Back Side - Our YouTube 5-a-side Team, Danger W***s & Fighting in Public…

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

The lads create their all time Youtube 5-a-side team, Lewis breaks up with his girlfriends and which famous sportsman cheated by channelling pyramid energy?If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden100:30 Lewis breaks up with girlfriend!?09:00 Does technology control us?16:00 Practicing gratitude20:15 Theo plays Sunday league with W2S24:45 Creating our YouTuber 5-a-side team36:20 Who is more likely too...50:40 Gaz Gobbles01:04:00 ParadoxOllie01:14:00 Harnessing Pyramid energy01:23:00 Leicester City hired monks Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. I spend my weekends actively trying to avoid this. Not the other way around. Go to a doctor if you're ill.

I agree with that, but some of them are doing some interesting work when it comes to telepathy. Have you seen it? How breezy would be an absolute nuisance, mate? No, Weller would be a much better nuisance. Oh, we get it. You've mentioned him again.

I'm going. The Sidemen charity match coming up. Are you going to return this year to right the wrong? Have you had a great weekend? I'm ready to break up with my girlfriend live on the pod. What's life like without the missus at home?

I'm actually, sorry Charlie if you listen to this, it's life like without the missus at home I'm actually sorry Charlie if you listen to this it's over like I think you know generational head loss from Lewis this

weekend I'm still angry right okay no let me take you back to when I fucking moved into the floor

oh wow you are living look at this honestly everyone I've seen who like just... Do you know how I work? You have like some... You're just colleagues.

You don't talk too much. I've been ranting about Charlie to them. Oh, that's not very nice. It's... No, he... Don't you start. Not very nice.

You mean in person? Yes. Like around... Just anyone. Just trying to... I just need to get out because I've not been speaking to anyone in a few days.

Anyways, let's record it when we first moved in to the flat, right? Charlie was in charge of the wi-fi now i will hold my hands up maybe in hindsight i should take i should take charge of this because charlie was a bit confused with how the route has worked and she received one and she was like no one sent it back but we actually needed that one we essentially went two weeks without internet but i just like okay that's that's on me very basic task yeah very basic task to accomplish

he's so few in today's day and age you'd think so parents listen to this sometimes as well I think a dad does but like well you're being ostracised

from the family now you raised her yeah it's his fault really you're definitely cutting that out of the show sorry invite him round this week

and then we'll be able to watch I think I think do you know what I'll be able to watch it. I think, I think, I, do you know what I mean? I'll get over to the parents bit anyways.

But anyways, so we had no internet when we first moved in for two weeks. All right, fair enough. Move past forward, we have no issues,

whatever. Then suddenly the other day I get this package. I go up to Charlie, I'm like, what the fuck's this? She's like, new router?

I'm like, why have you got a new router? She's like, oh, if I swap over here, I get to save money on my phone contract deal. I was like, we're not going to new router? She's like, oh, if I swap over here, I get to save money on my phone contract deal. I was like, we're not going to run this by me,

especially given your fucking history on bollocksing up the Wi-Fi. Hang on a minute. So she's tried to save a bit of money for herself and you're having a go at her? Yes, because it's both of our internet. We both pay for it and you've just taken it upon yourself

to swap it over without even saying, do you think this is a good idea? Considering I fucked it up last time. It's not very considering of you. Consider it of her. No, you should be more understanding of her situation. She's trying to save a bit of money.

Maybe she's struggling. Speak to me first. Yeah, she just did it though. She just did it and she's like, oh, I forgot. I'm like, that forget doesn't come into it because you have to say, yes, I'll do that on the phone.

So you haven't, what you're saying is I forgot to tell you I did it. That's not, I forgot to speak to you about it. But what's the issue? It's really just swap it over and it works.

Well, you'd think that, wouldn't you? So that's what Charlie told me and I went to Charlie. I was like, that's not how it happens. It doesn't work that smooth. He promised it did,

whatever. It arrives on Friday. My work from home day, I need the internet. Doesn't fucking work and I'm absolutely boiling. Why didn't you just put the old one back in?

Oh, it's swapped over now so that doesn't work either. So I've got no internet. You're caught in the void between two internet providers. Yeah, and my phone stops working because of a fucking

hardware issue. Have you ever heard of a phone having a hardware issue? Why didn't you just go to Apple and get it fixed? I've got a fucked leg that can't move. It really hurts.

What's happened is she swapped your phone contract as well. She probably did. So no phone work, no mobile data, no internet working at home all day. Fuming. You could just go to Apple store and get your phone fixed. Oh, shut up. So no phone work, no mobile data, no internet working home all day.

Fuming. You could just go to Apple store and get your phone fixed. Oh, shut up. No, I couldn't.

You're not very proactive about problems. It's a hard, they're going to be able to fix it. It's a hard issue. When I had a phone issue in December,

yeah, and everything was broken. I bought a new phone. No, I went to Apple store the same day and they fixed it.

No, this is the thing, right? Even if the phone is working. No working i'm so angry i just want to just sit and wallow four days later it's still at the big apple store even if the phone's working and charlie knows this the there's no data in the our room except for my one call it's like so shit the laptop would have wi-fi anyways friday valentine's day blah blah blah

charlie's ringing up the deals trying to try to make it right fair enough whatever trying to fix it oh yeah not working okay we'll send an engineer out they can make it Tuesday oh god plus Charlie

travelling home on the fucking Saturday for a week so she has fucked up my internet left me stranded with it and has fucked off

on holiday and is like oh sorry didn't mean to you know what this past weekend I've been sat there do you know what

I've been doing I'll go inside reading nothing reading nothing I imagine Me too. You know what you are. This past weekend, I've been sat there. Do you know what I've been doing? Harder going inside. Reading. Reading. Nothing. I imagine in that situation, you've just stared at a wall for about four years.

What else can you do? I've got no internet. I can't really travel about because of me leg hurts, lords. You've got TV though. Mate, I can't even... What are you going to watch? What am I going to watch?

Terrestrial TV. That's not why you're doing it. Nah, he's just got like a small... I can't do anything. She's left me. I feel like what you're going to watch terrestrial TV I don't it's not why you didn't nah he's just got like a small minute I can't do anything she's left me what you're doing right now right nah I went over this with him on the train

last night when he was on the way home I was like what are you actually going to do he's like I don't know I thought you had a ghost going to sit there

in the bedroom did you have a conversation with him no what about the voices in your head ghost lost connection mate you can talk to the voices

in your head so honestly like she's still aware as we speak Right now And I can't Do you know what I can't even speak to her

I've caught off from humanity Because my phone don't work I've got no fucking internet That works Can I say one thing This is what I would have done right On Saturday When you have nothing to do

You could have just like Gone to Apple And got your phone fixed He spoke to Apple They're sending him a new phone They're sending him a new phone I spoke to them It would genuinely

It would be heritage Wait what do you mean They're sending you a new phone Without To swap this It's. I've spoken to them. It would be heritage. Wait, what do you mean? They're sending you a new phone without... To swap this. It's under warranty. It's a hardware issue. It just happened to go wrong. You need to send your phone back.

Yeah. That's quite cool. They just don't need any proof. Yeah, it's all right. It'll be good if just my internet was working at the same time. By the way, but the thing is,

I have actually discovered self-improvement. Thanks, Charlie. How's it? Because I am no longer a robot like you losers. What does that mean well today

thank you for asking aren't you a slave to the internet just like everyone else you're playing Skyrim I don't want to keep touching on this subject but you know you're

getting it sent to you on Tuesday if you actually had gone in on store in the store on Saturday they would have just given you one then and there I've got a fucking name

also can I ask a valid question how do you get to work can I ask a valid question what how many items from the flat did she take home with her Fuck me. Also, can I ask a valid question? How do you get to work? Can I ask a valid question? What? How many items from the flat did she take home with her? I see what you're replying there. I fucking hope she's took them all.

No, I'm throwing them out on the street. No, I'm asking if in three weeks' time it just turns out she's left you for good. Yeah, of course. The lefty's left her. It's officially I'm a single man I've decided in my

where have I I've been cut off from the internet I've realised I don't need this shit I don't need no people changing

my reviews without asking me instead of taking responsibility of the situation you're trying to pass blame again I tried it's like when he

should have got his knee scan and he didn't and he still hasn't I tried gathering myself for the Valentine's Day. I didn't want to let the Wi-Fi come between us. We made pizzas with the top trumps.

Other major reason. But like, do you know this thing? I started, this is what I was saying. It really annoys me about relationships. I started feeling bad for her mistakes. I felt bad that I was annoyed by her fucking it up. You should. But that's not fair

because I'm allowed to be annoyed, no? Yeah, I agree. No. But I felt bad for being annoyed it is 100% your fault though so why are you now

enlightened because I realised I'm above technology but you're actually not it actually sounds like you're a complete slave mate you read a newspaper on a train

well done you're still incredibly incredibly rattled by this incident I'm dependent on having internet this morning you've lost your head this morning I woke up and I was in the gym,

looked to my left and someone was on the phone. I was like... No, you went, God, I wish that was me. I went, I was on a breath. I was like... Do you know what? You went, I'll just...

No, no. Let me just taste the laugh. How are you communicating with Charlie now? You just cut off all communication. I swear to God, we actually haven't spoke. But not because I'm not angry, because I'm angry. me just text the laptop. How are you communicating with Charlie now? You just cut off all communication. I swear to God, we actually haven't spoke. But not because I'm not angry, because I'm angry.

I just can't speak. I'm not angry. But how are you texting us? You're telling me you couldn't message her right now using this Wi-Fi in the building. My phone's fucking broken, mate! On your computer upstairs, you can't send your girlfriend a DM.

Charlie, I'd like to send a message to you. Just so you know, Lewis replies to us in the group chat by the second of the week. He's replying to everything. Do you not think that makes you more of a slave to society than us? I'm enlightened by it now.

No, but you've just moaned about not being able to do the one thing that basically controls all of human society. I actually feel sorry for you no no i i i spend my weekends actively trying to avoid this not the other way around oh look at me i did fitness tiktoks oh i'm a fitness channel i like protein no going out no yeah but the point is you've just said that you're enlightened i am you go into the gym look at people i've got a smoothie this morning i the point is you've just said that you're enlightened. I am. You go into the gym, look at people with phones

and go, I'm above that. I've just said that's exactly what I try to do and you go, oh, that's fucking pathetic. Did you go to 11 Arif as well? What?

Did you go to 11 Arif? No, I get the joke, but on the weekend, I like to spend time in nature because London's a bit of a shithole because you can't get out in the green. When you go outside,

number one, I don't know what the time is. Number two, with the nature of my job, I don't know my job. I do. You, you are on a little bit. If anything happens,

you have to be in contact to fix it. So like going out into the thing, you know, right for four hours, if anything happens in this slot, it's fucked. Like I can't just do that. I need to be on,

but you reply to us. Another Tom video drops. You know what I mean? I'm sure. I'm sure you want to watch it. Yeah. I'll tell you what, when you go do that first Insta scroll,

that's going to hit like crack. I did witness it yesterday. He was working for like two minutes on the train and he was quickly getting a scroll in. And then he just died and he went, oh. Can I say it? That's like a crack addict, bro. Not going to say it.

You're not lying, buddy. This is how bad. Oh my God, it's gone. Oh, it's gone again. This is how bad oh my god oh my god this is how bad it was right I was in I was in my flat I was just trying to

do a bit of work on work and stuff and they kept going off and I remember I was getting stole for street and I was just in my flat

by myself going fuck just like screaming why didn't you just take your laptop to a coffee shop at least someone screamed and the floor above

I'm going oh they're having a good time at least someone fucking screamed why didn't you just go to like a starbucks or something with your laptop?

I did go downstairs for a bit. Do you know what the funny thing is? Went downstairs there. I was like, use their Wi-Fi. Their Wi-Fi was down as well. So I was like, not that funny. It's not funny either.

You said the funny thing. I feel like you aren't understanding. I feel like I'm hanging for a standard high point. I've spent periods without Wi-Fi, Luke, when you move into a new building. Oh, look at me. I'm so embarrassed.

