Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Friends and Enemas (w/ Tig Notaro, Susan Yeagley, and Kevin Nealon)

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Tig Notaro (One Mississippi, Star Trek: Discovery), Susan Yeagley (Parks and Recreation, Mascots), and Kevin Nealon (Man with a Plan, Weeds) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Tig gets all dressed up for a real swinger, Susan learns the true price of a discount date, and Kevin may be Bachelor Number 3, but things turn into a real Number 2. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Tig Notaro hosts the podcast Don’t Ask Tig and co-hosts Tig & Cheryl: True Story, and her upcoming tour dates are available on TigNation.Com. Kevin Nealon’s series Hiking With Kevin is available on YouTube, and his new book of art is called I Exaggerate: My Brushes With Fame. Susan Yeagley co-hosts the podcast Fiscal Firecrackers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, Prime Members. You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. It wasn't an option for me to call her. I had nothing. I would have died had she not come with the fleet animal. I mean, I was. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You made her pick up the animal. Oh, yeah. I went to Walgreens in Studio City. OK, OK, wait, wait, I know we have other date stories to get into, but just like, I feel hot in the face. Bad dates.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Bad Date. Thank you for being here. So let's meet our panel. I'm so happy to have one of my absolute heroes and my love she wants to ask me to live with her, but she's never really followed up on that offer. Tick the tarot. Hello. The offer is still there. Great. I have been packed and ready for a year and a half now, so I hope that's not intent. Tick, how you doing? I'm doing well. How are you?

I'm good. Are you someone who, I mean, you're here, but do you enjoy talking about your dating life? Do you find the awkward? Is it full of good memories, bad memories? I've had some awkward, slash bad dates, but I feel like I'm relatively friendly with everyone, so it's not that terrible

that went awry. I think that sounds very showable, because I'm realizing this is my account. If you had the other side of the podcast, there might be a bunch of people that were like, she's the worst date. Oh yeah, no, I'm interviewing all of them straight after this.

To fact, check, don't worry. No, I think that's a classically sober and fair response from you on the whole matter. I have to say hello to the man who is clearing his throat. Hello, Kevin. Hello, Kevin Neelan. How are you? Good, how are you? I'm good. I'm so happy that you're here. I may have been here too because finally I could kind of talk through what happened to me in a therapeutic way. I think really to kind of get it out of my system finally. Are you here to process your trauma? Yes. Great. I'm so happy that you're doing it. You're doing it also with your wife here, Susan Yagley. Hello. Hi everybody. Speaking of the devil. Oh my God, it's so amazing to have two such great comedic performers and comedic minds, both

here who are married and yet still willing to talk in front of one another about their dating histories, not with one another, am I correct? These will be separate dates. Yes, and you've talked about this. Have you ever discussed these stories with each other before? I'm not going to have to mediate something here, am I? No, no. We have discussed this. Okay, fine.

Time is coming in. So, Tick and I are the only ones who don't know these stories as well as the entire audience, right? But, I do know about what I believe might have been their first date. Together? Together? I feel like I know about a very awkward date that they had. And I was wondering if it was what they were going to talk about. And then I think I heard from the producer

that that isn't the story. But what a legend for bringing it up now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does anyone catch a check? I'm curious. I'm curious to know what everyone's going to find. You were constipated.

You were constipated, Kevin. Oh, no. Oh, no. Great story. Tell me the story. Tell me the first thing. Wait, Tix, I'm going to tell the story. Okay, Kevin was constipated.

Was this your first date? No, no. No. It was about the third. Okay, it was about the third. Kevin was constipated. Was this your first date? No, no, no. It was about the third. Okay, it was about the third. Kevin was constipated and he was in so much pain that he needed to take a suppository and he couldn't do it himself and so he asked Susan to do it. And I remember Kevin describing this sexy of he said that he was so constipated that he said pushing the suppository into his ass was like trying to

push it into a brick wall and and then he said after Susan did this for him, he looked at her and thought, well, I guess I'm gonna have to kill her now. Oh, you literally put a ring on it, that's amazing. Yes. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Sashley T was right, but she kind of paraphrased

and changed it up a little bit. Well, I always have to punch up your story, Kevin. You punch that up, let's be honest. I do remember though, it was baby, it was the third date or so. And I remember opening up the bathroom door and you look like a dog who was about to have puppies. You had towels all over the floor. Do you remember that?

