Back Side - Theo Is An Iron Man, Creating The Back Side Festival And Debating Which Animal Has The Biggest Aura!

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on workwithbackside@fellasstudios.comProduced by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtub...e.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden1If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on workwithbackside@fellasstudios.comProduced by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis Bowden:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week? And if you want to see more backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where all you have to do is search backside. Let's get into it. What animal do you reckon has the most aura? When hyenas, f*** lions, they're actually pussies. Because it's there and it knows Taekwondo. That's f***, Kung Fu Panda!
Starting point is 00:00:28 I encountered a beast last night. Get the hover! You hover the spider rock? Oh, gaslighting already. Already. Gaslight unity is crazy. Oh, mate. Let's build our perfect festival lineup.
Starting point is 00:00:42 Jump Fender. And then Dick. And Alan Seer. We're gonna be on here. Juleeper. Rihanna. Group size is one. Tux first.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Everybody, shorts off. Guys, get your shorts off. The weather, shut your mouth, shut your bitch mouth. Nice hat, by the way. Should we do a top of the pod? I think we should do a topless pod. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:01:10 I just want to say, the sun is shining. We want to talk about apparently producer Will. No, we want to talk about... Embarrassing himself at the fellow summer party. Oh, yeah, they do. What did he do? Anyway, thanks for 50K, everyone. Guys, I've got some talking points for us.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Give him a go. No, no, right, right, right. One talking point should be how or why is it very funny and amusing to think of you being picked apart like a little prickly puddle and killed. What's happened? That's like five minutes. Just went to the line.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Yeah. Okay, guys, let's talk about behind the scenes moments. Maybe a funny or unexpected thing. Bye, please. Alright, I was on a good vibe. Can I tell you something? They don't have any personal mini stories, maybe something interesting you've learned.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Yes, actually, can I tell you one? You just complete your Iron Man, mate, congrats. A childhood memory that connects even Drown in the sea. Drapic. Can I tell you one? Do you some light trivia? I'd like to tell you.
Starting point is 00:02:13 No, genuinely, what happens? Let's drop a hint about your next episode. Got one right now. What happens if, like, to break the fourth wall, like, you just had like a severe injury at the Iron Man and obviously because this is prior to it happening. That would be so funny.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Imagine you're actually dead. Do we, would be? No, would we? Does this episode go out if he like drugs in the Swedish C? Would we post it if he died on his arm, man? I feel like we make a... I suppose we have to for the loyal... We make an agreement.
Starting point is 00:02:39 And the last thing you wore before you died is a year you catch. So I get myself, I'll give a final message then. Yeah, do a send off. Go on. My final message is... Anyway, what's your... What's your go-to comfort food? Stop off!
Starting point is 00:02:52 Right, I've got... Lads, this is going to blow your mind. Sure. I've got here three things that exist now that we will never see. What does that mean? So... That doesn't even make sense. No, these are the only three things in the world
Starting point is 00:03:05 that exist currently that we... We and no human will ever see. Oh, they're all space facts on me. No? Are they under the water? Human facts. Under the water? Giant squid.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Nope. I don't ever think I'll see the back of my back like in person, not in a mirror. That's, but I could. What do you mean to back of your back? You can't go like that? You didn't say...
Starting point is 00:03:24 No, like the bottom of it, you can't see... Yeah, but I could or Jody could when she's pegging you. So... I couldn't. Yeah, but that isn't what he said. None of us can see. I would never see behind this wall if that happened.
Starting point is 00:03:34 I will never see behind this wall. Are you thick? Are you thick? He's actually got a point there, but he probably is one. Also, you know... But you said no human will ever see the back of that wall. Whoever's taking this down will. You will never see...
Starting point is 00:03:45 The female toilets at Wembley Stadium. I've already been in it, mate. When I was fingering Dodey. Oh, that's horrible. Horrible. Horrible? Horrible. These are like, these are pretty mind-boggling.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Someone actually is coming up to me at Ascot, yeah. Oh, my God. And they went, oh my God, are you Jodie? Okay. Bearing in mind, you're now dead. And this is what you want the world to see. Let me bring it, let me bring it back. Stop. Hang on. No, no, no, no, seriously.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Can you please stop voting in? If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you'd buy? You are the, fuck off. An assassin for you. Right, number one, a letter from Queen Elizabeth that is written to the mayor of Sydney, but she asked him not to open the letter until 2008. No, no, nah, nah. But Wilson, what are you on about?
Starting point is 00:04:37 The most specific thing. It's been held in a secret vault. So she wrote a letter, give it to them. They put it in a vault and said, this cannot be open until 2008. I might be alive then. We'll probably all be alive. That's not that far away. Louis, a baby born today will see that letter.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Yeah, but they're not born, yeah. Just to follow on from that alive point, right? I was in a park with Batchan Arthur the other day and they're convinced that we won't die because we'll reverse the ageing process by... Are we going to analyze the fact that he had three things and the first one we've already proven his wrong? No, we might not see it, we might die.
Starting point is 00:05:16 You didn't say might. Osphor. He said any human alive today will never see this. I will see that. But you don't know that? You could say that about a million other things that apply to us for. No, there's only three. I could say not all four of as much of the inside of your mom's asshole, but we might.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Yeah. I have. Allegedly. AI. Sorry if you're watching. The second one's even better. Oh, right. Thank God.
Starting point is 00:05:40 100 years. The movie. Starring John Malick. What the fuck is this segment? I don't get what you're on about. Let me explain it. 100 years, the movie, right? It's starring John Malick.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Malik, who played Lenny of Mice and Men. Malkovich. Oh, yeah, yeah, Malcovich. John Malik. It's like Arnold Schwartz, isn't it? This is how I know, this is how I know all of this is bullshit. You didn't even have the time to research the actual name. You're just shorting it down.
Starting point is 00:06:16 John Malick's in it. It's going to be released in theaters when? 2115. No one will ever see it who's alive. They might. They might. People do live to over 100, mate. Who's an adult? Also, if they're born last week, they'd only be like, who's an adult? If they're born last week, they'd probably live to rock. Who's an adult? Who's an adult now? What's an adult? Adult today? You're not what age? What's an adult? 18. Yeah, I reckon an 18 year old live. We've had to
Starting point is 00:06:44 ask that, man. What is legal? What the fuck's it about? Well, we'll ask him if you want. And do you think it might just be shit? Hi, John Malick, it's me. What the fuck? is the point of this because everything you've said so far is false people who are alive today may see that letter
Starting point is 00:07:04 18 year old one they might that isn't what you said no you can't keep changing if they live to 120 adults adults also they might actually if an 18 year old in this day age
Starting point is 00:07:14 might actually live how old would they be 118? People have lived to 100 yeah 100 and 1 I barely probably would be able to like see well to watch the film
Starting point is 00:07:22 there'd be 107 my main thing is I don't think is I don't think cinemas are even open then. Is that right? Well, I see it on Netflix? Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:07:30 On Mars. Now, you'll like this one. You'll like this one. The final one, things that we'll never see, Jackie Kennedy's pink dress. So that's what she was wearing when JFK was killed.
Starting point is 00:07:41 She was sat next to him, right? And it's been held in his secret vault and they say it'll be released to the public when? October 26th. Very specific. October 26th, 2013. What boy that day?
Starting point is 00:07:56 So again, we might actually see it Why that date? I don't know. That's just when they said... Is this even true? Yeah, it's true. It's genuinely true. Would that be like 150 years after it?
Starting point is 00:08:06 So I have a theory for that though. I have a theory for that. So I think on... If there's on a skirt who'd killed Jeff K. On a skirt, there'll be blood from the murder. Okay. Will be JFK's head? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Yeah. Or will it? What if that blood isn't his and that was like a stage? That's like the theory with that one. So that's why they're keeping it locked away. Otherwise, why would you keep it locked away? I don't know. Well, no, because it's like Elvis,
Starting point is 00:08:28 because he went and moved abroad, didn't he? They didn't. I can't do it. We, we don't. No, have you not seen the one? He's quite famously couldn't go abroad. Can you type in, Elvis, Elvis still alive, picture. Oh, you don't.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Did Elvis quite famously couldn't, like, go abroad? I thought he died on the corner. So I've not seen, there's a theory that Elvis is actually a pastor living out in a, it's bullshit. It looks like any Elvis. He's putting on a concert. Any Elvis look. Yeah, I've seen tons of Elvis's in.
