Back Side - 5: Tom's Filthy Tenerife Stories, Why Running is a SCAM & Where is Shakespeare's Head?

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Tom reveals all about his dirty return to Tenerife, Lewis claims all runners are nerds and does anyone know where Shakespeare's head is?If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. A little poo nugget came on me, son. Okay, let's go. Look it came on me son. You do. I do. I do and you do. What is the point of those clothes? All I need are Alpha Flies and pink socks. You look like an idiot.

I actually think they look quite cool. Thanks, man. No, you don't. I do? No, you don't. I do like those glasses. You think they're cool? You know what you are?

Luke, you are a hater. All you do is want to talk negative about everyone. You're just jealous because you won't have to wear these because these don't come with a prescription. I'm actually the biggest supporter and lover you'll ever see. Can you get prescription running glasses like these? I've no idea. You would know

because you're a nerd who runs. Well, speaking of support and love, thanks everyone for continuing to subscribe because now I've got a better chair.

Yeah, 20,000 subs. Oh yeah, I know, finally. Thanks. Oh, this is why we've got new chairs? Yeah, mate. Yours is a bit of

the shit chair. You're really small. It's comfort. Don't do that. Also, guys, Tom, you might want to hear this. Reeve, and I said it in pitch side this morning,

has got pink eye. Yeah. You really? No. Remember you were saying that I was most likely to get pink eye. You said I was most likely to get pink eye out of everyone. Now look at you. That's karma, dude.

You don't have pink eye. You do have pink eye. That's exactly what someone who has pink eye would say. You said Meg farted on your face last night. We've had a very similar weekend what's Meg doing with you no no

my arse is just split why stitching back up why got bummed by loads of men is that what it's like if you got bummed

for the first time? Would it be like... No, no, my first time was alright. That's what they say, isn't it? Every stag do is a shag do. Tom, obviously you've just got back from Tenerife. But before we get on to that, Lewis has got a big announcement to make, haven't you?

Yeah, congrats, Lou. You are now a runner. Oh yeah, it's easy like i saw you video do you know what's pathetic about that stopping after a kilometer i didn't stop after a quarter it was the third kilometer oh you didn't stop did you it's a third kilometer what what you went out and run 5k but you didn't stretch and he said also by the way he said to us adamantly oh yeah you don't get tired in running you don't i wasn't tired so why did you stop i should have stretched you see didn't i should by the way i i only wanted to do a 20 year 5k after not running ever that's like no what did you do 28 minutes yeah it's all right i could do

less than that dress like this no no i agree because it's easy because he told us he did a 27 minute no i didn't 5k i didn't yeah 5K. I didn't. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. I'm making things up. How have you found out what he's actually doing? I followed him on Strava just to really analyse what he's done and what he's told us and all the lies he's been actually saying. Did you stop your watch or your run at any point, Lou?

I don't have a watch because you don't need a watch and all these gadgets go far wrong. That's my point. You don't need all this shit. No, I was on your side until... He saw a run. That's my point. You don't need all this shit. No, I was on your side until... He saw you run. Yeah. 5Ks are completely easy.

I agree with that. Do you know what the problem was? Genuinely. The shit like they do or like when people are doing marathons. No, people are confusing my point with that. You said, oh, don't get tired. Yeah, so you went out at 4.47

on your first kilometre. That's pretty good, isn't it? Your second one was 5.12. Third one, 5.28. Third one, 5.28. Fourth one, 6.16. I had a stretch. Yeah, but how many times did you stop? No, I didn't stop.

I had to stop. I only stopped. I didn't stop, but I had to stop. No, no, no. I only stopped once to actually stretch. I was like, I fucking should have stretched. Yeah, that's the only time. Then at the last kilometre, I just ran.

You actually ran for 30 minutes and also Luke why are you hating on people wearing sunglasses when it's sunny people are so like sensitive here

it's hate no you're hating on me I'm not allowed to take the piss out of someone otherwise I'm a hater you're not taking the piss you're not taking the piss

there's a difference between taking the piss why do you care what I say as a non-runner oh so you're you're a jealous little man

is that what you're saying I'm jealous of your glasses they're so defensive of the sport. And realistically, the only people who run are nerds. You're not going to... You literally went for a run and couldn't even complete it

in one go. You're not going to basketball, so you just go for it, run around a pond, and then you put on your high boots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mo Farah, man. He's a fucking nerd.

He's shit. Nothing but all these times I'm open about it. They're probably laughing at you having to stop after two kilometres to stretch. They probably are that's embarrassing

the impression that you get from them that's more embarrassing than anything they've ever worn or said or done he wears a hairband because it sweats

you stopped after two kilometres Rafa Nadal wears a headband because he sweats you can't compare yourself to Rafa Nadal what's the point are you a fucking example

to Rafa Nadal that's not why LeBron James fucking sasshole? That's not why LeBron James wore a headband, mate. It's not even a headband, it's like a little shoelace he has on his head.

Yeah, to stop the sweat going in my eye. You have eyebrows! Oh my God. That's what eyebrows are for. They stop the sweat

going, that's why you have eyebrows. Why are you wearing a hat, Lou? That is not true because I still get sweat in my eye sometimes.

