Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Big Girl Wednesday (w/ Langston Kerman, Roz Hernandez, and Jenny Zigrino)

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

This week, Joel and guests—Langston Kerman, Roz Hernandez, and Jenny Zigrino—come in hot with the topic of first loves, and messy but real feelings they come with. They get into hooking up on the road—from offering to fly someone out just to get ghosted, to surprise homemade lube—the cities that want them the most, Big Girl Wednesday, and the many shades of polyamory.   Send in your own listener questions by emailing us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at ‪[phone]‬‪. Subscribe to SmartLess Media on YouTube for full episodes, and follow @intimacycoordinatorshow on Instagram and TikTok for clips.   Joel Kim Booster: @ihatejoelkim · Loot Season 3 (Apple TV+), Fire Island (Hulu), Psychosexual (Netflix) Langston Kerman: @langstonkerman · Netflix special Bad Poetry; The Boys; podcast My Momma Told Me Roz Hernandez: @rozhernandez · host of Ghosted! (Exactly Right); Living for the Dead (Hulu) Jenny Zigrino: @jennyzigrino · Fifty Shades of Black; Bad Santa 2   Produced by Brian Baldinger and Anne Harris. Associate Producers are Maddie McCann and Katherine Calligori. Editor is Jacob Vaus. Executive Producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Robert Cohen, Richard Korson and Bernie Kaminski. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Intimacy Coordinator ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And welcome to another edition of the Intimacy Coordinator podcast. I am your host, as always, Joel Kimbooster. I'm really excited about this episode of the podcast. We have three really great comedians in today, all three really good friends. And ostensibly, the topic was first loves, which we do talk about at length in the podcast. But we get into a lot of other shit, too. That's really fun to hear about. We talk about love bombing.

We talk about polyamory. We talk about dating and gender. It's a really fun episode and the vibes are good and I hope you enjoy it as well. So let's get into it. Comedian, actor, writer, Netflix special, Bad Poetry, directed by John Mullaney. He's been on the bus down. Abbotten Elementary, The Boys, Warner Brothers film cutoff with Jonah Hill and Kristen Wigg on the way. Oh my God.

It's Langston Kerman. Oh, wow. I listen to all my shit. That's cool. Comedian. Leaving of the Dead Outt of Hulu. Outstanding on Netflix. Ghosted podcast, her debut audiobook, peeing in an empty bottle about driving herself across the country doing stand-up and gay bars.

Drops June 23rd. It's Roz Hernandez. And then last but certainly not least, you might have heard her recently on the Bad Dates podcast. But now she's back for intimacy coordinator. It's comedian. Her special, Gen Z is streaming now. She's been on Conan, the La Late Show, Bad Santa 2. It's Jenny Zagrin.

Hello. And before we get to the icebreaker first, I have to... I just remember... You two used to be roommates. Absolutely. Literally they told me that before you came in, and I had a rush of memories that I used, when you guys both moved to New York,

I like associated you as like a pair for a long time. We rolled pretty tough for a second. I was like, oh yeah, that's Jenny and Langston. Did you run a show together too? Yes, we did. The fancy show. The fancy show. Jenny did it for like a month.

And then I was on funniest wins. Got a TV show and was like, Good luck, boys. Bye, Lizars. Hey. Back the way. Ross, have you ever lived with either of these people? I don't think so.

No, I'm living alone currently, and it's nice. Life is long. You never know where you might end up. Look, I got a spare bedroom. So, you can go. Well, let's see how this audio book goes. People buy the audio book. And she won't need that extra bedroom.

Let's get into it today. I'm really excited to talk. It's a pretty loosey-goosey topic. So we can go a lot of directions today. But to start us off, I'm just going to ask you very simply, when was the last time you said, I love you, and to whom? Oh. You know.

You want me to cry this early in the podcast? Some people say, I mean, I'm sure Lanks and I have said it today at some point. Did you not tell your wife you loved you before? Her I haven't said it to today. Oh, you said it to your child. The children and I say it to them very often. I see, I see. Probably more than they care to hear.

Honestly, though, that's great. Yeah. That's beautiful. They're also babies. But I'm making up for some shit in my head. You know what I mean? I'm doing my work. They don't know that.

And that's the beauty of parents. Did your parents say I love you a lot to you? No. My mom said it a lot more than my dad, I don't think, has ever said, I love you as much as, like, some broken iteration of, right, right, right. Some sort of, like, weird, passive, like, almost passive, like, passive, like, passive, like, passive, like, nice thing. What I always find beautiful with my father is that it is never coming from like a negative

place. It's his own sort of struggle with those words. And so in that way, it's like he could never say it. It's not about me. My dad, like, hardly ever said it either, but he would also, like, he drove me to Chicago and helped me move into my apartment and then, like, left without really, like, but like I knew, I'd known the man my whole life and I knew that's just how he worked. Like, he would, like, randomly come over to my house in Chicago, fix something, and then leave and not tell me about it. And he thought that was normal. Yeah. That's just how he, like, you know, showed up.

I'll say, I'll say a fixed toilet is better than that I love you. I know. It really goes a lot longer of a way. You can have those I love you to fix my toilet. That is true. Bring me something. Your dad had access to your home when you weren't there. He would go, he had a key.

My parents had a key for, like, very, like, emergency. situations because I lived alone and I didn't really have. That's my biggest nightmare. Really? My mom's got a key. I don't think he ever went over except to fix something dire in my house. What kind of thingies do you have laying around? A lot of things.

