Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Fierce But So Weird: Live From SF Sketchfest! (w/ Dave Mizzoni, Spike Einbinder, and Peaches Christ)

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

On Joel’s first live episode of Bad Dates, he welcomes the stellar panel of comedians Dave Mizzoni, Spike Einbinder, and San Francisco legend Peaches Christ to the stage at Cobb's Comedy Club to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Dave is either really really bad or really really good at Grindr, it's not for us to say, Spike finds out his hookup has a ceiling, and Peaches gets to pull the kind of reveal you can only dream of. Plus, we hear dating calamities from two of our fabulous audience members. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips.Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Dave Mizzoni: @davemizzoni on all socials, check out the live show Why Are You Single? starring our friend Marie Faustin!Spike Einbinder: @_sp.i.ke_ on Insta, live show Jeopargay!, A24’s ProblemistaPeaches Christ: @thepeacheschrist on Insta, peacheschrist.com, Midnight Mass podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Smart plus media. I was on my way here. I got stuck in traffic because there was an anti-abortion protest happening in the Castro. And I was like, babes, do you know where you are? There's not a lot of abortions happening here. Not a lot of babies being made, but boy do we try. Babes. Hello!

How are we doing San Francisco? Woo! Welcome to another episode. How are we doing in San Francisco? Welcome to another episode of the Bad Dates Podcast. I am your host, Joel Kim Booster. Thank you so much. We are in San Francisco today and we will be going in deep on some terrible, no good bad date stories from an incredible panel of guests. I cannot wait to introduce them. I'm going to do it right now because I just can't wait.

First up, somebody that I have known for a decade truly has come up in the trenches with me. So incredible. Please give it up for Dave Mazzone everybody! Incredible, incredible. Take your seat please. Another person who has seen me at Open Mics for the last 10 years, it's Spike Eyebinder everybody! And last but certainly not least, local legend, someone who's been a huge inspiration to me for a long time, please give it up for Peaches Christ! Whoo! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for joining us, you guys. Beautiful, beautiful. I'm gonna sit now. Um, Stacey, are you here? Yeah. You... Um, so what we're gonna do to start the podcast Now, Stacey, are you here? Yeah. You are. So what we're gonna do to start the podcast is I'm gonna read a little bit of a story from Stacey, who had a bad date experience herself.

And we're gonna digest it and really get to the meat of it and figure out what went wrong, okay? So let me pull this up really quick from Stacey. Bad dates. I just moved to Santa Barbara. Well, that was your first mistake. I met this guy at a coffee shop while he was doing work for his solar energy company.

We agreed to continue our conversation at dinner. He picks me up a couple days later wearing skinny stonewashed jeans, flannel, and a beanie. He was in his later 30s. I should have ran then. But then, you wouldn't get to hear this amazing story. After 30 minutes with this guy, I learned he used to be addicted to cocaine.

He was an extremely close talker, and to get over his last relationship, he went to live in the forest for five months. The oysters we ordered came to the table, and he says, you know why oysters are an aphrodisiac, right? Uh, no. Why? Because they make your load bigger.

Okay, a few things. That is not an accurate statement. Oysters don't make you cum more. Cumming a lot does not make something an aphrodisiac. I've known you for less than an hour, and you used the word load with me. Needless to say, I walked out on that date shortly after. Give it up for Stacey, everybody.

Stacey, can you stand up for us, please, so Stuart can find you? Hi, Stacey. My name is Spike Einbinder. So his cocaine addiction, did it end, like, how many minutes before the date? Laughter It sounded like he had gotten over it at the time,

but, yeah, I'm not sure. But the close talker and talking about loads, I'm like, that's active cocaine. That's active cocaine. He did a bump before you got there, for sure. And then we're like, that's active cooking. Yeah. He did a bump before you got there, for sure. And then we're like, that's the last one. Yeah. Hello, how are you? I can't quite see you,

but I'm Dave. It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So talk to me about the forest getaway, though. Was it, like, glamping or...? No, it was like a tree house. A tree house? He was doing eco terrorism. That's awesome. I get, like, online, they come for me with these tree houses a lot.

These Airbnb's, they can be quite romantic and quite architecturally pleasing. Wait, but was it a tree house he built himself or was it some VC-funded bullshit tree house, San Francisco shit? It was like 10 years ago, so it probably wasn't one of the fanciest. Like, I imagine it was just... It was an Airbnb auction one of the fanciest ones. Oh, okay. I imagine it was just... It was an Airbnb auction.

Perhaps something he built, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Did he have a big dick? Did not want to find out. Peaches? I'm Peaches, and I'm from... Oh, I know you.

Thank you. Thank you. You know, Stacey is a gender neutral name. I know a gay guy named Stacey, but you're not a gay guy. However, if you were, this would be a totally normal date. And, you know, I was sitting here going like, I don't see the problem, quite frankly. We always talk about loads and cocaine and vacations,

you know, so I just feelations, you know. So I just feel like, you know, grab some poppers, give it a whirl, try being gay. What this... You know. Whoo! Speaking of loads, though, I just want to ask really quickly,

because there's just a... There's some disagreement, I think, in the communities. As...I want to ask really quickly because there's just there's there's some disagreement. I think in the communities as I want to hear from straight women. Do you care about the amount of load you receive? No No, so it could be drift. That's it Wow, you want ropes you Do you care really I'm kind of, if you are not coming at all, it means you just came, and where the fuck have you been? It's also like...

She's one of those. If I can... I've been cheated on. I'm sorry. It's okay. If I can, like, if you're coming inside me, I'm not gonna do, like, a forensic excavation of it. But if I can see it, then, like, let's make it a show.

I wanna see ropes. Ropes, ropes is not where I'm standing. I was born let's make it a show. I want to see ropes. Ropes, ropes is not a rope. I was born on the 4th of July. I want fireworks. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, straight women also aren't putting ads online where they're gonna have their vaginas open from 6 to 11 for people to stop by and pump and dump.

Hey, well, I was about to say that. That's how my parents actually meant. There are some women in... This is San Francisco, okay? I'm sorry, I would, color me corrected. Yeah. Pump and dump. Wait, are women hosting pump and dumps in San Francisco?

Yeah! I didn't know that. Yeah! Really? That's amazing. Yeah, when is this over? Cause I'm going home. Yeah.

I gotta get this on the road. Just to pump. Where is it happening? No dump. No dump. No dump. Is it at Badlands? What's going on? No.