Tenerife? If I sweat, yeah. Why are you wearing a hat? Because I have shit hair. Why are you wearing a hat because I have shit hair why are you wearing a hat same reason I'm guessing

because I haven't showered today yeah so what is so what your my point is why are you having a go at someone for wearing something I'm not I'm just saying you look

it's like the same way that you wore the funny Mr. Krabs socks the other day I said you look like shit it's not really even a sport thing you're just dressing up

like a knob that's the main thing you can go for a run and enjoy it, but I can honestly say you look like a right knob. Some people run normally. And do you know what? I sort of tip my hat to people who are just wearing shorts, a black t-shirt,

and they have none of this shit, and they go, I'm like, yeah, fair play, mate. You know about this whole like fashion stuff, yeah? Why are people not allowed to like dress fashionably whilst running, but why in everyday life they can? You can wear what you want. So when your boss, Cal Friese,

walks in in shit drip yeah he does it often as well but you say oh mate you look so good today but if someone wears a pink t-shirt to run in oh god forbid

shoot them he was walking around with a hat with a little light on I said he looked like a non-beer on his mate he does he had a little flashing light

I'm like what's the purpose of that he's like just in case you live in jeans the sun died or do you think you might be the worst dressed person in this building? So shouldn't surely I know what looks good? I've challenged Lewis that in one month's time,

if he beats me in a 5K, he'll get something. But everything I ask for in return, he's refusing because he's scared of all bets. I already know what I want from him. Hang on, hang on. So you're actively racing each other on the day or is it just time? Yeah, on the day. Or if he beats you,

you give him 50 grand. No, no, no, no. I want something even better. I want your Ironman medal. I want your half Ironman medal. Give it to me. If I beat you at five, I deserve it.

That's fine. Take the bet. It's a fucking useless bet. But if Paul, not to him, it's important to him and that's all that matters. But if you do a full one,

what do you go? Well, everything I've asked for he refuses you haven't asked for anything no you should you should take his you should take his Ironman medal that he gets

when he completes a full Ironman yeah he's handing over to me oh I've had this but if you beat him he has to enter an Ironman that's

that's good yeah that's expensive isn't it how much we'll pay for it We're paying for it. We can definitely get some sponsored for you. Oh, that's a good idea.

If you're that good at running, you should do a full Ironman. Yeah, if it's that easy, if it's that sissy and like anyone can do it, oh yeah. Lewis did say to me, by the way,

you know this 5K, I'm doing this 5K bet with you. We're doing that in a month. He said, I won't even need to train. I'll just go out and run. It's not hard. Easiest sport in the world.

Let's do it. Absolute light work. You're going to get to track. You get so rattled. Yeah. Get your headband on. I could beat your 5k time after a month. You've got to take the bet.

You've got to take it. Yeah. It can be your Ironman medal. Yeah. And if you don't beat me. We put you in for a full Ironman. But that's like like of course you beat i'll beat you time but so you're just going to be training for it as well no i'm not allowed

to train for it you're always like yeah i'll just do it i'll just continue as i am yeah and you just train for your 5k you should do it in jeans yeah yeah it'll still be yeah that's perfect i can't believe that's actually disgusting I touched on the fact that Lewis bought some running shoes yeah female running shoes can I get this up

right so he put it I didn't even was it your story right and I didn't even I was out I couldn't even hear

what he was saying but I seen I seen the picture on the veil bright pink and I'm just going and you can see the woman

it's a woman sat down with the barber her head's not on but you can tell by her hands it's a woman and I just put

women's shoes are crazy by the way and he went wait are they wait so they're pink but surely they don't fit you though

because like a woman's ten is not the same as a men's ten that is fit alright it might be unisex now John's a bit crazy are they women's I feel like ZX Fluxes they don't fit you though because like a woman's 10 is not the same as a men's 10. That is shit. All right. Might be unisex. Now,

I'm doing something crazy. I don't even, I don't like ZX Fluxes. Okay, this is my, by the way, this is my main thing with running problems is like,

everyone is telling me I need to get this, like shit, I need to get a watch and when I've just started, like those cost 40 quid and I was told by Charlie they aren't running shoes.

It literally has running in the title. They're ZX Fluxes, aren't shoes it literally has running in the title they're ZX you know what I mean it says running in the title on here it says running and they're like

those aren't even running shoes I'm like well what the fuck are they then it's like the rush out runs weren't running shoes they're called running shoes in the women's aisle shoes

and then you get through oh because they're not 150 quid they're not from this random stupid company no no I completely get what you're saying Lou but also at the end of the day

you should get a shoe that is good for you because otherwise you actually can get injured you should just be more supportive of me really no we would be we would be

if you just bought this on yourself Lou we would be supportive of you if you weren't such a knob about it do you know why logic is right I've always been like this

even with my driving test so things are this might sound weird but things I know things I know I'm bad at i'll talk shit about and say it's really easy so then that forces you to be good i did it with me driving test that doesn't make any sense so in the driving test the guy before he's already talking me down he's like yeah mate don't worry if you fail and i was going to him nah it's easy nah it's light work blah blah

blah and it sort of forces you to be good i was giving it the big into me mates so all they wanted all them wanted me to fail so that creates motivation to do well because you know now i've raised the stakes i have to do so well otherwise i'm going to not maybe it's just a defense mechanism and actually you're really nervous and you're actually very insecure man no because now now with you now it is i've raised the stakes so much i'm gonna have to keep myself accountable. Do you think you're very insecure and actually your autism, some would say, is actually like a defensive mechanism for your internal thoughts? You wouldn't let her off there.