Starting point is 00:08:55 There he is. Bob Joy. Bob Joyce, yeah, it's bullshit, mate. How is it? How is it? Because he'd be like a hundred now. Look at his air. He's looking like 60.
Starting point is 00:09:04 He could be a hundred. Did you see Elvis before he died? He was like on his last legs and he was like 50. You? Uh-huh. I've seen what you're on about? Do you know why girls, like videos of him? Do you know like why the reason girls got so excited for him was...
Starting point is 00:09:19 He was so good his mouth. Back in the day, like, there was no like male porn or like toplessness and stuff. So like, seeing him like, like, we're going. other's cock about on stage in his clothes it like got them all really fucking horny and like they genuinely couldn't hold in the screams and that's actually serious because it was such a filtered it was such like a filtered society where they would never see something like that like they just got like fucking like oh don't get tired enough to sit here listening to you makes you think of like anyone else who might have like um west germany
Starting point is 00:09:47 pick the death um yeah there's loads of those there are loads of things that we'll never see though lou what like where anything you can think of What do you mean? Anything. Like, one. The burden of proofs on you, my friend. You're an idiot. Random.
Starting point is 00:10:00 I thought, do you don't think it's interesting that the, like, John Manick made a film? Not his name. Milankovic. Malenkovich. Malenkovich made a film that none of us really are going to see. Well, he's seen. Why? Where's the prophet?
Starting point is 00:10:15 Also, he said no human life will see it, but he's seen it. Might not. Ah. Yeah, and the editor that made the film. And the editor who made the film seen it. Yeah, exactly. I watched it back. He fucking edited it.
Starting point is 00:10:26 it. Yeah, just watch it one time through. He's seen it. Seen bit of not the full finish thing. So no one's going to proof-check it before it goes out. I'm saying it probably is shit though and why would you do... So yet again we've proved his theory wrong and now he's trying to change... They're just going to release a film
Starting point is 00:10:41 without actually watching it through and they're going, oh, it's all out of order. You annoy me? Because I like of My Cement, so I would like to see that film. What part of All My Cement's your favourite? When he tends the rabbits? That's so sad. You have to read out. Me, when he dies, it was... It was mental, like, did you have to read that?
Starting point is 00:10:58 Oh, I never did. I know. I refused to read it, actually. I had some words there that you're not supposed to be saying. Oh, I see what you did. I can't believe they have you sit, try it. It's just the, like, actual book, though, isn't it? I know, but like, you can't say that at school.
Starting point is 00:11:11 You, you. Or what, people at your school shout that bit, or? No, you said you can't be doing that. He said he read the whole book. He said he read the whole book. No, no, they would get you to do chapters around the classroom, isn't there? Words in that book, you should not read out. I agree with that.
Starting point is 00:11:26 The same words that should be written. I agree with that. Can you write that? Like, if you wrote a book, you can't write that, can you? I can't write that. What do you say? What did you say?
Starting point is 00:11:36 I said, my dog's got the pass. Yeah. Ah. Oh no, you can write it, because Tarantino writes it in a script. No, he's not a script writer. He is a script writer. Yes, he is.
Starting point is 00:11:46 He wrote all of his own stuff. And then when people want to do ad lib, he goes, no, no, no, read my fucking script. That's what I pay you. He's actually infamous for all that. Well, he gets a little scrutiny. Script writing and feet yeah right director he's only going for 10 films ever isn't he tarentino he's gonna do 10 in
Starting point is 00:12:00 that's why people in there yeah he's got one more film there yeah yeah we didn't just do 10 perfect 10 then he's gonna go to books i think and shit after that but yeah like jango obviously that word in jango load but it was it was relevant yeah it's not what film was tarrantino's first film why is he so big or is it jackie brown or not it was he got so it might be jackie brown and then followed up by the bank ice one i don't believe that's fucking lie there's no way that was his first video he he must don't no because think about tom a director has to build up a cat mate i'm telling that he didn't so that's the first everything's ever directed it was either that or the bank ice one but that was really cheaply made i know reservoir dogs
Starting point is 00:12:37 is that is that how did you get the opportunity to do that i don't know he just wrote a good script and then a very low that was made on like a tiny budget and it blew them all you direct stuff that isn't quite film and then people go oh well you're ready to direct film well you're ready So he wasted two of them on Kill Bill. Kill Bill's good, though. They're very good, one and two. All of them are class. My favourite, death proofs good.
Starting point is 00:12:59 My favourite by far, you know, glorious bastards. Mine's Django. Not too sure. That 2009 to 2012 period is a... And the hateful eight's clack. Yeah, the problem of that is... I've actually never seen Death Proof or Jackie Brown. Death Proof isn't, is like, his worst one, really.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Really? Do you know, Hifel here? The sad thing about that is he actually wrote it and all that, and then the script got leaked. So, like, there was a big. that that whole script he had to redo everything he rewrote the film
Starting point is 00:13:27 also really simply Pulp Fiction is just the best in it no it's in glorious basketball Pulp Fiction's so good Christopher Watson in glorious Fester's and Paul Fiction
Starting point is 00:13:34 it was such like it's such a revolutionary film that way he did it because he did it like backwards didn't he in like chapters yeah like what by definition it is Pulp Fiction
Starting point is 00:13:43 if you're that's the point isn't it I don't get it no so Pulp Fiction is the method in which like comics would be released in kind of like
Starting point is 00:13:53 it made no kind of sense until the end of yeah that's what it I actually didn't know that do you want to it's interesting a lot of people listen to this if they're like
Starting point is 00:14:00 from a younger generation they probably have no idea about any of these films I'd be I think you'd be surprised mate Tarantino's like the most famous
Starting point is 00:14:06 director of all time wrong Christopher Nolan I think I think Tarantino's wrong I'd say it's probably Spielberg
Starting point is 00:14:14 yeah he's up there Hitchcock's the most famous but like no Hitchcock changed the whole genre definitely Spielberg No but most people We're not on about that one about the most famous director, Spilberg.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Of all time. George Lucas. Or James Cameron. Nah, George Lucas. It'll be George Lucas and Spielberg. Can you stop doing that? Yeah, probably Spielberg, I'd say. George Lucas.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Is Star Wars? No, but that's all he's known for. George Lucas, Norman. Oh, and Little Britain. Do you get the joke? Yeah, Noel. Do you get the joke? It was...
Starting point is 00:14:52 Matt Lucas is in Little Britain. You should know. Isn't it weird how Matt Lucas and George Lucas went on like similar paths and brothers but also different paths? And one went comedy, one with Star Wars. Yeah. He believes me. Ah, you fucking idiot. Anyway, anyone got any crabby corners?
Starting point is 00:15:10 I have one, but it's like a reverse crabby corner. Oh, something you like. So you like it. Yeah, something I think's actually underrated and I do lie. I know what you're going to say. Go on. Mini strawberry ice cream donuts from Krisper Cream. It's got nothing to do with that.
Starting point is 00:15:22 Right, my thing is The new bottle caps For On all plastic bottles Oh, they're in their tax I like them They annoy us man I know I like it
Starting point is 00:15:34 You can't lose them You can't lose it And all you have to do is like Kind of pull it back a bit But let me just Have you had them water bottles Where you actually can't take the cap off So if you want to refill your water bottle
Starting point is 00:15:43 You can't Which bottles are those They're like little They're plastic crappy ones You flick it open And then you can't twist it off You can't Oh
Starting point is 00:15:52 Yeah, like pop-cap ones. They're like, there's not like a... Who's buying them? We get them from, like, hotels. And Costco. They do those ones, don't know. But my point is, everyone moans about them, but I actually prefer it. I think it's a lot easier.
Starting point is 00:16:04 And also better for the environment, isn't it, Tom? Obviously, we care about the environment. Yeah. The turtles. I haven't got much to moan about, really. All right, then, I have got another question for you. Okay. I think this one might go off.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Wait, I can read your question if you need the question. What is? What's the most famous animal in the world? Oh, tiger. Or lion, lion, bird? Monkey. No, it's lion. Elephant.
