Back Side - Ranking Our Dream Dinner Guests, Lew Invites Cheryl Cole And Tom RAGES At Jeremy Clarkson!

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden1If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis Bowden:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. BetMGM is the place for soccer in Canada. With over 150 betting markets for the biggest sport in the world, you can create a same game parlay using Reefat. revamped parlay selection features, or call your plays as the action unfolds with live bets. For fans who won't miss a minute of the match, there are opportunities to bet on corner

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FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. Why are you so offended that I don't like people? Wait, I'm not. I think he's a fancy dress freaks. I just think it's not as funny as it sounds.

And what's even worse is people are defending me like, oh maybe I haven't got any money. Well, you shouldn't be out then? There are some people. Who is everyone's dream dinner guest? Can I have... You can not break character. That's really weird.

You said I could pick whoever I wanted. This isn't going to happen. Why'd you do that every country? Yeah, so my name would be Oliver Alexander Isaac Fletcheron. Why'd you pick Isaac? I would have went like... It's a very, it's a very Catholic name. I would have went really beast model, did it like...

Yeah, but you could have caught myself like McGee. No, but you, no, you have to pick something that's actually Bible related, though. You can't just be like, oh, I'm going to pick D-Doid. Could you pick... Joseph's a very good... By your wedding, can I call you Oliver Fletcher and Mohammed, Isaac, Jonathan, no because only two of those words are you in my name we filming can i use the word jesus

yeah i can't you from a religious family so probably will be like a christian wedding is it gonna be married at a wedding church in the venue you're gonna bring in church yeah probably a reverend they are not gonna like how well but you're the wait so actually yeah only your your like framer and drushies was second wasn't it but your face your face can be fuming with you you're not getting married in church i don't really have i don't really believe in religion you might set on fire you got compromised I did get compromised it confirmed of his gear but since that I've figured out that life is not all about religions now what it's not what it's at a moment what

you're living about about how your relationships and doing things that make you happy yeah but who's to say God didn't create that technically well that's something I have to find out at the end of my life I suppose when you get there what you're not getting in and slams it shut you reckon you you reckon you'd know no found out did you yeah how do you find out I don't offend people I'll let you figure out yourself you know what I don't get right A little spoiler alert. I don't think, I don't think it started, by the way. It has.

Has it? Yeah. Do you know what I don't get about, like, printer? Do you know what I don't get about, like, religion, right? So you can always go and confess, and then you forgive you on that, and you get into heaven. So, like, you could just go about fucking kill everyone,

and then you could go on your deathbed, say, sorry about that, and then you're in? Haven't you seen, haven't you seen the clip of the guide pretending to be Michael Jackson? Is that when he's watching the other one? No, no, he's got... Oh, that is. And he's like, bro thinks he is Michael Jackson.

Oh, he's there like... That might be a top ten video before time. That is good actually. But he's just going with the face filter on Michael Jackson. He's like, hi guys, I'm back from heaven. Yeah, that's right. I got him to heaven. All I did was say sorry.

I fucked all them kids. Then he goes back to heaven. Yeah. I do actually know what he's on about. It's not funny when he's on. Yeah, yeah. Why was that an impression of Theo? I've been...

No. It's honestly funny. It is. It's not funny when I do it, because I can't do it. The Michael Jackson touched them kids, or did he not? That's what he says on a video. Allegedly. Yeah, that's right.

I did touch them kids. But I just said, sorry, and got back in heaven. That's how it works. Wasn't he just like a child within, so he just ended up playing with it? Not like that. Not like that. I actually don't think he would go down slides.

I actually think he was just a child. When McCauley Colkin stayed over with him, he said, never touched him. Yeah. We would say that. Why would he say that? It's me, Michael! You actually got a bit of Michael Jackson Bay, you know, with that top.

It's bugs. I think you'll have to fucking reset the lights, which is a pain in the ass. I may as well just... Oh, it's stopped. We're good, we're good. It stopped. Yeah, because it's the ghost of Michael. We said...

He and... Oh! Michael, if you're hearing this. No. Ah! Michael, blink, if you want to bum me. No, you have to go. Oh, ready?

Uh... It's me, Michael. If you want to bump up. Oh, he's disappeared. Well, that was good. So what's your favourite Michael Jackson dance move? Um, I like the moon walk. When he landed on the moon.

Yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah. I like the forward falling one. Yeah, but do you know how he did that? Nails in the shoes, man. But how, how did he get into that position? Just slide his feet onto the floor. He slid it in like a lot.

But that's pretty precise to get your nail going in like that. I think he would have practiced that's pretty beastment though because I thought you'd be like was he on epstein's island huh was he on epstein's island oh he did no but like it was in the past oh did you see the release donald trump thing of like what he sent to epstein no so it's like a genuine thing

so basically epstein got this birthday booklet on when he was alive years back and all his friends and stuff sent him messages and pictures and notes and stuff and by the way this isn't fair because it's it's literally from fucking like years years and years ago it's that old you know it's that old so it's yeah no one knew trump was no one knew but no one knew trump was gonna be fucking president at this point but trump basically drew yeah so he drew this woman with tits which right how about this feel you be you be

donald more of a paraplegia can't be the voiceover read you be geoffrey because it's like a scripty writer okay ready i can you do him in a little bit sorry so this is um you need to say the voiceover how did geoffrey epstein sound you're the voiceover yeah okay what i don't know jeffrey Everything was not Chinese. No, but I'm doing it. Do you want to do it to do it in Chinese? Yeah. No, definitely not.

Do you just do that first line? What accent should do it in? That's not saying. American one. I think you're just an American voice over. No, I think he was Chinese one. Who will I? Since I also know what it is.

No, no, no, right. From the top, Tom. There must be more to life than having everything. It is called accent. Yeah, there is. But I won't tell you what it is. No will I, since I also know what it is. Well, we have certain things in common, Jeffrey.

Yes, we do. Come to think of it. Hmm. Why was that? Oh, God. Oh, yeah, read that. I don't know what that is. Oh, it's it.

It's a word. In the accent as all. Children never read. Oh, no. Read it. Just read it. Why are you making it weird? You're all my accent.

making it weird. It's a word. I actually can't read it. Can you zoom in? It's a very normal word. I can't read it. It's a normal word, just read it. Yeah, it's just means mystery, right? That's his signature. Yeah, he's claiming it's not by the way. Oh, right, yeah. Enigma's never age. Have you noticed that? As a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you. A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy birthday and may every day be another wonderful sacred. So basically that's drawn. Oh, secret. Secret. Hang on it. Another wonderful secret.

So basically, he drew a naked woman, wrote out his sign confession, and he's claiming, wasn't made. What did he mean by another wonderful secret? It means he was shagging kids, probably. Allegedly. Allegedly. Are you accusing the President of the United States, who obviously watches this show? I'm going to say he was definitely up to some dodgy stuff, I reckon.

That's his sign confession. We're going to be in trouble if we want to go to the World Cup, man. Fuck, if he watches that. Shit, allegedly. I think he's innocent. Wait, we all want to go to the World Cup. Don't we? What is the World Cup?

I don't know. What is Trump? I got hit by a car. Oh, yeah, he did. Oh, sorry to hit, really. I'm so sorry. He told us about it. Oh, what are you right?

On the worst day ever. Genuinely, genuinely a neo-death experience. Hey, Lewis, let's tell us about the worst day ever your experience. Yeah, because we heard your worst day ever, which was he didn't get plain food. And you ran into a curve. And you took the wrong way. I didn't run into a cab, though. I tried the curve.

So basically, I had a meeting that I had to get to, because I'm a bit. business man. You did even there, Mike? Last week. Near death experience, so it is quite too. You wrote it out, step by step. If I'm honest, like, I appreciate not taking the piss because I did almost fucking die.

