Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Happily Ever After Special! (w/ Tony Hale, Murray Hill, Danny Jacobs, and Mohanad Elshieky)

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Happy Holidays from everybody at Bad Dates! While our host Joel Kim Booster is off getting MARRIED (heard of it?!), we thought we’d give you an upbeat selection of date stories with happy endings! You’ll hear about how Tony Hale really wasn’t paying attention to the plot, a twisty trilogy of tales from Murray Hill, the time Danny Jacobs introduced his girlfriend to his conman, I mean father, and finally Mohanad Elshieky’s future sister-in-law thinks he’s mid, and it’s driving him crazy. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for full episodes. Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates.Buy Tickets for our live show 2/01/26 at SF Sketchfest  Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3Tony Hale: @mrtonyhale on socialsMurray Hill: @murrayhill on Insta, Somebody Somewhere on MaxDanny Jacobs: @dannyajacobs on Insta, The Understudies at The Groundlings Theatre, How To Destroy Everything podcastMohanad Elshieky: @mohaned.elshieky on Insta, new special coming soon! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bad Dates. Hey folks, Joel here. I'm away this week getting married. So, instead of a regular episode, we've pulled together a collection of the rarest kind of bad date stories, the ones that end in love and marriage. To get us started, here's an amuse-boosh. from our Speed Date with Tony Hale.

Bad dates! So on this podcast, we do talk a little bit about love and specifically your loved life. Tony, can you reveal to me now and to the listeners at home what your status is? What's going on in your love life? Well, this weekend will be 23 years, and I've been married to my wife. Oh, 23 years. We were married. Oh, me, sorry.

It's 22 years. 2003, so it's 22 years. 2003. Okay, so was this pre or post arrested? Good question. We were dating in New York, planning the wedding, and then 10, I got the pilot for arrested, and I had mainly done commercials.

I was so blown away by it. And then 10 days before we got married, arrested got picked up, and we immediately moved to L.A. So she was a makeup artist on S&L for about seven years. Wow. Loved her career and made a huge sacrifice with me to come to L.A. And then we were there for 21 years.

That's amazing. And does she still do makeup? She, we not, yeah, she'll do publicity makeup. So, like, if, so we would work together, like, if I had to do publicity, she would do that. But we had our daughter, our daughter's now 19, and it was, yeah, she loved being a stay-at-home mom and doing kind of makeup gigs when they came, but, like, kind of being on set and the full-time of it, I think she did that in New York. That's huge. Yeah. Do you think, now how lucky do you feel, because I feel this way, that you met her and fell in love with her before your life exploded into um into emasculated characters because that's really attractive um uh you know it's it's one of the things that i mean i'm sure

you feel this way but your partner i'm a different man for having been married to my wife like i am she has given me such a gift of just walking through things with me you know and stick together. And I feel like in society, which we have, we adore each other. We have huge feelings for each other. But a lot of, a lot of attention is given to feelings and love. And it's so much about commitment and stay in on course. Work. Yeah. And I am incredibly grateful that she stayed on the course with me. That's really, that's really beautiful. And I think that also it's, I mean, for me, I met my partner right before I became successful. And it is, such a nice, and he's not in the industry at all. He's in an adjacent industry. He works in

video games. And it is so nice to have someone in your life when you're surrounded by all of the bullshit of the networking and the politics and stuff like that. Like I, when I went to the Emmys, I, you know, there is this idea in some circles of Hollywood where it's like, once you're there, you're like, oh, of course I'm here. This is like, I'm fine. This is cool. Like, whatever, I'm at the Emmys. Whatever. I'm at the Emmys. It's where I'm supposed to be. And it was so nice for me to have someone in my life that was so grounded to take me by the hand and be like, hey, buddy, you've dreamed about this your entire fucking life.

Stop trying to be so cool about this. And like, Pat Malakshmi's right over there. We watch her on TV every week. Like, allow yourself to enjoy this moment, which is so important. I don't know if you find out with your wife at all. Yeah, it's that. and it's also bring me down a notch. Yeah, no, totally.

You know, don't get to, this is fleeting, and I'm 54 years old, and life goes by quick, and let's focus on the majors and not things that are kind of come and go. Like, you know, 50 years ago people in the business thought they were the shit, and they're dead. I mean, not to sound dark, but it's true. And it's like relationships and how you treat people and service, those are the things that really have a lasting impact in people's lives.

