Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - ChatGHB (w/ Gottmik, Katherine Blanford, and Courtney Michelle)

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes Gottmik, Katherine Blanford, and Courtney Michelle to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Gottmik finds himself in a Bad Dates trifecta: a liar, way too many cats, and The Substance bathroom, Katherine’s date teaches her a few lessons then hits her up for a referral, and Courtney must endure frogs, forks, and fingering. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips.Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Gottmik:@gottmik on socialsKatherine Blanford: KatherineBlanford.com, new special Catholic CowgirlCourtney Michelle: @itscourtneymichelle on socials Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Smart, blessed, me-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- And they should die. Um... LAUGHS BAD DATES MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC BAD DATES MUSIC Oh, hello and welcome to another episode of BAD DATES. I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster.

And if you're joining us for the first time, this podcast is exactly what it sounds like. It's about, you guessed it, bad dates. And here on Bad Dates, bad dates could be anything from a first date, a third date, a 10 year long marriage or a hookup one night stand. We cast a wide net because we need to because not everybody is successful at dating, but a lot of people are successful at fucking.

So it's just a little stop gap for the podcast so we get good stories. But before we dive into this very exciting panel today, I, as you know, the last couple of weeks, we have been starting the podcast with a list of 150 questions that relationship experts have compiled that are questions you

should ask your first date that will guarantee lead you to success. Now I haven't tested this out. I've been off the market for a little while, but today's question is, what's the first thing a date could say to ruin the vibe? Bad dates. And for me, the answer is very simple. The answer is, did you notice the two katanas on my wall? That would really ruin the vibe for me, the answer is very simple. The answer is, did you notice the two katanas on my wall? That would really ruin the vibe for me.

Just seeing the katanas is enough, but just having them referenced at all is tough. I don't love fucking rice queens. And I got to say more than one katana, one katana is too many. Get it off the walls, gentlemen. Keep some of that stuff behind the curtain. But I'm not the only one answering this interesting question today. I'm about to introduce our incredible panel of guests.

First up, joining me today is an iconic drag race performer and makeup artist who you've seen on RuPaul's Drag Race and All Stars, that's right. He also co-hosts the podcast No Gorge with fellow iconic drag race alum Violet Chachki. Please give it up for Gottmik. Oh my God, hi Gorge. Hello, Gottmik.

Gottmik also, we talked before the pod, is part way responsible for my engagement. But you'll never know what that means. Part way. I'll say 80-20. 80-20. 80-20. 80-20.

Okay, I'll introduce everybody and then I'll retell the story. So next up we have a comedian who has appeared on The Tonight Show and After Midnight. Her debut comedy special is Catholic Cowgirl. It's Catherine Blanford, everybody. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. You're very welcome. And finally, we welcome an actress, writer,

and comedy creator. This fall, she's touring her show Girl Wind about the whirlwind of girlhood. It's Courtney Michelle. Hey! Before we get into the answers to your questions, I will say very quickly that four years ago in Palm Springs during Pride,

the guy I was dating went to a separate after party. I ended up at an after party with the one and the only Gottmik. In the hot tub, I was agonizing. I said, all I want to do is be with this man. Why are we at two separate parties right now? And Gottmik, you know, a couple of drinks in, feeling very familiar with me, even though did not know me from Adam, said literally in rom-com fashion, girl, if you want him, go and get him. And I, in fact, did go to the after party that he was at, and that was the night we decided

to call each other boyfriends, and now we're getting married in December. Hello, the rest is our story. That's thrilling. I know. Yeah, I don't know how much success you've had personally in your own relationship life, Gottmik, but you sure as fuck helped me out.

So... Perfect. Well, maybe you can return the favor out of drunken after party in the future. Please. I'll see you back at Palm Springs Pride. Gottmik, what is your answer to the question? What is the thing a date could say

that would immediately ruin the vibe for you? Well, it's actually crazy because I'm one of those people that gets the ick so easily. So the list of things people could say is like limitless for me, unfortunately. But I think one that I like love to have a fantasy that like this guy's this hot guy's just like into just me for me and has no idea about my workout. Also, if they like are wearing any drag queen merch, I come up and they're like, oh, my God, so what is RuPaul like?