Yeah, but I wish you did. What day was, he explained? The day he was making it out in the group chat? You just don't care about it. You might have been out. You might have been fishing. Yeah, I think I was. A compliment.

Well, it's serious. Yeah, no, I had a meeting to get to, but obviously there's the strikes on. I didn't be very good at fishing, then, I don't know. There's the fucking strikes on, and that meant everything was shit in London, essentially. just would leave early and planned your day back. I did do that. I actually, I booked my line bike 30 minutes ahead of time, walked to my line bike. And realize the 30 minute time I'd ran out

and someone else did make it. Not as I get there, I'm like, why is this moving? Someone's on my line bike somehow and is moved driving away. So I'm like, fuck. So now I'm fucked 10 minutes to the next line bike. I get on it, unlock it, and I start riding. It's fucking some knobbeds stab the fucking wheel. Lou, when you get to the line bike, Can you not see the wheels are flat? In fairness, I've done that before. I've unlocked it and there's been a pedal missing. I'm like, fucks it.

I've done that as well. Well, mate, I went on to do that quite a lot. I swear to God, I swear to God, from walking to the next bikes and blah, blah, I got on a total of eight, nine line bikes, which were either pedals missing or like stab. Is it a pandemic of shit line bikes? Were they stabbed or just popped?

I think the kids have been going around and they saw the strike. A flat tie definitely means they've stabbed the tire. Maybe it was the striker. No, no. I actually think it's, I think it's the kids because they always destroy line bikes around here because they're assholes and they just fucking up for you now. Yeah, that's very.

But they already are. Also, I don't know, you got nine. Nine bags. I, no, I didn't get on nine. I reached nine separate line bikes. No, I promise it's not because I was riding the one with no flat tie because I'm going to be late. I have to get in Central somehow.

And I'm mostly the only, only one. There's other people ride past me going butong, butong, butong, bong, because they have shit once. Mate, you clearly did not travel. You did not travel in the strike I did. I just got a line. Mate, the buses, they would leave. I know they were accused everywhere, but...

No, but they wouldn't stop. They weren't stopping for you because there's no room. It's mental. It was mental. It was crazy. Yeah, that's what he's saying. Look, so, man, I was... Oh, yeah?

By the way, the only one thing that makes me so fucking happy about this, right? Apparently, right, the biggest kids keep getting admitted to A&E with something called lime leg. Yeah, when they break their leg. Kids are breaking their leg by breaking line bikes

when they're stamping the pedals off. And I'm so fucking glad. You deserve it. Yeah, it's true. So I'm buzzing Because the wheels don't just move So they're stamping the thing up But when they're doing that

They're probably jamming the legs And breaking the legs So it's what you fucking get Also Lou, I've got a thing for you You know that bike I gave you Why don't you use that? Who's here? Follow it out here and shoot

Follow on the story then How did you, where's the near death experience in this? Okay so I finally get to me An hour 40 minutes Are you late to the meeting? Yes, very late Extremely late

Who was it with? What's important meeting? Management He's got a new management company, hasn't he? Yeah. Not a good first impression, then. Guys, all right. I'll let them know.

I'll let them know. Yeah, they're a bunch. And it was, do that. But I managed to get a line bag fine because everyone's in work at this point now when I get out. I'll ride home. And there was this, like, lady cycling in front of me,

I was like, I'm going to take me. So I'll pull out to the right. And it was pour, I want to specify, it was pouring down with rain. It would have window wipe and have me glasses. And you thought it was a really cool idea to overtake someone when it was, hazardous condition. You pulled out into the middle of the road?

Not in the middle road. Not in the middle road. I sort of like there was a little still in the bike lane. Yeah, I'm in the bike lane. There's loads of cars parked here, but there's a little section where it's like a path for people to walk through. So I can go around there quickly. I try to do that. I didn't realize that there was like, it wasn't a curb, but it was like that much of a curb to go back to get back on the bike path. And the way I drove in, my wheel wasn't like angled towards that curb. So it like skidded along the side and like I fell off my bike. Fell off a loin, boy.

Yeah, by the way, this woman, this, this fucking... But you didn't get run over? Oh, no, this is before. Wait, hang on, look, look. I fell off me back. By the way, this lady who I've just... How did you fall off an electric boy? This lady who I've just tried to overtake has stopped now in the middle of the fucking bike here.

It's saying, you're okay, you're okay, so now I feel like a dick. I'm trying to tick you over. And everyone else is stopping and looking at me. And it's like, by the way, line bikes are quite heavy. When you also have one bad leg and it's tipping over. And I'm trying to stop. I'm like, it's fine. And she was still.

there, bless her, saying, you're okay, you're okay. I was like, please go because you're making it embarrassing. But doesn't this, like, you should try to incorporate a little bit more patience into your life? Absolutely, yeah. That's your fault, mate. It's pouring down rain. I'm not, she didn't even have an electric bike. She was just

like cycling. Oh, I'm embarrassed bike. So slow. You should overtake with care, my good sir. You didn't have any care here, did you? Just ignore him and carry out. Anyway, so I'm cycling on. I was like, in my head I was thinking, I'm like, thank. I'm so lucky there. I could have fucked my legs so much

there. And anyways, I go drive and I go to pull into this corner near my house to go um, turn home, yeah. And like, all of a sudden this car stops and like, and I'm like behind, I'm like, well, fuck. And then he starts like reversing quickly. He's trying to do three point turn and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And he's just like,

barring me over. We actually hit you? I'm knocking me off on bike, like the front of your body. You fell off twice in one journey. I? You ram me over. How close were you to this car? Did he say sorry? I well it's funny how close for you two we ran it over I just couldn't get closer I was about like about like from me to Tom what when he first started reversing first stop reverse like well you'd be and Tom oh that's pretty close that's pretty close to the car yeah it's pretty close but you reverse really quick so you're trying to do a quick three-point turn did he say anything I came around and it's like I can't remember what was here's he come from what's what you get you pesky lady was he apologetic I are it was like you're right me I was like oh fucking yeah I was behind you like Yeah, not bad, mate, yeah. I think he didn't know where I was, because I got up and went back onto the path,

and he went out there. So I think he was looking around, like, what the fuck is that? So you just got hit by car and just got straight back up again. No, yeah. It's got up, rob me bike. Why didn't you pretend you had whiplagland? He came around panicking, and he's like, he came around panicking, he was like,

there's a claim in there, Lou? You could have on panic. When there's a claim, there's a claim? Maybe honestly, I don't know. He probably were. Oh, it sounds like you might have been. So he came and he's like, oh, shit, you're right, you're right? I'm like, yeah, fine. Van or

he's like, oh, don't worry about the van. Are you all right? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. The van? Did he hit you? Yeah, it was like a van. Wait, so hang on. So he didn't have a Weamerer. He couldn't see. He didn't have those. But he did see. He was like, I was wondering why it was beeping when I was a version of my because I was fucking there. But why did that close to the van? Because it's like, it's weird. There's like a pulling and then there's like a closed gate

and he should have drove up a bit more. And I could get on and get off my bike. But he just, he was trying to do a quick three point turn where he should not really. That's not really. That's him. really. He shouldn't have been doing a three-point turn. Get game day ready at BetMGM, an official sports betting partner of the National Football League in Canada. From improved parley selection features to original bets, player props, and more. You'll have all the tools to create unforgettable moments with this season.

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Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. Yeah, never your fault. I was like, yeah, no, don't worry about it.

Crashed twice on the way of it, never your fault. Just shook hands and I got my bike and then just rode off. Well done, great did. That's very four more, am it? Yeah, don't worry, no, it's fine. Thank you for that. It knocks some sense to me. Just in case what?

In case you have a headache next day? I'm not going to have a headache. Oh, fucking hell. He's somebody who did have a headache. Oh, he checked the back of his van. He's like, don't worry, it's fine, and then we would sound. I showed you that picture, didn't I? I told you about this.

