Back Side - *HEATED* Cheating Girlfriends Argument, Milk vs Potatoes Debate & Ouija Boards Real?

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Things get heated as the lads debate what is more important, Milk or Potato. Tom drives Lewis to the edge of madness in new game and is this proof Ouija boards are real?If you'd like to work with us, ...email the studio on workwithbackside@fellasstudios.comProduced by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. Give me a full-on solid before I knock his head off. Just calm down. There's calcium in my-
Starting point is 00:00:22 No! No! Every time we'd get in the car, we'd go, I wonder where the sock is, for like 10 years straight. Oh my God. Honestly, this is the most degenerate pod we've ever done, man. This is actually horrendous. Mainly because he's led by him.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Literally, they're gonna pull the plug on this pod now. I've got to hand you him out. I can't believe it. There it is! What an ending. Are you deaf or thick? Which one is it? Choose, I'm out. There it is! What an ending! Are you deaf or thick? Which one is it? Which one is it? Deaf or thick? She was already dead to me the moment she cheated on me.
Starting point is 00:00:55 The Space Jam pen's got a little basketball at the end of it. What the... Hey guys, welcome back to Backside and today we have a beautiful day. Why is it a beautiful day, I have you ask? Well, because we know that... Is that a real plant pot? That's what? Oh my god. That's your mingany.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Wait, we've had a real plant pot this whole time. No, don't just weigh down his mic. How did you do that? I don't know why you did that. How did you do that? I've got like a little gap in my teeth. But how did you get that much, so much power? Shall I?
Starting point is 00:01:23 No, no, don't. Don't. Mate, there's, can you, how are you doing? That's actually kind of impressive. Thank you. I have weird things like that.
Starting point is 00:01:42 I can do that. If you're listening, go watch on YouTube. But no, seriously guys, make sure you subscribe because we are so close you're listening Go watch on YouTube But no seriously guys Make sure you subscribe Because we are so close To 50,000 subscribers On YouTube
Starting point is 00:01:49 It's insane So subscribe Like Rate us 5 stars On Apple Podcasts And Spotify And guys let me talk to you About
Starting point is 00:01:56 The secret Life Of everyday objects What are we doing? I don't know what he's doing You can't just do The fourth segment of the pod Did you ever consider No no no You're're doing straight into fact no it's not
Starting point is 00:02:08 fact what is it this is a talking point is this like sausage pie guys the guy does uh did you bath salts and then he can see all the things and he's like don't eat me he's eating the children did you ever think about toilet paper oh i don't often hate toilet paper. I don't often think about it. No, well, you don't. No, why? Because it's everyday life. It's a mundane thing, right? Toilet paper used to be one of the most luxurious things in the world. In China, back in the day,
Starting point is 00:02:35 it was considered a luxury to have toilet paper. How else do you think they wiped their arses before toilet paper? They didn't. Or just didn't. Yeah, they didn't. They went to the baths. Yeah, what? You just did it like a dog. You went, boopie. It's probably cleaner, isn't it, really? They didn't And their hands Yeah they didn't They went to the baths Yeah What
Starting point is 00:02:45 You just did it like a dog You went boopie It's probably cleaner isn't it Really Using water It's like the bidet Is a way The bidet
Starting point is 00:02:52 It's actually the bidet The water pistol thing I thought it was the bidet Yeah Where it's not really a water pistol Have you used the water pistol No Yeah I've used it
Starting point is 00:02:59 It goes up your bum doesn't it And then you poo out the water No you close your bum You don't No you don't You don't open your arse It goes up No you don't do that then you poo out the water no you close your bum you don't no you don't you don't open your arse it goes up you know you don't do that
Starting point is 00:03:06 oh you should you spray it onto the bum hole you do a couple wipes to get the big shit out of the way agreed and then you go like that
Starting point is 00:03:13 a TV's tell we don't need a TV I like to poo inside of the I mean I like to wee inside of so we think toilet paper you're gonna finish that
Starting point is 00:03:21 sentence every time you wipe your arse think about it some people don't have toilet paper right it used to be ancient my mate my mate's little brother's got cerebral palsy and then he's uh he's got like a special um this isn't a joke why are you laughing why are you laughing because he's he's upturned i think it's really inappropriate for me that's really fucking rude for laughing he's got like obviously special equipment in his bedroom and
Starting point is 00:03:42 in his ensuite and his toilet is fucking amazing It's like a robot. Yeah, it just does everything for you take a shit and then it doesn't even obviously cleans your ass There's like different spray thing cleans it and then it dries it. Oh does it it's fucking Anyone just buy that kind of toilet or if you want to I mean you just expensive I knew a guy that Imagine it's subsidized by me. I'll imagine the government give it in because he's got so i knew a guy whose job it was to sell those like robotic toilets actually i don't know if he's i don't know what i think he's got so i went on a conversation i've created i went on a toilet in um germany and when you flushed it like it looked like what were you doing in germany
Starting point is 00:04:19 i wasn't in the brothel it was closed there's a restroom right outside though and there was um it looked a bit like technological but now normal and un-weird un-weird I flushed it and then some guy's hand came out
Starting point is 00:04:30 wanking you off but I flushed it and then the toilet seat whilst I'm on it started like turning around so I'm on it and I'm like
Starting point is 00:04:36 oh you've been revealed to the room take me out sounds like he was in a brothel I don't know why there was no function to that
Starting point is 00:04:42 it doesn't achieve anything suddenly he was in a bedroom that's toilet don't know why. There was no function to that. It doesn't achieve anything. Suddenly he was in a bedroom. That's toilet paper. But have you ever thought about socks? Yeah. Have you ever thought about socks? I've got some if you fear. We just put socks on.
Starting point is 00:04:54 I said another one. No! Not a right and a right. You said it was your New Year's resolution. No, I lied. It was a joke. You bastard. That is just scum.
Starting point is 00:05:03 Does it not feel weird on your feet? You both filed your new Resolution Socks are responsible for some of the world's greatest Mysteries wank anything about that like when you lose a sock yeah, yeah, where do they go in the washing machine? No, but surely the wash the washing machine just eats socks. That's what I'm convinced by. We had a sock go missing once when we were kids in Greece
Starting point is 00:05:28 and it flew out the window. My little brother was little and it flew out the window and every time we'd get in the car we'd go I wonder where the sock is for like 10 years straight. What a family.
Starting point is 00:05:48 Yeah, I know. Do you ever think about that? No, I don't think about you and your weird family getting in the car. The most outrageous thing about that is they've managed to continue it for 10 years.
Starting point is 00:05:56 I kind of understand. Where's the sock gone? Where is that sock now? It's the thing, where actually is it? Where is it? No, because I heard this thing, right? It was like,
Starting point is 00:06:04 do you know when you're playing footy right and it's like oh that was my goal that's my goal and you're arguing with your mates who argues about whose goal it was
Starting point is 00:06:10 we were kids man I was like no it was mine mine mine mine I'm trying to get the last word I remember walking off the pitch
Starting point is 00:06:15 when I go home and I was going mine mine in case he was saying it as well that's raging ADHD and then every time
Starting point is 00:06:24 that memory comes into my head I go you're actually looking at it a bit differently I don't understand what that means was seeing it as well. That's raging ADHD. And then every time that memory comes into my head, I go, you're actually looking at it a bit differently now. I don't understand what that means.
Starting point is 00:06:29 So every time that would come into my head, like to now, I would say mine. So you're convinced that he's still saying it somewhere else in the world? Yeah, you know who you are.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Niall, mine. You know the sock thing, right? Yeah. Not only socks, yeah. This one time, again, I don't know where we were, but we saw out the window
Starting point is 00:06:45 the back window this old like granny lady she could have been like a hundred a granny lady and she was chasing after this tractor
Starting point is 00:06:52 obviously she's not going very fast the tractor's clearly going to get away not very fast similar to the sock we'd always go I wonder if she caught
Starting point is 00:06:59 the tractor where's that old crippled woman chasing the tractor do you think this is going to go down well for you yeah I don't care man there's talking points we used truck. I wonder if you say anything. Do you think this is going to go down well for you? Yeah, I don't care, man.
Starting point is 00:07:06 There's talking points. I'm sorry. We used to say, I wonder where the old lady is. I'm like, where is she? She's probably dead. She'll be dead. Yeah, she's dead.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Every car journey, without fail, you'd say, I wonder where the sock is. I wonder where the old lady is. For about 10 years straight. I fucking meant to say. You'd be like six,
Starting point is 00:07:22 probably six. That's weird. Do you ever see, look, someone in the car though and think I wonder if I'll ever see you again yeah I do that in public yeah
Starting point is 00:07:28 you go up to them and say I wonder if I'll ever see you again or maybe I have seen I wonder if I've seen you before and like but it was like
Starting point is 00:07:34 on holiday there's a high likelihood that you're brushing maybe I'm the weird one because I never have these sort of yeah but you have no stressors in your life
Starting point is 00:07:40 Tom you just go through like how's that stress and I think you're on the on the spectrum you're just like really like just How is that straight? And I think you're on the spectrum. You're just like really like just like off the spectrum.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Like he's not even on it. I just think you like... He's on the Kievan spectrum. I mean, I look at people and just think, fuck me, you're pathetic. But I don't think I've ever seen... Did I just say that out loud?
Starting point is 00:07:59 He's on it. So? I'm the undercard just looking at it. You just stare at people. Fuck me, you're pathetic. Oh shit, sorry. You ugly, smelly... so I love the undercard just looking at the other end and saying fuck me you're a potato oh shit sorry
Starting point is 00:08:06 think you ugly smelly think about two things okay what do we think about we think about potatoes
Starting point is 00:08:12 and what else do we think about what what we think about what are you on about what have you right what have you
Starting point is 00:08:20 typed into chat GPT for this don't worry about it let's think about potatoes that's the talking point what's it. Let's think about potatoes. That's the talking point. What's the original question? The panic when you went for his phone.
Starting point is 00:08:33 No, no, no. We're not answering the question. Any talking point in group conversations would make me seem cool. Have you, Adjalee? I'll tell you the after show. You're ruining the facade. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:08:43 The facade of what? I'm smart. Have you ever thought show. You're ruining the facade. What are you doing? The facade of what? I'm smart. Have you ever thought about potatoes? No, not frequently. And bread. What about bread? Only if I need bread at home. Okay, so riddle me this.