That's when I'm like, all right, we're sisters now. We're sisters now. We can't. The absolute worst is when they wait until after the hookup to tell you. Because for me, I'm always like, if I knew you knew who I was, I wouldn't have been such a fucking freak back there, okay? Like, I would have kept some of that behind the curtain.

So you don't go tweeting about it. Let me see your camera roll. Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't have been such a fucking freak back there. Okay. Like I would have kept some of that behind the curtain. So you don't have to go tweeting about it. Let me see your phone. Let me see your camera roll. Yeah, exactly. Let me see your camera. Yeah, I hate that. That is a very fair answer to this question.

Catherine Blanford, what is your answer to the question? Okay, it's- What gives you the ick? Gonna sound messed up, but I'm gonna be totally honest here. If somebody on the first date said, I like you, I'm like, then I've already won the game. Why are we even playing?

How many dates, how many dates until it's okay for them to express that they like you, Catherine? It's not on a date. It's because I've shown up to their house desperate to earn their love six months in. Wow, okay. But- Really can't wait to get to Catherine's story to earn their love six months in. Wow. Okay. But... Really can't wait to get to Catherine's story

because it seems she has a very healthy relationship to love and dating. It's a game, baby. It is a game and you have your Twitch streamer headphones on right now, so it's appropriate. Yeah. Wow. Imagine Twitch streaming your dates. Anyways, I gave you a million dollar idea, Catherine.

Don't forget to credit me. Okay. And finally, Courtney Michelle, what would be your answer to the question? What is something a date could say that would immediately ruin the vibe? Okay, so I do feel bad because I feel like, in general, this is a really nice thing to hear

and a really nice thing to say. But for whatever reason, if a guy looks at you and is like, you have really nice skin, it kind of it's like giving serial killer a little bit. Yeah, no, it's a little Buffalo Bill. It's a little bit like it puts the lotion on its skin. And I think if there's context, like if I'm like, oh, I'm going through like an acne journey and he's like, I meant to say your skin looks really nice. Totally different.

But if he just looks me in the eyes, tilts his head. Oh, so my skin was bad before. No, that's exactly it. Oh! So you notice I had acne. It's like, what did I look like before? Fair. Fair. Fair. Bad Dates.

[♪ music playing. Funky music playing. Bad Dates. [♪ Diving right in, we're going to start with Gottmik today. Gottmik, before you give me your story, give me a little bit of the 411 on where you stand currently relationship status wise. The 411 on my dating life is actually crazy. I was like, I don't think I'm right to even be here because I don't date. Like I just don't do it. But I am a slut, like through and through. So I was like, that's fine. Exactly why I gave the preamble at the beginning.

Exactly. Yeah. I was like, that I think I can handle. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just, I'm like, I don't know. Maybe it's what Catherine said. It's like, I literally, they get into me and I'm like, okay, now it's over for me.

But I already fucked. I'm like, I don't know. You're also one of the most famous drag queens in the world, so that probably is a barrier that is hard to get past as well. God, Mick, let's not be humble. I keep the girl side of the house and the boy side of the house.

I'm like, what's in that side? I'm like, don't go there. Don't go over there. You don't wanna see in there. But I mean, I do have crazy hookup stories for sure. And I was just trying to think and they're just like, I was like, my hookup stories get so crazy to the point where I think I desensitize myself, which is crazy to it.

But I was trying to think, like my podcast co-host, Violet Trotsky, she says I have like a club hooking up fetish, which I'm like, I don't have a fetish for hooking up in public. I just like, I have like, my apartment is like so together. Like everything's together. I have like my space, my Zen space. I don't want a random stranger coming up and messing up my space.

And then I don't want to risk going to his house and it being really ugly and scary. And then I'm out of it. And then I'm stuck at his house with like vertical blinds, like scared for my life. Holy, fully, fully. Although I will say you are statistically more likely to get murdered in your own home than in someone else's. So that's why I'm so excited. stuck in his house with like vertical blinds, like scared for my life. Holy, fully, fully. Although I will say you are statistically more likely

to get murdered in your own home than in someone else's. So that's why I always travel and never host. What? Really? Because if they murder you in your own home, there's less cleanup. They can just kind of leave the body there. They don't have to do anything.

If they murder you in their home, they have to dispose of the body, clean up, get rid of all the forensics. It's a real thing. So never host only travel. I'm already not having people over. So in public is the perfect place then? Yeah, that's true.

