Back Side - 9: YouTubers BIGGEST Secret! Egyptians in Space & Would We SURVIVE A Zombie Apocalypse?

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

The boys are back, finally revealing how they met! What YouTubers are REALLY like & Lewis talks rubbish as usual...Grab your Official Pitch Side shirt & more HERE: https://shoppitchside.com/passwordIf you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the fact. No, radio transmissions can't get to the dark side of the moon.

They can't receive. They can't. No, radio transmissions can't get to the dark side of the moon. They can't receive. They can't. No, listen. Exactly. They can't. You're next to the dark side of the moon. It's from here to here. Earth's over there.

I'm saying they received it from there. Then they came back around. Oh, my God. I heard this, by the way. Who's your favourite Star Wars character? Probably Yoda. I like the guy in the bar where he's like, he doesn't like you.

He's like, and he pulls him back. He's like, I don't like you he's like and he's like pulls him back he's like I don't like you either I like that like energy or Jabba the Hutt have you seen the videos

of the original Jabba the Hutt no he's just a man hey oh wow 11.06 you're six minutes late

yes what have you been doing saw it too what have you been doing what are you like everyone out of shirts. Oh! You said that was sawing off.

Six push-ups. How was it doing? Yeah, so for everyone who guessed, it was obviously Theo late, as always, because he thinks he's better than everyone and he thinks his time is more important than ours. There I was last night Walking On the streets of London

Jodie's birthday Took after her You know it is Berkeley Square Kill mum And Do you shug her? Did you eat a pussy

For a birthday? That is the most vile That might be the most vile What is that vile? No might be the most vile. What is that vile? No, but that word is very like, you know, like minge. What, pussy? Clunge.

Do you like a clunge? That word is just grim, isn't it? Did you eat a money box? What the frick? Anyways. Her money slot. I'm going to ignore what you're saying. Her money slot.

Her axe wound. Her big bong. Did you lick her axe wound? That is a ham-sarnie. Wizard sleeve. A devil's crevice so disrespectful you would you'd be like

you called Charlie a bitch the other day oh that's obviously started with you then I made it up did I she is as well

I didn't do it you've got to stay in anyways my point is this I walk past this like you know like in New York the New York scene like in movies in like sex and tea it's always like it's like an art gallery of like drinks and all these like fucking guys like oh do you

like this art and it's like clear window bizarre oh that looks fucking i literally went oh that looks like new york like very artsy and then this guy and his wife walked out and like well he's fucking fashionable look at this guy jeff Goldblum that's not his name is it? I don't know who that is do you mean Goldberg? out of

no Jeff Goldblum the one out of Jurassic Park the topless guy of Jurassic Park can't remember mate Jeff Goldblum oh right

he's a cutie patootie isn't he he's a fucking cool guy I was like fuck I want to get a photo of you but I didn't

I carried on walking talking about big time backside's big time we've got a big number one fan you see that who?

Andy Carroll oh yeah Andy Carroll alright really? so Andy if you're watching you reacted to it in the chat did I? we're still like 3k off

an upgrade though guys so keep subscribing yeah subscribe we've got a glow down oh I've got some good ideas for the upgrade so yeah subscribe now if you fancy

we're on 27,000 yeah and we might be washed would we get Andy Carroll on the show if you wanted. Subscribe now. We're on 27,000, yeah. And we might be washed. Would we get Andy Carroll on the show if you wanted? Yeah. We can get whoever we want, right? I heard he's got some good festival stories. See, we spoke about-

I've heard some brilliant stories about Andy Carroll. If you get a guest, do we just like, do we just make them sit on the floor? They sit on the floor in the middle. And they just sit there. Or do I get downgraded? No, no, you have to go on the floor. We position them facing us

and at the end of the episode we reveal who it was I actually like that you know that's actually a good idea you can recognise someone by their voice yeah

I recognise Carl Pilkington from the back of his head with a cap on what in London yeah where did you see him in London he was walking through

like what was it what's the place where our billboard was what's that called again Leicester Square Leicester Square well I think it was him was he on his own

yeah he was just sort of bumming through with a cap I felt like it was him because there's been a lot of accusations of you being Carl isn't there that's not really an accusation

more of a compliment isn't it this guy's a genius no because he actually on one of the old shows like they were like oh yeah come with your movie concept he came up and they all like took the piss out of him.

It got made like five years later. Did it? I can't remember. That's not a good story if you don't know what the movie's called. Yeah, it's true. Now we can't address it properly. Carl was actually, I mean, he wasn't smart, but he did have, he'd say stuff that kind of made sense.

You just make up things. That's not true he was a producer for 20 years yeah produced the show he was a radio producer wasn't he so they

started a show and he was assigned to them as their producer and then they thought if you want a football manager regen equivalent of a football manager regen I'll take that

he's a bit better he's a bit more likeable he's actually good at his job yeah yeah that's true what the fuck do you do I don't know.

Delegate and turn up late. But you're like the Ricky who bullies me. The Ricky bully? Ricky bully. Yeah. You're Stephen Merchant. I've seen that as well. And the guy in the corner.

No, you're also assigned to Carl. Yeah, you and Lewis are the amalgamation. Okay, well, one common thing that I wanted to talk to you about, people always ask on Pitchside, and I think this is a good time. How did you guys all meet? And first impressions?

It's interesting because I was actually panicking about this. Why? Because I was at dinner last night with Joad. I was like, I think I've got an issue. Like an actual mental problem. And she went, which one? I know a feel. Because, let's talk about you, right, Lewis?

The first stage is accepting things. I can't remember meeting you. Right. I do. I remember it. You know the general first impression of what you got off him? Not a clue. Really?

