Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Absolute Seagull Behavior (w/ Peppermint, Ellie Kemper, and Zarna Garg)

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes Peppermint, Ellie Kemper, and Zarna Garg to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Peppermint’s hookup has a hygiene routine that’s beyond extreme, Ellie’s date dances like nobody’s watching, even though everybody’s watching, and Zarna is a woman on a mission to make arrangements. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Peppermint: @peppermint247 on social mediaEllie Kemper: Born To Love with Ellie Kemper and Scott EckertZarna Garg: @zarnagarg on social media, website: https://zarnagarg.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wait, so, Perthaman, do you have a taser then? Do you want me to show it to you? I have a tater, I've got spray, I've got pepper spray, I should come out with my own line. Yeah, I have, I've been a tater, I was like, yes! Come on! And it could be minty fresh. Yeah, minty fresh.

Minty, self-diff, minty fresh, but also, but, but, but, bite it, just like that. Bite it, yeah, that's it. 100%, yeah. 100%, it 100 yeah 100% yeah I think we start a business here this is now shop tank and we're all going back yeah it just worked Peppermint, Zana and Ellie, hello and welcome to Bad Dates. Are you well? Yes. Yes, the fabulous.

I've really got to stop starting this podcast, like I'm a cruise, cruise ship entertainer. It's really intense. I know shade to them, it's really intense. And no shade to them. But I really have a very specific energy at the top of this episode, every fucking time. I can't stop. It's like my double thumbs up that I do in photographs,

compulsively, any red carpet. They just rise against my will. I'm such a big fan of all of you. I think you're also fucking brilliant. And it's just such a thrill to have you here. I'm so excited for your stories. Just before I get into your stories, I want to know how you feel about dating and what it's like to date you, starting with Ellie. Oh boy. Okay, I think dating is extremely hard. I think it's, I mean, it's an addition, but you're both auditioning every time.

I think what it's like to date me is frankly hard. I think that I'm much more controlling than I like to think I am. I think I'm quite in what way. In what way. I know I'm going to be a self-controlling if I'm controlling a van. Controlling, I mean, not until I get to know you

a little bit better. Like on the first date, I'm going to be all, I'm going to be great. I mean, I'm just going to, of course, my best football. Easy breezy. Easy breezy. Oh, she's laid back. She can hang.'m just gonna, of course, my best footballer. Easy breezy. Easy breezy. Oh, she's laid back, she can hang. Nope, because once we get into it, no.

Like, very, I am, I'm very quick to judge, very quick judge. But Ellie, Ellie, I have a question for you. How long can you keep that up in the first date? I know. Like, you know, it's a long first date. Could you keep that up? I mean, I, yeah, I could. I mean. I know. Like, you know, it's a long first date. Could you keep that on? I mean, I could. Yeah, I could.

I mean, I could. Yeah. Yeah. Watch this is very famous actress. Like, this is her jam. But, yeah. Well, how do you feel about the thought of like going on a first date, sans, makeup, no, like just like putting your worst foot, not worst foot?

You're most, you're least affected. But Sam, peppermint. Forward. Yeah. That, have you done that? your most, your least effective. The damn peppermint. Forward. Yeah, have you done that? That's a great question. Because I don't. I tried it and my girlfriends that say that's their policy. And I'm like, I can't bring myself to do it.

So like, I'm like the whole day, I'm not washing my hair, not sharing no makeup. And then 10 minutes before the day, I'm in a mad dash. So like, yeah. And then I look worse than I would have a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like,

I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like,

I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like,

I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I'm in a mad dash, so like, I was dating to meet somebody, I was very clear. I only want to get married. Bring your tax returns. I need to see how you're doing because I can't get involved in a mess. I already had a messy life. I can't add to it. And you know, I didn't, the crazy thing is that I saw nothing wrong with everything I was saying. I didn't, the crazy thing is that I saw nothing wrong with everything I was saying. This is why, this is why when Ellie is like, I was controlling, I'm like, is it? I don't know.

Right? Yeah, I was like, just tell me what your mother is like. Like, I need to know because we're not wasting time. If she's a nasty marriage, anti-kid. So therefore, I'm the exact opposite. But I respect your vibe. I respect that you know what you want You're not fucking around you've come here with a fucking plan

Peppermint, what about you? How do you feel about dating and are you fun to date? I mean listen? Yes, yes I am I think I'm extremely I think I'm extremely considerate. I think I'm extremely lovely. The affliction that I have is my attraction to cisgender heterosexual men. Sorry, Taylor. I'm so sorry. I know it's terrible. I think that they've the the least to contribute in the most to learn in the world. Go SoundReal! At least as a journalist, that's what I've always believed.

