Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - A Diamond In The Hole (w/ Drew Lynch, Giulia Rozzi, and Evan Williams)

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

On a brand new, in-studio episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Drew Lynch, Giulia Rozzi, and Evan Williams to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Drew is on a blind date but someone else gets an eyeful, Giulia is experiencing the magic of being single but it's her libido that goes up in smoke, and Evan takes a little longer than he should to realize he’s dealing with a professional.  Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Drew Lynch: @thedrewlynch on all socials, The Stuttering Comedian special on YouTubeGiulia Rozzi:@msgiuliarozzi on socialsEvan Williams: @itsevanwilliams on socials, Heavy Butter podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Bad dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates. I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster, and if you're just joining us for the very first time, this podcast, well, the premise is right in the fucking title. It's about bad dates, bad hookups, bad marriages. bad situationships. We cover it all here. I bring on some of my funniest friends, new and old, and they lay it out for us all of their terrible, no good, bad experiences for your pleasure. Can you believe it? You're so lucky. We're all so lucky. And we're especially lucky today because I have two really old friends and one very new friend in the studio with me today, and I'm very

excited about all of them. Joining me is a comedian who has appeared on America's Got Talent and Conan. He hosts the podcast, Did I Stutter? And his new special, The Stuttering Comedian, is on YouTube now. It's Drew Lynch. Hello, Drew. Hey, thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. We also have a writer who is written for HBO Max, Bravo, and The New Yorker. She is also a comedian with appearances on After Midnight, Conan, and Comedy Central, and I was instrumental in her marriage. It is Julia Razzie. Hello, Jill. Hi. Thanks for my husband. And also, I'm sorry. And finally, we welcome an actor. comedian who has performed on Comedy Central's

Roast Battle 2 and the Americans. Wow, that is a range. Talk about rage. He was a finalist on New York's funniest, which you can stream on Amazon Prime. It's Evan William. What's up, guys? It's good to be here, man. I was just so curious to see what the credits would be.

So rough. That would be surprised. Every now and then they see Jimmy Kimmel for me, and I was like, I was background in a sketch 57 years ago. Still counts? Still counts. Still counts. You were in proximity of Jimmy Kimmel and that is all that matters. Guys, I'm so excited to have you here. But before we jump into your stories, we do have a little bit of an icebreaker here. We here at bad dates,

we have gathered together relationship experts, doctors, scientists, etc. And they have come up with a list of questions that you should ask yourself and the person you're on a date with to ensure that future success and a lasting, healthy relationship. And I think this is a question that you should ask yourselves if you're listening at home, but what is the hardest personality trait

for you to overlook while trying to date and or hook up? Bad dates! Drew, what is the trait that you cannot overlook no matter how

how big-titted the person you're on a date? And I love, I love big, big. I honestly, I don't know that there's a word for it,

but if your dogs are just misbehaved, if they're just animals, you know what I mean? Like you don't even have dogs You just have animals You know like If they're if they're if they're if they're if they're not well behaved

I really really struggle with that Like you know if they're just climbing all over And it's and it's like there's no boundaries You know what I mean Like you on your way to the date You go to pick up the girl and you've got like You've got a nice thing on right And the dogs are just kind of on you

And it's like oh and when they And then they drop the oh he just likes you Yeah and it's like Yeah but it's like I don't I don't I don't like this No you know I mean So that's tough Well, when they drop the, like, when the dog is in the room where you are about to have physical relations with the person, and they're like, I'm sorry he has to be in here. I'm sorry, he'll get upset if he's locked out of the room. And it's like, I don't care about your dog's feelings. I'm sorry. I don't want to look, I don't want to look over and make eye contact with your schnauzer. Evan, same question for you.

I can't be with a bully, really myself. I'm a nerd, you know, and you got to be okay with that. You got to be okay with action figures and stuff. Well, I feel like in this stand, now in 2020, I almost said 2022. And that's where I'm at, meant to you right now. In this year of our life, 2025, do you actually run into that a lot? we sort of rule the world now unfortunately like every everything in the media caters to us in some way shape or form now like it like it just it's no longer like you can't it's almost

impossible to make fun of us for our interests now because our interests are pop culture like they are yeah I think it's tough to publicly make fun of us but hot blondes still do make fun of us in private you know they do I went on a day I want on a day and And I brought this girl home. And I had right away, when you walk in my place, there's Castle Grey Skull, you know, from like, you know what I mean? And it's like a nice one. It's like a newer one. It's very deluxe.

And, uh, like, how big are we talking? Like, like two feet. It's like, whoa. It's like almost, the one in the 80s was like this. This is like an ultimate. This is like Masters of Universe Ultimates. And so it's, it's pretty big. This is a piece.

This is a piece. It costs like $1,500. Whoa. Okay. I have a problem, yeah. Wow. And I come in and she's like, you got all these crates, she was British.

She was like, you got all these cratures everywhere. You got these creatures. She's like, I feel like I'm going to be fucking and Chuckie's going to be looking at me, you know. She's like, can you fucking turn them away? I had to turn their heads. I had to turn my toys towards the wall. Like they were in Blair Witch. They're like in the corner.

