Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - FISH AT A DINER?!?! (w/ Kat Bird, Leah Rudick, and Audrey Stewart)

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

On an all-new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Kat Bird, Leah Rudick, and Audrey Stewart to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Kat agrees to the threesome at 9:30 sharp but she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know, Leah goes on a date she doesn’t want to go on and gets asked to do something she’s unlikely to do, and okay, so I guess we’re just trashing the Subaru now, Audrey? Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Kat Bird: @katbirdcomedy on Insta, Side Boob podcastLeah Rudick: @leah_rudick on Insta, check for tour dates!Audrey Stewart: @audreystewisart on Insta, check for tour dates, Don’t Wrestle Me dot com Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another edition of the bad dates podcast. I'm your host, Joel Kimbooster, and if you're just joining us for the very first time, which would be crazy, honestly, to jump in at this late stage of the game. The podcast has been around for years. Where have you been? But no, I'm not here to shame you. I am here to explain what the podcast is. And it's right there in the name. We here at the podcast, explore bad dates, bad hookups, bad relationships, bad marriages. We run the gamut here at bad dates. It really is a pretty open, loose definition. I invite some of my funniest friends. They mine their own relationship trauma for your enjoyment. And you are grateful to them. you're on your knees begging them for more

every single episode that seems intense but that's just the name of the game here at Bad Dates thank you for tuning in joining me today I feel like Charlie and Charlie's Angels

because it's ladies' night here at Bad Days we got some blue girls very excited for our panel today joining me is an actress comedian who is an alumna of the groundlings she played Sally right in the movie Sally which premiered at the Sundance

film festival and you can stream on Hulu and Disney Plus. It's Cat Bird. Hello, Kat. Huge. I want to hear all about that. We also have a comedian, writer, and actress who has appeared on high maintenance. You can stream her debut comedy special spiraling on Amazon and Apple.

It's Leah Riddick, everybody. Hello, Leah. Thank you for joining us. And last but certainly not least, we welcome a comedian who is a recent new face of comedy at the Just for Last Festival in Montreal. She performed on the Netflix's Joke Festival. And you can watch her new set on Don't Tell Comedy. It's Audrey Stewart. everybody. Hello, Audrey. Congrats on being a new face. I am a former new face myself, very old

face now 10 years ago. I was a new face. So I am like your grandpa. Well, you still look like a young face. Yeah. I know. Well, I always will. So ladies, thank you so much for joining us. As always, before we dive into your stories and your tales, we here at bad dates have an army of relationship experts that every week comes up with a new compatibility question, something you can ask yourself or your partner in the early stages of dating to ensure success in your relationship. And the question that we have today is something to ask yourself, really, or your partner, really. But it is, what is the biggest red flag on a dating app profile that you have ignored or seen?

Maybe you're past the point of ignoring at this point. But something they have in their profile, a picture maybe, a kind of picture or a common phrase that you see in a dating app. profile that just sends shivers down your spine. Bad dates. Cat Bird, we'll start with you. Okay. I'm so excited if you asked this question because I've been thinking about this for a while. Dating profiles that have their kid pictures in there, like four-year-old versions of

themselves. Yeah. Because I don't know how I'm supposed to react to that. I don't know if I'm supposed to be like, meet them and be like, oh, man, you're not five. I know. I think that there is like, because my thing with that is that there are, you have like what? What's the characters? I've been, I haven't been on like a Tinder or something in that in a while, but you get like a limited amount of photos to show for yourself. And you've chosen to show a photo that gives me absolutely no context for how fuckable you are today. Totally. Yeah. And if you do think they're fuckable, that's a problem. That's a whole other problem. So it really is that like at best case scenario, you're giving me no useful information. Worst case. scenario you're providing me with information that you think is important yes um and have you have you overlooked this on occasion i have and it's this is because but the other pictures have to be like so good um balancing yes like they have to be uh i i don't know i have this like weird thing

for skateboarders oh yes so if there's a lot of skateboard pictures in there i'm like i'm in and that'll counteract the the child the child uh what about a child on skateboard Even better. It's my kryptonite. Same question for you, Leah. What is something that really grand your gears? So I have never done dating apps. Oh, wow.

Bragg. Wow, breath. Thank you. Because I've been with my husband for 13 years. Okay. So right around the time that they were starting to get big, but not really in the thick of it. But I did have a friend tell me the other day that she's been on the dating apps. And something that keeps coming up for her,

is people that will post, that will put in their picture, like a plate of food, which seems so strange. Like, I guess it's just like, this is what I cooked. So they're like, but they're still in the photo or is it just? It's just the food. Just the food. This is exactly the same problem as actually I would say even less useful than the child photos. Wow.

