Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Grand Theft Auto: The Date (w/ Naomi Ekperigin, Danielle Pinnock, and Shea Couleé)

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes Naomi Ekperigin (2 Dope Queens, Mythic Quest), Danielle Pinnock (A Black Lady Sketch Show, Ghosts), and Shea Couleé (RuPaul’s Drag Race) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Naomi’s get-go gets frustrated by geckos, Danielle’s ex stiffs the check, and Shea learns the importance of maintaining eye contact. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Naomi Ekperigin co-hosts the podcast Couples Therapy, Danielle Pinnock appears in Ghosts on Paramount+, and Shea Couleé hosts the podcast It’s Giving Fashion.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You walked into the bedroom. Mattress on the floor, a desk to the side. Oh, that's hot. That desk. A tank of geckos. Absolutely not. What? I'll fuck on the floor, but I absolutely not.

That's the geckos. That's the geckos. Geckos. Multiple three to five geckos. In a tank. No. So it's just y'all in the geckos. That's me. And this man in the geckos and went out from the bed on the floor,'all in the Geckos. No. It's me and this man in the Geckos and when I'm from the bed on the floor, you can see the

Geckos. No. No. Would they watch you? Well, I definitely got nervous. I felt like I'm on the ground. The Geckos should be on the ground. I should be on the ground.

What if these Geckos get out the tank in the middle of the night? Exactly. And ask if you want some insurance. I'm about to get 15% off for free? Can't take it! They owe me Danny out and say hello, welcome to bad dates. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. I felt really shy at the beginning of this zoom, some such big fans of all of you and I'm so thrilled that you're here. How are you all? That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick.

That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick.

That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick.

That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. That's sick. I'm always so honored that anyone is willing to come here and share their deepest, darker stories and regrets and I'm dying to hear all about yours. I just want to start quickly with Shay. What do you feel about dating? Do you enjoy the process of dating and do you

feel like you're a good date? You know, college and post college, it was really messy. I was a good messy, bad student. Good word. Oh, it was so bad messy. It was so awkward. I'm an Aquarius, so I'm like really in. Everyone's nodding like they know what that means.

I don't know. I'm like, you got to do what it means. So long story short, I kind of expect people to read my mind. Okay, there's the problem. Yes, yes. Oh, here it is. Uh-huh. Well, here's the thing.

You know, like, 50% of all communication is nonverbal. So sometimes I really do try to telepathically communicate to people. And like, I've gotten good with like the people that are really close with me in my life. Like we can really have a full-on conversation across the room just like, just making eyes open. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. So I feel like dating me could sometimes be the same. And so-

It sounds like just dating an Indian woman, but sure. You're an Aquarius. Okay. And Danielle, what about you? Did you enjoy? I mean, I find you to be the most delightful human being on the entirety of the internet. What was it like for you with dating? Were you this bubbly?

No, I have to tell you that. I was like, when I was growing up, I grew up super, super, super Christian, right? And my family were all Jamaicans. So I Was like when I talked about virginity with my grandmother She was like if you ever lose your virginity, I'm gonna take you to a wood and a taxi And I will leave you there No one will ever find you so that's like And no one will ever find you. So that's like how I came up.

And they would put me in a literally banish head. And like they would put me in these three pea suits and with these little pocket thing, and all the like Steve Harvey and Maxine Waters love the job. I'm crazy. But like I knew that I was for the streets. Like I knew in my Christian heart that you know, I want to be a television or film

that was informing you to know that it was a joke. Moisha played me. Moisha played me. Moisha played me because she had all these boo, she had queues, she had all these things. And I would be writing in my diary trying to manifest the whole phase and it never came. Okay, now you tell me, will you tell me

how you have felt about dating? You know, Shaya did yell. They love life. They're young. They're youthful. They're moisturized. I'll become to you just tired on team. I would not wish dating on my worst enemy.

Okay. I think it's terrible. Do you mean dating or dating you specifically? Dating. Dating, right? But I was a little bit like, you know what I was like dating me? Like, I was like, I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted a little bit like, you know what I was like dating me? Like I was, I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted a relationship.

Like I grew up on what Harry mess Sally, my best friend's wedding. I was like, pick me, pick me, pick me. So, you know, so I think I was a fine date, but I think internally I was losing my mind. Do you know what I mean? Like I wouldn't necessarily show it all, but I was very like, is he gonna call me?

