Back Side - 29: Theo FINALLY Goes Bald? “Do You Ever **** on Your Own?” & Tom Has a HOWLER

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

The lads huge Hyrox bet is upon us, as Tom was exposed in the gym! Theo reveals the real reason his hair transplant failed, Reev has his most difficult dilemma yet and sadly, Lewis' Facts returns.If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. When they get down here, that's going to be great. What about the bunny from, um... Bugs Bunny? No, the bunny from Looney Tunes.

I'm going to go around every spot and just beat Theo's PB on one week notice. Start with High Rocks? No, the bunny from Space Jam. Lola Bunny. I started it, put it on the treadmill, started running, I'm like, why is this not working? What the f***? What is it? Stop.

Oh, it's Bunny from Space Jam. Bugs Bunny. Not Bugs Bunny. It's Bugs Bunny. If you're in a relationship and you go to a hotel and you're staying away and you're in a room by yourself, it's like, oh, I'll get a good f***ing tonight. It's the female, Lola. Lola Bunny.

You just said that. You said no. You know it's I'm growing my hair out. It looks like one of those hats with the flaps over the side. I know what

we should do, guys. We should do a video. Or stand around you and just throw things at you and stone you to death. Hey, smile. That'll be fun. We should do a video.

You've literally just taken a photo of your own face. We should go to Octoberfest next year. No, we should go. Oh, yeah. A ski trip.

I'm going on one. My mate, I'll see you if I want to go on the other, dear. With my real friends. We should do a ski trip, but we'll just go for one night. You're already away. One night. And make it the best night of our lives. What's the point of having one night?

Oh, that is such a long-ass trip, that. Yeah. Four hours. No, but film one night. So we only need to film one day, don't we, really? Oh. Do we? I don't know. We should do a ski trip. Yeah. Four hours. No, but he didn't film one night. So we only need to film one day, don't we really? Oh. Do we?

I don't know. We should just need to think about it. Lou learning to ski for the first time. Tom being a legend drinking beer on the slope. That's true. Reeve like ploughing into walls. He will do that.

Come along with it. He being a pro. Him drinking beer. Where's that come from? Him drinking beer. No, he probably drank whiskey out of a glass. He basically wants to do this just to show off that he's of the bath. Do you wear like the full on like-

He basically wants to do this just to show off that he's good at skiing. Does he wear like the full, do you wear like skin tight latex? Like do you know when they do in the Olympics? No, no, you don't wear that. That's what you think skiing is. Yeah, because it's like a cold- Aerogynics. Nobody wears that skiing.

What? It's like the wetsuit. You thought you were trying to cook me there. No, I thought it was a wetsuit. You look like an idiot. Nobody wears that. Like Frozone. No, no, no. Frozone yeah yeah like Frozone

guys they all wear that yeah sorry no like the pros do the pros do yeah when you're looking at clothes to buy for that trip that is exactly

what it is yeah obviously casuals no but like it's like with biking yeah with biking I get on a line bike like this

but the pros have like the full latex suit it's so different on the line bikes they're professionals but they're still cycling in a line bike they have to wear that to be suit. It's so different. On the line bikes. They're professionals, but they're still cycling in a line bike.

They have to wear that. To be pros, it's just, it's quite cool. It's like saying, do you wear shin pads to five a side? Yeah, but the hardcores will.

They wouldn't know unless you want to get bullied. Lewis, there's professional downhill skiing, which obviously they're going to wear latex to increase their speed. When you go with your mate. Yeah, you agree with me.

To VT, you're not going to be wearing latex are you we agree it's like when you run you don't get all the proper gear do you because you don't need to yeah i don't need to yeah my train is. Do you still wear your women's shoes? I do if I ever go running in the gym on the treadmill. I've been wearing them. So you don't wear them actually. I did it for a little bit before the boxing,

but now it's definitely like tailed off. I did five seconds on the treadmill the other day. We're in big trouble. Wait, so have you been training for High Rocks? Obviously not. We're filming this two days before High Rocks. Can I, should i read our exchange messages before uh since my boxing fight all right downhill it's been it's obviously i'll

still think it'll be good i peeked at the it's like during tyson fury said like yeah you you get to the top of the mountain then what i feel like i'm on that phase in a 19 year old kid was top of the mountain for you that's yeah it is that's my life oh I did see the I did see the TikTok comments about when we were discussing whether Misfits is harder than a half Ironman yeah

you're cucked yeah no you no I was with you I was on your team oh you were I still stand by they were like

are you really telling me that getting in the ring and facing Lewis no but that isn't the point is harder than a half Ironman it's way more daunting. Why are you sending me messages? I forgot to do it today.

What? What? You just text me. Send what? Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. I've been messaging him

every day. All right, well, it's weird though. Yeah, I like that. Do you want me to read them out what I've sent to him?

Yeah, go on. I've been to the gym once so if you just if you haven't listened recently we're doing a high rocks there's two teams me and Reeve

Theo and Tom well I I sent him a message yesterday saying what are your plans for this week for it because obviously he's got a serious

knee injury he said do physio lift a few weights maybe go on a bike lol he sent me that message and my heart dropped I dropped like oh he thinks i'm supposed to be training i just thought of like what's the point now he's got not dead

anymore doing physio instead and we'll see how it goes on the day yeah make it good yeah good yeah went for a run on the treadmill lasted 30 seconds if you can push the sled one one length i will pay you 200 he probably will be able to do that okay right that is on camera one easy money that is a side bet you're going to have to do that but also

you've got to have a time limit you've got to have like oh no no no he's had it in different courses also that might put him out of the restaurant well there you go risk and reward Luke

it would be 200 pounds I've got the Boggins mentality man I'm just going to go in it actually does it's a bit weird I know before the half marathon I was drinking in a pool fucking I hadn't been

training at all then I went and beat your PB I think it's different Goggins wakes up at like 4am and goes for a 13 mile run yeah

you saying I just drink in a pool before I do a half marathon he basically did do that though I did yeah almost I was drunk in a pool

and then I went and did a half marathon beat your personal record and then on we go he didn't and I'm going to go do you know what to punish you for slandering my name i did a half marathon 20 minutes quicker than you after a 90k ride in the two that's mine to punish you for slandering my name i'm gonna go i said this in the show i'm gonna go around every sport and just beat the old pb on one week notice start with high rocks oh i am i'm gonna beat your pb all right

with reef okay let's fucking... We can try. Let's start. What PB do you have better than me right now? What was your score that you got with Reeve? 68 minutes.

Score! 68 minutes? Yeah, for doubles. We'll guess. Fair enough. We'll have to do 67 then, won't we? Yeah. But we will.

Yeah. Even as a teammate I didn't realise you were training for a 67 or sub but I think about it like okay what times

do you think me and Reeve would get I think if both of us get below hour and a half I think I think below one hour and a half

we're going 90 minutes should be if anyone finishes beyond 90 minutes you should do a four fit that is fair I reckon I think we go

at least an hour 5 no hour 5 I think you what you could walk quite a fair amount and still come under

90 minutes as a pair no no no you couldn't I've done the maths I've done the maths of course you could say

our PB is 68 minutes and you're saying an hour and off is really bad that's 22 minutes difference exactly think about it we ran at a 5.15 What PB is 68 minutes and you're saying an hour and off is really bad? That's 22 minutes difference. Exactly. Only think about it.

We ran at a 5.15. If you run at a 6.15, if you run at 5.30, say we run at 6.30, that's another like 12 minutes. Can I be honest? No, it's only an eight minutes. Only eight minutes.

Honestly, right? I think this is going to be easy. I think they're really dramatic with fitness. No, I don't know. I think the way he went on about the half marathon, it was a dawdle. No, but you could definitely... What are you banging on about?

I actually think this is going to be easy. I genuinely think, like, in comparison to what yous are making out to be, it's just a big circuit. I cannot wait. It is a big circuit. I would categorically say a high rocks is harder than a half marathon.

