Back Side - Theo's Life Changing Experience, Reacting to our FUNNIEST Moments & Top 5 Woke Things in the World!

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

To celebrate a whole year of Back Side, the lads crack out the Champagne to watch back their funniest moments, recite their own poems and Lewis brings and all timer fact!If you'd like to work with us, email the studio on [e-mail] by The Fellas Studios: https://fellasstudios.com/podcastsTheo:https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoyhttps://youtube.com/c/TheoBakerVlogsOllie:https://youtube.com/c/reevhttps://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcherTom Garratt:https://www.youtube.com/@TomGarratt10Lewis:https://www.youtube.com/@lewisbowden106:00 om tris to kill lewis with champagne08:45 Reeve’s Back Side Poem11.15 Lewis’ Poem13:30 Theo’s Poem17:00 Tom’s Poem18:40 Reacting too our funniest moments… 27:15 If you knock yourself pout are you hard or soft?28:30 Something happened to Theo that he will never forget.29:30 Theo’s viral video idea 31:30 Reev’s terrible idea32:00 Listener Messages36:00 Ranking Or Top 5 Woke Things52:20 Lewis’ Fact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a new episode of Backside with me, Reeve, Theo Baker, Tom Garrett, and Lewis Bowden. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Backside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, where all you have to do is search Backside. Let's get into it. Your customers are scrolling past your social ads, using ad blockers, and paying for ad-free streaming. But when they're listening to a podcast, they're hearing Acast ads, which are 4.4 times more engaging than with display ads. So, if you want real attention, start advertising on podcasts with Acast. Start today at go.acast.com slash ads. mic check one two one two I haven't done my things yet hang on big bone to pick with you Lou what's wrong

it's not an anniversary mate it's a birthday no it's an anniversary it's a one year anniversary of us being together no it's the one year birthday of the show no

we've been together longer we have no we got together one year ago now we did it as a boy band we did it

and it's the one year anniversary of a boy band the inception of the show began a year ago. That's a birthday. That's not a birthday. Yeah, it is. It's not a birthday, mate.

Is this an anniversary or a birthday? Ooh. It's a birthday. Birthday, isn't it? Yeah. Not an anniversary. You make things sexual

for no reason all the time. It's a birthday. I didn't make it sexual. Look how many hearts there are as well. You are mental. It's a birthright. I didn't make it sexual. Look how many hearts there are as well. You are mental. Because we were birthed

last year. Yeah, we started the show. No, but we got together last year as a group. No, we didn't. No, but like on backside where we were

our true selves. It's an anniversary of that. Well, you can... Agree to disagree, but you've just tried to make this overtly sexual

when it didn't even... You're making a... Name one thing that's sexual about what I've done here. Roses, hearts... Flowers... You've got a bow now. 400.

When we cut in the cake? Oh, yeah, she wants it. Mate, you can't cut it without that. Happy anniversary. It's got rust on, man. Can you not do that? Because I actually want to eat this cake, and I'm not having rust in my cake.

That's how you get metal poisoning. Yeah. Is that a thing? Metal poisoning? You can't cut it with that, mate. Why do we have it on the set? Do you know what happens? If you do...

This is the perfect instrument for this task. How often do you eat wood? Do you know what happens? You're fucking termite. If you cut your finger on like rusty metal, you die. No, you don't. That is just not a fact.

Hepatitis, mate. Honestly, you... Jesus Christ. Will they die off this? No. Let's try it. Do you know what? This is going to add on to my walk list there, right?

It actually feeds in brilliantly. I don't want any. I'm not eating anything that touches that sore. Why don't you hammer it with the digit hammer? Did you two just like live your life as childers in like cotton wool?

Sometimes you go out and you eat a bit of shit. I ate mud, mate. Sorry. It builds up your immune system. You have a cake cut with a fucking rusty sore. Yeah, it'd be fine.

It would be fine. I actually don't want any cake, but I would eat it. Shock horror. All right, then. I'll have it come on then cut some money i'm gonna kill you and if he does good once if you actually did louis no it's a sword not eating that it's a saw use it as a saw grip man i don't know you have to

you have to plant your hand on it handle I don't want to handle it all. I'll have some Prosecco. Lewis, how have you got free life if you can't cut cake? Who wants the honours of opening our champagne? If you're a listener, we have some beautiful flowers decorated. We've got cakes. Love hearts about disco balls.

Disco fish ball. I forgot to say thanks for 50,000 and we promise not to talk over each other. And thanks for one year. Yeah, we should say thank you. We've got lots of fun stuff coming up we got poems we've got no no no no no don't fire it at me tom where do you want me to fire then at the expensive equipment no just take off the human life yeah but this is

not a very expensive human life also human life is you don't need to pop it you just need to what do you think you are? He's got a David's weapon. That's not English. Remember my first time doing a Prosecco? Stop it! Oh my God, don't do it, Thomas. I'm just a bit anticlimactic now.

He's already got it out. I popped it by accident. This is how people go. This is how that guy went blind. Yeah. Oh my God. Wait, are you fucking serious? Did you just aim it? He actually tried to kill me.

He went over there, relax. He actually tried to kill me. Yeah, his name was Theo as well, wasn't it? You can have that one. The guy that got his eye knocked out in Ibiza. Is that my worst night in there? Ibiza. Yeah, so we got the classic games coming up, some fan favourites.

We also got a nice top five coming up. We got some reminiscence, some nostalgia, some tickles of champagne. It's not champagne. It's Prosecco. And it's tipping. No, but that's what we call it though.

You should have actually gone out the budget and got some champagne. I paid for this out of my own money. Drink up, Lou. Drink up, Lou.

I paid £35. Drink up. Go on, mate. Oh, go on. Oh, HR. I'm drinking on set. Drink your job. I'm actually going to be Swifty after this. Swifty? What the hell Drink your job. I'm going to be, I'm actually going to be

shwifty after this. Shwifty? What the hell does that mean? Are you going to be shwifty con carne? Are we going out? Oh, we're going out. I forget you're actually

just like able to do shit. Post event now, yeah. That's good. Drunk Reeves, the funnest person ever. Sure. Normal Reeves is still fun. Oh, you saved that

a little bit there, mate. What the fuck? What's he doing pour yourself a little tickle do we need an intervention what are you doing swallow it why are you spitting it

on the floor no that's cheers boys that's not my way he's to one year boys it's been an absolute wonderful experience you didn't cheers with us

cheers that is a little bit and cheers to you back home um and thanks to you um anyway so to prepare for this wonderful occasion um we all have went and written a poem can i can i go first yeah reeve is really excited because i i actually as soon as you sent a message i started writing it immediately i thought wow this is right in your wheelhouse yeah wheelhouse it is like i've got Yeah, Reeve is really excited. Because I actually, as soon as you sent that message, I started writing it immediately. I thought, wow. This is right in your wheelhouse, to be fair. Yeah. Wheelhouse?

It is. I've got some new phrases recently. No, that's a real cypher per se. Ladies and gentlemen, the backside poem by Oliver Fletcher Warrington. Thank you. Oh, we can preface this. No chat GBT was allowed.

Yeah, no chat GBT. I promise you now. Oh, I absolutely promise you, no one will think mine is chat GBT. Everyone ready? Okay. Yeah. Oh,

how clear side never came to be. Oh, how offside was outvoted one to three. They just fucking shat themselves

mid-poding. That's so disrespectful. Have you drunk already? Oh, how Waterside Remains just a quote From TV Backside We arrive at thee

Ooh You like that right I like that A year of running Dreams and facing fears A year of camping High rocks And downing beers

Ooh A year of facts Guests And philosophy A year of facts, guests, and philosophy. A year of pubs, boxing, and conspiracy. A year of mukbangs,

calendars, and Theo on trial. A year of bingo, paradoxes, and Lewis in denial. I leave you with this. If a Gaz gobbles, has he won or not

here's to you backside another year of chaos and brain rot that was good thank you you have got too much time on your hands mate

I did it in 10 minutes that was good thanks mate and I summarised our entire year I think I think that was really good so everyone let's say

your favourite thing and least favourite thing about that I don't have a least. I think that was really good. So everyone, let's say your favourite thing and least favourite thing about that. I don't have a least favourite. I thought it was really good. Favourite thing? It was really wholesome. Thanks, mate. I think you can tell you have some rhythm in you.