Staring at the corner. She felt uncomfortable. Does she know that they're not, they're not alive? that they don't ever come a life This sounds like a real Toy Story fan She's really internalized toy story And does not want to traumatize the dolls

I do write Evan on the on the souls of the feet And last but certainly not at least Julia What is a personality trait You know you've been married You're a mother now you've lived life You know what you like You know what you don't like

What is something That always grinded your gears? Well it didn't always I learned that it grinded my gears is judgment of your dating and sexual past. I remember like

part of why I fell in love with my husband that Joel again was very integral integral integral. Anyways, I was raised my immigrants. I in our courtship part of why we fell in love is because third hang

we just started naming all the comics we had fucked because we were just like, let's just like clear the air. We high-fived on one. Being on the same page in terms of body count and how important it is or not important it is is is so paramount because I like, I don't even, I hate playing that game now. Especially like with, it's just like people. And then I was playing like, I was with straight people recently and they were like, oh,

we're doing body count. And then they were like, and also we're including oral. And I was like, well, we're talking four digits then. Yeah. Unfortunately. I asked Zagnoi Towers what his body count is and I said oral counts When I said oral counts he got out his calculator

I mean It was an insane number I'm talking about this publicly in front of him So it's okay Yeah yeah yeah trust me Zach's done this podcast five times I think it's like he The listenership is aware

Of what they're doing with And when he said the number We all like stood up like it was like a deaf jam comment. We were like, we had to stand up and walk around or so far. I don't need to know the numbers from any of you, but do you keep track? I don't have a sexual history. Keep it clean, you know what I need?

Never gets weird. Bad dates. Bad dates. This first story is coming from Drew Lynch. Now, Drew, before you jump in, give us a little bit of context. You alluded to the fact that you're a relationship guy. Are you currently in a relationship? Are you single?

I'm married. I've been married for two years and been together for like eight years. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. And so, and before that, you were a monogamy, you were in, you were not a, you weren't hopping from bed to bed. Yeah, I'm not a, I'm not a very promiscuous person.

I like, I, I think sex is important, but I'm just very much like, uh, like, I'm an intellectual person. I get very, I get very, like, that's what's attractive to me. And I know that that's, it might sound like hokey or whatever, but I really, no, in fact, it sounds lesbian adjacent. Thank you. Because at first when you were like, I. I'm not promiscuous, I'm intelligent.

I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't mean that. No, no, no, I mean like intellect. I didn't say intelligent. I'm saying, like, intellectual conversations. I need to be. I get it. I get it. That would be an insane thing to say.

Get all these dumb fucks. Like, what? No. Dumb fucking slats. This is almost more exciting for me to hear your story because where in your timeline does your bad date story take place? Maybe 10 years ago. So this was before I met my wife.

this particular time was a time when I met this girl online. Do you want me to just jump into this? Yeah, please go. All right, all right. I met this girl online and we were hitting it off in a way that was just like, she was so funny and we were like, we were mostly just texting. What's the, what's the medium that online that you know? It was something like, it was something like Facebook or something.

It was like Facebook. It was just like, you know, I know it was, I know it wasn't like a dating app, but it was just like, you know. It was a social media app. You added each other. It was a marketplace sale gun sexy. Yeah, Instacart. Yeah.

So, and it was like, it was going great for like a few weeks before, like, she was like, okay, hey, I'm coming to L.A. Because she didn't live in L.A. And so it was one of those girls where you, like, you see, like, the photos of her on Facebook. And you're like, I don't know how I'm talking to this girl. Like, I hope this is this girl. Like, you know what I mean? And you're looking at friends who are commenting. You're like, that person seems real.

That seems like a real comment they're leading. In the messages she had said that she's like, oh, yeah. And I, you know, I can't see sometimes. Like she's like, oh, I can't see it. You know what I mean? Or it's tough for me to see. So she had alluded to that. And I was like, oh, okay.

I'm sorry, just to clarify. It's tough for her to see that she is beautiful. Tough for her. No, no, no. Full stop. It's tough for her to see as a statement. As a statement. She had alluded to the fact that she had had vision problems.

I thought the same thing. Oh, I don't see it. People tell me I'm happy. I don't see it. I thought Joel was talking about me for a moment. I can see it always. But no, she literally. Yes, literally cannot.

She didn't outright say. Which makes being hot and even bigger serve, honestly. Yeah. This year really doesn't know how pretty she is. Yeah. And my chances just went up, like, greatly. So I would like, that's good news for, I mean, for almost, I mean, just for me.

And for those of you not watching at home, Drew is very handsome. Well, thanks. Oh, shucks. Okay. It's obligated. Thank you. Okay, guys. I don't lie to the time.