Yeah, definitely, but you're making it out as if it's like this magical journey.'s like it's just a big circuit i've done interval i cannot wait for the look in your eye after we are two stations through look i turn to you and i go how you feeling mate and you go when you know when you make it through it'd be that it'd be me doing everything you'll finish the first lap if you make it through the first lap without stopping because you're an impressive I want to witness Lewis Bowden doing the ski egg

for the first time I don't know how to do that the what what's that it's where you cross them off what

two days out I don't know what I'm going to do you're doing most of it anyway in a gym that you see there's like two pulleys

and then you pull them down I've seen you do that but why do you go on your tiptoes why don't you just stand up and do it because you get more rhythm you get more rhythm or something Why don't you just stand up and do it?

Because you get more rhythm. You get more rhythm or something. I don't know. They're just being nerds. It's so weird. That's what I mean. It's going to be easy. It is. No, because I'm not saying,

I'm not, I'm not erged at the moment. I'm not conditioned. No, I'm, I'm fully well aware that I'm going to have to do 75%. I've done the assault bike. You're doing more than 75%.

I just hope you know that. Then we're not winning then. Well, I don't care. I'm not there to win. Oh, fair enough now we should try then do you think i have to do drugs do you think i have any um do you think what we're going amsterdam anyway so that's what you messaged lou this is what i messaged tom i meant to do it every day but i forgot so well most of his motivational messages are

tried running for five minutes didn't really get very far but i'll keep going yeah lol um the only bad workout is the one that didn't happen fucking hell yeah true don't stop when you're tired stop when you're done is this just gonna say i like that gpt yeah oh success starts with self-discipline that's the self-leisure Yeah, yeah. Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction. Wow. Are you not supposed to wank before high rocks? What the fuck?

It's not like with boxing. Yeah, but you haven't read out more responses. I don't think it matters what level your testosterone levels are at, mate, if you can't run more than 20 metres every day. Also, that is a myth, by the way. That whole no sex before. Yeah, no, it's not. It keeps your legs strong. Sex before marriage.

It keeps your legs strong. before marriage it keeps your legs strong no alright maybe an hour before don't do it yeah but the night before thing is bollocks I was wanking all the way to the fight mate

there's no scientific proof that's real in a hotel room by yourself it's like a holiday don't lie if you're in a relationship a holiday where you're from don't lie

if you're in a relationship if you're in a relationship and you go to a hotel and you're staying away and you're moving by yourself, it's like, oh, get a good wank in tonight. Wait, you put like

a fucking run of bubble bath in there. Yeah, you make it nice. Whoa. Whoa. What the hell? Do you realise your girlfriend watches this?

Fucking Ron Jeremy. Yeah. She knows I wank. Anyway, talking in front. It's more worrying about parents more worrying why do I feel like when Lewis has a wank have you ever seen

that South box when he's just yeah yeah just covered in it oh Tom I want to know what happened to you on a treadmill

yeah talking of high rocks and training so I went to gym the other day and I thought do you know what I'm gonna no just to lift weights

but I thought I'm gonna I can't remember the last time I ran out of like choice you give it you give it the big in

with about running I can't remember the last time I ran out of like choice of not like you give it the big in about running as well though I could do

in this time he does have the best 5k time but I think because he's done that in the past, he thinks that's his fitness. You've got to remember what Tom's been through though, lads. He's got PTSD.

You know, he's like one of those swimmers who every day goes swimming before school and by the time they hit 16, they can't bear to get in the pool ever again. Sure. It's not that I've never enjoyed fitness training ever, even when I played football. I've hated it.

Another lie! It's not a lie. Anyway, so I thought I'm going to just do a kilometre run just to see how long, even when I play football I've hated it anyway another lie it's not a lie anyway so I thought I'm going to just do a kilometre run just to see how long just I don't know what

I don't really know how much a kilometre is I know it's like 0.6 miles or something how much are you doing like 2,000 metres I was like that's stupid and I googled it

and I think it was like I think the world record was like 2 minutes or something yeah you did it 1 minute 50 so I was like fuck it I'll go 1 minute 50 so I was like

if I can just do this in 4 minutes without being out of breath or nothing that'll be alright anyway no no so I'm getting

the treadmill going oh are you now no starting so I'm just doing a little walk and then but then on the screen it was like

it was first of all it was in miles per hour so I'm like that's annoying already and then I was like oh shit I'm already a minute in and I've walked. So how am I going to track? And obviously I'm like, no, put one.

I'm like, I'm getting all stressed. I'm like, oh, I know what I'll do. I'll get up my, I'll get up a running app on the treadmill. So I put it like, yeah, how stupid. I don't need to deepen how stupid this is. You can't even comprehend what you've just said. I don't know what you're talking about. Why does the app not What was the problem?

Why does the app not connect to the treadmill? You just run till 5.1. Wait. 5.1. Wait. Why didn't you say 5.1? So I redownloaded the Nike running app.

But why? You're on a treadmill. Ugh. So hang on. This is the whole point of the story. Hang on. So you've spent

the first minute going, shit, I'm really stuck really stuck I can't work out what's going on let me put a running app on the treadmill so then I started it put it on the treadmill started running

I'm like why is this not working like what the stopped it stopped it stopped it oh my god stopped it

reset it put it back and I'm running you're from the 1950s. And I swear to God, there's like people next to me and behind me. And they must have been looking at me with this Nike running app.

And I'm running going, what the fuck? Like, I don't understand. Oh my God. So I stopped it. It's gone zero. I've been running for five minutes. Honestly.

So then, then I'll stop it. And even by this point, I haven't realised what I've done. I've stopped it. It might be because the phone's not moving. Don't worry about it. Somehow I'm the idiot.

So I stop it, put it in my pocket, and I'm like, I don't know, maybe the app's playing up. Finish, I'm like, I get to like 0. The app's playing up. Yeah, I get to a mile. It's that shit, man. You need to sort it out. I get to a mile, and I'm like, that'll to sort it out get to a mile I'm like that'll do

yeah that's whatever and then go sit down and start doing weights then I text Theo being like oh just letting you know I've just done a kilometre run

and he's like what was your time I was like I don't really know so I didn't know and then it literally then it started to like dawn on me

I went to the next like I can't remember what I was doing I sat down I was like I've just realised why that wasn't fucking working and I almost looked like

an absolute fucking fidoid. That might be the dumbest thing I've ever done. Anyone has ever done on this show. And that is saying something. You are a bit of a caveman though. After how long

you put the phone on the thing of you continually running and the distance wasn't going up? The whole time. Fucking hell, man. So you did a full mile and went, bro, this is bugged. After like, I don't know, a minute, I was like, I stopped it and restarted it.

Yeah. You could have just reset this treadmill. You could have stopped the start of your treadmill and went proper. I can't believe it. You'd rather. the start of your treadmill and went with proper. That was all, you'd rather, you could have. I need to find a CCTV. I was stressed. He stopped starting the app

instead of just stop starting the treadmill. Oh no, I was stressed. Oh my God. That is jittery. By the way, you see him when he gets angry as well. Like getting really stressed. I was in a- Tom, how long did it take you to run the mile?

Like average, do you reckon? I don't know because I was because also instead of a treadmill also also when I first started it I was walking because I was like and then as soon as I start

I'm going to up it and start running so then I first started it and I'm walking and it's not going I'm thinking so during this the treadmill time

is still going up and up and the distance is going up so I don't actually know what fucking time I ran it. And I was just like- You might have ran 10 miles. So then after that, after that, I just put it down. I was like, I'm going to get up to a mile

and then just fucking go and lift some weights. This is why I don't run. Wait, so you must have calculated, it would have shown it in kilometers on the treadmill, right? No, it was showing me miles. Did you run fast? It was in miles. You didn't change it to metric, did you?

I don't know. Are you out of breath? Is this that shows it in miles? Oh, the ones that I have at like any time fitness do miles. Do it back and forward. You have to change them into plumbers. How fast you going?

1.6k though. Let's say you did it in six minutes. No, no, no. I did it. No, I ran up to 5 miles. Yeah. Not 1.6k. Yeah, but that is 1.6k.