I think you did a really good job at looking back at everything we've done rather than... I didn't include that many things. Yes. I summarised our previous year. That really shows how good your memory is. I feel like we did a lot more stuff than you realise, isn't it?

What do you mean? There's a lot of stuff that we did that you forgot. Yeah. Not really. I remember most things we've done.

Do you? Yeah. Annie Half? That was so long ago. It was a year ago. Okay. My turn.

This is called Backside Poem by Lewis Borden. Nice. My turn. This is called Backside Poem by Lewis Borden. Nice. Good title. Thank you. Backside is where our heart resides.

Searching for the lizard man wherever he may hide. Nowhere he hides. Wait, no, no, no. Let him finish the full thing and then we can dissect it. You're an idiot. But also,

we actually haven't started searching for him. Why have you done that? Why have you said he may hide I don't know if I read it out loud before bro's like

fucking Pitbull I'm in Kodak with Kodak when I read mine out loud for the first time it was so wrong it makes sense shit

okay we're there a place we call home with Theo Reeve Tom not forgetting the specky six sets hedge bets I'm never forgetting

the suffragettes but of course what what I need something that would rhyme oh my god you haven't even

brought that up ever have you when have we ever talked about suffragettes well no but we never forget the suffragettes they did amazing work that's a

you've got a good point he has got a point do we ever forget the suffragettes yeah running theme of the show that it's a bit like how many point, though. You can't forget them. Yeah, running theme of the show, that. It's a bit like, how many times do you think of Rome? How many times do you think of... Exactly.

But of course, a few regrets, like watching Reeve grovel. Or what the fuck happened in the German brothel? I thought you said nothing did happen. Nothing happened. UK number one, Tom Acton the Don, and Theo just happy To come along This is more than a pod

Fuck it Bigger than God Oh Egyptians on the moon The lads drinking in the tune Doctors fingering my poon And AB's shake That makes me wanna goon

Blood, sweat and tears Stress in my ears Tom sniffing gears Sorry, sorry I mean drinking beers For all For I love you all And everyone at home and all

Hey beast mode Yes I Backside till I die Sniffing gears Oh no gears What's gears? That doesn't work That's gears

Oh like gear sticks Nah Like He's just sniffing gear sticks Right Well that would be better I know I mean I mean sorry sorry Drinking beers You can't grind beers With beers my g's nah he's just sniffing gear sticks right well that would have been better I meant

sorry sorry drinking you can't drink beers with beers my g's but you did that you went

sorry sorry drinking beers no Tom sniffing gears sorry sorry I mean drinking beers oh that was part of the poem not like a correction

no yeah yeah that's horrendous but it was a good performance I see I can't take full credit for this this was a this was a joint effort

what the fuck I needed help Jodie does poems For everyone on their birthday So she's really good At writing poems Oh that's cute Do you always think

Jodie has a really kind face Yeah Yeah Actually I think that about Theo though No he looks No

Theo looks like A lost puppy No no But I said I said hello to Theo and Theo's girlfriend From above And yous both Looked very happy Like two Labradors Yeah like a lost puppy. No, no, but I said hello to Theo and Theo's girlfriend from above

and you both looked very happy like two Labradors. Yeah. You know what I mean? She's what I consider a kind face. Some people are scared to front smile.

I consider you two to have kind eyes as well. No. Absolutely not. I don't have a kind face. You don't think you have kind eyes? No, no, but you have kind eyes. No, I have sexy eyes.

Yeah, sexy eyes are different. Yeah, mine are kind eyes. No, actually, how do you say that, Tom? Oh, eyes. No, I have sexy eyes. Yeah, sexy eyes are different. Yeah, mine are kind eyes. No, that's actually funny you say that, Tom. Oh, God. Wait, Jodie wrote the poem and said, Tom, I have sexy eyes. No, I'd write it. She'd give me the rhyme.

I'd write it. No, no, I agree with that. I'd write it. I'd write it. Talk about his cock as well. No, I'd write it and she'd give me the rhyme. A backside. Oh, I actually spoke of a backslide.

What's the title? Just call it backslide. A year has passed. Somehow we're here. Still talking over each other. Our listeners fear. Backside the name was hated by most. But now we get brand deals.

We can sit here and boast. Hello, Poois. You tore your ACL and your mum cried. You still limp around and won't fix that stride. Oh, shit. This is fucking rough. You met Bruno G thanks to yours truly. We learned fish have hair and it gave us a scare.

The knowledge we now have is surprisingly rare. You don't need to end each sentence with, like, waiting for a reaction when it's that shit. And then we have Carrot. What a man, what lore. He invented Gaz Gobble's podcast core. His beard's gone missing. Where has it gone?

Oopsie, oopsie, he's been kissing Charlie. Nom, nom, nom. That's good. His missus. His missus his missus yeah what you didn't notice that she

laughed at that yeah I thought it was another drug joke the secret okay no be sniffing Charlie

nom nom nom anyways you can kiss it is that what you say when you sniff yeah nom nom nom I have experience

the secret to life lives in his eyes but here's the twist and don't get a fright. That doesn't rhyme. Hang on. Hey, poor Jodie, man. Oh, no. Sorry, Jodie.

He loves poo-is and he loves it tight. It rhymes with don't get a fright. Oh. It doesn't work when you start halfway. You're explaining. Weird words, right? I just threw in the line about his eyes. This is terrible.

And then there's Reevee. The scholar so wise, he can run a marathon and still eat 10 pies. Proposed to Meg in sunset light. South Africa made it all feel right. That's really nice, actually. Thanks, mate. He thought he found a solution to sleep,

but sadly for him, the benefits he shall not reap. Oh. So raise a pint to Corporal Willy Wally. For every fact and article, we do have a jolly. Year one is done. We set the tone. Maybe one day we'll all have a bone.

Nice. What the fuck? I like how he didn't include himself in the analysis of the show, though. Yeah, he's a humble guy, isn't he? Yeah, he's a humble kid. You should have done a solo paragraph. It wasn't worth it, man. That was really long.

Well done. Well done, man. Okay, my poem is called... Bear in mind, he didn't have one before the show started. Unnamed 31-year-old. I don't like that title. So, Tom Garrett. Change the title to Tom.

Just before you start, I hope you've understood the tone that we're going for here. It's a celebration. Hang on a second. We really did. We all said, what do we like about Reeves? What do we're going for here. It's a celebration. Hang on a second. We really did. We all said, what do we like about Reeves? What do we like about Liz? What do you like about mine?

I like yours. It's very in bed. You've made it. That line is very impressive. It kept me on my toes. Yeah. Okay. We did it in bed last night.

Sorry? No problem. Unnamed 31-year-old by Tom Garrett. No, can we change the title? Come on, do something. Why? Original.

Original. Original joke. I think Backside Poem was a really good name. Backside Poem by Tom Garrett. No, can we change the title? Come on, do something. Why? Original, original J. I think Backside Poem was a really good name. Backside Poem by Tom Garrett. Gilfie Sigurdsson by Tom Garrett. Right. Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate this podcast and each and every single one of you.

We invite you to subscribe, rate us five stars and also leave your backside poem backside poems please lads girls and because i'll read them all i'll read them all the best backside poem the best backside poem that we'll vote on i'll get framed i'm gonna get framed and we'll get it on this wall here forever to be memorialized on the set at least then we have to read it well we do love the listeners so we got some listener questions and suggestions of how we should celebrate this lovely occasion.