Yeah. Is not even a photo of them just what they have cooked. But not even what they've cooked. We don't know they've cooked. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I could just be taken. What does that mean? Like, are you a good chef?

Are you in a food play? What am I supposed to take from that? Yeah, yeah. It's insane. Yeah, I don't know. This is my, like, really grinds my gears is when I see people taking photos of food. Like, I went to a really nice dinner over the weekend at a three Michelin Star Restaurant. Okay?

And like, they kept pausing to be like, do you want to take a picture of it now? And I had to turn to them at one point. And I was with my partner and two close friends. And I was like, no one at this table has anyone in their life who is interested in looking at photos of this photo. Did you tell that to them? Yeah, I did. I was like, you can stop doing that because we do not know anyone. There is not no, there is no one in my circle that needs to see a photo of what I ate.

And how did he respond to that? And he was like, thank God. Yeah. All right. Last, but certainly not least, Dodgers Stewart. Well, I got a couple. I like that. I feel like there's a one I was like, I got 10.

So, I mean, I was on the apps for a hot minute because, like, now I have a boyfriend, but when I got broken up with, by my girlfriend, I was like. So you're, and you, so you have a lot of material here because you're, you're running, you're running on both teams right now. So you're seeing the annoying things that, you know, a lot of different people are doing out there. Yeah, everything. But I, and I literally, well, like, in that single period, I was like, I didn't know that Tinder is what you get on when you want to hook up. Oh, yeah. Well, that's, so that's for straight people. Tinder is a hookup app.

For gay people, Tinder is like, I'm here for love and marriage. So it's very confusing. Yeah. Okay. So, but I heard that and I was like, well, then I'm getting on Tinder. Mama's horny. I don't know if we could say that. But I was scrolling.

Last I heard the FCC is not finding us for saying the word horny. Not yet. Because it's going to come up a lot. I'm horny right out. She's horny. I'm actually horny talk about this. But it was a lot of men like, it's the same thing where no one's showing their face

it would be like their torsos and it'd be like the flash in the mirror where it like blocks to face and it's like their six pack when I was on the road I was like okay well I'm gonna meet up with one of these torsos but it's the same thing it's like what do you even look like I'm like lifter shirt are you the guy it is incredible

I kind of like that you I have I have on my grinder profile which you know I I'm not looking for a relationship obviously I'm in a very happy relationship but like that I have most people have to say, like, face picture required. Like, I have, like,

I can't read, so I need photos. And the amount of people that expect you to show up at their home to have sex with them without ever showing you a photo of their face is remarkable. It's nuts. I went, but it's crazy.

Yeah, yeah. I was about to say, like, lucky for them, I'm really into butterfaces famously, so as long as I can see what's going on below the I am mostly okay but for a normal person that is strange

that is wild and what was you said you had a couple yeah the voice the voice notes oh that's like this is weird and intimate wait what

like you could do voice like you can be like hey my name is Marcus and I can sing and they're like the antsy bentsy spot I'm like oh my God thank you for doing

a fair use song by the way we can't afford license music on this podcast do you do you do One, I mean, I would scare them on the media. I'd be like, what's up? Let me suck it.

No, I'm sure. Bad beats. Bad dates. We're going to start with Cat Bird. Now, Kat, before you dive in, give the listeners and myself, since we're brand new friends, a little context of where you're at now, relationship-wise, what's your style, what is your history, um, How do you approach dating? Okay.

Well, this is very loaded question for me. I'm just getting out of a marriage. Wow. So, yeah. So about three months been out of a marriage. Okay. Yeah. Congratulations.

Thank you, so much. Okay. First one. For me, I'm bisexual, but I found that, like, in women, dating women, it's, it's interesting dating women because it's like you're, they're so smart, you know. Harder, trick them. So much. Yes.

And so I feel like I have to be like. like on my game way more where I'm like, oh, you know, let's talk about your dad and like, like, just like, you know, whatever. You got to be on it. You got to like, they like tap into like emotional conversations like sometimes I never have a man. It's in my life. And they'll be like, so what's up with your mom? I'm like, what did you just say? Are you listening to me?