Yeah, yeah, that was fucking bad. That was awful. Yeah, there was some fucking right casualties over the old strikes They should fucking get back on the tubes Because you pissing me off They are No, I know

Don't do that again basically Because it pissed me off Yeah, it's really fucking It actually didn't really affect me in any way You're all right You forced, because of them Because of you I got hit by a car

So what you strike out of So please strike again I will say Please strike again And finish the job How many people Like riding their old bikes And there's so many cyclists

It makes you think I was only here for one day I don't know When people can't use the tube, they go for a bike. Yeah, and then as soon as the convenience comes back, boshed, they don't want to go there. But also like the weather. Yeah, because it's got to get to work it's weird, it's cool.

Cycling's the healthy option. But not everyone is pissing down the rain in the middle of December, is it? Like, you sometimes you've got to get to work quickly. Fun shine. And also, you've got to then park your bike up, lock your bike up, whatever. Just jumping on a tube for two stops is a lot easier. Okay, Tom, the voice of reason. Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot we do, we have to be reasonable on this show.

I was glad that the guy was like sound. though, because I imagine it was just some fucking asshole girl. I was, oh, what a fucking... They'd only do that if you were in a shoebacker. What, have you'd hit his fan and he's going, ah! Oh, what the fuck?

Nah, you know what I mean? Or if he was, like, proper crying about his car, I'd be annoying. Were you wearing a helmet for your two crashes? No. Do you think maybe you might wear a helmet going forward? What, on a line bike? Can't be doing that, man.

I've got a fucking image to keep up, you know? No one has, like, a badass. Full track suit. An unsafe idiot who can't ride a bike. Have you never felt a bike, Theodore? Have you showered in those since yesterday, by the way? No. Have you showered today?

No. This is another thing, guys. We realize that Lewis doesn't shower some backside, book some pitch side episodes. It's not true, actually. It was a very one-off scenario, but you actually don't brush your teeth before you come in. It wasn't a one-off scenario, it's a really bad one-up scenario. Every- By the way, it's like, yeah, and you got really worked for that because you knew you're stung. Actually, didn't like, I think you really wanted to be too.

For context, on pitch side, Lewis Bowdo went on a heavy night out, as he likes to add very heavy night yeah and then he had to get up and get the train at god forbid nine o'clock in the morning a whole eight hours oh god and didn't have time to shower and then by the way then he gets home back to london for an hour at his flat still doesn't shower he hasn't showed i can't dirty bastard sticky bit sticky bit i don't know what you do i don't know what you do sticky hands because you don't want to get sticky hands you come in after gym session stinking you come in after gym session sticking he doesn't actually you coming in he didn't he came in once where the same paws three days are all without brushing the teeth. I'm right. I thought it didn't

be baked on it. Yes, it is true. I didn't brush my teeth the one morning because I didn't have a I mean. I did it. I went to the gym this morning. What did I went to the gym this morning. What did I do after that? I went to the shower. Hey, some people have us got to go work, man. I got to go back. We all have to do that. You had a lot of time. I was wrapping Charlie's presents. It took an hour to wrap his present. I could understand if like you literally had

no option. You had two choices and two times you could have showered and still didn't. Did it actually take you an hour to wrap presents? Yeah. I had to go get some extra stuff as well. Oh, so you had to go and get extra stuff, but you didn't have time. I didn't have enough stuff. Hey, some of you have clearly not had a hanging morning where you're just like...

I've come here with no sleep before and still showered. And I'm a proper badass. Reeves got a big event coming up. Yay. I was hoping that there would be an event after it, wasn't I, guys, but we're not doing it. So we were meant to go to October Fest post Reeves Burley Marathon, but unfortunately we couldn't get it signed off by anyone. Yeah, I'm going to go anyway.

Yeah, we wanted to record a video. I'd go. Are we stream? Why are you moving your mic away from your mouth? I'm going on, mate, anyway. Yeah, so I've got Berlin this Sunday. How are you feeling about it? Pretty good, mate.

Pretty good. What's the time, goal? 3 30. I reckon you can do it. Three minutes. 30 seconds. You can do it. Well, you might, you won't have to beat your one second 10K.

No, that's true. Half-Map. Go on Tom, say it. Stay proud of them. Say good luck. Don't say proud of me because I haven't done it yet. Such boring chart. Yeah.

What's this about Jezza? Jeremy Clarkson. about annoying groups of customers from his pub. Why? Why? I just think he's a knob. Why? Who do you like in the world, do you know?

Not you. Again, that wasn't the question. Why? Why the knob? I've seen him yesterday, no, tweeting about when that Charlie Kirk thing happened, he was like, I'm so scared to be a journalist. And he literally wrote a fucking article two years ago about wanting someone to be shot in the head.

So it's like, what the fuck are you on about? You're the one advocating people who've been shot in the head? And you're not a journalist? You're meant to be a farmer? Which one are ya? You f***. Anyway, Carol. Very overreacting there, aren't he? It's not Jeremy Coxing, he's a knob, mate.

You like Top Gear? No, I've never watched Top Gear. Jeremy Clencher is so fucking similar to you. I'm a knob as well. Why are you so offended? I don't like people. I just forcing it. I'm not.

I think he's a . I would have put you down as big. You're just begging it there, bro. He was just begging it. I really would have put you down as like a top gear. I thought you were a petrol head. Petrohead. I thought with your, the BMW, I don't know what it is.

He just doesn't like popular things. It says a lot about someone who didn't watch Top Gear. Yeah, I've seen, I've seen it. Uncultured swine. If something's cool and popular, he doesn't like it. Yeah, he's kind of, yeah, he's kind of like a guy. I'm guessing you're not seeing cars, I'm not a fan of cars. That's all right, really.

I need to be a fan of Top Gear. All right, sorry. Have you seen Clarkson Farm? No. Grand tour. Well, that would give you more back to risk, so basically you bought this pub, which is, what's it great? I've seen all of that.

It's now called. I really like his beer, his hawkstone beer is really nice. Yeah. It's one of the best beers about, actually. It's so, it's so expensive. He wants to currently ban people with food intolerances. Which, again, it's just, what, you're a knob, mate, and you're like... Because apparently it's...

I don't have any food intolerances. Yeah, I feel that. You know when people go into the restaurants are that? You got any allergies? You don't have to ban them. You can have a separate room. It's not your fault if you've got a fucking allergy. It's not your fault if you've got a nut allergy.

I know. What's the problem? Like, if someone you can't serve nuts is the problem. problem you don't what I mean I was on a floor the other day and I said oh someone on here's got a really bad nut allergy please don't eat any nuts or anything in okay no problem how does that big of all pubs have nuts well I don't I don't really know but you're not I want to know how it's costing if you have a nut allergy can you not go to a pub no right careful you're so many nuts no but I think a lot of them I think how bad it is it depends how bad it is

Lewis that'd be brutal some some are airborne some it's if you So it depends. That's mad. I went. And when he's protested about all the fucking taxes about the farmers, he's only doing it to avoid fucking tax. He's just a mob. He's actually helping out a lot of farmers.

No, he's not. He's not. He helps out a lot of farmers. Yeah. But he's not a farmer, is he? But that's a farmer, is he? But the other day, he said he's a journalist. Which one is he?

Why'd you hear him so much if you'd never watch him? Because of all that. I know a lot about Jeremy Clark. He's so passionate. Like what he has done has helped farmers. The farmers themselves have a given awards for what he's done for farming. he's done for farming. And they vote for it

and they have given awards for it. But it's all, it's all tax breaks. It's all, it's all corrupt as far. Regardless of that, regardless of that, he's still helped farmers. Yeah, but to the detriment of the people.