Starting point is 00:16:27 A monkey's not like... I think lion. No, monkey's animal. I reckon. No, it's not. It's the same as like a lion, man. Could it be a pigeon? No, it's different types of lions.
Starting point is 00:16:36 You have to name the monkey. No, there's different types of lions and there's different types of monkeys. Well, we already know you think a monkey is a chimp. I think it's a lion. But... Lion? A lion? Yeah, but you're not on about a monkey.
Starting point is 00:16:48 There's a bird cat. If you're not... If you say a lion, you don't. Yeah, you do. It's like elephant, African elephant. No, no, I will allow, no, monkey is a correct answer, it's okay. But you don't mean a monkey. You mean, what about a chimp?
Starting point is 00:17:02 Are you allowed to say bird? Yeah, because... Fish. Fish? What fish, though? That's just a... A cow? Dog.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Cow isn't fair. I think it's dog. Dog. No, I'm not worldwide. Not much of a dog. Everyone knows what a dog. Hey, we are monkeys. Monkey is more famous.
Starting point is 00:17:20 We're not monkeys. Dogs are in all societies, isn't there? Which part of apes and monkeys, can't you differentiate? How's an it? Ape is, you have the overarching monkey. What? You have the overarching monkey. Monkey, like a general willy-wally.
Starting point is 00:17:33 General Willie Wally. General, Willie Wally. But then you have apes, like, other monkeys. No, no, apes aren't monkeys. He's right. They're not monkeys. They're not monkey. They're different species.
Starting point is 00:17:45 So who's the top one? What are you, a great apees? If it's like a branch, yeah. If it's like the branch, the brand. Punch down. Yeah. Which monkey resides at the top? The chimp.
Starting point is 00:17:56 No. No, that's an ape. Fuck me. Don't you start. I don't know. Can you ask, can you search which monkey is the top monkey? Like, phrase it better be. He's top brash.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Which monkey would you say is the top monkey? We're doing monkey news again. It was the original monkey. The original monkey. All right. No single top monkey. It says it's the chimp. Though it's not technically a monkey.
Starting point is 00:18:19 It can't be then. They are often seen the alpha. Maybe a gibbon is a gibbon or capuchin monkey Capuchin? Who's the most... No. What is the most famous animal? Say, what's the most famous animal in the world?
Starting point is 00:18:32 I reckon it's a dog. What's the most famous animal in the world? I don't mean to. Oh, can you even feel it? Can you feel that? It doesn't annoy me. All right, I've got the answer. Dogs and cats.
Starting point is 00:18:44 Oh, they've actually given... Got to be dog in it. The most famous is actually Laker. What? It's the... It's the space dog that went... Up in space, the topic of union.
Starting point is 00:18:53 Yeah, right. Oh, that's such. Just to follow on from that question, what animal do you reckon has the most aura in the world? Got to be a lion. More than an elephant. Oh, lion's a poignant. Elephants have aura,
Starting point is 00:19:06 then. A male lion with a mane is strolling through the plane. No, because a tiger would fuck it up and hyenas, fuck lions. They're actually pussies. It's a tiger. You say that to lions. More about a polar bear?
Starting point is 00:19:16 I thought, yeah, African bull elephant. Lizard. What are like the big one? African bull ant. What? Boulant. Prit, no, no. If you're on, like, all of them, like, praying mantis.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Guys. No, because it, how's that got... Because it's there and he knows Taekwondo. That's fucking Kung Fu Panda. It's not even Taekwondo, it's Kung Fu. Yeah, but no, it's the most skilled fighter, though. A great white as well, it's got about there. Nah.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Yeah, that's just scary, though. Orkers, man. You reckon? No, but a great white, you'd watch and you move again. Now, what's that big lizard that does this? A big lizard. Camodo dragon, who? Why?
Starting point is 00:19:51 Why? Have you seen them walk? Yeah, you just... Or is all about a walk. If you have an aura wall. The Golden Eagle's got quite a lot of auger. No, but you don't even have to move to have aura. Auger.
Starting point is 00:20:02 No, you do. You can stand still and have aura. No, you have to have a slow walk. What about the least aura? Is it a worm? I saw a commoda dragon. I saw a commode dragon actually didn't have a lot of water. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Ora. It's not, I don't look at that. Yeah, but not the most in the world, though. That's the one I saw in Thailand on the beach. That was scary. It's massive. Yeah. It came, I was like, what the...
Starting point is 00:20:24 It was swimming towards us. It was your hole. It was swimming towards us in the sea. Like, what the fuck? Do you know, that could eat a human hole? Also, do you know it can kill you with one bite because of all the bacteria in its mouth? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:20:34 They'd swallow your hole. I ran away in the sea. It was fucking giant. They are like, they're actually like horrible bastards then. I think they'd come from, come from the sea. I think aura wise, I'd get polar bear, man. Good shout. That big fucking thing just strolling about.
Starting point is 00:20:47 A peter. What's like the... No. They're aura-less? What's the last? The last animal you want to fight. They get bullied by everything? Last animal I want to fight.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Yeah, the worst animal you want to fight. Brown laid down, black bear run away. No, black is attack. Brown lay down. Yeah, brown is down, black attack, brown lay down. You need to go out the black bear. White, good night. Because at least your bear will kill you quick.
Starting point is 00:21:12 No, polar bears play with their food. It wouldn't. I'd eat a fight a snake. Polar bears play with their food, don't it? What the fuck are you on about? Like, would you rather die by guys? Would you rather die by getting an anaconda like slowly crushing you? Or like a polar bear playing or a polar bear playing with?
Starting point is 00:21:27 No, what they do? It follows your horse. No, a bear eats you as before you were even dead. He starts eating your organ. That's what they do. It'd have to kill me off because you'd pork its eyes. Can I change the subject? What the, it makes me feel a bit ill.
Starting point is 00:21:39 I encountered a beast last night. You what? Does she know, does she know you caught? What did he say? We're in bed, we're in bed watching TV and in the corner of my eyes, I see something scuttled along the wall. I'm like, what the fuck? Have you seen, have you seen like on like, uh, like, uh,
Starting point is 00:21:55 like, love Bible, like, close your windows. They're coming. The biggest spiders in Britain. Every year. Have you seen them? No. Holy shit. Aragog.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Mate, that big. Right. I've never seen this. I would live. Get the hover. Right. Get into a budget. Ah, show these.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Junker. Yeah. By the way, who's a terrible way. He's gonna sort it. It'll crawl back out the Hoover. Well, that's what I thought. So I, I managed to, I, I, I, You hoovered a spider up.
Starting point is 00:22:20 You didn't just catch and throw it outside again. That is so cruel. Fucking hell, that's mean. It couldn't have killed me. I'm sorry, hoover and a spider is not mean. They also sort of lies out in the environment too. It has one life and you just ended it. Oh, shut up.
Starting point is 00:22:32 You just ended its life. Yeah, that is bad. That is bad. That is bad. I'm not even gaslighting. I genuinely, I don't. I don't, I genuinely don't kill them. You're not been raised.
Starting point is 00:22:43 You're not been raised. Put a little glass and then a piece of paper and let it out. Then it lives its life. I was finally go to sleep. Oh, she's all about you. They're actually... They're actually...
Starting point is 00:22:51 They're actually good for pest control. You don't... Do you know what? I would never hoover a spider? I've never... I've never... I've never... The bad thing is, right?
Starting point is 00:23:00 I used to get my dad to get it and just go out of the wind. I'm not gaslight... No, no, no. The really sad thing about this... I've been raised to put a glass on top of it. Yes. You have actually. The sad thing is it looked at you like a roommate and you just fucking murdered.
Starting point is 00:23:13 No, it didn't. Yes, it did. It was coming in my head. It thought you were its roommate. No, it was. No, he just thought it was a light. That's horrible. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Anyways, I let... Oh, that's horrible. I, like, move things like, it was like, and I got it on the hoover. That's so cruel. That is cruel. That's such a horrible thing to do to it. It's just going to die slowly. That's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:23:32 It's now going to die slowly in the dust. If you're going to do it, let's just squash it. Mate, you just ruined its life. No, because I know it will come out of the hoover eventually. No, no. You just said it will come out of the hoover. You just didn't think of that. You literally just said it'll come out of the Uber.