That's crazy. Were you, were you practicing your bisexual in the eight years that you were with your husband? We were. Before we were, like, in a serious relationship, we were, it was a little bit open. Got it. So, yeah, I've been gay for, like, half gay for a while. Yeah, yeah. Wonderful.

So this is not, women aren't necessarily new to you. Oh, no, no, no, no. It is, but you took a short hiatus. I took a short hiatus, but I'm back. Oh, yeah. With a vengeance. So, yeah, so dating women's been, that's been fun. Leah, are you, are you, are you, what's your Kinsey scale if you don't mind.

Oh, I'm. I mean, I've always identified as straight, but I think I'm a little, like... I mean, you live in Silver Lake Lama. Yeah, yeah, you're gay-by-association. Yeah, I like a tit. Asmosis, yeah. I like a tit. Just one. Just the one. I'm lucky.

Where in your timeline does your bad date story take place? Okay, so bad date story. I've had a few recent, but the work... Oh my God, I've had a... I had a, can I say, I had a threesome last week. Wow. What the heck? Yeah, yeah. I told Sam about her boyfriend.

I was right before. Why did he not tell me that? I know. That's incredible. Yeah. Well, the fact that he, this, Sam has discretion is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for him.

Yeah. I thought for sure to get back to you. What was the makeup of the threesome? So, okay, yeah, two girls, one guy. Okay. And I, this is a true. I swear to God. So I've hooked up with the girl, the woman, sorry, woman, before.

and just to be clear after all this, that profile picture. Yeah, I was about to say, between the five-year-old girl. So I had hooked up with the woman before, and then she messaged me in the morning and was like, hey, would you ever be one of, when I have a threesome? I was like, sure, why not? How did we source the guy in the threesome? This is, this, she had hooked up with him before. Got it. So it was like a trust system.

He was vet it, yeah. Yeah, kind of like a, yeah, LinkedIn connection. And so she put me in a group chat with this guy. And I was like, okay, send a picture. And I was like, of the face. And I was like, okay, good to go. Did you get any pictures of any other? No.

Okay. And I should have. Oh. Yes. Oh. But for the other side, it was. It was. Yeah.

And so this is what we don't talk about enough. Wait, his butt? Yeah. His asshole, huge. Huge gaping asses. Yeah. She broke her ankle, she broke her ankle, got stuck in it, twisted it. That's my new thing, actually.

It's on my field profile. No. Yeah, we really, like, obviously, size can be an issue in the extreme in either direction. Right. And we really don't address how the big ones can be equally as problematic. And sometimes more. Terrifying. Sometimes more, you're, at least it's, like,

Like, at least with a small dick, you're not in danger. Yes. And now, and now that I, this guy has a huge wiener. And also, don't say weeder during sex, like dirty talk. That's tough. That's tough. That's not. Hey, sir, I love your big old weiner.

Yeah, it freaked about it. You want to put that wiener in between these two buns. Exactly. My big butt. Oh. Yeah. But yeah, but when I saw it, there's now multiple eyes on me. So I felt like more pressure, right?

It's not just a normal, like. I mean, and no, and fair to just, like, I've talked about this before on stage and other places, but like, size is the thing that we seem to focus on so much with penises, and yet we never talk about how the other aesthetic qualities of a penis. Because the thing is, it's like, I would much rather have a small, beautiful dick than a large dick that looks like a yam that was buried underneath the ground. Yes, still dirty. grew underneath the ground and you've dug up it looks like a root vegetable like you know that and we all

everyone is conjuring a photo of the one of the root vegetable dicks the root vegetable dicks that you have run in. I'm literally like maybe I will go back to women so but so we we're okay here's the thing

so we get in this group chat she schedules the threesome. Like on Google calendar yes she goes Wednesday 930 p.m. sharp she says sharp which I was like this is a little weird like a punctual threesome feels like I'm not

did she say like what time you had to come by or 930 she's like I meant like a jack oh oh orgasm when I got there it was immediate 4.930 and 937 I was like four minutes in like feel the pressure

yeah so we scheduled the 930 threesome I get there sharp 930 I have a dish no I have food You got a casserole. And she opens the door, and the first thing I see is this life-sized pillow of Michael B. Jordan.

Stop. I swear. God, it's a huge. That's cool, though. It's crazy. And my first thought is, oh, no, is this the threesome? Oh, my God. Is the pillow of Michael the third?

I'm like, oh, my God. And then I'm going through the scenarios in my head of, like, It could be worse. You know, like, we could make it work. Honestly, there could be a... Anybody could be on that pillow. Exactly. And it might as well be Michael B. Jordan.