And the first one is from Tom, and he said, can you react to your best moments? So I only seen this yesterday, so I quickly got

someone to make some of it. I've only scanned through it, but this is what we've got sent over. Shout out, it's seven minutes long.

We don't have to watch it all. We should shout him out, right? Shout out, yep, it's that channel. We don't have to watch it all. We should shout him out, right? Shout out, yep, it's that channel. Should we hold hands for this? That's already more editing than good for this show. Yeah, this is more editing than you do on any pitch side video.

I missed that start. That's the best moment ever, man. It's you on the floor. I've never laughed like that on a podcast. Look at you. I couldn't stop laughing. Do you know what? I've lost that shirt, by the way. I couldn't stop laughing. I've lost that shirt by the way. I don't know where it's gone. Do you know what's crazy? That was a back-to-back episode following on from Men in Black. Yeah. I actually kind of prefer the white wall in those

sets to this set. I know it sounds like I'm being idiot but it's real. It's real. Can we pause a sec? Do you know, so the mermaid is what we're laughing out there if you're listening. The mermaid, it's coming up on TikTok. Everyone's tagging me. You can go see it in a museum.

We need to go see it. Where? What museum? It's got to be added to the list of all of the expeditions we're about to do in America, surely.

It went viral because it was like, oh, my sister looks so pretty here and it's pans to the mermaid. But they don't realise they're laughing out a genuine piece

of history that four week run of like yeah man mate ish mate was so good we were funnier on a white background by the way yeah this is a depressing

set oh do you think this is a depressing set i feel like we need to be lighter i just think we come in with too much anger now i think we go to him rather than

like we're gonna have a laugh we're like oh we're gonna shout that's severance we've been have a laugh we're like oh we're going to shout. That's severance. We've been severed and we're just like don't forget remember ourselves on that show.

God look how good my pee is. Am I pissed? Alright let's keep going. You're a full fucking head of hair. You might be the stupidest fish with hair.

I might need to go blonde again. What fish have hair? Watch. Reeves laugh is so fucking funny. Name a single fish that has fucking hair.

What's your leg doing? I mean, I don't know, I lost control of my body. That's a cold skin fade you got there, you know. He throws a banana up his head. Was that the bubble gum? When Fio tried to

say bananas and mint. Yeah, we were practicing. Why do we all have bananas? Because you were saying banana and

mint is bubble gum, right? And we were all wanking when I got off that plane. Isn't it like a three hour flight? Yeah, and I was

just like, I got off the plane, I was like, is anyone else pissed? They were like, no, we've all had a three hour flight? Yeah, and I was just like, I got off the plane. I was like, is anyone else pissed? They were like, no, we've all had a nap. I was like, oh no. What, you were drinking on your own? I was sat on my own, just like this. That was your mental world, yeah.

So the question was, who do you think there's something else in the universe that's more intelligent than humanity? And the answer we came up with was dolphins. Well fucking done. How do you know aliens aren't just giant cats? Think about it. What did I say?

How do you know aliens aren't just giant cats? Oh, they're gonna ruin it. The suffering highlights are the best. They're the bomb. The throwing is amazing. You said you weren't injured. I was injured. Oh, you're changing your mind now.

Throwing? No way, you put a throwing in a comp... ...comple... I put a throwing in a comp... ...comple......comple... ...comple......comple... ...comple......comple... ...comple...

...comple... ...comple... ...comple... I put my hand through. And he threw it to the other team. Skylar. Like, I know, like, he's one of my mates. I'm going to go up to him and I'm going to go,

I'm going to scare him with surprise. No. Yeah. No. All I had all I had was his side profile right no

he was waiting for the bus he was in a bus show so I can I've seen him through like a glazed window so I'm right I walk past him

and I go pow it's just not the person who I thought it was I've never seen the guy before in his life are you lethal bizzle It's just not the person who I thought it was. I've never seen the guy before in his life. And he goes fucking... Are you Lethal Bizzle?

Oh, God! The millipede. I can't get over the millipede on Tom's arm. I don't want to watch the millipede stuff. Oh, mate, get the snake on your... Big up Trevor. Yeah, friend of the show. Tom, why did you do that?

Look at it. There's shit all over my arm as well. There's shit down my arm. Look at it. Theo's got it. Look at Theo! Oh my god. It's 10 seconds.

It doesn't stop for any seconds. Oh my god. I don't really want... Theo, you've got this. Theo, no, you've got this, man. Theo, it's fine. Theo, you have it. You've got this.

You've got this. Yeah, you've got this. I'll Theo it's fine. Theo you have it. You've got this. You've got this. Yeah you've got this. I'm so stressed. Trying to be so encouraging. Look at his legs. The thing is he leaves it with it. He's not even breathing. He's not even breathing.

He leaves it and puts a scorpion on my leg. You watch the TV that you want to watch that you're not having to wait. Oh can you wait for this programme? I need to wait for this episode. No, you put on Dorda France and you watch every episode. Dorda France? I don't believe it.

Dorda France? Dorda France? And what you doing tonight? No, honestly, I'll put in the TV shows that I want to watch. You know, Joni, I'm going to put on

the Dorda France. I don't remember any of this. I don't remember a lot of these episodes you get to watch the TV that you get to watch and then I'm gonna order a pizza and have some dominoes duckies okay Theo goodnight

I dub you Dordy goodbye I dub you, Dodie. Dumb-bats, dumb-bats. Oh, my God. Free Gimme Stitch. Free Gimme Stitch. Look for the guy here. That's not confirmed. That's not confirmed. That's not confirmed.

I can't get through every time, man. The best bit about that was... Fucking rave to him, man. I was crying and I knew Reeve hadn't seen me. Yeah, he didn't see it. I can't walk into your house every time, man! The best bit about that was... Fucking rain, dude! I was crying and I knew Reeve hadn't seen me. Yeah, he didn't see us. Oh, your chair, fucking bro. That is classic, that is.

No, it's not a truck chair. I'm tall when I'm young and short when I'm old. Rick Sting! Penguin. No. Shit, I'm really stuck here. I can't work out what's going on. Let me put a running app on the treadmill.

Oh my god. Running up on the treadmill. Oh yeah. Why is this not working? Oh, that's my favourite bit. Zero kilometres. You fucking love this, Theo. Look at you.

I find this so funny. You put it back and I'm running. You're from the 1950s. I swear to god, there's like people next to me and behind me and they must have been looking at me with this Nike running app. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm. And I'm running. You're from the 1950s. And I swear to God there's like people next to me and behind me.

And they must be looking at me with this Nike running hat. And I'm running going, what the fuck? You roll around with a bomb on you at all times. Just a little pen, like a pen bomb. Pen bomb? When you pull the lid off and it just...

The Space Jam pen has got a little basketball at the end of it. Oh god. That's all of it. Oh. Well done, man. Well done. Well done, us, eh? Oh, it could be funny.

I think back then we were more friends no no I feel like we're a lot more angry in this set less sick and tired of you I feel like in this set

we bring anger it's because how dark it is yeah give us some light I think we need to be positive and happy no we should change these walls to white I think

do you know what it is I think we come in here thinking it's pitch side where we shout at each other whereas when we started doing it, it was, it felt, no.

Yeah, but also it feels more structured than it did at the start. At the start, we'd rock up and obviously you had your facts and we'd just talk about anything. Yeah,

the problem is, well, we can still do that. The problem is, you just have only have so many stories. Yeah. You gotta create more stories, bro.