11 inch thingies, seven inch thingies. Yeah. Double side of thingies. These are charging. These are just loose. Yes. These items are just split. You never know when you need them.

I've crossed the Rubicon. My cleaning lady finds. all the sex shit every single month. And I'm like, you know what? She has a lot of gay clients and I think she's just at this point. She's like, whatever. She's like, she literally knows which drawer they go in if they're out. She would probably come to you and be like, I haven't found anything.

What's going on? What's wrong with your relationship? Is your marriage altering? Are you feeling sick? Yes. I found one of your toys. Are you feeling sick? It looked rough.

I want to save the tears for last. So, Roz, can you remember the last time you said I love you into who? Yes. No, here's what you came from later. I'm sorry, sorry. Then, yeah, to my dog. I have a dog that I am obsessed with and he doesn't have any eyes. That's right.

He came that way. Oh, I'm sorry. We are the same person. And I don't mean to be graphic when I asked this question. You just said eye twice, just so you know. Okay, this isn't a way for us to. be able to meet a common ground. He doesn't have eyes.

Well, he can't say words. He's the dog. True. But when you say no eyes, sock it or is it smooth? Are we a little indentation or just straight up smooth there? It's like a situation. One, he has what the doctors called a partially formed eye. Oh, okay.

I also he's got a weird little one. Better to have a partially formed eye than never eye at all. Yeah, sort of. It kind of has like half of one eye, I would say. But it doesn't have like a pupil or an eye. It's just like a little bit of... It's like a little glass ball sitting there. A little marble?

Like a little marble? It's almost like gum. Oh, that sucks. That really does that. But you know what? He can do things still. He was born that way? He was born that way, God.

Yeah. He didn't do it to be cool. Literally, there are some dogs that just shouldn't exist genetically. And then we get shit like that. Oh, I thought you were pointing to me. I wasn't. I felt it. But now that you bring up the subject, we did live together.

Yes. I know Jenny and I know each other fairly well, I would say. We were good roommates. I thought we were great roommates together. And one of my only complaints was that Jenny at some point acquired a dog. I did. With two eyes? Two eyes.

Maybe, maybe. But they're so far. out of her head that they could go away at any second. Pug chihuahua. Well, that's suspense. It is. Pug chihuahua. Talk about the epitome of a dog that should not exist.

This dog is a walking vacuum cleaner of noise. We have on pugs. We have inflicted life upon them. And now it is torture every day. But we did that. There's a specific, because I used to have a pug, there's a specific type of torture for like a pure bred. pug that like is pretty manageable.

What Jenny has is a curse. She's a beautiful dog. She's still around. She's still around. Blind, deaf, no teeth. She is still around. She's the sweetest dog, although she barked at me endlessly the entire time we were looking at me.

When I was around, when I was not around, I would sneak in and she would be in his lap. She was very condoingies. So she's a performative racist. She only wants to be racist when there's an audience. She just thought Jenny would like. this. Right, Jenny, we both hate him, right? Because of his skin? Come on!

But the the noise that Lupe makes is not the noise of a regular pug. It is something. She is still... I was going to say that I also, today, the person I said, the person, the thing I said I love you too, was

my dog. Oh. Can we, do you, either of you remember the person you last said it to? We don't have to belabor it. Oh, I apologize. Last person was probably Probably like some trans lady, I know You know? Like romantically or just

I love you? No, sisters. Okay. Sister Dick will make you sick. I know. I unfortunately only like men You know. Yes, it's rough.

Couldn't it be me? Ross would opt out in a second If it were an option. Yeah, no. Makes sense. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I've been to witches.

I've been to therapists. Make me a lesbian. Oh, you tried to magic yourself a lesbian. Yes, I have. Wow. I've done spells. It never occurred to me that someone would want it that bad. That's cool.

Literally. It works for Christians. That is how my parents think people become gay. Is that someone casts a spell. Oh, right. Yeah. Well, I need to find that witch. It would be convenient.

Jenny, do you remember that? person you last said, I love you too? In a romantic way? Sure. I thought about it with someone, but I never said it because we broke up. Oh, no. So I thought about it, and then we broke up. And do you, does that breakup

then make you doubt that thought you had? Yes. Because I, okay, here's the thing, is that I can look at it in a very, like, spiritual way and be like, yes, I do really love this person. Were they capable of receiving it? No.

Was I even in a place to actually be giving it? Probably not. But it is a pure love that I do feel for the person. And I do have genuine love for a lot of people in my life. And I say I love you to my friends all the time. Everyone should be saying I love it to your friends. And yeah, I have a lot of love to give. Especially in these times.

I'm single. We haven't said it to me today, but okay. So let's get into it. Today we're talking a little bit about first love. And I want to go around the table and I want to ask you if you can remember and this is you don't have to have said it to this person Okay. Do you remember who your first love was and then I have a follow-up question that Specifies a little more information, but I'll just go around the horn starting with you doing yes I remember that who was it? I was my first boyfriend is your first boyfriend. Yeah, okay great

Yeah, same my my well I wouldn't say it was my first girlfriend, but it was my first high school girlfriend okay who I was like I thought I was madly in love with that's interesting okay when I was 19 there was a now trans woman at the time we were both gay guys I felt like I was in love with that person I was also 19 yeah but that is my technicality that maybe I kind of had been a lesbian kind of in the in the most gay guy way. Okay. In the most gay guy way.