Oh, vaguely. No, I can't hear myself on my side. His face has gone beat-true. I was on my side, ready for the fleet anima. It was an anima actually. And I had plastic strewn all over the hanging from the walls because I knew it was going to be messy. I was like dexter about it. No, because you were a bachelor as well. You had plastic. No, it's because you were a bachelor as well. You had plastic. Wait, how do you do shagged at this point? Or is this like free the first? That is fucking unbelievable.

I've never heard anything like that in my life. I mean, you just have to, it is, it is, fuck, Mario Kill literally in that situation, but all just the same person. What a fucking start. Didn't see that coming. At all. Thank you, Tig. Yeah.

Um, all right. So on, on that note, Tig, it's your turn. Tell me about sad sleep over. So on that note, it's your turn. Tell me about sad sleep over. Okay, sad sleep over. I was still an open mic comedian. And in the comedy world, it can become a dating pool. And I was neck deep in doing stand up. In the comedy world, it can become a dating pool.

I was neck deep in doing stand-up. I'd say six or seven nights a week in clubs, coffee shops, whatever. There was even a laundromat open mic. Anyway, my dating pool, as it turns out, was also including women who had never dated women. And so, you know, you can sometimes tend to get a crush on somebody that makes you laugh. And yep, sure, me too. She started asking me to go to dinner and drinks regularly. Also I had this t-shirt that I used to wear all the time and she told me once that she thought I looked really cute in that t-shirt. I would say that it's not that I wouldn't enter her.

I kind of didn't know what to make of the situation and there were a few other people that I was hanging out with. And she, sorry, an embarrassment of riches. Yes, an embarrassment of riches. But I also didn't know that she was for sure into me because she dated guys. And so I just thought, well, maybe she's just amused by me. So she invited me over after we had gone to dinner. She invited me over to her apartment.

There was in Santa Monica and the rooftop, you know, you overlooked the ocean. Oh, sure. Sure. So we hung out at a department and then she asked me to go upstairs to the rooftop. We go upstairs to the rooftop. We're looking at the ocean. There's a lot of awkward giggling.

And, you know, and I'm thinking, oh, are we giggling at the same thing? Um, because I truly was like, does she like me? I don't know what's happening. And then there is this swing on her roof for two people to swing together, like a porch front porch. It feels quite dangerous, doesn't it? Oh, for Ruth.

No, no, no, no. We are not tangling off of Ruth. There is the ground is firmly beneath us. And she asked me to come sit down on the swing, and we are swinging away and giggling all night and looking at the ocean, and it goes on and on. And I'm just like, there's no world where I'm going to do anything because I don't want to do anything inappropriately or misread something. So I

mean this goes on to like two in the morning and then she says, do you want to stay the night? It's really late and I sure. And she said, you can sleep on the couch or you're welcome to sleep in my bed with me. Oh, God, this is just so much to spend. And I'm thinking she is very attractive. And we do have a really good time together. I am a gay person. I probably should not sleep in her bed. So I'm just, I said, I'll just sleep on the couch and she's like, okay. And then she goes into her bedroom. I'm on the couch and she's in her room saying, in her room saying, do you need any more blankets? And I was like, no, I'm fine. And then like five minutes later, she'll be like, are you asleep yet? Oh no. And that goes on. Nothing happens. nothing happens and then she completely moves on, starts dating this guy and then I'm thinking, wait a minute, where's all the attention on me? And so I call her and I say, hey, I'm in your

In your neighborhood, can I see you? And she said, sure. And listen, friends, if I can tell you the truth, yeah, I wasn't in her neighborhood. No, obviously, we need that. We need that. I need it. I need it. You have to fly someone to get to.

I put the shirt on that she said I looked cute in. Oh, take your break in my heart. And then I went over to her house and she did not invite me inside. She came out and sat on the stoop and chatted with me for about 10 minutes and then she was like, okay, well, I'll see you. And she went back in. And did she compliment you on the shirt? Did she notice the show? No, no, no. Didn't mention the thing. The shirt that every other time she would be like, oh my god, you look so cute in this shirt. What I forgot to mention, I'm sorry, was actually between me going over with my cute shirt and her trying to wine and dine me all night,

we did kiss one time. Oh, he is. I'm sorry, I forgot that. I'm sorry, I forgot that. I forgot that. And big deal. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So just for my brain.