So my question for you, Stacey, is you really went in on the skinny jeans, beanie, and flannel. And 10 years ago, I gotta say, that seems correct. That seems like every Apple employee I've ever met. With flip flops. Okay. Oh, with flip-flops. You left that out and that is vile.

It's crazy to be open-toed first date. I think that's, I mean, have some self-respect. I'm engaged and my fiance has never seen my feet. So... Better to keep it that way. I would never want him to. I'm boots on the beach. I don't do that.

Yeah, exactly. Wedding night only. Yes. Is what I'd say. And then he reveals. Wait, are you guys not into feet stuff? It's private. That means yes. Do you guys know your WikiFeet scores by any chance?

What? Mine don't. Are you on WikiFeet? Mine don't show up on camera because I'm a vampire. Oh, okay. My WikiFeet score is really low, so if you guys could fix that for me. Are you on wiki feet mine don't show up on camera because I'm a vampire My wiki feet score is really low. So if you guys could fix that for me That would be great. Okay. I this must be a generational thing. What is wiki feet? It's just a place where you go and rate people's feet It's like Wikipedia for feet for feet and the early days of the internet, I used to visit ratemypoo.com.

Oh. I don't know if that's still a thing, but I could spend hours rating turds. Was it like, was it like, were you using like the Bristol stool chart or was it? Literally, people would anonymously post pictures of their bowel movement, and then collectively, we'd all rate them, and every day, there was a top 10.

Wow. That was the golden era of the internet, I'm telling you. It truly was. It's all downhill from there. I gotta ask you though, what are you looking for in a good shit? What makes a top 10 shit? Honestly, I love grossing myself out,

so I was disgusted by it. I'm not a scat queen. And so it was mostly something fun to do. You're not beating the allegations right now, Peaches. I got to tell you. I spent hours looking at it. No. It was just something I liked, you know. It was kind of like in the era of two girls, one cup.

Were you like... But were you like her? We got fans in the audience. Or what was it? I just like, basically, I think the idea, it was, you know, like everything, it came down to size and girth, you know. Incredible. I feel like I would be looking for like a story, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it started here and then things got really bad. And then Chipotle happened, you know? Or like a jump scare, being like, oh my God, oh, you had beats, got it. Yes. Those were good. We've all been there. We've all been there.

Now, Stacey, do you know where this man is today? God, no. Check your other folder on Facebook. The people you may know requests. He might be in there. Do you know what happened to his solar energy company? Absolutely not. I am surprised I actually never saw him again

and Santa Barbara is like a small town, but we never crossed paths again, luckily. How long have you been back here? Seven years now. Seven years now, amazing. And I'm married now, so. Oh, congratulations, she made it out alive. She's a survivor.

Congratulations, and I hope that his solar energy company saves the world. Yeah, he may be rich right now. I don't want you to look him up, but it's a time for solar energy. And he's definitely still in Scania James. The sun's never sunned this hard. He's probably still doing cocaine.

Or if we're lucky, he could be doing a Ted Kaczynski, and we'll all find out soon where he's been. Yeah. Living in the woods. Now is Katya here as well? Yes. Oh, she's really close. Hello Katya.

We're gonna do your letter as well, okay? This one is very sweet, I love it. It was the early 2000s and I had just ended things with my high school sweetheart. A friend dragged me to a blind double date at the Metreon. Date was meh. He played Dance Dance Revolution. We got popcorn, and he went to find our seats.

Once the movie started, he didn't say a word and walked out. He never came back. Perhaps he was ill? His friend checked the bathroom, but he wasn't there. I wasn't bothered. I wanted to go home and smoke. We turned the corner and ran into a throng of people

cheering as we approached. There he was in all his sweaty splendor playing Dance Dance Revolution. He was soaked in sweat, living his dream. We are now married and he's founding member of the Jabberwockies. Kidding. Fuck you, Katya.

I never saw him again. Cheers. Um. Amazing story. Katya, thank you so much. Where are you? Katya, I can't see you. Are you Asian?

Yes or no? No. Oh, wow. I figured Dance Dance Revolution. Yeah. He was Asian. He was Asian. So I was close. What was it not attractive to you that he was an excellent Dance Dance Revolution star? No. Say it into the mic with your full chest, babe. No, babe. No. What movie was it? That's what I want to know.

Oh, darling. It was 25 years ago. I do not remember. I'm sorry. 25 years ago? Something tells me that he would remember and you fumbled an autistic person, basically. Oh, yeah. You look incredible.

Thank you. Oh my God. What SPF do you use? No, don't tell anyone else. Keep it to yourself. Oh. Thank you. Oh my God. What SPF do you use? No, don't tell anyone else. Keep it to yourself. It's the substance. It's wine.

So what lesson did you learn from this date that you think that took you to 25 years now, you? Thank you for asking this question. I actually thought about this because I thought you were going to ask this. Yeah. And what I learned is to never trust that friend again. I went out on two other dates that she sent me on, and they were equally as bad. If not worse. Are you still friends with this person?

Absolutely not. Whoo! Has anyone in here ever been set up by a friend successfully? Whoo! They're lying. This is rough. Why do you think it's so hard for friends to find other people for their friends? a friend successfully? They're lying. This is rough.

Why do you think it's so hard for friends to find other people for their friends? One time I was set up that led to a relationship, it ended up being detrimental to my life, but it was good for a while. But the category that I was set up in was, I was going to a concert, Wolf Parade. It was a very long time ago.

I lived through the Indie Sleeves movement. I'm a survivor. And my friend invited the other person because we both, quote-unquote, had red hair and acne. So we were, in his eyes... Sort of no as art. We were a perfect match, yes. It was two by two.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Incredible. Have you ever been set up by a friend? No. Oh, my God. Incredible. Have you ever been set up by a friend? No. Well, I feel like if I've ever been set up by somebody, I'm not on the date. I'm just thinking, why did this... Why did my friend think I would like this person

the whole time and trying to figure out about what that means about me and my friend's relationship? It's a mirror. It is a full mirror. When your friend sets you up with a person, you are looking into the mirror of how they see you. Exactly. I'm like, this is what Rebecca thinks I need? It's crazy. Peaches, have you ever been set up? No, I've never been set up. Have you set up anybody?

No. I guess I haven't. I was just sitting here thinking, well, if you were good at that, right, like if it were a real thing and matchmakers could really, you know, succeed, it would be quite the business. And so we don't see them very often succeed in business because it doesn't work.

Yeah, fuck Patty Stankers drag. So... Are you in a relationship now, Katya? I am. I am. You are. And how long have you been in a relationship for? 13 years. 13 years. Amazing. And how did you meet your partner now?

