Back Side - 8: Theo Baker’s MELTDOWN! Chilling With JayZ & Can Whales Swim?

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

The lads list the 5 people they would HATE to live with on INSIDE. Lewis calls out Beavo and they DESTROY Theo's prized possession...If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. Dan, this is what it's like to be Theo Baker. What are you breathing like that as well you weirdo he's not used

to it he's not used to it out of his nose I'm actually I tried doing it the other

day but no one just walked I can't do it what are you doing oh great idea yeah

thanks hello you alright yeah not bad welcome back to backside am I right guys yeah and wow you actually

you think you're big enough to that's crazy he has got some stories to tell usve has got some stories to tell us you've got some crazy shit going down

yes you do what? you've got crazy shit don't give me that what have I got to tell people well from the UCL final we went to

oh sorry yeah no let's kick it off from the start because this is a wild 24 hours yeah what happened at the beginning

go on you seem to remember more than I do we I was just going to tell them about we went in through the ice bath

and I stayed in longer that's crazy we had an ice bath everybody is now clicking off this video if you keep your little tootsies out you can stay in longer

is that really going to count as the 24 hours before we went in yeah it's also cheating as well we also then went to the launch of the new

adidas f50 boot yeah this is a non football podcast yeah and also we'll talk about our lives marketing no well what i was going to

uh bring up is my interaction with one of the coolest people on the planet i'm prefacing this yeah but you see me all the time we're getting to it

we're getting second because it's not just that moment it's the build-up and the and the whole the atmosphere it's just absolutely electric and then you carry it on and i'll bring it's the build up and the whole the atmosphere it's just absolutely electric go on then you carry it on

and I'll bring it in when I actually want to talk about it okay so we do the event and at the event is Zidane Del Piero

Dribble Cisse Dribble Cisse yeah a couple of young DJ Ibril actually a couple of like future stars here and one of them

was just like 14 of course they remember that no it wasn't like that but like he played for Arsenal he didn't look 14 I said

oh that sounds like it's making it worse it's making it worse when I was 14 I looked like a little neek do you know what I mean like these guys are like

pro men athletes we shouldn't we don't even necessarily talk about all this stuff because it will be in a pitch side vlog yeah true

pitch side washer we get to the we actually had a couple pints didn't we yeah we did that was a really nice We don't even necessarily talk about all this stuff because it will be in a Pitchside vlog. Yeah, true. Pitchside washer. We actually had a couple of pints, didn't we? Yeah, we did. That was a really nice rooftop bar, actually. Yeah, rooftop bar. Mate, we had the bright giggles talking about previous experiences and whatnot. Right, anyway, fast forward to the game because the rest of it you'll probably see in the vlog.

And we're in the Adidas lounge as part of the experience for the F50 package and we're in the adidas lounge as part of the experience for the f50 package that we're doing and for some reason chip i think he's a little bit drunk at this point keeps messaging us like let's meet up let's meet up as if it's like you know we're in wembley what do you want to do i know stay in your box and watch the game kind of vibe but he told us to go to him but but bear in mind sorry we didn't really want to leave because in our box was Zidane

and Noel Gallagher. Noel Gallagher. In the same box? He kept looking at me like he wanted to shag me. Anyway, right. So we're walking towards

the channel. Walking towards the box that chips in, which is a little bit further around Wembley. Obviously all in the corporate section. Sorry, guys. And...

Guy walks up. Actually, you... These already know who it is, though. We can't really... Yeah, but it's quite cool. Anyway, yeah. You do. Big posse.

We're walking through the corridor and I look at this guy and I'm like, oh my God. No, you... No, no, no. In my head, I'm like, oh my God, it's Jay-Z. Oh, I didn't know this bit.

I didn't know this bit. Oh, you didn't know this? What? I thought you were going to say this is Dan. No, no, no. Jay-Z's walking past. Wait, wait. Jay-Z's there.

Jay-Z was there. Yeah, it's sort of a date load. You can feel his aura. Jay-Z was there. Oh God, you're so cringe. And I was walking up to him. I thought, I really want to get a photo but that's not the interaction

that I want to leave him with they were fast walking as well yeah so I went I'm a big fan and he went thank you thank you no you said

that was a good one yeah I said big fan I said big fan love your music did he say big fan of the pod as well no no but he said he said up the fucking bus

but he said thank you thank you and I was like you know what I was like, you know what? That was a really cool moment for me and I didn't ruin it by going, can I have a beer? Yeah, yeah.

I feel you, bro. And hopefully long term, if I ever cross his path again, he'll be like, man, you're the guy that didn't. Nah, he won't remember. And also there was this guy walking around with the same kind of aura as Zidane

and Theo and I were like who is this guy yeah like everyone's stopping before him parting ways we were like we couldn't work it out

it was just Zidane's son it was Enzo the goalie we were like yes finally well then fuck him Zidane needs to earn

his stripes man he would like come in and out of his box and like he'd have the big boys you know big like beefy security guards

who's these Zinedine Zidane yeah and uh it was just coming in and out of his box. And like, he'd have the big boys, you know, big like, beefy security guards. Who's these? Zinedine Zidane. Yeah, yeah. And, it was just, a picture of Reeves was like,

and you can see him behind him. But then he just, just started like, walking towards our direction, didn't he? And we were like, I think he's going to get food, wasn't he?