Here's a real question for you that is something that we have had to work out over the course of our relationship is how do you make sure that you are not the main character in both of your lives? When you are the one on the red carpet, when you're the one getting all this, you know, the focus, how do you prioritize and make sure that she feels like she is the main character in her own life and not just firstly? lady, you know, side- Sure. I think it's

work. You know, you have to, I think our natural default for all of us is protection and sometimes that goes into like me, me, me. And you have to work on getting your eyes off yourself. We've been in therapy for God knows we have had so many therapists

for a long time. And you just have to wake yourself up constantly. Because honestly, that's where the life is. When you get your eyes off yourself and you focus on them and you serve and you've and then both of you are doing that that's when the union is really beautiful but man it's work you got to like wake yourself up to it you got to snap out of it sometimes yeah absolutely that's such a great way of putting it waking up yeah really quick story

our first date was a show called stones in his pockets and it was in new york and i was so nervous and we went on the date all this kind of stuff years a year and a half later when i wanted to ask her to marry me. I said, I'm going to, the play took place in Calarney, Ireland. And I said, I'm going to take her to Calarney, Ireland, and I'm going to ask her to marry me there. And the stone in my pocket is going to be the ring. Okay? So I had this whole, like, romantic story, all this kind of stuff. Went through it, yada, yada, yada, all that kind of stuff. Then years later, I'm shooting Veep in Baltimore, and stones in his pockets is playing at the theater. And I'm like, oh, this is cool. I haven't seen this since our first date. I'm going to go to this play.

Martel was in L.A. I go to the play. I'm watching the play, and I'm like, holy shit. This This play is about suicide. The stones, the stones in his pockets is what he used to kill himself. And I was, I was so nervous on the first day that I was not paying attention to the play. So I pretty much centered our engagement around an engagement, I mean, around a suicide. And I'm pretty much telling her, you are going to be the rocks that kill me. That's like, that's pretty much the message. And I went up to her and I said, Martel, did you find that weird that I center our engagement around suicide?

And she goes, yeah, but I didn't want. to ruin your buzz. That is amazing. I'm like crying my contact out of my eye right now. Isn't that crazy? That is so funny. That's commitment. She stuck with me after that. You are the, you are the stones in my pocket. That's pretty much what I was saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Incredible. I can't, well, and you know what? It's a testament to your love that she said, I'm going to give him this one. Yeah, exactly. She did not ask questions. She was one hour of the day. Incredible. Okay. So, Tony, we do have two questions that we do love to get it into here. I'd love to ask them really quickly before we let you go.

And the first one is, and this is a, both questions are very broad, open-ended, however you interpret them. But is there a relationship or a love story or a moment from a movie or pop culture or media that when you were growing up really sort of implanted in you and you said, that's love, that's what I want, that really affected me or that was a great model for what you eventually looking for. Yes, there is, Joel. I don't actually have that great of a memory. So I kind of remember a little more that were closer to when I was older. And the movie that came to mine for me was Punch Drunk Love. Oh, yeah. Because there is this Emily Watson came into his life. And he was a very kind of meek, quiet to himself guy. And she came into his life and you saw the strength in him

grow because of that love. And there is this badass scene where these guys are chasing him in a car and hit him in the car. And Emily Watson's in the car with him. And she had some blood on her forehead. And you saw him get out of that car. Take a bat and just take these guys out. Take these guys out. And it is one of the most beautiful scenes because you just see the love just overtake him and obviously mixed with anger because of his love. And just so uncharacteristically just goes ape shit and then comes back in the car and drives off and it's such a beautiful picture of what love I mean obviously we don't want to like bash people's heads in because of our love but you know just how love has just gave him this just supernatural strength yeah no it really does that is so real

and I love that movie and I think that like obviously like Adam Sandler what a revelation I think that was like the first time we ever saw he could do something so good in this vein but I feel the same I am so, like, say what you want about me, you know, like, I don't give a shit. Like, I've heard it all at this point. I know all six reasons why people hate me on the internet. Like, it's just like, it is like, it's old hat at this point. It doesn't affect me. But when people say or do things to my partner, I, that is, and that's how I know I'm in

love because I've never given a shit of someone who died before in my entire life. But if somebody puts their hands on him or does something or is cruel to it, I lose my mind. Yes. And I think that that is... And to piggyback on that, all those people that say things on the internet or whatever, if whatever he says or whatever Marcell says to me, that's, those are the words that stick. You know, like she, I can be having a shitty day or feeling low and she'll say something like, hey, keep going, man. Like, I love you. We got this. It's like, it's just the strength. Or, and, you know, it can also be the opposite. Like, her work. words can really take me down, you know, and we have to work through that. But, like, their