Come on. That does mean more. Thank you. So we finally agreed that she was going to, so she was like, I'm going to come, I'm coming to visit L.A. for a little while. My sister is outside of L.A. I'm going to come visit. And, and then we can go on a date. So she gets dropped off at.

like it's like a restaurant it's a bar restaurant and she gets dropped off by someone who i didn't know i guess was her sister but she said you know she got she so she ubered there it looked like and and it was immediately obvious that um she was who she was which is which is awesome that was like holy crap like that's not what i was expecting yeah i was like i was like i i was like i i couldn't believe it i was like i'm I mean, I was like, you know, and once I saw how pretty she was, and I loved everything about her really, I was like, I'm going to screw this up. I was like, I'm just going to mess this up. I know. I was like, yeah, I was like that. I told you. I know. Don't all so much. Like, do it some. Not like everything. See, and I think we have very different instincts in situations

like this because I also have that thing of like, this person's way too hot. But my, my thing is, is when they show up and they are that hot is immediately what's wrong with them like not like oh I'm gonna fuck this but like what's the catch what's yeah

what is balancing so Joe doesn't have self-worth issues no I mean I do but that's probably foreshadowing what's coming yeah I think I think so yeah yeah so she gets dropped off

but this is how I guess she had said that like she's blind but and I don't know that up to that point she'd ever use the word like blind. Well, she said I have trouble seeing sometimes.

I have trouble seeing sometimes. And I have trouble seeing like some things. Okay. So it's like, okay. All right. And so when she gets out of the car, her arm comes up like this, right? And as if to be like, I need you to take my arm. I see.

And that's, and so immediately I was like. Because for those not watching it home, it did look at he was doing sort of a cape in front of the face motion. Sorry. It should have explained what it was that I'm saying. I know it was figures come to life. She just disappeared. And she wasn't real.

No. No, I should have explained. I know that we're recording. But like she lifted her arm. She lifted her arm as if to be like, I, you know, I need you to take my arm. And for a second, it just took me a second to be like, oh, oh, okay, I have to grab her arm and help her into the restaurant. So we get into the restaurant.

We, I help her to a table. We sit down. and she's like, she's just who she is in text messages, like, or excuse me, online, like, as we're texting, she's, like, super funny and she's just, like, she's just, you know, like, she's just, you know, like, she's just awesome and she's beautiful. Now, Drew, I just want to stop you really quickly. Yeah. This show is called Bad Things. It's just, it's not even like in line, and we're married. And, yeah, just so bad.

Just so bad. And that's it, honestly. Yeah. Okay, well, here's the thing, is she's not a bad person, and the date necessarily wasn't, the date was bad because of every bit of projection that I was putting into it, okay? There are things that I think made it complicated, and here's, like, for example, like, because she can't see that there are people kind of around and behind her, she doesn't know how, like, she doesn't know the space with which she's being as loud as she is. So if you don't know how far somewhere away is from you or where the proximity from other people are in the periphery, you're not sure what type of volume you would be saying.

That's so weird because I always thought that her hearing would become like son-off. You think they're all dared. That is so offensive. I thought that she could just feel where everyone was. Wait, you think what Joel said was offensive? Not she got out of the car. This blind bitch didn't know. It's really laugh.

No, I'm saying, like, it's just so funny. It's just so funny to be like, don't they, isn't it like heightened? Like, she can, like, she can smell people on the bar. No, but like, so she's saying things like, and she is herself and, like, there's no, not really a filter to her as a person. And she's just, and she just says, like, you know, she just be like, oh, you know, I'm glad my period's over. And you're just like, man, that's, you know, that's loud. And the waiter's like, can I get you guys anything? And so it's like, it's loud.

And, and, and, um, and so then, uh, we enjoy the thing as the, as the, as the date is going on, um, I say, all right. Um, uh, like, uh, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna use the restroom. And so, in the time that I had used the restroom, she was on the phone, I had assumed with her sister talking about how the date had been going so far. Oh. So it, and, and that's not a conversation, like when you're aware that someone's talking about you, but they don't know that you're there. It's, like, it's so awkward. And it's awkward because, like, she wasn't necessarily saying bad things, but she wasn't saying, like, like, anything superlative. It wasn't a rave. Yes, it wasn't a rave. So it wasn't, so it was like, yeah, he's kind of, he's kind of, you know, he's kind of cute and he seems nervous. And this is something, too, is like, I used to stutter really, really bad. Like, I stutter sometimes now, but I used to stutter way worse.

So in one way, it's like, like, this girl can't see me and she's still somehow here. You know what I mean? Like, she can, she's still hear her. And all I have is my, like, I have no idea what type of attraction she would have to me, especially like. Really audacious of her to start this conversation. You simply said you were going in the bathroom. She obviously thought you were taking a shit. Yeah.

Because the time after. Or her sister, or her sister called. I have a question. So she was completely blind. She never said, yeah, legally blind. I think she's maybe legally blind. She never said, she never said, I can't see anything. Because she called, she told her sister, you were kind of cute.

Well, she was, I think, talking about the personality. Okay. Okay, I was just investigative journalism. She didn't do the scent of the woman. Yeah. The same sense, though, that she might be able to see it a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. A little, but it's enough to where it's like I needed to take her and have her sit.