Was he? Pretty sure. But it was like, I was like, no, no, he feels that he was going to see P.O. I think he was coming to say hi, big fan of Pitchside.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why he actively avoided you when you I think he was going to stay high. Big fan of pitch side. Yeah. That's why he actively avoided you. When you went up for a photo, he just went to the people in the room. I was so awkward. It's so awkward. Yeah. I was like,

fuck it. I got to do it. You had to do it. Cause I'm one of our challenges. You went sore red. Just now thinking about it. I can't imagine. If you were there,

you would have. Oh, you know, when two people ask for a photo at the same time. And it wasn't like everyone was crowded because they didn't really realise he'd come out of his box. It was very like a quick,

quick impact in a moment. And he absolutely 100% chose the people other than Theo. Yeah. For that photo, he was like... But I thought he was just going to go. But at least he did come back

and take a photo of me. Yeah. He was very nice. He could feel the aura. It was kind of weird no yeah Jay-Z and Zidane we ticked off two of the biggest

Z names in the world of football and music and Frank well Frank's not Z in his name though as he said Sylvester

again not another Z in his name Sylvester anyway Stallone Reeve got bummed by a Ganasaurus the next day as well I'll go and vote

to play the Emirates this week but I can't be arsed you are just passing out big time no fucking hell sorry

so he slept through the Etihad turned down the Emirates are there any stadiums in world football that you actually care about going and playing it's more like

I'll tell you what it is right this is going to sound really bad it already does it's like what is going on it's like enjoying

a match day experience like a player and it's just like oh because you are a D1 soccer player no no it's just like's like what is going on it's like enjoying a match day experience like a player and it's just like oh because you are D1 soccer player no no it's just like oh so I'm going to pretend to be

like I don't know it's just all beneath me but I can't I am actually busy but it's a two day thing I'm like I don't really want to spend two days two days

what the fuck oh I think I know who your Timsy's doing isn't he probably is it with that yeah I think it's the first day

you play on the pitch and then like oh god forbid and then Probably. Is it with that company? It's the first day you play on the pitch and then like Oh God forbid and then you do a training session at the centre. That's the next day and I'm like

That's it. I could do the one day but I can't do both. Why? You don't fucking do anything. What do you do?

It is crazy that you keep getting gifted these opportunities after you come out publicly and go I can't be arsed to do these opportunities. Tom, you need a slice

of humble pie you slept through Etihad and you can't be arsed to go play in the Emirates and then go

to the Arsenal training ground and get to experience a real life ice park it's not that I can't be arsed it's not that I

can't be arsed I can and I definitely would want to play at the Emirates I don't want to spend two days when I'm busy

for one what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing but if they open I definitely would want to play at the Emirates. I don't want to spend two days when I'm busy for one. What are you doing? What are you doing, Big Shot? What are you doing, Big Shot? But if they open a free bar tab at a North London pub... If they get free beers, I might go. What's Tom Garra do? That's so important that he won't play at the mighty Emirates Stadium.

Are you playing nine holes? No, I'm not. I'm playing golf Friday, but... No, I've got... I've got a... got to see the missus I've got to see oh she's been away

for two weeks she's only back for this week then she's in India for a month doing the Euros I'm also whoa whoa whoa

you're only going to be in the fucking country then if that's you're only going to be in the train for a couple hours no I'm all for the wholesome Garrett

India this is his story arc man Indian TV yeah for the Euros wrong part of the. Yeah. For the Euros. Wrong part of the world, isn't it? The Euros aren't in India, Theo.

Wait, I don't get it though, because it sounds like you're whipped as fuck. Like, she's here for a week, and God forbid you can't spend two hours at the Arsenal Training Centre. It's two days. God, I never thought I'd see the day that you are just a pushover whip.

I know. It's actually... It's cute man It's actually embarrassing It is, no it actually is embarrassing I like it Sorry to your old self Anyway

I want to talk about There's two Obviously there's two things on the agenda today Mainly, you're right One of which is You want us to list our five worst people to Well I met a struggle with it Well because

Oh I didn't Well the reason is Insides just came out it. Or I didn't. Well, the reason is, you know, Insides just came out and everyone's... I haven't seen any of it. I quite like the whole you get to spend the money

and thing, because honestly, if I was there, I'd just be living like a king, taking all the money I can. No, you wouldn't. There was a chance

of one of the challenges, you have to keep your hands there and they were like, if you move your hands, you'll lose a five grand from the entire pot, but you can keep five grand for yourself.

I would have been fucking... Oh yeah, I would have taken that. They said 10 grand. Yeah. By the way, what would you do? What is the worst thing for you

if you were in that scenario? For me, I think it's the... Millipede. The spider. I haven't seen it. I don't know. I haven't seen any of it.

It's the spider and snake. I can't do it. It was bad though. That was okay. There's a bit where a guy comes up with a bucket and like, it's like, he's got yogh a guy comes up with a bucket and like it's like he's got yoghurt

and like barbecue wings and he's like going like this in the ear oh that's horrible that one's fucking mean yeah and then

no he's going like slurping it slurping it was it just Theo eating yeah that's right I know it literally was what is your worst fear like

he'd be like can I have some deep ocean buried alive no no no but if you had to like sit there you know how like in Jackass they had the bear I know it literally was. What is your worst fear? You'd be like, can I have some? Deep ocean? Buried alive? No, no, no. But if you had to sit there, you know how in Jackass they had the bear come in

with peanut butter? Spiders. Spiders. Yeah, fucking A. I feel like if someone came up and tickled us, that's your worst fear. If I have to stare there

and someone's tickling me, it would be out of control. No, no, no. I don't know. Because I can move. Sometimes I forget how old we are. What's the worst thing that someone could do to you, Reeve? If you couldn't move your hands, what's the worst thing someone...

Are you scared of anything? Only deep ocean. That's your biggest fear? Can you swim in the sea at the beach or not? Yeah. What's your biggest fear? My biggest fear is having something underneath me that's completely unknown. So would you struggle

in I don't know beepity beep beep but it's like it's like an Ironman and it's like no yeah yeah

because there's a but if you're on your own oh yeah so with your other people it's fine I was stranded in the middle of the ocean oh god

yeah I'd try and kill myself yeah biggest fear do you you know when you're going on like boats out into the ocean

like with the lads? I didn't like it. So in Croatia, you didn't like it? Not really. Well, that wasn't deep. That was like, we were near a beach. Yeah, if you can see land, it's all right. When you can't see anything, I'm a bit like that.