Well that's my thing, cause I'm like, let me just get it over with now and then move on. For some reason, I don't know what this guy had on me like that night, but cause looking back, I'm like, he wasn't even giving it to me that hot but like for some reason we were Sometimes the vibe goes a long way. I Mean, I don't even know reaching the guy. Let me even set the scene. We were at this carpeted It's like a carpeted bar like it's giving dive bar jukebox carpet like a winter club cuz there's carpet. That's what I call actor

Easy on the arches to yes for some reason sometimes that that bar just like takes me away and I'm down high on asbestos Probably yeah giving that for sure like it's that jk rolling black mold that got you Yes, the transphobic black mold for sure the gotcha. Yes, yes. Yes, the transphobic black mole for sure. But yeah, so we're like hooking up like out of the bathroom, in the bathroom, like just crazy. And then he's like, come over.

And for some reason, for like literally like once in my entire life, I'm like, sure, babe. So I like call a car, we're like in the car and he's like, we're soul gone, like out of it, fucked up. And he's like, I don't have my phone. Like, I left my phone somewhere at the bar. And I'm like, that's fine. Who cares? Like, I'm like convincing him to just like leave his phone. Like, I just need...

And he's like listening to me. He's like, yeah, fuck my phone. I was like, yeah. You essentially gaslit this man into believing that modern technology was... One of the most important pieces of technology that he owns is completely desertable. So crazy when you put it like that. I'm like, that's so embarrassing.

You can't unplug for an hour with me, babe. That's so embarrassing. Like, wow. Okay. Yeah, Gen Z, okay. But so we like get to his house, and he's like, oh a kind of spooky apartment building. I just I'm like, whatever, let's just get this done. I walk in and it's like, I'm not exaggerating it sounds like I am but it literally looks like a studio that looks like the substance bathroom.

It's like white tile. And like odd and I was like, it's like a studio. So it's like his kitchen bathroom and beds like all there on just like white tile like wild. And, it's like a studio. So it's like his kitchen, bathroom, and beds, like all there on just like white tile, like wild. And then there's like 100 hairless cats. And I love hairless cats. So I was like, oh my God. And I'm like on the floor. And then I was like, wait, why do you have all these hairless cats?

And he's like so drunk, just saying words. And he's like, oh, my husband was murdered. And I was like, what? And he's like, yes, my husband's murdered. I have all these cats now. And I was like, what? And he's like, yes, my husband's murdered. I have all these cats now. And I was like, what? Is he saying I'm scared? That is a sentence that I like to refer to as chat GHB.

Yeah. Or it is just gay nonsense. Gay nonsense that means truly nothing. Spit out my thinking. It was G-ing out in the most horrific way possible. I was like, oh, okay, interesting. And he was mumbling about this murder story. But I couldn't even understand him.

And then I started coming out of my shit, being like, am I even safe right now? This is wild. I was like, let's just fuck. So I get on his bed. And long story short, I randomly was in a condom era. I was being a safe queen. I was like, hey, do you have a condom?

90s, early. It's the 90s are back. I asked for a condom. I'm so vintage. I was like, Hey, do you have like a, I was like, I asked for a condom. I'm so vintage and vintage, but I was like, so do you have a condom? And he's like, no, I don't like, don't have condoms. And I was like, okay, whatever. He loves a hairless cat. Carpenter club. Literally so scary. And so I was like, okay, whatever, throw that out the window, hook up with him. And then I like dropped my phone or something

and I like moved over and like on his nightstand, I fuck you not, I like opened this door and there's like 100 condoms. Like, not even like one condom, it was like a condom drawer. And I was like- You were literally at the fucking like gay health center where they have fish bowls full of them. It was literally giving that.

And I'm like, not exaggerating substance bathroom, drawer of condoms. I'm like, what is going on here? Like murder. I'm like, okay, I'm like getting scared. I was like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I go to the bathroom and I come out and he's like passed out like dead asleep, crazy.

And I was like, I think I just have to get out of here. Like I have to run. And I'm like trying to find my clothes through all these fucking cats. I'm like, not exaggerating, there's so many cats. And they're like the oily ones. And I'm like trying to find my clothes and trying to be so silent

and sneak out of this substance bathroom. And then he's like, where are you going? Like wakes up and I was like, I have to go. I was like, I literally have to go. And he was like, where are you going? Like wakes up and I was like, I have to go. I was like, I literally have to go. From the dead. And he was like, no. This is like room you're in right now. No, I'm like, is this a horror story?

