Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Holiday Re-Release: Rickety Cat (w/ Paul Feig, Wendi McLendon-Covey, and Thomas Lennon)

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

On this seasonal re-release of our second episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes Paul Feig, Wendi McLendon-Covey, and Thomas Lennon to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Paul tells us how his sexy cowboy plan almost got trampled, Wendi talks about a cat who shat in the middle of her dude chat, and Tom goes on a ten day date that was nine days of hell. If you've had a bad date you'd like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can't wait to hear all about it.Paul Feig: “Cocktail Time - The Ultimate Guide To Grown-Up Fun”, Artingstall’s Brilliant London Dry GinWendi McLendon Covey - The Goldbergs, Elemental, GrimsbergTom Lennon - The Ronan Boyle novelsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bad dates! Bad dates listeners, we hope you're having a wonderful holiday season and as our gift to you, we would like to present a classic episode from the beginning of our season. Paul Feeig starts us off with a tale of holiday cheer and a near death experience. It's also got some of our favourite bad dates from Wendy McClendon, Covey and Tom Lennon. Also, our season one finale is coming up and some special guests will join me as we count down the 10 worst dates of the year. Do not miss it and thank you for listening.

Wendy, Thomas and Paul, I'm so thrilled you're here, I'm such a big fan of all of you, I can't fucking believe it. We are thrilled to be here. Thrilled to be here. Rank us, rank us, rank us. No, no, it's not, I mean it's not important but it would be great. No, no, it's not, I mean, it's not important, but it would be great. No, no, no, no, I'm way too ambitious to do that. But I'm also just so glad that you will know each other,

because you've all got some shit on each other, you know? Yeah, sure. For your Thomas, you've done stuff together. Wendy and Paul, Thomas and Wendy, is all very incestuous. Yep, there's just simply no other way to talk about our relationship. It's filthy. It's a filthy other way to talk about our relationship. It's filthy. It's a filthy, filthy three way religion. I'd say we're all made in the comedy mafia.

I don't know if we're all maybe Paul, maybe you're probably a copo. I would say a lame state. Yeah, definitely. I would dare say you are both royalty. Oh, wait, am I Andrew? Yeah. No one wants to be Andrew. I didn't want to break that, dude.

Oh, dang. Oh, But I don't sweat ever. Neither does he. Hello and welcome to Bad Dates, a podcast that celebrates the absolute fucking disasters that we can all face on the road to love, to shacking or to both. I'm Jermida Jamil, I'm your host and I'm inviting some of my absolute favourite people to discuss their most iconic dating clusterfucks. Today I'm joined by the excellent Paul Feeeg, Wendy McClendon-Covvy and Thomas Lennon, and I have to say, I'm so excited to get to know all of you, but I'm joined by the excellent Paul Fee, Wendy McClendon, Covey and Thomas Lennon and I have to say I am so excited to get to know all of you but I'm also kind of excited for you to get to know new sides of each other because I feel like we're all going to learn something significant and maybe against our will in the next hour and I hope everyone's ready.

Before we get into everyone's stories I would like a bit of insight into what the experience is like of dating you guys. Like this podcast is just about all of the silliest clusterfuck's we've ever had, but I also think it's nice to get a little bit of insight into the human being. Paul, I'm gonna start with you just by asking you. Yes.

Simply, what do you feel like the experience is for dating you? If for dating me? For dating me? Put yourself in their shoes. Underwhelming, I would dare say. Hot. You'll get a great meal. Sure. There will be a very good meal.

And then everything will be underwhelming after that. Great. And what's same? Same. Yeah. Wendy, what about you? I'm a very active listener. Mm-hmm. Okay. I will make you feel fascinating no matter how boring you are. Mm-hmm. That's right. Mm-hmm. I'm also very insincere.

The perfect combo. Mm-hmm. Does this mean you, do you take it all the way to faking an orgasm or does it stop conversation early? It's just conversationally. In bed, I give very little effort. You know, you're lucky to be there type of thing. And let's get this over with. No, I'm kidding. I'm superior in all areas.

You don't call out, don't you know who I am during this? Exactly. Okay, next one. Exactly. Yeah, that's what people like. Yeah. But I am a good active listener.

That's one thing I will admit. Yeah, you sound like a kind day. I like that. Tom, what do you think? I think I'm probably in the same boat as Wendy. So I've been married for 20-ish, 21 years. Mm-hmm, well done. So I think probably the best thing that ever happened to me

was that when I was sort of actively out in the dating pool, people couldn't give you like instant yelp reviews everywhere you go of every day of your life. Oh my God, thank God. You know, like, because I'm sure it probably, I don't know if I was an amazing date a lot, but also like people weren't just Yelp reviewing everything that existed in the world at the time.

You know, there was really no technology for that. I mean, the total cost is basically one dry in Yelp for me. So I followed that. I kept getting to date really, really interesting, beautiful women, which is, and it's great that they had no way to connect and learn how to, there was no warning system. There was no way they had no failsafe where they could be like, hey, this is going to really be like some of the, like the sweatiest, weirdest couple of minutes of your life.

So, yeah, it was great. It was great. I was great that that was not really, you know, that said, I think I'm pretty fun. I definitely was one of those people that tended to fall in love very fast. Yeah. How fast?