And is he like me? Yeah, were you picking out Wedding China on the third day? Kind of, I was literally like, okay, could we make a life together? Yeah. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates.

Let's get into my big broke Greek date. Let's get into my big broke Greek date. We are journeying back about 15 years, okay? We had hope in this life. The New York City was bustling. So I'd get out the train. And I see a man. I see a gentleman. And he is hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,

like traditionally hot handsome. And I immediately knew he was foreign because he was wearing a fedora. I said, he's not. He's a fedora. He's a fedora. And so I see this man in the fedora. And as the mass exodus of people leaving the subway,

we start chatting and then I'm up on the street trying to get a taxi. Now y'all know these taxis don't be stopping for black folks and they don't stop when you're on the up to the side of the street. Like it's a real sad bitch. So as I'm waiting for this cab, this guy is talking to me. He's an artist. He's Greek. He lives in Queens. He's like and I'm like, okay, I'm enjoying just like thanks thanks for standing with me late at night and keeping a distance. He doesn't seem creepy, right?

And then I say, will you use your milky hand to get me a taxi? That's what I said. I said, put on that milky hand. Get me a taxi hand. Oh God. And he literally did. He put his hand out and then the cab comes

and then he opens the door and he goes, please take this beautiful lady uptown. He sits in the driver. And so I was like, he's sweet. So then after that, as I'm getting the cab, he's like, can I have your number? I was like, sure. Sure, you could have, you could have my work number

at a desk job and I said, I don't know you yet, but I'll get you my work number. And he calls me, and he's giving us ESL, ESL print charming. Okay, so it's like sweet, it's gentle. Which is ESL mean. English is a second language. Oh, it's just so. So it's like very like charming, very sweet.

He has a little naivety about him. So he asked me out, we meet up in like Central Park, you know, Midtown Central Park and easy place, and we said we're gonna go from there. I was just thinking, there is a joy to dating someone where English is their second language because they're more, they make sure that the words that they do use are more potent.

There's no bullshit because they don't have... Yes, direct. They don't have a lot more direct. It's a lot more direct. So I feel like they make it count more, which is quite sexy. I was like loving it and I was like, oh, tell me your story. You know what I mean?

I was like, I want to know where you've been. Tell me, are you from an aisle? You know what I mean? Like I was like, I wanna know where you've been. Tell me, are you from an aisle? You know what I mean? I wanna know all of it. Mm-hmm. But then this date, and I like turned up, I gave sweater dress, like cut short, you know? I'm doing a tall boot.

I was wearing a Forever 21s 5. Oh baby, it's very 2008. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Boogie giving. And I was like, this is my time. So I'm like, sort of walking. And like immediately, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, was gonna be here in judgement. So quickly into this, like date where I'm like, I don't, like I was already on my heels

as I was trying to explain myself. And so I was like, I didn't like that, but I was like, pivot, pivot. But we had met up at like seven o'clock, right? And this is like summertime seven o'clock. That's around dinner time. I assume if we're gonna go out at dinner time, we don't eat some food.

Am I wrong, y'all? No, that's it, that's it. So, I'm thinking, where do we, where do we wanna go? Like, are we gonna go someplace? You know, are we gonna walk up town, do some whatever? And then he was like, let's just take a walk. Let's just take a walk. And then finally, he goes, I guess I am hungry.

Let's stop in whole foods. And whole foods has like a salad bar situation. Is it the most, is it the best date location? No, no, I don't want to get groceries with you. Well, if you're going for a picnic, but no, this is going to eat it fucking hopeless. Yeah, not at the bar. Thank you.

Also, like it's getting too dark to do an outside moment, right? Cause we're gonna take it to go, but now it's like, you know, we hit 8 p.m. Summer 8 p.m. We can't be out there like that. And I was like, oh, Lord, so can we stop? But I was like, maybe I'll just get like a little something, like a little bar, a little something to nosh

because at this point I said, I'm not gonna feed myself. I'm not gonna feed myself tonight because this is off the rails. And then he grabs like one of their, they're like, you know, homemade granola bars. We go up to the counter and he's like, would you be mad if I stole this? And I was like, what?