And now thinking I'm like, that might have been dangerous or maybe he was just like a very wild, that he was in a wild time of his life. And like this murder thing was true. I have no idea, but it was fucking crazy. And I was like, I have to go. And he's like, let's just hook up in the morning. Like, come on, stay.

Like grabbing. And I was like, okay. And I like pass out with him. I'm like, I cuddled. And I was like, I have to go, and he's like, let's just hook up in the morning. Like, come on, stay, like grabbing. And I was like, okay. And I like passed out with him. I'm like, I cuddled and I was like, I have to get out of here. No, literally. And I'm like eyeing my clothes. And then he finally passes out and I like grab my clothes and I like running out of there.

And like looking back now, I'm like, I kind of think I like in my head at the time it was giving horror movie and looking now I'm like, probably it was just kind of odd and drunk, but it was so scary at the time. And then horror movie and looking down like probably was just kind of odd and drunk but Scary at the time and then I like got there and I never he didn't have a phone never exchanged number with him Never saw him again. Maybe I don't even know I couldn't I love it when they disappear into the mist afterwards literally and I'm here into the miss No, yeah, and then I'm imagining him waking up. I'm gone.

Literally, no phone for him. Like, he's probably like, what is going on? I don't know how he... What happened to him? Yeah, how he did anything. He's not calling an Uber back to the bar. That's for fucking sure. No. But yeah, so that was scary.

I don't want to make you feel any less special than you obviously are, Gottmik, but I will say we've had a couple of Rue Girls on this podcast, and you are the third that has arrived at an apartment that has been described as the substance bathroom. Really? And, and check, check, also, um, many cats is a very, is a reoccurring theme.

Many cats, substance bathroom and liar. That is like, you got Yahtzee, baby. You like the trifecta of all of the main things that make a lot of the stories on this podcast work is substance bathroom, hairless cats and liars. So you really check, check, check. Literally what a Venn diagram. I cannot imagine wanting to live in a place that has white tiled floors ever in my life.

So have you hairless cats are very oily. You notice that because they don't have fur to absorb them. The whole time you're saying this, I'm like, the floor has to be so slippery. Oh, dead ass. I can't believe like the tiles, the oily cat. Yes. It's so funny you said that because like my friend has a hairless cat that's so slippery. I kept being like the tiles, the oily cat. Yes, it's so funny you said that because like my friend has a hairless cat, that's like chill, yeah, there's oils.

These ones were specifically oily and I don't know if I was just fucked up and scared, but I was like, like I remember being like enough with the cats. No, put the cats on Accutane, make them less oily. I remember that was so scary, but yeah, oily white substance bathroom. That is, it's a miracle you're still with us and thank God.

So Gottmik, did you learn anything from your terrifying experience with this cat owner? I literally learned to keep it at the bar. Dad ass. Keep it at the bar. Keep it at the bar. Not going to your substance hazard department ever again. Keep it at the bar. Beautiful. It's poetry. Beautiful. Words to live by.

Bad Gates. Catherine Blanford, you're in the hot seat now. Give me a little bit of context for where you're at relationship wise. I see many rings on your fingers. I can't tell which fingers they're on. Not the wedding finger. Not the wedding finger. Okay, so are you single currently?

I'm the most single I've been probably 10 years. Okay, wow. And what is your normal dating style? Are you a serial monogamist? Or do you, girl who dates around? Serial monogamist because I'm just so gullible and tired. And so I don't really date. Like my story is insane.

It's from a long time ago, because I don't really date either, because I hate it. I, it's so lame and we're both being people we're not. And I don't, I can't do it and I don't know manners. I don't know, you know, I don't know how I'm supposed to sit or pretend like I'm gonna pay the bill. So if I find, if I trap one person,

like the last guy I dated for four and a half years, we went on one date and he told me that I had sauce in my hair. And I was like, well, I'm not gonna do that with another person and I dated him for four and a half years. Wow, that's all it took, huh? Yeah, and then after him, it was a wild breakup. He took my car and drove down the street with it,

and they hung onto the side of it, and we... You know, so it was why... An action thriller. Do you ever... I will say this. Do you ever, like, people are like, you're insane that you did that, but do you ever, like... I kind of just was excited for the opportunity to present itself that I could...