I could basically, I could fall in love, you know, give me a solid 38 to 40 minutes. I have like, of finding me amusing. And there you go. If they laugh at our jokes, we're jokes, and then I go straight to, oh my god, I love you so much. Did you guys enjoy that? I mean, it sounds like Tom really enjoyed dating,

but did you guys enjoy the process of it? I find it terrifying because, you know, I can give no signals whatsoever. I find it absolutely petrifying once we're in, we're in. But I put people through a rigorous three month process before I'll even kiss them. Not good. We're not some sort of like, not not 90 days to get the ring sort of shit. Just like it takes me that long to understand that you're interested. Yeah. Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean, I I always would say back when I was dating. I said, I wish God or whoever's in charge would come down, just line us up and go, you two go together, you two go together and just be done with it. I despise dating, despise it. Right, right, right, right. Well, I kind of want to know why, and therefore I think I want to hear your story first.

So nobody gets it. Oh, so did you say 60 days or 90 days? 90 days, 90 days. Okay. Like three wineankless months. That is really intense. But yeah, when the wanking comes to pass, it is worth it.

That's a wild. Yeah. She shoots me to the ceiling. Oh, God, that was disgusting. We're moving on. Immediately had Derek cry to lie. Bad days. Hello listeners, this is Mike Corey of Against the Odds.

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We found this large house and the place had a pool, a barbecue, a kitchen, and a great big living room to play cards. Watch movies and just chill out. It honestly made all the difference in the trip. It felt like we were all roommates again. The next time you're planning a trip, whether it's with friends, family, or yourself, check out Airbnb to find something you won't forget. This podcast is brought to you in part by Audible, presenting Anne of Green Gables. A timeless

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Plus, this audible original offers a unique immersive experience. Combining an original score, Dolby Atmos Sound Design, and the richness of theatrical performance, and of green gables. Listen now, only on Audible. dates. Paul, your story is called the worst Christmas ever. Yes. I rank in bass production. Yes.

Thank you so much. Yes. Well, much like Tom, I fell in love very quickly, but I also thought that you could buy love. Oh. They don't mean in sort of a drive-down town, to think. I mean, I would buy presents. And so I was a stand up at a club in downtown LA. And there was a cocktail server there who I was in love with.

Just she was my type. She's beautiful. Everything I like. I always always love with Terry Gar, so any woman who lives like Terry Gar. That's all I want. And would hang out with her occasionally. And we kind of were getting along. I thought,

oh, she kind of likes me. She kind of likes me. And so I was trying to decide if I was going to stay in town for Christmas for the first time away from my family because I'm from Michigan. And she said, well, if you do stay, you should come to my house for Christmas. I like, bang, game, like, it's a date. It's got to be a date. So first thing I do is I've been talking to her about stuff and she's she was mad because her roommate had broken their coffee maker. And so this back in like the late 80s and so I said, I'm gonna buy her the best coffee maker ever.

So I went and bought this $200 coffee maker that was like a... Fuck me. Behemoth, I mean, it ground the beans. If you can set it, it would make it the night before. We do all this stuff. Yeah, I mean, back then, you're basically bringing a whole Starbucks. Yeah.

And we saw a big mobile phones in the dildos where, like, I can't believe. I can't even imagine how big that was. And she opened the door and must have said, fuck me. You just brought me this out. Yeah. They were hoping she would say that I would have just written it across the phone. Yeah. $200 back then is like $10,000.

Oh my God. That's a house. Absolutely. But I was all in. So she was known for being a horse person. She was in the horses, their family lived out in Chino. And so I'm like, okay, I'm going to press her. So I went to this second hand cool store and I bought cowboy boots.

Secondhand cowboy boots, a real popular one. So I put that on and I had this jacket because top gun had just come out. So I had the number jacket, a leather bomber jacket. And I show up at their house. Well, sorry, so you're like top half top gun, bottom half, Midwest. Well, or am I?

Ice man, I don't know, did he wear boots? Does somebody have a new one? I love the whole village people of this whole outfit. I love it so much. It's great. So, your coffee sky cowboy. Yeah, exactly. You're the coffee sky cowboy of her wetlands.

I mean, who could resist that, really? So, I get there and she opens a door and she's at a t-shirt and jeans looking pretty like she just rolled out of bed. So I'm like, okay, well, maybe it's early. So I walk in and then her whole family is sitting around watching football, dressed in sweats and looking terrible. So I'm like, well, okay. And so she goes, oh, you want to come help me wash my horse?

What a pickup line, right? Can I do a briefly ball? Can I do the sound of your boots as you walk through that? Please do, please do. Go on. That's right. That's how dirty her carpet was, exactly. Okay.

So I go, sure, of course, which is the last thing I want to do is watch a horse, but of course, if it'll help her fall in love with me, I'm going to watch that goddamn horse. So her dad goes, oh, you know what, get Paul some Galasha's. So he doesn't get his nice new boots during, I was like, oh man, charity, Sussed me out as a city slicker. So we go out, she watches the horse, and it's, you know, whatever it's all stinky and everything.

