass. That entire segment is like usable. Yeah. I was just waffling about that. I'll be cutting all that down.

Lads. Welcome to. If you just ruin everything. We take the best bits. You are a bog eyed froggy twat. Bog eyed. Stick up for me. but I'll be cutting all that down. Lads, welcome to... What if I'm just talking and then if you just ruin everything? We take the best bits. You are a bog-eyed froggy twat. Bog-eyed.

Stick up for me. Lads, Baker's Butterfly, I'm real... Dad, help. I'm realising that Baker's Butterfly is quite hard. Flutter, flutter. Because then he's

sent out a butterfly. That's not how this works. Only sent out butterflies in the world, guys. Yeah. Can I please? He's trying to kiss me, Dad. Can I please?

So... Go on, son. I'm going to wet your whistle, as Lewis does. Give him one for me. And this is how a Greek man created Santa Claus. Poseidon. Zeus. Penelope. Close. Close.

Very close. There was a Greek, there once was a Greek man named Nicholas. Is this a riddle? Nicholas Jackson. That is right. Nicholas Jackson. Oh, is this like, um, This is... Hickory dickory dock.

The mouse ran up the clock. The mouse came down, his arse was brown, and so was the cuckoo's cock. He got bummed by a mouse. There once was a Greek man named Nicholas who sold all he had to help orphans. Oh, sorry. He also performed many miracles. He was a magic man. All right, okay, wait, wait, wait.

Get on to him then. For what? If I said that in fact... He's not claiming this is a fact, is he? Yeah, it is. I thought St. Nicholas was from like Slavic. Hey, don't ruin it. I thought this was a riddle

oh my god I've just thought of a new segment Tom Riddle yeah do a riddle each week Harry Potter yeah I have sex with men

anyways this Greek what do you mean he does magical powers no he performs many miracles on kids orphans in particular and Nicholas No, he performs many miracles on kids.

Orphans in particular. And Nicholas. Great contribution. Fucking brilliant for the audio. To many, he was known as Nick. Saint Nicholas. Nick. He also loved Jesus. He was a Jesus lover.

Amen, brother! He was very well known and very popular throughout Europe. So he was famous, Nick. Oh, he's a bit like me. In the Netherlands, they started to call him... You said he was Greece? Yeah, he said he was Greece.

Yeah, I know, but he's famous throughout Europe. Why? And in the Netherlands... Oh, so the Dutch are like, hey, guys, you hear this? Great guy in there. Greece, man?

He's doing great shit, man. Yeah, because he's performing... When is this? Years ago. What? Because he's performing miracles and he's basically like the reincarnation

of Jesus right in Holland they start calling him Sinterklaas Sinterklaas yeah which is translation to Saint Nicholas

Saint Nicholas is this a true story or is this true in 1823 you wanted a date Lou you wanted a date

yeah in 1823 wait can you just tell what were the what were the miracles he23 wait can you just tell what what are the um what were the miracles he was performing yeah you've got to tell it was like killing cancer fellatio fellatio he was like doing loads of things to kids that were nice the disease that they did not know existed he basically helped orphans he's a nice guy yeah he's jesus he's basically he's not jesus it's monday jesus monday jesus right have you guys seen this Sinterklaas guy?

He's going around sucking himself off in Greece. People might think you're Dutch when we go over there, you know. Anyway, it's in 1823. A bit racist. Clement Clark Moore. You know Clement Clark Moore? Yeah, classic Clem. You know, Clem Fandango. Yeah. Clem Fandango. racist clement clark moore you know clement clark yeah classic you know clem fandango let's call him clem fandango basically yes i'm listening

he wrote a poem called a visit from Oh, sure. Which later became... The Coca-Cola advert. Twas the night before Christmas after its first line. What? I'm processing that as well. A visit from St. Nicholas twas the night before Christmas.

Oh, that's the rhyme? Yeah. What's that? Okay. The greedy toy sellers, aka Toys R Us, fucking... What? Toys R Us? In 18 fucking 73. Toys R Us. Fucking... What?