I had a reason to hang on to the side of a moving car. No, no, no, no, totally. And I was like, well, I would just wanna do this in normal day life, because it seems fun, but I didn't have an excuse for it. Now I'm like, he had my phone. You're living your, like, he had my phone. I had to go get it. You're living your Angelina Jolie and salt fantasy, you know?

Like, super spy, LeFemme, Nikita. I love it. I love it all. Looking for the excuse for adventure. Exactly. So since then, I did like a year, I moved to LA, and now I did like a year of dating. Yeah, a famously amazing city to date in, Los Angeles. I mean, do you want me to tell you the guys I found?

It's like I dated like the American Girl doll versions of every problematic boy. ["BAD BOYS"] Where in your timeline does your story take place? So this is, I'm going back in the day. When I first got out of college, I was 21 and I was in Orlando, Florida. Oh. And this is going to be dark.

But I, it's sure just a story. Yeah, I mean, it happened in Orlando, so I bet it's going to be dark. I genuinely was like, does anybody else, does anybody have an experience of being like, I think I was being trafficked and I didn't Think got Nick just told us a story Being traffic like if someone stands next to me on the treadmill, I'm like trafficking attack Why else would you stand next to me? Don't watch him close to me on sidewalk

Yeah, truly being so dumb and naive to the situation saves you from being trafficked, though. You're that dumb and naive. I was so young, and I remember I kind of went out to bars and would meet these older guys that were like whatever. They took a liking to me, and I met this one guy. I thought he was gay because he goes, my name is Lauren. And I was like, Lauren. He was like, no, like Loren, like Ralph Loren. And I was like, Lauren. He was like, no, like Loren, like Ralph Loren. And I was like, oh, you're gay, you're safe. And then he kept calling me and he would take me out to dinner. And I remember one morning he took, he was like, your roots are horrible. I'm sending you to my hair guy.

I'm getting them taken care of. It sounds like he's both gay and you were not safe with him. And I would just kept saying yes. He was like, let's go surfing one morning. He picked me up in his... Now, this is the biggest red flag. Do you remember the toaster cars, the hamster? Oh, the square.

Like a Kia Soul? Kia Soul. A Kia Soul. Wow, flashback. Lime green. Lime green. Lime green. That's so aggressive.

So he was driving an M&M. M&M, two surfboards on the top. We drive out to Cocoa Beach. No one's around. What am I doing? Why am I saying yes to this? We go out into the ocean. Then he takes me to a strip club for lunch. No one else is at the strip club. It's in the middle of the day. Oh my God. Strip club for lunch is everything. I've always wanted to write a show about the lunch shift at a strip club. It's in the middle of the day. Oh my God. Strip club for lunch is everything. I've always wanted to write a show about the lunch shift at a strip club. Yes.

Like the lunch shift at a strip club. Those girls, they have a story to tell. Okay? And I wanna hear it. I know. This one was so bored. She brought me on stage and gave me a pole dancing lesson. She was so bored.

Oh my God. Not a pole dancing lesson after a surf lesson. Right. Dude, my favorite is a strip club midday in a beach town, though, because like she still had flip flops on and there was still. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Are you kidding? I'm done. I'm not kidding you. Later in the day, like he could tell I wasn't into him. He invited his friend to go surfing with us. And then I think like, he could tell I wasn't into him. He invited his friend to go surfing with us and then I think he kept making attempts and

I wasn't into it. So at the very, I was leaving shortly after there to move to Atlanta and he took me out to dinner and he like kind of made a move on me and I like didn't give in and he was, I think he gave up at that point. He goes, well anyways, and then he pulls out his phone and he shows me a video of him jacking off and he goes My side gig is I sleep with married women and I'm looking for new clientele So if you meet any friends that that are interested send them my number that was his exit. We have to pause I'm sorry Catherine. I sorry we have to pause he owned he's an escort but specifically only for married women

Mm-hmm married women. He goes. I just left a gig before a gig a I just left a gig before. A gig! A gig! A gig, a gig! A gig, that's a human being, babe. That's a human being. Yes!

That's a Cheryl. That's a bird Cheryl. That's crazy! Yeah. Oh my God. And then I will say, after he said that though, I was kinda like, oh, okay, so you're not interested in me anymore?