You actually can't. You actually can't. You can't. If you let yourself be quiet for a split second and let your internal thoughts take over, you actually might decombust. Yeah. Is it because if you actually are yourself, you're just nothing of a man? You're just an absolute take over you actually might decombust yeah is it because

if you actually are yourself you're just nothing of a man you're just an absolute are you going to cry duh it's the diary of the city you're wondering are you actually going to cry

nah yeah I can't make myself cry sometimes how do you do that I used to do it before school you have to just think about about that 5k yeah if you want to

if you want to be if you want to be off for school I used to like just picture like everyone dying or like I told you someone specific

I told you before like I used to think about like death as a child and like sit and freak myself out why are your eyes so what do you mean

what do you mean think about death or explain so you dying or someone else dying or seeing someone die or what do you mean so picture I'm like

eight year old looking into the distance no because I remember it so I'm like eight year old. Looking into the distance. No, because I remember it. So I was like eight years old and like you're on the end. I've come close with a Grim Reaper. I was eight years old. That'll be on my bed. And I'm thinking like, one day I'm just going to die.

And that'll be the end forever and ever and ever and ever. Yeah, you might come back as like a rabbit. No, in my head, no, no, and ever and ever. And then I start relating it to myself so I'll be like you'll never have Rice Krispies again

you'll never and it's just darkness forever and ever and I'll do that and I get a feeling like my chest goes

and you have a panic attack Lewis Pet it's 7.50 we've got to get you to school I love it I love it

also the fact that you rate Rice Krispies the best cereal is so criminal by the way so weird yeah a group without any seasonings whatever what's that have you not heard about this his mom would cook him chicken but she'd burn it because she's scared no no no no and then they wouldn't they didn't have salt and pepper i want to know what kind of seasoning you're chucking on Rice Krispies, mate. No Coco Pops, for example. It was just like rice plain, healthy stuff.

Rice plain. Rice plain? Rice not plain. Sorry, man, if you're watching this. But she used to think if there was juices in the chicken, that meant it might be undercooked. So she burned it. I'm sorry, man.

So dry. What was your steak, Lloyd? It was... We couldn't afford the Tory foods. Like steak. What a steak from a supermarket. We'd have chicken. We'd maybe have... Then a lot of like corned beef casserole.

You know what? You were fucking brought up in a third world country. Your town is the most Tory town I've ever been to in my life. You do not even remember one thing about my village. You didn't take us there? I did. And I offered you to come to my house and you said, nah, just shit all, fuck off.

No, that's the crazy thing that happened. You literally said, do you want to come near my house? Yeah, you said you'd like to have the bus. No, I said, you can come near if you like. And then you laughed. And then you said, nah, just fuck off, mate. It's on video.

That's just a generic then tom almost died yeah we had a beer yeah you did almost die and you met daddy anyways i predict that lewis next week will come in in pink socks and gradually over time he'll convert but we are having that 5k race in a month yeah i guess so it's a bit annoying we'll do it for a backside vlog yeah yeah do people want to see that like let's do a video let's know who you think will win and what you think the forfeits should be yeah

just cheat and get a line bike I'll split the winnings with you no because we're watching you do it we've got to run against each other

if we see you on a line bike we know that you haven't ran it you are a clever clever boy thank you it wasn't the only thing that happened

over the weekend was it though you're on about high up damn fitness you're actually going to keep those glasses on

it's really bright I thought we were segwaying into him we're saving that one oh okay alright saving the question ours just isn't as

cool as what Tom's done so yeah me and Reeve did a high rocks yeah I don't know if it was a good time I don't really know

anything about we wanted to beat 1 hour 10 and we got 1 hour 8 so it's a good time I don't really know anything about it's what we we wanted to be one hour ten and we got one hour eight so it's obviously it's did you did you win

to beat everyone I don't know I don't know it worked we ran our own match I've seen you I've seen you celebrating on your TikTok

so I thought did you see him on my hand I only saw the photos poor Reem we're bringing this up all the time

Reem you tried to you tried to hold my hand where's the it's on for your I only saw the photos. Oh, poor Reem, man. We're bringing this up all the time. He rinsed it. No, I'm putting it He tried to hold my hand. Wait, where's the... It's up for your... We had to go across the finishing line. He went to go

hold my hand and I sort of just let go. Oh, pause. You could have a cute little moment when we're across the line together

but you ruined it. And then he wipes out someone doing wall balls. No, what do we do first? The ski. Ski, sled, push, sled, pull. Ski could have been faster for me

yeah but I don't want to gas out what was next like wrestler music everyone's like shit should have

subbed him in oh yeah you would be great at skiing to be fair there was a little moment though we picked up the farmer carries

like the two kettlebells yeah and I just started running with him yeah and he behind me goes oh me i'm so proud of you i'm not him keep going i love you and it did give me goosebumps yeah it's a nice moment yeah

honestly i'm about to bleed this but you two are fucking i find it so funny there so you went to Tenerife where you obviously did the infamous skiing session did you get a photo