Now, okay, so you have this incredibly awkward sad sleep over. You then at some point you kiss each other. Who kisses who? She kisses you? Well, I'm now having a flashback. This is why I love this show. Okay.

Wait, suddenly people start to remember. Okay, very remembering. We're sitting in her and being constipated. That's a good question. I'll have to shoot her a text and find out. Okay. But I remember now we were sitting in her car and we're listening to music. This is so embarrassing. We're sitting in a car listening to the radio and I would go to switch the channel. I'd go to press a button and then she'd put her hand on my hand and hold it

there and she'd be like, no, I want to hear that song, and then she'd keep her hand on my hand, and then she'd go to press something. And I would be like, oh, I wanted to hear that other song, and so we would awkwardly kind of hold each other's hand while we're trying to hear the right song. And nobody's talking about if we're gonna kiss or not, or if she's attracted to me or anything. And then somebody kissed somebody, obviously. Anyway, we have a make out session in her car

for quite a while. Again, this is 25 years ago. This is a quarter of a century ago. I don't remember too many details, but there was definitely a dating vibe that we had, but then she started seeing somebody. I was seeing that we were never exclusive. But once she got into this relationship with this guy, I was truly, you know, like, where did she go? Yeah, yeah. And that's when I put the cute shirt on. And swung by, she chatted with me for about 10 minutes, and then she sent me on my way and I drove home. So humiliated.

And I was just like- That means there are a couple of swings? She sent me on my way and I drove home. So humiliated. And I was just like. Not even a couple of swings. No, no swings. And I was driving home going, tick on her four-hour drive home to where she was when she originally lied. Yes, back to Denver I went.

And no, but I was driving home saying, you idiot, you idiot. And I felt so home saying, you idiot, you idiot. And I felt so humiliated wearing that shirt after that happened. Oh, wow, God, this something, like, you know what, I love so much about this story is like, how much, how old do you when this happened? I was like 26.

Right, because it feels like, and I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but it's got the innocence of like a 13 year old like first love Do you know what I mean? Like the holding of the hand over there like I feel like I had so many things that I thought were like and like This is gonna be it. This is gonna be it and then they just tell me how They wish the hot girls had a personality like mine Which was then my confirmation I was not deemed one of the hot girls.

Did you learn a lesson there about like, I'm not going to torture myself in this ambiguity again. Right, if you become more of a go-gettings, who got Kevin here, who's asking a date he hasn't even slept with to shove something up his ass? So like, I feel like we have a real spectrum of confidence. Like, you have to know how hot you have to feel. How hot, unlike confident of a person you have to feel, to know that you might be able

to survive this with a beautiful woman. We'll be right back. Bad dates! Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares of a freshly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting

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And we're back. Kevin and Susan, I'm so excited for so many reasons. I mean, this, I was not privy to your third date story. I think Kevin, from the look of you, we would have preferred to stay that way, but now it's all out there. Are you feeling all right that that's on the table? Oh, of course. Yeah, I've talked about this before in public. It wasn't an option for me to call her. I had nothing. I would have died at She Not Come with the Fleet Animal. I mean, I was. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you made her pick up the

animal. Oh, yeah, I went to Walgreens in Studio City. Okay, okay, wait, wait, I know we have other date stories to get into, but just like, I feel that hot in the face, take a look. Like, can you come and like spill everyone's beans? Yeah, I have fuck cards. Of course, please. Okay, so, so you've had two dates, Susan, how are you feeling about Kevin at the point

if two dates you're like, I think I really like this guy, or I'm not sure. I really liked him. I really liked him a lot. I mean, evidently, clear it fucking clearly. And then he sends you a message or phone call.

I think he just called. It was just a call call. Oh, wow, God, that's so much more legendary. I have to do that over the phone. Kevin, you're my fucking hero. Okay, so he phones you up. It may have been a landline. It may have right been before.