But then she goes, I'm gonna take him for a ride in this corral. So she goes, do you ride horses? They go, of course I ride horses my whole life. I was on twice when I was a kid, you know, when they walked you around the pan. Yeah, this is very funny, Bryce. Can I roll the skate? Exactly. Get ready. Yeah. So she goes, what do you want to ride them? I said, like, of course, she goes, really? I said, yes. Okay. So I get on first problem. It's a English riding saddle, which if you really think about horses, I don't know anything.

English riding saddle is like a stack of pancakes, basically. A Western saddle has a big nub, it has a big joystick nub in the middle. Well, the Western one does. Yeah, that's, that's you hang on to. The English it's so you can jump over them. Yeah, you're just sitting on like a donut. I'm like, okay, so I go, here we go. And I kind of hit the reins and the horse stands there.

And I hit it again and I go, which you're supposed to do, and it doesn't do anything. And she goes, well, just squeeze his ribs a little bit. So I go, okay, I squeeze the ribs, won't move. Finally, I kind of like squeeze really hard. That horse takes off like a shot out of hell and just starts barreling towards the gate.

And so he's going a mile minute, I start to slide off the horse. My foot hooks in the one steer. I fall off the side, but I'm hooked on the side. So I'm literally doing the splits on the side of the horse with my one foot dragging like a trick rider. Oh my God. And the horse will not stop. He's going to kill himself and

me. He's decided he hates me so much. He's going to commit suicide and take me down with them. So I mean, we're at the gate. I'm like, I'm dead. And I she goes like, stop. And the horse stops. And I slam into the gate and like almost knocked myself out. And because she called that out earlier, do you know like she could have said stop? A little sooner. I don't know how compressed of a time this one. It might have only been the course of five seconds. It felt like an hour that I was barely in court's fence. So I had to be extracted off the horse

and it was really embarrassing. OK, we have to stop. We have to stop for one second. Round of applause for Paul's elastic balls. Elastic balls. I can't believe you didn't split wide open. Well, you know what I, wow.

Very supple scrotum, exactly. So, which is the name of the band I used to be. By the way. So, I'm like, okay, so that's over with, I'm already humiliated, she's like, all right, let's go eat. So, we go back in, I'm going, okay, now the feast is gonna happen.

We go in, everybody's still in sweats watching TV, she goes into the kitchen, she goes, pulls out this, this is Tupperware thing. She goes, like, okay, what kind of sandwich do you want? Stop it. And she goes, yeah, we had a party last night. We got all these leftover cold cuts. So I make the world's saddest sandwich. But then you have to make your own sandwich. Yeah, of course. Well, you know, because I'm a good lot. This is sub-wet. Yeah, that's right. So the whole time she keeps kind of eyeballing this enormous present, you know, and I'm clearly going to like something's wrong. And I'm getting

really depressed too, because I know my family's having turkey and gravy and all that kind of stuff back in Michigan. So she opens up the coffee maker and your eyes are like, oh my god, but not like, this is so great. More like shit. What did this loser do? He spent so much money. So then she goes, oh, I got something for you. Disappears into her bedroom for a good 10 minutes, a good 10 minutes. I believe I hear the sound of rapping going. And she comes out with these wrapping, going past the tree. He's actually, like, Tom. We're going to grab him. And she comes out with these two presents and one is the small little kind of square.

I open it up, it's a calculator, like, you would have been given from anyone. She's like, because you spent... Like a solar calculator that you would get in a box of Captain Crunch. Exactly, but I kind of feel this is like. And so it's kind of cool. She's like, you spent $200 trying to fuck away

to this from the comedy store. You need a calculator to figure out your financial plan. Exactly, because you probably could have done that for quite a bit, let's, exactly, exactly. So then, and then, present number two, is clearly a book. So I unwrap then, present number two, is clearly a book. So I unwrap the book,

and the book is called, How to Be a Popper Rotsie. Oh, no. Which I take is a meaning. I've seen your act so many times, you should go and do a different line of work. And the book has clearly been thumbed through a million times, too. I might add that, too.

So, and then it's just like, this is terrible. And I'm like, well, do you want to go see a movie? She goes, oh, I can't. I've got a date. No. What? I do not like the sounds of this person. Yes. So, I also she thought you were. So she harried you along. And I was just a sad dude, you know, kind of, you know, want to be comic. But she thought you were her gal pal. Yeah, totally. No, I was in clearly in the friends. You were just a pal that was going to write wash horses.

Mm-hmm. I am upset. Thank you. Thank you. Done on Christmas day. Wash my fucking horse. And I'm going to feed and help yourself to whatever leftovers are in the fridge and none of us can be bothered to put our pants on.

If we're left over, Capacola. I feel like paying pull could have been the only way she could have made that more offensive. I was just giving you a tip at the end of that. You know what I would have been? I would have $200 with a gone a long way to do that. And where is she now? Do you know? I do have been 200 dollars would have gone a long way. I'll tell you that. Oh. And where is she now? Do you know? I do know where she is now.

You do. And she's actually quite successful. And then actually, I will say I actually am quite friendly with her. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. It took a long, I mean, years later we reconnected and just as friends. You were able to laugh it off, but I... Lamp it off.

Can I just say that I'm so impressed at your restraint to not take the coffee machine back? Because I 100% am the kind of low life to do that sort of thing. Like, what the fuck would I leave a $200 present with you? But you can't be a dickhead. You can't be like, you invited me over for Christmas, therefore, you owe me love. But...