words, man, those hold weight. It really does. You've given, part of love is giving power to somebody else in your life. Yeah. You know, giving them their power to uplift or to tear you down, like, to, like, one or the other, but, like, you have suddenly handed over the keys to the castle to somebody else. And, yeah, that is, that is such a good poll and such a good, explanation of why it resonated with you. Tony, finally, this is a pretty simple, again, open-ended question, but is there anything that has happened that you've witnessed, that you've seen on television in real life, or heard on the radio that has made you believe in love this week? This week.

Or recently. It doesn't have to be exactly this week. Yeah, I think this, I mean, I kind of going back to the fact that we're about to celebrate our 22 years of marriage. Like that is so gratifying to me. I mean, I'm so, and not only thankful, just, you know, because we stuck in there or whatever, but just the, how we have both changed. We've even talked about, like, who do we marry? Yeah.

Like, I had no, what? What was going on? But just that time, and when you, to kind of go back to what I said before a little bit, when you do walk with somebody, which I feel like it's very, it is very easy to run. It's very easy to bolt.

but when you do walk through with somebody, God, that love just gets deeper and it gets stronger. And we've had many examples where it just goes into a gray cloud and we're just like, oh, how are we going to get past this? And we do, and it's deeper. And I'm so grateful for that.

You come out loving them even on the other side. Absolutely. I completely agree. The reason I knew I was ready to propose was when I realized like, oh, I actually have fallen in love with the third version of you right now since we've met.

Like you've been three different people since we met, and I've been in love with all of them, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be in love with the next seven versions of you, too. And if not, I'm going to make sure that I ride out version six until the seventh gets there, and we can be, and we can hang. So I totally resonate with that, and that is such a beautiful way to wrap up this podcast. This has been such a delight speaking with you, Tony. Thank you so much.

Bad Dates Next up from our episode The Second Hole with Casey Wilson and Safira Kristal Murray Hill provides a trilogy of tragic tales with a twist ending. Here we go. Bad dates.

Are you in a relationship currently? Are you a relationship person? Were you, you know, running around town, throwing it out there for everybody to catch? What's going on? Well, I'm going to answer that. I'm still trying to figure out what the second hole is from the last...

I actually legitimately don't know. Oh, there's a second hole up there, and you don't want it. You don't want to touch it. I don't want it touched anyways, personally, but I'm not about it. We'll take this offline, the second hole conversation. Because, you know, I learned a lot of new things today. And I'm still learning. But fellas and young lady, I've been the worst at relationships for the past three decades.

Awful. and I had this special knack to date crazy showgirls, actresses, musicians. So it's the same thing of, I know, it's the same thing as a musician. So, you know, I should have known there. Showgirls and magicians share a lot of DNA. Yeah, it just, I kept making the same mistakes. Yeah, it is sort of the McDonald's toy. Like, the boy toy is the magician, the girl toy is the showgirl.

and you sort of get that option at the drive-thru. And, you know, I had to go to the doctor, too, not for my second hole, but I had to go to the doctor. And it turned out that I'm colorblind and I legally can't see red flags. So that was part of the problem. Okay? That's the same thing. Yeah, it's like over and over and over again.

So I'll just tell you, there's so many. There's so many bad dates that I could have done about six or seven hours of interview time for this. But I'm going to do two quick ones and then a quick third one, real quick. Okay, great. I love it. One of them is this young lady, I went home with her the first night. I shouldn't have done it, but I did. And she sounded like Kathleen Turner, but in later of life.

So, again, that's a red flag that I totally missed, okay? Just because you were worried about her lung health, or what was the red flag about that? Well, you know, Kathleen Turner, you know, when she did, had a couple of drinks and the health. It sounded a little questionable. You should run. Yeah. Exactly. So this woman was talking all sex style to me, and I was like trying to be, you know, open because I'm an old, you know,

older guy. And I was trying to be open to, you know, woman talking sexy talk to me. And she was like, I'm touching the back of your neck. I'm blowing on your ear. My hand is on the nape of your. I'm like, all this shit. And I'm blowing on your neck. And what does it smell like? And I said, hot dogs? And she literally went insane. Okay. And then wrote a blog. She kicked me out. I'm not kidding this. She kicked me out and she wrote a blog the next day. Of course I looked because, you know, that's one of the things about messaging. I have to look. And the title was never date a comedian. Here's why. Oh. So that was one quick story. Well, wait, can I ask one clarifying question about that? When you said, when she asked, what does it smell like? What was she

referring to? Her breath. Oh, okay. You know what? That's not a That is, that is so, she's so sensitive. She probably had some street meat before she was blowing on the nape of your neck. And that's okay. You were just being honest. Well, see, people don't like that. No, no, they don't like honesty. And comedians, as delusional as they are or optimistic, as we're saying tonight, you know, they, you know, you set me up for a joke, I had to go there.