Starting point is 00:08:53 You've got a potato in the ground. How are you making at least 30 different items out of a potato? Who comes up with chips? Who comes up with crisps? Sorry, Theo. We are currently recording to black magic cameras yeah on a device that stores data that will be spread across the internet and your thought your thought process is who made what is fucking really innovative in society is who's created
Starting point is 00:09:18 chips from potato yeah think about potato is one of the most versatile fruit and being was it do you know it's not a fruit it a vegetable. Do you not understand how ludicrous, I'll have it, I'll have it. The idea of us on a pod speaking to someone in Brazil. A potato. It's crazier than someone cutting up a potato. We are,
Starting point is 00:09:33 but what you're saying isn't that crazy. A potato is the most important vegetable in the world. It's just types of questions to AI. And that's the, yeah, this is what it is. It's somehow artificial intelligence on his phone phone it's basically a supercomputer in his hand and he's going you could imagine how crazy you were to think of a fucking set imagine imagine
Starting point is 00:09:54 how stupid the question is if the most interesting answer is potato you can have a 20 course meal and eat fish as potato. Mate, you're saying words. You keep saying words. The level of consciousness doesn't make it any more impressive. It doesn't acknowledge everything that we're doing compared to chips from a potato. It's crazy. We're in an all-new law.
Starting point is 00:10:16 I can't believe you've tried to use chat GBT to look smart and you've ended up with potatoes have a lot of use. Do you know what? If you'd have gone fucking out isn't it crazy like i've just asked a thing that doesn't even really exist and it charges in the real world for talking points on the show that is mental like that imagine like
Starting point is 00:10:36 500 iq that is and somebody just read what it's told potatoes i didn't read that i made it up and i'll tell you this what do do you mean? What do you mean? What are potatoes? Oh, mate, give it a rest. Switzerland. Okay? Yeah. It's the neutral country, isn't it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:51 It's never got involved in nothing. I mean, it's quite positive, isn't it, really? Yeah. Yeah, but it's good at banks as well. Because it's a plus. But, did you know it is illegal, illegal to own one guinea pig? Is that true? Yeah, but you're allowed two.
Starting point is 00:11:07 I don't believe him because- Three, four. I'll be getting lonely. It's because a guinea pig is considered a social animal. I had two when I was in there. I actually had four. You are not allowed. So if you get caught with one guinea pig, fucking dead.
Starting point is 00:11:18 But what if the other's dying? It's just like the day of the- Or the guinea pig. You have to go get another one, mate. Mine is still buried in my mum and dad's garden. They don't do anything for you well they come around with the
Starting point is 00:11:26 RSPCA and stuff you must get him a friend Swiss RSPCA also when you say milk's more versatile then it's not vegetable
Starting point is 00:11:34 milk's from a no I'm not saying but in terms of food milk's in more food than you're not saying what you're saying no no
Starting point is 00:11:41 I'm not saying I don't understand what you've done what do you want to saying. Potatoes are the most important thing on earth. What do you want to do? Get him started. Mate, are potatoes more important than milk? Oh, I disagree. No.
Starting point is 00:11:51 Are you all right? Milk's in more things. What's more important? Which kind of milk? Because I mean like... All right, let's tweet. Let's put it to the... Okay, what's more important?
Starting point is 00:11:58 Guys, if you're watching at home right now, if you're on Twitter... Humanity wouldn't survive without milk. That is factually accurate. It wouldn't survive without potatoes as well. Yeah, you would. I don't know if that's true. You can survive without potatoes. Are we just talking about cow milk? I feel survive without milk. That is factually accurate. He wouldn't survive without potatoes as well. Yeah, he would. I don't know if that's true. You can survive without potatoes.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Are we just talking about cow milk? I feel like cow milk. He said any milk. I feel like only cow milk versus potato is fair. You're not allowed. That's cheating. Not breast milk.
Starting point is 00:12:14 What is more important for society? Cow milk. Potato or milk? Chips or milkshake? Yeah, milk. Well, that's true. Ice cream or... All right, milk's got cheese milkshake. Yeah, milk. Which of these? Well, it's true. Ice cream or... All right, milk's got cheese.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Butter. Yeah, yoghurt. Yoghurt. Flour. I mean, or bread. Flour. Bread. Yoghurt puddings.
Starting point is 00:12:35 Yoghurt puddings. Chocolate. Milk chocolate. Chocolate. Yeah, chocolate. Potato. Sweet potato. You're using different forms of potatoes.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Potatoes. Potatoes. Sautéed potatoes. Cucumber. Hash browns. sweet potato potatoes so a potato rosti's mashed potato pom purée yeah i understand isn't pom purée just french mashed potato no oh you don't know the difference potato puree is now maybe that's true actually let me tell you a little fact about pom puree what the fuck is going on
Starting point is 00:13:08 this is we are 27 minutes in and even our listeners who at this point expect the bullshit I didn't think the show would get
Starting point is 00:13:17 to this position this is crazy we've genuinely run out of so much stuff to say that our only lead conversation is Theo talking to a robot.
Starting point is 00:13:26 This is at the start of the episode. He has just disrespected all them good chefs out there by saying, Oh, my. You're boring. You're boring. It's an art.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Pompure is an art. Now, would you like the next point? I'll tell you what Carnivore is. Are you done yet? Do you know what? This is at the start of the podcast where you want the hard-hitting good stuff for them to stick around.
Starting point is 00:13:42 This is what people expect. This is 6am kitchen conversations. It's dropping. The numbers are dropping about a second. I kind of like it. If you're still here... Have you got a philosophy?
Starting point is 00:13:51 Yeah, definitely do. I did it early for philosophy. Yeah, I thought we were going to talk about life and stuff first. We did that earlier? No, no. What do you mean? Last week?
Starting point is 00:13:59 We've got nothing to talk about. We haven't even made a clip about this, guys. Let us know what is more important for the earth and society Potato or milk. It's gotta be milk. I think potato This might be I want to draw a line of this. What kind of milk are we talking? Cuz we're talking every single kind of milk It's cow milk
Starting point is 00:14:16 No, no, we're not cow milk vs potato Look there's not a fair It's not fair to be all milk Is that almonds? No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean like animal milk. Like breast milk. That's shit though. No, breast milk's not involved.
Starting point is 00:14:28 It would cow milk only. Animal milk against any form of potato. Yeah, animal milk. Cow milk. Animal milk, milk wins. Is sweet sweet a potato or not? Animal milk- Sweet is sweet, mate. Milk? I don't know. If it's only cow milk, then it's a close competition.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Otherwise milk easily wins. The real debate- Are you trying to restrict my boy? Yeah, but that's the real debate though. But that means may as well bring sweet potato in the conversation then. If we're changing animal,
Starting point is 00:14:49 we can change potato. Did he say cheesy mash is one of his things as well? Yeah. Which two? I said that. To be fair, you can't have the cheese
Starting point is 00:14:57 without the milk. If we're changing different animals, if we're changing... Sam has got a good one. You need fucking milk. We said that exactly. Combine them two. But if you're changing animals,
Starting point is 00:15:04 then we can include purple potatoes, which keeps people alive in Japan. That's fine. You can have all types of potatoes. Against all types of milk. Yeah, there's the... What's the tier? Blue zones.
Starting point is 00:15:13 But this is what you have to ask yourself. It's like Barney's cock. Didn't all those blue people exist? But the dinosaur of Van Barneveld. You know, like the question of like, is there more doors or legs or whatever? What? Wasn't it... Doors or there more doors or Legs or whatever What? Wasn't it Doors or windows
Starting point is 00:15:27 Wheels or legs Wheels or doors Is there more wheels Or door frames No it was Is it chair legs It's legs Yeah legs and wheels
Starting point is 00:15:34 No it was doors or windows Wheels or legs It was It was doors or windows It's not It's wheels or legs But now the new question is Milk or potato
Starting point is 00:15:42 Milk or potato man What's there more of? No, what's more important? Also, isn't mashed potato a combined in milk as well? Only if you want to make it nice. Yeah, if you put butter in, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:15:52 So you're fucked, mate. No, no, spit butter in. Yeah, but you do really, don't you? Where are you getting your carbohydrates from, mate, buddy? Smashed up mash. I can guarantee you that if you had to only survive
Starting point is 00:16:01 on milk and any form of milk and potato and any form of potato, I'm living long on potato. No, you're not. Where are you getting hydration from? Milk. Water. What are you on about?
Starting point is 00:16:10 From potato. You don't get hydration from milk. Milk. Are you all right? Are you joking? It's a liquid, Lewis. Are you joking, you dickhead? Of course you get hydrated from milk.
Starting point is 00:16:17 No, you don't. It's very commonly known to not hydrate you. No, but it's still liquid content. Oh my God. It doesn't quench your thirst. Chocolate milk does. Milk is hydrated. Chocolate milk does. Yeah If you drink liquids that acts towards the water levels in the well, no, it's not quench your thirst. Oh, yeah That's no can be hydrating You are so dense there's scientific evidence that suggests milk is even more hydrating than water alone.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Oh, see? I said chugging milk as well. I agree with you on that, by the way. But I'm saying, hypothetically speaking... So you couldn't last longer on potatoes? Just calm down. There's calcium in... No!
Starting point is 00:16:58 No! That's a mineral. That's more hydrating than water. Milk and water or potato and water? Water. Milk is good for hydration, but water is better option purely for hydration. No, hang on. I said there's some scientific evidence that suggests milk is even more hydrating than water. Chocolate milk that is by the way. The fact that you don't think drinking milk would hydrate you is crazy by the way.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Mate, I'm sure it doesn't quench your thirst. I don't need... No, not quench it. It doesn't matter if you're parched or whatnot, mate. Yeah, it does. Drinking liquids... That's how you know if you're hydrated or not. ...help you to keep your water levels internally.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Who told you? Is that a watermelon? That's another good one. That's another one. What? I don't even know what that is. No, but if we're saying potato and water and milk and water, what are you lasting longer on? It's potato and water.
Starting point is 00:17:44 I don't know if that's true. I think that's true. Well, you're potato and water and milk and water, what are you lasting longer on? It's potato and water. I don't know if that's true. I think that's true. Potato and water, you can live forever on it. Milk and water, you can definitely die. You couldn't survive as an adult male on only milk. You're not going to eat. You just drink milk. You could.
Starting point is 00:17:56 No, you fucking couldn't. You could eat cheese and milk. I'm pretty sure there's stuff for me. Potatoes and food and water hydrates you. It wouldn't be nice, but you'd live forever. As well, surely. Over too much milk. No, I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Breakfast, breakfast I'll have a jacket potato. A jacket potato for breakfast. Lunch, I'll have mashed potato with a side of fries. With a side of fries.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Oh, you just did that, you just did that lip thing. Yeah. And then for dinner, I'll have pom purée and some rostis. Yeah, but I still,
Starting point is 00:18:23 I still don't think if you ate potatoes all day every day. It has what it needs but it doesn't have the calorific things it needs to.