What are you talking about? And he's like, okay, okay, I won't. I won't do it. It was like, it's like, it's like, it's like, and then he tries to cover and he goes, I won't do it, I won't do it because you're a beautiful woman. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't you try to reverse turn this into a compliment that I refuse to ate in a bit of crime? Don't be as you damn accomplice up at a whole for. Oh my God. I mean, I honestly would have been like, steal the fucking granola bar from our food, so they don't need it. I think I would have been the same to be,

I don't have any honest, yeah. Whole food, but I also, I think it's so funny and appropriate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For your permission heard about he has yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, your permission Well, especially to get like oh, no, I'm not here to protect whole foods as an entity. This is even I just like I just met you you can't hand me out here with you while you steal stuff Yeah, we're coming after Funny and cry do yeah, that's really fucking inappropriate. You know, I gave him a second date because this is me saying, well, he's see broken off in my seat. Maybe he'll love me. Maybe he'll

love me. And his second day, I would we wouldn't see his apartment. He had like two roommates in Queens. This has already been doing too much. Why did I go from Harlem to Queens? What did I do? You know, we're talking classically handsome. Okay, we're talking really sexy. Give us a rough celebrity so we can picture this man in his bedora. He has macaque. He has macaque. Wow, I knew it. I knew it.

I fucking could feel. Yes. No one else would take me from Harlem to Queens under the maybe macaque macaque. Well, I'm deleted only. I just have to know what else. I just, I could feel it. And that also like lean muscle, you know?

Just a new week. Yum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went to his house the second night and I really wanted to try the goods. I felt like, okay, he made that be the one, but he is very attractive. I would like to see what's going on under this outfit.

And what I got to his house, y'all, a mattress on the floor. I like to see what's going on under this outfit. And what I got to his house, y'all, a mattress on the floor. Oh, that's it. A mattress on the floor. Yeah, tough. And it can only be ruined by the fact that you walked into the bedroom, mattress on the floor, a desk to the side,

a desk to the side. On top of that desk, A tank of geckos. Absolutely not. What? Absolutely, I'll fuck on the floor, but absolutely not. The geckos. Absolutely not. Geckos.

Multiple, three to five geckos. In a tank. No. So it's just y'all in the geckos. No. It's me and this man in the geckos and we're not from the bed on the floor. You can see the geckos. No. And this man in the Geckos, and when I'm from the bed on the floor, you can see the Geckos?

No. No. Would they watchin' you? Well, I definitely got nervous. I felt like I'm on the ground. The Geckos should be on the ground. I should be on the ground. What if these Geckos get out the tank in the middle?

Exactly. And ask if you want some insurance. He's gonna come out. Oh! How about to get 15% off for free. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going.

I'm going. Danielle, what is your problem? Danielle, dude. Danielle is accurate. Oh. I was trying to get some insurance. And I, it was funny because like we did start to make out, but then I wasn't really feeling the vibe.

It was like the gecko vibe. It was like, I did. It was a summer night. So you know how sometimes dudes will have, you know, they don't know about bedding and layering and what to do. So it was really like on the floor, fitted sheet, but then just like a loose sheet on top.

It was feeling too prison break. It was feeling like it was not a central environment and the geckos were there. And I just said, let me get out of here. And so I was basically like, I don't feel well. Can I go home? So he walked me to the train. He didn't give any pushback for that or anything.

So I was fine, but then he says, the first time he had an erection as a young boy, it was when he saw an image of an oiled black woman in a magazine. No, no, no. No, no. No. No. There it is. Ah.

There it is. But I don't like the, I don't like the fetishization of him telling you that apropos of nothing. What did he, what did you say and what did he expect you to say? I know. I was like, basically just announcing I have jungle fever, which is what boys have done to me before like on a date Where they where they start telling me about their weird Indian fetish And so he probably was hoping for you to be like, well, do you have some oil?

I think I think he was like, let's go back to my apartment Like I think it was him is right trying to be like, well, maybe I can kind of get her to come back Like sound is just a situation. It's so drawn to you. It was just like, well, maybe I can kind of get her to come back. Like, Sam was just a situation. And Sam so drawn to you. And it was just like, no, thank you. It's just like, you're wearing and you're underwear, as soon as he sees you. The asking your permission to steal something at the beginning of your first date,

the geckos are the reddest of all red flags. But it's like a bullfighter size red flag. And then the fetish remark, the race fetish remark just before you're leaving, I think that it's good you got the fuck out of them. Mccona, hey or no, Mccona, hey. I know. I know.