What? I don't know the ins and outs of the tax law. He's just made a point and he's like, but I don't know the internet. No, because I can't see here and tell you the details of it. But there's,

a lot of it is to do with basically people being passed down a state. Yeah. A fucking multi, multi, multi million pound of state and they're crying over a certain little tax things that they have to pay, like, God forbid.

Everyone has to pay tax. In him complaint about that, it's going to damage, it's going to help actual farmers who deal with those issues. So why wasn't he doing it five years ago? Why is he only done it now? Now he's bought a farm. Because now they've bought a farm for his own for his own. Now they've finished a legislator.

He's bought a farm for a TV show and he's. Oh, God forbid someone changes their profession. You must stay in one lane and one lane for rest of your life. Tommy, he's not a farmer. Yes, he bought it to save out on tax breaks. Precisely. Yes, but then you hear every rich person in the world, because they've all, they all do shit.

You must say, Tom Garret has a business which you pay yourself to avoid tax. Yeah, literally, you're a prime example. You have a, you have a business. How does that avoid tax? I still have to pay tax. No, you pay that. If you say something, we can pay you personally.

You're literally being a hypocrite. What are you on about? You set up a business to avoid paying tax because you pay yourself a smaller wage out of this business. A 20%? Yeah, because you have small amount of money. Precisely.

Yeah, but you're doing this. But I'm not here advocating and going on fucking marty's pretending to care about other people and actually he's about myself. I believe I not, he probably does care about farm because he now has to work with farm. I don't believe he does.

It's meant to like you talk as such certainty, with someone you barely watched, haven't met. I can't say the same about you why are you defending him so heavily? Because it's obvious to think if you work so closely with farmers,

if you actually watch the program and see the things you do. Oh yeah, because he's definitely true on a TV show, isn't it what you've shown? No, that's the whole point. So he's playing the only way. He's real as well in it in reality.

So top, all TV's fake. they film every single day throughout the year on the farm. So you're saying for a whole year is he just playing a car. Oh, right. In the end, oh, course, right. Of course TV's faith. Taoie.

Taoie, we know they set up scene. No, it's reality. It's reality TV. It's not meant about the real life. It's not mental a thing that's living in an area working closer with lots of farmers, you become, you start, even though you didn't start off hearing.

It's about himself. He doesn't care about himself. He cares about him. I'm not the one getting angry. I was talking down. I was talking down. You're in the middle going. It's about himself, it's about himself.

It is about himself. You can argue on his opinions or whatever this and that. There's loads of contracts. And that, I think he's all about himself. Okay, that's fair. But what he's doing for farming is I think personally exactly.

Yeah, it's not crazy to think when you live in an area, start working with people from that area you start to actually care about their matters as you build a relationship with them, Tom. Of course he has. He's such a caring man, Jeremy Clarkson.

Anyway, carry on. So weird. That is really weird. Anyway, a guy that's never watched a single minute of him on TV as well. How passionate they hate him on TV a lot? Of course, I've seen him on TV a lot. Just because I wasn't an avid watcher of Top Gear,

I haven't seen Clarkson's farm. Yeah, so you can't really comment on it then. Why not? I know about him. I didn't avidly watch two of his shows. You said he doesn't care about farming, but you haven't seen a minute of him. Because I know what type of person he is.

But hit my opinion on him. But we've seen more. But on the TV show, which is fake. What are you on about? This is where... I will say it was all staged. All this one is actually wrong. That's completely separate.

What? That farm. The farm is real. He does. But that's fine. This is where you get... Running the farm is real. Where you're confused things about, like...

You said it's fake? No, no. Yeah, that's my opinion. But that's wrong. You need to open your mind. You've never seen the program. Everyone's what here's watching the program. I'm trying to explain to you.

But you are so, so dead certain on not changing the mind. That program will be set up for the entertainment purposes. Have you ever seen the program? No. So then do you think that us three might have a bit more insight on the topic than yourself? Yeah, probably, yeah, 100%. So maybe do you think you should then take on board what... Now, Lewis, they start on the council meetings on for the day.

Oh, yeah, yes, yes. You're telling me no part of that would be set up for entertainment. The little jockey bits, yes, little storylines, yes. The actual underlying struggles of being a father, not making a thing with me. The county who hated the fact that there was loads of cars ruining their drives. Tom, constantly in the program, he's like, I'm okay because I'm a TV presenter, but these are the margins. And if you're an actual farmer, this is what it's like.

And it brings it to a mass audience. He's shaking head as if he doesn't. I'm not shaking my head or don't believe. Without that program, I don't believe him as a person. I don't believe him as a person. Yeah, that's true. I think it's for selfish games. Like having a successful TV show.

He's not doing it because he cares about farming or farmers. I think that's the type of person he is. That's just my opinion on him. He can be that kind of person, but there's still an overflow from the actions that he does. Of course, the things he's done, which I think are inherently selfish, I've probably ended up helping people. I don't deny that.

But him as a person, he isn't doing this for the benefit of others, in my opinion. I don't think he's that type of person. Do you not see how mental it is to have such a strong of person? strong opinion and not being willing to... No, I have strong opinions on everything. Like, that's, that's me, unfortunately. You've known me for, what, three, four years now?

Even Caleb have pretty damn good career. I'm no different. Anyway, that brings us on to, what the top three worst kind of punters in the pub and why? A punter? Like a kind of person in the pub. Yeah, yeah, a customer.

The very strange way of, I think you will. The angry one in the corner. Yeah, the one, yeah. I'd say, do you know what? Oh, look at the face. Oh, he's angry about that. Oh. Oh, he's not seeing the funny side of anything today, is he?

I don't know what I said, though. What did I say? I think it's because of the cellar thing this morning. The frown. I've got one. It's a new one. The last few times I've been beer gardens, and you might think, oh, let them have the fun,

but, like, kids doing, like, TikTok dances and stuff, it really does me wicking and that. I've never seen anyone to do with TikTok. That's not a... That's not a demographic of people that are traditionally in the pub, I don't know.

He's so... Kids, a lot of kids do go to the pub with the family. They were not... They were not... You can't say a kid that goes... No, when I say kids, I mean, like, you're out of school, like, but like, yeah, in that younger age. I don't mean like actual kids.

I mean like, you're 17, 18, on the pool. So, you go to the pub and vlog it and recording the pubs. Oh, vlog is at pubs. Yeah, I'm quite nice. Who are you? I know, I haven't put them down. I don't, I don't stand up doing TikTok dancers. I've never seen a TikTok.

I've never seen her a few times. I'm, I've done one in a pub before. Or like a pub golf? Yeah, I'm not, I'm just laughing at your reaction. What, do you mean dance or actually filmed a TikTok dance? I'm sure I'm sure we would have done like a TikTok

that's the fourth or something that's not that's a joke though obviously so it's different they were doing it seriously I think actually does make a difference

you know I think like if you're taking the pace like yeah but if you're actually trying to look good I think there's a big difference some mentioned it before

definitely should be on the list people that just hang around at the bar after they bought a drink and block the flow of Fortunately that that's quite rare at pubs I feel like pubs aren't

I hate how it's becoming Q and culture now I don't mind. I don't mind. No, that's stupid. You get your drink. No, but just get, no, it's just, that's not, I feel like that's not. We haven't got anyone on the list yet, otherwise. I got one for you. Go on.

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Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at Fizz.C. Again, not that comment. Oh, everyone that drinks Guinness. I think we get, I think we...

Linnis drinkers are like, oh, look at me, I'm a Guinness drink. Oh, you're drinking a lager. Guinness is one of those. Surely we can all agree. The cue is at the back. I feel like Hewin is a thing that's not, it's not British culture, that's not British, yeah it is. You're a Guinness drinker.