I feel like he's been in my life for maybe a year. I kind of get what you mean, because I was trying to think about first impressions. I had to really think. And Jodie was like, I get what you're saying, because I feel like it's a compliment if you don't remember meeting someone for the first time because either you remember meeting someone

because they're a dick yeah or because they're forgettable super nice yeah whereas if you just don't remember meeting someone they didn't really leave an impression on you or actually it was just sound and that hasn't left a lasting impression on you do you see what I'm saying here yeah but you've spent so much time with him that that first impression has now turned into

your impression of him if that makes sense yeah which is a hard working individual wow a little bit special I thought you said we're supposed to

come up with brutal ones I do feel like he has a big issue with stress and like panicking over nothing this isn't a first impression though i feel like this is a character this is you give me a therapy session you um you you stress too much it's

therapy but with no contribution from i think you are you are this do you feel like the same i feel like you over panic about a lot of things no i think there's a lot of things that you don't get told about that i know about which i'm handling so it might seem on the outside i'm stressing about nothing but there's a lot of it because my job is to let the talent be talent and then you guys feel let you guys feel as unstressed as possible i will say you are great at your job thanks man and you're good at yours i don't know what goes on in your brain that first impression i've got no please i was actually you actually... You tell me, when was the first time we met him?

Because I'm guessing it would have been together. It was on a show. It was a live stream. I remember this. I remember our interaction like perfectly. Just because, obviously, it's a big moment for me because I was just starting the job

and I'm like... I'm pretty sure, would he come in and go, hello, mate? No, actually, I met yous outside. And you're a big fan. Yeah.

So I was stood outside. Oh my God, hello, mate? Yeah. No, actually, I met yous outside. And you're a big fan. Yeah. So I was stood outside. Oh my God, can I get a photo? Nah, I like to, I like... It's on a Sunday waiting to go in.

Yeah, so I was outside and Elliot, who was going to let me in, was like, not there yet. He was held in traffic. Oh, mate.

I remember you because you had your hammer shaking or handshaking her. It's not true. So I was, so I just stood there outside the building and then like yous turn up

and obviously I'm like, okay, that's them, but they, yous don't know it's me. So I was like, looked like a fucking fan. And I think you actually said, I thought you were a fan for a second there.

Because you saw me like looking over waiting to... You did ask for a photo. I have a first impression of you. Got any deals on me first? I thought, fuck, this guy's class. I have a first impression of you. Got any deals on me first? I thought, fuck. This guy's class.

I swear to God. Do you remember when he walked out of the room? I looked, he went. Yeah. Whoa. I was like, that's our first good guess. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm kidding.

Yeah, to be fair, the standard before you was Simple Simon. I'm permanent. I was like, fuck. I mean, I think the guess before me was Simple Simon permanent I was like fuck I mean I think the guest before me was Simple Simon but you didn't give a shit you actually like

said shit with your chest I was like rah yeah very self assured yeah my first impression was I sat with you two

for a while I think it was in here when it was the old office oh yeah it was in here we sat in here for a bit and then we were like oh should we go through we got on really well it was the old office oh yeah we sat in here for a bit and then we were like oh should we go

through um we got on really well it was fun and then i left it was it was just a really good they were very welcoming they were very welcoming it was i don't know how we all had our clothes off at the end of the session though and then you the thing with you was it was about two weeks after our first really started because to begin with I realised I was I was just doing streams and I'd had Elliot as a producer I think someone else

so when you came in I just thought you were there for like a week or something so I didn't know your name until like three weeks in

because I thought oh it's not going to be another guy who just goes after a week I didn't know his fucking name yeah and then the more you came in

I just thought so my first impression that day when you first did the stream was... dorky. Like, just really dorky. There's a dork in the corner. I thought you were alright, but just dorky. Do you remember that?

Oh, dorky! I mean, you are weird. You do look like a dork. And I do wish pain upon you daily. Superficially, he's not wrong. I do look like a dork, yeah. And he does act like it because he's very awkward to begin with

when you first meet Louis. So I've been to parties with him and I'll be talking to someone and he's there and he's like, oh yeah, you're right mate. I'm stood there and I'm like, just talk, come on now. Practice this.

You're a lot more extroverted in public situations than me though. And also you're fucking, he's cool, handsome Tom Garry. You know what I mean? You can be like, hey. Up north, you're with your home friends so you're fucking he's cool handsome Tom Garrett you know what I mean you can be like up north you're with your home friends

so you're obviously more comfortable whereas down here you're with like YouTubers and obviously you're a bit nervous around YouTubers

because you're a fan this is the thing I didn't actually watch any of you yeah whatever that's a lie because when you came in you were like

rah really love your football content I liked your your mate but Mr. Joe Weller do you remember when we was at the pub

by mine and there was like them like 10 lads come over and we were chatting to them they were like can we speak to Theo

I was like call Theo over and we just walked away and left him with him just stood by these 10 random lads and he's like yeah they're like

what's Joe Weller like what's KSI like and he's like yeah they're really nice do you remember in the airport? So like Theo went to the gate before us and me and Reeve.

Which one? That was something. I can't remember. You weren't there. It was when the flag got cancelled and he went to the gate before us and me and Reeve went up in the line. We're like,

where's Theo? Looked over. School of children like a footy team around him. He was fucking swamped. I had no idea. You deserve that for the way you act. How did you use to me then? you're like the footy team around him he was fucking swamped that's not ideal you deserve that for the way you act

how did you used to me then because this is the one that goes further back isn't it I do remember this go on it was at Wembley Stadium

I think it was wasn't it yeah what playing no it was like a FIFA FA Cup thing yeah yeah

and it was I remember I fondly remember chatting to Reeve and thinking in my head, wow, this is like one of the first YouTubers that I've met that seems like normal. Normal. Well, not awkward.

Whoa, you just slagged off a lot of people. As in awkward, normally it's like a bit awkward when you meet people for the first time, but he's like impossible to be awkward around. Am I? Yeah, you're very not awkward with meeting new people you're very confident you were just very like connectable that's what i put you you're like a labrador the real thing is what i got yeah yeah sorry yeah you just

just very like um boisterous he said be as brutal as possible. So this is as brutal as I went. I tried, boys. I did try. Theo, I thought he was a nerd. But one that was exactly like myself. A good heart, we bonded instantly.