Sure, odd things happen in my childhood bedroom, but ultimately, I shrugged it all off. That is, until a couple of years ago, when I discovered that every subsequent argument of that house is convinced they've experienced something inexplicable too. Including the most recent inhabitant who says she was visited at night by the ghost of a faceless woman. And it gets even stranger. It just so happens that the alleged ghost haunted my childhood room might just be my wife's great grandmother. It was murdered in the house next door by two gunshots to the face. From Wondering and Pineapple Street Studios comes Ghost Story, a podcast about family secrets,

overwhelming coincidence, and the things that come back to haunt us. Follow Ghost Story wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on October 23rd or you can binge early and add free on Wondering Plus the same day. I don't adjust as much as you do. I doubt that very much. From doing what the law can't. And we have to do this the very way. You have to. I don't. Bosch Legacy, watch the new season, now streaming exclusively on FreeVee.

PASS DATES We're gonna go into your story first, Pepaman. It's called Mr. Clean. PEPaman, Mr.aman. It's called Mr. Clean. This was years ago. A lot of my dating initiate with a sexual encounter. That's just the way it is. And so I had a hook up and you know, I've been in the field. You know what I mean? There's a way around. Exactly. I know my way around. I had a hook up arranged and it was just going to be like a one night stand during the day.

And we arranged for it. Wait, sorry. How early, how are we during the day? Oh, never too early. Probably like 2 p.m. That's the earliest I can like get. Oh, filthy. I love it.

I know. Yeah. I absolutely, I was like, it's 8 a.m. Like it's the stuff. Never. No. And I was, yeah. I absolutely, I was like, it's 8 a.m. Like it's the stuff that they know. And that was all they're willing to. Yeah. And the ones who encourage, like, let's meet at 8 a.m.

are for sure married. For sure married. Oh, yeah. Because they're trying to do it on their way to work. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So then I don't. Yeah.

Usually. Yeah. Yeah. But so we had this meeting set up and he came over and you know, he was wearing a white t-shirt just like Mr. Clean. And he comes over. Now let me say, of course I had a chance to survey the wares before he came over. Like he was very well hung.

And so that alone, I was like, okay, this guy seems a little bit shady, but he's packing. So like, if this is just gonna be an encounter, let's make an encounter to remember. And boy, was it ever. So he comes over, we start getting into it, you know, not a lot of talk beforehand. Just making sure like the face matches the pictures.

Okay, good. And the pictures. Right. Okay. Good. And it is. Yeah. So we have good sex, not on my account. It was great on my account. But just considering how well hung he was, you would think it would be like mind-blowing. There was no mind-blowing.

No, everyone knows what to do with their machinery. That's why size doesn't always matter. It's true. That's 100% true. And I actually prefer it, like what I call a boyfriend dick, which is like, you know, not quite that big. Anyway, this is not boyfriend dick. This is like, you're not working tomorrow dick.

But... Hospital dick. Yeah. So anyway, we had sex, and that was good. So then afterwards, generally, how we, the pillow talk afterwards will determine what's going to happen with the connection or the quote relationship. Are we going to talk and get to know each other?

Are they going to run out? Are they going to, what's going to happen? I generally have a very huge wall up. That's like, okay, thanks for the encounter. Okay, do you have your keys and your phone in your wallet? Okay, goodbye. Like pretty much that. And so that was the mode that I was gonna go into.

And he was like, hold on, wait a minute. I was expecting him to be like, oh, let's just cuddle. Let's have a, he didn't say any of that. He was like, can I take a shower? And I was like, I was like, ugh, you have a shower at home, I'm sure, and if you don't, you can find one, but I didn't say that, I wanted to be nice.

So I was like, sure, the shower's right there. Go on in, the soap's on the left. And he got in the shower and then stuck his head out of the door at the bathroom and was like, actually, do you have anything a little stronger? Do you have some bleach? And I was like, what is my shower dirty? I was like, what do you need bleach for?

And I was, I humor him and I was like, sure, yeah. I've maybe he's joking. I didn't, I didn't know what was up. So I had to bleach. I was supposed to bleach her asshole before sex. Yeah, but like, you know, cosmetic bleach, you know, I think. I've been doing the home stuff peppermint. It's been pandemic.