to recreate it no I barely went on my phone all weekend to be fair oh no risk of any more videos hey phones are weird boys

living in the moment nah it was just more it just wasn't that I don't know a lot of my mates I don't know they don't that group they can't work a phone they know they prefer not having things on stories and that because they've all got missuses and stuff not that now you've done them

one of my mates had a barn in his missus one night because they were i put a story up and there was he was just sat there and like five yards behind him walking past was a girl. And it kind of looked like she was within our group, but she weren't. I don't think I spoke to one girl. Just sat looking, I've been watching it,

just trying to find something to get angry at. The only bird I spoke to is the bird who's selling balloons. Do you know what is funny though? A lot of girls and girlfriends, like think all these lads, when the lads holiday, they're going to get up to no good they sit around

talking about football and beers it becomes just more golf holidays are the best for that now those are like the grown up adult lads holidays

you get pissed but also play a golf on the day I want to hear more about Tenerife though there was one shagger and he went around a lot of us

no this is actually quite a fucking good story so he um oh my god no there was two sagas oh my fucking god i forgot well the shaggy isn't it the first night right the first night so bear in mind our flight was about seven o'clock in the morning so we all met up at as you do yeah i work up to my phone and just like there's a story with you drinking at like 6am already i was like we made up at half three in the morning for a half hour journey to the airport and our flight was at seven so people had already started drinking and doing other things on the coach on the way no way no way that is insane i was like they were like do you want a little Fiki Menage

I was like I think I'm alright it's 4am boys it's half 3 they were like fuck it I was front row because I was in

business class I wasn't really Brian Eyre it was easy jet oh you had exit row I had about I reckon I had 10 beers on the plane

I was fucking wanker when I got off that plane isn't it like a three hour flight yeah and I was just like I got on the plane I was fucking wanker when I got off that plane isn't it like a three hour flight yeah and I was just like I got off the plane I was like

is anyone else pissed I was like now we've all had a nap I was like oh no this is what you were drinking on your own I was sat on my own

just like this all this adds up to you shouldn't really have drank you shouldn't on your own sat next to this old couple

who are only from Alzo and down the road from me talking to them oh no you were sat on your own sat next to this old couple who are only from Alzo and down there after me talking to them oh no you were chatting to them wait so all your mates

are just like a sleep on the plane and you're just chatting to this old couple like going through fucking bits oh it's gonna be

lovely this isn't it I'm surprised they kept serving you yeah we get off no the flight attendants love me I'll give them a cuddle as we left then we get off no the flight attendants love me

I'll give them a cuddle as we left then we got off headed straight to it was only like a 15 minute journey to the hotel get to the hotel

the lads went and picked up the goods the shopping the shopping for the room because we wanted to get some drinks and food

for the checking the time I'm recording just the bags of shopping okay anyway then it gets to about what I can't

are you carrying on drinking it because surely you'd like crash a little bit yeah this is where I'll stop drinking at this point so then it gets to about 11 o'clock

and I'm like no AM 11 AM and he's had 15 pints then it gets to like 8 or 9 8 or 9 o'clock and we've finished around the pool and Then it gets to like eight or nine, eight or nine o'clock

and we finish around the pool and everyone goes up to get changed and go out. PM. You've been drinking all through the day? Yes, non-stop.

How many pints do you reckon you've had up to this point? 20. When you land, does the time go back when you landed? No, it's the same time as anyway.

Yeah, it's just like straight down. It's hot though, it's hot. Yeah, really hot. I burnt the first day because obviously we went straight in the pool. Everyone's just, I don't know, wrestling and touching underneath.

Yeah, so then we all went up to the room to get changed. And I just remember going into the shower, having a shower. And I come back out and I was like, right, I'll just have a quick lie down. And then I just remember waking up about one in the morning. No, about 12. Just butt naked by phone. I got like 40 missed calls. Everyone's like, where the fuck are you?

Like, everyone's out. And I'm like, oh, great. So I'm like, where is everyone? No one was replying to me. And then the one lad who stayed in to smoke weed on the balcony. Oh, my God. Because you can smoke weed in Tenerife. So then I go to him and no one's replying.

And by the time people are replying, they're coming home anyway. So I'm like, oh, we'll just stay on the balcony and drink and whatever. Two lads come back with two girls, and I swear to God, right, one of my mates comes in, he's like, look at this fucking bricklayer, thinking he's taking a piss. She was actually a bricklayer. My mate shagged a bricklayer. She's a bricklayer thinking he's taking the piss she was actually a bricklayer my mate shagged a bricklayer he's a bricklayer and look no no offense to any women who are bricklayers right i could not stop

laughing everyone's going look you know where's the trowels you're gonna put a mix on while she's shagging him anyway Anyway. She's a bricklayer. She's a bricklayer. Then her mate walks in and we're like, fuck, you know, was she a plumber?

She comes in. She's a plumber. No, she weren't a plumber. I don't know what, she was fucking annoying. Anyway, the next,

the next day they come down and one of the lads is like, everyone's like laughing and I'm like, what's going on? He's like, ask, ask.