Sometimes you gotta go a different direction, you know what I mean, to get where we all are. So I guess the follow-up question then. And that person is now famous. And you both sort of touched on this, but like, looking back on it and now I don't know, Roz, if this is true of you or if this is true of you, Jenny. I know it's true of you, but like, does that love hold up? Like, is that still what you consider a benchmark for loving another person?

because I know for us, those early, because me it was Adam Qualls. Adam Qualls, he was a junior when I was an incoming freshman at college and he accidentally said, I love you over AIM before we'd even met, but there was a typo, there's a nine in the middle of the love, and so that became our thing.

It's like to skirt around being able to say I love you without being crazy about it. What was your screen name? At the time, I think it was Asian crap. Okay, all right. No number? There you go. How'd you get it?

Asian crap. I was chasing X-the-X-S-S-O-N-316 for so long. I love it. I love it. But now that, like, it's so hard for me to think back on any of the people that I thought I was in love with in my 20s or as a teenager and, like, conceptualized it as love. I think that I, the feelings that I had when I was 14 years old were as, real for me

as any feelings that I've had in my life time, like for my wife, for my kids, all of it. It felt so real. And in that way, that to me makes it true. Like it's not that it's some shit I still feel. It's not even that

I look back on it and I go, that makes sense, big dog. I look back on it, I go, you fucking idiot. What were you investing your whole life into? But then at the same time, it matters. that much to me, I was crying over that shit. Same.

Yeah. And so like at the end of the day, that's real. What else is more real than that? But I almost feel embarrassed about how much I felt for these people that like I have known for three months. You know, like, yeah, well, that's trauma. Experiencing. That is.

That's like, yeah, you were probably, yeah, you were, there was some trauma going on there. Yeah. But also I think that that is the discovery of relationships. That's how you figure this shit out is you, you, we, we're all standing. you start by bombing, you bomb a lot, and then eventually you start to figure out how to not bomb as often. In your case, love bombing. And that is the relationship. But you know what? What happens if you never, because we've seen it. We've seen someone who never graduates from bombing. And like, you've seen plenty of those people and some of them are alt-right podcasters.

I've dated some of the people in the love bombing realm where they just never, they never go. past it. I think that I'm really intense person, especially at the beginning. And that's something that I worked on specifically before I met my now husband. Because I did not like the person I became when I had

was in a situation ship or had caught feelings. I was crazy. And like too intense and like too ready, like too soon. And like I thought I was, but looking back, I don't think it was. And so now every time I think about the guys that I thought in my head I was in love with, I'm like,

what a fucking idiot. Do you feel like when you met your husband it was a very different feeling? Yeah. It was like more of a calm. I knew. So my husband is my first boyfriend.

Oh. At post high school and college. First adult boyfriend. And I said to my friend the second day after I met him that I was going to marry him. And I did. So I like I've always been like

a gut person but like and I always knew that those other guys didn't actually feel the same way about me, but I still pressed on. But I guess I would argue that while those feelings, what you're saying is absolutely true about your experience with your husband, that's all in hindsight, right?

That's all sort of like some shit you've gathered as information to be able to say this is a different feeling. So it is as real, ultimately, as the real feelings you had before you knew anything else, which is how we figure out who the fuck we are in the first place. I love it. Did you know Lankston has an MFA in poetry? In poetry?

Yeah. And could you not tell? I've wasted a lot of people's money. You cannot imagine how much money I've wasted. The way we're talking. The scholarship. These people invested in me. Our class size was 10.

Wow. There were 10 students and it was the largest group they had ever gathered for this program. They usually do like six and they said, no, we're stretching it to 10. What we need, what this world needs right now is more poets. More poets. More poets. I agree. Wait, but I'm, all of this is bringing up a lot for me right now because I'm in a dating situation.

Let's go. Now, I have not dated at all in years, mainly because I'm like, I've got to go get famous. Oh. You think that's going to make dating easier? Well, that'll make everything easier. It'll solve all my problems. But I'm just like, no, it's not about the dating. It's just like, I don't, I'm not focusing on it.

You don't have, that's how I felt for a long time. Yeah. I did not have room for someone else in my life because I was so career focused for so long. That's, that's been me. Yeah. I think it's totally fair. And you're, you're being like funny when you say famous, but I get it. Career stability is like sort of the foundation that you want before you even consider somebody.

Exactly. I want a house. And I'm just like, I don't. I'm like on the apps. We'll see what happens. I do like to have sex. Whatever. But I'm like, when it comes to being in a relationship, so I had something where I'm like, okay, this is like a very cute friends with benefit, I think, whatever.

Come over within five minutes. We're both like, okay, I don't think this is a friends with benefit. Okay. This kind of feels like, I don't know. And then after a few minutes later, then he had said something about like, well, our second date. And I was like, is this a date? Like, we're just on my couch. Yeah.

A date can be anything. I know. That's true. And I've said that to a lot of women. You wouldn't believe how many women I've told that to. Baby, baby, baby, baby, a day can be anything. I mean, the first thing that I'll tell you is it never, timing-wise, happens conveniently. Yes.

So, like, I mean, it's like kind of the perfect trick. When you are actually believing, I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it. That's when it comes. So you cannot trick the universe. You can't just say like, I don't want it. I know. I know. And so it's now been like two months.

Wow. Okay. That we've been talking. And now here's the thing. And I did get permission to, I'm allowed to bring this up. Okay. Okay. He happens to be polyamorous.

Oh. Oh. What's your vibe on it? I happen to not be. Okay. Now, do we all think that this... Congratulations. Can people learn?

Can people... No. Does it work? No. I think the consensus is that. Yeah, I think you all have to be on the same page. Yeah. Because...