We're talking for tough. I had to get out of COVID. Yeah. So I, of course, hand on the bleach and I'm like like, we just had sex, though there's no modesty here. So I'm like, I'm gonna sit here and see what's going on with this. And he proceeds to pull up, pour the bleach on his body, and even on to his genitalia.

Well, wait, let's be clear. Sorry, this is cleaning bleach, you handed him, or what was that? This is a bottle of Chlorox cleaning bleach. Liquid bleach. Is that on his skin? On his dick skin. On his dick.

On his buffalo. Oh my, this is. Good luck. I'm not lying. This is unbelievable. I mean, this is like, this isn't a me. How do you think I felt?

I can't imagine this had anything to do with you. No one just takes a big bottle of Chlorox bleach and what is another way Indian? We have a lot of bleaching in our community. I don't think that is anything to do with peppermint. I think he just, he probably has mom taught him to do this his whole life. This sounds like this to me. Yeah, go on. So he bleaches his body and I'm like he's not reacting to the bleach. He's clearly done this before and I'm like this going on. He bleached, he's bleaching and washing and I guess he feels like, he's not reacting to the bleach. He's clearly done this before and I'm like, this is going on. But he bleaching and washing, and I guess he feels roughly, he got out of the shower.

Of course, I was stunned and like, okay, I will never probably see you again, and I never have sex again, you know, whatever. So he leaves, I don't even remember what happened after that, but you know the first thing I did. You fired your friends. Got right on the phone and tested all my girlfriends. I was like, girl, y'all ain't gonna believe this. I just had this huge guy. We'll call him Mr. Clean. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, we'll call this guy.

Otherwise we go, Gary. Gary is the staple name of people. Is that the staple name of Gary? Okay, Mr. Clean. I got on with my girls and I was like, I just hooked up with this dude named Mr. Clean, aka Gary. And he, you know, poured bleach on themselves. Can you even believe it? And I was expecting his girls to be like, girl, what's your business? Honey, all of those girls were like,

oh, Gary, we know him. YouTube, they have all had an encounter. Now, this is the thing. They all remember him quite vividly because he did the same thing with them. So you're right. It was not personal, thank goodness. Also, go home and do that shit in your own private time.

That's the thing, I'm just- You do your own fucking bleach. Oh, no, no, it's not. It's not free, it doesn't grow on trees. No, no, no, what if you, I mean, did he say thank you for the bleach? Like all of it is so preposterous and it's bizarre. But like how, what I can't understand,

and maybe I'm just like how he has any skin left? Yes, that's it, Jumila, how does he have any skin left? If this is something that he's doing, like you don't use bleach on your body. I don't know. I thought that the male dick was so delicate. So did I. But like this does it pouring bleach as fine. He's a marble. Well, this one has had some wear and tear clearly. Peffa Vin, I'm sorry that you met that guy. He's now on my shit list. I have a really, really long shit list and starting with this podcast.

And he's on it now. So if I find him, I will avenge you. I will. I promise you. I'll just go to sniff the subway for the smell of very intense for us. Yeah, 100%. And if you have been affected by Mr. Clean,

please write in to Bad Date. I'm sure this guy gets around. Thank you so much for that. Mad story. We'll be right back. Bad days! Emily, do you remember when One Direction called it a day? I think you'll find there are still many people who can't talk about it. Well luckily, we can.

A lot. Because our new season of terribly famous is all about the first one direction to go it alone. Zayn Malik We'll take you on Zayn's journey from Shilad from Bradford to being in the world's biggest boy band and explore why, when he reached the top, he decided to walk away. Follow terribly famous wherever you get your podcasts. So, bleep famous. BAD DATES And we're back.

Um, all right, Ellie. Yes, your story is called True Colors. BAD DATES True Colors, yes. That's it. So, I'm completely... Now, I have a few stories. Or I'm calling these stories true colors

because in these moments, that's when true colors shown through. Whether mine or the person I was on date with. Also, I'm these stories might sound like pretty tame, but I'm kind of tame, so maybe that's why. But I went on a date once with a guy. I will call, wait, what are we calling them? Gary? Gary, we went to go see a dance show. I want to say that it was Brazilian dance. I don't know why that's coming to my bed. It was-

That was the first date. That was the first date. It was like, I don't remember. Yeah, it was the first date. Yeah, it was a dance show. Would you have a reaction that was strange first date? That feels like a lot for a first date. I agree.