Tom, I thought he was loud. Axon went right through me. But very self-assured. There are my genuine first impressions. I was a nerd. No, but one... You was a nerd no but one you are a nerd I feel like in the majority

of the UK scenes it's really nice yeah UK isn't nearly everyone I've met is pretty because I get that asked all the time who's the biggest dick

you've met and I'm like there's no one I really like I really like Oakley who's that yeah he's great he's class

just did fever stuff like that does golf now golf videos he's actually been Oakley has been to Cameo in Eastbourne. This is such a shit story.

And actually, who the fuck asked? There's no way anyone's listening or watching anymore because like, whoa, Oakley went to Cameo in Eastbourne. All we've done,

we're meant to fucking slight each other and all we've done is lick each other's asses. I think there might be a mental block in my head from trauma or something like that.

What have you been through that's traumatic? Don't know. Oh, grew up in a middle-class family in a lovely part of the world and then basically never had a proper job and now earn fucking ridiculous amounts of money making videos on YouTube. Oh my God.

Getting voided to events. Relatively successful at every stage of life. Yeah, Jesus Christ. What a tough life you've had. Where are you going on holiday next week? What? Where are you going on holiday next week? What? Where are you going on holiday next week?

Portugal. Oh. Yeah. Is it your fifth holiday of the year? Yeah. No. Yeah, it is.

It's not far off. What are you on about? Raw, man. Neo brain test. Like a memory test. Like a brain memory test. Probably. Like an MRI or something

for your head. Oh, I don't... I don't think an MRI would do it. We should do that for a vlog what get an MRI scan of all my ears no I did say

we should do an IQ test for a vlog I would win that I don't think you would I think I've got better IQ than you wow I'd put a lot of money

on that how much do you want to bet let's do it come on put your money where your mouth is boy 500 quid deal

okay deal if I had to say objectively who I think would win put your money where your mouth is boy 500 quid deal okay deal I reckon if I had to say objectively who I think would win that I reckon it's Tom because IQ is like pattern recognition

you would not win that you're thick got A in GCSE maths say I got A star it's not a maths test though is it mate fucking IQ test

why bring maths up then Tom didn't really say a word to me for the first two weeks he just spat on you so I'm like, alright. Isn't true. But you also

weren't full time on the pod yet, so I only were just seeing you on stream, so I didn't give a fuck about you. I don't want to part time.

Oh, so you were actually like, you were basically nothing. I don't really care about him. Do you know what, it was funny because

back then you were probably nicer to me than you were now. I was probably, back then, my first impression is my impression of you is all they went down yeah but you gotta remember the more i like you and the more i get on with you yeah i'm the same back on i mean you really really like all the

side men after the the no yeah i do no i didn't i didn't abuse all of them it was only simon i do like simon yes i do i like simon a lot I think he's a really nice lad. I like Simon. I love Angry Ginge. That way he went at him, even though he was actually defending you. If I did say like, I probably wouldn't have that reaction to like Toby or Vic

because I don't really know them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Simon seems like very normal. And I think they, I think they would take, Angry Ginge can, expect them to walk around. You can't just use that

as a description of everyone. You've got to mean in his mind. No, he's. In his mind. In his head. You're either weird, normal or a nerd. No, no, because Simon could easily just be like, not a knob, but like. They are also, let's be honest.

But it's like a different. Extremely media trained and stuff. What are you on about? They will be absolutely media trained to a T. What are you on about? Am I wrong? you think Harry's media trained he just chooses not to

deal with the media do you think I'm media trained and no fucking YouTube is media trained bro tried to put himself in the same place I think they just

probably just know to be polite because there would have been words spread helped and coached out to like I don't think it's coaching of course it would

everyone we just have a good upbringing you're not happy with what they've got around them you just have manners don't you what's next on your agenda Lewis well

I wanted to talk I've seen a news article this isn't part of Lewis's facts because I haven't fact checked it yet but I've seen an article about like fuck you now

what's he said about me I've seen an article about how like in you, now. What's he said about it? I've seen an article about how like in Antarctica and ice, there's like all sorts of shit like frozen there and there could be a case

of like prehistoric diseases which have since went extinct as the ice caps are melting, we could release that into the world and that would release a zombie virus. Oh, okay.

Oh, man, you had to go that way, didn't you? No. So, no. I knew that was too smart to be true. But aren't cannibals just zombies? Oh, okay. Oh, man, you had to go that way, didn't you? So, no, I knew that was too smart to be true. But aren't cannibals

just zombies? Oh, God. No, because zombies are uncontrollable. If I started eating you right now, that doesn't make me a zombie.

Would you be ill if you ate me? I don't know. You, yes. Zombies are supposed to be pronounced dead as well, though, right?

Oh, really? Yeah. No, no, no, not under the modern term. Zombies aren't real. Like, I well though, right? Oh really? Yeah. Not on the modern term. Zombies aren't real. Like in Walking Dead No, this is where you're wrong. So mice

No, this isn't being part of Lewis Fax This isn't even crazy This is true This is full on facts There's a case of like mice being injected with certain viruses where these get a lot more aggressive and they become cannibalistic and stuff

but they eventually just die off and it's not contagious to humans. I thought the action term zombie implies that the host is dead. Essentially, in this context, could we get a disease like this that makes you hyper-aggressive just to everyone?

Yes. So therefore, I thought it would be nice for us to just put a plan in place. Mate, you're not far off with rabies, to be honest. That's pretty close to a zombie thing, people.

No, it just kills you, doesn't it, rabies? Yeah. You just die. But you like froth and aggressive and eat people, don't you? No.

You froth because it's hydrophobia. If a dog has rabies, it's like... Oh, yeah, but that's different in humans. Right. So what are we doing?