No, I have loads. I just can't go on the pod. Yeah, what did I do this weekend? Right. That's a big issue, really, isn't it? Hey, he doesn't remember what he does in his life what i say going forward this is one thing i've started doing like two weeks ago and i have i have a list actually i can quickly mention

um where in your life on your notes if anything happens or a funny thought enters your head write it on your notes i used to do this on the radio all the time no but yes but like little notes or things are happening live because that is like that is you forget about it like um did you know that ticks don't have a bum they have an anal groove right yeah yeah so i learned that i can't remember where but somewhere in life i learned that well done and also wrote down if you knock yourself out are you hard or or soft? That's a really good point. Wait, what are you talking about? Like if you punch yourself

in the face. If you knock yourself, yeah, if you punch yourself and you knock yourself out, are you hard or soft? Try it. Are you able to punch it? Do people,

can people punch themselves? Yeah, but I think naturally you'd stop yourself. Yeah, but you'd pull out, ain't you? But let's say you're just full on powered through that and punch yourself.

It'd be quite impressive if you do punch yourself and it hurts. That makes it hard or not. Tyson Fury's put himself in a fight. That's accidental though. No, no,

but he has done it. I think it makes you kind of hard. No. If you can knock yourself out, you're a softy lad. But it makes it hard

because you did it. No, it does make you hard. No, because you can't fully extend into a punch on yourself so you're soft. True, actually. You only get

a limited range. But that means you generate so much power in that limited range. Who? Oh, yeah. Actually, that means you've got a really strong punch. In that range, I managed to generate enough power to knock out a male human. No, but you wouldn't be able to knock out any other person in the world doing that. Do you want to fucking bet?

Yeah. Oh, I'll tell you what did happen to me yesterday. I discovered arguably the greatest dessert of all time this is what this is what we've been missing let me guess was it a Sainsbury's

chocolate cookie ah bro so there I am was it a Twix filming viral TikTok London foods and I walk into it might be well known

have you ever been to Humble Crumble yeah yeah oh no I've heard of it but they have one in Spitfields. Jesus Lord.

You've never had one before? Brother. It's really good. It was apple and cinnamon crumble. Yeah. So the apple and cinnamon crumble custard. And then I went for the Easter egg topping of roasted marshmallow and mini eggs. And the combination of flavours did something to me that i will never forget

the best thing you ever ate well what did you not forget what you said it did something to you that you'd never forget yeah what did you do nah what it did it was it it was, it moved me. It genuinely moved me about how good the food was. Could it move you out of London forever? Well, how do we come onto that? What do I do? You went about that at all.

Oh, my video idea. So, I tested, I drunk tested kebab shops after a night out. And what the video is, we all go on a night out, but the video starts in the kebab shop and we're food reviewing it then. No, you should include the night out. And the video is, we all go on a night out, but the video starts in the kebab shop and we're food reviewing it then. No, you should include the night out as well. The night out bit

would do even better. No, no, because I'm planning on it. You know when we do... Wouldn't it be better stoned? What? Because you're really hungry. No, when you're... I think...

You know, for example, when he does his stag do at the end of the month, I'm going to ask Ben to come along after we finish that and we'll go to a kebab shop. Mate, 100%

include some of the pub crawl before it though if not because i want to do multiple kebab shops you know how do you all in the one video all in one video it's actually quite a funny video but you're gonna yeah we have to be serious but people love yeah really i know i'll i i get what you mean but i actually find it quite interesting that you just start the video and the black light just fucking hammered yeah and you're just trying to be legit. Because I think that's quite, that's quite a funny idea. It's going to have all us being drinking in it anyway.

That's true actually. I think that's actually, that is a really good idea. Yeah. Because it's quite unique where you just start and you have to, yeah, you're trying to be sober. And that's perfectly contextual as well. Like you only really have those kebab shops. Exactly.

At the time that you're drunk. What you could do. They're sober. Yeah. You know. What you could do to sort of get a blend of both worlds is slowly like

out of context cutbacks to like the stuff that happened on the night out and then straight back in and like piece those in to split it up so are you guys keen

to test a kebab shopper that's fucking a great idea why not mate thanks man yeah you could have funny little like flashbacks then straight back in to like serious

kebab room the issue is that I need to figure out when I'm doing drinking videos because I don't want to actually spend a whole day getting drunk you could just film on your phone come out tonight um anyway i had a little uh follow on from your invention actually i thought about it not following from yours no no no that thing's dead uh follow on from yours and it's instead of pubs it's independent coffee shops where you find coffee rankings

but it helps the coffee shops themselves because obviously you know alright is that not a good idea there's an app

that tells you which is the best coffee in the area or you just go to a coffee shop and find one please please stop trying

to invent things. So Nathan says, seen every minute, love from New Zealand. Rearrange the seats and see what happens. I don't mind that idea, you know.

Now, leave in the comments, where should people go? Okay. No, don't, that's a bit of a loose time, mate.

We shouldn't, we shouldn't ask for that. Oh yeah, because they're going to say, go to hell baby yeah go fuck yourself Ben says every week I'm excited

for the pod good to just shut off and listen to Carnage for an hour Carson says favourite moment is when Theo's Ronaldo boots got paint on them

that was brilliant have they still have they not recovered that was your fault she was you know actually I took that well oh yeah

you really took that well actually breaking news guys Theo took that well. Oh, yeah, you really took that well. Actually, breaking news, guys. Theo took like a babby for an hour. How did you take it well? I could have kicked off. You did? What the fuck? Well, you cost me two and a half fucking thousand pounds.

I didn't. I really didn't. The boots are completely fine. No, they're not. Also, that's about fucking 5% of what you get any brand deal. Like, that's going to hurt you. A, that's wrong, and B, that's irrelevant. So anything. Like, that's going to hurt you. A, that's wrong. And B, that's irrelevant.

So anything valuable to someone, you can just destroy it. No, I didn't. No, it was a complete accident. I didn't mean to destroy it. Well, he didn't mean to destroy it. They're not destroyed. There's a tiny bit of pain on them that wouldn't affect the sell-on value of them. Of course it is.

Are you going to sell them? I'll venture to. I will, yeah. No, you won't. You're a liar. You wouldn't sell them. I'm going to get around to sign them. All right. Then you'll get loads from them. Of course it is. Are you going to sell them? I'll eventually, I will, yeah. No, you won't. You're a lawyer. You wouldn't sell them. I'll get Ronaldo to sign them. All right, then you'll get

loads from them, don't worry. Just get him to sign over the bit that has paint on. Yeah, with white marker. There you go. Perfect. Problem solved. I do need to get them

signed by Ronaldo. That's a good idea. Yeah, go on then. Oh, so that wasn't the plan. You just thought that in your head. Yeah, I should do that. You won't 100% get it signed where it looks bad.

It doesn't look bad. It does. It doesn't. It does. And then it's smud It doesn't look bad. It does. It doesn't. It does. And then it's smudged when you try to rub it off. It's completely fine. Says the guy

who didn't even realise Chris MD hadn't paid him five grand back. We should see it. I don't get why you're bringing money into it. It's irrelevant. It's what all the boots

mean to me. We should see it because we watched a lot of bits there. Go watch some old episodes if you're new here. Because they're all... You're such a bitch, man.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. They're going to watch it. They're going to watch it. You're a bitch. Stop.

I'm going to start this again and I'm going to try and pull it back around. No, no, no. Absolutely not. You're not. You're not saying it. It's called trying to...

He's doing tricks on it, man. Doing tricks on it. What are you doing? You think they're fucking idiots, mate. They've already watched it. Yes, they are idiots. They're watching this. You think...

You think they're fucking intellectuals. You think Jim watching this right now is going to listen to you and say, oh, man. Is Jim watching this right now is going to listen to you say oh man I think Jim watching this right now might

presume this is like other podcasts where it's all based on news in fairness go back and listen to all the old episodes yeah basically Lewis is

trying to say that all the pods are evergreen guys so if you want to listen to the podcast don't watch anything we do and fuck off

there correct that would get that would probably produce more viewers and secondly I do personally believe the older episodes in the older sets

are better so they are funny they're worth a watch let's get rid of the set should we just sack off the pod we made it a year like it's a nice number to end your year

that would be pretty decent if we just stopped at episode 52 it's 54 now 53? 54? it's not a year then is it? I don't know

no can we not these pods my gambling money. Hang on a sec. Can I just say, what episode is this actually going to be? Because if this is not episode 52... Oh, this is next week's. No, no.

