Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Boo Boo Kitty Ass Vodka Soda (w/ Matt Rogers, Katy Fullan, and Tomás Matos)

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes actors/comedians Matt Rogers, Katy Fullan, and Tomás Matos to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Matt’s date doesn’t have his head in the game, even before the guitar comes out, Katy takes edging to an extreme at the Manson ranch, and Tomás doesn’t really need a spot, but you should probably heed his instructions. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it!  Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates.Tickets for our live show 1/25/25 at SF Sketchfest HERE: https://sched.co/1rbPt Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Matt Rogers: @MattRogersTho on Insta, new series No Good Deed on Netflix, Las Culturistas podcast, MattRogersOfficial.com for tour datesKaty Fullan: @Katy_Fullan on Insta, Let’s Start A Cult movieTomás Matos: @Tomatos_, TomasMatosOfficial.com Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

Smart. Bless. Me. I. I've actually never been on a bad date with a bad person. Wow. My bad dates have always been because it was either like someone made a mistake, wasn't in the place. Maybe I wasn't, maybe I messed up, but it was never because I was like, fuck this person, they are awful. And maybe that just makes me lucky,

but I find that it's usually about other things, because if someone was truly awful, I don't think I've, maybe I was able to sniff that out, maybe just luck, I don't know. Okay, so I wasn't worried, but now I am and you can leave. No, we're like-

Because you've completely busted the ethos of this podcast wide open. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates, the podcast. I am your host as usual, Joel Kim Booster, bringing you yet another panel of incredible guests who are here to tell you all about their times in the trenches with bad dating, bad relationships, and yes, even hookups. Where we're counting hookups here, you're the guy you hooked up with who never returned your calls.

He might not consider that a date, but we consider it a date. And that is why I am the host of this podcast. Now, as always, before we dive into the bad dates, I'm gonna start with a little bit of mail bag. And this email is from Winnie. Bad dates. Winnie writes FAT DATES! Winnie writes, Hi Joel, trying to decide if I should stay with my boyfriend who we will

call Wade. We've been together for 6 months and for the most part it's great. Sex is very good and we are generally a good match. The problem is when we go on dates in public this weird exhibitionist side of him comes out which I hate. He didn't used to but now he regularly does a thing he calls hanging brain, which is pulling his shorts up and pulling balls out of both sides. He also turtles, which is exactly what you think it is.

Last week, as our Uber pulled up, he dropped his pants, bent over, pulled his cheeks wide, and asked if his butthole looked infected. The driver pulled away. Luckily, he had called it so it didn't affect my rating. But come on, this weird bro nonsense happens in restaurants, movies, airports, everywhere. He told me he loves how uncomfortable it makes me, and that makes me doubt our future. I've asked him to stop, but the other night we were at an ATM and sure enough, his nuts were out. What should I do? Well, here's the thing, Winnie.

I swear to God, I don't select the emails for those of you listening at home, but you guessed it. This is another, we need a soundboard for this, another episode of Our Straight Man Okay, because this behavior is not the behavior of an adult man, I got to tell you. And listen, it is one thing to pull pranks on your partner, make him laugh, and now and again, but the fact that you've repeatedly had to tell him that this is not something you're specifically into

and that he loves how uncomfortable it makes you, well, that's not a great sign for longevity, I have to tell you, Winnie, because one thing your partner should not love to do is make you uncomfortable deliberately. He sounds gross and no matter how good the sex is, I think this is a sign of incompatibility just at the very, like the cellular level.

And I don't know how old you are, but I think you have time to find a suitable replacement. But I'm not the only person who's weighing in on your life today, Winnie. No, no, no,'m not the only person who's weighing in on your life today, Winnie. No, no, no. You have the privilege of having some of my favorite people ever to weigh in. The first being a writer, actor, comedian, recording artist. That's right.

Not a triple threat, a quadruple threat who has appeared in I Love That For You, Fire Island, the co-host of the legendary podcast, Las Culturistas, heard of it. He's currently on tour with his show, The Prince of Christmas. And you can see him in the new Netflix series. No good deed. My God, I have run out of breath from one of my best friends in the entire world, my sister, Matt Rogers. Breathe, sister, breathe, sister. Oh, my God. Theatreschool did not prepare me.

We need all of our strength to deal with Winnie's plight. Winnie, I'm so overwhelmed for you. Is this where I weigh in, or are we bringing everyone in? Well, I'm gonna bring everybody in really quick. Let's team up. It's Avengers Endgame up in here. This next person, we go way, way back, her and I.