Could you imagine if it was like John McCain or something? I guess we can make this work. So it wasn't. Thank God. It was, it was a real man. But yeah. But now you're questioning why she has a life-size pillow. This was it.

Yes. Because it was his frontal. Oh. And then the back of the pillow was his backel. Like, it was the back. And are we talking like, in costume shirtless naked naked Michael was naked

Michael was naked and he probably has no idea I think it was like an AI situation I mean it was great she AI constructed this band's penis and put it on a pillow I can do anything poor Michael's just walking around downtown LA with no idea to alert him I know I know

Michael if you're listening I don't love that but continue so um so yeah so realized get to the home really nice house by the way see the pillow then we start at small talk the guy is there he's super he's like 6-4

like kind of a skinny white guy and it's always the skinny white guy oh my god with a huge hogs what's happening they have like a guinea pig down there i'm like this is crazy huh never heard that one before cat i got to be honest with you i just i've been thinking about so we sat down they had hooked up before so they're but she was kind of She's not very gay. So she was like, we had made out, but we never liked. Oh, gotcha. And, um, what was that?

Oh, nice. Is that how you guys are doing it these days? Okay. Podcasting is a visual medium, as we all know. Look at some, yeah, PowerPoint. But we start talking and then he, she, she's like, oh, in my home, there's a bullet, shot like in the window there's like a bullet oh someone shot her window which someone shot her window and i'm i'm like oh no is this like a really bad area she's like sometimes there's bullet

there's sometimes there's bullets that fly through the windows where were you in this like mid city i didn't think it was that yeah you're like in burbank like what's happening um wow and again tough week to be talking about bullet holes totally also also evergreen Yeah, evergreen, yeah. Yeah. And then, so we start to, they start making out, and then he kind of puts his hand on my knee, and I'm like, okay, it's my, like, it's my turn, you know, so you got to like, it's my turn. It's all very logistical in a three-so.

Yeah, no, it really is. And, but I don't know. I just felt like I needed to focus on her more because she, I just feel very like when she didn't feel like she was like that knowledgeable in a three-sum. I've had a few. if I'm being honest. Kat, this is amazing. I'm an alumni here. Good for you.

Yeah. I mean, they're okay. I think threesomes are really overrated, if not everyone is like totally open. You know, like, I think it on paper, you're like, oh, fuck. There's not always enough for everyone to do. Exactly. Depending on, especially depending on the genital makeup of the three, you know, like, I find that there's just not always enough for everyone to do. I prefer four or more.

That's it. Amazing. Because you can pair off. Exactly. Wife swap. Yeah, totally. Like, with threesome, I'm like. Like, what do I do with my hands?

Like, I'm always kind of, I just, there's, yeah, you want them to have their moment? And you're like, should I just be on my phone? You need, like, a little task. Yeah. It's like a game of twister where you spit it and they're like, left hand on tit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes you can, there is the feeling of like, I'm waiting to be tapped in, you know? Yes.

Yeah. But you still want to look sexy while you're waiting to be tapped in. So you're just kind of like. But then you're waiting too long. You're like on TikTok. You're like, all right. Yeah. So it was, it ended, it ended fine, but the, the reveal of the, and she had seen it before. So she was like very, um, how dare she put you in this position.

She did not give you a heads up. Um, so she was pretty, she was knowledgeable in that area. And, uh, for me, I felt like I was reading like Cyrillic for the first time. I was like, okay. Yeah So This is sort of an object Lesson for you, Kat, in that You really were so focused on getting photos Of the face of the face

Of an adult man And you didn't know That you didn't know what you didn't know I didn't know You're right I was like I just need an adult picture I didn't realize I needed a picture The Weiner

And are you And this is an interesting question Do you guys the single or recently single folks at the table do you ask for dickpicks? I don't know how women operate in this space. You always hear that you don't want it but it sounds like you should want it. I don't understand them. I mean I've received the

dick and I'm like that looks like a squid. I like nothing about receiving and not not not a squid. Oh you should. But it's like you should. You should. You absolutely should. They're weird. Anybody listening in your Kia. I'm going to knock you right now. But it's like, I, I've never been turned on by it. You're certain.

You need the whole totality of a person. All the parts added together. Yeah. Now, I have, this is crazy to admit. I've never said this out loud. Yeah. Oh, boy. This guy in the military, we were Snapchat friends and he would do stuff on Snapchat.