And like, that just kind of became what the job was early on. And this is another layer of wildness to me is that, like, for a woman to meet a stranger who then she has. completely reliant on in some ways at this point that is um she's a brave gal yeah i was like you know i had to kind of like find a way to like announce yeah i was like i you know

I have returned you know and she you know she's like he kind of sounds cute but he he says you know he sounds nervous but he's cute but like he's saying things like kind of like that it's good you know and i'm i'm getting like more and more self-conscious just a you know myself and how like how I sound and you know how long did you stand there and

listen to this conversation it was long it was like I was just there but it was and so then I you know I returned back and then the waiter comes over and says he gives us the check and he goes so you know where to next right and that's where I wait to be like I don't know if we're even going to continue I thought that maybe that phone call was to come you know whatever and she's like I don't know what is it that what is it that you want to do she says to me. And then the waiter says, well, there is right next door a place that does darts and axe throwing. And I was like, yeah. No. I was like, what could possibly go bad here? What? So, she goes, that sounds, we're headed there, Julia. We're headed. She says,

you're beheaded there. Yeah. Oh, funny. And so we go next door and we, we buy the package that you get for like, you know, ax throwing for like 30 minutes. And so I'm carrying, I'm kind of like taking her over to where we have the, the axe throwing. He's giving us the demonstration of like how, you know, how we do it, how we hold the axes. So I throw it and then she throws it. And hers are consistently high, like consistently high. And sometimes, sometimes they, sometimes they hit. Like sometimes they hit and they stick, right? She is dead. And so she says, she says to me, I need you to get. the, like, I don't know where it is that I'm hitting, so I need you to get

the, the ax. This is so crazy. And so, a few of the times that she had hit them, they were too high for me to get. So I had to go ask some of the other guys. One of the hot, one of the hot dudes to be like,

do you, like, this is a crazy thing to ask, but, like, I'm on a date, and this girl, like, if she doesn't realize they're grabbing, she throws more. Literally, but, like, literally, it was, like, definitely a hazard. And so I was like, hey, like, You know, I said like, like, hey, do you mind like, so I had to like go get a guy to come get a freaking thing.

Or else it was going to be me pulling over a chair and standing on the chair to get axes up high. And we go back to my place. And this was something that like, you know, like I said, not a promiscuous person, whatever. And we're trying, you know. And I'm like, like saying out loud, you know, she doesn't know what my place like looks like. And so I'm like explaining my place to her, you know. And I have to like, I'm trying to like, I'm trying to like, I'm trying to like. I'm trying to, like, make it to where it's honest, but also not be like, and also, like, you know, like, it's pretty big for, you know, like, I'm trying to, you know, I'm also to be like, man, it's, it's almost a house. You can't tell, you know what I mean? You can't tell that it's a studio. So, anyway, that I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, coitus, with someone who was like, so I didn't know the, I don't know the rules. And you can kind of tell just from the way you put it.

Yeah, thanks. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, you're like, I don't think you have ever. with just a person. It was amazing. I'm so embarrassed. This is so embarrassed. I feel, I'm trying to navigate this the best that I can. I'm doing great.

I'm trying to, you know, like, I don't know, trying to make her comfortable and, like, she can't see. And I want to make her feel comfortable. So I'm like, I'm getting undressed. You know. I thought you're narrating the night. Yeah. I am undressing myself right now.

It's my shirt, and then it's my, and here's my pants. Here it comes. I'm magnificent. You can't even believe it. It's insane. You're missing it. You, man, you, this sucks for you right now. You can only see all this.

Yeah, I'm tall, I'm all of it. Trying to project your voice higher. Yeah, I'm trying to be, yeah, I'm trying to like, deep. But that was something during the date, I'm trying to like, I'm very self-conscious about how I sound. So I'm, because that's what, you know, she's, that's primary. Yeah, so I'm just, you know, hey, you, you know, you're nachos, whatever. Yeah. So, it's crazy.

It's crazy. They do all the pinos fresh here or whatever. So I'm announcing what's going on, all right. And she goes, and so, and so we're having, we're having the, so we're doing it. And it's, and it's, but it's still like where I'm like, you know, is this. okay, you know, all right, I'm over, you know, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm down here, you know, well, I'm down here. This is, literally, this is the worst.

Shortly after we're done, she goes, I have to call Matthew. And I was like, all right, it seems soon for whoever that guy is. And she goes, I have to call, I have to call Matthew. I'm going to FaceTime Matthew. And so I was like, okay. FaceTime. Oh, shit. Yeah, so I was like, all right, that seems, okay.

Close her off? Yeah, yeah, I'm still, you know, so I kind of was like, like, all right, I'm, you know, whatever. I'll go to the bathroom. The bathroom is connected right to the bedroom. So it's like, I'm going to the bathroom. And literally, nothing good has ever come from me going to the bathroom and coming back. Yeah. That's true. So you think, you know, I would stop drinking water. So we are there. And she's FaceTiming. And so when I come back from the bathroom, she starts to, I hear it ringing. And then she says, and I hear like a kid's voice. So it's like, hello? You know what I mean? And she's

says, and she says, uh, I just have to talk to my son. And so she has a son. And I was like, oh, that's something I didn't know. Whatever. Hmm. But when the kid said, uh, she said, it said, uh, he said, uh, um, who's that? And so her camera was facing me. No. Yes. Her camera was facing me. So when she answered it, it was like, hello? Were you naked? Yes. Oh. Oh. Yes. So that was one of those things that was like, we go, ba-ba-da-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, and whatever. So I just found out she had a kid,

and I just found out how big your dick is. Yeah, yeah. In the same breath, yeah. And so that was awkward. So yeah. Wow. And you know what I love about this story is there is really no villain.