She's a writer, comedian, and actress from shows like Curb Your Enthusiasm, I Think You Should Leave, and Chowder. It's my good friend, Katie Follin. Hello, Katie. Welcome, welcome, welcome. And finally, last but certainly never least, never once in their life has it been least. They are an actor, model, Broadway performer, dancer, and singer. In fact, I believe that's one more description than Matt had. So I don't even know what to call them at this point. They've appeared in phantasmas and a film you might have known, Fire Island as well. Please give it up for Mika Judy, Tomas Matos. Hello, baby.

Hi, Jolie. Love you to death. So folks, here's the deal. What do we think about Winnie's plight year? I'm going to start with you, Katie, as the only cis woman in the chat. Have you experienced something along these lines? And what should Winnie do? I praise God I've never encountered anything like this before. Okay, where to start?

Just with Winnie, I feel like I was picturing her being in her 50s in that room when you left. You know, like these were not. Because you were picturing Ben Midler in Hocus Pocus. Yeah. Yeah. Winnie, the one Winnie, the iconic Winnie. Exactly, that's the only image that comes to my,

and I was picturing this guy being in his 50s or 60s, which my thoughts are if something's going so haywire image that comes to my, and I was like picturing this guy being like in his 50s or 60s, which My thoughts are if something's going so hey wire at six months. Mmm. Good point. There's no I mean, there's no investment It's six months, you know, and if someone is bothering you to such a degree So soon, I don't know Yeah It only it only took him six months to feel comfortable enough with you to cross so many boundaries Yeah, and there are with you to cross so many boundaries.

And there are boundaries left to cross, my friend. For you to have serious talks with someone and then for them to disregard the results of those talks. Not only disregard, but seemingly escalate things. Certainly. Yeah. Matt? My feeling is I'm sort of pulled to one element of the story and I don't know what this says about me, but the fact that she is actually concerned enough about something like her Uber rating to put that in there. She was like, don't worry, it was he who called it. So maybe it was his rating that suffered. Baby, your priorities are a whole mess.

You know, you have a moral compass. You're someone who's concerned even about how people feel like in terms of ratings on Uber, like your boyfriend is showing a hole in public. Like look outward, like let's care for everyone. You clearly are someone who cares for people. You have your head on straight. Like look outward, like for, not even for your own sake,

for the sake of everyone around you. Let this person who's showing their butthole know that it's not acceptable. At least stand up for society and community if you're not going to stand up for yourself. Yeah. And hardworking Uber drivers too. Hard. Yeah, exactly. We don't want to see this straight man's butthole. The straight male butthole is not something that should be out there.

A rousing stump speech if I ever heard one. Tomas, wait, and what, I mean, listen, Winnie, we don't know how old Winnie is, but the, we do know that the dating pool is small for a lot of people. You know, people are getting desperate. It's cuffing season coming up. Should she, you know, sort of stay in this situation? Should she flee for the hills? What's your thoughts here? Okay. I mean, like, I don't want to yuck anybody's yum, but like,

maybe, like, exhibitionism isn't necessarily that bad. And maybe that's me being devil's advocate, but I'm like, if you want to show whole, maybe you want to show whole, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, if you want to show a hole, maybe you want to show a hole. Like, you know what I'm saying? And maybe like, okay. But what about consent for the hole? Yeah, you can't involve someone else in your kink. Yeah, yeah.

When he's not into it and therefore I feel like he need to stop doing that. But like, if he like showing a hole, he like showing a hole, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't wanna. There are platforms for that. Yeah, and people who love that. There are so many platforms for that.

Get on Chatroulette, babes. Yeah, maybe if not when, you know, the Uber's arriving. Probably not the best time to show your whole. Webcam, honey, webcam. There are people who literally will pay upwards of hundreds of dollars to see Straight Butthole. Like, get on Blue Sky, baby. You can get it for free. You can get it for free. And Tomas, thank God they were here to talk about

what if the Butthole should be out? That's the discourse we need. True, honest community discourse. And Matt, I know the answer to this question, because we are, as I stated up, top sisters. But where are you in your life right now relationship wise? Are you someone who values monogamy, serial monogamist, or have you been mostly a slut for your adult life? I'm interested to hear how you'll answer, even though I know. Jared Sautner My trajectory sort of went like this. Very feeling behind all through my like 20s, pretty much. Had a monogamous-ish boyfriend, 25 to 27 and a half. Got out of that sort of went full whore. Like sort of discovered myself as a big ho in my late 20s, early 30s. That was when it really happened. Pandemic, eh, had another boyfriend.

When I'm with my boyfriends, it usually ends up being open-ish, but I wouldn't mind a monogamous thing. And as of right now, I'm definitely, I would file myself under out here. I am definitely out here. You're out there down by the river getting your life. Well, the thing is like not in a slutty way, in a dating way. I have, I have- That is true. As someone who has absolutely gotten it down by the river.

