Backstage at the Vinyl Cafe - Bonus Episode: Bloopers II

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

By popular request, for our first bonus episode of season 3, this is part II of Stuart and I in studio, back in 2011, talking - and laughing - about some of his most hilarious bloopers.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From the Apostrophe Podcast Network. Hello, I'm Jess Milton, and this is a bonus episode of Backstage at the Vinyl Cafe. Welcome to the show. We're taking a break over the summer, but we've gone back into the archives to keep you going till September. Today, it's our second installment of the Vinyl Cafe bloopers. Me and Stuart McLean together in studio. So many of you wrote to us after our last bloopers episode to say how much you loved it. I did too. I loved hearing our voices together. What's more fun than teasing someone you love? In my family, teasing's a love language. You know you've made it into the inner Milton clan when we start taking the piss out of you.

And I realized when I sat down to build this show that I kind of only tease the people I really love. I guess that's the difference between teasing and just being mean. Anyway, here I am back in 2011 in studio with someone I love taking the piss out of him. And I think you'll hear from the tone of his voice that he's enjoying it just as much as I am. I'm Stuart McLean and this is The Vinyl Cafe. And today on the show, we're playing bloopers. Some of our favorite, well, Jess's favorite outtakes from the past few years. And Jess Milton, The Vinyl Cafe producers here in studio.

And so far, I feel like I've gotten out. Like, this isn't as bad as I thought. Like, these, those weren't, I haven't embarrassed, these aren't embarrassing moments, actually. We're just getting warmed up. So what do you have next then? Well, I have a whole bunch of. Because those weren't, those were not mistakes so much as me. Yeah, okay.

No, and you do a lot of that. I mean, when you make a mistake, it usually ends up being funnier and probably more fun than if you'd done it right the first time. Most of these ones here, in fact, I think all of them, I'll just check. Yeah, I think what we have coming up next are mostly stuff we've recorded in studio. So this is you're sitting in a studio room, and myself and our technician, Greg DeCloot, and usually Julie Penner, our music producer, are in the control room. So you're by yourself in the studio and we're in the control room and we're often surprised, I guess, by the way you choose to pronounce certain words. I think my favorite one, do you remember Banana Salami? Yeah, that wasn't in studio.

That was on stage. No, I know. This was on stage. And unfortunately, we never recorded that. Or when we did, you got it right. But we had this story exchange. And it was one of my all-time favorites, and I think one of yours too. It was a wonderful story written by Margaret Fry in Vancouver. And it was a very, very touching story. And we had a really nice song by Matt Anderson.

And it was a sort of moment in a live concert, which was always quiet and pensive. And every night, like I'd be reading that thing on stage. And every night I'd be coming up and I'd see those two words, banana and salami. Banana and salami on the page in front of me. I'd say, okay, get it right. Get it right. Because I was saying, instead of saying banana and salami, I was saying- Well, how it started. Okay. And we did this story exchange for about three weeks on a tour. So you

were reading the exact same story every night. And on night number one, you said banana. Okay. It's like tomato, tomato, banana, banana. I mean, that's not that weird. I know that you don't say banana that way. So I thought, okay, that's a little strange. And then the next night you also said banana, right? So the next day, as we're going through the script, so we do every day on tour, I said, hey, why are you saying banana, banana? And you said, I don't know. It's weird. Every night I look at the script and I think, I keep saying to myself, banana, banana, banana. And then the word comes out of my mouth and that word is banana. So then, so that night, that day we had this conversation.

And then that night on stage, you read the story and you said banana. And I'm backstage and I go, yeah, way to go, Stu. And then you said salami. So you got banana right. But instead of saying salami, you said salami. It was so weird. And then every night I would- For 21 days straight. I would say it wrong every night. And I'd be coming up, I'd be reading the script and I'd see the word sort of hovering in the distance in front of me. And I'd say, okay, get it right,

get it right. And then I'd come and I would get it wrong. And it would be, it would make me, and I think, does everybody notice this? Like, is everybody in the audience? Or do they think sometimes when, like, are they sitting there thinking, gee, I mispronounced that all my life. Yeah, yeah. And because it was the type of story that it was.