At Dolores Park in San Francisco. At the arcade? Pardon? At the arcade. At the arcade? Yeah, playing Guitar Hero. Yeah. That's amazing.

Dolores Park, I mean, she was cruising, and it worked. And it worked. And it worked. It worked, amazing. Do you have any advice for our single friends in the audience tonight? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Bleak. Just go to the park and legs wide open. If you build it, they will come. That's the advice. That's the advice. If you build it, they will come.

Wow. Yeah. Have either of you been to the Dolores Park yet? Not yet. It's an incredible place to go and be cold, you know? I can't wait. I love it. I love it so much. They call it, part of it is the gay beach.

The fruit park. There's sort of a shelf. Yes, exactly. And it's that park, you know, that has the beautiful hill with the grass and then the city skyline. It's quite good. I'll be going there after this. But it's not that good for cruising, is it? For lesbians?

It's a point of vista. For Katya it was. Yeah. Oh yeah, except Katya, she got lucky. Yeah. Lesbians do really well in the early 2000s on the fruit shelf. Oh! Not sure. Are you a lesbian? I shelf. Oh. Oh. Not sure.

Are you a lesbian? I am. Oh. The problem was that they were setting you up with men. Yeah. It's a bigger issue here. Hello. You should have led with that.

Yeah. You've been hiding something. This is like. It's not rocket science. This is fully like the usual suspects at the end were like sort of like twist ending. M. Night Shyamalan. Hello.

Like what? Okay. I'm kind of major. Thank you Katya. I love our lesbian fans. Incredible, incredible, incredible. Bad Dates Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Now we are turning to our esteemed panel for their tales of weary and woe. So we're going to start with Dave. Dave, tell us a little bit about where you're at now relationship wise. What's your deal? What's your vibe? Are you in a relationship? Are you in love? What's going on? I am in a relationship. It's new. We met at Coachella, which is very, you know, please forgive me on that. It was, it was a lot of Molly Lana Del Rey was happening. We were gay and then in the same vicinity. Oh my God. Two white gays rolling at Lana Del Rey at Coachella? I know. Well, how will they ever make it work? I know.

We were both like, she's so beautiful. She looks so beautiful. She looks so skinny. You look so skinny. I love you. Okay. But I've been through my fair share. So I was in a relationship for a very long period of time. It ended. He cheated. It was tough. My advice to you is if you think you need to check the phone,

check the phone. Yeah. No. But anyway. By round of applause, who in here has their partner's phone password? Whoo! Wow.

If you don't have it, Connie, get it. Tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Face ID. Just lift the eyelids up, okay? Lift the eyelids. Actually, it's funny you say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Face ID, just lift the eyelids up, okay? Lift the eyelids. Actually, it's funny you say that. That's how I opened my ex's phone.

He sleeps with his eyes open. And I always thought it was creepy until one day it was perfect, exactly what I needed. Incredible. But I am in a relationship. Who else has checked the phone? I just want to know. Who has checked the phones?

Clap if you've... Okay. I just wanted to feel validated. Yeah, if you think you need to, you absolutely must. Yeah. Go with your gut on that one. Go with your gut. So where does this story take place that you're about to tell? So I'm in New York City.

You're in New York City. I'm in this two-year period in between my eight-year relationship that exploded and the relationship that I'm in now. So I'm in whore land, just making up for eight years of monogamy in the gay world. He had me from 22 to 31.

I was in chastity, those were my hot years! Yeah, oh my God. Your whole gorilla grip gone. So I was sucking and fucking all over New York City, and then I was like, I was going dips. I would have, like, a crazy weekend and be like, I can't do this. This is unsustainable. The gay community is toxic. And then I would go on one date and be like,

this sucks. I don't want to get to know anybody. I don't trust men anymore. Let me go back. And it was like this pendulum swinging back and forth. And so I was on the dating side of that, and I had been sort of talking to this guy in the DMs that I was interested in for a little while. He's very cute. So I was like, I'm gonna go to New York And so I was on the dating side of that. And I had been sort of talking to this guy in the DMs that I was interested in for a little while.

He's very cute. So I was like, let's go on a date. On Instagram? Yep, on Instagram. Instagram is the new grinder, if you guys didn't know this. You know, if they heart three stories in a row, they'll suck it.

Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. Science. Three stories in a row. Dave is a woman in STEM. I just, I analyze the data in front of me. Yeah. So anyway, I agree, and he's like, I've got a spot, I'll pick you up, where are you staying?

And at this time I'm staying at my friend's place, I'm dog sitting, this tiny little dog named Hadassa. Hadassa? Hadassa Marie, Hattie Mae. As she goes by. She's a three-pound Pomeranian. Of course she is. Yes. So I jumped at the opportunity to, first of all, live in Herald Square for, like, three days.

I was like, ooh, I wonder what the grids are giving, like, over here. Like, let's go see what Midtown is giving. So I was like, I'm on 31st. Come pick me up. So he picks me up, and we go strolling. He's like, I picked a see what Midtown is giving. So I was like, I'm on 31st, come pick me up. So he picks me up and we go strolling. He's like, I picked a spot right around the corner. It's this really cool spot.

I want to check it out. In Midtown? In Midtown. Okay. I was expecting a taxi. Has anyone in here lived in New York and now lives in SF? Okay. What is the equivalent of Midtown in SF?

Fideye? Fideye. They have a Fideye? Fideye. They have a Fideye here. Dark. That's really tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were at a Just Salad. Basically.

On the date. He took me to this place called Steak Freak, which he thought was unlimited steak freets. But it wasn't, it was just unlimited freets. And also there was a line around the block, it was like a tourist trap. So we're like waiting in line and the conversation is going super poorly

and he tells me he has to go to the bathroom. So he goes inside the steak frites, ask them if they can pee, they say no. They say you're not seated yet, we can't have people in the bathroom. So he says no, he says he needs to run and pee. So we go back to my friend's apartment, just're not seated yet. We can't have people in the bathroom. So he says, no, he says he needs to run and pee. So we go back to my friend's apartment, just a couple blocks up.

I let him up to pee and I'm realizing that I'm not feeling it at all. So I start to pretend to feel ill. Good, good. Yep, I start to pretend to feel ill. And you did go to Tish. Yes, I went to Tish. I'm a Tish survivor.

Tish survivor. And so I start faking sick. I do a really good job, okay? Like, I really crushed it. In what way? Like, how did you, like, what were the symptoms? So basically he comes out, and I'm just like, I've been feeling so bloated all day. I have no idea what's wrong with me.