We were for those first 10 minutes on my couch. When we say Polly, how many partners? Currently zero, but wants to have the option. Oh, all right. No. I think that... Can I change him? No.

No, I don't. One of you will end up resenting the other. I'm sorry. Here's the thing. I've met some, but this is, I met some women who definitely have been like, oh, I started off as Polly and then I met the person that I wanted to be monogamous with. I think women can walk it back. I think women can do it.

I don't know about men. I don't think that's part of the master plan if you, uh. Yeah. I mean, has he practiced polyamory before? He has. He has. He has practiced it. So this is not just a, I have never practiced it and I don't want to.

Yeah. No, listen, we're obviously not monogamous, but like, the, like, Polly feels crazy to me personally because the work of one relationship, the actual, like, emotional work, not taking sex out of the equation completely is so much. I can't imagine having to do that with three, two or three people. Yeah. And that's why I think it's, I think it's like a gene like cilantro. Like some people have it and some people don't because, like, I, someone like him speaking to. to him more about it. Like I understand it more as like this is a personality type or sexuality or an affliction.

I don't know. But it's something that I don't have. Yeah. And I don't see myself having that. Yeah. Yeah. If they're really like, no, I need a polyamorous relationship, then you're not going to, you're not going to be happy because there's always going to be like they could be here

with me, but they're picking someone else because I did it and it did not work out. You were who? Speak on that. I was the monogamous person trying to be cool. Oh. And be like, I can hang. I got this. Cool. Yeah, I invite your friends over. Oh, whatever.

Are you hanging out with her? No problem. I'll just sit and look at the wall. I don't want to contribute to the person I like finding a new person. Yeah. Like, that will, that you'll like more than me. Yeah. No, I mean, it isn't incredible how different my experience with all of this has been because I always say I'm my husband's best wingman.

If he wants to fuck a guy at the party, I'm going to go up to him. Do you help? I make sure that he does. Whoa. Yeah. And listen, it's a day by day thing because we literally used to have rules, right? And then, like, emotions don't sort of vibe with rules day to day because, like, what would happen is I would do something and it wasn't breaking a rule. But because of how he was feeling that day, he would be, you know, in his feelings about it.

But he didn't feel like he could talk to me about it because I wasn't breaking a rule. And so what we sort of landed on was that like, I know him better than anyone in the world. He knows me better than anyone in the world. I know what would hurt him. He knows what would hurt me. And we don't do that. And it's literally just about checking in every single time we're out or experiencing something like that and post, talk about it afterwards. Like we could be at a party and I could be bopping around like sucking dick and making out with the guys.

And he could be like, thank God he's off my hands. And it could be the same party, same people, same scenario. But because of whatever happened in his day that day, he might just need me to be his husband. And so it's just about communicating that kind of stuff. That's like 4D shares. Yeah. Yeah. But in a beautiful way where you're like, no, we are dancing together.

Let's always sort of be aware of what everybody means. But that doesn't sound like that's how you view sex. Well, to me, sex is a little bit different than like the emotional connection. because here's what I've had to accept being trans first of all my dating pool is very small being into men and being trans and one thing that I don't do is straight

DL what I don't do that I prefer personally a guy that is pansexual bisexual, bisexual, queer whatever found one love not didn't say I love him love the

scenario. Love the idea. His ears perked up and then, oh, damn, okay. I love the scenario. At least I did. But the thing that is hard is that if they like multiple different things, then I kind of feel like, okay, it should be understandable that I allow them the freedom to explore that.

They might have a hankering for certain things I don't have. I get it. but when it comes to like the emotional dating situation, I'm like, I don't know if I want my person to do that with other people. Well, wait. Now, it sounds like you're much more open to an outside the norm situation. No, I'm not, but I'll put up with it. See, that's not good.

So can I... This is the best I got right now. I think for my own sexuality, and I haven't gotten there yet, but I think that this is where I've landed. When I feel secure and I've got the emotional stability. Never had either. Well, it's going to happen. It's going to happen for you.

I feel it. But when that happens, I'm sure that there gets to a point with your partner where you're just like, I can't really give you what you need in that way. And if you were to go find it somewhere else or if I'm part of it, fine. I think it's that the, like, I have actual emotional relationships with other. people, which is where it's like, that's the problem. If you want to get pissed on, go forth, child, and go get peed on. I love you.

I'm not going to pee on you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if that they're like, they're like, I just really want to that to happen. I got to get peed on, Jimmy. Those are the guys that find me. Guys with like girlfriends, committed girlfriends, and the girlfriend won't pee on them. They call me.

Yeah. Well, at least you. I want someone. At least you're wanted. And I say no, because I don't want to pee on them either, but they come to me. And this is a realization I came to specifically with my husband, though, is that like, and I don't think this would have worked in any of my previous situationships or, like, dalliances with guys if they had progressed into a relationship, is that, like, the sex I have with my husband

is, like, very specific and very connected and very emotional and spiritual, and it's beautiful. But sometimes I just want to be a fucking whore. And that's a different kind of sex. And it's hard to do that sex with someone who, again, knows me better. Why are you gripping your nipples so hard? This is a visual medium, everybody. Look at this episode up on YouTube if you want to see me do something weird. He was gripping his heart, but really.

It is like, it's embarrassing to do that in front of the person you know better than any, or who knows you better than you. Yes. They know it's a performance. You want to be a dirty little slut. To try a new move with my wife feels ambitious at best. There's no chance. Where did you get that?