So essentially, I just want us to put a plan in place. So I was curious, in such a scenario where the world is ending killing myself

I would say if it's running zombies I'm killing myself straight away if it's the walking zombies that's fun if it's the ones that run how would you know

if there's which one look out my window and if the zombies are running I'm killing myself I think that's I ain't rebuilding the world fuck that no no you can repopulate it though I'm alright walking dead zombies are running I'm killing myself I ain't rebuilding the world fuck that

no no you can repopulate it though I'm alright walking dead zombies are fucking light work but like if it's like 28 days

later where they're sprinting after you fuck me that's scary because you're dodging your knee you wouldn't be able to I wouldn't kill myself because I'm

scared of dying of zombies I'm killing myself because if there's a hundred people left on this earth I don't want to be a part of rebuilding it

fuck that I don't even understand how wifi works or how we're going to remake electricity everyone needs their role and you will be the sperm

you'll be the sperm it won't even work you'll wank everyone off you'll wank everyone off next you'll be the sperm oh I'm sorry I don't have your technique

mate then everyone there'll be loads of mini garrets when I first started wanking I used to do it like that yeah it makes technique mate then everyone there'll be loads of mini garrets when I first started wanking I used to do it like that yeah it makes a lot of sense you'll be known as Genghis Khan but like Genghis Tom

for all I might be barren for all honour what does that mean can't have kids if you were to go if you needed someone from this panel to

Reeve that's it Reeve no but you didn't even say what the thing was just to be your a teammate for the apocalypse obviously Rave alright yeah someone with a brain

and can do they all just eat all the rations they all just whinge complain eat all the food and just

fucking non-stop just talking about how he feels and how it's unfair on him you'd be like no no wait i've got

let me try and use my mind to keep the fucking zombies away because i've watched the youtube clip on this you're a fucking idiot using his mind control yeah they're gonna trust me the end of the world occurs all textbooks and you know literature is burnt and everyone has to rebuild the world and they're stuck with Lewis creating these fucking bullshit stories okay well

the interesting question is that we all agree in Reeve here Theo are you taking Reeve yeah so the question is who are you taking no who are you

you have to take someone here oh sorry can I pitch each of us how about this each of us pitch ourselves to Reeve and then you can choose

because really you can only take one of us it's not the apocalypse who would I want out of pitch ourselves to Reeve and then you can choose. Oh, go on then. Because really, you can only take one of us. It's not the apocalypse. Who would I want out of the group? So Reeve, what you need is someone who's going to think outside the box. So you've already got the basics down

of the logical sense. Now you need someone who can throw in the odd idea which might help you cascade your opinions. Also, I'm not a powerful man. I'll eat the shit stuff. I'll have the rubber tender spoon. You know what I mean? Like youful man. I'll eat the shit stuff. I'll have the rubber

end of the spoon. You know what I mean? Like, you don't have to share all the good bits. You can have the nice food. You need to stay strong. I'm just there to assist you.

Did you say proudful? I don't know. Well, my honest answer is don't take me. I'd rather die. Okay, fair enough.

If I'm actually pitching, I'd say, really simply, I won't wind Jermone like him I won't be as annoying and stupid as him I'd be a great wingman for the last 50 yeah to be fair

I'd be able to sniff out some beer and I'd be able to sniff out some women and sniff out some gear okay and I'm not a fearful okay and I'm I'm not I'm not a a fearful man I'm quite

I feel like I'm quite brave I'm relatively strong that's a good pitch that's a good pitch I'm fit and healthy he'll whinge more than Theo oh I wouldn't Theo would take it

as more of a challenge you'd be like I can't be arsed no I'd do it though when you hear physical activity up against the wall I'll deliver

no you you crumble what does that even mean remember the half marathon well breathe three days notice you need

mindset you need someone who's the second strongest in this room great cardio not only that the breaker of arms you actually what is that going to help

breaker of arms not only that I'm a great at role play which means I can play any role that you want what is he at role play which means i can play any role i play any role if you want me to be a little servant i'll do that i i am here to serve the greater good of humanity right i will contrary to many please i actually am will eat pretty much

fucking anything when it comes down to it no i could live off rice and beans if I had to. I really could. You know, I'm not that funny. Who do you know for? Do you know how scarce rice and beans would be in an apartment? I could eat the same shit every day. I don't mind. You brought three brownies in today.

Yeah, and what I do, I share them with him. You did, actually. You try and bribe me ahead of time. I'd also know what my strengths are and what your strengths are and i feel like you would be a good leader so i'd be a great listener and i think in that scenario you need oh yeah you love you love listening and doing what others tell you to do don't you not only that when you're feeling down you know when you're at the end of the end of your end of your wits i would be there to lift you up my biggest concern on paper

it should be you but my biggest concern would be in an apocalyptic situation how long would those legs last he's going to be

injured week one you'd be injured straight away he's going to have to carry you around hey I ran a 148 half marathon with you

no questions asked the following day you are not robust enough for a zombie apocalypse imagine the moaning you'll have to no no

when it comes down to survival there's no massage gun now you've spent a lot of time outdoors as a child as well I have there's no there's no I used to walk around

Seaford in bare feet oh what's next the Amazon I didn't think this I thought this wouldn't be a contest but it's actually there is no contest

it's 100% you need someone who's got the mindset 100% me can you imagine being stuck with Lewis The Amazon. I didn't think this, I thought this wouldn't be a contest. There is no contest. You need someone who's got the mindset. Can you imagine being stuck with Lewis for the rest of time? Oh, he's not in the discussion. Well, how am I not in? Tom literally can't lift anything with his right arm. He's got one arm.

I can now. No, you can't. I'll be your prodigy. I'm the full package. I'm fit enough. No, you're not. I'm smart enough. No, you're not.

I'm not as whingy as you. I'm actually smarter than you. I'm braver than you're not I'm not as whingy as you I'm actually smarter than you I'm braver than you I've spent the most streetwise I've spent the last month watching Outdoor Boys

I know loads of shit one last thing one last thing who's more streetwise me or Theo me

neither of you I am I know more than these guys really prove my point fuck you're not in the question

of my life okay when I'm put up against the one oppressive situation you come from one of the arm. If you look throughout the history of my life, okay, when I'm put up against the one oppressive situation, you come from one of the most privileged backgrounds ever. It is the apocalypse though.

It's not like any oppressive situation is not viable. What about the soybean charity game? What about our game? Reeve, this is why I ruled them out.