Do we have cell phones? I don't remember. Did he leave a message? He was a car and an answering machine. It was a shell. It may have right been before. Do we have cell phones? I don't remember. Did he leave a message? You have a clientele. You have a clientele. You have a clientele. It was not on the answer machine, but that would be a great piece of history

for our son to have. Oh, I'm very upset. He sounded panicked. Like his next call would be 911. Just, what can you do? Are you near pharmacy? I'm so sorry to tell you this. This is so awkward for me,

but there's no one else that can do this. I'm in a lot of pain and I said, should we go to Seeders? What's going on? I said, I'm sorry, Susan, but I need you to help me. I am constipated and I cannot get out of the bathroom. I can't walk.

I need you. I didn't ask her, Witchie. I said, I need you to go to the pharmacy and get me something called a fleet anima And I said, I need you to hurry. Hurry hurry and she says I'm leaving. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Was this a third day already arranged or did this technically become the third date? This is holding him the health. Well, we're trying to decide whether we should consider this whole evening a date or not, but I think it was after the third day.

So I'm like dying. I'm dying on that toilet. I can't move. I keep calling. I said, where are you now? Where are you now? Where are you now? I'm coming down the bridge.

Okay, have fun now. And she finally gets to my house. I'm so relieved. She comes running up the stairs. I got it. I got it. I'm thinking, thank God. And she takes out of the bag. It's not a fleed animal.

It's a suppository. I said, fleed animal. I said, fleed animal. You're gonna go back, you're gonna go back. So she gets back and she runs out and you're going downstairs. And she gets in the car, she's gone. And now this is where I start preparing for either death

or an anima just in time. I start spreading towels down the floor. It's like I'm a cat getting ready to deliver kittens. And I'm curled up in the fetal position, ready to go. So there's no wasted time where she gets there. We take it out of the package and boom. And I don't know why they make these flea to end up in a package that's so difficult to open up.

It should be just a little button you push and it pops out. But it shrink wrap and it's got that little clip on it in case you steal it. So finally she comes running up, she's got the fleet animal. And I said, okay, and I closed the door, I didn't make her stay. I had her close the door. But I did. And then I did what I had to do and I was so relieved. And I ordered my life after that.

Did you hear him give birth? No, I think I went downstairs and turned on Shawshank Redemption. No. Really? The only thing more harrowing. Yeah, exactly. It's just turned up a movie really loudly, and I just hung out in your kitchen.

I remember that. That's very good to be honest. Nice to be honest with you in that space. And then I was embarrassed to see her. I was embarrassed to come down and see her after what happened. Of course. Because it was very embarrassing. And finally, I said to her, you can't tell anybody about this.

And I did think that in the back, I said, I might have to kill her now. I may have to kill You're like don't tell anyone Let tig tell everyone on a thing called a podcast 22 years later, please just wait All right Susan I just I Let's first get into your story before we go to Kevin's. Let's give Kevin a little rest.

Yes. And as I'll tell him through a lot on this podcast already, they have, we'll put him on a towel for now. So tell me about Kupon Karl. All right, so this guy shows up, much sure actually how we were set up. I think a friend mentioned him and said, you guys would hit it off. So he knocks on the door and I answer it and this guy is all sweaty and he's in turquoise running shorts.

And it looks like he had just done a marathon. Just real clammy and sweaty out of breath and asked if he had just done a marathon. It just real clammy and sweaty, out of breath, and asked if he could come and sit down. I said, that's fine. And I wanted to get out of it then, but I couldn't. So I hung in there. And then he said, my uncle gave me this LA coupon book. And I thought we would do the whole date tonight

based on the coupons. Oh, cool. He goes, I've got a coupon for black angus by one prime roast, you know, 60 ounce prime roast, get one free. So he goes, let's just go there. So we go outside and get this car, which was missing a couple of gears.