So would you go shark diving? Like in a cage? No, definitely not. No? Why would you do that? Why would anyone choose to do that? In a cage, though? Yeah, they can still get through.

That's also provided you don't have a fear of sharks either, which some people do. I ain't doing that what's your biggest fear being buried alive other than that no like something something that might actually happen

like right now I'm not telling you because you're trying to say that no come on you've got to tell us we'll all we'll all sit

we'll be your biggest fear probably ten Victorian models coming in and sucking come on so you'd like that Victorian on so you'd like that Victorian models as in like

long dresses you'd like that but god forbid you go to the Arsenal match because you spend two hours away from your girlfriend two days

go on Theo what's your biggest fear spiders I think I think mine are spiders yeah I really don't like and also it's not fear

surely it's the quarter pounder going off the McDonald's menu I want to try the triple cheeseburger to be fair the um cheeseburger cheese you know snakes I'm not too bad

yes no they're fine but they're fine oh mate have you ever held one oh no

I held one I was in Australia. I went to go hold one. They're like, hold it. I had it for two seconds. I said, nah. That's not really holding it. Did snakes used to have feet then,

and then they evolved away from it? Sure. No, because they're very lizard-like, just without the feet. So surely, they would have probably been lizards and evolved to not have feet. Yeah, they just drop them off.

That's how evolution works. As soon as they get home, they put their feet on. They don't just evolve as snakes they probably started off as a lizard and then smoothed down

it's a millipede what are you on about why would they get rid of their feet why would they get rid of their

feet no because they might not have needed it like on sand they might have been like oh we don't need them

here it's like with the long neck giraffes like it used to be short neck giraffes but all the food was out of reach so the long one lived evolution so it's like with the long neck giraffes it used to be short neck giraffes but all the food was out of

reach so the long one lived so it's like snakes probably came from lizards I don't know

this is a stupid conversation we'll get on to your stupid theories in a bit my close second biggest fear is being trapped in

a room with Lewis for 25 solitary confinement should we do our top 5 worst people to live with I actually completely forgot

this segment but I can I struggled this I got 4 you have to really think about it because there's some terrible people

in the universe right who have lived well actually mine are more terrible you've got to think about who's like yes there's like Genghis Khan's a horrendous

person but is he a bad housemate can I go first then can we have you haven't even got 5 I go first then? Can we have fictional or not? You haven't even got five. I've got five. I didn't go fictional. No, they're not.

They're all real. I could go for people like Hitler, Genghis Khan. Yeah, but you have to think, who's like the most annoying housemate? Number one, John Clark from TOWIE. I fucking hate that bloke. I don't know who that is. If you ever watched TOWIE when you were younger, oh my God. He actually went on

Love Island, the first series, and on Love Island proposed to someone. That's how much of a wet lettuce he is. Call him out. I despise that bloke.

Will you fight him? To be honest, he's probably a lovely bloke, so don't, people start crying about these, but he comes across a knob, like me.

I was just going to say, yeah. Number two, any vegan. Oh, that's funny, Tom. That is very funny. I can't be living with vegans. I was just going to say, yeah. Number two, any vegan. Oh, that's funny, Tom. That is very funny.

I can't be living with vegans. I just, I guess, because you know what? Yeah, because you can't cook meat, can you? Oh,

so as you know, you do know I'm vegan. Uh, what, you want, I didn't ask you that. Well, that's a stereotype.

Number three is Mike Tyson, just because I just feel like he's so unpredictable, and I'd just be scared. You can see a snorkeling as well, for the same reason, man. No, no, no snooker he can switch when he's got it in him top 5 worst people in history have you seen the clip when Joe Rogan's talking to him

and Tyson says something and Joe Rogan laughs and Tyson stares straight deadpan like and then Joe Rogan's like yeah that's serious number 4 is Georgia Steele from Tower. Yes.

From Love Island. I agree. On Love Island, it's all, oh, babe, I'm loyal, I'm loyal,

I'm this, I'm that. You're not, oh, I am. You're not. You're being very harsh here, Tom.

Otherwise, you're going to have to keep telling me you're loyal and people like that. I just, I can't be around like, bullshitters. Just like, I just can't deal with it.

Yeah, keep going. You're coming from the heart. And the last one, talking to bullshitters, I could not live with because I just can't deal with it. Keep going. It's really coming from the heart. And the last one, talking to bullshitters, I could not live with because I just don't think I could. I don't know what I'd do.

He's Matt Hancock. I fucking hate that bloke. That horrible, lying weasel of a man. So is this list of people we couldn't be? Your worst five housemates. Housemates.

Because inside, you know, they're living with each other. I was going to put Theo just because of how he eats. I'm a great housemate. I'm a really good housemate. Yeah, but the way you eat is not doable for me. But then you'd get food. I'd cook you food. No, I wouldn't because you'd eat the food

and then I'd hear you chewing it. I once made Chip enchiladas in lockdown as class. Enchiladas? What? Enchiladas. Did you say Chip enchiladas? Yeah. He once made Chip, a.k.a. Joshua Lark. Enchiladas. What? Enchiladas. Did you say chip enchiladas? Yeah. He once made

chip, aka Joshua Larkin, enchiladas. Food. Give us your five. First up, Mr. Bean. So not a real

person, well done. I can't see where he's coming from though. Can you imagine living with Mr. Bean? He's not real. Yeah, do you

want to hear him fucking do your own thing? He's not real. Yeah, do you know what I mean? He would fucking do your own thing. All right, all right. To do. Like, what are you saying? Who's next? Pingu. Pay him with rent.