He was in the improv community with me, the improvisation comedy community with me. It was like, I like how I defined it for listeners who aren't familiar with the charming improv. Improvisation community. Improvisation exactly. Communities. That helped. Yeah.

Now everyone, now we're on the same page, everyone. Okay. So, and so, we were friends. I had known it. It wasn't like, it wasn't an uplying date. I knew this guy Gary. So we were, but we were, I definitely had a crush on him.'t like, it wasn't an upline date. I knew this guy Gary. So we were, but we were, I definitely had a crush on him. I thought, you, I've just got, you know,

oh, I haven't had a crush in so long. Oh, that crush feeling, where you're just like filled with butterflies and tingling. Oh, tingling. It's, I'm not from Bleach. It's just so much fun, you know? It's just like, it's fun. It's childhood, it's like, and so that's what I had on this guy Gary,

and I was like, oh my gosh, like this is so, I felt like we were doing something very like, culturally, sound, why, I don't know, like we were doing something about very long. I'm a chill. I'm a chill, I'm a chill, that's so weird. I can culture it. I culture it.

Yeah. And we watched the show, and then after the show, we were leaving, I was like, that was great. Like I'm so glad you knew about this troupe. And he's like, yeah, I love that. My favorite part was when he started dancing like the Brazilian dancers. And he had no, he just had no rhythm. He had no sense of self, sense of like his body limitation. You had no dance. And I was just like, I was a pot. You guys if you can put everyone in front of everyone. In front of everyone.

Can you please describe the moves? I would take good, it was nothing. I'd seen Napoleon Dynamite. Yes, it was so uncordenated. There was no set. The only thing that that shone through was his clear enjoyment of the show. Because he was smiling so broadly.

But it was like his, yes. That's what he was doing. Maybe not on the first day. Maybe not on the first day. Because everyone was watching. I feel like if someone did that later in the on the pants in the bedroom, like that would be fucking hilarious.

That would be hilarious. It shows a lack of maybe self-awareness. He didn't. He didn't think it was funny. You know when you can tell, you were serious about that. He was extremely serious, Pepper. He was like, you know when you can tell when someone is waiting for a cop. Like, I don't know how to describe that.

You like know that they think... Oh, it feels like he's waiting for someone to walk up there. That's it. That's it. I'm in like a suit with a business card and be like, you've just been discovered. Yep. want to walk up there. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. And it was amazing how fast that crush evaporated. It was just like that. It was. It's too cringe. It's too cringe. It makes my vagina hurt a little bit. Yeah. You know what I mean?

All of the things just scribed or what occurred in that moment. Bad dates. I was on a date with someone. And this was like such a, you know, what do I call it? Like not, it was an uneventful date. We went out for dinner, we went to see a movie, I don't know what movie. Then we went out for dessert afterwards.

Which is like, I was surprised when I was thinking back on it because who goes out for dessert these days? I mean, it was a while ago. But what happened is the waitress, I also went big. I ordered a waffle with ice cream, which seems like really, I don't know, a decadent or something. Like wouldn't I want him to think I was so like dainty

and just had like civilized asserts, but it was like a really good fun. You're fun, that's it. That's it. I'm fun and so he'll be like, oh yeah, she ate this waffle and ice cream. And so the waitress had it down and then he leaned in to take a bite and I

This was pure instinct. No, thank you peppermint That is what I did I I tugged it towards me. I said oh, no, yeah, oh, I'm so glad not only are you unfazed by that But also that you agree is music to my ears because to me But also that you agree is music to my ears because to me there's nothing wrong with that That's like exactly what you do like I did not take a bite yet sir Yeah, but I have a technical question. Yeah, did anybody at the time say let's share a dessert a big N and a big Or those words ever use because which dessert that happens often like let's split a dessert. Oh, I can't stand that No, okay, oh suddenly suddenly or it's ever used because which is her? That happens often. Like let's split it as well. Oh, I can't stand that.

No. Okay. Suddenly, suddenly, Zana has found her humanity intolerance. Yeah. All of a sudden. Oh. All of a sudden.

All of a sudden. Fucking, fucking Muppet Teresa here. The server will be like, should I bring one plate or two? That's exactly right. That's it. Yeah. And he ordered something. Like he had whatever. Oh. Oh, it. Yep, and he ordered something. Like he had whatever.