When you're in the hospital, you get, if you get a used calculator back. Yeah. Yeah. If you're a serial follower in lover, and you also think, you know, the presence, you kind of think, oh, I just left a giant seed that will now blossom.

Every time it's coffee is like, you know who gave this to me? That great guy who fell off the side of my horse. First wash in. First wash in. That's a beautiful first horse in the game. I lived in the friend zone until I was about 22 years old. That was my address, like my PO box, which was just friend zone and W3. Like I fully relate. Did it shape the way that you then looked going forward at these situations?

Did it make you like a little bit paranoid? Did it hold you back? Did you stop buying several hundred dollar presents the first time? No, no, I didn't. I didn't. Sadly. I, you know, I just figured, oh, maybe this, you know, I, I miss red the signs, but in the next time I'm going to get them right. So I was super depressed and I go, what am I going to do? I'm going to go see a movie.

So I went to see it and my cow It boots in my leather jacket and and I love that it was so much fun It's kind of like oh my god. I feel so great So I'm coming out of theater just whistling feeling great and up ahead to you know Really cute young ladies come out of some some restaurant or something and they're walking along So I'm behind them getting you know, but like you good 20 30 feet and they kind of look back at me and I kind of give my shy smile and they look away. And so it turns out they're parked like exactly where I am. So we're walking, parking lot, the keep glancing back, the keep glancing back and then one of them

goes, oh my God, he's still after us, run. And they run in terror to their car and dive in. And that was the worst Christmas ever. Oh my God. Oh my God. This was all on Christmas day. All on Christmas. The spirits did it all in one day. Enjoy.

And you went to the cinema on your own, right? Oh, yes, of course. I was fucking loved doing that after rejection. I got rejected once and then went to watch, and this was ill advised. It was a, it was very on the nose. There was a Jennifer Aniston film called Love Happens. And I went and watched it on my own at 10.30 AM

with all of the snacks, you know, the hot dogs and the nachos and the popcorn. I was sitting there and I was like, I'll have it to myself. It's 10.30 in the morning. No one else is going to be here. Apart from some young couple who are just clearly at the beginning of dating, they come in and they sit right in front of me and then start making out for the entirety of the trailers.

And I'm like, this is like being fucking tortured. Like, I've just had my heart broken. And I am now watching these two couples. They're definitely about to fuck. I don't think they can see me here. I'm brown and I'm in the dark. So I think they think that they have this place for themselves. I think we have the same idea.

And when it becomes evident that she's about to suck him off, I then stick my face in between the two of them and I'm just like, I'm so sorry. But do you think you could at least just move several rows behind me? So I can enjoy this film. Because otherwise I feel like I should be paying a lot more. I do it again and good luck to that young couple who I terrorized. They didn't know I was there.

I completely killed, like I am a serial erection killer and I feel like to even killer actions that weren't on my turf feels incredibly criminal. That man was Prince Andrew, he was not sweating, he was just with a friend up front. No, I was in my 20s, I was far too old for Prince Andrew and on that note, let's move on. Well done. And scene. We'll be right back. What a life these celebrities lead. Imagine walking the red carpet carpet the cameras in your face the designer clothes the worst dress list Big house the world constantly peering in the bursting banker count the people trying to get the grubby mitts on it What's he all about? I'm just saying being really really famous. It's not always easy I'm Emily Lloyd-Sainy and I'm Annaneliong-Rofi and we're the hosts of

Terribly Famous from Wondery, the podcast which tells the stories of our favorite celebrities from their perspective. Each season we show you what it's really like being famous by taking you inside the life of a British icon. We walk you through their glittering highs and eyebrow raising lows and ask is fame and fortune really worth it? Follows terribly famous now wherever you get your podcasts, or listen early and ad-free on Wondry Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondry app. And we're back. All right, so Wendy, you're up next.

And I mean, following that is a huge task, but your story is called Dinner in the Dark. And yes, I am deeply interested. Okay, dinner in the dark. Well, let me set the table here. This was 1993, and I had spent the summer being very upset about a breakup that of course was supposed to happen. We were not meant to be in a relationship, but I dragged it out and made sure everybody in Southern California knew how upset I was.

And I needed to get my life back in order and the only way to do that was to go back to school and the only way I was going back to school is if it was at a community college, okay. So I was in a class called interpersonal communication, 100. So this is a required class where you go in front of a proctor and you have conversations with people that show that you're an active listener. See? Oh, okay. Good. I studied because I took this class.

So I meet a guy in this class and we became like the bad kids who caught you shut up and were always laughing. But I really liked this guy. He was very, very funny. And we're walking to our cars one night and he goes, Hey, do you want to come over to my house? My parents are going to be gone and I can make you dinner. And I said, oh, well, I'm going to let you make me dinner. But right now, why don't we go over to El Torrito? Because excuse me, I had a credit card with a limit of $500. So, this money has changed to everything. Yeah. Let me just show him what's what. I will pay for this first excursion with my credit card.

So, wait, what is Elterita? Because remember, I'm like, oh, yes. I don't work for them, but it's a beautiful, it's a slightly upscale, fast, casual Mexican, but with an upscale flair. Wendy, am I incorrect? Yes. There is no drive through. No, no, no.