Like, what do you want for dinner? Yeah, but you can't understand him. He's not a fucking clangers. No, he would do my sweet. It makes more sense than do it. It'd be quite funny. I'm surprised you didn't put me on your list

I'm actually quite relieved it's like those people that are funny like in in parts of the day like you can do all day yeah like you I can do all day with you

yeah but I have I have lived with you really like on trips and that I've been with you you are bearable no thank you yeah cheers can you imagine Mr Bean though

just like the novelty of it would really wear off. I actually think it would be quite scary, because imagine it's like three o'clock in the morning while you're sleeping, all you can hear from the kitchen is... That could turn into a horror film so...

No, a horror film so quickly. Second, you'd know this one, I think. Fred? Do you remember Fred? Yes! Fuck me. But he doesn't sound like that. He doesn't actually sound like that

he does he's not going around like he's red really nice out so I think I'm gonna go swimming later my mum found this that is not his real voice

isn't it weird he has a film with John Cena and Katy Perry is he yeah I want to see it in the cinema wow you're he's quite a good like

actor is he no is he not oh okay you're a fucking can you imagine living with that or like you know like a knowing orange

number three that vegan teacher do you want me to just read out some of the stuff she says no just read oh number four

Jeffrey Dahmer I've got him yeah I wouldn't can you imagine like every night you go to sleep and like am I gonna get bummed

that's exactly the reason am I gonna get drugged or am I gonna get eaten killed or bummed is you know you don't wanna go to sleep with that yeah exactly

or you get drugged bombed and then eaten that's not great sorry

we're doing a leased baby house mate at number five Ant Milton really

he would get bullied off him yeah I feel like after day one oh sorry I thought you meant Ant from Ant and Dick

no the SAS guy I was like what a fucking rant no no you mean After day one. Oh, sorry. I thought you meant Anne from Ant and Dick. No. The SAS guy. I was like, what a fucking rant. No, no, no. You mean that. I was like, what's Anne?

What's Anne? I reckon I could tolerate him for like a day or two, but then it would just be like, I'd like. I'm sure he's not like that in a fight. Oh, but you don't know.

You don't know. He might be very regimented. Get down! How the fuck have you managed to get a road climbed? Can you imagine, you leave your plate on the side next to the dishwasher

I'm sorry imagine a conversation between him and fucking Mr Bean and you in your house some shit fucking afters in your house surely David Goggins

would be worse for that nah because he seems pretty chill he's like it all does he I have a list I'll get rid of Jeffrey Dahmer

and I'm swapping him I'm swapping him out because obviously you've already mentioned him number one Voldemort I like the fictional version why?

why? we all know why does he have his wand with him though? why does that make a difference? because if he doesn't have his wand then he might just be

a bit sound because he's a bit fragile and weak yeah but he's always going he doesn't have the wand he's a fragile old man like he passed me the salt and he goes I got a bit sound because he's a bit fragile and weak. Yeah, but he's always going, he's the number one. He's a fragile old man.

Like, he passed me the salt and he'd go, oh, yeah, of course, I can. And he'd imagine his feet, oh, imagine he passes the salt with his, like, fingernails and you're like, oh. See, now you see the problem. You'd need to be more sound

if you were a Slytherin. I don't really know. Number three, Conor McGregor constantly off his nut. Yeah, he's fucking... He'd be like, mate, it's constantly off his knock. Yeah, he's fucking up. I'll be like,

mate, it's 4am. Honestly, please. Conor, it's day four, 4am, please.

He's got an award. He's got an opinion accounting and he's going to work to

move it. You've got an over-eval. You've got to get him in the

pocket. Yeah, plus his accent in Roadhouse. No, just generally when he's

just off his head. Can't describe it. Yeah, which is, yeah, often. Number four,, yeah, often.

Number four, Amu Haji. Who's that? He's the stinkiest man alive. Oh, God, yeah, good shout. What, have you just

typed in stinkiest man alive? Yeah, but I couldn't remember his name. Is he the guy that hasn't shouted in like eight years? Yeah, like 70 years

or whatever. Oh, that's not you. Let me go away. And then, it's technically not one person but I'm going to put it as one person

it's Alvin and the other chipmunks why? maybe Sam they're singing because they're just it's like a bunch of your friends

have you ever seen the films? they're just messing everything up for everyone and they're going all the time they said sing you to sleep yeah and then you wake up

and they're going oh my god it's good you're so good at voice acting you know that's similar to Yeah, they said sing you to sleep. Yeah, and then you wake up and they're going... Oh my God. It's good. You're so good at voice acting. You know, that's similar to... I almost had Jedward. Oh, that is so fucking good. Only one of them.

Constantly just reminding you how his other brother's not there. If you beat that, by the way, fair play. And I did that in two minutes. Yeah, this is good. This is good. First off, Stephen Bartlett. Oh, great shout yeah constantly constantly in tears constantly trying to like give me like no i actually think you'd be all right but if there were two microphones in the building that's

when you got a problem yeah too many motivational chords and like being deep all the time tell me why you're wearing those shoes yeah it's just like... Lewis, is this because you'd be afraid that he'd open you up and you'd have to fight all your team? What the hell? Don't Stephen Bartlett me again. You've already died where you've seen your only ones. You shouldn't put Stephen Bartlett down

because if he sets out to do a 10K run on the ninth mile, he'll walk the last one. Because you can't let the demons in. Yeah, yeah. Second, Big John Fury. I think he'd be classed to live with.

I think it's the opposite. A fighting man. Nah, he'd eat some proper random food. He'll come over... I couldn't, man. I was so good at those impressions. He would, yeah. No, I don't think I'd choose to live with him.

And we're talking about people who have a short fuse. Like, fuck me. Do you not think that's a little bit exaggerated for camera? For promotion, yeah. I feel like he's... No, he full-on nutted that geezer the other day. That's not for camera.

He did genuinely nutter. No, no, but he... He's taking his top of all time. He knows that there's going to be discourse around whatever he does. How about this, right? I had the remaining bit of blur pack that he wanted for his toast. He bought it. He would fucking be...