Starting point is 00:23:46 You murdered it. You just, you just. What's the point of then? What's the point of sucking up? You just try to torture it? I left the hoop from... Why are you stuck in it off? Do you do that because you're scared of it?
Starting point is 00:23:55 Terrified. It could kill me? No, it couldn't. It's more afraid of you than you are of it. That spider literally couldn't hurt you even if it tried. A biggest spider I've ever seen. I understand that, but you're cruel bastard. You said you'd rather squash it?
Starting point is 00:24:09 Yeah, I'd rather kill it quickly then fucking hoover it up. Can you kill a spider? You're such a lawyer! Where in and where? The other day in Dublin The other day in Dublin Also you are also scared You kill spiders as well
Starting point is 00:24:25 I was I was I was a big one the other day in the house Me and Charlie had a big problem with it But like I didn't We refused to kill it And I just didn't fucking get up to like I don't know it's mental
Starting point is 00:24:38 But I was having to scoop it out And I threw my clothes out of time Yeah but he What floor are you He's not like the tent floor or what If you're not seeing a spider's web Yeah They're fucking mad.
Starting point is 00:24:47 They're fucking mad life. The mad life. Oh, yeah. Hey, you're a fucking murderer. No, you're a cruel fucker, mate. That's actually awful, though. Peter, if you're watching. Who's Peter?
Starting point is 00:24:57 Peter Parker. Peta. Oh, Petter. It's not Petter. They're called Peter. Peter Parker. Oh, well, you made me feel bad that I called a spider. Oh, now he's pretending to care.
Starting point is 00:25:07 You should have let it... If it was that big, you should let it bite you. He bought the story up to brag that he hoovered a fucking play. I just don't get it. Would you kill, like, a monkey? it was in your house. Yeah? Would you?
Starting point is 00:25:18 Would you... Why are you killing the spider? You got to ask these questions, mate. Would you not say an insect slightly different to a man? No. No. You think you're more important
Starting point is 00:25:25 than a spider? You killed an ant before? Never. Not to my knowledge. You've caught on a snail before? No. Yes, you are. I actually haven't.
Starting point is 00:25:32 I killed about a hundred. Yeah, but there's a difference between... Actually, I'm not getting all that much. And the intent to kill the creature. Have you ever killed one of those little... What do you call him? I used to pour salt and slugs. You know the fly that something's in your drain
Starting point is 00:25:42 and you sink, little fruit flies. I've never killed anything ever Fruit flies? I know spray Than the pussy I killed 100 ants yesterday You just let the fruit flies
Starting point is 00:25:51 Just sit there Don't have fruit flies to spray You've never had fruit flies I don't know What are you on about Have you ever had fruit flies Maybe How'd you get rid of them
Starting point is 00:26:01 Throw the bin out No what's if they laid eggs Somewhere else We don't, I've nest never happened You've never had a fruit fly No I'll keep my house quite tidy Actually They come from the drains
Starting point is 00:26:11 Yeah I keep them tidy Gas like me I'm not, you're a murder. How are you deflecting so hard that you're the one that's killing crazy? Have you ever hit a mosquito? No. You've killed a mosquito.
Starting point is 00:26:22 Or not in self-defense. Have you killed a mosquito? Go on, have you killed a mosquito. No, it's self-defense. Yeah, you have you fucking have. You've got many mosquitoes. You're a murderer. No, that's a self-defense.
Starting point is 00:26:30 It's different. It attacks you first. I spray repellent. Yeah. Oh, you've poisoned them slowly to death. No, they die instantly. Have you, you've killed a mosquito. You can't.
Starting point is 00:26:40 I've spread repellent on me to protect me from mosquito bites. Not looked at the corner of the room and go, that's going to eat me! They're paper it up! You have squished the mosquito, I know it. It's only when it lands on you. What was the spider going to do to you?
Starting point is 00:26:54 It's not going to kill you. They literally can kill. Yeah, they can, they give you malaria. They've killed millions of people. All right, type, mosquitoes are the biggest killer in human. Yeah, in other parts of world, English mosquitoes do not carry malaria. Oh my God, you are such a liar. Our mosquitoes deadly in the UK.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Do they carry malaria in the UK? You don't say no. It's beside the point. They attacked first. Non-dangerous. See? But they can be due to their itching and irritation. So it's a tackle you by itching.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Yeah. What are you on about? Also, they are like, West Nile virus detected in the UK. Oh. Oh, that, mate. You've been done in there. We tell me a spider's bite can't kill you then.
Starting point is 00:27:39 It's not going to come to your bed and just. Chew on you, is it? By annual death, mosquitoes are the number one killers. You, mate, you've got, you're a sick. Not in England. There's carrying dengue fever and malaria. Do you know what's not in that? Spider.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Yeah, room spiders. Lions kill 200 humans a year. Yeah, keep going, keep going. See if there's spiders. 500. Keep going. Are there any spiders? Keep going.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Are there any spiders? Scorpions. assassin bun. What a assassin box? 10,000 a year. Spider-Man. Dogs?
Starting point is 00:28:17 60,000 death in a year. Snakes. Oh, God. Humans. Oh, fucking out. And mosquitoes. No spider. Wow, three quarters of a minute.
Starting point is 00:28:27 No, do you want to look down the camera and apologize to the spider? Incy, Spider. He's dead now. How many mosquito deaths are there a year in the UK? Give the spider a eulogy, considering you murdered cold blood. Yeah, you murder.
Starting point is 00:28:40 You're in cold blood as well. You're a dicker. Do you feel happy about it? You're a mosquito murderer. Do you feel happy about that? You're a mosquito murderer. So are you. So are you.
Starting point is 00:28:49 So are you also. Look how many people they kill? You're a mosquito murderer. So are you! Do you not think, by the way, on mosquitoes, it's mental. Like, they used to kill dinosaurs. Did they? Yeah, no, genuine.
Starting point is 00:29:03 How'd you have proof of that? How would you possibly want it? This whole pod is just, it's just saying shit, and then Googling to see things. It's right. This is shit, chat. It's just mental that we are dying from the same thing that dinosaurs died from.
Starting point is 00:29:18 No, no mosquitoes proven to kill dinosaurs. Which you would never know that either unless you were in those times. No, because some dinosaurs literally had, I got cancer in the bones because you can see it in the fossils. And that's from... The hoos her out and resurrect the spider.
Starting point is 00:29:32 No, it's too late, mate. Just give a eulogy, just say sorry to this family or something. No, giving it loads of food. There's loads of dust in this. Right, we're going to be really quiet. Address the camera. Address a spider. Oh, Spider.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I am so sorry you scared the life up me and I had to. Oh, you're going to get a eulogy. Already. A gaslit unity is crazy. Oh, mate. His whole family's watching and you've just said it's his fault. I shouldn't gaslight the spider. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Dear Spider, I am very sorry that I hoovered you up. I really hope that you survived this ordeal. He has. He's dead, mate. He's a eulogy. 100% of it. Do you understand what a eulogy is? I really hope.
Starting point is 00:30:10 that when you escape the depth of that Hoover prison, you don't come back and bring your family on to me. You've killed him and then you've said, you've killed him and then your final goodbye, you've said, I hope you survive. If you were to give it a eulogy, while a spider can survive being vacuum, it's unlikely. No, this is a big spider, to be fair.
Starting point is 00:30:28 No, I reckon it's a bald time. You know, firstly, firstly, he not only killed him in cold blood, he killed him viciously and almost in a torturous way. That spider suffered. Well, so you'd rather I smacked it to death. Yeah, no pain. No gain.
Starting point is 00:30:41 A squidge might be a bit horrible. What would you say? No, you know what he's worried about? He's balls. Oh, you know, it was that big. It was too big to squidge. If you're giving a eulogy for Theo, what would you say? Good ridden.
Starting point is 00:30:55 We actually should do just in case, because at the start of the show. I'm not going to drown. I might get eaten by jellyfish, though. Eat him by jellyfish? Eaten by jellyfish? Imagine they get me in the face. I just drown. Isn't it true?