I could tell that there was competition. Oh no, he reeled you back in interested in me anymore? I could tell that there was competition. And that's how he got me. Yeah. And you were with him for four and a half years. I was with him for four and a half years. And the rest is Orlando, Florida. Oh, my God.

Desperate Housewives vibes. Yeah. You went from dating in Orlando to dating in LA. It's sort of, um... They're both so bad, but in their own, you special, unique ways. Um... But LA seems like the younger scene of what is happening in Orlando, though.

Yeah, they go to Orlando to perish. And you're not dating as many Disney characters, um, in LA as many anyways. Um, you know, although the last time I was at Disneyland here in California, I was hit up by a guy on Grindr and I said, oh, are you enjoying the park? And he said, no, I work here. I'm one of the goblins at Green Gots.

Oh, that was Universal. Sorry. But in any case, I had a chance to hook up with a goblin from Green Gots. Why didn't you? Yeah. Do they have to put on green every day? Because of the black mold, obviously. I do not endorse. I do not endorse.

Disneyland, any park? Mm-mm. Yeah. How many parks did you not get to land on Green Goblin? Did you start at Stefan? Ooh. And then it slowly goes down to Green Goblin? Yeah. No, I mean, I don't even think Green Goblin is like a marquee Spider-Man character.

This was just a Goblin girl. Oh my God. That's so embarrassing. This was just a vaguely antisemitic caricature that. Rowling has included in her novels of the banking community. Wait, did he have to wear, I hope to God he had to wear a mask for his job. Oh, full prosthetics, full makeup. Is he serving like butter beer and stuff? No, he was like a character that is a part of the immersive experience of it all.

So he's like, you know, saying, your coins aren't good here. Being on Grindr on the clock as a goblin is crazy. I think that is title of that. Being on Grindr as a goblin on the clock. I don't know. We'll figure out a way to shorten it, but that is a pretty good contender for sure. Catherine Blanford, before we move on, did you learn anything from this experience with this possibly gay surfer? Yeah, I did, and I carried it with me the rest of my life. Just when you think it's about love,

you find out that every relationship is about business. At the end of the day. Rough. Thank you. I love that. I love how cynical that is, especially as someone who is in the midst of planning their wedding right now. So finally, moving on to our last storyteller of the pod, it's Courtney Michelle and Courtney,

I think I know the answer to this, but give me a little the same sort of context where you're at right now, love wise. Are you seeing dating someone? Are you married? Are you? What? Wait, where do you think I am? I'm going to wait for your answer first and then I'll tell you. Oh, I'm so curious. So here's where I'm at. I am decentering men from my life. That's where I'm at. That's the journey that I want. And you know what, Courtney?

That was basically paraphrased what I was going to say. Shut the fuck up! Am I giving feminists from the 70s? I said, this is a girl who said, I don't need a man. I don't need a man at all. I've got this mic, I've got my tour, I've got every, you're a career gal, okay?

It's hard to date when you're touring. It's hard to date when you're touring. But what was your, is that, what's your style generally? Were you in your past a big gotta go on dates, constantly cycling through hinge dates, or were you a relationship person, or are you just a slut? Like the rest of us?

Yeah. No. Great question, thank you so much. So I have my phases, as we all do. I was a slut from early childhood, as I should. I got tits at like 12 and they say the same size, but. And so slutty until probably like 22. Where in your timeline does your story take place?

This was in my slutty era, so this was in college. Okay, I was gonna say, so you were in middle school? I just got in my period for the first time. No, I was like 21, 22, probably. And college was in my prime, my prime slutty years were college, for sure. And to set the table a little bit, he was, I grew up in the same town that I went to college, and I grew up in a college town, okay? So I stayed there for way too long.

But in my high school, this guy was like five years older than me, maybe six, but he was like a legendary hot guy. You know those like in high school, like the ones that have already graduated but they're like legendary in their hotness? But question for you really quick, did he stay in the hometown? Yeah.

That usually happens. When you're legendarily hot in high school, many of them end up staying in the hometown because they know they peaked. Love what loves you back. I get it. I get it. And I ate it up.

I go, he's still here, he's still hot. And I still get clout from it. And then he's also my high school principal's son. That's also important. So, my high school principal, and I did not, I was not a good kid in school. I went to the principal office all the time. I was always high.