You know, oftentimes there is, like the person telling the story is the villain, the person who they're on a date with is the villain. There really is no villain here. And yet it is still awful. Yeah. I mean, I felt awful the whole time. I never felt like,

And not because of her. Like, it was just all because of my projection. Yeah, I was going to say maybe the real villain here is your inner saboteur. Yeah. You're insecure. I think so. And I think that. Yeah.

So what was the, what was your lesson? What was the takeaway from this date that you now brought into your very successful marriage, your future dating life? What was the lesson here? You just don't date disabled people. Oh. Damn. Are you serious? No, of course I'm not.

Oh, my God. I've stuttered for 15 years. You understand the irony of a statement like that? I was like, I don't know what to say. What a time to not stutter. I literally don't. They're like, whoa, straight white guy coming at him. No, I wouldn't be married if that was the gay.

It would be insane to fucking say. Bad beats. Bad dates. Well, Julia, I'm saying. Same question is, Drew, what's your, I know, we famously know what your situation is now, as I was a big player in the beginning parts of that. But what, and you were, and you were twice married. This is my second husband. Who will be my third? No, I'm just kidding. So, around that same time, so I had been, I married my college sweetheart, we're still friends. He's a lovely person, but, but, you know, I was with him for 10 years. And then I immediately got into a four-year relationship with a, a person who I was going to tell a story about,

but that would have taken 27 hours. That was not a good one. So then when I finally was free, I was single for the first time as an adult. You were armless because you had to cut it off in order to escape the relationship. 27 hours? 27 hours.

It's good reference. Oh, okay. You imagine he's only there for 27 hours. And he cut off his fucking arm, dude? He decided at like eight hours. He's like, you know what? He's like, I can't do this. I'm going to cut off my leg, dude.

The relationship was to 27 hours, it would take me 27 hours to tell them. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, but James Franco was stuck in the rock for a hundred. It was 27 hours. Got it. Did it? Didn't get it. You know what, many people didn't probably.

But so you escape this bad relationship. Back to me. So I was like, I want to just fuck it out, date. I had never really been on a date. Fuck it out. I've never heard anything. Yeah, like I call it burning sage. Like when you leave a relationship, you need to like burn some sage to like get it you know so um and i also had never really been on a date like i had

lived in the world of like hook up and see what happens you know that was sort of the world i had lived in so i was i was very much saying yes to pretty much like any date um whatever so there was this uh producer um who i had worked with briefly on like a tv show years prior and then the job the he got five whatever he wasn't there anymore. So then we started, again, talking on Facebook. And he was like, well, now that we're not working together anymore, I always wanted to ask you out, would you want to go out? And I was like, sure. So we went out for a

drink. This is Kevin Feigy. What was that? Kevin Feigy from Marvel. No, it was Harvey Weinstein. It was Harvey Weinstein. And so Harv was like, do you want to meet me for a drink? So we go get a drink. And I always thought he was cute. And he was like, he was the first guy

that I had like dated, been with that wasn't, you know, he was, he seemed like he was on a a larger economic bracket than I. So I was like, oh, let's see what this is like where I know he's going to pay, you know. So we go to this bar and one of the first things he says, which was like, I should have, you know, he was, we started talking about weed and I prefer weed over alcohol and he goes, oh, I hate weed. My mother smoked a lot of weed. I can't stand it.

And I should have left. I mean, that would, like, you know, because that's, then you're going to judge what I do or whatever. And there's also some. hostility towards your mother here. Mother and lead. And I was like, that's, you know. You say that to like a stone or two. I'm like, hey, man, that is really intense.

What were you doing that drove her? Yes, to the pipe. So that was like the first kind of just like, eh, but like whatever. I want to see out the date. So then we start like getting into a conversation, I guess, about hobbies. And he was like, well, you know, you know, I'm like, no, I don't. He was like, you know, I do magic. And I was like, oh.

And now I think magic is very cool I'm like a copperfield level Now remember who you're sitting next to Don't bully. Don't bully the nerd. Are you very into magic? I'm not into magic the gathering A little bit, yeah, yeah. I like magic, but there was something about

the way that he presented of like, well, you do know, like sort of like, you know, and because his, I got the vibe that his magic was like, there's a little something behind your ear, you know, like that kind of magic. Close up. Step-down magic.

And again, lovely, but don't know why I just felt like, I don't know, between the magic and the weed. And then he lifted up his pant leg, I guess, to prove to me how much he liked magic because he was wearing, like, I'm into this kind of stuff. And I was like, I don't know what that means. Like, I don't know what the skeleton, like Halloween socks. It was like May.