That's right. Yeah. Showbiz. And the other one, this is also, this is real. The first night I went home with her, she's like, I just weaned myself off of my vibrator. Now, I didn't know what that meant. And I don't know if you kids from the other communities will understand what that means.

But when women use machines to get off, it's very, a human can never replicate a machine type of. This is AI, guys. And this is what's coming from all of us. Unfortunately for men, we don't need the machines. we need it's what happens to us is just the grill a grip of our own hand is what we get used to and that can be problematic so I understand it's a lateral sort of problem but I understand so imagine the grip of your own hand completely automated like you know when you plug it in like the oh we have those yeah I'm sure you do and that's probably where the second hole comes in handy but anyway so I didn't know what this meant and I was like okay cool And, you know, I should have, that was a red flag. The fifth floor fucking walk up in Greenpoint, second red flag.

So I was already dying by the time I got up there. You don't have much more to give after that. Yeah. I didn't have much more to give to start with. So anyway, so we're making out and stuff. And I'm doing whatever I can. And you're not going to know this kid, but with a woman, you know, she does have two holes. Oh, I did know that.

I did know that. It's two roads diverged in a yellow wood, okay, and... And you took the one most traveled by. The one time I did finger a woman, I chose the wrong that the one the pee comes out of, okay? So it is not easy. Not just women. Not just women. Yeah.

So try to imagine this, kids. I'm doing this. I've got one finger in one hole, the other finger in the other hole. I'm blowing on the clip. I'm doing all this shit. I'm doing... Nothing was going to happen. She was like, mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. So I'm like trying two fingers, three fingers. You know, I get out this thing. I put this thing in. I put that thing in. I put this thing in. And nothing was working. So I even tried.

I got desperate and I said, I love you. First day. Okay. Nothing. Dead silence. So I went like, I licked my fingers. I don't know if that comes across. I'm getting all excited.

My blood pressure just went up. I licked my fingers. And I pounded it in there. Went to pound town. And she faked her orgasm. And so that didn't go anywhere. How do you know she fake? Yeah.

Because she told me. Oh. There's the honesty again. Coming back to bite you and yes. And the last thing, it's not necessarily a bad date, but it's embarrassing, is I don't know if you kids spoon, like big spoon, little spoon. Yeah. Well, even though I'm big and little at the same time, I'm the big spoon. And this woman that I went home with for the first night to my place, she's very tall.

She's a show girl. She's a show girl. And I have pet steps to get into my bed. So that was a problem already. She was like, why are these here? Because you don't have a pet. And then she said something else, Joel, and I'm not making the shit up. She said, why are there crumbs in the bed?

And I said, well, my feelings aren't going to eat themselves. Oh, my God, stop. We're spooning. You know how this, sometimes in heterosexual situations, this can happen. You spoon so much. the lady falls asleep. Yeah. Okay?

I will say actually that is a problem across sexualities. Oh, I didn't know that. I'm learning more stuff. Gay men get tired too, believe it or not. Yeah, we do sleep. I didn't know that. I just thought, you know, cocaine and holes. Not no.

Not no. You're not wrong, yeah. I'm picking this shit up, bros. So anyway, we're spooning. she's falling asleep she's snoring and you know anytime i put something in my mouth my shrink is like have a glass of water so i had i was drinking all night so i had to go pee so i tried to get up okay first night i tried to get up and i don't know if you can tell on the podcast but i got a big belly down there my belly was stuck in her cum bucket or the arch of her back it literally like a bowling ball

in a gutter. It was stuck in there. Okay. My stomach was stuck in there. She was sweating. I was sweating. It was like a suction cup and I couldn't get out. Okay. Oh my God. I could not get out. It was fucking so embarrassing. Okay. And finally I was like trying to push. Okay. I was trying to push myself. It really was like, I think it's science. I think it's science. And I was trying to push myself up and it made the craziest sound that woke her up, the biggest, wettest, slurp-stucky thing that, you know, and it was so loud, it woke her up. And then I started laughing. And then when I start laughing a lot, guess what happens?