I'm not going to say his name. Ask him what happened, right? Not the bricklayer, the other bird. Went back with my mate and they were back in his room apparently. And he was, apparently, he was, he bent her over and was fingering her. And while she was squirtingirting a little poo nugget came on his hand oh god

no no and then she tried to deny it apparently he asked that he asked her was like what the fuck she was like well it's not me and he was like well it ain't me

who knows so yeah that was it my mate's taking a bricklayer and then the other mate got shot on I was like, what the fuck? She was like, well, it's not me. And he was like, well, it ain't me. Who is he? So yeah, that was it. My mate shagged a bricklayer and then the other mate got shot on. Wait, what? Fingered me? Is he shagged? But then he still shagged the next night as well.

Dirty bastard. Third night, also I didn't make it out properly. You had a great holiday yeah but do you think the days were the best so like the day sitting on the balcony with that one guy

who's never left the entire French fucking week he's here again he wasn't even on the holiday with us I'll be honest I was a fucking

disgrace my performance was really bad the weekend sounds funny though yeah but it was a funny weekend memories for a lifetime eh yeah and I'm a bit rough today

but we do again don't we yeah we move you know you've been on a lads holiday Lou in life do you have any friends yeah no no

have you ever been invited I've done I've done I've done MAGA twice oh yeah MAGA's class Zanty by the way going back to MAGA

is crazy yeah that's great I've only ever been once I think that was how old were you when you went to MAGA I think we went once and we went Zanty

then we were looking about at all these places they just fucking rip off so we're like let's just go back to MAGA so you must have been at least 20 how old were you

that's criminal quite literally how long ago was the second MAGA I can't remember now So you must have been at least 20. How old were you? That's criminal. Quite literally. How long ago was the second MAGA? I can't remember now. Because since then I'm an adult now. You want to hear something that is criminal? What? Is it Chris MD?

Did he go MAGA? He went to MAGA like last year. No. At the age of 27. That's crazy. Yeah, that's too old. For a video? No, for a holiday.

For a holiday it was him Arthur and Arthur and George maybe oh yeah yeah but they went to like the

more adult part though didn't they there's no more adult part of Magga no they didn't that doesn't exist they went to the

strip man they went for a night out Magga's class though man that's got a bad reputation it's actually

clean it's so much better than fucking Zanty I hated Magga Magga was better than that's got a bad reputation it's actually so much better than fucking Zante I hated Magga Magga was better than Zante for me they're all shit old yeah Zante

no Magga's actually decent strip the chicken shop at the bottom of the Zante strip oh my god the popcorn chicken is the best thing ever

I've never did Zante I've only ever done Magga and Tenerife I don't want to be that guy he's talking about food I went Zante two days after I did my knee

because they wouldn't let me have did my knee because they wouldn't let me have my whoever not injured mate they wouldn't let me it was too late to get my money back so I went in crutches

and a giant cast that's tragic yeah I know but then on the first day I just took it off god you're crazy yeah like the rock

on Bastion Fury yeah it was one of them velcro it was a velcro velcro cast guys can you help me get this off ofcro It was a Velcro Velcro car Guys can you help me Get this off of you

It was a Velcro car Big regret though I shouldn't have done that It wasn't a cast It was a Velcro one Like a Velcro Oh like a strapped Hold it

Yeah it's huge It's not a cast though is it I don't know what it's called Fucking really bad decision Doing that though Ripping off plastic I did like a Flaming Drambuie

What the fuck He's honest Only you could go So well like that And have a flaming drambuie. What the fuck is... Only you could go through another flaming drambuie. We were 18, man. We were living it up. I did forget to blow it out. Then we had a few... We had a few porn star martinis.

I went on one of the... I went on a bit of cray cray. I didn't meet the GC out there. A man. Had a few kettle crisps. The other big slingshot ride. that'd be kettle Christmas yeah that'd be a slingshot ride

did you go on that Ed Maga I've seen the videos I didn't go on any of the rides I've never fucking risked my life I got to go on the

rides I fucking hate the nah I hate the rides guys come on let's go on the rides it's gonna be fun guys nah we're gonna fucking

we're gonna sniff gear and drink Lewis no come on it'll be fun are we're going to fucking... We're going to sniff gear and drink Lewis. No, come on! That'll be fun! Are we going to try and touch some pussy, Lewis? It's a slingshot, though! I heard Reeve went on a lad's holiday somewhere. What?

Didn't you? When? In life. Plenty, yeah. When? Where did you go? Why do you always do these things? You know what you have a frat.

He doesn't see, he just looks at you. Come on, spit it out. Where did you go? Why do you always do these things? You know what you have a track. He doesn't see, he just looks at you. Come on, spit it out. Well, where did you go? Are you mental? I've been to both, I've been to all of the destinations.

How was it? Was it good fun? Where? I don't know. Wherever you went. There's no way that was your, that's the, I was hoping you might have a couple of stories for us.

Clearly you have a story us I went to Zante with Joel when he was pretending to be 19 and 17 at the time and three nights out of the five

that were there he ended up on the drip I'm sure we've seen him in MAGA but like an IVF drip yeah where's he gone

oh he's on the thing again you saw JMX in MAGA it was either me or it was the one I didn't go on where my mate

had seen him in Malia but I think I might have seen him in MAGA once so either I was the one I didn't go on where my mate's seen him in Magga, but I think I might have seen him in Magga once. Either I saw him or I can't see him. Was it Magga or Magga? I didn't go to the Magga one.