The accent, you're going to come across other survivors, they're going to think this fucking southern prick. You need someone to balance out the Tory abuse. So you need one of us.

I can pretend I'm down our hippie. Oh! I'm going to get high, mate. Remember the golf course at Liverpool, they hit you. I've made my decision.

Thank you. I know it's me. Thanks, Roof. I'd take Tom. Yes! Really? Yeah. I'd be fucking good

in the apocalypse, mate. The fucking way you are. I would. We would balance each other out. We would balance each other out. We would balance each other out really well. I promise you, Guns to your head, you're taking me. 100%. I feel like he, I feel like in a situation

where rules don't apply to the rest of the world, he would be best. No way. You love rules. Remember the golf course? Yeah. They should let us in first. Do they know who I am?

I love how he's acting like any of you were there. I think he has the least problem with confrontation as well, which is probably quite useful. I can be calm in situations. No, he's not about that. Call the police! Where are the zombie police? Can't we have some order?

I'm much more confrontational than him. Fight him then. I'll pick on anyone. I am. Go confrontational than him. Fight him then. I'll pick on anyone. I am. Go on. I am. Especially when you're, if you're getting bullied or,

so if they're in the wrong, they're incompetent. Don't be offended. It is recency bias that I'm taking Tom. Yeah. He's offended. Is that what it is? Yeah.

You're not robust enough. It's been six months who you've taken. Tom. What, and you've done full rehab? Look at him. He's so desperate for it. I'm failing him. He said, imagine you've done full rehab? Look at him, he's so desperate for it. I'm feeling him. He's saying,

imagine you're running away from the zombies, he's fucked. Nah, but, absolutely fucked, he's dead, and then you're on your own,

so your so-called teammate that you've taken, dead first down. Yeah, but at my peak, yeah, but also, I'd sacrifice myself

to let him carry on. I think I've been overlocked. I'd just fight 10 of them. What's the point of that? Because it keeps him alive. Entertainment value would lose. You need... Wait, what's important, Reeve?

Also, at my peak fitness, you couldn't even get near that. Reeve, you have to think. I don't think you'd provide me with any survival skills. Six years ago. The zombie apocalypse. Yeah, all right, mate.

What's life without happiness? No, stop a second. I'm not having this. Really? Yeah. Really? I just said the reason why. First day, I say said the reason why.

First day, I say, it's Tom. No, no, no, no. You bump into a pub. Let's talk about it as a real zombie apocalypse. Yeah, you bump into a pub, eat carrots, and you're on your own again. Zombie apocalypse happens right now. Yeah.

You're fucked. Me? We can get our bikes and stuff. You're fucked, mate. You'd be fucked. I have to take the- I've got a really fast bike. Here's a question.

Anyone been in the Cubs or Scouts? No. Or Beavers? I've literally... I was in the Beavers. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I've spent time with the fucking Navy SEALs. I was in the Beavers.

I was a level 7A climber. That doesn't help me. I spent time with the Navy SEALs. Mate, you weren't in the Beavers, mate. Imagine we get stranded on the top of the Alps. I will ski faster than any of them. Yeah, but that's provided

we have skiing equipment. I'll bring it. I've got it. Do you know how a zombie apocalypse works? Yeah, you ski away. You can't just live your life.

What about when you go uphill? You're like, what if the zombies have skis? I'll make my own skis. Also, logically, if it was a zombie apocalypse, you'd make more sense to stay on top of the mountain. Can we just listen to him? I'll make my own skis. Also, logically, if it was a zombie apocalypse, it would make more sense to stay on top of the mountain.

Can we just listen to him? I'll ski away from them. Who says that? That's why you're not being chosen, mate. What are you going to say next? I'll sail away on my boat from them. Well, yeah. You're a fucking Tory.

That's why you're not being chosen. That's not who you'd take. Why is it Reeve? Yeah, no. No, if you were Reeve, who would you take? Because obviously the answer is Reeve? Yeah, no, yeah. No, if you were Reeve, who would you take? Because obviously the answer is Reeve out of the four of us.

I feel like, who in the comments would you take? I feel like I've been underestimated a lot here. I actually reckon genuinely out of you two, I'd take Lewis. You wouldn't.

Think as well, you need someone who can get into shorter spaces, I'm adaptable, outside the box. I actually think you'd be quite smart with like, getting things to work.

Yeah, yeah. He is good with that. I'm a problem solver. Yeah, you are actually. That's what my job is. Logically, outside the box. I actually think he'd be quite smart with like, getting things to work. Yeah, yeah. He is good with that. I'm a problem solver. Yeah, you are actually. That's what my job is. Logically, you do stuff. I'm also, also,

also, I can plan. I know how to plan. I can read maps. Yeah. Can I? Yeah. No.

I've got a GPS watch. What have you got? Uh, okay, how about this? What's your plan then? Zombie apocalypse just started now. What's your plan?

Go. Resources. No, no, no. You can't just say that. Where are you going to go? What's your plan then? Zombie apocalypse just started now. What's your plan? Go. Collect resources. No, no, no. You can't just say that. Where are you going to go? Everyone's doing the same thing. You're going to go to the shop where people fucking have knives and guns.

I've got everything I need at my flat. I've got a bow and arrow. That would work in apocalypse. Yeah, and what happens when you're out of arrows? When you're out of arrows? Go get him. Oh, yeah, from where? Or make him out of bamboo.

Oh, there we go. While they're banging at your door you're going to be making bamboo arrows well done what happens

if you run out of bullets then what are you going to do mate he's got you've instantly made a mistake you stay off the

streets when it first kicks off we have keys we have keys to various rooms in this building we have fobs to all this room

the power's going to stay on for a long while the last thing you do when carnage breaks out is get in a car. Yeah, let's go get on the streets. No, surely straight to the countryside.

Straight to the countryside. Yeah, who lives in the countryside? Yeah, but you have to wait. You have to wait. All the roads are going to be blocked up out of London. You're locked down in this building. When the Carnage kicks in, driving is the least possible.