You fart. Oh, no. Yes. I farted. Yeah. So you heard this big suction cup and then I just fucking laid like five farts in a row first date and you know what i'm going to tell you something you ready for this exclusive i'm ready we're engaged now oh yes oh my god oh i can't this has been this trilogy oh my god it is better than lord of the rings okay like more satisfying much more satisfying i got to say than any of those little dwarf bullshit movies. Bad dates. Bad dates.

This next story is one of the most insane stories we have ever heard on the show from our episode, Takes Bocaine by Storm, with Evie Oddly and Meredith Casey. Danny Jacobs tells the story of bringing his girlfriend to meet his dad, a con man. Check it out. Bad dates. We simply have to get. to the man himself, written a lot about sex and relationships, sort of made a career out of it.

Danny Jacobs, give us the lowdown. The context, are you in a relationship currently yourself? Were you a relationship guy in the past? What was your strategy? I am married currently, and I have been for quite some time. There was a time prior to that when I was not married. As is the case for most married people, yeah. Generally the journey, and it was for me.

And I would say when I was not married, you know, I would date a lot. I would go on just a few dates with a lot of people. Casting a wide net. Casting a wide but shallow net, which would be my M.O. Okay. So where are we at in this story? This is a romantic date that I'm about. about to tell you guys about, but also not a romantic date. So this is back in, I think, 2011.

Okay. I had a pretty serious girlfriend at the time, and I wanted to introduce her to my dad. And so the date in question is that date, of the three of us, a lunch date between my, my girlfriend at the time and my father. And now, before I tell you about what happened on this date, I need to give you a little context about my dad as a as a person as a human being so my dad my dad was a lawyer um he just i'm just going to give you like a smattering of facts to kind of set the scene so he got disbarred for stealing documents from a federal courthouse he got fired from the securities and exchange commission for accessing a classified database um hell yeah when my mom divorced him she got a phone call

from a woman i grew up in st louis so she got a phone call from a woman i grew up in st louis so she got a phone call from a woman in St. Louis who invited her to a support group that was not composed of people like divorcees, but was composed solely of people who had been sued by my father. They had dozens of members. They had a newsletter. They met regularly. When I, when my dad died, he died. Wait, so wait, quick question. In what position is he serving on Trump's cabinet now? Well, he's dead, but I don't. He's dead. But I don't. know that that would preclude him from being nominated given the way things are going. When he died, my brother and I were looking through his house and we figured out

accidentally that if two doors were open to the same angle at the same time, a secret compartment that my dad had built over the bathtub would pop open. And inside was stolen notary stamps, bank accounts he had opened in my and my brother's name. Oh, my God. Yeah. So, okay. And this is, you needed to introduce your girlfriend to this man. Well, he's, he's my dad.

He's my dad. And this is a serious relationship. And I, and I thought, yeah. But beforehand, so we get to this, we get to the restaurant parking lot. It's this restaurant called the Boat House. It's like a nice restaurant in St. Louis. We're in the parking lot. And I give my girlfriend a speech because I'm just like, I got to prep her for this.

And I'm like, here's what you can expect. expect here's the most important thing don't give him any personal information because he might he will use that in ways that we cannot even imagine he might use it to open up a bank account right yeah no security questions don't give him the name of your first pet the street where you grew up mothers made a name your mother's maiden name he could call her yeah so my and and also i want to point out that my girlfriend is from the south and she is also like so she's you know she wants to she's got that southern genteel thing she doesn't want to piss anybody off this is the the father of this man that she's dating pretty seriously um so but i i tried to to be clear about what to expect so we go in and we start eating and it's going really well um like my dad is charming and and he's inquisitive but in a respectful way, and everything is going great. And I'm like, okay, all right, this is going to be all right.