He's into magic. He hates weeds. So these are just like all the things I know about him. Oh, there's not a tattoo under the socks? No, it was just socks. Just skeleton socks. Just skeleton songs would be famously associated with close on magic. And then he also talked a lot about how great his house was in Jersey

and how it's often used for commercial shoots. And I was like, that was kind of the only thing that I was like, well, I never remember the guy who owned a house before, you know. I mean, it is sort of a monkey's paw. He owns a house. It is in New Jersey. You know, every time you go there, he goes, this is where the magic happens, you know.

And it's literally just a card table. So we have this date. It was lovely. I don't think we kissed on the first date or anything. And then he was very like, you know, can I, can I, can I, can I, you know, can I reach out? Can we go out again? And I was like, sure. And I was just very like, I don't know, charmed.

And this is to tell you what being single, at least like in New York in this time, you know, to the 2013s or whatever, at least was like it, I, this was so. Like, I am a queen. Do you know what I mean? This guy buys me a drink. He shows me his socks. You know, he called you again. Like, this is, like, this is what dating. I guess I had kind of, like, romanticized what dating was.

And I think a lot of people do that when you've been kind of in either married culture or hookup culture. Dating to me is like, hello, would you like to have, you know. And so I was just, you know, I was charmed. So I go to second date. And I take them to, I have a friend who's tattoo artist. And there's, like, a art showing, like, there's, the art. The tattoo artists are showing their art at the tattoo parlor, gallery, whatever. And we go.

And he starts, like, pointing at, like, heavily tattooed women. He was, like, you should get your whole body tattooed, like, them. And pointing at, like, skull, like, women with a lot of skulls and stuff. Oh, the skulls are going to see something. I guess what I should also emphasize here, because I know what he looks like, he's, like, tall, white sky. Yeah. doesn't seem bad, you know what I mean? Like a little too into skulls to be like so vanilla-seeming, if that makes sense.

Like wore a button-down shirt on both dates. And I was kind of like, it's summer. Yeah. You know, like, let's let loose. Didn't we were in Williamsburg at the gallery. Didn't. I felt like he was like visiting Williamsburg, you know, like, what is this place? So that comment, I was like, man, I didn't really like that.

And then he was like, oh, he's like, you live around here? And I was like, okay, he's like, can we go back to your place? And I was like, sure. Again, I'm just sort of in this yes. And then he starts walking around my apartment. And now, mind you, I'm like, you know, I'm a divorcee. I'm living. I have a roommate, God forbid.

You know, this was a huge upgrade from the kitchen pantry that I had been living in previously. I wasn't told it was a kitchen pantry, but, you know, put a few clues together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was off the kitchen. You were Harry Potter, babe. Yeah, it was off the kitchen. And there was. It was a kitchen pantry.

I also slept on a bag of rice. But I, um, no. So he was walking around my apartment, like, picking up, like, you know, little vase, like, little chachis being like, huh, cute. Turned him into pigeons and stuff. No, he had his, like, hands behind his back going, huh, cute, cute. Like, this is how the, this is all the people without a house in Jersey live. And I felt like.

You've yet to see his house, right? You know, I never got to see his house. Yes. And he might even know. And here's the thing about that word cute. Yeah. Unless you're talking about a child or an animal, it is rarely ever. Oh, I used cute a lot.

But about like someone's home? No. Or someone's got for, like the worst response to get on Grindr when you send your nudes to someone is cute. Oh yeah. Well, he did call my pussy cute. I'm just kidding. He goes, I'm down here and it's cute. No.

That is actually, that is one of the rare exceptions, I guess. You do want that. I actually think a cute. Anyways, okay, calling a pussy cute might be nice. But so, anywho, at this point, I'm like, Julia, you don't like this guy. You don't, don't sleep with him. Like, he's just, it's not. He's made your libido disappear.

Yeah, he has disappeared. And, and then. And I was like, I don't really. And then we, I bet I don't. And I do. And we do. And he's just, and I remember, I've, I've been bored before. but this was like doing my taxes in my head and I don't know how to do taxes like bored and he's just he's so tall and lanky and he he kind of looked like one of those gas station floaty things behind me being like woo you know just like his whole body was just sort of like lanky and I and just I don't know I'm not body shaming but I just there was something about it and then you know we're done and I like I hate even like I hate even like

Like, I didn't like him. I didn't like him and I didn't want to see him again. Oh, my God. I forgot a huge part. Back up. Before we have sex, he says to me, he's like, oh, I showed my son your photos. And his 11-year-old son, he goes, and he thought you were really hot, too. And I was like, wow.