Oh, oh, sorry. Oh yeah, what? He, we, and it wasn't, it wasn't like the end of a multi-course meal where like, yes, I agree. We'll bring a few plates and forks. We're all gonna share. No, no, no, no. He ordered a pie and it was the thing of like,

it wasn't our first date. We had been on a handful of dates, but it was certainly, and we had, oh, I should mention also, we had like, we can't get what I am. We had kissed, I was about to say, I'm like blushing, furious. We had, so we had exchanged jerk, like it wasn't a matter of, oh, I don't want his saliva in this.

It was more just, it was pure territorial food. It was like, this is my food. And my dog is exactly the same. I see this behavior play out before. I was at my dog, you haven't been to my catapult. Oh no! That is! And by the way, I'm only bringing it up

because it's not usually how I would behave. And so early on, because I would want to be the casual girl who shares waffles and ice cream with the real Eddie jump stuff. Jumped right out. Nobody wants an ambush dessert take over. Let's share, the romance is in the decision and in the intention that we both don't need the same thing.

Let's do this together. You like, let's have the dessert together. That is what's romantic. Not you having your own thing in like a seagull swooping in and taking it out of your hand. It was absolute seagull behavior. And it was like, this is as no place. How did he react?

Was he horrified? Because I am the, can I have a bite? Guy. So I am on the other side of this. I see where you're both coming from. I get frequently lectured by my boyfriend over it. But I am, I am guilty of charging. Okay. I've seen myself in a new light today and I've learned something and I think I'm growing.

Oh well, I can only hope so if I could bring just yet a little wisdom to you. No, I mean, he was horrified. He was horrified. He was, it was an ugly, ugly side. I don't think it's ugly, but I think based on his reaction, a little ugly, I bet. I do. It was selfish. I mean, I adore you, but I would say it's a little ugly. Did he dump you on the spot? Do I sell this now? She should have dumped me.

I'm a bit... Oh, no, you good? No, I married him. No, he's my husband. It was him. No, no, no, he didn't dump me. Good for you. Did he show you any of his toxic traits early on as well? Oh, no. Oh, gosh. Yes.

Thank you. Yes. We're talking about OCD. You know what, I think this is actually an important message for anyone who's listening to this podcast of like, let your freak flag fly. They're gonna find it eventually. So you may as well just like,

fast forward to the things that are non-negotiably, like a little bit unusual or intense about you. So that everyone knows what they're opting in for and that you don't get accused lying later. Because I was my current partner as the person I've been by far the weirdest and most like like oddly behaved in front of us. I was the most honest with him and he found that attractive because he was felt safe with me. That's right. And then we knew exactly what we were doing with each other.

So I do think that's actually while I think you should fucking share your ice cream waffle, I do agree that it's healthy and good that you were able to like show him that you have fucking boundaries. I sense now when you said at the beginning of this podcast that you're a bit controlling. I now understand a little bit more where you're going from. Do I still think you are a delightful angel from heaven? Yes, I do, Ellie. Well, thank you very much, Jimmy, Alette. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. Bad beats! Deep in the enchanted forest, from the whimsical world of Disney Frozen, something is wrong. Arondelle is in danger once again from dark forces threatening to disrupt the peace and tranquility. And it's up to Anna and Elsa to stop the villains before it's too late. For the last ten years, Frozen has mesmerized millions around the world. Now, Wondry presents Disney Frozen, Forces of Nature podcast, which extends the storytelling of the beloved animated series as an audio-first original story, complete with new characters and a standalone adventure set after the events of Frozen 2. Reunite with the whole crew, Anna, Elsa, Olaf, and Kristoff for an action-packed adventure of fun,

imagination, and mystery. Follow along as the gang enlist the help of old friends and new as they venture deep into the forest and discover the mysterious copper machines behind the chaos. forest and discover the mysterious copper machines behind the chaos. And count yourself amongst the allies as they investigate the strange happenings in the enchanted forest. The only question is, are Anna and Elsa able to save their peaceful kingdom? Listen early and add free to the entire season of Disney Frozen Forces of Nature podcast, along with exclusive bonus content on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, or Wondery Plus kits on Apple Podcasts.

The seaside town of Ambul is cold, grey and run down, so when a wild dolphin appears, it's the miracle everyone's been waiting for. It was like a magical draw. I'm going and nothing can stop me. I must meet the stuffin'. Some believe Freddy has healing powers, others that he's an alien. Everyone wants to swim with him. It's just...