I'm brave, I'm brave. Who knew I was brave? You see how many riffs legs I needed? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that. Sorry, I'm glad you got out there. I'm glad you and a riff legs, I need a hymn. Yeah. Thank you for that, sorry. I'm glad you got out there.

I'm glad you found someone with, um, nope, geckos. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'm changing your principle. Yes, I'm changing your options. Oh my goodness. All right, we'll be right back after this. Bad days.

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And we're back. Okay, so Danielle, will you please tell me your story? It is called The Girl and The Goat. Oh yes, okay, so I was in a lot of showman, as I said earlier, and I was dating this girl, and it was an amazing relationship toward the force, tons of fun, and then it ended with her, and I had red lobster, and I was like, you know what, I think we should break up.

I'm going back home. I don't know if we can actually, and then she ended up throwing cheddar biscuits in my face. So that's where that relationship kind of ended. And I was like, damn. I was like, wow, this is, well, it was delicious, but.

I guess this is it. Great show, you know what I mean? Like we had so much fun. So then cut to Jack and I are now married. And this is when I used to like put my location on Twitter being like, I have to go to, I'm out there, because nobody knows me, I'm not famous. So we decided that we were gonna try

this restaurant called Girl in the Goat. It was the like biggest restaurant in Chicago that time, Jeff and I started, it's just a brilliant chef. Like you have to like get a reservation in December for November, the next year. Like it was so packed. So our reservations finally came through and I was like,

Hey guys, going to girl in the goat on Twitter. So my husband and I were sitting, we're eating, we're enjoying all the food. And I see her. She comes in and she's like, we're eating, we're enjoying all the food. And I see her. She comes in and she's like, hey girl, how you been? And I was like, okay, how long has it been? This has been like two years. This has been two years.

So I was like, wait, wait, wait, the last contact you've had with her is that she's right and she's right and she's been. Oh my goodness. Okay, wow. So to say how you doing girl is real bold. To really just act like y'all friends. Yeah, and that's the part. And like this is the thing, like sometimes, you know,

I love black women, I love us for real. But sometimes we can be, we're like the shady people on earth. So like, you came in, you came in. Like I know she knows Marin, the stuff on Instagram. You know, she's seen the bridal photos. So she was like, hey sis, what's up? I haven't seen you in a while. Mind you, I mean, like she was a cross

between Alicia Keys and Queen Latifa in that movie where she got shot up. What's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that? What's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what The Hases was like kind of a threat Please That's okay, I was gonna eat this damn you know oysters and beans She was like she had just booked this series regular on a procedural and she had like my god I'm opening IMDB And she had like, oh my God, I'm opening IMDB. I was like, every procedural eight years ago. She had just booked this project and like,

I guess was trying to flaunt that she had this money and stuff and she was like, you know what? Let me join y'all. No. And it was like, her dinner. But did she, had she seen on Twitter? Is that did she come on Twitter? Her, I was going.

Shit. And then was like, I saw a line that you were coming here. Yeah, I decided to come. I was like, are you here with anybody? Right, she's like, no. She's walking there like that mean, because it was so booked, meaning like, you can just like, not everything.

We had these reservations for months, right? She's like, you got another chair, bowl and brazen. And that's what got me attracted to her in the first place. I was like, yes, another bowl, girl, I love it. So she gets this chair, she's coming to sit down with us. She's like, whatever you all want, get it. I was like, you know what, it's fine. Because at this point, I'm a broke theater girl.

Like, I got maybe $150 in my account. Total, we have no investments. There is no savings here. We're just broke as people. So the waiter comes in and says, hey, what else would you like? She gives the waiter the menu and says everything. No.

I said, what do we mean everything? I was like, I don't need everything. I was like, I can't even eat that much. She's like, no, no, it's on me. Because I didn't get to come to the wedding. So enjoy whatever you all want. And the waiter was like, really? I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

We can't do that. Do not get everything on this menu. It was like, no, no, no, no, we can't do that. Do not get everything on this menu. It's like, no, it's your world, it's your world's 10th. Wait, Danielle, what is Jack doing during this? Because now he's got you on one side, Queen Latifah the other. He doesn't know what happened. Ah!