You said you saw him in Magga. Someone, either me or someone seen, I knew it was. Great story. That was, they must have been

raking it in around that point. That was like strip FIFA time. You would have been fucking living it up. That's where we did go. Yeah. That's where we did go. Do you know what? We made a cross pass in around that point that was like strip FIFA time you would be fucking living it off that's where we did go yeah that's where we did go

yeah because do you know what we might have crossed paths in Mugga that strip FIFA video is in my bedroom what year did you go to Joe's

massive strip FIFA video is my childhood bedroom you should get well you're just in the bed behind just like it's in your childhood at your house in Leicester

yeah that's my what do your parents say well he came around and just... This is my mate. Yeah. Cindy Lou.

Where was... Where's he from? Buckinghamshire. Oh. Sounds very fancy. Yeah. What's this about? You've got something to tell us?

You've learned... Oh, fucking... This is classic. Let me just read the brief. Lewis has been learning stuff and he has something class to tell you. So what I realise is... Show and tell. What I realise is there's so much stuff I learned has something class to tell you. So what I realise is... Show and tell.

What I realise is there's so much stuff I learn that I then forget. Yeah. Yeah, it's like everyone, mate. Yeah, but what if you start writing it down and then you can read it back what you've learned? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like revising. Not revising, just like nuggets of knowledge.

Revising life. A nugget of knowledge. More nuggets. Not another nugget. I've got a few But like one's fucking mental Actually two are fucking mental It's fucking poo

So an example This isn't a great one But sea otters love to eat butter clams So that's something I learned What's a butter clam? A butter clam? I don't know It's a clam

But that's something I learned So the nugget of information you've learned You don't even know It's a clam. But that's something I learned. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So the nugget of information you've learned, you don't even know what it is. No, but can I just say- No, but I know sea otters love to eat butter clams. Yeah, but what does that mean? Well, what- Explain it.

Explain it. Also, why is that- That doesn't surprise me. But isn't it interesting that that's something that I learned, but unlearned. But you don't know what butter clam is. So why didn't you google that it'd be like you

telling me no because that goes on too long that's just a little nugget of knowledge I have but it's not knowledge is it

yes it is a knowledge sea otters also probably eat like seaweed no that's probably you don't know that I know that sea otters eat fish

how do you know you're telling me every sea otter in the world sea otters love to eat butter clams people say that dogs otters eat fish. How do you know? You're telling me every sea otter in the world Sea otters love to eat butter clams. People say that dogs love to eat peanut butter but my dog doesn't like peanut butter.

I can't remember where I've seen this either. Even when it's on my car. Eat chocolate, they die. That's not true. That's not technically true. That's not true. Pluto's eating so much chocolate.

Also, cats don't actually like milk. That also isn't true. Shakespeare's head is missing. How mental is that? Well, that's funny because a lot of people think that Shakespeare wasn't a real person. I reckon the rest of his body's done for too long. By the way, that's bollocks.

That's absolutely bollocks. You know what I found out the other day? There's no record of Shakespeare ever being alive. So how do they have his body? That is the biggest load of shit. What about all of his fucking bodies? What about all the plays there's no record

people think well Warwick wouldn't exist without him who's writing all the plays there's no record of a guy called William Shakespeare

but who is Shakespeare then people think that maybe it's a group of people that create stories and put them down as William Shakespeare no no

think about it he's one of the most famous sorry it's not Warwick it's Stratford think about He's one of the most famous... No, sorry, it's not Boric, it's Stratford, isn't it? Think about it, right? One of the most famous writers of all time, but there is no record of him ever being alive apart from his name.

Well, maybe it's a pen name then. Maybe it's a fake name, but it's a different person. Either way, whoever they buried Bickford at him has no head. Maybe his birth certificate isn't William Shakespeare, but his alias is William Shakespeare. It's like someone said... Shakespeare's real

name was recorded as Glamis Shakespeare at his baptism in 1564 which is the Latin word for William you prove it

though he called himself Will in his sonnets and most of his contemporaries referred to him as William Shakespeare

there you go so it's safe to say this was his name prove it though yeah but there's no record of him that's just hearsay it's just hearsay no it's just there will this was his name. Prove it though. Yeah, but there's no record of him. People just, that's just hearsay.

It's just hearsay. No, it's just a pen name, isn't it? No, because there will be like a birth record or like a dental record or something like that. In 1564. There'll be a birth record. Can we just get the NHS website, please? Is there a William Shakespeare book?

No, you're mocking me because it's me, but I'm telling you now. No, it's because you're being silly. These fathers' coffin with no head. No, they didn't. That's the metal bit. Who do we believe guys? Why are we fixing on this? One corner we have a headless William and the

other corner we have no William. But is there a metal like did they bury him without the head or did someone come in afterwards and steal the head? It could have been taken off from his skeleton rather than decapitated. Here we go. But when? Here we go. Why? Here we go afterwards and steal the head? Yeah, but it could have been taken off from his skeleton rather than decapitated. Here we go.

Here we go. Why? Here we go. Who has his head? I got it right here, if you don't believe me. Who? There is no hard evidence at all that Shakespeare wrote the plays. What's the website that you're reading from?

Nothing to do with him existing. Yeah, you said the opposite. Or existed anywhere. No, what's that? What's the website? What's the website? What's the source? What is the source? Williamshakespeare.co.uk.