Toys R Us? In 18 fucking 73, Toys R Us are knocking around? Basically, they're all like the pre-Toys R Us, Toys R Us places. Oh, sure, yeah. They probably are.

Yeah. I'm Googling it. Anyway, these greedy... Toys R Us have not been around for 150 years. Maybe not Toys R Us, but the Toys R Us... Surely.

There would have been toy shops. Toy shops. All the toy shop sellers started to jump all over this poem. And what was born from that? Right. Toys R Us first launched in the UK in 1985.

Is that clear? She's not far off. Yeah. Only 100 years. I'm so lost. It was toy shops. Anyways, they basically jumped over this little poem

about St. Nicholas and the night before Christmas. And do you know what was born from that? Santa Claus? You already said that. No, they called him Sinterklaas. Sinterklaas. Yes, Sinterklaas.

And now from all of that, Santa Claus was born. All the toy shops started making Santa Claus propaganda named after Nicholas who helped kiddies because he was a Jesus lover, right? He basically loved Jesus. Yeah. And he was a nice guy. And what is what is Santa Claus nice guy that helps out kids at Christmas Santa Claus is a Greek man named Nicholas. That's not a butterfly effect. You've just explained who Santa is. That is not your secret.

And the ripple, what's it called? The butterfly effect is this. If Nicholas never went to that orphanage, Santa Claus wouldn't exist. No, this isn't a butterfly effect, is it? I'm sorry. That is not a butterfly effect.

All you're doing is explaining where Santa Claus came from. And that is your wet whistle. So we've got the problem now. You're whistled. What did I say? You're whistled. You had a stroke.

Anyways, moving on to the main bulk of the butterfly thing. Oh, yeah. You just told us after the break. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I've had to interestingly fact check this one. What are you doing? 1873. 1823. it said he's

a 4th century Greek bishop yeah but in 1823 Clem Fandango wrote a poem about him oh sure yeah

sorry and all the Dutch people were like Herbert Barney Nicholas was like tens of years ago 1400 years yeah tens of years ago 1400 years yeah tens of years ago

you're a fucking you're mental but in 1823 Clem Fandango trying to join the party sure yeah so that was our wobble butterfly

that was a warm up of where Santa Claus originated from a Greek man named Nicholas who are we to question accurate dates on this show anyways

this is mental this one's mental right Isaac Newton very famous scientist wasn't he created gravity created gravity yeah sadly though This one's mental, right? Isaac Newton. Very famous scientist, wasn't he? Created gravity. Sadly, though,

he actually caused the rise of communism in China. This is good. Go on. Can I ask you first of all, where have you got this from? Is it from a TikTok? No. Can you tell me what is communism?

Yeah. Oh, that's just a good thing. Communism is like the opposite of dictatorship no no so dictatorship is basically like one guy makes everyone do the same thing yeah not really i've never understood what communism is like the the antithesis of capitalism so you use two big words there. So communism is like, everyone should be on level playing fields economically. Like in terms of standard of living, everyone is like level on the same thing.

No one would be able to be like a millionaire. Whereas capitalism is like the American dream. You can fend for yourself. You can, you know, earn loads of money and it doesn't matter what other people do. So you could be like a genius scientist compared to like someone working at McDonald communist society a person that cleans and sweeps roads would have the same amount of money as like a brain surgeon yeah it doesn't work that's the that's the no i

don't like that and this is how isaac newton caused communism not dictatorship what is it so as isaac newton was getting old um he got a job promotion didn't he what did he become of gravity man no became the master of coin coin coin coin coin coin coin coin coin coin yeah she was the master of coin coin coin it was a rock it was the master of coin where what does that mean it was it was the master of royal mint okay yeah so he's a head of coin. Coin, coin, coin. What was the name? Yeah, in his later life.

Yeah, he was the head of coin. What's that mean? What do they do? It's head of coin, coin, coin. Why is he qualified for that? Surely that just implies he's in charge of the banks, right? Yeah, head of coin, coin, coin. What qualifies him?