Jack is shook. Because Jack already knows. Jack and Jack knew our data, he knows everybody updated. He knows that I'm bisexual. We've done this dance, he knows. And he knows that with the child came out to my mom watching Call of Purpa.

I was like, this is pain. It's pain. It's pain. Was it the performance of sister that like turned in? I mean, it was everything. I was like, this woman is well oiled. No shaytons are oiled. But I said, yeah, this is it.

This is it. My mom was like, we're going to church. So, it's fine. So, Jack is like, OK, he's like, look at it. I actually really did want the goat belly. So if we're going to get everything on the menu, I was like, white man, please, at right. So, they bring us all these things,

and then it's like all these things about like Stephanie is our self, compliments of the chef, because now they think that like we have money, and we're like, they think we're like Megan and Prince Harry for real with our friend here. And I'm like, girl, we don't have any money. She's like, don't worry, it's all me, it's all me. It's all me.

Well, because she's told you that she's booked this very well-paid job. Book this job. I'm like, okay, well, it's all me, it's all me, it's all me. Because she's told you that she's booked this very well-paid job. Book this job. I'm like, okay, well, I guess this is what TV money is. I, you know, pre-tax, I guess. This is, you know, this is it. Right. So the bill comes, y'all.

And I just have to explain to y'all that I, where I come from and the people I come from, where we eat, we eat our sizzler. Do you know what I mean? We are Apple B's girls. Do you know what I mean? Like, because she was getting the shabby. Every time I came up and I said, hey, come on, come on, come on. And I said, we're giving us little samples of stuff.

And she was like, yeah, put it on my card. Friends, the car came back. They were like, hi, ma'am, so sorry, it's been declined. Do you have another car? Oh. And I'm like, here we go. So I'm looking at my non-existent savings to be like, what can I choose for?

Oh, to get this money. So she's like, oh yeah, no worries. I got Amix. Since I got Amix, it's all good, the amics should work. So sorry, ma'am, the card has been declined. It doesn't, it doesn't hurt. There is ice in my veins right now. I cannot.

And I was like, you know what? Um, we're, me and Jack, we got these things in the beginning of the meal. This is what we're gonna pay for. Good for you. And we'll have to resolve it with my good sis here. We got these things in the beginning of the meal. This is what we're gonna pay for, and we'll have to resolve it with my good sis here. But we had a fabulous talk. We got these appetizers and these meals.

This is what we budgeted for. So if you just take our things off the bill, but thank you so much, sis. This was amazing. We hopped out of that. And it was fast. Wow. So fast.

And she was just trying to fuck you. And she was just trying to completely fuck you over. That was it. I was like, give me Sesame Street money. But I was like, not off no procedural. I was like, you're not, like, let's be real here. So she played, tried to play me, but child, I would not allow it allow it because I'm like I'm not gonna allow you to mess up my credit Swords. It doesn't make a yes. Yes. Yes.

I mean, oh, man. Wow. That's the most that's the most fake attraction thing I think I've ever had. Yeah. This is a psychosexual game. This is the first it was playing. But this is my thing though, y'all. Like the people I used to date, they would always be on that stuff. Like, I remember my ex showed up at our wedding unannounced. Like literally was like, I'm here. Why is everybody upset? I'm so curious. I'm not saying this is now a humble brag.

I was the one who got away. I'm not a humble, humble brag. Daniels like, they don't get over me. They don't get over me. The thing is, this is what I had to learn. I had to say, like as a background, like what I realized very quickly is like, oh, if I just listen to people, maybe that will do a big thing. And then, but then I fell into this trap

of becoming everybody's therapist. You know what I mean? It's all like, whatever you need. And then it's like, I'm meeting parents two weeks in. I don't even really know you, Fran. You know what I mean? So I think that was the thing I thought also helps that your gorgeous and hilarious. Okay, I think it's just that you're free there. And good pull to you know, I'm gonna be lovely good to know. Okay, to make it boom, but

I'm literally gonna get fired from goals. I love it. I love it. Don't fire me, CBS, I love you all. Congratulations on being so loveable and perfect. No one ever got over you. Not even close. Well, thank you for that story.