She did not like me. Yes. So, he asks me out, I forget even how I met him. He asks me out, and he invites me over to his house, which is like less murder, right? Less murder, yeah. Less murder. Fights me over to his house, which is like less murder, right? Less murder, yeah. Less murder. Fights me over to his house.

It's like the middle of nowhere, but I'm like, this guy is like in his mid-20s. This is gonna be like a nice house. When you're 21, you have no like- Conception, yeah. No conception of reality. And so I go, turns out, no, it's his mother's house. Yeah, I know.

So spend 30 minutes talking to my old high school principal. No. I know. I know, I know. Not an akadesiak, I gotta tell ya. Does not get you wet, does not get you wet. But he had this pond out back. Now I'm from West Virginia.

I don't know if you guys are familiar. West Virginia is a very country state, okay? It's not like Virginia outside of DC. Let's say that. No, no, no, no, no, no. And this was like, we're kind of in the backwoods of West Virginia at this point. So he takes me out to his pond and I'm not sure if he prefaces it or anything, but at this point in my life, I don't know what frog gigging is.

Is anybody familiar? I'm not sure I know what frog gigging is. I don't know if that's what he called it at first, but I just know we're at the pond and he whips out what looks to me, which I think is what it was. It was a broomstick. And on the end of it, the broom was removed and there was a metal fork. Like wrapped like, oh, what's it called? rubber banded to the front to the top of it. So it was stuck there.

There might've even been two. Jail vibes. What is this contraption? I was gonna say, yeah, this sounds like a jail weapon that you forge for yourself. For sure, for sure, for sure. No. Or like in a video game,

when you find two different items and craft them together to make a weapon. That's what he's getting. 100, 100. It was World of Warcraft. Yeah, exactly. He's circling this pond and I don't really's what he did. One hundred. One hundred. Oh. It was World of Warcraft. Yeah. So he's circling this pond and I don't really know what he's doing, but he has his little mechanism and I just see him shove the mechanism down and pull the mechanism up and on the

other side is a frog. No. No. And that was my first introduction to frog ganging and And he did it probably three or four more times. And also, I know, I know, and I'm an animal lover. Are we eating the frog? That's what you do. So you stab it and you stab it between the eyes.

It's like savagery. It's absolute savagery. You stab between the eyes. This is like a West Virginia delicacy, if you will. Is he courting you? Yeah, wait, is this like horny? This is him dancing, this is him peacocking. This is him a West Virginia delicacy, if you will. Is he courting you? Yeah, we are. Is this like horny? This is him dancing. This is him peacocking.

This is him showing me. He has like dip in his lip. Oh, that'll get me every time. Yeah, yeah. There was a part of me who was like, the tiniest bit of redneck in my labia was quivering, was really into it. The rest of me was really worried.

But he continued to do that a few more times. And then you- Were you like giving it to him? Like you were like, that's hot. Like you're- Good job, babe. You think he got one and you're like, oh fuck. Yeah.

Yeah, you got a big toed. Were you? Or were you like, oh. Looking back, I wish I would have. I wish I would have just like pulled down my pants and started just fingering myself. Just to like really commit to the story. You shut up. Just like call his mom pants and started just fingering myself. Just to really commit to the story.

You shut up. Just call his mom over and be like, join us. But no, he kills the frog a few, he has a few frogs and then you take the frog and you step on their neck to kill them. I mean, it's barbaric. I'm sorry, the forking doesn't kill them? No.

How big are they? That you're stepping on their neck. Not big enough, not big enough. Smaller than a size 12. Are they screaming? Are they like, raaah? I think I blacked out at this point.

I think I'm, I think I disassociated. I have no recollection of sound. But then you kill them and the only thing you eat are their damn legs. You don't eat the rest of the body. Oh. And it's a,

you pluck the legs right off and you put them on the stove. I mean, that's pretty impressive on some level that he was able to eyeball it and get all these frogs on a tiny little fork. I assume... That does sound hard. Yeah, was he able to find your G-spot too or... I don't...

Yeah. I think I gave him a pass on that and just gave him a blowjob instead. Wow. That night. Frog leg breath. I keep imagining his mom like peeping out from the stove I think I gave him a pass on that and just gave him a blowjob instead. Wow. I keep imagining his mom like peeping out from the curtain, watching him stab frogs, and then him like put a frog leg in your mouth and then watching you guys do your thing. And she was just like, look at my boy go.