His dad was a banker. Oh, it's because he discovered fucking gravity. All of a sudden he can fucking handle money. Yeah. Because money is heavy. Also, didn't Einstein... Yeah. Huh?

Coin, coin, coin. Anyways, after getting promoted to the master of coin... Coin, coin, coin. It was basically supposed to be like a ceremonial position. So like, you've had a good life. We'll give you this job. Yeah, yeah. But it felt like he ironed it, didn't it?

Yeah. So it was like... Newton... It wasn't ceremonial to him. No, didn't it? Yeah. So it was like the United side and like a big... Newton, it wasn't ceremonial to him. No, he took it well seriously. A bit too seriously, actually. Way too seriously.

He was like, coin, coin, coin every day. Yeah. And one of the biggest changes he set about was altering Britain's silver standard. Okay, he put a fixed exchange rate on gold and silver

within the country. And that exchange rate made silver worth less than its metal value on the open market right so basically fuck the value of finished silver uh so gold became the main currency of britain while silver was extensively used as an export and trade all up to date with this sure yeah he's fucked silver a little bit fast forward a century, and Britain... So he's dead.

He's dead. However, he may be dead. Was it his fault? But Britain is still using the version of Isaac Newton's exchange rate. So silver is effectively just a trade metal of the mighty British Empire. Isn't it gold?

No, silver. Do you not listen to what I just said? He hasn't been listening. No, he hasn't. It's better than interrupting at least so britain's empire basically starts to like extensively trade of china particularly in what chinese tea oh oh the english were positive they were basically addicted to tea chinese tea

and uh 10 of the government's revenue at that time was from tea. Yeah. Well, you've already told us about the tea tax. We're just as well. Yeah, the tea tax, exactly. So we're just like, we're tea lovers. Yeah, and we're just pumping silver into China. Yeah, yeah.

However, whoa, this is when the tides have turned. This is getting interesting on the side. The Chinese would only accept one good, and that is silver. Yeah. Okay. The Chinese emperor refused to accept any other trade except coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, silver. So all of Britain's silver reserves were flowing east to China on boats.

Yeah. Eventually, however, the British found a good the Chinese would accept. What did they accept? Coin, coin. More coin, coin. Is it gold? No. Opium. Is that like the... Drugs.

Do you use that to... Heroin. Heroin. Yeah. Where heroin comes from? They grew opium in India. It's poppy seed oh fucking hell they grew it in India and then they let the smugglers

take it to China to get their silver back so basically now swapping opium for their silver to get the silver back oh they're getting their own stuff

yeah they're getting their coin coin coin back recycling this led to the famous opium war damn China lost quite badly

and were forced to sign horribly one-sided treaties with the West. Who was in the war? Loads. It was a genuine question. Don't know. Oh, fuck no. A lot of Western nations. China was a shadow.

They're fighting in China now. China was a shadow of its former glory, split among political and ethnic tensions fighting in China. China was a shadow of its former glory split among political and ethnic tensions that had been previously suppressed by the strong

central government. Turmoil over in China. You weren't very clever with this one. It's very political and It's all because of Isaac Newton.

The Chinese Empire You don't believe the fact that he's wrote this. Yeah he's done his research. The Chinese Empire then fell. Reading an article.

No, I'm not. I'm paraphrasing. Turn your phone around. Oh, my God. The Chinese Empire fell in 1912, as we all know, obviously. Yeah, sure. Big time for them. Due to the lack of coin, coin, coin.

Yeah. Zhao Lijian. And what were they replaced by? Coin, coin. The Republic. Oh, Chinese Republic. The Democratic Republic of China. This republic

was not very democratic though, Thomas, to say. What's democratic? You are joking. Democracy. A democracy.

Where you can vote on who you think should be in power. That's what we have in this country. You know how it's now the Democratic Republic of China?

Oh no, not back then, not in 1912. The non-democratic republic. The non-demographic. What? Fucking hell. Basically basically because they weren't

very democratic this eventually dragged China back into what civil war civil war yep which then made

them pretty weak and this led to Japan how is this invading they were like we'll have a bit of that coin

weak pussies over there we'll take that coin coin coin, coin. Weak pussies over there, we'll take that coin, coin, coin. Yeah, where's the communism coming? While the Japanese were driven back, China was still in political when economic ruins. They managed to fight a little bit.