But you can get a margarita there. Closer to like an applebee's, maybe. In Spanish, El Torrito means the Torrito. So, you're welcome to me. Now you know what that means. Thank you, Wendy. Thank you. Anyway, so the time comes, you know, I'm going to go to this guy's house. His parents are gone.

So I go to this guy's house and I'm all dolled up. I've got a full face of makeup on, hair, outfit, you know what? Credit card, feeling good. Present, excuse me, yes. Credit card paid off. And he opens the door and he's in socks and a t-shirt and jeans. Oh, no. Nope, no, no, first time.

I call just describe. Nope. But he's, you know, he looks cute and obviously very comfortable in what he's doing. I feel like, oh, he must make dinner for girls all the time. But I go in the house and it is very dark and freezing cold. And I'm like, huh, this is weird. Okay. And maybe dangerous, but no, it's fine.

I can throw hands if I must. But this was the era where we didn't know that we shouldn't send like hot girls into the basement in movies. You know what I mean? We're still experimenting with that. Exactly. You can see how it would turn out. With the data now, obviously, obviously now. Yeah, you're walking into the revenants basically. What's inside? So I see this sad little kitty cat sitting on the coffee table. This is like, stop her now.

This is like, can't hand bones. This is the Jeff Dahmer story. And I go over to the kitty, because I love cats. And I'm like, oh, kitty, hi, kitty. And I pick it up. And the guy goes, no, no, no, don't pick up the cat. It might shit himself because it's very old. And he's very sensitive and it might shit everywhere.

So just leave him alone. And he's on the dinner table. OK. He was on the coffee table next to the dinner. The car. The cat is left over El Torrito also. I mean, it's going to... The cat's been living on whatever came back from El Torrito.

So, um, we sit down for dinner. It's steak paccata, which I've never had before. And wow, what an involved recipe. I'm very impressed. It smells great. It's delicious. Okay. So now I feel like I gotta go to the bathroom. Where's your bathroom? Oh, it's down this long dark hallway.

Oh, no. Just go down to the very end. And it's on the left. Okay. Robert De Niro went in good fellas. We're all shaking our heads violently. Just a little further, little further, little further, little further. So I go down the dark hallway and I open the bathroom door and I try to shut it, but it won't shut. Oh no. But I'm like, well, I'm all the way down at the end of the hallway. Oh no, no. So I'm just going to go for it.

This will be quick. This will be quick. This every horror movie ever. Every horror movie ever. Every horror movie ever. So I'm on the turl it. I'm doing my thing. And the door opens wide open. Because little rickety cat pushed it open with his face, walked up to me and maintaining eye contact with me, ships on the bathroom rug.

Next to its litter box. Okay, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm aroused. Oh, of course you are. How could you not be? So I'm looking at this cat, and I'm looking at what the cat's doing, and I'm like, he's gonna think I did that.

But I also don't feel like I should pick this up, because I don't feel like this is my responsibility. So I'm just gonna act like it didn't happen. And let's finish this up, because the door is wide open. Okay, and again, this whole exchange took about 30 seconds, but it felt like an hour and a half. So I walk back down the dark hallway.

Again, it's very dark in this house. And I see Kitty sitting in the corner. And I'm like, damn it, I am gonna make friends with this cat. So I'm down on my hands and knees going, Kitty, come on Kitty. Little Kitty, oh sweet Kitty. And the guys looking at me like, what are you doing? Well, I was talking to a cat-shaped pillow that had the same markings as the rickety little kitty. And he saw me talking to this cat pillow. Then he goes down, he goes down the long

dark hallway to the bathroom and said, oh my God, there's shit on the carpet. I'm so sorry. And I said, well, yeah, he did that right in front of me. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I did it, but I didn't know what to do. So I just left it. He goes, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

Okay. Well, all right. Let's go back to the steak. Pocata, it's fine. Whatever animals do with what they are going to do. All right, so we're eating. We're having a great conversation. All of a sudden, I'm like, okay, I gotta go, bye.

Very abruptly, because I thought I was going to ship my pants. This steak, Pocata is not sitting well. Okay, so he's poisoned in my cat is what I'm getting from this. Horizons and really weird stuff. To just drag this story out of even longer plates. I'm about to shit my pants all of them out of durable outfits. All right, and it was, I got to tell you, it was 1993, I looked good. Anyway, I made it home and I didn't ship myself. All that to say, it was a very weird night.

Poor guy thought I just was not interested because I left so abruptly and because of the weird cat thing and like everything, it was a weird night. However, we've been married for 26 years. Yeah, so we're down. Wait a minute, I need a burial. This is my little friend. I just saw him go by in the background. There's Greg.

Oh my God. He's laughing at his desk. It was Greg. It was my grandpa's. This makes me so happy. It was about six seventies, not that little. But do you still have the cat pillow? Do you still have the cat pillow?

Do you still have the little cat pillow? You still have the cat pillow? The cat pillow is still sitting in his mother's house in the same place. And it is always dark there and it's always freezing. They just, you know, some people just like it dim. I don't know why. Is the old cat still around? Did it dim?

No. Kitty died like weeks later. It was about 18 years old. Okay, wow, fair enough. But anyway, it was a weird date, but it ended well, and it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long.

It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long. It's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's not long, it's long, it's not long, it's not long, it's No, no. Because it wasn't pretty and I know I blew through some stop signs. Um.