Oh, sorry. Oh my God. You are fucking... I love how little faith in technology you have to be like, right, well, the treadmill's telling me that I'm going up in distance and time, but I'm going to put my phone on just in case. Would it have worked if I held it? Oh, shut up.

Yeah, if you had it in your pocket. No, it wouldn't have. Because you're not trouble... Oh, you're fucking prude. No, it actually might have done. If you'd select treadmill... No, because my watch does treadmill run. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's an estimate, but it's pretty bang on. Yeah, so that was, yeah, that was the embarrassing treadmill story that I thought I'd tell you. Tom, that is hilarious. It was worse because... Everyone in the gym was stood around the treadmill. Laughing at you.

Like, where the running sections and all the bikes, it's like rows of 10. And I swear to God, there was... When I first went on, there was no one around. Then there was two next to me and two behind me. So there was no way they didn't see what I was doing. Did you look over there and go, fucking hell, theirs is going up.

What's going on here? It's always a dick move from them not seeing out loud as well. No, not really. What are you going to say? Are you a fucking idiot? Yeah. Are you a fucking... That is amazing.

That is goddamn amazing. Yeah, so that was my trouble. Just pause the emergency button. And the reason I only did it, I only did it to say to Theo, I've done a run just to make him ask me. And he said, I'll make myself.

So your quotes worked. The quotes worked. Yeah. It worked. No, and it was more to see if I could do it. But you can't run. Remember when my shin started hurting?

That does not work. You've got a shin that's after one kilometer. I've never been able to run on hard surf. 1.6. It's going to be hard where we are. Where are your softs?

I do should just run on craft. And it just doesn't run. Yeah, do you have weak calves? I don't know, maybe. Probably.

I do. Do a couple calf raises. Do a different dig. Why is he saying it like that? What the fuck have you ever done in your life I struggle with shin splints a lot

fat twat projecting the hatred I'll send him another one don't worry he also hasn't read out my responses which I'll die I got the best one yet don't worry here's one coming for you have you copied them into notes and you're just sending them one by one?

Yeah, quotes for Tom. Right. Sweat is just fat crying. So you. That is such a shit quote. Yeah, that is a really bad quote. I don't mind sweating. Sorry.

Are you a sweaty man? No, I don't really sweat at all. I sweat so much. You should though. You have a lot of hair. I sweat a lot. He's a big sweater. He's a hairy sweater. He's a big sweaty man no I don't really sweat at all I sweat so much you should though you have a lot of hair I sweat a lot he's a big sweater he's a hairy sweater

he'll be wet and naked by the end of High Rocks yeah ready for it we're going to be both naked is that because you're so hydrated though

could be but also I've always sweated a lot you know your sweat rate cannot ever change you're born with it yeah there you go you can never change

anyway we've got a philosophy. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, there's loads. No, hang on a minute. We've done loads of stuff in the last week. All right, sure.

Sorry. What else? I've done fuck all. Reeve went a bit crazy over the weekend, didn't he? Did he? Did I? He went to Budapest.

No, he didn't. He went to Leicester. Wasn't that in the last episode? Didn't I do Budapest in Leicester? I have no idea. Yeah, you did. Yeah, I think so, maybe. He went to Leicester.

Oh, wow. No, I went home for birthday. Went out, got crazy, got wild. Yeah, it did. Yeah, I think so, maybe. Went to Leicester. Oh, wow. I went home for birthday. Went out, got crazy, got wild. Yeah, it was good fun. I bought FIFA. Did you? Oh, no.

I bought FIFA and played it half an hour. Quite like it, actually. Never went back on the game. Yeah, but the problem is, no, no, I play online, but I play two games on board. That's at the end, mate.

FIFA has the lowest IQ player, like people out of all games, the lowest IQ people play FIFA. This year's FIFA has also lowest IQ player like people out of all games the lowest IQ people play FIFA this year's FIFA has also been rated the worst of all time just in a general study

so like the highest IQ do you know why I'm enjoying it is because you can't just do like your shitty skill moves or like little you actually have to

kind of like pass and move the ball properly you've got to use like tactics it starts like that but until the ultimate team players come out

and it becomes fucking shit. No, no, wait until like the players come out. Which is good. I don't want to be in division one

or fucking. Just wait until the fucking bullshit promo cards come out. Just to follow up on that fact, which has the highest IQ? League of Legends.

Does it actually? How do you know that? I don't know where I've seen it. I used to play a lot of League of Legends. League is a high IQ game. I used to play a lot of League. League is a high IQ game. I used to play it.

I've actually got back into my... Won't it just be because FIFA's the most played game and boy kids as well or younger people so on average the IQ's going to be lower? No, League as a game

is like really like... Yeah, but less people play it. No, it's the biggest game in the world. Biggest game in the world. Wait, so people on... So you're saying people that play Minecraft have higher IQ

than people that play FIFA? Yeah, they will, yeah. Minecraft has a younger audience game-wise, though, isn't it? Oh. I don't know how it works. I know, like... I suppose they're both three plus, aren't they, or whatever it is. How do you know that?

Oh, my God. Because they say their PEGI rating's on the game. Oh, my God. Why'd you check that out? You'd pay a three-year-old. It's kind of weird. You'd pay a three-year-old. Really?

You started the discussion. I did not mention any children. Yeah, you... Lewis, I really really have you down as a League of Legends player so

I played League for a long How do you play League I went back to my League first League of Legends

is like Dungeons and Dragons right I've never even heard of it make it up

as you go along there's five people you have to destroy their base they have to

destroy yours and they're all all your champions have like abilities and stuff

and then there's a synergy yeah you have like special powers it's like tactical sort of thing

like but you playing on your own or on a team you're in a team of five people but the games can go on from

like 20 to like an hour but you had four friends who play with you I used to but like now I'm in

I went back to my nerdy phase I realized back there and I was like I sort of looked at myself in the mirror one day I'm

like you're a fucking loser so I stopped and now I've came back to it, and it's like nostalgia. It is a good game, but the one thing I will say is like the average game time is about 45 minutes. So if you play like five games in a row, you've basically wasted an entire day.

I don't like games where, you know, like phone games where like it pops up, you must do this for a quest, and I fucking hate those games like quest games. Yeah, yeah. And you have to like, I really despise them. This isn't on phone. This is like computer.

Yeah, but you still got to do that. No, you don't do quests. No, no, no. I have a really wrong idea. It's like a Call of Duty. It's like Call of Duty 5v5. Oh, it's First Person Shooter? No.

It's not like Call of Duty. No, as in like you're on a team of people it's not like an individual you're not doing quests each person has a base I really enjoyed um you know

Pirates of the Caribbean game Pirates of the Caribbean game I don't know where you're going you know we've left it on the tangent now it was one of the James Bond's they made into

Xbox 360 I'm real anyway we've got a philosophy we've got plenty mate plenty yeah no one's been up to anything

when did you used to play league so when I was in the youtuber house and we kind of just did no work all the time bet that fucking house

stunk yeah in our bedroom bedrooms for like 16 hours a day playing Mega Man that's when you look in the mirror and you're like

silver and gold diamond and fuck you think like call of duty chats were like bad back then league chat is like it's like fucking ridiculous because it goes from zero to like I want your Diamond and fuck. You think like Call of Duty chats were like bad back then. Yeah, League is a fucking chat. It's like fucking ridiculous because it goes from zero to like,

I want your whole family to get cancer and die within like 30 seconds. Just because you got killed. No, I just whine people. It's quite funny. You used to say that. You got killed by jungling

and then they say, you should kill yourself. I got something that happened to me. Go on then. Got a new passport. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Oh, you can actually come then mate i fucking completed it i completed my passport yeah i had no idea that your stamps actually were completed it made so you've got a fresh one or you've had paid to get a new one all right yeah yeah the new special one the black one or the brown did you know that you needed stamps for a reason yeah it's really cool yeah i'm nearly out of my you didn't know about a stamp thing yeah i thought if you have know if you have less than one page so it's four stamps a page, you've got less than that

invalid passport. I thought it was just like, oh, look how you went to Corfu back in 2019. Like, nice to look back on. I wouldn't have been allowed to go to Australia or Amsterdam. No, it validates when you went

in and out of a country, that's why. Yeah. Huh? Yeah, I shit it. I shit it. It's just kind of like... I thought it was really hard

to get a new passport. Pretends that it's really easy. We should probably do philosophy. Yeah, just do a shit it. I shit it. It's just kind of like... I thought it was really hard to get a new passport. Pretends that it's really easy. We should probably do philosophy. I had to go through security. I got a new passport. Fucking hell, what else? I had to go through security. I bought some new shoes.