What is that? that from? And then I got to explain myself. I don't know. I talked to Joel. He seemed like he had some stuff going on that I gave it a shot. Do you do stuff together? Is that part of it? We will. But it's he we're such different types. Neither one of us wants to be the toll that must be paid to get to the guy you actually want to fuck. We know, you always know when that's happening in a few situations. So we actually when we are, when we do stuff together, it's usually other couples. Wafat. Wife's up. I love that.

Everybody's got something to do. It's kind of nice. Not always in a threesome. Does everyone have something to do? See, this interests me. I'm monogamous, but I would love to do stuff with a partner. Yeah, me too. Me too.

I'm like, I want to have fun. And then afterwards you go, wow, wasn't that crazy? And then, yeah, the person leaves. Yeah, and people leave. Is that still called swinging? I think that is straight people's words. Antique word. For cruise.

It feels like sort of like they're, they don't want to say they're in an open relationship. Yeah. And so swinging, I guess to me, suggests like it's in every once in a while, like thing that they indulge in. But if you're doing it like, you do it with the partner. So they, so open to me is like you're going out and doing it alone. Maybe it's not the emotional polyamorous, but you're like, we're open. So like if you're at a bar, you hook up, whatever. Polyamorous to me is I have relationship.

Yeah. Yeah. To whatever the fuck I want is, is just a different, like, is under the monogamish world. Do you think you could walk this person back from the relationship element and just be like, you can have sex? Yeah. We've had these conversations. And that's the thing. It is different for all people's relationships and whatever.

And that's why I've kind of landed on like, let's build. our trust and reassess this in the future, but right now focus on each other. And here's like, my absolutely don't do that. And here's, you know, I think there's kind of like a tailor made way that we can do it. And I'm, and I'm curious if it will work or not, but I'm willing to try. It just feels like such a bigger thing to me. Like I've told the story on this pod before, but like I was talking to a straight couple once about how they met and they were like we both had partners when we met but we didn't cheat

we did not cheat we never even kissed but we would text every day and go and see movies and FaceTime at lunch and like all this stuff and I was like man like I could give a shit who he fucks but if he were texting someone every day and FaceTiming them at lunch going to see movies with them that's such a bigger betrayal to me than anything physical but here's the weird thing

I do more than anything in the world want to be in a thruple. Wait, you're sitting a lot of mixed signals. If you don't make up your mind. Okay, here's the thing. My dream, I've said this for years, I want to be me in the middle two pansexual guys.

And I want to be like, You want to be the primary. I want to be Ursula, two pansexual eels. That's what I want. And they don't fuck with each other. No, they do. But you all live in the same house. I have a huge bed and that's like my dream.

But you want a combo that your current situation. Situation. Situation does not in fact want. No, we haven't gotten there. Yeah, we'd have to find another person. But he'd be down to be. But again, it's me being involved. Is it a thruple or are you just talking about a really a threesome situation?

I want two boyfriends at once. Yeah. That both worship me. Okay. It sounds like. And he wants two partners who worship him? I don't know. But I think that he, what he wants to be open to is other without me.

And I'm like, I'm down if it's all centered around me. Fair. That's very fair. I will say that like I'm not like out in these streets when my husband is home, but like I'm a touring comedian. Yeah. And so like it's usually when those, that's when I'm on the streets. exactly um so yeah it's just like it seems like it seems like he would be down for something in that configuration i think it's just a matter of like figuring out like if you both if it's

going to be a conflicting sort of like we both want to be the star yeah yeah you want to be you want two subs kind of thing well yes okay that's also my jimmy john's order I And that is too many subs Yeah Are you friends? You got a chill Put one in the first year later?

I'm not okay You're gonna get sick My You keep eating two subs One way or the other My All my profiles I'm on every single dating up

They all say Miss Piggy type Seeking Kermit Okay well that seems unclear I think it's very clear To me Licking for a man I can beat this

shit out of. Yes. You want someone to worship you. I want a karate child. It's so it. It is so nice to have a to have like a guy be like hey I think you're amazing. I think you're so great. Don't they're the best? And I know they call it a praise kink now which pisses me off because I'm like it's just someone being nice. Yeah praise king. Whoa. Praise king. Yeah being like oh you're you're the best. You're so wonderful. You're great. And I kind of have one. That I get my rocks off by telling you or the No, so I get my rocks off by you telling me how wonderful, great I am. Literally most of America had.

How did people just. I think we all like it. Yes, I just like compliments. Why is it suddenly a kink to be like, can you tell me I'm beautiful? And they're like, oh, wow, you're really kinky. And I'm like, no. This is like something that the king community like false flagged into existence. So they could say to people who are like.

So you got a kink too. Yeah. You just like me. You got a king. You're kicking. You're kicking. A thousand times I have these men that say, I'm kinky. They love to say that to me.

I'm kinky. And I'm always like, what does that mean? And they're like, the butt? Like, bitch. That's where I started. That's not a kink. Yeah, that's level one. That's level one.

And some of us are still hoping to get you started in the game. You know what I mean? So I take it that you are very traditional with your wife and two children at home. Especially with the children. We keep it real traditional. Yeah, there's stuff's not everywhere, okay? All my thingies are put away. Yeah.

Yeah, I am very sex positive. I am very down for all things for y'all. And for me and mine, we keep it pretty organized in there. It really is shocking how many people do not understand the concept that other people see the world differently. than you and might want different things. And like it doesn't, like, our relationships are just as valid as each other, even though we operate in a different way

because we at the core of it love our partners. Yeah. And you just, like, you are, you put sex on a pedestal in a way that I don't know. Do you think sex is important? I, I, emotionally. I think whatever she thinks. Because I can't afford for this to not work.