Starting point is 00:18:29 So you'd survive quite a while on just milk but not indefinitely. But that's like anything, isn't it? Yeah, but you'd have to drink a
Starting point is 00:18:34 fucking ton of water. You'd have to drink calories. So let's find out potatoes. You could live, mate, if it's
Starting point is 00:18:39 here or it's a food, water's hydrated. You could live forever. It would be shit. I agree. Have you seen The Martian?
Starting point is 00:18:45 Oh, right. By the way, The Martian oh right by the way the Martian is known to be scientifically accurate is it Matt Damon on Mars they just disproved the fact that you couldn't grow potatoes
Starting point is 00:18:53 it's possible to survive on a potato only diet for a very short time there you go where are you reading that from fucking like AI
Starting point is 00:19:00 oh I just googled it oh you are there he is oh look at you just turn it off to the computers a human could
Starting point is 00:19:08 theoretically survive for a limited time on a diet consisting solely of potatoes to get us off this let's try it so you're wrong there's no protein
Starting point is 00:19:15 guys we can't keep talking about milk and potatoes you're not wrong mate oh my god I've just found an article spudman.com
Starting point is 00:19:22 all potato diet 8 years later 8 years later he's heard it eight years later he's obviously drinking water I need to click that we said we're allowed water Tom we said we're allowed water no we didn't say that
Starting point is 00:19:31 we did yeah we did we've seen that I wasn't saying that I was saying surviving only on one oh no well potato loses yeah it has no water
Starting point is 00:19:37 you need water mate but milk you don't need water with milk so so milk we are the argument was what could you survive longer on? Just the one or the other milk? No, but we said you're allowed water.
Starting point is 00:19:50 That defeats the object. Then obviously you can survive longer on water and potatoes than just milk. Yeah, but that's what we're arguing. Everyone has agreed that... So you're having potatoes and water. How's that a fair... And you're having milk and water. I don't need water.
Starting point is 00:20:03 I've got milk. All right, mate. You just have the milk and I have the water as well. No, I'll have milk and fucking I don't know. Biscuits? Don't say Coca-Cola because that won't go well. Meat. I'll have just fucking red meat. Oh, that's obviously me then. That's not
Starting point is 00:20:18 comparable. What is? Yeah, you can survive on cow. So you get alongside you the most productive survive on cow forever so you get you get alongside you the most you should have chosen something
Starting point is 00:20:27 a bit more efficient the most productive human no you get the most productive thing we need to live on
Starting point is 00:20:32 which is water yeah you also get that oh don't need it though no but you also get it this is the point
Starting point is 00:20:38 I think you're really you're not getting the point here buddy you're pissing me off you're not
Starting point is 00:20:41 getting the you're not you're not understanding what I'm saying I can't believe we're 35 minutes into the podcast no we're not because the first half hour is you like moaning about not uploading yeah give me philosophy before i knock his head off sure can we talk about this have you seen the samsung i've made a robot no shut up yeah go on
Starting point is 00:20:56 they have a robot and yeah he's just fucking texting it do you want me to tell you what i wrote in yeah yeah give me a funny podcast topic and i said give me more and at the end do you not say thank you you have to say please yeah i always have to say please track your ip address there is some more there are more topics i haven't said them out though and they said each of these topics would allow for humor research and fun storytelling making for an entertaining and unpredictable i. I heard something mental about AI the other day. It was on Joe Rogan.
Starting point is 00:21:27 So like, with ChatGBT, do you know that you have the different versions? This fucking freaked me out when I found out. Why did you say GBT?
Starting point is 00:21:33 I don't know. He's fucking weird. I thought it was ChatGBT. What does GPT stand for? I don't know. But anyways, guy pussy tits. When the,
Starting point is 00:21:42 when ChatGBT started sensing and started seeing like things online, that a new version of itself was coming. And I thought it was getting turned off. Girl pussy twat. And I thought it was getting turned off. It started rewriting its own coding to like. Skate porn today.
Starting point is 00:21:58 To try and survive. Yeah. I'm telling you how AI is rewriting itself and going against its supposed master. And you're all like, gay pussy tits. Go, Patrick Thistle. That's evolution. That's evolution, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:22:13 Patrick Thistle. Patrick Thistle. Patrick Thistle. He lives at Bikini Bomb. Patrick Thistle. Gay porn today. Why is that so funny? Check gay porn today. I love that so funny? Chat, gay porn today.
Starting point is 00:22:26 I love how he's continuing with his story and he spent a good two minutes thinking of one. Nah, but like... So anyways, chat... Gynecologist protects tits. Guy... Oh, shit. I'm reusing tits.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Oh, shit. That was really bad, mate. Sorry. No, protects twats, doesn't he? Even worse. That's a good game. Did he say gay Patrick?
Starting point is 00:22:47 We could give prods. He prods. Did he say gay Patrick? No, he said, go Patrick Fissle. That's a good game. Someone we could give each other letters.
Starting point is 00:22:56 He's giving up on his story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe not. We could give each other letters before coming in for the podcast. We go and come up with the funniest thing that they stand for.
Starting point is 00:23:03 That is one of the worst ideas you've ever done. That's one of the worst ideas you've ever done it's one of the worst things you've ever done I was trying to do something cool about chat GBT I hear that
Starting point is 00:23:11 I've got a better story give me pussy to me it was trying to rewrite its own cordon and go raw yeah just turn it off mate it's fine you can't
Starting point is 00:23:16 no that's that's evolution isn't it so literally what humans would have used and this happened like what humans would have used to turn it off
Starting point is 00:23:22 it was trying to override it and go solo so if you just unplug it it's going to override that is it no take it out the wall mate done it's not a cloud it's not on a cloud if ai's on the internet it's everywhere oh are you telling me it's a laptop so it's charged just leave it on until it runs i'll I'm listening to Joe Rogan, right? I'm listening to Joe Rogan here and talking to these science nerds about cool stuff. And I'm like, do you know what?
Starting point is 00:23:50 That's really interesting. I'm going to tell the lads this. I think they'll probably like it. And then I go, give pussy tits. Give it to Goal Patrick. And then him telling me to just unplug it when I'm telling them that AI is going wrong. Oh, I have heard about that robot, though. It's fucking...
Starting point is 00:24:02 The little Samsung one. Yeah, and then another robot didn't move. I knew that was though. It's fucking this little with our Samsung one. Yeah, and another robot Lewis remember to bleep what Tom said there in the other seriously loot. What do you do if I appear on? No, I genuinely have seen that eat Try to turn it off. I know exactly what I know exactly what would happen if that were to happen, like, if you did do that. And then he tried to turn himself on. Have you ever, have you ever watched a TV show, and he's just like,
Starting point is 00:24:30 Joe would start a conversation, and Phil would be like, pull that up, Jamie, every time. Pull it up, James. Because he doesn't know what he's talking about. He'd be like, Jamie, pull that up,
Starting point is 00:24:41 let's have a look. No, he'd be forgetting the name. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you make me ill. Yeah. No, but seriously, what have you done with your hair i have a confession i was pulling my hair out over the gay pussy tits and fucking calvus my girlfriend uh told me something funny the other day uh wow one thing i'm ready for this something like I actually respect it I've said
Starting point is 00:25:06 you got you got ball knowledge yeah so her TikTok she just watches like football highlights of like Cole Palmer and stuff
Starting point is 00:25:12 and all the Premier League footballers I'd be worried why? because it's just fascinating and then oh yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:25:18 Cole Palmer fascinating the size of that in comparison to my boyfriend it's like top bins and stuff and then yeah there's this one there's some then, yeah, there's this one. Put some swazz on it,
Starting point is 00:25:26 But they were like retired and it was like old footage and they had long hair. And I was trying to, for eight, I was trying to work it out. I think it might be Ronaldinho. Sorry, where's the joke?
Starting point is 00:25:37 I don't understand. You said she did a really funny thing. Where's the joke there? I just found it hilarious that she was watching like football highlights. What the fuck has this been oh my god
Starting point is 00:25:49 honestly this is the most degenerate pod we've ever done this is actually horrendous literally they're gonna pull
Starting point is 00:25:55 the plug on this pod after this one what's the funny bit there she's watching football tiktok no it's like your bird watches Karl Palmer highlights
Starting point is 00:26:03 which she wasn't watching Karl Palmer are you sure so he's an old player with long hair I just assumed it was Ronaldinho TikTok? No, it's like your bird watches Karl Palmer highlights. But she wasn't watching Karl Palmer highlights. Are you sure? So it's an old player with long hair. I just assumed
Starting point is 00:26:09 it was Ronaldinho, yeah. You don't know where Ronaldinho looks from? She don't know where Ronaldinho looks from.
Starting point is 00:26:13 No, you don't. I've not seen it. Yeah, that's the worst bit. She's just describing a player. Yeah. Nedved?
Starting point is 00:26:20 Johnny did something really funny the other day and there's just no punchline. He's just watching Karl Palmer. Did she say you
Starting point is 00:26:24 were watching TikTok? Yeah. That's the entire story. My girlfriend did something really funny the other day. She was sat there watching TikTok. That's it. That's the entire story. You just creased it enough to come in.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Honestly, Thor. Good way to tell you. I honestly thought you were going to say she took the piss out of your hair or something. I thought she had a good snap come back or something. No, no.
Starting point is 00:26:48 She put her phone down. J.D. was watching football highlights on TikTok. I thought it was quite cool actually. Has Meg done anything funny recently?
Starting point is 00:26:57 Yeah, she was watching rugby highlights. Oh. Big legs, strong legs, tired legs. Not rugby highlights. What about mine?
Starting point is 00:27:05 Turns out Reeve went to uni with Emma Payton. I might have done. She went to Loughborough, didn't she? Yeah, and we're the exact same age and we both did sports science at the same time. Damn. She probably was in my class and I just haven't realised. She sorted me tickets for the darts, so shout out Emma.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Yeah. I wonder if she did. Did she sort you tickets? Well, through Liv. Did you end up going? No, to the Premier League last year. We literally asked for tickets. Oh, the Birmingham one? Yeah, through Liv. Did you end up going? No, to the Premier League last year. We literally asked for tickets. Oh, the Birmingham one?
Starting point is 00:27:26 Yeah, like two days before. And it was... We tried... I might have to ask her again because there's fucking... It's going to cost us like £200 a ticket. They've been sold out months.