Is this episode 52? It better be. Because I always look like an idiot. It goes out on the same week of the previous debut. If this is not episode 52, we look like idiots. Alfie says,

Lewis has its one year anniversary. Can you please tell us what happened in the brothel? Nothing. Go on. Otherwise,

we start spreading rumours of what happened. I'll tell you. No, be honest. We can cut it out. I'll tell you it's on the

second year anniversary. No, have you ever shown the prostitute? On the second year anniversary, if we're still doing this, you'll find out what happened in the German problem.

Have you ever shagged a prostitute? No. That didn't sound right. No, I haven't. Stop looking at me like that. Oh my God, the ass. The ass. I don't get what you're doing there

because you deny it and then you're like, no. You have shagged a prostitute. I'm not laughing because he's looking at me with those eyes. No, I haven't.

Was it in the ass? Corey says, nowhere this shit lasted a whole year to end it up. Wow, that's rude. Yeah, he's right. Was it in the arse? Corey says, nowhere this shit lasted a whole year to end it up. Wow, that's rude. Yeah, he's right, you know. This is the most successful

podcast in England, mate. You could say it. That was woke. Was it? What, saying congrats on a year? Is that woke? Help me.

It's quite hungry being this hungry. I think we should do our top five most woke things at the minute. Yeah. Tom's list shortened from 100 to 5. I went last, so I'll go first. minute. Yeah. Tom's list shortened from 100 to 5.

I went last, so I'll go first. Right. So basically, just to let you know, we're going to do our top five most woke things in the world,

whatever we think. And to be honest, anything can be woke. I could say you watching this is woke shit. Could be. And if you don't agree, you can fuck off and die,

can't you? That's woke nonsense right there. Number five, dry January. You did that. You literally did not do it. could be and if you don't agree you can fuck off and die can't you that's woke nonsense right there number five dry January you did that you literally did not do it

I did damp Jan he partied in it for at least a day I did damp Jan and also just didn't do it moist Jan number four sounds like a person

birth week slash months what it's a birthday oh you mean celebrating for a week yeah also it's cringe anyone who like oh it's my birthday. Stop celebrating for a week. Yeah.

Also it's cringe anyone who like oh it's my birthday. No one cares. It's just a day you were born on. No one gives a fuck. Stop being an attention seeker.

I think that just justifies how much of a fucking loser you are. We've done this wrong by the way. We should have done one by one by one.

Oh yeah do that. Why are you so joyless though? Why can't people have an excuse to have fun? No yeah great. Enjoy the day. Enjoy the day.

Enjoy the day. Fuck it, man. If people want to celebrate for a week, let them go get busted, man. I'm not surprised you think that's okay. I don't do it personally.

You think your birthday is important enough to have a whole week. I agree with you. I think it's a birthday. I'm taking the whole of May off. What?

Yeah, true. But I agree with you. I think it's a birthday, but also at the same time, I'm playing devil's advocate. You should know this the most. Is there any excuse to have a party? I don't even tell people it's my birthday.

Yeah, that is true actually. We forget every year. I know, that's kind of woke as well. Why is that woke? I don't know. It's almost like you're drawing more attention to you. No, I absolutely don't. I don't care about my birthday.

I had about three. I prefer if you forget it. I had about three people put a story up of me and I didn't repost any of them. I did. Yeah, because I don't want people to know. But it doesn't matter if I put a story up. It's not bad.

No, I know. But if I did, I'd have loads inundated with messages. And then also, I can't be off. Oh, inundated with messages. You would be. Yeah, you would be because I am me. I'm Gaz. You're not Gaz anymore, are you?

I just think it's embarrassing. Well, you're be because I'm fucking I am me. I'm Gaz. You're not Gaz anymore are you? I just think it's embarrassing. Well, you're a fan of parties. I actually am. More fun than you because I actually drink. No, you're not.

Who's more fun at parties? Me or Theo? A drunk Theo's quite fun. Oh, fuck off. You just become all like

apples and pears. What kind of party are you talking? Any party in any situation, ever. If it's music involved, it's Theo.

I think, I think, I'm actually, I'm funny you say that because most parties do have music. I'm sliding over to drunk Theo. But if it's a fucking sick party, then it's Tom.

You're fun, but you're very, you're all over the guy. AKA. No, the difference is, I'm no different when I'm sober, other than just me times 10.

He's fucking miserable when he's sober but he's actually quite fun when he's had a drink so you think, oh, that's fucking crazy. At least he's not rattled by that. You're talking about me or him? No, not you.

You're similar. You're like me. You're cooked. I'm being cooked. I told you, the beard was the aura. Now it's gone. So my fifth one is

everyone diagnosing themselves with like fucking ADHD. My fifth one is everyone diagnosing themselves with like fucking ADHD my fourth one is oat milk fucking like down here oat milk's alright

no but oh fuck yeah what is wrong with you four and five are a little bit meh well that's what we're doing

so say them yeah so number five I've got Sunny D being removed from supermarkets I used to love that drink that was years ago yeah but I mean that's what we're doing so say them yeah so number five I've got Sunny D being removed from supermarkets I used to love that drink that was years

ago yeah but I mean that's just like it's a protection of the human race

no it is woke sugar tax is woke that's what it was yeah sugar tax you could have put sugar tax Sunny D was mental yeah but I

was Sunny D even that popular to stay on the shelves though yeah sugar tax in general is woke Sunny D was mental

though yeah maybe she's fucking crazy number four Jaguar their. The only deal was mental though. Yeah, it made you just fucking crazy. Number four, Jaguar. Their rebrand. Yeah,

that was mental. I haven't seen it. You know their stocks like dropped like 80%. Insane. What did they rebrand to? Just some shit fond that says Jaguar.

No, it was more than that. Instead of the cat. Oh, I haven't seen that. I haven't seen that. Yeah, I mean,

they did a whole like... They look good. They have five and four. I got't seen that a bit more than that yeah I mean they did a whole like they look good they have four five and four I got one and it's just more like I've never felt an ick like it

and that was Anne Hathaway's Instagram story recently it's actually the worst I actually am sorry it's sad she's like queen like everyone loves her yeah she is pretty

she's like she's beautiful she's a great actress like she seems kind of cool and she's just ruined it she's ruined everything Ruined it. She's ruined everything.

She lost all aura. Fuck her, silly, though. You get a pass on that one for having such pretty eyes. I don't get it, though, because surely when you're filming that video, you'd watch it back and say, what have I done? It's the fact that

the one text message comes through and she's like, group chat's popping off. I didn't even... I didn't get that. I didn't get that part. Group chat's popping off. It's like, Declan popping off. I didn't even, I didn't get that part. I didn't get that part. He sat through the whole thing. He's like,

Declan Rice is the player, mom. And then she goes back and starts singing. Wait, you sat through the whole thing? Yeah, I actually only watched the song

at the beginning. I turned it off after. 10 seconds, I turned it off. I mean, it was, it's not my proudest wank, but.