No, I'm trying to empathise with you it's more like I feel robbed of that time because it wasn't an issue it was an issue that could have

easily been avoided just with a discussion I just wanted to be involved in the discussion I understand where your frustration comes from right

but your reaction is not valid and there's so many things you could have done differently over this weekend you could have gone to a coffee shop

and got internet I did try you could have gone straight to Apple store to get a new phone they would have swapped it like that there's only so much you can do just sat in to a coffee shop and got internet. I did try. You could have gone straight to Apple Store to get a new phone. They would have swapped it like that. There's only so much you can do

just sat in like a coffee shop. It's like... You could go to Apple. That fills up time in your day. Or you could spend the whole day at the pub and go on their Wi-Fi and watch the footy. Exactly.

When you get stressed, you make bad decisions usually. Let's be honest, don't you? No. You've definitely overplayed this of how bad it was and is you definitely

could have done other things to keep yourself busy but don't involve your phone the principle is I am no longer a robot

is what I'm saying you're not you actually were you moaning for the last 15 minutes that you spent 48 hours without wifi

is fucking mental you could have gone for like a bike ride or something you have to always take it that way don't you no I mental. You could have gone for like a bike ride or something. Exactly. Oh, you have to always take it that way, don't you? No, I agree.

I fully agree. Don't even have a bike. Yeah, ride a line bike. I don't know, but like I say, I can't, coffee shop, yes, pub, yes.

I can't just go wandering about, I do like naturally, maybe this is me needing to separate from work, but I can't like not have it in case something happens. What's going to happen on a Saturday

there's always there's loads of stuff that you don't know that's happened like in times where you have to sort and things you spent all Saturday

afternoon responding about Newcastle yeah how is that any different to what you would do on the weekend if I was just

walking around if I was just walking around outside part of his stress on Saturday was that he couldn't watch the Newcastle

game yeah or listen to it which is so fucking valid by the way yeah it is but what was I

you're now saying you're showing lightings I am a liar this morning I game. Yeah. Or listen to it. Which is so fucking valid by the way. Yeah it is but what was I only did what what I did what You're now saying you're so enlightened like I am enlightened. I am different. Like this morning

I woke up You've done nothing different. I woke up went to the gym alongside some robots right left

started walking to work all these people tap tap tap stupid and you were reading the news paper I totally get I totally get that

it is a genuinely feeling of enlightenment tropical crush but you're you're moaning about being enlightened it's not a feeling of enlightenment. Tropical crush. But you're moaning about being enlightened. It's not a feeling of enlightenment. No, I'm happy about it.

I'm talking about past tense Lewis. Enlightened Lewis forgives Charlie for her wrongdoing. Of course she does. I've had it where my phone's died on a train and I genuinely want

the train to crash. But I'm happy to admit that I'm completely addicted to my phone. I don't care. I was addicted. Yeah, right. I don't need this

flimsy old thing. Genuine question, do you read? Not can you read, do you read? No, he can't. I have been reading more and I have read last night.

A newspaper doesn't count. I bought three books for Christmas so I was like, I'm going to try and read them. I'm reading the theory of everything else. I actually,

I agree with you there. I'm not even going to pretend. No, no. So once I'm reading, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the like i'll take my kindle to like the pool or whatever you have to you have to be on my phone you have to break the bridge of you have to be like an easy or just enjoy going on tiktok or twitter when you're halfway through a book and it's an amazing story man like what happens when you're refreshing stories and there's nothing i don't do that oh yeah i would be on

the other side i'll play games the absence of TikTok on that is nice it was more just like I just want to watch this one YouTube I just want to watch an episode of Severance

I just want to see the new Severance episode it was a really good one as well I'm there and I'm like do you know how I watched that did you watch a new episode of Severance

my phone I watched it two minutes at a time and my phone would turn off wait for it to turn back on two minutes at a time I then my phone would turn off. We'd have to turn it back on two minutes at a time. Oh my God. I wouldn't bother.

Why would you bother doing that? That is horrendous. That's the one show you can't do that with. But mate, I've been working. I've been to the gym. I just wanted to watch my program.

I just wanted to watch it. It's Apple TV. I don't have a... You've got a smart TV. Oh yeah. I don't have the Apple login. Have you got Sky? No. We don't even have an, yeah. Yeah, I don't have the Apple login. Have you got Sky?

No. Well, you need to have an Apple login. It's your Apple login. It's complicated. The smart TV doesn't actually have it downloaded. But yeah, if you're Charlie's parents

watching this right now, what do you like, eh? What do you like? Oh, silly Billy. Silly. Yeah, but other than that, you had a good weekend, yeah? Yeah.

It's not over. No, I go home. At least Newcastle played well yeah yeah I did say to Charlie I was like I kind of meant it

at the time I was like I hope your train is severely delayed on the way home she got delayed she took it like five hours

he tried to send me then he spent a night yeah that's what I mean the message is making I have a feeling this is all made worse by the 4-0 defeat what is that

oh yes what's the third thing it felt like everything was going wrong bad things come in threes no wifi Newcastle got slapped what's the third thing

must be another no there was they didn't did you have a scan of your knee have you heard about the red car theory go on no

it's good this so like so how many red cars did you see on the way into the office today red car but now we're going to at least the cars on the way home the office today? Red car? But now we're going to

at least release the cars on the way home. I didn't, I've got the tube, so that's confirmation. But Lewis, we know that. Yeah?

But then if I said, count how many you see on the way home, then you'll be able to give me an accurate number. Just about being aware. But then it says to you, how many yellow cars

do you see on the way home? That's why the greatest currency on the planet is attention. That's why I'm looking for, so one bad thing happened to me. That's true. That's genuinely true.

You make me feel sick. Hey, if anyone disagrees with that, they're idiots. It's a bit of false. Isn't the pound the strongest currency? I was trying to make a good point there. And I'm like, what is the pound the strongest currency? I'm the one that interrupted. Also, isn't the Q8 the strongest currency as well?

Whatever the fucking... You TV all those into a different path of you're talking about attention currency it is and you're blaming me sorry

what the hell what the hell he's right though because he took our attention away so can I just say so what I was saying is

because one bad thing happened to me and then with the wifi then the phone happened then another one then I started you start looking for bad things that happen and

then you're like oh everything's going wrong it's because you're looking for it. You should do the reverse. I will when my Wi-Fi comes back.

That is actually technically Lou that's called a victim complex. Oh tell me more about that Phil. I don't know. See this is why I'm so just chilled because I

don't care about anything. You're just a chill guy aren't you? Wi-Fi works. Just a chill guy. Well yeah that's my Wi-Fi. You remind me a lot of

my brother in that sense. Just everything's fine man. Yeah like honestly the world could be my brother in that sense just everything's fine man yeah like honestly the world could be burning apart and you go yeah it's fine

really silly I'm always like what's the worst this moment right now isn't that bad is it exactly it's not that bad I've been practising gratitude

we're alive yeah absolutely I've been practising gratitude it's not even gratitude it's just don't get me wrong I get annoyed over like things that don't matter. But things that do matter, I'm like...

Yeah, you do. Wait, there's one genuine thing we can actually be grateful for, though, no? We actually did hit 50k. Friendship. Yeah, finally, you fucking selfish bastards. How long did that take? Because the last pod actually wasn't at 50.

I think the last pod worked. Thank you for 50k, guys. No, no, I'm not thanking them. It took ages Don't follow Tom Garra vlogs Oh you did something exciting We all did something exciting This weekend

Did we? You did something very exciting This weekend Oh you did Abba Abba Voyo Yeah it was good man It wasn't worth the money But it was good

Very expensive now It's £127 That's beast mode Fuck it It's not beast mode How long were you in there for? An hour and a half? But you were standing.

It was a good time when you were standing. It's like a normal concert. Like a pound a minute. It's basically like a normal ABBA concert which don't get me wrong he's good

but and obviously Gimme, gimme, gimme Yeah but they did that. They did that like the third song in. Surely you finished on that. He actually didn't play I remember

I came out and they're like they didn't play two of their like biggest bands. Yeah they didn't do Angel Eyes or they didn't do it was like a big one it was like Waterloo or something

I think it was I remember they didn't do like an absolute what the hell you're 100% right because when we went into that bar after they played it

they played it and I was like they didn't play that in there by the way the bar next door is arguably better really no it's not

when it's packed it's sick you know it was it was a good time it was very very very expensive and I wouldn't pay that again it's arguably better really no it's not when it's packed it's sick you know it was it was a good time it was very very very expensive and I wouldn't pay that again

it's a normal experience I'd recommend going but I wouldn't recommend paying I'd pay like 50-60 do you know what is worth it it's not a free brand deal

but it is fucking sick have you been to the one at the O2 the dinner experience oh my man she says that's really good oh mate we should go for a vlog

the voyage one he's very cool. I tried, you're not allowed to film in there which is annoying because I was going to vlog a bit. That's not very beautiful. It is fucking cool.

I thought, I was convinced for the first hour they were real people but then they changed their face on AI on the screens but they weren't,

they were just AI or whatever, like holograms. Why don't you just go like, I don't see why if it's not them, why don't you just go like, I don't see why if it's not them, why don't you just put like Spotify on?

We could say that about anything. What a great, what a great fucking analysis. Why would you go see Sam Fender when you listen to him

on Spotify? Because Sam Fender's there. It's the experience, isn't it? it's like, would you do it to go see like an Elvis Presley version?

No. You probably would because it's like a unique experience. No, because it's not him. You. No, because it's not. You're basically watching ABBA in concert. Guys, guys, it's Cosmo and Lion.

No, Lou, half of the point of being at a concert is the sense of community. The atmosphere. You've been in a future of cry world. I want to see real flesh. It's good for younger generation. Younger generation, we've never seen ABBA live. Older generation, they want to relive some of their memories. A lot of the time, the music is actually worse we've never seen Abba live older generation they want to relive some of their memories I'll go see Michael Jackson

they may not have seen them live a lot of the time the music is actually worse than listening to Ronnie Heaven he's not mastered etc but like if you go and watch a concert

I'll definitely go to like an Elvis or a Michael Jackson 130 quid to see some robots is weird I did say it was overpriced but it is cool yeah it was

no denying it bro we had a good night it was fun I mean you danced yeah did you really dance I was

I was duggying who did you go with I thought it was a family was it just friends no all the ski group ah ski lads and ladies

yeah it was all the ski group yeah we had a good laugh it was fun we had a good well the day was alright but all our bets we did a few bets

and they were absolutely horrendous mainly because of you actually we all put Newcastle in our rack and West Brom yeah

it was a bit dead you had a great weekend there didn't you did I? I don't know I'm just asking

everyone about their weekends I went for a run on Saturday oh my god imagine saying that out loud I had a great

weekend I went for a run on Saturday that's what I'm saying I can out loud. No, I can't remember. I had a great weekend away from a run on Saturday. No, that's what I'm saying. I can't remember I did anything of note. That's why I'm a bit confused. You made your debut. I did.

Of the Theo's second reincarnated Sunday League re-debut. Rive debut. Actually, my last Sunday League match was 2021. Four years ago.

That's four years too soon, mate. Do you know what? Do you know why? It's still post-COVID. Do you know why

I enjoy it? No, it's actually during COVID, the summer, weird, weird. Oh, so you were breaking rules? Wow. Do you know, I

filmed it. Do you know why I enjoyed it so much? Because you were playing against fucking idiots. The team was shit, but they also were

having a laugh. You know in Sunday League where... Having a laugh. But you know in Sunday League idiots. The team was shit, but they also were having a laugh. You know in Sunday League where... Having a laugh. But you know in Sunday League where it can be too serious, people take it way too seriously. I wouldn't though. Were they giggling after they went 4-0 down? Yeah, they were like,

0-0 lads, 0-0 at a break. But they didn't give a fuck, which I think if two Sunday League teams play each other, it should be in a fun spirit. Yeah. Because that's how you keep people coming back. I think if you're going to get battered, then just take it on the chin. No, but not that but if i feel like something it shouldn't

be taken as seriously like i've read why i hated sunday league previously because we're in the top division it was just too serious it was like it was like champions league final i feel like that i feel like that um league system that uh bez's team plays in they're all just like lads that go on on a saturday they go that's what i mean like lads that go out on a Saturday. They get up, do you know what I mean? They booze on the Saturday, they play on the Sunday, they do it for a laugh, they don't do it because

they're trying to win at football. The pitch though, I forgot how bad Sunday pitches are. It's just parks, isn't it? But it's weird though because it's like you're ice skating on the mud

but yet somehow it's bobbling like that. It's just, it's like you're playing in the mountains. Mate, I went to go do a pass, yeah, I kicked the left foot of the pass

and booed out for a throw. I volleyed it. I volleyed the football from a pass. Did you feel a bit of pressure like playing for someone else's team? Like you don't want to seem like a dollar? Nah, I scored edge of the box volley on my right foot, top corner.