Not only do I live in the countryside, I live by the sea so we can sail away and we've got a World War II tower. But he said, how are you getting there? Your plan is shit. What, when everyone's trying to drive away? All right, I cycle then through the country back.

Oh, that's... Oh, you are shit. Right, well, Theo's lost. You are thick. If anyone chooses you... All right, all right, Tom. Explain how you get to your Xbox's house

and up in Birmingham. Go on. I wouldn't. I'd do exactly what Louis did. You stay here for now. You find a safe place in a building, let it die down.

And then what? And then you drive down. Yeah, so what's the difference with me doing that? Because you're doing it straight away. You did it straight away. Obviously, I wouldn't leave straight away. I'm not... Right, well, there we go, then.

Your shower's here. Got a nice cafe downstairs. I've got my lunch in the fridge downstairs. Do you think if so, you'll be lasting a day? Well done. Do you know what? Zombie Theo will be downstairs in the cafe still eating the cakes and that.

I've got my green juice it'll be healthy there'll be no people running around screaming he's just eating cake fat as fucking cane weight

by Mike Goodman at the end of Dodgeball anyway what's last on the agenda then for tonight well it was loose facts but we need to be singing

Lewis has some What's last on the agenda then for today? Well, it was Lewis' facts, but we need to be singing. Lewis has some facts. No. Forget it. Every week, man. Lewis has the facts. Facts, facts, facts. Yeah, Lewis has the facts. So let me read the headlines for you.

We have Egyptians on the moon. That's changed. I've always added to it. Information can never be deleted. We robots we are time traveling uh ghost story we are being farmed and farmed we're going to have no hands no hands yeah i've been waiting for that one for two weeks all right this is good on this this is actually like really scientific so is been... Have you checked this? Yes, of course. I've researched.

This is research. So essentially, we're going to have no hands or feet as well, maybe. Paraplegic? Let me walk you back. Walking stamp. Evolution. Okay.

Opposable thumbs is one of the biggest reasons we are as advanced as we are. Brilliant. But what's happening? AI. And let me talk to you about this. Apes and monkeys, all all their fingers the same size why do we have different size fingers because ours are shrinking through evolution or maybe we are losing advanced yes so we are losing the need for your fingers

when was the last time you use this all the time uh to balance my phone interesting so when you lose the need to balance your phone you will not need this at all our fingers are shrinking and it's the same with your toes they used they used to all be the same size so you can grasp onto things but now the each each and every one of them are shrinking that is proof look it's smaller so our hands are losing that we're losing our hands, essentially. How do you take off, though, that little finger? Well, we won't,

I guess we won't have to. Here's something interesting. How many fingers do you have? Nine. Eight. Nine? Nine? Eight fingers.

Yeah. Two thumbs. Yeah. So aren't they different sizes because the thumbs are smaller because they're opposable? No, because monkeys have opposable thumbs, but they're all the same size. Yeah. So aren't they the sizes because the thumbs are smaller because they're opposable? No, because monkeys have opposable thumbs

but they're all the same size. Wait, what? Monkeys or apes? Both, mate. Monkeys don't have opposable thumbs. Yes, they fucking do.

No, they don't. You're a fucking idiot. What, like a lemur? You're an idiot. A lemur has opposable thumbs? You're a fool. That can't be right.

That's how they grab things. What? No, you... Wait, no. Half the reason we're more advanced is because they don't have opposable thumbs. No, because they just didn't need to evolve. They don't have opposable thumbs? They didn't need to evolve. Monkeys and apes don't have opposable

thumbs. Yes, they do, because they grab stuff. You don't need opposable thumbs to grab. No you don't need them to grab. No I think he's right. What are you on about? What are you on about? So I've started thinking on this a bit more. I don't believe they have opposable thumbs.

So the future for the human race, we're not going to have hands or feet. Well just go like that to the next monkey and see if they go... So I've got a question for you. Why do we have earlobes? Oh, I'm... Earrings. No, I've fucking heard this for you why do we have earlobes oh earrings no I've fucking heard this recently

and I can't remember earrings I don't know I'm asking you I don't know you don't actually know well I'm trying to think of how we're going to evolve next

but like I think we're going to lose our earlobes we're not going to lose our hands some people don't have them we use them so much we don't use them some people have really tiny ones

don't they we do to grab things Lewis has big earlobes you know yeah he does you have small earlobes you don't have any. Some people have really tiny ones, don't they? We do, to grab things, Lewis has big earlobes, you know. Yeah, he does. You have small earlobes. You don't have any earlobes. Fucking hell,

you have no earlobes. Neither do you. I do. No, like, Oh, as in I dangle it. This left ear has no fucking earlobes. These are bigger than yours? Yeah.

I have little ears, so I don't know. And also, and also another thing. Your earlobes are very long. I think we're going to lose this as well. Some people have. So we're just going to have a big, we'll have a big... I think we're going to lose this as well. Some people have. So we're just going to have a big... We'll have a big hole.

That's not going to happen, bro. No, because we don't need it. We don't need it. We don't need it. I can't breathe. So I'm going to... Mine's going to whittle down and we'll evolve

to have a bigger hole so we can breathe better. I've got bigger nostrils than most people. But surely having two nostrils is more surface area than having one. No, because you have

a bigger hole you're so big Tom what no that's what I'm saying so having two nostrils is more surface area for all your no because you just

take that bit out and then you have even more you're an idiot no no no surface area you get double the surface area from the skin I can't believe

what does that mean what do you mean no you're talking about volume of air in the nose. Yeah, not surface area. I'm talking about surface area of... What's that mean?

Also... Things that... The... You're fucking up. Also, Lewis, the whole no hands is fucking stupid. It doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense because... We're losing our hands.

Are you saying because we'll control everything by mind? Yeah, we're going to lose our hands. How do you... How are we going to hold anything? A cup of coffee or drive or anything like that you're thinking about life is like how it's gonna be and how it is now it's gonna be like that forever it's not we're gonna turn into how you're gonna like make love this is a crazy thing as well but by the way with i was learning about this uh with ai with ai the learn the the basically like be able to control the future with it, where they'll be able to see

all our hopes and dreams and plot our course so we achieve it. And then once they can achieve that, it then can predict the future and control the future because it can control us as a hive. And we become like a hive mind.