And then about 45 minutes in, I'm like, I just got to pee real quickly. So, yeah, it was a, look, in hindsight, we can see how that was a mistake. Okay, but in the moment, I had been lulled into a sense of security by what had been happening, and I thought that my girlfriend was handling herself really well. And I was like, okay, this is going to be fine. So I go to the bathroom, and I'm in there for like two minutes, and when I'm coming back from the bathroom, I'm walking towards the table, and I see my dad now has a pen out, and he's in the middle of going, okay, so your birth date is when, and he's like writing down a bunch of information that he had waited to ask, and the way, and I found out subsequently that what, like, the way he did it was like, he was like, to my girlfriend, he was like, listen. um first of all if i can get your phone number because just in case there's an emergency and i can't get hold of danny can i just you know as a way of kind of getting to him can i get your phone number

and then her birthday was like listen i want to send you a present on your birthday as possible just to get your birthday so he's writing this stuff down on a napkin i see this is happening and my heart just drops i'm like oh no so i say dad please give me that give me the napkin and he's like oh don't be ridiculous like it's fine you're being paranoid i'm like dad give me the napkin and it goes back and forth things escalate i ended up grabbing uh trying to grab the the napkin from him we get into a physical tussle in the restaurant oh my god we we we've finally i don't get it from him we get back into the car and i just i weep i just start just full on weeping in the car like it was so traumatic of an experience.

He went so south from where I wanted it to go that I just, I couldn't emotionally contain any longer. And then as a quick P.S. to this. So that night, you know, I told my girlfriend, you got to change your phone number. We changed her. I changed her name. Yep. Yeah, that's right.

Basically going into witness protection. And then when we got on the plane to come back to Los Angeles, When I landed, there was a phone message from my dad, a long phone message saying that through, because of our physical altercation, he, A, had a heart attack and went to the hospital, and B, called the sheriff's department and put a warrant out for my arrest for assault. Now, I want to just say, none of those things were true. He did not have a heart attack. He also did not put a warrant out for my arrest. but it was it was still um still a terrible thing to hear yeah no i mean given everything we know about your father based on your 10 minute story i figured that those were two lies yeah yeah but um i mean

i guess my question is if i was your girlfriend and i know that she's from the south okay and this probably precluded her from doing this i would simply have lied i would not have given him the correct information and you know maybe she wasn't you know thinking as quick on her feet as as we are but you did prime her. You did, in fact, she did exactly what you told her not to do. It's a very, it's a lot's wife situation. She had one job.

Don't look back. And now she's a pillar of salt. Just to defend her for a moment, like my dad could be very, very charming. And like those first 45 minutes, he looked and he looked like just a sweet, elderly old man. You know what I mean? Like, nothing

about the vibe that he was giving off was in concert. the bathroom. Exactly. Exactly. No, you said your father passed. Did your, uh, your wife meet him before he died? Oh, yeah. That's a great question. Okay. So, well, this goes to kind of the, the, the, the things that I've learned or my takeaways from this experience, which, which were two. The first was that this, this experience sort of inspired me to create my own podcast, which I have called How to Destroy Everything, which is about my about my narcissistic father and the sort of ripples of destruction

that he wrought in his life. I was going to say he sounds like a narcissist. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, a malignant narcissist probably with borderline personality, things like that. We explored on the podcast. But the second takeaway from the experience

was that I brought this woman to meet my dad. And my whole life, my dad had done things to violate my privacy, things like that. And I had just, I would get mad and I would not talk to him for several months and then I would forgive him, I would go back and there'd be this cycle. But when I, when I introduced my girlfriend to him, I realized in that moment in that parking lot that it wasn't just about me anymore and that there were other, there's another person here

who I cared very deeply about, who wasn't prepared for this, nor should she have been. and that my girlfriend from this experience became my wife so but i i never i never spoke to my dad again after that day so did he marry her specifically to expedite the name change process you're like okay we got to get this going yeah bad dates Lastly, from our episode, I have outsourced a villain with Blaine Anderson and Conrad Rickamara Jensen. Mohanah and Al-Sheki's future sister-in-law thinks he's mid. Let's listen.

Bad dates! Give me a little context for where you're at today, relationship-wise. I am married now. Woo-woo, congratulations. Yes, I have been married since February, so it has not been long. Newly, Wednesday. That's amazing. And how long have you been together?

We have been together since 2023, November 20th. So it's not long, you know, it hasn't been two years. What made you pull the trigger so relatively soon? I don't, I mean, you're saying two years is not a long time. Just wait until we get to Conrad, okay? And then you won't feel so bad, Mahon. I think I'm only saying that because before that, I was in a six-year relationship that ended.

And that did not end engagement or any of that. So for me, that was quicker. But I don't know. You kind of know when it's the one. You're like, okay, this is, this makes so much sense. I psychotically told my friend on the second day I'm meeting my current fiancee that I was going to marry this man. And they were all like, you're being crazy. You're being a psycho.