Oh, I drink Guinness. I like drinking. No, religious Guinness drinkers. So random. Oh, I got a good bomb. Cider drinkers. No, not quite, because that would. I do three, I thought we're doing three.

A people that convenient if we get it's there around. Oh, is that a dig at you? No, no, no, I'm saying generally. When you're in a group of people who get around for each other, I'm not. I don't think it's my round, guys, someone else is. Yeah, people who are like, it's not my round, it's your round.

Yeah, I'm good, man. Everyone was pure. Like what's going on? Yeah, yeah, that is. Otherwise, we're not going to put people on there. And what's even worse is people are defending, like, maybe I haven't got any money, but you shouldn't be out then?

There are, you got no money, shouldn't be out down the pool? You know when you buy a round, like, people are getting a few rounds, and then someone just goes up and just buys themselves a drink. That is shocking. And doesn't offer, like, yeah. I know, I get it, people in different scenarios, but I'd always offer, do they don't want a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even when they're all full. Even when everyone's got a full drink, anyone won another one? Yeah. A lot of the time, they say no. Yeah. I'll always say yes. Also, one thing I don't get about that is sometimes I've had mates who are like, I know, I'll sort myself out.

But then they'll stay there for like six drinks. So in the round of six, if they would have just got the round in, they would have got six back anyway, so you've actually not saved, I don't understand what you're saving there. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to join the round because I can't afford it. I'm just going to get myself. Do you know what I do?

Then you've ended up buying six drinks for yourself. But sometimes you may have to get like two rounds. Then it does that. If you get carried away. Yeah. From the start, if you're not going to be part of the round, you have to say, guys,

I'm not in any of the round. Please just don't buy me a drink. I'm struggling. I know. And that's an hour you might not have intended to stay up, but then it was good crack and you keep getting another. Yeah.

But I leave the intentions were there of I'm not going to buy. And also, if you buy one pint at a time, it makes it sound like it's less money than six points at one time. That is also true. And also, I don't like, If it's around a six, there's a lot of people, different drinking speeds, and it's like annoying if you're then having to wait a little bit. It's not a wait a little bit.

Oh, we did a, we did a beer flight the other day. A beer flight. What? Beer flight. Oh, where you go and. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Some real good ones in there as well.

I don't know what that is. You know, like, you know, a third, a beer, you know a third. You know, like, all day and you do a third and you guys did it with a, you remember when you went to that happened? Scoooner's not, that's a slightly small in the parts of Australia. Oh, yeah, that's woke nonsense. They got, we got it for free. like, do you want to fly?

And I was like, yeah, let's try a load of this. There was that long arm in, um... Oh, that would pop me off all the different... Yeah. Because it's like, me, Harry and Cal shared, like, a little one between... At my age now, I try and stick to just the one or two. But they're only a third. So you had like a third of a third, really.

Yeah, okay. I've got a three. I did crack heads you won't leave you alone. Usually, if you get to the pub and, like, you're just having a few points and like someone's absolutely off their head, like, can't stop talking. That's bad. People who talk about work at the pub and then fancy. he dressed freaks.

Pub golfers? Not so much. It's more people who... It's more, right. The scenario I was thinking in my head was so like, I don't know, maybe a group of dads have been out on like...

I don't know. He's just... It's just... People have a fun in a pub. They're having a good time. I'm having a good laugh. No, the best example I think I was thinking of with this is when we went to

Cheltenham and then on another coach there was lads all dressed up. And like, for the first five minutes it was like ha ha ha and then you're in a good mood you're having a great time are you're really i'm struggling i'm trying i'm genuinely trying to see what he means i'm gonna put down buzz kills that's a pretty bad but it was like after five 10 minutes it's like ah it's a bit it's a bit embarrassing now lads like you've fully fully grown men in fancy dress oh you are such a i just i hate fancy dress i think i hate it cut to them videos

come in fancy dress not by choice by you see how that's why i used to love uh anytime you do a pub golf is fun. I'm not on about audience. Fancy dress. It's a specific, I'm aiming at these specific men, I think. Fancy dress is quite funny.

I don't think it is. I think it's funny for five minutes and then it's like, I know, but you're actually just like, you're quite, you'd rather just wear my own gear, like, you're boring. Yeah, you're like, you care about your, like, you don't want to be, like, caught on a bad head, you know.

You don't actually look harder in fancy dress. Like, Reeve? Yeah, you're more confident. You're hard. That's nails. Could you dress up all the time? Yeah, I just think it's not as funny as it sounds. It can be like...

I don't think it can. Set it up for good dear, man. Unless... Are they... So, we'll take the first two, which you said crackheads and people that speak about work. And people have fun. But it's fancy dress people worse than people that forget rounds. No.

I think that's three, though. I do mine very quickly. All right. No one has shit, actually. He said going through options and he was like, no, I talk here then. It's what? Okay, then. Okay, then.

Oh. No, but again, you can wear fancy dress to the pub. I just think it's a bit weird. You know Halloween's coming down? People think I'm weird. It's fine. Everyone has different tastes with different... Not being a good day for you today, is it?

What is it not? I've had a great day. Oh, dear it is. Right, I actually tried to instigate some sort of uniqueness into this show. So I put in a group chat this morning. Everyone bring a useless fact in. Is it because you saw a useless fact? Yeah, there's just a sequence of events which thought, okay,

this might be useful on this show. You kick us off then. But you have to explain what it is. I'm explaining what it is. So basically, we're all bringing a very useless fact that it might be quite interesting, but doesn't really offer any value to the world. Will's just like staring at me feeling his microphone. Wait, wonking off the mind?

He's like, he's like, he's got this, he's pushing on every face. Sorry, that's really weird. Yeah, and then we can all debate with. is actually the worst slash best. I don't understand how we're writing this. You've got a rate on the most useless fact. So it could be really interesting, but kick us off. Right, okay, okay.

Did you know, here we go. Oxford University is actually older than the Aztec Empire, yeah, we know that, come on. Yeah, everyone knows that. Oh shit. But that's, that's not useless. It's pretty cool. That's actually, yeah, puts it into perspective for me at time.

That's what's really useful. That's what you read and thought about. this segment. No, no, no. I saw. Why do you do that every time? Oh, that was too far, low. Well, that's my use of that.

You can debate with... I think it's quite useful, but... That's pretty cool. That's pretty beast mode fact. Yeah, I love how everyone just could compliment each other's fast now. Fuck sick. Oh, where's one? If I must.

Oh, slots can hold their breath longer than dolphins. Oh, I like that a lot. Yeah, that's really useful. So a sloth can hold, it can slow its heart rate so much that it can hold its breath up to 40 minutes. A dolphin's average is 10 minutes. Do you know what's bigger than the slot? 40 minute. Crocodile.

They can do hours. Do you know that? They're cold-blooded, aren't they? I don't know what's that got to do than anything. That's pretty useful, I think, because that lets me know that dolphins actually need the surface. Yeah, you know that. 40 minutes. I didn't realize that 10 minutes is true.

I'm not sure if that means underwater, though. Well, no, it'd be general, wouldn't it? Why are you going to be? Why does it stop choosing not to breathe? And how do they know? How do they know they're not breathing if they're above land? They just, they drown them and see how long they survive. I think it's...

Tie bricks to them. I think it's based on how... How do you know that? I just have to chat cheaply too. Oh, no, I don't like that. You've got to come up with that. I research some facts. I don't know.

I don't know stuff. Go on then. What's your useful flat? Probably not true. What's your useless? This was mental. I discovered the hard way, actually, about this fact. You know when you got a blister and you put a blister plaster on?

No, I've never done that. You've never put a blister plaster. Do you pop them, are you? Have you put a blister? Yes, of course. Do you know if you pop a spot? What's the difference between a blister and a plaster? By the way...