We all have a friend of the military. That's what they're not. The military feels like that's what they do. Yeah. They're out there fighting. And so, and so what was about it that you'd never. done before? Well, I never said that out loud actually. I never told anyone that I had a

little Snapchat sex time. We all thought we were going to be way more stabilized. I know. I'm telling you about the gourd I'm looking at. That is attractive to me when they're like doing stuff. If you're just thinking, you're like You need to see the penis in action. I got to see it in action. Otherwise

it's like just your hand and it's kind of like a live. Wow. You're somebody, you're like, I'm not going to the art gallery. I'm going to the movie theater. Yes. I need to see the talkie. Yeah, I don't want to read the book. I want to see the movie. You got to see the movie.

Here's a, you know, here's a really serious question for me that I have for you. For you to answer for me. Do you send pictures of vagina? Do women, do you ever find that men want them and that women, do you, do you or do you know women who send photos of their gentile? I do. Okay. You do as personally or you know. I know.

People that send pictures. of their vagines and for me for me I don't think there's a good angle down there for me I'll be honest I have a hard time with the lighting I've taken pictures and I'm like whoa I didn't even know that's what it looked like down there yeah kind of looks like you're dissecting a frog that's like it's crazy down I don't know I agree if you have like a beautiful like if you think this is I mean mine's like a hot dog bun sorry for the listeners I'm so sorry but it's like I feel like mine's like we it's like weird so I'm not going to be like look at this but we should be able to just sense it though yeah we should we should be confident in no matter

what I should have feel like they're weird because yes dicks are weird I was just about to say the normal like it is crazy they're all fucking weird everything about what's going on down there is strange body part is weird yeah but yeah but guys have no shame about yeah but I guess my my bigger question is is is there a mark I suppose I can turn to our camera people or any of the treatment in the booth. Is there a market for vagina pictures? Like, do, is there a demand for it? I knew a woman, uh, I, I had a friend who had a boyfriend who loved for her to send vagina picks and he would put it as his like screensaver on his phone. Wow. Wow. So I guess there is, there is a market for it. Could you imagine though if you're like, hey, could you like pull up

your phone and you're like, oh, you're in a car accident? The cops have to go to your phone and it's just a vagina. Turning now to Leah Roodick. Leah, you mentioned, you alluded to your husband earlier in the pod. Remind us how long have you guys been together? 13 years. 13 years? Wow, that is massive.

And married for... Married for six? Six, okay. So you've got half and half going on. Half and where... How did you meet? What's the... We met in New York.

We both were at the time living in New York We were both working at restaurants That had like the same sort of ownership So we were kind of acquaintances And then we coincidentally ended up in acting class together Oh wow You'd be surprised how many times This has been this has come up on this pod

People meeting and falling up in acting class Or actually maybe I will say It's come up that people meet in acting classes I would say you were an outlier And that you actually fell in love with someone You know in acting class Did you, were you seeing partners? Did you fall in love?

We actually weren't. We never did. We were not seen partners in class. But then there was a night where we all went to see a play and went to a little dive bar after. And he like pulled up next to me. This is beautiful. That was it. I know.

This is so beautiful. Katz was like, this guy's giant hall. It was like, it was really beautiful. It was really beautiful. And we kissed on my doorstep. Oh. That was, yeah. Wow.

Analog, all of it, too. I love to hear that. So where in your history does your bad date story take place? Well, I'm going to go, I'm going to go way back. Because, so I went to Sarah Lawrence College. And there's where the little bit of bisexuality comes into play. There's a tit comes in. Just the one.

Just the one. And so, so if you, I don't know if you know about, Sarah Lawrence is a super. like the most liberal arts college there is. And it is also mostly women. And when I was there, it's like 70% women, 30% men. And the percentage of men within that 30% who are straight men is much smaller. So it's kind of an insane place for a straight woman to go because it is just like a bit of a bloodbath. and the men who are in that position get this like super inflated ego because it's just like they have access to all the world's resources all the resources um and so I and I move I like I'm from Ohio I came from like a pretty like just like suburban we're not we're about to know how Cincinnati Cincinnati yeah like suburban so so coming to this place was like truly

culture shock for me. I was I was pretty sheltered. Like I really like I was a virgin. It is a bit like you went straight from going. You were like attending an Applebee's and now you've gone straight to Bergheim in a lot of ways. Yeah. That's exactly right. Applebee's to Bergheim. That's amazing. That's what it was. And I, you know, I didn't, I was I was really out of my element and but I really wanted to date like I really I I I I did want to and and so I there were there were a few sort of like experiences where like these men would kind of the men I shouldn't call the men they were boys they would like court me and in these like in these kind of grand ways like it would be like there was one guy who would leave these little like blocks in front of my door with little