It might be one of the worst things I've ever watched. I just said, I said it didn't even last that long. It is one of the worst things I've ever watched and that's no exaggeration. And she she's a legend i don't know that video view in ibiza is pretty bad what video right you know the next one uh what so it's just us three

then for the remainder yeah just one have you got uh all right number three uh is high rocks yeah it's kind of, he's kind of woke. He's kind of woke. He's seen a TikTok the other day. Also, that's not fair because that's the only other fucking jumper he wears. So why is he bringing that up? It's free. I've seen a TikTok the other day. Some dual girl group finished

and they were buzzing and celebrating. Then they looked up and realised they had a 40 minute penalty. 40? 40? They're running the wrong way round. They've been skipping a lap on every single one and then one of the comments

was someone saying so glad this came on my feed I saw you skipping a lap every time apologies and then they replied to the comments like you could have

just told us we trained so long for this oh that is so Pete that's actually kind of Pete imagine that that's amazing

that's exactly why it's woke obviously they made a video out of it them girls what do you have to let everyone know when they're going

around it will come up with their name yeah it should be they just weren't looking worthy I rate the person who was reporting them keep those rules in check

or just don't do it or do it and don't post about it but you can't can you because you're fucking woke you literally did it and posted about it

I posted no that's also that's bullshit you're lying yes it is you posted about it. I posted. No, no, that's also, that's bullshit. You're lying. Yes, it is. No, it's not. You posted about it and I reposted a story. You are a part of Backside and you posted that video.

Yeah, because I really wanted to do Hierarchy and I was so for it. You were the main one. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Sorry, yeah. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy a second of it. You fucking loved it.

You've got it on camera. You're saying you liked it. I really didn't enjoy it. That's also a lie. He loved loved it. You've got it on camera you're saying you liked it. I really didn't enjoy it's also a lie. He loved putting Lewis down. Yeah you loved beating him. I enjoyed beating you but I knew I would.

You're in denial man you're a future Hyrox champ. I will never do Hyrox again and if you try and make me do it on this channel again I will quit. 10,000 likes

and we do a sequel. Solo. Nice. I promise you I won't do it. You literally cannot force me to do it. It's your job. No it's not

fucking is you're a natural born entertainer I heard yeah High Rocks please sponsor us for a High Rocks yeah I can do

I'll be the cameraman you'll be the first world champion who just hates High Rocks like fucking hate this stupid sport who doesn't take his top off or post about it like a fucking wetter right what's your number three

it's Reavener my go Right, what's your number three? It's Riven. My go. I'm going to go with number three, gender neutral bathrooms. Because I understand people want to choose their gender. I agree. But just go to the men's

or the women's. To add on to that, like you have player of the match now instead of man of the match. Why can't women have player of the match? This has bothered you though. It's walk. Yeah, it's fire. It's walk. Man of the match just runs of man of the match. Why can't women have player of the match? This sounds bothered you though. It's walk. Yeah, it's fire.

It's walk. Man of the match just runs off the... It's alliteration. It runs off the tongue. But do you still call it man of the match? I do. Yeah, no, but it's just walk, isn't it? It's fire now, isn't it?

Because the women can have women of the match and we have men of the match because it's men versus women. I know the women have player of the match. Yeah, no, but why do we... That doesn't make sense. It's not even like... It doesn't make sense. There's men playing in this game, so it's the doesn't make sense. There's men playing in this game,

so it's the man of the match. There's women playing in this game, so it's the women of the match. Why do they have to be mutually exclusive to each other? I actually think it's... I know girls who play football and they call it...

For them, they call it man of the match. Yeah, because it's just... They're not thinking, oh, a man. A man means penis. They just think it's just called man of the match.

And also, they are one man. It's not that deep. I know. I don't know why... That's the overall art in walkers where we Match. And also, they are one man. It's not that deep. I know. I don't know why. That's the overall Arton walk. Where we're trying to make everything. It's chill, man. They did call it Man of the Match on commentary over the weekend.

He was sacked for it. Yeah, probably. He's been lynched outside the stadium. It's walk! Theo? I've got nothing left. He just did it. All right, okay.

So Theo hasn't prepared. Number two is cancel culture. Mine's cancel culture as well, too. Oh, I did say that one before I walked in. Yeah. My number two is cancel culture mine's cancel culture as well too oh I did say that before yeah my number two is pound shop selling

things that are over a pound they've always done that they've always done that yes they have that's not

that's just you not going to them I went to a pound shop once and tried to buy one fucking can of drink right pound land has always had things over a

pound they refused to sell me a drink unless I bought three for a pound I was like I don't want three drinks so I want one and they were like

we can't do that yeah but I only I don't want to carry about I don't want to carry three drinks so don't go to a

fucking a bundle shop do you know what it used to be called in Seaford it was called around a pound

my last one is five second rule not being an effect as much these days oh eating off the floor three second rule I feel like if you eat off the floor

these days five or ten five or ten second rule five second rule I've never seen anyone implement that in a fucking long time I think it depends where you're

from we used to do ten second rule yeah I used to do a minute rule what that's just where I eat you just didn't have a rule

that's eating yeah that's just where I eat my number one is queuing in pub, single file. Stop doing that. Oh, yeah. That is so good.

It's stuck around since COVID now. Stop doing that. And if you try and go to the bar, people look at you like you're bent over. It's like, there's a whole bar here. I do that. Mine's pub related as well, my final one. Alcohol-free beer.

I think if you're going to the pub and having an alcohol-free drink, just pick a different drink. I disagree with that strongly because it makes people feel like if people aren't drinking

they still feel involved I agree you can do that anyway no no it's not I can go to a pub I would look down on you if you ordered a coke

if you sat there say you are driving for example if you sit there with like an apple juice you look like a fucking loser whereas if you're drinking a pub

that's just how you perceive people to be a beer drinker so when jack lewis did it in january he didn't drink for the whole january he likes the taste of beer nice i don't understand that for one but you're not a beer drinker i like a non-alcoholic beer yeah that blows my mind cold oh i've had a zero percent guinness right and it is very similar to guinness i can completely understand why people would drink that heineken's very similar as well zero percent corona tastes a little bit different but it's like if you if you need to i'll let people off if they actually enjoy the taste of it for the but the people that don't enjoy the taste of alcohol-free beer i don't understand what your point is though like people

don't do you think people drink beer because they don't enjoy it i don't get it people drink beer that tastes nice not just to get drunk no people yeah but they drink it for the effect you drink beer for the effect otherwise

like a nice cold bit of it's amazing but you don't like beer but you like the taste of cider no yeah

I'm not really that big of a fan of cider but I'll have one some are really nice but I would never have it what I'm saying is

I'd never have an alcohol free cider mate they're fucking banging yeah because I'd just have a Diet Coke or a Coke Zero because I enjoy that taste better have an alcohol-free cider. Mate, they're fucking banging. Yeah, because... I'd just have a Diet Coke or a Coke Zero because I enjoy that taste better.

Because an alcohol-free cider is apple juice. That's also not true. You know, like Copperburg do like a 0% strawberry and lime. Yeah. It's fucking class. Well, that's my top worst thing ever. I'm surprised that's your number one. I mean, it's your list, but I think it's fucking bullshit.

You've had a lot of L's recently, you know. That's not an L. I don't think that's an L. Alcohol-free... I think that is an L. I think it's fucking bullshit you've had a lot of L's recently that's not an L I don't think that's an L alcohol free I think that is an L because the whole stigma around like I know you had a problem

with it I have no issue with people if they want to come out for a drink and don't drink I actually don't care that's what I'm saying

but just have the confidence to know that you're not drinking but it makes them feel more involved if they're having what is a beer but it's just got

no percent in it but if I rock up back to the table with like a small coke zero yeah you look like a fanny no but you can

but sometimes that's a vodka coke zero nah but it's a bit different holding like if you're in a group of mates say you're on a night out and you're holding a pint

it is like an inclusive thing no one knows if it's zero percent or whatever I just think it's worth it you don't drink beer that's what it is let's 0% or whatever. I just think it's woke. You don't drink beer. That's what it is. Let us know your list

in the comments. I think that's woke. I think it's woke that you don't drink beer. Yeah. You're a 31-year-old. I can drink beer. I just don't like the taste of it.

That's woke. That's woke. Grow up, man. You're woke. People don't like the taste of beer until they eventually drink enough

that it becomes okay. I love a fucking cold beer. I don't think that's true. When you started drinking, I don't do it enough. That's a popular opinion here. I don't think that's true. When you started drinking... I don't do it enough. I don't do it enough. I had one before the Arsenal game. It was fucking orgasmic.