And God, you didn't blow through the back of your dress. Exactly. I want to tell you. Exactly. Exactly. More bad dates right after a quick break. Bad dates. Bad dates.

Bad dates. And we're back. Tom, you went on a 10 day date. Yeah, what? Only now, as in my hate adult years, can I see how ill advised this idea was? Were you taking hostage, just a while? I was, I was kind of in, you could say so. So I was sort of freewheeling at this point. It was like in the 90s in New York and I just, you know, broken up with someone I've been dating for

really long time. And as I probably pointed out, I tend to fall in love very fast. I tend to fall in love very fast. Mm-hmm. This was, it was fast and because Susan was on paper way too beautiful to date me. She just was. Non-sense. Exactly. It's so sweet that you say it now, but Susan was just off the charts, like just stunning. Like, seems too good to be true.

Mm-hmm. Okay. So we're, we go on like maybe one date, and it's like goes fine. But nothing, I mean, no big news, but I'm on a date with Susan, it feels cool. The next day, I'm shooting a scene in a movie with John Bon Jovi, which is a very exciting,

thank you. And wait a minute. I love everything about that. I'm in a little picture called Ro Your Boat with John Bon Jovi. And later on, I go check my answer machine or maybe she even came in and Susan said, look, it's like early December. She's like, I've got all these frequent flyer models. Take now, we've been on one day. So this will be our second date. She's like, have you even kissed at this point? No, have not kissed. No kissing, no fingering. We have not had anything, nope.

No, not first base, not second base, not third base, not home. So she's like, do you want to go to London with me for 10 days and we'll just like do Christmas shopping and like, go for round and I'm like, I don't have a date to do so. I know, geez. 1 million percent I want to do this. This is like the best thing I've ever heard.

I'm like, this is like what people do in a rom-com. We're gonna go like goof around and London with scarves and stuff. Montages, oh. We're gonna mess with this. We're gonna mess with this. We're gonna mess with this. The hat is gonna be like on a battleground boy music is gonna play in the background.

So anyway, so like a day later, with Susan's freaking fire miles, we're flying like coach, but to London. And we're kinda like, starting kinda like, canoodle on the plane a little bit, and it's kinda cute. I'm like, oh my God, we're gonna London.

Like on our second date for 10 days. You do feel like you're gonna end up for the rest of your life with someone that you have such an epic experience with. It feels so good. It's so cute. It is so cute. And we're like, oh my god, we get there and then you have jet lag and we get to the hotel room. And we're in this unbelievably beautiful little charming.

It was like, I'd never heard the word boutique hotel before. But that's what we were staying in. So it's like the windows looked out and it was just like, look like Mary Poppins out the window. And we both have jet lag and we've been kind of canutling on the plane. And that first evening there, Susan and I make love in this incredible little quaint. Booty Co-Tel. And that's when while we're making love, Susan looks me straight in the eyes and starts weeping really, really hard. Oh no.

Yeah. Yeah. She starts crying really, really dramatically. And I'm like, hey, we should probably stop this. She's like, that's okay. It's okay. No, it's okay. This is just something that happens.

So Susan's just weeping really, really hard. Because she's in, she's so moved. I don't think so. I think it almost feels like it's kind of unrelated. And she's basically like just like, no, no, it's okay. Just, well, yeah. So Susan's weeping while we sort of make love. And it doesn't go, it's okay, just well, yeah. So Susan's sweeping while we sort of make love and it doesn't go, it's very, very strange.

Bit of a bummer, killer, exactly. It's a real bummer, it's a real bummer. How so? That's such a compliment. Daring in your eyes and sweeping is not what you, you know, I was not expecting that. And it was pretty weird. So now we're in the hotel room and then I'm like,

this was maybe this was a weird. So now we're in the hotel room and then I'm like, this was maybe this was a weird idea to like take a second date to London for days. But there's only nine days left. There's only nine days, there's only nine point nine days left. So this is gonna be great. The short version is basically by the morning of the second day, we had broken up and we're not speaking.

Wait, what? By the following morning. You were way more missing than that. I was missing something too. Oh no. Well, so there was no discussion of it. You just had a nice evening at dinner. I see evening and then sort of like slept

and then the next day. And then it was like Susan would just sort of stare in the middle distance and then she was kind of mad at me and then like three days in Because we only had the boutique hotel for the first like two nights or three nights All three days in me six days left and then we went into the guest room of her best friend's house apartment in London So now we're absolutely broken up. We're not really talking to each other

But apparently I didn't know I should have flown home. But I kept thinking it was somehow going to pull this out of the fire. But it never came out of the fire. So then I really never knew what was wrong. I think what happened was she was basically a couple different people depending what time of day you caught her. So like the one that invited me to go to London was the fun one. I wanted to make it. That does eye contact and weeping is a different one. But then we definitely had a moment where we did put on scarves and be like in a Coven Garden with scarves on.