Yeah, it wasn't a funny story. No, you couldn't stop and make a joke about it. It was like laughing at a funeral or something. Yeah, yeah. Banana salami. Yeah. Banana salami. It was either banana salami, banana salami.

Yeah, it was very weird. Anyway, we don't have that one, unfortunately. Are you going to play Duran Duran in this one? Oh, no, no. Because that was the same deal. Well, no, that wasn't. Same idea. We had a story that mentioned the band Duran Duran, okay?

19 days out of 20, you said Duran Duran. We did the story for three weeks. Yeah. You said it properly. You say it five times in the story. Every single night you said Duran Duran. Of course you know how to say Duran Duran. The one night where we are recording the show in front of like 2,200 people or something in Winnipeg,

you get to the part to say Duran Duran and you say, Duran Duran. And then I decided. And there was, I swear, I swear, there was a gasp from the audience. Like it was so ridiculous. And then I decided because I'd said it wrong that I had to stick with it. That's right. So I kept going through the story saying Duran Duran every time I came across it. And then I, I convinced, actually after I'd done it three or four times in my head,

I convinced myself that was the way you were supposed to pronounce it. What happened there? You made me redo it. Yeah. Well, not just me, but luckily, she also said that show too. She came back to her hometown of Winnipeg and at intermission, Julie and, and Jason and all the guys from the Weaker Thans and all of the guys from the Vinyl Cafe Orchestra, everyone was on my side.

Everyone said, Stuart, we have to redo that. So in the second half, I had to walk out on stage and redo. Just the parts. The sentences where I said Duran Duran instead of Duran Duran. And then I edited them in.

Yeah. So anyway, what have you got? Well, the first, yeah, we have some other clips. The first one.

That was probably the most humiliating moment of my life on stage because I had to be backstage with the guys in the weaker than being disciplined for saying the name of Duran Duran wrong. The strangest thing about that for me was you said it right all the time. All of a sudden you just stopped. It wasn't a banana salami situation. It was just a synapse that had gone. Anyway, the first clip we have here is I think it happened about a year ago. We were working that day, as we are today, with Greg DeCloot. He was our recording engineer that day. And DeCloot and I, and Julie Penner, music producer Julie Penner, was in the studio too. And DeCloot and Jules and I were laughing so hard. At one point, you look into the studio, DeCloot was laughing so hard that he was sort of falling down. So he's holding on to the control board as if to keep himself up. So this is a word that's spelled G-E-E-S-H.

Well, this is geesh. Yeah. This is a word I would pronounce as geesh. Right. And you would pronounce it a little bit differently. Here we go. Well, that's it for now. Before we go, I'd like to say

thanks to Greg DeCloot for the technical assistance this week. David Amers, the founding producer of The Vinyl Cafe. Louise Curtis is the production assistant. Julie Penner is the music producer. Meg Masters is my long-suffering editor. And she suffers because she works with me, not because of the stories you send in sheesh the vinyl cafe not because of the stories you send in sheesh not because of the stories you send in sheesh that one wasn't that

sheesh this is not because of the stories you send in sheesh what just say it the way I'm supposed to say it okay not because of the stories you send in. Sheesh. What? Just say it the way I'm supposed to say it, okay? Sheesh. Not because of the stories you send in. Sheesh. Sheesh? I can't hear the difference. It's so damn funny.

The gluten looks like he's going to have a heart attack. He's turning red. Not because of the stories you send in. Sheesh. Okay. Louise Curtis is the production assistant. Julie Penner is the music producer. Meg Masters is my long-suffering editor.

And she suffers because she works with me. Not because of the stories you send in. Sheesh. I landed it. Sheesh. I almost landed it. She in. Sheesh. I landed it. Sheesh. I almost landed it. Sheesh. Sheesh.

Sheesh. How am I supposed to? Sheesh. Sheesh. Sheesh. Sheesh. Sheesh. Yeah.

And it was written. I'd written the word down in the script, right? You had chosen that word. That's the funny thing. Well, I'll never choose it again. Well, it's not funny. I just thought I... You hear things in your head. In your defense, it's sort of one of those strange words that you see in comic books and that kind of

stuff. And you would probably think you know how to say it, but maybe it's- Oh, don't come to my defense. It makes me nervous when you come to my defense. Well, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just move on to another embarrassing clip. Exactly. That's more, yeah. This one is, now this one is tricky. This is not an easy word to say. It's a town in British Columbia and it's spelled C-O-Q-U. Coquitlam. That's right, Coquitlam. Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, B.C. Coquitlam, yeah.