Certainly don't tell him that, which I didn't. But like, I knew. You know. You just know. I do think there is a component of all of this that is gut checking. I agree. Now, where in your history does. your story take place?

This takes place only like a year ago, and it's a date with my current wife. And I'm sorry, I said current. She is, she will be my wife for the foreseeable future. I love that. We rarely get bad date stories from someone who is still in the relationship. You know, and I'll say this. So I texted her when I was like, oh, okay, I have to come up with a bad date story. And then she was like, oh, I have one.

And I was like, okay, I don't like that you came up with it. Immediately. She was like, oh, I have your right one. When she told you, did you also recall it immediately as a bad day? And I was like, I cannot believe. I was like, I blocked this painful memory from my brain. And I'm glad you brought it back. And I'm going to use that.

Finally, it is something usable for something. Oh, thank God. Yeah. Brilliant, brilliant. Okay, so set the scene, we're about a year ago now. Yeah. So a little bit of a context. My wife is 29 years old.

She has a little sister who's nine years old. Oh, wow. Yeah, her dad got remarried and then he had a kid nine years ago. And everyone assumes that child is ours. Yeah, that's fair. You see her? And it makes so much sense. It makes sense if I had a child at that time, it would be nine years old.

That child could not be my child because it's so mean to me. the kid is so mean she says things to me that hurt so much and I Can you give us an example of something hurtful you're... In the story, she is involved in the story so I'll definitely give you an example within the story.

Are we calling her sister-in-law? Are we calling her niece? Are we calling... That is the thing. I'm like... I'm like, my wife is like, oh yeah, she's your sister-in-law. I'm like, I don't... I'm not going to use that. I'm like, she is not of age. She cannot even drink. She can't vote.

she's not involved in any laws no and we took her last year to the Bronx Zoo and we're like okay let's take her out you know and it was kind of basically like a date and also her little sister was there

we've been dating for like a while now so I was like okay yeah let's involve your little sister and you got to get in you do have to have some sort of pleasant relationship exactly I would like to meet her I would like to hang out and then like just like few minutes in she immediately started nagging about like her glasses

not being I forgot my glasses and I was like okay what can we do about that and then she was like I forgot my and I was like what do you want me to do and then she held my hand and then she would like describe to me what's happening in the cage I was like

we're not Helen Keller what are you doing that is a Amazing. That's such a huge flex, actually. First of all the way to the Bronx and not realize you've forgotten your glasses. Yes. What a journey that must have been. Mr. Maguing it to the Bronx Zoo. And also like we're looking at the, we're looking at the tiger cage.

Have you seen a tiger before? Imagine that. Like imagine it's walking around. This was the first date? No, this is this is the first date with the, with the child involved. Yeah. I've never like, I have not really. got with her before we met her like that and then and then she just like kept going like that she's just

obviously the kids you know like it was so hot and i'll add to that that my eye at the time it was just so swollen i have no idea why it was just like i was just having a bad day it's a hot day there's a child involved my i cannot barely see from like my left eye and i'm struggling and i'm trying to keep it together has that ever happened to you before or since no that is so bizarre i know And I was like, I cannot believe this is happening to me right now. And then sometime during the day, this kid looks at me and then she said, you're mid. I was like, what did you just say? What?

I was like, I'm just going to hit a child right now. It's so scary. And that is. That's your sister. That's your sister. Yeah. And I was like, why would you say that? Why would you say that?

And there's nothing you could do. You're going to tell a child, like, no, say I'm hot. I want you to say that I'm hot. right now. Now, was she just, do you know exactly what she was referring to? Was she saying your visuals were mid, your personality was mid, or was it sort of the whole package? It was mid.

I think my wife asked her, she was like, so how do you like him? And she was like, he's mid. And I was like, I don't know. I don't like that you know that word. I don't like how you used it. Everything about it. And then I was like, and I was like, what is, what are you? I was like, what is not mid to you?

Like, and then she was like, and she showed me. It was like, it was a picture of an animated K-pop star. And I was like, I am neither. I can never be any of those things. I was like, I'm not, I'm not, I cannot be Korean. I cannot be animated. We talk about the impossible beauty standards for women, but the impossible beauty standards for men, the pressure we feel to be animated K-pop stars.

It's unbelievable coming from the nine-year-old set. And I was like, okay, this is, this is good. but I'm never going to tell you what a tiger looks like or what it's doing. So let's see. Let's see how you feel about that. Get water from the well on your own. Sounds like she was testing you. She was definitely testing something.