So. So as I see That is a Kermit Miss Piggy. That is a Kermit. There you go. You're Kermit. No, but I won't. I'm not going to take no beat downs with a purse. I'm,

I'll fight back. Wait, did Miss Piggy do a beat down? Wait, did Miss Piggy beat Kermit? No, she beat everyone. That is true. We don't talk about it. But it is abusive. Don't people say that relationships need like a gardener and a flower or something like that?

They do say that. I think people say a lot of things about relationships and most of it's nonsense. Yeah, you should hear my mother. It's terrifying. Okay. I think so much of what I figured out in marriage is that like we have to come to some version of a consensus. Yeah.

That consensus doesn't have to even be my original dream for myself. Yeah. It is just the dream I'm willing to find with you. So start anew with this person, figure it out together. It's a poet. It's a poet. That's poetry. Is that master's degree?

And I think that that's sort of what I'm doing for myself too, where I'm like, I never thought about being in a poly relationship, but I do like this person and I'm willing to explore and open my mind a little bit, but also hopefully I'll change it. You never saw yourself with a dog with no eyes.

I didn't see myself. That's true. You didn't go, my favorite thing in this world was going to be a dog with no eyes, and then you got a dog with one little goppy eyes. and that's something. Partially form. I will just caution you a little bit and say,

don't love that dog. You do not want this to become this thing of where you are doing it, and it's secretly in the back of your mind, you're like, I can get him to agree to my terms. And he's doing it thinking, okay, I got what I wanted, and I can make her happy, and she'll be so happy in this, and I'll prove to her that it can work. Yeah.

That feels like, I just don't want you to lose what you value because of this guy. guy. Aww. Yeah. And I think like I get it. I struggled for you, like I never connected with anybody until I met my husband really. And like it feels like so urgent when you do find that person, which is why I think I went a little cuckoo every time I did.

But I just don't think it's worth the emotional, full emotional investment until you have figured out with this guy what is really the next step. Jenny, do you think you've met your first love yet? Yeah. Like in the past. You've talked about it a little bit. Do you think that you're not dating anyone currently? I'm stooping someone.

I'll say that. So another situation. We have another situation. It's like literally two and a half weeks. Got it, got it. A half weeks old. And we are at a place where... Do you love it?

I love him. I love him. We're a place where I love him dearly and I'm obsessed. Let's clip that. We're clipping. that one, Brian, we're clipping that. To me, then, I know. No, um, please, no.

I'm begging you. Don't do this. I will say this, this is a lot of, a lot of non-starters to it, but I'm also like, like, I am at the points where I'm like, I just want to see what can happen. Maybe there are, like, they're non-starters and like,

I've already decided it's a non-starter, but I don't know if it's actually non-starter. Do you what I mean? Yes, no, totally. Where I'm like, maybe I should be a little more open and just see what can actually happen. Totally. Versus being like, I'm out, I'm done.

That's me. Also, I like sex with this person, and that's so rare. That's awesome. That's one of the main ships in the Armada. Yeah. But I have a timeline that you guys are not on. So I am having a kid in two years, regardless of if I find a person. Okay.

Yeah. No, I said go for it. That's the response of every dad that I've ever spoken to. Yeah, I want to have a kid. I'm going to be 40 in six months. So I'm like, I'm going to do it regardless of what the option is. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Has your conception of love changed since that first guy that you thought and never said to now? Yeah, I know that I am deeply traumatized and flawed and what the things that I usually gravitate to gravitate to are very bad for. for me, so I'm actually trying to do the opposite. And if my nervous system is feeling real weird, I'm actually going to go towards it because what regulates my nervous system is a toxic relationship. So you're doing the UCB model, follow the fear.

Exactly. I'm following the fear. Somebody else wasted a lot of money. Two sketch classes, that's it. And then I got out of that pyramid scheme. Yeah, I know that for me, boring, like, what to someone else is like a normal loving relationship,

I'm like, boring. They must not be the one because I'm bored. But then I'll go to something that's like incredibly toxic. And my nervous system is actually heightened. But to me, it's very normal to feel that way. That I think is, I was literally about to say something about that. Is that like, now that we are married and live together, especially, it's like, I used to think I would fall in love with someone

and every moment I would feel that intense love for them. and it's not that I don't like but like there are you it's work and you will have these brief moments throughout the day where you're like annoyed and it's okay you know like I used to like

flee the minute I had a feeling like that that was anything but love and and you know affection and stuff like that I would I'd see it as a sign that it was over and I just cut my losses and run and I'm so glad I rode those sort of uncomfortable moments out with my husband and let it ride.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, some days that's just a co-worker. Yeah. And then some days you're deeply, deeply in the feeling and they're both true. Your co-workers at the baby factory. Yeah. That's right.

Block it in, lock it out. It is amazing. Okay. I want to talk a little bit about traveling and have any of you ever, like, met someone while being on the road and experience? Yes. Are you kidding me? A lot.

That's kind of the situation. right now. Oh, really? They do not live here. Where does he live? Somewhere else. Ugh. You strike up a real relationship on the road.

I've had, uh, I dated one guy that I met on the road and it was nice and then it exploded. Yeah. And then we'll see where this one goes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I've been with people on the road. Yeah. But then they disappear into the mist and you never have to see them again.