Oh, this world, you know. Until one day, someone is accused of taking things way too far. Alan Cooper, committed an act of allude, obscene, and disgusting nature. A tabloid scandal leads to a court battle that grips the whole country. By behaving in an indecent manner with a bottle-nosed dolphin.

From Wondry and Blanchard House, I'm Becky Milligan, and this is Hooked on Freddy. Listen to Hooked on Freddy on the Wond One Dread or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. So Zana, yeah, it's time. Oh God. Tell me the story of arranged online. online. Oh, you know, my stories are pretty simple because I came from that world and whatever 1997 is a long time ago and I met a lot of guys on through my online ad way back. Before not the way people meet today, just to be clear because online dating today is much evolved.

Back then, it was one of those HTML sites. You remember when you needed to wait for the modem to dial up? Like, you guys might be too young, even to the... No, no, no, no. Yes! And you're like, praying that the thing connects, it was one of those days. So, I met, you know, and I was looking for an Indian guy,

really wanted to be with an Indian guy and my ad was very specific. So it was like, you have to be smart and brilliant and have proof of the brilliance and all of that. A rain style, you know, the way it's done back home, but here in America. But also, like, you know what, the standards are actually kind of the same. We just wait a lot longer to say it. And we don't say it directly. I think what happens is that are kind of the same. We just wait a lot longer to say it. And we don't say it directly. I think what happens is we all want the same things, but it's how directly are you able to say it?

Because it's not okay. I learned after the fact that it was not- It's kind of like the BDSM community, isn't it? They're just like straight up, like I like this. I want it in my ass. I like you to use this. It's like they're straight up and then you can decide whether or not to meet up with each other.

So I can't, I don't love the idea of it in every way But I also see the benefits of just like very straightforward dating Hmm. I mean, I think for some of us who came from that world We don't even know any different. Mm-hmm Like we wouldn't know what else to do like that I used to watch the TV show friends and be horrified There's no one ever got mad You're not built you're not alone in that.

Right? No one ever got mad at on that show. It was like a lot. And this one's with this one, this one's with this one. It's been going on for years. I don't know what you're talking about. When you say, when you say, Cuck's, Sardiya asks a stupid question.

We say coming from that world. What's that world? You know, I grew up in India. I grew up in India. My siblings were arranged. I was the youngest. I was almost arranged at 15. And I didn't.

I found a way to get out of it. And I made my way to America. But I came from a world where everybody was arranged the way people are back there even today in 2023. So and there when the parents do the, you know, here in America, people know about arranged marriages, but they don't know what elements are involved when the parents do the, you know, here in America, people know about the rain marriages, but they don't know what elements are involved when the parents, like it's not sweet,

it's horse-trading. They say, oh, you got a daughter who's short, I've got a guy who's like, you know, this is a good, oh, your daughter, you're not really specific questions. Like, can you go through some of the more personal questions that they want to know? Yeah, I mean, they, like in my case, I wore glasses.

So it was a lot of like, oh, you know, he doesn't have hair, but she's not wearing glasses. She's wearing glasses, so this is a match. Wow. You know, but you can't expect everything, you know, she needs to, I mean, I went on dates. I remember one date I went on the mother of the guy just, just happened to swing by, you know, just happened to swing. And you know, just happen to swing. And then he's that now just by coincidence. And this guy so high achieving his academic achievements, you couldn't even believe the resume. Okay, so you're thinking like he's brilliant, whatever.

We're sitting there and the mom is now like not just swung by, decided to join the date. Okay, all right, I'm going along, because I'm Indian, it's not that unusual, but okay, all right. So then she starts talking to me and she goes, you know, your parents died when you were very young. So you come from really bad gene pool. Oh my, Jesus Christ.

Wow. And you know, I'm like stunned, but that's the kind of things people back home do say. So I'm not completely shocked. I'm a little shocked that in a minute. But I was more interested in this guy's reaction because like, are you going to say something to your mom? Because she's now going down that road of how amazing her gene pool is and how brilliant her kids are.

And, you know, and she actually said, and you know, they're brilliant because of me. Oh, Lord. Oh, my. Wait, and this was here in this day. You should have killed that. Yeah, and did that gene pool right there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's fucking choker out. Oh, my God. I was sitting there and when she said, well, you know, they're smart because of me, I actually burst out laughing because there's some things you can't control, but okay. But when she walked away, the guy goes, you know, you can't take offense to anything. My mom says, you know, my love. Oh, mom loves me. She loves me.