And I basically start insinuating that I'm not gonna have sex. I'm just kind of like, it's all stomach issues. I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm like, I think I have to stay here. I don't think I can move. He's like, do you want me to stay with you? And I was like, Hadassah can't be around other people. She's a very new dog.

She's, she's, I mean, she's one of those dogs that looks like a puppy for her entire life. So I was like, she's a puppy. She just came back. She hasn't had her shots yet. I want to reschedule. So he leaves, and this is where my night really begins. I go on Grindr, and I just start sending out fucking messages like a machine gun, just like, what's up, what's up?

Where you at? What's up? What's up? What you doing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The Moxie Hotel is on 36th Street, not too far, right around the corner. I see there's a lot of people at the Moxie Hotel is on 36th Street, not too far, right around the corner. I see there's a lot of people at the Moxie Hotel. I'm like, let me fuck, let me fuck. Like, just like, lobbing text messages. I start to get a couple bites, this really hot guy.

It's like, come to the Moxie Hotel, I'm here right now. I'm texting this other guy, he's at the Moxie Hotel. But the hot guy hit me first, so I decide, fuck it. The guy leaves that I was originally supposed to go on the date with, I head to the Moxie Hotel, but the hot guy hit me first. So I decide, fuck it. The guy leaves that I was originally supposed to go on the date with, I head to the Moxie Hotel. I go in, I get in the elevator, I go up into his room. He's cute. We go inside and we start hooking up.

Cute is a big downgrade from hot, I gotta say. He's cute, but like, he's sort of like not making eye contact which is like really important for me in sex. Does anyone else feel this way? No, I prefer to be blindfolded or in the pillow. Right. I know you're a face-down ass-up girl. That's something I know about you. And for me, it's the same as a dog, which eye contact makes me become aggressive, so...

Yeah. Peaches? Eye contact? Uh, I'm just worried that my wig is sliding off my head. Has anyone else noticed that in the front row? No? This hat is pulling it off. else noticed that in the front row? No? This hat is pulling it off. Am I imagining this? I am imagining it or it's sliding. I'm okay, okay, thank you.

And I've got you if it falls off. No eye contact ever. Never, never, never, never, never, never. See, I want you to say I love you, but not say I love you. You know what I mean? I want it like right here. So anyway, he's not making eye contact, but not say I love you. You know what I mean? I want it, like, right here. Um, so anyway, we... He's not making eye contact, but whatever. He's cute. We start hooking up.

Cute again? I have to stop saying it. I can't. I don't like it. It's so... Have you ever sent a dick pic and had someone say, cute? No, but I have had someone say, work, diva. Which is equally as, like, it just brings everything to a halt, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But anyway, we start hooking up, and then he pulls, I'm, I'm, I'm, like, giving him head, and I look up, and he has his phone out. Oh! He's taking a video. No! So I'm mortified. This has never happened to me before.

I'm like, I've been single for like, has this ever happened to you before? No, it's the wig. I'm sorry. It's like a drag catastrophe. This is my favorite part about a live podcast recording is you guys get to enjoy the wig. No one listening to this will understand.

It's just like, it's disturbing to me. Like, you became second screen content. It was shocking. Oh my god. I'm Italian, so then things got a little wild. Then I demanded the phone, I like shoved him away from me, grabbed the phone, instantly deleted it, went to the recently deleted, I know you all-

Deleted, deleted. Deleted, deleted. I know you all are worried. Went to the recently deleted, deleted it, and then walked the fuck out of there. I got all so angry. I was like, fuck off. I can't believe.

This sucks, I'm outta here. To look up and see someone on their phone as though you are Emily in Paris down there. Giving a blow job. He was like, I'm just trying to remember my trip to New York. Ha ha ha ha. I was like, remember this, hey-yah! So then I'm in the elevator going down,

and he didn't even come, I'm so angry. It's been such a disappointing night so far. I open up my phone and I see the other guy from the Moxie Hotel that I was DMing has me back. So I'm like, okay. So he tells me he's on his way back to the hotel. You are Eloise in the plaza right now. Babe.

I had just, like, I was recently single. I was just, like, trying to put myself out there. I was really horny. I'd never done this before. I felt too old, even though I definitely wasn't, but I was just like, I don't, whatever. I'm doing this. So I'm sitting in the lobby, waiting for this guy to get back to the Moxie Hotel,

and I start talking to another guy. This guy's hotter than both guys that I was talking to before. Meanwhile, the woman at the front desk of the hotel is like, what is going on with this gay guy? Hehehe. I'm pretty sure she knew what was going on with this gay guy. I was turning tricks at the Moxie Hotel.

But anyway, this guy's really hot. He's telling me he's about to have a bite. He wants to hang out. As soon as he does, the guy that I'm supposed to hook up with now comes in. He's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I was like, nice to meet you. Grab this guy.

We, I hug him. He's like, I'm sorry, my room's upstairs. Let's go. We get in the elevator. He pushes the same floor I was just in. Oh. We go upstairs. We go back to the exact same room. No!

He's staying with that guy. No! Oh, my God. So I walk in, instantly I recognize these fucking, like, slides, these Nike slides that were sitting on the floor that this kid was wearing the whole time. And Nike slides feel like, yeah, they're like straight sort of like frat bow. I like it. You know, a white sock and a Nike slide. Yes, please.

It does. Not a feet guy. I don't know. So anyway, I'm like, fuck, but this guy's hot and I want to. And there's two bedrooms in this apartment. They have like the wall open. So I'm like, so I basically put a bucket over my head. And you're doing Mrs. Doubtfire at the end of the movie. I am Yufa Janiya in the bathroom. It's a paratrap situation. You're having to be both Lindsay Lohan. Absolutely.

I freaky-friated myself with this guy. So I, oh no, that's the wrong reference. Paratrap. You became British this time. So we go in, I hook up with this guy. It's fine. But I'm nervous about how I'm gonna get out of there because I'm hearing the other guy, like, putzing around in the living room, low-key, I think,

listening to our sex. So we finish, and the guy opens the door, and I'm like, is you have, do you have a friend there? I don't want to be seen by anybody. Also, you should know I, like, had this shirt up around, like, the tits I don't have, and was by anybody. Also, you should know I had this shirt up around the tits I don't have and was like, I'm very that girl. I can be Julia Roberts really fast.

You know, just kind of like, I don't know. So he's clear, I make it out. I make it out of the apartment. I'm like, I have to run. That was really great, thanks. I get in the elevator and I go downstairs. The door's open. Who is waiting right there?