What do you mean? I had to go through airport security to get my passport. No one cares. It was in Excel. Theo, honestly, this is one of the worst things you've ever said on this pod.

It was quite exciting. These are some fairly light-hearted and silly philosophies. I've got a couple, but I'll start with this one. I bought a bottle of water the other day, just letting you know. Oh, shit. Which brand? Oh, no, never mind.

If you could trade places with any cartoon character for a day, who would it be and what lesson do you think you'd learn? Oh, a lesson you think you'd learn. That is so boring. I had to relate it to philosophy. Ariel and a finger myself. I knew that was coming. I was thinking which one has the fittest wife.

Like, like, like, Mr. Incredible. Oh, Mr. Incredible. Oh, yeah. Now, but you've got loads of kids. Family guy. What's the guy called? Brian.

Peter Griffin. Brian. Not Brian. You fucking be a dog. Now, sort of like, sort of like Peter Griffin. I would know. I would be

a genuine answer would be Roadrunner see how see how how quick you could be what would you learn oh my god

nearly what would you learn I wouldn't learn anything you have to learn something yeah that's kind of the thing I'd learn how fucking how he feels to go fast as fuck

boy I was going to choose Ben 10 I'll never watched Ben 10. Oh, nah, you've probably got to be dabbing in it. Or Mr. Incredible.

I'm sorry, Elastigirl. By the way, I'm sorry, the people who watched Ben 10 at school were like the weirdest lads. Yeah, they got bullied.

You're like, do you know, what was it, Tap Out? We did get bullied though. Like the tap out clothes and that. Tap Out's like MMA stuff.

Yeah, Tap Out's like wrestling. No, back then it was like weird. Tap Out's wrestling, not Ben 10. Ninja Turtle. Leonardo. Yeah, that's a cool character. Cool character.

Cool character. You have to live in the sewer? I'm trying to... Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I'm trying to think. What was my favourite cartoon? Ratatouille?

Or I could be... Oh, SpongeBob. But you can eat a Krabby Patty. A Krabby Patty? And then everyone's like, what am I on? Aye, but you'll know what a Krabby Patty tastes like. And then you know what the bottom of the sea feels like.

Oh, what about the bunny from... Bugs Bunny. No, the bunny from... What's up, Zach? Looney Tunes. That's Bugs Bunny. No, the bunny from... Bugs Bunny.

Space Jam. Lola Bunny. Bugs Bunny. Lola Bunny. Lola Bunny. No, the bunny from Space Jam. Bugs Bunny. Not Bugs Bunny.

It's fucking Bugs Bunny. It's the female, Lola. Lola Bunny. You just said that. You said no. Yeah, fuck it. You're pissing me off today. Maybe I'd rather be Bugs Bunny, actually.

Poe from Kung Fu Panda. I've never seen that. And then I could be the Dragon Warrior. Oh, no. I'd be Shrek, lad. Yeah, true, actually. I'd be Shrek. Yeah, what would you learn, though?

How to live in... How to eat an onion hole. What is name? Oh, yeah. I'm asking. Aladdin. Nor the mouse. Ratatouille. Nor the other mouse.

Fuck, come right on. Stuart Little. Stuart Little. No, what is the mouse called? He is not a cartoon. I think Stuart- Stuart Stewart. He's not real. He's not a cartoon.

He's not a cartoon. Wait, what is the mouse called from Stuart Little? Animation. Stuart. Fuck off. Stuart. I'll be Stuart Little. Yeah, he's animated but he's not a cartoon.

He's not real. You thought he's not a cartoon he's not real you thought he was real you thought he was real if I don't do this again I'm the only person on this page if you don't listen to Pitch Eye Reeve thought Stuart Little

was a real mouse don't lie he thought he was a real rat that they trained to drive a little mobile car he put the green dots on his face so it's like

yeah yeah yeah I actually saw a rat the other day so did I squashed oh and I saw a big fat rat I'm looking atashed. Oh, and I saw a big fat rat. I'm looking at one. It's your teammate.

I saw a big fat rat at the station. It was big. Yeah. Seriously, come on. Pick an actual costume. What would you learn? Would I learn, though? That's the hard bit.

Learn. Yeah, you've got to learn. What do you mean by learn? Just a skill or like? No, no. Just like you became a costume for a day. And what did you learn? I will learn.

I'll be Dash. And I will learn. And just because you can, doesn't, you became a cartoon for a day and what did you... I will learn. I'll be Dash and I will learn. Just because you can doesn't mean you will. Okay. I'd be Mission Incredible and I'd learn what it feels like

to pound Elastigirl. I mean, that's technically true. I'll be Shrek and realise... Learn what it feels to fuck Fiona in the swamp. See what it's like

to be unattractive to people. Because obviously, I've never experienced that. A big, freaky, dirty bastard who lives in a swamp. Or be Simba in How to Overcome Losing a Father. I could be Donkey. I know what it's like to be rejected. Simba.

He lost me faster, didn't he? You do give me Donkey vibes. I'd be Donkey. I'm like a donkey to your Shrek. Shrek's not a real person either mate what are you doing I'm gonna get that

frog whether it kills me or not have you got another one that was a bit shit alright cool I'll be donkey I'll be donkey

we already know oh Lord Farquaad he hoofed on the post or Pinocchio oh yeah and then you'd learn not to lie do you know with the Pinocchio? Oh, yeah. And then you'd learn not to lie.

Do you know where the Pinocchio scenario, do you know the guy who carved him? Geppetto? No, it's Geppetto. Did he give him... Someone else did, right?

Did he give him... Mufasa? Like, ass cheeks. He's a real boy, isn't he? You do have to question when he carved him, what did he do? Did Pinocchio, like,

you know... Yeah yeah what's he done put it in his ass yeah oh he'd make him lie wouldn't he yeah yeah I'm wearing ladies underwear

he'd be no he'd ask him really it's a song he'd ask him really tough questions like what's the capital of Azerbaijan he'd go

and he'd lie and fucking stretch it out and just sit on him what is captivated by Jarno Baku ah

were they European finals when we lost to Chelsea ah Baku right Nakuna Batata

if you could eat one food for the rest of your life would that bring you happiness or just a really weird diet happiness

wait does it just a quick question that was a food one for you. Because, cuisine or a restaurant? Who's cooking it? No.

One singular food? Yeah, one, one food. But it'd be cooked at different places. Does it, um,

can you have it with sides? No, uh, they're included, they're included with the meal. Like, if you have pizza and chips or burger and chips.

Chicken and rice. But my point, yeah, and broccoli. No, you can't. No, it's just chicken.

One singular food? One singular food. Oh't no it's just chicken one singular food one singular food you can have a meal right no can I ask you this only one food then yeah is it will it affect

your health no no no it doesn't matter what you eat no no no you should include that can you put different toppings on it

I'll just have a steak like a pizza like a pizza it's still a pizza whether it has pepperoni or not potato a pizza like a pizza it's still a pizza whether it has pepperoni or not it's one singular food

with steak what don't you understand I put like steak in my baguette the other day mine would just be a philip steak

that's a really good suggestion maybe a steak for the rest of my life you probably would survive can I have a chicken cheesy chip wrap I don't know which part

of a singular food you're not getting any when i ask this i knew all i do is just singular food do you get condiments yes or no no because that's not food that's a condiment it's a singular fucking food hang on a second if you ask for a double chicken wrap at Nando's that is a singular item yeah yeah

it's a singular thing that's true it's a singular item alright then you can't have pizza then so you can't have the peri-crizzle one so you're telling me

you can't have the peppercorn sauce with your stick oh come on oh come on now I don't fucking care I don't care enough to say pizza yes or no

that's stupidity why alright question number three you can't sit in a fucking great section I don't fucking care. I don't care enough to say pizza yes or no. That's stupidity. Why? All right. Question number three. He can't say it. Fucking great section this today. Wait, wait, wait.