As was the agreement. Yeah, which is nice. Exactly. Right. That was the social contract we've all signed. That was the plan for the beginning. I'm not coming back to Tulsa anytime soon, sir. I last year met a pansexual root worker.

Let's go. Is this all from field? Like a chakra root? I'm on field, yes. Okay, I love field. Fields. Field's great. Field is great.

Didn't exist when I was in the game. I don't think you would have liked it, honestly. It's very Polly. There's a lot of poli. Yeah, that's not really my thing. Well, okay, so I found this guy. I was like, oh my God, we had the best night ever. This was like after a show I did.

And then I did this tour that my audiobook is about, not to plug, but my audio book is about this 50 show tour I did last year. And I kept going like city after city all by myself. I was driving myself. I did everything alone. And I got so lonely. and I didn't have time for like hookups and stuff just because it was just

I always had to go to bed and wake up I always find showtimes are really in an awkward time for my sexual schedule. Yeah, yeah. It's like, why does it have to be? That's the time I'd like to be having sex right now. Yeah, exactly. And then you have to push it to like 10.30?

Yeah. Oh man, you can't wait till 10.30. No. Wait, midnight is like late night after a show is the best time. Yeah, that's what I've always experienced. Yeah, that's when you're like, I had,

Two great shows, hopefully. You like to fuck before dinner. That's crazy. I mean, I like a 10 p.m. But with this, I'm like, okay, now I have to go on the hunt and try to find someone quickly before I go to bed in two hours. Like, it's just, I don't want that. So I ended up just feeling really lonely. And I was doing all these dates alone, driving all day, whatever.

And I literally reached out to the guy, the pansexual root worker. and I was like, literally can I fly you out to come see me? This is not an uncommon story. We've heard this a lot on this podcast. Comics be doing that. This was just a one-night hookup. But I was like, we really connected. And I'm like, I just need someone to talk to.

This is some pretty woman shit. A warm body. Yes. And so. Gratitude that you could afford to fly someone out. You know what I mean? I was doing a lot of shows. That's awesome.

And he said, yes. He blocked me. So, haven't talked to him since. Yeah. That is so funny. Drake, don't rap about that part. Yeah, that's the part you don't get. We were just like, oh, love is real.

What is the best city to hook up or have sex in? In your experience? I mean, you've been to a lot of cities now, Roz. I've done pretty well in Seattle again. That's a good one. I've got the sort of polypan thing going on. I'm going to say the Midwest. Just the Midwest.

I've had a good run. You're really hitting them up the bars in Grand Rapids, Michigan. That's my hometown. They drink milk at dinner, Jenny. Grand Rapids is my hometown. Really? Yes. I literally, Grand Rapids is where I,

I should have died because I went to go hook up with a guy on Grindr. And it was a subdivision outside of Grand Rapids. And it was very late at night. Again, too late, maybe about 11 o'clock at night. Oh, my God. I pull up to this house and he's like, come back around to the back and come in that way. My parents are home. I did not know that this was the situation.

Go in the back door. He's easily 60 years old. Wow. It is full. I'm sure his parents were upstairs, really Won't. Like, it was so crazy. And then he was like, he wanted to use his homemade loom. He wanted to use his homemade loop.

And I will never forget the image of him sticking his hand into this container full of homemade lube and just like being like, like, see? No. So Granada Rapids is really where I should have died. Wait, would you did it? You went through that? How was the homemade lube? It was fine.

It was mostly cooking oil. You used it. Yeah, it was mostly cooking oil. That is always, and dare I say, I've always admired the gay man. I love the work that you. all do but but the thing I've admired most is your willingness to see sex all the way to the end no matter what I will say that I you know again I don't speak for everyone in the community in fact many people including my husband have begged me yeah start

standing up for myself but unfortunately and I actually if you're listening to this I don't I actually do that now I won't just have sex with anybody who caffish is me I'm not saying it's I'm saying that like in the way that all men are, there aren't that many reasons to stop. Oh, yeah. And gay men just happen to be doing it with other men, which means that nobody's going to be like, hey, chill, chill, chill, at the rate that heterosexual relationships are. Danger is oriented in a very different way. Yes. Yes.

Homemade lube would have been a deterrent for 99% and yet there are some more passionate enough. And there I am. Yeah. Gotta get that in a home meal. I would have been like, when they were like my parents are home, I'd have been like, mm-hmm. What is your city, Langston? I did my best work probably in New York, so I'm going to say New York.

That is like a pretty, like, safe and good answer. I mean, it's like the greatest city in the world for a reason. I'm going to say San Francisco, though. Yes. West Coast, it's just like easier. People grew up with Asian people. That one, too. Yes.

You know, they were more socialized to, like, you know. know, want to hook up with them, us, them, I said, those agents, without it being like a weird fetish, you know, like, because that's the problem in the Midwest is guys are either so racist, they won't even look at me, and the ones who do have two katanas on the wall, ready for war at any moment. So I feel like in the Midwest, because I was a bigger girl at the time, I didn't receive the same fetishization because I look like everyone's mom. Like I looked like everybody.

On the coast, it's like they're into bigger girls. Absolutely. And it's like a thing. So I feel like in the Midwest, it was a more like, yeah, this is just, I'm hooking up with someone that I like versus like, oh, tonight's the night. I'm going. It's big girl Wednesday. Not Big Girl Wednesday. Big Girl Wednesday might have to be the tail of that.

We only do an American because Rome is my number. We were. We are actually, we can open Rome is my number one. Melbourne would probably be my number one if we are. Can I say the hottest men are in Spain? Yes.