Starting point is 00:31:06 You just said, I'm not going to drown. Imagine I just drown. Am I right thinking jellyfish are one of the animals that technically could live forever? Yes, they regenerate like octopi. Yeah. And male seahorses give up your mouth. Will they help? Yeah, I suppose.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Oh, can I tell you some of octopuses? Seahorse's got a lot of aura. I've brought something down about octopuses that you might find interesting. Octopi. Say it. Octopies. So, obviously, because we had like alien chatter on the last episode. Which was bullshit.
Starting point is 00:31:36 But like another big theory around that in the scientific. the community is like what if what if aliens not like what if life came to here from a different planet yeah and like the main leader for that is like cuttlefish cuttlefish or are you telling me that you don't octopuses octopi octopi so you believe that life came here rather than evolution no that's an option of like no evolution happened but like the initial starter was say maybe on a comet or something, you know what I mean? Anyways, octopi a big one around that. Anyways, so they were...
Starting point is 00:32:15 Who's come up with that theory? Scientist. Which one? All of them. There's so many of them. You know, it was you sorry? Yeah, they're going on like a research expedition, right? Yeah. Down in the deep sea and like the ground floor where like there's... The ground floor?
Starting point is 00:32:33 All the octopies are. Ground floor of the sea. Essentially, the scuba divers go down and like it's dark as fuck. Is it? Wait, hang on about it, they ain't scuba divers, are they? What you mean? Surely there's no scuba divers going. Well, no, you have the big, no, you have like the big helmet.
Starting point is 00:32:47 The deep sea diver one where they have like the helmet. It's gone down with a little finger on there. It looks like the, um, the Scooby-Doo one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the go. That's what True Geordy used to do, actually. He used to clean, big pipe down there. With that helmet one, fucking terrified. What's the, what's the quote?
Starting point is 00:33:04 Yeah, I've always liked the sea. From the documentary. What? Okay. See the KSI documentary? The hole is like the sea? Oh my God. Oh, he's always like the sea.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Get on with it, man. No, he's always like the beach. That's why I became a diver. Because he liked the beach. Oh my god, this is painful. Anyways, right, so they go see the seaport, turn the light on and that. And you can see like... Turn the lights on?
Starting point is 00:33:28 They're all turned the old head towards. They can see like this, like, what looks like structures, like in the distance and that. So they swim over. Atlantis. The palace. So... Octopus's garden. go over to um octopies thank you is it the garden of the battle it goes over to the octopies
Starting point is 00:33:45 like where they like live in and it turns out it's like a little community that they've built with their tentacles and they build like octopus village village yeah it's called an octopus's garden isn't it there's a famous beatles song about it oh it's like yeah but they build like little like yeah like you say like villages town yeah they got houses no but it's like it's been because they like had houses they are like communal areas they are like like outdoor areas and it's it's like all made from like shells and stuff they found yeah look yeah oh there it is so octopus's garden it was written by um ringo star wasn't it because he saw what they do they like collect things and make like little that's not like the one i saw because
Starting point is 00:34:24 the other one had like an outdoor area and stuff outdoor garden what do you mean an outdoor area they're in the fucking sea no yeah no but no perspectively to them it's outdoor they had a little motel they have like veranda no look read up read up they built a little lot of the other Motel where people could come and check in. No, genuinely, like, it was a fully... They didn't have a fucking optic-puss motel, Lewis. No, not more. Did they ever have a receptionist.
Starting point is 00:34:49 But, like, I mean, like, the other... It's so annoying that you take things that are actually pretty cool and, like, like, interesting. And just turn it into bullshit. It's annoying to me, because you shout at me and you don't let me get my words out on how I mean it. They have an outdoor area, perspectively to them, it's outdoors. mate it's the sea
Starting point is 00:35:09 what the fuck does that even mean I really don't get out you don't understand me here so say for us we live in air oh my god man
Starting point is 00:35:19 wait are you telling me are you telling me they're like divided by rocks so we live in air and that's normal for us they live in water and that's normal for them
Starting point is 00:35:27 yeah but we're inside and then if you go out the building we're outside yes and they go inside their house when they go out it's outside
Starting point is 00:35:31 they have a house yes what does the house look like like so it's like so there's like shells you're just making this Thought they use...
Starting point is 00:35:39 It's like they use seashells. They're not a rock formation. That's like a cave. Yeah, they find like little caves and spots just to hide them. They grab seashells, man. They do. They don't build houses from it. They don't put the seashells to make a wall.
Starting point is 00:35:53 They ain't got any glue. They would just get knocked over. And a car wash that is run by jelly. No, the air pressure down there keeps the fucking steady me. You're to, oh, you're fucking me off, big time here. I want to shoot him. You're going to the sea enemy to get your car cleaned. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Yeah. And then you go to the comedy show, you see a bunch of clownfish. Yeah, yeah. Images. Anyway, yeah, octopus is garden. It's the song, it's based on this. There's a good one.
Starting point is 00:36:18 They've always been known to do this. See how he built it around and that. He hasn't built that. It's like an old piece from a sheep or summons. Fucking oh, mate. How thick are you? That's like someone going to like a shipwreck. Yeah, he built this house.
Starting point is 00:36:36 He's built that. He's built that. Do you think like an octopus? Do you see like a... You're a fucking landscaping at the bottom of the ocean? Do you see a shipwreck and think that octopus is a fucking carpenter as summer? No, it took building ships on the bits of like door and stuff and make that as a wall. It's made the door!
Starting point is 00:36:51 I use the shit wrecking allergy just now. Yeah, but... Just now. Anyway. Mate, that's a tin pan. He's in a bucket in the bottom of the sea. It's fucking clad. Do you understand now?
Starting point is 00:37:05 Sometimes you just see like one little snippet of something. or a picture. They do build for. Don't research it and you look like an idiot. Look, I'm not saying that they're using hammers and nails. We didn't say that. But like, we all say, that's a good shell. I'll bring that over and I'll make that the roof.
Starting point is 00:37:18 No, no, no, no, no, no. See? You see, by the way, do you see that as well? Do you see where that became bullshit? Oh, mate. Yeah, that's the piece I need, evolutionarily. I saw that, you know, but you know like pigeons. They are crap at their guests, by the way.
Starting point is 00:37:37 They are so bad. That's what they all just walk around. We know when I meant to the Soho place, Soho House. Why have you bought this off? Because you're talking about pigeons are good at building, right? No, you did. No, I said they do build. No, I never said they're good.
Starting point is 00:37:48 He said birds build nests. Anyway, oh, fucking pigeons. In the pool area, you could look up and you can see this little pigeon couple. That's stupid place to put a house, by the way. Yeah, they're not just paying. It was like a perfect place to get on here, and they decided to go this tiny little corner. And she, the lady would just wait there and just sit there like this, waiting for the man to go.
Starting point is 00:38:04 So this guy would drop a, drop a stick. go fly away come back drop a twig every time he'd leave the twig at full I swear he was doing it for hours What a fucking story He'd just make you twig drop And then he finally started getting a little bit of work He said he was doing it for hours
Starting point is 00:38:20 Were you there for hours watching it? Oh you couldn't take your eyes off it It was amazing I come up the next day I fucking know this guy I hope he's done a good job Oh surely he's built the house by now The entire thing
Starting point is 00:38:31 On the foot It'd drop And he was still He was still just going back and forth But he'd never You know what I loved about it? I learned a good lesson. He said, I'm not good enough, but I'll never go up.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Because he kept... You're never good enough. He said he's never good enough. And this lady as well, the pigeon lady, it was just in the worst position. He was like clambering all over, the sticks of... I love to imagine the fact that there's a 10 minute interval way. The bird's obviously gone away.
Starting point is 00:38:58 And you're going, he's coming back. Comes back. Oh, I dropped. Mate. You know that Roy Hodgland when he goes, It's great cinema. I might even have a picture of it. I'll have a look.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Oh, please do share. Picture of what? Wow. But anyways, yeah, they'll prove that octopuses were senten. It doesn't, mate. Shut your mouth now. That could be sentient. Shut.