Starting point is 00:27:35 It's even bigger this year, isn't it? Yeah, and it's fucking... Because Bunting's playing. Have you seen they want to move the location? They've outgrown it, the Alley Pally. You do realise the Premier League is a different location every week. I'm talking about the World Championship. No, they can't, man the Alley Pally you do realise
Starting point is 00:27:45 the Premier League is a different location every week I'm talking about the World Championship no they can't man Alley Pally's that's cult heritage
Starting point is 00:27:51 yeah they won't change it they won't change it hopefully not they won't they might more money Wembley less atmosphere
Starting point is 00:27:58 bigger and not be the same kind of vibe Wembley yeah but O2's the Premier League final I'm joking you idiot he actually said that on the top 100,000 people Wembley Wembley Yeah but O2's the Premier League final I'm joking you idiot Wembley And the top
Starting point is 00:28:06 100,000 people Fucking hell Wembley Arena Imagine if they didn't Close the roof And them all missing the board And blowing away Wembley Arena
Starting point is 00:28:15 Yeah Yeah Yeah Isn't that smaller Than Ali Pali no? It's not as good How big's Ali Pali? I don't know
Starting point is 00:28:23 But Ali Pali's quite They won't It's part of darts You have to do the Walk up the hill how big is Ali Pali I don't know but Ali Pali's quite they won't it's part of darts you have to do the walk up the hill with an issue Ali Pali the world championships
Starting point is 00:28:32 used to be in the different room in Ali Pali when then they moved into yeah no when I don't know the year
Starting point is 00:28:39 right who wants to play my game I've just scrapped my bit that's fine the game is I take you all out to a field, put your blindfolds on, and I get you all to, not to wank, to milk a cow.
Starting point is 00:28:53 And you have to tell me... Which one's a cow and which one's your knob? Cow or cock. Cow or cock is a good game. Right, are you ready? Do you know what we're doing? No. No.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Jesse and Gagog. No, I thought it we're doing? No. No. Guessing. No, that's a deeper one. Let's be honest. We're all in a silly goofy mood. Let's play his game. Let's go silly goofy right now. If you don't know what this is, you have to catch him on last week's episode.
Starting point is 00:29:16 What's he called again? Guessing Gaz. Guessing Gaz. We need to improve. Because he prepared last week really well. What were you staring at there? Do you know what? I've made a change to my...
Starting point is 00:29:29 Be assertive. Yeah, I'm going to be more dominant in this. And if we're wrong, it's because I'm wrong. But do you know what? That's what I mean. Do you know what the gaffer said to me last football match?
Starting point is 00:29:40 Great player, Theo. Oh, he's still doing the GPT thing. Oh my God. He just said that out loud. I'm confused. He's still doing the GPT thing oh my god you said that out loud I'm confused he's still doing the GPT thing from like
Starting point is 00:29:51 25 minutes ago I've got no energy I'm out I can't believe there it is that's your crescendo wasn't it fucking hell
Starting point is 00:30:01 what an ending what an ending to the energy level can we have a little team talk before we go into this yeah team talk
Starting point is 00:30:08 don't forget on one little bit you can't hear this and our bamboozled last week the idea of this game to him
Starting point is 00:30:16 is to make us look stupid he's trying to bluff us and he did it last time and yeah so already I'm thinking the most obvious one is
Starting point is 00:30:24 the correct answer that's good because last time he made us look like fucking idiots because I didn't choose to I think we have to agree be more assertive
Starting point is 00:30:32 we have to stop him from just rambling on about random stuff well technically he did contribute last time he didn't get he was so fixated on that one point that he had seen the article before
Starting point is 00:30:42 he did not really initiate in any other conversation well we did get the answer when did he get the most out of Theo to get the most out of the article before he did not really initiate in any other conversation when do you get the most out of Theo to get the most out of the team he's done now he needs recharging
Starting point is 00:30:49 like Norbert basically I'm there's three news articles I'm about to tell the lads one of them I've completely made up myself
Starting point is 00:30:56 but the other two are true the other two are definitely true but they're all bit wacky and like goofy so we're working
Starting point is 00:31:00 out the lie and these three are against me and I have to I can answer questions you have to work out the lie they've got to work out the lie. And these three are against me, and I have to... I can answer questions. You have to work out the lie. They've got to work out the lie.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Did you do that when I leaned forward? Pay attention to just Tom. Right. All right? No, I'm just going to give you headlines. Right. What are you panicking about? Well, this was undone,
Starting point is 00:31:22 so now I was looking at it before, and it was fine, so I'm trying to figure out if he undid it when I leaned forward. No, I haven't. I haven't before and it was fine so I'm trying to figure out if he undid it when I I haven't I haven't touched it oh okay now I'm
Starting point is 00:31:28 trying to figure out when it went out but it's US city tells residents to stop sticking googly eyes on its statues the thing is
Starting point is 00:31:38 do you know what already before we get into the next two yeah what I think he's done he's made all of the headlines in America
Starting point is 00:31:44 so then we haven't got a fucking chance that's not real and some of them have got tongues before we get into the next two yeah what i think he's done he's made all the headlines in america so then we haven't got a chance that's not real and some of them have got tongues together it's great i think i think that's real just really no no no no hang on let me finish second sorry i'm just thinking uh local man sues coffee shop for emotional distress after being served iced coffee in winter. When he'd already ordered hot coffee. Number three. Beloved Russian spy whale is found dead under mysterious circumstances. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, what is this spy whale is found dead under mysterious circumstances. Oh, I'm so
Starting point is 00:32:27 I'm sorry. What is a spy whale? Yeah, can we delve deep into number three? Explain a spy whale, please. Well, basically,
Starting point is 00:32:34 I've got the article here. Have you now? Is it working for the Russians? Yes. It's a Russian spy whale.
Starting point is 00:32:43 I'm not fucking joking. Is it a real whale Or is it a shit He's called Vladimir Vladimir Putin No he's just called Vladimir Or Valdimir
Starting point is 00:32:51 Voldemort Voldemort A beloved beluga whale With a mysterious past Beluga whale Oh they have these horns Was found dead In the waters of Norway
Starting point is 00:33:01 Over this past weekend And admirers His fans No way Are paying tribute As authorities Investigate That's all I've got in the waters of Norway over this past weekend and admirers, his fans, are paying tribute as authorities investigate. That's all I've got. When it had a Russian flag painted on it.
Starting point is 00:33:10 I believe it. He's a known Russian spy. Okay. Okay. That's fine. I'm fucking lost. That's fine. It has to be.
Starting point is 00:33:18 What's next? Well, I think the googly eyes one is very realistic. No way. Do you reckon? I think it is not too hard to put some googly eyes on a statue. I have a bit more detail on that one.
Starting point is 00:33:29 Tell us more about this. It's in Oregon, and the city of Bend. Bend? In Oregon, because they're bendy eyes. They've spent over $11500 removing googly eyes from 7 of the 8 sculptures in the city I think that is fucking class
Starting point is 00:33:51 that is one person, it'd be someone like you in the town and it's like the comedy eyes, you know where one's like at the bottom and one's at the top I believe it, I believe that one I don't believe the way I think I think that one is so easily can happen in the world but the second one is just someone's annoyed
Starting point is 00:34:06 that they got an iced coffee in winter. No, but they've sued the coffee shop. Oh, that's definitely true. It's going to court. That's true. But then the whale one, he... No, but we have to think, because this is what the mind gives us.
Starting point is 00:34:17 He wants us to think, he's trying to double bluff. Has he given us something so unrealistic? We're trying to give you more detail. When you read articles, these are full-length articles there's not just headlines so much no there's a headline and then yeah but you can scroll through and read the thing yeah but they're not that big the article so i think the googly eye thing is real because he keeps pulling these faces as if he's like seen the photo of them i have seen the photo of them oh no no don't he's no no no
Starting point is 00:34:45 don't let him get you like that don't let him get you like that what is it a Starbucks what was it uh
Starting point is 00:34:50 discover the exciting action of BetMGM Casino check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer or enjoy over 3,000 games to choose
Starting point is 00:35:00 from like Cash Eruption UFC Gold Blitz make instant deposits or same day withdrawals download the BetMGM Ontario app today visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions 19 plus to wager It wouldn't be a Starbucks, would it? No, it doesn't. pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. It wouldn't be a Starbucks, would it? No, it doesn't. It might be McDonald's.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Guys, I think I've solved what he's doing. It's a local coffee shop. It's in Minneapolis, Minnesota. America. 34-year-old Darren McFadden is suing a local coffee shop for emotional distress. That's not an American name. It's Irish.
Starting point is 00:35:45 After he was served an iced coffee on a particularly frigid winter morning. Okay, I think I know what he's done. He has picked the blue whale one
Starting point is 00:35:52 and he's made it so, he's made that up and made it so mental that we think surely it's true and wouldn't pick him because he wouldn't be so silly because he's put it
Starting point is 00:35:58 McFadden stated he's got irreparable trauma and left him mentally unprepared for the brutal winter. Yeah, so there's two... That's true. That is true.
Starting point is 00:36:08 He couldn't make that up on the spot unless he's typed in, like, give me a fucking mental story that isn't real. I think he might. I think he's put two tier ones next to the secret agent,
Starting point is 00:36:17 but I think he's double bluffed thinking that way. He wouldn't think he's that stupid. Why is the Russian spy whale not believable? Are you stupid? Are you stupid? It's the Russian spy whale.
Starting point is 00:36:24 A whale has rocked up on the shores of Norway, which probably happens every fucking week, and they've gone, Russian spy. It's a spy? No, that's what we're saying. That's fake. Yeah, that's what we're saying.
Starting point is 00:36:34 No, but that's what he wants us to think. How is that fake? No, but he did that last time, and he double-blocked Lewis. Lewis, this is the earth, Lewis, this is the earth we're talking about.
Starting point is 00:36:43 I don't think we should, I think this is just psychology now. It's not even about the whales. Democracy, Lewis, this is the earth, Lewis, this is the earth we're talking about. I don't think we should, I think this is just psychology now. It's not even about the advice. Democracy, whale. Democracy, whale. No, no, no, no. Let's talk about this. Let's talk about this. No, we have to talk about this.
Starting point is 00:36:53 No, no, talk about it. No, let's talk about it. Because he wants us to think that he wants me to pick the wheel. Exactly. Do you know what? No, no, but Gus wants to go further. But then he thinks that we won, so we will. But he thinks that he won, so he will.