Mm-hmm. So I had to help him push it forward and then push it back. It wasn't really good. And so I'm pushing it a little bit. And then he's coming back. And then he said, okay, it's a little bit like a misunchine movie where you have to run to catch the van. Right. So he's driving it. And then I start jogging alongside of it. He opens the door. I hop in and he goes, great, here, hold the coupon book. So we go to Black Angus, which is a steakhouse. I'm not thrilled about that. And we sit down and he's just psyched about it because there's other coupons

follow ups where you get free molasses bread and other things are on the menu. I think his mind isn't icon. Go on. And so we do that and then we get in the car and he said, look, the next coupon is in Sherman Oaks is a put put golf and we can go and it's get 18 holes by it. 18 holes you get 18 holes free. So we go there and we play miniature golf on his coupon rip. He's just ripping the coupons out.

And then while you're there, there's a snow cone coupon rip. So the whole night was that where it ended up in Basque and Robbins, where again, by the name of split, rip, get another banana split and split and free. And I really thought about if he was the right one, obviously I have a threshold. Right. I mean, I can handle things with people.

Let's be honest. I mean, truly. Truly. Hello. Yes, I can handle things. I mean, this is, yeah. I just found it, and I'm not a materialistic or any of that stuff. It's just something about it felt so sad.

And I thought, if this is your first date where you're trying to impress someone, could you shower up? I mean, he smelled like a sewer. It was awfully, it was sweaty. Susan, can I ask you? Yeah, I'm really fast. Yeah, do you think he was sweaty

because he was pushing his car down the street? Exactly why I was wondering. Yes, I think he was. Because it was missing a couple gears. Yeah, and I think that's like, he pushed it all the way. Yeah, he made it. He's single. So he's alone pushing a car. Yeah, pushing a car. I don't know. I think that that's good cardio. If you're going to eat that much with the coupons, I actually think that's really sensible. I mean, ending the night full of like steak and molasses spread with a fucking baskin rope. I mean, I'm from

the 90s generation. I know how extraordinary the size of it, not like the shit that people get now, these tiny little stingy half-scoops. I remember the good old-fashioned baskin robins on the split. This man, oh my god, I mean, I find the coupon thing really, really funny and I think that I would personally probably enjoy that. But there is an element of, if there's no sense of kind of fun or irony around it. Right, that was missing. Then it feels like, yeah, then that feels like,

then it's not like we're in on this. Let's see how much dumb shit we can do for free and like pack the night in and have like a, an adventure that feels like a movie. But if it, it sounds like it's been delivered more like, I'm not really sure about you, so I don't want to spend all of my money on you. I'm willing to go half in. Right. And I'm not willing to shower, and I'm not willing to make sure that you don't have to like endanger your life to get into my car. It sounds very

one-foot out the door. My most important question is, because I always wonder this, and I rarely set people up with each other, because I'm worried that my setting you up with someone means that I am explicitly telling you who I think you deserve or should be with. How pissed for you with your friend? Oh, about a nine. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's, you know, when someone's that way off the mark, that can hurt. That was off. And I kept going, what, where was any overlap? Where did our venn diagrams meet? Like, where? Yeah. Why did you think this guy was a match for me? Yeah. Like, do you love a bargain? Like Kevin, is that something that, you know, Susan's known for a love of a bargain?

No, she doesn't care about bargains. Not anything to go, okay. Not even one good. Did he try and kiss you at the end of the night? Well, he didn't have a coupon for it. So no. No. That's amazing.

Okay, but Susan, gone ticked. What if somebody said to you before this rip guy and before Prince Neelan showed up? What if somebody said to you, do you want a guy that rips coupons out of a book to go decide where to go on your date. Or do you want a constipated man who's in fetal position sending you to the drug store to shove something up his ass? Okay, which would you choose?

Okay, because I can't get upset with your friend. You can't get a gauge of like, why your line is? Why, why your red flag? Why your red flag? You're talking about Venn diagram. It's like, where does, I mean, Kevin's funny too. Okay, but I hear you. I hear you.

Before you answer that, before you answer that, let me just say, there was no way to get closer to somebody quicker than what we did. Then inside of there also, yeah. There's no swinging on the swing for three hours into the night and then pussy putting around the couch. I just cut right to the chase like we've

been married for 20 years. I said, I need you to go to the pharmacy now and get fleet animal. You come back here. You bring it up to me now. Hurry, we're here. You understand that woman? Where is my fleet animal? The robot up to me now, hurry, we're here. You understand that woman? Where is my sweet animal?