Thank you. I really hope, Evan, your story involves a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reviewing. A bit of a theme. Now, in this point, yeah, fine, you have a kid. I knew we had a kid, but because he had talked about the kid a little bit. at the first date

and he was like and I was like that's gross okay so all these things I still go through with it sex is terrible whatever and then he's like

all right well I'm gonna go and I was like and then I said as he was walking down the stairs I go cool so because again I didn't know how dating works

I go so do I text you next or do you are you gonna text me he goes I guess we'll have to wait and see and then he disappeared

Yeah, he literally made him, and then I never heard from again. He, like, completely vanished. I don't like that he was playing hot or not with his 11-year-old time. He don't like you, either. That seems rough. All right, well, thank you, Julia Razzie. Bad dates. Our final story of the day comes from Evan, Williams, Evan.

you also briefly mentioned up top you were a divorced man you were in a marriage for as long as since I met you for as long as we lived in New York together but what was your style and you were quite young when you got married if I was 21

yeah yeah yeah Southern Bell yeah Southern Bell yeah I posted a story of me working out and someone messaged me and she said

so hot and I was like it's really simple you know yeah yeah it doesn't take much yeah don't know complicated that was literally all I needed

your first reaction so hot yeah and then I looked at her stories and I I don't really have the gift of gab so I said

oh man I was hoping you had a workout story as well I would have said the same back to you that is charming and famous you are a successful comedian that literally

is the gift of God okay you know And I have a low self-esteem as well. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's why I was feeling for you. Okay. You what?

A low self-esteem as well. Who doesn't? That's why I was feeling for him. Did you guys hear that I fuck the magician, even though I hate it? You think it was high self-esteem, they think it was a high self-esteem move. You're an inflatable way of your magician. Um, I, I said that. And then she sent me a picture of her tits.

And she said, all I am working out, it's tit day. Okay. She is hilarious. J-FL me face is too day. She's funny. Yeah. And so then I sent her, and I was doing this too much. I'll go ahead and say that.

I sent her a picture of my dick right away. And I said, I'm working out to it's dick day, is what I say. Well. It's not really a heightened. No, no, it wasn't I. It's the next lateral. It was a soft trajectory. She did a better job.

Yes. And, yeah. She sent me a picture of her. her ass spread and there was like a diamond stud in her butthole and she said my favorite part of working out stretching is what she said and i did not know that straight women were sending hole picks i was the only time it's ever happened where else could you go after right right right she's like let's end this right now um a diamond in the rough if you will yeah a diamond in the hole a diamond in the hole title of that will i probably get for why a diamond yeah yeah yeah i was like

I think I love you. And she was like, I love you too. And then I was like, I think I have to meet you. And she was like, I'll fly to you tomorrow. And I was like, wow. And I was like, that's crazy. And I was used to like splitting the cost. And I was like, I'll help you pay for the flight.

Yeah. Your postmatesing it. Yes, yes, yes. We met on Grubhop. And she was like, no, no, my work, like covers my flights and stuff. So I was like, I asked. I asked her a few times I was like, what do you do?

And she would never tell me what she did for the living. I was like, what do you do? And she'd always be like, can't wait to see you. And I was just like, I wonder what this person does. And she was really, you know,

she was very attractive. And I was like, she probably doesn't look like that. And she lands. I pick her up. She looks like that. And we get in the car. We're coming back from the airport.

And she blows me. in the car. In the car while you're driving, roadhead? Yeah. And I was like, that's the greatest thing I've ever felt, you know, at that point in my life. And I was like, what do you do? Yeah, you know. And she was like, I'm in the industry.

Oh. And I was like, the textile industry. Like, what industry? Yeah. And she was like the adult film industry. And I was like, oh, okay, she's a porn star. Great. Wonderful.

And this is. Is this around the rise of Onlyfans? Or is she a studio girl? She was pulled from Onlyfans. Yeah, yeah. They're like an agency founder and they were like, we do modeling. And then they're like, also you can make more. It's not really modeling.

Yeah. I'm understanding the diamond in the hole a little bit more. You're getting it now. That's the explanation for the diamond in the hole. Yeah. And so I'm staying at my buddy's place because I was, I was post-divorce pre getting my own apartment. So I was staying at my dad's and I was like I can't bring her in my dad's and so I I brought her I was staying in my buddy's place he was out of town and the plan was to just like stay

with her for a few nights and then she would leave and I clean up like that didn't happen and then he would come back you know like an 80s party movie. Yeah yeah yeah and and and we we immediately have sex and this is you know she's a squirder and I I've never this only time I've ever been with someone who's squirt. She also told me that anyone can squirt. I didn't know that. Well, because I think science is we've established it's just P. It's P right? Yeah. It is P? I think we've established that it's just P. Right in if you know. Please write it. But baddates pod at gmail.com. I would love to hear from the leadership. I think it's just like less P for some, but mostly still like the base of P. Really?

Is this confirmed? I'm saying it. Okay. Yeah. Well, then she pissed in my friend's bed. Okay. All over me. It was like, it's really like, it's really like. like, it's alarming, like when it happens. I didn't know it was going to happen. That is something you should warn someone. It is covered. Yeah. You need a, you need it drew there to commentate.

Yeah. Yeah. She is spraying right now. You're peeing. You're peeing. You're peeing. And, uh, and then my buddy texts me and he's like, uh, hey, man, I'm actually, I'm coming back tonight.