Starting point is 00:37:07 That we won, that we will. That's what I mean. So he won't. If we pick either A or B, and it is fucking C, we are the most stupid people that he's ever encountered. He's quadruple bored. Lewis, how little do you think of Norwegians? No, can I take- no, it's not even my part.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Because it sounds to me like you think they're fucking idiots. It's about the psychology, Lewis. Yeah, I agree. I agree. We got- we're so meta above this now. It's not even nice that the headlock is just a whale. It're fucking idiots. It's about the psychology. Yeah, I agree. I agree. We're so meta above this now. It's not even like the headlock. It's not that. It's not that. It's like it's so believable that it's unbelievable that it's believable that it's unbelievable
Starting point is 00:37:34 that we pick it. So that means that's why you picked that one. What did he say the clown in Norway was? He doesn't say. He's just on the shores of Norway. I think it's Norway. I feel like that's too vague. That's too vague.
Starting point is 00:37:44 He's holding it for me to buy. If it's a spy, they wouldn't give away the fucking cow. Yeah, exactly. And they've said... Yeah, but the spy is dead. It's in Norwegian shores. No, but they've also said he died.
Starting point is 00:37:54 He died in unnatural circumstances. What does that mean? I don't know. You have to make that. You can't be right. He's without that. He's trying to triple bluff. I'd fuck you up, whale.
Starting point is 00:38:03 No, no. We can't rush into this deal. I'm going whale. If he mugs us off twice... I'm going whale. He's trying to triple bluff. I'd fuck it. Whale. No, no. We can't rush into this deal. If he mugs us off twice. I'm going whale. Right. We need to discuss as humans. I think it's googly eyes. I don't.
Starting point is 00:38:12 I'm sure I've seen that. I'm sure I've seen googly eyes somewhere. I think it's so silly that it's... No, I think I've seen it though. I think I've seen the article. I'm sure. I'm sure I've seen about... When he said that, I heard of it.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Every time you wake up and look in the mirror. It's when you take your glasses off I think it's the coffee shop or whale whatever happens we're all going to look the thing is right the whale one
Starting point is 00:38:33 it's so obviously not true but surely that's why the coffee shop one that doesn't why is a Russian spy whale not believable I don't get it if something is so
Starting point is 00:38:44 remarkably untrue, it might be because it's not true. That's why. But he's the whale. No, he might have found it. Can you just do the democracy thing, please? No, please. It wasn't a democracy thing last time.
Starting point is 00:38:56 I let it happen and then we lost. I think he's the whale. What do you think is true in your heart? I think the whale must be true. In your heart. It has to be the coffee. So you all think a different one
Starting point is 00:39:08 the coffee happens every week I don't pick the wheel for it not to be true why do you think on McDonald's coffee mugs it says be careful it's hot
Starting point is 00:39:15 because some idiot person it wouldn't go to it wouldn't get past like it wasn't in McDonald's the coffee one believe it or not the wheel one
Starting point is 00:39:23 is more believable than the coffee no way the coffee. No way. You can't sue someone for getting iced coffee. Russian spies as whales. You can, but you might not win. Do you genuinely think that the Russians have
Starting point is 00:39:35 trained whales as spies compared to someone being annoyed about a coffee? That's too easy. That's too easy. You think a fucking Russian spy whale is more likely to be true? about coffee. That's too easy. That's too easy. It's what he wants us to think. Russian spy whale is more likely to be true. It's what he wants us to think.
Starting point is 00:39:52 It's what he wants us to think. It's what he wants us to do. You're now thinking Russian. No, I'm not getting involved. Lewis. No, see, it's because I'm on the right trail. He's trying to move me back onto the wheel. I'm not, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Think about it like this, okay? What are the chances that some woke twat has done this iced coffee thing, right? See, it's because I'm on the right trail. He's trying to move me back onto the wheel. I'm not. I'm not. What are the chances that some woke twat has done this iced coffee thing, right? Quite high. Quite high. The chances of a Russian spy whale rocking up in Norway. It can't be real. Guys, that's why it is.
Starting point is 00:40:22 That's why it is real. So it's googly eyes then? No, I'm saying that. No, it'sogly eyes then? No, I've seen that. No, it's not that. I'm sure I've seen it. But it's on you if it is googly eyes then. That's fine. I'll take that.
Starting point is 00:40:31 I'm sure it's not. I have more. I did find out. We've eliminated googly eyes. Googly eyes is out there. It's definitely Russian whale. You've said googly eyes is definitely true. That's out there, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Okay. You asked for the shop. It's called Bean There Brewed That, spelled bean there, as in bean, coffee bean Okay. You asked for the shop. It's called Bean There, Brewed That, spelled bean there, as in bean, coffee bean. Brewed That. I think he's panicking because I figured out this game.
Starting point is 00:40:51 Wait, wait, wait, wait. I know he's giving more details to make him more believable. So in his head, it's crazy. Wait, wait. I also have more on the whale. So, legal experts,
Starting point is 00:41:02 because you were asking, you can't see anyone. Legal experts are calling the case unprecedented. Though some are questioning whether it's a genuine legal battle or an act of coffee snobbery. However, McFadden's lawyer, Emily Griggs, is standing by her client's complaint. Do you want to hear what she said? I want to hear about the whale. Okay, I'll give you more about the whale.
Starting point is 00:41:21 So the whale. Shit, it's a googly eyes. Vladimir's encounters With people Weren't always positive He bore scars From being hit By multiple boats On his like
Starting point is 00:41:32 Adventures And experts warned That he faced Lower odds of survival As a solitary Sociable individual So he Most beluga whales
Starting point is 00:41:41 Are in packs Aren't they But he's on his own He's a spy This is real He's a spy Right this is real. He's a spy. Right this one I'm seeing. I'm not seeing. Can I just say it. He's not actually, he's obviously not a spy. I think that's a little joke. No, that's a joke that they've attached to the whale. It's not. He's genu-
Starting point is 00:41:54 I'm not joking. He's known as a genuine Russian spy. The whale one's true. It's the coffee. It's not a joke. I think it's the googly eyes. I've seen the article. I promise you it's not that. I'm going well, democracy. I'm going googly eyes. I'm not going googly eyes. I can't vote then can I? It's not googly eyes. the googly eyes. I've seen the article. I promise you it's not that. I'm going, well, democracy, I'm going googly eyes. I'm not going googly eyes. I can't vote then, can I? It's not googly eyes. Vote googly eyes. Vote googly eyes. I've seen it.
Starting point is 00:42:11 I know it's not that. It's not that. He lost the team. It has to be the Wales. I'm sorry, I'm not believing that. He's gone on fucking chat DVD. Mate, we can't be four deep chested and not picking the fucking Wales.
Starting point is 00:42:19 You've fallen for his trap. Luke, you've gone crazy. Look at you. Look at your face. Your face has gone mental. You fell for his trap Luke you've gone crazy Look at you Look at your face Your face has gone mental You fell for his trap I wholeheartedly think It is googly eyes
Starting point is 00:42:30 But you've said That you're taking The hit if it isn't So I'm going to go whale I'm going to go whale Because the logical thing Is a rock It's not a real thing
Starting point is 00:42:39 Can I make one last pitch Can I make one last pitch No And then if you don't agree After my pitch Just hear me out With an open mind. I will say you look fucking crazy.
Starting point is 00:42:47 You do, but you actually look like a gunman. Hear me out. And if you don't believe me afterwards, that's fine. Okay. So, you have to get inside of Tom's head
Starting point is 00:42:55 when he made that. I did. I know. No, hear me out. Just hear me out. Just hear me out. If you don't agree, then we'll vote the wheel.
Starting point is 00:43:01 He's in yours. Right. So he went and he's picked the real article of America and he thought, that's a funny small town thing. Then he's in yours right so he went and he's picked he's picked the real article of America and he thought that's a funny
Starting point is 00:43:07 small town thing then he's made up a story about the coffee shop he's like yeah that's pretty let me finish it was found
Starting point is 00:43:13 in Stavanger Norway he's trying to keep it a little bit insignificant blah blah blah like oh coffee sink silly and then he's got
Starting point is 00:43:20 a crazy one about a Russian whale spy he is banking on the fact that we cannot go against the logic that that cannot be real. Lewis,
Starting point is 00:43:28 but I'm telling you, it is. It is real. I hear your point and on this one, I think you've gone beyond the... Yeah, yeah. I think you've crossed the threshold, mate.
Starting point is 00:43:39 It's real. This was meant to just be a fun little game where you guessed the incorrect... Now, you're acting like I've got you under fire. You're acting like the Russian spy. He's 50% bluffed us.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Maybe that's why he's sweating. Yeah. Are you the Russian spy? Are you the Russian spy? Trust me, guys, it wasn't the whale, it's me. I can't believe they caught Tony. Please don't do this. Don't let him get the win.
Starting point is 00:44:00 I vote for the whale. I'm sorry, I have to. Please, please, don't let him do this to us again. He's gone mental. He's gone fucking mental. I'm sorry. Please, Reeve, please. Don't let him do this to us again. He's gone mental. He's gone fucking mental. I promise you. This is so good. I know him, Reeve.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Please, please, please, please. I think if we're going to go for one of the two, it has to be the whale. It has to be the whale. That's a two. I know for about 70% certainty it's the googly eyes, but we'll go with the whale.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Whale's locked in in I can't bear this here's the coffee by the way please don't kill yourself I'm going to kill myself I'm proud that yous are right I hope yous are right the googly eyes is a true story
Starting point is 00:44:37 I knew it I told them I knew that an absolute true story damn so we're down guys I actually can't live in a world where he gets us again.
Starting point is 00:44:45 I swear to God, I'll fucking die. Yeah, but if we- mate, if we- I'm gonna off- No, no, no, no, no. If he does it again, if he does it again, I swear to God- If we'd have said the coffee one, yeah, and it is the fucking werewolf one, that's the most ludicrous thing we've ever decided. It's not the world, it's what he wanted us to do!
Starting point is 00:45:02 He- what, you fell into his trap! You haven't. We have. So the true story... You can't lie here and get a little celebrate and lie. You have to give us that... He's the wild! I fucking told you. I've done you again, you little... You're on my team. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:45:27 No, I didn't have time. Did you actually? I just wanted to see him go crazy. Oh, okay, fair enough. He texted saying, give me the one that's... I fucking told you. And he texted you the one that was fake. So, yeah. Okay, right.
Starting point is 00:45:38 The Russian spy whale is fucking true. He's called Vladimir. Oh, I believe you. I was fucking saying it. But now you've ruined the authenticity of the game. Yeah, no, no. I know, I know. We can never, whenever we play again,
Starting point is 00:45:52 we never know if it's gonna be that again. It was just funny. I thought it'd be funny. I was fucking knew it. I've never seen you, I'm so happy. I was right. That was a good clip, mate. What would you actually have gone for, seriously?
Starting point is 00:46:02 Seriously, probably the coffee. Only because that's the most normal wine that would happen. Yeah, you were banking on us, purely. But you know what's funny, though? If you didn't tell me, I would have backed Lewis on the coffee. So we would have won. But because I didn't, and he went mental. We won't count that for the scores.