The guy that I was talking to before this guy. And he's like, oh, what, what, you're doing math? I'm doing that meme. Wait, so which, the cute guy? Yes, the cutest guy that I spoke to for just a moment is now on his way to his room. And I'm coming out of the elevator and he's like, oh, good to see you again.

I was like, great to see you, like wiping the spit from my lip. And he's like, I'm just about to head up to my room. And I was like, oh, well, like, I think I'm heading out of here. I was just checking to see if my friend, he was like, do you want to come up? And I looked at myself in the mirror at the Moxie Hotel, and I said, do you have the strength?

And then me said back to me, yes, you do. And I went back up that elevator one final time, and this time I topped. I had to top. It was like a no-question topping situation. The position had already been filled. Yes, the position had already been filled. We fucked, and that is the night where I had one of the worst dates that then turned into a hat trick

at the Moxie Hotel. Yeah, you sort of... You turned the premise of the podcast on its head a little bit. I mean, what it really was was like a bad date to like sort of an assault, to then sort of like a medium hookup, high pressure Mrs. Delphi

situation to a good but like a medium hookup, high pressure Mrs. Delfire situation to a good, but very unnecessary final hookup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the journey. This is a Broad City episode from 2011. Absolutely. And I love that for you. 100%.

Thank you so much. It also has like three little pigs vibes. Three little pigs. I was hoping for that. House of Sticks. Yeah, yeah. Or Goldilocks even. House of Straw. Yeah, yeah. Or Goldilocks even. Goldilocks.

Yes, yeah. This porridge is too hot. This one's too cute. This one's just right. This one's filming me, you know? And bears possibly involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

One of them was a bear. Great. Well, because I'm gay, I have to ask, how many loads was it? In total. Two loads total, but four on the table for the night. But two loads total. I like those odds. I'm sorry.

Four on the table, but only two. In you? Or one was yours? One was in me, one was on me. Oh. And just in case my mother listens to this podcast, that was all that happened. And we're talking about laundry, okay?

Yes, bounty. The unstoppable were in. So Dave, I asked this question to everybody on the podcast after their story. What is the lesson that you learned from this experience that you have now taken into your successful relationship today? Hmm. I'm gonna say send out, like, three to four hey, what's ups at a time. And maybe don't, like, I removed my face from Grindr

after that because I realized that all these guys knew my face, like, quickly, or at least the two of them did, and that was why I was being recognized in the lobby. And I probably could have gotten away with it if I had done some sort of, like, phonier meetup. Like, some sort of, like, oh, like, meet me here and we can, I don't know. I'm not good at Grindr, I guess, is what I've learned. And fast... David, sounds like you were excellent at Grindr. I gotta say. You hold the record.

Yeah. Fast casual anal is not for me. Yeah. Fast casual anal, front runner for title of that. Thank you, Dave Bizzoni. Now we move to Spike. Spike, let us in. Where are you at in your relationship status today? I am betrothed.

Betrothed. I don't say, like, I don't like to say engaged, and I don't like to say fiance because I'm not French. No, fuck that. I'm more bedeviled with it, so I'm betrothed currently. And my sworn protector and I have been together. I knighted him to spend the life with me. I'm a gay trans guy.

I know I look like this, and it can be confusing to you, but just, again, think 1600s, and it all makes sense. It's just once you put it in the medieval context, knowing that I bathe once a month and trust, you know, my four humors instead of modern medicine. I was gonna say, you look like a king that was... Yeah, in bread. Yeah.

Uh... I can say that. My mom did 23 in me, and it came back 99% Ashkenazi Jewish. So when you're 99% something, that's not good. You want a family tree to have branches, basically. And mine is a beanstalk, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm, yeah, I'm in Petroves, and we met in the most hottest way possible doing public-access television. Yeah. A lost art. Beautiful. Beautiful. And, a lost art. Beautiful. And yeah, like classic way that I flirted with him on the first date was I was like being totally bro-y about it.

I was like, my hands are bigger than yours. I bet I can pick you up. Like stuff like that. And he fell for it. And now he's captive. He's in his kennel right now. But where is your date take place? Where in your life?

Long ago in the age of OkCupid. Do we remember this? And when it was very in-depth with the personality questions and stuff like that. Oh, I love those questions. Like, would you abort a baby at three months, six months, or nine months? And it was like, already did. Been there, done that. Yeah, the blind date redhead person impregnated me,

and I had to get rid of that. So I was like, yes, abortion, whatever, checking all the boxes. Can't have more redheads. Yeah, and don't be sad. The baby would have been born completely see-through, so. Ha ha ha! I did it for science, and it's good.

But yeah, on OK Cupid, like, for me, this was like proto-grinder, because, like, on OK Cupid, like, for me, this was like proto-grinder because, like, I have always been, like, a trans guy, but at the time that I was doing this, I was more genderqueer and, like, not. There was, like, a section for that on the app. So I was using it in a grinder way where I was like, I want to have risky sex with older men.

OK, and Craigslist wasn't an option for you? It just was like, well, it comes into play in the story. Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Good old Craig. Yeah. Check off's Craig. Uncle Craig is there. But I was, yeah, like, I was looking for guys

who I would deliberately, like, see what ages they were into and be younger and try to just, like, get them to take a chance on me. I remember this one guy said in his profile that he was a butcher, so I was like, can you take home any of, like, the organs that you would throw by the wayside and we can kind of, like, explore the guts

while we get to know each other more? Huh. And he was like, you're a little too young for me. Ha ha ha ha ha. I was like, I'm 6,000 years old, please. But I found a guy on there who seemed hot, and I was just like, okay, like, I'm 6,000 years old, please. But I found a guy on there who seemed hot and I was just like, okay, maybe I can have this person be in my web that I was constructing,

trying to entrap men so that I could, basically having sex for me casually was like a video game. It was like, I always wanted to beat the level and go to the next level. So I was like, okay, let me fuck this butcher and play with these guts. Final boss. All right, yeah, this guy's a dock worker.

What can be had there? Yeah. Maybe we will both drown. I wanted something nice to happen. Has anyone ever seen Crash, David Cronenberg? Yes, amazing. That's the vibe. I'm like, I wanna fuck the wound

on the back of a car crash victim's leg. Um... Or vanilla sex, as people super call it. Um, so I'm texting or DMing on, okay, keep it with this guy, and he's, like, giving me one word answers. I'm like, okay, this is hot. I've never been with a caveman before.