He's saying it can be seasoned now. So he's changing the fucking rules? Yeah, he fucking knew he'd I'm done. No, no, no. This is fucking annoying me. He knew he'd fucked up when I said pizza

because that's the one thing. I don't care. No, no, no. But this is what it's about. Answer the man. Don't run away from the argument when you start to lose. I don't care. I don't care. I can no, no, but this is what it's about. Answer the man. Don't run away from the argument when you start to lose.

I can't, I can't. I don't care. I can't have spaghetti bolognese because it's meat and pasta. I can only have spaghetti. I don't care. Maybe I will get spaghetti bolognese. I'm having steak.

I'll have carbonara. I'll have like a, I'll have a box meal, a box meal one from my local takeaway. What's that takeaway called? It's the one that does kebab,

pizza and chips, that one. Is that the one you used to live above? Fucking hell. It's like Brittena, isn't it? What is

like the filthiest thing that you would divulge in when you're hungover because back in Seaford at Deep Geek I actually invented

something that they put on their menu did you yeah go on then well back in the day like cheesy chip wrap wasn't

that common oh my god he's trying to clearly invent a cheesy chip wrap it's not just it's not just a cheesy chip wrap

cheesy chip with garlic sauce don and meat in it so like a normal gyros no no with sauce lettuce with garlic sauce don and meat in it so like a normal gyros fuck me lad with sauce lettuce

oh my god so a doner kebab with cheese well done they didn't have it on the menu yeah you invented it mate

take it to the Greeks and the fucking Turks I don't know if it's still alive it's called the burger you'll have like a mouthful didn't they just give you

they just gave you the shop after that didn't they because you just yeah it's not called Theo's Titi's Theo's what if life is a game

what do you think the cheat codes are getting born into a rich family yeah being born into a monarchy or being born being born being born

being born like a rocket like a 10 out of 10 yeah that's true yeah yeah yeah yeah they do have life

on easy mode actually to be fair don't they for hot females yeah I have same actually I feel 10 out of 10

you notice I'm growing my hair out yeah we had this conversation no please go on to this go on I was thinking

I was thinking yes because I'm trying to save the haircut before I go to straight are you getting him on to this. I was thinking... It's a curly back hair, isn't it? Yes, because I'm trying to save the haircut before I go to Australia. Are you getting a mullet? I think I might. What, you're still growing it out? I might go V. Should I go V?

Oh my God, yes. A burst fade on the side, mate. Can you turn your head around? Let us see you... I'm not joking here, but is it the top that you've grown out as well? It looks like one of those hats with the flaps over the side

I'll even go go on L4 I'm going to be net broken when they get down here that's going to be what's that you're going to need

to put it in a ponytail who's that guy of TikTok Dobby it's really thick at the back Dobby Dobby

or whatever he's called Dobby let me find it you see his hair. I reckon I could do it with a V. I reckon mullet out, mate. I reckon send him on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll do it. If I'm going to Australia, I've got to fit in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll be like, get out! And I'll shave the beard but only keep the tash.

Yeah, I think you do. And I'll wear pure sport run socks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've finally become clapping boss, final boss. Oh, fuck. Oh, clapping boss, final boss. It's like, is there? What's that? Is that a balloon? become clapping boss final boss oh fuck oh oh clapping boss final boss is that

is that what's that let's have a look let's have a look so what is he like the uh with Niven all them you think he looks

like that no I was saying you could go for that no you said he looks like that I didn't say you did I didn't say

you did you look like a sellotape keeping your glasses together buddy watch how you talk to me. Maybe you could join their content house where they do dances. Thanks, guys.

Now I won't be getting a haircut. I definitely think you should get a haircut. No, I think you should. What have you got to lose? What have you got to lose? I'm laughing at him more than I am. I have a personality for it. Yeah, you don't fucking get an eye.

They could shave your pubes and just stick it on your head. When was the last, honestly, when was the last time you actually experimented with your hair? When was the last time you, when was the last time you actually experimented with your hair? Like, when was the last time you got a different haircut

to what you have now? Probably a couple years ago. It's about time, no? Yeah. By experimenting, do you mean a transplant? Yeah. Experimented on.

It was actually really long after the transplant because of lockdown. It was really long. Then I cut it short and I was like, oh, I regret that because then it just didn't grow back.

Is that the cortisol from three podcasts that you're on? The what? It does look more hairy. It used to be thicker, didn't it? No, I'm not even trying to... Oh, okay, never mind. I know your whole thing started with... And the hair came out because of stress?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, I'm genuinely asking. Nah, because it just sort of like semi-failed. I actually think it came down to where I hit my head whilst I was healing. That explains a lot. In the first two weeks.

What are we talking about here? Are we talking about the hair? It's like the most delicate in the first two weeks and then I'm healing in. And then I got out of the car and just bashed my head. I did. And I was like, oh fuck fuck and I was bleeding in there couldn't you not do it

can you actually not do it well I had 10 grand down the fucking drain are you not able to do it again like pouring it downwards there's no way you paid for that transplant no I didn't

but hypothetically speaking can you not do it again genuinely yeah I can you can do it again yeah go turkey are you going to maybe

me as well I'm a walker as a fuck you've got a girlfriend you've got a good wife I don't care I might just go mullet the good thing you are you can have a beard

mate fuck it you don't need another transplant just get a mullet I can't wait I can't wait for when you like fucking just skin shave it down and get a big beard you'll look like a proper

fucking like that's basically what it is that'll be his outfit no he needs to grow the beard out more and embrace the balls what do you mean by that there's periods where you've had short hair and big beard

come on man I think it suits you better I think you should? There's periods where you've had short hair and big beard. Come on, man. I think it will suit you better. I think you should. I think you should go bald. You've got a good head shape. I think Lewis will shave his hair before I do. Are you really mad? I'm going to get a transplant. I am.

At some point. Yeah, you probably should. Should we go into the crowd? Oh my God. Let's do it together and vlog it. Yeah, I mean, I need to get a transplant desperately. What are we talking about?

I'm just waiting for myself to bald a bit more. Hey, Lewis, that is where society is wrong because what you just said what you said there speaking as a bald what you what you said there what you said there you said I need yeah you don't need to you don't need to you're an attractive dude so I couldn't hold cannot in there and also if you're my problem is

if you're bald it does help if you're ripped you do need it thank you that's what i need if you have a good head shape

you don't need i don't have a good head shape you do i don't i'm not sure i need a beard no no

the top of your head is a decent shape that's the thing we've seen when you've had a skin head and you look absolutely fine

it did shoot you better. You need to realise, though, you have to have a beard if you're going to be bald. I know many people who have gone bald, right? Me. Decent head shape. But you have a beard. Chip went bald.

Terrible. Terrible head shape. Freezy. Or Godolph. Oh, yeah, I remember that. That was weird. He was in his hipster era there, wasn't he? You could get away with shaving it off, mate.

You were finally. No, if you're going to be bald on the edge, you need to have like a beard or a jawline or a jawline now I'm a mouth breather who can't grow a beard

so it's a problem it's probably time to just jump out of it yeah why don't you get oh my god the cards are stacked against you bro

big time can I get a beard transplant can I get a beard transplant yeah it looks really good like in Team America you don't even watch it no but I've seen that bit I've seen that bit

don't laugh I've seen that bit I've seen that beard truss must look awful I've seen Tropic Thunder for the first time actually no I haven't seen that bit

I'm thinking of something else I don't know what they're on about why are you laughing I don't know I'm fucking done with this pod today I'm so hungry well Tom oh dummy got a hungry belly

luckily for you Tom we dummy got a hungry belly. Luckily for you, Tom, we've got a butterfly effect. Fingers, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, into my ass. Not about food, but I did try to find one.