Okay. Mao. You know Mao? Yeah. Chairman Mao. Yeah, Mao. How do you know him? Just naming history.

He's the owner of Mao Wams. Mao was able to seize control of the Chinese mainland and founded the People's Republic of China. Damn. Isaac Newton caused the rise of communism and the foundation of the Public Republic of China. Public Republic? Banana Republic? Public republic. Banana republic.

Republic republic. And that is how Jermaine Jenis... Oh, yeah, boy. Bring to the stand. And Jermaine Jenis... We're in a public republic. Coin, coin, coin.

Well done, mate. I don't even know what to say to that because I'm not educated enough to actually really... Isaac Newton... Isaac Cox. ...was the cause of China

being incredible at the Olympics so he secured because he secured the coin coin coin coin it's therefore made China win the Olympics

he actually didn't secure the coin coin coin he actually got rid of the coin coin coin you said it led to communism not them being good at the Olympics

he just went which one is it well in turn one week, can you please get a dinosaur? I told you, I told you. One dinosaur impact.

That was, that was all right. Yeah, pretty good that. I imagine there was like, before that, there was a dinosaur that led off the chain of reactions

to Isaac Newton being born. The problem is Lou, the problem with the dinosaur one, right, is you have to fill like 200 million years worth of butterfly effect. No,

no, no, they found the intact dinosaur's tissue so it's probably something like 10,000 years. You're an idiot. Sure. Yeah.

Again, great contribution, mate. Fucking A.C. Why are you on the show? You actually, slowly but surely throughout each episode you look like you care

less and less. Yeah. Like visually, look at you now. It's because you should kill the corn. Yeah. Go, go, go. The last of the... you look like you care less and less. Like visually look at you now. It's because you should kill the corn. Yeah.

Go, go, go. The last of Lee. I'm going to have to do this from memory because- Another 20 minutes of Theo and Lewis not understanding. I do have to leave in 15 minutes. All right, I'll actually paraphrase rather than read an article. Okay.

Yeah, because I've got a good quiz for you. Come on, you know me. We got to do- All of you right now. I'll do to do- All of you right now. All of you right now. You go back home after this podcast recording after work and you see your missus at her desk. She's crying.

Why are you talking about last night? Is this from experience? No. She's crying. And you go over to her you go oh what's the matter she goes

oh nothing she closes the laptop she goes it's absolutely fine don't worry about it I'm just tearing up later on you're a bit pateau

like you can't really work out what's wrong but she's been off all night Leah doesn't know what that word meant it's bit iffy

right yeah okay you're in bed and you have the conversation and you go babe what what happened doesn't know what that word meant. It's a bit iffy. Right, yeah, okay. You're in bed and you have the conversation and you go, hey, what happened? Hey, what's going on? She's just trying to steal the coin. I've got to remember this.

Sorry, sorry. The only good thing is that and she says, okay, I'm going to tell you something here, but you have to just listen. I've lost all the coin going through. Yeah. There's no more. Can you go, okay. I'm going to tell you something here, but you have to just listen to me. I've lost all the going on. Yeah. I'm all ears.

What's happened? She goes, I remember that night. Will you stop farting on me? That night the other week when I was cycling home, I actually knocked someone off a bridge. And what's happened is

I've just read the article today and that person's been washed ashore and they're dead. Why is this funny? What is going on? But also... That's a good one. Discover the exciting action of BetMGM Casino. Check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer That's a good one. plus to wager, Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact

Connect Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. It's a true story. No, but this is hypothetical. You said you're sitting for memory as well. This is hypothetical.

You're Beyonce. This is hypothetical. I fucked up with it. Is this hypothetical? No, it is hypothetical. He's sitting in front of memory. It's hypothetical. Why do you look up to your right, which indicates you are retracting the information? Yeah, he was looking right,

which means he was looking into the past. That's not true. That's true. Studies have proven that eyesight doesn't matter. Studies have proven that I'm telling the full fact. No, he's missing. Anyway. Anyway, he's missing. Anyway. Anyway.