That's beast mode. Yeah, I did go beast mode actually. You said it was the goalie who pushed it. Next time you need to put a goalie push it. Beast mode as you strike it. It was like Zidane against

Leverkusen in the Champions League final. Any role. Any reason you've got to just have to win. To Zidane. Yeah, because of the hair as well. Yeah, yeah. It was like Zidane against Leverkusen in the Champions League final. Oh, I couldn't even compare to Zidane. Yeah, because of the hair as well. It was kind of sick though. I was kicking fully right footed.

Why didn't you invite us for a vlog, man? We could have vlogged your return. I didn't want any cameras. No cameras, no cameras, no camera, no paparazzi.

I wanted no pressure, man. No pressure. Played 45 minutes though. First half, second half. Second half. Yeah. On tight legs.

Heads were gone, heads were gone. It was just,. On tight legs. You bet. Heads were gone. Heads were gone. It was just, I will say, it was class. How did you not keep a clean sheet? Oh,

sloppy defending at the back. Heads, you know when they're like. How did they score? And what was their goal? Switched off at the back. We were 6-0 up. I'd rather you didn't play

Sunday League. I feel like. No, I'm not going to play. But it was very like, you know, like Sunday League. If you play Sunday League, bingo, I would have completed the cut. Right, you're scratching Sunday League. I feel like... No, I'm not going to play Sunday League. But it was very like, you know, like Sunday League, if you play Sunday League, bingo,

I would have completed the cut. Right, you scratch the edge. Just, I can't... 50-50, lads. That wasn't a foul. Push in the back. Oh, it's not offside. It was classic Sunday.

Yeah. Yeah. I just can't be asking you to get injured again. Just classic Sunday. Harry didn't... Well, Luke could have gone if you didn't send him a message.

He had nothing to do. Yeah. I watched it. It was fucking cold, though. It was a beast, man. message. He had nothing to do. I watched it. It was fucking cold, though. It was a boost mod. Yeah. Harry played all right. Harry played left back.

Did he? He played all right. He didn't play good. He didn't play good. Yellow boots, actually. He actually went for a clearance and he went backwards. Yellow boots is something he's crazy. He wore pink boots last time I played for that.

That's crazy. At left back. Speaking of which, though, lads. Oh, see what I did there transition into a you haven't transitioned you haven't transitioned you actually just pre-cursed

also famously your transitions make no sense whenever you do them so I'm very interested I believe this will make sense but he's already

ruined it by saying oh look at that transition when he hasn't speaking of footballers we're gonna it's just like we're on pitch side by side

what's going on now yeah with a lot of football matches coming up, I won, did you watch the one in Qatar? Match for home, yeah.

I watched it. It was sick, wasn't it? JJ's goal was good. Yeah, it was a good finish. Did you actually watch it? I watched it. Yeah, I watched it. I had it on whilst I was making

the little clay animals. Did you? Yeah, I had it on during Valentine's Day during a game. I kept getting told I was watching the game. But Simon's charity match coming up.

Yeah, so we're going to be doing off, normally do like ranking your best five football YouTubers, So we're going to be doing off, normally do like ranking your best five football YouTubers, but we're going to do a slightly different, a different vibe on it, aren't we guys? Well, yeah, apparently.

Yeah, we're going to be making our YouTube five aside team. Yeah. You're going to return this year to right the wrong. Yeah. I don't know. It was pretty embarrassing last year, wasn't it?

We turned up 10 minutes in, you ruined our whole day. It was pretty selfish. It was pretty embarrassing last year, wasn't it? We turned up 10 minutes in, you ruined our holder. It was pretty selfish. It was 23 minutes into the game, I believe it was. Felt like 10. It's two years ago, isn't it? Almost. In September, it'll be two years.

It's a year and a half ago, yeah. Damn. Time flies, you know. They didn't do one last year, did they? No. It was 2023. They didn't do a charity game last year. I can't remember.

That was my first ever vlog appearance. Are you sure? I promise you, mate. They pushed it back was 2023. They didn't do a charity game last year. I can't remember. That was my first ever vlog appearance. Are you sure? I promise you, mate. They pushed it back to 2025 to get Wembley, didn't they? No, it couldn't be because you did the Hackney Half. It was the first vlog appearance. Hackney Half was like a year ago. That was your first vlog appearance?

Yeah, because you were playing. Reeve was with friends and family, so I went with Tom. It has to be because you couldn't have done it either way around. Yeah. You couldn't have done it the other way around yeah you couldn't have done a hackney half after you tore your hip flexor

wait so you were newbie back then yeah because the whole intro is like I feel like I've known you for a

lifetime that was just beast month it wasn't two years though it was like 18 months 18 months yeah

it was like September wasn't it yeah very hot day but yeah five aside team YouTube obviously we saw

some big performances in the match for Hope game. E-Man put on a show, hat-trick hero. Oh, mate, he cooked, mate. Yeah, he did cook. Two of his goals were really good. Look at you, you're just so much better than YouTube footballers. I don't know who you're on about. SV2.

E-Man. Do you? Oh, no, I know who he is, yeah, but I didn't watch the game. Oh, fair enough. Oh, who wants to do their team first? I'll go first because my team is going to be very different to everyone

else's each player in my team has earned their spot for different reasons so in goal we have the greatest keeper on YouTube Petr Spek thank you I was

going to see if anyone can help me dragon no wait for it I've got to be in goal Petr Spek is fucking class by the way I've got a better goal if we're going

to have to put top 10 YouTube football match performances I think Lewis in goal goes in top 10 by the way the fact I've not been I imagine that we're going to have to put top 10 YouTube football match performances I think Lewis and goal goes in top 10 by the way the fact I've not been I imagine they're waiting to ask me

but the fact the sidemen haven't came they are waiting to ask a lot of people I imagine it's going to come through but like who else are they going to

put in goal other than Petr Spek it was fucking I really wish you had connected fully with that header that would have been like

if we went 1-0 up off you scoring a header off the first corner we have to try and organise a pitch side club game again

surely that would be beast mode please mate it's pretty boring just schooling them though innit yeah you're Tom

Garrick well yeah I'll see you at the Sidemen charity match still I'd love it if you actually

got the call brick wall at the back and very fit nowadays it's Bateson oh there you go that's a bit of a

left he was a striker in Wembley Cup yeah five or so you can put yeah he's just a big lad

at the back not anymore big lad he's a slim lad he is but he's still massive like 6'6 isn't he fuck

big guy some of the best keepy uppies I've ever witnessed in person Batch do you remember that yeah I do remember

you playing two at the back no no no this is my midfield are you playing 1-3-1 yeah yeah I told you man everyone's earned their spot for a different reason

midfield partner alongside him AJ Shabil scored the best charity goal I've seen at Sellers Park did he you've not seen it he called it top bins

from like I've never seen him play football that's the best charity match goal you've seen ever at Sellers Park. Did you? You've not seen it? Oh, he called it top bins from like 2015. I've never seen him play football. That's the best charity match goal you've seen ever. At Sellers Park. That's the... The L2, I mean. No, I said

that's the best charity goal I've seen at Sellers Park. You've not seen my header for hashtag united at Sellers Park. No, I haven't seen it. And then up front, based off the, you know,

absolute heritage of Dragon FC versus Bin FC, the fiercest YouTube rivalry probably of all time. Maybe in the history of TikTok, it's Kyle the Dragon. Not Callum De Bruyne. That was such a, that was peak TikTok though, by the way. Was it?

No, when he was having a fallout with the Sunday league team and he had them on the live and he's like, so you lied about that, didn't you, Kyle? He's like, yeah. It was so good the best run is when he goes you have just

been on a jog and I was like how long he's like I think just 20 miles you've been on a 20 mile jog

he's like yeah 10 miles there 10 miles back just a light jog 30 goals in a season facial impressions 30 goals in a

season and 20 of them were free kicks apparently it's fucking mental the thing is though he's actually got a strike on him and when he was talking about his time with that club

he's like well initially I shined on a five year deal and then it's a Sunday and then he agreed I'd get peered if I played well

if I played well yeah just believe you're never good enough no remember you're never good enough you're never good enough some of his performances against Gordon MFC are absolutely heretical. Have you seen the clip where Mastag pushes him in the net to score a goal?

And then his dad tries to come up and swipe his legs and misses. And then he falls off. Do you remember the one game he drew 0-0 against like... Oh, well, they're saved. Against like Shovel FC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He drew 0-0 against the fucking Shovel. No oh it was it drew nil nil against the fucking

shovel no it was the storylines he was making very creative guy oh wait mate most of the game depends as well

which is what the chances of that oh honestly mate it's great entertainment yeah he was making it like 15 nil

yeah yeah yeah this is a bit unfair yeah come on Kyle you're too good in golf and his nephew scores past him and he didn't mean nephew scores past him and he didn't mean to let

him score and he just whispers under his breath, offside. Offside, you little cunt. Just slipped it back.

You know what, Reeve, I actually think that team is actually not horrendous. They'd give it a go. I mean, if you're

paying to watch your five-a-side tournament, you'd love to see that team play. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I think my team might beat your team though. I mean, if you're paying to watch your five-a-side tournament, you'd love to see that team play. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. I think my team might beat your team, though.

Fuck it, I don't care. You went try-hard, too. Yeah, I went very keen. What you've got to remember is Kyle the Dragon's only ever lost one game. That is true. As an actual... Wait, are you saying actually you might win?

As a ratio, I reckon he's got, what, 99.8% win rate. I haven't got that try-hard. I've got a few rogue ones. Oh, I've gone sweat mode. Cool. Yeah? See, that's not football's normal.

But then again, Garden Shed FC was one of the best teams of all time. I think it's either side though. You never know what can happen. Yeah, exactly. So I thought I'd take no prisoners with mine. We're going for 10-0 every game. Okay. In goal, I've got Lewis Bowden.

Thank you. How can you be on post? I'm trying to breathe positivity in the world, right? This is Lewis Bowden. Fuck off, man. This is Lewis Bowden post knee-up. By the way, you don't think he's going to be any good? By the way, Lewis Bowden has never played in a charity match.

Yeah, Petr Speck actually is. Petr Speck. Sorry, Petr Speck in goal. Sorry. In front, so the defender got Ginge. Solid. Yeah, her Speck. It's Petr Speck. Correct. Sorry, Petr Speck and goal, sorry. In front, so the defender got Ginge. Solid. Yeah, he's had good performances.

It was between him and Harry Panera and I thought Ginge is really, he's up and coming. I think Ginge is there. Yeah, yeah, it's

true. He's young. And he's a manager of an actual team as well. I thought he could be the leader and captain.

Yeah, yeah, true. He's a talker. Turns like a buzz. What's a buzz? A buzz, buzz. A buzz with a Z. Do you mean a bus?

Yeah. Do you mean a bus yeah do you mean a bus Tom bus down oh yeah forgot we have different accents carry on goo um

that was previous episode reference yeah we understood it I didn't uh cross pollinating podcast then a midfield three I got a right mid

centre mid and left mid also one three that's too many people one three one and the keeper that's six side you donkey oh we're not we're playing six side or five side five centre mid and left mid. Also, 1-3-1. That's too many people. 1-3-1. That's not 5-a-side.