Unfortunately, you didn't get it right the first time we tried to say it. We're going to send our last dance out today to Craig Hines from Port Coquitlam. We're going to send our last dance out today to Craig Hines from Port Coquitlam. From Port Coquitlam. I know. We're going to send out our last... You got the giggles here now. Okay, come on. We're going to send... You got the giggles here now. Okay, come on.

We're going to send out our last dance... No, no, okay, it's okay. We're going to send our last dance out today to Craig Hines. How long does this go on? We're going to send our last dance out today to Craig Hines from Port Coquitlam. Coquitlam.

Coquitlam. Okay, I got it. Coquitlam. Listen to the end here. I can do it. Coquitlam. Coquitlam. Coquitlam. Okay, I got it. Coquitlam. Listen to the end here. I can do it. Coquitlam. Yeah, I got it. No, no, it's not hard.

I can do it. Coquitlam. I love at the end, you're like, no, no, it's not hard. I got it. I got it. Okay, number three.

G-I-B-B-E-R-I-S-H. G-I. G-I-B-B-E-R-I-S-H. G-I? G-I-B-B-E-R-I-S-H. Gibberish. Gibberish. Gibberish. It's gibberish. Okay, I got it.

It's gibberish. Just play it. Just play it. Which, of course, it didn't. And we kept reading. And what we read was that the song is written in gibberish. Which, of course, it didn't. The song, we continued to read, is written in gibberish.

Gibberish? Gibberish. Now, what is it? Gibberish. Gibberish, right? Okay, it's gibberish. Whatever. Gibberish, right? Okay, it's gibberish. Whatever.

And why, if it's gibberish, is it spelled with a G instead of a J? Good question. Gibberish. Gibberish. Okay, well, I know that. It's just, I don't know why. I mean, I know that. No, I well i know that it's just i don't know why i mean i know that but no i know you know that but it is sort of like you're going you just did screw it up again i don't know why anyway all right how about this one this is a word you know why because i know how to say it if i didn't look at the word right on the page it should be spelt with a J. Yeah. And phone should be spelt with an F, but it's not. Yeah, whatever.

This one is an interesting one. Okay. This is a word. You use it a lot as a writer. You use it, and you use it in situations that are different. And every time you use this word, you say it in a way that is different. Greg, roll the tape. use this word. You say it in a way that is different. Greg, roll the tape.

And sounding not unlike, I've often thought, a theremin at the end, when she stops singing and begins, I don't know, shall we call it vibrating? This is Mary Margaret O'Hara with the un... And sounding not unlike, I've often thought, a theremin at the end when she stopped singing and begins, I don't know, shall we call it vibrating? This is Mary Mar... and sounding not unlike, I've often thought, a theremin at the end when she stops singing and begins, I don't know, should we call it vibrate, vibrating? Vi, vibrating. Oh, I know that. Vibrate, how do I say it? Vibrating, vibrating.

And sounding not unlike I've often thought, a theremin at the very end when she stops singing and begins, I don't know, shall we call it vibrating? You say it exactly the same again. That's not it? Vibrating. I put an emphasis on my favorite. Vibrating.

Like that? Vibrating, is that it? Vibrating. You got it there. Vibrating. Okay. I get it this time. And sounding not unlike I've often thought,

a theremin at the very end when she stops singing and begins, I don't know, shall we call it vibrating? That's wrong, right? It's still wrong. Vibrating. How do I say it? It's still wrong. Vibrating. Vibrating. How do I say it? It's weird. Vibrating.

Vibrating. Getting closer. And sounding not unlike, I've often thought, the theremin. At the very end, when she stops singing and begins, I don't know, shall we call it vibrating? There. Well, not bad. Vibrating? Vibrating, right? Vibrating. Vibrating. But that might be one of those things. You grew up in Quebec. I grew up in Montreal. Yeah. But you didn't grow up... I was going to blame it on the French-English thing. Because sometimes, you know, if you grew up speaking two languages, you can say English words the way, you know, with the emphasis on...