Oh, the robot is making me very, very, very, very, I got so horny for it, yes. Oh, so the coupon guy, no competition from the coupon guy. We'll be right back. Bad dates. Hello listeners, Jameela here. I wanted to let you know about a new show from Smartness Media and Wondery called Just Jack and Will. It is the ultimate Will and Grace rewatch podcast. Sean Hayes and Eric McCormack, who starred as Will and Jack, will be watching the whole series from the beginning, and it turns out that

while Eric has seen the show many, many times, Sean has somehow never watched his own sitcom. So they're going to be looking at it with fresh eyes, bringing on their fellow cast members and fabulous guest stars The writers and the director of the show and all the people behind the scenes who helped Will and Grace win an astounding 18 Emmy Awards Sean and Eric have hilarious chemistry and if you've listened to Smartness or Sean's appearance with Conan on our very first episode of bad dates Then you will know just how silly and a reverent they can get and you will not want to miss it. Just Jack and Will is available anywhere,

you get your podcast. Episodes are available one week early and add free on Wondery Plus. Follow and subscribe to it now. Talk to me about Bachelor number three. Okay. I started dating this girl in LA. And I was crazy about her.

And I wasn't that successful. So she wasn't really, you know, on board all the way. And, but I really was crazy about her. And we had a good run for about, you know, six weeks. And I want to get my get my aftercard for acting. And so there was a show called The Dating Game. And I audition for The Dating Game. And before you get on that show, they ask you a series of questions to see what your personality's

like, to see if you'll be good on that show. And one of the women they asked before me was, what's interesting about yourself? She goes, well, she had bright red lips. She said, let's see, something she must say. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I had my lips tattooed red, so I never have to bother wearing lipstick again. And at the time, this was unheard of. And everybody went, ooh, ooh, she said, but I still have to go back for a little more in the corner because it's not quite red enough. So I said, okay. And so it comes to me. And they said, Ken I still have to go back for a little more in the corner because it's not quite red enough. So I said, okay.

And so it comes to me and they said, Ken, what's interesting thing about you? I said, well, a couple weeks ago, I have my teeth tattooed white, so I never have to brush them again. But I still have to go back. I got a molar in the back that's not quite done yet. So that got me on the show. So, the day comes and I'm terrified. This is the first time I've been on TV.

And they stood us in the chairs and they said, just keep talking, just keep talking. When the girl asked you a question, there's three of us. I was, you know, I was one of the three bachelors, number three. And so, this girl that I wanted, that I was dating, she broke up with me because I wasn't like what she wanted. Were you using coupons?

I was actually, yeah. Yeah. Big no-no in this crowd. Yeah. So she dumps me and I'm thinking, how can I get her back? How can I get her back? Anyway, I go on the dating game and they ask me the questions and the girl picks me. Bachelor number three, I'm excited. The couple on before me, they take two shows in one day.

The couple on before me was this guy who's bachelor number two and he wins the date and they went a trip to Fiji. A three day trip to Fiji with this and then. And I'm thinking when I win, I'm thinking, okay, I have suntan lotion, I have flip-flops, I have a bathing suit. I'm thinking I'm going to go someplace nice. And the guy, they go, and you want a night of the town in Los Angeles, you'll be going to see the sunset, then you'll be going to see a play at the Amasin Theater,

and then you'll be going to dinner at Denny's Apple inant Theater, and then you'll be going to dinner at Danny's Apple in the Valley. Well, at least I won the date. So I'm thinking, okay, the girl looks pretty nice, and she's fairly attractive. That would be fun. So a year and a half later, I haven't heard back from them. And they call me. Wait, what do you, I'm sorry, I don't know where, where, where, where, what do you mean? A year and a half later, you don't go on the date

for the whole year and a half. You win the competition. It goes on television. Yeah, yeah. But you never, they never cash in the check of your night on the town in Los Angeles. Not at this point. What happened was there were so backlogs,

it was the end of the run of the show. Right. It was the end of it. So they had so many people that had a set of dates with. And so a year and a half goes by, they call me and say, we can't find the girl you could bring whoever you want. It's gonna be a show for limousine, sunset, almost some theater for a play, and then day's apple.