Well, it offers... Why would you not just pop it? It provides like a layer of protection instead of friction. Sometimes you can't pop a blister. It might just be like a red mark, and it's like hurting with your... You know, when you put, like, fucking loafers on with, with, like, thin... It's like, by the blistern... Do you know if you pop a spot here, you can die?

Okay, well, you, why you pay your fact in front of... That's not my fact, that's just on it. That's just spin up. That's not my fact. That's just spit it up from your life. Anyway. But it's like, this is called the triangle of death and the, that's not a useless fact. It's not my useless fact.

Wait, you pop up here. No, no, now you have to explain it. Well, how does this work? So essentially, if you do it here, apparently the root, if you pop it, the root of, like, the root of, like, the bacterian stuff can go to your brain really quickly. I've seen a thing of, like, a last year almost died from it recently. It's like mental, in it? So if you ever get a spot here, people, below your nose above your lip, don't pop it because you might die.

Yeah, you're spotty freaks. You know, at your wedding, for example, you have like really tough shoes, you might get a little blister, right? And you think, oh, I'll put a blister plaster on and then the next day you take it off, right? Yeah. Wrong. No, it dropped the hard. You meant to wear the blister plaster for like, until it comes off naturally, four, five, six, seven days. Yeah.

Other day, I took my blister plaster off the next day. No, you ripped the skin otherwise. Yeah, it ripped my blister after bleeding. That's not a useless fact. That's really useful if I ever blister. But it's useless so I didn't know about it. Oh. Ah, I fucking don't know.

But now you know it, it's useful. And now, yeah, well, yeah. So it's a useful fact. But that, I also blew my mind. Yeah. Because it peels off automatically because I looked it at the blisterpast. You can just see this like white circle on my foot. I said, that my fucking blister.

Yeah, we get all that. It provides a moist environment. Beyo, you have not. This fact is now actually really useful, isn't it? It's now useful. Yeah, so you're welcome, actually. He's not understood, you've done the opposite of what we're doing. It is a bit useless at the same time.

But that actually, that actually helps people know to... And next time you have a blister and use a blister plaster because you need one, then you will keep it on until it falls off, I don't know, so it's useful? Well, I will now, yeah, I guess it's... So it's useful? But yeah, you know what you're right, it is useful, but... But do you hear about it? It sounds useless at the same time.

No, it doesn't. That's not true. But I learned the hard... We're going to have to rank these at the end, so I think it's a yours is last obviously um right my useless fact is the lint that collects in the bottom of your pockets has a name oh yeah maybe careful i'll say this mainly yeah like do you know like like oh yeah yeah yeah it's called gner what did you say that backwards gner how do you spell that g-n-u-r-r do you know about this well how do you know about this did we'll tell you yeah not by that

far is most useless and i'll tell you why i think that's just a bit boring though literally used to have both came up with a we call it lynn off off you don't need to no cause it gner it's a pointless fact i'm gonna ask that why you'd be it's the most impopulous it's the most pointless thing in the world it's a word yeah yeah it definitely is it's definitely pointless but aren't we also ranking how like how interesting it is i've got a backup one if you don't enjoy that rank the most fucking useless pointless it's point it's point this one no the best no it's the worst worst yeah Wait, Lou, how do you find that out? Research.

How do you find that out? Search useless facts and had to look through like a list of like 150 of them. I picked up another one as well. Donald Duck Comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. Yeah. Don't they watch Donald Duck on Christmas in Sweden?

Fuck, man. Finally got all there. I, when they celebrate Christmas on boxing nine, Norway. No way. Nice, man. There's an argument for Thomas to be first because his actually helps us in no way. Your helps me with farther time, though.

No, but knowing Nour, actually, I can use that in conversation, whereas I'm not going to bring up. Oh, yeah, true, actually. The fact the sloth can hold his breath munger, then a dolphin. That doesn't really help my life. No, no one needs to know that. No, whereas that, you might because it's to do with your life, isn't it? No, because you call a fluff.

No, but now you'd call it, yeah. Can you call it bumgeneer? What? Bumgeneer. I think it's to do with your pocket. It is to do with the lint. I don't, I mean, we'll let the viewers decide. Yeah, who, you guys.

I can pick which one was this. Well, I think we know yours is actually useful though. Yeah, kind of cool though, you're welcome. Yeah, don't use bliss. But at the cost of your toe, really. I think this may have been like the first, fully the second how I use one. Stop using blister plasters, you big fairy.

Right, dream dinner guests. Right, number one, Jason Kumas. Number two, Hitler. What? I think it'd be really interesting to have to, he doesn't speak English. Good point. Yeah, he does a translator.

No, well, who's your dinner guest then? Oh, he can't speak. Oh, you can't speak. Oh, come on. Come on, man. No, no, no, genuinely. Why he'd be so pedantic? Just let him, he did a guess.

Oh, well, I, it's true. I can speak a bit of German, so. No, you can. Yeah, I can. Go on then. Ichsa Tom. What does that mean? My name is Tom.

And then he'll say, I'll say, I'd have to say, I wouldn't just go, Ichaisa Tom and then he'd say, I'd say, Adolf. Okay, so then what happens after that bit of the combo? I'd go to Vonstu. What's that mean? Where do you live?

Where are you from? Where are you from? Where are you from? In Berlin. Okay, and then what happens when the Convo? I don't know, I'd have to think. You got out of German. I don't know what else I'd ask you.

You could be like in a corner in a food. You could be like, Rhinsteiger, Tulski. How did you mention it? He was just awkward. No, right, so, okay, let's not be Nod's. Merlin. That's not, nobs, that's true. All right then, but then you could also choose like a,

I don't know, Tuch and Karmoon, it'd be interesting, wouldn't it to have someone there? You could meet to them. Yeah, I know, but you're just being, we're pretending we can. Also, that's a child. This isn't going to happen. Yours is it because it's useless.

Well, I've gone, Jason Kumas, Hitler, Henry the 8th. You can speak to him either. And Angelina Jolie. It doesn't sound like now. Be like, bleep, bleep, that's what it sounds like. How's your wife getting on? And then my location, I just went on like. Who's your fourth guest after Henry?

Angelina Jolie. It's good. I was thinking of the same life. The food was steak and then the location was just an Estonian mountain. Station and Estonian mine. I think I've got. I'm going to leave her. I've got my eye, don't worry.

If anything goes wrong, like... Wait, where's your location? On an Estonian mountain. Oh, so Hitler's hideout. What? He's in Estonia, wouldn't it? No. Are you...

Are you thinking about Argentina? Austria. He's from Austria? No, I know he's Austrian. Quite ironic, though, isn't it? What's ironic about it? Well, his Austrian talking about Germany being the master race. What?

No, he didn't. If he did. The master race was just. He blew all his blonde hair, Aryan, which he isn't either. No, he doesn't have that. He didn't even have irony, there you go. He ruined that mustache style, didn't he? Charlie Chaplin had it.

He bit of an idiot as well, isn't he? He was a bit of an idiot. Actually, no, he wasn't. He was very clever. Adolf used to be like a very good name. Forget where he got? Very clever. He's a fucking idiot.

He's talking about a mast brace that. He's not part of it. Mate, he nearly took over the world. He can't be that thick. He's a thick. He nearly took over the world. He nearly took over the world ruling one country. There's a conversation.

He'll be up another. nearly almost incredible what he did. No, he didn't. He didn't do it through, like, tactics and that. He did it through brute force and killing things. They were really smart. No, no, he took over the... He brainwashed people.

Yeah. He's really smart. He was a great point. Through brainwashing people, he invaded them. That was that in a clue, mate. Politics in Germany, yes. That's how he rose to power. Do you know how he put himself in charge?

Like, he missed it all the through them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He brainwashed Germany, but he didn't... take over Europe through brainwashing. No, but the people that he are, the people that are subservient, aren't they? They're doing what he was telling them to do. His downfall, though, do you know what?