When you started drinking, honest answer for all of you, did you enjoy the taste of beer? I honestly can't remember. I can't remember. Nobody does to begin with. I started drinking when you're younger. To play Dibs Advocate,

you know Apple, like normal cider, strong whatever. I don't like the taste of that. I don't like that either. That's crazy. There you go. But I don't sit there

and say nobody likes the taste of cider. I used to hate olives. I now love them. I hate olives, yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's how taste works, isn't it?

When you're a kid, when I started drinking at like 13, 14, all you like is sugar. So like, we'd have WKDs or like, I don't know. We're not sitting here saying, we don at like 13, 14 all you like is sugar so like we'd have WKDs or like I don't know

we're not sitting here we're not sitting here saying oh it's impossible for you to like the taste of cider even at the point Reeve

no I'm not saying I'm just I'm saying for people that dislike the taste of beer because cider's a very childish taste but drink you're a child

if you like cider if you drink pints of cider I do look down on you a little bit that's woke I agree with him I think it's embarrassing

all of all of half English culture is cider no it's not yes it is anyone who orders a cider

gets laughed at everyone in the west country drinks cider over beer preferentially rugby players drink cider

over beer that's also not true that also says a lot. Yeah, the West Country rugby players, oh, wankers,

the lot of you. Do you know what, do you want to just like get a fucking pint with the lads and have it in a beer, go, oh, fucking yeah.

Don't get me wrong, there's some cider. I do that. Like a blood orange statues or a Thatcher's Ace in the sun. Nah, it's probably a lime copperberg.

Or yeah, even a record league or a copperberg goes off. on the mountains, you know when you're doing an apres ski and you're in the sun now it's probably lime copperberg or yeah even a record league or copperberg goes off on the mountains in you know when you do an apres ski and you're in sun and it's like a nice bubbly cold lager and with all the altitude the bubbles are just yeah now i'm fucking getting bricked up i can't wait for the fucking pint i've done that though we we actually need to do that next year as well a backside scheme vlog yeah yeah yeah I thought you meant can you sing me in

been a while can you remember this fact Lewis has got a fact but the fact the fact the fact the fact

the fact is bullshit right so I have got an absolute humdinger for you and I'm glad we're all like

really zoned in here go on then I've got a real humdinger for the anniversary I'm glad we're all like really zoned in here. Go on then. I've got a real humdinger for the anniversary. I'm extremely excited. You're coming out. So, it's called

speaking dolphinese. Mmm. Oh, here we go. Like this. Someone woke up. A Chinese man woke up and he spoke dolphin. Like that, Luke.

Oh my God, you can speak dolphinese. Now, someone, that's what they do. Dolphins, people. When did you realise you could speak dolphin? That's my secret talent. When did you realise you could speak dolphin?

I don't know, I just applied to that. Sounds a bit stupid. So, it's 1961. I know you like your dates. Wow, you've actually researched it. Well done. A secret meeting is taking place in West Virginia's Green Bank Observatory. It's American. A secret meeting is taking place in West Virginia's Green Bank Observatory. Scientists around the world met here.

One called Melvin Calvin. And he actually even missed his Nobel Prize for this. Shut up. It's his name, Melvin Calvin. What's his name? That's from Mad. Melvin Calvin. Actually, he won a Nobel Prize and he missed the ceremony to go to this meeting.

It's that big of a deal. Anyways, they all came to meet a geezer called Dr. John C. Lilly. Okay. And they all gathered around to hear a groundbreaking announcement and Dr. Lilly was there. He got up on the podium.

Lilly Savage. And he came up and he was like, thanks everyone for coming. Thank you. Melvin, congrats on the Nobel Prize. Get your hands off me.

He'd be American if he didn't remember that. Howdy. And guys, I'm here to tell you that I taught a dolphin speaking English. Very good. Why do you say I don't understand American?

Actually, no. No, he said he taught a dolphin to play fetch in a very unique way. Your ankle bashes look mental, by the way, Lewis. But you couldn't ankle bash it? Oh, Jesus. Couldn't ankle swing it? Yeah, both.

I knew that Charlie told me these weren't too short when I bought them, but they definitely are, aren't they? Oh, my God, no. She's not here, mate. So how are your jean leg creased? Yeah. If I was you, I'd kill myself.

Anyways, so Dr. Lily taught the dolphin to play fetch in a very unique way. You might like this, Tom. Instead of using his nose, he would catch it with his erect penis. I can't believe it. So he used to throw it out and the dolphin would go... How would he catch a ball with his cock?

All the time. No, a frisbee. A fris... You mean a ring? Fetch. Play fetch. A ring. A ring, yeah.

So... A frisbee. Originally it was a ball, then it became a frisbee, now it's a ring. I don't think you've researched this very well. So you threw it and the dolphin's like... Yeah, we understand how we do it.

We don't need... Well, out of the water, that's even more impressive. Like, big dick. Do you remember them balls that would squish into a frisbee? Yeah, and then pop out. And pop out. No. Yeah, I do.

I actually don't. Balls. Bees. They were like... Balls bees. Starship, weren't they, almost? Yeah, you could do, yeah. And it was balls. The reason dolphins could do this is, like starships, weren't they? Yeah. The reason dolphins

could do this is dolphins can actually get an erection on demand. Erection. Yeah, like erection time. So, it was a world-renowned scientist sat down

and they all listened and all was like, wow, this is fucking amazing, like, well done. Yeah. Anyways, this became known, this meme became known

as the first ever meeting of SETI. We know who SETI is? No. The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. Oh, I didn't know aliens would be involved. A dolphin isn't extraterrestrial though. But is it? No.

Because Dr. Seeler, he thought different. Now the group consisted of the person who discovered the Habital Zone, physicists from the Manhattan Project, like genuine people, all part of SETI, okay? Wow. All listening about how a dolphin's using his dick to catch a thing. And Lily was

actually only invited as a group joke, it seemed. But after they realised, because they went to have a meeting, essentially, and like, right, we're looking for aliens, but they were like, we need someone who can speak to aliens. And they thought, well, he can get dolphins to catch stuff with a dick dick and dolphins are clever. Let's get him along as a joke.

Do you know, I think though, if like, if it's such a serious meeting, they wouldn't invite someone as a joke. It's the 60s, mate. They're all on LSD. So Lily had dolphins and he didn't, but he didn't just work on dolphin interactions, right?

He worked on monkeys as well. I mean, basically. Have you crammed everything you've ever learned about one story it's my favorite thing ever so you discover the dove has discovered the area of the brain that gives monkey your rank erections and orgasms and he linked it right he linked it up to a button for the monkey to press so when the punky pressed this button he would get an erection and have an orgasm. But surely he's just in a perpetual state of pregnancy. I don't believe this because monkeys don't have sex for pleasure.

No. That's not true. But it still feels good. So the monkey pressed his button. Well, you'd wear an orgasm, wouldn't you? So he linked it up to a button, right? And the monkey pressed the button once every three minutes for 16 hours straight until he passed out. So this was like

another groundbreaking discovery. That's just a dopamine addiction. How would the button make him come? It's stimulated by the part of the brain. Yeah, it's connected to like an electromagnetic.

But fucking hell, think that monkey was there once every three minutes. At a certain point, it's not even enjoyable. No, no. That's like me on a Sunday after a comedown.

Yeah, he's just like, fuck it, I can go again. Yeah, short-term pleasure. So anyways, he started thinking about how could it, I can go again. Yeah, short-term pleasure. So anyways, he started thinking about how could this work with the human brain and he actually

deprived the human brain of all sensors and he created the sensory deprivation tank that we know today. Oh no way, that's cool. So this guy was getting about at the time.