Like I know what it's like to be down and out, low self-esteem, concubine level whore. But the thing is, right now, I'm sort of like having multiple dinners with the same person. Sort of- You are good about that. Sort of, you know what I've done so much lately?

Made out on the street. I've been doing so much making out on the street at these dates and I'm just like, first of all, I don't know, I think it also means I'm low key, like out on the street at these dates and I'm just like, first of all, I don't know, I think it also means I'm low key like getting a little drunk on these dates is what's happening like a lot of times. Goes without saying, yeah.

But I have this idealized like kind of date in my head, which is very much the Taylor Swift delicate, like, Dive on the East side, where you at? Like I kinda wanna be in the Lower East side, like a little drunk bar hopping. Like at those like chic little divey place, not chic, doesn't have to be chic. If it's chic, that's fine, but it can be divey.

Like I just like to be boppin' around, gettin' a little stupid, making out on the street, having chemistry. Right outside the door. In the fall. In the vestibule, in the fall. This is the difference between New York and LA though, is that it is like, it's both charming to see someone making out on the difference between New York and LA though, is that it is like, like, it's both charming

to see someone making out on the street in New York, and also they're invisible to most people walking by because it is so frequent. Like there are very few like PDA like instances that I can think of that would actually register to me in New York. In LA, first of all, what are you doing on the street? What are you doing on the street is question number one.

And then to be making out on the street. Like why are you on the side of the 101 making out with a partner right now? That is sick. It's sick in LA. It's really disturbed and twisted. Also, you really do need your wits about you around there. Like you really do need to be like,

watch don't be making out. Yeah, yeah. I'm not out here throwing neck on the street. Like, it's no thing. But it would be okay if you were. I've done it. And we would support you. We would support you. But, but set the scene for us, Matt. Here's what happened. I get a DM, kind of the heart of COVID, from someone who is very, very, very attractive, like a well-known-ish person. I feel a little gag that they get in my DMs. Oh my God, what tier are we saying? We're in deep COVID. Oh're like, oh, you mean?

No, no, no. But like, yeah, famed here. Are they between Jonathan Bailey and Cody Rigsby say? I would actually say they're comfortably in between there. Yeah. Comfortably in between. Split the difference between Jonathan Bailey and Cody. Yes. OK, I get it. Yeah. So I had always been like an admirer of this person. I really like this person, very attractive,

very accomplished person. And so they get in my DMs and I had only ever known them as having a boyfriend, I guess, you know, that had ended. So I actually have a thing go on in my head where I'm like, I'm out of my league here, I shouldn't do this. I should not go on this date. Like, I don't know why this person is even saying they're interested. Like it doesn't compute to me, I'm in do this. I should not go on this date. I don't know why this person is even saying they're interested.

It doesn't compute to me. I'm in my head. So I externalize that feeling to a couple girlfriends and I very much get what all good girlfriends should give, which is the vibe of he should be so lucky. You're crazy. Anyone would be crazy to not go on a date with you. Of course he wants to.

What do you mean it's an ulterior motive. Like you stop being insane and just go. I kept myself together, even though it's like, you know, December of the first COVID, you're not loving the way you look in your body. You're not feeling great. It's just like, and social vibes are a little bit slower. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go do this.

So, and by the way, the intent was very much like, come over, we'll hook up. Like it was like, I'm physically attracted to you. Like, which I have to say, I appreciate. I like to know if I'm gonna go out with you that you are into it. Like to not, it's not like you can't say enough. Like that's definitely not true.

But I like to know that like, it's a thing where we're mutually interested in each other. So that was the case. I go over there- Have you ever been on a date where that's not the thing? Yeah, sometimes it's kind of like, oh, we'll see what the vibe is. Like it's just somewhat, you know what I'm saying?

It's like- We'll just get together and see. Yeah. In-person chemistry can push it over the edge. Yes, and I had already, I had like, I had known this person, but I had always thought of them as having a boyfriend. So whatever, I psych myself up to go do it. And I get there and almost immediately it comes out

that the breakup, while yes, it's happened, is extremely recent. And even the word, these words jump out. These words jump out. I'm actually not over it. Like right after I just got there. Which to me, to me is like, oh my God. That's up there with like, we're still talking every day. It's like, ooh.

Like what I'm saying really recent, I've been like a few weeks. I am now, now solidly remembering who this is and what this story is. And I will say, yes, they are exactly smack dab in the middle of Cody Ritzky and Jonathan Bailey. I want to reiterate, I adore this person. I adore this person.