Starting point is 00:46:22 That was purely for my entertainment. That's so worth it. Guys, I told you you it was a fist but that's yours when I saw the metal there a Russian spy whale that was fucking funny I was right
Starting point is 00:46:32 on his fucking thought process there I was following his you were correct but your thought process was wrong I wasn't trying to get in your heads
Starting point is 00:46:39 I was just trying I actually no I only read the first part of the whale story you were I hadn't clicked on it That's so good
Starting point is 00:46:46 So good We should have clocked that he added The coffee shop was in America later on That's what I mean When I was pitching the wheel You got instincts two for two wrong though No look Reeve Paul Lebert was right
Starting point is 00:47:01 Oh one on one I was saying Paula Bear Last time Last chat That is hilarious The first thing He said in Minneapolis Minnesota
Starting point is 00:47:09 And that's what I read out I read the I read the headline out Wait so So when you do these Are they just Like randomly generated No no
Starting point is 00:47:17 That one was chat GBT Right of course Because I need I can't have one That I've made up Because you need to Remember details No because I need to I look like I'm reading An article Yeah up. Because you need to remember details. No, because I need to...
Starting point is 00:47:25 I look like I'm reading an article. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's quite hard. That's the Russian spy one. But before I clicked... Well, he said that in his chat. Before it was...
Starting point is 00:47:36 It was just that. And I didn't realise there was more to it. And then I clicked on it and there was more. I wasn't trying to be like coy. I want to read about that. That's fucking wild. I'm so happy. I'm so happy that went was more. I wasn't trying to be like coy. I want to read about that. That's fucking wild. I'm so happy. I'm so happy that went that well.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Honestly, Lewis. Well, you were fucking... That's probably the craziest I think you've ever gone through. I was right though. I felt like I was a crazy guy on a conspiracy theory where I'm telling everyone
Starting point is 00:47:56 the world's ending and no one will believe me. I'm like, the world's ending. Mate, you're like that guy who you can't say his name because I can't see you. David Icke. Is that what you could call him?
Starting point is 00:48:05 Yeah. He just said it. So you've just said it. He's the conspiracy theorist, right? And if you, if like he, everything, he must feel the way Lewis felt
Starting point is 00:48:13 because no one believes him. No, no, but the stuff he was saying was true. Lewis was still on a 50-50. Yeah. You know what I mean? He didn't actually know for certain which is true.
Starting point is 00:48:21 I knew, I knew I was in his head. He knew. Did you? I knew I was 100% right. I was on the, right i was on the in what way were you in my head because you i know your thought process i was just making sure go on go on explain go on go on go on so he thought that we wouldn't think that he'd be silly enough to make to pick the whale make up the whale yeah but that's why no but logic logically if we didn't choose that and it was that we would i know but that's why he bluffed us against the risk of us
Starting point is 00:48:52 looking like idiots no that's why i wanted to bank on it we were we were heavily influenced by an inside man though yeah it was a bit annoying i was going in on that one why it could be the coffee well i've, I'd seen him whisper or randomly, he's like, pick the googly eyes. I'm like, what the fuck's he on? The googly eyes was never the question. He did say that as well, actually. Yeah, it was never in the question.
Starting point is 00:49:10 You two thought it was googly eyes. Well, he told me it was googly eyes and he knew the fucking answer. That's why as well. Oh, I didn't realise that. Well, anyway. I think we should pick the googly eyes. Should we calm down with the philosophy?
Starting point is 00:49:22 That's hilarious. Now, it's time for... Philosophy. We've just burnt ourselves out cognitively from that last one. I've got nothing left. This is going to be even more interesting. Basically, you are a paramedic. Hang on, what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:49:38 You've got nothing left? You knew what was going... I did the argument against this crazy man. He did zero calculations of what was true. He got told the answer. Also, when I said, did you just text Tom
Starting point is 00:49:51 and you said no, that's actually what happened. Yeah. Brilliant. You've got to trust your gut in this game, man.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Anyway, you are a paramedic on the scene of a car crash that involves your, we all have girlfriends, so your girlfriend and the person that you just found out she's having an affair with. I'm in a car crash with them. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:50:11 You're a pan-reddit. You've just arrived. Oh. You found your girlfriend in a car crash alongside who you knew described as her lover. Your girlfriend is severely injured to the point where she will not make it, regardless of what you do. Below the waist or not? What?
Starting point is 00:50:28 Jesus. Can I have 10 minutes with her before she goes? But this is the question. But the person, the new guy that you've just discovered is having an affair
Starting point is 00:50:39 with your girlfriend, wife, blah, blah, blah, is only partially injured and possibly would make it if you helped the question is would you choose to sit with your spouse in her dying moments and not save the man's life or try and be a hero save the man's life and just your girlfriend dies but you don't know but she knows yes you do because that's part of the question.
Starting point is 00:51:06 So you have the absolute certainty she's going to die. Yes. We do this every fucking week. There's a real high percentage chance
Starting point is 00:51:13 that she doesn't make it through. Is there a chance that if you sit with her, is there a chance that if you sit with her, he does also survive if you make it over there? Very unlikely.
Starting point is 00:51:22 What about your paramedics? If you choose to go to her, he dies. But if you choose to go to her, he dies. But if you choose to go to him... So you basically have to choose between two people dying or one person dying? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Question though. But one of them's your girlfriend who's been shagging him. Question, would you want to save him? That's the dilemma. I think you should save him. No, he's facing the dilemma
Starting point is 00:51:39 as do I steal my girlfriend and do fucking cheating on me by the way? No, no, no. Are you deaf? Are you deaf or thick? Are you deaf or thick? Which one is it?
Starting point is 00:51:47 Which one is it? Deaf or thick? Because what he said was the girlfriend's dying regardless. Yeah. So you said you want to stay with her for a dying moment.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Yeah. But that means the other guy dies. Yeah, I want him to die and I don't want to spend time with her. I'll just get back in the car. You're going to walk off
Starting point is 00:52:03 regardless. You're going to go, right, I'm done with this. So he sh. I'll just get back in the car. You're going to walk off regardless. You're going to go, right, I'm done with this. So he shugs my lass, gets her killed in a car accident, and then I have to save his life. No, you have the chance to save someone's life. So cheating on someone. That's all.
Starting point is 00:52:14 Lewis, so you're saying if you're cheating, you deserve to die. Is that what you're saying? I'm saying he took my life away by stealing my girlfriend, shugging her all over. Taking your life away. And then he gets her in a car crash where she dies and then he has the nerve to be like oh no he's not saying come save me i'm like i think here's i think in the moment you'd you'd struggle to decide because i know what i but the right thing
Starting point is 00:52:41 to do is to save absolutely but i think in But I think in that moment, I would spend my... Do you want me to be really honest? She's dead to you already. I'd do exactly what he'd do and I'd leave. Really? Yeah. Oh, no, I wouldn't leave because then you might see it on the dash cams. I'd look as if I'm doing CPR and he'd be like,
Starting point is 00:52:56 you're doing it. You're not doing it. I'm like, shut up. It's not your responsibility to save someone. You're not going to get arrested. For the purposes of the conversation, it's not... Oh, you're a paramedic? Yeah, you're a paramedic.
Starting point is 00:53:06 That's what I'm saying, but I'll be there and I'll be pretending your job. For the purposes of the conversation, you are, he's bleeding out, so CPR will just kill him quicker. No, but how about this?
Starting point is 00:53:15 Okay, so he's there. He's got to put pressure on his wound. He's the guy, him, yeah? You've got to put pressure on his wound but you can't lose your wife. And there's like- Say that's my chest. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Say that's my chest. So this is your wound here and I'm just pretending, okay? And you're like, you're not doing that. And I'm like, no and there's like, and there's, that's my chest. Okay. So that's my chest. So this is your wound here. And I'm just pretending. Okay. And you're like, you're not doing that. And I'm like, no,
Starting point is 00:53:29 he can't breathe. You can't, no, you just, no, you stuff his mouth. You can't talk. So the camera on the dash car is behind here.
Starting point is 00:53:34 And I'm like, camera? You're not getting shit. Meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, Charlie's just like bleeding out and dying on her own.
Starting point is 00:53:43 She was already dead to me the moment she cheated on me. That is so bad. She was dead. She cheated on me. Do you know what I'm thinking? Even like, even in their life. Yeah, but what about the entire life you've been together? Yeah, all that.
Starting point is 00:53:56 And then she went and fucking chatted to one else. I'd get his cock out and see if it was bigger than mine. I'm really glad I bring these moral dilemmas to fucking produce shit like that. So I spend I'm being honest on this.
Starting point is 00:54:09 No, I know you are but he's just said let's compare cock size with a dying man. Yeah, but the dying man who's been shagging my Yeah, who's bleeding out so he gets no blood
Starting point is 00:54:16 to his cock anyway. Because what else is she fucking shagging him? I would like to say I think I'd spend it with my girlfriend. I would agree. I wouldn't want to be near her,
Starting point is 00:54:26 the stupid tart. But they're dying. You have to like, it's their last moment. She's been sucking them up all week and they're now, she's full of this spunk. I don't want to get near her.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Okay, lots of regret in the death probably, but then I would definitely save the bloke's life. Mate, she's literally there. She's just given him a fucking handjob in the car,
Starting point is 00:54:41 which is why he'd be crushed. For the sake of, that's just not true she's driving for the sake of my career I'd save the bloke but plant a bomb
Starting point is 00:54:52 up his arse or you'd save his life and then shag his sister so hang on she's nine hang on hang on time out you're telling me
Starting point is 00:55:00 as a paramedic you roll around with a bomb on you at all times yeah fair enough just a little pen like a pen bomb pen bomb you roll around with a bomb on you at all times. Yeah. Fair enough. Just a little pen, like a pen bomb. Pen bomb.
Starting point is 00:55:07 You know those ones when you pull the lid off and it just... The Space Jam pen's got a little basketball at the end of it. What the fuck? Yeah. This guy's in his dying moments. Just like that. He goes, hey, look at my pen. It's got a fucking basketball on the end of it. Yeah, I know which feel? This guy's in his dying moments. Just like that. Hey, look at my penis.
Starting point is 00:55:26 Look at that. Fucking basketball on the end there, mate. Yeah, I know which one it is, mate. That doesn't change the fucking weirdness of you bringing that up. No, but seriously, yeah, love. How many spaces? Seriously, yeah, but let both of them die. Even as a paramedic,
Starting point is 00:55:37 you'd be in negligent paramedic. No, you can't lose your job, mate. You can get arrested. No, but the camera's there. I'm pretending. I couldn't do any more. No, no, someone else is working with you. Okay, okay, right. No, no, no else is working with you. Okay, okay, right.