He's downfall was, he was trying to go into Russia. Yeah, that was it. His downfall was his, he was, like, his hatred got the best of him, because he got, like, even the concentration camp was too many resources. It was his German. Exactly, so he hired, he hired people to know,

he was very clever, he was a smart man. We're not advocated Hitler by him. No, Hitler's an absolute piece of shit, one of the worst people in the street, but he was a clever man. He can't be that smart. If he's calling out a mast race, he's not even part of.

Oh my God, it was a tactic. It was a tactic to try and rule the world, Theo. You don't know what you're on about at all, I promise. I do know he's a very powerful politician, yes, I'm saying that. But how do you think people don't rise to power unless they're smart. Yeah, within the country. Yeah, and that country nearly took over the world, what you're on about? Nearly.

I didn't. And he did it through fruit force. No, oh my God. It was the soldiers. They were also a very good army, very well-trained, very smart. A lot of his soldiers. All the codes. They had the Enigma Code took us ages to crackle up.

They were, the Nazis, they were ahead of everyone in, like, science, everything. They were very smart. Not smarter than the British, though.

Not true. We only won, because the Americans finally got involved and the Russians helped us, so otherwise we'd have been fucking speaking German right now. Nope. Well, you were a second ago.

Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like you were backing him too much. Right, who's your thought? No, I just know about World War II. Women. Yeah, I'm going to show a call. Alan Shearer

Fucking Cheryl Cole We actually Alan Shira We have to vote for one of your guests By the way So make a piece for one of them Cheryl Cole He said her name four times I can have four

Um Alan Shira I know But is Cheryl Cole Gonna be more interested in Alan than me I don't want him to Like to overshadow me

How do you Yeah I don't want him to overshadow Um We'll get Dan burn in there Oh he'll out do you Um Cheryl will go after Dan over you No he's a lot

and stuff, he's a good blow, he's not gonna... Hey, man, have you seen my fingers? I'll have, we'll have, um... All you can think that is terrible. Just me and you're, you're, what? And we're only eating squirty cream all night. Me, Lecunis. Is it, because I said it like five minutes again.

She was nearly a mine, actually. She was, yeah. Either her or Angelina Jolie. Yeah, well, are we getting like prime? Are we getting like, can we pick the witch? Yeah, well, yeah. I'm not having Nickler dead, am I? It'd be a pretty pretty bad guest, wouldn't he?

Well, he already is. He's going to see as much. He's a bad guest. And then... I think he can speak English, anyway, I hit that. Who's that blonde lass out of euphoria, what's it called? Sydney Sweeney. Sydney Sweeney.

Do you reckon? Sidney, me looking at Cheryl Cohen, Dan Byrne. Yeah. And the location is... Oh, my bedroom. I was going to say my bedroom, but Dan Byrne. Why is that a bad thing? Right, we go to my bedroom, we'll put down burning the wardrobe, and the food is...

The food is like... You're the one in the wardrobe watching everything else. He's like the giraffe, like his head's sticking out of the top of the water. The food, I was going to say, food is like chocolate sauce. My crouched down. You right there, Dan? Yeah, no problem, mate. Food's like chocolate sauce, honey, strawberries and lube. Chocolate...

That's not food. You... You can get edible. You can get edible lube. Justin man But Dan Burns Not invited for dessert You have to leave

Wow, well done He's next I'm going to go with Steve Irwin What you talk about? Rockettiles Nature and that Then you need

Then you need somebody funny To link it all together Don't you? So I'll go with Robin Williams Then that would be a good one Someone needs to be interesting So we go like Me

Isaac Newton Oh good shout In the balance of conversation Like I was like You know what I mean You got one talking about What's the other one Your fucking

That conversation You got Dan Byanking in a wardrobe To you and Cheryl Coleman How am I? How's my doing to guess Me and Dan Burns Gonna have a class time Yeah you'd want like

A difference of Convo and opinion Wouldn't you know But Isaac you don't know What's going on Brian Cox is a good shout as well Brian Cox will be Beast mode

Probably to link it all together probably Neil deGrasse Tyson. Oh, no, he would not shut the fuck up. Yeah, he's too much. He's dominating that conversation. He's not even talking to you. He's just talking to Isaac Newton. He's fucking them all night.

It's the equivalent of me being in the wardrobe. By the way, I can't think of the one person I'd want less there. I like him, interest in him sometimes. Wait, you'd be stuck with... Who? Robin Williams, mate. We just do genie impressions for four hours. Made, Neil deGrasse Tyson would be an awful thing.

Yeah. Like, have you seen on Joe Rogan? He won't shut the fuck up sometimes. He definitely, like, splats his, food out when he talks as well. I don't know. Blah blan, he's like the Tasmanian devil.

Robin Williams. That's good. Put the old and stuff and then chipping in. Yeah, pretty good. No women in mind, though. No girls love. Oh, so you did that.

Oh. Show a call. Yeah, all right. And then we'd have I think I'd have a... We'd have burgers. We'd have... Isaac Newton does now where burgers are.

We'd have burgers because they have the edge of everything. We've done well, by the way. He knows about Kitchogi. Oh, yeah. I think I'm out there Keoggi? Are they the Hyrax World Champion? Go on, Dion.

No, he's none of it. He did. I did. What's the burgers? What's the location? Location would be... Berlin. Why?

Because it says Berlin. No, we go like Bondi B to reckon and have burgers. They'll be saddy though. You don't have to tell you. It was Steve Irwin, man. He was like, fucking look at that, look at that shark on the sea. We're like, Steve. Don't go near it.

Steve, stop sucking it. No, it's a sting way, yeah, I know. In case it happened again. Fuck, that's stinger. Do you know, we used to have a thing, but I don't know if I've said this, we used to have a thing called Bondi? Have I told you about this? The swimming bath by me?

What? It's not a joke. Oh, here we go. No, looking back, it was actually pretty cool, man. So when we were like year seven and out, I think it was, I think you had to be between what age is that? I'm pretty sure it was, like, 10, 11? 11.

I'm pretty sure it was like a year seven to nine, basically. at the swimming baths it was like a disco in the pool with like waves how cool was that what the fuck who's and people just go down on a friday night we'd all get the wave machine on yeah they have the wave machine there'd be a dj it's obviously wearing like year seven eight nine all like that like girls in bikinis and they're like oh oh my god has that life god been convicted yet yeah i wondered why they closed the swimming path no and then you go and have a kebab after you go oh you just remind me does that not is that like that's a bit that's a bad at well ahead of your time yeah get like mix a pool pot and a cab at 12 meat and chip

like like not everyone was as sheltered as you as a trial on that in year 5-6 we had like actually had a swimming bath at the school really old and run down we had one in the secondary school but like we used to we used to use that and probably like year year four year three on would you use it we had a teacher and she was oh we go oh god God. This is actually, I've not thought about this in here, it's like Trump. She used to watch us get changed.

Yeah, they had, no. Yeah, that's just normal though. No, at that age, I think they're not allowed to leave you on your own off feet. No, no, no, we used to get left alone. We used to get left alone. It was in year five and six, and she used to sit on a chair

and watch us all get changed. Usually, it's, yeah, that is real, actually. I actually don't remember what the rule. Couldn't do that now. Watch us get changed. Don't say not like that. Maybe she couldn't believe that small, you can't.

She had to see for us He's a child Yeah, true So The only person out pubes Was me best mate Oh Oh miss, look at this like

I got pubes so early Maybe you were shagging me Maybe you were shagging the teacher But is that not weird She was watching Yeah, yeah It's very weird But I don't know

What if that's like The Lord I was to be in here miss I came up with a trick To get me trousers off With that My boxes off Underneath me

Swimtrunks Oh you missed it's so embarrassed So she never got to see me cock Yeah I would have What? Shagda? No. What I was going to say is let's not accuse her of being a paedophile because she might have had to do that.