The situation happens. But basically, hypothetically, there's a person that's already been accused and is now on death row for that. They wouldn't be put on death row though.

Fuck on. Shut up, man. For that murder, right? The question I'm putting to you guys is... I'll be too busy securing the coin. See, now you know what it feels like. No, but I... Yeah, my answer is...

But it's like, it's been the last 10 minutes of just saying the same thing. Like, he's changed what he said, but you're just sitting there looking stone out of your face going, coin, coin, coin, coin, every fucking two minutes. Or I let them cut the wrap. Right.

So this is my question to you is, my question to you would be, do you let that innocent person get put to death? Did we do this? Or, no, we didn't. Yeah.

Yeah. You do. Yeah, I would. Yeah. Or, or, do you go,

all right, I can't morally live with this I'm going to just have to grass you up but then you actually fucking hell that would be a stress free life

wouldn't it shut up is it like a reward but then you're basically sentenced and you're misses to death effectively yeah but morally

would you be able to live with yourself yeah alright I actually do agree with this but I just thought peace and quiet for the rest of my life

how has this other person been dragged into it? Are you not listening to the story? They've been falsely accused, mate. They were trying to secure the coin, coin, coin, but accidentally got given the death row. So in the scenario, what, she knocked him off a bridge? What's that mean? No, it just so happens that,

because obviously it takes a while for the search party to, you know, work out with this person. No, she was cycling? Did you listen to any of it takes a while for the search party to, you know, work out if this person- No, she was cycling? Yeah, she's cycling- Did you listen to any of it? She's cycling along a cycling path, and then someone was in that cycling path, and they accidentally knocked that person off the bridge.

They've died on impact, and then their body's been washed ashore, but it's been like, it's taken a week for the investigation to occur, and then they found the body, and they've gone, oh, we think it was this person, and we've acquitted them for death.

I'm fucking grassing her in. The moral compass, everything I know about my current girlfriend would be a lie because then her moral compass is so fucked that she's willing to, because she should go down there, try and save him.

No, but that, no, What are you on about? No, but genuinely, that's actually, that's probably one of the first times you've actually understood the assignment because usually you would just, usually you would, no, I'm saying generally, you just brush it off and go, I the assignment because usually you would just, usually you would, I'm saying generally,

you just brush it off and go, I don't know, of course I'd, you know. But you would know that everything you know about your girlfriend is false because she's a murderer. Yeah, but she didn't mean to do it. Yeah, but she's not a murderer. She's a manslaughter.

Yeah, but she roared off. Yeah, but she's, yeah, because it's a fucking hundred foot bridge. No, it was a woman, not a man. It's a hundred foot bridge, mate. You know it's dead. Nah, but that's... Yeah, because it's a fucking hundred foot bridge. No, it was a woman, not a man. It's a hundred foot bridge, mate. You know it's dead. Nah, but that's not a person... For the week prior to her

finding out, she's just... Nothing's mentioned. It's only water. You don't know she's not been struggling emotionally and mentally inside. Nah.

She's dead to me. I mean, I would agree with you. I mean, I wouldn't... You know, I just... Are you sentenced your girlfriend to death then? Go on then, mate. Do it. I'm not the fucking. I mean, I wouldn't, you know, I just. You sentence your girlfriend to death then. Go on then, mate.

Do it. I'm not the fucking king. No, yeah, because the other guy's gone to death. So therefore, if you grass your girlfriend up,

she's going death row. Yeah, that's pretty much the question. There's no death sentence in England. Oh my God. Every week. Life imprisonment then.