He'd be fucking kicking off. Third Bevo. I nearly put Bevo in. Can I say, this guy is a prick. I've seen those videos of him. That's the boxing match that's going to happen for you. Do you know what?

I'll come back to you upon that. He had a start. He had everyone on side and somehow he's managed to turn everyone against him by turning into a proper knob. Now he's got a bit of attention. He's right.

My thing with Bevo is right. And not one of us claims to be some high and mighty celebrity, by the way, before anyone starts crying. But we don't claim to be. He does. He's only known because he chewed food weirdly. And now he talks about, like, all I care about is getting money and you lot are slaves because you do a nine-to-five job.

Mate, you're a fucking dweeb who can't swallow, who can't chew potatoes. That's because you do a nine to five job mate you're a fucking dweeb who can't swallow who can't chew potatoes that's all you do yeah she said that yeah he's on that podcast

I think I'd drop out Bevo for HSTicky Tucky in that oh yeah he'd be in it as well well done you've shagged a bird because I think Bevo

is not as bad as people make out but hey no the thing with Bevo is he's so desperate there was a clipper scene of him the other hate that no the thing with Vivo is he's so desperate there was a clip of a scene of him the other day

do you know that Neon streamer yeah so he's calling up he's like bro Neon does not want to talk to him I was like bro

I want to propose to my girl on your stream and he's like expecting Neon I'm like yeah and Neon's like so cringe

he's fucking I would just be afraid that he would choke fuck him it's an act it's an act it's an act he does it on

purpose because that's the whole thing that's the whole shtick he might choke one day no he won't

big esophagus you're alright and Ed Matthews you're alright and he's talking like he's some sort of hard case but as soon as

someone came up to him in that mall in America he'd brick himself like fucking Hayden Alfie Diz what? what are you on about? he's so sad he'd be pricking himself, like fucking Hayden. Alfie Daze.

What? What are you on about? He's so sad. No, I guarantee you sound... He would be one of the nicest people to leave you with. I guarantee you sound, but I think we're such different characters and from different parts of the world,

it would be a clash. You really hit the mark wrong there. Well, I've met him. You've met him, he's your best mate because you're a Tory as well. He's a father. Oh, sorry.

Well, now I've got to have a fucking kid in the house from very different backgrounds. When was the last time you watched any of his content? When he fucking tried to live off a pound and spent £20 on shopping.

That was six years ago. I'm living off a pound but I bought these earrings. Actually, I really wanted this pizza oven. Why are you defending him? He probably defended him. I guarantee.

It's a make-believe. If he's here, I'll probably have a nice... He's coming after people. He's not coming after... You're coming after the vegan teacher? You don't know, are you? I fully believe he's a lovely person.

Fifth, this one by far. Fuck me. I cannot imagine anything worse. Astrid Wett. When we're all about desperation Jesus Christ it's fucking embarrassing

Jesus do you know what he's doing right now he's compensating for the fact he still pays for it the joke was about Elbrook if I was a betting man which I'm not your stock would have

gone down after this episode I guarantee no one wants to live with me it's fine you know i think yeah she she she could she could easily say fuck living with that giggy bastard i'm like yeah i understand really quickly are we going to be doing more of those lists because they're quite fun yeah we could do top five i could do very rufus rife of us hey if you have any um let us know let us know what you want to hear in the comments anyways moving on to a

brand new segment this is a really wholesome one, I'm hoping, guys. No. It's our most prized possessions. We're going to present them to the group and everyone can evaluate them. And everyone will be really nice and caring. Yeah, I agree. And not... Right, well, I'll kick it off then with a real wholesome thing.

Can I just say, before we get into it, I was told about this yesterday and I wasn't at home, so... And if you... I haven't been able to bring my most prized possession, but I also have my most prized possession on me. What the fuck? This is my pet bunny rabbit, Thumper. It's got one ear.

Yeah, over the years. That same reason. Thumper. Yeah, same reason from Bambi. No, no, Thumper's from... Sorry. Keep up, babies. What?

What did you just say? It's Little Britain, innit? What did you do? Sorry, I meant the rabbit from Bambi, but okay. Yeah, and this used to protect my bedside every time I went to sleep as a child. Why do you have it on? Because I... I'll tell you in a second. Why do you have it on? Because I...

I'll tell you in a second. Let me get through it. Because I used to have a fear of the dark. Why are you fucking laughing at that? Turn the light on, bro. I couldn't sleep with the light on. I couldn't sleep with the light on. Why are you laughing?

I'm sorry, I'm joking. You said to bring your best prized possession. I'm joking. I haven't ever spunked on that, bro. No, I haven't. I haven't. I haven't seen you't I haven't I haven't I haven't seen you probably no matter

no matter where I go and no matter where I've travelled to I take this with me you are joking why didn't you take it to Dublin it was in my suitcase

oh you are joking fuck off it was fuck off it goes with me everywhere I go oh my god this is my favourite

segment ever yeah because it's been through so much for me over the years there you go wow I really don't want to

laugh and take the piss out of you but every fibre in my being wants to yeah you've gone down on my

estimate I was in the same boat as you Tom all my wholesome ones are in Seaford at my mum and

dad's house so I have a toy monkey which I have that I used to sleep with every night and it's still in my bed

you slept with it you slept with a monkey why would you do that just seems like a really weird thing to do obviously nobody would keep a thing that they sleep with

all their life let me get you the wholesome one then he's got many things how many have you got while he's doing that I don't really have anything so I'm just going to

quickly give you mine I don't love anything in this world so uh my prize possession is this. Oh, that's so boring. You don't have anything? You could have sold so much stuff.

Tom just shot his phone. He just went, yeah, the phone. He's going to need it all the time. Without this, I'm fucked. That's a good one. Okay. The one on your phone. I can't bring my dog in.

No, I couldn't either. So, you could have. How could... what? I would have loved that. Yeah, you would love that. No, but that's... If we both did that, then it would have been carnage. You could have. How could, what? I would have loved that. Yeah, you would love that. No, but if we both did that, then it would have been carnage. Oh, we should all bring our dogs one day.