Um, so I keep him on a back tab, and I didn't have a a caveman before. So I keep him on a back tab and I didn't have a mattress at the time. What were you sleeping on? Bunch of my clothes with a sheet over it. And I lived underneath someone's lofted bed in a place that I didn't pay rent at. So you were a monster under someone's bed.

I was literally... They had to answer my riddles three to use the kitchen. Like, if they wanted to make a bagel, they had to put a gold coin across my palm. Um... And that's not a Jewish thing. It's a troll thing. It's different. Um...

Oh, I know. I needed a mattress. I needed a mattress really bad. And I didn't really want to pay a lot of money because I didn't always... I didn't think of myself as being under the lofted bed forever, but I was like, I do need to level up from, like, my... going into my bed to pick out what I wanted to wear

and then replenishing my mattress with my own clothes. So I saw that there was a mattress nearby for like $25, which is, now that I think of it, really bad. But at the time, it was like, Craig, you have helped me again. And you're list. So I got the one-word answer person from OKCupid. I was like, hey, can you come help me

take this $25 mattress into my house and then I'll fuck you on it. Yeah, a bed bug Trojan horse. Yes. Um, yeah. That's what we call it. The more the merrier. A parasitic orgy, the likes of which had never been seen before.

And also that building that I lived in chronically had bed bugs, so I didn't feel bad. I was like, I'm just replenishing. Yeah. It's like, no one's gonna notice. They're all gonna be like, oh, my cousin's the other bed bugs. So he was like, yeah, sure. He moves the mattress into my apartment,

and he was like, he was so tall, it, like, wasn't really working with, like, like, where it was fitting under the lofted bed,'t really working with, like, where it was fitting under the lofted bed, and it was just, like, bad mechanics. So I was like, well, let's go to your place instead. I don't, like, my roommates were home. Like, I'm, you know, I'm, like, a pervert,

but I'm not inconsiderate. So we go to this guy's house, and his house was, like, in a place that we got to it, and it looked like an industrial building where no one should be living, and that's because it was. He lived in a... What I got into the hallway,

it looked like these, like, garage doors just, like, lining a big hallway. And so he, like, opened his up, and it was a storage unit. Hot. He lived in a storage unit where he had used, like, metro shelving to make yet another lofted bed, but no one was sleeping underneath it.

And it was about, like, it was like a four-foot-deep room, like, maybe, like, very shallow and very tall because it's for things and not a person to live. No windows, and we, like, scaled a ladder to get up to his bed, and I remember looking around and seeing he had, like, a little table, and there were no books in the entire thing. And I know that John Waters says,

if you go back to someone's apartment, there's no books, don't fuck them. But he did have three magazines. And they were all, like, Formula One. I was like, you don't have books, you have magazines. You're basically looking for pictures of cars, which means you're going to be amazing at sex. Like, between the one-word answers

and then, like, three magazines have a big red car on the front, I'm like, your dick is amazing. No, absolutely. So I climb up into his bed and get on top of him, and there's about, like, I want to say five inches before the ceiling at this point. And we had to do missionary

because there was no other way to fit. And I kept hitting my head over and over from being, like... Oh, I was on top. I call it... I was gonna say, yeah, were you topping or bottoming? I was on top, but I call it missionary still. Does that make sense? Missionary still.

Missionary still. And I hit my head so many times, I started to get nauseous. And I think I got a mild concussion. Because I got really sleepy. And then he came, like, and then I flipped over, so I was like, I want to stop hitting my head. Then he was on top.

He came, and then he, after he came, he passed out on me. And I was, like, trapped in the loft, like, and it was getting to be, like, a claustrophobia thing, where it's like the ceiling is getting closer, and, like, the man is getting closer, and I can't move, and, like, the magazines are just getting farther away.

This is your 27 hours or whatever. Yeah, it was really that, and I cut off my own arm, and that's why I'm here. Um, no. I bit him in half to escape. And I eventually, like, had to shimmy his body off of me and, like, scurry down. And I remember, like, going into the hallway,

and it sort of becoming like a Gaspar Noé-esque, like, surrealist film of just, like, the hallway getting really long with all these garage doors. And I didn't know where the entrance or exit was, so I was just lost in a storage facility, having just had sex with this guy. Where was the cum? The cum?

I was really irresponsible, so it was, like, probably inside. Oh, okay. Great, great. Don't do that. No, no, no, no. It's fine. They got sad. I know, people are like, oh, it's like... They're like, don't have another abortion. You can't be doing that again.

I will and I can. But yeah, that's, and then I went back and I was like so excited because I had, in all the chaos, I was like, oh my God, I have a mattress now. Silver lining. It was, and then I had a great night. Another happy ending.

Yes. I gotta tell you. That's my story. This is incredible. This is a theme. So Spike, same question as Dave. What lesson did you take away from your storage unit lover? If they only have car magazines, run away.

All right. Spike Highbiter, everybody. Thank you! Bad Gates! Bad Gates! Finally, last but certainly not least, again, it is the legendary Peaches. Christ! Oh, thank you. Now, Peaches, we were talking a little bit upstairs. Tell the people where you're at in your life right now, relationship wise.

I'm married. Yeah. Which I think we were kind of talking about. I never thought I'd get married. I was, you know, punk rock and, you know, thought it was heteronormative bullshit, you know. But eventually you're with someone long enough that practicality sets in and you realize, you know, we should probably get married. And so after Roe versus Wade was overturned,

we ran to City Hall and got married. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Sorry it's not more romantic. It was like, how fun. They're really having to do... We love weddings under duress. Exactly.

It's perfect. It's a beautiful story. But where does your story take place? My story takes place here in San Francisco. Ooh! I was realizing it's a 20-year-old tale, because it happened 20 years ago. And so you mentioned, okay, Cupid, but I met this person on Manhunt.

Yes, yes, yes. Wait, RIP Manhunt, RIP Adam for Adam. Yes. So they don't exist anymore? Do they exist? Nobody uses them, I guess. No one uses them. Okay, so this was Manhunt,

which was the sort of online, you know, computer version of Grindr before there were apps and things. Desktop. Yes, exactly, the desktop version. And I was also in a horror phase. I was... Wait, you gestured to me like...

I was gesturing to him, but actually both of you really... I feel like everybody on the stage right now I was gesturing to him, but actually both of you really. I feel like everybody on the stage right now is... All right. So, I mean, it was 2005 and I was on Manhunt and I found this really sexy guy that I was attracted to. Now, this is going to shock a lot of you, but underneath all of this illusion is a bear. Basically. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. I thought you were a cis woman. I know. But it's just, you know, so I, you know, it would get very scruffy. I'm very

sloppy when it comes to the way I dress. I'm a nerd. I like horror movies. You know, I'm kind of just a dork, and I like, you know, other dorky, nerdy, you know, gay guys. And this guy and I were chatting on Manhunt about movies we liked and sex we liked, and it was kind of like, I'm gonna invite him over to... Oh, and I had also...