It's hypothetical. No, but that's not, like, serious. If you're gonna... None of them ever are! We asked last fucking week, is a hot dog a fucking sandwich, bro? What do you want from me? It's grounded in realism. You tell me every week to do this fucking segment,

and then I bring actual philosophical questions to you, and you go, oh well well maybe that's not right because i could turn around and say well it's not real because it's in your imagination yeah of course it is mate that's why i suggest them no if you want my answer to be grounded in realism you have to give me a question and a scenario that's grounded in realism would you rather shag an alien or give birth to a dog? Yeah, but you're the one that thinks aliens are real. No, wait, all you've got to do then, all you've got to do then, Rave, is say, all right, we're in America now, then it's real.

Yeah, in America, death penalty applies, there you go. Yeah. Not for manslaughter. Oh, just die. Yeah, but they think, they think it's murder. I would feel too guilty as now playing a part. Yeah, you should just say. I'm playing a part in this person dying.

You would happen to see the death of your girlfriend because that is the morally correct decision. She's not dying, is she? That is literally the question. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're doing this on purpose now. I'm not, I'm not.

I thought we agreed that was life and freedom. Stranger takes the fall. I thought we agreed that. When was that ever mentioned? Lewis, Lewis. I've mentioned the death penalty like eight times.

Stranger takes the fall for the murder and he's going to death. Or you grass your girlfriend up and she gets sent into death. It's that easy. Maybe I steal with her but I break up with her.

What? I steal with her. I mean, I don't grass her in but I break up with her. So you break up with her and then let an innocent person die. That's fucking worth it,

isn't it? Well, because she's clearly a bit fucked. So why would you not grass her up then if I say you fuck her? Because maybe I feel a bit bad. We have some nice memories together.

I see. She literally got with me. That's a reason to get rid of her. I should. And then I go out and start securing the coin. And your mum. Yeah. Secure your own mum.

Coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, coin. Well, I feel like you're just shouting at me no matter what i say no no no i'm interested to hear because you think that yeah you're wrong she deserves to die but you morally agree that it's incorrect right but also you know that if you did just let it slide your relationship would be over because you don't know that person is it bad that i don't think i'd even care that much? My logic is right. That's what I said.

She roared off, she roared off rather than going out and trying to see maybe, because she's the first one on the scene. She could have been the first one on the scene. Maybe he could have lived if she was there

and panicked for the police. But he said she went left and said nothing for a week. She panicked, exactly. I think that's a bad moral compass. Yeah, but your girlfriend kicked him over the edge of the bridge because she was trying to get kids into the van. And giving them sweets, like, come here, come with me.

Where the fuck's that? Where's the real, where's the shouting? No! No, but he's intentionally being stupid. Yeah, I'm like, I'm making myself believe she did it for a good cause. If it was a paedophile. If he... I'm guessing we don't have the information about any possible paedophilia. We don't know. We don't know.

We don't know. The person that died off the bridge, we think isn't a paedophile. You don't know that though. What's their job? Are they like a vicar? We don't know. No, you wouldn't know,

because they'd be in the paper. Okay, so what spectrum of jobs would you therefore say, oh, I'd grasp her but wouldn't grasp for that? If the person who's taking the blame is religious and he's in with God and that, I don't want to let him...

I'm not saying I personally believe in... He's in with God. I'm not saying I personally believe in God but I don't want to let a nun take the fall. Yeah, yeah. You've attended the ceremony where they kill the guy, and he's going, Almighty God, curse whoever's brought me to this place! No, but the nun might grasp me to God at the end if he is...

Where's this nun come from? What the fuck are you on about? So the vicar's off and he's gone, Nuns, find out who, find out who sent me here. Just send him off like Charlie's angel. Lewis,

if you don't believe in God, why do you care if the nun's going to grudge you to God? You're so weird. No, my logic makes sense if I can get my words out.

I 99% don't believe in God, but 1% I don't want to take the risk of making a nun kick the ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm going to hell. So also, what do think what if the wife the nun had killed your dog as well well then she's going to hell also also you think a vicar is more connected to a thing that you both

equally i've got a question about god as well real i've got a question about god coin but that would imply that would imply that you genuinely think vicars have higher powers than other humans. Which they don't, they're just other humans with religious. Lewis, you know- They're not though! They can't speak to Jesus, because nobody can! Lewis, you know a vicar is like a job, right? You know they get a salary?