I'm not. That's why I'm not saying her name. She was a lovely lady other than that. Other than what? What else? She used to have a feet out in lessons, though. She sounds like a hippie. What? Is that what hippies do stare at year four is getting changed?

With their feet out? Oh yeah. Call me a hippie. I think the bloke came in sometimes. Okay. I would have, can I have Captain Jack Sparrow? You can have whoever you want to death? It's not real, though.

No, he can't. Well, he'll have, he's dead. What are we on about? Hitler's dead. Why can't I have Jack Sparrow? Yeah, but he existed. You can have dead or alive, but not. I can have Johnny in character of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yeah. Yeah. In not great character. That's really weird. Although, yeah, that is a weird way. And he has to be drunken rum as well. Why do you want Captain Jack Sparrow? I could be a fucking laugh.

It's not even your favorite film. No, I know, but Jack Sparer at your dinner table. That'd be pretty cool. I think it would get annoying after five minutes. Proper annoying. And Johnny Depp's going on the other guests, like, fucking out, I can't do it. Yeah.

You'd have a friend of the show. Technically, like, he, Jack Sparrow wouldn't make it in our pub that we've laid out there. He'd be one of the crackers. He'd be so annoying, because he'd be drunk. Yeah, but you'd only got to join him

with him, weren't you, really? No, he'd smash up the table, be doing, go on about, oh, oh, look at what. This is, this is, I don't. And then he'd steal everything. Yeah, it's a pirate. Funny. And then who else you got, Peter Pam.

You got no way to pass this. Brodo. Another fake character. What is wrong with him? Characters from film. I could be our, Frodo, why don't you just get the eagle? Harry Potter. Who plays fraud or?

Why don't you just get the eagle there? Who plays fraud or? It's a guy from Greek. Elijah Wood, yeah. Right, Elijah Wood. Why wouldn't you just get the eagle straight to the Mount Doom? I don't know what this is, I've done. You do know, he wouldn't know that because he didn't write the script.

J.I.R. Tolkien's getting in. No, but like, no. That's a good one. That's a good one, yeah. Quentin Tarrant Tarranty. Like an author, yeah, or director would be good one. What? What, Taranty will be class?

Yeah, would it. Not that freak, but you want 20 dead dressed up as that Sparrow? Well, he's obsessive feet, isn't he? What, because he's got a foot fetish, she's a freak. It is weird because he sort of scripted himself to suck on girls' tors. What, Salma Hikes, wouldn't you? I mean, uh, bearing in mind who is, bearing in mind who his dinner party is. He could have done it to suck a tits.

At least he stayed at the feet. Bearing in mind who, bearing in mind how he's orchestrated his dinner party. Oh, no. By the way, there's one weird thing about my dinner party. Dan Byrne, in the cook corner. You said I could pick whoever I wanted. Oh, no, but he's still weird. fucking orgy, mate.

Hey, why you think, why you're being sexual? What, lube, honey and chocolate sauce with downburning the cupboard in your bedroom? What's weird about that? Yeah, we turned it sexual. Ready to go. Cheryl. Right, what's your location? Why, I've only got two, so.

Yeah, but they're just boring and stupid, aren't they? So just say your location. She literally said a fucking dead person. Um, right. Dord. Dord. I, actually. Right.

Uh, third. Ooh. Who will I go third. Oh. Theo Vaughn, I'll go first. That's a great one, actually. I think he'd be fantastic. Yeah, he'll be fun.

Imagine him talking to Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow. They'd look a lot. Jack Sparrow is like, hello, where? Why's fraud all there? What's he added to this? What about Buzz? Tim Allen. Buzz light you?

Buzz, yeah, just Buzz. What? Not Tim Allen. Which part of, you can't have a fake person? So you picked a plastic toy as your fourth guest? It doesn't even talk. She's just Frodo going Hello, guys

for it and over again Go on, watch your location and watch your food Thanks for 50K Oh shit It's been a long one this Fourth, I had one I can't remember

Oh please say so much We can end Whoever invented double decadence You can go for Or her Add four guests Location I'll go in the centre of the Coliseum

And then food Oh obviously double decadence Yeah. You'd invite the person that invented it to his own party and just offer him the food he created. He's there on nowhere and the course he were fraud or was like, yeah. And then commit. He's like what the fuck's going on. Commit like a fucking food crime by having double decadence in the middle of the Coliseum.

Yeah. The guy that created it. Well, that was amazing. Should we take Cheryl Cole? Yeah, we'll take Cheryl Cole. Cheryl Cole. Oh, damn. But I've tucked.

Tuck. Who should I go from? I'm definitely nominating Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow. Do you want Isaac Newton or Steve Irwin? Steve Irwin, Steve Irwin, Isaac Newton's going to stick crap. Generally, our science has actually progressed past Isaac Newton. Yeah, Steve Irons. Our knowledge of science is more than is gravity.

Nish. We actually know more about... There's a lot of other stuff that I don't know if it's on my head, but he had discovered. One day's in wonder. But your conversation was like... It was 23 when that after. Your conversation with Isaac Newton, you'd know more than him. Oh, so he didn't think he'd actually...

If I put this in his hand, he'd be like, what the... Dickens. You're real, Isaac Newman thought the Earth was flat. That's, like, the level you're talking about. That was chickens. I reckon Henry the 8th is a good one for mine. No, he'd be fucking so entitled to a fring. Yeah, that's great.

Probably entitled to three. But he'd be cracking on with Cheryl. No, not a channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hitler then. Oh, he's eating all the food then. No, yeah. We've got to have Hitler then.

He's not going to say anything, man. No, we've got, I think he can't speak English. He doesn't speak English. I reckon he does. Because he had meetings with Churchill, didn't he, I'm sure. No. No, there was a translate. No, did they not?

He had meetings with the Prime Minister. He went to school in England, didn't it? Yeah, see, he could speak English, man. Did he have school in England? He'd be interesting. I'd want to try and understand why he's such a fucked up piece of shit. It's a bit of an awkward conversation. You have Steve Irwin and Cheryl Call would be in Hitler.

And now you've got to rescue it somehow, which was like his boy. Don't drink Jack Sparrow. Obviously, I'm having Jack Sparrow. I would argue, Tom. I wouldn't even want to hear out Hitler. I don't want to, yeah, he's going to kill them. the vibe. That's the vibe kill.

You invited Adolf Hitler to the dinner table. I like to hear other people's point of view. He hasn't got a point of view. He's one of the worst humans in history. Yeah, I think that's interesting to listen to. I've just been cracking on with Cheryl, so I'm not even going to be talking to any of y'all guys. He's on for you.

This is our dinner pipe. I think Jack Sparrow is going to be classed. You're the table that we're eating off. Surely he wouldn't be able to hold down. I'll bet if Cheryl gets the pot. I paid him per hour. I have to hold that. He's like, he's gone right.

the basically what's going to happen tonight is you have to go to this dinner party act as Jack Sparrow but you sat next to Adolf Hitler for the entire well he'd get his bottom and smack him around the edge and stab him in the neck well I'd also like to hear about Hitler's plan if he won

be interesting probably wouldn't have been that nice no no I was gonna make like a massive he's gonna make like a massive art museum on he with all the stolen art no I think he's gonna take over America apparently oh yeah he's gonna eye them all you said after he took over the world Cole tried as well

But that didn't really. What's a takeover America. Yeah, she can break for America. That's a great segue to bringing on, why didn't Robert? Why didn't you say Robin Williams? That was possible. I already met him. Had a great conversation.

Friend of the show, actually. His friend of the show. What if you had a great conversation? You'd know that he'd be good at future conversations. Bonnie Blue? No. She's going around in a bang bus at the moment. How do you know that?

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