That's 6-side, you donkey. Are we playing 6-a-side or 5-a-side? 5-a-side. You've got to cut someone. You've got to cut someone. Say the names and we can cut.

Say all the names and we can cut. I can't cut you, can I? No, you're in goal, mate. It's not me. It's Per Speck. No, you're in goal.

I have to go 1-2-1. I have to cut Mishilda then. Who are you cutting? I've gone 1-2-1. We've all gone 1-2-1. Okay, well, my striker's Simon. Okay. And the midfield three, so you boys one two one I have to cut who are you cutting I've gone one two one we've all gone one two one okay well my strike is Simon

okay and the midfield three so you boys have to cut one name here go on I've got me that's easy Chris

and Billy Wingrove well we can't cut Billy I don't know actually I think in a five-a-side I'd probably cut Billy I'd cut Billy yeah oh no Chris Chris yeah

no Chris is good in five-a-side man it's low centre of gravity isn't it yeah nah I'd cut Chris he's a little five yeah no Chris is good in five side man it's low centre of gravity isn't it yeah nah I'd cut Chris he's a little five side merchant yeah Billy would just be a cheat

kind of just shooting Billy Wingrove mate he's rapid as well I'd cut I'd cut Chris I'd cut Chris as well yeah I mean realistically you've got to cut Theo

haven't you yeah you've got to cut Theo why you've uploaded a reel you've uploaded a reel you uploaded a reel of him taking on people from my office

scoring scoring everyone goals against stationary fellow studios goals against 2035 highlights that was crazy

I don't know how much in terms of minutes I'm getting out of you so that's I'm the fittest player on that pitch yeah because it was all fellow studios

staff sorry he's playing. I'm not playing. Petter Spex is. Yeah, Petter Spex. Yeah, but you are Petter Spex.

I'm not Petter Spex. It's a side that I don't like to own up to. I actually can't remember what to, you know. Wait, Tom dropping Chris MD there,

though. It's kind of beast mode, though. I think you'd go, you'd grab my phone. You'd go Petter Spex and goal. I wouldn't be able to look either Billy or Chris in the eye

after dropping them, so Theo, you're gone. You'd go Petter Spex and goal. Wait, Theo, you're gone. You're gone. Petr Spex and goal. Wait, hang on a sec. Hang on a sec. Would you drop Simon and put me up front?

No. In five-a-side. See, I feel like you're a bit quicker than Simon in five-a-side, aren't you? Maybe. Pretty beast mode. My team is… Who are you dropping? I'd drop Chris.

I'd drop him as well little fucker I've got in goal Big John no we're not allowed too good no no you're not allowed

John in goal bosh oh bosh no more scoring at the back I've got Harry Panero oh sweat mode I've got

Theo and JCC in midfield. Whoa! And up front, I want a target man. I want a man who doesn't buckle under pressure. A man who's just,

he's unpredictable. Give me Cal Friese. I thought he was setting himself up for himself there. No, no, no, no, no. Cal Friese up front. A target man. Cal Friese up front.

No, but you know, Cal Friese would be an absolute nuisance, mate. No, no, no, no, no. Cal Friese up front. Cal Friese up front. No, but you know Cal Friese would be an absolute nuisance, mate. No, Weller would be a much better nuisance. Joe can barely kick a football properly. He's actually pretty good.

He's also a bastard on the pitch. Bastard. Oh, we get it. You're amazing again, but... I'm going... Give me Cal Friese. He's better right

than the striker. Who? Also, he's so far away from the ball he's going to win every flick on Harry Panera's going to boot it

what flick on in five a side the ball can't go above your head of course it can it can't yes it can unless you know

the rules of five a side yes it can it can't depends if you're playing over at eight no one specified that

still he's like crouch give him the ball he's unpredictable he turns like a bus yeah but him the ball. He's unpredictable. He turns like a bus. Yeah, but I don't need him to turn.

I need him to hold. And flick on. You can make Cal Freezy and go on and then Big John up front. If you need a target, mate.

I need some movement up front. I'm going to go. You're not winging this, are you, Jordan? I am a bit.

Entertainment and chaos. Entertainment and chaos. So I would put myself in goal sorry but I'm not going to do that

so we're going to go Hugh Izzy oh throw it back we'll throw it back then we're going to go throw it back then we're going to go True Geordie

and Ginge together oh you're playing defensive two defenders yeah they're going to go fucking we're shithouse in this league

in the middle do you know what I'm going to put Theo Baker house in this league. In the middle, do you know what? I'm going to put Theo Baker. He's played in every charity match. He's played in like every charity match. He hasn't. He didn't play for four years

in the Sidemen charity matches. Did he not? No. And then up front, let's go... Oh, I should have put him in midfield actually, Danny Arons,

because he's fucking funny when he fucking hacks people down. I'm going to put Danny Aaron in. Who did he wipe out? Speed? Who did he? No. He tried to wipe out Speed.

Yeah. No, he did wipe out someone in the other game, though. Speed? Yeah, maybe. So you're putting Danny up top. Great fucking anecdote. So you're playing True Geordie and Angry Ginge at centre-back, me pulling strings in midfield, and Danny Aaron's up front.

I'm pulling strings into his... I thinkfield and Danny Aaron's up front I like that I think speed would have been better up front for Kyle yeah I just think Danny Aaron's just well you're not conceding so yeah at least you're

getting a draw who's your goal are you whizzy yeah well let us know your teams in the comments below but listeners have been getting involved this week

lads we're doing something a bit different everyone has a whiteboard on their chair yeah I could see that earlier because we a bit of an interesting question whiteboard under their chair yeah I could see that earlier because we a bit of an interesting question

do we all have pens yep where are they from earlier from the other day this is the pen I made earlier that's not an actual pen for whiteboard

so listeners check it have sent in the well done you missed the catch this is sent in the who is the more likely to.

So we all have whiteboards. We'll read out who is more likely to. Have a think. Write it down. Don't reveal straight away. We'll go around one at a time and reveal

who we think is more likely to. Okay, but we say it as we reveal it short. Yes. Because obviously all the people on audio. But just go one at a time. I don't want everyone

to turn around and go you can't hear anything. Yeah, we understand the rules, mate. That's beast mode. Okay, shall we do the first one? Yeah, go on, mate. Who is more likely to take a wild shit

and wipe with leaves for an emergency? That is so easy. Oh, for an emergency. So that means you're out in the wild, mind you, old man. That's so obvious. That means you're not camping.

No, it doesn't mean you're camping. It means you're out and about. Someone has done this. Right. Theo, do you want to reveal first? Well, Reeve's done it,

so I voted for Reeve. Interesting. I also went for me. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, I was just training you

too, but I went with Theo. I went with Theo too. I would, you don't know me, I would never do that. You just shit all the time. I think,

I think, honestly, anyone that uses leaves, I don't understand how it works because doesn't a leaf disintegrate and your finger goes up your arm? I think it is.

I was thinking more in terms of you eat like a lot of food that day and you physically could not stop yourself. This tells me they didn't think it through. They just think you're disgusting.

Yeah, this is kind of proving that actually you boys don't know me at all. No, I know you because the answer was so obviously when did you shit yourself in public

many many times I told you this story before when I was in birdcage yeah oh yeah that's beast mode I'm a problem solver

man I fucking whack a leaf up also I would much rather just like in that situation shit yourself shit and then just

use your boxes and chuck your boxes or your socks or your socks yeah just why are you using leaves you can get leaves all up your

bum I'm actually trying to get big thick leaves can't I no they're dog leaves they would break I've never done it but I don't know

they're anti anti stinging yeah it's fine why do you use a stinging nettle just for the extra pleasure oh

um who is most likely to shag an inanimate inanimate object inanimate so like is that like the fishag an inanimate inanimate object in that like is that like the fishbowl inanimate that's obviously oh uh okay it's what purpose or is the are we starting it with me then because yeah go for it okay uh i think lewis and i feel like he's gonna be a robot i think eventually Lewis. Eventually. I've got Tom. Lewis with Shaggy's pillow.

I put Lewis. I feel like... I'm not saying I would, but I feel like I'm the most likely to here. What do you have? To experiment. I think you have, Tom. No, I just find women.

And that antenna roof. Are you putting Tom there because he's just perpetually horny? Yes. Okay, right. Number three. Anything that moves or doesn't move yeah anything that

doesn't move as well get robbed for their possessions I think this is easy mode I'll put Theo I'll put Theo I'll put Theo as well

well it's happened to me twice has it when my watch got stolen off me was it the same guy he's like this one's easy

mate it happened he walked up down the road and went actually he was carrying a wallet as well my watch got stolen off me one night when I got mugged and it was really actually really

I've been mugged as well mate don't worry about it and then two weeks later I got a pickpocket in Paris my phone damn pickpocket a pickpocket in Paris. My phone. Damn. Pickpocket there,

a pickpocket there. I think someone tried to rob me. I was getting ready to and then I turned in towards me flat and then next, I turned back round and he was like, fucking pierced off quickly.

After living in London for a little while, you get a little bit wiser to it. Yeah, you do. I was very drunk and they came up behind me and held my hands behind my back. Getting caught,

getting caught having a tug. Ooh. Oh. Oh. See, this isn't about who wanks the most. It's about who's the sloppy one who would take a risky one.

It's one of you two. I know it's one of you two. Yeah, I don't think he's ever this half of the room. I feel like Tom would be too secretive with

it, but the fact that if Lewis ever got caught wanking, that is one of the most embarrassing things. That is so funny. Imagine you w so funny just imagine what you look like i can't actually imagine you having a wank oh yeah i know who i'm voting for okay right so here's my here's my imagination right is that you're home alone obviously you've still got no internet so you have no idea when charlie's coming home trying to wank without internet hard yeah so you you're home alone. Obviously, you've still got no internet so you have no idea when Charlie's coming home. Trying to wank without internet hard.

Yeah, so you're wanking and in walks Charlie going, surprise! And you're there like, ugh! Like the meme where they do the Gary Neville. You'll put Lewis.

I'll put Tom. Really? I'll put me. Oh, I'll put Lewis. Are you a big muscle builder, Tom? I feel like Tom cares. Not really, I just care the least. Yeah, that's exactly my reasoning

Tom cares the least about getting caught you wouldn't bat an eyelid if we walked in the air have you ever been caught in your life never come on

someone's been caught in your life genuinely not I don't think I have I also feel like he would care the least getting walked in on having sex too

you know like you see in movie films people just walk into a bedroom and they're banging away and they go hello I feel like we've all probably

been caught in our life without like realising we're caught. We probably thought we'd been sneaky growing up. Are you trying to tell us something here? Well, it's like, if you have a kid, you know that kid's going to be wanking.

Yeah, I think, yeah. So like, you probably know they're doing it. I've never actually had anyone walking while I'm like... Yeah, that's probably because they know you do it. It's probably when I accidentally

put the porn sounds on the Bluetooth speaker in the house that they realised. What? Did you actually? No. And it was Marge Simpson.

Yeah. Oh, homie! Homie! Yeah. What's the worst? I've had people walking on me shagging, but just carry on.

Yeah, see, there you go. You high-five them and say, come join in, brother. No, because that's weird. Come join in, brother. It's my girlfriend. It's my mother. No, because that's weird. Come join in, brother. It's my girlfriend. It's my mother.

No, I mean... It's your mother. Get your mother. I actually did walk in on my mate about to finger my mate's mum. What?

You walked in on your mate's finger on your mum? No. Your mate was fingering your mum? No, one new year he was like

with my mate's mum in the bedroom at our party. What was your mate's mum in the bedroom at our party. What was your mate's mum there? What? Because it's her house. Did you turn off American Pie? How old was he?

We were in college. Oh my God. College? Oh, that college. Okay, so he went into your mum's bedroom or his mum's bedroom. Was she single? Yeah.