Yeah. From God. And a fucking company car and shit, man. Yeah, but they do talk. And free wine! He talks to Jesus. Wait, can I ask, who actually pays the vicar's salary? Is it the church?

Church of England. The church does. Where'd they get the money from? Donations. Everyone, man. They're one of the richest industries. A question about God, right? Yeah. Because I always...

Can't knock a church down. I always thought, right, I am not a religious person. You are. Which by the rule of the book, that means I go to hell. No, no. I always thought, like,

I'd get a God and like if he is real and I'd see God and I'm not trying to be disrespectful to anyone who believes in God that I just don't but like I see him

and then hopefully like he sees us he's like yeah I can tell you a sound like you might yeah if you've got I know you might swore on that

if you didn't believe if you weren't like a believer in him originally but he knows you have a good heart and obviously you know in the afterlife he's judging you but he's not going to say oh because you didn't believe in me I'm going to knows you have a good heart. And obviously, you know, in the afterlife, he's judging you.

But is that not unfair? Oh, because you didn't believe in me. I'm going to send you to hell. He's going to say, you know what? You were a good person. But is that not unfair to the people who have like really dedicated? I'm getting in.

Even though I've been saying like, I'm taking the Lord's name in vain in my life. No, because you can't be. That's not fair. They should get better first. No, you can't just get in just because you're a worshipper and have a really dirty soul

no I'm saying you're a worshipper and then you're fingering like cats yeah but say you're a good person and you have dedicated your life to

like God all your life and you've done all the things by the book you think like a reverend or someone maybe they become an angel is that how it works no no no

my scenario is this right so you have a person who's a genuinely good person good religious person and they dedicate their life to is this, right? So you have a person who's a genuinely good person, good religious person, and they dedicate their life to Jesus and stuff all their lives. What about me?

And then the mate who's like, sounded that, but I've sworn, done some bad things. Sounded that, but sworn. Do we... I reckon they just become like an angel and get better stuff. I reckon they jump you in the queue a little bit.

If you're like, if you've been judged to be equally as good-hearted, I reckon they jump a little bit ahead of you if they believed originally. Yeah, or maybe I just go to purgatory. You just don't get queued yet. Or maybe none of this even exists. Yeah, exactly. I know, to purgatory. You just don't get Q-jacked. Or maybe none of this even exists.

Yeah, exactly. I know, but I'm saying, so this is why, so come back round. I don't believe in God because I will if I see some stuff out of evidence on that. But you just said

you won't grasp a vicar on that death penalty. Yeah, because like a nun, like they're like a really nice person. And also if the 1% chance in my mind that God does end up being real and none is going to see him and be like... Lewis, the person getting sentenced

might just be like fucking pedo. Yeah, normal person. Yeah. That's why I asked, are they a nun? No, no. Sorry, what? No, no. I didn't know he was going to say that, to be honest.

I mean, that sounds quite bad for me. Instead, the person getting sentenced might be a pedo. Yeah, a normal person. No, no. I thought he was going to say just like a general person from the public. And then he said pedo just before I said that. That's poorly timed.

You fucking pedo. So it's Jimmy and Genus securing the conflict. I'm going straight to hell if it does exist anyway. So I don't give a fuck. Yeah, you are. Yeah. I've got to go. Hell, baby.

Hell, hell. Shall I quickly do a quiz yeah go on then wait we didn't even get that's the only thing people stay for he hasn't got anything this week

fuck I've got something like current news but like he said so you're outsourcing all the news I've got something I do have something

go on then the weather is raining but I don't know if we have time I have to go you can finish it without me we can't finish without you hurry up so basically where about to be invaded by aliens But I don't know If we have time I have to go You can finish it without me We can't finish without you

Hurry up So basically We're about to be invaded by aliens Oh I don't have time for this I really don't have time for this Let's do the quiz This is real evidence Yeah we're doing the quiz

Tom let's do the quiz James Webb Telescope Yeah we're doing the quiz I want to save that for next time I'm really excited Honestly I'm really excited I swear to god we are about to be invaded Yeah I'm really excited

We should definitely open the show With that next time James Webb Telescope Yeah tell it to us later What species has the largest eyes In the animal kingdom Coin Buzz I swear to God, we are about being bearded. Yeah, I'm really excited. We should definitely open the show with that next time. James Webb telescope. Yeah, tell it to us later. What species has the largest eyes in the animal kingdom? Coin. Buzz.