Starting point is 00:39:21 It's like the dolphins as well, but it's just because they don't have to speak. Right. I am on the brink of losing the will to live, but I do have a fun suggestion for us. Go on then. Considering, we're coming to the end of the summer, and obviously summers are famous for what, guys? Best of all. Festivals, let's build The Sun.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Let's build our perfect festival lineup, which include the categories, the location, the month, three headliners, one throwback act, and the group size that you go with. I think I'll bring this in. I'm going to go with a group size
Starting point is 00:39:58 of 12. I think you need a decent group for festivals. Suggesting couples or just a mix of everything? Just like. Okay. 12 guys. Like Jesus. Just boys being boys.
Starting point is 00:40:11 One throwback act. I'll come back to that. My three headliners will be Oasis. Oh shock. Oh. I'd go with Oasis. Frelex.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Yeah. Who would I go with? And Celine Dion. I'd go with Oasis, Fred again. You know he's the highest earning DJ per show in the world round. Probably. Right now, Fred again. million per show.
Starting point is 00:40:37 I'd go Oasis, Fred again and Drake. What was Cameron? And my one throwback act will be... Wait, you think Drake? Yeah. Drake? Oh, that gave me the ick. I'm gonna just attract loads of like fucking...
Starting point is 00:40:50 No, no, no, no, I choose who comes in and out the festival. Does that mean? Drake fans? What's Drake fan? It's all like you'll be in your fields too much. No, no, no. They're emotional. I limit...
Starting point is 00:41:00 Well, G-film is the biggest Drake fan I know, and he's in... Oh, is G-feel. Very emotional. Right, my throwback act will be... Michael Jackson. He's dead. Yeah, I know. Can't have a buck?
Starting point is 00:41:10 You can. Wait, throwback act being someone that's dead with us. Just got to bring up rising from the dead. If I said, oh, God, I'll have Elvis as my, uh, my headlight. You know, you should have Elvis. My throwback act will be the spider and Theo's room. All right, Fee. Bring it back, guys.
Starting point is 00:41:26 Bring it back. The month, the month, I'll go July and location. Yeah, July is the best. My birthday. Barbados. What? What? It's so difficult to get to.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Exactly. What's he on your own? So you're going to watch Oasis in Barbado? Yeah, that would be sick. Could you, why has no one done like a snorkel one? Mexico. Wait, are you in, are you camping or have you got a house nearby? No, we get given a 50 million pound Airbnb, which is overlooking.
Starting point is 00:41:54 Oh, yeah, that is a perfect festival line up. Yeah, it's just plopped in, plump, in the middle. No, it's a private festival. They're just in the back garden. House buy. Basically, yeah. So, location. we should suggest like seaside right is mexico well it depends you do your own he's
Starting point is 00:42:12 just done his own you do not oh we're just doing our follow on glastonbury's not all right you do no i know it's not but i'm saying i thought we were doing a communal no no no no i make you one what's the one about the beach called again which one i do right i call more so boardmaster location that just that was this weekend location for mine fishburn I'm picking the lake district. What in the middle? They have a lake nearby, tenting. Quite hard to get to.
Starting point is 00:42:44 That's the difficult place for people to go to. That's easy for me. A bit easier than... Mead, lake district does beast mode. Uh, month. February. January. January.
Starting point is 00:42:55 We go in July. We're three headliners. We're gonna go... Fucking Sam Fender. Alan Dick. And Alan Seer. And James is part. And Bruno.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Why's no one's gone for a scheme? No, we'll go... So crap. We'll go Sam Fender. Oh, no. In the lakes. Some Fender in the lake. Why wouldn't you do festivals at James's Park?
Starting point is 00:43:21 Yes, Hunter. Oh, that's a shout at it. Surely that's the throwback. Surely that's the throwback. You don't even... Yeah, that's the throwback. Oh, well, what about this guy then? Nickelback.
Starting point is 00:43:31 This guy? Banned. Banned. Nickelback. Nickel throwback. Do you only know two songs there? Sam Fender, Nickelback, Bon Iber. That is such a half. He feels a little bit.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Yeah, it's very like in motion. Yeah, but when I want to chill out. And, um, Astroplane playlist on Spotify. Wait, so, space ambus. You're going to know. We're having a space ambience tent. Meditation music for eight hours. You're going to know four songs of Nickelback.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Yeah, but the bang is. What about the whole? Cold play is not about your own. I'll play with it on real. Yeah. Good headline. What my throwback act? Do you know what?
Starting point is 00:44:09 No, throwback act. Well, girls allowed. Cheryl Cole. Yeah. Why not do the Cheryl? Any reason? Any reason? I have VIP passes.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Yeah. What's he can say in the corner of wanking? She's all, and she holds a meeting greet. And it's just me and Cheryl corn, your festival in the Lake District. I'll tell you what. I'll lick. I'll tell you what.
Starting point is 00:44:35 He's got a cloth top. Tell you what, scrap that. We're going to scrap the first three. We're going to have Beyonce. It's my birthday in July. By the lick. We're going to have Beyonce, Juulieper, Rihanna, and they're all doing the combined speed in Greece.
Starting point is 00:45:00 You don't even have to perform. We're horsing it. Fishburn. Hot yoga studio. Oh, fucking out. It's real code number one for you. Group size is one. Yeah, just so.
Starting point is 00:45:20 Tux first. Oh, God. Oh, I can't follow that. Oh, it's like wanting me even fucking saying anything, man. Is she number one for you, Cheryl? Oh, she's fit as for. Wait, I lost my mind, seeing our girls allowed. Fuck me.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Wait, you said, he's not over sharing that. Oh, no, I'm sorry. No, Cheryl called back in the day. Wait, what about it? She's going to be seen by a lot of people. Can we do Natalie Portman as well? She's not even a minute.
Starting point is 00:45:51 What is this again? Fucking Padme! What is this again? No, it's in, um, Friends, there's not going on. Princess Lear. No strings attached, yeah. She's been Cheryl Cole when she's dressed up
Starting point is 00:46:00 as the doll in the X Factor show. What? When she just fight, when she just fight for this, I love you mean, that one. She wasn't dressed up like a doll. Oh, he sold you? Oh, he sold you?
Starting point is 00:46:09 Yeah, yeah. Like a fucking doll. I sure I call sex doll and I'm a fucking... The blue last night. The blue last from a... The blue last from Avatar. Oh, you've been weird now. Right, Reeve, I think I know what yours is gonna be.
Starting point is 00:46:26 I can't even follow it up. Oh, you've done it? Fred again. Oh, that was Tom actually. I would have Fred then. Can I guess yours? I would have Fred. Yeah, go on. Fucking. Chase and status.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Martin Garrick's. I know. Avichi. Oh, that's a great threat. That would be my throwback, yeah. He's dead. Yeah, but you said Michael Jackson. He ain't dead.
Starting point is 00:46:43 He's not dead. Oh, in our hearts. No, I wouldn't have Gary, because I've seen him way too many times. Oh. Fancy one you are. Gary? Yeah, Gary. I wouldn't have Gary either.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Who would? Gary Glitter? Who would I have? I'd have the Hoosiers. Yeah. Good bye, Mr. E. I'd have Fred again. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:05 They were my favourite band growing up. I interviewed them. All time. Yeah, well, it's best for ever. I would go Arctic Monkeys, but back when they were cool, not now they were men. Oh, man. Imagine seeing Arctic Monkeys at Glasper and them just doing all their songs really slow and like... He always sings out of time, doesn't he?
Starting point is 00:47:21 Pardon? You all sings out of time. Maybe the killers instead of Fuzis, because I've never seen them like. Killers would be safe live. I think they'd be really good. And then, Knife Party. Yeah, I've seen them live. Yes. How about good Charlotte?
Starting point is 00:47:33 Oh! Oh, fucking love them. I was a joke. Oh, yeah, no. No, they are pretty good, though. Anyway, I'm really excited for basketballs. Yeah, go on. Well, yours is cold play, red hot chili peppers.
Starting point is 00:47:47 Oh, my God. No, I'd go. No, Hannah-Mittana. Throw back, I'd go Elvis. I think that'd be pretty sick. Taylor Swift's pretty good. Coldplay's pretty good. We're not asking for your experiences.