What happened? Was she a tart? What? No. What would you say what happened then uh I walked him back and I really killed the mood

what were they doing though were they doing anything or is this another one of your imagination how is Stiffman nowadays who what what what what what

what would he do and how would you kill him they're kissing them about to like his hand was like in the groin can't be doing that to you mate it's mum like the groin what't be doing that to your mates mum like

what did you tell your mate well Tom kissed your mum but you got lad points that's true you got lad

points yeah five is he still mates with five lad points he's currently actually on 1389

is he still I'm not surprised his friendship group had lad points yeah yeah official obviously not

it's banter it's lad banter well you just lost two well that's what like Chris Stark talked about to me you have lad Official, yeah. Obviously not as banter. Oh. It's like banter. Well, you just lost two points. Yeah, yeah. That's more than two points. Well, that's what, like, Chris Stark talked about to me in the Cunas one.

It was like, you have a lad bomb. What? What's that? That's a lad bomb. I think they call it... That was when he convinced himself to become

a Watford fan as well. Yeah. Like, he was like, yeah, we do a lad bomb. It's like a Jäger bomb inside a... I've seen that interview. Something else.

Yeah, you want to have a what? Surely a cobra bomb like Ray Parler that's the best thing to do a cobra bomb he does instead of Red Bull

and Jaeger it's a Jaeger shot dropped into a pint of Cobra he does it all the time people will be like

can you wish me a happy birthday and he just posts on Twitter on a beach and he's like happy birthday I'm going to do a cobra bomb and just drops a shot of Jager

and downs a beer. That's fucking beast mode. That is pretty beast mode. Who's most likely to get proposed to? That isn't one of the questions. Yeah it is. Get proposed to?

Yeah not because skipping through some. You can't miss that one. Get bummed by an animal? Yeah. You came up with these. No I didn't. These are from listeners.

No who's the most likely to get bummed by an animal oh wait my answer didn't really change from either question well yeah wait which one are we doing

both of them at the same time yeah I've got the same answer I've got Lewis Lewis oh I've got Tom to get bummed by an animal I think Tom will never

I think Tom will never propose so like Liv will have to resort to proposing to you. My one for getting proposed to would be Theo. No way.

Oh, I thought Lewis. I thought it was because you're a cuck. It's Lewis because the thought of proposing will stress Lewis too much. And he just won't ever doing it. Get punched on a night out. I got my head put through a door

on a night out. It's got to be, innit? It's got to be. Yeah. It's got to be, isn't it? It's got to be. Yeah. It's got to be. I'll put Lewis. I'll put me. Oh, really?

I've been put on so many nights out. You have been put on so many nights out. I only feel like he can get slightly up for a fight, though. I am also like, I do try and break things up. Yeah, like, oh, mate, there was a time

where we were on the dance floor. Yeah, but the thing I'm trying to suggest is you wouldn't shy away from a fight situation. No, but I would try and stop it. No, I'm not saying aggressive. I'm not saying aggressive, but, like, if a fight went down, Tom, it's not like a case of, oh, fucking hell, what is this? He'd be like, all right, let's fucking...

I was much the same, but I couldn't back it up is the problem. No, you'd get hit not realising someone's really angry. No, like, so I used to be, like, a big... Yeah, I couldn't back it up, but, like you you'd get hit we're not not realizing someone's really angry no like so i i used to be like a big like i i yeah i couldn't back it up but like i wouldn't back down but there was a time in the dance floor in peru where there was a dance floor how are you on the d floor like this there was a group of lads just being a bit chewy whatever and then they got kicked out and then like on the way i was like i given a big and then like five minutes past or something next thing i know i've been like dragged out by my neck Without my friend like you giving it to the big into them. I mean they were being dickheads

He was just kicking Someone hit me up the first misfits fight as well. Why do you do you not think it's a yeah? When you're in the ring against them so like we're dancing to the group

and the bouncer raps his head and drags me away uses my head to open the double doors on the way

out and then I get onto the smoking area and he gets me towards the exorcist I can see the

group of lads all stood here and I was like fuck so like me towards the exit so I can see the group of lads all stood here and I was like, fuck. So like, obviously they've, I don't know what they chatted and he just throws me into them

and we were just sort of there and they were like, oh, well they know then and I was there, I was like, well, there's a lot of views there.

You should have just kissed. And then I think one and three hit a punch at me and then it sort of ended. All right. Good story, mate. But yeah, that reminds me.

The moral of the story is you're hard as nails. Not really. I just have a big mouth. I think if they hit you and you just didn't even wobble and you went, he's at it

and they ran off. I'm going to get people like fucking kicked out or like fucking... So you're a bitch. Well done. I'm good at grass. I'm good at grass.

No, I don't grass. I know how to push a few buttons. I'm a good grass. Well done. You're a wind up. Yeah, someone was starting on me before.

And then like, the police were literally right there and I kept winding them up and then he threw a bat and he got dragged up into the police van. I was like, good night.

I'm a good one. You are a good one. It's just to be crazy. I saw you getting hit multiple times on a night out on many nights out. It's like, not something you should be like

raving about. Oh yeah. I'm an average part of the question. It's not these days, but like when you're younger, you're just, it's just a bit. Yeah, it's a good anecdote to be able to write Oh yeah. He's not part of the question. It's not these days but like when you're younger you're just, it's just a bit to be able to write around

a name on a whiteboard in a quiz question. Let me tell you another one. Who's most likely to leave backside as our final one? Wait, what do you mean? What do you mean final one?

That's the final question. Oh, as our final question. Not who's last to leave backside. No, no, no. Who would you, oh God, that's a good question. Not who's last to leave. Yeah. No, no, no. Who would see... Oh, God, that's a good question. I'm split between a few people. Yeah.

I think it might be. There's a logical reason behind it. Yeah, I agree. Oh, no, I don't think I agree. There's a logical answer and a funny answer. I think I know. No, I think I agree there's a logical answer and a funny answer I think I know I think I'll

is this when we're like 40 years old eh lads maybe 70 year old doing that that's two years for me alright who have you gone for I went

Reeve oh when Reeve should begin with and I changed it to Lewis why me why Reeve I think also you spelled my name

correctly there. Cheers, pal. I only saw you because maybe you just get to an age and you're married and you think, I can't be asked

this anymore. But you, just because you leave your job. You can't leave. No, I know. That's interesting that people thought me

though. I thought I'd be I didn't think you. I was torn between Theo and Reeve in terms of Theo has a lot going on but I don't think he'd ever leave I was torn between Theo and Reeve in terms of... Theo has a lot going on, but I don't think he'd ever leave backside.

But you might get to a point where, you know, you want to move to the country side. What would happen if someone left? I am slightly along the... Do you get a percentage? No. Let's kick him out. Yeah.

It's all three of me. Am I on the fucking... Yeah, but yours is more like... Realistic. Legal issues and, you know... What legal issues and you know i vote for you because like when you quit next year like you're not going to be a part of this show anymore yeah as soon as one person leaves the show's over yeah kind of that's like saying who's going to quit between cow and chip well what if one of them leaves the show's over well

that's a 50 that's so you're saying we have probably like 40 episodes left? Four. Damn. The reason for me was just like growing up. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Which is like fucking,

you should never grow up. Yeah. I thought I had that Peter Pan, Golden Retriever energy, man. I want to be 80 year old doing this, man. We'll all be shooting

the shit as 80 year olds. When I'm 80, I'm going to be doing Go Golfing. That's pretty decent pretty that is actually like a future proof career you've got a golf channel

you just play it you have a gas gobble then my G yeah so as we do gas gobble can we do an actual gas gobble

you do like Lewis it looks more bait that you got really rattled by that story headline number one nationwide power outage

in sri lanka blamed on a monkey that's actually true i know that happened i was there ancient egyptian mummies are confirmed to smell sweet and spicy researchers say you don't have to research, you have to smell them. It's not research. Like what? You ask questions, idiot. It's like when you open something

and it's mouldy and it smells like mould. But this coffin smells like sweet and spicy, like, what's going on? Why do you have to research it then? You don't have to research it,

you just smell it. An archaeologist would have opened up a mummy's tomb and said, oh, that's nice. Right. Why are they researching it? They might be researching something else and that's a byproduct of their investigation.

I think it's fair. Well, you can ask questions. I've read the headlines. Man wakes up from 10-year coma speaking fluent Egyptian. Oh, double Egyptian. Lying on double Egyptian, Tom. Also, is that a Freudian slip that he said first story rather than

first thing Freudian slip what's a Freudian slip they're all stories aren't they they're all stories he's panicking he's been caught out

there's supposed to be real things on it I think he's got a story a new story I think he's got an Egyptian fact

yeah then to throw us off the scent he's then going oh I'm going to get another one that's fake Tom I like what you're saying there but I think that's got an Egyptian fact, yeah? Then to throw us off the scent, he's then going, oh, I'm going to get another one that's fake. Tom, I like what you're saying there, but I think that's what he wants you to think. I think he's done two Egyptians.

I put them next to a thingy one, and you've got to think back on this. Do you know what I'll say? Do you know what I'll say? We are four one down, but we're really metagaming now. This is like very different. He's picked two of the same fucking nationalities

as a foreign background. You know the coma thing? I swear that has happened, but I don't know if it was Egyptian. It might have been like French or something. I think he's changed the language he's woken up with. I don't even want to hear any information. I know I'm locked in on headline one being fake. I...

Do you even know what that was? No. I posed a question to the group of investigators. Do you know what that question is about them? Not this year. Is Egyptian the actual language that they speak? Yes. Okay, so it's not like Arabic or... Pharaoh.

Okay. I'm just questioning. I think he's done two Egyptian headlines, so he thinks that we're going to think surely one of the Egyptian headlines is real. They will speak Arabic in Egypt as well. But Egyptian is a natural language as well. Tom, where was the

guy in a coma from and where did he wake up in what hospital okay let me find out it's a hospital in Cairo basically the man he's a 37 year old Daniel Whittaker

I think he's 37 now oh he won't speak in Egyptian because he was Egyptian no he's not he's from London that makes that actually kind of makes

sense a little bit why is he can I explain the story if he's from London why has he spent 10 years in an Egyptian hospital no. Why is he... Can I explain the story? If he's from London, why has he spent 10 years in an Egyptian hospital? No, because he might have been... If I read the article, you'll figure it out.

He might have got injured in Cairo and they had to stay there. Oh, well, that's exactly what happened. No, but if you were British, they would fly you home. Oh my God, let me explain it. You'd send them home. So, 37-year-old Daniel Whittaker,

originally from London, had fallen into a coma following an accident whilst visiting the Pyramids of Giza in 2015. Upon waking, he appeared confused and agitated, speaking in what ling...

Oh, hang on. No, I haven't read this bit. Speaking in what linguists later confirmed to be Middle Egyptian, a language not spoken for over 2,000 years. I haven't read this bit speaking in what linguists later confirmed to be middle egyptian a language not spoken for over 2 000 years i haven't read that so it's not a current language the reason why i think that's true now is because he said 2015 so this is an article that might have just come out and he's well obviously that's what we're guessing no but a lot of the articles he's got are from An old article No they're not

They're all new Other than that Last week's was the historical one That's why you Pulled up the fucking Pub on the hill Getting snowed in Because you're like

It's an old one Are we trying to guess The real one Or the fake one You're trying to guess The fake one So that entirely Could be real

So say this is fake I've got I've faked it by making it recent. They're all recent. Yeah. We've done this six times now. It should be pretty easy.

It's so obvious that it's the first one. What's the first one? I can't remember. I just know that the Egyptian ones are dummy headlines that he's put in

to make us think. Is there an Egyptian language currently? We can have a look. I think the Komi one has happened to people in the past. But a language that doesn't exist anymore. I know the official language of Egypt is Arabic, yeah? So this is

a language no longer spoken. An ancient language. Dr. Amina El-Sayed, a linguistics expert, was called in to assess the case, reported that Whitaker spoke the ancient language fluently.

Sorry. Any more questions of the other one? Apparently, when I asked is Egyptian a language? It's not. Yeah.

It's an ancient language. Yeah, yeah. It's impossible though. That makes me think that it's actually more plausible. Yeah, I think it's true. Because,

I think it's true. It is possible. It's happened before. You said you think that's the true one anyway. You said number one was the one you think is true. It is possible. It's happened before. You said you think that's the true one anyway. You said number one was the one you think is fake. What is the first headline? The first one was the monkeys making that power outage going to Sri Lanka.