notes on them and then another guy who would leave like these like he was a poet and he would leave like poems like on my on my dorm door what the hell there was another guy who like he he would like stare at me across the quad romantic yeah yeah he wore a beanie and he would be never took it out yeah yeah like a quill but then they would um they would like disappear like it would be like it would be so intense and then it would be like on to the next one it's you you're describing sleep paralysis demons, not prospective dates, I have to say. He was staring at me from across the quad, and then suddenly

he was gone. And then he was gone, and I was like, what is this? This is romance. Wow, this is a fairy tale. Love bombers, right? Love bomb. I guess that's what it is. Yeah, and then ghosting, I guess, to certainly be right. Wow. Yeah. But it was like, nothing would even happen. Like, I went on a date, and then it was like

he would just, and it was like, then he was, dating the girl who was in the next dorm over. And I was like, what did I, what did I do? So it was sort of towards the end of my freshman year when I had had like this series of like, of like being like, oh, this just like false starts. And I was coming out of like a theater class and this guy approaches me who I had never seen before. He didn't seem like he belonged at Sarah Lawrence.

He was, he was like kind of like a stocky, like he was shorter, he was like a little bit shorter than me. and he was kind of, he looked like a wrestler. Like, Sarah Lawrence boys are sort of, like, emo artists, like, skinny, skinny white guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your type. Your type. You're criminal type, yeah.

Yeah, I love those. And I'm like, and he's like, he asked me on a date. He was like, do you want to go to dinner? And I, like, I wasn't attracted to him at all. But I was like, yes, please. I can, such an unfortunate common refrain on this. podcast is I wasn't attracted to him, but I said yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you show attention, I'm there. I know. You got me a shot. I'll make out with you. What? Yeah. You're like,

you guys, you have to stop. There are straight men who listen to this podcast and they are getting the wrong idea. Okay? You have to stop. I mean, blas, slap. Get out. This ends today. So he, so I go, yes, I would love to go on a date with you um and so he takes me to the diner the like local diner i think it was apollo diner or something and i think he orders like fish or something like a fish out of that's insane oh my god and how many people have he killed this so sick so disgusting um and and he starts sort of telling me about his life he says that he's in this like open relationship he has a girlfriend but it's like an open relationship well he's just digging into halibia

and then he starts asking me and then he starts he literally would not stop talking about how much he loved rim jobs wow like and this was how many years this was 2003 wow they were really building them different at sarah laurence i got to say licking the butthole licking the butthole he's kind of revolutionary No, he kind of is. He was at the forefront. Or the back front. I didn't know. Catbird.

I was so, like, mortified by it because, you know, I, like, I was a virgin. Like, I literally had, like, I didn't know what was going on. He's like, there's nothing better than a girl licking your butthole while. Oh, wait. So, he's not licking the butthole. He wanted you to lick his butthole. His fissy assholes? His fishy butt.

He is gay. It's amazing. There's nothing better than getting a hand job while getting your butthole licked. I mean, he's not... Yeah, I think he... Guys, okay. Where's a lot?

And that was it. Like, I don't know. That's a wild thing to bring up on a first day at a diner while eating fish. It's crazy. So then we like go back, we walk back, like the dinner ends. This is all I remember about it is that all he talked about. And he walks me back to my dorm.

And then he, like, kisses me. And I, again, like, I don't, I'm so, I didn't want that. But I didn't know how to say no. And it's just this, like, gross, like, all I remember is, like, the smell and taste of, like, fish. Oh, God. Oh. What if you're like, I went back and I gave him a ring job? And then I went back and I gave him a ring job.

And we dated for seven years. And that's my husband. Yeah. And that was the end of it. And then I never saw him again. But I did learn the next day, someone was like, oh, you went on a date with that guy? He has, like, a girl, like, they're, it's not, it's not an open relationship. And I was like, oh.

So brazen. So, yeah. 2003. So, I guess. So, I, it sounds like a man on a mission who's like, my girlfriend won't eat my ass and give me a hand job. So I have to outsource. Yeah. He picked the wrong girl.

I got to say. I can't imagine what his asshole must have been, like, the state of things. I mean, after fish diner? I can't even. Eating fish. It tastes like fish in the mouth. Tastes like dirty pennies down below. Just not.