She doesn't mean anything. Oh my god. But we've had, but I've had so many versions of these dates. I've Indian guys, super nerdy, like Star Trek fans. I've had a guy so sweet, totally into me. And then he goes, you know, you're just like an Ewok. No, no, no, no. And I didn't know what an Ewok was.

I didn't know. I thought Ewok was that princess with the buns. I didn't know. Oh no,-Walk was that princess with the buns. I didn't know. Oh no, were you like so? Thank you. But that pepper, that's a lot of like the immigrant experience. Sometimes people even insult us and we're like, we don't know what they're saying,

because we don't understand the language. I'm like, okay, thank you. I mean, you went on a 70 dates, right? Yeah. From your part. I did. I mean, Zona picked up some serious heat. So I had an addout on a South Asian personal's website, a matrimonial's website that said like I'm looking to get married. You know, I need

to be with somebody ambitious, somebody brilliant because I'm gonna do big things in my life and I need you to be ready to be on that ride and please don't contact me if you want to be friends because I don't have time for friends and you know and I need to see proof of your brilliance and your tax returns and your mother needs to be good because I lost my mother you know it's like I've got issues you know many issues and I kind of just put it all out there and my husband now husband was goofing around in Switzerland working at the time with a bunch of Indian engineers. And on a Friday night, they're scrolling through the ads just for entertainment.

I was so new back then. And they all came upon my ad and they thought that this ad couldn't possibly be real. So he reached out to me. He's like, this can't be real. I said, it's very real. And by the way, I wrote in my ad, do not waste my time. Are you looking to get married, sir?

Oh, my God. Why did you email me? And we struck up like a little banter back and forth. And he's like, I have to come and see you. He was in Switzerland, and I was in Cleveland finishing up law school. And we agreed to meet at JFK for like five minutes, because that's all the time I had.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh at the airport? Yeah, I mean, right? I, because I had dates, I had date sketch, I was on a mission to get married. Look at it. So you flew yourself to JFK from Cleveland

to meet this guy for, were you meeting anyone? No. That's a, what? I was moving to New York anyway for my first legal job and I had date scheduled the day I landed because I was on this mission that I had to get this done. So the only time I had this. There's nothing more South Asian than this work ethic. Yeah.

So I feel so seen. Go on. Right? Jabila is not see look at nothing phases her. She's like this is exactly. I've been nothing phases her. She's like, this is exactly- Zana, like when I joined Tinder, I was on Tinder for about 11 days

and I, before I had to tap out, and I organized a date for every single one of those days at 11 a.m. Oh, every single one of them. Why did you choose 11 a.m? Just out of curiosity because I felt like I was less likely to be murdered at that time. Yeah, and I would make a stand out. I of a police station and we would drink coffee, stand outside

of a police station. Weirdly, none of those people turned out to be the person of my dreams. Interesting. But that just felt safe. Incredibly unharmed. I'm quite a little willing. Kissed or fingered or anything. But anyway, so you know, Zana, I feel you, this is how we move.

This is how Asian girls move. Am I was married by the end of that year? Well, no, but I'd love to. So he has a place to stay in the city. Yeah. So he came to New York. We met at the airport and then I was like, okay, five minutes are up. I'm done. I got dates and he's like, I have nowhere to go. I go, oh my God, you're my problem now.

What? Like, you know, and then he goes, well, you know, can I just sleep on the floor and you're a partner and say, like we were both broke poor people trying to like make a life somehow. And I'm looking at this sorry guy who showed up from Switzerland to New York with of all things, a toothbrush and a passport.

I'm like, of all the things you thought you can't replace when you travel toothbrush. Right. On the other hand, yeah, right, right, right. On the other the other hand right right right right right yeah I think it's an essential I think it's nice etiquette like it means he brushed his teeth on the plane before yeah yeah yeah it was stuck in his back pocket I don't know I think it's awesome before he met me yeah yeah it was like you know I wasn't at you know what I mean I mean, I had to go. We did have a bag. I don't understand.

No, there was nothing. No bag. He flew from the whistle. It. What, that was it. Did he become your problem? Did you help him? I did.

What am I gonna say to him? I was like, okay, you come with me and you sleep on the floor in this illegal sublet that I had because I didn't have money. I had a friend of a friend of a friend who was like giving me some space. Did you know this man at all? He answered an advert and you let him stay in your house. With no blockage.