You should like that one. Sounds very realistic. Makes me feel like it's fair. When I was in Thailand, right, the monkeys were just like running all over the electrical power. I think he knows that. I think he's trying to play on yeah I know but they're

not far yeah but this is why we had this in the spy parrot and then we went oh I'm thinking perhaps maybe right millions have been left without power during a blackout which began

around 11 a.m. local time on Sunday for one the island's nation 22 million residents were mostly left without power during the outage. Has it recovered yet? Since or not?

Does it say? Engineers are attending to it to try and restore the service as soon as possible. Wouldn't that be a bigger worldwide news story? No, it wouldn't be. I think it's...

All of Sri Lanka going down powerless because of one... To be fair, we don't give a shit over here, do we? I think that's all of Sri Lanka going down powerless because of one island. To be fair, we don't give a shit over here, do we? I think that's just not true. That's what I'm saying. But I don't know if it would be, even if it was true,

I don't think it would be like made to do. I don't think it's true. I think there's two decoy Egyptian headlines that he's thrown in here. He's trying to get cocky and smart. I'm afraid, Tom. Tom, did any monkeys die during this? Or how did they cause the outage?

Did they chew through the wires? It says... Wouldn't they get electrocuted? But one of the quotes from Jamila Hussain was,

only in Sri Lanka can a group of monkeys fighting inside a power station cause an island-wide power outage. So a group of monkeys were fighting each other.

What was her name? Jamila Hussain. Why are you smiling? Because why did you ask me to repeat that? Because Chachubi Tea, well, last time the name was, what was it? Mr. Max Powers.

I'm trying to figure out the names because Chachubi Tea song gives it away with the name. And what was the other Egypt one again? The Egypt second one was Ancient Egyptian Mummies. So researchers have used what they describe as trained human sniffers to study the scent of nine mummified bodies. And they've confirmed the mummies smell woody, spicy, and sweet.

Trained human sniffers. That could be so extravagant this prove researchers use what they described as trained human sniffers and equipment like an electronic artificial nose of sorts to study the sense of nine mummified bodies they said smell was a key consideration for ancient egypt Egyptians when it came to the mummification process meaning that even 5,000 years later

conservators widely consider the aroma pleasant due to the use of resins and oils such as pine, cedar and juniper. That part is true. People would be

mummified if they were of any sort of importance they would be mummified with nice men. So maybe Lewis is right. Maybe it is the first one. It could be. I think the monkey thing is just mad.

Yeah, but it could be a monkey story because it's Lewis. Guys, we haven't played this game for so long, but I want to just say one thing to you right here. We played it last week. Every fucking week, mate. I want to speak to you from the heart.

I pretend that this man's not here. We've had our battles and we've had our fights, but I promise the heart. I pretend that this man's not here. We've had our battles and we've had our fights, but I promise you this. I've never been certain more of anything more in my life than the fact that this guy's trying to double, triple bluff us

into two fake Egyptian headlines. Let's think about this. If you're Tom, two Egyptian headlines and he's trying to get away with it, he'd change one of them unless he wants us to go for them.

Yeah. So I tell you this and I ask this of you. Wait, are you willing to follow me? Are you willing to follow me? No, you're saying they're both true and the other one is fake.

Are you willing to follow me into the flames? Are you willing to follow me into the dust and darkness? Because at the end of the tunnel, there is a light and we can search towards it together if we work as a team.

I say we choose headline one as a phony because I saw Twinkle and Tom's eye and I'm afraid, Tom, that Tinky Winky has given away your entire game plan. You said a whole lot of niche there, actually. I do agree.

All hail Lewis Bowden. I do agree with you. I'm not supposed to use it in the sky. Sweat patches are crazy, by the way. Yeah, you said a whole lot of niche, but I actually am in agreement with you. So you all think it's the monkey? Tom, I went freaking beast mode on your eyes. Yeah, by the way. Yeah. You said a whole lot on Nish, but I actually am in agreement with you. So you all think it's the monkey? Tom, I went freaking beast mode on your ass.

Yeah, Lewis is going beast mode. Every other strat that we've tried is failed. You don't want to... No. No. Lock it in. Lock it in. No, I don't actually want to do anything, Tom.

A. A. You're a fucking idiot. Can I just say, A. A. I have been outvoted, but last time we tried this strat, we actually were right with this

but he's done it again maybe in the sense that we're wrong no you're doing a Lewis now you're doing a Lewis I'm just wondering if you definitely want to lock it in because I need you all

to lock it in lock it in yes we're locked in Tom you're a fucking idiot you've been sussed out two weeks in a row you're a fucking stupid Lewis is my beast mate

you don't know anything we went beast mode on your ass bitch the ancient mummies. The sweet and spicy is true. Oh, we've gone beast mode. It's all beast mode. You got caught on this week.

Before he says the real answer, there is a theory that he's found a real headline from Egypt and then chachipitied something Egypt related like he did with the animal of the bird and stuff. He wants you to think.

I haven't done that. Okay. I'm not thick enough to fall for that. The nationwide power outage in Sri Lanka blamed on a monkey.

Is that ours? Yeah, that's the one we're going with. The fake story? Not Egypt. That's true. So the fake story is the man who

woke up and could speak a 2000 year old a language well done again Lewis you've caught me out well done

it's so obvious you've gone I'll tell you what bro you went beast mode then you absolutely caught me no but there are people who have woken up and spoken languages before

not ones that don't exist how would he have ever heard it in a coma so that's that's actually 5-1 and now I win. Yeah, you do win. I did ask about Arabic and Egyptian. How do you feel?

Lewis went beast mode. You went beast mode. We followed you into battle though, so we didn't feel to win beast mode. All that speech, all that spiel could be wrong. You actually did say as well, you've never been more certain. We've done this seven times

and that's the most certain you've been. He's gone insane in his life. I actually thought I was going to be smart. I actually thought I had your hook line, Singer. Maybe you're just like... Why can't you just include someone getting bummed so it's easier? No, that today was genuine.

It was a complete coincidence. The chat GBT one of the man, I just asked for a crazy news story and it came up with that. I said, a crazy current fake news story and it just came up with a guy speaking.

Yeah, we should have read more into him going, I haven't read this yet. Because he was reading this. No, I don't read all of them all the way through. I just read the headlines and think,

oh, that's cool. I think we're trying to treat him like he's smarter than what he is. I do think you go too deep into it. Sometimes I do try and play a little trick. I think you're a little dumbo secretly. I'm not giving you too much credit. I'm the dumbo, but I'll beat you 5-1.

You couldn't work out what it was just then. You couldn't either. You thought a man waking up speaking of... No, no, no. We live as a team and die as a team. We're Team Shark Murderers. If you actually think of the stories, monkeys being all over the power station

and fucking up electricity is very plausible. That's why it's not real. Researchers find out the smell of mummies, yeah. A man waking up speaking that language, 2,000 years old. They all told me that happened. It has happened. When?

We lose the team, man. It's fine. You've been absolutely cooked. So we need... What was their forfeit? I can't remember. Well, Lewis hasn't done any of his dances

or anything in front of Lewis. These are team ones. I'm going to think... Let us know in the comments what their forfeit should be to me. That would be beast one. Maybe like £1,000 each. And subscribe at the same time.

Do you ever got a paradox, Oli? I do, actually. Yeah, make sure you subscribe and like. You'll enjoy this one. I love a paradox. We you ever get a paradox, Oli? I do, actually. Yeah, make sure you subscribe. You're going to enjoy this one. I love a paradox. We smashed the fucking grandfather paradox to beast. It's very related.

It's time travel again. The grand... No, my specialty. My specialty. By the way, you know that the grandfather one? Everyone said I was right. Were they? Because matter can't be destroyed or created.

Yeah, kind of. Oh, you're talking about the vaporization thing? Yeah, I was right. I fucking knew it. I went beast mode. No, you can't say you're right because it is unsolvable. Matter can't be destroyed or created. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about the vaporization thing. Yeah, I was right. I fucking knew it. I don't know. No, but you can't say you're right because it is

unsolvable. Can't be destroyed or created. He also couldn't go back and kill his grandfather. I don't know if you went beast mode.

Also, someone going back and killing their own grandfather can't happen either. Yeah. I've seen a theory where you go and become your grandfather.

How does that make sense? Anyway, this is called the bootstrap paradox. Time travel again. Another paradox related to time travel that questions how something

is taken from the future and placed in the past could ever come to being in the first place. Listen to this. Imagine that a time traveler buys a copy of Hamlet, Shakespeare's Hamlet,

from a bookstore, travels back in time to Elizabethan London and hands the book to Shakespeare. of hamlet shakespeare's hamlet from a bookstore travels back in time to elizabethan london and hands the book to shakespeare he then copies it out and claims it as his own work over the centuries that follow hamlet is reprinted down the line blah blah continuation you know it arrives in our hands again is the book written by the person that handed it back to Shakespeare or

Shakespeare himself? I don't like this one. Who wrote Hamlet? It's Shakespeare. I don't like this. But he received the book and copied it out.

He wrote it though. He still wrote it. Even the copy he received he wrote. No, it's the guy who gave it to him. No, it's not. He wrote it out.

How did he get it then? What? How did he get it? How did he get it? How did he get it? But how did Shakespeare write it if he didn't? They're saying he wrote it. He got given it. That's what he's saying. The guy who wrote it out. How did he get it then? What? How did he get it? How did he get it? How did he get it? But how did Shakespeare write it if he didn't?

They're saying he wrote it. He got given it. That's what he's saying. The guy who wrote it gave it to Shakespeare. Before time travel was invented. I can tell you why it's Shakespeare. I can tell you why.

It hasn't been invented yet. Just so you know. No, no, no. But the point is, right, for that guy to travel back in time with the book. He can't be solved. Just saying.

I have solved it. Well, I've just solved it. For that guy to travel back in time to give him the book solved just saying it. I have solved it. Well, I've just solved it. For that guy to travel back in time to give him the book, yeah? Yeah. First of all, let's think logical thinking. Let's think logical, guys.

I love this. Logically, okay? Yeah, logically. Come on. So logically, time travel has to be invented. Yeah. Right?

But when Shakespeare wrote that book, it weren't invented. Okay, that's logic. That's logic, right? That is pure logic based on what he wrote it first he wrote it

when time travel wasn't invented no but logically speaking it was given to him he stole it but that bloke who's gone back in time

isn't there also theories about Shakespeare stealing a lot of his plays yeah that's not related for this it could have been fucking I don't know

the great author Charles Dickens it's easier right so how do you define who wrote it how do you define who wrote it it's whoever It could have been fucking, I don't know, the great author Charles Dickens. It's easy. Right. So how do you define who wrote it? How do you define who wrote it? It's whoever wrote it first.

Yeah. Shakespeare wrote it first. He didn't though because he got given it. That copy, although it was written by Shakespeare, it is from the future. So that hasn't been written before the Shakespeare one. It's always written by Shakespeare. It's written by Shakespeare. He never wrote it. But how did he receive it?

How did he receive the copy? He got given it. Yeah. But how did he receive it did he receive to copy it out yeah but how did he receive but it wasn't that was written in the four times that it was invented

no no I know that's Shakespeare Shakespeare still wrote it that's Shakespeare in a different universe timeline he still wrote it don't tell me

it's not that's not what he's saying he's saying someone someone got Hamlet went back in time gave it to Shakespeare

and Shakespeare copied it and wrote it that's easy yeah Shakespeare wrote it no matter what you think shakespeare wrote it he did i think it's the guy who gave it no it's whoever i gave it to him right right it yeah he didn't write it first though he just gave him a copy of the book that's oh my god it's like me yeah but that's from the future that question is this tom i go back in time it's nice though i go back it? I go back in time. Theo Baker goes back in time and I give that copy of Hamlet to Shakespeare.

Are you now telling me I've wrote it? If you... Is that what you're telling me? I think that is what the whole point is. That is what the question is. Yeah, so have I wrote the book? No, we don't know, do we? We don't know.