Is it about dinosaurs? Because that's what Luke All you're going to tell us is like about World War II or something that no one's ever heard of. No. World War I.

Actually, I'm going to tell you about how a guy called Tom changed the landscape of Hollywood forever. Oh my God. Yes. Now. Oh, I'm already annoyed.

In 1980, times were different. You know? It's not even that the correct year. It's really not that far back. In 1980, the times were different.

Just one guy was that one. Tom Selleck? Yeah, from Friends. Tom Selleck? Yeah, from Friends. Tom Selleck? From Friends. What? Tom Selleck's in Friends, isn't he? The guy with the big moustache

used to go out with Monica. Oh, yeah? That is Tom Selleck, isn't it? Yeah, I don't know. I've never heard of him. All right, fine. But I'm just not... How could you have never heard of him?

You're doing a fact on him. Tom Selleck was originally cast to play... I think it is. In what famous set of films in the 80s? Back to the Future. Indiana Jones.

Correct, Thomas. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Let me see him. What does he look like? Oh, cool beans. So he was originally cast to play Indiana Jones,

all right, in The Raiders of the Lost Ark, the first one. Yep, yep, yep. It's a huge, huge franchise. Who did that? He said Woody Harrelson.

Who did it? No, no, no. Do you mean who did it? Hey, hey, hey, stop, stop ruining it. Stop ruining it. Don't ruin it. Woody Harrelson.

Stop ruining it. Who did ruin it. Don't ruin it. Who did Indiana Jones? Everything was set. The role was his. However. No Diddy. Han Solo shot him. At the last minute,

he had to back out. Do you know why? Friends. Went to Diddy party? Allegedly. No, he didn't. He was on magnum pi and they were like you're not doing that you're not doing that indiana jones no way in hell you were contracted to be the star of magnum pi therefore he had to step away from the Indiana Jones role. Terrible decision.

Just terrible. Harrison Ford was then cast as Indiana Jones. Okay. Despite initial resistance from Steven Spielberg. He didn't fucking want him.

He didn't want him. Why didn't he want him? Want the Magnum PI? Why didn't he want him? He wanted the Magnum PI? Because he didn't want to use him again. Because he used him

in Star Wars, didn't he? He didn't want to use him again. George used him in star wars didn't he you don't need him again george lucas steven spielberg oh my god oh wait no hang on i read that wrong hang on he didn't want to use him famously did not direct let me see jesus let's just cut that no anyways anyways he was concerned yeah because he's two people

he's working as George Lucas and Stephen King he was concerned that using Ford again after Star Wars was going to be a bit dodgy

okay right yeah um however do you have to make this half hour every time I don every time it's worth it however uh harrison ford's portrayal turned out to be legendary skyrocketing his career to new level obviously uh indiana jones was a massive success big time uh star wars was a massive success yeah

harrison ford then went on to become Hollywood's top action star leading to Blade Runner, Witness. Yeah. You know, more Star Wars is in the future.

He was one of the most bankable star making a lot of people a lot of money in the 80s and 90s. He wasn't in the newer ones apart from... Meanwhile.

Magnum PI. Meanwhile, poor little Tom Selleck. Because of a fucking contract, he was stuck in Magnum PI for many years. Selleck Because of a fucking contract He was stuck in Magnum PI For many years How did that change Hollywood though? Which made him a household name

Yes On TV But not quite The level of Harrison Ford Was he? No So And then he went on to Friends

If he had just Is this the Butterfly Affair? So There's no twist So Oh my god So Wait until the This There's no twist. So. Oh my God. So. Wait until this.

There's a massive twist. Yeah, fair enough. If Tom Sulek had played Indiana Jones, Magnum P.I. probably would have been cancelled, altering the trajectory of his TV career, and the Indiana Jones franchise could have turned out much different. Probably way less successful. How do you know that? You're never doing this again.

Finally. By the way, this happens all the time in Hollywood. You're never doing this again. Every single film has a... Not only impacted these two actors' career, but also affected the landscape of Hollywood action cinema. All because of a DMP show contract

prevented him from working in it. So one guy got a role over another and that's it. That is fucking it. By the way, that happens all the time.

David Schwimmer was supposed to be in Men in Black. Oh my fucking God. You've pissed me off a lot today. Because of that contract, Harrison Ford

is considered the best action star of all time. What did it change about Hollywood? Hollywood stays the same. Are there even Hollywood films? A better one would have been like

Robert Downey Jr. was never supposed to be cast as Iron Man. And then obviously... But it happens all the time. Yeah. All the films change Hollywood. The films still would have been the same but just because I've said all this shit

but I feel I've been... It's quite big. Yeah, but Avengers is the highest grossing film of all time, isn't it? When? You need to go... one dinosaur... No, don't even talk to him, you're a fucking idiot for that. Have you got a fact? A butterfly once flapped its wings and created an asteroid that hit the Earth.

That's not what... That would've been good. That would be more like it. That is not how it works! Yeah, but he likes the simple ones like that. No, that's not simple! Yours wasn't simple, yours was fucking nothing! Yeah, but I got you though,'t i hooked you in no you didn't you fucking clickbait us with the title how quickly did it

you prep that one so long no it wasn't that was like two two minutes i don't think you understand finding these butterfly effects it really hard

it's not just use the internet i've gone through every article on internet no i could find a butterfly i will send you a better butterfly effect than that

i'll tell you what next episode i'll come in with one and i don't even article on internet. No, I could find a butterfly. I will send you a better butterfly effect than that. I'll tell you what, next episode, I'll come in with one. And I don't even believe in butterfly effects. You don't believe in it, it's a fact.

No, it's not. Every decision leads to another decision leading to indecisions. I don't believe in that. What do you mean? Chaos theory is too

big for Tom. Yeah, like you saying that has now affected the whole of this conversation. Yeah. Well, I don't believe that.

We wouldn't be having this conversation. Tom's point is our route, our path is already set. Oh, you're an idiot. I didn't say that. What do you think then?

I don't really know. Because there's two. I just don't believe in this bullshit that definitely didn't fucking affect Hollywood. Yeah, but your point is it's going to happen anyway

so the path's going to change. Why did it though? Who knows what world we could be living in like that. Precisely, but that's just so then you could just say that about anything what if i didn't open the door the way i opened it today maybe someone wouldn't have died exactly that's the whole point of the series stupid it's just a load of shit fucking die next what yeah i don't know i'm annoyed today you've annoyed me after that someone's got new shoes yes you've got half ankle socks on you big weirdo

are you a trendy hipster they're not they're not panda dunks what are they whatever he said earlier Jordan won mocker sing me in Theo

you still wear panda dunks you're wearing leggings you have to sing the song yeah so I can be ready to carry you

he does always wear leggings I don't get it you're wearing leggings they're one of the few when you're not doing any fitness. It's weird.

Oh, is it? Wearing recovery leggings whilst recovering from the fitness. Oh, recovery leggings. He doesn't help himself. He's got the recovery leggings on. It's so weird. It's fucking weird.

You think it's weird that I'm wearing the leggings when they're supposed to be worn. Yeah, it's weird. As a man, as a grown man turning up to film this podcast wearing leggings.

Oh, you wouldn't because you're insecure is that what it is that's it yeah you're right do you wear boxers beneath the leggings obviously not what

what we're there I thought there would be why would you you don't know leggings etiquette under there you just got your cock out

what are you doing well you can say that about anything no I thought under your boxers under your boxers you got your cock out under two layers of clothes? Well, you can say that about anything. No, I thought under your leggings. Under your boxers you've got your cock out. No, but I last

wear leggings. You'll have your knickers on or something. You don't wear knickers though. He's just commando under there. That's weird. You know when you

play football and you wore like the short tight things? I didn't. I used to wear pants. Well, yeah, for the lack of chafing. That is definitely weird.

That is definitely weird. He should have boxers on. No, that's weird. That's weirder. That's more weirder to wear boxers. No, he is right, though. If I did wear, like, cycling shorts, I wouldn't wear boxers.