Also, I can't find anything about Shakespeare's head. So, no, they did a scan of the coffin. They did a scan of the coffin and there's no head in there. Oh, hang on. After experts. Oh, my God. There's no fucking head who. That's what I'm talking about

they fucking Nor who Nor Hedo oh they reckon after a high tech investigation concluded the legendary

playwright of school was probably bummed was probably taken by trophy hunters more than 200 years ago they took his skull they would have taken

you know William Shakespeare he wouldn't have still had skin Shakespeare was actually gay as well it was more than 200 years ago. They took his skull. They would attack him. You know, William Shakespeare... He still had skin. Oh, this brings me on the crazy... Shakespeare was actually gay as well. Do you know that?

I'm not even joking. He was gay. But he didn't exist. Well, if he did exist. Right, okay. What?

So, what? Well, think about it. The group of writers could all be gay. It was just an old school

booming brigade. No, it's not gay. Even Chris, do you know the Vatican, right? They have this thing underground, it was just it was just an old school bumming brigade no it's not okay even crazy this so like do you know the Vatican right they have like this thing

underground somewhere I learned where they like keep stuff like children like a vault yeah like little choir boys

so like the things in there it could be Shakespeare it could be Shakespeare's head in there for all we know apparently they have a time machine

oh yeah of course they do yeah where it's like I had to go to the artist down there as well. No, no. This is not a fact. I think your brain's down there as well.

You can't include this in the same bracket as C or Z in fucking clams. So it was made, I can't remember the name, so it was made between like this religious group and loads of scientists. Illuminati. Tom Cruise made it.

That could be. Illuminati in Italy. But there are there are a lot of instances where it's like don't look at me like that what are you about to talk

about the Simpsons there's a lot of instances where it's like time travel people have been spotted right there's one there's one

at the Kennedy shooting someone's on the phone yeah someone's on the phone there's one where there's a video of someone saving himself from getting hit by a car could it not have been a radio

I've seen that sorry sorry to say that okay There's one where there's a video of someone saving himself from getting hit by a car. Could it not have been a radio? I've seen that. Sorry. Sorry to say that again. It's a video or an image of someone saving themselves from getting hit by a car. Yeah. You're the type of guy that thinks those Zach King videos are real. No, not all of them are real.

Do you think Bigfoot's real? There's a possibility that they used to exist. Probably extinct now. Loch Ness Monster? Still going? No, that one of them are real, but the... Do you think Bigfoot's real? There's a possibility that they used to exist, probably is extinct now. Loch Ness Monster? Still going? No, that one's bullshit. Santa? No, but no, the one way he saves himself,

I mean, hit by a car, that's pretty fucking mental. It's on CCTV. Bigfoot back in the day? Wait, you ever seen The Avengers? No, no, no. So it's CCTV of someone, like, just there on his phone, and a geezer comes walking behind him, and like, just without doing anything, taps him on his phone and a geezer comes walking behind him and like just without doing

anything taps him on the shoulder and walks away and the guy looks around and he's like away from his

phone sees the car coming and gets out the fucking way so there's not a video or a photo of him

pulling himself away from a car he has the random black on the shoulder fucks off and then they start walking

down the street incognito because if you pull him then he's going to say he's like to say he's

like ah that's me it's like superman doesn't actually fly it's a movie it's fake that's not

that's not no but that how do you know that wasn't just a random man they weren't the same clothes shut up man

I'll leave you to find this video it is mental it is mental nah it actually is have you been to the two guys with the same clothes when you've got

right the same person wants to it does make you think it does make you think if you were a time traveller going back and you're trying to

keep yourself low key you wouldn't wear the same clothes as the guy you're saving if I was time travelling and I'd go and interact with my previous self I probably wouldn't wear the exact same clothes

I had on before it's a good argument against that one but it's still crazy last one this one is

fucking mental and also probably not a fact based off the the only thing crazy here is you you are fucking

you don't know what's in the Vatican you're fucking doolally mate and none of this makes any sense wait so you're

suggesting that the Vatican has loads of shit this guy that's time travelled in the same clothes presumably what it's like a bishop's gown it's like a wait so you're suggesting the Vatican has loads of shit this guy that's time travelled in the same clothes presumably what

it's like a yeah bishop's gown it's like a it's just stood in the street he's using the Vatican time travel system to go and save

his previous no but if time travel is possible there might be like several that they made back then I don't know why it's hooked in with the religion

but like the Vatican they might have like the great Alexandria books as well it isn't great library of Alexandria you heard of that yeah but books books survive longer than humans like you see they burned it down but you know speaking of that there was a library secret knowledge in rome or wherever it was that got burnt down and it had all of history's uh what he's on about the great library of alexandria this

conversation is unbelievable are you talking about... Are you talking about the library... Have you gone, yeah, there was this library. I can't believe people listen to this. Wait, you're talking about the library that burnt down in Rome and it had all the history.

All the history. The biggest library ever, yeah. Yeah. And it burnt down and they lost all the history. Yeah. It could have had the secrets to how the pyramids were built and that.