I haven't wrote the book. It's whoever wrote it first. But we don't know. I bought it in the library. Yeah, yeah, but also his acquisition of the book has come directly from you. But I didn't write it. He wrote it.

Yes, but he'd have nothing to write had you not handed it to him. You don't know that. I knew it would have to have been a hand if he didn't write it. How is that book? This is why it's a paradox. Shakespeare wrote it then.

Oh my God, this is why it's a paradox and it can't be solved. It's solved. This one's solved. It's not solvable. Who says who? He's copied it from literature that he's

received in his hand. But my point is, prior to time travel being invented, he still wrote it. He still wrote it? What are you saying? You're saying,

so him writing the book in the first timeline, right, him writing that book first, back in there, has then led to this circle.

Yeah. So instead of a circle like this, it's actually like a straight line circle. I know, I know what, I'm totally understanding of this. That's why I posed the question to you.

Yeah, that's why it's correct. I think that's quite an easy one. Yeah. Beast mode, we went beast mode there. Actually, I actually do think that one's easy. The other one's hard.

The grandfather one's hard. I think we went beast mode. Is it Shakespeare's Hamlet then? At that point? Yes. Even though someone else has handed the book to him? No, he copied it.

Off himself? But that copy is from the future. So although it finds itself in the present, that copy was from the future. That's absolutely not true. That is true. Before he wrote anything,

he received the book. Yeah. But that book exists prior to him writing his own version. It's from the future and it was just brought back. It belongs in the future. More logical thinking to come, by the way. So he wrote it first.

He did write it. Although it is currently in the past, it belongs. Its origins are in the future. Its origins are in the future. More logical thinking is this, right? When he receives that book most the chances are right yep

English now was different to English back in the day oh my god so therefore he might not have to understand it fully so he might be taking

ideas to create Hamlet no no it's copied it's copied verbatim oh in ye olde ye olde English what was that

ye olde no no no it's it's copied verbatim to the modern version it is a

modern version it's exactly a modern version and he copies it word for word as a modern version so it's not his here here ye

but that copy is from the future yeah but no one's saying that copy is written by Shakespeare but it didn't

originate with Shakespeare didn't write it and then it got modified it was already modified and he copied it that copy of written by Shakespeare. But it didn't originate with... Shakespeare didn't write it and then it got modified. It was already modified and he copied it. That copy, although it finds itself in the past, is from the future.

Its origins is the future. The one that Shakespeare writes out, when the ink first went on the paper, it's in an earlier time than the other one. No, not in his paradox, it's not. It fucking is. No, it's not.

No, it's the modernised version of Hamlet. Yeah, it's a modern... It's literally like using our English now, the words that we use, that wouldn't exist back in the day, gets handed to him. He copies it out word for word. It remains as that version

until it goes back in. It's the rival. It's the rival Hamlet still written. That's what I'm saying, you wouldn't understand it. Maybe he paraphrases it into his language. No, no, no. He writes it verbatim

word for word. And then he changes the story because you don't know that he did that. No. I said that. I said that. He buys a copy of Hamlet

in today's present tense that's been modified throughout time. Goes back to Elizabethan London. Hands it to Shakespeare. Shakespeare copies it out in its modern form. Words that he probably doesn't understand. Yeah, it out in its modern form, words that he probably

doesn't understand. Yeah, but he probably wouldn't be able to see what the hell's an iPhone. Oh, well, yeah, because famously, Hamlet includes iPhones. Hamlet's words

haven't even changed, Well, actually, there are a lot of versions of Hamlet that do include iPhones, mate. Hamlet has a good thought. What are you getting about this? I've already said

the logical answer. It's amazing. Every single week, you fail to understand the questions. I should stress that if you read Hamlet, there is no mention of an iPhone.

Have you read all of Hamlet? What the fuck are you on about? If you read Shakespeare's Hamlet right now, there's no version of an iPhone in the book. They always have gadgets or something. What's he on about? Hamlet. This is fucking bizarre.

Why are we discussing when we're not Shakespeare and talks about iPhone he also has gadgets that's what I'm saying in the 2000 film of Hamlet oh my fucking

there is iPhone you are you are unbelievably frustratingly thick Star Trek had iPads in before iPads existed so what the fuck

has that got to do with Hamlet so the book it's not my fault you can't understand my logical reasoning behind everything past references before iPads existed. So, I don't know. What the fuck has that got to do with Hamlet? So, the book, it's not my fault, you can't understand my logical reasoning behind everything. Past references the future always,

without the future already happened, yeah. Do you know what, yeah, you two are right, let's move on. No, Star Trek,

the iPad hadn't existed. What the fuck has Star Trek got to do with the book Hamlet? Tom, why are you getting so angry? You're the only one raising your voice this time. You won't let me finish my point, it's good. It's not, you're talking about Star Trek, you weird little man. So, why are you getting so angry? You're the only one raising your voice this time. You won't let me finish my point. It's good. It's not. You're talking about Star Trek, you weird little man.

So Spock had an iPad, right? He was like, wagwan. Wagwan. But iPad wasn't invented yet. Is it an Apple product in the thing or is it just a tablet? It's the same thing, but not Apple. So that's what I'm saying. Shakespeare probably had something similar to a phone. It just wasn't called faun it was called yes how many wasn't set in the future

though do you know what ye means do you know what ye means in old english the yeah you didn't know that did you didn't you didn't pause it i understand completely the question i'm just having you on guys no i know you can't solve it that's what completely the question. I'm just having you on, guys. No, I know. You can't solve it. That's not the discussion. No, it is genuinely Shakespeare. And the fact that you think I'm not having you on shows a lot about you and your maturity levels.

Yeah, I'll agree with you there. Let us know who you think it is. I think it's easily Shakespeare. I actually don't even think that's a question. Yeah, fair enough. He's a crime against humanity by the way.

Well, if you voted for Shakespeare, then it's probably him. They're blue. They're so shit. They're Danish. They're not ankle and they're not normal. What are they? Right they can I go beast mode

for you real quick yeah let me go beast mode what are we doing next loose as fuck beast mode on Amazon do you want to

rap for me Lewis is gonna spout some shit probably about monkeys or probably about aliens but it's gonna be fucking bullshit

but he's gonna claim it's a fact I'll do a monkey definitely not monkey news next week I think but this week we I'll do a monkey, definitely not monkey news next week, I think. But this week, we got something exciting.

So, you can't do monkey news. That actually was monkey news. Yeah. That was real monkey news. We passed on the opportunity for it to be actual monkey news. That is really good.

Yeah, that was good monkey news as well. Huh? That was real monkey news. That was a story about monkeys and you got it wrong. But if you went back in time and told Ricky Gervais

to do monkey news, he didn't do it, did he? Who did it first? Carl did monkey back in time and told Ricky Gervais to do monkey news. He didn't do it, did he? Who did it first? Carl did monkey news. If you told Carl Puginton to do monkey news, who created

monkey news? See, what happened is we actually started monkey news. We went back in time and gave it to Ricky Gervais and now he gets all the credit

for it. Yeah. Okay. My lads, let me take you back to Rome. Oh, when in Rome? Yeah.

What do you mean? Rome still exists. Yeah. Pretty beast mode. Do you mean ancient Rome oh when in Rome yeah what do you mean Rome still exists yeah you're pretty beast mod do you mean ancient Rome ancient Rome pretty beast mod Rome still exists

oh Luke can I give you a quick fun fact about Rome before we move on yeah I said that on Waffling and they just couldn't really understand but um

did you know in the Rome do you reuse I just thought it was a really cool fact you know you know in Rome being gay didn't exist yeah it was a really cool fact you know in Rome being gay didn't exist

yeah it was a fluid sexuality yeah because everyone yeah so like we've actually gone back in back in like yeah it was beast mode

yeah we've devolved into we've created homophobic and all these all these different things but it didn't actually exist back in the day yeah have you

you and the waffling boys stick to that and also and also the legal sexual age just didn't really exist either so they were just like that's not very peaceful hang on hang on time say the joke again so you get laughs it wasn't a joke it was a question it was a question anyways right that's that's for this for this close your eyes a second no and if you know

close your eyes if you're back home close your eyes a second. No. And if you, no, close your eyes. If you're back home, close your eyes unless you're driving a car in which case, over there. All right, close your eyes. You are back in age.

Tom, close your eyes. I'm not closing my eyes. Why don't you ever close, what have you got against closing your eyes? I'm not closing my eyes. He never closes them.

You've been watching them TikToks, the AI TikToks when you get thrown back in time. Have you seen them? No. You wake up in like Pompeii during the day. Oh, those are? no you wake up in like Pompadour

oh there was a class you wake up in the Great Fire of London oh it's Beast Wars anyways close your eyes sorry oh my god Tom come on

join in with the hypnotherapy no I'm not close my eyes wait you're trying to hypnotise him I'm not doing that also am I going mad or is that water bottle

got two different colours waters in it? I don't know it's not really good for the listener that there was a Tom you sure? yeah because it's the

it's half red and half blue it's the orange kit and the listener that was a top you say yeah because it's the it's half red and half blue it's the orange kit and the blue kit behind it yeah but the blue kit the blue's on the right of the bottle

but the kit's on the left right I can stick their water bottle with water at the bottom can I just okay hang on let me take

close your eyes that's how light refracts though isn't it close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes open your eyes if you're driving

so we're in ancient Rome oh oh oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah Open your eyes if you're driving. So, we're in ancient Rome. Oh, God. It's a time for advancements in sport and entertainment. And there's one upcomer whose journey started all the way over in Serbia. Maximus Decimus Meridius.

Maximus Decimus Djokovic. It was a time of war and brutality damn you're actually taking me right back there man that's fucking crazy taking you back to when you were in rome yeah when in rome ah get off me and basically this guy i don't think they spoke english this guy was like a boxer right but like there's a war going on so a bit of him and the trainer would go guys i'm not i'm not liking this because tom's got his eyes open how do you know that how would you know that if you have your eyes because i started crying no no no he opened his eyes i haven't opened my eyes anyways um so he's a boxer right up and come a new sport really at the time uh

but he's in a war-torn country where like they're battling. Picture frosty fields and... Was it called Serbia back in the day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Serbia. What the hell? Anyway, so it was like really wintry and cold. But the problem was... Something's happening because the light in front of my face is...

I just shoved a pen up my nose. That was just because you get lost in the world. He has to shut his eyes. He's ruining the show. Sorry, sorry, sorry. The show ruining the show. Sorry, sorry. The show. So like he had to go boxing

like in the Warthog. Anyways, he grew up and he went traveling to Bermuda. How? Aruba, Jamaica.

Ooh, I'd like to take you to Bermuda. Do you know how long a ship would take to get there? How the fuck? What are you talking about? Down in Coquitlamo. So he went to Bermuda. Do you know how long a ship would take to get there? How the fuck? What are you talking about?

Down in Kosovo. So he went to Bermuda, right? And he found some pyramids there and he believed that these pyramids had healing. He went from Rome to Bermuda? No, he started off in Serbia. He caught a flight. How did he get there?

So he went to Bermuda. How did he get there? Get you on a flight. And he found these pyramids there and he started training and meditating around these pyramids because he believed that this would give him like extra powers.

Like Rocky. And little did he know it, he became quicker. He became faster. He became stronger. It was like... He was having training camps around this square

and he was beating everyone, right? And he didn't stop there. He started with his food. He started when he ate it. Okay. No one was allowed any distractions. I don't know he told us to shut our eyes

I didn't think you would actually do it this long oh wait can we open them again yeah you can oh fuck man someone's been on his phone his eyes aren't the only eye

that was fucking cringe that was cringe beast mode though anyways he started like eating his meals but when he ate them he put his utensils down

closed his eyes close your eyes fuck off mate because I you focus on where the nutrients are going and like imagine you're like oh I'm hurting in my arm utensils down, close his eyes. Close your eyes. Fuck off, mate. Because he's focused on where the nutrients are going. And like,

imagine you're like, oh, I'm hurting in my arm. I'll send the nutrients there. And he believed he had healing powers from it. And he even did have found out

that he was gluten free, gluten intolerant. Because he definitely knew what that was in like zero BC then. And we can do this experiment right here. Okay.