Dirty pennies. Yeah. Put that on a t-jure. Bad dates. At Dates Turning to our last Storyteller of the day Audrey Stewart

You also alluded You're in a relationship right now You have a boyfriend Yeah, I got a boyfriend He's great He's a good time I love him We've been together

Two years now Two years, that's not nothing That's not nothing Yeah And how did you meet? He's a stand-up comedy Oh, okay Tell his old time

He was like the weirdest on the lineup He was being so crazy And he was like this guy's weird I was like this guy's hot as shit And it works And again you're encouraging men now To do stand-up comedy Which I have a very strict rule against

On this podcast But I'll allow it today Audrey So what was your dating style Before meeting this man You mentioned some girlfriends You mentioned some boyfriends I was absolutely unhinged

And I'll tell you what So I was in a relationship with a woman too for like over a year and stuff she's awesome she's cool she's great she did break up with me you know out of nowhere which means you know i was definitely the problem i'm like it came out of nowhere which means it's like i need to do some self-reacting problem yeah yeah yeah but she was awesome and then i kind was brokenhearted after that and i had never like had a full-blown like hookup spree like in college i was like one of the last people my sorority to lose her virginity and they had like a party for me

So it's like, I was like very kind of like, not sexually, you know. And so when she broke up with me, I was like, I'm going to have sex with everyone. I went to a wedding like two weeks after she broke up in Montana. And like, there's only, yeah, and there's only one. Yes. I say a lot of space. Oh, yeah. A lot of space to fuck around.

Yeah, spread out. Yeah. That should be their motto. their state motto. Montana, a lot of space to fuck around. But yeah, and so the best man, he's like a firefighter guy.

Wow. And he's single. I'm single. And I'm like so, like, transparent with him. And I was like, I would love to have sex with you this evening. And he was like, literally like, oh, yeah.

And I was like, great. You just handshake. See how easy it can be? Jab it up. And he, so, and we did after the welcome party. So it was late in night, and we went into the woods. And it was very, like, we wrestled and had sex. Oh, my God. A lot of wrestling.

And, like, you sound like a Greek myth right now. Yeah. A lot of wrestling and sex. And then he goes, this was crazy of me, but I was crazy. And he was like, hey, that was a lot of fun. You should come. He's an Aspen firefighter. He lives in Aspen. He goes, you should. Is there a lot of fires in Aspen? I don't know. No. And he ended up being a volunteer one. So he was crying the entire time. He's like, wow. Aspen North Dakota

Yeah, Aspen North Dakota Yeah, yeah And he goes Well, why don't you come stay with me And like fly out and stay with me And I go, that's great And I was like, I have a few days I booked my flight for a few days

He was like, you should stay there for like two weeks Whoa! Yeah Did you agree to that? Oh yeah, and I went out there immediately And I stayed with him So he was appealing to the lesbian part of you In that moment

Yeah, yeah, yeah It was very confusing he was a straight man operating like a lesbian yes you have the you haul out right away like you're coming with me oh yeah so I went there and he's like

six roommates and I go okay guess I'm staying two weeks and asking six roommates and then they're like a lot of them are women and they're kind of like I feel like he's done this a lot because we're kind of looking at me

oh my God he's adding he wanted you to move in I'm adding he's collecting he's collecting me for more a half off rent You are about to be in your own Sarah Lawrence sex call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So true.

I know I tell the story and I'm like, and you guys are like, that was the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all had to wear the same outfit. It was weird. They all had the same haircuts and track suits. It was weird. But yeah, so then we're like hooking up. It's fine.

Whatever. We decided to go camping and he were taking a soup room. Maybe he really was a lesbian. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, we were. No, I mean, we are sort of inventing a new game on the podcast, which is lesbian or serial kills.

because it really is like you can just like little details here and there really do tip it in either direction because it's like he got really intense really soon owns a Subaru wanted to bring me out into the woods it's like there's really only two things he's either emotionally like sort of overwhelming you or is about to murder you yes so it's going to get and the game is going to get even more fun for everybody because it so we start driving up like he's taking a super on like the Rocky. Like we're going up. I'm like, is this even that durable, you know? And we go up there. Not am I going to die, but to get this car take rocks. Yeah. And we packed alcohol. Because I thought if I'm in a camp, I'm going to be drunk.

Yeah, of course. Camp sober? What is that? No way. You know? With a man, you barely know. In the wilderness. Yeah, with me and barely know.