I'll get mine from all the way. Ratted dog's face. That's not very nice. Okay, ready? This is one of my prized possessions. What is that? Oh, it's a hole in my ball. It's a hole in my ball.

This. Shall I look at the ball? Please don't break it. I'm not going to break the ball, but it's not even brandedin-one ball. It's a hole-in-one ball. This. Shall I look at the ball? Please don't break it. I'm not going to break the ball, but it's not even branded. Shall I tell you why? Mini golf ball. It's from a putt shack. It's one of my first dates with Jodie.

Oh. That is the worst. Instead of putting it... I kept the ball from the first date. You're fucking weird. By the way, are you even allowed to do that? That's fucking sex that is so weird

how many first dates did you go on with girls have you just got a wardrobe full of balls what a time this will come good you know what

that is the action of a serial killer this was like before I asked her out have you also got a lock of her hair somewhere yeah yeah

no we've got a memory box don't we so you're laughing at me just because I want to spend a bit of time on my sister before she goes away

you kept a ball from your first date it wasn't our first date no it was your first date you just said it was it's not only theft it's weird and then

this is quite cute no no no because think like you barely know this person yet I won the game and we're like ah should we keep it

that is cringy you're even saying that I won the game what are you on about this is a vial of my premature ejaculation of when I first asked Jodie out

what's in the memory box here's a pubic hair from my first made love right I've got a new favourite segment for the show this is what we'll do Theo's memory box

so every day bring in one thing from the memory box come on that is amazing that is amazing if you want Theo's memory box this is not a relationship

it is now if you want Theo's memory box all you do is bring up my relationship I thought this was backside not pitch side sorry

well all my nice stuff's at home okay that's fine I bought in a golf ball and you fucking mocked me. No, we can't wait for the next week for Theo's memory box. It's not happening. Okay, well, someone's obviously taken the boot out. What?

There was two in when I bought it. Have you lost the boot? Mate, I swear to God, we've not been near that. Obviously, someone took it. Mate, I swear to God, we've not been near that. Has he lost the boots? No. He brought in one boot.

You fucking idiot. Oh my God. I checked it when I brought it up this morning. Mate, we've not, I've not touched it. I'm sorry, I've not touched it.

You have. Mate, you put it down. You walked out for two minutes and you came back. Yeah, that's two minutes where you can take a boot out and hide it. I can see in your face.

You're the worst liar. You are the worst liar. You're a fucking idiot. Why would you say that? Why would you say, when could we have done it other than the two minutes when you left the fucking room?

He just gave up. We still had him there. We still had him. You're the one giving him the wish. You're like, ah! That's you. I was going, I was going, I was going,

when could we have ever touched, when could we have touched that? And you just had one minute and you went, well actually, there was those two minutes when you left the room where we could have done it. That's believable, let's say that. You fucking idiot. He didn't even even-

No, you fucked it. He forgot he went outside. You shouldn't have brought Kouter there. You shouldn't have brought Kouter there. Yeah, you reminded him. You shouldn't have brought Kouter there. Did you forget you'd gone outside? I did a little bit. Yeah, you should have brought Kouter there. You shouldn't have brought Kouter there you reminded him you shouldn't have brought Kouter there did you forget you'd gone outside

I did a little bit yeah you shouldn't have brought Kouter there you shouldn't have brought Kouter you should die with a lie you're an idiot

don't chuck these oh my god by the way where the fuck did you put by the way they're fucking where have you put these

down there why you fucking idiots what's happened to it no that wasn't

down there there's no white down there oh my god if you're if you're listening

to this there's a white mark on Tom's boot on the boot that'll just be dust.

It's pain. Did you put it by the fire? Look, it's coming off. Don't put your fucking wet paws on it. Do not get it wet. That's the worst thing you could do. It's not, look. Oh, there we go, it's off.

Along with all the fucking grains of gold. What, why are these so special? They were his prized possession. Just put some... One way, it's all black when you're playing in them. They've not fucking been worn! Just put more glitter on it, it'll be alright. Just put some glue and glitter on it.

Oh that's alright, no he just wiped off all the gold. No I haven't, don't be so ridiculous. I don't know and glitter on. Oh, that's alright. No, he just wiped off all the gold. No, I haven't. Don't be so ridiculous. I don't know how that... There's no paint down there. It's doing half grand. Is that what they are? Oh, that's nothing to you.

Get some new ones. They're now worth more. Mate, show me the boot. There's no fucking paint on them anymore. What are you going to do with them anyway? I don't know. Those look a bit scuffed, don't they? I bought them.

They're the CR7 Ballon d'Or boots, and I bought them. You can see it not really shining in the light now. I'm being honest. It's not really shining how it used to. You stuffed them down there to begin with. Don't even try, Siad. Don't even try. Don't even try, Siad.

I moved them over there. Don't even try, Siad, stuff up there. I did not stuff up there. I lifted the bin back, and you put them there. I can't believe you. Little weasel trying to say that's me. It's on camera. He picks it up and runs over.

I lifted the bin back and you put it in. I lifted the bin and you stuffed it back. What a weasel. When he went out of the room, I saw Lewis get a paint bucket out. Didn't he put me on the beam and then I moved him over there these genuinely you're actually trying to

fast play him white paint they're covered in white paint no they're not covered they are all this fucking sides of white paint where on the side

all here they are now fucked but no they're not I'm really glad I brought these in Lewis thanks for putting them oh look at him he's scared of Tom

so you're going to try sticking on me well you were the one that put me on the beam no I didn't on the video he's lying to you on the me. Well, you were the one that put me in the... No, I didn't. On the video, he's lying to you. On the video, you could see him pick the boots up and I lifted the bin back.

No, that won't come up on the camera. Are you actually trying to pass a plate? Wait, wait, wait. He's scared of Tom, so you won't go for him. Not cool, guys. It wasn't me. Why are you laughing there? Because it's funny.