So I'm excited, I think, wow, I'm gonna pick her up in a limousine and we're gonna go have a night in the town and I'm gonna. I think wow, I'm going to pick her up in a limousine and we're going to go have a night in the town and I'm going to win her back. So, since it's a year and a half later, they don't care. They send this town car to my house with this kid who looks like he's 17. He's got the chauffeur's hat on down over his eye. Definitely a runner on the production, yes. Yes. And I get in the car and we pick her up and she's a little taken back by, you know, what's going on.

She was expecting something a little nicer. And we missed the sunset because they got there too late. We go to the Amasin Theater to see see this play, which mirrored our relationship. It was really sad. I was kind of whimpering next to her as we were watching it. Oh, Kevin. I know. I know. And then we go to Danny's Apple, this restaurant out in the valley. And they are just about closing. They have to chairs up on the table.

And all they have left is cold food in the kitchen. So we did that. And then we're driving back to our houses, the chauffeur. And she starts an argument with me in the back seat. And about what? About what? I don't remember what it was, but she's railing it to me. She is just really tearing me a new one, which is great, because I had constipation at night too. And she, so finally, she wants to be dropped off. So the chauffer drops her off, and I end up going out with a chauffer

to have a few drinks, and just reminiscing about it. Oh, my God, is that how your night ended? Yeah, that was it. That is a fucking horrible dick guys. Guys, sad. I can't believe that the best day I've heard about on here involves an enema up someone's ass and violent diarrhea. That is, that is amazing that that was the best day of any of the stories that I've heard here. It is fucking hard out there. It is hard out there.

Are you doing it before the apps? Oh, yes. You were just, you were just raw-docking. But you were going on blind dates. People were not texting, yes. It is. No, you had no sense of who you were going to go on a date with. You're just like banking on your pheromones.

Obviously, like, online dating is another level of fucking terrifying. I don't know if that was ever something any of you have thought, I'd enjoy that, but I'd, I, yeah, I would drown in that pool. That would not be conducive to my brain. I, um, I'm very happy that you've all found people who have loved you and treated you well and remanded you in various exciting and interesting ways. I bet, Samo, I bet you would ask a lot of questions on the dating sites. Like maybe a ton of questions. What are you trying to say, Kevin?

I think you're very thorough as what I'm saying. I think you listen really well and you would double back on a lot of these people what they're saying and proposing to you. I think so. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're a little too sharp. Here's a little too sharp for your pants. You know, I remember when Kevin and Susan met because Sarah Silverman said to me, how thrilled she was that Kevin found someone because, and I don't, I'm just sharing all of Kevin's secret stories. But just that, you know, Kevin, that you had been, you were touring all the time

and you were really ready to meet someone and settle down. And I remember Sarah telling me, she was like, oh my gosh, Kevin met somebody and they're in love and she wants to have children too because you wanted to have kids and you weren't, you know, finding Susan Yegley's out there in the mix. And I remember, I didn't know you as well then, but still feeling like this is tremendous news.

And then you find out it's Susan Yegley. And then it's like, well, what else could this guy want? I mean, especially since she's seven things in your ass, you know. Well, I could tell you that she. Yes, thank you. She kind of all balanced out of the end because I helped deliver the baby. So I had to get down on that too. Right, right, right. And a poo comes out before the baby, doesn't it? Yes. No, it's a lucky, if you're lucky, yeah.

No, full circle, right. Also constipated. There's a theme in your relationship. I'm so happy that we're ending on a beautiful and hopeful note for anyone out there who's had a fucking terrible day. Thank you guys. You've all been an absolute joy. I got more than I ever could have hoped for.

Thanks for having me. Thank you. Thanks for having TIG. Thanks, great to see you. TIGNATARA hosts the podcast, don't ask TIG and co-host TIG and Cheryl, true story. And her upcoming tour dates are available on TIGNATARA.com. Kevin Neelan series, hiking with Kevin, is available on YouTube and his new book of art is called I Exaggerate, My Brushes with Fame, and Susan Yegley co-hosts the podcast Fiscal Firecrackers, which educates, entertains and empowers you with your money. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery,ed by Robert Cohen, executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jameena Jamil. That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey,

produced, engineered and edited by Devon Tori Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnet, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Courson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283

and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more... Bad dates! Bad gates! You! Smart! Blast!

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