Same, same, same. The villain of this story is not him, it's someone else. It's a type of person. So basically, like, you know, sushi is ordered, we're gonna hang out. And I pretty much realized early on, like- A good, I would say a very good date food because it's easy to have sex after you've eaten sushi. Yeah. It does not blow you too

bad. It's not too filling. It's a smart exactly. It's cute to eat. You're like systems were still go at this point in terms of what I knew. So like having a great nice time, like talking, showing me around, making jokes about how, you know, this is the guest room where like your best friend will stay when he's in town, ha ha ha. You know what I mean? Like cute little things, like adorable, adorable person.

So then like, I kind of think something might be up when like there's not even any physical initiation after the way we had been talking. And then we eat the sushi, whatever. There's a moment in his kitchen where he kind of like shoulder shrugs and we start hooking up. It's good, but it stops after like literally 30 seconds.

And he reveals, I'm so sorry, I just got a text from my ex and I'm spitting out and I just feel like, and I'm like, oh my God, totally fine. He goes, can we just like, can we just like watch TV or something for now? I'm like, yes, of course, 100%. So he goes, and then he goes, I do wanna hook up though, I swear.

I was like, no, no, no, you don't have to swear. I was like, I mean, that can happen, whatever. So- You're not in court, you're not in court. No, yes, your honor. Like. This experience has happened to me many times where you, there's a lull in a conversation.

It is the experience of the Zoom has just turned off and then you shrug at a person and then immediately start making out with them because you realize there is nowhere else to go. I mean, and also it's like, this is what we're both thinking about. So like, here we go. That was the whole point of getting together.

Exactly. Like that situation. Let's, let's, the promise of the premise here. So, so he is, you know, we're sit down at the, we sit down on the couch and we proceed to watch and can I just say for most people, I think go off. But for me, for him to put on like an hour and a half of SNL sketches was tough. Just because I've seen all of it, you know what I mean? Like I've seen Bo and Yang do the iceberg.

If you know anything about me, you know I've probably seen Bo and Yang do the iceberg. And he knows this, this person knows this very much. You know what? I agree. It's funny. Like I watched all of Julio Torres' sketches. Like literally the person had taste, loved it. All the best stuff.

But stuff I've seen. And then we watch a lot of videos of Aubrey Plaza interviews. A lot of Aubrey Plaza interviews, like her doing her sort of thing, which I agree. Nothing will get you in the mood more than Aubrey Plaza's death pan. I agree. It was so funny. I loved watching Aubrey. She really has a thing that she does on talk shows. And so then those, and I guess maybe we had exhausted options there. That's when the guitar came out.

The whole internet and you watched SNL and Aubrey Plaza and then that was it. For how long are we talking? Like an hour? Like about an hour, between an hour and an hour and a half, but that is when the guitar came out. No! I think we've all experienced that. So the guitar came out and that's when I realized this person is really heartbroken, really heartbroken because what was played for me was an original song. Not an original.

And let me tell you something, again, I want to say something. As someone who writes original music, as someone who has done that about an ex as someone who has used feelings in this regard I Get it. It's just not on a date not on a date context Not what no one has asked for it like please be an artist like work through everything it is I am here remember that I'm here also having an experience Is there a song he could have played on the guitar that would have made this situation a little? Well, I want you to know that if you don't think he started playing Harry Stiles' Fallen and asked me to sing along, if you don't think that you're wrong.

Oh, God. Oh, I was really hoping it was going to be like, goodbye to you. Honestly, any song, it doesn't matter what kind of song, but it was the fact that then I was going to be sort of performing. And you know I did, you know I sang that goddamn song while he played. And so then I look at the clock, it is 1.30 in the morning. And I turned to him and I go, I think I'm going to go. And he goes, and he likes, he sort of, he knows, he knows.

Like he goes, I feel like such a bad date. I feel like it was not responsible for me to ask you out right now. Like I maybe, I don't know. I think it was very clear. He wanted a friend. Like he wanted a friend and he wanted someone to commiserate with about what had gone on.

And so in that regard, I guess it was a bad date, but I genuinely meant what I said to him in that moment which was like look I was like I really enjoyed getting to know you better I think you're great but you need to make sure that the next time you hang out with someone else is when this is dealt with and then three days later he actually called And he goes, I wanted you to be the first to know that me and my ex got back together. Oh, of course they did. And I was like...

And I was just like, that's amazing. I was like, I'm really happy for you. I hope that that works out. I hope that it's what is best for you. Because the things he described about the relationship, like whatever, I can't get into that, but like maybe it wasn't what was best for him, maybe it was a good thing. It's one of those like breakups that feels terrible

that ultimately like you don't realize right now that you needed. And spoiler alert, for those of you listening, they are no longer together now. They are no longer together and it didn't end well. I was gonna ask that, okay. But anyway. Quite horribly. Matt, you've told me this story, and that person perfectly fits in between the fame of Jonathan Bailey and Cody McSie.