The way a French... Yeah. The French emphasis would be. I don't know if I can cop a... I think it's just more to do the fact that I'm pathetic rather than I'm bilingual. Anyway, keep going. All right. One more. And it's a good one to end on. Okay.

P-H-E-W. You know, you might come home at the end of a long day and say, phew, glad that's over. But that's not how you'd say it. We'll be performing in Owen Sound, Vancouver, Victoria, Calgary and Banff, Vancouver, Victoria, Calgary and Banff, Edmonton, Regina and Saskatoon, Toronto, London, Kitchener, Chatham, Ottawa, and Hamilton. Poo, I told you we spent a lot of time on the road. Well, okay. Poo.

Poo. Poo, we spent a lot of time on the road. Poo. Poo. Poo. We spend a lot of time on the road. Well, whatever. You know, that's not a situation where it's like banana, banana.

It's not phew or poo. No. Two very different things. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You just like gallop. Just too much is going on. You know what you're trying.

You'd never do that. I'd never do that in real life. It's because you're concentrating too hard on getting it all right. And I'm probably concentrating on getting the list right. And I come to the end of the list and I think, wow, I got that right. Poo. Well, you think, poo. Poo.

That was a long list. Poo. So we just finished playing some mispronunciations. Yeah. And I have another one like that. This is taken from a show we recorded in Toronto. We're actually going to play a few things here. We're going to start with this one.

This was for the benefit we did for Street Haven. Yeah. And then we're going to end with your attempt to play surf guitar with your meth. What? Greg? Empanadas in the market, the samosas on Girard, the souflaki on Danforth, the souflaki on the Danforth. How do I want me to say that? They never quibble on the Danforth when I order it.

They never quibble on the Danforth when I order it. No, no, there's no F in it. Why don't we just leave the souvlaki out? The souvlaki. There's an F. The souvlaki. There's an F. The souvlaki. That was good. My father always used to say propply.

What? Propply. What does that have to do with souvlaki? Nothing. I was just trying to pass it off on my father. The souvlaki. The souvlaki? Not lackey. The souvlaki.

Souvlaki. Yes. Okay. Okay Not laki. The souvlaki. Yes. Okay. Souvlaki. Okay, now when I get it right, if I do get it right, you can't burst into applause, because then I'll have to do it again. Because the people in Victoria will say, why are they applauding that? I don't know, maybe we should get over to Toronto and try some of that souvlaki.

Patrick will be back, but I'm back now, and it's a good thing I am, because it's time now for the Vinyl Cafe Story Exchange. Well, you know how this works. This is the part of the show where you send us your stories. They have to be true stories, and they have to be, I don't know what else they have to be. It says it here on the script,

but I clearly am not following the script. Well, you know how this works. This is the part of the show where you send us your stories. They don't have to be true stories. They don't have to be true stories. They don't have to be short. No, they do. I got it all wrong, didn't I? You know, I'm really not this bad. I tell you, I don't think that guy's playing with a full deck of cards myself. This is my Dick Dale impersonation.

Do that while you're talking. Okay. When was that? I don't know, but when I came across that, my favorite part is when you're doing it and then you take a breath, but you keep doing the... Wow. I have no memory of that. Yeah. I wonder... That was about two years ago.

In studio. Yeah, in studio. It was the end of probably a four-hour studio session. I don't remember how you started or why you started doing that. We've come to the end. We have. I think. We have a good time putting the show together every week.

We are. We're lucky. We're very, very lucky. Yeah, we are lucky. Yeah. So we better move on now because we're going to get sappy. I know. It's going to get.

That was me and my friend Stuart McLean in studio back in 2011. And to this day, I absolutely cannot keep a straight face listening to that. Gibberish? What? I also love hearing my voice and Greg's voice coming through Stuart's headphones, giving him grief. Like you can hear our tinny little voices in there just, you know, taking the piss out of him. We did that a lot. Anyway, good times.

We'll have one more bonus episode for you over the summer. It'll drop into your podcast feed automatically in the next few weeks. And when it does, we will be sure to tell you on Facebook and Instagram and our website. So keep your eyes there, too. All right, that's it for today's show. But we will be back here in a few weeks with another bonus episode. I hope you'll join us. Until then, so long for now.