If we asked her today, would she still say you're mid? Or do you think you've improved in her eyes? No, she thinks because now she knows my personality. So I think my personality maybe have enhanced. And maybe every now and then I have given her money. So that's... Oh, that's huge. So I'm like, into bribe right now.

I'm trying to, like, do anything I can. And then after that, we were like, okay, I can't wait to get home. I want to take a shower. We went to my wife's apartment at the time. And she was like, oh, I can't find the keys. Let's go to my dad's place. Let's go to my dad's place and get the keys from there. And I was like, is your dad there?

And then she was like, no, he's not. I was like, cool. Okay, let's just go and do it. We go to her place, to her dad's place. her dad is there. I've never met that man before. He insists that I stay for dinner. Again, very sweaty.

I just absolutely ruined. My ego has been hit by a nine-year-old kid. And that man is seeing me, and he's like, my daughter has told me so much about this guy, and I can see none of that right now. I don't know what she sees into him. I mean, it's so funny. You have one daughter who sees so much

and one daughter who sees absolutely nothing. Exactly. And a boyfriend who sees through one eye. One eye. Yeah, yeah. You guys make quite the set. You really do. We definitely did. And if you think a child is comfortable at a zoo, imagine them at their own home. Oh, where they are in their, you know, territory. That kid was just like flying around me on a scooter, just going around. And then she brought me all of her toys. And then she insisted I do a stand-up comedy set for the toys. I know the kid. She was like, do your thing. Do your thing. do you think

and I really tried that is that is like people who say well tell me a joke obviously so classically annoying to hear as a comedian

that it almost doesn't happen anymore but not only did she to she heightened she said don't just tell me a joke

tell my friends a joke she got me an audience she got me an audience tell an audience that is it will never laugh we'll never give you what you want

no she gave commentary during my set I tried to do some jokes for her and the toys. Then she asked me, she said, I, she truly the most hurtful thing. She was like, you should get a real job. Maybe you should get an Uber, like you start doing an Uber or something. And I was like, I don't like that. I don't like, I don't like what's happening right now.

Did you tell her you truly did not care. Yeah, she did not care about any of that. The only thing I stopped them from doing is my, her dad wanted to see like a set of mine. like on cone and he wanted to play it on the screen and I was like, I have had enough to do it so much has happened to me I cannot watch a 60 year old

Pakistani man not appreciate my comedy I have been hurt enough by this family yeah and the whole time is your girlfriend at the time girlfriend now wife

is she you know pulling you aside is she noticing this behavior is she noticing how terrible of an experience this is for you? She was noticing their behavior and I can tell that she was noticing because she was filming it on her phone. She took so many pictures from that day. She filmed everything on her phone and it looked as bad as I thought it was. Literally my eyes was, I was just looking so miserable. She should put this up on World Star. I think

there'd be, it'd be a big hit. Let's roll the tape. Roll the tape. I think it was a bad day. I think it was a bad date for me. It was the best date maybe for her. She just had so much fun. And I actually think, I mean, obviously we're joking a little bit about that. But to see your partner under that amount of pressure and to get sort of a field test, because I mean, normally all of those experiences happen over the course of many months separately. But you got it all in one fell swoop and you lasted. You made it work. So especially because you've only, you got married after two years. It's like, no shit. She saw you, she saw what, you know, happens when you're under that amount of pressure. So, I wonder if she has done that before. And she's like, no man has

survived the Bronx Zoo test. Oh, no, I forgot my key again. Be sure to call him the worst name, you know. It's kind of genius. It's kind of genius. It is 100%. So, Mohana, did you learn anything from this experience that you took on with you into the marriage? I, actually like now I'm trying like I used to try really hard to impress her little sister like I because I really wanted that kid to like me and now I understand that this is the biggest

mistake to do with just like kids in general like or like you can't just be like oh I want you to think I'm cool it's there's nothing you could do really you just have to live with it they think nothing that you do is cool you think you're just nothing to them just so awkward you're not a streamer

you're not someone they see on TikTok stand up comedy kid does not appeal to Cassidy. Do not think it's cool. And it's so refreshing to have a nine-year-old girl be the villain of this story. I have outsourced the villain. Bad Dates! Thanks for listening. All of 2025 friends, happy new year. We will be back next week with all new tales from the trenches. Bye-bye. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Brian. Produced by Ann Harris. by Kyle McGrath.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushie and Evan Schlever. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3-283.

That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more. Bad Gates.