Katie, since we're here, we're going to dive in with your story. Same question as Matt. Set up your dating history for us, where you're at now, what's your relationship status. Give us the 411. Matt, I've been on a real healing journey with love and dating and romance and all of that. Okay, so I'm married now. I got married last year. Congratulations. Thank you. And I'm actually about to have a baby next week.

Whoa! She's supposed to arrive next week, fingers crossed. A Scorpio child. I know, a Scorpio girl too. Yes. I think she'll be very cool. She's gonna be so good at sex. It's gonna be crazy.

She's gonna be blowing my life all up in a single day. One day. So I've come a long way. But prior to that, I was like just the epitome of like, I think you used the word concubine at one point, Matt, to describe your journey. And I know I've definitely been there.

I can't use the word concubine. That was so funny. So I was working at a restaurant in Santa Monica, and I lived in Hollywood, so I'm already making like First bad decision. Aggressively bad decisions. What? Like I have so many options.

What? It literally would take you less time to get to the point Aggressively bad decisions. I have so many options. What was I thinking? It literally would take you less time to get to San Francisco via the Burbank airport than it would to get to Santa Monica during rush hour traffic. 6.30 AM we had to be there. Because there was a breakfast restaurant. Oh my God.

I'm literally making the worst, my life was just pure and utter chaos. It was like one of four jobs I had at the time. And so this guy was my like manager. He also was like, I don't want to give the restaurant away or... I'm sure he's not listening to podcasts because he barely owned a phone, but he was like technically my boss at this restaurant and he was the one who would be there in the morning.

And he did, you know, I thought he was like kind of sexy because he did like all this work with his hands. It's kind of a hot vibe. I show up and it's just us at the restaurant while I do my side work. Exactly. While I get everything set up and he's smoking meat for the lunch rush, you know?

And he would like, and so we would talk and we get to know each other and he would, he started making me breakfast. Wow. So there was like kind of a flirty energy there and I liked the attention. And then when he, when a man cooks for you, it really is sort of like, there is nothing better. Especially when he acts grumpy about it, but he does it anyways.

Oh my God. You're Luke and Lorelai. You're More girls, I know but he was married which I knew oh But he told this this is yeah, so he was married But he had told me that his marriage was more of a business arrangement than anything else. I believed that I don't know he he was helping her get her fashion company off the ground. He was smoking meat. We have a business arrangement.

Did she deliver the meat? I wasn't thinking. I just wanted my breakfast sandwich in the morning. You were tired. You were tired. It was early. He would always tease me about cooking up or like, you know, restaurants are like the

most, the least boundaried workplace you could ever have. And people are always making bad choices there. And so he'd always talk about that. He'd be like, this is the first restaurant I've ever worked at where people aren't like, you know, sneaking off to have sex or hooking up and stuff. And then, gosh. You break out in a sweat. Oh my God.

You're like, wow. I just like don't know where, how to unroll these details. So he also was like a veteran. He'd served in Afghanistan. So he'd always tell me these like crazy stories about being at war, you know? And he was very into, he's like one of those veteran guys

who's like, he had a lot of weapons and stuff. And he was just like a real like, again, I never encountered a guy like that before. So it was all like so sexy for lack of a better word to me. And then one day I told him that I'd always wanted to go sexy, for lack of a better word, to me. And then one day I told him that I'd always wanted to go to the spawn ranch, the Charles Manson Ranch, where it's like that low cave. Oh, cute.

Cute. The perfect place to go with someone with trauma and a lot of weapons. Exactly. But, you know, I'd figure, I had a friend go there before and they were like, yeah, we went and it was kind of scary because there were like sketchy people hanging down there, of course. And so I was like, well, this isn't really the thing I want to go by myself. So I was like, I was like, because he'd always wanted to hang out and I was like, well, I'll hang out if we can go to spawn ranch together, if you'll take me. And so we did. And it's very spooky there.

And he brought a gun and... Brought a gun and he brought a machete to... A machete to you. Did any part of you think he might kill me? Even a little bit of you like... A little bit did because I wrote myself an email telling myself where I was going in case... Because I didn't tell any of my friends because they would have been like, don't go, you psycho. So I was like, I would want someone to know what happened to me.

So I wrote myself an email thinking if they went through my files, if I never... You were jogging after the sun went down. Yeah. You were doing, you were putting your life in danger. Let me leave a note. On purpose. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking after the sun went down, you were putting your life in danger. Let me leave a note. On purpose. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But so we go, I mean, going there is pretty sketchy. Obviously, they don't want you to go there. So there's no, you have to like, at the time I'd found this YouTube video that shows you how to get there and you have to park at this really creepy mega church and then walk down. Redundant. Thank you. True. Yeah, we just kind of toured the area and he kept being like, it'd be so sexy, you know, to like hook up at the cave or like, oh, I love having sex outside, things like that.