They did not know. Tom, hold your hand out just like this. Okay. And when I press, when I press, try and stop me from pushing it down.

Don't send me up though. You just have to hold firm. Okay. Nice. Very good. Now get your phone out and put it against your belly and roar against your belly.

Roar? Roar dog it against your belly. Okay. Right. Hand out. Roar. your belly and raw against your belly raw raw dog it against your belly okay right hand out oh his hand went down I'm not trying his hand went down

there I'm not trying that is because you didn't tell me to go against that's because his phone gets weaker

makes him weaker and he did the same he put some bread against his belly and he realised he was weaker so he stopped having all bread can I just say I didn't there was no you know what it's funny against him there this

that exact bullshit experiment happened the other day on waffling but instead of instead of making up this whole story about you're allergic to gluten it's like oh uh if you do that you can do it but then when you lie you get weaker and then you push your arm down no this is to stop you get weak when you have your phone, but then when you lie, you get weaker and then you push your arm down. No, this is to stop, you get weak when you have your phone against you. I'll do it again, man. But it doesn't work when you know.

Where's your phone? Come on, it doesn't work on you now because... No, genuinely, that's how he did, that's how this guy did it. I can't lie,

that's what he did. He's pushing his hand, he's knocked everyone else out. Yeah, so anyways, he goes to Rome and he starts becoming, he becomes the best boxer of all time, right? And like, he was to rome and he starts becoming he becomes the best boxer of all

time right and like he was he was sending energy levels and he was like controlling his body in different ways and that is like we're lived on in history as like the best like could i not could you not argue the case you are mentally maybe this guy was actually just eating like carbohydrates and a real like a modern diet but he'd send them to his like carbohydrates and a real, like a modern diet. No, he would eat them, but he'd send them to his like nerves. Their diet probably wasn't built for like doing these sports. Maybe he was just eating like a guy. So you don't believe the sky is real?

Oh, I think this is the biggest load of shite. No, he probably is real. Interesting. He probably is real. The most successful gluten-free. Are you telling me? Yeah, so he just... Well, what if I told you

this didn't happen in ancient Roman times, it actually happened in modern days? And what if I told you he wasn't a boxer? He was Jesus. He was a tennis player. Novak Djokovic. What if I told you he was called Novak Djokovic? I said that!

I said Maximus Decimus Djokovic. It's not true, though. Novak Djokovic does all this and he actually has a tennis court built outside the pyramids, so when he trains, he does it by the pyramids to absorb the pyramid energy.

That's why when the COVID vaccines came in he never got it because he didn't agree. That's fucking mental. Oh my God. So it's not a fact then you lie. It is a fact.

It's not a fact. It's a fact. It doesn't mean it's true. It just means he's mental. He would have learned he's gluten free by like 10. Well who's the crazy one right? You can tell them

that he's mad all you want but if he's the best tennis player of all time I tell them that Djokovic that he's mad all you want, right? But if he's the best tennis player of all time, I think he knows what he's doing. You told them a bloke from Rome You said an ancient Roman boxer

that started in Serbia went across to Bermuda Plot to it. And this is Okay. You also said how the fuck would they know what gluten is in Roman times?

It's not worth the joke here, mate. You're still racist. Lewis, we're in racist we have modern science right you said you're racist we heard you say that though I thought you were at least going to tell us Djokovic diagnosed himself as

also Djokovic was also like the best player in the world before he did all this shit no he wasn't he's got that since youth you twat no he hasn't yeah he did

he went there on a fucking trip. Going like vegan and that. It's not true. So what we established... The food thing came after. He got pyramid energy. And he's not the only person who did it. He's the only person from Serbia. I can tell you right now, he's actually not the only sports person in modern day who does this. Do you know Leicester

City? They actually hired, during their campaign where they won the league, they actually hired a group of where they won the league they actually hired a group of monks who would come to the stadium and during the games would sit and meditate and channel good energy

to the players. Yeah, I was there. Not even that. That's also because their owner was from Thailand where being a monk is the highest level of citizen.

Yeah, and they won the league. Did they have them the next year? Well, unfortunately the chairman wasn't there anymore. And one of them played as well. Wait, he died the year they won the league? No, it was a year after, wasn't there anymore. And one of them played as well.

Wait, he died the year they won the league? No, it was a year after, wasn't it? Yeah, a couple of years after. Yeah, so the start

of the next year, did they have the Monks? Yeah, they had a great season. They had. They had. They won the league.

But what happened to the Monks? They won the league every year. He still fucking, they fell off since the Monks were there. No, they had a

Monk playing. And go Locante. Also, there's the Denver Broncos over there, or whoever it was. They hired a Russian person who would channel good energy

for five hours a day towards the players. How about all the teams and players who do this mental shit that aren't successful then? So, no,

this person, this Russian player. Yeah, where's my accolades? Where's the shit that all these bollocks I do? Where do I get them?

How about all the shit Glenn Holder was doing with the England team? This Russian person right he's just sat here like this and he's here

for like for 8 hours a day he's here for 8 hours a day to do this in a room and channel like good energy towards a team and he went on

to be the best team in America what about Glenn Holder who hired a faithful and it just didn't work for him well they obviously didn't get a good one

did they I'm seeing there's evidence of this stuff it's just different variations of mindset it's just coincidence and it's more it's more in your head

than actually working Novak Djokovic stuff is crazy right so Novak Djokovic stood around the pyramids and got people to push his arm

to see whether or not he allergic to bread no that's how he found out about bread oh my god it was gluten free gluten intolerance you're stupid

right he went oh christ let's get out of the diet he's like no you have no more bread I've just seen you do the test on me and it's bullshit Oh my God. It's gluten-free gluten intolerance. You're stupid. Well, he went, oh Christ, let's get out of here. He's like, no more bread. I've just seen you do the test on me and it's bullshit.

Does that mean it worked on you? It worked on you? It worked on you. So what, it's Tom and Magic not gluten then? No, my phone.

It's my phone. It shows weakness. He didn't get it. He didn't get it. That's why Norvac Djokovic That's why Djokovic advises against having your phone

in your pocket because it makes you weaker. He won't ever have his phone on him how did Roger Federer do eh without doing all this stuff who

Roger Federer oh Roger Federer was he good or not yeah he's not he's not as good as Djokovic is he he's not as good as Djokovic

in chicken nuggets some would say yeah some would say no are you telling me there's a conversation to be had who's better between Djokovic and Federer

I'm saying the pyramid energy should be studied. It's the big three anyway, isn't it? But Mr. Beast proved that it weren't made by aliens.

Why? I'm not talking about the Egyptian pyramids. No, you said the Bermuda pyramids. It wasn't Bermuda. It begins with a B. Bosnia?

I mean Bosnia. That would make more sense rather than going all the way across the Caribbean. You told us he's got a ship from Serbia to Bermuda in the Caribbean

but instead he's just crossed the border into Bosnia. Fuck you. You are in Egypt. It's mad when he used to... It's mad how you always always manage

to make these facts completely false. Well it is fact. Does he do it? No he didn't get to Bermuda. false well it is fact does he do it no he didn't get to Bermuda does he do it does he do it was no Matt Djokovic

an early Roman boxer that went all the way across to Bermuda I did that to prove the point that when it's pierced in the past

I've imagined like Bermuda's quite small that must be a big pyramid you don't know about I was like oh Djokovic just built a tennis court next to it the Bermuda pyramid the Bermuda pyramids are there that makes it much smaller. That must be a big pyramid you don't know about. I was like, oh, Djokovic just built a tennis court next to it.

The Bermuda pyramid, the Bordelian pyramids are there. That makes it much more feasible. It gives it superpowers. You said fucking Bermuda. I don't care if this was 10 BC

or last week or I think it's bullshit. The reason I said about the Roman boxer was, oh, it's in the past. Oh,

don't believe it. Suddenly it's Norbert Djokovic and also it has validity. We don't believe in it. No, don't give it validity. You, it's in the past. Oh, don't believe it. Suddenly it's Norbert Djokovic and also it has validity. We don't believe in it. No, I don't give it validity. You give it validity, not me. Lewis, you told us

a Roman soldier called Bo to Bermuda where there's pyramids now and found out he was a nerd. Go and do it. You're just fucking wrong.

Oh, yeah. He gets pyramid energy from it. He does it and he goes there all the time. There are so many aspects of that fact that aren't facts. It's yeah. He gets pyramid energy from it. He does it and he goes there all the time. There are so many aspects of that fact

that aren't facts. It's crazy. Name one. It was Bosnia, not Bermuda. Is that the important part that we want to focus on?

What about pyramid energy? What about pyramid energy? Where's the evidence for pyramid energy? How about him being the best tennis player of all time? Right, so that's because

he went to a pyramid when he was younger. He goes there all the time and he heals. Oh, dear. So why was he injured last year? He didn't go. Oh, what?

He missed his flight. Yeah. He missed his flight to Bosnia. Yeah, right. No, that's real. Like, Novak Djokovic is a crazy guy, man.

Yeah, you're an idiot. There's a lot of, like, faith healers and stuff. Yeah, and they're all fucking charlatans. Yeah. Go to a doctor if you're ill.

I agree with that, but like some of them are doing some interesting work when it comes to telepathy. Well... No, have you seen the... What? Oh, no.

Why are you laughing at... No, telepathy's real. One man's interesting and another man's a bollock. No, have you seen the telepathy tips? Oi, I've researched, by the way, you lot should watch...

Speaking of this... Telepathy tips. No. This apple cider vinegar series on Netflix. Oh, he research, by the way, you lot should watch, speaking of this... Telepathy tips. No. This apple cider vinegar series on Netflix. Oh, he's trying to sell it again. Come on. Yeah, seriously, it's mental. It's similar to this.

It's mental. Because he's crazy. Yeah, you need to watch it because it's all about this person who basically faked having cancer and said you could cure it by eating healthy foods.

Damn. You have something to link for that. I really want to watch it. It's really good. On the, can I just, quickly, you're talking about food.

On the tips, there's like, it's a thing. No, we're not talking about telepathy. No, it's genuine research that's happening right today. And people at home would have heard about this.

This isn't actually crazy stuff. It's like where apparently autistic kids who are like non-verbal. Yeah, you are. Who are like non-verbal like non-verbal like there's examples where

they can tell know what's happening in rooms next door that have the parents having a discussion or something

and like the there's like genuine research but they also have a cup with string yeah it's actually like

that's like Joe Roganson about it at the moment yeah that's crazy it's like a real thing

yeah it's like breaking stuff like where like maybe real thing. Yeah, it's like breaking stuff like where like maybe nonverbal autistic kids have like some yeah, some like he also

advocates only carnival diet. Yeah. And he also says Elon Musk is the smartest bloke alive and he's a fucking smart than you.

Does it make him the smartest man alive? You act like the smartest person in the world. I'm by far not. So maybe you should listen to me.

You're way below me. I've displayed, I've displayed, there's so much shit in the world. I'm by far not. So maybe you should listen to me. You're way below me. I've displayed. I've displayed. There's so much shit in the past, right, where there ain't no, like, fucking shit in that. I know. I know. I feel like the door.

I bet, I bet, I bet somehow in our brain, we only use 10% of our brain, so what's the other 90% do? It's everything in that. 10% is generous for you. Yeah, you do not use 10% of your brain, mate. It's fucking telepathy, man. Is there a reason why you decided to choose ancient Rome?

Is it because you love 40 BC? 40 black cocks. Love 40. I don't know. I don't get it. It's a tennis joke. Oh, love 40. Oh, that was niche.

Don't worry, mate. Yeah, you're an idiot. What's the next story we've done? I do have... That's it. That's my way. I've got so much stuff to do. It's four o'clock. Yeah, you're an idiot. What's the next story we've done? I do have... That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. that's cool before we end this you know this whole like telepathy autistic

child bollocks yeah is this what happened to you find out next episode I'm so happy you started doing the beast mode

because I've caught onto it now and it's taken me away from the came in beast mode's class because you can see it

you're silly mode right now oh no don't just say that alright please subscribe please like please write us five stars

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