Oh, yes. 100%? 100. Every time. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever taken it international? That thing? I've had sex internationally,

but only with... Your wife? I think so. I've had some Canadian sex. Oh. So are we... Yeah, I mean, are we rooting? They would definitely be like,

no, we're different. Yeah. That's true. Well, I'm going to end the discussion on Big Girl Wednesday. Okay. And we're not saying goodbye quite yet, but I do just want to shout out the fact that we do answer questions, advice, etc. On this podcast, the phone number, if you would like to be featured as a voicemail on this podcast, you can call 213-379-9-8-51. That's 213-33-37-9-9-8-5-1.

Or email us at Intubisie. coordinator pod at gmail.com. Questions about your love life, your sex life, your living situation. We're here for all of it. So guys, this has been an incredible episode. I have to say really, really fucking fun. Very fun. So to bring it home,

what is something this week, in the past week, that has made you believe in love? And it could be as abstract as you want. Oh, my God. Whoever has it first can go. Nothing. My daughter is in a stage now where she, She is constantly scheming for ways to stay awake at the end of the night.

That's so cute. She's figuring out just fucking whatever she can do to open that door and have a reason to not go to bed. And the other night I was watching the monitor and she was going fucking crazy alone in her room. She like had tucked her head in her t-shirt and was doing like weird shit. And I could just tell she was just like amped and couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. And I had already smoked some weed. so I wanted to hang out anyway. And so I told her to come downstairs,

and I just watched her paint for like an hour. And I sat there and asked her questions about her choices while she was painting. And it was like a really just a nice moment of watching my child exist without every other sort of like thing around us. And it was very sweet. That is really important what you did because one of my earliest memories,

truly one of my earliest memories, is I was very, very young. And my mom came in and woke me and my brother up and said, do you want to go get McDonald's fries? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was like, it was so crazy. I was like, what's going on? And like, but that's a core memory for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a little girl coming downstairs to paint after bedtime. Yeah. That's a core. That's a core memory. No, she was fucking jazzed. Yeah.

Oh. Okay, I had a conversation with my mom today that I think was a growing of love for me. So my mother is a difficult woman and we were having this conversation. And just to give me an example, she knows that this person's coming to visit me at the end of the month.

And her advice was like, can you just not talk about politics? You are a lot. That's what she said. And then she kind of went off and like start talking about her life and how hard she had it and all this stuff. And normally I think I would be like, oh, my God, mom, stop, like whatever.

But I took the time and I was like, you know, Mama, that sounds like it was really difficult for you. That sounds, you had a really hard time. I bet that was really difficult at this time in our lives. And she was like, yeah, it was really hard. And I was like, I'm understanding her. And it was like bridging this gap of like, I'm going to show my mother some love and like compassion that will, that will, She will not notice it, but it will hit her later. So are you in therapy or is this TikTok?

I'm a therapy? I'm for sure in therapy. No, no, I love that. I love that. I'm in so much therapy. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's integral.

Yes, ma'am. I'm just going to say this one, because at the time of recording this, it's Pride Month. And just getting lots of, like, getting included and like celebrate a trans person. that we think is cool or whatever. You know, stuff like that where I'm like, oh, I feel the love from the community. Yeah, and from Target and Deloitte. They're great.

Target's love is a mother's love. You know what I mean? As close as I've ever felt it. No, it's like, it feels weird this year, Pride. Pride is very weird this year. I think it's great. Okay. I think it's been a great year for Pride so far.

It's all the test. That's all I'll say, the vibes are off. Okay, you guys, that has been our podcast. I cannot believe we're already at the end. I could talk to these people forever. If you liked what you heard, please give us a rating and review on iTunes or wherever you're listening to the pod. Again, five stars only, I don't read the ones that are under five stars.

So if you have a note, put it in a five star review. Oh, great. Thank you so much. Langston, his special bad poetry is on Netflix right now. you can follow him at Langston Kerman. That's Kerman with a K. Oh my God, Kermit. It's so close to Kermit and that is your relationship.

Unfortunately, I've, yeah. Roz has peeing in an empty bottle out June 23rd by Simon and Schuster. Wow, we don't normally get the publisher on the... Nice. The plugs. Tour dates and more at Ros Hernandez Tour.com.

Ghost It is also wherever you get podcasts, and it's a blast. I recommend my episode. Yes. It's really fun. Oh, wait, wait, I also have this kind of intimacy, e. On YouTube, I go ghost hunting with guys I meet on Grindr. Oh, right, yes, it's called The Haunted Doll.

The Haunted Doll. Check that out. It is so funny, Ross. Thank you. I love it. Jenny has Gen Z streaming now, and her tour dates are at jennysagrino.com. Can I plug something? Absolutely. I'm taping my new special September 23rd at the Brooklyn Improv. It's called The Final Hour, because it might be my final hour. Let's go. Yeah.

Because I'm having that baby. We're all getting up. We're all going to. I just want to quit before I embarrass myself and sully my legacy. I want to have the good sense to know when I'm done. And I have nothing interesting. And hopefully it'll be because I'm too rich to relate to normal people. That's the dream.

That would be the dream. Yes. All right. I'm going to go out bad. There's going to be some nasty rumors that get out about me. I'll keep torn. Hosting a game show. You will.

And then you'll be the outright podcaster. Hey, we all got a turn eventually. Exactly. You're the only ones with money right now. Truly. That's been Intimistic Coordinator. Thank you, Langston. Thank you, Roz.

And thank you, Jenny. Thank you for joining us. Tell your friends. And I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.