Well, and he's holding, is he holding the machete at this moment? It's on his pants. Well, and he's holding, is he holding the machete at this moment? It's on his pants. Yeah. It's like on a holder. Because unfortunately, it would feel so sexy to hook up in this moment while you are holding a machete. It reads a little different consent-wise than having it up and wielding a machete. I'll say upfront, nothing actually did happen. So we never did. We have never, we never did,

we hung out one other time and we never hooked up Because I wasn't that I Don't know. I don't know. I was able to make that good decision That is crazy willpower that you had though because it was if you come that far and you're into the guy and you're there It's just you and he starts talking about you guys fucking, I'm fucking the guy. Really? Machete and all, yes. I can't believe, you know it, Tomas, you agree. Well, yeah.

Doing it, no, I would want him to be holding the gun, like locked and loaded the entire time. I mean, like, I agree with Matt, like, if it's giving, ooh, like, it would be hot if we had sex right here, bitch. Yeah. Pulling the pants down. Like I give you credit for not like giving into

what must have been so much tension. Yeah, willpower. There was so much tension. That's what I'm saying. That's really more what I liked. I think I would have. Oh. I think that's what I liked.

We did hang out one other time. That's a very, this is a classic gay guy versus straight woman mentality. We can't do tension. That we often see. It's not about the tension for us. It's all about, like penetrate me with the gun. Yeah, that's what I want.

Thank you so much, Katie. That was harrowing. That was harrowing. From start to finish, harrowing. True Detective season five. Yeah. It's either that or unfortunately it is a lifetime film. It is like stranger at my window, machete in the pocket.

That's what the title would be. You would look beautiful in one of those pictures of the last time. And I'd be like- You know what I mean? Don't you think You would look beautiful in one of those pictures of like the last time. And I'd be like, you know what I mean? Like, don't you think she'd be stunning in one of those books? Apps of fucking money. Bless you, Matt. Bless you. 100%. Just like a really casual, gorgeous,

like just throwing over your shoulder. Like maybe you with like a soft drink in your hands, like with friends, like this is the last time. Just give a deep sigh. Like this is the last time. I just know that whatever we're about to hear is going to be unhinged on a level. Unlike anything we've seen on this podcast before. Tomas Matos set the scene. Have you had lovers? Have you had relationships?

Or are you just getting your life in the steam room at Equinox? OK, how dare you, one. And yes! That's that. Like, I like to think that I'm like a hopeless romantic, like, at heart, but I just don't really put myself out there like that because I know that like when I fall,

like, you know, as a Pisces, like when I fall, bitch, I'm falling hard. And so I'm not gonna allow myself to fall. And so by default, that just makes me a hoe. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not out here like that. That was my entire life before I met JM. Like literally because I was like, it was either I'm crying over you or I am like, or I'm not doing it.

Yeah. There was this one time in which I let my walls down. Oh. And yeah, it's giving, I've been so embarrassed to tell the story. So this is giving bad dates exclusive. Oh, wait, where are we? What year is it where you're in the trenches? What's going on in your life right now? Okay, so this is like four or five years ago. It's giving like, you know, freshly 21, like, you know, we outside.

I was in D.C. doing a show and I was at the gym. And, you know, when I'm at the gym, like I tend to give more trot day vibes. I think the both of you have seen me at the gym. I've seen you at the gym. You're on the hunt. You're on the hunt. You are. Your eyes are open. Your eyes are wide open at the gym. You're on the hunt. It's giving on the hunt. You are. Your eyes are open. Your eyes are wide open at the gym.

Equinox legends. And the mouth sometimes open. Yeah. Like, I feel like, you know what I'm saying? I can give Tradé, and I was giving Tradé at the gym, and one of the trainers kept looking at me, and I was like, okay, does he not like my form? Is he trying to correct something? But it was giving, I could see in the eyes, he was trying to like, ah, ah, you know not like my form? Like, is he trying to like, you know, is he trying to correct something? But it was giving like, I could see in the eyes,

like he was trying to like, ah, ah, you know what I'm saying? And so he came up to me and was like, oh, do you need a spot? And in my head, I'm like, bitch, I'm barely lifting weights. Like it's giving 25 on a barbell. What exercise were you doing? You were like doing like just little dumbbell work. Exactly, bitch. I was giving like, you know that, that,

that episode of SpongeBob where SpongeBob doing this with like the little teddy bear? Bitch, that was me. I was like, I don't need a spot. But of course I said yes, because it was giving bench press. So I was laying down where I knew in order for him to spot me, he would have to then be on top of me pretty much.