He was more notable though for thinking that dolphins had a separate, should be acknowledged as a separate intelligence. Like, he thought that in the un there should be a separate section for dolphins who represented marine life and genuinely he wanted to teach he used nasa funding and he was like i'm going to teach dolphins to speak english yeah they're clever enough too much money in the 60s didn't they yeah so he's like i'm going to speak i'm going to get i'm going to get them to

join the un they're going to represent dolphins and you know we're gonna do this and nasa funded him and uh way back in 1958 so before that meeting this is all pre-date in the original set he meeting um he built an oceanside laboratory so he had like a bedroom and like a river flow through it and like he put dolphins in and he would like live and work with dolphins yeah so like he was out doing that and he was actually like teaching the dolphins in and he would like live and work with dolphins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like he was out doing that and he was actually like teaching the dolphins words and they started using words back.

Oh, they spoke? Yeah, he started saying like, goodbye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course they did. Yeah. Bullshit. No, they did.

They don't have their human mental codes. They're going out in the clicky. Do the clicky voice. Get in, bye. Bullshit. No, I swear down. It's on video.

I'll show you after. It on video pretty cool um so they added ramps and stuff diana height and like they were there and the dolphin who was getting his wreck penis was learning words anyways no he wasn't carl sagan who was later on in down the line involved in the setting meeting he came to visit him to sort of see what was wagwaning um and he's he's like sees him and he says i swear that dolphin just said good boy no he didn't and he's like yeah he did no anyways carl sicken goes out the local restaurant he starts like wheeling dealing with the lasses and he's like yeah there's a dolphin that says good boy and he brings the last back she ends up

working on the project with him of course she did yeah that just happens so she starts working one-on-one with the dolphin. Oh, that just happens at random around the street. Do you want to come work with this dolphin? No, but this is the thing, right? So she had no qualifications,

but she claimed that she could be, she could, like, communicate telepathically with the dolphin. Oh, wow. That's a coincidental find on the street, isn't it? Yeah.

So, like, she was, like, going back and forth in the brain. And, like, the thing is, though, she refused to speak to the dolphin unless the dolphin spoke English to her.

Of course she did. So she never spoke to the dolphin? Yeah, exactly. So she was like, I'm not going to answer you in my brain. I'm going to answer you out loud. Yeah, of course she did. But the dolphin was going,

I am a good boy. Of course he did. Anyways, progress was flying right. Of course it was, yeah. There was a twist in the road. Oh, here we go. The dolphin hit puberty. No.

No, and then he lost all of it. Get on, bit of hair. So, the dolphin, like, mid-lesson was trying to try,

like, shag her. And she's like, this is really getting in the way of my research. We're making ground-breaking strides of dolphins. In the water? Like she'd be in the

water with the dolphin she is it's an ocean the laboratory there's a it's a house that's half water so the living room the living room where they'd eat it was like water up

to their knees and the dolphin would swim around they were like living side by side with dolphins human and dolphin in the house the table that they're eating off is underwater

no it's just above. But the dolphins swimming by. Juice! It's like one of them bars you can swim up to. Yes. No, it has ramps and the dolphin has

a special seat. That's what I said. It's like one of them bars you can swim up to. A swim up bar. You said pedantic, brother. Anyways, so Margaret was like, shit,

we're going to have to pack this in. That's her name. Margaret! That's her name. Margaret! Oh, God. She was like, we're gonna have to pack this in that's her name Margaret that's her name Margaret fuck off she was like

how are we gonna get past this he's horny and then she was like shag it she discovered that if she

grabbed shag the dolphin if she grabbed the dolphin's dick right right they see no

by the way this is completely I promise you this is true this is bestiality I promise this is true she realised if she grabbed the dolphin's dick,

the dolphin would do like thrusting. Fuck off. And then it would like vibrate. And then it would just be relaxed again. Fuck off. Yeah, he's coming, isn't he? Obviously.

And in her... So she... That's what it was like. That might be one of the worst things you've ever done. So she wanged the dolphin off. It just didn't happen, did it? So she said, in her so she that's what it was like that might be one of the worst things you've ever done so she wanged a dolphin off it just didn't happen so she said

in her words I don't know about wanging people off she said she was strengthening the bonds between human and dolphin yeah she fell in love

with a fish mate even if this is true it's fucking mammal illegal and weird I found taking his penis in my hand

and letting him bump into me would help him achieve some sort of orgasm as he would start to shake and with his eyes closed and mouth open. What is this story? This did not go down well

with the public. Oh, never. Leading NASA funded money to wank off dolphins. Yes. So Dr. Lilly's reputation was kind of ruined off the back of this.

Oh, I wonder why. Because he came back and he saw Margaret wanking off his dolphin. Yeah. And it's getting pulled on him. And Margaret moved out of the dolphin house. And the dolphin... I'm not laughing because it's...

I'm laughing because this is so ridiculously stupid that it's real. Oh, you realise that, do you? The dolphin... After the dolphin got left by Margaret... He got depression, did he? He got depression. Yeah, of course. I didn't see that coming.

And he drowned himself. He drowned himself. I'm not laughing because it's actually really sad. I'm laughing because it's so surreal.

An aquatic creature drowned himself. Mate, this is completely real. The dolphin killed himself because he lost... Mate, this is real.

I'll play the video of the... I'll find the video of the dolphin and say I'm a good boy. How can you prove a dolphin killed

itself? No, drowned. Drowned itself. That's how dolphins kill... How else is it going to kill itself? It's not going to pull out dolphin scene. I'm a good boy. How can you prove a dolphin killed itself? No, drowned. Drowned itself. That's how dolphins kill. How else is it going to kill itself? It's not going to pull out a gun. I don't know. No, I know.

I'm not denying how he died. I don't know. I'm saying how did he, how do you know he did it on purpose? I don't know the dolphin would have like the mental capabilities to like even think

of the possibility of killing himself. This whole thing is not only weird, just very not believable. It's true. And Dolphinson, I'm a good boy. Anyway, so that's why years later,

when they were setting up SETI to search for extraterrestrials, they were like, we need someone who can speak with aliens. And they were like, well, I know a geezer who can speak with dolphins, Dr. Sea Lily. And that's how he came to be part of SETI.

What happened to Margaret? And that's how SETI started. So why to this day don't dolphins speak English? Because the research was stopped. Right. She stopped wanking him off. But like, they were making actual strides.

I'm going to come. I'll find the video of the dolphin saying I'm a good boy. I'm bad at birds. This sounds like... Margaret, keep going. Oh, I'm going to come.

He had Margaret pick up the mimicry work where he'd left off. Move your head. Her job was to try to encourage the dolphins to copy the specific sounds of human speech. Margaret focused on one of the dolphins in particular, the male. Of course she did. I chose to work with Peter because he had not had any human-like sound.

The one who wanked him off? The other two had. My first goal was to get him to listen while I speak. Much of the work in the dolphin house was captured on tape, and these are the real sound recordings of Margaret's lessons. A, E, I,

O. One, two, three. You better pee. Yeah, it definitely speaks English. That's it. That's it. Oh my God. You are joking.

She's obviously never wanked him off in her life. She's fucking insane. You valid that, you fucking freak. never wanked him off in her life. She's fucking insane. You valid that, you fucking freak. She wanked him off, I promise. That's what she did. That dolphin is firstly not even repeating the same. He said one, two, three. No he didn't, he said four things. He said one, two, three.

No he didn't. He sounded like dribbling for first thing. And all he does is just go. Obviously he doesn't have a tongue. I mean, he does have a tongue. Yeah, they do. Thanks for watching, everyone. Lewis is going to get hell.

Stop. We'll see you next week for more bullshit. Not bad yourself. Bad. You're an idiot. I found it before. You're a fucking idiot. I found it before.

Peter was a sexually maturing male dolphin so Margaret often had to satisfy him to calm him down you made it to the end well done you if you haven't already hit that follow button

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