That was fucking great. We'll be right back. Bad days. It is every parent's nightmare when folding in South Jersey. The search is on for an 11-year-old Cape May County boy missing since yesterday afternoon. So far, searchers have found only his left sneaker near his home. It's hard to imagine losing a loved one, a wife, a husband, a child. For many, it's their biggest fear.

Amarisa Jones, host of The Vanished. A podcast that tells the stories of often overlooked and unsolved missing persons cases. Every week, I dive into a new case, sharing the details of their mysterious disappearance, including interviews with family, friends, law enforcement, and even suspects, in an effort to reveal the truth.

And I'm proud to say that this podcast has aided in a number of arrests. It's important to me to remember the human behind the headline and help family members find their vanished loved one, or at least a sense of peace. Follow the vanished wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or the Wondery app. And we're back. So say last but certainly not least, you are up with college fails. Oh gosh. There was this guy, this Cuban, beautiful tall tall, gorgeous, remind you of, oh my God, what's that actor's name? He played Will's husband on Will and Grace. I'm like

trying to think. I'm gonna be kind of holy. Yes. Okay. That was the vibe. Not a lot of the way. Yeah. Yeah. Tall like six, three, like gorgeous, beautiful. We go, we go see like a play. And I forget what theater it was and I forget what show it was. We go, we see this play. And then he invites me back to his place for some wine, you know, and like talk and everything.

Okay, we love that trajectory. Okay, like this is cute, this is going like, we're really well. And so we're like chilling, having some glasses of wine, we start making out, things are going like, really good so far. He pulls the dick out, it is huge.

Yeah, it's like huge. Is it like, hate sort of that sort of vibe? Yeah, it's like scary, and I was just like, okay, it's like hate sort of scary and I was just like okay I was like this would be like a first for me. I don't okay Let me just kind of like kind of like strategize To go about this and so I was just like all right, so you know I'm going trying to go down on him, can barely fit it in my mouth.

Yeah, break your jaw. And I was really just like, oh my God, I'd like, I really don't know, like, um, yeah, how this is going to go any further than this. And so then he stops and he's just like, can I fuck you? And I was like, oh my God. I was like, I don't know. I don't feel like you're allowed to be at top with that sort of machinery.

Right. I was just like, I feel like, well, I don't know. I was like, we can try. But I was just so like, do you have any lube? And he was like, no. Absolutely not. No, absolutely not. You cannot be out of here.

I said, duplicate. Hello, I was like, like anything. Yeah, it was like anything. It was like, baby oil, something, anything. He was just like, no. Oh my God. Lord, terrible host. Terrible host. Terrible host. I was just like, so. Oh my God. Lord. Terrible host. Terrible host.

Terrible host. Exactly. I was just like, so what were you expecting to happen? And he's just like, what? I was just like, he's just like, I mean, I've never had problems before. I was like, whoo. No, with what? Who, with what?

Who, what? Yes, or what? Right. Yeah, that's a horse. Only a horse has an asshole big enough to take some. Oh my god, the final story. Baby. OK, so I hadn't met this other guy on Grindr.

He was just like, do you want to come over like Netflix and chill? And I was just like, well, you know what the hell this goes? Like, baby, yes. Like, let's go. I go over there. He is like so sweet and charming and just like really just like kind, gregarious for having like this great conversation. You know, we're chilling, watching movies, like all cuddled up on the couch, you know, and he like parted in himself to go to the bathroom. And I was like, okay, you know, didn't think anything of it, you know.

He goes to the bathroom, he's in there for like a little bit. And I was just like, okay, like maybe he's like freshening. Oh, yeah, you know, because he's like, you know, I think that's good to have whatever. Baby, he comes out of this bathroom and it is like Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde. Oh my God. The person that came out of that bathroom was not the same person that went in that bathroom. He was manic.

Oh my God. He was tweaking. Oh my God. He was tweaking. Oh my God. What? And I had never, ever, ever had any experience with anybody who had ever done any type of like drug use. Yeah. You know, before, like I just, I was completely oblivious to it.

You know what I'm saying? It's also such a weird choice to go and do it on your own. Right. Right. Right, right. If you know what I mean, to not invite someone else that you're on the same level, that feels fucking insane. Sam.