I had been living with this tragic drag queen, Martini, and I had moved out. Wait, what was the name? Martini. She was the most flawed and tragic drag queen in all of San Francisco, okay? I do like Martini, though. She was a booger, okay?

And she was my roommate. And you didn't want to bring tricks home because she frightened people. And so she and her boyfriend had moved to Portland at the time and I got my first ever studio. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Martini had a boyfriend? Yeah, but quirky.

So Martini and but quirky moved to Portland. They were part of my Midnight Mass show over at the Bridge Theater at the time, yes. And so this is the first time I'd lived in San Francisco without roommates, and so it was like a real horror period. And so this is gonna sound like self-hate, but when I would have a trick over, I would de-drag the house.

Because think about it, it's 2005. All you gay people, it was pre-drag race. You hated drag queens unless it was to laugh at them and throw tips at them, but you didn't wanna fuck them. You still don't wanna really fuck them. You know, but now- Speak for yourself. But now with drag race, you know, it's a little more...

it's a little different. And we, at the time, I'd been doing drag here for about 10 years, we weren't recognized because social media wasn't a thing. So people, like, you know, I remember once this bitch at the gym, gay guy, gave me major attitude, you know, major attitude, and said something rude to me while wearing a Peaches Christ t-shirt. You know, this was the kind of, this was the kind of,

or someone coming up to midnight mass and being like, I'm friends with Peaches, I should be on the, like to me, you know? So this was the era of that, you know? Whereas now with social media, if someone wants to know what I look like out of all this, it's very easy to find out. That being said, I de-dragged the house.

I liked these sort of anonymous encounters where I could not be, you know, fully transparent about my whole life. Because let me tell you, at the time, it would have been a total deal breaker for most people. Including me, in a way. Have you ever kai-kai? No, that's the thing.

So I have a lot of friends who enjoy kai kai. Do you all know what kai kai is? OK, kai kai is two drag queens having sex with each other. Now, there's also lots of drag queens who prefer having sex in drag, because you can pull a different kind of trade. Basically, all it takes for straight guys to let you suck their dick is a wig and some fake tits.

They don't need a lot, okay? Don't even need a cocktail. And it don't have to be a lace front either. It does not. Party city will do. Yes. I mean, tell them, the late great Hekleena pulled the hottest guys. And as much as I love my long lost friend, she was not a looker.

Okay. She wasn't. She wasn't the most feminine of creatures. She's looking up right now and laughing. She knows she had a horse face and was built like a linebacker. She could pull the hottest dick in town. Okay, we're talking firefighters, prisoners, you know. She was- This is the same eulogy you gave at the WIC, right?

This is what she's known for. So, so anyway, I invite this guy over, and I've de-dragged the house, except for a few posters on the fridge, and we end up having, like, an amazing connection. You know, like, that thing where you... It's so much more than you expected.

Like, there was sexual chemistry. It was really wonderful. It was hot. It lasted a long time. But then when it was over, we both mutually wanted to hang out. You know, which is like odd, right? Did you both come and join us to hang out? Yes.

Whoa. And we kind of had round two, you know what I mean? It was almost to the point where he was gonna spend the night. Like that never happens. That's intimate, you know? Very uncomfortable for a lot of us. So this was kind of a connection. And as it's kind of wrapping up,

and I'm kind of making the decision, do I invite him to spend the night? Do I just sort of, you know... It's kind of wrapping up, and he's putting on his clothes, and he took a shower, and we hung out, and I think I made us some food, and then he's like, oh, I should probably go,

and he's getting ready to leave, and he sees a poster of Midnight Mass, which was my movie series, on my fridge, with Peaches, with me on it, and he goes, oh, my God, Peaches Christ! I love Peaches, with me on it, and he goes, oh, my God, Peaches Christ. I love Peaches Christ. So in that moment, one must make a decision. And I said, oh, yeah, I like her, too.

I know, I know. And I'm just kind of like, kind of getting him kind of, hoping the conversation just kind of like, you know, I know. And I'm just kind of like, kind of getting him kind of, hoping the conversation just kind of like, you know, so I'm kind of getting closer to the door, like moving down the hallway to the door, you know, and he's like, oh, my God, she's wild. I've been to her show, blah, blah, blah. He goes, you know, my friend, he was blown by Peaches Christ.

And I'm like, and I just told you, I don't kai kai, and I've never had sex in drag. So I go, really? And he goes, yeah, you know that bus trip she does to Reno? At the time, every year, Heclina and I would take busloads of drag queens from San Francisco to Reno on Easter weekend. You would have to be in full drag.

You'd wake up at the crack of dawn, we'd meet in the mission, and 200 drag queens would board two giant coach buses that I rented, and we would drive to Reno. That is a movie I need to see. Well, the problem is there was a film crew that came on that trip once, and they had trouble getting in the casinos, because there's rules about cameras being in the casinos.

But this is so embarrassing. This is why I've also been sober for over 20 years. The film crew later said, the footage of you is so embarrassing. It would humiliate you so badly. And they're grading on the drag queen curve. And I was like, I was one of the people producing the trip. They said we're gonna do you a solid, give up on this project. They had shot the whole weekend. Apparently I was thrown out of a casino, locked out of my hotel room.

Martini was passed out on the bed in the room with me banging on the window, screaming, wake up, you fucking bitch! This is all on film somewhere. Where is the footage? We need to track down that footage. Go find it. It's actually, it's in New York.

I know who has it, but um... I'm on it. Oh my God. So anyway, now I've lost my place. Oh yeah, so he says, yeah, my friend was on that bus trip she does and she went to the back of the bus and she blew him in front of everybody. And I said, no, she did not. And at this point, the guy looks at me like, what? I'm like, no, there's no way, though, she never did that.

She never did that. And the guy's like, no, no, she did. My friend, you know, we all know, it's amazing. She fucking blew him in the back of the bus, you know? I said, no, no, she never did that. And now we're kind of getting weird. You know, it's getting like, it's getting sort of aggro between us.

And I'm kind of getting him like to the door, you know, so he's on the other side of the door in the hallway and I'm in my apartment. So I feel a little more comfortable being like, you know, pissed. And I'm like, no, she did not do that. You know, now I'm being crazy. And then he goes, how do you know?