That's my boy. Look at my boy. I hope she was getting off on it. Yes. I don't talk him that. Were the frog legs good? Again, I was blacked out off on it. Yes. I done taught him that. Were the frog legs good? Again, I was blacked out. I don't remember.

I'm sure I told him they were the best things I've ever had. That's kind of my go-to line. Do you season them? Probably? With everything that was on the table. Everything that was on the table. In Orlando. The balsamic vinaigrette and the sriracha.

Yes. That actually is my nightmare. I'm like thinking about it. I'm like, I don't know what I would do. I'd be like. No. And by the way, you're in the middle of nowhere. So like, it's so tragic.

It is. You have to commit. Literally finger yourself or get out. Like you can't get out. You just gotta. That was the original title of get out actually was finger yourself or get out. But they shortened it for marketing Ultimately, yeah, but I will say the conclusion is um, I don't think we talked much after that god

I don't know why um, but a few months later, uh, I saw he came I was bartending and he came into a bar the bar that I was working at and For whatever reason picked a fight with this guy from Jersey who was also hitting on me, and they got in a huge fight at my bar, and it was the best night of my life. Just two guys fighting over me. It's truly like, yeah, you're being courted

by an actual animal. Two people with rotted accents just fighting over you at the bar. That's my dream. It's amazing. I love a dialect. I love a dialect. So Courtney, did you learn anything from this frog-spearing experience that you have taken with you into your no-man phase?

You know what's so tragic is that, like, a year later, I ended up dating this guy who was this same guy, just beefier. And he took me to his parents' Amish farm in Pennsylvania. Stop. Stop. Was he on Rumspringer? How would you date it? No, the farm was Amish. He was not. Oh, God. He took me to his parents' lake house.

And guess what we did on that lake? Frog whatevering. History repeats itself, okay. He took me to his parents' lake house and guess what we did on that lake? Frog whatevering. History repeats itself, baby. You were like, oh, I know how to do this. No need to explain the rules to me, baby. You're like, do I finger myself before, after we start? You, hey, you bring out your own triton

from your backpack and Hang yourself with it. He had no idea that that was a one-way ticket to a blowjob. I'm sure he got it. I'm sure he got it. Thank you all three of you. This has been a fucking banger of an episode. I feel like I've learned so much and taught so much too. Before we go though, Gottmik, what are you doing these days and where can people find you? Oh my gosh, girl, I'm nonstop.

I'm performing, it's Pride. It's literally Pride. And so, yeah. Try going from AAPI month straight into Pride. Literally, that's rude. The brand? That's giving stop Asian hate right there. Yeah, exactly.

Can I get a little bit of a buffer please? Literally give her a break. Yeah, no, so I'm pride all for the next literally until September basically just priding out. So, but yeah, find me everywhere at G-O-T-T-M-I-K. Got mix sitting near you or on your little phone, whatever it takes. Yeah. Check out season 13, one of my all time favorite seasons and also All Stars as well. You're amazing on both of the programs.

It's gorgeous. Catherine Lanford, what are you doing these days and where can the people find you? I am slutted out on the road for tickets, not physically. I'm, I don't know, Tacoma this weekend. Oklahoma City and Unkissville, Connecticut are coming up. Wow, amazing. Where can people find those dates and tickets? CatholicBlafer.com, and I have a special on YouTube

called Catholic Cowgirl. Amazing. Check it out. I love it when it's easy like that. Courtney Michelle, last but certainly not least, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? I'm just on the internet a bunch, so find me there.

At it's Courtney Michelle, follow me. And also if you're hot and have a curved penis, you can follow me in real life as well. Yeah! I'm decentering but not removing, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And just a quick note, it is Michelle with two L's, which in my Christian family was a huge no-no

because you never wanna name someone with the word hell in it. That was actually, that was literally something that I was taught growing up is that never trust a Michelle with two L's. Oh my God, I'm so, well, I hope that you can take this to your parents and go, you're right, she was right.

Yeah, exactly, I was like, you know, the Bible got a lot of things wrong, but apparently he got Michelle right. He got Michelle right. Clock's right twice. That is perfect. You guys, that has been another brilliant episode of Bad Dates.

If I do so, so myself, goodbye. Thank you. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey Bryant. Produced by Ann Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushi and Eben Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues,

please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more... Bad Dates!