So I am like, this guy is like low-key scaring. Yeah. Because it like, he comes and he just like sits on my lap on the couch and I'm just like sitting there like, oh my god he's sitting on top of me he's like staring. I'm imagining crazy guys. I'm imagining just like very crazy guys and he's just like you're just like so gorgeous. He's just like you're so he's like it's just like prehistoric you know. Oh's just like he's like it's like I'm I'm a dinosaur and you're like oh my god Mind you know, I know I know and I was just like oh my god. I was like I Don't know what to do and so I just was like oh it sees me. I need to go to the bathroom

I get up I go to the bathroom He said he's like a dinosaur and you're like an ape. Yes, I go into the bathroom. No. And I'm just like, and they're like, bitch, what the fuck? So I pull out my phone, text my girl, Kim Chi. The Kim Chi? Because, because yes, the Kim Chi, because, you know,

I just like, you know, when you're young and you go out, you're gonna hook up with somebody, you tell your friend, you know, like where you're going. So I'd let her know, like where I was going. And I was just like, girl, I was just like telling her everything that was going, I was like, this guy, like, he went in the bathroom and I was just all like, I don't know, he just like came out

and now he's saying all this crazy shit. He's actually like really scary, like he's like, buggin' and she just like goes, Shay, that sounds like math. And I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. So I'm really like, and so then he comes knocking on the door and he's like, is everything okay?

And I'm just like, oh yeah, everything's fine. He goes, you're not scared are you? Oh, no, no, I'm not scared. And so like literally, like I say I'm not scared and it goes to try and open the door. I had already locked the door. Oh my god. Oh my god. He's like, can you open the door? And I was just like, no, I'm not finished. And then he starts knocking and banging on the door. No, I'm like, oh.

And then he starts begging me to come out and pleading. No. I can hear him crying outside. Like, please, please. Please, come out. This is mad. And I was just literally like, I was like, I'll come out. If you just take a couple steps, yeah, back away from the door.

And I'll like come out. So like I wait and I like hear him like walk away from the door. And like I open the door and I look he's like not standing in front of the door. And so I like walk back and he's like sitting on the couch. Just naked, staring at me. Oh my God. And I literally, I do not break eye contact with him. I literally just like grab my shoes

and keep on walking out the front door. And as I'm closing the door, he lets out this just, whoo! Whaaaa! No, no. Oh, immediately. And maybe I threw them shoes on and I high-tailed it home. No, this is an Netflix documentary.

I can't, I literally was just so like, I almost got. Yeah, yeah. Buffalo build. Yes, every dog. Every dog. You want to talk about it. That's what it was giving. It was.

It was. Okay. I'm glad that he allowed you to get your shoes on and we'll have that. They were having my shoes on outside. I know that. I just grabbed the way the shoes and what else. But that's what I could bring out in time. I'm not going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton.

I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going to break my cotton. I'm going just like laugh, slam it behind me. Oh my God. She's so lootly normal. That's never fucking insane. I'm such a shabeless. He sounds like he was a wonderful pre-man. Yes, he was so just like nice and normal

did not feel in this sort of like weird vibes or like discomfort around him at all. But baby, when he came out that bathroom, I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. These stories have been completely absurd. It's actually... We have a show in which no one stands alone in their storytelling and are wonderful listeners like to send in their stories.

And I asked for a story and Grace wrote in her. Can I read it to you? Yes, please. Okay, so she says, so I was talking to this guy and he asked me out on a date to this fancy restaurant. I say yes and he picks me up at 8 p.m. When he gets to my house, I'm forced to sit in the back seat

because two of his friends are in the car with him, carifying. Oh my god. At this point, I'm worried, but I go anyway. She sounds like you guys. When we get there, he gets a table for him and all of his friends, and I'm forced to sit in the corner. He completely ignores me and talks to his friends only, half an hour passes, and then a waitress comes up to me and asks me to come with her. Confused, I go. My date doesn't even realize that I left.

I follow her. When I get to the back, there are five women are waiting for me. One of them is his wife. They start screaming at me and throwing their Starbucks at me. I try to leave, but they hold me back. And then the guy that I came here with turns out he's married, obviously, comes out and I tell him to control his crazy wife, not the best way of saying that. But he pretends like he doesn't know me

and joins her in screaming at me. Then his friend comes out and offers to take me home so I accept, this is insane. This is insane. This is a dope. I would not have accepted that right. I mean, I would have not gotten a pay it. I would have paid it. But in a weird way, it's giving corn hub.