Yeah, aliens aliens time machines can we not last one so there is one person I'm going to give you a guess of this if I was to say the one person

who has destroyed the world the most Genghis Khan Hitler Genghis Khan Hitler good guesses yeah

God that was deep it was actually Gabriel Princip. Do you know who he is? Does he create plastic? So he is a guy who was 19 years old

and he destroyed the world and caused World War I, II and everything bad that's happened since. How? Explain. So I haven't got the... I should have

jotted more details here. You can't just say one random name that's 19 and ruin the world. Didn't Hitler start World War I? A real butterfly effect, weird. Maybe we caused a future war,

which doesn't help this. No, what I remember is, he was 19 years old and didn't like this guy from another country. And he fucking murdered him, like a silly 19-year-old. And that caused a butterfly effect

between all the countries, which caused World War I, which then also caused World War II, because Hitler was in World War I. And also caused World War II because Hitler was in World War I and he was like this is fucking bullshit Germany's been done over

by this deal and then that's caused World War II and it's all from this little 19 year old that's not technically true because Hitler wanted to create a super race

he did do that but his main anger was because after World War I everyone was sort of there and they were like oh all of us have been

fucked here no one's getting out of anything so apparently everyone was like right Germany and they were like oh all of us all of us have been fucked in no one's getting anything out of anything so apparently everyone was like right Germany you're doing all these sanctions he assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand

that's who you're oh there's not so this guy sorry sorry sorry hang on one second you've just said

this guy killed this bloke and it called the world you're talking about the guy who assassinated Franz Ferdinand yeah yeah that's who you're talking about yeah yeah are you fucking who assassinated Franz Ferdinand yeah yeah that's who you're talking about yeah yeah

are you fucking serious it's Franz Ferdinand I don't know oh my god yeah he started it he started it this 19 year old mate as if you just said

he murdered some guy I did it's like saying the guy who killed JFK yeah he just I thought it was the guy who murdered someone oh they really

so they really liked the someone otherwise we would have been you've talked about the guy who assassinated Franz Ferdinand who's Franz Ferdinand then

he used to rule like Russia or something yeah but like a little 19 year old off his own back doing that was it Russia he

ruled Franz Ferdinand or was it that's like me killing someone and then me causing a war over it no one sent me to do it I just did it because I'm an idiot that's okay but that's like me killing someone and then me causing a war over it. No one sent me to do it. I just did it because I'm an idiot.

That's okay. But that's like saying that America caused 9-11 then. Well, I'm sorry, but I passed you on some good nuggets there. You didn't know that before. None of them are useful. And also you missed out a huge... I also have birds have funny names.

I feel more stupid now than I did before you told me. I have birds have funny names. What? I think you should never. I have birds have funny names. What? I think you should never ever, ever do that again. I've seen some bird names. And I think in future you should wear a helmet in public. I'm trying to find the bird.

Is this come from when I said we should all bring a fact to each? Sombrette tit. Dick sissel. Red rum to bush ty Sombra tit. Dick sissel. Red-rumped bush tyrant. Blue tit. Blue-footed booby. But where's the knowledge? It's just like the birds.

Do you understand why a lot of them are called tits? No. That's funny. Where do you think the name tit comes from? Yeah, but booby. Where does it come from? Can you think of any other animal? They have large breasts, don't they?

Is that really genuinely why? Woodcock? Birds that are called tit, then people use that for human tit. And the cock of the rock? Cock of that. Fluffy-backed tit babbler? That can't be a real bird. It's a real bird.

The fluffy-backed tit babbler. Tufted tit mouse. Brilliant. What was thatbler. Tough to tit mouse. Brilliant. What was that one? Tough to tit mouse. Okay, next week we'll give you one more chance.

I did one, I did two dreams this week. Okay. Oh yeah. I just got a dream and we're going to hear it. Or I had one the other day

but I can't remember it. That's why we got right on down. Yeah, I know. The second dream I don't really want to say because it's really weird but the first dream it was about you again

oh my god it was on Monday night Reeve wanted to quit High Rocks because he didn't have enough time to watch videos and podcasts about it to learn you were really stressed about how you were like no I can't do it

I can't do it I haven't listened to enough videos about it like you were really nervous that you you actually do just dream about stuff that happens it is just on his life

like this is the most pointless diary ever so you were nervous you wanted to quit because you didn't do it no but you were doing High Rocks and you do podcasts

you've done High Rocks you just dream about it's weird it's so uncreative and then the second one I didn't write down because I felt weird. I was eating a cheesecake.

No, I was in like, it must have been like Italy or somewhere. And we were on a running track. But at the same time, it was also London. Like the running track was in London at Mile End. But we were in Italy. And I was doing a track session with Will Gouge, William Gouge. But it just wasn't him. William Shakespeare?

He's like an ultra marathon runner. But it wasnode yeah but it just wasn't him william shakespeare he's like an ultra marathon runner but it will but it wasn't him so it wasn't him no it was him but it wasn't him that's like it didn't look like him but it was him that doesn't make sense exactly it didn't make sense and i don't think you understand it wasn't he would introduce himself and i was like what the fuck's going on like who is this guy and i never know i never found out my story well that was thea's dream oh yeah so he heard it i think next week if if they're that dull yeah we need to we need to cancel this cookie i put my story everyone thought it was burnt but it weren't it was triple chocolate all right i feel like yeah anyway uh thanks for tuning in, everyone, because I can't take that anymore. You made it to the end.

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