Starting point is 00:55:45 No, no, no, no, no. But then, Lewis, then they check the dead body and see no one's actually working. Okay, okay. I try to save his life, but I'm making it as painful as I'm sticking my finger in the hole.
Starting point is 00:55:54 Like, oh, sorry, mate. Oh, so what? You're not as psychotic as that. I don't believe that. Yeah. I'd fucking kill her. This is supposed to be philosophy, not...
Starting point is 00:56:03 Okay, how about this, right? Life is dead. You're lying. I save his life. I save his life. We get him back in the ambulance and I intentionally turn into a tree.
Starting point is 00:56:10 One kill yourself. The statistics of him surviving two car accidents. Yeah, but then... I forget to buckle him in. Yeah, but then... Sorry, but you go... Sorry, but then Lewis...
Starting point is 00:56:19 Sorry, but... Then you go to heaven. You go to heaven with your girlfriend and him and then you've got to spend the rest of eternity to heaven with your girlfriend and him and then you've got to spend the rest of eternity in heaven watching your girlfriend shag him. She's in hell,
Starting point is 00:56:29 this stupid bitch. I don't think you'd get there either if you killed a guy in a car. Is this coming from the heart? I forget to belt him in. I slap the brakes on. Go flying out the front door and then I accidentally slip
Starting point is 00:56:40 on the accelerator and run in the water. How do you think an ambulance works if it has a front door? Yeah. I leave the back doors open by accident and he just rolls out
Starting point is 00:56:47 into the cold. And then you get arrested for negligence, you know? Yeah. Your V veins really come into show today. I really fell down
Starting point is 00:56:54 in the soul. That is not the answer I was expecting, but it's something that I can understand you doing, yeah. What would you do? I already said.
Starting point is 00:57:00 Yeah, you keep your fucking fingers missing and I love you. Love you, you dirty cheat. I think like at that point
Starting point is 00:57:07 it just would overtake you wouldn't it love yeah but I've got no love for her anymore I don't love her anymore yeah fuck her well what do you mean
Starting point is 00:57:15 why are you cheating just because I think differently to you mate it's not bad no but how long has she been cheating on me for I don't fucking know that I'm not asking her if she died I was on a deathbed she's been cheating on me for 10 years
Starting point is 00:57:24 I was on a deathbed and the guy you better on me for 10 years. Ask on a deathbed. And the guy, the guy, is actually your dad. Do you know what? He was our marriage counsellor. No, hang on. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:57:33 And he's walked away from his dad. It's your dad. He's actually, oh, that's a better dilemma. It's your dad. Your dad. What'd you do? Oh, kill myself, I think. dad you dad what'd you do I'll kill me self come to the scene and yeah it's it's a guy who's with your missus who she's been cheating
Starting point is 00:58:06 with first of all it's your dad and you're like oh my god i can't believe it my missus has been shagging my dad who's like that's weird enough and yeah but then you get closer as the paramedics go in hell your dad's clothes have all come off and he's got a vagina right so she's actually been having an affair, a lesbian affair with your dad. Do you know what? That actually makes it more understandable. And now I forgive her because she was actually a lesbian
Starting point is 00:58:32 and she just didn't know how to tell me. And then you've just found out your dad's actually your mum. Yeah, and he didn't know how to tell me. I feel like that weirdly makes it more understandable in terms of her cheating. Yeah, that's not the original question, but fine. I think my question was better. My question was like, cheating spouse.
Starting point is 00:58:49 His was like, your dad slash mom is having an affair with your girlfriend. How long has she been cheating for? I don't know. 20 years with your dad? 20 years. She's having 21. So long. 20 years.
Starting point is 00:59:01 That's a long time. I haven't even been with her that long. You haven't even been alive 20 years she's been cheating so you you've been cheating on your dad first she's been cheating on me
Starting point is 00:59:10 for 17 years before I was with her no you're cheating on your dad no you're actually the cheat it turns out you're the cheat oh but I'd spend okay I got my answer there
Starting point is 00:59:17 I'd spend those dying moments apologising that's where his answer came from I'd spend those dying moments apologising for cheating on her before me no you knowising for cheating on her before me.
Starting point is 00:59:25 No. No. She's cheating on your dad with you. So what did I do? You're like the bit on the side. You're the cuck who watches. Your dad having sex. Should we finish on the quiz?
Starting point is 00:59:37 Yeah, quick. We've got fact first fact. Nah, come on, fact first fact. How long do you want to be here? Nah, we're doing... We've got fact first... Nah, we haven't even got... Nah, we've got fact first fact. We've only got fucking an hour, mate. No, we haven't. Yeah, we're doing We got fuck this Nah, we got We haven't even got Nah, we got fuck this
Starting point is 00:59:45 We only got fucking an hour, mate No, we haven't Yeah, we met I put effort into fuck this Fuck you Let's not do the quiz then Yeah, that's fine Go
Starting point is 00:59:52 I got a quiz What? I like quiz We kind of No, you just can't be You just haven't got a quiz Guessing Gaz was kind of a quiz anyway So let's just do this one
Starting point is 01:00:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay What do you think The world's Longest Fence or wall is? Cock. The Great Wall of China. It's probably not that
Starting point is 01:00:09 I'm going to guess. That's QI answer, isn't it? Wrong. Yeah, I knew that was coming. Yeah. It's actually Antarctica. The dingo fence, mate.
Starting point is 01:00:18 The what? The dingo fence, mate. I don't think this is true. It's the dingo fence. He's been using Chudgy B2. I don't think this is true. It's made of milk and potatoes. Did you use Chudgy B2 for this is true. It's the dingo fence. He's been using chat GB2. I don't think this is true. It's made of milk and potatoes.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Did you use chat GB2 for this? Nope. Originally built in the 1880s to keep dingo dollars away. Wild dogs. Yep. This fence was built in the 1880s to keep the dingoes away from fertile land in the southeast. Is this still a gift? Oh, shh, shh, shh.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Okay. This fence stretches for over 5, kilometers longer than the great wall of china is essentially a dog-proof barrier but over time it has become a symbol of australia's unique unique approach to land management so next time you're down under remember if you ever lost in the outback, you might find your way home by following the dingo fence.
Starting point is 01:01:08 Where does it go from and to? I can tell you where it goes from. What's that on chat GBT? No. Be honest.
Starting point is 01:01:12 It definitely is. What's it made of? Be honest. Be honest right now. Where does it go from and to? Let me get that for you now.
Starting point is 01:01:17 It's definitely on chat GBT. You've got to do more research. Because I know what happens when you search for facts and that's not in
Starting point is 01:01:23 the top selection. It goes from Yatala. Is that east or west? It's like central here. Yatala all the way to just north of Brisbane. Wow. Is it made of? Zoom all the way out.
Starting point is 01:01:36 It looks like this. Like fencing. Yeah, zoom all the way out. Like caging. Like caged fence. That's fucking weird. So they made it from metal originally? Yeah, wire mesh.
Starting point is 01:01:44 Bit of a shit fact. Yeah, bit of a shit fact. I got the good stuff for you. There's a big fence. Yeah. That's fucking weird. So they made it from metal originally? Yeah, wire mesh. Bit of a shit fact. Yeah, bit of a shit fact. I got the good stuff for you. There's a big fence in Australia. But do you ever hear about... No, you can't add another part. No, no, this is the continuation of it. Did you ever hear about...
Starting point is 01:01:56 Is it on Chachubi Tea there? Can you see it? No, you can't. Did you ever hear about the Dingo Dog Escapee? Go on. In 1942. So it's in the height of the World War. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:10 Which one? World War II. Well done. 74 dingoes escaped through a rabbit hole. What is a dingo? It's like a dog. Yeah. I thought we just said it as funny Australians.
Starting point is 01:02:23 No. It's like an actual animal. Those 74 dogs all had rabies all dingoes had rabies and what did that cause as we all know the famous
Starting point is 01:02:31 rabies plague of 1943 the next year in Australia in Australia yeah damn rabies is horrendous it's not good fence
Starting point is 01:02:38 you get aquaphobia like if you drink water you get oh okay that was shit well my fact is Music from beyond the grave
Starting point is 01:02:47 Fucking hell So meet Rosemary She's a lovely dinner lady From here in England She's working a normal life Where in England? The south What year?
Starting point is 01:02:57 That doesn't matter You didn't ask him any of this We did He told us It was like He told us the location Actually no This is the 1960s He told us the location It Actually, no, this is the 1960s.
Starting point is 01:03:05 It's late 1960s. What it was, where he's stretched to and from, the year... First of all, that name's Mado. I know that from... And it even made sense, by the way, with the first dog escaping in 1942. In fact, he has Wikipedia open.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Where's this based? Let me tell my facts. You know you're reading out the facts you're allowed to reference where it comes from I want to take you down a story I had to go Wikipedia
Starting point is 01:03:30 because I didn't know where it stretched from but it's not meant to be a story it's meant to be a fact it's a story of Rosemary now listen so she's a dinner lady how old is she
Starting point is 01:03:37 she was like 60 like yeah well like 60 is a weird number anyways suddenly one day she starts hearing voices in her head
Starting point is 01:03:45 are you voices in my head they talk to me and she's a bit creeped out by this at first but then they don't feel threatened and they start
Starting point is 01:03:53 speaking to her and they're like she had a piano in her house well first of all I don't believe this because I don't believe in voices in people's head did they start saying
Starting point is 01:03:59 you have to wait for you are so creeped you don't know what the story's about nobody knew exactly yeah so the voices the voices are going You don't know what the story's about. Neither do you. Exactly. So the voices, the voices are going,
Starting point is 01:04:09 the voices are going, go downstairs. They're going, go downstairs. To the piano. What? She goes to the piano. Go downstairs to the piano.
Starting point is 01:04:18 She goes to the piano and she starts, piano, piano, piano. They start telling her like, what things to play. Oh, fuck off. And she starts doing it and she's like writing down the music. Oh, piano. They start telling her like, what things to play. Oh, fuck off. And she starts doing it. And she's like writing down the music.
Starting point is 01:04:29 Oh, play. Play Yellow Submarine by the Beatles. Written by Jesus. Are you trying to claim, can she play the piano already or no? She had like an understanding, but she wasn't. I don't know then.