The tracks, yeah. But he likes to wrestle. Likes to wrestle. Well, so he flips a switch. Oh, my gosh. And he goes, and I dropped a piece of trash in his Subaru. And he looks at me. And it was on accident.

He goes, I guess we're just trashing the Subaru. And at this moment, like, everything flipped. And he was getting so weird. And then we, like, pitched a tent and stuff. And I was, like, thinking we're going to have sex. And he was like, I don't think we should hook up anymore. And he was like, you're just. At the start of the camping trip.

Yep. He goes, you're developing feelings for me. And I go, what? And he goes, and I actually can't drink. I don't think I should be drunk right now. Oh, my God. This is so crazy. And I got to say

I would have been out the minute he referred to his car as the Subaru. That is a behavior pattern that I don't appreciate in anyone. The Subaru.

It's your car. And he had a loaded gun. Oh! Yeah, you guys. Dude, what the hell? How do you're listening? Turn off the radio. Yeah, because he was like

there's a lot of, like, we were in the woods and he was trying to be like firefighting, but it was really scary. And there's not service. Like, yeah, the serial killer thing is becoming. Yeah, yeah. And like the flipping of the switch.

So then it's like so awkward. But how many days, like, how many days were you meant to be camping? Like four. And then we ended up cutting it after that. We like went back. Yeah. Before the night ended. Yeah.

No. We slept through the night. Sober. Oh. You're awake the whole night. Yeah. Eyes open. Eyes open.

And we have mutual friends. Oh. So in my head, I'm like, he's not going to kill me, surely. Yeah, yeah. Because we have mutuals. Unless they all wanted me dead. And they're like, she's annoying in the friend group. Take her out.

It's all like a plot. Only mutuals were all it took. It was all it took. But essentially, basically, then we went back to his, whatever. I had two more days there. I'm broke. I can't switch my flight. Was the change for you on United?

Come on now. So, like, we end up just, like, hanging as friends. He's so weird. It's, like, the worst experience of my life. And then, instead of hooking up, one time we went on a run together, we just started, like, he looked at me. We, like, rested. He just started wrestling with me.

And then I just started wrestling with him, but we're, like, wrestling. and we're not hooking up, we're just wrestling. This is a, that's, that's like 15-year-old closeted gay boy behavior. Is that like when you don't know what else to do with your sexual frustration, so you just wrestle? There's a safety there. Who won?

Yeah. I think probably me, right? I pinning him down. It's hard for me to describe you as a winner in this situation. And Audrey, I have to be honest with you. So what would you say you learned from that that has sort of steered you into the arms of an alt comic in L.A.?

Well, I told him immediately. I was like, just so you know, when we started dating, I was like, I'm not wrestling you. And he was like, all right? Bad dates. Wow, what an incredible three tales that we were just subjected to.

Traumat. Yeah, traumatized by. Very, very fun. Listen, that is the pod. Cat Bird. Where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? Yes, so you can find me at Catbird Comedy on Instagram. I also just started with my own little podcast called Side Boob Pod.

And it's really fun. So check that out. It's on Instagram. Amazing. Leah Rudik, where can the people find you and why are you doing these days? You can find me on Instagram, Leah Rudic. I think it's Leah underscore Rudic or on TikTok. I have some tour dates coming up, which are on Instagram.

or my website, Learudic.com. Amazing. Check her out. Audrey Stewart. What are you doing these days? Where can people find you? Yeah, you can find me at Audrey Stu is art. It's like Audrey Stewart, but I'm art.

It's, anyways, you can find it there and you can see my website, my TikTok. I got some dates coming up too, but please come. I really appreciate it. Her website is don't wrestle me. Don't wrestle me. I don't wrestle. Your album cover needs to be you in a singlet. This is primarily with a headpiece.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mout's gear, all of it. So this is, thank you guys, all of you for joining us today. Again, if you have a story of your own that you like to share with the pod or a piece of advice that you'd like to be answered or a compatibility question, you'd like me to ask my panel. The email address is bad dates pod at gmail.com. Drop us line. We'd love to hear from you. And if you liked what you heard today, please go and give us a rating and review wherever you are listening to this podcast. It helps people find the pod.

And yeah, that's all the business I have for today. I'm Joel Kim Booster. next week with more tales of bad dates. Bye-bye. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Bryant. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Kushi and Evan Schleather. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues,

please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3-283. That's 9-84-265-3-8-3. That's all for this week. We will be back for more. Mia