And at this point, I decide to pull my best Peaches Joan Crawford. And I say, I know your friend was never blown by Peaches Christ in the back of a bus, because you were just blown by Peaches Christ. Thank you. It was my most Betty Davis Joan Crawford. And then I said, have a good night.

And I shut the door. And I looked at him through the peephole, and it was like... It was like that meme. The computer meme, yeah. The math meme. And I was all like rushed with, you know, like that was fierce but also so weird, you know? Um, and so that was...

That was fierce but so weird. Also front runner for a title of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have one question for you. I have one question for you about your story, which is, did he ever follow up and tell his friend, did he confront the friend about the lie he was dining out on? So that's funny that you asked that, because I'd forgotten about that part of the story.

And sure enough, he did. And it was some other bitch. It was never Peach's to begin with. And then I'm not even gonna say who it was, because the caveat is, I was so offended by who they thought was me. Oh! It was Teclena, wasn't it?

I didn't want to say it, you know. No, no, it wasn't even... It was worse. Mark Manning? It was worse. It was worse. Wow. I'm not telling you.

I'm not telling you. Oh, my God. I've dug a hole. We'll bleep it. We'll bleep it. It was me, okay? It was Spike. I did it.

It was Spike. Incredible. Thank you so much. Yes. Same question as the other panelists though. Did you learn anything? Did you grow? What did you take with you into your future dating experiences from this story? You would think that the lesson here would be to not be full of self-hate and ashamed of yourself, right?

No, I didn't learn. My husband, he was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, that the lesson here would be to not be full of self-hate and ashamed of yourself, right? No, I didn't learn. My husband, now I dated for six weeks before I came out to him, you know. And he's from Turkey, and I thought that he was gonna freak out because, you know, I didn't know what it was gonna be.

He came to pick me up at work once, and I had to, like, get every speck of glitter off my face. And the worst part is, he started having glitter on his face, and he didn't know why. Laughter And how did you gaslight him into, uh... He was working.

This is before he had his citizenship, and so he's working over here at Fisherman's Wharf, and I said, it's the glitter from those T-shirts you're folding. Ha ha ha ha ha! See, I'm just imagining you having, like, a, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, with, like, a bottle of glitter once a week.

He... Just back to my arts and crafts... as the glitter shoots out of my mouth right now. Whoa, whoa, whoa! once a week, just back to my arts and crafts, as the glitter shoots out of my mouth right now. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Incredible, incredible. Thank you so much, Precious Christ, everybody. Thank you. Now, before I let all three of you go,

we're gonna get to plugs in a second. I did wanna go down the line. You are all very much in love right now, and I wanna know, for our singles, for the people in the trenches right now, what advice or word of encouragement do you have for the people out there who are seeking love, who need it, who want it?

Anyone can go first. Well, I already said one of the things, which is if you think you need to check the phone, check the phone, and I'll make T-shirts. But the other thing I think was I spent a long time looking for like a yin to my yin, like an opposite. And I think when I started looking for someone who was more like me than unlike me

was when I started to have successful dates. Not saying I wanted like a carbon copy or a clone, but I'm saying like energetically, like I started going for us coming from a place being on the same page versus like somebody who's gonna like be completely different and fill in this this hole that's inside of me. I kind of just started looking for somebody who kind of already felt like a friend and then like coming at it that way. So he's dating another bottom now.

Perfect, brilliant. That's my advice. Spike or Peaches? I would say that, you know, in my older wisdom, that I actually kind of thought it's sort of a little bit of the opposite, but it's not. It's gonna sound like it is at first.

It was really important for me to date someone who understood who John Waters was. And it was really important for me to date someone who understood that Suzy Sue was a goddess, right? This was important to me. And I ended up with someone who grew up in a teeny tiny village in another country. And what I realized is, we bonded over our view,

our shared view of humanity and life, and the way that we want to treat other people, and the way that we wanna treat other people and the way that we wanna kinda live. And that's really, we were, everything else we've been able to share. I've been able to sit and show him John Waters movies, which is so fun, you know? And I sit and I know every Turkish pop singer

you could ever imagine. So getting to share that with each other, but our connection, our similarity, which is actually what you're saying, our friendship is based on a similar view of the world and how we want to live in it. That's really beautiful. Thank you so much. Whoo!

Do you want my advice? I do, I do. If there's blood on the feet... No. Uh... Laughter If there's blood on the feet, no. Um... all laugh Um, life is too short to be worried about double texting. Like, we're not doing this. It's like, if you texted and they didn't reply,

follow up. Send another fucking text. It doesn't matter. If they get cold feet because of two text messages in a row, they're not ready for your genitals or your beliefs. Okay? True.

Get, like, it needs to be, do you like me, yes or no? And if it's no, rip the band-aid off and get the fuck out of there. Absolutely. Amen, amen. What an incredible way to end the show. Before we get out of here, Spike, tell the people where they can find you and what you're doing these days. I am online on all the platforms.

I host a queer game show called Jeopardy! And I do stand up at clubs and colleges all over, one could say. I'm in the HBO series, Phantasmas, the 824 movie, Problemista. So stay tuned. Check him out. Dave.

Dave Mazzoni on all socials. And also, if you feel like you could stick around, because my show called Why Are You Singles starring Marie Faustin is coming right after this. And we are kind of doing a similar conversation. We're talking about dating. We're talking to singles. We're figuring out what's wrong with them. We do an imb... It's not a roast, but it kind of is.

And it's right after this at 7 o'clock, if you feel like it. And also in New York, if you're ever in New York. Crazy. Peaches Christ. Where can the people find you? I'm on socials as well, peacheschrist.com. I would encourage you, if you like cult movies,

to check out my Midnight Mask podcast. I have a show with SketchFest coming up where I'm giving a tribute to my icon and idol, Tim Curry, on Friday. Whoo! So surreal. And tomorrow I'm heading to L.A. real quick to shoot after midnight with Jinx and Dela,

and that's gonna be on later this week, so... Set your DVRs, people. All right, that has been the show, everybody. Thank you so much for coming out. If you liked the live show, check out the podcast. Ring review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening. Give us five stars. It helps people find the show.

If you have a Bad Dates story of your own, email us at baddatespod at gmail.com. Give it up one more time for Spike Eye-minder, Dan Bizzone, and Peaches Christ, everybody. This has been Bad Dates Live. Thank you so much. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushi and Eben Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com

or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more Bad Dates. Smart Plus Mia