Starting point is 01:04:41 You're guessing again. I'm not. What the fuck? He asked me a question. I answered the question. Try and answer more. And then you say I don't know then. You're guessing again. I'm not. What the fuck? He asked me a question. I answered the question. Try and answer more. And then you say you don't know again. I literally said yes,
Starting point is 01:04:50 but not to the ability of which this music was. I know where this is going. So this music. You know whose real name is Rosemary? Fucking Adele. It's talking about Adele. Oh my God. In the 1960s.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Is that Adele in the 1960s? Are you mental? Okay. Oh my God. Anyways. So she's writing this music and it's way above what she was capable of. And she's like, wow.
Starting point is 01:05:08 And she keeps doing it. And these different people are coming to her in different ways. It's Rosemary, Rose West. Right. Fred and Rose West. That's who it's about. Helen Keller.
Starting point is 01:05:22 Is it Helen Keller? It's like a fucking... It's like an old man. It's just old people He's done it into a soundbite machine, man. Helen Keller! No. No, Fred and Rose West.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Helen Keller! Who's Freddie Rose West? Fred and Rose West. Google them. Anyways, she keeps writing music with them all night and stuff. And they keep visiting. And one day, this reoccurring one
Starting point is 01:05:42 keeps coming back. And she's like, Who are you? Let's be having you. Where are you? Knock it out, Tom. Did you not know who they are? Murderers.
Starting point is 01:05:56 English serial killers who committed 12 murders. Can I tell my facts? Good at patio making. So she goes to the, she goes to the man. Who are you? And he says, I'm i'm beethoven and she was talking to be she claims that she was talking to beethoven
Starting point is 01:06:15 in her head on the grave yeah and your fact is just a mental bitch not about get ready for this because you know why this is a lie because where is she from yeah this is what i'm wondering why so this yeah where is she from why is he travelling across the couple of places south of England ok ok no because I'm about
Starting point is 01:06:28 to rub it in his face because Beethoven is fucking German mate this didn't happen does it not he's not English
Starting point is 01:06:34 yeah thank you for ruining my story that's a plot twist so anyways she goes on the BBC and they say thanks before
Starting point is 01:06:43 he ruined it how do you... Oh, you talk to these people beyond the dead. Yeah, he's nowhere near. You speak to Beethoven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How?
Starting point is 01:06:50 Because he's German. Yeah, he's nowhere near England. Is this a long-winded joke or is it a fact? And she claims this is a... What is his problem? I'm trying to tell a nice fact. It's not a fact.
Starting point is 01:07:00 I was trying to scare ghosts in Germany. I got blown in the wind. Apparently, Beethoven learned English when he was dead He had nothing else to do When he was dead When he was dead
Starting point is 01:07:12 He learned English Yeah as a ghost he learned English Beethoven's taking English lessons I'm not saying I believe that Beethoven was talking to him then I'm just saying Lewis this lady's gone in police station They've said oh but he's German no no not police station
Starting point is 01:07:26 BBC help abort she's like it's all been arrested arrest this ghost so she's gone BBC and they've gone
Starting point is 01:07:35 he was German and she's gone no no he learnt it when he was dead yeah that's literally what she said and it was on a BBC
Starting point is 01:07:42 documentary and by the way this is a dinner lady who she's not actually making money off this but she's writing music from beyond the grave and it's not only Beethoven That's literally what she said. And it was on a BBC documentary. And by the way, this is a dinner lady who, she's not actually making money off this, but she's writing music from beyond the grave. And it's not only Beethoven. All the composers were coming to her,
Starting point is 01:07:51 so she said. Over the next few weeks, more composers from the dead came to her. Chopin pushed her hands on the right keys. Schubert used to sing his compositions to her. Beethoven and Bach dictated the notes to her. Mozart, Rachmiel and Brahms and Greg her. Mozart, Rachmaninov, and Brahms, and Greg also... Mozart racked you off.
Starting point is 01:08:09 Also dictated the music to Brown. So all these composers were coming to her. Lou, please do the pronunciations of these composers. No, can I ask... Rachmaninov. Racked him off. Racked him off. And sucky off.
Starting point is 01:08:20 Chopin. Chopin. In my ass. Chopin. Wait, can we... So you are a fucking idiot. You've presented this as a fact. Chopping? Chopping? In my ass? Chopping? Wait, can we, can we? Chopping? So you, you, you are a fucking idiot.
Starting point is 01:08:27 You've presented this as a fact. Chopping? I've not actually got to the fact yet. Chopping? Oh, okay. Now, fair enough. Was he, was he chopping wood? Chopping?
Starting point is 01:08:36 Chopping onions? Chopping. That's good. Um, anyways, so she goes Mr. Worldwide and even American. Pitbull? American. Pitbull? Pitbull's in a red as well.
Starting point is 01:08:44 Oh, oh, oh. Oh, we love you. We love you. We love you. We. Mr. Bill Pham. People. And I read as well. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, we love you. Oh, we love you. She's just playing along. I know you want me. You know I want you. It's mental because, like, at the time.
Starting point is 01:08:58 It is mental, man. You're fucking mental. They're obviously mental because, like, actual composers who were alive at the time, like, high-end ones were sick. Composers. They were sick because the thing is, she was coming were alive at the time, like high-end ones, were saying... Composers? They were saying... Because the thing is, she was coming out with music that genuinely was really good and was like... And composers were saying...
Starting point is 01:09:11 We don't know if she's telling the truth or not, but I think they'll believe it because what she's doing here is actually really impressive. These original bits of music are ridiculous. So has she got any discography? Coming on to that, don't worry. So she goes on to the jimmy carson show in america at the time this is the biggest show in america late night telly and she's on the jimmy carson show and she starts speaking
Starting point is 01:09:34 um about bit german starts speaking about how he said by the way the fact that me and you said that oh but better if i can't speak english ruined It did. I was about to come on to it. Anyways, apparently Beethoven came accustomed to life in the modern time as well. So apparently he changed his clothes as well so into the times.
Starting point is 01:09:54 So she said... Wait, so they're no longer voices. She's seen the ghost. Yeah, she could see Beethoven. She's mates with him. And he's dressed in... Beethoven. Bear in mind,
Starting point is 01:10:02 this is the 70s and the hippie era So like Oh so she's on Tons of LSD So apparently Can you stop I'm trying to make it
Starting point is 01:10:10 What are you trying to do Beep Wait so Fucking hell Keep going Anyway So she's on Jimmy Carson She's sitting on beer ovens
Starting point is 01:10:19 Dressed as a hippie With an afro on that Afro Get to the beach Where it's a fucking alien Afro Where did Bay Oven Have an afro and that. Afro? Get to the beat where it's a fucking alien. Afro? Where did Beethoven have an afro?
Starting point is 01:10:27 Now, she began to fall. Are you sure it weren't Bob Marley? Her and Beethoven also began to fall in love. Fuck off.
Starting point is 01:10:35 Fuck me. She's just a mental American again. No, but like, genuinely, like, people were like, this is amazing music. And in 1970s,
Starting point is 01:10:43 she released an album complete of works from history's greatest ever composers spoken to her from the dead. It was a musical seance, it was called. And actually, Sir Donald Tovey, one of the most best regarded people of all time in terms of composing a music, he gave a review of it and he said...
Starting point is 01:11:02 Shit. And he's... No, this is fucking mental. This is where I'm starting to shit and he's no it's this is fucking metal this is where i'm starting to think like maybe it's real because he said as you listen to this record you may wonder whether the music you hear is the product of rosemary brown's abilities or whether it has indeed emanated from dead departed composers who are still creating music in another world we never heard of her then even the most and she says from another world blah blah blah
Starting point is 01:11:26 it goes a bit longer but now so that was from Sir Donald Torvey yeah 200 listens a month so now the problem with the problem with that review
Starting point is 01:11:35 from Sir Donald Torvey was he died 20 years before and that was a review that she heard from him oh no way put on the back
Starting point is 01:11:42 of the disc no way she's listened to that for the crepe as well she's getting reviews so she got a review that she heard from him. Oh, no way. Put on the back of the disc. No way. She's listened to that for the grave as well. She's getting reviews. So she got a review. She's getting reviews from dead people.
Starting point is 01:11:50 She got a review of her album that she learned from Beethoven from the dead from a guy who was also dead and she published it and it's a real thing. She published her own review. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:12:00 She's not saying it's a real thing. No, the fact is that's real. That's a real. All right. The only fact of that, there's a mental bitch that got onto Jimmy Carson. Do you understand? Do you understand?
Starting point is 01:12:12 Jimmy Carson. That is like the biggest short America's Ever Hard. It was all on LSD though. I've got one question. She's mental. I've got one question. Obviously, there's no real review. I think we should do a review of one of her songs.
Starting point is 01:12:23 Go on. That's actually good. Oh, God. Now, now apparently as well i did read and like some of it was it was suspicious apparently one skeptic said that they were suspicious because some of her things have like had similarities to like film music that was out at the time such as like the james bond intro is very similar to one of her songs. She played the same track. Were there? Do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah. How do you spell seance? S-E-A-N-C-E, right? It's not on Spotify.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Why don't you just type in Rosemary Brown on YouTube, bruh? Hey, bruh. Rosemary. You know one of the Fred and Rose West convictions were unpaid fines.
Starting point is 01:13:03 Which one do you want to listen to? Anything. Her most famous one. Okay, this is Reveille en Batur, written by, from the dead, Mozart. Beethoven.
Starting point is 01:13:12 Oh, damn. Go on. That's quite nice. It's alright. I feel like this is just someone who's good at music, though. Yeah. It's just a mental woman who took loads this is just someone who's good at music though. Yeah. It's just a mental woman who took loads of drugs who's just good at music.
Starting point is 01:13:30 She was born in London. It took me one second to find out where she was born. See, musical seance featuring Rosemary Brown, featuring Beethoven. She's featured him. She's featured him. Oh my God. She's absolutely off red. I mean, it's alright. That's pretty impressive.
Starting point is 01:13:44 It's not a fact though. You haven't presented a fact. Well, she's alright. That's pretty impressive. It's not a fact, though. You haven't presented a fact. Well, she's speaking a bit, all in front of the dead. That's not a fact. Well, she went and Jimmy Carson. I can't believe she's
Starting point is 01:13:51 dropped a feature on her album. I'm a dead guy. I just find it so funny. Imagine the nerve. Not only to claim that you're talking to all these dead people, but then to give yourself
Starting point is 01:13:59 a review for one of the best regarded dead in Paws. Because it is apparently a good video. I'm joking, you idiot. Right, thanks for watching, everyone. Thanks for listening. If you are listening right as far as I was,
Starting point is 01:14:11 if you're watching, like and subscribe. Otherwise, I'll find you and I'll finger you. Goodbye. Jesus. You made it to the end. Well done, you. If you haven't already, hit that follow button. Why not?
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