Based on that, we won't need arms, so why don't our arms just go? Well, they might once we go down here. And those will just be... Also, you know, the whole Nostra thing, the whole nostril thing, the whole nostril thing,

if we've got a gaping hole in our face, right, there's no hair to regulate temperature of the air that's going in and protect us from... No, you just have longer hairs. ...pissing stuff.

So you reckon we're just going to have a hole and we just have giant hairs coming across. You are a fucking idiot. You tell me why we have earlobes and how long they have wrong. That's not the best point. I don't know. Can I tell you about

Egyptians on the moon? Yeah, this is the last one and then we're going. Right, so on the dark side of the moon, essentially, you can never see it. Yeah, transformers are there,

that's why. Yeah, so you can never see or whatever. And they sent this satellite there called Clementine, right? And it went to the moon. And then when it was there, like took pictures of like some what looked like structures on the dark side of the moon i'm like what the fuck this fucking structures here um and then it hit one of them and i crashed

into it and it never came back out of it so we never kept the pictures but we got the data so there's like loads of data and it's like suggests like structures on the dark side of the moon um it shows the picture of the data that's mental and then when and then the astronauts they went to space like i went to the moon and when they go around the back of the fucking like moon you lose connection to nasa what you're on about so when they go around the back side of the moon they didn't walk they didn't walk around the moon no the orbit in your twat yeah he's talking about still on the spaceship oh sorry behind the moon but he said he

walked around yeah I was like do you know how big the moon is so like they're around the back of the moon they lose

connection to the earth and they're like okay that's fine that's not expected then then we go

around the back and there's an Egyptian that goes boom what's coming through here what's that happening to me what was that one to me so it's like

who's king julian oh oh yeah and like what's going on here and it sounds like like music it sounds like music and like and chants yeah that's like coming from the back side of the moon back side yeah and it was um so anyways they're like what the fuck's going on they're like it's weird that i've never heard this i don't know it's true but it's like a movie and then they come back around they lose connection with that and then they come back around there's like yeah so nicely here yeah we hear you um yeah yeah so essentially it's like these Egyptian structures. They're on a different radio station.

No, no, no, because you can't receive anything. So they're receiving that from the dark side of the moon and there's these Egyptian... Stop saying the dark side of the moon. Like we can't go to, we haven't seen the whole moon. We can't see it. We haven't seen the whole moon, you twat. That's why it's the dark side of the moon.

Yeah. What are you on about? It's true, it's true. You don't think we've gone round the moon? We have, we have. Yeah, these did. So wait, so hang on a minute. Why can't you just go

around the other side of the moon and use your iPhone and film it? Well, this is what you've gone round. You've got pictures of the structures and that. So you don't think

a satellite has gone round the whole moon? It crashed into one of the structures. But the only one ever. So, I haven't got the picture. I haven't got the picture. So you're telling us that

why are they Egyptian anyway? So, you know, this is a good question. So is it pitch black on the other side of the moon? Yeah, pretty much. So it's pretty hard to see, but they could see these kind of like Egyptian structures. And obviously Egypt was like a very advanced civilization. So the question is,

how did the Egyptians get to the moon? And how are they still alive? They created a bridge. That's fucking mad. They created a bridge that's fucking they created a bridge that had earth air so they're just

knocking around in a vacuum going oh just constantly it is King Julian you're a fucking idiot you're telling me humans

up there cannot breathe because obviously space is a vacuum they might be human they might be alien like obviously there's alien links

with the pyramids and that, but someone Egyptian-related is on the backside of the moon. Fucking Salah! It's on the backside of the moon, and there's a theory that I've got here where it's like the Egyptians, like, harnessed the power of lightning.

Oh my god. It's Thor. So, no, so unknown technology, somehow they did all this crazy shit. Lightning would come from below the moon in our atmosphere. No. It's Thor. So no, so unknown technology. Somehow they did all this crazy shit. Lightning would come from below the moon in our atmosphere. No, to get there, they harnessed the power of lightning and that's what the pyramids is for. If you harnessed one lightning bolt,

you could power the city. I mean, you could power the world for a day. That can't be true. That cannot be true. I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't even know. So the power of one lightning bolt,

and this is probably where Thor came from. No way there's enough energy in one lightning bolt. One lightning bolt can power the world. Surely every lightning bolt is different as well.

On average. Why are you bringing up Chris Hemsworth? How many volts does a lightning bolt... This is probably where Thor came from. He was probably like

this god scientist. How many volts does a lightning bolt have? Like a probably where Thor came from. He was probably like this god scientist. How many volts does a lightning bolt have? Like a million. You reckon it takes a million volts to power Earth for 24 hours? A million volts? They can power, yeah. There's 300 million volts in a lightning bolt.

Ah, there you go. It powers Earth for a day. But this is probably what Thor... Maybe for like a minute. No, but think. This is what they're saying and I'm hypothesising. Hypizing hypothesis my hypothesis is like say for it's probably like this greek scientist who they thought was a god because he did he discovered

this amazing feed mythology so that probably doesn't work yeah so it works so it takes so it's from vikings so there's 300 million is it a greek thor yeah no he's norse who's the greek guy zeus sorry zeus my bad um so basically zeus an iron man as well so zeus wasn't just a god he was just a unbelievable scientist which they worshipped as a god and he managed to harness the power of lightning egypt have made it over to fucking the moon and obviously it's on the dark side of the moon so we've never discovered them and also

right how have you gone from Greece to Egypt they work together we already found out through Atlantis when they send

who did they send over Moses Plato Plato went over yeah so they already have that link.

We're only the Little Mermaid. So Greece and Egypt are working together. I'm only trying to find a logic. Do you even know

how far away they are? No. They didn't have planes back then either. Greece to Egypt. I'm just trying to

find a logical way of how we've got Egyptians on the moon. We don't, mate. We don't for one. There's only one thing we can do.