I don't think it's that funny. That's a really prized possession. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't Tom-like. you laughing there? Because it's funny. I don't think it's that funny. That's a really prized possession. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't Tom like. I struggle to sympathise for the millionaire who has a slightly scuffed boot, if I'm honest. Millionaire? Those boots are my fucking yearly wage.

Yeah, you can't see a big difference. You can see why. Yeah, you can. But you get that off. There you go. You can see. You can get that white off easily. Stop rubbing them because all the gold comes off.

You'll get yours. That easily. Stop rubbing them, because all the gold comes off. You'll get, that'll be easy. Just chucks them back in. They're boots, they're not pockets! That's his price to sell you. It's like the Queen's crown, they're a pair of football boots. What are football boots designed to do? Get dirty. Like he's working a sports direct. Yeah cheers pal

one of the rarest boots in the world oh no and if I put them in the box a bit harshly what will happen will they break

I have brought what is that is that your grandfather's or something he collected miniature clocks who

me grandad you've just bit on the fact that I suggested that. You've bought that ten minutes before we started. No. Yeah.

He collected miniature... No, he didn't. I believe it. He collected miniature clocks and he has like... You would believe that. I believe it. I'll tell you why.

Because you said your granddad collects his miniature clocks, right? Yeah, he had tons of them. I think there's been a... I think there's... It's Lewis Bowden's granddad, of course. Is it a grandfather clock?

I think... He had tons of them each like niece and nephew got one I think there's a typo nah don't

I've seen you rough handling those I'm not going to do anything nah you're over compensating you don't even no I don't actually

trust you oh my god it's actually already coming apart there I don't trust you I'm not going to fucking break it it's actually already coming apart there. I don't trust you. I'm not going to fucking break it. Question for you then.

Question for you. Oh my God, that's heavy. Question for you. Watch out for the torn part. Why do you keep that in your flat? I have a selection of things that I took when I was travelling. So I have loads of like little home things. I actually believe him.

Can I have a look at it? Is it heavy? Yeah, he had loads of them. I actually believe him. No, leave it, leave it. If it is actually something that he collected he had loads of them I actually believe him no leave it if it is actually something that he's been serious about throw it

throw it no I know I know throw it see what it sees react to it no no no what are you doing

just get a bit of white paint on it I did not do that to yours that was him you did do that I'm going to show you the video

I'm going to show you the video evidence I know all the gold's coming off. It'll never be the same. Real harsh. Real harsh, you know. Now we go on to what is my most favourite part of the show,

but also my most hated part of my week, is listening to you spout bollocks. Also, during this week, you've sent in some... Oh, God, you've pissed me off this week you've sent in some oh god you've pissed me off this week you've sent in you reckon

alligators walk they don't swim well yeah that's what hippos do as well did you know hippopotamus no

they don't swim also not true that is true hippopotamuses don't swim they can't swim they can do both they can't swim they can do both

you're such a fucking idiot they can't swim hippopotamuses what do they do then a fucking idiot. They can't swim, hippopotamuses. What do they do then? They walk under the water. Okay, well, that's the same thing, isn't it? No. No? What if it's 30 foot deep?

They don't go in that water. Where have you seen a hippopotamus in the sea? Actually, no. Hippopotamus do... What the fuck have you just said? No, no. Hippopotamuses do swim. They don't paddle, don't they?

They don't. They can't do it. They do. They can't swim. They're too heavy. They don't. What don't they can't do it they do they can't swim they're too heavy they don't what they're too

heavy hippos uh how does a fucking ship work then the buoyant the big

to fucking do it what are you trying to show me there lewis guys i just want you to know

that lewis it's sea shallow water lewis is correct hippos can't swim and actually if they want to get across deep water legit That Lewis... See? It's shallow water. Tom's realised I'm right. Lewis is correct. Hippos can't swim. And actually, if they want to get across deep water,

legit, they have to go to the bottom and walk across holding their breath. And they can... Look. See? It's not swimming, mate.

Oh, cool. It's fucking swimming. It's not swimming. No, it's not. It's walking on the ground. There, see? What is this one doing? He's diving.

There's a difference between diving and swimming. That's what I thought. he's diving there's a difference between diving and swimming that's what I thought he's diving within the what do you mean diving

he's bouncing off the floor they're in the everglades no you fucking no you're a fucking

idiot bro I know more stuff than you give me credit for but by the way crocodiles do swim nah they walk

good they walk fuck it all for you on this crocodiles swim and alligator swim they might like float for a bit no because nah they walk good they walk fuck it all for you on this crocodile swim and alligator swim they might like float for a bit

no because they use their tail they fucking swim they do they like their tail is the thing that propels them

he sent in our group chat the other day a babby alligator standing with their back back feet just with their head poking out

and obviously because he's see through he's like look alligators don't swim they just stand up head poking out and obviously because he's see-through he's like look alligators don't swim they just stand up they stand up and run let's just agree to a degree that's not the saying Tom riddle me this

okay you're an alien you come to earth you speak to a human say can you swim the human goes no some humans can't swim they never learned right no but surely at this point aliens also have my point is no but but you you're implying that an alien knows what swimming is okay fine i am well whatever yeah of course you do it depends what human you speak to whether or not they

aliens know what swimming is used to say what they don't and this is to go back at lewis right of course they do who's to say that if you spoke to a hippo and it says, I can't swim, but some hippo might say, I've learnt to swim. Why are you talking to... I don't know what you're on about. I don't know what that meant. It depends on which hippo you're asking about.

But they don't swim. They run on the bottom of the... That's what they say and they run on the bottom of the floor. Who's to say a hippo can't learn to swim? I didn't say.