Oh, man. And I was like, fuck. So crime scene immediately, I, I throw everything in the, the wash. and I clean it up and I get us a hotel and we're in the hotel and first of all I got a problem okay I like I'm a love addict

I think you know so I keep like falling in love and like deciding I know the person before I know the person which if you know anything about like sex and love addicts anonymous you know that's one of the characteristics I know very hard

you fill in the blanks you feel your imagination fills in the blanks you're like this is you kind of attach magical qualities on the summer so when i learned that she was a porn star i honestly was like that's great because i need to practice just having like fun and not falling in love and there's no way i could be in a relationship with a person just because of who i am yeah no offense to anyone that is in one i just just who i am i i don't think i could i i would get jealous i think you know yeah compare myself yeah i see and um so it's like that's not going to happen and uh We were lying in bed in this hotel, and I was like, I don't, like, I don't think I could,

I'm just to give you a heads up, like, you know, because we said, I love you, which is insane. Insane. I was like, I don't think I can get in a relationship, you know, with someone in the adult film industry. She was like, okay, I understand. We woke up in the middle of the night, and we had sex, and it was great. And we rolled off of each other, and she was just laying there, and she was like, wow. And I was like, yeah. And she goes, you know that it's different, right?

Like, you and I, what we just had right then, it's not the same as like when I'm on set. When I want to set, someone is like off camera like, honey, lift your chin up, please. Okay, we're going to reset. All right, hold that, guys, hold that. Somebody fluff him, you know. Okay, let's get this. You're like, and there's time for the cum shot. And I, it's like synthetic.

They give me like a synthetic material and we cut to that. Yeah. Because I'm actually not on birth control, so it's not. And I was like, she was describing all these things. She was like, then we shake hands and we walk away. And it's very much so it works. It's like Gack. It's like Gack.

I remember Gak. What's Gak? Gak is like a Nicholode. You can be able to buy it. Oh, wow. They put Gack up there. So she's got Gack and her twat, you know, and says that it's just different. And I was like, all right, I think I think I'm going to try dating this person.

And it just didn't. I want to make a long story short and just say it didn't work. You know, I mean, she came, like we were staying together for. like a couple weeks, and she'd come home, and I'd be like, how's work? She'd be like, it was brutal. You know, like, it was a brutal day. And I just wouldn't ask details. And I just was like, I don't think I can do this.

And I was like, you know what? Just to make sure, like, this thing that we have, right, that you're saying is more special than, like, the film shoots. I was like, do you have this with anyone else right now? And she was like, oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Never mind. Yeah, I'm good.

I can't do this. I can't do this. Like an emotional connection. An emotional connection. Are you seeing anyone else? Like you and I are currently seeing each other. I figured that was like just rhetorical. Like you would let me know if that was the case.

And she was like, yeah. And I was like, okay. Well, then I can't do this. Wow. And that was the end of that. This is, and this is an amazing. We really ran the gamut today on the episode because, again, no real villains in this piece. No villains.

No villains. Yeah, nothing wrong with, just sort of your, your own. Puritanism was really standing in the way of this diamond in the hole. I'm not claiming to be pure, you know, but I, yeah, it's just not, it wasn't for me. Yeah. So what was the lesson for you, Evan, at the end of all of this? OxyClean Max is how to get pee out of sheets, I think. Conveniently enough, we are sponsored by OxyClean Max. So go to OxiClean Max, use, um, um, uh,

promo code twat at checkout and you'll get no no no discounts um we'll just know that you're sick bug it will cost more yeah yeah bad dates what an incredible episode that we had today um so i learned so much i learned so much i forgot a lot um everything that i learned today was is replacing important knowledge i don't know how to drive home anymore um but uh so so grateful to have you all here. Drew Lynch, tell the people where they can find you and what you're doing these days. Sure. It's just at the Drew Lynch on all socials. Easy, easy.

And that's it. And again, I would like to remind everyone that does, start a comedian and out on YouTube now, check that out. Julia Razzie, where can the people find you? I don't look up a date. Ms. Ms.M.S. Julia Razi, Julia with a G on the socials. That wasn't by choice. It was because

teen in Italy has my name. and she hasn't posted since 2013. And I, my husband and I are starting a seasonal variety show. And the first one is going to be September 27. Brilliant. TBD Info. So just follow me for that. And it's going to be really fun.

Check around on social media. I highly recommend if you're in L.A., you got to check it out because it is the two of you together. I mean, what a laugh right. And finally, Evan Williams, Where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? You can find me on all the socials as well. It's Evan Williams. I have a new podcast on all things comedy. You can find it anywhere you get podcasts called Heavy Butter.

Oh. Talk about movies. Oh, I love that. Love that. Love that. Love that. Love that. Well, thank you guys for listening to this episode of Bad Dates. As always, if you liked what you heard, rate and review as five stars, please. It helps other people find the podcast. If you have questions, concerns, stories of your own, it's Bad Dates Pod.

gmail.com. I have been your host, Jolkenbooster. And until next week, this has been Bad Dates. Goodbye. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Bryan. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for smartless media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushy and Evan Schlever. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating

issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3-283. That's 984-265-3-283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more. Smart Bless Mea!