But then anyway, it was a dreadful like six days that we rode out and basically like an endless sort of wall of chilliness and just such a bummer. Are we sharing a bed? Yes, but it was like we weren't even touching. We were just like staring at the ceiling or just like, oh my god, oh my god. Sorry, but England is the worst place to have jet lag because going that way, it's like you don't fall asleep until 5 a.m. and England closes at 10.30 p.m. So that's a solid six and a half hours in isolation with someone who suddenly doesn't like you. Does really, really, really change the mind about

me really fast. But it was really weird. So we had this sort of like chilly several days of not a montage set to a badly drawn one. Did you not go and try to make a palace guard laugh? Because that's always definitely tried to take the guy in there. I love you for doing it. And you clown and the other. Oh, they love you. And then we flew to several places and I ended up going,

I was going home to my parents in Chicago. And she was going back to her manor in her estate. I very cough. I'm trying to go to sadness exactly. And all I remember is, like, at the airport, I was like, well, okay, that's it. And then she called the next day. And I was like, she called on a landline phone

and we were talking and she was like, how are you doing? And she was like, I can't wait to see you again. I was like, Susan, we broke up in England, didn't we? And she was like, I don't think so. And not only that, she's like, I think you're the one. Oh my Lord. And I was like, oh, both really interpreted that really differently.

Because I thought it was like a lot of weeping and sort of staring into the middle distance. I mean, Wendy just looks angry. What's going on Wendy? What are you thinking? It was a real problem. I'm upset. I'm mad. I mean, when did you just look angry? What's going on, Wendy? What are you thinking? It was a real bummer. I'm upset.

I'm mad. She presented as delightful. Yes, it did present a delightful. Well, you know what, tears of joy. I also should say, never presented as delightful, but did present as very hot. And again, I think this might be a little bit more delightful. It was your penis that tapped in your passport details onto the airline website, right? I never thought wow she seems really nice

I'm so wait did so what was that conversation like? It was so weird like we didn't talk to each other for nine and a half days. She didn't seem like she remembered it And then I that's when I realized that maybe she was just a couple people that lived in there. You know, there's a couple people in there and they were and some of them were very fun. You know, you know, they just weren't in London. Yeah, they didn't. They stayed in America. No, that one got that one got that one got that got cried away into a boutique hotel

suite. Fuck me. Fuck me. That's so annoying. Oh, God.! Fuck me, that's so annoying. Oh, God. Oh, man, I'm so sorry, that's the exact opposite of how anything like that should work. We ran into each other years later.

Medmyle, lover, at a groke, she still looks far. Yes! By the way, she's still looks absolutely amazing. I don't know what her secret is, yeah. Is she married? Yes, to someone I know very well what sort of secret it is. Is she married? Yes. To someone I know very well. Oh, there you go.

And do we think he seems okay now? Yes, everything he's doing okay. He's fine. I just got a weird, I caught some weird window into a weird window of weeping. You were transitional. I've been whisked away once. Yeah. I'm just remembering now I was 24's guy like invited me to New York on a concord

I'd never been a concord before Took me away like to be saddened like some really fancy uppery side hotel and you got me my own room Because he was a gentleman and we fucking went and saw Harry Connick Jr And he was playing so I love Harry Connick Jr And then at one point Harry Connick Jr Like turned to me we were in the front row and he started looking at so I love Harry Connick Jr. And then at one point, Harry Connick Jr. turned to him. I were in the front row, and he started looking at me and pointing at me and started singing a song to me, but then kept on gesturing.

This is your song to her, and it was like, this is like a fucking movie. This is incredible. This is meant to be, and we went to a bar afterwards, and we both love the song Where or When, and this piano player was playing, and he was like, last song, last song, last request and this guy just whispered to me, he was like, God, I wish he'd play Where Are Weed. And then suddenly at the other side of the bar, the carl aisle, this woman went, Where Are

Weed? And the fucking guy starts playing Where Are Weed. Oh my God. Did you have a date with Tom Jones? You want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you have a date with Tom Jones? You want to be in the world? This was, by the way, this was Mr. Tom Jones Yeah, I like that I'd like to be very clear that you were

Mr. Tom Jones Concord And I see your panic Up his leather pants Oh god, you're so nice But we had the most romantic, it was like Fall in New York, we were walking in central part,

fall in Maddie Love, end of the day, just before we're about to get on the plane where we're sitting next to each other, but get on the concord, I may as well add. Back to London, tells me he's married. Oh, no. Oh, fuck me, I'm going to go. But here's what I thought.

Six hours, the traveling next to him, traveled in silence, never spoke again. I kind of saw that coming because he was so organized. He obviously, he got the flights ready. He got the good Harry Connick tickets. He told Harry Connick, you were going to be there. Like, this feels like a married guy, a good, reliable guy. I mean, a shitty, reliable guy.

Yeah, I wonder if I feel like he's now married to the girl you went on a date with. There you go. I could, I wonder why he would easily check before you get on the plane. Does he think that's like sort of the decompression zone where you could deal with it for six hours? I think he's trying to get into my pants, but he didn't know about my three month rule, you know?

So, I'm gonna take more than I may have cut off, like I may have saved off a few weeks for and a trip to New York, but I didn't take I didn't take my nickers off during that that four days. Thank God Nothing's harder than somebody telling you they're married. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, he waited your last day told me he was in love with me Oh, God, I love you. And then immediately said by the way, I'm married Don't worry. I'm the only good news is I'm planning to kill her. That's gonna be fine. You can just hang on for a couple of weeks.