You're too heavy. They said they're too heavy. Oh, so it's not a mindset thing. It's like, you can swim. Well, it's like the bee can't fly but that but no one's told it it can't fly

so it flies no no that no what it is is is the way is the way their wings are yeah they can't fly no

they shouldn't be able to fly yeah but they do yeah it says they can't fly it's just the way I don't really know the mindset

the mindset is so strong no it isn't that definitely isn't that they have such a good mindset that no one's going to tell me no bees like getting drunk they actually like the taste of alcohol sometimes you see them lying around

they actually do when one bee is like an alcoholic They actually like, they like, they like the taste of alcohol. Sometimes you see them lying around and like, do you know, oh, this is, they actually do. When a bee, when one bee's like an alcoholic, like the other bees will sting it to death because it's like not helping the crew. No, no, that's not,

that doesn't make any sense. The wasps, I mean. Yeah, because bees would die themselves. Yeah, yeah, so they're like,

they kill it. But like, what I was going to say with the hippo thing is, how, how, we're killing him how do hippos how are they too big to swim

but whales can that is the stupidest question you've ever whales have fucking fins mate they have gills so they just swim what are you talking about that was stupid

that was the stupidest thing you have ever said let me put it this way they've said hippos

they're two beasts they're big fucking fins man Thomas hippos have legs

whales have giant wings that make them fly in the water really yeah

that's crazy nah they're literally involved to be on the water. You feel like silly AF. I'm not really. Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Nah. Nah. They're literally, if they've evolved to be underwater. How are they just saying the weight? Also, they don't do that in the water. Now, how do fish swim, but elephants don't?

I don't get it. Oh my God. Ugh. Ugh. No. Idiot. That was crazy. The argument was,

it says here, hippos can't swim because they're too big. It doesn't say because they've got legs or they haven't got fins. Yeah, bone density, isn't it? That's a better answer. Not, oh, they've got legs.

You're crazy. Whales have fins. Dogs have legs. They can fucking swim. You're asking why a fish and a mammal. You've asked how a whale swims. This is our answer. I haven't asked how a whale swims.

Why aren't they too big? Okay, well, why is a fucking giant boat too big? What? How come a cruise liner floats? I don't know. What is going on? How am I like that? How does a cruise liner float, eh?

Owing to sea, that's the answer. Right. Am I going mental? He's thick. Is he dumb? Every chance to get that in you try mate he's fucking thick

the guy the guy sat in the corner just asked how come how come a whale can swim in a hippo car did you just say a blue whale

doesn't have a fin no I didn't say that I think you did no I didn't what did you say about a blue whale then? I said a killer whale isn't a whale

no no you said a blue whale doesn't have a fin a killer whale isn't a whale oh I, no, you said a blue whale doesn't have a fin. A killer whale isn't a whale. No, I didn't say that. I don't know what's going on right now. They're pretty big fin. I think I'm tripping out. Right.

What is going on? Torpedo-looking whale not allowed to swim. Where's the fin on its back? Oh, my God. It's not a shark, mate. No, it's right there. That, the big tail. Oh, no, sorry.

I meant a dorsal fin. That's a shark. That doesn't help them fucking swim. Of course it That. The big tail. Oh, no, sorry. I meant... That's a shark. That doesn't help them fucking swim. Of course it does. It doesn't. It's just for marketing purposes. Marketing purposes. You've seen the video of the orca killing the shark recently.

No, I've seen the video of your mum fingering herself, though. That's just not very nice or just a completely horrible thing to say. You said she had big tits the other day. You did say she had big tits. You said he was sucking. No, stop. How old are you? Are you that fucking 50 years old?

You said you were a ball boy. You said, were you breastfed? And you went. You laughing. You said you used a ball every day. And you said, your words were. To be fair, my mum did have really big tits,

so it was easy to press. That's how you developed your love for food. You just got so much milk out of them. Milky milking. Those milkers were primed. Stop encouraging them. Sorry, sorry. Stop encouraging them.

You did say your mum had massive chest bones. It's just not very nice you did say that though you said she's got massive whappies he used to like switch between nipples he couldn't get enough black country language

you weirdo what whappies I don't think that's black country she never heard that word in my world what anyways that's all

that's all stated alright so let's end the show give us one fact can you sing us in Lewis has learned stuff there you go

something just like to whet your appetite before we go into it um honey badgers are actually the most dangerous animal in the world

yeah I heard that as well yeah they've got Kevlar style what what what based on what they kill lions and they're not

scared of anything you know why they'll fight anyone because their hide is like like chain yeah they're not scared of anything you know why they'll fight anyone because their hide is like like changing yeah they're indestructible yeah you can set them on fire

or put them in lava wait how many times have you set a honey badger on fire I've seen you shouldn't really be admitting to that

because you get like you could throw them into like a lava like a volcano and like and they come out and they go anyways yeah

honey badgers will be able to beat anything that isn't true a tiger would beat that would be a tiger would fight

what about an armadillo tigers are scared of them armadillos are scared of them what about a human we get fucked up by a honey badger what about me with an AK-47 we just shoot

a kevlar armour so why do they it's like it's like bulletproof it's like how we took inspiration from the military what about an atom bomb it is

like a lot of stuff that we learned what about Tony Stark a lot of stuff we learned from the military came from honey badgers also their hunting

their hunting techniques we incorporated into like our strategy in the army honey badger versus the Hulk who wins what about asteroid versus the Hulk

I mean lions leopards lions hyenas and even jackals are all perfectly capable of killing What about asteroid versus a Hulk? I mean... Lions, leopards, lions, hyenas, and even jackals are all perfectly capable of killing... Nah, they're scared. It's not true. They're fucking pussies.

Oh, get baited, because it's my dog toy. No, it's not. Ah, you mugs! Yeah, it's Pluto's toy. Oh. I was going to say, but Pluto is actually my price per second,

so that's why I brought it in. I'm cutting that, so everyone thinks he's a fucking nerd yeah by the way that's not cutting I've cut that last bit brilliant you made it to the end well done you

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