And so I was like, hell yeah. Balls in the face. Balls in the face. Balls in the face, bitch, you know what I'm saying? And so he started spotting me and I could like, I could like see, you know, looking up, I was like, oh yeah, it's giving BDE. Like it was giving, it was, you know, it was giving Bird. Like I could see what it was giving.

And I was like, okay, I like this. And you're bench pressing, so your back is already a little arched. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So I know I look good from his angle. And you know, like, he know what he's doing too. And so we, you know, we kept talking and he asked for my number and I gave it to him. And we had made plans to hang out that night after my show. That night? That night, bitch. It was giving like ah ah. Like the energy.

Yep. And also like I was like after my show I was like, bitch, I was pent up so I was trying to like get to it. You know what I'm saying? Like I was like I'm trying to ah ah. And he came over. You've been doing ragtime for two and a half hours. You needed to get up on that swing. I see. Bitch, it was giving newsies. So I was out there like, strike, strike. I was trying to see what's in the press. You know what I'm saying? You're like, take me to Santa Fe. Bitch, true words were never spoken that night. And so he ended up coming over right. And he was like, Oh, like, do you want to have a drink? And in my head, I'm like, no, like, I'm trying to suck your dick. You know what I'm saying?

I'm not trying to like, you know, we could skip the pleasantries. Let's go. But I was like, OK, fine. So I just made him like boo boo kitty ass vodka soda so we can keep pumping. The title of that back there. Boo boo kitty ass vodka soda. Yep, that's it. That's the title. And then, you know, because I was like, I'm not giving mixologist right now. You know, I'm trying to get to it.

And so, you know, things started to get heated. We were making out. It was it was very, very good. And it got to the point where, you know, the age old question of like, OK, who's going to buy them? And I think my intuition of like, oh, it's giving BDE was very correct because it was quite indeed very, it was giving BDE. Like it was giving hung and uncut. Okay, so the dog was the best.

Yeah, are we saying, put it between Cody Rigsby and Jonathan Bailey, which is... Oh, I don't even know, but I'm gonna stay in the middle. Oh, I don't even I don't even know but I'm in the middle Wow you think one of them is packing Child you never know. Yeah, I'm usually I'm really never doing great They're doing just fine. I'm sure last I believe they're glad believe as well Okay, and so like it was he was definitely blessed and in my head I'm like like at this point in my life like I had bottom before you know but I I would not necessarily say like I'm giving power

bottom you know I think people see me and they're like oh like like yeah I think that was his intention probably I'll be like oh yeah I want to you know I want to top you. But that wasn't really what I was trying to be given. But alas, I like a challenge. And so I was like, okay. And from the looks of it, bitch, it was giving final boss battle with what he was packing.

And so I was like, I kinda wanna step up to the plate. You know what I'm saying? Whoa! You literally were like, I'm off the deep end. Like I was trying to, you know, I wanted to see what it was gonna give. Yeah, a fissure it sounds like. Of course.

Yeah. I'm thinking about like, like when, if you did belt Santa Fe, how open and you would be, the pelvic floor would just be, or just, Oh, you would be launching fucking belts bitch. Hitting those high notes.

I gotta know, what was the lube situation? Do you remember what the lube situation was? Did you have poppers there to assist? Was it silicone, was it water, was it spit even? God forbid. Lord Jesus Joel. God forbid. I know you will be very disappointed,

but there was no lube because I wasn't at home. I wasn't in my, you know, I wasn't in my, it was giving like I was away. So I didn't have anything. You were in the home with sweets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, bitch. It was giving, I was, they put me up and I didn't have no lube with me. So it was giving like, but I will say like, I hadn't eaten since the show.

So I knew like, in the sense of like, oh, a bitch is gonna be clean, like I was like, oh, I'm fine, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was in the clear in that aspect, but I was like, it wasn't giving any lube. So that was the issue. And also like, I hadn't bottomed in a really long time, so I knew I was gonna be dumb tight. Like, I knew it was gonna like take a second

for him to like, ah, ah, you know? And so I told him, I was like, you know, take your time, like, it's been a second, like, I will I was like, you know, take your time like the it's been a second Like I will I will you know bottom for you But like, you know go easy on me for a second But I don't know if it was like, you know, he was impatient if he was just getting hot You know if he just really wanted his money that he was he was trying to rush to it No, and I guarantee you this man is probably not versatile

This man has probably not walked a day in your shoes. No, to know. And that was honestly he was giving that sort of energy of like, I'm a top, you know, like it was giving trainers. I was like, okay. But even still like he was it got to the point, you know, penetration was on its way. And he kept trying to like, put it in without like any sort of foreplay.