They're like skin time, mate. Why would you have more material underneath them? It feels weird. Well, lasses wear knickers under their leg. Yeah, but they're not compression... And they don't have giant fucking cocks that I have to hang down. Why aren't you...

Why are you not wearing boxers again? Sing me into fucks, if you can remember the words no just do them Lewis has a fact and he is weird

so I've already been irritated this episode is this going to irritate me I'll be honest I've got one more they're actually so new they don't have creases no I've got the

anti-crease things in them it's creased there what's that wait hang on a second what do you mean anti- it's creased is that a real thing? Yeah, look, they don't.

How? Look, they don't crease. How? How is that a thing? Have you not seen them? Anti-crease technology. I'll be able to get it out, but. I didn't know you were flashing Easter.

This is not very good content, but. That's what the fuck. Is that not uncomfortable? Not really, no. I'm used to them because I have them in all my shoes. Just wear your shoes, mate. Yeah. Whoa oh that's blowing my mind

stop from creasing I just didn't know that was a thing it's a lot of hustle isn't that mad that's you know that's a thing but I didn't

I think I saw it on TikTok I've never never once heard that that was a thing I haven't heard anything about them have you heard of them

no but they are cool learn something new every day yeah never I bought you them socks I'm not really like a I don't really Have you heard of them? No. But they are cool. Learn something new every day. Yeah. Never. I bought you them socks. I'm not really like a... I don't really wear trendy shoes though.

My shoes are always just like training shoes. Oh, you're saying Puma don't make trendy shoes? No, but I don't wear like nice street wear shoes, do I? I wear... Running shoes. Yeah. On nights out. You wouldn't wear those in running shoes.

Exactly. It's less mobility. I'm going to do a warm up fact because we're talking about shoes. Okay. Yeah. That's a good lead in. Yeah. Fair enough.

Makes sense. Warm up fact. The beard man. Oh God. So Hans Steininger. Isn't everyone a beard man really? Not everyone. This guy's an extra beard man.

Hans Steininger was a beloved mayor in Austria. He's like proper sound on that. They all liked him a lot. Nice little small town. Like 1700 or something. Guessing. 1700. It's just a warm-up fact.

So it doesn't mean you shouldn't know the facts. The warm-up fact being you put no effort in there. I put effort in. Unquestionable. I put effort in. When was this? 1700. I told you. You asked the question. I fact being you put no effort in there, so it's unquestionable. I put effort in. When was this? 1700. I told you. You asked the question. I had a name. No, you can't

Google it. I'm telling you the story. You're going to spoil the story. So what century is that? Now we had a huge beard. Wait, start again. Wolf Hanstinger. Yeah, so Hanstinger was a beloved mare. Wolfie's a beloved man Wolfie people called him

Wolfie around the Austrian sea his name was actually Wolf hi Wolfie like Mozart Wolfgang Wolfgang Mozart

wasn't it what exactly why why why why put in to say that well he must have

been alive at the same time as Wolfgang I don't actually know what he's on about. Oh, honestly. Oh, my God. Is this the twist?

Is it Mozart? Is this the twist? You will never guess the twist on this one. Oh, but... Oh, God. What could it be? Will you tell us the twist?

We need to guess it. So, carry on. So... Do you guess now? He was actually supposed to play Indiana Jones. Yeah. So, he had a huge beard four foot long

four foot yeah big fucking beard innit four foot long do you know what though he's got a point just a wizard think about it

back in the day like scissors didn't exist or razors how would you shave your beard no that's not my point are you fucking

he said he said he said he has a point as if that's the point I was making have you ever have you thought about that say in Roman times right It's not my point. Are you fucking... He said... He said... They had knives and stuff. They had razors. He said he has a point as if that's the point I was making. Have you ever thought about that? Say in Roman times, right? Oh my God. Which is definitely before the 1700s.

Yeah, but 1700s, they definitely didn't have a break. Like how do you cut your beard? How do you have a haircut? Sorry, what the fuck, you wanna... Even in Egyptian times when you know, pharaohs had their perfectly formed... Yeah, but how did they do it? How did you get like a fade?

They probably wanted to get a fade but they'd have sharp objects called rock yeah at that point surely have you not seen the obsidian

is it called dragon stone they should open up a barber shop where you get a haircut as if you're in Egyptian time wow yeah

back in the wild west have you not seen that guy in Africa who does really good haircuts and he's literally like a fucking chisel and a stone

and he goes on people's hair and it's fucking good oh wow back in the wild west the more money you spent on your facial hair the more money you spent

on your facial hair the bigger flex it was so right you have diamonds on your wrist that's why you had like that shit you can't resist these days is that why you had

the square thing so yeah and they'd have all these moisturizers and glues and stuff on Jack Lewis glue so it's like, if you were Pua,

you couldn't afford to have a moustache. Really? Jackie Lewis would have been like... Yeah, he would have been fucking, yeah, he would have been Boyo back then. Anyways, full foot, long beard. Everyone loves him and that.

Just happy man. Oh, Austria. A bit racist. No, I don't know if you can do that. That's not racist. A bit xenophobic. A bit offensive. No, it's not.

Austrians will agree. Oh, Austria. Yeah. That's what you did. Fucking Bruno. Yeah. That was a good impression. You're quoting the same thing. if you can do that that's not racist xenophobic that's not no it's not Austrians will agree oh ho ho Austria yeah that's what you did it's not fucking Bruno yeah that was a good impression you're quoting the same thing

hi it's been Bruno you who makes up my blog yeah exactly you saw Disney's racist it's time for my one on one interview Minnesota Vikings oh my god

that's what we did Tom what what fucking with the NFL oh who cares well do that one as well

fire breaks out in his house someone cooking him a nice succulent meal downstairs a succulent Chinese meal what is the charge so they're like

ah nah fire alarm going off or the fire bell fire alarm was going off yeah 1700 yeah

who's ringing the fire bell first we set the fire off in the other room I thought this was a warm up fact I'm trying to use it interrupted talking about NFL

and shoes do it they didn't even interrupt with the shoes thing that was before you started yeah you interrupted us anyways

you now told us the fire bell is happening it wasn't invented it was a bell wasn't invented you're an idiot how's it going to detect fire

he's ringing it someone's ringing it because there's a fire how does it someone's ringing it because there's a fire how does it detect fire fucking hell there's a man going up and down the street looking in every window

and then when there's a fire started he goes fire there's a fire there's a fire in there anyways I don't know why

he goes to run because he's Austrian I have a feeling Tom when you get home in the evenings you do drag okay

okay he goes to run downstairs and he trips over his beard and falls and breaks his neck and dies

that's it and that's why how tall was he three feet I'm never doing this podcast ever again that's why that's why

that's why Austrians don't really have beards. No, no, no, fuck Rob. How is he tripped over his beard if he's over four feet? What's the twist? What's the twist? That invented World War II? No, no, that's why Austrians don't have beards really. Right, alright, so. No, no, no, no.

I mean, do me proper fucking hell. Who's the actor? No, no, you're not doing the other one. Yes, I fucking am. That's the one. No, you're not. No, I work hard on one today. Wait, you're saying that's why Austrians don't have beards? What about the actor no no you're not doing another one yes I fucking am that's the warm up fuck I got no you're not no I worked out of one today that's why Austrians don't have beards what about the actor

the really good actor who's in Inglourious Bastards and Django he's Austrian oh no some of them do some of them do he doesn't have a beard

anyway let's do the queen no I prepped this I prepped this I worked out of it you're annoying me today are you projecting

because I'm your teammate I'm going to carry you for it that's not how we're projecting yeah he doesn't objecting what you said object you projecting? Because I'm your teammate. I'm going to carry you for it. That's not how objecting means. Yeah, he doesn't... Objecting.

What? You said objecting. Right, we're ready for the quiz. Did I? Always. Forever and always, babe. I don't know who's winning. I don't really care.

In front of Vikings. Let's go Jets. Let's go Minnesota. Let's go Minnesota. Right, so this week's quiz... This week's quiz is to do with just, I don't know. Number one. Fair enough, good topic.