Starting point is 00:47:58 You just want your line. All right, my line up would be this. It'll be M&M. It's so different. It'll be M&M. It would be red hot chili peppers and it would be green day. Damn, I got one out of three.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Right. And where's your location? We'll go Seaford. By the sea, I said that, seaside. We'll go November. What? And then what's the group size? Me and Jody.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Yeah. No more people? I'll go 15 people. You don't know. I'll name them all right. You don't have that many people. frames. Right, can we do a gas gobbled? Oh, fuck you know. Gobble my ass. Yeah, it was the point of following you, really, wouldn't it?
Starting point is 00:48:40 Oh, this is shit. Oh, shit, have I lost it? I'd go, Jereless, Alexander Burke. Alexander Burke, Leon O'Lewis. And I'd go, um, the first one, the guy that'd won the first one, what's his name? Ray? No, no, like. Victor?
Starting point is 00:48:58 Chris something. Christopher. They won the first ever X Factor. You see Chris Williamson's old hair? knew her Not old her Was it Chris Williams I'm like Love Island or sorry
Starting point is 00:49:07 Yeah before that although He used a club promoter And he had like long curlier Like down to his shoulders Yeah Right are we ready Headline number one Italian village
Starting point is 00:49:15 Offers houses For one euro Oh this is true But you must renovate Within three years Wait this is true The second headline I love that one
Starting point is 00:49:24 Scientists teach rats To drive tiny cars To reduce stress Can I finish That village one is true I've seen that. Number three, UK supermarket
Starting point is 00:49:36 installs bread vending machines that bake a loaf in two minutes. Oh, that can't be true. It's not scientifically possible. It's too hot. Well, yeah. Which one drop more detail.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Okay, the Kalli Village, is it like high up in the mountains? In southern Italy, Sicily, in southern Italy's Sicily region, a small town struggling with population decline has started selling abandoned homes for just one euro. I swear.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Buyers must commit to renovating the property within three years with minimum spending requirements or face losing their deposit. That's true. The aim is to attract foreign buyers and revitalize the local. The deposit of what? It went around Twitter and stuff, ratings. It was like, oh, it's just sack a thing. So you buy a house for a euro, but you have to inject money into the place that you buy.
Starting point is 00:50:20 You might lose your deposit, but how much is your deposit? The headline was like, buy a move here for a pound. There's a plight or you like, you've been rumbled. It's true. All right, we'll go. What's the mouse is now? But now we're down to a 50-50. If you're adamant, that's true.
Starting point is 00:50:33 100%. What's the mouse is name? I feel like the bread one just doesn't make sense. It's not scientifically. At a university in Virginia, researchers have built a miniature transparent car and taught rats to steer them towards food rewards. The surprising finding,
Starting point is 00:50:51 rats who drove showed lower stress hormone levels compared to those who didn't. Got it. Suggesting the activity was enriching and potentially beneficial for mental health. Are they just steering? They're not putting the accelerator and brake. Oh, they're accelerating as well, mate.
Starting point is 00:51:06 So I've seen a squirrel ride a skateboard, but I'm not too sure about a mouse driving a car. No, it's... Rat. It's completely in control of the car. Does that pedals? Yes. As chief roading correspondent, what do you...
Starting point is 00:51:18 What's the... What's the snare? There's no names given, mate. Guys, there's something like logically. Remy. Can a rat drive a car? It's basically a car just the size of... For a rat.
Starting point is 00:51:26 A rat. Guys, think about it. A rat car. You think it will press the accelerator. Yeah. And brake. I don't think you would have a break. Like, humans take a long time to learn to drive cars.
Starting point is 00:51:34 You think a rat can do it. I think if it's just a go, go and stop button, yeah. Yeah, fast-ray. Man, rats are smart, bro. I think, I think that's easy. And number three, a large British supermarket chain has trialled a new machine in select stores that can bake a fresh loaf from frozen dough
Starting point is 00:51:55 in just 120 seconds. The machine is designed for busy shoppers and claims to produce bread with the same freshness as a standard bakery. Should we be able to find... Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm not revealing that.
Starting point is 00:52:08 That's not true. Why can't you reveal that? Because I think that's... How hot would the vending machine be? Wait, wait, and you're cooking room? No, because that'll root... Like, I'm not giving you all the information on all of them,
Starting point is 00:52:18 because I need to leave it a bit open. But the supermarket won't give us an answer. But it might do, because you'd be like, well, I've been in those and I have seen it or I haven't seen it. I've never seen this in my life. Well, that's the point, though, isn't it? And I go religiously to test it.
Starting point is 00:52:30 The vendor machine would be too hot. Right, so if it's not Tesco, we're fucked anyway. Not Tesco. That's my point. Say, was Tesco that's been named? You then go, well, I've been, I've not seen names. It's definitely fake. Let's think that, right.
Starting point is 00:52:42 I need to leave it somewhat. Have you, I been in Tesco, I've been in Waitrose. Yep. I've been in Liddle. I saw Huell one at Venom machine the other day. Okay, that's not. Yeah, we need to work out with this bread be real though. But it shows there's other things that are out there.
Starting point is 00:52:55 I'm out of Liddle, Tesco and Waitrose don't have it. So we're between a two minute loaf of bread bake. or rat drivers. Are you adamant the first one's true? I've been to Santeries. Did they have it? Whatever. No, I haven't seen this thing in Santer.
Starting point is 00:53:08 Also, it's in a select... It does say it's in a select few years. Maybe the vent machine would be too hot to cook the bread. I would suggest that. Is it a vending machine? It's like a microwave. Is that what it says?
Starting point is 00:53:18 Is it essentially a microwave? Dangerous. It says it's like... What's he say? Could you cook it in microwave? Could probably do it? It's like called a bread vending machine. Yeah, a microwave could do it.
Starting point is 00:53:27 By the way, there's no point. Why would you... It says it's the same freshness is if you get it from a bakery, but you can just go to the bakery part of the supermarket. You might not have it. And you pick that up in a second.
Starting point is 00:53:35 No, no, no, no. It's claiming, like when it comes fresh out the bakery. It is not so when it's that fresh. You don't want it that hot. Well, I don't know. Have you ever had hot bread? Yeah, it's lovely. It's a nice.
Starting point is 00:53:46 You never had hot bread? You never had freshly baked bread? Have you ever put like a baguette in the oven? I've had toast. Yeah, toast. Yeah, toast is hot bread. But when you heat it up, but when you heat bread up, it goes,
Starting point is 00:53:56 it turns into torque. No, but I think they're thinking like more artisan. Not like slices. No, Lou, wait, hang on. Is that right? Reeve, when you heat up bread, it doesn't turn into toast. Because if you put bread in a microwave, it doesn't turn into toast. Yeah, that's correct.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Have you ever put a baguette in the oven? No. What? Why would, no? I just buy the baguette, open it and put stuff in. I'll dip it in soup. You're out of tuna melt on like a baguette. From a shop.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Anyway, a lot of people really like freshly baked bread. So if you go to some supermarkets, they'll have like a bakery and they'll bring out the fresh and it's warm, nice bread. This is what this is claiming to do in like a vegetable. vending machine or whatever. Oh, okay. I don't know the mechanics of it. It doesn't explain it.
Starting point is 00:54:33 I'm trying to keep it. I'm trying to keep it ambiguous, so there's still... The bread one. Guys, surely you've got used common sense here. Rats can't drive cars. They can. I don't think they can. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:42 Rats can do mad shit all the time. Yeah. Do you think a rat can drive a car? They caught the... Ninja turtles. They could do anything for food. Yeah. They like sniff cocaine.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Yeah? And the bear. Like, realistically, a vended machine for bread isn't happening. They might. Got pizza vending machine. You're saying you want to microwave the bread. They got pizza vendor machines. Are they really?
Starting point is 00:55:03 Yeah. Yeah, and the pizza's awful. Allegedly. That isn't the question, though, is it? You've got to work out whether it's true, not if it's good. Spake, you've been rumbled. You can't even cook bread, though, that way. It's like, no, but it's like you going, yeah, but can the rat even drive the car well?