And I was like, ooh, just calm down for a second. And then it got to a point where he literally just tried to like, you know, shove it in me. No! You're reverse crowning at this moment. Like, fully. And I clenched my hole so tight that I had ripped his foreskin.

Oh no. What? A hole? How? A hole? Okay, okay, okay. I'm confused. Okay, I'm gonna need you to be Neil Brass.

I clenched my hole so tight. Fucking, I need you to be. Hole so. The whole fucking I need you to be. Oh, this was the lethal Bill Nye. I had my whole so tight. How does this happen? So I know it was it was on back there. Well, like I said, like I had embodied in a really long time and like I have like full control over my whole as we all like, you know, as we all

It sounds like you have a little bit more control than the rest of us. Device grip. The Venus flytrap. Like, I was like, 1000% bitch and huh huh huh. Bitch, it was like straight out of the movie teeth, bitch. I was like, ooh shit. I was just gonna say, his teeth were butt teeth. Exactly. And like, you know that? I was just gonna say, his teeth were butt teeth. Exactly. And like, you know, of course, like, the sexual energy just got sucked out of the room because he was currently bleeding from his dick.

Because there's an emergency. Oh, wow. And then I took him to the hospital. And he was like- Did you put a little bandage on it? Well, I didn't have no bandage, so I just like wrapped a paper towel around his dick and was like, okay. put a little bandage on it? Well, I didn't have no bandage, so I just like wrapped paper towel around his dick and was like, okay.

Because you know what I'm saying? I'm not giving nurse a bitch, like you just fully- He was about to give me a picture. That's on him. That's on him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, that's what I said.

He was like, wow, I can't believe that happened. And I was like, well, I told you to go slow. Yeah, that's really fair. What did you even warn? I mean, he was fully warned. you were very clear the punishment fits the crime How I feel about it the punishment fits the crime now Did you give him a full circumcision is is there still foreskin to be had on this man? I mean like I have I we never talked again, but like

We are Facebook friends and so like he'll pop up occasionally and I'll be like We are Facebook friends, and so he'll pop up occasionally. And I'll be like. I thought she was gonna ask. He'll pop up on my Facebook whenever I'm randomly on there. And I'll just laugh at the fact that I remember the time that I gave him a circumcision. We have to remember the campsite rule here. Leave every partner as good or better than you found them.

And you left your campsite bleeding and without a foreskin. Bad dates. This has been such a wild ride to go on with all of you. Thank you so much, each of you, for being here and sharing your traumas. Matthew, where can the people find you these days? Where can they find your tour dates? Where can they listen to the pod, et cetera, et cetera? Well, the podcast is Lost Culture East as it comes out every Wednesday on Big Money

Players Network and iHeart. And that's with me and Bo and Yang. We have fun. And I am on tour, I think now, all throughout December. You can go to matrodgersofficial.com for my tour dates and follow me at matrodgers, though, on Instagram. And when does the Netflix show come out? Oh, yes, No Good D comes out December 12th

and it's gonna be really good. Bowen said the best thing about it, which is it's the Super Smash Brothers of television. That's really how it feels. It's like playable characters from all your different, very random shows. Former guest Poppy Lu. Also on the show. Love Poppy. I get that stage of Poppy, love the Pops.

It's gonna be great. Katie, same question, what are you doing? Where can the people find you? I'm in a movie that's out right now. It's called Let's Start a Call with the great Stavros. Oh, I love. Yes, Stavvy Babies. And then follow me on Instagram

because I didn't put a lot of effort into it, and I was private for a long time, so now I gotta get those numbers up. Welcome to public. So please, please, for the baby, for the baby. And Tomas. Well, besides the Equinox on 50th Street at around like 2 to 4 p.m.,

you can find me on IG at tomatoes underscore, that's T-O A T O S underscore. Or you can check out my website, which is TomasMato'sOfficial.com. And you can be on the lookout for my latest project, which is called Queens of the Dead, which hopefully should be out sometime in 2025. Ground, though, but be on the lookout for that. Check the website. It'll be there. And listen, if you're looking for the perfect gift this holiday season,

we have all new types of bad dates, merch like hats, stickers, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. You won't want to miss these. You can find it all at SiriusXMstore.com slash bad dates. It's all really cute stuff you guys. Okay and that has been the episode. I hope you had as much fun and learned as much as I did this episode. We'll be back next week with more Bad Dates. Bye bye! Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Torrey-Brien.

Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kominsky. Music by Cushi and Eben Schledder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283.

That's all for this week. We will be back for more... Bad Gates!