In a weird way. I also know, you know what though? I admire that that was his panic response. I admire the game in knowing that the only way to get out of this is to join the wife in screaming at the point. But I don't know how to appreciate what you've been in a date with me behind my wife's back. Yeah, just about. I'm a real man. You're gonna take with me. Behind my wife's back. Yeah, Jezebel.

Jezebel women. I'm not a the women who start throwing star balloons. What in the handmaid's tail is happening? Thank you. What are you doing at a table? What's up, friends? Fuck that waitress for not helping. Okay, so she accepts the ride with his friend.

When we get to his friend's car, he came by a separate car and he then drives us not to my house. Oh, Lord. Guys, he drives her to a cheap motel. I yell at him to take me home and he start crying and says that he's a virgin and that all of his friends make fun of him because he's never had sex and he says that he will pay me $2,000.

I knew he was fucking English. I knew it. I couldn't be like two thousand pounds if I have sex with him. Which by the way is actually one of the better offers I've ever heard of. I wouldn't just say I wouldn't be a fan-mage by the office. Even though all of this is completely unacceptable. That's a nice that's a nice sum. Anyway I think why not? And I also wanted money. So we went to the motel. Hmm. Then when we were about to do the deed, he starts crying again and tells me he's

got an STD. What kind of virgin has an STD? Thank you. Thank you. Woo. This is so stressful. It is. I'm thinking what the fuck? And I get out of there and get an Uber. And while I wait for my Uber, he runs out half naked and begs me to come back in and that he will pay for my STD treatment if I come back in. I scream at him, he then refuses to leave me alone and is crying his eyes out.

I get in the Uber and I get out of there and I still haven't recovered, it's been two years since. Jesus fucking Christ. Christ. Wow. I think grace needs to write a book, get that IP, and call Pooly. Because I would watch this.

This is a limited series. It's like Grand Theft Auto to give a date. Like this is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking insane. You know what Grace, I think you're a legend. I love that you're up for the £2000. Good for you.

I admire your spirit. Thank you, Grace, for that story. And thank you so much, Shane A.. I admire your spirit. Thank you Grace for that story and thank you so much, Jane A. O. Me and Danielle. You've been a joy and a dream and it's been such a pleasure of mine to get to actually sit down and chat with you because normally I just love you all from afar. Thank you for having us. This was magic, this was therapy. You three queens, you three icons have all been on Struggle Street. Oh man, it does. It does. It does. Yeah, that's still my PO box, but I am in the...

Before we go, I would love for you to tell everyone where they can find you and what you have coming up that you would like them to watch you in, Shay. Um, yes, you can catch me on these virtual streets at Che Krule on all social media. And Naomi, you could come check me out every Tuesday on the podcast, couples therapy me and my hood. And we answer questions, help you get your life right. And that's about it, honey.

I'm just out here picking in with the WGA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's right for some, right here. I'm out here in this street. And red, and red. And red. And Danielle. Y'all can follow me at Body Courage on all social media platforms.

Yeah. And watch it goes. We just finished season two. It was amazing. You can watch it on Paramount Plus. And y'all, I just have to say I booked my first movie. So I. Yeah. Thank you. I'm in a movie with Eddie Murphy called Candy Kane Lame

and she'll be coming soon. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm hoping with Eddie Murphy, Carl Candy, Kane Layner, we should be coming soon. Oh, yeah. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you. Congratulations, Danielle. Honestly, it's been a joke, because I've been following you online for years and watching you just go from strength

to strength to strength in this like speedy succession after so much hard work as a fucking joy to be able to hold. Thank you so much, for being here. Thank you. Just stop announcing where you're going on social media. Yeah, I know. I have to. Yeah, I have to. Thank you so much for having me. Just stop announcing where you're going on social media. Yeah, I know, I have to.

Yeah, I have to. Love you guys. Yes! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bad dates is produced by Smartness Media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen.

Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jemida Jamil. That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced and engineered and edited by Devon Tori Bryant, also engineered and edited by Karl McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris, associate producer is Maddie McCann, music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnet,

Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes, executive producers for Smartness Media, a Richard Coulson and Bernie Kominski. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week, we will see you next time for more Bad dates! You! Smart! Blush! Me!

You! Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.