Starting point is 00:55:17 That isn't the point, is you're trying to figure out if it can do it, not if it does it well. The problem I have with the bread is, you're going to cook that in two minutes. It's going to have to be pretty fucking hot. And a vendor machine that's really odd, bit dangerous, about the electric, overheating, all the heating, all so. I think it'd be more like a micro there. Yeah, I agree. Because think about it, like a little muffin in a mug in like a 45 seconds.
Starting point is 00:55:36 That's a bit different from bread. Cooking bread. But it doesn't specify what kind of, like, we're imagining a full fucking chopped up loaf of hoax or one or not. It could just be like these little buns that they... Mate, you'll... People pick it out and burn themselves. That's a lawsuit.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Like, it's too dangerous to have in a supermarket. But if it's a bend in shit, it like pop down and like that is logical actually. Yeah, I know, but if people, there's too much of a claim there and that's why you've been rumble. That's a fair point I mean That is logical And I like logic
Starting point is 00:56:04 Could you not also say that about Could you not also say that about when Like the Costa with the hot coffee and stuff No No but why not Lou there might be more to the story Why not? Yeah we might not know the phone
Starting point is 00:56:16 Do you really think they're going to deliver the bread As it is without like a cover or a rapper or something Really? Yeah It might have someone near by like looking after it as well I mean The fact it's hot isn't an argument Yeah it is
Starting point is 00:56:28 No it's not I can't even microwave bread anyway, so it would get wet. What? It gets wet. No, it'd be some sort of microwaving process that would cook the bread. I think that's what the other thing is. I think it's so obviously fair. I think it's a lot of shite.
Starting point is 00:56:39 So you think it's the rat? It's just not even a point. There's no fucking point of it as well. So you believe a driving rat. Oh no. Yes. Or the microwave bread. Yes.
Starting point is 00:56:49 Microwave bread. You think not space food. When you put it on paper, like I would say bread cooking in two minutes is more believable than a rat driving car. If it goes that hot, If it goes that hot, it goes toasty. It depends if it's stute little. It does take like a normal bread.
Starting point is 00:57:04 And a boat. And a fucking boat. The insides would be not cooked and the outside would be really crispy. Look, I see your point. I hear you out, brother. Thank you, my cheese. I also just can't imagine a rat driving a car. It could be the kind of random shit that they were doing like a lab in America, though.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Bucking it up to the cheese. The cheese is there. Jobs into a rat trap. Mate, oh, that reminds me on the holiday. He was seeing someone, like, a man in the car packed up just outside the villa. He was crashing out to fuck with his wife. It was actually quite brutal
Starting point is 00:57:39 because there was kids in the back we've seen, but he was literally there going, he was like smack on the front going fucking mental. Okay. Anyway, it doesn't really help us work this one out of it. Yeah, what's the fake story? Let's all vote. I'm going to go fake.
Starting point is 00:57:53 You guys vote. Bread, fake. See, the thing is... Logic. The bread inside wouldn't have been cooked. But my gut instinct said rat though, man. I don't see a word. Hey, trust in the gut in this game is actually what you're supposed to do.
Starting point is 00:58:08 I don't see a one. I think, I think, I think Stuart Litt was a fate one, mate. And also, and also, guys, it's not just fresh bread being cooked. Look, he's up there. Said frozen, cooked from frozen. Yeah, that's what, yeah, two minutes for that just doesn't. No way. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:21 It's got to be this dodgy route. You know what, Lou, I'm going with the, I'm going bread. Look, he'd sit there. Wait, you're going bread now. I just don't think it'd be frozen to fresh in two minutes Oh, so I'm outvoted then I don't see how that's possible
Starting point is 00:58:31 Oh, you've changed your mind Oh yeah Oh no Logically you can't cook bread In two minutes when it's frozen You just said That's a mouse anyway You'd be there though
Starting point is 00:58:41 And you'd be like Right you know when you Wait brief You know when he defrost bread Yeah It's over two minutes In the microwave normally in it Yeah but it's not
Starting point is 00:58:48 And that's already cooked Yeah but that's not the I think the way That the vending machine would work It's not the way that we perceive How you're imagining it to be Here, bread don't do that. I mean, you can cook toast.
Starting point is 00:58:59 They try all loads of random shit in supermarkets, man. Yeah, but it's not, oh, you can do. You don't free, but not in two minutes. Toast won't cook in too much, imagine if it's like... Not like to a nice temperature, like a nice bird. I think this is the easiest one we've ever done. All right, we'll go with bread then.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Go with bread. The easy, genuinely the easiest one we ever done. He's gonna be like, oh my god, guys, you think a rat driving a car's real. I know when he's lying, he's been rumbled. Okay. I go, bread. I can't, you were adamant on the rat with me in now.
Starting point is 00:59:24 You're drawing Lewis's side. You've locked in. It's obvious. I'm actually so fucking confident. Also, by the way, if it's the one pound houses that you've said specifically off the table to begin with
Starting point is 00:59:34 is so fucking true. Real, one pound house is a real. It's so easy this. One euro actually, mate. He's stolen because he's shit himself. Okay. So,
Starting point is 00:59:44 the UK supermarket installing bread vendor machines and the rats driving are both real. Oh my God! fucking ah you're a fucking idiot why why would you say it was real i swear i've seen this you were so hell bent on it being fucking we've ruled it off the table after 10 seconds literally that went off the table so quickly but you were right to do because the fake story is actually the
Starting point is 01:00:12 bread i told you i've seen it look at you you fucking jump on my thing so often oh so the bread isn't real that's the fake story get in you look at you instantly instantly attacked me saying i'm wrong i'm wrong I'm wrong. Say sorry. Well, I had meaning to you. He said that you were the wrong one. Say sorry. The rat and me, the house is real, yeah. The real story. You got a picture of the rat driving?
Starting point is 01:00:35 No, it's just... We need to fish. I don't. It's in a... What is the supermarket? At university. Oh, no, it's a fake one. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 01:00:42 What was it, what were you going to say? There wasn't one given. Ah. If it hadn't me one, it would be Liddle, wouldn't it? What would? They would. They cost savings, aren't they? Oh, you're saying like... What are you trying to see?
Starting point is 01:00:54 Poor-ohs go there. I'm saying Liddle like to save costs Wow Do you have a gorgeous No, surely be NETO Netto? Netto? Netto. Little and Audi do rogue shit all the time
Starting point is 01:01:04 Oh, God forget you have just waited Have you heard of NETO? Netto, like you haven't. You disgust me. What's Netto? I'm not talking to. He's the right winger for Chelsea. Mate, no, what's Netto?
Starting point is 01:01:12 Type in Netto will, any TTO. I know what NETO is. What is Netto? What is Netto? No, what is NETT? There you are, there you go, Netto. It's like, oh no, has it ended? I've never seen or heard of NETO in my life.
Starting point is 01:01:24 2011? In 2016. Wait, did it get taken number by Sainsbury? It's a Denmark supermarket. No, it's a basically, if anyone was like poor at school, you go fucking E-shop at Netto. Oh. Never heard of it. It was basically like really...
Starting point is 01:01:35 Wait, rebranded to Azda? It was really cheap. No, that can't be right. That's Walmart. Yeah, Sainsbury's obviously. But yeah, anyway. Never seen. Well done.
Starting point is 01:01:43 You outsmarted me. You, you... I know a safe way. The fiddler got fiddled. I got your number, son. I don't know. I don't know when you'd been rumble. What?
Starting point is 01:01:52 Warworth. Farm foods? Never heard of farm foods? That sounds quite fancy to me. It's actually like the opposite fancy. Yeah, farm foods is for fucking... It's like Iceland. It's like Iceland.
Starting point is 01:02:01 Daveway turned into Moritans, didn't it? I think so, yeah. What a shit conversation in this, yeah. Thanks for 50K. Thanks for 50K, guys. Subscribe. Make sure you like, subscribe. And in the comments, I want everyone to tell me
Starting point is 01:02:12 the thing you hate the most about Theo. Thanks, everyone. Bye-bye! You made it to the end. Well done you. If you haven't already hit that follow button, why not? Tap it right now.
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