He's a nerdy engineering guy from India who's like working. You know, I mean, if you saw him, you would be like, like, honestly, if something bad happened, I would have to protect him. I was like, nice. Okay. So you say, yeah, your gut sometimes knows, right? I don't know. I was like, nice. Okay. So you say, yeah, you're gut sometimes knows, right? I don't know. I mean, I didn't. I wasn't scared for my life with him. I have been with other dates, but not with him. And the building had a door man. So my plan for the first few dates in

New York was to meet people in the lobby because there's a door man safety. Yeah. You know what I mean? I didn't know New York. I was coming here all by myself. So I told this guy, my husband, I said, you stay in the apartment. Do not interrupt my dates because I am on a mission as I've reminded you many times. How long did he stay? At the minute I went down for a date,

he showed up five minutes later. So it's a date? Downstairs date? To interrupt the date. He's like, I just had to see if this is real. This is so bad, shit crazy. I just had to see. And now the date is like, who's this?

Is this your brother? I'm like, no. You know, and this went on with a few dates. And I was like, what is happening? He's so good looking. You know what he's talking about? He exactly, but he was like, wow. I actually think he was really curious.

He couldn't understand what was happening. Like he was genuinely perplexed. And I was so business-like and methodical that I had no room for wonderment. I was like, I'm not going to not understanding. And all these poor guys who flew in from all over America to see me were like, who's this other guy? But this guy turned out to be the guy, the cock-blocking master himself.

And that turned out to be my husband. Oh, so how did he manage to go from from interrupting all of your dates to finally becoming the guy? Did you look at him differently? Are you spending time in the apartment together? No, the night that he interrupted all my dates, I had to sit down and talk to him. I said, I understand that I'm a big item of curiosity for you. You're like very curious, and I get it.

But I'm actually tired. I've lived life alone for a long time. I've been trying to find my way in the world, and I need to build a life. So please, for the love of God, leave me alone. Go do what you know. Your mom will probably line up Miss Universe India for you. You go get that woman.

Be happy. But leave me alone because I actually, I'm not just saying this for effect. I'm trying to build a life. And I think that that conversation made him realize that there was a real connection there. Like he himself had come from difficult circumstances and whatever. And then I don't ask how, don't ask how,

and block my kids, but we ended up having sex that night. Oh! So sad. OK, I mean, I'm not gonna ask how. That's a lot of investment. I mean, you're talking to a girl who only required paper towels. LAUGHTER Is that anything more intoxicating than someone just fucking spilling all the beans and just telling you the full truth? Like someone just being there full self with you. There was

nothing fucking hotter than that. There's nothing hotter than someone just being like, this is my shit. This is who I am. This is what I fucking need. Right. Have it. Like, I can't think of anything that's harder than that. Zana, I think you're the hottest. I've been called a lot of things, I've never been called hot in my life, so this is the first. I think you're gorgeous.

Thank you for this. Zana, thank you for all of those ridiculous stories. And thank you for that gorgeous ending. I love it when a weird bad date turns into a long term love. All right, you're three fabulous straight shooters. You are funny and gorgeous women, and I'm so thrilled to have had you here today. Before we go, can you tell everyone where they can find you and what they should be looking at, starting with you, Ernie?

Yes, you guys. Please tune in, or should I say, listen to, I have a new podcast out with my longtime, longtime friend, Scott Eckert. It's called Born to Love. It is a podcast about things we love. We have guests on to talk about whatever they love. Please, everybody here, come on. Talk about what you love.

It's on I Heart Media and Will Ferrell's Big Money Players. Guys, Born to Love. I'm there. It's a fucking vibe. It's a vibe. Peppermint. Yeah, folks can find me on every social platform. I peppermint 247. And Zana, what about you? Thank you, Jumila, for having me. I am at ZanaGarg on all major platforms.

I have a very vibrant community. All my posts, people love to get engaged and start fighting with each other. Everybody's welcome to join in. Join me for a full on no-holes bar trashing of our culture and many other cultures. Ha ha ha ha. I mean, we're all in. Thank you guys for that. Thank you. Thank you.

Hi. I can't think of a group that I'd like to go to the grocery store and to the airport with more. I saw you. This was so delightful! Jumila, thank you for having us! That was like so much fun! I have the lovely of time!

Bad dates is produced by smartness media and Wundery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jumila Jamil. That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced and denoted by Devon Tori Bryant, also engineered and edited by Karl McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media, are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kominsky. If you've had a bad day and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com.

We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week, we will see you next time for more... Bad dates! Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondry Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.