Number one, this actually doesn't make sense. Hang on. Say it anyway, man. Read out. We have to decipher it. No, it's all right. What is the most visited country in the world? Bun.

Go. The answer is, of course, China. Incorrect. Hungary. Buzz. America. Incorrect. France. Correct. It's one nil read. Fuck off. Parrot in it, China. Incorrect. Hungary. Buzz. America. Incorrect. France.

Correct. One nil, Reeve. Fuck off. Paris, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, it's because all the Americans go there thinking it's like the place of the wolves. Is it because it's the capital of Europe?

I don't know. It's just people go to Paris. I don't like Paris. What about London? Not as popular as Paris. It's not a country either. It's also not a country. It's an island.

It's also not a country. Anyway. It actually is its own country, by the way, London, because that's why you have the city of London and its own bank. No, there's a borough and then there's a city. It's not a country. It's an island. It's also not a country. Anyway. It actually is its own country, by the way, London, because that's why you have the city of London and it's its own bank. No, there's a borough and then there's a city.

It's different. It's its own, it doesn't abide by England. Oh my God, no, no. No, not quite. You're so stupid. You're almost there, but not quite.

Keep going there, buddy. I'm trying to help you. What's the southernmost country in Europe? Beep. Obviously, the answer is Greece. Wrong. No. Turkey Obviously, the answer is Greece. Wrong.

No. Turkey. Hungary. It's Greece. Hungary. Like Tenerife. It literally is Greece. Crete is the southernmost point of Europe.

No. Oh, let me guess. Beep. France. Because it's one of the islands. No. Hungary. Like the bottom tip of Italy.

No. It's Greece, mate. It's not. Crete is the lowest point in Europe. Hungary. Spain. Correct. No, it's not.

Canary Islands. Next to Africa. It's fucking Greece. It's Crete. Lanzarote is further south than Crete. You brought us about a mile away from fucking Morocco, which is Africa. Sorry, Spain. Tenerife has to be lower south than Crete. Gibraltar's about a mile away from fucking Morocco, which is Africa. It's not really Europe, is it?

It's lower down than Crete. It's not really Europe. Spain? But that part... Spain isn't Europe. Tenerife is Spain, mate. Tenerife is Spain. I said Tenerife.

No, you didn't. He did, but that's not... Oh, that's not a country? It's not a country. It is Spain, technically. Yeah. I know it is. That's some bullshit.

It's a Spanish island, bro. That's the same Madrid, though. You just cannot say Madrid. Frank Canaria. Fuck off. Yeah. I know it is. That's some bullshit. I should get a point there. That's the same Madrid, though. You just can't say Madrid. Frank Canaria. Fuck off. Tenerife is a country. It's just owned by Spain. It's not a country.

You fucking dog. It's also not... Tenerife isn't part of Spain. If I said Hawaii... If I said Hawaii, you wouldn't give me a point. If I said America, you would give me a point.

Hawaii's a state, though. Canary Islands are owned by Spain, Lewis. It's like Mallorca. Is Mallorca a country? Yes. No, it's fucking Spain, you idiot. Right. It's owned by Spain.

Question number three. It's two and all to read. You two are fucking idiots. We used to own fucking Africa. What is the most northern? Whoa! Sorry. No, we own the whole world.

We used to. Did Lewis just say that out loud? What the hell? Oh my God, dude. I don't even want to repeat what you just said. You're horrend world. We used to. Did Lewis just say that out loud? What the hell? Oh my God, dude. I don't even want to repeat what you just said. That's horrendous. Oh man.

You just think we own everything. We used to. What was wrong? We give it back. You're telling us that England owned a continent. We owned the world.

The world. We did. We already recently gave back Hong Kong. Anyway. Sorry. Number three. You just need to learn

about your facts. You didn't know about the Roman Empire? British Empire was after that, didn't it? Alright. What the hell's wrong with you?

What the hell? What's the most northern African country? Points. That was me. Go on then. Algeria. No.

Tunisia. Correct. Hungary. Morocco. Fucking, the answer's Tunisia. I didn't know. This is a geography quiz. Correct. Hungary. Morocco. Fucking, with the answers Tunisia. I don't know. This is a geography quiz. I'm shit at this. Number four. What are the two,

so I need two answers, the two most commonly drank drinks after... Oh, go on then. It's obviously Fanta and Pepsi. Beep. Beep. Beep. That obviously Fanta and Pepsi. Beep, beep, beep. That's wrong.

Beep, beep. After water, therefore, the answer is tea and coffee. Nope. One is right. But, okay, finish question for Reeve. What are the two most commonly drank drinks after water? One's tea and the other one's Coca-Cola. Nope.

Beep. It's coffee and it is sparkling water. Incorrect. Hungry. More water. It's coffee

and orange juice. Both wrong. Well, one of them's tea. They're both staying coffee when they knew one was tea. One of them's tea, boys. How do when they knew one was tea one of them's tea boys how do we know

one was tea I saw you empty the bag you didn't say the answer to Reeves question did I not Reeves got one right

it's 100% tea he got one right and you got one right so figure it out because he said tea and coke I heard the quiz oh yeah

oh yeah wait did you say what did you say I hate your facts that are just fucking useless and stupid my facts are good

you're just so they got neither right there? No. No. So one is tea. One of them is tea, obviously, but we knew that. And then the other one is...

Tea. Kombucha. What? Fucking hell. This is the most news thing. Milk. No, but that's third. Is it?

Oh, no, that's grey. Yeah. We've named all the big ones of course we have yeah as opposed to water milk not coffee

yeah but it wouldn't be coke would it be soda like you're thinking too yeah hungry soda no you can't have that

as an answer if he goes it would be soda who told me then you didn't get it right. It's not going to be the brand, is it? Tom, do we drink it?

Barely. Barely? Stupid. What do you mean by we? Who's we? You and me. Anyone in this room drink it? Yeah.

Oh, but... You two fucking don't. But a buzz. Oh. A beer. Yes. Alcohol, yeah. Well, we're reforning. Look, you're a fucking idiot. Tom, is a buzz. Oh! Beer. Yes. Alcohol, yeah. Oh.

Well, Reeve's falling in love. Was it alcohol or beer? Beer. Soda was a good guess. More than milk. Beer is the third most commonly drank drink on earth. How mad is that? That is men.

After water and tea. Yeah. That's pretty smart. More than coffee and milk. It goes milk, then coffee, I think. That is bizarre. Yeah, right. Can Reeve make it

five out of five? What is the most visited state in America? California. Correct. And a bonus question, considering it used

to be 302, out of the 50, so there's a list of out of the 50 states, where is Delaware on that? Beep. Hungary.

Delaware is in Minnesota. What? He's saying the number from 150. Oh my God. Delaware's a state.

Oh, it's 12th. Buzz. Hungary, 25. No. Oh, 17th. No. Beep. We've got to go closest.

We're going to get you out there. Delaware. Come on, mate. The second most visited state. We've got to go closest. We'll going to get you all there. Delaware. Come on, man. The second most visited state. We've got to go closest. We'll be all there. It's the second smallest.

Beep. Last. No. Hungary, 48th. Right, the last guess is now... 49th. No. That was your last guess.

The 37th. Close. 38th. Yeah. Yes! Anyway, thanks for tuning in I want to kill myself

please rate 5 stars and subscribe yeah please subscribe because I'm getting sick of this I can't listen to this kid anymore if people subscribe

we might get a new set yeah true yeah great shout we should have said that at the start of the episode really no one's here right

now there's no way they lasted this long and if you are here right now you have to message say one word you have to message me no no word. You have to message me.

No, no. We just can't do anything right. We can't do anything. No, let's just go. Let's just go. We're done. You have to say you have to message. He's going to ask one word from each of us

for people to message on this video. That's what he was about to ask. Say one word. Oh, you mean comment, not message. Say one word. Pineapple brain. No, that's not one word. Still says two.

This guy. Comment pineapple brain if you're here right now. Pink. Oh, no, no. Comment if you know you know. I recommend turning this off. If you know you know. Bye, everyone.

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