Bad dates. These stories have been fucking ridiculous. We have one last one sent into me by one of our faithful listeners, and I was wondering if I could read it till you all. Please. OK, so high-bad dates forecast. I prefer to remain anonymous, and you'll soon know why. I took this guy to the London Virginia. Yeah.

LAUGHTER I was in college in New York City, and I was set up on a blind date by a friend with a hot guy. I said yes immediately after I saw his picture. He was even hotter in person. We meet at a bar and everything starts off great. At one point, I showed him a picture on my phone and he put it down on the table facing him.

Then a text notification came up from my friend who set me up and he saw it and handed the phone back to me. It said 20 bucks as you're totally gonna bone this guy tonight. Let me know how it goes. I felt my face get red, but powered through it. I mean, this is pretty good. This is a hot start. It's humiliating, but it's a hot start.

It's late, and this guy offers to ride the subway with me back to Brooklyn to make sure I get home safe. Okay, nice guy. Just before we get on the train, I let out what I thought. For a moment. What I thought was a harmless fart. Oh no. It's a shard story.

But it quickly, it's a shard attack. It's by the way, it's short week here on bad days, buzzcast. So it's all short week. But it quickly turned out to be considerably more than anyone bargained for. As we got on the train, he said we should sit down, but I insisted we stand for no reason at all, except for the hostage I was holding next door number two. Oh, so I'm visibly sweating on the subway and I can't believe I didn't pass out. We get out at my stop and there's an elevator that takes you up to street level. The only people on it were me, my date and one other guy.

By now, there's no getting around the wall crime in my bag. It's very elegantly written, I will say. Yeah, this is so well written. Just before the elevator door opens, the guy behind us clearly referring to the hot stink screamed, what the fuck is going on? I felt like I would vomit up my heart. He walked me to my building and before he said goodnight, he confirmed what we all knew to be true saying, this is so great. He said, I'm so sorry, this happened to you. I walked away.

That is a gentleman, right there. What a gentleman. And that was the last time that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were so in trouble. Exactly. They never ever saw each other. Exactly. They never ever saw each other ever again. God, there's nothing worse than a kind goodbye. The rest is history.

There's something like this. I'm so sorry, this happened to you. Does he? He knew the whole way. What a f***. I'm like, I think he had anything kind of. I'm sorry, this happened to you. I like this guy.

Yeah, he did. They did say that the silver lining is that my friend still owes me 20 bucks. So, you know. I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of...

I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of...

I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... I think he had anything kind of... That's 20. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you get 10, I get 10. Tom is always in it to win it. I'm in it to win it.

Let's make lemonade out of this. Oh. Even though around the corner Fudge had literally just been made. Let's somehow turn this thing around. We're both coming out $10 ahead. An eternal optimist. An eternal optimist. What a joy. An eternal optimist, an eternal optimist. What a joy.

Oh my God, what a, what a filthy episode to have just before we all go and eat lunch. I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry, but this would, don't be, I'm not, I've learned a lot today. Whatever. Yeah, we have, as expected, I really felt like we would get to know each other better. And now this kind of feels like family.

I think we've said things to each other that made me feel like. Me here every year at the same time. Let's do it. I always ask just in case, does anyone and you don't have to have any dating advice out there for the people? My only dating advice is how I kind of met my wife, which is I was so desperate. My whole dating career, when felt like Tom fall over with everybody and do all this stuff and it worked so hard to try to meet, fall in love.

And finally, when I had this one terrible thing happen with somebody else that blew up my face, I was like, forget it, I'm a bachelor, that's it, I'm done. And the minute I went like, I'm done, then I met my wife. Because all the desperation and the weirdness went out of me. So be cool. Same for me with my boyfriend. Same for me with my boyfriend. I was like, then I met my wife, because all the desperation and the weirdness went out of me. So be cool. Same for me with my boyfriend. Same for me with my boyfriend. I was like, no, I'm gonna be single, I'm gonna be a hoe.

I'm gonna hoe my days away. When I'm 80, I'm gonna start taking heroin and it's gonna be fucking amazing. And that's when I met him, I met him. It's when you're, it's the watched cop, never boils. That's disgusting. Exactly, there you go. That's really upsetting, isn't it? him. It's the watched cop never boils. Exactly. There you go. That's really upsetting, isn't it?

Can I get that stitch on a pillow? This is going to sound misogynist, but I really think there's a lesson to take away from this particular episode as ladies don't even fart for one second. Yeah, you just can't. Yeah. That's it. That's right. Yeah.

Ladies, no solid foods before or during a day. It's exactly same goes for your cats too. That's right. Guys, you've been a fucking joy. Thank you so much. It was so much of a new. Thank you. Thank you so much, fun.

And so nice to see you all. Oh, yeah. Nice to see you. Yay. Pull Feaks New book is cocktail time, the ultimate guide to grown up fun. And his spirit is arting-sourced brilliant London Dry Gin. You can see Wendy McClendon-Covie each week on the Goldbergs,

and you can hear her in the Pixar movie, Elemental and the TV show Grim's Burg. And Tom Lennon is the author of the best-selling novel featuring Ronan Boyle. Bad dates is produced by smartness media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jemila Jamil. That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced and engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. at producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vapeman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more...

Bad dates! You! Smart! Blast! Sneeeeer! Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.

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