Blue whale. No. Ooh, I was going to go that as well. Lewis. I actually don't know. Elephant. No. I don't listen.

Oh, coin. Coin. What is... What animal... Sorry, what species has the largest eyes in the animal kingdom? Yeah, listen. Oh, coin! Coin! What is... What animal... Sorry, what species has the largest eyes in the animal kingdom? Yeah, coin. Oh, lizard. Coin.

A squid. Yes. A giant squid. Well done. Yeah, have you ever seen them? They've never caught one. Freaky. Yeah.

Freaky. Right. Yeah, because they can see where they're coming from. Good. I'm actually really good at this quiz, aren't I? Well done, mate.

You've got one thing right, yeah. What is the world's biggest fish? Coin. Whale. Tuna. No. Good guess. Coin.

Whale. Whale. What's the world's biggest fish? Buzz. Whale. A whale's not a fish. Elephant. What? Coin. fish. Elephant. What?

Coin. Dolphin. It's not a fish. I don't actually know. Is it a famous fish? Yeah, but its name's deceiving. The name of it isn't what it is kind of thing.

Coin. Catfish. No, good good guess but no you were half right shark coin now you've got the other half right

coin dolphin shark whale shark correct how would you not work that out when you said dolphin shark

you said you had two halves of it and you went dolphin shark when you hadn't even used dolphin I had said dolphin did you

when right dolphin shark a slow hadn't even used dolphin as an answer. I had said dolphin. Did you? When? Right. Dolphin shark. A slow worm is not actually a worm. I've never seen one of these things. Have you? Can I get a photo of it? What type of animal is it?

Let me get it up. Slow worm. Centipede. It's just you trying to run around. Coin, centipede. It's this thing. Let me see. Coin.

Coin looks like a snake. Ugh. Ugh. I don't like it. It's this thing. Let me see. Coin. Coin looks like a snake. Ugh. Ugh. I don't like it. It's slimy. Coin. Go. Is it like a slug?

A slug isn't a species. It is. Like a snail is a slug with a shell on the back. No, they have a name, don't they? They're called... Custacean. No, they're not a crustacean. They don't have...

Slime. Yeah, they're called a slime. I don't know what they're called... Custacean. No, they're not a crustacean. Slime. Yeah, they're called a slime. I don't know what they're called. But no, that's not true. Buzz. Reptile. Yes, correct. Oh, wow.

That was easy. What shape is a wombat poo? Coin. This is more of a quiz. L-shaped. Is that your guess? Yeah. Incorrect.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Cube. Yeah, square. Oh, no way. I thought it was going to be like a trick question. That's 2-2 going into the final round. Desmond. Going into the final round.

You actually know nothing about anything, man. You're a fucking idiot, lad. Right. Dolphin shark, man. If I could be one animal, what would I be? Coin. Ooh. Easy.

Wolf. Coin. Dog. Really? A rambutan. Why? No. Buzz, peregrine falcon so you could fly, or a bird.

Correct. There's like five guesses in there. All right. I'll go. Well, peregrine falcon so you could fly, or a bird? Correct. There's like five guesses in there. All right. I'll go. Well, peregrine falcon's the fastest bird on Earth, so that's why I said it. Eagle. You'd love to be in a orangutan.

Actually, it's the fastest creature on Earth, isn't it? You sit in a box? Yeah. So Reeve wins the quiz. You're a fucking idiot. Please rate us five stars. You're on about minus five now. And subscribe.

It's quite close. He's getting another tattoo. We'll see you next week, guys. Bye. Love you, mate. We love you all. Fuck off. You made it to the end.

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