We have to send Lewis to the moon. Oh, that'd be't for one there's only one thing we can do we have to send lewis to the moon oh that'd be great right with her okay can we put you through astronaut training the amount of stuff you speak about and it's related to space i'd love to go to send you for us yes i'd love to do that make sure you take an iphone with you and film the other side no no not you don't have to go to the moon no he does okay well yeah separate thing i get dizzy though so when they do the spinny thing yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Can we actually do this, astronaut trainers?

By the way, an average lightning bolt has 300 million volts. You need three trillion to power the world per day. We've said no fact checking. Look, we have to send those to space. It's our only option. Just more bullshit conspiracy theories from your school. I'm not, I'm empty. I don't want to get it misconstrued. I'm not saying for 100% certain Egyptians are on the moon.

You said that. The whole point is you're giving us facts. That was literally what you opened. I'm saying I learned. I'm saying I learned that Clementine the satellite. You've learned nothing. I learned. I learned.

Stop saying I didn't. Because Clementine. Have you learned it? If it's not true. I learned that Clementine the satellite sent by NASA it's not if it's not true I learnt that Clementine the satellite sent by NASA went to the dark side

of the moon you said they sent the Egyptians sent it they didn't send no NASA sent this and then you said the Egyptians sent it

it crashed into a man made structure or someone made structure on the planet we lost the images but we got the data we could see they hit into something

how do you know the data suggests so what if it's alien made no no no no I'm asking how would they differentiate between a man-made structure and just something that's part of

the moon it's normally the rock or an alien made yeah exactly according to the data what's the data that's on the moon that's on the moon. That's on the dark side of the moon again. So it could be like a light.

How do you know? Who's taking a photo of that? We can get photos of the dark side of the moon, but we can't get photos of the Egyptian planet. You turn off the exposure. No, they're probably just living on the ground or something. I don't know.

But again, just more absolute. Why wouldn't they live on the sunny side when it's warmer yeah well that's a good

question again because there was thieves that the Nazis went to the dark side of the moon fucking

hell no there was they were saying that they were building they do

this on hide and Hitler where sorry that sounds weird where it's like did they escape to Argentina and the moon that is plausible They do this on Heiden Hitler Where Sorry No no that sounds weird Where it's like

They escape to Argentina and the moon That is plausible though Yeah escape to Argentina Is a little bit easier Than going to the dark side Of the moon With a

Chanting From So do you Do you think Hitler's on the moon Still Still knocking around So just to be clear The facts that I'm bringing you

The facts that I'm bringing you Are They're not Stop saying You're bringing us facts Clementine The satellite knocking around so just to be clear the facts that I'm bringing you the facts that I'm bringing you are they're not stop saying you're bringing us facts Clementine the satellite

did go to the moon that's a fact and it crashed on the dark side after hitting a structure fact fact also astronauts

the structure it hit was actually just part of the moon yeah they just crashed into the moon also dark astronauts who went round to the dark side it hit was actually just part of the moon. Yeah, yeah. They just crashed into the moon. Also,

astronauts who went round to the dark side of the moon, radio cut out and they were hearing Yeah, because radio transmissions can't get to the dark side of the moon.

Can you imagine this whole time just a bloke in his bedroom like feeding a baby. Hang on, hang on. Have you ever heard noises? Here we go.

Have you ever heard noises when you go through like a tunnel and the radio cuts out and it's all... That's probably what it is. Shark, babe. According to the discovery... See that?

How the fuck was that Egyptian whatsoever? That was only a little bit. It sounded like Ronaldo, listen. Explain this then. If it's radio interference, they've lost connection to fucking NASA, but somehow they're picking up some knobhead over in Siberia

on his radio. How's that work? I don't know. Exactly. It's because it's from the dark side of the moon. But my argument is that doesn't mean it's because it's from the dark side of the moon but my but my argument is that doesn't mean

it's Egyptians who built things right okay how about this you're aliens right you're an alien but now which one is it aliens or Egyptians I'm just

I'm saying the facts the facts are Clementine hit into a fucking structure and then also they got this radio stuff on the dark side of the moon when they shouldn't have

and you don't no no no no no and that's the fact no radio transmissions can't get to the dark side of the moon when they shouldn't have. No, no, no, no, no. And that's the fact. No, radio transmissions can't get to the dark side of the moon. They can't receive. They can't.

No, listen. Exactly, they can't. They fucking can't. But if you're next to the dark side of the moon, it's from here to here. Earth's over there. I'm saying they received it

from there and then they came back around and they're like, we heard this, by the way. There's a tactical going on there. So I'm saying, I don't know what they're coming from. That's not the facts.

But if you're an alien and you're studying humans, right? What's the logical thing? What's the logical thing? You'll hide on the dark side of the moon as a base, maybe. You maybe steal some of these smart Egyptians.

They're abducting people now. They abduct, they do abduct people. Where are they taking them to? The dark side of the moon. How are they going to breathe on the moon? Alien technology, if they can fucking make it to Earth, I reckon they can have a CO2 can. where are they taken to? The dark side of the moon. How are they going to breathe on the moon? Alien technology, if they can fucking make it to Earth,

I reckon they can have a sea or two can. How are they going to breathe? You know how it works, don't you? They'll have air... A sea or two can. The aliens probe them and insert different genetic material which allows them to breathe in space. Yeah, sorry, yeah, yeah, well I did not think of that.

But no, no, if you're an alien, you're on the dark side of the moon and you hide at the bottom of the ocean as well. Oh, I can't do any more. You do my editing. That's how the footage is. They have all the footage of the UFOs coming out of the ocean, you prick. No, I can't do this anymore. They do.

The REF guy, not the REF. I'm in a trench, man. Right, thanks for tuning in, guys, because my head's going to explode in a minute. Next week, I want facts. I told you the facts of Clementine crashed into the dark side of the moon. So that's your only facts.

Anyway, thanks for tuning in, guys. We'll see you next week for more bollocks. Let me find this chanting. You made it to the end. Well done, you. If you haven't already, hit that follow button. Why not? Tap it right now for new episodes every week.

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